A Free Verse Story lol, (incomplete)

[Guest JoshIcy]

Fearing the dawn I weep amongst the clouds,

Never to regain sanity in that patience that has no end,

Though I may forth more,

The balance which has made me has gone,

Now in a jungle unlike my home I withdraw as though I've seen nothing,

 

Humanity on its last tether in a world that I can never be,

Blue is my hue,

A color of content and loneliness,

Lackluster those I long to be,

Angel I hope and try but i fail to return to thee,

 

Without an engine to progress I am a shell and hollow,

In a plane of existence comparable to hell though not my own I've yet to adapt,

Never needing but wanting that final cog which will force adaptation and turn hell into paradise once more,

Thy holds the needle yet lacks the thread and spool,

Sanity always kept in balance by a single soul,

 

Thine whom has dreamed of in younger years,

Tormented by these recurring premonitions,

As though provokes for nigh a decade a simple yet painful view,

Chronos has been no friend yet not my foe,

 

He has given me patience yet taken away my younger days,

Conflict from Knowledge for Realization,

A sense of urgency called forth Logic and Horror,

The Tears baffled many and confused myself not knowing why or how....

 

(to be continued....)

[Bloodrun]

Never to regain sanity in patience that has no end, (switch "that" to after "patience"

 

Those I long to be lackluster (switch "lackluster" to the end, and get rid of "of")

 

Angel I hope and try but i fail to return to thee, (well i got rid of the no return thing)

 

those are just some suggestions by me ^_^

 

and also to me, some of the sentences in your poem, seem to me like there just quotes, randomly placed into your poem, but maybe its because its not finished ^_^

[Guest JoshIcy]

yeah and im gonna update it within 4hrs.... thanks lol

[Bloodrun]

yeah and im gonna update it within 4hrs.... thanks lol

 

lol yup no problamo ^_^