Guest JoshIcy Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 I am dreadfully tired of living somewhere where no one seems to care. Each word doesnt have a meaning, it is said because its whats expected. Nearly everyone around this island that i live on lacks that extra factor that makes them individual. When i look around me i dont see people, i see things that live and breathe because its routine. No one means what they say, they do it because its an attempt to be normal and be with the society they think they belong in. Everytime i attempt to make something feel like home, someones lack of vibe stops me and my respect factor kicks in. I adore respecting people, and it has become second nature for me. But, this has got to stop. No matter where i go, when i try to be polite im looked at funny and dread that... Ive always had someone to look upon, whos mind set and general reasons for doing something and acting on them is to be admired. I have lost her, the one who completed me, the one who made my mind work. She who taught me so much, the one that got rid of that feeling of being alone. A seraph she is, who understood all i was and knew the triggers to keep my sanity in balance. I see so much, and yet so little. She balanced out the logic and emotion, never in a flux and possibility to "freak out". Without her i feel pale and lifeless..... Ive always had those people i could admire because they cared who they were with and around. I miss him. He who taught me everything, who said i could become something, who gave me courage and understanding. The one i could see as a father, who made me comfortable no matter where i was and why. He gave me creativity and how to sort out my feelings but never the key, didnt have enough time to help me find it... I love her and miss him, why has this happened..... too early, not long enough to just say goodbye... ~Mods can lock this or help.... but i do wish for it to stay open...~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyhe Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 I can understand how you feel like,I've been through the same (only the "nobody cares/understands about you" part) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoshIcy Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 but understanding someone whos entire system of being revolves around the emotions/vibes of those around him? and being in a society of those who lack this? and yet come from a place where this is critical.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N00B Hunter Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 Well, if you don't like where you live, you should move! Albeit, it takes a lot of effort... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoshIcy Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 Well' date=' if you don't like where you live, you should move! Albeit, it takes a lot of effort...[/quote'] 200miles of open ocean and lacking a means.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyhe Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 Well' date=' if you don't like where you live, you should move! Albeit, it takes a lot of effort...[/quote']If so,one must be of a legal age to live on his/her own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SushiTheLegend Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 Only one song makes me think of anything regarding this... "All These Things I Hate - Bullet For My Valentine". However I do get how you feel...I think a lot of people get this feeling, but you just need to push on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoshIcy Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 i see alot of things, but one thing i absolutely fail to see is how people can say "push on" because if do i loose a part of myself. and should i keep pushing on i will become part of this society, heartless and rude.... i do not wish for that. so i ask, how do you change without changing and not going insane? especially when those 2 people mean too much....."Mr. Davis, Marley..... why? why must i stay so tethered to you?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SushiTheLegend Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 They died? Ouch...things can be hard to push on, and pushing on doesn't mean you become a self centered baka, it means you strive on to what you believe in, giving up is basically letting them win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoshIcy Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 they didnt die rofl, i just lost total contact with them.... and as far as i know my teacher got fired for some gimmick reason... giving up? or holding on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SushiTheLegend Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 Oh you just made it sound that way, you just have this way with words, rofl. I really don't know what to say...in the end you gotta think of what you want and aim for it...probably only thing that keeps me going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoshIcy Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 what i want is to have someone who cares the same way i do, but have yet to find it in this year of darkness.... someone i can look at and they be able to read my mood, what i wanna eat, what time i went to sleep, if i put my left shoe on first.... all these things you are taught on the Big Island even if you dont know someone, you simply "read" them for total signs. but on Oahu, no one has these pages to read and im like a blind mouse in an open field... i cant see and nowhere to follow.... (there is alot more, but i shall save it should it be brought up...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atomix Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 I feel really sorry for you :cry: but why don't you just move away? Sorry if you've already brought that up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoshIcy Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 i have all the ways but no means.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelsthla-Mental Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 Perhaps try to think 'what would they say?'. Problem is sometimes you either don't know or its corrupted by your own thoughts or the heartless society around you, what you fear... Another tactic. Perhaps find someone online. But the emotion just doesn't work that way, and you can never really trust them... And they can't see you. And you can't see them. Find another? Odds are there will be little or no-one like what you want... Nobody understands you... Perhaps become your own person? Care little about what others say or do? Although that of course makes you lonely, and society has it's way of sneaking in... Perhaps make a friend in your imagination? People think its weird, but so what? Course, once again, possible for it to get corrupted. I'm sorry, but i can't find a perfect solution, perhaps there is none. I hope you find one. Good luck for whatever path you choose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoshIcy Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 thanks for the contructiveness.... but this poses another question i wish to be answered, how do you ween a 16yr old away when his entirely was similar to the idea of utopia? -I will not answer the subject of Her or Him unless it is brought up....- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelsthla-Mental Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 Good old Utopia... heh, do you mean nothing or paradise? Or both... How to allow them to adapt slowly when its taken away so quickly. That certainly is a tough question. In the end, that may separate the survivors from the eternally broke. I think it goes a bit further though... I'll give it a shot. You can try to put your state of mind that this is the opposite, the price that has to be paid for what good you went through. Problem? You may see it as not worth it, or you may think it shall go on for too long (But hopefully by then you will have adapted). Ok. Perhaps consider it a challenge to fight for the sake of the people that helped you. Question is, can you believe that? Fighting for yourself is also a possibility, but a lot harder, as you most likely feel pessimistic about yourself. You can consider your life a simple game that needs to be won. This is perhaps the least likely to work, and has many possible side effects. I'll have to think about it more.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoshIcy Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 please remember, i have never been anywhere else so shifting mindsets will not be easy by any means.... not to mention there is alot of social factors etc that i never learned.... as for an online friend? i have 3 i can trust. and a price on good, forgive me for being a pessimist but doesnt that defeat the purpose of a good deed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelsthla-Mental Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 I should have considered mindsets to be difficult, but i don't know much about you really. So now i understand that, I'll have to change my tactic... I see a good deed from a friend as a good deed. Whether it is a friend or an enemy, or simply neutral makes little difference, as long as it is honest (although, if they are your friend, it is more likely to be a biased view, which is probably what you meant). Unfortunately, i have to go. But I'll see what i can do later. Good luck on finding... what is the best for you to find. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoshIcy Posted May 27, 2008 Report Share Posted May 27, 2008 Ill try, and thank you... but now it leaves the constant almost tormenting thoughts of those 2... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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