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Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. The Fan Fic.


Should I keep doing this, even though nobody will ever truly listen to me here?  

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  1. 1. I want to leave.



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And here we are, the last episode of season one, full of all the cut-aways that made episode one so popular. Thank you for all the continued support, have a good life, the end.

 

[spoiler=Episode 55: The Graduation Match - Part Two]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 55: The Graduation Match – Part Two

 

Jaden and Zane stared at each other from across their dueling platform. Crowler, meanwhile, was sitting next to Chancellor Shepherd and gripping a microphone. “AND NOW, THE MATCH YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!” it grandly announced! “IT’S ZANE TRUESDALE VERSUS JADEN YUCKY!! LET’S GET THIS MATCH OVER WITH SO WE CAN ALL CHEER FOR ZANE AGAIN!!”

“OOOOOOOH!!” cheered the audience.

“’Nuff wit’ ‘da small talk!” Jaden spat. “Let’s get down’ta business!”

“Enough with the small talk,” Zane ordered.

“I jus’ said that, yo!” Jaden said. Both players ripped their opening hands right outta their Duel Disks, as I’ve said a lot often. “This ain’t gonna be some repeat of the LAST episode! We gonna be duelin’ up in here! Any last words, slick?”

“Let’s do this!” Zane decided! (Zane Truesdale: 4000 Life Points, Jaden Yuki: 4000 Life Points)

“Get your game on, Zane!” Jaden suggested.

“BOO,” everybody said.

“Talk about harsh!” Jaden huffed. “Whose move, G?”

“You choose who goes first,” Zane allowed.

“Good! Why don’t you go on ahead?”

“Hm! Really, second!” Zane assured.

“Uh… yeah.”

Looks like somebody’s studied up on me, Zane thought.

Uh, yeah, the script says my motivation is so that Cyber Dragon won’t cruise right onto the field on his first turn, so… yeah, Jaden told himself, looking at his script. He tossed it over his shoulder.

 

“Very well then,” Zane said, drawing the first new card of the game. A large explosion erupted behind him and rocked the Duel Dome!

“WOAH!!”

“THIS GAME’S SO EXCITING FROM THE VERY START!!”

“I play the Spell card Polymerization to select and send a few monsters from my hand and send them to the Graveyard to summon a Fusion Monster!”

“We know what it does!” several people yelled, but they didn’t really care, because it was ZANE!

“That’s right Jaden, there’s more than one way to skin a cat!”

“Hunh?”

“In this case, to SUMMON a DRAGON!

“Uh,” Jaden said for confused reasons.

“I’ll send the three Cyber Dragons in my hand to the Graveyard, so I can summon the Cyber END Dragon!” He held out his three cards and showed them off to the audience before sending them away! And in their place appeared a large, round white portal onto the field.

“RHAAAAAAAAAIIIIR,” roared a red-eyed robot dragon head peeking through it.

“GRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHR,” roared a green-eyed robot dragon head peeking through it.

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWR,” roared a yellow-eyed robot dragon head peeking through it.

“SHEEEEEEEEEEN!!” went their magnificent wings.

“FWAASSH!!” flashed their gleaming chest jewel.

“WHIP!!” whipped their eighty foot-long tail. The titanical mechanical beast flew right out and onto the field with a blue explosion.

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAH!!” went the audience! (Cyber End Dragon: 4000 Attack Points)

 

“That… THAT’S AMAZING EVEN THOUGH HE’S STILL LEAVING HIMSELF OPEN FOR A BIG, OBVIOUS COUNTERATTACK!!” Bastion gasped!

“HOW DOES HE DO IT?!” Fluffy Fred cried!

“I DON’T KNOW, I’M TOO SCARED!” Baseball Bob sobbed!

“LET’S CUT BACK TO THE DUEL!!” Piggybank requested.

“OKAY!” Omega-Xis said loudly.

 

Well, no prob, yo, Jaden thought, it’ll be a’ight. I’ll just blaze through that dragon next turn and see what happens from there! It’s the perfect plan, G! We’s in biz!

“As a matter of fact, I’ll also play DIFFERENT DIMENSION CAPSULE!” Zane added! An ancient sarcophagus appeared.

“SONOVA…”

“Now Jaden, I select one card in my deck, and remove it from play, but then in two turns IT RETURNS TO MY HAND.” Somehow he put his real-life card into the digital coffin, which then disappeared.

“DANGIT, IT DIDN’T MAKE SENSE THE FIRST TIME!” Jaden wailed, gripping his head with suspense!

“Finally, I’ll place one card face-down and end my turn,” Zane concluded, placing a Trap/Spell face-down on his field space.

 

Aw man, what’s he got down there? Jaden wondered. More importantly, did he just get Power Bond or something with that capsule card? I gots to play ‘wit mah head today!

“Jaden, go on,” Zane said impatiently, “it’s your move.”

“……….” Jaden’s head began belching smoke out from his mouth and eyeholes.

“What’s Jaden doing?” Syrus asked.

“I dunno, but it can’t be good for his health,” Mann McOldsmobile believed.

“SCREW THINKIN’ STUFF THROUGH,” Jaden concluded, “I’MA JUST GONNA PLAY WHATEVER I GOT! I SUMMON ELEMENTAL HERO WILDHEART!!”

“Yarg!” Wildheart said, appearing on the field with his fierce expression and fiercer sword.

“Next I’m playin’ Wild Half, cutting your monster in HALF!” Jaden added, playing a Spell card with a spunky wolf standing under the moon. A tan explosion accompanied the notion!

“YAAAAH!!” Wildheart yelled, leaping forth and slicing the mechanical drake in half vertically! Now it was TWO DRAGONS WITH ONE-AND-ONE-HALF HEAD EACH!! (Cyber End Dragons: 2000 Attack Points)

“Next I equip my Wildheart with Cyclone Boomerang!” An oversized boomerang swooped down to Wildheart, who grabbed it with an accompanying laser sound effect! “Now Wildheart gains 500 Attack Points and attacks the Cyber End Dragon copy with Wild Walloping Boomerang!” (Wildheart: 2000 Attack Points)

“BOO.”

“I DON’T MAKE THE ATTACK NAMES!!”

“I don’t think so!” Zane said! “I play De-Fusion!” One Cyber End Dragon exploded with a golden shine and became THREE REGULAR CYBER DRAGONS!!

“I’m… STILL ATTACKING THAT POSER!” Wildheart tossed his boomerang with enough strength in order to make it appear as a blazing, crimson disk! It cut right through the big, 1.5-headed robot and caused it to erupt into baby-blue demonic shadows. Then Wildheart turned into a kitten and ran off the field, defeated.

 

“WOAH, HE DESTROYED CYBER END DRAGON, I RECKON!!” Billy Hills screamed!

“Yeah, huh, Billy Hills, huh, but he got three Cyber Dragons on the field and nuthin’ in the way, so stay calm,” Deep-Voice Dobbson added. “Let’s cut back to the game, huh, Billy Hills, huh?”

 

“You MAY not know this, but when Cyclone Boomerang’s sent to the Graveyard,” Jaden dictated, “all of YOUR Spells and Traps get smashed, and YOU lose five-hundred SMACKAROOS FOR EACH ONE!!” Five big explosions appeared around the Different Dimension Capsule as it sat in an alternate dimension, sending it back into the Duel Dome and ripping it into shreds of malice.

“BOO,” someone said. (Zane Truesdale: 3500 Life Points)

“Mmm,” Zane growled.

“Now I THROW DOWN a FACE-DOWN and END my TURN!” Jaden finished.

“BOO!”

“I’m NOT gonna stop SAYIN’ THAT!”

“…” someone said.

“Oh, is that it?” Zane inferred. “Well, first of all, the card removed using Capsule returns to me.”

“Hold up, what ‘choo say?” Jaden gulped. “Wasn’t the card you chose Power Bond?”

“No it wasn’t. Seems you’ve over-thought this one,” Zane revealed, “it was CARD FROM A DIFFERENT DIMENSION!” A card appeared in a crack of lightning, showing off a card with a card getting shocked by a machine with lightning!

“Didn’t see that comin’,” Jaden said.

“Yes, we now get to draw two cards from our decks into our hands!” Zane expressed.

 

“I see,” Chazz said, sitting with his buddies now, “he just wanted to draw some new cards, since he burned out his entire hand last turn.”

“CHAZZ, I RECKON YOU’RE BACK!” Billy Hills gasped!

“Huh, yeah, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson cried, pointing at Ojama Yellow flying around.

“I’M SO IRRITATING!!” Ojama Yellow announced!

“Did all you gotta do, huh, Chazz, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Chazz sighed, poking the giant, rectangular item in his pocket.

 

Both kids drew two new cards. “Seein’ as you’re drawin’ your cards means you still don’t count me out!” Jaden inferred.

“Cyber Dragon, wage a direct attack on Jaden’s Life Points! Strident Blast!” Zane ordered!

“You ignored me, yo.”

His Cyber Dragon on the far left opened its maw. A big red orb appeared in the back of its throat and rainbow-colored lines began flying into it from all directions! Its body turned chartreuse for a split-second just before it spat a wave-motion beam of MEGABALLISTIC PROPORTIONS!!?

“Sorry Zane but I activate Draining Shield so that I gain all of those Attack Points as Life Points,” Jaden said, grabbing a grey shield from his Trap card, absorbing the attack in its entirety before throwng it away into nonexistance. (Jaden Yuki: 6100 Life Points)

“BWAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGH!!” shrieked the other two robot dragons as they hit Jaden with two identical blasts!

“Ow, the amazing holograms!” Jaden said. (Jaden Yuki: 1900 Life Points)

“Now I’ll place one card face-down and end my turn,” Zane said.

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!” cheered the audience!

 

“Now hold ‘yer horses, pod’ner,” Jaden said, “’cause I play The Warrior Returning Alive!”

“BOO,” someone said.

“You’re sayin’ a lot today, duck-kid,” Jaden said.

“BOOSH!!” went Wildheart as he exploded back onto the field with psychedelic colors in the background!

“Next I play Polymerization!” Jaden yelled! “I fuse Wildheart with my Elemental Hero Bladedge in order to create ELEMENTAL HERO WILDEDGE!!” Wildheart and the golden blademan hero leaped into the air and molded together! Bladedge turned into liquid gold and molded himself into a helmet, a bladed gauntlet, random armored leg armor, and a thirteen-foot ridged blade!

“WROOOOOOOAAAAAR!!” he yelled, landing and sending a shockwave out through the entire tri-state area! (Wildedge: 2600 Attack Points)

“Now, his superpower allows him to WIPE OUT THE WHOLE FIELD!!” Jaden explained! The man held his blade up above his head and brought it down, creating a massive shockwave that ripped through all three Cyber Dragons. They exploded into a large mound of cherry blossoms that were soon picked up by the wind.

 

“Yowza yowza yowza!” Crowler yipped! “Yucky-boy’s just destroyed ALL of Zane’s signature monsters, except for the less loved ones! Shouldn’t Zane be WIPING THE FLOOR with him?!”

“Shush up Crowler, we gotta cut back to the duel now!” Chancellor Shepherd rushed.

 

“GOTCHA!!” Jaden laughed, pointing to Zane’s dull-looking face. (Zane Truesdale: 2000 Life Points) “Now what’cha gonna do? You can’t even use Cyber Dragon anymore, because you went to fast and burned out on the second turn! That’s why you fail, you’ve only got THREE MONSTERS IN YOUR DECK!”

“You fool,” Zane chuckled, “I activate the Trap card Return Soul!” His face-down card flipped up, appearing as an explosion with three sparking souls flying forth. “I can add any monsters sent to the Graveyard this turn back to my deck!” With a grey explosion taking the form of a thirty-pointed star, the three Cyber Dragons fluttered back onto the field and dove into Zane’s deck.

“You gotta be yankin’ mah dang chain, dawg,” Jaden chuckled nervously.

“WOO WOO YEAH GO ZANEY TRUESDALE!!” screeched the audience.

“What a shame,” Zane muttered as he shuffled the three cards into his deck, “I picked Jaden Yuki to be my last duel. Wonder where he is.”

“Huh?” Jaden asked, confused.

“You’re not being yourself. You’re not playing with your heart!” Zane accused accusingly!

“But I’m playing as I always do, son!”

“You’re wasting my time!”

“HEEEEY!! Don’t gotta be a lame-o ‘bout it.”

“Hmm,” Zane growled.

 

“The hell are they talking about?” Angry McArgue wondered aloud

“I’m pretty sure Zane’s just being his usual self again,” Atticus guessed.

“Oh,” Alexis accepted.

“I made a quote!” Nancy Wut celebrated, having said something.

 

“HAH!!” Zane cried, drawing a card with all his soul, which represented itself as a large blazing phoenix rising into the air behind him! “It’s my turn now, and I play the Spell card Future Fusion!” He placed down a Spell featuring a magnificent skyscraper stabbing right through the third dimension and beyond, releasing an amazing spectrum of lights, sounds and colors! The entire arena was engulfed in giant globs of neon colors floating around each other, giving you some sort of time-traveling feel! Sadly, the audience still didn’t seem to care about this special effect either. “But this is no usual fusion,” Zane warned as two giant copies of his face appeared around Jaden, “because you see I’m able to fuse cards NOT in my hand! Therefore…” The display of his entire deck flowed past his face like a river of trading cards flying through the air. Three cards turned red and caused them all to fade into nonexistence. “I fuse the three Cyber Dragons in my deck to form THE CYBER END DRAGON!!”

“KA-PPPOWW!!!” went the accompanying salmon lightning flashes as the monster appeared for the second time, erasing all other special effects around them!! (Cyber End Dragon: 4000 Attack Points)

 

But this ain’t lookin’ good from no standpoint, Jaden gulped. I gotta come up with a way to destroy it AGAIN with three OTHER cards! And I only got TWO!! Eh, I’ll draw sumthin’. He drew a card. Sweet, I got three cards! I’ll set ‘em. “Imma throwin’ down three face-downs,” Jaden said as he’d laid down three cards, “and that’s it.”

“BOO BOO BOO,” someone said.

“Oh, so you think you’re creative now, punk?”

“Still with you head,” Zane tske-d. “You can’t win this way!”

“But it’s a frickin’ STRATEGY GAME!!” Jaden shouted! “What the HELL do you THINK you’re playin’, DnD?!”

“What a disappointment you’ve become.”

“Hey hey hey, I never said I played Dungeons and Dragons!”

“That’s not the point!” Syrus shouted, throwing a dragon and a dungeon at Jaden’s head, causing them both to disintegrate after impact.

“Ow! The dungeon!” Jaden yelped.

“Okay fine then Jaden,” Zane sighed in an irritated fashion, “if you won’t listen to my words—”

“Then ‘talk to the hand girlfriend’? Saw THAT one comin’!” Jaden predicted.

“PERHAPS YOU’LL LISTEN TO MY CARDS!”

“Meh, I was close.”

 

Zane drew a card… POWER BOND. He stuck it into his hand. “First, I’ll cast the Spell card DE-FUSION!!” He flashed the card to the audience to prove how obvious it was.

“Aw, COME ON!” Jaden groaned! “YOU HAVE TWO CYBER ENDS AND TWO DE-FUSIONS?! HOW MANY MORE COPIES DO YOU HAVE?!”

“He’s got three Cyber Dragons,” Bastion helpfully explained.

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!

“Now one Fusion monster on my field returns to the Fusion Deck,” Zane helpfully exposited as he placed Future Fusion into his Graveyard. The Cyber End Dragon was surrounded by army soldiers who began firing lasers at the beast until it returned into its original form! “Next, my three normal Cyber Dragons return to my field!” Then he held out Power Bond. “NOW I’LL ACTIVATE MY SPELL CARD!! HAH!!” The Spell was covered in light and transcended into a golden rhinoceros covered in bronze armor plating!

“BLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGG!!” the beast screamed! It stood its ground and exploded into a whirlwind of steel workers wearing iron-ish masks!

“You know this Spell,” Zane recalled, “POWER BOND!”

“OH SHNITZEL!!” poor Jaden cried! “THIS AIN’T KOSHER!”

“Yes it is,” cried the one lonely Jewish man in the school.

“WELL IT AIN’T COOL!”

 

The steelworker kids began swirling all around the three Cyber Dragons, continuously ripping them apart, welding them together, and adding on a fancy paint coat. Within mere seconds, the Cyber End Dragon had returned, bigger, badder and more powerful than before, and even upgraded with a black, flame-pattered coating. The hard workers appeared on the ground, posed, and gave a thumbs-up as they disappeared, warranting an ebon explosion erupting across the stadium. “GYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!” the beast cried, shaking and breaking every window in the country!

“AAAAAAAAAWWW!!” Janitorboy Ikkaku yelled. “DAMN IT ALL!!”

 

MEANWHILE, IN JAPAN…

“What happened to my window?” asked a random guy in mainland Japan as it broke.

“Must’ve been another Cyber End Dragon with Power Bond,” suggested his wife.

“Oh yeah!” the guy accepted with a smile.

 

“It’s…” gasped Crowler.

“It’s not supposed…” Chazz muttered.

“It just CAN’T be…” Bastion whispered.

“IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS SCARY THE THIRD TIIIIIME!!” Syrus screamed shrilly!

“You wanna know why?” Zane invited as his mega-ultra-awesome-rad-dragon-robot stared at Wildedge like a tasty snack. “Because any monster summoned with a Power Bond… its Attack Points… are automatically doubled!” (Cyber End Dragon: 4000 -> 8000 Attack Points)

“Hot DAMN!” Jaden gasped. “That… just ain’t… ko—wait, I already said that one. It’s bad, at least!”

“And to think I admired you, Jaden,” Zane revealed.

“EW!” Jaden cried!

“NOT THAT WAY!!” Alexis yelled out.

“Oh, that’s cool.”

“I won’t make THAT mistake again, nor will anyone else!” Zane hissed.

“OH NO, NOW WHO’LL LOVE ME FOR NO REASON?!” Jaden gasped.

“YOU’RE FINISHED!” Zane assured, forcing his three-headed doomdragonawesome to gear up for an attack!!

 

TO BE CONTINUED… RIGHT NOW!!

 

LAST TIME YO ON YU-GI-OH! GX! THE FAN FIC YO!

 

AND NOW, THE MATCH YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!” it grandly announced! “IT’S ZANE TRUESDALE VERSUS JADEN YUCKY!! LET’S GET THIS MATCH OVER WITH SO WE CAN ALL CHEER FOR ZANE AGAIN!!”

“OOOOOOOH!!” cheered the audience.

 

“That’s right Jaden, there’s more than one way to skin a cat!”

“Hunh?”

“In this case, to SUMMON a DRAGON!

“Uh,” Jaden said for confused reasons.

“I’ll send the three Cyber Dragons in my hand to the Graveyard, so I can summon the Cyber END Dragon!

 

“SCREW THINKIN STUFF THROUGH,” Jaden concluded, “I’MA JUST GONNA PLAY WHATEVER I GOT! I SUMMON ELEMENTAL HERO WILDHEART!!”

“Yarg!” Wildheart said, appearing on the field with his fierce expression and fiercer sword.

“Next I’m playin’ Wild Half, cuttin’ your monster in HALF!”

 

“I’M SO IRRITATING!!” Ojama Yellow announced!

 

“I activate the Trap card Return Soul!” His face-down card flipped up, appearing as an explosion with three sparking souls flying forth. “I can add any monsters sent to the Graveyard this turn back to my deck!” With a grey explosion taking the form of a thirty-pointed star, the three Cyber Dragons fluttered back onto the field and dove into Zane’s deck.

“You gotta be yankin’ mah dang chain, dawg,” Jaden chuckled nervously.

“WOO WOO YEAH GO ZANEY TRUESDALE!!” screeched the audience.

 

“WROOOOOOOAAAAAR!!” Wildedge yelled, sending a shockwave out through the entire tri-state area! (Wildedge: 2600 Attack Points)

“Now, his superpower allows him to WIPE OUT THE WHOLE FIELD!!” Jaden explained! The man held his blade up above his head and brought it down, creating a massive shockwave that ripped through all three Cyber Dragons. They exploded into a large mound of cherry blossoms that were soon picked up by the wind.

 

“Yowza yowza yowza!” Crowler yipped! “Yucky-boy’s just destroyed ALL of Zane’s signature monsters, except for the less loved ones! Shouldn’t Zane be WIPING THE FLOOR with him?!”

“Shush up Crowler, we gotta cut back to the duel now!” Chancellor Shepherd rushed.

 

“It’s my turn now, and I play the Spell card Future Fusion! “But this is no usual fusion,” Zane warned as two giant copies of his face appeared around Jaden, “because you see I’m able to fuse cards NOT in my hand! Therefore…” The display of his entire deck flowed past his face like a river of trading cards flying through the air. Three cards turned red and caused them all to fade into nonexistence. “I fuse the three Cyber Dragons in my deck to form THE CYBER END DRAGON!!”

“KA-PPPOWW!!!” went the accompanying salmon lightning flashes as the monster appeared for the second time!

 

“I’ma throwin’ down three face-downs,” Jaden said as he’d laid down three cards, “and that’s it.”

“BOO BOO BOO,” someone said.

“Oh, so you think you’re creative now, punk?”

 

Zane drew a card… POWER BOND. He stuck it into his hand. “First, I’ll cast the Spell card DE-FUSION!!” He flashed the card to the audience to prove how obvious it was.

“Aw, COME ON!” Jaden groaned! “YOU HAVE TWO CYBER ENDS AND TWO DE-FUSIONS?! HOW MANY MORE COPIES DO YOU HAVE?!”

“He’s got three Cyber Dragons,” Bastion helpfully explained.

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!

 

“It’s…” gasped Crowler.

“It’s not supposed…” Chazz muttered.

“It just CAN’T be…” Bastion whispered.

“IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS SCARY THE THIRD TIIIIIME!!” Syrus screamed shrilly!

“You wanna know why?” Zane invited as his mega-ultra-awesome-rad-dragon-robot stared at Wildedge like a tasty snack. “Because any monster summoned with a Power Bond… its Attack Points… are automatically doubled!” (Cyber End Dragon: 4000 -> 8000 Attack Points)

“Hot DAMN!” Jaden gasped.

 

“And to think I admired you, Jaden,” Zane revealed.

“EW!” Jaden cried!

“NOT THAT WAY!!” Alexis yelled out.

“Oh, that’s cool.”

“I won’t make THAT mistake again, nor will anyone else!” Zane hissed.

“OH NO, NOW WHO’LL LOVE ME FOR NO REASON?!” Jaden gasped.

“YOU’RE FINISHED!” Zane assured, forcing his three-headed doomgragonawesome to gear up for an attack!!

 

LAST TIME YO ON YU-GI-OH! GX! THE FAN FIC YO!

 

AND NOW, THE MATCH YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!” it grandly announced! “IT’S ZANE TRUESDALE VERSUS JADEN YUCKY!! LET’S GET THIS MATCH OVER WITH SO WE CAN ALL CHEER FOR ZANE AGAIN!!”

“OOOOOOOH!!” cheered the audience.

 

TO BE CONTINUED… RIGHT NOW!!

 

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 55: The Graduation Match – Part Two

 

Dammit, what a long flashback,” Jaden groaned. “Oh wait, yeah, the Cyber End Dragon. Crap.” (Cyber End Dragon: Still 8000 Attack Points, still has awesome paintjob)

“So what now, Jaden?” Zane asked. “You think you can beat my dragon? You’ve got one monster. And he…….”

“…”

“…is about to get blasted into oblivion. It’s over for you!”

Man, Jaden growled, gritting his teeth and narrowing his eyes with distress, I can’t believe how long it took him to finish that sentence! It’s like he was trying his best to remember his lines; like it was gonna make’m look like ‘da mack-daddy of the duel! But that’s not gonna happen; I’M gonna be the only MACK-DADDY AROUND HERE!!

“Come on, what’s wrong?” goaded Zane. “Unless… you’re afraid. Is that your problem?”

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!” went the school. “HE JUS’ GOT SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURVED!!”

“I did NOT jus’ get served, you punk-ass punk-asses! I ain’t scared o’ no duel!!” Jaden wailed, flinging his tears all around the Duel Dome!

“Well fine! I’ll put you out of you misery!” decided Zane, pointing his doom finger at Jaden! “Cyber End Dragon, ATTACK!!” The giant tri-headed dragon robot reared back and aimed three pirate-era cannons within its mouths. The three fuses sat motionless on their steel tongues… UNTIL THE FLAME DÉCORS ON THE ROBOT BEGAN TO FLOW UPWARD AND OUT ONTO THEM!! Now lit, the fuses began expelling fireworks in an amazing fashion. And within seconds, the fuses hit the canons. Out from the cannons extended three laser rifles. THOSE armaments grew beans, which broke open and shot out HUMONGOUS BEANSTALKS HEADED STRAIGHT FOR WILDEDGE!!

“YEAH, HE’S A GONER!!” cheered the student audience.

 

“I don’t THINK so foo’, I play A TRAP!!” Jaden called, flipping up a card featuring Sparkman getting hit by a soooooooul!! “Soul Union adds Bladedge’s Attack Points onto Wildedge, meaning he’s now…” Wildedge was suddenly surrounded with bluish souls and inhaled them. And with them…WITH THEM HE BECAME STROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!! (Wildedge: 5200 Attack Points) “Oh, whoops, I totally thought he’d have 8600 Attack Points. Anyways, I don’t lose, so okay. WILDEDGE, RETURN FIRE!!”

“RUUUUUUUUUUH!!” Wildedge yelled! He held out his blade and tensed his muscles, covering his massive longer-than-he-is-tall-sword in greenish energy!! It even extended four more feet! He held his sword out toward the slowly-approaching beanstalk attack and FWASH!! He cut through one, but the others swooped down and around the attack! One went straight for his head! “BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEANS!!” Wildedge roared, catching the stalk in his mouth! “SLRRRRRRRP!!” he slurped, swallowing the beanstalk whole! He geared up to slice the third stalk, but he was too late. It was already transforming into a spiky, orange sun-shaped character with a green leek.

“DON PATCH SWOOOOOOOOOOORD!!” he shrieked! “Or is it Poppa Rocks…?” Either way, he appeared behind Wildedge and SMACKED him in the head, making his eyes pop out and tumble onto the floor! Wildedge, defeated, collapsed onto the ground. He was DEAD. (Jaden Yuki: 100 Life Points)

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOAH ONE-HUNDRED LIFE POOOOOOOOOOOOOINTS!!” the audience cried!

“That’s pointless, Jaden,” Zane hissed, “for you see with my Power Bond, I still have enough points to take out Wildedge!”

“WE JUST WENT OVER THAT.”

“Farewell, Jaden.”

“Seriously, who is this kid?” Jaden asked, looking for Zaney answers.

“Mmm,” Don Patch Poppa Rocks shrugged, disappearing as the Cyber Dragons swallowed their cannons once more.

 

“I don’t understand,” Zane gasped as his eyes bulged, “that attack hit you square-on! This match should be done!”

“Yeah yeah,” agreed the audience.

“I so totally agree.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Oh, and I used Emergency Provisions as the Trap card was face-up,” Jaden added, holding up a saltine cracker and pointing to his missing face-down.

“BOOOOOOOOO, CHEATEEEEEEER!! BOOOOOOOO!!”

“BUT IT WASN’T IN THE GRAVEYARD YET!!”

YOU AREN’T IN THE GRAVEYARD YET, JERK-OFF!!”

“I don’t CAAAAARE!!” Jaden cried out, flipping up his final face-down: Hero Signal! An ‘H’ was blasted at the arguing audience, burning them to a crisp!

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! H IS FOR HEEEEEEEAAAT!! LAME JOKE…”

“It sure was, and I’m gonna bring out mah Bubbleman in Defense Mode!” Jaden announced, summoning his bubbly idiot ally. (Bubbleman: 1200 Defense Points) “In addition, since he’s all alone, I’m gonna keep ‘im company by drawin’ two more cards! Ha, anime ability.” The statement was followed by an azure explosion.

 

“Now it’s my turn!” Zane proclaimed, holding out a new monster!

“It was ALREADY your turn, son! You can’t jus’ be forgettin’ yo’ turn like that, yo, it ain’t right!”

“I summon the Cyber Kirin!” Zane had successfully summoned a four-legged cross between a random mammal and a robot dragon. (Cyber Kirin: 300 Attack Points)

“PLE-E-E-EASE, KILL ME NO-O-O-OW!!” it bleated.

“And if I happen to tribute it this turn,” Zane explained, “all card effect damage goes to zero for this one turn! And of course that means…”

“OH THA-A-A-ANK YOU LORD…” praised the cyber whatzit as it perished and turned into light, vomiting blood all the while. It was accompanied by a pink explosion.

“My Power Bond damage is negated!” Zane revealed!

 

“… This… sucks…” Mann McOldsmobile groaned.

“Why does the source material keep flashing to the audience?” Syrus asked. “It’s tiring.”

 

“Come on, where’s the Jaden that almost beat me before?” ordered the irritating idiot kid.

“Will you shut up about that! I-I didn’t cheat, G! I ain’t like that! I don’t PLAY that, heh,” Jaden nauseously chuckled. “The prospect makes me SICK!! A-anyways, how am I supposed to beat you at will like this? It IS a STRATEGY GAME of CHANCE! Stop goadin’ me! It ain’t like I’m not usin’ EVERY SINGLE CARD! Seriously!”

“Of COURSE you don’t!” Zane accused!

“GAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP!!!!” gasped the audience!

“… Zane, I don’t think I can call you anything else but stupider ‘n me from now on,” Jaden decided.

“Way to go, Jay!” Syrus cheered. In response, a few people threw old boots at him. “Ow! What’d I say?”

“Because your heart is not in this,” Zane lamented.

“Uh, me or Sy?” Jaden asked. “’Cause Sy just got hit by some boots, and it didn’t seem like he was puttin’ his all into gettin’ hit by ‘em.”

“Huh?!” Zane gasped.

 

“Wait, why’d he gasp?” Nancy Wut asked.

“Because Zane, in his heart, was truly shocked at how much Jaden was caring for his own brother, and it tells him that once he leaves, he can be sure that the boy will make sure nothing happens to his family,” Alexis guessed, wiping her eyes.

“Or maybe he’s just stupid,” Atticus guessed.

“I wish it’d just stop changing perspectives, though,” Angry McArgue growled.

“WE KNOW. STOP REPEATING IT. WE GET IT.”

“Why not,” Zane chuckled.

“See, I told you,” acknowledged Alexis.

“Was… he talking to you?” Angry McArgue’s eye twitched in confusion.

“WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!” gasped Crowler, sticking its head into everybody’s faces!

“UGH! I THOUGHT WE AGREED THAT WE CAN’T CUT TO YOU ANYMORE!!” Alexis bellowed, ripping her hair out.

“Do you have something against my face!?”

 

“Here goes me!” Jaden announced, drawing a card, signaling his next turn! “I play Pot of Greed!”

“How convenient!” a random fella yelped.

“Shaddap, kid! ‘S not luck!” Jaden yelled, tossing his green nasty pot at the guy! It cracked against his skull and rendered him unconscious. “Now I get mah two ‘nwo’ cards and get to summon... AVIAN!!”

“NO WAIT DON’T!!” screamed the masses! But it was too late.

“Aw yeah!” Avian cheered, standing in standby. (Avian: 1000 Defense Mode) A small explosion accompanied him. “Ouch!”

“Next I get to play the one-time Spell card, Spy Hero!” A stealth-soldier man appeared, activated his cloaking device, and stood in standby. An invisible explosion accompanied. “Once I discard two cards, he takes one of YOUR Spell cards!”

“Looks like old Jaden’s back,” Zane said with a smile.

“Uh… okay… but I’m takin’ your FUTURE FUSION!!” The super-spy apparently transformed into a magnificent, invisible serpent and grabbed the card right out of Zane’s Graveyard. The act in turn allowed dozens of familiar buildings to break out around the entire Duel Dome…and not even the seating area was safe!

“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!” screamed Syrus, as he was lifted by a sudden building growing under him!

“SYRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS!!” Jaden cried! “Oh well, he always comes back. Here’s Rampart Blaster!” Rampart Blaster appeared with a brown explosion. (Rampart Blaster: 2500 Defense Points) “Then I’ll throw down a couple of face-downs—”

“BOO!”

“And I’ll end my turn!”

“Impressive,” complimented Zane as a few last buildings surrounded them. There were no more chairs, no more stands, no more bleachers. All that remained was the city, and the two dueling souls standing in the center of the action. And a duck in hiding. (Jaden Yuki: 100 Life Points, Zane Truesdale: 2000 Life Points) “But too little, too late! I summon forth Cyber Phoenix… in Attack Mode!” A large, crackling bonfire appeared next to Zane, spitting embers everywhere, then transformed into a mechanical bird with a red-orange color motif. And then there was an orange explosion. (Cyber Phoenix: 1200 Attack Points) “With Phoenix on the field, any Spells or Traps targeting a certain monster are negated and destroyed! Which means their effect gets cancelled out, see where I’m going with this, Jaden?”

“Yeah, I get it already,” Jaden growled. “It means I hafta kill your Phoenix to kill the Dragon.”

 

“Yowch-uh,” Mann McOldsmobile said, “it looks like… um…”

“You won a duel against one of our biggest enemies this season, and you said you won fourteen-to-fifteen times before you came to the academy,” Syrus Sy-ed. “Shouldn’t you be able to connect the dots?”

“Well all it takes to win is a strong deck and the about two-hundred US dollars needed in order to get it,” Mann McOldsmobile explained.

“That’s true,” Piggybank agreed. “Anybody can be important here as long as they have half an idea of how you play the game. How do you explain how I won against a Shadow Rider if I’ve only played two or three times before?”

“I dunno, I just don’t care,” Syrus said. “Now go back and stand next to Bastion again.”

“Okay!” she said, jumping onto the other tall skyscraper Bastion was situated on.

“So anyways, what were we talking about?” Syrus asked.

“I dunno.”

“Oh.”

“…”

 

“I’m glad you got to enjoy your lunch,” Zane foreshadowed, “BUT NOW JUST TRY NOT TO LOSE IT!!”

“HUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!?!”

“CYBER END DRAGON,” Zane screamed, “ATTACK!!” The three dragon heads stretched upward and became… the three parts of a Megadragon McSammich Meal. One head detached itself from the main body and became a large biscuit, made of the very highest-quality bread-stuffs on the planet. The next head became a giant frosting-squeezing device, inserting the cream filling into the biscuit. Then the third head transformed into a big, paper wrapper that covered the creation in order to protect it from the elements. The body of the dragon became a massive spatula, which caught the creation as it fell toward the earth. Three rocket thrusters simultaneously grew out of the back of the huge flipper, shooting it at Jaden’s field. The spatula careened toward Rampart Blaster and flung the Sammich at her, and it flew with such precision, such force and speed, to seem as if it was smashing through time and space itself.

And it was.

 

“WHAT?!” Jaden gasped! The Sammich had disappeared, and in its place was what seemed to be a jagged hole in the air, leading toward a bluish plane of space. He looked around left, right, left again, up, left, forward, and in his pocket. “Where… where is that Sammich? Could he have sent it… INTO MAH MOUTH?!” He waited for a few seconds before giving up hope. “Dang, and I’m hungry… anyways, I don’t think so punk.” Jaden flipped up his face-down Spell card: DE-FUSION. AGAIN. The giant Sammich appeared on Jaden’s field, but it had hit no target as the Rampart-Blasting woman had become Clayman and Burstinatrix again!!

“You suck,” Burstinatrix shouted, giving Zane the finger.

“Yeah, looks like I just used the THIRD De-Fusion of the game! You’s HELLA-confused now, right?”

“No, not really.”

“Shaddap, random kid!”

“I’m Paul, jerk!”

“Sorry Jaden, Cyber End Dragon can’t be split! Cyber Phoenix is protecting him, remember?” Zane countered!

“I JUST NOW defused MY monster! Can’t you pay ANY attention?!” Jaden counter-countered!

Hmm, Zane pondered. If you add up all those heroes’ Attack Points, they don’t come close to my dragon’s 8000! He’s making a GRAVE error… BUT THEN HE GASPED!! “UNLESS…!!” he gasped!

“I’m playing my Trap card, Elemental Cyclone!” Jaden revealed, flipping his Trap card face-up! It was a card you’ve forgotten long ago, one with four colored balls flying into the stratosphere with an amazing glow! “I tribute a Fire, Water, Earth and Wind monster! Then… IT WIPES OUT THE WHOLE FIELD, DAWG!!”

“The ‘dawg’ ruined it,” Syrus Sy-ed.

“OH NO!” Zane cried!

“Aw, guys!” chuckled Jaden. “You two crack me up. But seriously, all your monsters die at the same time.”

“We’re ready,” Avian said with a thumbs-up.

“OKAY!” Jaden accepted! “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!” He began firing erratically-moving red lasers from his eyes! They flew over the field several times until they focused on the two monsters ahead of him. His Elemental Heroes combined together and became a small cyclone, which absorbed some of the laser’s energy and became blood-red. “COME ON, GUYS! I NEED YOUR HELP FOR THIS ONE!!”

“Woah!” Syrus yelped, as he’d found himself firing lasers from HIS eyes, too!

“ME TOO!” cried Mann McOldsmobile, doing the same!

“MINE’S YELLOW!” Barry the Beginner explained, firing a yellow laser duo!

“OURS ARE BLUE!” yelled the Obelisk Blues in the arena!

“WHAT’S WITH MINE!?” said Shades Milligan as green lasers shot right through his shades and into the cyclone! “MY EYES, THEY HAVE BEEN REVEALED! DON’T LOOK!”

 

Yes, everybody in the school according to rank began firing primary-colored lasers at the cyclone, feeding it with energy, making it larger and larger, uglier and uglier! And at last, it was a truly ginormous brown hurricane of lasers! NOBODY had EVER seen a laser hurricane before this moment in time! The gale of light then whipped itself toward Zane’s monsters and consumed them whole!

“Yah!” Zane screamed oddly!

“YAH IS RIGHT, BAYBEH!!” Jaden shouted, shielding his eyes from the intensity! The two cybertronic monsters were lifted up into the center of the raging wind. And then it was ready. The laserrcane began firing everything it had into its own eye, tearing through the monsters like tissue-metal. Within mere seconds they were mere scraps of what they once were, and the lasers flew away into the heavens, satisfied.

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!” cheered the audience, honestly excited now! And NOT for Zane! Weird, huh?

“And THAT’S how you destroy two monsters by sacrificing five cards in the best way possible!” Jaden cheered! “Yeah!”

“You don’t have to, Jaden, because by destroying Cyber Phoenix I get to add one card from my deck to my hand.” Zane drew a card.

“Aw man.”

“Don’t you see?” Zane invited. “The way I calibrated my deck, Cyber Dragon’s never gone for long! I’ll ALWAYS find a way to bring him back.”

“That’s a shocker,” Jaden gulped semi-seriously.

“But I’m not, Jaden, because the card I chose was a Spell called Time Fusion!” Zane held up his new card, taking the form of a screwed-up clock in a world of blue. “And with it, time is most certainly on my side.”

“How, Zane?” Jaden asked inquisitively.

“Because now by removing one card in my hand from the game, it activates. Meaning I can automatically call out a Fusion monster to my field next turn, without having to wait for a single summoning requirement!”

“COME ON, BRO!! CUT ME SOME SLACK! I BEEN KILLIN’ IT TWICE! DON’T MAKE ME HAVE TO BRING THE GANG-BANGIN’ C-E-D HIM A THIRD TIME! I GOT STUFF TO DO, Y’KNOW?!”

“YOU CAN’T WIN! And in just one turn, you’ll see why!!” Zane roared! “And the academy will see you’re a FRAUD!!

“What’re you talking about?” asked Someone Jones.

“Yeah, you’re not making any sense,” Shades Milligan said.

“When was he a fraud?” Baseball Bob inquired.

“How many times do we have to go over this with you guys?” Alexis growled.

 

Above Zane’s head had spawned a glowing ball of light. It had floated up above him and glared down at the field of ruined earth and buildings. “Don’t feel bad Jaden, you lost to the best,” Zane admitted.

“You just called me a fraud!” Jaden sighed. “And you still sayin’ I shouldn’t be feelin’ bad? You just suck. Anyways, it’s my turn. Draw, ungh. I throw down a—”

“BOO,” someone said as Jaden laid down another Trap.

“Dang, you got me. Anyways, I end my turn.”

WHY DIDN’T YOU ATTACK HIIIIIIIIIIM?!?!

“I got a dumdraw! Shush up, audience!”

 

You’ll have to do better than that, Jaden. Especially after you see what I have for you! Zane told himself. “Brace yourself, my turn!” Zane called. “First off, this returns to me: Card from a Different Dimension!” He held out his card of a card getting shocked by lightning. “I removed it from play in order to activate Time Fusion, but now it’s back. But it doesn’t stop there; next, its special effect activates. And you know what that means. We both get to draw two more cards.”

“OoOOOOooooh, so THAAAAT’S what the thing did! Good think yo used it twice, you! I mean you! And yo! Ha ha!” They both drew cards, satisfied that they knew what the Spell did. Jaden drew ANOTHER De-Fusion and a Miracle Fusion card; Zane had a Limiter Removal and a Cybernetic Fusion Support, to be explained later.

Too bad nothing can help you now, Jaden.

The glowing orb above Zane floated down onto the field and dulled. It was now a small, worm-like Cyber Dragon baby. Dozens of clocks appeared all around it and were continuously re-spawned and absorbed. The small worm wriggled around and became what looked like an orange dragon prototype, covered in swarming cables, writhing in the air. Bigger clocks appeared. The dragon became longer, larger and sleeker, and also known as Cyber Dragon: original flavor. The clocks began extending forth phantom-like arms and grabbing the dragon by the neck, filling it with evolutionary energy.

“Woah!” Jaden gasped, seeing the earth beneath their feet become cracked and ruined further. “It’s like…” The buildings as well became duller, older and damaged. Windows fell out and all around the duelists in a dangerous fashion. “It’s like he’s speeding up time to bring out the same thing AGAIN!!” Somehow, its head split apart into two. Wings snapped through its armored exterior. It lengthened! It grew! A third head erupted between the other two! They were covered in multi-colored jewels all down their bodies! A royal sapphire burst through some chest paneling! The earth itself began to break apart and floating in midair, as if time was distorting gravity!

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWLL!!” the Cyber End Dragon bellowed, boulders levitated around its heads and wings as though decorations. (Cyber End Dragon: 4000 Attack Points)

“Because of Time Fusion, apparently he can’t attack this turn though,” Bastion shouted from above, getting smacked in the head by a slowly-hovering pebble.

“Thanks, smart kid!” Jaden thanked.

“And I’ll finish my turn with ONE face-down,” Zane finished, throwing down his face-down.

 

“My gosh,” Crowler groaned, sitting next to Shepherd as usual. “This game is getting repetitive. Zane keeps summoning Cyber End Dragon, Jaden keeps killing it and getting pummeled! Can we just say Jaden’ll get beat up again and lose the NEXT time it gets summoned?”

“No, Crowler,” Shepherd growled, “I thought we agreed not to cut to YOU anymore!”

“But it did that in the source material! It’s fair game!”

“And anyways, why can’t you understand that Jaden wins 99% of the time? How often has he ruined your schemes?”

“I… lost count. Just go back to the duel.”

 

“You got it, Crowler-yo! I activate Fusion Recovery!” Jaden said, getting back to the duel. “I’m takin’ back my Burstinatrix and Polymerization from the Graveyard!” He snapped his fingers and all the buildings began to rumble thunderously. People were flung from the rooftops. ZEBRAS began pouring out and running to Jaden, to whom they bowed and presented him a Polymerization Spell card and a Burstinatrix monster. “Thanks, zebra-kids!” They barked and ran away into large crags in the ground as Burstinatrix appeared onto the playing field, with a velvet-colored explosion. “Next, I’ll play MIRACLE FUSION, which’ll fuse my Avian in the Graveyard with my Burstinatrix!” Jaden continued. Avian’s ghostly hand reached out to his female companion and touched her shoulder.

“Come on, girl, let’s do this thing!” he said. She slapped his hand away, prompting her to instantly become ELEMENTAL HERO FLAME WINGMAN!! He held out his dragon arm and gave the Cyber End Dragon an icy glare. Five quick explosive blasts appeared behind his back before a mushroom cloud surrounded the area from the extreme nature of his appearance. (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points)

“HEY, WHY DID YOU NOT USE MIRACLE FUSION IN THE FIRST PLACE?!” asked Beehive Larry.

“Because you’re an idiot!” Jaden answered cheerfully. “Y’see, I’m not done here. I’m gonna rock yo’ world with ANOTHER FUSION!!”

“OH.”

Sparkman appeared next to the draconic hero. Jaden began to drool with excitement. “You see, he hasn’t been formally introduced to us all yet thanks to cutting out some of the useless episodes of the series. But rest assured that I’m about to summon the LITERALLY strongest Elemental Hero of the first quarter of the series…” He clenched his hands in a claw-like fashion! His eyes were drowned in depravity! “I SUMMON THE ELEMENTAL HERO SHINING FLARE WINGMAAAAAAAAAN!!!” Sparkman was absorbed into the hero’s flesh. Flame Wingman grew a metallic helmet. Then he developed matching armor for his entire body. He held his arms out and summoned yellow flames, shining hard enough to blind the section of the audience staring directly at them!

“GAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!”

 

He pressed them into his chest plate, fully charging it with flames that were comparable to the sun in both intensity and heat! He burned brightly, becoming a beacon of peace and justice within the lawless, decrepit world of Future Fusion! The explosion accompanying him was actually a supernova. (Shining Flare Wingman: 2500 Attack Points)

“THAT… THAT…” the audience stuttered. “THAT’S TOO COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLL!! Yet he’s weak.”

“WRONG! For EVERY Elemental Hero chillin’ in the Graveyard, my Shining Flare Wingman gains a sweet four-hundred-point boost!!” The word ‘CHILLIN’ appeared behind his head in the form of burning letters of justice. Elemental Heroes Wildheart, Bladedge, Wildedge, Bubbleman, Clayman, Rampart Blaster, Sparkman and Flame Wingman stood next to Shining Flare Wingman. They held their arms high and placed all of their powers into their palms, creating eight orbs of elemental energy. They walked over to and handed them to Shining Flare Wingman, who absorbed them into his very soul. And with them… WITH THEM HE BECAME STRONG.

 

(Shining Flare Wingman: 2500 -> 4900 Attack Points) “DESTROY HIM, FLARE WINGMAN!!” Jaden commanded! “KILL HIS VERY SOOOOOUL!!” Shining Flare Wingman extended his wings and leaped. He tackled into Cyber End Dragon with enough force to summon forth an all-consuming fire!

“GRWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWLLL!!” the dragon screeched at the top of its voice, melting to its very core!

AHNILAAAAAAAAAAATE!!” The Wingman accepted the command. He flew skyward, holding the dripping robot in his clutch, and threw it down into the dirt, smashing it apart. Then he tossed a building-sized ball of solar prominence. The dragon was transmuted into a puddle of molten metal.

“UUUUURGH!!” Zane said, shielding his eyes! (Zane Truesdale: 1100 Life Points)

“That ain’t the end, Kend,” Jaden rhymed “expertly” with the pride of a winner, “’cause when Shining Flare Wingman kills a monster, you lose Life Points equal to their Attack Points. This means I win, Jim—I mean, djinn!” He held out his hands in gun-shaped positions! “GO, USE YOUR SUPERPOWER!! BANG BANG, AHAHAHA!!”

“WAH!” Zane cried. Shining Flare Wingman pumped his fists and got into a straddle-based position, focusing all his powers into his right hand. All of the light in the country began flooding into him. All that was visible now was the lone hero and his giant yellow fist. He took one step forward and teleported into Zane’s face.

“THIS IS THE END, FRIEND!” Jaden announced! “IT’S BEEN A BLAST FROM THE PAST!!”

“WOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO1!!1!!” the audience cried in jubilee!

“FIST OF JUSTI—”

“Not yet it’s not! I activate a Trap card: Damage Polarizer!” Zane flipped up a Trap card with Sparkman shooting a barrier with his Sparkman’s Gun. The Wingman was slapped away from Zane by an orange hexagonal barrier. His fist returned to normal, as did all the lighting.

 

MEANWHILE, IN JAPAN…

Some man who was fixing his windows in the darkness was suddenly covered in light. “DAH! WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?!”

“Somebody must’ve summoned Elemental Hero Shining Flare Wingman, honey,” suggested his wife.

“Oh!” the man accepted with a smile.

 

“Now all damage from a Special Effect is reduced to ZERO!” Zane stated, as his barrier faded away.

“Cheap-o,” Jaden sniffed, losing all creepy brashness he’d just gained. “Y’just HAD to ruin my theme song…”

“Here’s the cherry on top: both of us get to draw one card from our decks. For your sake, Jaden, I hope it’s a good one.” Zane and Jaden drew a card. They both glanced at their new cards and stumbled back in surprise!

I can’t believe that I just drew, they thought in unison, Rainbow Life!/Hero Spirit? Eh, a’ight, yo.

“I agree,” Zane blurted out.

“Zuh?!”

The last round for you, Jaden, thought Zane smugly. My victory’s assured. Prepare for the bitter taste of defeat, Jaden.

“ALRIGHT! NOW, MY TURN!!” Zane professed, summoning forth an engaging, speedy blue background!

“WOAH!”

“WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BACKGROUND, DOOD?!” went the feeble spectators.

Zane looked at his card… and smiled.

 

“That smile looks like trouble,” Nancy Wut said, sitting on Angry McArgue’s head.

“Especially because Zane never smiles,” Alexis agreed, trembling with excitement.

“We’re coming down to the wire here, heh heh heh,” Atticus snickered.

“Please get off of my head,” Angry McArgue asked, taking Nancy Wut off of her head.

“Aw.”

 

“Jaden, I’ve had fun, but now it’s over.” Zane held up his Spell card: POT OF GREED.

“WHY DOES EVERYBODY ALWAYS DRAW THAT CARD IN THIS SHOW?!” screeched Poor, Ignored Jerry.

“I activate Power Bond!” Zane lied, gripping his pot with all his heart.

“WHYYYYYYY?!?!”

“So now, by sacrificing the right monsters, I can once again summon the CYBER! END! DRAGON!!” He drew two cards.

“YOU’RE A PHONY! A BIG, FAT, VIOLENT PHONY!!” Zane ran up a skyscraper, shoved his newly-drawn Power Bond card into Poor, Confused Jerry’s face and backflipped back onto the field. “So… hardcore…” the useless character whispered in bewilderment.

“I’m sorry, I forgot; I don’t NEED monsters.” He threw out his Spell from LOOONG AGO… “CYBERNETIC FUSION SUPPORT!! By paying half my Life Points, I don’t NEED to make any sacrifices to summon a Fusion Monster! Now without further ado, let’s welcome back Cyber End Dragon!” Cyber End Dragon appeared with a small puff of smoke. (Zane Truesdale: 550 Life Points)

“It really loses all luster the fourth time,” everybody unanimously agreed, Zane included. (Cyber End Dragon: STILL 4000 Attack Points)

“And now his Attack Points double!” Zane recalled. (Cyber End Dragon: STILL 4000 -> 8000 Attack Points) “Next I’ll play the Spell card Limiter Removal,” Zane tossed in for the heck of it.

“L-Limiter… Re…moval?” Jaden asked phonetically. “What… you say?”

“DOUBLED,” said a freaky robotic voice from nowhere. The blue sapphire on the mechanical dragon’s chest burst open and released all sorts of colorful wiring. The same thing happened along all of the dragons’ heads, cracking the gems as if they were eggshells. Then the dragons’ bodies began shifting around and apart, reforming themselves into… A GIANT, FIGHTING DRAGON ROBOT WARRIOR WITH A BEAM KATANA. (Cyber End Dragon Mecha Samurai: 8000 -> 16000 Attack Points)

“Holy poop,” Jaden said, for lack of anything better to say.

“YOU’RE THROUGH!!” Zane raged!

“EEEEEEEEKKK!!” Jaden cried, shielding his face!

“Nice move,” Zane glitched, “but it’s all for naught. I use… THE SPELL CARD BATTLE FUSION!!” Nothing happened, except his head began wiggling around wildly.

 

“What’s he doing now?” asked Angry McArgue.

“He’s overloading!” Alexis screamed! “LOOK OUT, EVERYONE!!”

 

“THAT’S RIGHT JADEN!! I HAVE ONE TOO!! AND I YOU JADEN!! AND THAT’S WHY I’M PASSING YOU THE TORCH ONCE I LEAVE YOU YOU’LL BE THE TOP STUDENT AT THE SCHOOL DESPITE YOUR GRADES OR YOUR RANK YOU’LL BE THE BEST SO MAKE ME PROUD HUH HUH HOW CLEVER SURE DO RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR” His head exploded… and was okay. And yet, his eyes looked more… sharp, and more… focused? “Rare card?” he asked, looking right at Jaden.

“Eh?” Jaden asked.

“Could they have found the card I’ve been searching for?” he wondered.

The crowd stared at him. And stared. And stared. And then their expressions flipped upside-down. Adjusting their expressions, they all moaned, “Why did you start back at the beginning?

“If you can’t, it certainly wouldn’t surprise me,” Zane spat.

“Aw, mockin’ mah swag now, eh?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, I came to see the card.”

“Uh, he’s right here, yo,” Jaden said, pointing to his Shining Flare Wingman.

 

“Me? Duel you?” Zane questioned. “I would have more difficulty playing solitaire. I am the number one-ranked duelist in the country and the favorite to win the Duel Monsters championship. Feh, you wouldn’t last two minutes in a duel with me.” His giant robot lifted its sword above its head. “Now does this shop have any worthwhile cards or not? ...Can it be? The Blue-Eyes White Dragon in a dump like this?!” That’s it! Zane realized, staring up at his almighty mecha. It’s the card I’ve been looking for! “Listen, old man!” Zane’s robot began flashing white. “I’ll give you all these cards for your Dragon!” It held its katana up, and said katana began spraying steam everywhere! “Fine, if you won’t trade, maybe you’ll sell it. Name your price! I can pay anything you ask!”

“Zane, you’re scarin’ us. Even Lex.”

“He’s right for once, and Jaden just isn’t supposed to be that!” Alexis vouched.

“Fine! Be that way!” The sword began to grow wider and longer, splitting into a three-bladed broadsword. “Senile old man. Heart of the cards? Ridiculous. These cards are all about power. And one way or another, his Blue-Eyes White Dragon card will be mine.” The mecha held up and swung down his blade! It cut the very air into oxygen ribbons! All Shining Flare Wingman could do was stare at it and take it head-on.

“MY GOSH, JADEN JUST LOST!!” Syrus screamed as shrilly as he could! His glasses shattered from the sheer vocal pitch!

 

“Don’t worry, kids,” Jaden chuckled, “I ain’t worried a bit.” Shining Flare Wingman exploded into sparkles upon impact with the sword. And yet… Jaden had a Trap up his sleeve… LLITERALLY!!!!!?!1 “I activate the Trap card Hero Spirit!!” And yes, the forgotten Trap card faded away, and the spirit of Shining Flare Wingman appeared by the boy’s side! “Because I lost a Hero this turn, for one battle only, I take NO damage!” The ghostly hero stretched out his wings and flew all the way up to the samurai mecha’s face… and then slapped it, fading away.

“Aw man,” it groaned.

“Gentlemen, there’s a little something I want you to pick up for me at the game shop,” Zane proposed.

“Y’mean that it’s his turn?” Barry the Beginner supposed.

“Ah! Yugi! Perfect!”

“CRIPES! HOW’D HE KNOW?!” Barry the Beginner freaked out, getting the hell out of Dodge.

“Your grandfather’s here visiting but he’s not feeling too well. Why don’t you come by my office and pick him up?

“So it IS my turn!” Jaden said with a grin, drawing a card. “Oh yeah, by the way, you lose thanks to POWER BOND!!”

 

And thus, Zane’s face-down card flipped itself up: Rainbow Life. He did away with one card from his hand. The samurai robot suddenly lost its footing and slipped, heading straight for Zane! But he was one step ahead. A sudden rainbow zoomed across the field and bound the Cyber Mecha End Dragon Samurai or whatever it was called like a python of beautiful colors! It began shooting sparkles and stars all across the arena! The rainbow continued wrapping around the poor, limit-removed robot until it was completely cocooned in seven colors… seven colors of pain! The rainbow shell tightened until it had forced the robot into the form of a… pink unicorn.

“NREEEEEEEEEIGH!!” it said, leaping toward the stars. (Zane Truesdale: 4550 Life Points)

 

“DAYUM IT!!” Jaden vomited. “WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENIN’ TO ME?!?! YOU KEEP GETTIN’ BACK TO SQUARE ONE!!”

“How’s the old man feeling, hmm?” asked Zane.

“HE’S FEELIN’ PISSED!!”

“We had a duel, that’s all,” Zane excused, “with each of us putting up our most valuable card as a prize. But I guess playing against a champion like myself was just too much stimulation for the old fool.”

“I ain’t no old fool, you hear me?” Jaden growled, unholy vengeance burning within! “I AIN’T OOOOOLD!!” The flames of justice began to flow all around his body in a massive spear-like formation!

“Come on, old kid!” some guy cheered.

“You can do it, oldie!”

“Make me BELIEVE in respecting my elders, sir!”

“SHOW HIM WHO HIS GRANDDADDY IS!!”

“I said I ain’t old.” The golden oldie looked at his hand: Jaden drew his card, which absorbed all the spiritual fires. And it was important enough to warrant… A YELLOW EXPLOSION. He revealed it to himself. And it was… CARD OF SANCTITY. “I’M SO FREAKING GLAD THEY MADE SUCH A CARD AND I GET TO USE IT AS AN EXCUSE NOT TO LOSE!! I ACTIVATE CARD OF SANCTITY!” A shower of gold bars fell as if there were a goldbarstorm outside, causing everybody to shriek and shield their heads. “OW! THE GOLD! Uh, we all draw until we have six cards.”

 

“It was fair,” Zane said smugly, admiring his new cards. “And look at the sweet prize I won.”

“Whatevz, kid. I’m starting my counterattack here.” Jaden threw down a Spell card, summoning a massive totem from above, smashing into the ground. It seemed to be the cross between an all-seeing eye and a bat creature, attached to a semi-gilded pole. And it opened up like a door… LETTING OUT ELEMENTAL HERO NECROSHADE. (Necroshade: 1600 Attack Points) He was red-skinned, covered in bone-like protrusions, and had black lines adorning his flesh, but it didn’t matter, because BLADEDGE EXPLODED HIM WITH A PUNCH. (Bladedge: 2600 Attack Points) “By discardin’ my Necroshade, it allowed my Bladedge to cruise on into my hand, and once Necro-boy went to the Graveyard, my Blade-homie could be summoned without a sacrifice!” Jaden explained. “Next I’m throw-downin’ a total of THREE face-downs and endin’ my turn with a DIRECT ATTACK!! SLICE! AND! DICE! ATTAAAAAAAAAACCKK!!

“BOO.”

“YES SIR!!” Bladedge agreed to much appreciation of the kids. He bent forward and spread his legs out. Jets grew out of his heels and under his blades.

“Yes, the Blue-Eyes White Dragon IS a powerful card, and this one will never be used against me,” Zane reflected.

“I WILL BE!!” Bladedge disagreed! He SLAMMED forward into Zane’s body, holding his arms out of the way with his massive helmet spines! Then he bucked him upward like a bronco and SLICED his blades audibly through Zane’s chest in an ‘X’-formation! The jets powered-off, and Bladedge stepped back a pace. Zane’s body began to vibrate like a vibrator gone mad!

“S-sounds like an…” Zane stammered, right before the black hole appeared within his abdomen. “EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSEEE!!” He imploded. Bladedge jumped back to Jaden, as a blue circle appeared where Zane had once been sucked into by a cosmic weird thing. The blue circle phenomenon shook wildly and erratically and wildly some more, and then at last turned white! It was a WHITE HOLE!! The white hole spat Zane toward the earth, where he was blasted back to earth with a magenta detonation. The master duelist hit the rocky earth with a thud, smoking and bleeding. (Zane Truesdale: 1950 Life Points)

 

“Yeesh, a Double-Hole Attack…” Atticus seethed.

“Wait, is he dead?” somebody wondered. Zane sat up and began applying an oversized bandage to his injury. “Oh, never mind, it’s cool to cheer now.”

“It was just as beautiful as I’d imagined,” Syrus said, trembling with happiness.

“Weirdo,” Mann McOldsmobile accused.

“Hey, Dobbson knows what I’m going through.”

“GO OLD MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN!!” screamed the audience!

“A-and Zane,” Alexis added hastily.

“HIM TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

“But I ain’t old,” Jaden sniffed. “Either way, sorry ‘bout the pain there, but I had t’put my foot down. I’m serious about winning this duel, Zane! I’m now officially 101% see-ree-us.”

“Your friends can care for your grandfather,” Zane said with a competitive look, “while you and I duel.”

“Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about, dude!”

 

“It’s funny, actually,” Bastion said with his mind on full-blast, “because earlier on in the duel it was Zane telling Jaden to power-up. Now JADEN is the one who’s doing all the goading!”

“Wow, that’s hardcore! I guess!” Fluffy Fred supported.

“Some of your Duel Science, right?” Piggybank asked.

“Or common sense?” Baseball Bob asked.

“Exactly!” Omega-Xis answered.

“Ahahaha, oh you slay me,” Bastion chuckled, smashing his wolfhand onto the ground several times.

“OW! WHAT DID I SAY? IT’S TRUE!! MY SOUL’S LEAKING OUT!!”

“Let’s just cut back.”

 

And so, Zane began his turn, drawing a seventh card. He looked at it for a moment before flipping it onto the field! “Unless you’re afraid… I designed this virtual stadium myself. Impressive, mmm? I think you’ll agree.” The newest card was a Mystical Space Typhoon card! A boring regular hurricane swirled into play, consuming and destroying one of Jaden’s Trap cards! It was Edge Hammer, with the image of Bladedge swinging a golden… hammer!

Dang, Jaden mused, I was gonna end the game right there once he summoned a big monster, since Edge Hammer destroys a monster and deals Life Point damage equal to their Attack Points! Wow, I just explained the whole thing to m’self! I sure am dumb. The typhoon from mystic space swirled around the card and destroyed it with a lime-green explosion before fading away.

 

“It adds a bit more life to the game!” Zane promised.

“Hmph, only a guy like you’d have Rolling GIRL for a theme song, yo.” Alexis tossed a rock at Jaden.

“We each begin with 2000 Life Points. First player to hit zero loses!” Zane summoned a smaller, sleeker Cyber Dragon to the field, which had some kid of rounded head and spikes across its body.

“GRAAAAOOOW,” it growled. (Cyber Dragon Zwei: 1500 Attack Points)

“Are you ready to play, runt?” Zane challenged.

“What’s it do?”

“Ugh! What the?!” he responded.

“…”

“He counts as Cyber Dragon when you show off a Spell card from your hand,” Syrus called.

“Thanks, Syrus-kid! Syru-kid for short!” Jaden thanked.

“Don’t call my Syru-kid!”

“Virtual system’s ready, so let’s begin!” Kaiba commenced, revealing a card named… DOUBLE SUMMON. He then sent it to the Graveyard, enabling him to summon double times that turn!! “I attack with the mighty Hitatsu-Mi Giant.” He summoned a small yellow spaceship with blue armor and twin laser cannons of judgment, prompting a combination of blue AND yellow explosions! (Armored Cybern: 2000 Defense Points) It sat atop the Zwei-type Cyber Dragon and combined with it!

“My gosh, they’re combining!!” cried some nameless fool! “IT’S A UNION MONSTER!!”

“Man, I don’t care if it’s an ONION monster, I’m not losin’! Ha ha ha! Onion, get it?” Jaden laughed!

“BWARGH!!” screamed the dragon, spitting energy at the blade hero. He exploded into a box of Cheezits. (Cyber Dragon Zwei: 1500 -> 500 Attack Points)

“It’s my holographic system!” Zane boasted. “It makes lifelike holograms of every monster.”

“That didn’t explain why he killed my Bladedge—”

“Grr! Augh! Well played!” Zane moaned!

“Eh?”

 

“You did good, Yugi, for a beginner. But how will you deal with this?” The dragon, however weakened it was now, was still up for wiping out Jaden’s Life Points! (Jaden Yuki: 100 Life Points, still)

“True your Winged Dragon’s Attack Points are 1400 while my Dark Clown’s are 600, but if I combine it with THIS card…” The green laser blaster cannon dragon combination shot two concussive laser blasts! They hit Jaden in the stomach and shoulder. They made explosions comparable to two cannonballs.

GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!” Jaden said, caught in the crossfire. “B-but you forgot my Trap…” One of his two remaining cards at long last revealed itself: NEGATE ATTACK!! “But you attacked too fast for the cool picture to appear…” The card crumpled up and exploded.

“Exactly. The negative energy generator. It multiplies my monster’s Attack by three.”

“WRONG! Your attack is null AND void!”

“Oh.”

“Hey! Did you just say something NOT in the script?!” Jaden accused, drawing his next card.

“Dark Clown attack with Dark Light!” Zane said dementedly.

“Thought so. Well, I got nuthin’ else, so I’ll summon Wroughtweiler!” The Rottweiler in armor was BACK!! With a dark grey explosion.

“ARARARARARARARRARA—”

“Yeah, we know it’s all you can do.” (Wroughtweiler: 1200 Attack Points) “If’n I’m correct, your monster gains 300 Attack Points when it battles? Well, it STILL ain’t enough t’stop ME! Attack, with whatever you do!” Wroughtweiler pulled out a baby and slapped Zwei with it, smacking away the space armor!

“As you can see, combining cards can be very effective,” Zane assured as he pointed to his still-living Cyber Dragon Zwei. (Zane Truesdale: 1250 Life Points)

“Dang, you’re right for twice?!” Jaden realized! “He’s still alive!”

“Thanks to that ONION monster, HA HA HA!!” Alexis shouted, pouting.

“I get it, a’ight? I KNOW I’m stupid, don’t be rubbin’ it all in. Now I’ll end my turn.”

 

Zane drew a card. “DARK LIGHT ATTACK!!” His last remaining monster began exploding from the inside several, several times. The concussive blasts caused it to bloat and expand! It continued to contain the explosions even after it had doubled, tripled, QUADRUPLED, QUINTUPLED in size, and finally became a HUMONGOUS DRAGON HEAD SPACE ROBOT WITH A DRAGON HEAD GROWING ON TOP!! (Cyber Eltanin: ? Attack Points)

“This is the Cyber Eltanin,” Zane introduced.

“Y-you just said something original!” Jaden gulped. His mouth twitched.

“By removing all Machine-type monsters from my side of the field and my Graveyard from play, I am able to Special Summon it from my hand,” Zane explained. “Then he wipes out all monsters YOU control on your side of the field!” Wroughtweiler was instantly erased from existence.

“What?! Wasn’t Wroughtweiler right there a second ago?”

“Not anymore. What’s more, is that my Cyber Eltanin gains five-HUNDRED Attack Points for EVERY monster I just removed!” The three Cyber End Dragons, Cyber Kirin and Cyber Dragon Zwei all appeared back onto the field for one more dazzling appearance! They were blasted by rays of energy from above, transmogrifying them into MINI robo dragon heads, propelled by tiny rocket boosters! (Cyber Eltanin: 2500 Attack Points)

“You’re… right?” Jaden guessed.

NOW, JADEN! PREPARE YOURSELF! I AM ABOUT TO SHRED YOU DOWN TO THE MOLECULE! I WILL ERASE EVERY SCRAP OF YOUR DNA!! ELTANIN!! ACTIVATE THE END! OF! WORLD! BEEEEEAM!!” The Eltanin ship’s eyes flashed. All six of its mysterious flying dragon heads began cruisin’ around the field in a strange formation. They swarmed in a spinning, rising way, firing small lasers (TOO MANY LASERS AND EXPLOSIONS TODAY!!) at the ground.

 

“Oh man,” Jaden sighed, “I’d better hope this thing works.” But as he said that, the dragons continued circling around the area, faster than you could comprehend! “WOAH! When’d they put on the juice?”

“Now YOU’RE not making sense!” Zane laughed. “Jaden, my friend, it’s time for you to take your defeat like the man you are!” The dragons now appeared as a ring of steel and beams! The earth was breaking down around the small orb of dirt the attack had trapped Jaden within!

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!” screamed the audience members, falling away into the mystery void!

NOW EXECUTING” stated the main head as it disappeared. The main unit reappeared above and transformed into a satellite cannon just as large as the space that had been cut out of the illusionary plane of existence. It began absorbing everything that was left. The remaining dragon cannons. The ground. The air. Even Zane. He was placed into a cockpit of some sort, grabbing several control sticks and mechanisms. Several scales and screens showing the energy levels of the machine around him were literally blazing off of the gauges! He pulled his control sticks back and roared, “FIRE!!” The back of the cannon opened up and sucked all forms of matter into it like a hyperspace vacuum! It converted everything in the entire pocket universe into energy! All that was left standing in Zane’s way was Jaden and his last card. Finally charged to the point of overloading, the cannon fired the universe at Jaden.

 

But he knew what he had to do. He tapped a button on his Duel Disk and cried out, “I ACTIVATE MY FACE-DOWN SPELL CARD…

 

There was a reality-engulfing blaze of light… and then everyone was back in the Duel Dome. Everything was back to normal. Everybody was back in their original spots and seats. It was as if nothing had happened. The only evidence of it all was Zane’s Cyber Eltanin and Jaden’s revealed Spell. And Winged Kuriboh, covered in sparks of electricity.

“It’s… Flute of Summoning Kuriboh?!” Chazz revealed to all! Yes, the Spell was of two Kuribohs, one Winged, hovering around a wooden flute of some sort!

“You got it, kiddos,” Jaden agreed, breathing hard, as if he’d actually been doing something that day. “It lets me summon a Winged Kuriboh from my deck. An’ then, the turn he’s hit with everything in the universe, it makes sure I don’t take no damage.”

“That’s a double-negative, Jay.”

“Quiet, Sy.”

“You…” Zane cut himself off. He gave a true smile of approval.

“Thanks, lil’ buddy, aheh,” Jaden thanked, patting Winged Kuriboh on the head.

“Will you stop hating me then?” it squeaked.

“No.”

“OOH,” it ooh-ed, exploding in a realistic fashion.

 

“My draw!” exclaimed our wonder-boy hero, drawing a Monster Reborn. “I activate the Spell card Monster Reborn, to bring back my Bubbleman!” Bubbly foam appeared in an ugly pile, blown away as Bubbleman swooped his cape across the field! (Elemental Hero Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points) “Thanks t’him bein’ the only monster on the field, I can draw two cards as I did before!”

“Oh yeah,” people remembered.

“Next I use the Field Spell card Skyscraper and equip my Bubbleman with Bubbleman’s Bazooka!” Bubbleman magically grabbed his bazooka out of thin air, and several big-city towers appeared all over the stage. (Bubbleman: 800 -> 1600 Attack Points)

“Could it be?” gasped Crowler! “HE’S GOING TO BEAT HIM!!”

“COME ON, JAY!!” Syrus and Mann McOldsmobile cheered on!

“When my Bubbleman attacks with Skyscraper on the field, he gains a WHOPPIN’ THOUSAND Attack Points!” said Jaden. “And I think I’ll put that skill to use here’n now! Bubbleman, use your Bubble Blaster! (Bubbleman: 1600 -> 2600 Attack Points, Cyber Eltanin: 2500 Attack Points)

 

Jaden’s helpful bubbleguy aimed his large bubblearm (hee) at the massive robotic target and clicked the trigger. A literal ocean smashed out and through its giant face. It exploded. (Zane: 1150 Life Points) “When you try’n attack Bubbleman next turn, his Bazooka absorbs all the damage, yo,” Jaden told Zane, “and you don’t have ANY cards in your hand. I think that’s game.”

Zane looked at Jaden through all the holograms and fake city streets. He drew his card. He studied it, and then set it flat on his Duel Disk. He stepped all the way down the Skyscraper scene up to Jaden. He extended his hand and Jaden accepted it. They shook on it. (Zane Truesdale: RETIRED, Game Over)

 

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!” screamed the viewing public! They threw buckets of confetti into the air! The game was over, marking the longest chapter to date! Crowds of bystanders leaped off of the bleachers and surrounded the duelists, shouting random compliments such as ‘THAT WAS AMAZING!’ and ‘I CRIED, IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!’ and ‘That was boring. You two suck.’.

“And… the winner was Jaden YUCKY,” Crowler groaned. “Zane, do you have any words you would like to say before you officially graduate?” Zane looked at Crowler. The audience was quiet. Zane blushed and ran away as fast as he could.

“NOOOOO!! HE’S CAMERA-SHY!!” Alexis cried!

“Don’t worry, I’ll catch him!” Angry McArgue guaranteed! “Meet you on the ship!” She blazed (?) off after him.

Jaden pulled a slip of paper out from his pocket. It was crumpled and yellowed after so much time. It read ‘Beat Tristan Taylor and Sy’s Bro’, and both names were crossed out already. The boy ripped the paper in half and threw it to the ground. And now, Sy, I can truly say that I’ve beaten your bro. Thanks for being so patient, yo… “Wait, the ship?” Jaden questioned.

“Yes,” Shepherd said, taking the mic from his creepy cohort, “the ships off the island leave in a half-hour. You people should REALLY get packed up to leave. Seriously.”

“………. And you didn’t tell us earlier?” Syrus Sy-ed.

“SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!” Shepherd yelled, making his great escape with a fat suitcase!

 

Everybody in the Duel Dome looked around like idiots before turning tail and escaping to their dorm rooms, so as to get their stuff. All that was left was Jaden’s crew, Chazz’s group, Bastion’s gang and Alexis/Nancy Wut/Atticus. “So, all-in-all, I’d say this was a heck of a year, eh fellas?” Jaden supposed.

“Eh, what’re you talkin’ about…?” Chazz stammered, sweating profusely and trying to hide the wooden box in his pocket.

“Uh… no, I’m just happy we just ended the first season and are becoming Sophomores/Juniors.”

“Imma be a Junior!” Mann McOldsmobile insisted.

“W-w-w-wait!” Chazz gasped! “I-it’s not what you think!” He looked really worried now.

“I’m ready t’go home, kick back, and tune up mah deck for the NEXT year’s duelin’!”

“OKAY! I ADMIT IT! I STOLE THE SPIRIT KEYS!!” Chazz admitted! “A-AND I’M NOT GIVING THEM BACK UNTIL ALEXIS DUELS ME! I’LL BE ON THE BEACH, THE BEEEEEEEACH!!” He fled.

“Uh, let’s follow him, I reckon,” Billy Hills told Deep-Voice Dobbson.

“Huh, okay, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson told Billy Hills.

“Me too!” Ojama Yellow insisted. The trio flew away after Chazz in mid-air.

 

“… So should we follow them?” Piggybank wondered.

“I’ll be right back,” Alexis grunted, stomping after Chazz.

“Eheheh, that kid, what’cha gonna do?” Atticus shrugged and followed his adoptive sister, Nancy Wut trailing behind on a toboggan.

“Well, Jaden? Let’s go,” Bastion insisted.

“… T’go home, kick back, and tune up mah deck for the NEXT year’s duelin’,” Jaden repeated.

“Let’s go, you know we have to,” Syrus Sy-ed. And so they half-heartedly walked after the guilty Chazz party.

 

 

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More older eps for the kiddies.

 

[spoiler=Episode 37: Field of Screams]

“Everybody, please meet our two new classmates who have suddenly appeared out of nowhere,” introduced Professor Banner to everybody in the Slifer Toolshed, “Cuts Man and Gut Man!” There appeared to be two robots standing next to him. One was red and black-patterned, with two small horns atop his helmet-ish head and two sharp fingernails on each arm. The other was more yellow and grey than anything. He had some strange antenna on the sides of his skull, and a weird ‘+’ sign on his forehead in between his big circular eyes. He was carrying a butter knife ill-tied to the end of a long wooden stick. In actuality, it wasn’t even quite at the end; it was ALMOST there, though.

“U-uh…” The red one bowed. “m-m-m-m’name’s Gut Man! My hobbies are dueling and being a tough guy!”

The yellow one bowed as well. “Cuts cuts cuts! I like to cut! I’m Cuts Man!” They both stood up and smiled.

“… Weeeell…” Mann McOldsmobile said, eating his breakfast, “I’m Mann McOldsmobile, and I like awesome things!”

“Hey I do too!” Gut Man agreed!

“AWESOME!!” Mann McOldsmobile cried! “We should totally hang out sometime!”

“Cuts cuts cuts!” Cuts Man gleefully exclaimed! “It’s a deal!” They all shook hands.

“Oh yeah, I need to visit Jaden at the hospital,” Mann McOldsmobile remembered. “Bye guys, goin’ to the hospital!” He threw his remaining breakfast at some kid and left.

“Bye, Mann,” some guy bid.

“Bye, man. Heh, word humor,” joked another.

“I really HATE that guy, y’know!”

“Why are the new students robots who don’t wear uniforms?”

“I dunno, but they SURE look stupid!”

 

Gut Man and Cuts Man turned to each other and smirked. They’d instantly knew who to hang out with…

 

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 37: Field of Screams – Part One

 

For some reason, there was a thick enough fog across the ocean that everything was grey and misty. And also the moon was really thin, but at the same time, it was around 14 times bigger than it should’ve been. And there were a bunch of bats, too, flying around some sort of Viking funeral boat of some sort with a coffin inside. But suddenly… IT OPENED!! Some sort of lady sat up in it. Her breasts were oddly large, as per all female characters on this show, which made the scene feel even more fake and uncomfortable than it already was. But then… THE LADY SMILED!! SHE HAD VAAAAAMPIRE TEEEEETH!!

 

“UWAAAAAAAHH!!” Jaden screamed! “Ugh… ugh… ugh… vampire ladies… shouldn’t have such… large breasts…” He fell back onto his pillow, not wearing his red coat. “It’s just not natural!”

“Um, Jaden,” Syrus said, sitting on a chair next to Jaden, “you just had a near-death experience. Should you really be talking about breasts like that?”

“But it was true! They were like, ‘Wow, that’s too big!’ It felt so uncomfortable!” Then Jaden realized that Ms. Fonda Fontaine, the resident gym teacher and nurse, was standing right next to him and writing something on a small clipboard. She walked away, disgusted. “… Should I feel bad?”

“Naw, here’s your coat.” Syrus handed Jaden the coat he wasn’t wearing.

“Oh, hey Jaden,” Alexis greeted, sitting next to Atticus.

“Hey Jaden,” greeted Angry McArgue, sitting next to Alexis.

“Yo, Jaden,” Nancy Wut greeted, sitting next to Angry McArgue.

“Aw, Nancy, you always know just what to say. But come on, that random kid has a whole fan club of random gals, and all I get is Syrus?!”

“What’s wrong with Syrus?” Syrus asked.

“You KNOW what’s wrong with Syrus,” Jaden pouted.

 

“Well, for your information, Atticus is important to us,” Angry McArgue informed.

“Yeah, ‘cause he’s Nightshroud and handsome and crap, yo. Gimme a break, yo.”

“No, Nightshroud was just an evil mask guy,” Nancy Wut said.

“Now you see, Jaden,” Alexis stated, “listen closely. You remember when I said that my brother…”

“And MY father…” Angry McArgue added.

“And MY son went missing?” Nancy Wut finished.

“WHAAAT?!?!” Jaden cried! “I can’t remember THAT!! That’s confusin’ and gross!” Then he turned to Syrus. “Hey, Why isn’t Koala Ko Ala here?”

“He’s too fat.”

“Bastion?”

“He has a fan club.”

“Chazz?”

“Now you’re just joking, right?”

“WELL, THIS BOY RIGHT HERE IS THAT ONE MISSING MAN!!” the trio of gals shouted, pointing to Atticus, who was attached to a bunch of life support equipment!

“GAAAAAAAAAASP!! OMG!! WTF!! FTW!!” Jaden exclaimed!

“Waaaaaaaait…” Syrus thought, “he’s too old to be Nancy’s son, but too young to be Angry’s father. Where’s the logic?”

“Oh, well actually we were all such great friends that we all adopted each other,” Alexis said. “He’s not even my real brother.”

“WHAT A HORRIBLE ANSWER TO SUCH AN INTENSE QUESTION!!” Syrus screamed!

“But really, he IS my father…” Angry McArgue said.

“Oh…” Everybody looked sullen and tried not to think about what she’d just said.

 

“Hey, everybody! How’s Jaden an’ Atticus doin’?” Mann McOldsmobile asked, heartily and easily kicking down the door and gripping a ‘GET WELL SOON’ balloon.

“… You came in at a horrible time,” Jaden said.

“Oh. What’d I miss?” Mann McOldsmobile asked. At that time, Cuts Man and Gut Man fell out from the ceiling.

“AAAAHH!!”

“OW!!” They rubbed their heads in pain. “Cuts cuts cuts! I KNEW this’d happen!” Cuts Man complained! “Now he thinks we’re stalking him, Gut Man!”

“I’m sorry for thinking of this idea,” Gut Man apologized. “Great, now he’ll NEVER be friends with us…”

“… You COULD have just asked if you wanted to come with me, guys,” Mann McOldsmobile told them.

“… Really? It wouldn’t be overbearing or weird?” Cuts Man asked.

“Well, yeah, I’m laid back n’ stuff.”

“AWESOME!!”

“CUTS CUTS CUTS!!” The new friend trio leaped into the air as the words ‘CUTS MAN GUT MAN MANN MCOLDSMOBILE FRIEND TAG TEAM TRIO’ flashed behind them.

 

“… What am I missing here?” Syrus sy-ed.

“I dunno, but these guys‘re a HOOT!” Jaden laughed.

“I feel forgotten,” Angry McArgue sighed.

“Happens to ME all the time!” Nancy Wut smiled.

 

Meanwhile, as all the stupid stuff happened, the music ended, and it turned out that there really WAS a vampire lady in the ocean at night during the morning on a Viking funeral ship with a big-ass moon shrouded in a protective mist! She held out her Commanding Arm. “Go, my minions,” she ordered in her stereotypically Transylvanian Vampire accent, “so that we may kick the ass of whomever defeated Nightshroud!” She revealed her face: she looked like a person! With weird green eyes! And weirder green swoopy hair! Wearing a red non-strapless dress! With a golden choker with an eye of wdjat on it! And hilariously large earrings! And pointy ears! She really was… obviously a vampire.

 

So, in Professor Someone’s class, some kids were talking. “Hey, d’joo here ‘bout the vampire?” asked Eightiesboy Gnarly, with a totally rad voice.

“Vampire,” asked Boring Kidd Millville, who sounded like he wasn’t having much fun.

“Yeah, dude, mah ROOMIE says that they saw some vampire chick, ‘chah!”

“So it’s a lady vampire,” Boring Kidd Millville asked.

 

And outside of the Obelisk Dorms, Princess Posh, hailing from some Western part of the United States, told her friends, “Yeah, so like, it was totally a GIRL vampire.”

“A girl vampire?” Regulargal Whocares repeated. “Well, that doesn’t make sense. Whoever heard of a GIRL vampire?”

“There are, like, lots of girl vampires,” Princess Posh said, “like Buffy, the like, totally Vampire Slayer.”

“But she SLAYS vampi—”

“You’re like so totally not like my friend anymore.”

“Aw…”

 

“V-V-V-VIXEN?!” Chazz screamed, up in Chancellor Shepherd’s office “So there really ARE girl vampires?!”

“You need to watch more television,” Banner advised, standing with Chazz, Bastion, Crowler and Garfield.

“Indeed, Chazz, you should watch some of today’s most popular shows like Trueblood and The Twilight Saga: New Moon.”

“Were you paid to say that, and won’t that joke become old real soon?”

“Why yes, yes I was and yes it will. Now to the point: these dumb rumors of a vampires running around the place may not be so fake.”

“Come on, a LADY vampire?” Crowler scoffed. “They don’t REALLY exist, do they? Or regular vampires? Right?”

“Well, Crowler, maybe you should watch some of today’s most popular shows like Trueblood and The Twilight Saga: New Moon,” Shepherd repeated. Somebody handed him some money. “Thank you.”

“No, thank YOU!” they winked.

“Oh, Chancellor, I just dropped by to ask you something!” Alexis said, bursting into the room!

“Hi, Alexis.”

“Shut up Chazz, please. Shepherd, I know that last night my key was stolen from me outside of a duel. Can I please have it back?”

“This?” Shepherd checked, holding up Alexis’s Water key.

“Yeah.”

“No.”

“Huh?”

“Well, you lost it, so you can’t have it back,” Shepherd explained.

“What do you mean? I didn’t lose a game, I just lost IT! And then Jaden won it back! What’s the problem?”

“You’re not trustworthy!”

“… This is stupid,” Alexis groaned, leaving.

“Bye, Alexis.”

Alexis opened the door again. “Shut UP, Chazz!” She shut the door.

“So anyways, guys,” Shepherd said, “be ON the LOOKOUT… for vampire ladies…

 

Chazz was sitting in his room organizing his cards in the Toolshed. “Stupid vampire, tryin’ to get the drop on me…”

“Chazz, what’re you mutterin’, I reckon?” Billy Hills asked, playing a video game with Deep-Voice Dobbson and Ojama Yellow.

“Oh, nothing. Nothing…” But there was a bat on the ceiling… WHO NO ONE NOTICED!! Its eyes flashed for a moment.

“Hey, no fair, guys! I can’t touch the controller; I’m a Duel Spirit!”

“Not my fault, huh, Yellow, huh!”

 

Bastion was sitting in HIS room, staring hard at his cards and frowning. “What’s wrong, Bastion-y?” Piggybank asked.

“It’s… just that Oxygeddon isn’t as cool as Hydrogeddon!” he complained. “Why IS that?”

“Well, maybe water is cooler than oxygen.”

“But without oxygen, we’d ALL die!”

“True… but… maybe… water is cooler than… oxygen?” As they had their dumb talk, another bat was monitoring their progress!

 

“VAMPIRES don’t exist!” Crowler yelled in its room, alone. “They’re just MAKE-BELIEVE! Like nuclear power plants. Boy, it SURE would be funny if I DUELED this VAMPIRE! Ha ha ha, what a STUPID idea!” The bat watching it was confused.

 

Banner had set up all sorts of garlic trains hung on the ceiling, and wore a shrine priest outfit. He waved his magical priest stick of Japanese religious importance (I think?) around in front of a small monument to vampire safety! “Humminahumminahummina HOO!!” he chanted. “Humminahumminahummina HOO!! Humminahumminahummina HOO!!” The bat watching him got bored and flew away.

 

Anyways, back to Jaden, he was resting. “How’s he doing?” Alexis asked, returning.

“Oh, well around the time you left,” Syrus explained, “he was so mad that all the girls were paying attention to Atticus, and decided to sleep. ‘That’ll show ‘em, yo!’ he said. ‘That’ll show ‘em ALL!’”

“Why doesn’t he like us?” Gut Man asked.

“Well, Jaden’s an idiot,” Mann McOldsmobile explained, “but he’s a cool idiot.”

“Cuts cuts cuts! Oh, I get it now!” Cuts Man realized!

“How’s Atticus doing?” Syrus asked.

“Oh, he’s wiggling a lot,” Nancy Wut said. Atticus was convulsing madly, and his heart monitor was off the charts.

“It’s really scary!” Angry McArgue cried.

“Oh, okay then…” The bat on the ceiling (seriously? Does NOBODY look at the ceiling anymore?) didn’t know what to say.

 

And so, one bat had flown all the way back to a random bathtub where the vampire lady was soaking in a rose petal-covered broth. “Mmm, come to me, my pretty,” she sighed, allowing the bat to touch her finger. It instantly sent the telekinetic signal of all those that the bats had been following! “Hmm… which one shall I duel first?”

“VAMPIRES don’t exist!”

“VAT?!” she gasped, in her weird vampire accent (no offence to you with that kind of accent).

“They’re just MAKE-BELIEVE! Like nuclear power plants.”

“Zis one… zis one irritates me!!” the vampire lady growled!

“Boy, it SURE would be funny if I DUELED this VAMPIRE! Ha ha ha, what a STUPID idea!”

“VE shall SEE how funny it vould be for you to duel a vampire!!” she yelled, standing up in the bath, for some reason wearing all her clothing. “I shall duel you now!!” She walked to the door and opened it up. Sunbeams ran through! “Ahh, my eyes!” She shut the door. “Okay. I shall duel you after dusk!!” she promised.

 

LATER! THAT!! NIGHT!!!

“Okay, Chancellor,” Chazz said, with the other key keepers in Shepherd’s office (besides those who were hospitalized), “I just checked the ENTIRE school grounds, and I didn’t find any vampires! At ALL! Female or otherwise.”

“Chazz,” Shepherd said, “I didn’t tell you to search the grounds.”

“… I’m going home…” Chazz slowly shuffled out of the room. Then he walked back in. “Good luck with the vampire, mum!” Chazz wished. Then he left again.

“THERE IS NO VAMPIRE!!” Crowler stressed.

“I found a vampire!” Koala Ko Ala said, bursting in casually. “She was by the lake.”

“Why were you at the lake?” Bastion asked.

Who cares let’s roll!!” Shepherd announced!

 

ONE! MONTAGE!! LATER!!!

The group was by the giant lake not seen since episode 26, even though the last canon appearance was in episode 4 or so, making it largely forgotten. It was fog-covered to the extreme, so that the people could probably only see a few feet ahead of themselves. “So why WERE you by the lake anyways?” Bastion asked.

“Oh, well you see, it was all because of—”

“Eh?” Cuts Man was sitting on the ground with Mann McOldsmobile and Gut Man, eating a banana and playing card games.

“HE STOLED MAH BANNANNER!!” Koala Ko Ala roared!

“I’m sorry!! Cuts cuts cuts!” Cuts Man cried! “Like I said, it was on the floor! Who leaves bananas on the floor?!”

“It was MY floor!!” Koala Ko Ala grunted, leaping at him!

“So, why are YOU guys here?” Banner asked.

“Oh, Gut Man and Cuts Man just said that we should come here and stuff, so we did,” Mann McOldsmobile.

“Also there’s a vampire out there,” Gut Man said, pointing out towards the lake.

“How do we get there with no boat?” Crowler asked. “I mean, to duel this ‘so-called’ vampire of sorts, hmm.” At this, a magical red carpet rolled out from the lake to the mainland! “Oh, magic carpets? Is that REALLY the best trick they’ve got?”

“Can we come with you?” Mann McOldsmobile quickly asked, latching onto Crowler’s leg!

“AAAAHH!! GET OFF OF ME!! GET OFF!!”

“But sitting here and stuff is so BORING!!” Mann McOldsmobile sobbed! “We HAVE to come with you!”

“And we’ll learn something by the end of the night!” Gut Man added, hooked on learning morals.

“Fine, you can come,” Banner shrugged.

“YIPPEE!!”

“But ONLY if you leave Koala.”

“Aw,” Koala Ko Ala moaned, trudging away quickly.

“So, off we go,” Crowler sighed, feeling tired and irritated. It led the way across the MAGICAL RED CARPET!!

 

“SYYYYYYYYRUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSS!!” Koala Ko Ala yelled, bursting into the infirmary! “Crowler and the other important characters are going out to duel the vampire out on the lake and they wouldn’t let me come!!”

“Um, okay,” Syrus said.

“Well, she should be okay, right?” Jaden asked.

“Wrong, Jaden!” Angry McArgue begged to differ!

“Why?”

“Because,” Alexis said, “if you remember correctly, Crowler TALKS a big game, but really stinks.”

“Then how’d he get to the position he’s in today?” Nancy Wut asked.

“Probably bribery.”

“Oh yeah, like Chazzy!”

 

And so, back at the ranch… lake… place… the group had begun to trek across the lake. They walked with an air of seriousness about themselves. They were careful, too, because that vampire could pop out at any moment. They proceeded like this… except for Mann McOldsmobile and his friends, who were too busy trying to rock the carpet around, and push each other off. Then Crowler shouted at them, and they stopped. But then they couldn’t help it any longer and started jumping around again. Then they got shoved into the lake.

 

Eventually after what seemed like an eternity, they reached… “This is the other side of the lake, right?” Bastion asked.

“Oh yeah, here are the Obelisk dorms,” Banner noticed, pointing to the Obelisk Dorms.

BASTIOOOOOON!!” Piggybank and Fluffy Fred roared, leaping out from some windows! “Didja beat’er yet?!”

“No, Fred.”

“Are you hungry? I brought snacks!!”

“No thanks, Piggybank, please put the snack tray away.”

“Hi, Bastion,” Baseball Bob greeted, shouting from the Obelisk Blue roof.

“Hi, Bob.”

“Hey, can I get some ‘o those snacks?” asked Gut Man.

“NO!! FOR BASTION ONLY!!” Piggybank threw her snack tray far away.

“And so, remind me HOW again we picked up all these strange people?” Crowler growled.

OH-HOHOHOHOHO!!” laughed the vampiress, emulating that irritating laugh in that video. “So, you all ACTUALLY fell for my trick, eh? OH~HOHOHOHO—”

“HOWDAREYOOOOOOOOOOU!!” Crowler yelled, punching her in the face!

“Ugh, so it is YOU who does not believe in ze vampires of legend?” the lady gasped, reeling backward! She looked around. She looked at Cuts Man and Gut Man. Cuts Man hid behind Gut Man. “Hm.” She regained her composure! “I am Camula, ze vampire mistress of ze Seven Stars!!” Her eyes flashed and summoned a horde of bats!

“EEEEEEK!!” screamed Crowler and Banner.

“Oh no, bats!” Bastion said.

“UNH!! UNH!!” Fluffy Fred and Piggybank grunted, punching the bats!

“We’re okay, we’re robots,” Gut Man and Cuts Man said, as they were truly okay.

“That’s so cool!” Mann McOldsmobile complimented, effortlessly smashing dozens of bats into a bloody pulp with one arm.

 

Camula snapped her fingers and the bats disappeared. “NOW do you doubt zat I am a real vampire?”

“No,” Banner said.

“YES!!” Crowler said! “Your trained bats and mechanized automatic red contact lenses don’t scare ME!!”

Urk! Zis man… or… woman… iz getting on my nerves! “Fine, if zis is what you tink, then I suppose zat you shall not disagree to betting your SOUL on zis match!” Camula held out a small doll of some sort, made out of a potato sack, I think. “Trust me, it sucks out ze soul.”

“Sure, why not?” Crowler shrugged.

“Careful, Crowler,” Bastion the apprentice warned, “she MAY seem fake to you, but her dueling skills are no myth or legend! If she’s a SHADOW RIDER,”

“SEVEN STARS!!”

“Then that means that she MUST be a horribly good duelist.”

“Psshaw, Bastion, my student,” Crowler sighed, “how do you think I got to my position?”

“Bribery?”

“Precisely. Wait, no! I’m a good duelist!!” Crowler turned to the vampiress. “Lady, I challenge you to a duel!!”

“Wow, dueling a vampire!” Mann McOldsmobile cried! “That’s so cool!”

“I wish I could duel a vampire,” Gut Man said.

“Really?” asked Cuts Man.

“No….”

 

“Heh heh…” Camula chuckled. “ZEN I SHALL TEACH YOU TO FEAR ZE NIGHT AND THOSE LIKE ME!!”

“You mean mummies and werewolves?” Crowler joked.

“No, mummies don’t come to life! Werewolves, however, DO exist! Very much so, indeed!” Her Duel Disk was some weird small thing strapped to her arm, which then began extending into a wing-shaped thingy of varying creepiness! Crowler attached her sword-based Duel Disk onto its arm!

“DUEL!!” they shouted. (Camula: 4000 Life Points, Crowler: 4000 Life Points)

“I shall summon ze ZOMBIE WEREWOLF!!” A grey werewolf wearing fashionable green pants and shackles leaped onto the field. (Zombie Werewolf: 1200 Attack Points)

“AAAAAAHH, A ZOMBIE AND A WEREWOLF ALL ROLLED INTO ONE!!” Fluffy Fred screamed, falling out and unconscious.

“Piggybank, please take him away before he gets caught in the dueling crossfire,” Bastion advised.

“Okay~” Piggybank said, carrying him away.

“Still, a zombie AND a werewolf?!” Mann McOldsmobile laughed. “That’s freaking BADASS!! Too bad its stats are horrible.”

“EH?! Zey are strictly average for zis show in particular!” Camula responded. “I shall end my turn vith one face-down card.”

 

“Please, what kind of dueling amateur do you take me for?” Crowler asked.

“Ze ugly kind.”

“… I activate Ancient Gear Castle!!” Crowler grandly revealed! A massive battalion wall for a war of some sort suddenly appeared behind it! “Now all my Ancient Gear monsters gain 300 extra Attack Points! And secondly, I’ll summon the Ancient Gear Soldier to the field!” A cool old robot with a machine gun for an arm appeared! (Ancient Gear Soldier: 1300 -> 1600 Attack Points) “Now, I’ll attack your Zombie Werewolf, and don’t even think of activating your Trap card there!”

“Oh? Vhy?” Camula asked.

“Because my Soldier’s ability prevents you from using Trap cards when it attacks!” Crowler revealed! “Now go, Mechanized Assault!!” The robot started shooting dozens of bullets at the werewolf, blowing various parts of its body apart in grisly ways. (Camula: 3600 Life Points)

“Heh heh, looks like he’s more of… a CAT person!” Bastion joked. Nobody laughed.

“Next up will be you getting shot to oblivion, Miss Vampire Lady Extraordinaire Esquire!” Crowler laughed!

“Wrong,” Camula disagreed. “When my Zombie Werewolf is killed, I am allowed to Special Summon another one from my deck, and give it 500 extra Attack Points!” A new Zombie Werewolf came out of nowhere and howled!

“HOOOOOOOOOOOWL,” it howled. (Zombie Werewolf: 1700 Attack Points)

“Oh, so it’s just like Hero Prinny, then?” Bastion recalled.

“Bastion, please stop saying stupid things,” Gut Man asked, shaking his head like he was staring at a lost cause.

“Well then… I’ll place one card face down,” Crowler finished, slightly nervous. “Go ahead, it’s your turn now!”

 

“Vhy, zhen I’ll summon VAMPIRE BAT IN ATTACK MODE!!” A whole bunch of static bat pictures appeared on the field!

“More like Vampire BATS!” Banner gasped!

“More like Vampire BATS that don’t MOVE!” Cuts Man scoffed.

“Give it a moment,” Camula requested. They gave it a moment, and the card became one collectively giant bat. (Vampire Bat: 800 Attack Points)

“Oh, so it IS a bat…”

“And vhen I have Vampire Bat on ze field, I can give all my Zombie-type monsters 200 extra Attack Points!” Camula added! (Vampire Bat: 1000 Attack Points, Zombie Werewolf: 1900 Attack Points) “Now, my monsters, attack zem!” The werewolf leaped on and nipped at Ancient Gear Soldier! The robot exploded. (Crowler: 3700 Life Points)

“EEEEK,” the bat shrieked, flying over to Crowler and nipping it.

“Ow,” Crowler said.

“OH…”

“MY…”

“GOSH!!!” the Mann McOldsmobile trio gasped! “SHE’S ACTUALLY HURT!!”

“Oh, right, it DID hu—” ’OLY CRAP!! Crowler realized! That DID slightly hurt! This must mean… that I’m playing a REAL SHADOW GAME!!! (Crowler: 2700 Life Points)

 

Meanwhile in the nurse’s office, Syrus was showing everybody the duel as it was happening on his YugiNavi™. “Thank goodness for satellite surveillance hacking,” Syrus thanked.

“Wow, she’s really taking a beating!” Nancy Wut said.

“I’ll be right back, I’ll get us some drinks!” Angry McArgue decided, running off!

“Get me something cherry-flavored, yo!” Jaden called.

 

“So, veird one,” Camula chuckled, “do you vant to give up after vat you have just experienced? Zis Shadow Game shall definitely take your soul no matter VAT you do, seeing as it’s written in ze script!” Camula held up her script. She pointed to the words “Crowler Loses in the End”.

What?! Crowler gasped in its head. B-but why didn’t I get that script?! And this IS a Shadow Game; if I continue, I may not just lose my soul, but my life as well! And… aren’t I just filling up time, then? Well… it may be for the best if I just have somebody else duel her, and win like they were supposed to… “E…even the script says it?”

“Yes, even ze script,” Camula nodded.

“Alright… “ Crowler accepted, being reasonable. “Then in an effort to save wasted time and effort… I resig—”

 

NO WAY!!” Piggybank screamed, returning from the dorm!

“Huh?!”

“THIS isn’t the Crowler I know!” she said! “She wouldn’t be giving up all the time, resigning herself to fate! She always goes ahead with her stupid harebrained schemes to get Jaden out of school, no matter HOW horrible they are! You don’t just quit! You keep going!!”

“You… you’re RIGHT!!” Crowler pointed its finger at Camula! “I don’t care if I’m going to lose against you, lady; I’m STILL going to put in a few good hits! SO GET READY!!”

“Crowler!” Banner cried! “I have no respect for you as an educator or a person, but if you continue dueling, the script states that your soul shall be forfeit!”

“No, Banner!” Crowler declined! “Sometimes, when a woman decides that she wants to do something she has to do, she HAS to do it!”

“Jaden said something like that yesterday,” Mann McOldsmobile remembered.

“Who’s Jaden?” Gut Man asked.

 

“Thank you for your inspiring words, Piggybank,” Crowler thanked, “if I make it through I’ll put in a good word for you for promotion to Obelisk.”

“Yayz!”

“Now, Miss Vampire Lady, I’ve still got a few tricks up my sleeve, so I’m going to use them!” Crowler pressed a button on its Duel Disk, flipping up its Trap card! “I play the Trap card, Damage Condenser!” A large, test-tube-like machine appeared and stood next to Crowler. “I am now able to summon one monster from my deck with Attack Points equal to or lower than the damage you’ve inflicted upon me this turn. And so, because you’ve reduced me to 2700 Life Points, I’ll take the opportunity to summon another Ancient Gear Soldier! Arise!!” The test-tube machine began sputtering some electricity, failing to start up, smoking, catching fire, and breaking apart. Somehow this brought Ancient Gear Soldier back onto the field! (Ancient Gear Soldier: 1300 -> 1600 Attack Points)

“Oh, so if at first you don’t succeed, you fail again?” Camula laughed. “Zis vill obviously end ze same as before.”

“Not so,” Crowler disagreed, “for I really AM a cat person!!”

“Huh?” Banner wondered. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“You’ll see… AFTER I SUMMON THE ANCIENT GEAR BEAST!!” Crowler announced, as its robot soldier was replaced by a saber-toothed tiger robot soldier!! (Ancient Gear Beast: 2000 -> 2300 Attack Points) “And now, my pretty, destroy that ugly werewolf zombie guy!”

 

“No, teacher!” Bastion cried! “Don’t do it; she’ll only revive another Zombie Werewolf and kill your monster! And then your soul shall be forfeit!!”

“Oh, you silly little boy,” Crowler said, waggling her finger, “don’t you remember, Bastion? When my Ancient Gear Beast kills a monster, its effect is negated!”

“Oh, yeah! Wait, no, nobody really knew that before, since you didn’t play it… BUT AWESOME, TEACHER!!”

“SHE’S SO COOL!!” Mann McOldsmobile, Cuts Man and Gut Man cried!

“That WAS a great move,” Piggybank agreed, glomping Bastion.

“So she really IS a cat person!” Bastion realized!

“I have nothing to add,” Banner said.

“Well, yes, but try to keep it down. Now, Ancient Gear Beast, re-kill the previously-deceased werewolf man over there!” Crowler commanded! And so the robot leaped on the werewolf and chomped down on its crotch (I didn’t make that up, blame the animators), killing its pride in being a real zombie-like wolf man. And because of that, he happened to explode.

“Ugh, how vulgar!” Camula gasped! (Camula: 3200 Life Points)

“Maybe if you need a little TUTORING on dueling strategies, you can try enrolling in my class!” Crowler laughed! “Ha, teacher humor.”

 

“So I guess that Crowler really IS an okay duelist,” Bastion complimented, “but still isn’t purposely funny.”

“Cuts cuts cuts! I’m gonna start callin’ her ‘Crowler-Sama’!” Cuts Man announced.

“Why ARE you here, again?” Piggybank asked.

“I forgot,” Gut Man sighed.

 

“Hm, that MAY have been a nice turn, I’ll admit,” Camula admitted, “but it iz mine now, vhich means that I can make MY comeback! I play ze Spell card: Infernalvania!” As soon as her card hit the Duel Disk, the surrounding area became melodramatic, reminiscent of old vampire flicks, and oddly lame. There was even a large castle looming behind the group with two flashes of lightning.

“That field is so scary that I feel like laughing,” Mann McOldsmobile groaned.

“It SHOULD be scary,” Camula reassured, “because vith it active, I can discard one Zombie-type monster to destroy ALL ze monsters on ze field! Sadly, ze side-effect states zat I am unable to Normal Summon any more monsters, but I’ll get by somehow.”

“But… you still can’t Normal Summon any monsters,” Gut Man said, trying to sound slick.

“But I don’t NEED to Normal Summon any more monsters,” Camula disagreed. “My Vampire Bat may become invincible for one turn if I discard one copy of itself from my deck!” A second Vampire Bat appeared on the field next to her first. Then the original one picked up its copy, threw it into his mouth, chewed like a real sailor, and emitted a locomotive-like ‘WOOOT!!’ And it made him STRONG.

“That’s HORRIBLE!!” everybody freaked out!

“Now I shall send a Vampire Lord card from my hand to ze Graveyard to use Infernalvania’s effect!” Camula shouted, as a bishounen vampire man in fancy garb appeared on the field, only to disappear seconds later. THEN THE ROBOT TIGER EXPLODED. “Now, Vampire Bat, give that creepy man a REAL nipping!!” The bat exploded into around 30 copies of itself again, which then swarmed around it!

 

“WAAAAAAAGH, I… AM… a… woman…” Crowler couldn’t take the nipping! It fell to the ground, covered in really small scratches. (Crowler: 1700 Life Points)

“OHHH~hohohoho,” Camula laughed, placing her wrist against her check and giving off a really irritating evil queen-like signal, “now how do you like ZAT?”

“Ugh… I don’t!” Crowler groaned.

“CROWLEEEEEERRRRRR!!” Cuts Man screamed!

“Are you alright?” Bastion cried!

“Even though you’re clearly a horrible person, I’m showing genuine concern for you now!” Banner gulped!

“No… don’t worry, I can… I can do this!” Crowler assured, standing up, albeit slowly.

“BUT WAIT!!” Koala Ko Ala ordered, appearing by the crowd, carrying Jaden!

“Koala Ko Ala?!” Banner gasped! “I thought that we told you SPECIFICALLY NOT to come!”

“But I was bringing Jaden!” he revealed, taking Jaden off of his back!

“Hey teach!” Jaden greeted.

“Koala Ko Ala, go home,” Crowler sternly commanded.

“Aw…” Koala Ko Ala left, leaving Jaden.

“Why are YOU here, for that matter?”

“Oh, well, yo, I thought you could use a confidence boost…”

“From my much-hated child rival? No way!”

“…from your adorable son, whom I don’t really think is all that adorable.” Jaden pulled Chazz off of his back, who was sleeping loudly.

“… Mnmh?” Chazz wiggled. “Oh…” He woke up ever-so slightly! “Uh, mum…don’t suck? Mmnmnh…”

My son is here… MY SON!! I can NOT afford to lose here ANYMORE!! This provided Crowler with the strength of a mother, which is proportional to the strength needed to stand up after taking a massive nipping. “NOW I SHALL PROVIDE YOU WITH THE HUMILIATION OF LOSING A CARD GAME IN FRONT OF MY BOY!!”

 

“Oh ho, so you’re still up?” Camula asked. “I see that you may need another big nipping, after all.”

Crowler drew the single most important card of the entire game. “You may not be saying that in a minute. For now I summon the Ancient Gear Golem in Attack Mode!!” Ancient Gear Golem appeared. (Ancient Gear Golem: 3000 Attack Points)

“…” Camula stared at it.

“…” The audience stared at it. Nobody wanted to ask about how it had just summoned its trump card, so nobody asked Crowler anything.

Finally, out of desperation, Gut Man asked, “How the heck did you just do that?”

“Well, I can offer my Ancient Gear Castle card to act as the Tributes I usually would need to summon a large Ancient Gear monster,” Crowler revealed as its Spell card faded into nothingness. “What kind of idiot didn’t already know that? Now, use Mechanized Melee on that Vampire Bat!”

 

The giant robot man punched at Vampire Bat, forcing its arm to fly off like a make-shift rocket punch. It made the bat explode into a million scraps of fluffy bat skin. “Urgh,” Camula winced. (Camula: 1200 Life Points) Sadly, the bat decided to fix itself up somehow, restoring itself back to normal. “Ha, but my Vampire Bat is still invincible until my next turn! Unlike your Golem, which I’m about to kill off! Now may I do so?”

“No.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I’m about to do THAT myself,” Crowler smugly admitted.

“Eh?” Camula gasped. “Vat do you mean?!”

 

“I play the Spell card called Ancient Gear Explosive.” Crowler held up a card featuring a really crappily-made grenade. “I can tribute one Ancient Gear monster of my choosing in order to deal direct damage to you equal to half of its Attack Points!”

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT?!?!” gasped the entire studio audience!

“We have a studio audience?!???” Bastion gasped!

 

The giant golem robot simply took out a grenade from behind its back and tossed it gently. It bounced across the ground as it travelled.

How did this happen?! Camula wondered, her thoughts flashing like crazy. What did I miss? How did the duel turn like this so fast? The script CAN’T be wrong!!

“Do you want to know WHY I just won?” Crowler asked. “Well, here’s your answer: this is merely a FAN-FICTION!! Yes, hasn’t it occurred to all of YOU yet? Stop asking ‘wow how did that just happen FTW’!! This s merely a story where the creator has all power over what takes place! GEEEEET OVER IIIIIIIIIIIT!!”

“Oh, so zat’s it, eh…?”

 

Kablooey. The grenade detonated, taking the whole of Camula’s body with it. The only thing that was left was a small, smoking crater. “And THAT is how you pull a come-back!” Crowler shouted!

“Y-you just defied all common conventions of this entire se—”

Crowler karate-chopped Bastion in the head. “I said it’s just a story!!”

“I actually just helped determine the results of this entire series right here, didn’t I?” Piggybank guessed.

“Not really, you just killed off a three-parter, yo,” Jaden revealed.

“Cuts cuts cuts! FRIGGIN’ AWESUUUUUUUUM!!” Cuts Man screamed!

“Sh-she really just won an impossible duel!” Mann McOldsmobile reminded! “I shall forever be filled with not disgust anymore when I look at her, but a profound respect… or maybe a mixture of the two, but still!!”

“So what do we do from here?” Banner asked.

“Go home?” Jaden suggested.

 

“LIKE HELL!!!” Camula roared, falling from the air!

“OH CRAP!!” Cuts Man cried! “YOU DIDN’T EXPLODE HER, YOU KNOCKED HER INTO THE SKY!!” Camula fell like a really big heavy thing, aimed at Crowler, holding out her sharply manicured fingernails!

“Those nails look sharp enough to kill!” Gut Man cried! “Run, Crowler!!”

“Eep, yes, of course!” Crowler dashed off to the left, allowing Camula to smash her face into the ground.

“OW!! MY BEAUTIFUL VAMPIRE FACE!! YOU SHALL NOT GET OFF EASY!!” Camula rose to her feet unsteadily and straightened her back.

“Dang, yo, Mann McOldsmobile!!” Jaden cried! “Beat her into a pulp!”

“B-but mama told me never to strike a woman!”

“Dang you, Ms. McOldsmobile!! RUN, CROWLER, RUN!!”

 

“I don’t care if you tink I am a vampire or not,” Camula sighed, “I vill still cut your jugular vein, forcing your blood to fill up your troat, forcing you to drown on your own putrid juices!”

“Uh, um, why isn’t anybody helping me get away from this crazy Shadow Rider?!” Crowler asked.

“I dunno,” Banner shrugged.

“Maybe because you don’t treat us well OR with respect,” Koala Ko Ala thought aloud.

“Oh wait, I’m pretty tough,” Piggybank remembered. She seemingly teleported into Camula’s face and punched… only for her attack to be intercepted!

“Oh, so you tink you can kill off a single vampiress vith your own puny prowess?” Camula asked, pupils flashing golden.

“H-huh? How did you—” She was thrown into the lake with enough force to knock all of the wet stuff out of it.

“Piggybank!!” Bastion called, getting splashed with water! “Are you okay?!”

“Uh, I broke a vertebrae, but it’ll be fine in the morning.”

“Okay! That’s good!”

Camula appeared next to him. “Not for you!” Camula pushed his head hard enough to press his face into the dirt AND make an imprint.

“This seriously isn’t good…” Jaden worried. “Mann! Did your mama tell you not to fight VAMPIRE ladies?”

“Hm? Oh yeah, I remember now!” Mann McOldsmobile remembered. ‘Remember,’ Ms McOldsmobile said, ‘if you’re EVER attacked by a crazy-ass psychotic vampire lady threatening to kill your best friends, punch her face off.’ “I WILL PUNCH YOUR FACE OOOOOOOOFF!!” Mann McOldsmobile threatened, rushing into battle!!

Ooh~” Camula sighed, shooting Mann McOldsmobile a hurt, feminine look.

“AAAARRGH, SHE’S STILL A WOMAAAAAN!!” Mann McOldsmobile screamed, leaping into the forest and hitting a tree out of sheer stupidity.

“MANN!!” cried Cuts Man and Gut Man.

 

“And now, who iz next before I kill ze Crowler man?” Camula challenged. Banner and Koala Ko Ala turned around and ran.

“Aw man take me wit’ ‘choo!!” screamed Jaden, still injured and unable to run for some reason.

“NOT A MAN!!” Crowler cried.

“Vell, to me you look MUCH like a transvestite,” Camula chuckled, chucking Jaden far away.

“YOOOOOOOOOooooooo….” Then he flew back over the horizon and into the Obelisk Dorm.

“And so, I suppose I vill now just dispose of you,” Camula chuckled. “I SHALL NEVER ACCEPT THE DISGRACE OF DEFEAT!! YOUR LIFE IZ NOW FORFIET!!”

“GAAAAAAAH!!” Crowler shrieked!

“MIZ CROWLEEEEEEERRRR!!” Cuts Man and Gut Man wailed, apparently unable to help in any way.

 

“CHAZZISAWESOMEENERGYBLAST!!” Chazz shouted, waking up suddenly!

“Gyaaarg!!” Camula shrieked, getting struck in the back by a simple laser. “Who DARES?!”

“ME!” Chazz yelled! “WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! YOU JUST TRIED TO PLAY A CARD GAME, BET YOUR OPPONENT’S SOUL ON IT, THEN GOT MAD ABOUT LOSING, GOING ON A TEMPER TANTRUM AND KILLING EVERYBODY AROUND YOU!! WHAT KIND OF BABY DOES THAT?!?!?!”

“Watch your mouth, little boy!!” Camula shrieked, leaping at Chazz!

“CHAZZISAWESOMEENERGYBLAST!!” Chazz shouted, blasting Camula again!

“Ugh… GRAAAAAAAAAH!!” She continued to stomp toward Chazz as he relentlessly fired off blast after blast of energy. Finally, after much intense effort, she grasped Chazz’s head really really hard.

“OWOWOWOWOWOOOOOWW!!” Chazz yelped! “Get your whorish hands OFFA me!!”

“Vhy don’t I just SQUEESH your head instead?” Camula challenged.

 

“GET. YOUR. HANDS. OFF. MY! BOY!!” Crowler ordered!

“Make me,” Camula said, sticking her tongue out playfully.

“CROWLEEEEEER PAW-NCH!!” Crowler’s fist apparently teleported into Camula’s face with enough force to knock off her face. Her skull now humiliatingly showing, she died. Of embarrassment.

“M-mum!” Chazz cried, pushing the cadaver out of the way! “You’d punch an evil person’s face off… for ME?”

“Well yes, of course!”Crowler stated. “You are my son, and as such, I have to take care of you, no matter WHO tries to gut you or burn you or push you into the pool.”

“Hey look I found a thing cuts cuts cuts!” Cuts Man said.

“Oh goodie, is it money?!” Crowler gasped, running over.

“Um, no,” Gut Man disagreed, “but we DID find this cool thing.” He held up a weird golden pendant with the EYE OF WDJAT!! on it.

“It’s ugly. Throw it out.”

“But look!” Cuts Man pressured, staring at it intently. A cool scanning effect came from his eyes, which covered the item.

Shadow Pendant,” a cool feminine robot voice narrated from within Cuts Man’s head, “quote, one of the seven Shadow Items. The Shadow Items are held by the Seven Stars, or their more popular nickname, Shadow Riders, and give them evil powers. The Shadow Pendant, held by Camula of the Seven Stars, allows the wearer to become a vampire.

“How the hell did you know all that?” Chazz asked, surprised.

Unquote, Wikipedia .org/wiki/Shadow_Pendant,” Cuts Man’s systems concluded.

“It’s ugly and evil.” Crowler chucked it into the lake… or the crater that used to hold all the lake’s water.

 

“Ow!” Piggybank called out from within its depths.

“What?” Crowler asked.

“The water all came out when I got thrown in, remember? And I still got a broken vertebrae!”

“Oh, well then.” Crowler crouched down to Bastion, whose head was still stuck in the ground. “Tell Janitorboy Ikkaku to take care of refilling the lake, would you?”

“I’- st-c- -n th- d-rt, I ca-‘t m-ve,” Bastion answered, muffled by the dirt.

“Alright then, Chazz, let’s go now, job well done.”

“Yes, mum.” And so the two guys left. Gut Man and Cuts Man were left there, staring at each other.

“Wanna go get Mann?”

“Sure.” They both walked over to Mann McOldsmobile and began pulling him face-first back to the Slifer Red dorms.

 

Janitorboy Ikkaku suddenly woke in the middle of the night and threw up from a sudden burst of stress. It’s as if there’s a mess out there for me to clean…!

 

CURRENT FILLER EPISODES LEFT: 2.

 

 

Ha ha, new guys!

[spoiler=Cuts Man]wqx8cm.jpg

 

[spoiler=Gut Man]2my43gz.jpg

 

Hooray for so bad it's good art!

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I didn't bother to check the links, so just tell me if any songs don't work. ANYWHERE. IN ANY CHAPTER. BECAUSE YOU DON'T DO THAT...

 

[spoiler=Episode 38: Fear Factor(?!)]Due to the roaring success of episode 9, I'm doing this again.

 

A REVOLUTIONARY NEW CHAPTER BY WEATHER REPORT

 

AN EPISODE NOBODY WILL EVER FORGET

 

YU-GI-OH! GX! THE FAN FIC

 

EPISODE 38: FEAR FACTOR

 

THEME MUSIC: THIS

 

A TENGEN-TOPPA GURREN LAGANN AND YU-GI-OH CROSSOVER OF ACTING PROPORTIONS

 

A common-looking boy was standing within a void of darkness, wearing a kickass blue coat with a flame patterned skull on the back. He pulled his red goggles over his eyes and got angry-looking. “Grrr,” he growled, “I summon Lagann!!” He slapped a monster card onto his regular-looking Duel Disk, summoning a cool red head-shaped robot. (Lagann: 1500 Attack Points) “Go! Destroy him with Lagann Impact!!” The robot leaped into the air and turned its own lower body into a drill. Then it came back down upon an evil robed figure of shadiness! Lagann went right through his body. But there was nothing within the robes!!?! “What the?!”

 

“Hmhmhmhmhm,” the figure laughed with a deep, manly voice of evil, “you have much to learn, Simon.” The way he pronounced it, it SOUNDED like ‘She-moan’, but it was really spelled like Simon. The robes mystically began spiraling around Lagann and consuming it!

“No!” Simon cried! “What’s happening?!” The robes grew and twisted around until they took the shape of an awesome black horned robot man!

“LAZENGAN!” the voice roared! “DESTROY HIM!!” The robot held out its hands and fired off neat, thin, vine-like drills at Simon, which cut right through his stomach, arms and hip.

 

No, I… I lost?! Simon thought, unbelieving. (Simon: 0 Life Points, Game Over)And as he threatened to lose consciousness, he heard a voice.

“SIMON!!” cried a friend. The boy turned his gaze, and saw a rather plain, fore-headed boy, along with a cute poofy-haired girl with weird, flower-shaped pupils. They were both being strangled by curvy drills that had grown from the ground! “Nnngh… ung…”

“Simon, help us!” the girl begged.

“ROSSIU! NIA!!” Simon screamed! Suddenly he couldn’t breathe, and as everything began to get fuzzy-looking, his legs stopped functioning and dropped him to the ground. Lazengan’s drills receded.

“Hmph, pathetic like the rest,” spat a large, muscular man, standing over him in the evil robes. “How you got to become a key guardian is a mystery to me…” The man lifted his leg and stomped on Simon’s head, crushing it like an egg.

 

“See-moon… See-moon, wake up! OI, GET UP, SEE-MOON!!” shouted somebody into the poor kid’s ear.

“WWAAAAAAAAAAGH!!” Simon screamed, falling off of a small rocky island into a giant hot spring, wearing nothing but a towel (girls, act accordingly. You too, homo/bisexuals, you’ve all earned it). “BLUBBLUBBLUB…” He stuck his head out of the water and breathed heavily.

“Woah, you okay, See-moon?” the guy asked him, towering above him with his height, blue hair and abs of steel.

“Kamina, we’ve already gone over this, I’m SHE-MOAN, not SEE-MOON,” Simon sighed.

“Oh, sorry, Shimal.”

 

SECOND THEME SONG:

 

NO, I HAVE NOT WATCHED THAT SHOW OR PLAYED THAT GAME.

 

STARRING (in order of appearance):

 

[spoiler=Simon Thedigger as Jaden Yuki]Simon_(Gurren_Lagann).png

 

 

[spoiler=Lordgenome Teppelin as himself]250px-G-L_-_Lord_Genome.jpg

 

 

[spoiler=Rossiu Adai as Koala Ko Ala]rossiu_adai_1867.jpg

 

 

[spoiler=Nia Teppelin as A Female Character]nia_gurrenlagann.jpg

 

 

[spoiler=Kittan Bachika as Chazz Princeton]kittan_gurrenlagann.jpg

 

 

[spoiler=Boota as Winged Kuriboh]Boota.jpg

 

 

[spoiler=Thymilph the Crasher as Gorilla Beastman]timiruf.gif

 

 

[spoiler=Guame the Steady as Armadillo Beastman]guame.gif

 

 

[spoiler=Adiane the Elegant as Oneeyedscorpionlady Beastman]adiane.gif

 

 

[spoiler=Cytomander the Swift as Effeminatemanbird Beastman]9592-cytomander_large.gif

 

 

[spoiler=Viral Viralson as Viral]488_2.jpg

 

 

[spoiler=Kiyoh Littner as lady #1]kiyoh_bachika_1990.jpg

 

 

[spoiler=Kinon Bachika as lady #2]6778.jpg

 

 

[spoiler=Kiyal Bachika as lady #3]Kiyal.gif

 

 

 

[spoiler=AND… Kamina Kamino as Syrus Truesdale]Kamina.jpg

 

 

Special guest appearance by Lazengan

 

Special thanks to

 

Raspberyl and the Giant Robot Association of Asia

 

 

“Y’know, Shimal, that water’s only three feet-deep,” Kamina assured. “You can stand up, like me!”

“I’m fine like this,” Simon assured.

“DAMN, Shamal,”

“Not Shamal!” Simon interrupted.

“What kinda Jaden ARE you?!” Kamina commanded! “I’m playing Syrus, that weirdo kid who’s always scared of stuff, and look at me! I’m stealing the show right out from under your nose RIGHT NOW!!”

“Wait, YOU’RE Syrus?” Simon gasped. “How could YOU be Syrus?”

“Because I’m the right-hand man, Suki!”

“Not Suki, Kamina!”

“But don’t you see? I need to be always at the ready, by your side, to support you at any moment!! So naturally, since I couldn’t be Jaden, since you’re already Jaden, I HAD to be Syrus!!” Kamina explained loudly!

 

“So… what’s Rossiu doing if he isn’t Syrus?”

“Ah, he’s over there,” Kamina said, pointing to Rossiu, who was laying his head on the wall.

Why am I Koala Ko Ala?” he whispered to himself, depressed over his current situation. “What did I do to deserve being Koala Ko Ala? Was I rude? Was I mean to anybody? Why won’t anybody tell me…

“I… I’ll leave him alone,” Simon decided. “So, um, should we be… reading the script or… something?”

“Alright then,” Kamina shrugged, pulling out two copies of the script. “AND I SWEAR ON MY PRIDE AS A MAN,” he yelled, handing Simon the second copy, “I SHALL BE THE BEST SYRUS I CAN BE!!” The words ‘MANLY PRIDE’ appeared behind him in a blaze of glory.

 

“Alright, then…” Simon turned a page. “Eh, here we are… Say, Syrus.”

“YEAH, JADEN, WHAT’S UP?” Kamina yelled.

“Hey hey hey,” Simon whined.

“Oi, what’s up?”

“You’re too loud!”

“I’m putting a MAN’S emotion into it!” he promised. “So… oh yeah, YEAH JADEN WHAT’S UP?!”

“Um, I’m having a lot of fun in the… hot spring.”

“Ah, Soupy,” Kamina groaned, wiping his forehead.

“Not Soupy, Kamina, She-Moan!” Simon stressed.

“Whatever, whatever, but you aren’t reading it right!” Kamina complained.

“What’s wrong with my reading?”

“You’re just READING the words, not FEELING them!”

“W-well, at least I’m not SCREAMING every line!” Simon growled.

“Not screaming, feeling, FEELING! LET EACH WORD CARRY ON YOUR WILL TO THE STARS IN SPACE!!”

“That doesn’t even make sense.” Simon turned the page. “Oh, your line.”

 

“Hm… ah. Here we are… JADEN, I BELIEVE THAT WE ARE HEADED FOR SOME TROUBLE!! Okay, what the hell is up with this Syrus kid?”

“Didn’t you know that he was depressed? And stupid?”

“Hell, all I knew was that I was BORN to play this role! But I can’t PLAY this role if I’m stuck with some stupid-ass crybaby wailing!” Kamina threw his script into the water.

“THE SCRIPT!!”

“Ah, I don’t need no stupid-ass crybaby script! The REAL script is in your SOUL, Stimpy!”

“Not Stimpy! She-Moan!”

“Now, to repeat that line… JADEEEEEEN!! LOOK OUT, A STORM’S A-BREWIN’!!” Kamina preached.

“… Kamina, that was horrible.”

“YOUR LINE, SALLY, YOUR LINE!!”

“Oh!” Simon looked at his script again. “… Wh… what KINDA trouble, Sy? Syrus? Wait… Sy? Is that right?”

“WELL, JA-DEN…” Kamina began. He looked over Simon’s shoulder. “’Ey, Sal, lemme look at the script a bit.”

“Ew! No! You threw away your script!” Simon reminded.

“Well, I HAD to! It had the stench of FAILure. But I still need to look at the lines, Scoopy! I can’t BUILD OFF of somethin’ if there’s nothing to BUILD OFF OF, see?”

“No. No I don’t.”

“Just a sec.” Kamina tore the script from Simon’s hands, ripping apart several pages of hard-written, intelligent lines.

“GAH!! THE SCRIPT!!”

“It’s fine it’s fine it’s fine,” Kamina repeated. “Now, let’s see here… A-HA!! OH SH1T, JADEN, LOOK OUT!!”

“Woah! You can’t say THAT on THIS show!!”

“I can’t according to the script!” Kamina reminded. “Now, uh, next line! Is for… Ko Ala?”

“That’s Rossiu!” Simon recognized. “Hey Rossiu! Say your line!”

“Mnmnmnmmnmmmnmn…” Rossiu mumbled to himself, dejected and alone.

“….. Rossiu, hey!”

“No, Shoe Man,” Kamina said, placing his hand on Simon’s shoulder, “y’gotta catch a guy like HIM’s attention like this! YO, CATCH!!” Kamina threw what was left of the script at Rossiu. It missed by two feet, making a nice splash. Rossiu didn’t seem to notice.

 

“… O…kay then,” Kamina shrugged, “let’s adventure!!”

“… Agreed.” The two manly men walked away from Rossiu to find something to do. They trudged through the warm surf… until they spied some sort of grape-covered hippo. “… What… the hell… is—”

Kamina shouted, pulling a spear out from his towel and leaping at the hippo!

“WHERE WERE YOU HIDING THAT?!”

“A MAN HAS NO TIME FOR QUESTIONS!!” Kamina stabbed the spear at the grapehippo, killing it. Then he forcefully ripped off a large, luscious grape with his teeth. “OMNOMNOM!!” Kamina ate. “Eh, it doesn’t taste much like grape,” Kamina groaned, wiping the bloody grapey guts from his mouth.

“Why does that hippo have blood-filled grapes on it, either?!” Simon asked. “Well, I’m in no position to be wondering about things, since I AM playing Jaden, heh heh.”

 

“YOYOYOYOYOOOOO!!” somebody tall roared, jumping out from under the grapehippo with some intense yellow hair to blind his enemies with! “WHAT THE HELL’DYA DO TA’ MY GRAPEHIPPO?!”

“Woah!” Kamina said, stepping away.

“Is that… KITTAN?!” Simon asked.

“Yeah, it’s me, what about it?” Kittan asked rudely.

“I just didn’t expect you to… where the hell did you find that hippo?”

“I dunno, I just…got it. I like how the grapes taste.”

“Well, alright then,” Simon accepted.

“Ahaha,” Kamina teased, “so what? Was THAT the biggest thing you could catch?”

“YOU SAYIN’ I’M WEAK?!” Kittan raged.

“Nah, I’m only sayin’ that a REAL man would use THAT nasty-tastin’ grapehippo to lure a BIGGER monster, so then I could catch THAT and eat dinosaur for supper, heh.” Kittan glared at him.

 

Suddenly, something weird happened! Simon’s towel began shaking wildly, and Boota the molepig with sunglasses jumped out from Simon’s… area! “WHAT THE HECK?!” everybody screamed.

WHY WERE YOU THERE?!” Simon gasped!

“Well, judging by some of the places he’s been found, it’s not all THAT surprising,” Kittan shrugged.

“Bobooyabobubbubu!!” Boota said in his molepig language. He leaped away onto a few rocks, then turned around and stared at the guys.

“I… I think he wants us to follow him.”

“Well of course! Why ELSE would he choose this moment to leap from your crotch?” Kamina rushed, pushing everyone forward through the water.

“EY EY EY!! NO SHOVIN’!!” And at a certain point in the hot springs, the three guys fell down through the drink like a man falling down a hole in the water.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

A REAL MAN NEVER SCREEEEEEEEEAAAMS!!” Kamina screamed.

 

They all landed in a weird greenish cave in their normal clothing. “Huh?” Simon noticed. “Blue coat? Brown shorts? Shoes that I wear a lot? Why?!”

“RED coat? Brown LONG pants? SANDALS? Big-ass awesome shades?!” Kamina called out.

“Some cool black clothes?” Kittan said. “What? Weren’t we all wearing towels two seconds ago?”

“Tan cloak…” Rossiu sighed. “… Tan shirt… tan pants… I’m too disappointed to ask…” Rossiu, the poor kid, fell over onto his side and just laid there. Boota fell from above and bounced off of his hair thingamabobber-antenna.

“BOOBUYU!!” Boota said.

What happened over there?” asked a mystery individual.

don’t know, let’s ask.” Some mysterious people from an indeterminate direction began approaching the guys!

“Watch out men,” Kittan warned, “there’re people comin’, and we don’t know if they’re good or not. Be careful.”

“Be careful… and watch as a REAL MAN defends you! No offense, Sudan.”

“Simon, Kamina! Oh my gosh, what’s up with you?!”

 

The footsteps came closer… and closer… and cloooooooooseeeeeeeer… and then a bunch of humanoid animals turned a corridor and walked up to them. “… Who are you guys?” Simon sheepishly asked.

“Look, Supushan! That one’s part gorilla!” Kamina chuckled. The one that looked like a gorilla looked sad and walked away.

“Hey, you just hurt Thymilph’s feelings!” shouted a grumpy armadillo. “WE’LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!” The animal-guys all ran away in order to regroup.

“AFTER HIIIIIIIIM!!” Kamina shouted, leading the charge down the cave-like area! Kittan, Boota and Simon followed up behind him, neglecting to ask why. They ran down the cave-based world for a couple of dozen feet, all the way up into a wide-open grassy place, despite there being no real sunlight. A bunch of humanimals were staring at those four guys as if THEY were the weird ones! Hee hee!

“YO!! WHAT’S UP WITH YOU GUYS?!” Kamina ordered. “WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO ANIMAL-LIKE?!”

“Also how do we get home?” Simon added.

“Bubooyu!” Boota concluded.

“Hey, you sh-shut up, humans!!” an angry-looking lady with a scorpion tail and eyepatch super-combo yelled. “…And molepig. You’re in OUR realm now, so WE ask YOU the questions!!”

“HEY, I AIN’T ANSWERIN’ ANY O’ HIS QUESTIONS, LADY!!” Kamina said, pointing to the effeminate manbird in the corner.

“Aboo-hoo-hoo,” he sniveled, fleeing the scene.

 

“Hey, who’re you people?” the man asked. He stepped out from the shade, revealing himself to be…!! Some guy with shark teeth, cat-like hands and blonde hair. He was surrounded by women, who were all practically clinging to his body.

“Viral-sama,” lady #1 asked, “who ARE they?”

“LISTEN UP AN’ LISTEN GOOD ‘CUZ I’M ONLY SAYIN’ THIS ONCE!!” Kamina roared, pointing one finger up toward the heavens. “MY NAME IS THE GREAT AND MIGHTY LORD KAMINA!! THE ONE WHOSE NAME QUIETS SMALL CHILDREN AND MAKES BEAUTEOUS WOMEN FALL OUT FROM THE HEAT!! AND WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, DRAGGING US HERE LIKE THIS?!”

Woah, that guy has a huge stage presence!! Viral gulped. “U-um—”

“Oh yeah and that’s Kittan and Bratwurst.”

“Not Bratwurst, Kamina!! SHE!! MOAN!!”

“Why can’t you introduce US like that, eh buddy?” Kittan asked, irritated.

“Introduce yerself, ya foo’!”

 

“… Those bastards…”

“Viral-sama,” lady #2 sighed, “why don’t you introduce yourself?”

“Good idea, lady #2.”

“My name is Kinon.”

“lady #3, please tell her to shut up.”

“Shut up!” lady #3 shouted, slapping her on the head.

“HEY, YOU STUPID MAN-APES!!” Viral yelled, catching the heroes’ attention.

“Y’mean him?” Simon asked, pointing to Thymilph.

“HEY! I’m an APE-MAN, not a MAN-APE!!” Thymilph reminded.

“STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT!!” Viral cried, shaking with anger, which kinda made the ladies uncomfortable.

“Stop shaking, Viral-sama!” Raspberyl whined.

“Eh? Raspberyl?!”

“Oh, well… I had to make a cameo SOMEHOW,” Raspberyl reasoned, “even if I DO have to look like a whore.” Then she ran away.

“NO, RASPBERYL, WAIT!!” Simon cried. “I’LL MISS YOOOOOOU! Oh well, she’ll be back. So, um, Mr… Viral-sama, I understand?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, what do you want from me?”

“That’s what I wanna ask YOU,” Viral growled. “You three bozos were the ones who came to US.”

“WHAT?!” Kittan burst! “Why the heck would WE wanna come HERE?!” But Kamina lightly pushed him back.

“Naw, Kittan, we don’t have time to waste on THIS kid.”

“KID?!”

“Yeah, lil’ shark-mouthed kitty-handed furry boy!” Kamina chuckled.

“Kamina, don’t do that! You’ll make ‘im mad!” Simon complained.

“What can HE do to US, kid?” Kamina said.

“AAAAAAAAHH!!” lady #3 screamed, flying into Kamina’s face.

“OW!! WHY’RE YOU THROWING YOUR WHORES AT ME?!”

“They AREN’T whores!” Viral shouted! “They’re special!” He grabbed at a trusty sword scabbard, held appropriately on lady #1’s waist. “If you say one more thing about them, I’m gonna cut yer throat.”

 

Kamina got that ‘I gots an idear’ look on his face. “Kamina, what’re you thinking about…?”

“Well, then, if you’re TRULY a man…” Kamina began.

“WELL I GET MORE PU55Y THAN YOU!!”

“That’s nice, but I CHALLENGE YOU TO A FIGHT!!” Kamina challenged!

“Kamina, catch!!” Kittan said, tossing Kamina his famous four-foot long nodachi blade sword katana sword! Kamina grabbed it by the two-handed hilt and waved his new sword-hand from the catching motion, flinging the scabbard away in an unimportant direction. Then he pointed the sword at Viral’s face!

“Oh yeah?” Viral pulled HIS weapons out from HIS scabbard, which were, appropriately, two meat-cleavers.

“Those don’t fit into a sword scabbard,” Simon gulped.

“So come at me, bud!” Viral challenged!

“Oh, you’re so kewl when you threaten others like that, Viral-sama!” lady #2 squee-d.

“SO!!” Kamina said loudly. “I, KAMINA, CHALLENGE YOU, SHARKY CATBOY, TO… a trading card game.”

 

Viral blinked and sniffled a bit. “You… actually… challenging me to a… a… YER’ AN IDJIT!!” Viral leaped at Kamina, as his two remaining ladyfriends dangled from his arms!

“Actually, now seeing as you’re a man and all, you have to accept my challenge, because NO MAN ever disrespects a challenge,” Kamina reasoned, flashing a cheeky smile. Viral immediately stopped flying toward him and landed on his face.

“Ow,” lady #2 cried.

“Damn you, human,” Viral spat. He pulled a Duel Disk out from lady #1’s hair and strapped it to his arm, whilst picking up lady #3, dusting her off, and placing her on his arm again.

“Thanks, Viral-sama!” she gleefully thanked.

“OKAY!! LET’S GOOOOOOO!!” Kamina shouted fantastically! “… Sully, pass me your cards.”

“She-Moan, not Sully, Kamina! What about YOUR cards?” Simon asked.

“What kinda self-respecting grown man would run around carrying trading cards wherever he goes?” Kittan asked, bringing up a great point.

“Stop making fun of me!!” Viral complained.

“Here, catch, bro!” Simon called, tossing his soul-brother his Duel Disk, which he was carrying in some sort of random place!! Kamina caught it with one hand and strapped it onto his left arm. And THIS way, we get to fight without gettin’ anyone in danger of getting cut up! Kittan noticed. So you DID think this through… for once… “KAMINA, RIP ‘IM A NEW ONE!!” Kittan supported!

“SHUT UP, KITTAN!! I DON’T NEED YOUR SUPPORT!!”

“…” Kittan shot Kamina an ugly look.

“Oh, and good luck, Kamina,” Simon said.

“Thanks Bobby.”

“Now you stooges, I hope that you’ll pay me your respects after I beat you!” Viral laughed! (Kamina: 4000 Life Points, Viral: 4000 Life Points)

 

lady #2 handed Viral his cards. “Thanks, #2. Now, I summon Enki!!” (ENKI: 1900 ATTACK POINTS) An awesome grey robot with a second face on its chest appeared, holding two katana! “Hmph, beat that.”

“GURREN!!” Kamina shouted. (GURREN: 2100 ATTACK POINTS, SIX STARS) A big red robot with a face on its chest appeared, wearing fancy sunglasses.

“W-woah, buddy,” Viral gasped, “Y’gotta tribute a monster to summon THAT guy!”

“MEN DON’T PLAY BY THE RULES;” Kamina proclaimed, “THEY MAKE UP THE RULES AS THEY GO!!” Gurren punched Enki, destroying it. (Viral: 3700 Life Points)

“U-uh, Viral-sama,” lady #2 asked, “are you doing okay?”

 

This isn’t good, Viral realized, nose becoming runny. If I lose to this nutjob, I’ll probably lose my ladies’ respect! I gotta… I gotta do what HE’S doin’! WHO NEEDS RULES AGAINST A CHEATER?! “I SUMMON ENKIDU!!” (ENKIDU: 2400 ATTACK POINTS)

A bigger grey robot appeared, substituting the previous first head for a large cutting tool.

“Looks like SOMEBODY finally grew a pair!” Kamina snickered.

“SHUT UP!! KILL HIM!!” Viral commanded! Enkidu threw his cutter, slicing through Gurren like something easily sliced. (Kamina: 3700 Life Points) “How’s THAT for a monster, eh?”

“Psshaw, that’s nothing. I summon Gurren Lagann!!” An awesome combination of Lagann and Gurren appeared, covered in amazingly fashionable battle armor! (GURREN LAGANN: 3000 ATTACK POINTS)

 

“NOW, GIGA DRILL MAXIMUM THAT SUCKER!!” Gurrren Lagann sprouted randomly-placed drills all over its body and spun them with enough force to suck in Enkidu, tearing it to pieces!! One of its arms flew at Viral and smacked him in the face.

“Gwah!” he cried! “That hurt, bastard!!” (Viral: 3100 Life Points)

“C’mon, Viral-sama! Show him who’s boss!” lady #3 supported, shaking Viral around.

“W-woah, ladies, hold still.” Viral looked at his hand. “Eh, I summon ENKIDUDU!!” (ENKIDUDU: 3100 ATTACK POINTS) A FOUR-armed grey robot appeared with FOUR swords!!

“Woah! That thing looks bad-ass!” Kittan complimented!

“Not really,” Simon complimented.

 

“Now, slice him to ribbons!!” Viral screamed! “KIIIIIIILL HIIIIIIIM!!” Enkidudu ran up to Gurren Lagann and began swinging his swords like crazy!! The red robot fell to pieces. (Kamina: 3600 Life Points) “Ha! That one was the one only the English anime was named after!” Viral laughed! “You’ve LOST!!”

“NO!!” Kamina announced! “A man NEVER truly loses unless he is all out of Life Points!!”

“He’s right this time!!” Simon exclaimed!

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH…” Kamina smashed a card onto the Duel Disk with enough force to crack one of the card spaces! “I SUMMON TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN!!” The earth began to shake. A large area of the room was shattered as a ginormous red dragon-armored robot entered, leaking all sorts of greenish flame-like energy from its body! (TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN: 5000 ATTACK POINTS)

 

“What?!” Viral gasped! “I REALLY SHOULDV’E LOOKED AT THE ORIGINAL SHOW!! Or at least seen the last 13 episodes.”

“Attack Enkidudu!!” Kamina commanded! His massive mech squished Enkidudu with his finger. (Viral: 2200 Life Points)

“Viral-sama, I know you can beat him!” Raspberyl shouted from somewhere.

“Eh… um… I summon… Enkidududu?” A six-armed Enkidudu appeared. (Enkidududu: 3500 Attack Points)

“SQUISH!!” It was squished. (Viral: 700 Life Points)

“… Enkidudududu?” An eight-armed Enkidududu appeared. (Enkidudududu: 4000 Attack Points)

“SQUISH!!” It was squished. (Viral: 0 Life Points)

“… Well this sucks.”

“SQUISH!!” Viral was squished; thankfully the ladies jumped out of the way beforehand. (GAME OVER)

 

The dangerous hologram suddenly faded out of existence, and Viral was left on the ground, squished to a pulp. “… I… lost… ow…” He let his face fall onto the dirt with a puff.

“Bye, Viral-sama!” the three ladies said, bidding him farewell and jumping into a portal. “Bye, Kittan!”

“See ya, sisters!” Kittan waved back at them. “DAMN, Kamina, that was the most exciting duel I’ve ever seen! Mostly since I have no care for the rules or how the game’s played.”

“Yeah, you were awesome out there, bro!” Simon chimed in.

“Eh, I guess,” Kamina shrugged. Then he walked up to Viral, picked him up, and dusted him off a bit, then dabbed at him with a Wet One™. “So, how do we get out of this place?” He gave him a manly pat on the shoulder.

“Aheheheh,” Viral laughed, “I can’t tell you, I won’t let you leave.”

“Uh, Kamina, didn’t Kittan’s sisters leap out the portal?” Simon reminded.

“Quiet Silvianna, the big dogs’re talkin’. Now what’re you talkin’ ‘bout, Viral?”

“SHE-MOAN!!”

“I’m sorry humans, but it’s my orders.”

“HEY HEY HEY, WHADDA YA TALKIN’ ABOUT?!” Kittan yelled, grabbing Viral by the throat and punching him repeatedly.

“OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!” Viral cried! “STOP STOP STOP!! I’ll tell you already!” Kittan let go of him and knuckle-touched Kamina. “All you need to do to leave this place… is to defeat my master, Lordgenome.”

 

Simon gulped. … That name… it rings a bell… and I feel nervous… “So you lost that fast, Viral?”

“WHA?!” The group stared at something behind Simon.

“Who’s behind me?” Simon asked sheepishly.

“Simon, turn your head,” Kittan hinted, pointing behind him.

“O…okay…” Simon turned his head. Behind him was a massively muscular man letting off an extreme aura of seriousness. His skin was well-toned and his moustache-beard combo was well-groomed. “You…” He killed me in my dream!! Simon realized! Wh-what’s he doing HERE?!

 

“She-moan, I take it?” the man asked condescendingly.

“Yes,” Simon replied.

“I have brought you and your acquaintances here to duel me,” Lordgenome revealed!

“Bubooyobubuya?!” Boota gasped!

“’EY, WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THAT, JERK?!” Kittan growled.

“If you can defeat me, I will explain everything to you and allow you to leave,” Lordgenome explained.

“Well then, why don’t I just beat you here?” Kamina asked, leaping at him! He readied his fist, aaaaaaaand… got slugged in the face, pushing him back to where he’d just jumped from, squirting a dangerous amount of blood everywhere. “Oh wow, somebody’s got a manly right hook!”

“Fools, I did not come to face you in fisticuffs,” Lordgenome clarified.

“Well then,” Kamina began, looking at Kamina.

“I guess that we’ll…”

“BOTH CHALLENGE YOU TO A—”

“I challenge Simon to a duel,” Lordgenome quickly challenged.

“D’aw,” Kittan whined.

“Sorry Jack, can’t help ya’ here,” Kamina sighed.

“What?!” Simon cried! “Why not?!”

“Because when a man is challenged by another man, or woman… no no no, let me start over again… WHEN A MAN OR A WOMAN IS CHALLENGED BY ANOTHER MAN OR WOMAN, THEY SHOW HOW MUCH OF A REAL MAN OR WOMAN THEY TRULY ARE BY TAKING THAT CHALLENGE BY THE HORNS AND KICKING IT IN THE ASS!! And now, you, Sadie, must listen to that freakishly-huge man and HUMILIATE HIM AT HIS OWN GAME!!”

“Okay,” Simon shrugged. “U-uh, um, Mr. Genome…”

“It’s Lordgenome,” Lordgenome said, “It’s not really just Genome, the Lord and Genome parts are both combined into one name.”

“Oh. Well, I accept your challenge.”

 

“I’m not Syrus, Kamina, YOU’RE Syrus!”

“No I’m not, I’m Kamina!”

“Slug that guy’s smug face fer’ me!” Kittan shouted! “Especially while I’m napping, since this whole game’s boring.”

“Ditto!” Kamina added!

“A-alright, guys,” Simon stuttered, shuffling up and inserting his deck into its rightful spot. Lordgenome leaped back several paces and stomped the ground. With the power of his own will, all the parts of a Duel Disk apparently came out of thin air, along with forty cards, which all assembled themselves perfectly.

“THAT’S SO COOL!!” Kamina cried! “What I mean to say is, SIMIAN!! YOU CAN DO IT!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!”

“Eh, me too,” Kittan assured, lying against the wall and looking dreary.

Kamina believes in me! And, and if I lose, then we’ll never be able to return home again! Simon told himself. Although, nobody else seems all that concerned about it… but who cares? I’ve gotta make Kamina proud!! And maybe Kittan. And Rossiu. “Boyoobu!” Boota said, leaping onto Simon’s shoulder!

“R-right, Boota! DUEL!!” (Lordgenome: 4000 Life Points, Simon: 4000 Life Points)

“… I see. You may take the first move,” Lordgenome invited.

 

“Okay!” Simon pulled six cards from his deck with one swoop. “I summon Lagann in Attack Mode!” Lagann appeared on the field and looked cool. (LAGANN: 1500 ATTACK POINTS)

“OI!! YEAH-HA-HA!! GOOD GOING, SYBIL!!” Kamina cheered, clapping like a madman! “YOU’VE GOT’M ON ‘DA ROPES!!”

Kittan would have said something here, but he was too busy snoring.

“Thanks guys, and now I’ll set a card face-down!” Simon announced, placing down his card. “Your move, Lordgenome.”

 

“Hmph, fine.” Lordgenome’s eyes flashed briefly, causing six cards to float out of his own Duel Disk and in front of his face!

“Woah, how’re you doing that?” Kamina asked.

“Mere mortals like you are incapable of such an act,” Lordgenome said.

“WHAT?! WE’LL SHOW YOU WHO’S A MERE MORTAL!! SYBIL, KICK TEACH THIS GUY A LESSON ALREADY!!”

“But it’s HIS turn; I can’t do anything yet!”

“Some game THIS is,” Kamina pouted.

“I activate the Spell card Beastmen Arrive, summoning two Beastmen Gunmen tokens to my side of the field,” Lordgenome said, poking one of his cards. It flew into the Graveyard, bringing out two generic enemy robots onto the field. (Beastmen Gunmen: 500 Attack Points)

“Shows what kinda man HE is; REAL men pronounce it ‘Ganmen’!!” Kamina rallied! “This’ll be a cinch!”

“Kamina, please be quiet so that we can pay attention to this duel,” Simon groaned.

“Bubooyuboboo,” Boota groaned.

“If you are finished talking,” Lordgenome said.

“Er, yeah?” Simon hoped.

“Then I’ll be tributing those two Ganmen to summon Lazengann in Attack Mode.” The two smaller robots broke apart and recombined into a sleek, stylin’ black robot with a tail, crossing its arms. It resembled EVA-01. (LAZENGAN: 3000 ATTACK POINTS)

 

“Woah, 3000 Attack on the first turn?!” Simon cried!

“Now Lazengan, attack him.” Lazengan held out his arms and fired off the thin drills seen in the beginning of the episode.

“Trap card, open!” Simon said, flipping up his face-down card! It flew in front of Gurren and took the hit for the Gunman/Ganmen. The card showed Kamina and Simon standing in front of a desert, giving off a supportive look. “The card is called ‘Bond of Brothers’, and I can use it to negate one of your attacks and summon a monster from my deck by the name of…”

“LAGANN!!” everybody (on the good guy team) cheered! Lagann burst out from the ground with intense drilling action! (Lagann: 1500 Attack Points)

“Interesting,” Lordgenome said, narrowing his gaze. “Then I will set two cards, ending my turn.” Two cards appeared on his side of the field.

 

“COMBINE, SEALION!! COMBINE THEM!!” Kamina ordered! “GATTAI, GATTAI!!”

“Exactly!!” Simon pointed to both of his monsters!! “I’ll send both of my monsters to the Graveyard to summon Gurren Lagann from my Fusion Deck!!” Gurren picked up Lagann, whose lower body turned into a drill. Gurren then forced Lagann into the top of its head, thus successfully combining!! Armor grew from its shoulders and its limbs grew outward! A jet appeared on its back! A samurai helmet flipped onto Lagann’s head! And so, they were… GURREN LAGANN!!(Gurren Lagann: 3000 Attack Points)

“Eh, it’d been cooler if you’d have just said ‘gattai’, but okay,” Kamina said.

“My Gurren Lagann’s special ability states that it can’t be destroyed by battle, so I’m gonna take out your Lazengann right now!” Simon stated! “Go, Giga Drill Maximum!!” Drills sprouted all over Gurren Lagann’s body! They spun around and pulled Lazengann toward them again, as earlier, and then ripped it to pieces. “How’s that, Lordgenome?”

“YES!!” Kamina shouted! “You knocked out his main monster! It’s all downhill from here!”

 

“Actually, this duel has merely just begun,” Lordgenome correctly stated.

“It’s only the first turn, so I still need to look out,” Simon cautiously said.

“Come on, Sammich, I just said you did something great!” Kamina restated. “Feel good for once!”

“He has no time for that,” Lordgenome said coldly. “I activate my Trap card, Call of the Haunted.” The symbolic Trap flipped up, showing a ghostly Graveyard scene. Spurred by its appearance, Lazengann appeared back on the field! (LAZENGANN: 3000 Attack Points)

“Eh? What’s the use ‘a that, jerk?” Kamina asked. “That Ganmen can’t beat Gurren Lagann!”

“Maybe not one of them, but three can.” Lazengan’s second card flipped up! “I activate Gunman Mass-Production Factory.” The card showed a whole bunch of Beastmen quickly building several Ganmen/Gunmen in a factory. “Now we may both summon as many copies of a Machine-type monster we control from our decks.”

“But I—”

“Don’t have any other copies?” Lordgenome finished. “I know, of course.” Two more Lazenganns fell from the sky in cool arm-crossing poses! (Lazengann: 3000 Attack Points each)

“I still don’t get the point of this,” Kamina shrugged. “Sippy-Cup, he’s an idiot. Finish this up and let’s get outta here.”

“Did I say I was finished?” Lordgenome asked. “I now play the card Polymerization.”

“THEY CAN FUSE?!”

“GATTAI?!”

“BOOBUH?!”

 

“Fuse together, Lazenganns!” The three identical black robots combined into an orb of red energy, and then reformed itself into… “DEKABUTSU!!” (DEKABUTSU: 4500 Attack Points) Dekabutsu itself was a dusty robot that towered above Gurren Lagann, with a suprisingly large hammer arm!!

“NO WAY!!” Simon cried!

“It’s one of the strongest monster cards in the world, and can only be summoned from the Fusion Deck as such. I’ll let you know that if you defeat it, I cannot bring it back to the field,” Lordgenome said.

Hmm, useful information, but why’s he telling me all this? Simon considered.

“Dekabutsu, CRUSH THE GURREN LAGANN!!” The giant menace lifted its crushing arm and threw itself at Gurren Lagann!

“Gurren Lagann, block it!!”Simon ordered! Dekabutsu brought its weapon down upon the red robot, but it didn’t give up! Using all of its strength, Gurren Lagann began trying to push it off of itself, causing some damage. (Simon: 2500 Life Points) The Dekautsu lifted its hammer away again and stepped back.

“It may still be alive, but you’ve still taken some damage,” Lordgenome said. “I’ll end my turn here.”

“Okay Shimmy,” Kamina said, “even though you’ve taken some damage, you can still use your fighting spirit and bounce back! BELIEEEEEVE!!”

“Well, alright,” Simon gulped. He turned to Boota, who made a thumbs-up, though sorely lacking in opposable thumbs. Aw, Boota, at least it’s the thought that counts… ARIGHT!! I can’t give up here! I’ve gotta find out a way to beat that thing right now! Simon drew a card… called Arc-Gurren!! “I activate the Spell card Arc-Gurren!!” A giant space-battleship appeared on the field! “Now I can use this to Gattai my Gurren Lagann to the Arc-Gurren to summon the NEXT version of Gurren Lagann!” Gurren Lagann’s legs transformed into a big, shiny drill, which he drove into the front of the Arc-Guren. This, of course, prompted a transformation sequence.

 

The ship began to separate apart into a giant torso and legs, and arms burst forth from the engines! From the top of the ship, a large Lagann-esque face appeared and burst forth, instantly gaining a neck and eating Gurren Lagann. “RAGING WAVE COMBINING!!” Kamina shouted!

“WHATEVER! ARC-GURREN LAGANN!!” Simon announced! (ARC-GURREN LAGANN: 3000 ATTACK POINTS) “This monster gains 300 Attack Points for every Machine-type monster on both sides of the field and in our Graveyards! This means that it gains 2100 Attack Points!!” The gigantic mecha glowed with an amazing green energy, flowing in a complex spiral formation! (ARC-GURREN LAGANN: 5100 ATTACK POINTS)

 

“THERE ‘YA GO, SHIRT!!” Kamina shouted! “Yeah, what a high number! Good luck beatin’ THAT, LordGO-HOME!! Yeah, go home runnin’ to MAMA!!”

“Hmph.” Lordgenome pointed to Kamina. Seven random Beastmen leaped on him and began slapping him in the head.

“Ow! Hey! Get off the legendary Kamina!”

“KAMINAAAAA!!” Simon cried! “Kittan, DO something!!”

“Snorrr…snrk…snore…”

“Oh yeah. Well, Arc-Gurren!! BURST SPINNING PUNCH!!!” And at Simon’s words, the giant robot energized (a real word?) itself with energy and smashed its fist into Dekabutsu’s chest face! It was completely crushed, causing the entire mecha to crumple and fall apart. (Lordgenome: 3400 Life Points) “Now I’ll set two cards and end my turn here.”

“Great job, kid!!” Kamina supported, pushing a thumbs-up out of the dog-pile.

 

“You think you’ve won already?” Lordgenome challenged. Another card floated out of his duel disk. He tapped one of his cards. “I activate Deal With Anti-Spirals.” A Spell card flew into his Graveyard, and a creepy sillouette of THIS GUY!! (anime-planet . com/images/characters/anti_spiral_1984.jpg)

“Ugh, he’s hideous!” Simon gasped!

“Bobuyubobu!!” Boota shrieked, averting his eyes!

“By activating this card, I must remove one monster from my Graveyard with over 4000 Attack Points. Then I’m able to summon Granzeboma from my Fusion Deck.” The sillouette began to wiggle like a mirage until swirling around intoooo… (GRANZEBOMA: 6000 ATTACK POINTS)

A giant, flaming, evil purple Gunman, almost twice as tall as the Arc-Gurren Lagann, was born from the evil figure. His head appeared as a smiling skull-ish figure, and he had an entire planet sitting inside of his forehead. He stretched with loud mechanical groaning sounds, extending his thin, bone-like arms protruding from his shoulders to about three times its own height. Sighing, it released a massive violet burst of flaming energy all around the arena until it was blown away with a flick of its arm.

“Oh SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!” Kamina screamed!

“I said you can’t say that!!” Simon reminded!

“Um… DON’T GIVE UP, MAN!!” Kamina reiterated, as a fox jabbed her elbow into his face and pulled him further into the dogpile.

 

“It doesn’t matter if he gives up or not,” Lordgenome said, darkly. “I’ll still defeat him soon.”

“Can’t hear you, I’m in a dogpile!!” Kamina explained.

“That thing…” Simon couldn’t think of how to finish his sentence.

“Granzeboma, attack, Infinity Big Bang Storm.” Lordgenome held out his left arm, signaling his attack!! Granzeboma’s giant shoulder-arms reached out and summoned the energies of two galaxies! Then they were smooshed together and spun to form a pink sphere of energy, which was focused and blasted right at Arc-Gurren Lagann!! It was burned away within seconds. (Simon: 1400 Life Points)

“D’AAAAAW, DAMMIT!!” Kamina screamed, from within the pile.

“U-uh, um, Kamina,” Simon called, “don’t… now don’t worry, I’ll do… SOMETHING to help us! I think…”

“Do you honestly believe that?” Lordgenome asked. “I’ve just summoned the strongest monster of the day. Do you think you can top that within the next turn?”

He’s got a great point… Simon considered. What do I have in my hand… that could create such a comeback…?! He then ACTUALLY looked at his cards. Wait… maybe THIS’ll work. “I activate the Spell card: The Shallow Grave!” A Spell flipped onto the field, showcasing some sort of shamanic man crawling out of a grave with some weird flying snake demons. “Now we both have to summon one monster from our Graveyards in face-down Defense Position.” He set his Arc-Gurren Lagann, and Lordgenome set Lazengann, of course. “Next I activate Quick-Ceasefire!” Yes, a Spell that I just made up as an excuse! That MUST mean it’s important! It featured two diplomats. One had apparently been beating up the other and was trying to get him to sign a paper.

 

“This Spell flips up each face-down monster we control and takes away 500 of your Life Points for each one.” The two Gunmen flipped up onto the field, causing Lordgenome to be hit by two small fireballs.

“What is this?” he gasped, caught off-guard. (Lordgenome: 2400 Life Points)

“Bobuyuboobuyu!!” Boota laughed (in his own way).

“Exactly, Boota, it’s Cease-FIRE! It’s a very bad pun.” Then Simon took out another card. “Next I’ll play the Equip Spell card Cathedral Terra!” Lazengann suddenly began to grow into a more massive, bulkier, more armored version of itself, wearing a pair of drills on its feet and shoulders. It also lost its tail, sadly. (CATHEDRAL LAZENGANN: 4000 Attack Points) “I just allowed your Lazengann to become even stronger.”

“NOOOOOOOOOO, SIMONE,” Kamina shrieked, “DON’T DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT UNLESS YOU’VE GOT A PLAN TO BACK IT oh, I get it. Go ahead.” Then he punched a Beastman in the face without looking while his head was munched upon.

 

“And I suppose you’re about to combine?” Lordgenome asked, expecting the obvious. Arc-Gurren Lagann shot a few prehensile drills at the new awesome mecha and pulled it toward itself.

“GATTAI!!” Simon commanded! “BECOME SUPER-GALAXY GURREN LAGANN!!” The two machines fused together, becoming a more GL-themed Cathedral Terra, complete with the signature sunglasses. (SUPER-GALAXY GURREN LAGANN: 4000 ATTACK POINTS)

“And now, this monster of mine gains FOUR-hundred Attack Points for every Machine in the Graveyard and on the field! (SUPER-GALAXY GURREN-LAGANN: 4000 -> 8000 ATTACK POINTS)

 

“WHOOOOO-EEEEE!!” Kamina whistled, in the midst of a big Beastman brawl! “Go on, Shrimphead! Win this thing!”

“But first,” Simon stalled, “what is Granzeboma’s special ability?”

“Perceptive, aren’t you?” Lordgenome chuckled.

“Bah, what does THAT matter?” Kamina asked, getting bitten in the leg.

“Granzeboma’s special ability is to negate the effects of any monsters attacking it.”

“Oh well that sucks,” Kamina groaned.

 

“And that’s why I’m not finished yet!” Simon said. “Now I’ll halve my Life Points in order to summon THE NEXT Gurren Lagann!!” Super-Galaxy Gurren Lagann covered itself in a green energy field and began expanding… INTO THE PREVIOUSLY-MENTIONED TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN!! (TENGEN-TOPPA GURREN-LAGANN: 5000 ATTACK POINTS)

“Aha, I see,” Lordgenome chuckled, looking downward somewhat.

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH, SKIMAN!!” Kamina shouted, smashing one Beastman over the head with a folding chair. “But that’s still not enough.”

“I know,” Simon understood in his heart, “I know. And that’s why I’m doing ONE more transformation, only available if you control a monster stronger than Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.” He threw out all of the cards in his hand! “I gattai every card in my hand and my Graveyard, sending them out of the game, to summon the final form of my monster!!” All of his cards began to swirl out of his hand and Duel Disk and toward the massive flame-ball! And then… it became blue… and surged upward, gaining a flowing red cape of courage!!! Everybody stopped what they were doing and gave it their full attention.

 

Aaaaaaaaaaaand… it was a giant Kamina, whose foot was the size of Granzeboma. “And this is my final card, SUPER Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann!!

“Hmm, I see,” Lordgenome accepted.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!! YES YES YES, SHE-MOAN!! YOU FINALLY SUMMONED IT!! Though it looks suspiciously like me, but I BELIEVE IN YOU!! END THIS!!”

“Hey, you got my name right!” Simon noticed. “Plus, you’re supposed to tell me to believe in myself, I think.”

“I forget.”

“What can this monster of yours do?” Lordgenome asked.

“Oh, well when he’s summoned, he gets TWICE the Attack power of your strongest monster!!”

“BOOBUYA!!” Boota threw in, for extra effect.

(SUPER TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN: 12000 ATTACK POINTS)

 

KICKING THE RULES OF REALITY OUT THE WINDOW!!” Simon roared! “DRILLING OUR WAY TOWARD OUR NEXT TOMORROW!! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?! I’M SIMON THE DUELIST!!

“The hell’re you saying that stuff for, Silphy?” Kamina asked.

SUPER TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN, DESTROY GRANZEBOMA!!” Super-Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann’s right arm transformed into a gleaming drill and shoved it right through Granzeboma’s body. It crumbled into dust. “Wait… I was expecting… a bigger finisher,” Simon said, disappointed.

“So, I’ve been defeated…” Lordgenome reflected, losing. (Lordgenome: 0 Life Points, Game Over) “You’ve finally bested me.”

“AND THEM!!” Kamina laughed, pointing to the enormous mob of Beastmen he’d finally knocked out. “Genome, you promised us we could leave, so make with the exit!”

“But don’t you want to learn the reason why you’ve all been summoned here?” Lordgenome suggested.

“I know,” Kittan spoke up. “Due to the recent events of the original series, where the main characters have dueled against the evil Seven Stars, they’ve grown frightened due to the immense dangers they’re facing. And you decided to help them, i.e. us, by taking us here and teaching us that everything will be alright, and we should believe in ourselves, not letting the fear and dangers clouding our judgment and strategy.” Suddenly he fell asleep again, landing on his face, butt-up.

“Heh heh heh, I was actually supposed to teach you that you’ll be alright, even if you lose, but I myself just lost,” Lordgenome sighed. “But you get the picture.” A large, cool portal appeared, and Kamina began dragging Kittan into it.

“Yo, nice meetin’ ya, Genome,” Kamina bid farewell, jumping in.

“WAIT, KAMINA YOU BASTARD!!” Viral screamed, running in after him.

“Well, thanks for the duel,” Simon thanked.

“Bobuya,” Boota gleefully exclaimed.

“You’re welcome, boy,” Lordgenome said. Simon leaped through the portal and left. And yet, since this isn’t really an actual episode, Lordgenome thought, will this memory actually serve any real purpose? I MUST REVIEW ALL THE FILES…

 

And so, back in the real world, once again… “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH—blublubblub…” Kamina poked his head out from the water, fully sunglasses-ed. “Eh? Was it really a dream…? No wait, I’m still in my clothes. One CRAAAAAZY dream, I tell ‘ya what!”

There was a sploosh. “WHAT DID YOU JUST DO, KAMINAAAAAA?!” Kittan asked, rising from the water in a dramatically frightening fashion!

“Oh, I brought you back to the human world and dropped ‘ya in the water.”

“WHY I OUGHTTA…!!” Kittan was stopped from unleashing his unholy rage upon Kamina by Boota, who fell onto his head. “Eh?”

“Booyo!”

“Oh, Boota.”

“WWAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!” Viral screamed, crashing atop Kittan, as he’d followed them through the portal.

“Oh, Viral.”

“DON’T ‘OH VIRAL’ ME!!” Viral raged! “YOU BEAT ME UP, DAMN YOU!!” He took out his cleavers and attempted to murder Kittan.

“Then where’s James?” Kamina wondered.

“GUYS!! GET OUTTA THE WAAAAAAAAY!!” Simon screamed, falling from above, still wearing his battery-powered Duel Disk dueling system.

“Yo, James!” Kamina waved.

“NOT JAMES!!” Simon hit the water, instantly causing some painful crap to happen.

IT’S SHE-MOAN, KAMINAAAAAAAAAA!!

 

Meanwhile, Rossiu was tied to a spit and being revolved over a fire by some Beastmen. “I wanted to be Bastion, at least,” Rossiu moaned, “why couldn’t I get even that?”

“Hey, Lordgenome,” an armadillo asked, “can we eat this kid?”

Lordgenome looked up from his ‘Hot Gossip’ magazine and said, “Sure, why not?” And so, they had a barbeque, and Rossiu didn’t care. The end.

 

ENDING SONG, ‘CAUSE IT’S OBLIGATORY!!

ERM.

 

[spoiler=And for those of you who were wondering…]

ENKI: collectiondx.com/gallery2/gallery/d/420596-4/E024.jpg

 

GURREN: kirinhobby.com/shop/images/TY2/TYKA02375_khs.jpg

 

ENKIDU: toysnjoys.com/revoltech/revoltech064.jpg

 

GURREN LAGANN: clockworkmachina.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/gurren-lagann-revlotech.jpg

 

ENKIDUDU: 2.bp.Blogspot.com /_vx0Gu7pPdqo/SWQGINEXKOI/AAAAAAAAAe8/GQbjWPw_CH0/s400/3172555208_4460863134_m.jpg

 

TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN: images2.wikia.nocookie.net/gurennlagann/images/5/5f/TengenToppaGurren-LagannMECH.jpg

 

LAGANN: collectiondx.com/gallery2/gallery/d/430264-1/lagann10.jpg

 

LAZENGAN: http://drilltotheheavens.com/images/gunmen/lazengann.jpg

 

DEKABUTSU: http://drilltotheheavens.com/images/gunmen/dekabutsu.jpg

 

ARC-GURREN LAGANN: bmecha.com/images/post/revoltech_arc_gurren/revoltech_arc_gurren_lagann2.jpg

 

GRANZEBOMA: drilltotheheavens.com/images/gunmen/grand%20zamboa.jpg

 

SUPER-GALAXY GURREN-LAGANN: ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51w9sostDTL._SL500_AA300_.jpg

 

SUPER TENGEN-TOPPA GURREN-LAGANN: lh3.ggpht.com/_BX7rgghbmmw/S603dcMoLPI/AAAAAAAAFOI/8J5aIYlyhVs/TTGL-Lagann-Hen.jpg

(It’s the big thing in the back)

 

 

 

 

In all seriousness, it's funny how I love Neon Genesis Evangelion more than Gurren Lagann.

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EVA-01 Steak Sauce is truly horrifying.

[spoiler=Episode 39: Sibling Rivalry]"I’ve been looking forward to this show for a while,” Mann McOldsmobile giddily stated as he turned on the TV.

“What is it, Mann?” Syrus asked as the Slifer kids all crowded around the screen.

“It’s the first episode of the second season… of The Rei and Pen-Pen Show!!”

“That sounds sweet, yo!” Jaden cheered!

“Cuts cuts cuts! It might be dumb,” Cuts Man warned.

“QUIET,” Koala Ko Ala roared, “IT’S STARTING!!”

 

“AAAAAND IT’S TIME FOR THE REI AND PEN-PEN SHOW!!” an announcer screeched into his microphone, as we zoomed in to a blue-haired, red-eyed girl walking along the street with her pet penguin, who wore a cool tag-thing that said ‘PEN^2’ in mathematical terms. The music quickly ended.

“Wow, Pen-Pen, we’re having a really great time today, huh?” Rei asked in a really soft tone.

“SQUAWK!!” Pen-Pen squawked. They happily trotted along the sidewalks until they saw a store window filled with TVs. They were all showing a commercial for the hot new item on the condiment market, EVA-01 Steak Sauce. And it sang the following jingle:

EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It’s the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It’s the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It’s the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah…

EVA-01!

 

Then it cut to some other commercial, whilst flashing a picture of a bottle of ‘EVA-01 Steak Sauce.’ EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah… EVA-01! Rei thought. It’s so catchy…

“AWWWWWCK!!” Pen-Pen squawked.

“What is it, Pen-Pen?” Rei asked her penguin pal.

“AWK! AWK!” Pen-Pen handed Rei her calendar, which had an ad for ‘EVA-01 Steak Sauce’ on the cover. Rei flipped through it, until she saw the current day. She had written ‘Aida Kensuke, my best friend, is coming over today.’

“Oh yeah, I should go home and greet Kensuke when he gets there,” Rei decided, turning around and heading home. But wait, should I pick up some EVA-01 Steak Sauce? she debated. No, I’ll do that later so that I don’t miss Kensuke. And so, Rei and Pen-Pen walked home.

 

A few minutes later, Rei walked into her apartment and sat down on her cozy, large leather couch with Pen-Pen. “Remember, Pen-Pen, this is the new couch that Dadda Gendo bought yesterday,” Rei cautioned, “so we can’t get it dirty with any food or condiments, alright?”

“AUUUUUWK!!” Pen-Pen agreed, saluting adorably. But at that, somebody knocked on the door! Rei opened it up, letting Kensuke, the local spectacled dork inside!

“Hey, Rei,” he said.

“What?” Rei asked.

With a sheepish grin, Kensuke asked, “Guess what I found on the street?” He held up an unopened bottle of EVA-01 Steak Sauce!!

“Oh my gosh,” Rei gasped softly, “is that…?!”

“Yeah, it’s EVA-01 Steak Sauce, just like what’s on all the commercials!”

“WAAAAAUK!!” Pen-Pen excitedly screeched! And so, they began to sing.

 

“EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It’s the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It’s the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It’s the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah…

EVA-01!”

 

“I’ll go fix up something to eat with the EVA-01 Steak Sauce,” Rei said, rushing into the kitchen. Inside the food preparation area, Rei took out a large plate labeled ‘REI PLATE-1’ and put some veggie burgers on it, followed by a large notice saying ‘VEGGIE BURGERS!!’. She took the plate onto the couch and invited Kensuke to sit on it with Pen-Pen. She plopped the burgers onto the couch and then Kensuke uncapped the EVA-01 Steak Sauce containment unit.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Yep,” Rei answered. Kensuke covered the burgers in EVA-01 Steak Sauce as they began to sing the song again.

“EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It’s the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It’s the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It’s the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah…

EVA-01!”

 

By the time Kensuke finished covering the food, it was all completely slathered and swimming in EVA-01 Steak Sauce. The EVA-01 Steak Sauce was flowing freely all around the plate itself. The burgers were now only visible as small bumps in the sea of EVA-01 Steak Sauce. And yet, Rei and Kensuke stuck their hands into it and pulled out some burgers, sending out a few trace drops of EVA-01 Steak Sauce onto the clean sofa. They began dropping big piles of EVA-01 Steak Sauce all over Kensuke’s clean white shirt and Rei’s green school uniform, along with covering their mouths and cheeks.

“AWK?” Pen-Pen cautiously pecked one of the burgers and then walked away, disgustedly. The dirty pair kept digging into the EVA-01 Steak Sauce burgers, using the sofa as their napkin.

“DAMN, this EVA-01 Steak Sauce is good!” Rei shouted!

“Hey, want something to drink?” Kensuke asked.

“Sure.”

Kensuke pulled out a couple of glasses and poured EVA-01 Steak Sauce into them. And as he did, they sang!

 

“EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It’s the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It’s the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It’s the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah…

EVA-01!”

They lapped up their EVA-01 Steak Sauce and then wiped their mouths on their sleeves before looking straight at the TV audience, saying “Don’t YOU want some?” They held up the bottle together as the sauce logo appeared on-screen.

 

“Why was this show green-lighted for a second season?” Syrus asked.

“Well don’t you like EVA-01 Steak Sauce?” Mann McOldsmobile asked, holding up his OWN bottle of EVA-01 Steak Sauce.

“Boy howdy, DO I!” Syrus chanted happily! He pulled out his own bottle.

“EVERYBODY’S doin’ it!” Gut Man promised! The rest of the cast pulled out their respective bottles of EVA-01 Steak Sauce and sang the song.

“EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It’s the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah

It’s the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It’s the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah…

EVA-01!”

“Don’t YOU wish you had some?” Jaden asked you.

 

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 39: Sibling Rivalry

 

“This is… this… is… THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!!” Chazz shouted at random!

“Well, what’re ya’ talkin’ ‘bout, I reckon?” Billy Hills asked him, playing Duel Monsters with Deep-Voice Dobbson on the floor of their Slifer Red dorm room.

“I just can’t LIVE like this!!” Chazz sighed. “I’m an Obelisk! Why am I still here?! I get perfect grades, I duel better than 90% of people here, and I dress better as well! What’s goin’ on here?!”

Deep-Voice Dobbson turned to Billy Hills. “Huh, Billy, huh, should we tell’m that you get your grades halved if you don’t wear the uniform?” he whispered.

“Nah, I reckon he should figure it out himself.”

“Chazz,” Ojama Yellow asked, “what’s wrong with here?”

“It smells bad. The food’s crap. There’s no air conditioning. It’s cramped in here. YOU live here. Shall I go on?”

 

But he couldn’t, because all of a sudden Jaden, Syrus, Koala Ko Ala, Mann McOldsmobile, Cuts Man and Gut Man all rushed into his room! “YEAAAAAH!! PARTEH!!” They began running around and breaking stuff.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!” Chazz screamed! “WHAT’RE YOU GUYS DOING?! ESPECIALLY YOU GUYS!!” The last part was directed toward Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson, who had taken Cuts Man’s knife stick and started smashing the lights.

“Oh, hey Chazz,” Gut Man greeted, stomping on the television. “Chancellor Shepherd sent us down here to tell you to ‘go see him, the fate of the world depends on it, also you guys can smash up his room.’”

“But WHY?!”

“I dunno, go ask him.”

“Fine, I get it, I get it.” Chazz stomped out the door. Then he poked his head back inside and shouted, “AND STOP DESTROYING MY ROOM!!” Everybody stopped, and Chazz left. Then they all picked up where they’d left off.

 

TWO! MINUTES!! LATER!!!

“Actually, I never told them to break your things,” Chancellor Shepherd admitted, “they probably just made that up themselves.”

“I’m going to literally kill them,” Chazz promised himself.

“No you aren’t!” Gut Man knew, jumping out from behind his back.

“YOU?! Why’d you follow me?”

“I dunno,” Gut Man shrugged.

“Ah, Gut Man, just the man I wanted to see!” Chancellor Shepherd beamed. “So, as I was about to tell you, Chazz, somebody’s trying to buy out Duel Academy!!”

“OH CRAP!!” Chazz cried! “What can I do about it? Aren’t kids supposed to rely on reliable adults?”

“Oh, there ARE none. But the worst part of all this is that they’re going to fire the entire faculty and turn this into… well, actually I don’t know,” Shepherd worried, scratching his head. “But we MUSTN’T let this happen!!”

“Or what? Those three cards we’re guarding will be stolen? You’ll need to find a new job?”

“No… I can’t let anybody find what I’m hiding in the cellar…” Shepherd moaned grimly. “But before I get into the grim details, I need to tell you what YOU have to do with all this, kids.”

 

Seto Kaiba was at a dimly-lit bar of some sort, smoking a large cigar and playing cards with someone. “Alright, I’m raising the ante,” Kaiba said, putting a large wad of cash on the table, finishing a large mug of beer.

“Well then I’m raising the stakes even HIGHER!!” his opponent chuckled, placing a piece of paper onto the table with a robotic claw.

“What’s with the paper?” Kaiba asked.

“Oh, just read it,” the mysterious man said. It read ‘I.O.U. 1 Duel Academy.’

“YOU’RE TRYING TO GET ME TO SELL OFF MY KAIBALAND DUEL ACADEMY?!” Kaiba shrieked, standing up suddenly! “What kind of idiot do you think I am?!”

“Look at the back.” Kaiba flipped the paper around. ‘One free dragon egg’ The man’s robotic claw held up a chicken egg that was painted green.

“See, if I lose, you get THIS baby!”

Woah, that thing’s probably worth TWO Duel Academies, Kaiba drunkenly perceived. Also, what if it’s… a BLUE-EYES WHITE DRAGON?! “Alright then, show me your cards!” Kaiba revealed a royal flush, all in the heart suit!

“Hm, I’ll see your royal flush… and give ‘ya FIVE ACES!!” The man showed off five Aces of hearts.

“OH NOOOOOOO!!” Kaiba screamed, emulating that ‘Home Alone’ kid, you know his name. “A-alright, I concede… but on one condition.”

“Just tell me.”

 

“And so, Kaiba then told the men, before stumbling drunkenly out of the bar and throwing up on a dog, that they would gain full ownership over Kaibaland Duel Academy if they could win a duel against one specifically-chosen student named Chazz using a deck of monsters with under 500 Attack Points,” Shepherd explained, depressingly.

“That’s gross!” Chazz grunted!

“That’s unfair!” Gut Man cried!

“I know!” Shepherd knew. “But them’s the rules, now meet your robot opponent!!” Shepherd motioned to a large flat-screen TV on his wall. It turned on, showing a robot in the form of a computer monitor on a stand, with wheels attached, and two primitive-looking pincers for arms/hands. And on the monitor… WAS SLADE AND ZAZZ, IN FRONT OF A BACKGROUND FULL OF EUCALYPTUS TREES!!

 

“How’s it going, lil’ bro?” Slade asked in that voice of his.

“WH-WH-WH-WH-WHAT THE HEEEEEEEEEEELL?!” Chazz gasped! “SLADE AND ZAZZ?!”

“Yeah, it’s us!” Zazz laughed! “Slade and Zazz Princeton, older brothers to Chazz Princeton! Muhuhahahaha—”

HEY, YA DUM-DUMS!!” a manly man roared.

“W-woah, hey, boss! We’re just usin’ the computer on our break, is all!” Slade assured to somebody off-screen.

“Well, hurry it up! Whaddaya think I pay ‘ya for, to use all sixty minutes of your lunch hours?!”

“Like we get paid,” Zazz grumbled under his breath.

WHAT WAS THAT?!” the man shouted at the top of his lungs!! “I GAVE YOU A JOB PICKIN’ EUCALYPTUS LEAVES, AND ALL YOUR MONEY GOES TOWARDS YOUR ROOM AND BOARD! NOW, I GAVE YOU A JOB, AND A HOME, ON THE MOON!! SO DON’T START FLAPPIN’ YOUR SUCKITY LIL’ LIPS ABOUT HOW UNFAIR I AM!! YOU’RE LIVING THE AMERICAN DREAM, LIVING ON THE MOON!! MY GOSH!! Back when I first got here, I had to cut down all the trees to build this place BY MYSELF…”

“Whew, he’s gone,” Slade sighed, relieved.

“But what do YOU losers want?!” Chazz ordered!

“Wait, who’re they?” Gut Man asked, getting a bit uncomfortable.

“They’re just my loser older brothers, who want to take over the world and were using me against my own will to do such a thing. Also they were beaten up by the entire school and sent to the moon, where they now apparently work for Koala Ko Ala’s dad.”

“Oh.”

“Uh, hello here?” Zazz reminded.

“Oh yeah, you guys’re still there.”

“Hell YEAH we’re still here!” Slade shouted!

“HEY, SHADDAP, YOU’RE UPSETTIN’ THE KOALAS!!”

“Sorry sir!” Slade apologized, looking away from the screen again.

“You know, we might not have had to do this to you and your friends if you’d just single-handedly taken over the entire world of dueling like we agreed,” Zazz reminded.

“The same way you control finance and politics?”

“Well hey,” Zazz whined, “at least I have 30% of the world’s money!”

“So?”

 

“Eugh,” Slade groaned. “Look, we’re sending our robot to duel you in three days, with those cards we bought that you never used, which basically means we’re using a Dragon deck, and I bet that YOU already know YOUR restriction, right?”

“Urg…” Chazz grunted, scowling.

“So, uh, well… that’s it!” Slade and Zazz concluded! “See you in three days, Chazz! WAHAHAHAHAHA—”

“I SAID YOU’RE BOTHERIN’ THE KOALAS!! THEY CAN’T WORK WITH THIS KINDA STRESS!!”

“Sorry, boss…” And with that, the satellite feed cut off and the screen went blank.

 

“And that is the problem of the week,” Shepherd groaned. “We’re doomed… unless we follow up with ONE option…”

“What would THAT be?” Gut Man wondered.

“All we need is for YOU to stand next to Chazz as he duels.”

“Uh…”

“It’s easy,” Shepherd said, pulling out a chart.

 

[spoiler=Shepherd's Big Plan]2s9dqf6.jpg

 

 

“… Are you serious?” Chazz asked.

“Yes, yes I am,” Shepherd insisted.

“Your logic sucks.”

“I dare you to find any flaws with this plan.”

“Actually,” Gut Man said, “it COULD work, if we can score a miracle…”

“See, the robot boy agrees with me!” Shepherd chuckled! “I told you it’d work!”

“… Okay then, I guess that’s settled,” Chazz shrugged.

“Now all you need to do is gather up all your good weak cards and make a deck,” Shepherd said.

“…I don’t HAVE any cards like that. I sell them for 200% profit to little kids,” Chazz admitted.

“Oh… my… gosh…” Shepherd slumped onto his desk. “Do I have ANY students who AREN’T a complete failure?”

“Oh…well, may I put in a suggestion?” Professor Banner asked, stepping out from the shadows.

“Were you standing there all this time?”

“Yes, always. Now I have a story for all you punk kids!” Banner took out a wooden pipe and storybook. “According to urban myth, there’s a well on Duel Academy Island, where kids throw away cards that they don’t like. I don’t understand why nobody just burned them; it would be cooler that way, but I digress.” He closed the book and walked away.

 

“Um… okay, so you two just do that tomorrow,” Shepherd commanded.

“Y-you trust me to go out into the dense forests of this island and comb it for a so-called mysterious well where we can find cheap cards for free?!” Gut Man gasped!

“Uh, yeeeaaaah,” Shepherd shrugged, “why not? I mean, you’re a student who apparently knows Chazz, so it’s fine.”

Wow, so they really actually trust me? Gut Man thought. These people are a lot more trusting than I thought they were!

“So can I go now?” Chazz asked.

“Yeah sure whatever,” Shepherd said, making shooing movements with his hands. “Go on, I gotta start packing my things.” Gut Man and Chazz left the office.

 

“So do you really think you’ll find that place?” Gut Man asked Chazz.

“Well, judging by how things go ‘round here, sure, why not?”

“But what if it doesn’t work?”

“Eh, then I guess I’ll just buy some cards and use those,” Chazz decided.

“Then… why don’t we just do that if it’ll save time?”

“Because we’re going for FREE CARDS, man! Do you know how often that happens, finding a Duel Monsters card on the street without something nasty drawn on it, or having been ripped in half?!” Chazz asked, drawing upon all those instances when you’d seen such things. “Now get yourself ready for a hiking trip, we’ve got some freebies to snag!”

 

THE! NEXT!! DAY!!!

Chazz was hiking with Gut Man, through the woods, carrying backpacks full of survival goods. “Huh, this is a great hike, huh, Chazz?” Deep-Voice Dobbson asked, inhaling all that mountain air.

“You said it, I reckon!” Billy Hills chuckled, throwing some trail mix at Chazz and Deep-Voice Dobbson!

“Cuts cuts cuts, what’s with the trail mix?” Cuts Man asked, cutting in between them.

“Oh, it’s in the bags I prepared for everybody,” Gut Man explained to him.

“Thanks! Heh heh.” Cuts Man pulled out a bag of trail mix. He ripped it open, sending all of its contents all over the place. “Whoops.”

“Cuts Man, why’d you just waste all that great trail mix?” Mann McOldsmobile complained. “That’s almost as horrible as this!” He opened up a water bottle and splashed some of its contents over Cuts Man’s face.

“Heh heh, heh heh,” Cuts Man laughed, twitching and shooting out sparks from his mouth and eyes. “Cuts cuts cuts! What else’s in here?”

“Oh, there’s some water, some rope, some rescue flares, and an inflatable raft, I reckon,” Billy Hills listed out, inspecting his own stash.

HA HA! HA HA!!” Cuts Man cackled, firing his several rescue flares in all directions, causing several forest fires!

“WOAH!! Let ME try that!!” Mann McOldsmobile laughed, taking out his own survival tools!

SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UP!! YOUR VOICES ARE INFYURIATING ME!!” Chazz screamed, putting a stop to everything. “Heh, heh, heh, heh,” he panted, “who told, heh, YOU guys to, heh, follow us?”

“Oh, well,” Gut Man began, rubbing his head, “when I told everybody that we were going here, then Mann McOldsmobile and Cuts Man wanted to come with me. Then Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson wanted to follow YOU, and Deep-Voice Dobbson took Ojama Yellow.”

“THAT’S ME!!” cheered Ojama Yellow, floating in from nowhere.

“Um, alright, but why’d you take Ojama Yellow?”

“Ojama Yellow’s great, huh, Chazz, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson said.

“Yeah, Ojama Yellow’s great!” Ojama Yellow said, driving the point home further. “Oh hey a well.” He pointed to a large hole in the ground.

“OH MY GOSH, YOU’RE RIGHT FOR ONCE!!” Chazz ran to it, took out his handy rope ladder, and climbed down into the well! Several crappy cards were lining the stony crappy floor. “Oh boy! They’re… they’re… crappy.”

“’Ey, who ya’ callin’ crappy?” asked a short, purple guy with a large nose.

“Yeah, see, ‘dat’s no way ta’ jus’ BARGE in on someone!” yelled a one-eyed green guy. They both wore speedos.

“Wait… are you Ojama Green and Ojama Black?” Chazz asked.

“Yeah,” the green guy responded, “what about it?”

“So this means… I’ve just collected the entire Ojama Trio?!” Suddenly a glowing bluish-whitish tiger Duel Spirit appeared and ate the two brothers in one bite.

“GYAAAAARRRGH!!”

“… Oh.”

“Hey, Chazz, didja just say you found THE OJAMA TRIO?!” Ojama Yellow screamed, flyin’ down into the hole! “Dis means I can find my brothahs?!”

“Uh, no, I just found some cards WITHOUT Duel Spirits in ‘em, eheheh,” Chazz shivered. It’s better to hide this truth, right? “Anyways, guys, get your butts down here and help me pick up some cards! The fate of the free world of card games is at stake here! And then we’re going home.”

“Whaaaaat?! But why’d we even come, then?!” Mann McOldsmobile whined.

“Nobody TOLD you to come!”

 

AND TWO! DAYS!! LATAH!!!

 

Chazz, Guts Man, and the robot that his brothers were piloting were all standing around in the middle of the Duel Dome, ready to duel, as hundreds of baggage-carrying students watched on. “EVEREBODEH LISSEN,” announced Mickey Ducktail, wearing an ‘EVA-01 Steak Sauce’ backpack, “HERE WE AH, WATCHIN’ OUR VEREH OWN CHAZZ DUELIN’ HIS JERK BROTHERS FOR THE FATE ‘O DA SCHOOL!!” Two dozen people clapped.

“YOU GO, CHAZZ!!” Jaden shouted.

“SHADDAP, YOUR VOICE’S IRRITATIN’ ME!!”

“Oh.”

 

“Man, I sure hope he wins that duel,” one kid groaned, “I don’t wanna go to NORMAL High School…”

“Well maybe we can actually do something productive then,” a girl responded.

“Maybe I could re-connect with my dad,” a guy wistfully supposed.

“Card games ain’t so fun, anyhow!”

“YEAH!!”

“But I like not having to work for my money,” a kid cried, “we can get PAID for playing games all the time in the pro circuit!” Many individuals heard.

“But if EVERYBODY in the world plays card games for a living, then who’ll do the REAL jobs out there, like food processing?!” Beehive Larry cried out, upon deaf ears.

GO, CHAZZ!!” the ignorant masses cheered! “FIGHT!! WIIIIIIIIN!! WE BELIIIIIIIEEEEEEVE~

“Meh,” the computer robot sighed, showing both of the Princeton brothers doing stuff on their lunch hour, “we could care less about the kids out here, and you’re already packed up to leave; let’s make it quick and easy.” The robot strapped on a Duel Disk.

“Pfft, you think I can’t beat you?” Chazz chuckled. “Since you have two players with you, would you mind if I have my robot buddy step in next to me and give me tips?”

“Eh sure why not,” the bros shrugged collectively.

“You’re up,” Chazz said, pulling Gut Man next to him.

“Woah!” Gut Man said, being pulled up next to him.

“AND GUT MAN TAKES THE STAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!!” Mickey Ducktail announced!

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!” the kids cheered.

S-so is this what it feels like to be cheered upon by millions?! Gut Man asked himself, pleased. Well, actually hundreds… or dozens… but I get the picture.

“AN’ SO, EVEREBODEH,” Mickey Ducktail asked, “READEH TA START DA DUEL?!”

“Yep,” Slade and Zazz said unanimously.

“Sure, why not?” Chazz shrugged, confidently.

“Don’t worry Chazz,” Ojama Yellow supported floating up next to him, “I know we can do it! Have faith in yourself. Have faith… have faith… have faith… HAVEFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—” Ojama Yellow was punched in the mouth and fell.

“DUEL, STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAAAAAAAAAHT!!” Mickey Ducktail commanded. (Chazz n’ Gut: 4000 Life Points, Zazz n’ Slade: 4000 Life Points)

 

“MY TURN!!” Chazz shouted, kicking off the duel, and drawing his cards.

“Alright, I’ll just draw then…” The Slade/Zazz controlled robot drew its opening hand.

“Hmmm…. ROBOSENSE!!” Gut Man shouted, activating his robosense… whatever that was.

“AAAAAAND GUT MAN USES ROBOSEEEEEEEEEEENSE!!” Mickey Ducktail announced!

“What the hell’s robosense?” Chazz asked.

“It allows me to pick up satellite waves and decode them,” Gut Man explained, whispering, as his eyes glowed golden.

“How does that help here?”

“Oh, well that computer robot’s sending a signal up into space, where it’s picked up by your brothers and they can see it on their computer.”

“That’s…” Chazz turned around and saw Chancellor Shepherd sitting in the audience. He mouthed ‘told ‘ya so’. “Actually, that’s useful here! What’d they draw?”

“…” Gut Man thought for a second. “I don’t know, since there’s only a picture and some numbers on the cards…”

“Then what was the point?”

“Well, he has a swirly green card!”

Wait, Polymerization? Chazz realized. I need to start off with a good defense, since he’s gonna fuse and attack… well what the heck, I was gonna lay down some defense already! I didn’t need to know that, it’s just extra stress!! Some use YOU were, Gut Man… “I summon Soul Tiger in Defense Mode!” Chazz shouted, throwin’ down a tiger made completely out of blue fog — in the most badass way possible. (Soul Tiger: 2100 Defense Points)

“OH BOOOOOOOOOOY!!” Mickey Ducktail said. “CHAZZ HAS JUST SUMMONED A SOUL TIGER IN DEFENSE MODE!! IT HAS NO ABILITY, AND NO ATTACK POINTS, BUT TWENTY-ONE HUNDRED DEFENSE POINTS! THAT’S A LOTTA DEFENSE!! WHAT WILL THEY DOOOO?!”

 

“We’ll do a Fusion Summon, THAT’S what!” Zazz said, as the robot used its Polymerization! “I’ll fuse the Lord of D. in my hand with Divine Dragon Ragnarok!” A guy in cool dragony armor appeared next to a dragon made out of pink cloudy energy. The man climbed into the dragon’s mouth down to the waist, thus becoming a new monster altogether… “We summon King Dragun!!” (King Dragun: 2400 Attack Points)

“AAAAAAAAAND THEY SUMMON KING DRAGUN, FUSED TOGETHER OUT OF LORD OF D. AND DIVINE DRAGON RAGNAROK!!” Mickey Ducktail said. “IT HAS TWENTY-FOUR HUNDRED ATTACK POINTS AND ELEVEN HUNDRED DEFENSE POINTS!! HE ALSO STOPS ANY DRAGONS FROM BEING KILLED BY ANY SORT OF EFFECTS, AND HE ALLOWS THE USER TO SPECIAL SUMMON ANY DRAGON FROM THEIR HAND DURING THEIR TURN, ONCE PER TURN, WITHOUT PENALTY!! WHAT WILL CHAZZ DO?!”

“Uh, thanks for explaining all that, I guess,” Slade thanked, “and so like he said I’ll be Special Summoning Luster Dragon #2 from my hand!”

“Our hand,” Zazz verified. And so, with the power of brotherly bonds, they threw down a massive green dragon, who was growing emeralds from its own wrinkly skin! (Luster Dragon #2: 2400 Attack Points)

“OH-OH-OH NOOOOOO!!” Gut Man screamed, scared for his life… as a student at Duel Academy.

“OOOOOOOOH!!” Mickey Ducktail shrieked! “AND SO THEY SUMMON AN EFFECT-LESS, SIX-STAR MONSTER, LUSTER DRAGON NUMBAH TWO!! IT HAS TWENTY-FOUR HUNDRED ATTACK POINTS AND ELEVEN-HUNDRED DEFENSE POINTS!! WHAT WILL CHAZZ DOOO?!”

“You’re getting pretty annoying,” Slade called.

“I KNOW, BUT IT’S MAH JOB!!”

“Attack Soul Tiger, King Dragun!!” Zazz ordered! “Use Fire Scorch!” The dragon man combo took out a golden dragony flute and held it out, dragon-head first, and released a large column of flames at Soul Tiger, engulfing it instantly!

“Next,” Slade dictated, “Luster Dragon, attack with Emerald Flame Attack!!” The second Luster Dragon took a deep breath and spat out a continuous unoriginal flame attack, which was filled with research errors; the flames were not emerald, nor were they emerald-like, but just orange and boring.

“YEEEOWCH!!” Chazz grunted! (Chazz n’ Gut: 1600 Life Points)

“OOOOOOOOH!! AND SO THE ZAZZ AND THE SLADE HAVE DESTROYED CHAZZ’S AND GUT MAN’S SOUL TIGER, ALLOWING THEM TO WAGE A DIRECT ATTACK WITH LUSTER DRAGON NUMBER TWO, DROPPING THEIR LIFE POINTS BY TWENTY-FOUR HUNDRED POINTS, LEAVING THEM WITH ONLEH SIXTEEN HUNDRED LIFE POINTS LEFT!!” Mickey Ducktail exclaimed! “WHAT WILL THEY DO?!”

“SHUT IT!!” Chazz shouted, annoyed.

 

“So bro,” Slade said, “we COULD have summoned another dragon monster during our turn today, since we had our Normal Summon left. If you give up now, then we can spare you the humiliation of losing next turn. And we wouldn’t wanna make our lil’ brother feel any worse than he does now, do we?”

“Hell yeah we do,” Zazz disagreed.

“And that’s why you should give in now! You’ve only lasted this long because of our own love for you! So you can come up with us and work on the Koala Juice farm until we get shuttle fare back to earth.”

“Didn’t you guys say you had 30% of the world’s money?” Gut Man asked.

“Yeah, but they don’t accept earth money on the moon. So what’ll it be, Chazz?”

 

“No go bros,” Chazz rejected. “Why would I go with you losers? You’d only screw up everyone else’s lives n’ junk if I give up!”

“Wow, he’d not give up a losing duel for US?!” a flabbergasted kid gasped.

“So shut your mouths and end your damn turn already!” Chazz ordered!

“YEAH YEAH GO CHAZZ-GUT TEAM STYLE!!” Cuts Man cheered!

“Ugh, fine,” Zazz groaned, “Do whatever you want, you’re just holding off the inevitable.”

“What’s inevitable is US KICKIN’ YOUR COLLECTIVE ASS!!” Chazz drew a card, and then set it. “I summon one monster in Face-Down Defense Position, and I’ll call that a turn.”

“AND HE SETS A MONSTAAAAAAAAAAAH!!” Mickey Ducktail monologued. “WHAT COULD IT BE?! WHAT KIND OF STRATEGY IS CHAZZ A-PULLIN’ OFF HERE?! WHAT WILL ZAZZ AND SLADE DO?!”

“Seriously, we’ll pay you, like, two-hundred dollars if you stop that!” Zazz and Slade promised.

“NO DEAL!”

“Damn.”

 

Slade and Zazz’s robot drew their next card. “Well? Are we safe for this turn?” Chazz asked. “Does he have any threatening Spells or Traps?”

“Nah, you’re good this turn,” Gut Man said with his shiny yellow eyes, “I think.”

“Eh?!” Slade and Zazz gasped! “What’re you guys TALKING about—”

“I THOUGHT I TOLD YA TWO DUM-DUMS THREE DAYS AGO ‘TA STOP RAISIN’ YER’ VOICES!! IT MAKES THE KOALAS FEEL WEIRD!!” their boss roared off-screen.

“O-oh, sorry, boss,” Slade apologized nervously.

“Who’re they talkin’ to?” Koala Ko Ala foolishly asked.

“… I’d say something, but I think you need to learn something from this experience,” Syrus Sy-ed.

“Hunh?!”

 

“B-but anyways,” Zazz went on, getting back to the point, “what’re you two talking about, if you’re safe this turn?”

“Just guessing, that’s all,” Chazz lied.

“DANG LYIN’ MAKES YA TWO SO MUCH COOLER I RECKON!!” Billy Hills screamed from the sidelines!

“QUIET, HUH, BILLY, HUH!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson screamed, covering his friend’s mouth!

Hmm, Slade and Zazz thought, Chazz’s friends just mentioned something about him lying, buuut… I’ll give’m the benefit of the doubt. “We’ll be summoning Luster Dragon #1 in Attack Mode!” A blue dragon with some sapphires injected into its scaly flesh appeared, though it was smaller than the Luster Dragon #2. (Luster Dragon #1: 1900 Attack Points)

“OH BOY, IT’S THE LUSTER DRAGON NUMBAH ONE!!” Mickey Ducktail shouted! “IT’S GOT NINETEEN-HUNDRED ATTACK POINTS N’ SIXTEEN HUNDRED DEFENSE POINTS, THOUGH LIKE THE NUMBAH TWO VERSION, ‘E’S GOT NO ABILITY!! WHAT WILL CHAZZ DO?!”

“Uh, we aren’t even done summoning things yet, don’t start with that ‘what’ll he do now’ stuff until we’re finished!” Zazz said sternly.

 

“So we’re summoning Rare Metal Dragon with the ability of King Dragun!!” And so the computer drew out a brutish, ebony dragon covered in metallic spines. (Rare Metal Dragon: 2400 Attack Points)

“MAH GOOD GOLLEH GOSH!!” Mickey Ducktail screeched! “THAT RARE METAL DRAGON OF THEIRS SURE PACKS A PAWNCH WITH ITS TWENTY-FOUR HUNDRED ATTACK POINTS AND TWELVE-HUNDRED DEFENSE POINTS, AND IT WAS A BRIGHT MOVE TA’ SUMMON ‘IM WITH KING DRAGUN’S EFFECT, SINCE IT’S NOT ALLOWED TO BE NORMAL SUMMONED OR SET!! WHAT WILL SLADE AND ZAZZ DO NOW?!”

“Attack, that’s what!” Slade announced! “Luster Dragon, attack that face-down monster!” Both the green one and the blue one both breathed fire at the monster. “Oh, well I meant just the blue one, but that’s fine too.” The card flipped itself up, revealing itself… no, HERself… as a red-haired girl in a plain blue dress with a frowny face.

“Aw,” she sniffed. Then she was burnt away. Her sacrifice made all the other Dragon monsters feel sad and piteous.

“”Ey ‘ey ‘ey, what’s goin’ on here?” Zazz growled.

“I HAVEN’T SEEN ‘DAT LADEH IN A WHILE, I TELLS YE WHAT!!” Mickey Ducktail remembered. “THAT’S TEH UNHAPPY MAIDEN, AN’ WHEN SHE’S DESTROYED, SHE ENDS THE BATTLE PHASE N’ STUFF! WHAT WILL YOU—”

“We end our turn,” Slade and Zazz announced.

 

“HEY, WHAT’S IN HIS HAND NOW, GUT MAN?!” Shepherd screamed, needing to know.

“SHEPHERD!!” Chazz shouted in retaliation.

Hm? Slade and Zazz thought. Did that Chancellor with the bald head just ask them what was in our hand, as if they knew? Maybe, buuut… I’ll give’m the benefit of the doubt.

“I’ll summon Spirit of the Breeze in Defense Mode!” Chazz said, summoning a green girl with butterfly wings and a dress. (Spirit of the Breeze: 1800 Defense Points) “Then I’ll activate the Spell card, The Dark Door!” A Spell card appeared, showing a demon guy about to enter a doorway that was obliterating everybody behind him, even the mummy. “Now you can only attack with one monster per turn!”

“WHAT A GREAT COMBO CHAZZ HAS SET UP NOW!! THE SPIRIT OF THE BREEZE CAN GET’M 1000 LIFE POINTS WHEN SHE’S IN ATTACK MODE, BUT THAT’S A BAD IDEA, SINCE SHE’S GOT ZERO ATTACK POINTS, THOUGH SHE’S GOT A WHOPPIN’ EIGHTEEN-HUNDRED DEFENSE POINTS!! AND THE DARK DOOR IS A SPELL THAT STAYS ON THE FIELD UNTIL ITS DEHSTRUCTSHUN ‘DAT LETS HIS BROTHERS ONLY ATTACK ONCE PER TURN!! WHAT WILL THEY DO?!”

“Really, stop that!”

“EVREHBODEH LISSEN!! NO.”

“That guy’s givin’ me the creeps,” Gut Man said, shaking.

“He does that to everybody, Gut, everybody,” Chazz said, truthfully, “but you have to admit he’s a great announcer.”

“Darn tootin’!” Nancy Wut agreed from afar.

 

“Anyways, go already, you two,” Chazz spat.

“Well then, maybe we will!” Slade sneered back.

“REMEMBAR FOLKS,” Mickey Ducktail reminded the audience, “SLADE N’ ZAZZ HAVE GOT ‘DA KING DRAGUN, LUSTER DRAGONS ONE AND TWO, AND A RARE METAL DRAGON ON DA FIELD, BUT IF DEY CAN’T DESTROY DA DARK DOOR, THEY CAN’T ATTACK CHAZZ DIRECTLY!! WHAT WILL THEY DO?!?!”

“It’s just a matter of time before we’re bustin’ that door down, y’know!” Slade informed.

“AAAAAAAAAAAND THAT WAS A BAAAAD PUN!!” Mickey Ducktail analyzed. The audience giggled.

“Hey, don’t make fun of us for making a great joke!” Zazz screamed! “King Dragun, attack with Fire Scorch!” King Dragun held out his golden flute and burned the Spirit of the Breeze away.

“My turn then!” Chazz declared, drawing a card. “I’ll summon Catnipped Kitty in Defense Mode.” A purple, happy cat covered in swirly marks appeared with a massive bell attached to its neck. (Catnipped Kitty: 500 Defense Points)

“You summoned a kitty? Is that HONESTLY the best you can do?” Slade chuckled.

“Like you can do better?” Chazz answered.

“Actually they can’t, they don’t have anything but monsters in their hand!” Gut Man said, knowing through strategy!! And his robosense.

“Oh really? You two don’t know ANYTHING about Duel Monsters, DO you?! What kind of IDIOT would just put all monsters in their deck?”

“Y-you be quiet, Chazz! We have, like, three Spells!!” More importantly, Zazz and Slade thought, that weird rip-off robot somehow knew the contents of our hand! That would mean he can see our hand, maybe, buuut… I’ll give’m the benefit of the doubt. Then their robot drew a new card with its cool robotic claw. Wait, this card… I KNEW it was a great idea to throw this one in! With this Trap, we shall WIN THE DUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL!!

 

“Hey, Chazz,” Gut Man said, worried, “they just drew a purple card with some twisters on it. What’s that mean?”

“Do you even know how to play this game?” asked Chazz.

“I-I was just in this school for the benefits!”

Wait a sec, Zazz and Slade thought, the robot just detailed the card we just drew! That would mean he really CAN see our hand, or he’s a really great guesser! Buuut… I’ll give’m the benefit of the doubt. “We’ll set one card face-down and destroy your kitty!” Slade said, as their robot placed their card down. “Fire Scorcher!” King Dragun did the same thing as always and burned the kitty away.

“AND WHAT A TURN ‘A EVENTS, PEOPLE!!” Mickey Ducktail screamed! “THE PRINCETONNES HAVE JUST SET DOWN’A CAAAAAARD AND DESTROOOOOOOOOYED THE KIIIIIIIIIIITTTTEEEEEEHH!! WHAT WILL CHAZZ DOOOOOO?!”

 

Chazz turned to Gut Man. “It’s now or never, we’ve gotta draw that one card we really really need here,” Chazz said.

“Do-don’t w-w-w-worry, Chazz,” Gut Man consoled, as his knees knocked loudly.

“YOU’RE the one who’s worrying. Now come on, it’ll be even more intense if we draw the card together.”

He’s really trying to include me in a form of duel participation together?! In order to strengthen our friendly bonds?!

“Yeah, why don’cha?” Mann McOldsmobile asked from within the audience.

“Gut Man! Gut Man!” Cuts Man chanted!

“GUT MAN! GUT MAN! GUT MAN!” The entire stadium was ripe with applause!

“But if they lose it’ll feel really crappy,” one guy said. He was punched out.

“I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT, HUH, GUT, HUH!!”

“I’LL HAVE YOUR CHILDREN!”

“No you won’t.”

“YES I WILL!!”

 

Everybody’s cheering me on… yes… YES!! I must do the right thing in this situation and DRAW THAT CARD!! Gut Man and Chazz rested their hands on their next card. Consumed by the valiant flames of justice, they pulled it from the Duel Disk. “DOH-RAW!!”

“I HOPE YOU DREW SOMETHING GOOD, BECAUSE WE USE DUST TORNADO!!” The Princeton robot flipped up a Trap card, featuring all sorts of dust-filled tornados! A whirlwind of dust appeared out of nowhere and swooped into The Dark Door, blowing the card hologram away!

“OH NO!! THEY JUST ACTIVATED DUST TORNADO, A TRAP THAT—”

“We activate Painful Choice!” Gut Man and Chazz said together, holding out a Spell card filled with sad people agonizing over something possibly minor. “We pick up five cards from our deck and then you choose one of them to be added into our hand.” They took out and showed them four monsters and a Spell.

“Well that’s obvious; we’re not giving you a POSSIBLY GOOD monster! Take the Spell,” Slade offered, as their foes discarded the other cards.

“WUH-OH, SLADE N’ ZAZZ JUST MADE CHAZZ N’ GUT MAN DISCARD—”

“Next we play Enchanting Fitting Room!” Some sort of haunted fitting room appeared on the field. (Chazz N’ Gut: 800 Life Points) “At a cost of 800 Life Points, we can pick up and summon any of the top four cards on our deck, if they’re monsters with three or lower levels and no abilities!”

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!!” the crowd cheered! “DRAW!!” They drew Pot of Greed. “DRAW!!” They drew Ojama Yellow. (Ojama Yellow: 0 Attack Points) “DRAW!!” They drew Ojama Green. (Ojama Green: 0 Attack Points) “DRAW!!” They drew Ojama Black. (Ojama Black: 0 Attack Points)

“Oh yeah baby, we’re BACK!” Ojama Yellow screamed!

 

“Th-the three Ojama brothers,” one guy trembled, drenched in sweat! “Could this possibly signify… does this mean they’re about to use…”

“EVEREHBODEH LISSEN!! THE THREE OJAMA BROTHERS’VE JUST MADE THEIR APPEARANCE!! IT’D BE GREAT IF CHAZZ N’ GUT COULD USE THEIR OJAMA DELTA HURRICANE CARD—”

“We activate Ojama Delta Hurricane!” Chazz and Gut Man announced! They threw away a Spell card and Ojama Yellow gave a thumbs-up.

“Let’s go, bros!” he said! They all began swirling around together into a large ring of Ojama madness, flying around all those monsters Zazz and Slade had spent the entire game summoning!

“Do you know what these three cards taught me, guys?” Chazz asked. “It’s that good brothers, REAL brothers support each other, not abuse them for their own disgusting ends! From this point forward, I’m casting off the Princeton name!” The Ojama ring started sending out electrical shocks that began harming the dragon monsters!

“GWAAAR!!”

“UWAAAAAAAAR!!”

“WOBWOBWOBWOBWOB.”

“AW YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH, I RECKON HUH!!” the students yelled! The dragons all exploded into confetti and the Ojamas re-appeared on Chazz and Gut Man’s field, taking a bow.

“Hee hee!”

 

“What the HELL just happened?!” Zazz asked, confused.

“OJAMA DELTA HURRICANE: UPON USAGE, IF YOU HAVE ALL ‘DA THREE OJAMAS ON YOUR FIELD, YOUR OPPONENT LOSES ALL THEIR MONSTERS! DAMN, I’M A GREAT ANNOUNCER!!”

“And I’ll use the Spell card Thunder Crash!” Gut Man said, activating the card that Zazz and Slade had so graciously given them earlier, detailing some poor sap getting struck by lightning. “We can sacrifice as many monsters as we like and deal 300damage to you for each one!”

“… Oh crap,” Ojama Yellow dreaded, as the three useless monster brothers exploded, sending three bolts of lightning at the evil bros. computer robot! (Zazz n’ Slade: 3100 Life Points)

 

“Heh, just because you dealt some damage to us doesn’t mean we can’t still rip you apart with all the other monsters in our deck!” Zazz and Slade promised!

“Shut up!” Chazz sneered. “I summon Chaos Necromancer!” A creepy puppetmasterish guy in foreboding armor appeared with a weird smile. All at once, he was surrounded by a massive green flare of energy! (Chaos Necromancer: 3300 Attack Points)

“Cheheheh,” Mickey Ducktail laughed, “I BELIEVE THAT CHAZZ AND GUT MAN HAVE JUST WON DA DUEL!!”

“Care to explain why?” Chazz suggested.

“H-how did you summon a monster like that?!” Slade cowered. “That has GOT to be cheating… right?”

“THE CHAOS NECROMANSSAH GAINS THREE-HUNDRED ATTACK POINTS FOR EVERY MONSTER IN CHAZZ AND GUT MAN’S GRAVEYARD!

“And with this card, I cordially cast off the name you have so graciously thrust upon me in my younger days!” Chazz boasted!

 

SMASH THEEEEEEEEEEEEEM!!” roared the entire student body of Duel Academy. The Chaos Necromancer held out one finger, pointed at the Princetons, and tweaked it. The robot was destroyed in the ensuing fiery explosion. (Slade N’ Zazz: -200 Life Points, Game Over)

 

“RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!” the kids cheered, for their school establishment was safe! Some of you’d feel like that too, if your school had Kindergarten-level assignments.

“And THAT is why you don’t f*ck with me and my school, you hear me?!” Chazz leered.

“Hey Chazz,” Crowler asked, “what’d I miss? I just woke up.”

“Oh, I just changed my last name again.”

“Are you a Crowler now?”

“No, I’m Chazz Chazz now. Chazz Crowler just sounds horrible.”

“Oh.” And as Crowler moped, Chazz and Gut Man joined their hands together and turned toward the applauding masses, as they tossed their luggage around in the air like hats, inevitably causing some injuries.

“It’s moments like this that make bein’ an announcer special,” Mickey Ducktail sniffed, wiping away a single tear.

 

Meanwhile in Kaiba’s office…

“Hey big brother,” Kaiba’s little brother said, armed with six feet of tallness and thirty pounds of muscles, “I heard that the Chazz boy won that duel for Duel Academy.”

“What? Who… who the hell’re you?” Kaiba drunkenly asked from his desk.

“It’s me, Mokuba, remember? I wish you didn’t drink so much.”

“I run a major corporation. It basically came with the job. But my goodness, when’d you get so big n’ muscley? You were almost to my chest height yesterday!”

“I’ve been like this for a few years now, you should know this already! It came with the puberty!”

“Damn, took ‘ya long enough. Now what’s Duel Academy again?” Kaiba asked.

“…” Mokuba backed out of his office, somewhat peeved.

 

Meanwhile, on the moon…

Zazz and Slade were climbing around in a eucalyptus tree with some koalas, picking off eucalyptus leaves and storing them in a sack. “… Next time, let’s not give them any mercy.”

“Agreed.”

“’EY, ‘YA TWO SLACKERS!! LESS CONVERSATIN’, MORE LEAF PICKIN’!!”

“Yes, sir…” they grumbled, picking faster than ever before.

 

 

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FINALLY, YOU CAN ACTUALLY READ THE STORY SO FAR!! And it only took virtually to the end of the season to do it.

 

[spoiler=Episode 40: Duel Distractions - Part One]Bastion, Piggybank, Baseball Bob and Fluffy Fred were standing atop of a cliff, facing the sun as it rose one early morn. “Now, fellow Baseball Wreckers,” Bastion spoke, “ever since that one duel against that Camula, of the Seven Stars,”

“Shadow Riders!” Nancy Wut reminded.

“Shadow Riders, I’ve been thinking. And it’s occurred to me that I need to be more overall useful in some combat situations, as I’m hampered by my prosthetic hand.” Yes, his hand had still not grown back from Duel Island. How odd.

“Oh yeah, you were pushed two inches into the ground,” Piggybank giggled.

“Well you were thrown into a lake,” Baseball Bob remembered.

“What’re you getting at? And you weren’t even there! How could YOU know?”

“I’m not getting at anything!” Baseball Bob promised! “Honest!”

“LIAR!!” Piggybank threw three pennies at Baseball Bob. They dug into his skin a bit before falling.

“YES, MONEH!!” Fluffy Fred shrieked, diving onto the coins. “Aw damn it, it’s just American money. So what’d you do, Bastion? I’m anxious to know!”

 

Bastion turned and faced his crew and held his right hand up. Attached to it by the wrist was an Omega-Xis head. (SOURCE)

“Hey,” Omega-Xis greeted.

 

“……..WHAT THE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK?!” Baseball Bob and Piggybank screamed!

“IT’S EXTREME!!” Fluffy Fred exclaimed, as his head exploded from the awesomeness.

“He shoots out Omega-Xis™ energy bullets!” Bastion informed!

“When I feel like it,” Omega-Xis mentioned.

“Isn’t that incredible?”

“… I have no choice,” Piggybank sighed, “I have to support you in all your endeavors.” She shakily held up a thumb.

“I don’t get it,” Baseball Bob worried.

“What’s there to get? He’s a prosthetic hand! He’s also an arm cannon. That’s all there is to it. Oh, and he’s got one rad attitude!”

“I totally approve,” Fluffy Fred approved, crying manly tears. Then he was struck by inspiration! “I’VE GOTTA CUT OFF MY LEG AND REPLACE IT WITH A ROBOT PEG LEG!!” He dashed off into the forest.

“Piggybank, Bob, please stop Fred from severing his own leg and replacing it with a talking robot,” Bastion requested.

“Got it.” The two dashed off after Fluffy Fred.

“FRED I’M GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU CUT OFF THAT LEG!!”

 

“Hmph,” Omega-Xis huffed, “so what’re we doin’ out here at this time?”

“Well, I was hoping to practice using a Duel Disk with you,” Bastion offered. “If we’re gonna be playing card games for the sake of the world, we’d better prepare.” Bastion strapped on his Duel Disk and drew five cards with his new wolf robot hand’s jaw! Sadly the cards got bent up and semi-crushed by the wolf’s jaws. “Wahahaha,” Bastion laughed, “I still got it! I made the RIGHT decision to order you from Capcom!”

“Did you know that I’m actually a radio wave robot-lookin’ head hand containing the soul of a dead child, thus filled with enough power to speak and learn for twenty billion more years?”

“I did not need to know that, Omega-Xis, but it sure answers a lot of questions.” Bastion stretched a bit. “Ah, there’s no way I can get distracted in a duel!”

“Why’d you say that?” Omega-Xis asked.

“Because it’s the title!” Bastion answered.

 

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 40: Duel Distractions – Part One

 

Bastion’s face was decorated with a sly grin. “Okay, ready?” he whispered.

“You know it,” Omega-Xis replied. His eyes turned even more completely crimson than usual, and his green fluffy hair-flames began to flow like wild sparks. His mouth began absorbing energy from his environment. And then…

“FIRE!! FIRE AT WILL!!”

BAWBWAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAHAM!! Omega-Xis loudly blew open a hole in the wall by shooting a large energy bullet.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!” Jaden screamed!

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!” Syrus screamed!

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!” Koala Ko Ala screamed!

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!” Mann McOldsmobile screamed!

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!” Gut Man screamed!

“Cuts cuts cuts! Mornin’, everyone!” Cuts Man screamed!

 

“Dude, why you be trippin’?!” Jaden growled! “You jus’ come, bussin’ in mah room and blowin’ the wall wit’ yo arm cannons n’ crap!”

“WHY IS YOUR HAND A ROBOT BEAR?!” Syrus asked.

“IMMA WOLF, BOI!!” Omega-Xis retaliated!

“Are you edible?” Koala Ko Ala asked, salivating.

“No! What’s wrong with you people?!”

“He’s just hungry in the mornings,” Gut Man said.

“Psshaw, NOBODY had robot buddies in the school before I came rolling in,” Mann McOldsmobile sighed, “And now that I have Cuts n’ Guts…”

“Just Gut Man,” Gut Man corrected.

“Sorry, it happens. But all of a sudden, you get a robot wolf hand! Isn’t that a bit excessive?”

“My hand was eaten by a Bengal Tiger while I was on Duel Island.”

“It wasn’t even really CALLED Duel Island, we just call it that, though,” Syrus specified. “But still, why did you…”

“Well I reckon that if you’re gonna do something, you do it right,” Bastion proudly proclaimed.

“That’s NOT how you do prosthetics right,” Syrus Sy-ed.

“Aw, come on, Sy, stop making the OBVIOUS jokes!” Jaden urged. “What’s on your mind, Bastion, commin’ in and bustin’ up my walls?”

“Come with us, we’re going to do some good old-fashioned duel training!” Bastion ordered, pulling everybody away via leash.

“Aw, man!”

 

And so the group approached the cool training cliff. They all, along with the complete Bastion Baseball Wreckers Gang, began drawing cards in a synchronized fashion. “One, two, draw!” Bastion directed, smashing up a card with Omega-Xis. “One, two, draw! One, two, draw! One, two, draw!”

“Bastion, isn’t this a little useless?” Syrus asked.

“Why, of course not!” Bastion disagreed. “It’s exercising your dueling muscles!!

“Oh I feel smarter already!” Piggybank squealed!

“Well, Koala Ko Ala sure ain’t feelin’ the burn,” Cuts Man chuckled, pointing to the bear-like kid, who was passed out on his back.

“Oh, I can’t go on,” he panted.

“Now I know you can draw more than four cards, Koala!”

“But I didn’t eat my morning turkey yet…”

“Neither has Fred, and yet look at him!” Omega-Xis suggested, talking perfectly, even though his mouth was full of smashed trading cards.

 

“HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH…” Fluffy Fred was feeling the burn! He was drawing up a hurricane, picking up cards faster than you can say ‘A’!

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!!” Mann McOldsmobile gasped! “I gotta try that!” He pulled a card incorrectly, causing his entire deck to fall out, sloshing all over his feet. “Whoops.”

“Now do you all see?” Baseball Bob asked, like their father or something. “This is why you need to practice your ‘power drawing!’ If you don’t, during a Shadow Rider match, your ENTIRE DECK could fall out, humiliating yourself in front of the enemy!”

“Really?”

“Yeah, that’s what Bastion told me.”

 

“Whoops, looks like I just dropped a humiliating, incriminating trading card!” Syrus said, as he accidentally dropped a card.

“What’s all this, then?” Bastion asked, picking it up. It was some cat lady playing on an electrical drum set. “Thunder Nyan Nyan? You pervert! You have a cat girl fetish!”

“Waaaaaaah?! Where’s your proof?”

“Here,” Bastion said, pointing to the card.

“Aw, Bastion, don’t be so hard on him,” Jaden said, “Isn’t it NORMAL for depraved young boys like him to have a trading card they salivate over? Just because he doesn’t know what it’s like to feel a real woman doesn’t mean he isn’t a functioning member of society, y’know what I’m sayin’?”

“No, it’s weird. Syrus, you’re really weird.”

“Aw.”

“Hey, don’t make fun of him, I’ve got a ‘card crush’ as well!” Koala Ko Ala defended! He held out a card with a green haired fat lady whose robe was slipping off. “Dian Keto the Cure Master, guys! She reminds me of my girlfriend back home… Cassandra…”

“Well, y’know what they say… that teenagers are disgusting idiots,” Omega-Xis said.

 

“Well, I’ve got one myself!” Fluffy Fred proclaimed!

“Why does everybody sound so proud about this?” Bastion asked, confused. Fluffy Fred held out a copy of Nekogal #2.

“You’re the same as Syrus, but with more mature tastes; I approve,” Piggybank said sternly.

“AW YEAH!!” Fluffy Fred cheered.

“Why am I always at the bottom of the barrel?” Syrus whimpered.

“Eh, I really like THIS card,” Baseball Bob said sheepishly, holding out a Kuriboh.

“Either you don’t get this conversation or you’re worse than the rest of them,” Bastion claimed.

“Huh?”

“Bob, please go home and think about your actions today.”

“Okay.” Baseball Bob began the long, sad trek home.

“Look at THIS one,” Piggybank said, full of pride.

“Not YOU too,” Omega-Xis groaned.

“Thanks a lot, now I know that women suck just as much as men!” Bastion said sadly.

“Aw, look at it!” Piggybank showed off her ‘Bastion Misawa’ Duel Monsters card.

“… Don’t try to tell me that’s not bootlegged.”

“It is! I made it on Yugiohcardmaker.com!”

“You sicken me, Piggybank,” Mann McOldsmobile said, disapprovingly. He got a sharp quarter hurled into his forehead. “What I mean to say is, I’m sickened by your horrible usage of the card-creating technologies we’ve been given in today’s day and age. Look at this!” Mann McOldsmobile took out a completely censored card.

“AAAAAAAARGH, TAKE IT AWAAAAAAAAAAAY!!” Piggybank shrieked, punching Mann McOldsmobile into the horizon.

“Waaaagh, Mann!” Gut Man screamed, running after him, off the cliff.

“Cuts cuts cuts! You guys’ve got bad taste! Except for Mann.”

“What could a ROBOT possibly like that’s better than us, eh?” Fluffy Fred asked harshly.

“Limiter Removal,” Cuts Man revealed, taking out the Spell card. “Isn’t it just so HOT?! It’s some sort of speedometer, just BREAKING!”

“… Let’s ignore him,” Bastion suggested. Everybody faced away from Cuts Man.

“It’s ROBOT HUMOR! I was just kidding! Fine then, I’ll go follow Gut Man, then. Hmph.” Cuts Man leaped off the cliff and into the surf.

 

“All of you are terrible!” Bastion shouted! “Control your passions, please!”

“Yeah, y’whores!” Omega-Xis threw in for good measure.

“NOT A WHORE!!” Piggybank sobbed.

“At LEAST be like Jaden!” Bastion said, pointing to Jaden. “He’s too BUSY to have time for your silly ‘card crushes!’ He’s a real duelist, using them for their real purposes; not for porn, like that disgusting Mann guy.”

“What’s a crush?” Jaden asked.

“It’s like love, but more childish and arguably worse,” Syrus explained.

“What’s love, yo?” Jaden asked.

“Are you SURE he’s not worse than us?” Koala Ko Ala wondered.

“Yes, yes he isn't! Usually.”

Fluffy Fred had another idea. “Fine, sir, if it’ll please you and make me a better person, I’ll stop myself from ever loving again!!” Fluffy Fred stuck his hand into his chest and began squeezing his heart.

“Don’t do that, kid,” Omega-Xis commanded.

His eyes…! Fluffy Fred morbidly realized, staring into Omega-Xis’ eyes. They’re like blood-red pools of souls, ripe and ready for hell’s sentencing… Fluffy Fred pulled his hand out of his chest and began to apply a bandage. “Uh, okay, Mr. Omega-Xis.”

“Be quiet and go get that thing treated, alright?”

“YES SIR, MR. OMEGA-XIS SIR!!” Fluffy Fred screamed, running off into the jungle.

“NO, THE NURSE’S OFFICE IS THAT WAY, THAT… never mind,” Bastion decided.

 

“So, now what, since we’ve just cut out half of our cast we started out with?” Piggybank asked, nuzzling Bastion’s neck uncomfortably.

“We find out whose bag this is, of course!” Professor Banner announced, appearing out of nowhere with Garfield the cat! And a bag.

“MEOW,” Garfield meowed.

Aw man, not that creepy cat again! Syrus cringed.

“Like I said, bag!” Banner restated, holding up the mysterious duffle bag. “It was found somewhere in the forest, and we need to find out why it was there!”

“Why do we need to do that?” Omega-Xis asked.

“Oh, nice hand, Bastion.”

“Thank you, Professor Banner!” And with that, they all began walking with Banner for no good reason.

 

SEVERAL! MINUTES!! LATER!!!

Banner was leading the way as the group stumbled around in the forest in seemingly-random directions. “Are you SURE that the random bag was found way out here?” Piggybank asked, feeling antsy.

“Well of course,” Banner assured, “I found it around the ancient random coliseum.”

“Random coliseum?!” Syrus repeated. “Why should there be a random coliseum on the island?!”

“Well, remember those ancient Egyptians?” reminded Banner. “Maybe THEY did it.”

“Oh yeah, they sure were a riot!” Jaden laughed. “Oh, there’s the random coliseum!” He pointed to a dry plant-less clearing where a coliseum had been randomly built.

I’M GOING IN!!” Bastion shouted, running toward it!

“Oh, there goes my Action Bastion,” Piggybank sighed.

“Do you have any OTHER character traits besides loving Bastion way too much?” Jaden asked.

“Not yet, why?”

 

Everybody headed into the stone building for no good reason. As soon as they’d entered they saw several people doing various forms of hard labor. “Huh?” the main group wondered. “Why are they…”

Suddenly a tiger appeared in the pit of the coliseum! “What’s with the tiger?”

“GRAWWR!!” the tiger growled.

“BOOM!” shouted Omega-Xis, shooting it with a bright flash of energy, causing it to explode violently. All that was left were its four feet and a blood splatter across the ground.

“Oh no, my dear tiger!” cried a muscular, toned, large-breasted lady wearing her several spiky accessories and a brick-red ponytail. “How dare you all!”

“Why’s there a huge woman there?” the group asked itself. “What are we missing here?”

I’M IN LOVE!!” Bastion exclaimed!

“VVHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!” screamed his companions, especially Piggybank.

“I THOUGHT YOU PROCLAIMED YOUR LOVE TO ME!!” Piggybank screamed!

“Not really, and I’m into older women,” Bastion said.

“You’re even worse than Jaden now, yo!”

“Actually, he’s right, you’re really weird,” the lady in question told Bastion with a grimace. “I’m Tanya, the third of the Seven Stars, and I’m also an Amazon just because. Also I was forcing all of these people to build this coliseum because I had nothing better to do.”

“She just asked us to do it and we figured, ‘maybe we DO need a hobby besides trading cards,’” one student said, confirming her words.

 

“So, because I AM an Amazon, and I hate all men traditionally, which one of you boys am I dueling for a key?” Tanya asked.

“Me?” Jaden suggested.

“No, for I must conquer my fear of rejection!” Bastion shouted!

“NO… I WILL FIGHT YOU FOR THE LOVE OF MY MAN!!” Piggybank shouted, pushing Bastion and Jaden out of her way.

“Um, excuse me, girl, but are you REALLY sure that’s what you should be doing in this situation?” Tanya asked.

“Wh-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! I’M FIGHTING FOR LOVE!!”

“She’s right,” Omega-Xis said, “You’re acting really stupid for a boy who doesn’t really care about you all that much. Why can’t you just be cool like that Nancy Wut lady?”

“SHE has personality,” Syrus agreed.

“Oh, and Alexis is great, too,” Chazz mentioned.

“But… but… it’s who I AM!!” Piggybank screamed! “I can’t help it!”

“Yes you can, young lady!” Tanya shouted! “Come on, believe in yourself and liberate yourself from the shackles you’ve placed onto yourself!!”

“Yeah, I believe in you!” Bastion cheered.

“Uh… uh…” Piggybank exploded.

“… Well, that takes care of this scene. So should we Duel now?”

“Why not?”

 

The two Dueling Duelists walked off into the center of the coliseum. None of the audience could understand what was going on. “Tell me your name,” Tanya requested, pointing to Bastion.

“Omega-Xis—”

“Bastion Misawa,” Bastion said. “Though my hand’s named Omega-Xis. I like dueling and long walks in empty corridors.”

“That’s nice. But…” Tanya held out two decks, one in each palm. “I have two decks that I would normally use, but I always let my opponent choose which one they’ll be facing: the deck of knowledge, and the deck of courage. Which will you choose?”

“I choose knowledge because knowledge is power!”

“Doesn’t that mean you’re giving her the stronger deck, then?” Omega-Xis asked.

“Yeah, he really has a point there,” Banner agreed.

“D’aw, I can’t speak good around women!!”

“You can around Piggybank.”

“She’s not a woman, she’s a girl.”

“Anyways,” Tanya sighed, getting back to the topic at hand, “nice choice if I do say so myself.” She stuck her KNOWLEDGE!! deck into her somewhat-spiky Duel Disk.

“Maybe it IS a nice choice, but not as nice as the choice I’m making… FOR MYSELF!!” Bastion shouted, putting his OWN deck into his Duel Disk.

“That sounded TERRIBLE!”

“Oh shut up, Syrus!”

 

“Now if the peanut gallery would please silence themselves,” Tanya irritably growled, “I have ANOTHER announcement before the duel begins.”

“What is it?” Bastion asked.

“Well, because the Amazons historically ARE a tribe of women and have to periodically go out and find men in order to reproduce and carry on their bloodline…”

“I can see where this is going,” Syrus cringed.

“Where?” Koala Ko Ala asked. “Y’mean—”

“If I defeat Bastion, then he must help me bear my child!” Tanya announced! Everybody in the area at that time drank a large cup of water just to spit it out loudly.

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!” Piggybank screamed, exploding back into existence.

“I think you just set back ‘Women’s Rights’ a few years, ma’am,” Omega-Xis said.

“I give in, I lose,” Bastion said. Jaden, Syrus and Piggybank hit him in the head with large stone slabs.

“Yeah, you can call US whores, but YOU’RE the REAL whore around HERE!!” Syrus shouted.

“Who’m I supposed to look up to now, man?!” Jaden cried.

“Hey, lady!” Piggybank called, “I won’t have you stealing MY Bastion like this, not after I’ve shown in over thirty episodes’ worth of hilarious sexual hijinks how much my life revolves around his first confession to me! You’d better back off, or else it’s MY turn to take you on!!”

“DUEL!!” Bastion and Tanya exclaimed, ignoring her. (Bastion: 4000 Life Points, Tanya: 4000 Life Points)

 

“Were we all just ignored?” Syrus asked, confused.

“Yep!” Bastion answered, head bleeding dangerously. He wiped off his head, leaving it clean and non-bloody as a whistle, and got in the DOOL zone.

“I’ll start this duel off by summoning Amazoness Swords Woman,” Tanya said, summoning a lady with almond-colored skin, wild (really weird) red hair, and a big sword.

“NYEAAAAH!!” she screamed, like some sort of weird goblin thing. What a disgusting voice. (ASZ: 1500 Attack Points)

“I’ll also set one card face-down and end my turn,” Tanya said, ending her turn.

 

“Well then, I summon Hydrogeddon in Attack Mode!” Bastion said, summoning his cool kid to the field. (Hydrogeddon: 1600 Attack Points) “Attack her Swords Woman with… Water Attack!”

“Does every card have an official attack?” Omega-Xis asked.

“I don’t know, but it sure is fun to name those things.” And so, Hydrogeddon the water dino blasted a gush of water out of its mouth at the sword-wielding woman. She exploded, dropping her sword! It bounced off of the ground and lodged itself into Bastion’s head. “Ow!” (Bastion: 3900 Life Points) He pulled it out, allowing blood to burst out. He applied a handy bandage.

“I hope you remembered about Shadow Games, right kids?”

“What just went down, yo?” Jaden asked, confused.

“My Swords Woman’s ability is to redirect all Battle Damage I’d take and inflict it upon my opponent,” Tanya explained.

 

“What an idiot,” Koala Ko Ala sneered, “EVERYONE knows THAT card’s effect! Even me!”

“You did?” Syrus checked.

“…”

“He’s not being stupid, stupid!” Piggybank corrected. “Bastion may have less Life Points for now, but give him a moment…”

“Oh yeah, NOW I remember what made Hydrogeddon non-useless!” Banner recalled.

“I feel like I need to say something to make this conversation come full-circle, yo,” Jaden said. “Yo! Bastion’s no dum-dum!”

“WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT MY FATHER!?!?” Koala Ko Ala sobbed.

“Huh?”

 

“Exactly!” Bastion affirmed! “I use Hydrogeddon’s ability to summon another copy of itself from my deck, since I just killed a monster with it!” Another Hydrogeddon splooshed up to the plate out of the ground! (Hydrogeddon: 1600 Attack Points)

“Told you!” Piggybank giggled.

“You’re defenseless, so now we’re going to wage a direct attack!” Omega-Xis announced!

“Hey, only I say that!” Bastion growled.

“Sorry, boss. Now YOUR HAND says it.”

“Well, gosh dangit!”

“WE’LL see who’s waging a direct attack once I play my Trap card, Pride of Tribe!” She flipped up her face-down card, which showed a lone Amazonian warrior stepping atop a very large rock in the middle of the night of the full moon. Was there to be a werewolf involved…? “Now, because you’ve just destroyed an Amazon of mine, I can summon a new one from my deck in Attack mode! I’ll summon my Amazoness Paladin!” A cool Amazonian sorceress lady appeared, holding her staff of power. (Amazoness Paladin: 1700 -> 1800 Attack Points)

“What’s with her power level?” Bastion gulped.

“She gains 100 Attack Points for every other Amazon monster on the field, since that’s her effect,” Tanya explained.

“Aw damn it!” Piggybank groaned loudly.

“I guess that’s all I can do, then,” Bastion sighed, wiping his forehead.

“Um, you can set that card in my mouth,” Omega-Xis said, wiggling around one of the cards in his mouth in order to be noticed.

“BAST-YUUUUUUUN, DON’T BE A JERK!!” Piggybank screamed!

“Men aren’t supposed to crave getting laid until they’re in College™!” Syrus said. “Before then it’s just really immature and frowned upon!”

“Really?” Bastion asked.

“As a matter of fact, yeah.”

“Oh. Well, I still end my turn.”

BASTION!!

 

“Well, I hope that by now you’ve really realized where you are in this game,” Tanya said like a real narrator. “You’re behind in Life Points, you’ve lost your field advantage, and it’s my turn! I’ll end this game in three turns or less!”

“Less talky more duel-y!” Jaden heckled. “I didn’t PAY to watch THIS!!”

“You paid?” Banner asked.

“Not really, I’m just jivin’. But I am bored.”

 

Wait, Bastion thought, What am I doing? Aren’t I dueling for the sake of the free world here? Damn, I forgot, all thanks to her boobs! I’ll show her! I’ll show her why you don’t try to distract me… IN A DUEL!!

There he goes again, Omega-Xis thought.

“Miss Tanya,” Bastion said, “I do believe you’re trying to distract me.”

“What?” Tanya asked. “Whatever do you mean?”

“You’ve told me that winning means that I get to do things which I’m not at leisure to explain.”

“Yeah, so?”

“YOU’RE ONLY DOING THAT TO CATCH ME OFF-GUARD, TO DISTRACT ME IN THIS DUEL!!” Bastion shouted!

“Actually, you may be onto something,” Omega-Xis supposed.

“Who cares, you already agreed to the terms, and I don’t have any time for bribing or adoption! I summon the Amazoness Chain Master!” A lady with cool hair and blue tigery clothing leaped onto the field, holding her really long chain spearing device. (Amazoness Chain Master: 1500 Attack Points, Amozoness Paladin: 1800 -> 1900 Attack Points) “Now, Amazoness Paladin, attack his Hydrogeddon!” Tanya ordered. The paladin lady fired out a cool holographic star at Hydrogeddon, blowing it up. (Bastion: 3600 Life Points) “Next, Chain Master, attack!” The chain-user threw her chain stabbing weapon at Hydrogeddon. It bounced off of its watery hide, doing nothing. (Tanya: 3900 Life Points)

 

“THAT was dumb,” Jaden insisted.

“No it wasn’t.”

“Yes it was, yo! Now shut up!”

“I SAID it wasn’t; when Amazoness Chain Master is destroyed, I can add one card from my opponent’s hand into my own by paying 1500 Life Points,” Tanya stated, “and I’ll be taking that one card your hand was talking about earlier, kid.” (Tanya: 2400 Life Points) The Amazoness Chain Master threw her chain at one of the cards in Bastion’s hand and, satisfied, detonated. (Amazoness Paladin: 1900 -> 1800 Attack Points)

“Ugh, I told you ya’ shoulda’ set that one,” Omega-Xis grimaced, throwing the card over like a bent-up Frisbee. Tanya caught it and stared at it for a moment.

Ugh, why’s it so bent up like this? That boy needs to take better care of his cards. “Thanks for the Ring of Destruction,” she thanked with a wink.

“Aw man, not THAT card!” Syrus cried! “Now she’s gonna blow up a monster and win! But first she needs to have more Life Points than you, Bastion, so you’re okay.”

“I know that already! And don’t think I’m trying to lose anymore, so don’t make any more jabs about that, either!”

“Yay!” Piggybank cheered, as if everything was really okay…

 

“So I’ll set that card and two others, and I’ll call that my turn,” Tanya finished.

“Then I’ll summon Oxygeddon!” Bastion said, summoning Oxygeddon. “Then I activate Bonding – H2O!” The three cards began combining together!

“What? What does that do?” Tanya asked.

“It just allows me to summon a monster called Water Dragon!” The three-dinosaur combo quickly turned into the cool guy that we all know and love. They became a tremendously large and long dragon creature formed from water, flicking its tail around like a hungry snake eying its next snack.

“HYAGOOOOOON!!” it roared! (Water Dragon: 2800 Attack Points)

“Oh, how threatening,” Tanya chuckled.

“Yes it is,” Bastion assured, “and now it’ll be attacking your Paladin!” The Water Dragon spat out a large wad of water at the Paladin lady!

 

“Sorry, but I’m using the card Zero Sprite,” Tanya said, activating one of her Traps. Showing a gorilla encased in a large blue aura, it caused an identical aura to surround her Amazoness Paladin. “This Trap card decreases the Attack Points of one of my monsters to 0.”

“Why do you want to do THAT?!” Bastion wondered, as the large water projectile ball simply hung in the air, waiting for the chance to hit something.

“Because I activate my NEXT card, Dramatic Rescue!” Her next Trap card had some lady attached to a tree, whose captors were racing toward, as one lone arm reached out for her from the picture’s borders… “Because my Zero Sprite card affects one of my monsters, I can simply substitute them with an Amazoness in my hand,” Tanya expressed. “I’ll be equipping Zero Sprite to my Amazoness Swords Woman!” The Amazoness Paladin disappeared in a smoky poof of smoke, replaced by the one woman from before, who took on the blue aura herself. (Amazoness Swords Woman: 0 Attack Points)

 

“Oh crap, Water Dragon, don’t attack her! DON’T!!” Omega-Xis and Bastion screamed together!

“You already declared your attack!” Tanya laughed! “I win, a-ha ha ha ha!!” The water hit Amazoness Swords Woman hard enough to send her sword flying into Bastion’s right shoulder, spraying blood out in a dangerous manner!

“WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!” Bastion screamed! (Bastion: 800 Life Points)

“This IS a Shadow Game, remember!” Syrus screamed! “Bastion, you hafta’ get outta there, now!”

“No, Syrus,” Banner said solemnly, “once you enter a Shadow Game, you cannot leave until it is over.”

“So we can’t do anything?” Koala Ko Ala worried.

“DAMN IT, LADY!!” Jaden and Piggybank leaped out from their seats and rammed into the duel pit, where they smashed into some sort of dueling barrier of some sort.

“THE HELL IS THIS?!” Jaden asked loudly.

“He told ya’ that you can’t stop this duel,” Tanya said, “so just go away! I’m busy now!”

“EFF THAT!” Piggybank shouted! She and Jaden gave the barrier one big smashing punch and blew in into smithereens!

 

Not really, they just hurt their hands. “Owwwwww…” Jaden cried.

“This sucks! Let us in!” Piggybank went on.

Isn’t this just like Duel Island? Syrus remembered. He envisioned that weird darkness dome that encased Chazz and Yuki during their final duel. What’s up with all these connections, here?

“Now, it’s my turn!” Tanya announced, drawing one last card. “I summon Amazoness Blowpiper!” A small-yet-physically fit lady with cool hair leaped out onto the field, holding her blowpipe close to her chest. (Amazoness Blowpiper: 800 Attack Points)

“Crap!” Omega-Xis cried!

“This is it!” Bastion whimpered.

“I activate your Ring of Destruction card and tribute my Amazoness Blowpiper!” The magic grenade ring of truth appeared around the pipe lady’s neck and detonated with a fiery explosion. (Tanya: 1600 Life Points, Bastion: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

 

Tanya emerged unharmed, but Bastion was covered in explosive smudges of smoke. “Koff koff,” he wheezed, “ugh, losing sucks…”

“Bastion, buddy, hang on!” Omega-Xis cried! “Come on, stay up!” Bastion wiggled a bit until he fell on his face.

“Okay, everyone, show’s over, go home.” She lifted Bastion onto her shoulder and began walking away.

“WAITWAITWAITWOAHWOAHWOAH!!” Omega-Xis screamed! “What’re you doing?! Are you going to do… that stuff to him while he’s unconscious?! AND I’M NOT?!?!”

“Yeah, that blood loss’ll make sure he’s out for… around seven hours,” Tanya guessed.

“Oh crap, that’s not good,” Jaden gulped. “Rape is no joke, people! Someone get me a combat knife!”

“Gimmee that.” Piggybank tore the Spirit Key right off of Jaden’s neck.

“Ow.”

 

The pig-eared girl ran up to Tanya and drop-kicked her in the back. “Ow, what’s your problem?” Tanya asked forcefully.

“If you won’t give me back Bastion, then I’ll wager this Spirit Key in order to try and get him AND his key back!” Piggybank bet.

“Oh yeah, I forgot that was what I came here for…” Tanya picked up a large candle and set it on the ground, then lit it. “Alright, this large candle will be burning for around five hours. If you come back then, I’ll accept your rematch and duel you for your boyfriend.”

“He’s not her boyfriend!” Omega-Xis shouted! Everybody gave him an odd glance. “What, she isn’t. What’re you guys implying?”

“… Ignoring that, now get out of here, I’ve got to tidy up a bit in here.” Tanya snapped her fingers, summoning her cool tiger’s replacement tiger, which freaked everybody out of the arena in a large stampede.

 

“Damn it, we lost Bastion,” Jaden grumbled, disappointed.

“Well, don’t worry, Piggybank’ll win him back, judging by this show’s plotline!” Banner insisted, still holding Garfield.

“What happened to Piggybank, anyways?” Koala Ko Ala wondered, rolling with them like a dangerous boulder. “Shouldn’t she be running with us?”

“Hmm,” Syrus thought, “good point.”

 

“WHAAAAAAAT?! MY PROTÉGÉ BASTION LOST!!” Crowler shrieked, running alongside Piggybank in the crowd!

“Yeah, and I’m going to win him back, as I just told you!” Piggybank promised! “I’m dueling for love!” A random boy bumped into her as he ran by. “DIE!!” Piggybank threw a nickel at him.

“WAGH, NICKEL!!” the boy cried, as he tripped and fell, trampled by the horde of stupid people behind him.

 

“Back to our current conversation,” Crowler sighed, “you’ve never been recorded dueling at Duel Academy.”

“But I DO duel, sometimes!”

“Oh please. You have a C average overall, because in Duel Class and Rulebook Demonstration Explanation Class you do nothing but stare at and drool on Misawa.”

“But he’s awesome!” Piggybank said. “He was the first person to ever imply that they loved me…”

 

 

She grew up in a household with a very remarkable older sister, whom was showered with affection by their parents.

“Bunnyear’s great!” they said. “Just look at her, she has bunny ears AND a television screen on her stomach! Isn’t that incredible?!”

“Yeah,” Bunnyear said, “look! It REALLY WORKS!”

‘Aaaaand it’s gonna be a real scorcher out there, folks, as temperatures around the tri-state area are gonna be heatin’ up! The low’s gonna be somewhere around 69 degrees, and the high MAY fluctuate up to 120 degrees, thanks to that ozone hole right above the city, so this may be our warmest December yet!’

 

Nobody really cared much for Piggybank; her family was always watching the television in her sister’s belly. She had to do everything for herself, like wash her clothes, fix her meals, and even buy her own school supplies, ever since she stopped being a baby and cute and everything, losing her parents’ interest. All of those hardships all played their part in strengthening young Piggybank to levels unseen before in pig-eared children, somehow, for some reason.

 

And then came school! All the children made fun of her.

“Heh, your ears are like PIG ears!”

“Hey, do you eat bacon?”

“Your ears are like pig EARS!”

“Why’s there money in your head?”

“Heh, you’re just a PIGGYBANK! Wait, that’s not funny, it’s your name…”

“Your EARS are like PIG EARS!”

“Hey, her ears are pig ears. And she’s got a bank slot in her head. OH, THAT’S why she’s named PIGGYBANK! Your parents must be real jerks.”

 

Naturally, she abused her unnatural strength and beat the kids up. This resulted in several parent-teacher conferences on the subject, and yet, her parents were too busy watching their eldest daughter’s televisionbelly, so Piggybank improvised with person-shaped cardboard cut-outs, colored in with crayon. Surprisingly, they worked. This meant that she faced absolutely NO negative punishments, and no punishment means one bad/ignored/spoiled/loner child.

 

But the teasing really hurt her. Couldn’t she just go away somewhere, to get away from it all? Someplace where bullies wouldn’t go, for fear of being labeled ‘losers’? The answer came in the form of a commercial she overheard one night during a ‘Wednesday steak n’ ice cream sundae dinner’. ‘Hey, duelists,’ Kaiba ordered, ‘come to my Duel Monsters school because I told you to! While there, you can humiliate your card-playing friends and live on a volcanic island! And if that isn’t extreme enough for you idiots, you can kill other students without any form of punishment or consequences! I’m not asking for YOU to come to MY school, YOU need to grovel and plead, prostrate before me, maggots! I OWE YOU NOTHING! Entrance exams take place tomorrow at any town that matters, and I know how much YOU wanna go. So come on down to Kaibaland Duel Academy. ‘Where a kid can have fun.’’ He ended the promo with a sickening half-assed smile.

 

That was all Piggybank needed to hear. A boarding school for card-playing nerds? Where she could kill the few that would make witty quips about her freakish biology?! Sign her up! So she calmly walked up into her parents’ bedroom, took a golden watch and diamond band, walked over to the nearest ‘WE BUY YOUR GOLD’ building and sold them for cash, bought some weird-kid-off-the-street’s Duel Monsters deck and bought a subway ticket down to the nearest town where entrance exams were taking place.

 

***

 

“Hey baby, wanna go out sometime?” asked a certain boy. Piggybank stared at him in disbelief.

“Oh, uh, I don’t… know what to say…” she stuttered out, blushing and looking away. This was the first time she’d ever been shown any actual love! Or so she’d thought, since she didn’t realize how bland and un-serious the boy sounded. And at that point in time she decided that she was going to love him, no matter how twisted and demented her idea of love was. This marked the birth of the Baseball Wreckers Gang, circa Episode Eleven.

 

“And that, Dr. Crowler, is why I need to go back there and duel for the first time since stepping onto this island in order to save my man!”

“I’m sorry, but you lost me at the part with the rabbit-eared girl,” Crowler said. “Why did the parents always watch her TV when they probably had a great one in their den?”

“… I don’t know… but I don’t care! It’s time for me to do something!”

“Maybe SHE was their den,” another random kid suggested.

“Okay.”

 

 

[spoiler=Episode 41: Duel Distractions - Part Two]PREVIOUSLY YO ON YU-GI-OH! GX! THE FAN FIC YO!

 

“I’m Tanya, the third of the Seven Stars, and I’m also an Amazon just because. Also I was forcing all of these people to build this coliseum because I had nothing better to do.”

“She just asked us to do it and we figured, ‘Maybe we DO need a hobby besides trading cards,’” one student said, confirming her words.

 

“So, because I AM an Amazon, and I hate all men, which one of you boys am I dueling for a key?” Tanya asked.

“Me?” Jaden suggested.

“No, for I must conquer my fear of rejection!” Bastion shouted!

“NO… I WILL FIGHT YOU FOR THE LOVE OF MY MAN!!” Piggybank shouted, pushing Bastion and Jaden out of her way.

“Um, excuse me, girl, but are you REALLY sure that’s what you should be doing in this situation?” Tanya asked.

“Wh-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! I’M FIGHTING FOR LOVE!!”

“She’s right,” Omega-Xis said, “You’re acting really stupid for a boy who doesn’t really care about you all that much. Why can’t you just be cool like that Nancy Wut lady?”

“SHE has personality,” Syrus agreed.

“Oh, and Alexis is great, too,” Chazz mentioned.

“But… but… it’s who I AM!!” Piggybank screamed! “I can’t help it!”

 

“Now if the peanut gallery would please shut up,” Tanya irritatedly growled, “I have ANOTHER announcement before the duel begins.”

“What is it?” Bastion asked.

“Well, because the Amazons historically ARE a tribe of women and have to periodically go out and find men in order to reproduce and carry on their bloodline…”

“I can see where this is going,” Syrus cringed.

“Where?” Koala Ko Ala asked. “Y’mean—”

“If I defeat Bastion, then he must help me bear my child if he loses!” Tanya announced! Everybody in the area at that time drank a large cup of water just to spit it out loudy.

 

“Oh crap, Water Dragon, don’t attack her! DON’T!!” Omega-Xis and Bastion screamed together!

“You already declared your attack!” Tanya laughed! “I win, a-ha ha ha ha!!” The water hit Amazoness Swords Woman hard enough to send her sword flying into Bastion’s right shoulder, spraying blood out in a dangerous manner!

“WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!” Bastion screamed!

 

“WHAAAAAAAT?! MY PROTÉGÉ BASTION LOST!!” Crowler shrieked!

“Yeah, and I’m going to win him back, as I just told you!” Piggybank promised! “I’m dueling for love!”

 

“And that, Dr. Crowler, is why I need to go back there and duel for the first time since stepping onto this island in order to save my man!”

“I’m sorry, but you lost me at the part with the rabbit-eared girl,” Crowler said. “Why did the parents always watch her TV when they probably had a great one in their den?”

“… I don’t know… but I don’t care! It’s time for me to do something!”

“Okay.”

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 41: The Episode Where Piggybank Accidentally Looks too Cool, my Bad

 

Jaden, Syrus, Koala Ko Ala and Banner were all standing by the entrance of the giant random coliseum, around sunset-time. “Ugh, what’s TAKIN’ Piggybank so long? Jaden cried, tired of waiting.

“Maybe she’s doing girly stuff,” Koala Ko Ala thought, “like… emptying the change from her head.” Suddenly there was a large explosion, knocking Koala Ko Ala into the air!

“KOALA KO ALAAAAA!!” Syrus cried!

“This means Piggybank’s back!” Banner reasoned!

“That’s right,” Piggybank said, walking through the smoke with a Duel Disk. Following her were Fluffy Fred and Baseball Bob.

“My chest is bandaged!” Fluffy Fred said, showing off his chest bandages!

“And I learned what I accidentally insisted on earlier!” Baseball Bob said, now much wiser than before!

“Well I guess they’re a good replacement for Mann McOldsmobile and the robots for today,” Jaden shrugged.

“They fell off a cliff! Of COURSE they’re not okay!” Syrus said. “Also, WHERE IS KOALA?!”

“I’ve fallen off of that thing LOTSA times,” Jaden recalled.

“True…” Koala Ko Ala fell from the sky right next to the group.

“I’m back!” he said, climbing to his feet.

 

“So now we’re all here and ready to duel for Bastion and that one Spirit Key,” Banner said, “and we FINALLY get to see one of the side characters duel!”

“It’s happened before,” Syrus insisted.

“Well I didn’t get to see it! Was I featured in the fourth episode? No!”

“SHUT UP!!” Piggybank shouted! Everybody turned to her. “Now let’s go.” She calmly led the group into the coliseum and toward certain duelage. Within were Tanya and a box. And a nearly-melted candle.

 

“Why hello, everybody,” Tanya greeted, pointing to her large, nearly-melted candle, “you’ve made it just in time! So, what was the agreement again?”

“I’m dueling you, the skank,” Piggybank recalled, “and if I win, I get your Spirit Key and my Bastion. If I lose, then you keep Bastion and Jaden’s Spirit Key.”

“Sorry, dear, but there’s going to be a bit of a change here.” Tanya kicked the box a few times. “See, I put Bastion into this easy-to-carry box. If I win, I don’t just want a Spirit Key; I also want to add another man to my man-box!” Tanya looked at Jaden.

PLEASE HELP ME!!” Omega-Xis cried, muffled by the box’s box attributes.

“Crap, Bastion!” Baseball Bob and Syrus cried!

“BOOOOOSS!!” Fluffy Fred screamed!

“And Omega-Xis!” Koala Ko Ala added.

“How COULD you put him in a box! I won’t STAND for this!!” Piggybank roared!

“WHAAAAAAAA?! YOU’RE BETTING MEEEEEEEEEE?!?!” Jaden sobbed.

“Of course, I don’t want anybody to crush Bastion, and nobody wants Syrus.”

“Hey!” Syrus said.

“I WON’T let you keep my Bastion in a small box!” Piggybank vowed! “Come on, let’s duel!”

“Alright then,” Tanya said, turning on her Duel Disk, “but this time I won’t give you the liberty of choosing my deck. I’m using MY POWER DECK tonight!” She smashed a deck into her Duel Disk and got into her SERIOUS pose!

 

“DUEL!!” (Tanya: 4000 Life Points, Piggybank: 4000 Life Points)

“I’m going first, and I’m setting one card face-down!” Piggybank announced, setting down a monster.

“GO, PIGGYBANK, FOR THE PRIDE OF BASTIOOOOOOOOOOON!!” Fluffy Fred screamed!

“And me, too!” Jaden cried. He buried his face in Banner’s stomach. “I need a hug…”

“Uh, Jaden, get off of me before I kill you.”

 

“Well then, I’ll start out by playing Amazoness Village!” Tanya announced! Some trees and straw huts appeared around the coliseum. “This Field Spell gives all of my Amazonesses two-hundred extra Attack Points, and when one of them is sent to the Graveyard I can summon another one of the same level to the field.”

“Fine by me,” Piggybank said, understanding.

“Next I’ll summon the Amazoness Trainer!” A young lady with a chain-based stabbing weapon and blue tiger print clothing appeared. (Amazoness Trainer: 1500 -> 1700 Attack Points) “Attack her monster, with your Chain Stabber!” The girl threw her weapon, spearing through the monster, revealing it as a weird shiny sphere of some sort. She swung the orb around on her chain until it flew off and into Piggybank’s Duel Disk. (Amazoness Trainer: 1700 -> 1900 Attack Points)

 

“Now you see, when my Trainer destroys a monster by battle, it gets placed at the bottom of your deck and she gains 200 more Attack Points,” Tanya explained. “I’ll now set a card and end my turn.” She set a Trap card named Amazoness Archers.

“Come on, Piggybank!” Baseball Bob cheered! “You can… uh, win!”

“I know, you don’t have to tell me!” Piggybank growled. “I activate Valhalla, Hall of the Fallen!” A cool Romanesque temple appeared in the middle of the Amazonian village. “It allows me to Special Summon any Fairy-type card from my hand when I don’t control any monsters!”

“Heh, I think I know what kind of deck she’s using here,” Banner smirked.

“A Fairy deck?” Syrus guessed.

“No, you stupid student, pay more attention!”

“Aw.”

“I Special Summon the Agent of Creation – Venus!” A cool golden winged lady appeared, somehow levitating three azure, crimson, and mauve orbs around herself. (Venus: 1600 Attack Points) “Next I’ll use her ability: I pay 1500 Life Points to summon three ‘Mystical Shine Balls’ from my deck!” Three copies of the thing Tanya forced back into Piggybank’s deck earlier appeared around the Venus lady. (Mystical Shine Ball: 500 Attack Points, Piggybank: 2500 Life Points) “Then I’ll tribute one of my Mystical Shine Balls to summon The Agent of Judgment – Saturn!” One of the cool orbs cracked open, releasing a flood of light, and then a blue winged man in some regal-looking robes. (Saturn: 2400 Attack Points)

 

Oh, looks like she’s an alright Duelist, Tanya decided. I can still get out of this situation, though. I’ll just use my Amazoness Archers, weakening all of her monsters by 500 points, which means she’ll likely try to attack with her Saturn to kill my Trainer AND itself. Then with my Amazoness Village, I’ll summon another monster with more Attack than the others have and use her to absorb all of her monster’s attacks, leaving her field open for a direct assault next turn.

“Now before I attack, I’ll use two more cards: Supremacy Berry and Sanctuary in the Sky!” A cool dove flew by, dropping a berry into Piggybank’s hand. “Owm!” she snacked. (Piggybank: 4500 Life Points)

“And that card does…?”

“If I have lower Life Points than you, I can gain 2000 Life Points,” Piggybank stated.

“OH YEAH, LIFE POINTS ADVANTAGE!!” Fluffy Fred and Koala Ko Ala screamed!

“Then my Sanctuary in the Sky takes the place of your Field Spell, and I take no damage from any battles involving Fairy monsters!” The village suddenly turned into a really big floating temple hanging above everyone’s heads. (Amazoness Trainer: 1900 -> 1700 Attack Points)

“Aw, no!” Tanya sighed. “This isn’t going to end well.”

“Attack, Agent of Judgment! Judgment of Space!” Piggybank commanded! The envoy of Saturn’s eyes flashed, summoning a large stream of dust, ice and stones from the sky in a wide arc, smashing into the trainer girl!

 

“I activate the Trap card: Amazoness Archers!” Tanya announced in a last-ditch effort! Her face-down card disappeared, releasing a shower of arrows from the sky! They all hit each of Piggybank’s monsters at least once each. (Venus: 1100 Attack Points, Mystical Shine Ball: 0 Attack Points, Saturn: 1900 Attack Points) “Now all of your monster lose 500 Attack Points and have to attack me.”

“So? Continue!” Saturn’s attack smashed the Amazoness gal into oblivion by ripping her body to shreds. (Tanya: 3800 Life Points)

“Now Venus, Shine Balls!”

“Please stop saying ‘balls’, it makes me uncomfortable.”

“Shut up, Syrus!”

“Since when did I become the team punching-bag, anyways?”

“I forget! Attack with Judgment of Light!” The three spheres got into a formation around Venus, along with her own multi-colored orbs in a wide circle pattern. Venus held out her arms palms-first, making all the spheres release large rays of rainbow-colored light! They hit their mark.

“Uuugh,” Tanya groaned, her skin singed slightly. (Tanya: 2900 Life Points)

“Care to try and out-do me now?” Piggybank invited.

 

“Don’t try me, you’re just a side-character invented for no reason!” Tanya growled. “I set another two cards face-down and summon Amazoness Sage.” A woman wearing a shroud with cool indigo hair appeared, holding a neat staff. (Amazoness Sage: 1400 Attack Points) “I’ll attack with her and destroy your Venus, activating her effect: to destroy one of your Spells or Traps at the end of the Damage Step! And I believe I’ll be choosing your Field Spell, hmm hmm hmm.” The sage woman ran toward the woman and hit her in the head with her staff. The golden angel woman exploded! Then the giant sanctuary above the duel began breaking apart, dropping large stones down onto the field and audience.

“AAAAAAH, WATCH OUT!!” Koala Ko Ala screamed!

“It’s only holographic!” Banner insisted, getting hit in the head and fainting.

“SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING, IT’S A SHADOW DUEL, SO WE’RE LITERALLY GOING TO DIE AND STUFF, YO!!” Jaden screamed!

“I almost forgot about that,” Piggybank shrugged. “I’ll discard Herald of Orange Light and The Agent of Force – Mars from my hand in order to negate the Sage’s effect and kill her!” A cool orange crystal sprite thing floated down from the sky and landed onto the Amazoness Sage’s shoulder.

“Huh? Aw,” she coddled, “it’s so cu—” She exploded along with it, leaving the floating temple safe.

“Damn, you really ARE good,” Tanya gasped.

“Tell me why we can’t have a main character like her,” Syrus asked.

 

“My turn!” Piggybank cheered!

“YEAH, WIN THE GAME YEAAAAAH!!”

“Quiet, Fred! You’re ruining my scene with your ugly! I summon The Agent of Wisdom – Mercury!” A blue-green angel man with no hair appeared with a cool tablet. (Mercury: 0 Attack Points) “Since I have no cards in my hand, I’ll just attack with Saturn! Go!” The giant rig of ice debris began falling from the sky again.

“No you won’t, because I activate Negate Attack!” The first of the stones clashed with a purple barrier of some sort, dissolving all the spacestuff. “Your Battle Phase is over now.”

Aw damn it, that was a waste, Piggybank complained. I should’ve just used Saturn’s effect instead of attacking; it would’ve been more useful… “I’ll just end my turn now.”

 

“Then I’ll play the card Monster Reborn!” Tanya announced, as her Amazoness Trainer rose onto the field again! “Next I’ll sacrifice my Trainer for Amazoness Queen!” The trainer faded away into sparkles and was replaced by a blue-haired woman with a skull eyepatch, a red cape, and a massive (think three-times the size of her body) one-handed sword. She came with a fashionable throne. (Amazoness Queen: 2600 Attack Points) “Destroy her Agent of Judgment!” The queen lifted and threw her large sword at Saturn’s face, cutting right through, spraying blood and brains all over the place. An Amazonian subordinate ran up to her majesty and handed her a new sword, after much heaving.

“Well THAT was violent,” Baseball Bob gulped.

“Next I’ll activate my face-down: Queen’s Selection!” Tanya’s card featured the Amazoness Queen ordering the Amazoness Trainer out to battle. “Because I destroyed a monster by battle, now I can summon another Amazon from my deck!” The Amazoness Queen snapped her fingers, summoning a giant Bengal Tiger to the field! (Amazoness Tiger: 1100 -> 1900 Attack Points)

“What’s the dilly-o with that card?” Jaden asked in a hip fashion.

“My Amazoness Tiger gains 400 Attack Points for every Amazoness on the field, and she’s the only monster you’re allowed to attack from now on!” Tanya explained. “Now my replacement tigeress, maul her Shine Ball!”

“GRAWOR!!” The tigress leaped onto one of the two remaining Mystical Shine Balls and began biting into it and ripping it apart! Blood flowed freely everywhere, as if it were an angel from Neon Genesis Evangelion.

“ARGH, THE MEMORIES ARE COMING BACK!!” Syrus screamed, clutching his head.

 

So the tiger killed the ball and walked back to Tanya’s side of the field. “I think I’ll call that a turn,” Tanya reckoned. AND YET AGENT OF WISDOM – MERCURY GLOWED!! “Now what’s with him?”

“When I have no cards in my hand during your End Phase, he lets me draw an extra card on my Standby Phase,” Piggybank said, drawing two cards.

“YEAH, DO SOMETHING COOL!!” Fluffy Fred screamed!

“SHUT IT ALREADY!! I’ll Tribute my two monsters to summon Guardian Angel – Joan!” Piggybank announced, bringing a blonde lady martyr onto the field. That was a bad description. (Joan: 2800 Attack Points) “Whenever she destroys a monster I can gain Life Points equal to the Attack Points of the killed monster! I’m looking at a cool 1900 right here, so go on! Brilliant Revenge!” Joan’s eyes turned green.

 

The Amazoness Tiger was suddenly wrapped up in random ropes. “Gar?” she gasped. The ropes pulled the tiger’s legs apart as she was magically pushed against a large wooden pillar that had appeared right then and there. Now stuck to the pillar, a roaring fire started up the stake!

“BWAHAHAHAHA!!” Joan laughed! “BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!” I hope you get the historical reference. By the end of the attack, the tigeress was a charred mess, barely recognizable anymore. (Tanya: 2000 Life Points)

“Hm?” The Amazoness Queen glared at what was left of the tiger. This really spooked her out, so she decided to come back to life rather than face her anger.

“What? Why’s she still here?”Piggybank asked.

“CHEATER!!” Fluffy Fred accused.

“Not a cheater! My Amazoness Queen’s ability prevents any Amazoness monsters from being destroyed by battle, which makes your Joan’s ability useless.”

“Well fine, I’ll end my turn,” Piggybank huffed.

“Then I’ll activate the Spell card Amazoness Fighting Spirit!” Tanya announced! A Spell card appeared, showing an Amazoness Fighter lady going Super Saiyan (citation needed). “Now as long as this card is active on the field, when an Amazoness attacks a stronger monster, she gains 1000 Attack Points for the battle!”

“Hey lady, I have that card too!” Jaden called. “Y’know, it’s called SKYSCRAPER.”

“You shut up until later! My Tiger will now kill your Guardian Angel – Joan!” Tanya yelled! (Amazoness Tiger: 1900 -> 2900 Attack Points) The tiger leaped onto the guardian angel and began to rip her to shreds. Pieces of limp flesh were showered upon the audience.

“Ew!” the audience cried.

 

“WAIT!!” Bob yelled. “Piggybank’s got no monsters! She’s defenseless!”

Oh crap, Piggybank realized.

“Amazoness Queen, stab her!” Tanya ordered! The Amazoness Queen tossed her second sword at Piggybank!

“PIGGYBANK!!”

(Piggybank: 1900 Life Points)

 

The sword hit Piggybank in the head. The blow knocked her limp body onto the ground. “… Pig… Piggybank?” Baseball Bob whispered.

“Aw man. Did she really just… die?” Syrus muttered.

“Oh no oh no oh no,” Jaden repeated. “This can’t be happening.”

“That’s because it’s NOT!!” Piggybank roared, pulling the blade from her forehead! She showed it to the group, revealing that the blade had been flattened against her rock-hard head!

“PIGGEHBAAAAAANK!!” Fluffy Fred shrieked with glee!

“Th-that’s impossible!” Tanya gasped! “How could you live through that?!”

“It’s because… I’M LIVING FOR LOVE!! I WILL NOT LET YOU KILL ME BEFORE I SAVE MY FUTURE HUSBAND!!” Piggybank shouted!

The power of love DOES exist!! Koala Ko Ala learned.

“It’s time for me to win, for I tire of your antics, lady!” Piggybank furiously drew her card. “I play another Supremacy Berry!” Another dove cruised by and dropped another berry into her mouth. “Mmm, that’s some good berry.” (Piggybank: 2900 Life Points)

 

“How long were you saving that?” Tanya asked curiously.

“Long enough. Now I play Pot of Greed!” Piggybank got a cool ugly pot, which she crushed with her own hands. She tore two cards from the top of her deck. “Now I can play Hall of Valhalla again to summon Athena!” A really cool woman in a silken white toga with matching magic spear-shield-and-helmet combo appeared. (Athena: 2600 Attack Points) “Next I’ll tribute Athena to summon another Agent of Judgment – Saturn!” Athena began to fade away, but as she did, her spear fired a magic laser from its tip! “This means that Athena’s ability activates! I can deal six-hundred damage to your Life Points by summoning a Fairy!” Athena’s spear laser struck Tanya’s arm.

“Ngh,” she growled. (Tanya: 1400 Life Points)

“Now the difference in our Life Points is… 1500, right?” Piggybank checked. “Yep, then it’s time. I activate Saturn’s ability: by tributing him, I can deal the difference in our life as damage to you!”

“Oh crap,” Tanya gasped, “You don’t mean that…”

“JUDGMENT!!” Piggybank shrieked! Saturn held his arms above his body and looked toward the heavens. His traditional debris storm began raining down toward Tanya.

“ALL I WANTED WAS TO HAVE A BABY AND DESTROY THE WOOOOOORLD!!” Tanya’s body was ripped apart and carried into outer space by Saturn’s attack. The end. (Tanya: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

 

“WOOOOOT!!” Bastion cheered, bursting out of the box he was in! “You saved me from being raped in my sleep!”

“What a graphic kill!” Syrus screamed!

“Oh, Bastion!” Piggybank squeed! “You’re alright!”

“I almost wasn’t myself,” Omega-Xis sighed. “So many things could’ve gone wrong…”

“BUT THEY DIDN’T!” Fluffy Fred screeched, happily leaping into the fray with Baseball Bob!

“Woah!” Baseball Bob cried.

 

As the Bastion Baseball Wreckers Gang celebrated Piggybank’s win, Jaden let out a massive sigh. “Wooooah, that was too frickin’ close, yo…”

“Well, at least you made it out alright,” Syrus noted.

“It was really exciting, though, seeing that woman get blown to pieces after trying to ruin your guys’ lives,” Koala Ko Ala sighed. “Ah, it’s always great to see the good guys win…”

“Although she didn’t NEED to get ripped into little pieces,” Banner noted, sitting upright again, with a large piece of rubble on his head. “Though it is a shame that we never found out where this bag came from,” Banner sighed, holding up the mystery duffle bag from earlier.

“Who cares? Hey, where’s Mann McOldsmobile?” Jaden wondered randomly.

 

“I WOOOOOOOON!!” Piggybank screamed to the moon, holding the two Spirit Keys of the day up in her fist.

 

Meanwhile, Mann McOldsmobile, Cuts Man and Gut Man had finally washed ashore from the sea. “Woah guys, where are we?” Mann McOldsmobile asked, dripping wet.

“… I don’t know,” Gut Man sighed sadly as he looked up at the sandy dunes, rainforest flora and playful penguins flying around in front of them.

“Cuts cuts cuts! Look, flying penguins!”

 

 

 

I've got everything set up for the other 3 episodes, but they won't post right yet, so I'll just hold onto them for 1/2 more day(s). Expect it all to catch up by Tuesday with the new episode.

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Here we are, almost back up to speed with Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's!

 

[spoiler=Episode 42: The Dark Scorpions]Inside of a cave, there were several figures speaking under the light of a single candle. “We’ve been waitin’ for this day a long time,” a guy with a hammer sighed, “and now it’s finally here.”

“I know,” a man said, wiping his black sword with a rag, “I can’t believe the boss’s actually comin’.”

“Of COURSE he’s coming,” the token female group member insisted with a pout. “The pieces are finally in place.”

“They WILL be once we enact the plan in place,” a guy with shiny, reflective eyes and a pointy chin said. They all held their weapons together (though the lady held up one of her boot-covered legs and the shiny-eye man held out his teeth) and shouted, “THE POWER IS OUR!!”

 

**********

 

A cool boat was cruisin’ on down the ocean with an important passenger. “Hey, Mr. Detective,” the boat-driving specialist said, “we’re gettin’ real close to Duel Island now, you ‘kin tell by the active volcano.” Ahead was the island adorned with the ever-smoking volcano. “Boy, I wonder when it’s gonna erupt? I don’t wanna go to THAT island; are you SURE you know that you’re going to an island with an active volcano?”

“Well then, let’s get crackin’,” said a mysterious white-haired boy.

“Hey, did you listen to me?”

“No.”

 

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 42: Big House

 

As a new guitar solo began on Duel Island, Alexis, Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue were standing in the hallway, staring at Atticus Rhodes, who was standing and staring out of a window. They kinda just stood there, doing nothing. Several minutes later, Jaden, Chazz, Banner (and his DUMB cat) and the mysterious detective walked down the hallway. “Hey, ‘Lexis, Ang’y, Nan’, what’cha doin’?” Jaden asked.

The three girls turned to the group. “Oh, hi Jade—” They were stunned by the man trailing behind them.

“Eh, hey girls, how’s Atticus doing?” Chazz asked.

“Heh hey, he’s not movin’!” Jaden noticed. He ran up to him and began poking his shoulder.

“He’s out of the hospital,” Angry McArgue said.

“But he’s still being funky,” Nancy Wut added.

“By funky, she means a bad funky,” Alexis explained. At this point Jaden was slapping Atticus in the face with all his might.

“Wow, he really IS mad unresponsive, yo!”

“He can’t remember anything that happened before that duel,” Angry McArgue clarified. “Oh yeah, and WHO IS THAT STANDING BEHIND YOU?!”

“It’s a professional detective AND actor!” Banner said helpfully.

 

“Hello, detective Allen Walker here,” the white-haired, eye-scarred detective boy said, “you may recognize me from such hit TV shows as ‘Big House’ and, uh, ‘Big House’. I’m here to help you with your key-stealing problems.” Suddenly Mann McOldsmobile, Gut Man and Cuts Man walked by, eating spaghetti out of some cups.

“Hey everyone, it’s Spaghetti Cup Friday!” Mann McOldsmobile announced! “Want some?” He offered his half-finished cup to the Obelisk girls. “Oh hey, it’s the guy from Big House,” Mann McOldsmobile said, nodding toward Allen. Allen waved.

“Uh, no…” Alexis nervously declined.

“HELL NO!!” Chazz punched the cup away and onto Atticus’ head. “You tryin’ to make advances on the girl I’m puttin’ advances on?!”

Something blew through the window, sending shattered glass all over Jaden and Atticus! “Ow, yo!”

“DID SOMEBODY SAY ‘MAKING ADVANCES?!’” asked Shades Milligan, flying in with his rocket robot feet.

“Yeah, I’m making some advances,” Mann McOldsmobile informed, “Why?” Shades Milligan picked him up by the collar and flew away. “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH…”

“Oh hey, is that REALLY Cuts Man and Gut Man?!” Allen gasped!

“Uh, yeah?” Cuts Man said.

“Anyway, we need to rescue our friend, soooo…” Gut Man picked up Cuts Man and leaped out the window.

“Oh, that Gut Man and Cuts Man…” Allen sighed happily, like remembering a fond memory. “ANYWAYS, I’m here because you need to defeat some evil people named the Seven Stars, correct?”

“Shadow Riders!” Nancy Wut insisted.

“No, Seven Stars,” Allen corrected, “and anyways, you all need to figure out how to hide the remaining Spirit Keys so that nobody can take them.”

“But we still have all seven,” Alexis remembered.

“Not in the ORIGINAL version, y’don’t!” Allen stated. “So, where are you all hiding your keys? Jaden?”

 

But Jaden wasn’t paying attention. He began waving a Jinzo card in front of Atticus’ face. “Ha, you’re despondent! You won’t even try to take this rare card!”

“Yoink,” Atticus said, stealing the card and putting it in his pocket.

“… I learned a valuable lesson today.”

“JADEN!”

“WAAAAAAAAGH WHAT?!” Jaden cried in response.

“Where’re you hiding your Spirit Key?” Allen asked, somewhat harshly this time.

“Oh, around my neck,” Jaden said, poking the key necklace he was wearing. “Chazz? Alexis?”

“My neck,” Chazz said, pointing to his OWN key necklace.

“Mine was unfairly taken by the horrible administration we have at this school,” Alexis grumbled.

“Okay so you don’t matter, then,” Allen decided, pushing her and her friend-girls out the window with Atticus. “But anyways, you people are all being stupid. What if a Seven Star-person…”

“Shadow Rider!” Nancy Wut called from a tree below.

“… Were to run by and snatch your key, thus pulling you along with them, choking you to death?”

“Since when were YOU Syrus?” Jaden joked.

“He’s serious, that’s a real health hazard,” Banner insisted. “That’s how my sister went, bless her soul. I still don’t like her though. We always fought all the time, and that was bad. Meanwhile, she always…” Allen shoved Banner out the window.

“Now that he’s shut up, we need to find YOU two a HIDEY-HOLE!” Allen shouted!

“A-and me?!” Bastion asked, popping out from nowhere in particular.

“Yes, you too. You too…”

“Oh yeah!” cheered his Omega-Xis hand.

 

And so they went into Chazz’s room, where Deep-Voice Dobbson and Billy Hills were trying to help. “Well, Chazz, I reckon we jus’ gotta keep a part of the key on our person at any given time!” Billy Hills decided!

“Yeah, huh, Chazz, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson agreed, “I know JUST how to do it, too!” Deep Voice Dobbson took the Spirit Key and forcefully broke it into three pieces.

“WAAAAAAH!!” Allen screamed! “NOOO, DON’T BREAK THE KEY!!”

“And one for Ojama Yellow, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson added, breaking off another piece.

“WHY DID YOU DO THAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!” Allen sobbed.

“Because that way, we reckon the enemy can’t take ONE piece by duelin’; they gotta get through us all!”

“And Ojama Yellow, huh! So can we follow you around in this episode, huh, Chazz, huh?” Deep-Voice Dobbson asked.

“No, this episode doesn’t REQUIRE you two!” Chazz said.

“Well, it didn’t require McOldsmobile, huh, Chazz, huh!”

“He’s right,” Omega-Xis agreed.

“Yes it did,” Allen solemnly declared, “yes it did.” He clapped his palms together, apparently over that crushing blow. “So let’s go outside and see where YOU guys can hide your Spirit Keys!”

“Hooray!” Jaden and Bastion cheered! The group dashed out the door, leaving Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson feeling sad. But then Bastion and Jaden crashed into a man in a janitorial uniform!

 

“OW! WHAT DO YOU DUMB KIDS THINK YOU’RE DOING?!” roared Janitorboy Kanda.

“Oh, sorry, dude,” Jaden apologized.

“Wait!” Omega-Xis cried! “Do you know who that man IS?!”

“A janitor?” Jaden guessed.

“NO! That man right here is Kanda Yu! He’s from Big House!!” Chazz discovered! “Why the heck are YOU here?!”

“No…” Kanda disagreed, “… I’m the… janitor. Kanda.”

“Oh, hey Kanda!” Allen waved at him.

“DAMN YOU, ALLEN! WHY’D YOU BLOW MY COVER?!” Kanda screamed!

“Well, what’s wrong with me greeting you?”

“But why are you here,” Chazz repeated.

“Do you THINK I want people asking for—”

“Autograph?” Banner asked, popping out from nowhere with a pen and paper.

“SEE?!” Kanda threw a bucket of paint at Allen (who artfully dodged it) and ran away.

“He’s my one of my favorite and least favorite characters,” Bastion stated.

“Now that THAT’S over,” Allen shrugged. “Now let’s hide YOUR key, Jaden.”

“Yeah!”

“But really, why was KANDA here?!” Chazz repeated.

 

Next they were all inside of Jaden’s room with Koala Ko Ala and Syrus. “Hey Jaden, is that REALLY Allen Walker with you?!” Syrus gasped.

“Yep!” Allen responded cheerfully.

“CAN I HAVE A MEMENTO OF SOME SORT?! I LOVE YOUR SHOW!!” Syrus screamed. Allen gave him a used contact lens. “OHMANOHMANOHMAN!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!! OH, OH, OH!! I’M GOING TO FOLLOW YOUR SHOW FOREVEEEEEEEEER!!” Suddenly Syrus exploded from ecstasy.

“I don’t even wanna ask,” Chazz sighed.

“Wow, he was actually happy for the first time I’ve ever seen,” Koala Ko Ala sniffed. “By the way, where’d Mann McOldsmobile and the robots go?”

“They got blown out into the ocean,” Jaden said. “Yeah, this is the second time in three weeks this’s happened.”

“Oh. Typical of him.”

“Anyways, I’m putting my key into this drawer,” Jaden announced loudly. “See, Allen, this key is going RIGHT into THIS drawer! You get it! If you’re looking for this key, it’s RIIIIIGHT here!”

“GOSH, Jaden!” Chazz cried! “What if an enemy’s listening to you?! Then they’ll know that the KEY is in the DRAWER!”

“Okay, I think I get it now,” Allen sighed.

“Is it my turn now?” Banner asked.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Allen guessed.

“Since when’d YOU get to be such the eager teacher, Banner?” Jaden asked.

“And why’m I so ignored today?” Chazz wondered, getting sad.

“I also wish I had more lines,” Omega-Xis sighed.

“I really don’t know what’s up with me today; it must’ve been all that Koala Juice I’ve been drinking lately.” Koala Ko Ala fell off the bed in surprise and broke through the floor onto several students who were forcefully squished into a small room below (remember how they have so many Reds and yet only a small place to put them?), then was thrown back up into the room.

“PROFESSOR!!” Koala Ko Ala screamed! “Don’t you REMEMBER?! KOALA JUICE IS LIKE POISON TO HUMANS!!”

“What’s Koala Juice?” Chazz asked.

“Well, I know that,” Banner sighed, “but your dad gave me such a huge bottle, and it was just sitting there next to my door, and I felt like it would be a waste not to try it out at least ONCE. Also I was drunk off my ass when I thought of that, but it sure does taste nice.”

“It tastes HORRIBLE!!” Koala Ko Ala yelled! “Trust me, after having it with breakfast, lunch and dinner for years! The only reason I’M still alive is because fat absorbs the toxins!!”

“What IS Koala Juice?” Bastion wondered.

“… Excuse me.” Banner ran down into his room and threw his bottle of Koala Juice out the window and onto the dirt.

“Oh, so it’s eucalyptus,” Omega-Xis figured.

 

“… So who’s gonna fix this floor?” Jaden asked, as they waited.

“I can call a carpenter,” one of the miscellaneous Slifer Red students suggested.

“Oh, thanks Slifer Kid, yo!” Jaden thanked.

“I’m back,” Banner said, appearing in front of the doorway. “Also I found this kid.” He held up a red-coated Lavi.

“He knocked me over, man!” Lavi complained.

“… Uh, heeeey,” Bastion awkwardly said, “it’s that… LAVI… kid from Big House. Yeah, what a coincidence.”

“Oh, hey Lavi!” Allen greeted.

“Hey Allen, how’s the evil plot goin’?” Lavi asked.

“Get outta here, nobody likes the kid who always gets into trouble and expects everybody else to help him in sitcoms!” Banner said, tossing Lavi away over his shoulder.

“Okay, time to go to my room,” Bastion said, leading the way.

“Then I’ll just be ignored,” Banner said sadly.

 

Bastion stuck his key into Piggybank’s mouth. “Now don’t accidentally throw it at someone!” Bastion requested.

“Okay then!” Piggybank accepted.

“Why not the head-hole?” asked someone.

“Well, the head-hole’s not as safe!” Bastion brought up. “Wait, who asked that?” He turned around, but the only thing behind him was a duck. “…Oh well.”

“Oh hi guys,” Lenalee Lee greeted, walking in from nowhere, dressed as a doctor of some sort.

“Hey Lenalee, you’re a nurse!” Allen realized.

“No, I’m a doctor.”

“… Oh boy. It’s Lenalee Lee from Big House,” Chazz sighed. “Is this REALLY a coincidence?”

“Um, no?” Allen hoped.

“Since I’m a DOCTOR, it’s my responsibility to tell you kids that it’s not safe to put keys into people’s mouths…” Piggybank stared at her blankly. “…Well bye!” Lenalee said, walking away.

“Can I go with you guys?” Piggybank asked.

“No.”

“Well, what a great day of coincidences, yo!” Jaden cheered! “I bet we’re gonna meet Bookman next!”

“Nobody likes Bookman,” Omega-Xis explained, but nobody listened.

 

Soon enough, they were inside of Banner’s room as he put his key into an iron safe. “And THAT is what all of you kids should have done before,” he stated. “Boy, everyone beside me is an idiot!”

“Hi guys,” Krory said.

“Aw man,” Jaden sobbed.

“WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHY ALL OF YOU PEOPLE ARE IN OUR SCHOOL?!” Chazz screamed!

“WAAAGH!!” Krory shrieked, running behind a tree outside, peeking out ever-so delicately.

“… He’s shy,” Allen informed. “Anyways, I’m sure proud of all you kids for your excellent hiding-things skills! Now you can all sleep soundly, knowing that you’re safe from evil taking your keys and using them to destroy all you hold dear!”

“…Yep!” Jaden agreed.

Y’know, I don’t like how obviously evil this guy sounds, OR the fact that all five of the most popular Big House characters suddenly appeared at our school… Chazz decided. He turned to Janitorboy Ikkaku, who was walking by at the moment. “Hey, Janitorboy Ikkaku, don’t you smell something fishy about all this?” Chazz asked.

“No way, I love Big House,” Ikkaku said, walking away.

 

“Bye, kids!”Allen said, leaving the room. As soon as the door had closed, Chazz took the opportunity to express his views on the situation.

“EVERYBODY, CAN’T YOU SEE?! ALLEN AND HIS CO-STARS FROM BIG HOUSE ARE GOING TO STEAL OUR SPIRIT KEYS BECAUSE THEY’RE EVIL!”

“Pshaw,” Jaden chuckled, “that’s the dumbest thing I’ve seen OR heard all day, yo!”

“No it isn’t!”

“Well, I agree with Chazz,” Omega-Xis said. “And it just can’t be a coincidence.”

“Yes it can be!” Bastion disagreed adamantly.

“And because I am merely a hand, I can’t help ‘ya,” Omega-Xis stated.

“Come on, Banner!” Chazz whimpered! “Get them to listen to me!”

“I don’t care about you, you aren’t in my dorm,” Banner expressed.

“I HAVE BEEN FOR SIXTEEN FREAKING EPISODES NOW.

“Not until you put on a RED coat.”

“Never! Come ON you guys! Why would we hire a detective to help us hide our keys in plain sight when they were all safer around our necks?!” Chazz exasperatedly shouted. “When did you all get so stupid?!”

“When the script called for it,” Banner informed, holding up his own copy of today’s script.

“So you accept the fact that you’re acting like idiots because the script says so?” Chazz reasoned.

“Of course,” Jaden agreed, “it even says that you were supposed to say that.” Jaden pointed to their current lines of dialogue. “You’re about to say ‘Who cares?!’”

“WHO CARES?!” Chazz loudly exclaimed!

“Louder than I expected, but okay.”

 

At that point, Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson entered the room. “Hey, it’s those guys,” Omega-Xis noticed.

“What’re YOU two doing here?” Chazz asked. “You’re not SUPPOSED to be in this episode.”

“Well, y’see, huh, Chazz, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson trailed off.

“B-b-but Chazz,” Billy Hills whined, “I reckon some feller jus’ broke in an’ took the Spirit Keys when we weren’t looking!”

“… You two… were holding onto those two pieces of key the whole time, and yet some guy ran in and took they pieces of key you broke off?”

“THREE, since Ojama Yellow got one too, huh, Chazz.”

“… My gosh, why did I entrust the Earth Key to you three?” Chazz asked grimly.

“Actually two, I had no say in it,” Ojama Yellow promised, making his daily appearance.

 

“Hey guys,” Piggybank said, entering Banner’s room, “somebody ran up to me, stuck their hand in my mouth and took that key!”

“How did you know where we were?” Bastion asked. “Who were they?”

“AND HOW DID THEY GET THEIR HAND IN YOUR MOUTH?!” Omega-Xis screeched, flabbergasted.

“I don’t know, everyone!” Piggybank cried! “And I couldn’t tell who they were, because their hand tasted so horrible! Like they stuck it into a dying animal! UGH! I couldn’t remember them even if I tried!”

“You’re a lot less useful than I thought you were,” Banner said.

“Huh?”

“Aw, don’t worry ‘bout it, huh, Piggybank, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson consoled, hugging Piggybank, “we ALL make mistakes.”

“Yes, yes you do!” Piggybank agreed, pushing him away with her foot.

“Well then, I sure hope that MY key isn’t stolen!” Banner chuckled, shrugging playfully. KA-RASH!! The safe in Banner’s room was pulled through the wall. A truck could be seen driving away, dragging the safe along by chain. “Aw, dammit.”

“BASTION, SHOOT THE TRUCK!” Chazz ordered!

“How?” Bastion asked.

“USE OMEGA-XIS!!”

“But I’m still learning how!” Bastion reckoned. “What if I miss? I’m a novice at shooting things!”

“Missin’ and killin’ someone’s better’n not shootin’ at all, I reckon!” Billy Hills expressed.

“No it’s not,” Omega-Xis corrected.

“YOU’RE LETTING THE KEY GET AWAY! UGH!”

“But at least nobody got hurt!” Bastion noted.

“That’s my SafetyBastion!” Piggybank cooed, rubbing against Bastion’s cheek.

“I feel uncomfortable.”

 

“That means there’s only two keys left,” Chazz solemnly groaned.

“… No, there’s one,” Jaden said.

“… What? Why don’t you just check your room?”

“Nah, I know I got jacked. It goes in the context of the episode.”

“Then there’s only one key left, and that’s because I have one part of my Earth Key,” Chazz said, pulling out his key piece.

“What about Crowler’s?” Bastion recalled.

“No, she’s not in this episode,” Chazz said.

“What about the one in Shepherd’s office?” Banner recalled.

“We don’t care about it yet.”

 

asked a familiar face, walking back into Banner’s room. “Then it looks like a job for the Junior Detective League!” And alas, it was Allen Walker with Lenalee Lee, Kanda Yu, Lavi and Arystar Krory III.

“Oh boy, I’m SOOO surprised,” Chazz sighed loudly.

“Wait is that Big House!?” Ojama Yellow asked.

“We’re here to solve the crime,” Kanda said.

“And rhyme some rhymes,” Lavi rhymed.

“Ha ha ha ha ha,” laughed the main characters.

“This is just like a REAL episode!” Bastion giggled.

“I don’t like the show, though,” Piggybank complained. “Why am I laughing?”

“I don’t get it either, but roll wit’ it,” Jaden suggested.

“Anyways, we’ve rounded up a couple ‘a suspects,” Allen said, “and it’s about time for the investigation to begin.”

“Everybody, these guys did it, pure and simple,” Chazz said harshly.

“Aw, come on Chazz, we don’t know THAT!” Jaden disagreed.

“Yeah, even I have to disagree wit’cha there, boss!” Ojama Yellow said.

“It’s not like you’re telling everybody about your ideas in the form of a great detective anime,” Omega-Xis suggested. Chazz didn’t react. Banner nudged him with his shoulder.

“OOOOH,” Chazz realized. He pulled out his Sherlock Holmes-style classic hat.

“Where’d you get that out from?” Lenalee asked.

“Well, what’s the reason why ANYBODY would have such large hair?” Chazz asked back.

“NOBODY puts stuff in their hair like that,” said some other Jaden.

“Aw, shut up, Yuki! You’re infuriating me again!” And then, Chazz’s innate desire to be right all the time flared up again. He took Detective Conan (Case Closed) volume one out from his tremendous ‘do and activated Detective Mode™.

 

“It wasn’t me!” Piggybank assured.

“I wasn’t going to SAY it was you!”

“It wasn’t me, either, Chazz, I reckon!” Billy Hills said as well.

“Gosh, stop proclaiming your innocence already! We’ll get to that part later!” Chazz growled.

Feh, amateurs,” Allen muttered to himself.

“So, to begin… we lost the keys not long ago, correct?” Chazz began. “It was right after Mr. Allen Walker came to our humble island home. He told us to hide all of our keys and even SAW us do it. In addition, all of his co-stars from the hit show, ‘Big House’, have suddenly arrived on the island this very same day. So, what could this imply? The fact that we know nothing about them makes this even more obvious!”

“Gulp!” gulped Krory.

“All of the keys began to disappear after we had finished hiding them all, yes? And it began to happen while Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson both entered this room, followed by Piggybank and the truck that ripped Banner’s safe from his wall,” Chazz continued.

“So we’re safe, huh, Chazz?” Deep-Voice Dobbson hoped.

“Yes, I guess so, since you have an alibi. But even with that, I’ve noticed how Omega-Xis, Bastion’s robot hand, was ignored mostly throughout the entire adventure.”

“Wh-what?!” Omega-Xis gasped. “What’re you talkin’ about?”

“Yes, he was on my wrist the whole time!” Bastion supported.

“How do you know?” Chazz asked, pointing an accusing finger at Bastion’s face. “Maybe while you ALL were looking in an alternate direction, he slipped off of your wrist and placed a fake on, until he came back here when he was done driving that truck, at which point he came back and re-attached himself to you, and we were none the wiser!”

“… You’re not all that bright, I’ve realized,” noted Kanda.

“I DIDN’T DO IT, KID!!” Omega-Xis proclaimed! “How could I, when I have no limbs?!”

You could have eaten it!!

“But… he DOES have a point,” Bastion thought, thinking quite hard about the situation.

“I’ll kill Omega-Xis if you want!” Piggybank suggested.

“NO!!”

 

“No, Piggybank,” Chazz instructed, “YOU’RE still a possible suspect in this case.”

“WHAAAAT?! BUT YOU PROMISED ME—”

“I PROMISED NOTHING, GIRL!!” Chazz screamed! “NOW, I AM TRYING TO BRING LAW TO THIS LAWLESS PLACE, SO IF YOU ACT UP, I COULD SENTENCE YOU THIS VERY SECOND! We don’t know that you didn’t beat up Billy or Dobbson before you got here, then rig up that truck to drive away right after you arrived!”

“No way!” Piggybank declared! “It’s impossible, impossible!

“Unless Bastion, preparing for this day, used some of his ‘Science of Dueling’ to hypnotize you in your sleep last night, after hiring the detective!”

“But that Mr. Banner hired me two days ago,” Allen said.

“Which means that BANNER was the one who made him do it!” Chazz decided.

“W-w-wait, let’s not get too hasty here,” Banner worried. “Don’t try to label ME as evil, okay?”

“Tell it to the judge!” Chazz spat. “You knew all about the script beforehand, as you tried to tell us, so that tells me that you’d orchestrated the whole thing earlier!”

Th-that’s actually some damning proof, Banner thought. What kind of unholy terror have I unleashed upon the earth?

“Now hold on, Jaden.”

 

“Me, dawg?” Jaden gulped.

“Yes, you! You were the one that said they KNEW their key was missing!” Chazz reminded. “Could YOU have organized everything? You certainly knew what was happening.”

“B-b-but I’m too stupid, and have no attention span to ‘da max, y’all! I can’t pay ‘tention long enough to think up of ANY sort of plan! You know that, yo!” Jaden pleaded! “Please don’t send me t’jail!”

“We might not have to, because my friends BILLY HILLS AND DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON ARE THE PRIME SUBJECTS!!”

 

“Chazz, huh, n-n-n-now you’re bein’ strange,” Deep-Voice Dobbson stammered.

“No, I’m not! I have no idea what you guys are up to when you’re not around! And that means I have NO clue what that Ojama Yellow’s teaching you while you’re all alone…”

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT!!” Ojama Yellow screeched, flying out from wherever he was that time. “I AIN’T THE GUY YOU’S IZ LOOKIN’ FOR, BOSS!” The pitiful figure clamped onto Chazz’s leg and hugged as pathetically as possible. “I’M NOT TEACHIN’ THOSE KIDS ANYTHIN’ BAD! PLEASE BELIEVE ME!! WAAAAAAAAH!!”

 

“Ojama Yellow, you don’t have to worry about that… because MANN MCOLDSMOBILE AND HIS ROBOT FRIENDS…”

“NOOOOOOO!!” screamed Mann McOldsmobile, accompanied by Cuts Man and Gut Man, as they leaped into the room via the hole in the wall left by the safe robbery.

“CUTSCUTSCUTS!! HUUUUUUUUUUUH?!” Cuts Man loudly ‘huh’-ed.

“CONVICTED OF A CRIME WE HAD NO IDEA OF?!” Gut Man shrieked!

“Yes, of course! You three guys fell off the face of the planet at the start of this episode, so you could’ve been doing ANYTHING!!” Chazz accentuated the point by throwing his nice hat at the trio. “And in addition, those two robots came to our school just TWO episodes after the current arc began! They could be spies, for all we know!” Gut Man gulped loudly.

“Gulp,” he gulped. “I-I-I swear, we-we-we didn’t do-do-do-do…”

“Aw man, I can’t go to jail, I’m a robot!” Cuts Man sniveled.

“WE CAN’T GO TO JAIL!!” Mann McOldsmobile wailed! “WHAT IF WE DROP THE SOAP?! THEY TELL YOU NOT TO DO THAT!!”

“D-don’t worry, Mann, he can’t convict you, right?” Jaden hoped. “As long as he doesn’t convict me, then we’re fine—I mean you, of course, yo…”

“I may not have to,” Chazz stated.

 

He set the book back into his hairstyle. Everybody in the room was on-edge, thanks to being accused of the crimes committed. No matter who got the blame, they were ready to smack them around a bit for getting them so scared about everything. They had completely forgotten that Chazz has absolutely no power in a court of law. “So, this all brings us back to the problem,” Chazz remembered, “that our Spirit keys were forcibly stolen.”

“I DIDN’T DO IT!!” Ojama Yellow blubbered.

“Though I’ve said almost everything I have to, I have just a few other points of validity to bring up.” Chazz got into the Big House-fivesome’s face. “These five television personalities blew into town suddenly without warning, and we have no idea why they’re here. Sure, they could merely be performing their civil duties. Allen, a detective, Ms. Lee, a nurse, Kanda the janitor, Lavi the student, and… Krory.”

“Meep!” Krory uttered.

“But their one fatal flaw is that Lavi has never been in a class here, nor met any of the student body. Lenalee isn’t a trained doctor. Kanda can’t clean for crap. Krory… and don’t get me started on Allen!” Chazz proclaimed.

What was he getting at?! Krory wondered, fearfully.

 

“This all means that these five people are all Shadow Riders, sent as one cohesive unit in order to take all of the Spirit Keys from us under the guise of friendly neighborhood celebrities, and they’ve pulled the wool over ALL of your eyes!!” Chazz finally announced!

“He’s right,” Piggybank realized.

“That DOES make sense,” Gut Man realized.

“It sure was obvious when you look at it now,” Banner realized.

“LET’S GET THAT KRORY GUY!!” Ojama Yellow rallied!

“EEEEK, NOOO!! GET KANDA INSTEAD!!”

 

He pulled out a golden eyepatch… with the standard Eye of Wdjat on it, and placed it on his head. “Yes, I’m a Shadow Rider, and these four are my subordinates. But I don’t think that’ll stop us from taking the last key from you, kid.”

“I got’m,” Kanda grunted, pulling out a black sword from behind his back. He held it right in front of Chazz’s neck, not more than two centimeters away.

“What?! Since when did this go to a horrible courtroom drama to a hostage situation?!” Chazz gulped.

“HE’S GOT CHAZZ, I RECKON!!” Billy Hills cried! “GET’M, I RECKON!!” All of the people in the room got into their action poses! Bastion himself held up Omega-Xis in a firing position.

“Now, Omega-Xis! It won’t matter WHO we hit, as long as we hit somebody!” Bastion told him.

“As long as it’s not Chazz?” Omega-Xis checked.

“Eh, sure.” And so Omega-Xis’s flame-like mane began to surge in intensity and his eyes went blank, absorbing energy from the air.

“THEN LET’S GO BUCK WILD!!” he screamed, shooting a large energy bullet from his maw!

“BOO,” someone said.

 

PE-TEW!! The bullet had hit Lenalee in the leg… which was covered in a cool, knee-height black boot! Somehow there were two half-orbs floating next to her legs (which BOTH wore boots, before you ask a dumb question), which may have had something to do with how she’d deflected a bullet with stylish shoes. “What the?!” Bastion gasped! “What is UP with that horrible catch-phrase?!”

“Yeah, only HE gets the ‘BOO’!” Mann McOldsmobile brought up, pointing to Jaden, who was currently cracking up with laughter.

“Shut up, it’s how I am!” Omega-Xis complained.

“STOP IGNORING THE FACT THAT I BLOCKED A BULLET LIKE THAT!!” Lenalee yelled, somehow manipulating the air with her legs, culminating in a kick that blew everybody else in the room against the walls, as if by a hurricane! “Damn, why doesn’t anybody care about my Innocence? Oh, sorry guys.”

“It’s okay, you have great Innocence,” Lavi complimented.

“Oh, thanks.”

“But my hammer’s better!” Lavi figured, pulling out a small black hammer, to the delight of the studio audience.

“Ha ha ha,” everyone laughed.

“How does he keep doing that?” Banner wondered.

 

“Either way,” Kanda grumbled, grabbing Chazz and holding his magical black sword against his Adam’s apple, “if you try anything, she’ll kill you, and I’ll cut your friend’s neck. Conversely, this will STILL happen as long as Chazz refuses to give us the last part of his Spirit Key. Well, we’ll spare the robots, anyway.”

“Yeah!” Cuts Man and Gut Man cheered.

“Me too?” Mann McOldsmobile asked.

“Hell no!” Kanda answered.

“Oh yeah, I still got a piece,” Chazz remembered suddenly, thinking to the piece of Spirit Key left in his pocket.

“So what’s it gonna be, kiddo?” Allen asked with a bright smile. “The easy way, or the hard way?”

“Ngh,” Chazz grunted. “It’d be easier to think if I wasn’t being held so tightly.”

“That’s the least of your worries,” Allen ‘tsk’-ed. “We Exorcists can be quite a threat. Don’t take us lightly, or we WILL kill you right now…”

 

Chazz was beginning to worry about his current predicament, being threatened by ‘Exorcists’ with their ‘Innocence’ weapons and all. Kanda’s death-grip wasn’t getting any softer and the good guys were out of options. “C’mon, Chazz, huh, don’t give it to’m!” Deep-Voice Dobbson cried!

“Hey, I wanna live!” Piggybank disagreed. “You shut up! Give him the key! There’s still two more left!”

“Isn’t it ‘gainst the law to steal from people, hold them at sword-point, and kick them to a wall with a hurricane, I reckon?!” Billy Hills cried!

“You DO realize that law enforcement can’t help us here,” Omega-Xis gulped.

Wait, law… LAW!! THAT’S IT!

 

“What’s wrong? You wanna die?” Kanda asked.

“Nah, I just remembered somethin’, that’s all. Isn’t there an ancient law that dictates that Spirit Keys may only be taken through dueling?”

“…” said Allen.

“…” said Lenalee.

“…” said Lavi.

“…” said Krory.

“… Okay, then I’ll just kill you,” said Kanda.

“NODON’TKANDA!!” screamed Allen! “You don’t want to anger the ancient card game spirits.

“So what if I do?!” Kanda challenged. “We don’t care about these ancient laws! We were chosen by the Innocence, we’re above that!”

“Kanda, Allen’s superstitious,” Lenalee stated. “We’d better do what he says, being the leader and main character and all.”

“Like I care…” SWASHBUCKLE!! “AAAAH, WHAT THE HELL?!” Kanda screamed, getting sliced in the shoulder by a giant white claw. Allen’s left arm was now a really big, awesome, clawed-arm.

“Kanda, I’ve got to duel him,” Allen said sternly, with a dreadful look on his face.

“Uh-oh,” Banner sighed, “he looks serious now.”

“Can we still leave?” Gut Man asked.

“No.”

“CUTSCUTSCUTS!!! AW MAN!!”

 

“Now look, Chazz, I’m gonna give you a fair chance here,” Allen told. “I’ll walk everybody outside to the piers to duel you. If you win, then we give you back all the keys. If you LOSE, then we’ll kill you all. Fair?”

“Can I haggle for some spare change in the deal?” Jaden asked.

“No.”

“Damn.”

“At least you tried,” Mann McOldsmobile appreciated.

“Okay, Lavi, do your thing,” Allen instructed.

“Righty-o!” Lavi complied, saluting.

“Ha ha ha ha ha,” everybody laughed, albeit against their will. Lavi pulled his small black hammer out from his pocket and spun it around his hand by the handle. “Big hammer little hammer… grow…” The hammer began to somehow grow larger and longer. “Grow…”

“What’s up with the hammer?” Bastion asked.

“GROW!!” Now a good sixteen feet wide, Lavi swung his giant hammer around, knocking all of the main characters out of Banner’s room, along with destroying three walls.

“IDIOOOOOOOOT!!”

“Screw you, Kanda!” Lavi yelled. Suddenly the building collapsed on top of him.

 

Meanwhile, everybody else was flying, flying, flying, until they crashed onto the hard pavement of the harsh docks of fate. “That… was dumb,” Piggybank complained.

“AW MAN, YOU BROKE CUTS MAN!!” Mann McOldsmobile screamed, holding up Cuts Man’s severed robot head, as several cables on his neck wiggled violently.

“CUTSCUTSCUTSCUTSCUTS…”

“I don’t care about Cuts Man!” Kanda yelled.

“I do, and I’m sorry,” Allen apologized.

“What kind of villains ARE you people, then?!” Jaden asked, with passion.

“IT’S ‘CAUSE WE’RE EXORCISTS!!” the Big House gang announced, doing a cool pose of some sort. “THE POWER IS OUR!!”

“No it’s not!” Banner retorted angrily.

“Oh hey, Lavi’s back,” Lenalee said.

“Yep,” Lavi agreed.

 

“Well then, what will you do now?” Chazz asked, rubbing his aching head.

“We duel, of course,” Allen said, smiling whilst pulling out a PURE BLACK DUEL DISK!!!!!?!

“Such a diabolical Duel Disk for an Accommodator of the Innocence,” Chazz joked.

“You know about the Accommodators??!” Allen asked.

“Yes… for I got into reading D.Gray-Man a while back!” Chazz proudly announced to the world.

“Woah, Detective Conan, D-Gray-Man… what’s next, I reckon?” Billy Hills wondered.

“I don’t care what’s next as long as I win,” Allen said, smiling. “Now can we get this over with so we can get the other two keys?”

“Why don’t your subordinates just go get the other keys while you duel, eh?” Piggybank asked, finding logic.

“Because shut your mouth.”

“Chazz, can I kill him?”

“No, because I’m going to kill him first!” Chazz promised.

 

“DUEL!!” the Dueling Duelists cried. (Chazz: 4000 Life Points, Allen: 4000 Life Points) Huge waves crashed upon the shipping docks, as if they were trying to improve the atmosphere.

“DANG THE WAVES GOT ME SO PUMPED!!” Mann McOldsmobile yelled, gripping his head!

“Go Chazz huh I reckon huh yooooo!!” supported Billy Hills, Deep-Voice Dobbson and Jaden.

“You too, Jaden?” Bastion inspected.

“Well duh, I like Chazz in this version!” Jaden said.

“YEEEAH ALLEN!!” Cuts Man shouted, eyes bulging!

“Why him?” Omega-Xis inspected.

“They were nice to US,” Gut Man said.

 

“I’ll start this duel nice and easy,” Allen decided. “I’ll lay a card face-down and summon Golem Sentry in Defense Mode.” A cool living passageway with a loincloth and an axe appeared. (Golem Sentry: 1800 Defense Points)

“I believe he has a special ability when he’s face-down,” Omega-Xis recalled. (SOURCE)

“It does?”

“Yes, read the card.”

“I don’t believe you,” Allen said.

“JUST READ THE CARD.”

“Shame on you!” Bastion accused, slapping Omega-Xis. “Trying to help the enemy like that...”

“Yeah, tryin’ to help the enemy!” Piggybank re-stated.

“Yeah, tryin’ to help the enemy, phooey!” Fluffy Fred repeated, standing with Baseball Bob.

“Hey Bastion,” Baseball Bob called. “We got lonely so we tried to stalk you.”

“Aw, go home, you guys! We don’t need you this episode!!” Bastion growled.

“Aw, man…” The two guys slowly walked home, dejectedly. Piggybank hugged Bastion out of nowhere.

“I meant you, too, Piggybank.”

“I know.”

“STOP CHANGING THE FOCUS!!” Kanda roared, returning attention to the Duel. “Also, Allen, read the damn card already.”

“Make me! I end my turn!” Allen decided stupidly.

 

“Well then,” Chazz smirked, drawing a card, “I’ll play Fiend’s Sanctuary!” A cool evil gargoyle statue appeared with some neat blue flames. “This card lets me summon a Fiend Token to the field, but who cares? I sacrifice it in order to summon Armed Dragon Level Five!” The gargoyle exploded into cool yellow sparkles as the famous red-ish dragon appeared onto the field!

“RAWR!!” it roared. (Armed Dragon Level Five: 2400 Attack Points)

“Now, showing off how extreme you’ve become after the twenty-fifth episode, use Spike Spinner!” Chazz commanded! The dragon’s arms spun around like some sort of stupid toy as it walked to the Golem Sentry, bonking it on the head a few times, destroying it in a huge cloud of smoke.

“Oh no, the monster! I should have played it face-down!” Allen cried!

“We told you,” Lenalee said.

“And that’s not huh, all, huh, guys…” Deep-Voice Dobbson anticipated…

“My Armed Dragon gets a level-up when it kills a monster by battle!” Chazz shouted! “So I’ll place two cards face-down…” Chazz set his cards. “And now, rise, Armed Dragon Level Seven!!” The grand mega death metal dragon of doom grew from the previous dragon! (Armed Dragon Level Seven: 2800 Attack Points)

“GRAAAAAAAAWWWWWR!!” it screeched!

“Uh-oh, THAT one’s a whopper!” Lavi exclaimed.

“Ha ha ha ha ha,” everybody laughed.

“Actually that one was pretty funny,” Banner thought.

“Anyways, beat that, Mister Crown Clown!” Chazz challenged.

CROWN CLOWN!?!?” Jaden flipped through his D. Gray Man vol. 5. “B-but I’m not even there yet, yo!”

“Ha ha ha ha,” everyone laughed.

“Hey!” Lavi complained. “He stole my act! But I’m glad you’re buying our merchandise.”

“Ha ha ha.”

“THERE we go!”

 

“I don’t care HOW many Anti-Akuma weapons you name, I’ll still beat you, and I’ll show you how in a minute!” Allen said. “I play the card Pot of Greed!” The famous ugly pot card was BACK! And placed into the Graveyard, but still… ! “I can draw two cards, of course. Aaaand…” He was quite pleased by one of the new cards. “Why, this was just the one I needed! I play Exorcist Allen Walker!” He played a card… WITH A PICTURE OF HIMSELF IN THE BIG HOUSE EXORCIST SUIT! Allen pulled off his detective clothing, revealing his cool black clothes on underneath, bringing back all the great Big House memories. (Allen Walker: 1400 Attack Points)

“Oh my gosh, this explains TOO much…” Chazz realized, taken aback by the discovery!

“Yes, we of Big House are Duel Spirits!” Allen revealed! “See, we all know that Pegasus started making cards based off of copyrighted properties. But you MAY not have known that the Duel Spirits that come with them ARE, in fact, the original characters! So we were hired to be Shadow Riders. We also got this cool eyepatch, which lets us turn solid in the real world. And we got a job on a sitcom.”

“WORST ORIGIN STORY EVER, YO,” Jaden sneakily remarked.

“And you only have 1400 Attack Points,” Piggybank brought up. “You suck. Can you really suck that much as a main character?”

“I don’t give a crap, for I use Mustering of the Big House Cast!” Allen’s new Spell card featured what looked like an advert for Big House.

“So wait, did Big House come before, or AFTER your cards were made?” asked Gut Man.

“Does it matter? I’m now able to Special Summon every Exorcist monster in my hand, so you can obviously see what’s coming,” Allen warned. “So come, Exorcist Kanda the Jerk!” Everybody on Allen’s team ripped off their clothing, and were suddenly dressed in their cool original source material uniforms! Kanda appeared on the field first!

“Don’t call me a jerk,” Kanda grimaced. (Kanda: 1800 Attack Points)

“Exorcist Lenalee the Lee!”

“Yeah, I still think the name’s horrible,” Lenalee sighed. (Lenalee: 1000 Attack Points)

“Exorcist Krory the Vampire!”

“I’m still not a real vampire,” Krory sobbed. (Krory: 1200 Attack Points)

“Exorcist Lavi the Bookman!”

“Yes indeed-y, it’s me!” Lavi said. (Lavi: 1000 Attack Points)

“Ha ha ha ha ha,” the crowd laughed.

“Oh, that Lavi!” Banner chuckled, wiping away a tear. “I still don’t like him, though.

“AND TOGETHER, WE ARE BIG HOUSE!!” the actors proclaimed!

“So? You all still suck! Except for Kanda, but he’s a jerk!” Chazz acknowledged.

“YOU SHUT UP!!”

 

“Easy, Kanda,” Allen eased. “Now I’ll play the Trap card, Big House Combination!” A Trap flipped up behind Lavi, showing a group shot of the gang in battle positions. “This turn, we can all attack directly, dealing 400 damage for every attack.”

“That’s… still pretty useless,” Chazz thought.

“WATCH OUT, CHAZZ, I RECKON THIS IS A SHADOW GAME!!” Billy Hills shrieked!

“Oh yeah I forgot those,” Jaden said.

“Shadow Game?” Allen wondered. “Why would we need a Shadow Game? WE don’t wanna get attacked! YOU’RE the only one who’s gonna get hurt. We’re REAL, remember?”

“…” Chazz thought about it for a second. “I… still don’t get it.”

“INNOCENCE INVOCATION!!” the enemies called! Lenalee’s boots went awesome and windy again. Lavi’s hammer grew huge. Half of Kanda’s black sword turned silver. Allen’s arm grew again. Krory pulled out a small tube of DEMON BLOOD!! But first, Lenalee began channeling wind around her left leg, which was lifted slightly.

With a big kick, she yelled “RING DANCE – MISTY WIND!!” A massive hurricane blew out from her foot, pretty much consuming and throwing Chazz into the air.

“WAAAH, WHAT’S GOING ON?!” Chazz screamed! (Chazz: 3600 Life Points)

“Innocence, change form,” Allen willed, as his giant claw became a giant white gun-arm! “FIRE!!” He shot cool laser rods at Chazz!

“WOAH WOAH WOAH!!” Chazz ducked and twisted around the attack! (Chazz: 3200 Life Points)

“Gulp gulp gulp!” Krory drank, consuming the blood he’d brought with him. His swoopy hair lifted itself out of his own face as his expression became truly badass. “DIE!!” he roared, leaping at Chazz and grabbing him by the throat!

“GULP,” Chazz choked. Krory then threw him to the ground forcefully. “AH, OOOOW!!! WHY’D YOU DO THAT?!” Chazz screamed with rage! (Chazz: 2800 Life Points)

“Wait, now hold up!” Bastion said, stepping into the fray.

“You can’t beat up on Chazz, I reckon!” Billy Hills growled!

“IF YOU MAKE BASTION MAD BY KILLING OTHERS, I’LL KILL YOU!!” Piggybank raged, getting her demon face on!

“Well, I guess I’d better do something,” Lavi supposed. Some cool random circles began floating around him, showing off different signs. He pressed his weapon into one, giving it a new picture on the hammer! “FIRE SEAL!!” he shouted, swinging his now-flaming hammer into the rabble-rousers! That means ‘guys who were about to cause mass chaos,’ for you whipper-snappers out there. Bastion, Omega-Xis, Piggybank and Billy Hills were knocked far, far away. They splashed into the ocean a few miles off. (Chazz: 2400 Life Points)

“OH NO, HUH GUYS HUH!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson shouted!

“SHUT UP!!” Kanda commanded, bonking Deep-Voice Dobbson with the blunt edge of his sword.

“Huh, ow, huh.” (Chazz: 2000 Life Points)

“Oh no, not HIM!!” Mann McOldsmobile cried! “NOBODY HITS THE GUY WITH THE DEEP VOICE!! COME ON, MEN!!” Mann McOldsmobile punched Kanda in the face, knocking him to the ground.

“You bastard,” Kanda murmured. He flipped up off the ground onto Mann McOldsmobile and grabbed his collar!

“HUH?!” Mann McOldsmobile looked back at his robot friends. “G-GUYS?!?!” They shrugged, confused. Kanda proceeded to punch him in the face repeatedly. SMACK! “OW!” (Chazz: 1600 Life Points) SMACK! “OW!” (Chazz: 1200 Life Points) SMACK! “OW!” (Chazz: 800 Life Points)

“STOP HITTING HIM , YOU CHEATING PUNK!!” Chazz shouted, scared for his Life Points!

“Kanda, stop cheating~” Allen sang, commandingly.

“Feh. I don’t give a…”

“BOOSH!!” Mann McOldsmobile gave Kanda a two-fisted double-punch to the face!!

“AGH!! BASTARD!!” Kanda shouted, his nose now bloody! (Allen: 3600 Life Points)

 

“WAIT!!” Omega-Xis screamed, pulling everybody back onto dry pavement with Bastion’s body! “WHAT THE FRAG IS UP WITH THOSE LIFE POINTS?!”

“Oh, well we got a little excited,” Mann McOldsmobile snickered, pulling Kanda off of him. “If Cuts Man and Gut Man helped me, Chazz would have won by now.”

“No, I’d have killed you.”

“But not us, right?” Cuts Man asked.

“Nope!” Allen answered for him.

“Oh, good.”

“Now hold on a minute, everybody!” Bastion said, taking authority of the situation, dripping wet with ocean water. “Now, Mann, pick up Kanda.” Mann McOldsmobile picked up Kanda. “Now, Kanda…”

“Let go of me!” Kanda pushed himself out of Mann McOldsmobile’s grasp, falling to the ground. “Ow.” (Allen: 3200 Life Points)

“No!” Bastion complained!

“This is stupid,” Billy Hills complained, gaining a headache in the process.

“Okay, okay everyone,” Piggybank said, “Get in your places again.” Kanda stood in his card space, and the other miscellaneous persons went back with the rest of the audience. “Now, Chazz, have 2000 Life Points, Allen, have 4000 Life Points.” Allen and Chazz fiddled around with their Duel Disks a bit.

“We don’t know how.”

“Try smacking them a few times,” Banner suggested. The duo punched their Duel Disks a couple of times. (Chazz: 2000 Life Points, Allen: 4000 Life Points)

“There ya’ go, guys! You’re back in ‘da game!” Jaden cheered!

 

“Back to the original point,” Chazz asked, rubbing his neck and glaring at Krory.

“MEEP!” Krory cowered, apparently normal again.

“… Like I was saying, what’s the use of you all attacking if you all have 400 Attack Points from your card?”

“Oh, simple really,” Lenalee said, “our effects all activate when we do damage.”

“So, first I’ll be returning your monster back to the top of the deck,” Kanda started off. He lifted up the hologram of Armed Dragon Level Seven (did you forget about it?) and threw it away.

“Oh wow,” Jaden gasped, “That thing must’a weighed… oh, yeah. Forgot.”

“Next, I’m returning one card on your side of the field to your hand,” Lavi said, pointing to Chazz’s two face-down cards.

“Woah! Even I forgot about THOSE cards!” Chazz noticed.

“Twenty-three…” Lavi stuck his fingers underneath one card’s hologram. “SKIDOOSH!!” He flipped it as hard as possible, sending it flying away!

“Ha ha ha ha ha,” everybody laughed, somewhat amused at the ‘joke’.

“Aw, come on, it wasn’t THAT funny,” Chazz stated, when he felt something holding his Duel Disk. It was Krory, stealthily taking the top two cards of his deck!

“U-um, when I attack, I dis-discard the top two cards of you-your deck…” Krory shoved the two cards into Chazz’s Graveyard and ran away as fast as he could. He lost all of his remaining stealth.

“Next, I destroy one card in your hand!” Allen added, using his gun-arm to fire one rod at the center card of Chazz’s hand.

“GYAAAAAAH!!”

“Come on, you guys! You just hit Ojama Yellow!” Chazz informed!

“IT HUUUUURTS!!” Ojama Yellow cried, somehow making his card wiggle. Not wanting to listen to him scream and stuff, Chazz hurriedly threw the card into the Graveyard.

“Aw man, huh, not Ojama Yellow, huh, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson complained, rubbing the back of his head.

“Lastly,” Lenalee said with a smile, “I can add one ‘Big House’ card from our Graveyard back into our hand!” Lenalee took a card out from Allen’s Duel Disk and gave it to him.

“Thanks,” he thanked, turning his arm back to normal in order to grab it, “I think I’ll set it face-down right now.” And so, as everybody else de-activated their Innocence weapons, a card hologram appeared on the field for the second time. “Take your last turn, Chazz, and make it quick!”

“Don’t worry Chazz, you can take’m! Yeah!” Jaden shouted!

“Or maybe not,” Banner said.

“But probably, I reckon!” Billy Hills thought.

“But maybe NOT, since I’ve got to be realistic here,” Banner said, shaking away the thought.

“BUUUUT, huh, Banner, huh, he could—”

“STOP IT ALREADY!!” Crap! That’s gotta be Big House Combination! Chazz knew. “Your voices are irritating me! I need to focus!” I’ve gotta end this game NOW, I need a miracle. Chazz drew his next card…

 

It was so horrible that Chazz pulled a really, really weird face, as if he’d smelled something horrible. Did… did I really just draw… “Uh… Mann? I need to ask you something…”

“Don’t worry, I just put the card in while you weren’t looking!” Mann McOldsmobile nonchalantly explained. “I just wanted to get some revenge against Kanda. He’s my least favorite character.”

“And most favorite!” Banner added, wanting to keep the tagline alive.

“What’s the card, Chazz?” Bastion asked curiously. “You’re not giving us any clues.”

“I… play Mann McOldsmobile.”

“AW, SWEET!!” Mann McOldsmobile cheered!

“Go, Mann! You can do it!” Cuts Man cheered!

“Yeah, uh, yeah!” Gut Man supported. Mann McOldsmobile took one big leap and landed onto Chazz’s side of the field. (Mann McOldsmobile: 2000 Attack Points)

 

“Now according to the effect,” Chazz said, reading the card, “uh, it says I can Special Summon one Cuts Man and one Gut Man from my… when did I get THOSE cards?!”

“Just summon them already!” Mann McOldsmobile goaded.

“Okay, sheesh!” Chazz picked up his deck and looked through it, scanning through until he found… a Cuts Man and a Gut Man card. Why do they look so official?! Chazz wondered. “Okay, I summon them.”

“OH YEAH!!”

“CUTS…CUTS…..CUTS!!” The robot twins jumped onto the field! Cuts Man even pulled out his knife-on-a-stick from his original entrance! (Guts Man: 3000 Attack Points, Cuts Man: 3000 Attack Points)

 

“OH MY GOSH, HOW DO THEY HAVE SO MANY ATTACK POINTS?!” Allen screamed, as the onlookers had looks of complete terror!

“Oh, well if one of them is destroyed, Chazz automatically loses,” Mann McOldsmobile explained.

“What?!”

“It was on the cards! Couldn’t you tell?” Mann McOldsmobile took a deep breath. “Anyways, by sending one card of your cards on the field to the Graveyard, I can destroy two cards on the field.”

“Woah! So useful!” Jaden gasped in amazement.

“Now I’ll send the unimportant face-down card on my field to the Graveyard to destroy Krory and Lenalee!” Chazz decided!

“Alley-oop!” Mann McOldsmobile picked up the card’s hologram and threw it hard enough to cut Lenalee and Krory through the stomach.

“Wha—”

“YEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWW!!” Their lifeless torsos fell down and their upper bodies writhed in pain and breathed heavily. Sadly, the card flew back around and landed in Krory’s face. “GLECK!! Uuuuuugh…”

“GUUUUUYS!!” Allen shrieked! “NOOOOOO!!”

“Did… did he really just kill them?!” Lavi gasped, unbelieving.

“Ha ha ha ha ha,” everybody laughed, except for Krory.

“Damn it Lavi, now’s not the time!” Kanda barked.

 

“As much as it pains me to do it… yeah right!” Chazz scoffed. “Mann, I know how you love your revenge!”

YOSH!!” Mann McOldsmobile whole-heartily agreed in a somewhat-Japanese manner. He dashed up toward Kanda’s face.

He’s so fast!! Kanda realized, suddenly unable to breathe.Innocence, invoca—

DON’T LOOK DOWN ON ME,” Mann McOldsmobile growled. Then he punched Kanda in the face, forcing his arm through his entire head. The resulting shockwave blew his entire body apart. Allen and Lavi were showered in blood and guts. (Allen: 3800 Life Points)

“K… Kan…da…?” Lavi murmured.

“Gut Man, kill!!” Chazz commanded.

“Got it!” Gut Man agreed. He held his claws up. They glimmered in the moonlight. “These are my GUTTING claws!”

“Those are your ONLY claws!”

“Ha ha ha!”

Lavi was less worried about the stolen audience and more worried about gutting claws. “N-NONONONONO, GUT MAN!!” Lavi bargained! “You’re not supposed to attack us!!”

“So?” Gut Man took a few huge paces toward the red-haired joker and stuck his ginormous claws through Lavi’s chest.

“GEEEEH… GEEEEH… geeeeeh…” Lavi took a few last gasps and slid off of Gut Man’s hand. (Allen: 1800 Life Points)

It takes gut to cut.

 

“Sorry, Allen, but it seems that you all don’t count as Duel Spirits today, seeing as we physical children are presently killing the f-ck outta you all,” Chazz laughed. “Is it because of your eyepatch? Did you forget so soon?”

“What…?” Allen touched his golden Egyptian eyepatch. “… Oh, hell…”

“DON’T LOOK DOWN ON US!!” the Duel Academy group shouted! “YOU F-CK WITH US, WE F-CK WITH YOU!!”

“Go, Cuts Man, I reckon!!” Billy Hills cheered!

“Huh, Cuts, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson screamed!

“Do it!” Piggybank yelled!

“Let’s end this already!” Bastion and Omega-Xis said simultaneously!

“Yeah, yo! Go go go!” Jaden rapped!

“I support you!” Banner supported!

They’re… they’re all supporting all this random bloodshed… and they don’t even mind the fact that my friends just EXPLODED?! Allen wondered, his mind boggling. These kids… are insane! And… what’s with that Cuts Man and Gut Man?! What do THEY have to do with them?! THEY’RE ALL INSANE!!

“Cuts Man, if I can’t beat him through Life Points this turn, I figure I’ll just invoke the ‘death’ clause in Shadow Duels. So…” Chazz declared with a thumbs-down, “EXECUTE HIM.”

“CUTS CUTS CUTS!! GOT IT, KID!!” Cuts Man leaped up as high as he could, brandishing his amazing knife stick.

“You… YOU PEOPLE ARE INSAAAAAAAAANE!!” Allen shrieked, running away as fast as possible.

“CUTS CUTTER ATTACK!!” Cuts Man threw his large stick at Allen in a great spinning fashion, emulating a throwing-disk.

“GYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!” Sadly, as the knife was only a butter-knife, Allen’s head was not cut in half. It was instead smashed open by the impact, though. (Allen: 200 Life Points, Game Over)

 

“So, Chazz, how do you feel about your first kill?” Piggybank asked.

“Well, it doesn’t count, seeing as they’re supposed to be Duel Spirits,” Chazz guessed, as his ‘monsters’ walked out of place.

“Well then, would you like to kill my Winged Kuriboh, yo?” Jaden offered.

“HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!” everybody laughed, walking away from the carnage, as if it were just a regular duel.

 

**********

 

The next week, Jaden and his roommates turned on the TV. “I heard that there’s a pretty good new show coming on today,” Syrus said, taking the remote control into his own hands.

“Oh yeah, that ‘Big House’ spin-off?” Koala Ko Ala guessed.

“Yeah. I love Big House, so I have to watch this too, of course.” And so, Syrus changed the channel. Jaden skeptically turned to his Mann and Man-themed friends for guidance.

“Uh, I’m… guessin’ that they recorded it all before we killed them, right?” Jaden thought.

“Cuts cuts cuts! Sounds ‘bout right,” Cuts Man agreed.

“SHH! IT’S STARTING!” Mann McOldsmobile commanded.

 

blared the television, as it showed a great shot of the White House, in Washington D.C. “STARING… Arystar Krory the Third!” Krory, now with the ominous facial-scar he’d gained the night before, was sitting at the desk of the Oval Office, staring at the camera. “Jason Dolley!” A kid who looked like a regular modern teenager was walking down the hallway at his school with Krory. Next to them waaaas… “Maiara Walsh!” …who was their token female friend.

 

“Madison Pettis!” Krory was suddenly shown with his bouncy young sister at a park, buying ice cream. “John D’Aquino!” popped up right next to them with an ice cream bar and a smile. Then Krory’s dad, “Rondell Sheridan!” walked up and paid for their treats to much acclaim. “And Kyle Massey!” was the other kid who popped up with Krory and gave a couple of hip and happening hand signs to the audience.

 

“KRORY IN THE HOUSE!!” shouted the announcer, as a group shot of everybody in front of the White House was shown.

 

“You see, it takes place after Big House, when Krory became the President,” Syrus said.

“Of America?” Koala Ko Ala asked.

“No, of Europe.”

“I’m… too confused…” Gut Man groaned. “Wasn’t Kyle Massey the star of that show…? Oh gosh…”

They all made Home Alone faces. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

 

MEANWHILE…

“KOFF KOFF KOFF,” Banner coughed, rebuilding his room from the day before. “Damn Koala Juice…” he muttered, clutching his chest grimly. “Well…least it tasted good.”

 

[spoiler=Episode 43: Field of Screams - Part Two]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 43: Piggybank Goes Crazy… Again

 

It was one fine morning on Duel Academy Island, and everybody was poppin’ and brimmin’ with energy! The guitar was top-notch today, and actually hitting coherent beats and power chords! And yet, there was only ONE person of consequence who didn’t applaud the musical solo… CROWLER!! It was sulking in its office, waiting for something VERY important.

“Ugh, where is it?” it growled. “It should have arrived today. I ordered it two-to-three weeks ago!” Suddenly, there was a knock at its door. “Oh, could this be it? The subject of today’s filler episode?!” Crowler ripped the door off its hinges. The person at the door? It was the famous deliveryman; Delivery Davis!! He in his short-sleeved brown delivery clothing and bushy black moustache was the star of Randumcrap Deliveries™ (founded by Jenny Randomcrap)!

“Eh, ‘ello ‘dere, D’liv’ry Davis at ‘cher service,” Delivery Davis greeted, tipping his hat and handing Crowler its small package.

“Thanks.” Crowler put back the door in his face and ripped open the new delivery. Inside was a grey ball with a timer on it.

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEESS-UH!!” Crowler cheered! “IT’S HERE, IT’S FINALLY HERE!! THE ONE FINAL TRICK UP MY SLEEVE TO ELIMINATE JADEN YUCKY ONCE AND FOR ALL…!!” Crowler held it above its head like it was a gift from the heavens. “Now, with Misawa’s help, I shall at last accomplish my year-long goal! And then I shall celebrate with ice cream cake.” Crowler walked out of its room and turned to Bastion, Piggybank, Fluffy Fred and Baseball Bob, who were somehow standing immediately outside of its room. “Baseball Bob, turn on every fire alarm in the building.”

“Okay.” Baseball Bob ran off and triggered several alarms, to everybody’s annoyance.

“ Fred, take this paper and recite it over the intercom.” Crowler handed him a piece of paper.

“Uh, okay. Where’s the intercom?”

“At the office,” Crowler explained.

“Thanks!” Fluffy Fred began punching and running through walls.

“Bastion, force this small bomb into Piggybank’s head.”

“Okay,” Bastion accepted, without any question. He shoved it into Piggybank’s head slot.

“Eh!” she whimpered. “Ow!”

“Piggybank, handcuff yourself to Jaden Yucky,” Crowler instructed, giving Piggybank a pair of electronic handcuffs.

 

“Uh, what are you… planning?” Piggybank asked.

“Oh, I stuck a bomb in your head so that you can blow up Yucky-boy,” Crowler said.

“HUNH?!” Piggybank gasped!

“Oh, don’t worry.”

“WE SHOULD WORRY!!” Omega-Xis yelled, becoming important again!

“Yeesh, Misawa, when’d you get THAT?” Crowler asked. “It’s like… a bear… or a wolf… and it’s freaky.”

“Hey,” Omega-Xis sniffed.

“Duel Island,” Bastion answered.

“Duel Island?” Crowler repeated.

“Duel Island,” Bastion repeated.

“Who cares about Omega-Xis?! You just stuffed a LIVE EXPLOSIVE INTO MY HEAD,” Piggybank worried.

“Don’t worry about her, Misawa, that is a SPECIAL bomb,” Crowler promised. “It will ONLY blow up Jaden Yucky.”

“R-really?!” Bastion believed.

Poor naïve little Bastion,” Crowler uttered obviously.

“Um, we heard that, Ms. Crowler,” Piggybank said.

“Oh, well… okay. Either way, she’s safe, Bastion,” Crowler stated.

“That’s great!” Also, Bastion thought, we ALL know that Jaden ALWAYS makes it through all of Crowler’s tricks. Why should today be any different?

I dunno, but it’s horrible that you just put your technical girlfriend in danger, Omega-Xis pondered.

True… but how are you speaking with me through your mind?

Old joke.

Oh, right. Bastion, Crowler and Piggybank stood there for a moment as the fire alarms blared irritatingly.

“Well… get to it,” Crowler suggested, walking away.

 

MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE…

Several students were out in the sun, sitting around campfires, as if they were ready to sit out there for a long time. “Wow,” Jaden said, sitting with his five roommates, “fire alarms sure are fun, yo!”

“Not really,” Syrus moaned, “now I don’t know whether or not this is a prank or if a fire’s destroying our beloved school.”

“But why can’t we go back to our dorms?” Koala Ko Ala whined. “I love my bed! And sleeping in it. And I want to sleep. In the bed. Right now.”

“Stop the joke before it gets too repetitive!” Mann McOldsmobile ordered, throwing some s’mores into Koala Ko Ala’s mouth.

“WAAAUGH, IT’S HOOOOT!!”

 

PSSSSH,” went the intercom, audible outside of the school’s main building somehow. “JADEN… EH… UH… UM… YUCKY,” Fluffy Fred announced, “PL-PLEASE… UM, COME INSIDE THE SCHOOL’S MAIN ENTRANCE… THERE’S SOME CAKE. AND… AND YOU CAN EAT IT, TOO. ALSO JANITORBOY IKKAKU PLEASE REPORT TO THE CAFETERIA AND CLEAN UP SOME VOMIT, BEFORE CROWLER THROWS UP AGAIN, YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS YESTERDAY.

“Cake?!” Jaden gasped.

THE CAKE IS AWESOMEBERRY-FLAVORED,” Fluffy Fred added.

“AWESOMEBERRY IS DA BOMB, YO!!” Jaden roared! “I MUST EAT IT!!”

“During a fire drill?!” Syrus asked. “But what if the cake isn’t real, thus failing to avoid all Portal references, and you really DO get burned! Plus you know how Crowler always calls you ‘Yucky’, like on the announcement. Do you smell trouble? Because I smell trouble.”

“Well,” Billy Hills said, coming out from nowhere in particular, “I reckon you should go for it.” Then he ran off, as his job was complete.

“Psst,” Cuts Man whispered, “do you wanna take the Cuts Spear?” Cuts Man asked, pulling out his knife-on-a-stick.

“Don’t take it,” Guts Man told Jaden.

“Nah, I don’t need THAT,” Jaden politely declined. “But anyways, I’m a-gonna get that cake! See ya’!”

“Can I come with you?” Koala Ko Ala asked.

“No.”

“DAMN IT !!”

 

Jaden ran all the way back to the school, which was honestly not too far away. He dashed into the bright, empty halls, as the fire alarms faded out by themselves. He stopped next to Bastion and Piggybank. “Oh, hey Bastion and Piggybank yo,” Jaden greeted.

“Here you go!” Bastion said, attaching the electrical handcuffs to Jaden and Piggybank’s opposite arms. “Watch out, they only come off with dueling!”

“WHAAAAAT?!” Jaden cried. “WHYYYYYYY?!”

“I…don’t know why they would only come off with-“

“NOT THAT, THE PART ABOUT US GETTING HANDCUFFED AND NO CAKE!!”

“Oh, he just thought it would be a good idea to follow Crowler’s orders and handcuff you to Piggybank after she got a bomb implanted in her head, set to explode after an indeterminate amount of time,” Omega-Xis explained.

“… Piggybank, Bastion,” Jaden asked, “Why did you think that would be a good idea?”

“Because Bastion said so,” Piggybank answered.

“Because Crowler said so,” Bastion answered.

Jaden stared at Bastion, then Piggybank, and then Bastion once again. Then he looked at his now-handcuffed arm. With a calm sense of style and intrigue, Jaden said “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” and began running fast enough to pull Piggybank along through the air.

“Bye Bastion!” Piggybank waved.

 

Bastion and Omega-Xis left the building and spotted Syrus, Koala Ko Ala, and the rest by their campfire, warming up some vittles. “Hey guys,” Bastion called, approaching them.

“Hey Bastion, is there REALLY some cake for Jaden in there?” Syrus asked. “Or is this just another conflicted assassination plot by Crowler?”

“Eh, the second one,” Bastion stated, stabbing a marshmallow onto a stick.

“Where’s the pig-ear girl?” Mann McOldsmobile asked.

“She’s doing something important,” Bastion said.

“But by that you mean something stupid, right?” Syrus double-checked.

“Ayup,” Omega-Xis stated.

“Oh,” Cuts Man accepted.

“Oh yeah, we’re here, too!” Fluffy Fred announced, appearing behind Bastion, holding Baseball Bob in his hand!

“He forced me to come with him!” Basebal Bob whined.

“Fred!” Bastion yelled! “How many times do I have to tell you not to obsessively chase after me?”

“A lot.”

“Then what the hell are you doing?! Go home!” Bastion ordered, pointing to the school.

“B-but that school’s gonna explode!” Fluffy Fred sniffed.

“I don’t care, Fred! Go and think about what you’ve done!” Now wailing, Fluffy Fred shuffled away.

“Man, that Fred kid has problems,” Mann McOldsmobile sighed, eating a heated sausage.

“But can Bob stay?” Gut Man asked.

“Sure,” Bastion guessed.

“YAY!!”

 

**********

 

Jaden screamed, running down the hall.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!” Jaden screamed, running up some stairs, onto an odd, raised hallway.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!” Jaden screamed, leaping off the railings and falling on his face. Piggybank landed softly on top of him.

“That was stupid,” Piggybank said.

“Aw, shut up, lady!” Jaden growled, lifting his head off the clean floors, releasing a gush of blood from his injured nose.

“OI OI OI OI OI!!!” said somebody, rushing onto the scene, and alas, it was Janitorboy Ikkaku, riding on his janitorial supply cart!

“What?!” Piggybank gasped. “Why’re YOU still here, random character thrown in for the hell of it?!”

“Speak for yourself,” Janitorboy Ikkaku shrugged. “Either way, I was just leaving after cleaning up that crap vomit in the cafeteria, when suddenly you fell down, dirtying the floor with your nasty blood! We can’t have that! Or else I don’t get paid!” Janitorboy Ikkaku began wiping off the floor with his three-sectioned mop-ended spear.

“Well… okay,” Jaden shrugged. “Why’s your mop red?”

“Because it’s bloody,” Janitorboy Ikkaku answered.

“With my blood, oh yeah.”

And with an incredibly scary face, he replied; “I MEANT WITH THE BLOOD OF MY NEMESES.

 

“So, yo, what’s up wit’ ‘da bomb?”

“Oh, it’s in my head,” Piggybank explained, pointing at her head-hole.

“… Crap,” Jaden groaned. “In the head?! It could’ve been in the bra. It could’ve been in the panties. It could’ve been someplace else gratifying. But the… the head-hole?!”

“Then why don’t you tell her to take it out?” Ikkaku suggested, ignored.

“Shut up, Jaden! If you don’t want to blow up so much, then why don’t you just take it out like a man?” Piggybank nagged.

“… O-okay, yo, I g-got it…” Jaden slowly raised his non-handcuffed hand and moved it toward Piggybank.

“Hurry it up!” Piggybank shouted.

“Meep!” Jaden stuck his hand into Piggybank’s skull and tried not to vomit. He moved his hand around. “I c-c-c-can’t find it, I can’t feel anything!” Jaden said.

“Go deeper, then,” Piggybank told.

“Hot damn, woman!” Jaden snapped! “I can only be pushed so far!”

“So you wanna die?”

 

Jaden slid his arm out. “… So if Bastion wanted you to die, then you’d die?”

Piggybank’s eyes narrowed. “And what if I would?”

“Then you’re an idiot!” Jaden announced! “You blindly follow ‘dat Bastion kid and don’t think fo’ yo’self! What if there was a hip new product in stores now, and then you really really wanted it, but Bastion told you that you couldn’t have it?”

“Then I’d not buy it, of course,” Piggybank said, in a matter-of-fact way. “We’re so madly in love! I’d do anything for him, and he’d do anything for me.”

“… You’re a real idiot,” Jaden said.

“WHAT?!” Now enraged, Piggybank pulled a fist-full of coins from her head and tossed them at Jaden!

“Ow.” Jaden looked at the coins on the ground.

“DON’T YOU EVER CALL ME AN IDIOT!!” SMACK. SMACK SMACK. SMACK. Jaden threw a few coins back at Piggybank.

“Hey, kid!” Janitorboy Ikkaku attacked! “You can’t hit a girl unless she hits you in the face!”

“UUUUUR-YAH!!” Piggybank roared, punching Jaden in the face! The attack was hard enough to throw Jaden away to the extent the handcuffs would allow, pulling Piggybank to the floor.

 

“… Kick their ass,” Janitorboy Ikkaku told them both.

“RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!” The two of them put their hearts in their sleeves and their souls in their fists! Jaden punched at Piggybank, who caught his attack. Then she punched at him, forcing Jaden to grab her fist with his sole remaining duke!

“Y-you’re being an idiot, Jaden,” Piggybank growled.

“Well, somebody had t-to tell you s-sometime!” Jaden groaned. Suddenly, their two fists slipped out from their fist-holders, successfully slugging each other in the faces!

“Woah! A cross-counter!” Janitorboy Ikkaku gasped, stepping back! The two combatants took a step back and took some deep gulps of breath, wiping the sweat from their faces.

“Heh,” Piggybank chuckled, tugging the handcuffs toward her.

“Woah,” Jaden cried, getting tugged off his feet. Before he could land, Piggybank leaped at him and delivered a stern kick to the stomach. This was strong enough to blow them both away toward the Duel Dome.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!” they both cried, sailing through the air! They broke through the doors to the Dome and fell into the center of the coliseum.

“Hey, wait or me!” Janitorboy Ikkaku called! He leaped onto his janitorial cart and began rolling off, using his mop-lance as a paddle.

 

“Uuuuuugh,” Jaden groaned, rubbing his stomach, rolling onto his back.

“DIIIIE!!” Piggybank shouted, ready to stomp on his face!

“Yo hey wait yo,” Jaden said. She stopped.

“What?”

“Do you really wanna be strapped to me?” Jaden asked. “I mean, yo, why would’joo wanna be handcuffed to an idiot kid like me?”

“And where are you going with this?”

“Look, wanna get away from me after leaving me wit’ ‘da bomb so that I die and you don’t have to sit with me anymore?”

“Hmm…” Piggybank thought it over.

“Do it,” Janitorboy Ikkaku instructed, rolling in.

“Well alright, then.” Piggybank grabbed the chain connecting the handcuffs and tugged on it. It held fast. “Damn, it’s tough.”

“Allow me, I have Drain-E!” Janitorboy Ikkaku suggested, holding up a yellow bottle of drain cleaner. He tossed the bottle at the cuffs, doing nothing. “Sorry, it didn’t work.”

“Well then, what’d Bastion say t’you ‘bout it?” Jaden asked Piggybank.

“He…uh…um…dang, I forgot what Bastion said, didn’t I?! Stupid!” She slapped herself. “Uh…oh yeah, I remember what he said!” Piggybank remembered!

“Here you go!” Bastion said, attaching the electrical handcuffs to Jaden and Piggybank’s opposite arms. “Watch out, they only come off with dueling!”

“… Does that make sense?”Janitorboy Ikkaku asked. “Handcuffs that only turn off when you duel? How do they—”

“They’re electrical,” Piggybank insisted.

“Well, then,” Janitorboy Ikkaku shrugged, “just duel.”

“RIGHT!!” The handcuffs seemed to respond to the idea of a duel and extended far enough that the two duelists could stand at either end of the Duel Dome duel stage. They both took their spaces and took their Duel Disks out from their back pockets. “DUEL!!”

“And let’s get it over with fast,” Piggybank insisted.

(Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Piggybank: 4000 Life Points)

 

And so, Jaden and Piggybank were beginning to duel in the Duel Dome, with only Janitorboy Ikkaku and Crowler watching. And SPEAKING of Crowler… “Mweh heh heh,” Crowler dreadfully laughed, watching through a convenient window near the ceiling of the dome, “there’s only about ten minutes left until the bomb goes off, give or take how long it takes for people to read this stupid thing…”

 

“I’m going first, on account of the fact I can end this game in two turns,” Piggybank decided. She held out one Mars, Agent of Destruction and three copies of the Trap card, Aegis of Gaia. “I’ll set three Traps and summon Mars, the Agent of Destruction in Attack Mode!” A red angel-dude with a cool-looking thin war hammer appeared. (Mars: 0 Attack Points) “I’ll call that a turn.”

“Okay.” Jaden drew a card.

“HALT!!” Piggybank announced! “I activate three copies of Aegis of Gaia!” The three Traps flipped up, showing cool green-haired women getting struck by lightning… I think. “These Continuous Trap cards give me 3000 Life Points each, for a grand total of 13000!” The trio of ladies appeared and shocked Mars with red lightning! IT MADE HIM STRONG!! “In addition, my Mars gains Attack Points equal to the difference in our Life Points!” (Mars: 9000 Attack Points) “Now, just bump Avian into him and let’s call it a game.”

“Good game,” Janitorboy Ikkaku complimented, clapping.

 

“Well then, I’ll kick things off with Heavy Storm, y’all!” A large tornado ripped the three ladies to pieces. (Piggybank: 4000 Life Points, Mars: 0 Attack Points)

“…” Piggybank’s left eyebrow wiggled oddly. “WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!”

“Because I’m ‘da hero, and ‘da hero ALWAYS wins, ‘cause ‘da hero is boss!!” Jaden insisted. “So I’m gonna have to beat you here and now! Now I’ll summon Elemental Hero Bubbleman in Attack Mode yo!” Bubbleman appeared. (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points) “Now because I have no cards on the field, I can draw two cards!” Jaden drew two cards.

“LOOK, Jaden!” Piggybank yelled! “Can you PLEASE just stop being stupid? We’re supposed to end this FAST! You’re wasting our time, so we’re probably going to explode! Damn, and even after I played my theme song.”

“… Oh, sorry.” Jaden set a card. “Then I’ll throw-down a face-down, and end my turn.”

“BOO,” someone said.

“… And why did you set a card?”

“’Cause, yo.”

 

“Fine then.” Piggybank threw down a new monster. “I’ll tribute Mars for Agent of Judgment – Saturn!” The red angel popped for some reason, begin replaced with a serious-looking purple angel. (Saturn: 2400 Attack Points) “Now kill Bubbleman with Judgment of Space!” Saturn’s eyes glowed and a huge ring of icy rock particles swooped down from above, smashing Bubbleman’s head in. (Jaden: 2400 Life Points)

“Well ha ha, I summon Elemental Hero Sparkman with Hero Signal!” Jaden’s Hero Signal flipped up and shattered, bringing out Sparkman.

“Hoo huh!” Sparkman flexed. (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points)

“Why did you do that?!?!?!” Piggybank ordered.

“Because the main character always wins,” Janitorboy Ikkaku stated, “except for when they lose, because every well-written character (and several badly-written ones) ALWAYS LOSES SOMETIMES.”

“Yeah, like against Deep-Voice Dobbson, y’all!” Jaden said.

“Oh fine, I understand,” Piggybank said, smiling brightly.

“Y’do?” Jaden inquired.

“Yep!” But what Piggybank really thought was… What a bastard. I can’t wait until I get away from him! Talking about me and Bastion like that?! We can’t have that. He can win, but he can die, too.

“Well alright, then!” Jaden chuckled, drawing a Polymerization. Nobody smiles like DAT these days, Jaden knew. She’s pissed. So why doesn’t it feel as good as it should…? “I fuse my Elemental Hero Sparkman with Clayman from my hand to summon Elemental Hero Thunder Giant!” A blue sparkly whirlpool appeared onto the field and it absorbed the two monsters. In a few seconds it spat something out. (Thunder Giant: 2400 Attack Points) The large, fat man with the ‘lectrical armor and chestplate appeared, smashed his fists together and summoned a bolt of lightning from the sky, striking Saturn away into dust. “Ha ha, once a turn I can blow up one of your monsters weaker than my TG. And now attaaaaaaaack!!” Thunder Giant held his mighty fists above his head!

“RAAAAAAAAR!!” he roared!

“That thunder kid reminds me of me,” Janitorboy Ikkaku whistled. The really, really big man created a fat ball of electricity within his meaty paws and tossed it at Piggybank.

“Ungh,” she moaned, getting hit. (Piggybank: 1600 Life Points)

“Your turn,” Jaden insisted.

 

“Well then, if you wanna win so much, I’ll just summon Agent of Creation – Venus and pay 1500 Life Points with her ability, summoning three Mystical Shine Balls.” Her cool golden statue lady appeared, stretching out her wings and bringing out three white orbs of coolness. (Piggybank: 100 Life Points) “You can go on ahead and kill one now.”

“Well then, I know JUST what to do now…” Jaden held one more card up for the ages. “I tribute my Elemental Hero Thunder Giant for Elemental Hero Necroshade in Attack Mode!” The big fat man disappeared and was replaced by a red alien-like creature with bone-like armor all along its body. (Necroshade: 1600 Attack Points) “Go ahead, gal.”

 

“… Mm? What?” Piggybank asked, confused. “Wh-why didn’t you attack me and win right there?”

“Yeah, that was weird,” Janitorboy Ikkaku noticed.

“What kind of main character would I be if I was a b**** t’everybody?” Jaden suggested.

“…” Wow, Piggybank thought, stunned. This self-indulgent freak is actually letting me win, after all that talk?

“Way to go, man!” Janitorboy Ikkaku shouted! “Take one for the team! Though, you were still a jerk earlier.”

“Who cares? I’m losing and that’s that!” Jaden insisted. “Now forget that and summon something cool!”

“Well… thanks!” Piggybank drew… “I play Pot of Greed!” Piggybank picked up two cards after putting her Spell into the Graveyard. She picked up The Sanctuary in the Sky and Warrior of Zera. Let’s end this in style! She placed her Field card into her Field card space. “I activate Sanctuary in the Sky!” The huge floating sanctuary appeared above the dueling duelists, doing cool floating stuff. “Next I will summon The Warrior of Zera!” A dark-skinned muscle-y man in green armor, complete with a horned helmet, a red hero scarf, and a blue demon sword appeared on the fly! (Warrior of Zera: 1600 Attack Points, 1600 Defense Points) “I bet that many of you people who have crappy usage of time know what this means!”

“Archlord Zerato?” Janitorboy Ikkaku guessed.

“You’re a nerd if you knew that, but you’re right!” Piggybank revealed! “I’ll tribute my Warrior of Zera to summon Archlord Zerato!” The man suddenly sprouted wings. His skin somehow turned pink, and his pants inexplicably transformed into a blue loincloth, ew. The blue sword became a large original-flavor blade of justice and light. (Zerato: 2800 Attack Points, 2300 Defense Points)

 

“Thank you, Jaden,” Piggybank thanked, blushing slightly. Maybe Bastion’s not the only nice person out there… wait, no, that’s not a declaration. Jaden is merely cool now, not cute! Alright, fans? “I discard Agent of Wisdom – Mercury from my hand to destroy all face-up enemy monsters on the field!” Zerato held his blade toward the floating sanctuary. It responded by firing a large yellow laser at Necroshade, blowing him away. “ATTACK HIM DIRECTLY!!” Zerato nodded and flapped his wings twice, placing him about five feet in the air. Then he extended his wings as far as he could and shot an amazing barrage of feathers at Jaden!

“OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOOOOW!!” Jaden groaned, struck by a thousand digital feathers. After hitting him, they and everything else on the field exploded. (Jaden: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

 

“PIPIPI,” the handcuffs responded, letting go of the two kids and clattering to the ground.

“Woo, that was a doozy of a stupid duel,” Janitorboy Ikkaku cheered.

“BOOP, BOOP, BOOP, BOOP…” booped a thing.

“EH?!” Piggybank gasped! “It’s coming from inside my head!”

“IT’S THE BOMB!!” Jaden screamed!

“Well, I’d better get outta here,” Crowler decided, leaping off of the school into a secret underground bunker.

 

“Quick, grab the bomb!” Piggybank cried, sticking Jaden’s hand into her head!

“Oh, oh gawd, it feels so wrong!” Jaden groaned! “Wait, I can’t feel anything but coins! Why can’t I find the bomb?!”

“Go deeper!” Janitorboy Ikkaku and Piggybank coached!

“At least this isn’t a double-entendre…” Jaden heaved, sticking his head in. “Aw man, I can’t see! Woah! You need a window, or a light bulb in here, lady!”

“Not now! Find the bomb!” Piggybank rushed on! “It should be at the bottom!”

“How many coins DO you keep in there?” Janitorboy Ikkaku asked.

“Why’re you in this episode?” Piggybank asked.

“Touché.”

 

Jaden, now so far in that his legs were the only things left out, finally found something that kept beeping irritatingly. “BOOP, BOOP, BOOP, BOOP…”

“Hey, I found it, I guess!” Jaden cheered! “Now can I get outta this whack head?”

“Sure, just do it fast!” Janitorboy Ikkaku decided. Piggybank forcefully pulled Jaden out of her head with a nice ‘pop’ sound. Jaden gave Janitorboy Ikkaku the typical-looking bomb, fuse and all. The ‘ON/OFF’ button was fake and fell off, but nobody noticed.

“Now, do something with this!” Jaden ordered!

“What?! You don’t tell me what to do; I’m the janitor!”

“Can’t you throw it out a window’r somethin’, yo? We don’t have time to argue!” Jaden yelled!

I’LL tell you when we don’t have time to argue!”

“This… is… stupid…” Piggybank dreaded.

 

“Damn, man, what’s takin’ Jaden so long to eat up that cake, y’all?” Cuts Man asked, outside with the rest.

“I don’t know,” Syrus shrugged uselessly, “but it sounds like you’re taking after Jaden.”

“Cuts cuts cuts! Yep!”

“Well stop, that can’t be good for you,” Koala Ko Ala insisted.

“Okay…” Cuts Man solemnly obeyed.

“Meanwhile, what IS taking Jaden so long, HMM, Bastion?” Omega-Xis asked accusingly.

“W-well, I…” Bastion stammered. He took a gulp and a deep breath of air. “Don’t worry about him, guys. We know Jaden, he always comes back alright! I’m sure that he’ll be able to beat that cake and come tearing back down here as he always does, with a full stomach and a mouth full of DREAMS! Have faith in him!!”

“Yeah!” Baseball Bob applauded.

“Boy, Bastion, you make it seem like a matter of life or death,” Mann McOldsmobile noticed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

KEHBLOOSH!!

The school exploded, leaving nothing but a smoldering crater of smoke. “… Crap,” Bastion cursed under his breath.

“Is… is Jaden okay…?” Syrus wondered.

“Aw damn it, not again,” Chancellor Shepherd sighed. “That’s the third time, now!” He pulled out a cell phone and dialed a number in. “Well I’ll just have them airlift a new school over… Hello, Kaiba? …Yeah, it’s me… yeah, we need a new one…” Shepherd put the phone away as a new Duel Academy was pulled in by helicopter and dropped right in place.

“So, is Jaden dead?” Gut Man asked, sadly.

“And Piggybank,” Bastion sighed.

“Why her?”

 

Suddenly, the group was smacked in the head by a mop-lance. “WHY DOES NOBODY CARE ABOUT THE JANITOR?!” Janitorboy Ikkaku raged.

“Janitorboy Ikkaku?! You’re alive!” Syrus pseudo-celebrated.

“YOU LIE!!” Janitorboy Ikkaku smacked him again.

“Ow!”

“Hey, just be happy I didn’t use the sharp part!”

“Wait, then if HE’S alive, then what about the others?” guessed Omega-Xis. At that moment, Jaden and Piggybank inexplicably walked out of the new Duel Academy together.

“Hey, they’re okay!” Koala Ko Ala shouted! The now-friendly duo ran up to them and began to converse.

“Yo, guys!” Jaden greeted!

“Yeah, yo,” Piggybank copied.

“How did you guys survive if the school exploded?” Bastion asked.

“I dunno,” Jaden shrugged honestly.

“Wait, how do you not know?” Gut Man inquisitively questioned.

“I have no clue,” Piggybank answered.

“But the school you were in blew up,” Cuts Man reminded.

“We know.”

“Did you dive out of the building just in time, like me?” Janitorboy Ikkaku suggested.

“Nah, we’d have remembered,” Jaden knew. “The GOOD thing is that inside the new Duel Academy, everything’s in the same spot as before ‘da ‘splosion, yo.”

“Just shortening every word doesn’t automatically make you ‘gangsta’, Jaden,” Syrus sy-ed.

“Aw, shut up, Syrus!” Jaden laughed.

 

“What I’M wondering is why you aren’t already locked onto Bastion,” Baseball Bob said, surprising everybody who had forgotten where he was or that he existed.

“Oh,” Piggybank noticed, “well, let’s just say that I learned a LOT today,” she explained, putting her arms behind her back.

“… Well, then,” Omega-Xis said, “let’s all go back to school ‘n stuff.”

“Alright.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Reckon!”

“Hey, YOU’RE not Billy Hills, I reckon!”

“Cuts cuts cuts!”

And so, the massive crowds of students marched back into class where they promptly fell asleep and played cards.

 

**********

 

“Hmm,” Crowler wondered, “has the bomb gone off yet?” It tried looking at her watch in the utter darkness of her hastily-dug underground bunker. “Oh well, I’ll give it another ten minutes.” And Crowler stayed down there for several hours, due to his/her/its own ignorance. The end. I couldn’t come up with a better ending.

 

CURRENT FILLER EPISODES LEFT: 1

 

 

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NOW I can call this a story again. Please, somebody post so that I can add the next chapter as a separate post. Also because I have been talking to myself for at least two pages now, and it wears thin on the psyche.

 

[spoiler=Episode 44: A Reason to Win]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 44: A Reason to Win: For Cocoa

 

It was a thunderstomy night, and we ALL know what THAT means… something BAD happens!! Alexis, Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut were sitting in a dark hospital room while Atticus McArgue slept silently. “I really hope he gets better soon,” Nancy Wut sighed sadly.

“You keep saying that,” Angry McArgue groaned, “this is the fifty-seventh time. Please stop before I get irritated.”

“There’s three Stars left,”

“Shadow Riders!” Nancy Wut added.

“Yeah,” Alexis agreed, “but it would still be really great if Atticus could help us, since he used to be one. In fact, I just really want to talk to him without him drooling everywhere; it makes me feel bad for him.”

“I do too,” Angry McArgue agreed.

“I really hope he gets better soon,” Nancy Wut sadly sighed.

“Fifth-eighth, please stop now.”

I just wish things were like they were before all this crap started, Alexis wished, calling upon a flashback to describe her feelings.

 

It was a bright spring day, as Alexis, Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue were sitting under a tree together in their catholic-seeming school uniforms. They held a small item of some sort. BUT THEN… “Angry, Alexis,” called a familiar voice. “Nancy?” Atticus walked up to them in a cool-looking traditional boy’s black school uniform complete with Jotaro Kujo hat that seemed to fuse to your hair!

[spoiler=Reference:]5229135304185jotaro6.jpg

 

“Daddy!” Angry McArgue greeted!

“Daddy!” Alexis and Nancy Wut greeted!

“No no no, I’m not ALL your daddies!” Atticus explained! “Otherwise, I’d have been persecuted long ago! What’s that in your hands?”

“We built a dueling deck,” Nancy Wut said, handing Atticus some cards.

“Hmm…” Atticus looked at the cards. “Butterfly Dagger Elma… Fire Princess… Spell Absorption… Gearfried the Iron Knight…”

“It’s a first-turn kill deck!” Nancy Wut proclaimed!

“It beats the opponent in one turn!” Alexis added!

“This is garbage!” Atticus yelled, throwing the cards into a portable trash can.

“WAAAAH, OUR CARDS!!” Angry McArgue screamed! “Why, daddy?!”

 

“Because, girls,” Atticus began, “when you play a card game, you have to make sure you know why you’re playing.”

“To beat people and humiliate them?” Angry McArgue suggested.

“No, you need the right reasons to duel others.”

“To take their pets as ante?” Nancy Wut suggested.

“No no no, I mean…” Atticus thought for a moment. “Duel with your heart, not your brain.”

“But then you’d lose,” Nancy Wut noticed.

“And isn’t it fun to win in one turn?” Alexis asked.

“… Why don’t you make a Cyber Girl deck, Alexis?” Atticus suggested.

“Yay!”

But Angry McArgue wasn’t satisfied! “Daddy, I’ll show you! I’ll make a GREAT deck that can win the game in ONE turn, and it’ll be fun!”

“That’s nice,” Atticus shrugged, giving up.

 

Those were the days, Alexis concluded.

“I really hope he gets better soon,” sighed Nancy Wut, sadly.

“Don’t make it fifty-nine, Nancy,” Angry McArgue warned. BUT JUST THEN…

Do you three really want your brother and/or father back,” asked the random evil black flame-shaped portal that had appeared next to the three young girls.

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!” they gasped in synch!!

Yes, I can restore your friend’s memories,” the portal explained, “but only if you can defeat me in a duel.

“Does… does he look like a Star?” Angry McAgrue whispered to Alexis.

“Shadow Rider!” Nancy Wut corrected.

“I… I guess so,” Alexis guessed. “I’ll duel him first, since you know your combos aren’t reliable, you two.”

“But you lost your key.”

“So?”

“Oh, I get it,” Angry McArgue realized, smiling slyly. “ALRIGHT, SHADOW-BASTARD, BRING IT ON!!”

“Shadow Rider!” Nancy Wut corrected.

Very well then,” the flame accepted, “enter the portal and meet your doom. Muhuhahahahaha.” The trio looked at each other and silently nodded. They walked into the portal like the ignorant people they were.

 

Just as the portal began to close and the girls were almost completely out of sight, Atticus was instantly restored to normal through unexplained means! Hooray! He jolted upright on his bed and gasped. The portal closed. “Oh man, was that… AN EVIL BLACK FIRE PORTAL WITH MY BEST FRIENDS AND DAUGHTER INSIDE?!?!”

 

Just when the episode started seeming like it could be GOOD, we cut to Jaden, snoring while crushed underneath Mann McOldsmobile’s bunk bed (for those of you who’re wondering, Cuts Man and Gut Man sleep in the corners). As he was being crushed, Winged Kuriboh decided to take the time to go “OOH, OOH!” all around his face. “OOH! OOH! OOH!!”

“WHAT, ‘YA DAMN FURBALL?!” Jaden roared, leaping up and sending Mann McOldsmobile’s bed flying away. Something knocked at the door, waking Koala Ko Ala and Syrus up.

“I-I’ll get it,” Syrus groggily accepted. He jumped out of bed and opened up the door. And who else could be outside but Chazz? “Chazz? What’s up this late?”

“Yeah. We’re tryin’ to sleep,” Koala Ko Ala said, rubbing his eyes.

“I need Jaden and anybody else who wants to tag along NOW,” Chazz stated. “Alexis is MISSING.”

 

TWO! MINUTES!! LATER!!!

Crowler and Zane Truesdale were standing around in the halls of Duel Academy in the dead of the night as the rain continuously splattered upon the nearby windows. Jaden, Chazz, Syrus and Koala Ko Ala all ran up to them as a group of worried people. “Dudes? Are Alexis ‘n’ her friends REALLY gone?!” Jaden asked.

“But mostly Alexis?” Chazz interjected.

“There’s no sign,” Zane sadly revealed. “It’s like she just disappeared.”

“Although they COULD just be in the bathroom or something,” Crowler thought.

“Yeah, how do YOU guys know that she’s not still okay?” Syrus wondered.

“This is Duel Academy,” Koala Ko Ala said, “we KNOW she can’t be safe HERE.”

“Lame excuse…”

“Quiet, Mr. Young Truesdale, I’m about to open the door to the Infirmary.” Crowler opened up the super sliding doors of the Nurse’s Office, leading to a startling surprise. Atticus was on the floor!

“Atticus!!” everybody gasped!

“Damn, man, how many episodes does it take to get better?!” Jaden growled.

“That wasn’t appropriate here,” Mann McOldsmobile stated.

“Oh, sorry… MANN?!” Jaden gulped! “When’d YOU get here, yo?”

“Oh, I came with the cyborg.” Mann McOldsmobile pointed to Shades Milligan, who was standing cross-armed next to Mann McOldsmobile.

“We real men have’ta join together to protect what our loves hold dear,” Shades Milligan said, as his shades flash.

“Can I join your club?” Chazz asked.

“We don’t have a club,” Mann McOldsmobile said.

“We do now!” Shades Milligan disagreed!

 

Meanwhile, everybody else was doing the rational thing by running up to and helping Atticus up. “What happened here?” Zane asked, hugging him (not my fault, they animated that).

“I-it was…” Atticus sputtered, barely conscious, “was him… Cocoa… Ti…tan…”

“Ol’ Man Cocoa?!” Jaden cried! “Man, I thought that guy was a RIOT! Is he still pullin’ those magic tricks ‘o his?”

“Jaden, he’s an evil man possessed by the powers of darkness!” Koala Ko Ala explained! “How can you still be so oddly optimistic?!”

“But—”

“HE HAD A MILLENIUM PUZZLE GUN. HE WAS A BAD MAN.”

“Hey, Koala, you’re getting good at that,” Syrus congratulated.

“Tell us, Atticus!” Zane urged on, for some reason! Hey, wait a second, Crowler remembered, Wasn’t Titan that weird man with the Darkwing Duck hat I called upon to kill Jaden in a duel? Oh yeah… AND HE KIDNAPPED ALEXIS AND THOSE OTHER TWO GIRLS I CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO REMEMBER?!?! This can’t be good…

 

“Alright, bucko,” Nancy Wut growled.

“If I beat you in a duel, then my brother gets healthy again, deal?” Alexis bet.

“Okay,” Titan agreed, adjusting his hat. “But if I win, I get your Spirit Key and your soul. Alright. Because souls are tasty.”

“Your speech patterns are weird now that you can’t emote!” Angry McArgue yelled!

“I don’t care.” Titan stopped adjusting his hat once his mask was fully visible. THERE WAS AN EYE OF WDJAT ON IT!! “You see, after my defeat, a man came up to me within the Shadow Realm. He gave me this nice replacement mask. That let me come back here, serving under him as… ONE OF THE SEVEN STARS.”

“We’ve established that, thank you,” Angry McArgue groaned.

“He’s much tougher than he used to be,” Nancy Wut worried. “He was once just a CHARLATAN of the shadows; now he’s a full-blown SHADOW RIDER!!”

“Not a Shadow Rider,” Titan argued.

“Shadow Rider!”

“Seven Stars.”

“Shadow Rider!”

“I give up. Just promise me that you’ll gimmee that key when I win, okay.” Titan asked, as his glove emitted a foldable Duel Disk.

“Fine, just remember to hold up YOUR end of the deal,” Alexis spat, taking out her Duel Disk from behind her back.

“DUEL!!(.)” (Cocoa Titan: 4000 Life Points, Alexis: 4000 Life Points)

 

At that moment, a missile crashed down and exploded a hole in the earth, leading into the cave. “ALEXIS, MY LOVE, I HAVE COME TO SAVE YOU!!”

“Me too!”

“Don’t forget me, please!” Yes, it was Shades Milligan, slowly flying down from above with his rocket-powered legs carrying Mann McOldsmobile and Chazz on his back! “We’ll make sure he can’t hurt you ever again!!”

Alexis turned to Angry McArgue. “Angry, please.”

“You got it!” Angry McArgue agreed, throwing a large rock at the trio, exploding them. KEH-BYOOSH!!

“WAAAAAAAAAAGH!!”

 

Then, from the handy underpass just outside the arena, Jaden n’ the gang (Atticus included) rushed out to meet the gal trio! “Alexis!” Syrus cried!

“And Nancy n’ Angry!” Koala Ko Ala added with a wink.

“Why am I always last?” Angry McArgue asked.

“Because I brought the sick guy!” Jaden cheered! “Yo, Mr. Titan! Remember me?”

“I’ll kill you later,” Titan groaned.

“Hi, Zany and Daddy!” Nancy Wut greeted!

“I’m not your daddy,” Atticus moaned. Meanwhile, Zane waved awkwardly.

“Watch Alexis win, okay?” Nancy Wut suggested.

 

“Or… do you mean for them to watch her LOSE her SOUL,” Titan challenged!

“Yeah, I’ll be losing to the weirdo in the domino mask in front of my best friends and supposed mate for life?” Alexis chuckled. “You wish!”

“Yeah, I DO wish. So I summon Picador Fiend.” Titan summoned to the field… a demonic jester-like man with skull shoulder-pads on a skeleton horse. (Picador Fiend: 1600 Attack Points, 0 Defense Points)

“What’s a ‘picador’?” everybody asked.

“Why should I care,” Titan snootily replied. “Find out yourself. I’ll also set a card face-down and end my turn.”

 

“Hmph,” Alexis sniffed, drawing a card. This man’s a fool; I ALWAYS play my best around the ones I love/lust for! It’s common sense! And for his ignorance… I shall prevail!! Ugh, do I always sound like that when they’re around me? I need to check that out later… “I summon the dreaded Cyber Tutu!!”

“HIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAH!!” yelled a young-ish, pink-haired girl in a combo of a latex suit and some sort of frilly tutu while holding a rose and wearing clear blue cool glasses. (Cyber Tutu: 1000 Attack Points)

“That was an unnecessarily-long description sentence,” Titan said. “Also she looks sucky. Why did you summon such a sucky monster.”

“Oh, that Titan, always with the hip lingo!” Jaden laughed! “Ha ha ha, ‘sucky’.”

“Jaden, please stop that,” Crowler hissed.

 

“And now, I’ll…” I’ll attack? Alexis thought. No, look at him. Titan had a cheesy grin. He has something face-down that’ll stop me from attacking, of course!

“C’mon, Alexis, use your SPECIAL ABILITY!!” Angry McArgue coached!

“… Nooo, I think I’ll use my ALLEGRO TOILE first!” Alexis decided, playing a card with a flying magic dagger!

“What?” everybody asked.

“Well, a bunch of my cards have fancy foreign names, alright?” Alexis sighed. “All it does is destroy a Spell or Trap when I summon a monster.”

“Then why don’t you have Mystical Space Typhoon?” Syrus checked.

“Because it doesn’t have a fancy foreign name, Syrus,” Alexis stated, as if it were TOO obvious.

 

And so, the Spell gave Cyber Tutu… MAGIC GLOWING SLIPPERS!! She began to pirouette really really fast while raising one leg, tossing out a random magic dagger at Titan’s face-down card! Before exploding, it revealed itself to be Lolwut Spell, featuring a green Lolwut. “Gotcha,” Titan announced, pointing Alexis with his middle and pointer fingers.

“Aw, Fuddruckers!” Nancy Wut cursed!

“You son of a…” Alexis took a deep breath. “Fine, go Cyber Tutu, use your special effect to attack directly when all the opponent’s monsters are tougher than her!!”

“EEEEEEEEEEEEYAH!!” Cyber Tutu screeched, flipping into Titan’s face!

“AHH, MAH SEXEH FACE,” Titan cried! (Titan: 3000 Life Points)

 

“Yeah, you got’m on da ropes!” Nancy Wut and Koala Ko Ala cheered!

“…BOO.”

“And I’ll set a card,” Alexis said, narrowing her gaze epically, “… AND I’LL END. MY. TURN.”

“It’s true,” Zane noticed, “So far, her resolve to win for Atticus has proven stronger than Titan’s shadow creatures!”

And as the camera zoomed in upon Atticus’ face, he said, “Zane, you’re still one stupid guy.”

“Meh,” Titan meh’d, drawing a card which seemed to be a guy sitting in a stomach or a mouth. “Picador Fiend, attack her with Shoulder Skull Laser.” The Picador Fiend guy’s horse reared up for a second, giving his skull shoulder-pads enough time to charge up a green icky laser beam, which was fired at Cyber Tutu!

“Not so fast, man!” Nancy Wut intervened, pressing a button on Alexis’ Duel Disk!

“Please don’t do that,” Alexis asked, “but I was going to use it anyways!” Her Trap flipped up, featuring a Spanish lady in a pink dress dancing in a dimly-lit dance hall! “Doble Passé! Now I can make your attack a direct attack on my Life Points, so that my monster is safe, and deals damage equal to its Attack Points!”

 

“Uh, Alexis,” Jaden said, “you ARE in a Shadow Duel right now.”

“… What?” Alexis looked around. A weird black aura was sitting around the arena. “You have GOT to be kidding me-AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!” She was hit in the abdomen by a laser beam! (Alexis: 2400 Life Points)

“Ha,” Titan laughed. Then he was kicked in the stomach as well. “Ahh, my ‘tomach.” (Titan: 2000 Life Points)

“Heh, heh, heh, there we go,” Alexis huffed, recovering somewhat, “and now my Tutu’s safe.”

“B-but n-now we’re back where we started and you have the weaker monster—”

“Which can attack you directly next turn!” Nancy Wut repeated.

“Oh Fuddruckers,” Titan cursed.

“You stole that line!” Angry McArgue accused!

 

“Man, though that WAS kinda dumb,” Jaden noted, “she’s kickin’ AY-YASS, yo!”

“It’s a long duel, Jaden,” Zane said, ruining everybody’s fun. “Don’t start celebrating just yet.”

“But card games are fun!” Jaden complained.

“True, but don’t start celebrating!” Nancy Wut insisted.

“Bu—”

“STOP!!”

“Okay… yo.”

 

“Hm hm hm hm,” Titan oddly laughed.

“What’s so funny, bub?” Alexis ordered.

“Oh, I was just remembering the first time we met,” Titan said in his monotone voice.

“Yeah, what’s so funny about kidnapping my friends because you mistook us for one Jaden Yuki?”

“That’s whack, yo,” Jaden said.

“Well, us three aren’t so helpless anymore,” Angry McArgue promised.

“But I was chuckling, remembering the fact that last time I captured you all on accident. But THIS time I’ll treat you as proper prey.”

“That’s not the Cocoa Titan I remember,” Jaden shuddered.

“I activate RITUAL OF THE MATADOR,” Titan proclaimed, playing the tummy/mouth card!

“Ew!” Nancy Wut recoiled!

“By discarding Summoned Skull from my hand, I can Ritual Summon Matador Fiend.” After he sent away the particular card, a weird alien-ish guy with red cape-y wings appeared. (Matador Fiend: 0 Attack Points, 0 Defense Points)

“That’s no matador,” Syrus sy-ed.

“Are you sure!?” Koala Ko Ala said, startled. “Maybe th-they just have a funny naming theme!”

“…Sure, I guess.”

“I know... and that’s why I play Dark Arena,” Titan announced, throwing a Field Spell into his Glove Duel Disk! Suddenly, the entire field was covered in a sphere of dark darkness.

“What’s going on?” Crowler gasped!

“Who turned out the—”

“Don’t make that joke, please,” Alexis asked, stopping Nancy Wut from making that one joke.

 

“What’s going on with that card?” Syrus shuddered.

“I have no idea,” Koala Ko Ala gulped. “Jay, YOU beat that guy once before. Tell Alexis how!”

“Uh, I Fusion Summoned Black Skull Dragon, yo,” Jaden admitted, as his magic ancient Egyptian pendant began to glow… although I’m sure we’d all forgotten about it by now. Thanks, show! “Boy, I wish somebody could notice my bling’s glowin’!”

“So,” Titan asked from within the darkness, “care to learn about the Dark Arena card.”

“Sure,” Alexis accepted.

“Well, all our monsters have to attack every turn, and in addition, all their attack targets are chosen by the owners of the targets themselves.”

“So THAT means… that you can choose who she attacks with whom?” Angry McArgue figured.

“Of course.”

“Hmph. In THAT case…” Alexis held out a Polymerization Spell card! “I play Polymerization!!”

 

“I summon Cyber Blader in Attack Mode!!” Alexis announced, calling forth her signature Fusion monster!

She appeared in a bright red flash of light, screaming “HAAAAAAI-YAH!!” (Cyber Blader: 2100 Attack Points)

“Aw, man, you only summon her AFTER I can’t see her?!” Jaden complained. “Go die, Alexis!”

“You too, Jaden, you too,” Alexis sighed. “Now because you control two monsters on the field, my Cyber Blader’s Attack Points are doubled!” Cyber Blader glowed purple and became STRONG!! (Cyber Blader: 4200 Attack Points)

“You got’m on ‘da ropes, Alexis!” Nancy Wut cheered jubilantly! Again!

“BOO.”

“Yeah, kick his ass!” Angry McArgue celebrated!

“Hmm,” Titan mused, “so this means that whichever monster you attack, I’ll still lose, eh.”

“Well then, I guess I will attack!” Alexis decided. “Cyber Blader, crush his monster!!”

“Fine then, I’ll choose her target as Matador Fiend,” Titan chose. His Matador Fiend slowly poked its head through the shadows like some sort of weirdo! (Matador Fiend: 0 Attack Points)“WHIRLWIND RAGE!!” Alexis ordered, forcing her magic figure skater lady to spin fast enough to envelop herself in a WHIRLWIND OF RAGE!! She flipped up and over to the Matador Fiend, kicking him in the tummy! What did you expect?

“Aw yeah, dat’s mah girl,” Jaden cheered, tears streaming down his face. “SHE’S KICKING BUTT DOWN THERE!!”

“You’re annoying me,” Crowler growled.

 

But yet, the lady DID NOT destroy the alien matador, she had merely caused it to shoot a laser at her from its forehead!! “Okay, Cocoa, what’s the effect now?” Alexis ordered, as her Cyber Blader exploded.

“NNOOOOOOOOOO!!” Jaden screamed! “MY LOOOOOOVE!!”

“Please, Jaden, stop that,” Koala Ko Ala asked, lightly slapping him on the shoulder.

“My Matador Fiend destroys any monsters that attack it,” Titan explained, “and don’t forget that Dark Arena forces ALL monsters to attack every turn. That means that you have to use your Cyber Tutu now. Ha ha ha ha ha.”

“I don’t think so,” Angry McArgue disagreed, “she’s attacking directly! Remember?”

“I don’t think so,” Titan thought, “because her monster can only attack my Life Points when all of my monsters are stronger than her. My Matador Fiend is MUCH weaker.”

“I don’t think so,” Nancy Wut said. (Matador Fiend: 0 Attack Points) “Oh, right.”

“So attack, Cyber Tutu,” Titan commanded, “strike Picador Fiend.” The picador guy shot another one of his shoulder lasers, and Cyber Tutu decided to leap into it! She was cut in half and exploded.

“Damn,” Alexis growled. (Alexis: 1800 Life Points)

 

Weird electrical bolts of purple lightning began to flow all around the globe of dark energy from the outside! “Eeep!” Syrus cried! “What’s going on?!”

“She lost Life Points,” Crowler reminded.

“Oh yeah.”

“I sure hope that she don’t be losin’ up in here soon,” Jaden hoped, grasping his glowing Ancient Egyptian pendant.

 

“At least you can rest assure that your brother won’t be remembering your loss,” Titan chuckled.

“But he’s not my real brother,” Alexis said.

“And he’s my father,” Angry McArgue said as well.

“… Oh my gosh, that raises so many questions,” Titan groaned. “Finish your turn already so that I can take you to the World of Darkness.”

World of Darkness? Alexis wondered. Why not the Shadow Realm? “Eh, I summon Cyber Gymnast in Defense Mode!” A chestnut-skinned masked gymnast with finely-toned abs flipped onto the field! Sadly, she hadn’t been a REAL gymnast in years, after that steroid abuse was revealed to the public. (Cyber Gymnast: 1800 Defense Points)

“I hope that you don’t REALLY believe that steroid-using woman will save you,” Titan said.

“What?!” Crowler wondered.

“I don’t get it, but we’ll roll with it,” Koala Ko Ala shrugged.

“You see,” Titan monologued, “I’ve descended into a whole ‘nother level of darkness. Let me recount for you the events that happened just after I became the zombie-like man I am today and how I got back here from the World of Darkness…

 

Titan was floating around in a sea of those weird black blob-guys from the episode wherein he lost, which Jaden referred to as ‘black pork buns’. Maybe that’ll jog your memories. Either way, Titan was just kinda floating around. “Aaaah, help me,” Titan gurgled. “Please, somebody. Help me. I’m begging you. Uwaaaaaaaaaah.” Then a fishhook appeared in front of his hands. Woah, fishhook, he thought. He grasped it and was swiftly tugged out from the dark ocean of bean buns! As he surfaced, he saw a man, standing atop the ocean with a fishing pole, the one who had saved him. It was Dr. Card.

 

“So he gave me a mask with an eye on it, yadda yadda,” Titan yammered on, his body and monsters glowing grey, and his body becoming swamped with enlarged blood veins, “so yeah, I can kill you now. Through dueling. Plus it stops me from disobeying him, how cool is that.”

“Not very,” Nancy Wut tsked.

“SHUT UP AND DIIIIIIE,” Titan roared, as his Picador Fiend shot a laser at Alexis! It hit her in the shoulder, leaving much smoldering skin.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!” she screamed! (Alexis: 200 Life Points) She fell back onto her elbow. “D-damn… it…” She grabbed her burnt shoulder and grit her teeth. “H-how did you…”

“Ahaha, can you even stand,” Titan asked in his odd voice. “Dark Arena also allows my Fiend monsters to attack you directly.”

“That’s so not cool!!” Nancy Wut screamed!

“I hope you don’t mind me attacking with my Matador Fiend, too.” The alien guy got into a special fighting pose, holding out his one-clawed finger-wing-arms!

“CHEEEE,” it hissed.

 

 

The shadowy-sphere of duelatious dueling was now covered in more wild, dancing sparks of evil! Everybody watching felt kinda tense. Atticus even stuck out his arms and wiggled them up and down, in a pitiful attempt at trying to come to his friends’ rescue. “Uh, uh, uh,” he moaned.

“Cocoa, what’re you doin’ down in there?!” Jaden cried!

“Jaden, stop it, he won’t care!” Syrus insisted.

“But the OLD Cocoa Titan I dueled was a man on a mission to duel the blind, fair n’ square! Not uselessly murder schoolgirls!” Jaden remembered.

“He kidnapped them and threw them in a coffin and tried to shoot you!” Koala Ko Ala reminded.

“Sure, but I knew he was good, deep-down in thar!” Jaden insisted. “C’mon, Titan, you don’t wanna DO this!!”

“For all it’s worth, I’m sorry about this,” Crowler gave in, being the one to hire him originally in the first place.

 

He’s right, Cocoa thought, I don’t feel like killing her! But it’s no use! For the past… in fact, in the several months since I got possessed and crap, I haven’t been able to move my body! They have no idea how horrible that feels! I just wish that I could go home, eat a taco… I haven’t had tacos in so long… “And so,” Titan chuckled, “Matador Fiend, poke through her with your big fingers. Buhuhahahaha.” The Matador Fiend suddenly disappeared under the cloak of the darkness. “Kill that young lady and take her Spirit Key for meeeeee.”

“YOMYOMYOMYOMYOM!!” the beast cried, suddenly standing before Alexis, swiping its arms!

Oh shi— SPLOORK. SPLIESH. Huh… those sound effects don’t match with the amount of pain inflicted upon me… why am I still okay?! Alexis wondered. Oh no. Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut had jumped in front of Alexis and took the blows FOR her in their kidney areas!

“Ngh…” Angry McArgue groaned.

“Bleh,” Nancy Wut spat.

 

“WHAT’S GOIN’ ON IN THERE?!” Syrus screamed! “ARE YOU OKAY?!”

“Y-yeah,” Angry McArgue said, weakly, pushing the Matador Fiend away. It sheepishly leaped back to Titan. “We’re fine in here.”

“Is that Angry’s voice?” Koala Ko Ala thought, smelling something fishy.

“Alexis’s doin’ peachy-keen,” Nancy Wut signaled, even giving a thumbs-up (despite the fact that the audience couldn’t see it).

“Th-thank you, guys,” Alexis thanked, getting pulled back to her feet.

“Don’t mention it, eh-heh,” Nancy Wut said, breathing harder.

“Just win so we can get outta here, okay?” Angry McArgue ordered, smiling warmly.

Alexis took both of her friends’ hands and rested them on her deck. “C’mon, girls, let’s finish this one together.”

“You got it.”

“Defin-oot-ly.”

Joining their hands together, the ghostly image of Atticus placed his hand on theirs, signifying something of some sort. “Don’t give up,” Atticus’ ghostly image said, “this is it.”

“Curse you girls and you power of friendship,” Titan growled, shaking his fist like an old man.

 

“YAH!!” The trio pulled the card off the top of the deck as extraordinarily as they could. They had drawn… Card of Sanctity.

“I think you’ve just won, ‘Lexie,” Nancy Wut said happily.

“We play Card of Sanctity,” Alexis shouted, “allowing both players to draw cards until their hand contains six cards each!” Both duelists drew some cards.

“Why thank you,” Titan thanked dully.

“Don’t thank us yet,” Angry McArgue chuckled, “because we cast a Spell card; Double Summon, allowing us to summon two monsters this turn.” The trio sent away a card with a lady summoning a lion-man hybrid from a bolt of lightning.

“We’ll summon Fire Princess and Gearfried the Iron Knight,” Nancy Wut decided, placing down a young sorceress in a red dress and a man in uncomfortable-looking armor. (Fire Princess: 1300 Attack Points, Gearfried: 1800 Attack Points)

“And we’ll be playing our Spell Absorption card, too,” Nancy Wut said, placing down a Spell showing a man whose life force was being drained into a hand!!

“W-wait, isn’t that... .” Titan gasped.

“Yes, and we’re beating you,” Angry McArgue informed.

“What’s going on down there?!” Koala Ko Ala asked. “I’m getting all excited from just listening!”

“Alexis… is performing a one-turn kill maneuver!!” Crowler cried!

 

“We equip Gearfried the Iron Knight with the card Butterfly Dagger – Elma!!” Alexis held a card with a green magical knife, with an orange ornamental butterfly on the handle.

“Let me explain what all our cards do,” Angry McArgue offered. “Spell Absorption gives us 500 Life Points whenever a Spell card is played. Fire Princess deals 300 points of damage to you for every time we gain Life Points. Butterfly Dagger – Elma gives any equipped monster 300 extra Attack Points and returns to our hand when it’s sent to the Graveyard. Gearfried the Iron Knight’s effect destroys any Equip Spell cards on him.”

“I think we’ll equip Gearfried with our dagger,” Alexis decided decisively.

 

Gearfried was now holding the dagger suddenly, placing the cycle in motion. “…” He trembled with anger, staring at the dagger. “Rrr… GRRR...” The power of his anger raised the girl’s Life Points! (Alexis, Angry and Nancy: 700 Life Points)

“Oh, that’s my cue,” Fire Princess noticed. She held up her staff and summoned a fireball, which she tossed at Titan’s body!!

“Uwoooooooooooooooh, it’s so hoooooooot,” Titan screamed!! (Titan: 1700 Life Points)

“TAKE YOUR GIRLY KNIFE BACK!!” yelled Gearfried, throwing his dagger back at Alexis.

“Holy crap,” Atticus whispered, “I’m a dummy for calling that a dumb move…”

“Did Atticus just say something?” Syrus asked.

“No,” Atticus said.

 

“Here you go!” Nancy Wut announced, playing the dagger again! (Alexis, Angry and Nancy: 1300 Life Points)

“There YOU go!” Fire Princess shouted, doing her thing!

“Waaaaaaaaaargh.” Titan gasped! (Titan: 1400 Life Points)

“TAKE IT BACK!!” Gearfried shrieked, throwing his weapon away!

“GO, QUICK-FIRE LOOPING!!” Alexis Rhodes, Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue shouted together!! (Alexis, Angry and Nancy: 1500 -> 1800 -> 2300 -> 2800 Life Points)

“Yah yah yah yah!!” Fire Princess roared, throwing four more attacks!

“Oof ugh eef aaf,” Titan gagged, completely engulfed in flame! (Titan: 1400-> 1100 -> 800 -> 500 Life Points)

“I STILL DON’T WANT IT!!” Gearfried shrieked!!

“Don’t worry,” the girls said, “because by tributing Gearfried the Iron Knight, we activate Release Restraint to summon Gearfried the Swordmaster from our deck.” (Alexis, Angry and Nancy: 3300 Life Points) It was a Spell card with the man within the armor being freed!! And that’s just what happened!!

“UUUUR-YAH!!” By flexing his mighty muscles, Gearfried blew off all of his armor, bathed in blue energy as who seemed to be a Native American warrior!! (Gearfried the Swordmaster: 2600 Attack Points)

“When this monster is equipped with an Equip Spell, he automatically destroys one monster on your side of the field,” the girls explained.

NOW I want it!!” Gearfried smiled, holding his now-trusty dagger. “YAAAAAAAARGH!!” He swiped through the air (as Fire Princess fired another fire attack), creating a massive ripple, slicing right through Matador Fiend once and for all!! (Alexis, Nancy and Angry: 3800 Life Points)

“GLEEP GLORP,” it spat, exploding. (Titan: 200 Life Points)

“N-n-n-nooooo,” Titan stammered, “It can’t end like this. Why do you want Atticus back so much, if he joined us in the first place to become more powerful.”

“Shut up and die, liar,” the girls said in unison. “Hikari ni Nare.”

“You got it.” Gearfried walked through the darkness until he had found the now-cowering Picador Fiend. He picked it up by the face and crushed it hard enough to turn its body into light! It engulfed the entire arena, leaving Titan looking smoldering and afraid as the light became a beam, striking his mask in the eye mark.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” he screamed!! His mask cracked, surprisingly un-broken, and the holograms faded away. The darkness surrounding the four duelists was gone. Cyber Gymnast felt forgotten and useless. (Titan: COMPLETE LOSS)

“Eh… ugh!” Atticus stood up and ran toward the good gals! “Girls! Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah, we’re fine,” Angry McArgue said, relieved.

“I forgot about the stab wounds,” Nancy Wut realized, as blood poured out of the girl’s sides. They both fell over, unconscious.

“Atticus is alive an’ kickin’ it?! AW YEAH BOOOOOY!!” Jaden cheered! Crowler slapped him in the back of the head.

I really didn’t say anything in this one, Zane thought to himself.

Me neither, Koala Ko Ala noticed.

Then why were we even here? Syrus wondered.

We’re merely filler, Crowler revealed.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

 

The characters all ran up to Alexis n’ ‘da gang and tried to carry Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue away. “Are you sure you’re okay, Alexis?” Atticus asked, worried about her lasered shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m fine compared to them,” Alexis said, sucking it up. “Let’s just get out of here and save the reunion for later, okay?”

“NOT okay!!” Titan yelled, standing up and bathed in smoke! “Huff… huff... huff… I will NOT take this HUMILIATION!! You BURNED ME ALIVE, AND I’LL KILL YOU FOR IT!! And then I’ll take your SPIRIT KEY, too, girly!!” All around him were those little black evil things that appeared in the flashback, and they were out for blood! They began swirling around Titan’s body, allowing him to grow into some sort of hideous beast… it was Matador Fiend, but with Titan’s head!! UGH!! “You will NOT leave here ALIVE!!” He readied his claws for slashing, raising them above his head, until Alexis said something.

“You DO realize that I never had a Spirit Key on me in the first place, right?”

“… Uh… um… uh… uuuuuuuuugh…” Titan’s new evil body faded away and his evil eye-mask broke apart, revealing his original, very similar mask underneath. He fell on his face.

“… Soooo… are we done here?” Koala Ko Ala asked.

“Yeah, sure.” They turned around to leave until Cocoa stood up and shook his head around a bit.

“W-woah, guys,” Cocoa said, “thank you so much for beating me!!”

“Eh, what?” Alexis asked, now even MORE confused.

“That mask possessed me!” Cocoa told. “I’ve been stuck like that for months! Oh, thank you so much!!”

 

“SHADDAP, YER VOICE’S IRRITATIN’ MEEEEEH!!!” shouted Chazz Princeton, Mann McOldsmobile and Shades Milligan, rising up from where they’d been forgotten and smashing Titan with a massive combined uppercut attack!!

“Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!” Titan screamed, being punched through the ceiling of the cave. He flew into the night sky and disappeared. At least it had stopped raining, though.

“And that takes care o’ that,” Chazz said, folding his arms, satisfied.

“So do you love any of us now, Alexis?” Mann McOldsmobile asked.

“No way.”

“Aw, shucks…”

“Wait, who’s the dude?” Shades Milligan asked, pointing to Atticus. Everybody gave him a sickly glance for his horrible memory and left the three hapless men in the darkness.

 

THE! NEXT!! MORNING!!!

Now by the Nurse’s Office-marked room, the crowd minus Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut were standing together as Alexis (with a wrapped-up shoulder) and Atticus stared at each other. “Alexis,” Atticus said.

“Daddy,” Alexis said.

“I’m still not your daddy,” Atticus said.

“Oh, right, bro then instead,” Alexis said.

“Right, but it’s okay, though,” Atticus said.

“Well thanks,” Alexis said, as the two finally embraced for the first time in years. “But…”

“But what?” Atticus asked, letting Alexis go.

“What happened to you? Why did you become Nightshroud?” Alexis asked.

“Oh, well y’see, all those years ago, yeah, in the abandoned dorm, there was a sign marked ‘free cookies in haunted basement’. You can see where it went from there.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I got covered in those evil spirit things and taken to the World of Darkness.”

“You mean Shadow Realm?”

“No, I mean World of Darkness.”

“Oh.”

“But also,” Atticus said, remembering something important, “the only other thing I remember was… those cookies. They distinctly had the marks ‘CM n’ GM’ written in red frosting. What could that mean? Who would be dumb enough to put their initials on cookies?”

The entire group thought about it for a minute. Then they turned to Jaden. “Wasn’t me, yo, but I see where you’re comin’ from.”

 

**********

 

Professor Banner sat in his room, feeling terribly sick, shaking violently. “Ugh, I can’t wait any longer,” Banner decided. He reached for his phone, but his cat was sitting on it. He threw Garfield behind his back and picked up his receiver. “… Hello? Yeah… no, I have to-KOFF KOFF KOFF- I need to do this soon.”

 

“Okay,” Barry the Beginner agreed, talking into his cell phone, “I guess we’ll have to set the plan in motion tomorrow.” Suddenly a book was tossed at his head, causing him to drop his phone. “AAAH!! OOOOOW, THAT HURTS LIKE HECK!! WHO DID THAT?!”

“Shut up,” his teacher yelled, “talk to your friends or family via cell phone AFTER class is over, punk!”

“Hmph,” Barry the Beginner moped, “Yugi Muto is NOT a punk…”

 

 

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Sorry, I have a lot of schoolwork, so I can't gurantee you all that next week's episode will be up on time, either. But just read this and forgive me. And for the love of whomever you worship, please post, you weird, weird ghost-like people.

[spoiler=Episode 56: Chazz-Anova]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 56: Chazz-anova

 

We enter to the beach, where Chazz was sitting impatiently with his arms crossed, wearing the seven legendary Spirit Keys (one of which was taped up due to previous splitting) surrounded by his followers. All of our other main characters appeared on the scene within moments. “Ow, ow, ow,” Jaden cried, stumbling all over the place.

“Are you okay?” Bastion asked.

“Naw, I’m okay, I just got his by two lasers yo. I’ll be fine,” Jaden assured as his hand fell off. “Dang, that’s happenin’ too much lately,” he groaned, screwing it back on his wrist.

“That’s disturbing,” Atticus gulped. “Switching subjects, Chazz you fool in love, tell us your demands!”

“I already told you! Plus, you were IN on the plan!” Chazz argued.

“You were what?” Alexis asked, angry.

“Uh, well, sis… Chazz is an incompetent idiot.” Atticus turned back to Chazz. “Chazz, you incompetent idiot!! What’re you doing spoiling it to everyone?! Now I’M accountable!!”

“Well I reckon it’s jus’ as Mama always said, ‘Chazz is what Chazz does,’” Billy Hills recited.

“That’s not what she said,” Nancy Wut replied.

“Enough with the useless dialogue!” Chazz commanded, rising up from the sand! “Time to get to business! You want this, right?” He took out the box with the Spirit Keys inside.

“YOU REALLY DID TAKE THEM!!” Syrus Sy-screamed! “SINCE WHEN DID YOU GET THIS STUPID?!”

“I told you to SHADDAP BEFORE I WRING YOUR NECK!!” Chazz roared, firing a CHAZZISAWESOMEENERGYBLAST at poor Syrus, knocking him into the ocean!

“SYRUUUUUUUUUUSSS!!” Jaden cried! “Alexis, show him that NOBODY does that to Sy!”

“Except you!” Fluffy Fred stated!

“Yeah!”

 

Alexis whipped out her Duel Disk and strapped it to her forearm. “This won’t take two episodes. We’ll be back on the boat in about twenty minutes. BIT CHARACTERS!”

“YES MA’AM!!” shouted Deep-Voice Dobbson, Baseball Bob, Fluffy Fred, Piggybank, Nancy Wut and Mann McOldsmobile.

“Go pack up everybody’s things! We have a boat to catch!” commanded Alexis.

“YES, MA’AM!!” The bit-characters leaped away like ninjas.

“What about Billy?” Omega-Xis wondered.

“He’s cool, so he stays.”

“Woo, I reckon!”

“Am I important too?” Ojama Yellow asked with a twinkle in his eye.

“… I’m sorry, I can’t bring myself to tell you.” Ojama Yellow just sat there and stared. It was uncomfortable. “Fine, just get out of here.” The Duel Spirit floated away, depressed.

“And to you, Chazz,” Alexis diverted her attention, “tell me why I shouldn’t destroy your reproductive organs and get ready to leave, anyways?”

Atticus took this time to come up with a crappy reason. “You see, Chazz took it upon himself to steal the Spirit Keys for YOU! Isn’t that romantic? He STOLE the most important thing on the island for YOU! Isn’t that just precious?”

“No, that’s DISTURBING!”

“A-Atticus, why isn’t it working?!” Chazz whimpered. “N-nah, I don’t need your help for this! Just duel me, my love! I assure you that I will return the keys even if I lose, but if I win, you MUST become my beloved girlfriend! And then, once you finally love me back, we… shall marry…” He stared into the sky wistfully, gushing manly tears.

“Careful,” Syrus worried, “he IS the second strongest duelist at the school, because we’re ignoring the fact that Bastion and Zane just graduated. Then again, Bastion’s only a technicality.”

“Hey, you’re right!” Bastion noticed.

“That’s sad!” Omega-Xis cried! “DON’T DO IT, GIRL!”

“It’s okay, I’m the ONLY competent female character in this show!” Alexis promised. “I can’t POSSIBLY lose! and even if I do I’ll just dump him later LET’S DUEL!!” He Duel Disk powered-on!

“I don’t like the sound of that whisper, but a real man NEVER gives up!” Chazz yelled blindly! He strapped on his Duel Disk as well!

“Let the games begin!” Atticus shouted, waving a checkered flag and wearing the clothing of a NASCAR racer! (Chazz: 4000 Life Points, Alexis: 4000 Life Points) “These clothes make me feel so official!”

 

“I’ll start this one off with two face-downs and a monster: Lovestruck Young Girl - Koyuki!” A traditional schoolgirl in a sailor fuku appeared! She fidgeted and blushed, as if she was thinking of her secret crush.

“Fubuki…” she sighed. (Lovestruck Young Girl: 0 Attack Points)

“I’m already annoyed,” Alexis said.

“But it’s makin’ a statement, I reckon! It’s like, I reckon, he’s tryin’ t’show how HE’S like the gal, and YOU’RE like the guy she likes! I reckon it’s poetic!”

“Of COURSE it is,” Atticus agreed, sitting in a red racecar bed and playing around with his flag.

“I’ll also play the Spell card Love Letter!” A large note appeared on the field, sealed with a kiss. “This card lets me show you my love by giving you a present! Sadly, I can’t give you any jewelry yet, but that’ll come later. For now, choose either my monster or one of my Trap cards.”

“I don’t give half a damn about that girl, so I’ll take your first Trap card,” Alexis commanded.

“Dang Alexis,” Atticus snickered, “that was cold as… yuki! Get it! Ko-YUKI?! ICE!!

“BOO,” someone said.

“Hey!” Jaden Yuki added.

Chazz meanwhile picked up his giant card hologram and giant envelope hologram, then stuffed his gift into the gift receptacle. “Mweh,” he smacked, kissing the envelope. “Here, my love!” He tossed it through the air at Alexis, who karate-chopped the thing in half. “NOOOO, THE CAAAARD!!”

“I don’t NEED your charity,” Alexis growled dangerously.

“Take that, Chazz-O!” Jaden dug, face-down in the sand.

“A-are you okay?”

“Oh, I’m a’ight, I just got hit by some hard monster attacks earlier. Nuthin’ I can’t handle.”

“Um… re-think that please,” Bastion muttered, “you look like you need some medical attention.”

“Nah, our nurse’s a gym teacher, yo.”

“True that.”

 

Well, so far so good, Chazz told himself deludedly, this love note-like thing is like a REAL Valentine! And she accepted it… thanks to Atticus’ help…

 

He had a short vision where he hid behind a tree, twiddling around with his hair nervously as Alexis strolled down a dirt road. He held his Valentine’s card at the ready. “I sure hope she accepts my love note,” Chazz said to himself. And then, she passed the tree!

“I feel scared for some reason,” Alexis told herself worriedly. At that, Chazz struck with all his heart!

“PLEASE ACCEPT THIS NOTE!!” the boy screamed, jumping onto Alexis’ back, knocking her to the ground!

“OW! WHAT THE HECK?!”

“I LOVE YOU!!” Chazz cried, slapping her in the head repeatedly! “I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!!”

“GAH!! GET OFF!!” Alexis pushed Chazz off of her and leaped to her feet, ready to strike back!

“PLEASE ACCEPT MY FEELINGS!!” Chazz shouted, slamming his note into her face. Alexis fell over, out cold. “Was my love too hot for her…?”

“Don’t sweat it, Chazz,” Atticus approved as he tugged Alexis’ body up the road, “we’ll just take her down to the Love Dungeon and—”

 

DAH! My mind freaks me out sometimes! Chazz mentally gasped, shaking the weird images out of his head. On second thought, it’s best that I duel her instead. Time for her to reciprocate her feelings…

 

He had a second delusion of grandeur. He and Alexis were charging down the road from before. “Chazz, please take this return letter!” she called, holding out a Valentine’s envelope!

“Ahaha, ahaha!” Chazz laughed.

“Whoop!” Alexis yelped, tripping and falling on her face with a disgusting crackle. Chazz frowned and stopped in his tracks. Alexis slid across the dirt on her face, leaving a red trail and coming to a stop at Chazz’s feet. She shakily held up her note and lifted her head, completely devoid of flesh and missing one eye!? “P-please, don’t let th… this get in the way… of our ro-romance…”

“GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!” shrieked Chazz.

“Don’t worry,” Atticus said, holding a sewing needle and wearing a stethoscope, “Dr. Atticus is here to do a face transplant!”

 

I’m really, really disturbing myself today. I should stop thinking. “Now that you have my feelings, I feel that you should reciprocate! Give me my card back! I activate Giant Trunade!” A large foggy hurricane with an ugly guy’s face appeared and sucked all Spells and Traps off of the field!

“Cripes, what an ugly dude!” Jaden gasped!

“And what’s dumber is that he returns all Spells and Traps to their owner’s hands! What’s the use?” Syrus questioned.

“I dunno BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGH!!” Jaden guessed, vomiting a fountain of blood.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! JADEN, ARE YOU OKAY?!?!”

“Yeah, I’ll manage.”

“Or not!”

“Or MAYBE,” Jaden countered.

“He’s got a point,” Atticus shrugged. “But see kids, it’s all about the SYMBOLISM behind the moves!”

“Plus,” Chazz said, getting his three cards back via magic without touching his Duel Disk, “when my—”

“HOLY CRAP WHAT WAS THAT?!” Omega-Xis cried!

“Oh, come on, the robot hand powered by the soul of a dead child surprised at THAT?” Bastion joked. “It’s ONLY teleportation, my hand.”

“You have a REAL point,” Syrus agreed. “Wait, souls?”

“Ahem, back to THE point, when that card, Hidden Wish, is sent from your field into my hand,” Chazz said, showing off a Spell card featuring a small child looking toward an evil, grinning, shaded woman, “then you lose one-thousand Life Points, and I GAIN one-thousand Life Points!”

“Ow,” Alexis said, losing Life Points. (Alexis: 4000 -> 3000 Life Points)

“Yum,” Chazz said, gaining Life Points. (Chazz: 4000 -> 5000 Life Points)

“I reckon that’s jus’ what you do best, Chazz,” Billy Hills complimented, “hurtin’ others fer yr’own personal gain’s your specialty!”

“Think before you talk, please,” Chazz pressured.

“WH-WH-WH-WHAT WAS THAT?!” Syrus cried! “That card! H-HIDDEN WISH?! THAT WOMAN’S A CHILD MOLESTOOOOOOOORR!! LOOK, LOOK WHAT IT DID TO THEM!!” Bastion and Omega-Xis were vomiting in a bucket. Jaden had fallen onto the sand and his soul leaked out of his mouth. Atticus was riding around in his racecar bed. “RACECAR BEDS DON’T EVEN DRIVE!! YOU’VE UPSET THE NATURAL ORDER!! I MEAN, THAT EVIL WOMAN AND A LITTLE BOY?! YOU SICKEN ME!! WHAT KINDA HIDDEN WISH ARE YOU HIDING?!?!”

“Blame the card, not the criminal,” Chazz excused.

“I give up at life,” Syrus Sy-ed.

 

“All of you, come on, it’s just a card game!” worried Alexis!

“It’s NEVER just a card game!” Jaden disagreed terribly.

“Chazz, please just say it’s my turn before they say something else!” the poor girl urged!

“Okay I activate my other Trap card, Treasure Map, the Map to my Heart!”

“IT’S NOT CALLED THAT!”

“Fine, Treasure Map,” Chazz groaned, gaining a magic treasure map in the process. “By sending it to the Graveyard, I can draw two cards.” He ripped the map in pieces, spraying sparkles of different colors through the air. “I’ll lay my two new cards face-down and end my turn!” Two face-downs were thrown down.

Alexis decided, drawing her next card, beginning her turn! “I summon Blade Skater in Attack Mode!” The purple ice-skate lady appeared and began to spin around like a death twister! (Blade Skater: 1400 Attack Points) “Kill that schoolgirl!”

“Um, but,” Koyuki sighed, fidgeting, “but then I’d never get to tell him that I… I…”

“No way, I play Ring of Destruction!” Chazz interrupted! A grenade ring appeared around the Blade Skater and blew her up. (Chazz: 5000 -> 3600 Life Points, Alexis: 3000 -> 1600 Life Points)

“THE HELL IS THAT ROMANTIC?!” Alexis challenged!

“Well,” Atticus began, putting the breaks on his racecar bed, “it’s like… you’re having a lover’s spat… and then he tells you that it’s all your fault… and then you both break down into painful tears and reconcile through the 1400-points of pain.”

“That’s horrible,” Alexis said.

“It’s all I got. Besides, what’s love without pain?”

“BOO,” someone said.

“How was that a joke?”

“CAN ‘YEW FEEL THE LOVE UP’IN HERE, I RECKON?!” Billy Hills cheered blissfully!

“No.”

 

“Now that it’s my turn again,” Chazz said, “I’ll activate the Spell card Graceful Charity! I draw three cards and discard two!” An angel appeared by Chazz’s side.

“Here you go!” she offered, handing Chazz three cards. “HEY, GIVE THOSE BACK!!” She took two at random. “Jerk…” She faded away, confusing everybody present.

“Next I play Pot of Greed to draw two MORE cards!” Chazz added, drawing two cards out of a random disposable pot! Then he disposed of the disposable pot. “Then I’ll be activating the Trap card Ojama Trio!” Ugh, it was the three Ojama Brothers standing under a spotlight! NEVER DO I WANT TO SEE THOSE FREAKS AGAIN!! UUUUURGH!! Blegh. The trio of fuglies appeared instantly on Alexis’ field!

“Why would you give me something so ugly?!” Alexis ordered! “You’re a terrible person!”

“B-but they’re adorable! Look!” Chazz ushered! The three trolls, glistening with sweat and saliva, turned to Alexis with sparkles and crust in their eyes.

“They’re… THEY’RE… oddly adorable…” Alexis said, much to her horror!

“Alexis, you’re scaring me,” Atticus gulped, sitting in his racecar bed now with a scantily clad woman.

“Wait, who’s that?” Alexis asked.

“Who?” Atticus asked, now by himself, under the covers, mostly naked and satisfied-looking.

“Why does everybody vomit at stupid cards, and yet nobody cares about THAT THING!!

“Atticus is cool,” Bastion inferred.

“Yeah, he’s cool,” said Syrus. “Hell, if I’M okay with it…”

“NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!!” Alexis screeched! Atticus gave a thumbs-up.

“Well then, I’ll just play my Spell card, Polymerization!!” Chazz announced! “I fuse my Lovestruck Young Girl – Koyuki with the two monsters, Lovestruck Young Boy – Fubuki and Lovestruck Man – Jim!” Next to Koyuki appeared two new characters. One was a boy about the girl’s age, who stared at her from behind a pole ad breathed heavily, holding up a camera.

I’ll just follow her home and catch some snapshots as she’s changing, and then I’ll go back, he assured himself perversely. The other one was even worse: a middle-aged man who looked upon Koyuki in a frightening manner. His glasses were foggy and his skin was red.

I’ll just take this one, and nobody will be wise about it… he plotted.

“THE HELL KINDA HIGH SCHOOL LOVE IS THIS?!” Syrus cried! “This is disgusting! That boy she liked was a stalker?! And Jim?!?! That’s HORRIBLE!!”

“We agree,” agreed everybody.

“But see what they become together!” Chazz said, as the trio combined together into… a grotesque mass of purple, fleshy heads with tiny arms and legs.

“I… AM… LEGION!!” it cried! (Legion – The Ultimate Expression of Love: 3000 Defense Points)

 

The crowd viewing the game vomited in the sand. “Oh, and before I forget, Legion takes up to three of your monster card zones, leaving you with none!” Chazz taught.

“BWAAARGH!” Legion spat two masses of flesh at Alexis’ field, lying next to the Ojama Trio.

“UUuuuugh,” Alexis gasped, covering her mouth. “I’m… about… to puke… this is the least romantic thing I’ve EVER seen…”

“But look!” At the request of Chazz, everybody inspected the flesh blobs further. They were still-beating hearts. “It’s all romantical!” Nobody fell for it. “Fine, I’m ending my turn with a face-down. People these days just don’t get all mushy like they used to.”

“YOU SAID IT BRO,” three of Legion’s heads agreed.

“I reckon this is a bit much,” Billy Hills supposed.

“We ALL do,” Jaden said, losing blood from every orifice of his body. “I mean, this ep’s good ‘n all, but it’s too dialogue-driven. I’m bored as heck, yo.”

“You’re dying, so it’s acceptable,” Atticus told him.

“Oh yeah!” Jaden agreed with a smile.

 

Alexis stared at her hand, and then to the field again. She tapped her Cyber Prima card a few times, but found no way to use it. “Alexis, do you like my gifts?” Chazz snickered. “Awful sweet if y’ask me!”

“No, it’s mind-scarring and atrocious. Haven’t you ever heard of chivalry, where you do nice things for women for the sake of it? Yeah. Monster hearts. Chivalrous. Nice.”

“THEY’RE COW HEARTS,” Legion said. “JUST SAYIN’.”

“Oh wait, I’ve got it,” Alexis figured out suddenly!

“Eh,” Atticus responded. “What’cha gonna do, sis?”

“I’m setting a face-down, that’s what,” Alexis said, “and that’s it.” A face-down card appeared in front of her. The Ojamas began playing around with the cow hearts and poking the new card.

“Hey look, it’s-a hat!” Ojama Yellow chuckled, putting the heart on his head.

“If that’s all you’re doing, I’ll play a Spell card I like to call Legion Gets Cleaned Up!” Legion was covered in soapy bubbles, signifying the changes in his heart! Or something…

“What’s he doing now? Is a shower all he needs to get—” The bubbles faded away. Legion was now an older teenage boy with short brown hair, dreamy eyes, and a muscular-yet-thin build. “Aaaalright then, I take back what I was about to say,” Alexis decided, happy with the changes.

“I’d like it if you paid more attention to me than my monster.”

“Too bad, Chazz.”

“A… anyways, LGCU gives my Legion three-hundred Attack Points.” Legion pulled on a handsome tuxedo.

“THANKS FOR THREADS,” Legion thanked, in the same voice as earlier.

“Eeep!” Alexis gasped.

“Next, he gains three-hundred Attack Points, and can switch the battle position of one monster you control!” Chazz added! (Legion: 0 -> 300 Attack Points)

“Woah,” Ojama Yellow gasped, moving into an Attack Position. (Ojama Yellow: 0 Attack Points)

“Oh SNAP!!” Atticus yelped! “He has THREE-HUNDRED more Attack Points than that yellow, and when an Ojama Token is destroyed, the owner loses three-hundred MORE Life Points!”

“That’s depressingly low,” Omega-Xis said.

“And that’s just giving Alexis the advantage, with a new monster space,” Jaden said.

“B-but don’t you see?” Chazz instructed! “A REAL lover always gives their significant other a sporting chance!”

“Sorry, this is just boring, I reckon,” Billy Hills said, “and a lil’ while ago, you stopped bein’ the badass I came t’respect. It’s jus’ sad, I reckon.”

“STOP REPEATING YOURSELF!! Gosh, will EVERYBODY say that today?!”

“You’re not cool anymore.”

“You’re not cool anymore.”

“You’re not—”

“Stop making bad jokes! Besides, you’re all being idiots! She has sixteen-hundred Life Points!” (Alexis: 1600 Life Points)

“Oh yeah.”

“So she’ll have one-thousand.”

“That doesn’t prove how good you are at dueling.”

“Well, screw you all, because I’m not going to be a brute and just smack my love around! Isn’t the name of the episode ‘Courting Alexis’?”

“That was an eternity ago.”

“Well… who cares! I’m attacking the Ojama Black Token!”

“BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!” shouted Legion, launching his body at the token as if a missile!

“IT’S CAUSE I’M BLACK, AIN’T IT?!” Ojama Black shouted furiously! “Though I’m really purple…” They both head-butted each other. Legion fell into the sand whereas Ojama Black levitated back into place.

“YOW! Chazz just made a stupid move in order to help Alexis out!” Atticus narrated! “Ain’t it heatin’ up in here?”

“No!”

“Well then here’s a bonus!” Chazz flipped up his face-down! It was the small boy from the… DISTURBING… card played earlier, but now he was facing two paths. One lead to a fairy castle, while the other lead to a demonic wasteland. “Please, no comments on the kid again! He’s been through enough! Now when I take damage, you choose the effect the card activates! Dramatic Crossroads Power One: Discard one random card. DC Power Two: You show your ENTIRE hand to me… and I am allowed to take one of your cards for myself!

“Did you have to say it so suggestively,” Syrus Sy-ed.

“And even stranger is the notion that she’s actually choose the second effect!” Bastion understood. “Through my knowledge of the Science of Dueling, that’s just stupid!”

“Be-CUUUUUZZ,” Atticus moaned, sitting in his bed with a rich-looking woman.

“PLEASE, JUST ONE A DAY IS ENOUGH!!” Alexis shouted.

“Okay, fine. I never get to have any fun…”

“Aaaahh!!” screamed the mystery lady as she was pushed into the sea from the flying racecar bed.

“As I was saying… Be-CUUUUUZZ, if Alexis really honestly and truly loves Chazz, then she’ll give Chazz one of her cards! And that’ll ALSO mean she trusts him enough to know Chazz won’t take anything too important! It’s so SIMPLLLLLLLLLLE!!”

It’ll be just like my third vision of the future! Chazz believed! Come on, Alexis, please let us live together in a future like…

 

Chazz was in a sleeveless leather jacket, wearing circular sunglasses and wielding an electric guitar, surfing through the air on power chords and musical notes and approaching a dragon made out of rocks and straight green lines. “AAAAAAAAAAAAW YEEEEEEAAH!!!” he shouted! He strummed a few times on his guitar, shouting “PLAY US HOME, RESPITE OF DIPPERON!!” Respite of Dipperon complied, releasing such face-melting notes that the rocks covering the dragon into kool-aid.

“YEYEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!” the beast shrieked, detonating Respite of Dipperon!

“NO, DIPPERON!!” Chazz shrieked! “ALEXIS, I NEED YOOOOOU!!”

 

A green portal appeared in the air, and Alexis flew out on a flaming flying unicorn, wearing a long pink dress and matching pink tall pointy hat with a ribbon streaming from it. “I came as fast as I could on Starstream!” Alexis said. “Take this, my first guitar!” She handed Chazz a small, plastic, electronic purple guitar with flower stickers on it.

“Thanks, honey!” Chazz thanked, kissing her on the lips. “YEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!” he cried! He pressed one circular button and a steady beat came from the toy.

“BWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRG!!!!” boasted the beast! The dragon exploded into gumdrops.

“YEAH!!” the couple cheered, hi-fiving each other.

[CHAZZ AND ALEXIS: + 400 EXP, + 7 MONEYS]

[ALEXIS LEVEL UP!! LEVEL 14. NEW MOVE: Jack Rabbit]

 

“I choose option one,” Alexis said.

“… You… didn’t even put much thought into it…” Omega-Xis groaned.

“Then… THEN THAT THOUGHT SEQUENCE WAS ONLY A FEW SECONDS LONG?!” Chazz screamed, flipping onto his face!

“Look, how did you think that I would love you within moments of telling you how much I DIDN’T love you?” Alexis stated. “You’re just an idiot.” She placed a random card of hers into her Graveyard. “If anything, I love… dueling.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Chazz wailed!

“And Zane,” Syrus added.

NOOOOOOHOHOHOOOOOOOO!! WHY DIDN’T I CATCH ONTO THAAAAAT?!?!

“You really didn’t know?”

“It was OBVIOUS?!” Chazz asked, exploding and landing on his face, smoking with the heated stupidity of his actions.

“DUUUUUUUDE!!” Atticus gasped, driving his racecar bed to a screeching halt next to his Chazzy friend! “Are you alright? You might need some serious aloe vera for that burn!”

“BOO.”

 

Chazz slowly stood again, after Billy Hills and Atticus helped heave him up. “Thanks, you two.”

“Don’t mention it. But seriously, I have some aloe vera in the trunk.”

“Don’t reckon it, I mention.”

Alexis… really doesn’t want me, Chazz finally decided. I can’t change her mind if she’s so adamant about it. I mean, really, why didn’t I ever take Zane into account?! Am I stupid or something?! If she says she loves dueling, then am I supposed to deprive her of it? I’m gonna… HELL, I’M GONNA DO SOMETHING!! “Okay then, Alexis, I’m going to play Ojamuscle!” A Spell card appeared, with an incredibly tanned man crushing the Ojama Trio with his own muscles! “I can destroy each and every Ojama on the field and give my Ojama King one-thousand more Attack Points for each one! That means the tokens are history!”

“What Ojama King?” Alexis asked. Now, instead of Legion standing by Chazz, there was the gigantic face of Ojama King staring everybody down horrifyingly and wearing a white tuxedo.

“HEY HOW’S IT GOIN’?” he greeted.

“B-b-bu… but how’s that…”

“It’s because he’s gotten serious,” Atticus explained.

“But how did everything transform like that?” Omega-Xis demanded. “Wasn’t the Ojama Yellow card taken with the deep-voice boy? How COULD you have summoned that King guy?!”

“In love, there’s no such thang as cheatin’,” Jaden said poetically, pale and covered in his own blood.

“You’re not okay.”

“I know, yo.”

 

The Ojama King rounded up and grabbed the Ojama Trio within his mighty grasp. “WATCH OUT, GUYS!” he warned, putting them in his mouth.

“This is creepin’ me out!” said the one-eyed green one.

“GULP!!” swallowed the King. And because the Ojamas were rich in protein, he INSTANTLY BECAME INCREDIBLY BUFF, WITH HIS BODY MATCHING THE SIZE OF HIS HEAD!! “GRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHH!!” (Ultimate King Ojamaster: 300 -> 3300 Attack Points)

“Hey, the name changed.”

“And because the tokens were killed, you lose 300 Life Points for each one!” (Alexis: 800 Life Points)

Now THERE he goes, Alexis reminisced. If he’d only been playing seriously from the start…

“Now THAT’S scary!” screamed Bastion, shielding his eyes! “HE’S BLOCKING OUT THE SUUUUUUNN!”

“Alright now, Alexis!” Chazz said. “Can YOU beat this?”

 

Alexis drew her card. “Thanks for the challenge, Chazz,” Alexis thanked. “NOW you’re back on the program. In this case, I’m going to begin by activating the Trap card A Rival Appears.” Her face-down exploded, bringing out her Cyber Prima! (Cyber Prima: 2300 Attack Points, 6 Stars)

“Oh hey, that Trap card summons a monster from your hand with the same Level as an opposing monster!” Bastion explained. “Because Ojama King is Level Six. And Cyber Prima is, too. And so it… works…”

“Nerd,” Jaden insulted.

“Next I play the Spell Monster Reborn, bringing my Blade Skater back onto the field!” Alexis shouted, apparently full of heated emotion! The purple lady with the pirate earring was back, and she did nothing! (Blade Skater: 1400 Attack Points)

“Ah snayup, I reckon she’s up’ta sumthin’!” Billy Hills warned, shaking Chazz by the shoulders! “Look out I reckon!”

“Don’t worry about it,” Chazz assured, looking confident with his smug-ass smile. “It’s all going according to plan.”

“B-but don’cha reckon you want yer’ girlfriend?!” reminded the Billy-boy (Hills). Chazz shrugged. So this is what I reckon bein’ a real man’s all about! Billy Hills understood. I reckon it all!!...?

 

“Now, combine with Polymerization!” Alexis chanted! “I combine Etoile Cyber with Blade Skater!” The red woman appeared from atop Ojama King’s crown!

C-can it be?! Jaden wondered in his death throes. My beloved… Cyber Bladder… wait, that doesn’t sound right.

“HEY THAT’S ULTIMATE KING OJAMASTER TO YOU!!” the King clarified. Despite that, the Etoile Cyber extended two long tentacle-like bandages and wrapped them around the violet one. The bandages pulled her back toward her, at which point they began to spin! They spun and they spun and they spun so hard that they COMBINED INTO CYBER BLADER!! Yes, the red ice skater of power! She crossed her arms and began spinning on the Ojamaster’s head! “YOW! THOSE SKATES’RE POINTY!!” (Blade Skater: 2100 Attack Points)

“Next I’ll equip her with Fusion Weapon!” Alexis called!

“OH NOES!!” Atticus mock-yelped. Out of Cyber Blader’s arm grew a weird electrical appendage. It was apparently strong. (Cyber Blader: 2100 -> 3600 Attack Points)

“That’s strong enough to beat that terribly-named Ojama!” Syrus said! “Awesome move, Alexis!”

“Thanks, and now I draw rid the earth of this abomination!!” Alexis declared. “Cyber Blader and Cyber Prima, combine your powers!”

“YOSH!!” the Cyber Girls agreed. Cyber Blader fired bandages from her wrists, a la Spider Man, and grabbed the one with the creepy mask. She spun around, whipping her up with a good bit of wind, and then leaped and turned her body sideways. This in turn changed the rotation of her ally into a vertical arc rather than a horizontal one, and smashed the Ultimate Ojamaster in the forehead repeatedly!

“AAARGH!! MAH FAYSUH!!” the King screamed! He reached out to grab the Cyber Prima, but the bandages let her go, allowing her to wield her two golden rings! She swung them through the wicked King’s muscular hand and let it drop to the sand! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOWCH!! NOW I’M REALLY STEAMED!!” He leaped up at the Cyber Blader and threw a punch! “TAKE MY ULTRA-HOLY-MIRACLE-PUUUUUUNCH!!”

“Hmph,” Cyber Blader groaned. She began spinning in midair, instantly summoning a tornado around herself! “TAKE THIS! GALE SOUL!!” The Ojama was lifted and tossed carelessly by the wind as if a piece of ugly paper! The Cyber Blader focused herself and shot three bolts of lightning into the wind with her electrical appendage. They rebounded countless times against the walls of the twister! Naturally, the boastful Ojama was gored by them thirty-seven times every few seconds.

“GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!”

“Shut up,” ordered Cyber Blader. She held her weird arm high, and then called the lightning back into it. And as they returned, they combined into a glowing ball of electricity! “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!” She threw her arm outward and scored the beastly guy in the chest, knocking away the wind and pushing him right into Chazz (who wasn’t disturbed thanks to holograms and such).

“REMEMBER ME… AS A WOMAN…” the Ultimate King Ojamaster pleaded with his dying breath. Then Cyber Prima kicked it into the distance. There was a twinkle in the sky. (Chazz: 3600 Life Points -> 1000 Life Points)

“Can you top that?” Alexis asked smugly.

“Actually,” Chazz decided, viewing his next card, “I can’t.” He set his Brain Control card (originally meant to signify him taking dominance over everything else in Alexis’ mind, which is creepy-sounding) along with the rest of his hand onto his Duel Disk. “You win, fine, you aren’t my girlfriend. So what of it? The Chazz rides alone!”

“Uh, good?” Syrus guessed.

“All according to plan,” Atticus whistled, kicking his racecar bed into the sea.

“What?”

“Nuthin’ you’d understand. Protectin’ the cosmic timeline and all that jazz…” Atticus ripped off his outfit and was dressed back in his original uniform. “Just kiddin’ with you, I just like screwin’ with you guys. I’m weird.”

“Oh?” guessed everybody. Alexis approached Chazz and set her hand on his shoulder.

“Okay, so I guess you understand we’re just friends?” she double-checked.

“Fine by me,” Chazz agreed. “And besides, when I’m the star of the Japanese dueling circuit, women will be THROWING themselves onto me!”

“Nerdy women!” Omega-Xis chuckled.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!” laughed everybody.

“Wait, what?” Alexis gulped.

 

But then the pendant on Jaden’s neck began to shine. “WHADDAHELL?!?! WHAT AM I WEARING?!”

“You forgot all about the pendant?” Syrus inquisitioned!

“Didn’t you?”

“Well, yeah.”

“And look at Chazz’s neck!” The keys Chazz was wearing began glowing purple! “This doesn’t bode well!” Bastion grimaced, recalling Duel Science 101. “If something glows, crap happens.”

“Oh hey look,” Billy Hills noticed, “sumthin’s happenin’ at the volcano I reckon!” Seven brown obelisks loudly and suddenly stabbed their way through the ground in front of the magma mountain, signifying magma danger ahoy.

“Then… this means the adventure never ends?” Jaden said with a massive shrug.

“Don’t just stand there,” Atticus suggested, “let’s go there and duel our last Shadow Rider!”

“How did I forget they were relevant and that there was one left?” Syrus wondered.

“Everybody forgot EVERYTHING after the Jaden Zane duel,” Bastion said.

“Alright, I feel better not being the only one anymore.”

“Who said you’re not the only one?”

 

The group ran off (Jaden hobbled) toward the new dueling site… just as the less-important characters ran onto the beach carrying several pounds of luggage. “Uh… check the cafeteria?” Nancy Wut decided.

“Why not,” Baseball Bob said, and they all ran back toward the empty school as the ships set sail from the academy.

 

 

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Alright, to show that I'm NOT being lazy and stupid, as many of you should believe, I'm putting up a small portion of the forty-page non-epic collaboration I've spent the past week working on. It's not Halloween, anymore but that's the joke. Here's as much as I can post without the post falling apart.

Part One Yes, two people worked hard on this.

[spoiler=Part Two]MEANWHILE IN THE OBELISK BLUE DORMS, WITH CHAZZ…

“… And THAT‘S why, Little Leo, you NEVER use the pipe.” Chazz said confidently, sitting on some rubble.

“Whoa. I‘d have never guessed!” a wide-eyed Leo exclaimed, looking at a small blue plastic pipe in his tiny little boyhands.

“Wait guys, huh, huh, I think something’s heading towards the dorm huh!” Deep-Voice said, looking out the strangely surviving window on the ground.

“Billy, check it out,” Chazz ordered, trying to act boss-like.

“Uh, sure, I reckon.” Billy Hills put his ear to the super elegant carpet piece on hand and listened. “Something dead this way comes… I reckon I know this, since I summoned the dead once. Wasn’t that smart then, I reckon, and not that smart now...”

“IT’S THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PUMPKIN, HUH HUH HUH!” Deep-Voice shrieked.

“No… It’s ZOMBEHS… with duel disks on their arms, I reckon!” Billy Hills screamed in terror! “I RECKON IT’S LIKE THREE YEARS AGO ALL OVER AGAIN!!”

“HUH?!?! I REALLY WANTED TO SEE THAT PUMPKIN, HUH!!”

“What?! Quick! We gotta get out of here!” Chazz said as he picked up Leo and started running towards the dorm’s entrance.

“I’m not gonna do anytin’ today, boss!” Ojama Yellow cried!

“AHH!! FREAKY THING!!” Leo wailed! The group ran away, passing by Crowler and Jesstin Beaver playing some hambone on their knees. But lo, several zombie-like organisms began breaking through the ground and staring at them menacingly, holding out their Duel Disks!

“TRICK OR TREAT, HEHEHEHE!!” they laughed.

 

“This looks troublesome,” Chazz muttered.

“I KNOW, HUH, THEY LOOK READY TO DUEL, HUH!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson gulped.

“No, not THAT…” Chazz looked down in shame as Crowler and Jesstin Beaver yodeled nearby.

“That’s jus’ embarrassin’, I reckon.”

“TRICK OR TREAT, HEHEHEH,” a zombie marauder growled, poking Billy Hills in the shoulder!

“AAAAHH HUH HUH A ZOMBIE POKED YOU!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson screeched, blowing it into pieces with the force of his voice!

“Good one, Dobbson!” Chazz complimented, hoisting up Leo by the ankles. “We’d better get outta here, who knows what they’re planning!”

“WAAGH!!” Leo screamed, as he was swung into zombies like a mace. The quartet began to dash away, but they were stopped… by a sudden horrible feeling washing over them!

“I’ve found you again… EEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!!” As they were immobile now, huge glops of zombies tackled them and covered them up. They then began turning back into black slime-like stuff and pulled them through time and space.

“Wow, how convenient!” Jaden roared as his party came onto the scene. “Let’s jump in that pile of zombie whatzit!”

“Got it!” Nancy accepted, kicking the rest of the cast members into the sludge. As they disappeared from sight, she walked away, whistling…

 

The large group was spat out into the Abandoned Dorm cave, wherein they saw Dr. Card, tied up on a desk chair, next to… Lazar! Or that *Name and Address Withheld* guy! And Hunchy! “Welcome, my friends,” Lazar chuckled. “How was your Japanese Halloween?”

“I KNEW it existed!” Jaden cried!

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!! EVIL CLOWN MAN!!” screamed Leo, Billy Hills and Syrus.

“Weren’t you in that one episode with the submarine?” Bastion asked, pointing to Dr. Card.

“My, aren’t YOU smart?” Dr. Card sneered. “Yes, yes I was. But that’s not important right now.” He jerked his head toward Hunchy the hunchback. “This PUNK double-crossed me! I thought you were my loyal henchman, Hunchy! What went wrong? I can even recall the first time we met…”

 

“Um, hey,” asked Dr. Card’s traditional hunchbacked assistant with a large nose, “can I use that fancy effect when I say something dreadful? Or something like that?”

“No.”

 

“What happened to that BOUNDLESS loyalty, you Hunchy guy, you?” Dr. Card wailed in distress.

“How stupid are you?” Alexis asked, flat-out.

“I can make robots and twist the fabric of time and space, but that’s about it.”

“Enough,” Hunchy said, pulling off his disguise, “it’s time to play my hand… EEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE!!” He was… ANOTHER LAZAR?!

“Wait, now there’s TWO of you guys we beat up? Huh huh huh huh uuuuh?!” Deep-Voice Dobbson wondered.

“Nay, I’m Lazar Jaeger,” one said, “and this fellow is Jaeger Lazar.”

“Hello, EEE-HEE-HEE—”

“STOP THAT LAUGH!!” ordered Angry McArgue, kicking her shoe at his face! He swiftly opened wide and swallowed it.

“HEE HEE! I’m leagues ahead of you all, especially after…”

I come in!” said the final clown man, stepping in with a black trench coat and fedora hat, pulling off his shades! Yes, it was the one from earlier! “I, folks, am *Name and Address Withheld*.”

“I’M CONFUSED!!” Luna screamed, bursting into tears.

“YOU MADE A LITTLE GIRL CRY, BASTARDS!!” Jamey Simmons yelled, shooting three bullets at the freaks! Jaeger Lazar held out a Random Mummy monster card and turned it into pure black duel energy. It absorbed the bullets and disappeared. “What?!”

“We are the animation director,” Lazar Jaeger revealed, “so WE control what WE can do.”

“And we’re SICK of what you’ve done to our wonderful show,” the one with no given name said, “and we’ve decided with the announcement of this stupid episode, we’ve had enough of the original story being ruined. We’re hijacking this story and turning everything back to normal.”

“But then it won’t be good!!” Syrus complained.

“We know.”

 

“You MONSTERS!!” Yusei shouted, instinctively taking his Duel Disk out from his who-knows-where! “You CAN’T do this to our story!”

“Ha, monsters, I reckon,” Billy Hills joked. Suddenly, Lazar Jaeger jumped at all of the non-Yusei and Jaden characters and captured them by turning his own body into a black vortex!

“YO?!?!” Jaden cried, reaching out for them all! But he was too slow…

Jaden!” cried out Alexis’ voice.

Yusei!” went Jamey Simmons.

You have to duel these psychopaths! Hurry!!” The vortex then became a small marble and fell to the floor, and rolled over to Lazar’s feet.

“Hey, now it’ll be a piece of CAKE to take that weird volcano!” Dr. Card exclaimed. “Thanks, guys!” Jaeger Lazar grabbed him and sucked him into his own body. “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAH that’s not cool!”

“So I’ll humor you all,” said the non-named for fear of lawsuits one, pulling out a large book, “the laws of this world state that in order to do anything, you must duel. So, shall we begin the Tag-Duel?”

“Tag Duel, Mr….”

“You may call me Jim,” Jim said, throwing the book away.

“Jim? Only one of us’re needed to kick YO ass!” Jaden said.

“THAT can be arranged,” Jim chuckled. He snapped his fingers and a clone of himself appeared behind Jaden. It smacked him in the head with a crowbar and faded away.

 

“Ch… cheap… shot… ugh yo.” Jaden fell on his face, ugly costume and all!

“JAAAAAAAAADEEEEEEEN!” Yusei cried! “Are you okay?” He knelt down and lifted up Jaden’s head.

“Yusei… that guy’s… not cool… yo. Please…” He held out his Duel Disk, albeit weakly. “t-take my deck… yo.”

“Alright.” Yusei took it from him and dropped his head onto the stone floor.

“Ow, yo!”

For Jamey, for Ratchet and Tuff, for Akiza, and that… Jesstin, I think? Yusei decided. And for all the other people, who I don’t care about… He slammed the Jaden Duel Disk onto his own, miraculously fusing them into one Dueling organ! THIS IS FOR YOU!! Suddenly, the card-holding tab broke off due to stress. “Oh, sorry. I have about eighty cards in my deck right now.”

“Play on,” Jim allowed. Jaeger Lazar jumped up and became a Duel Disk on Jim’s arm and forty cards (and an Extra Deck) crafted themselves from the dark Duel Energy he held.

 

“Okay, you freaky clown guy! DUEL!!” (Jim: 4000 Life Points, Yusei: 4000 Life Points) “DRAW!!” Yusei drew… Clayman, Bubble Shuffle, Turbo Synchron, Burst Return and Sparkman. “… How about you go first?” He suggested, frankly disgusted by his terribad hand.

“Much OBLIGED!” Jim accepted! His first six cards levitated around his face. “Heh. You know what Halloween is all about?”

“Candy?”

“No. ZOMBIES!!” Jim set two Traps and a monster. “And that’s my turn.”

“Where’s the zombie?”

“The zombie isn’t here yet, because it doesn’t HAVE to be here yet.”

“That’s bad logic!” Yusei drew his next card in an overly dramatic fashion. It was Hero Kid. SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS THIS KID THINKING?! he wondered hysterically. “I summon to the field, the Elemental hero Sparkman!” Sparkman appeared to the field. (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points) “Now, attack his face-down monster with whatever you do!” Sparkman attacked it by charging his hands with electricity and punching it like a real man! It was… A PYRAMID TURTLE!! A turtle with a pyramid on its back and a fancy, twirly Egyptian beard! (Pyramid Turtle: 1400 Defense Points) As it exploded, the pyramid remained… “What’s up with that pyramid?”

Jim snickered. “Oh, it’s a part of its effect! When destroyed by battle, Pyramid Turtle allows me to Special Summon a new Zombie from my deck with fifteen-hundred or less Defense Points! I call out the Soul-Absorbing Bone Tower!” A huge pile of bones broke the top of the pyramid off as it trailed into the cave’s ceiling, causing the rest of the power triangle to crumble into dust. (Soul Absorbing Bone Tower: 1500 Defense Points) “Next I’ll play the Trap card Soul Rope, allowing me to pay one-thousand Life Points in order to Special Summon another monster from my deck!” Another Soul-Absorbing Bone Tower appeared, pulled in via yellow rope of destiny. (Jim: 3000 Life Points) “NOW the first one’s effect activates. Whenever I Special Summon a Zombie-type monster, you must discard the top two cards of your deck!” Two purplish flames drifted down from the first tower and landed on Yusei.

“Ow,” he groaned, brushing them off. He sent away a Bubble Blaster and a Metamorphosis from the top of his deck. (Yusei: 72 cards remaining)

“Then I’ll flip up the OTHER Trap: Call of the Haunted! My Pyramid Turtle returns to me!” Jim explained, whipping his arm forward! The card flipped up as prescribed, and the turtle broke through the ground, returning to play. “Go, my Bone Towers!” Four small fires flitted onto Yusei.

“This is getting real old real fast…” He discarded a Level Eater, Quillbolt Hedgehog, Elemental Hero Burstinatrix and Elemental Hero Necroshade. (Yusei: 68 cards remaining)

“And remember this, boy: as long as a Zombie exists on the field, you can’t strike my Soul-Absorbing Bone Towers. EITHER of them.”

“What?!” Yusei gasped!

“That’s right, eee-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE!” Jim chortled. “Try as you might, there’s basically no way for you to defeat this combo in YOUR sorry state!”

“We’ll see. You can go ahead.” My gosh, he managed to do all this on MY turn?! Yusei worried. This isn’t looking good so far.

 

“Draw,” Jim executed. A new card floated out from the confines of his deck. “Pyramid Turtle attacks Sparkman.” The turtle leaped at Sparkman and spun in mid-air, attacking as a weird square drill! Sparkman slapped it away, because it was too stupid. (Jim: 2600 Life Points)

“I was afraid of this,” Yusei admitted as a third Bone Tower appeared.

“You know what to do, then?” Jim joked as four fires floated into his foe’s face. Yusei dispelled them with Wroughtweiler, Battle Waltz, One for One and Sonic Chick. (Yusei: 64 cards) “Then I will summon Zombie Master and discard a Ryu Kokki in order to revive one Zombie with his power.” A gothy boy in a purple vest popped onto the field.

“Heh eh heh,” he chuckled, getting excited by the deadly atmosphere. (Zombie Master: 1800 Attack Points) He reached into the Soul Absorbing Bone Tower closest to him, pulled out a soul, and swallowed it. “Gulp,” he swallowed. “Ew, that tastes nasty!” But for his brave, stupid feat, he called out the trusty Pyramid Turtle once more! Six fires pestered Yusei as they drifted down from the towers. He discarded Clay Wrap, Quillbolt Hedgehog, Junk Barrage, Level Eater, Dark Factory of Mass Production and Feather Shot. (Yusei: 58 cards) When did I get TWO hedgehogs? Yusei wondered. Or Level Eaters?! What ARE they, anyway?

“You could’ve summoned the Zombie Master beforehand and destroyed Sparkman,” Yusei pointed out.

“Please, boy,” Jim said, “don’t you see? I know that you have no real hope of me losing. Even WITH that giant deck of yours, you’ll lose over time. Let me slowly rake you over the coals as we go.”

 

“I see.” Yusei smirked, drawing again. “I’m going to use the effect of Elemental Hero Necroshade from my Graveyard in order to Normal Summon a high-leveled Elemental hero from my hand: Bladedge!” Elemental Hero Bladedge slid out onto the field, cutting right through the Zombie Master before he could understand what was going on. He fell apart into cool cubes. (Jim: 1800 Life Points) “Then I’ll place Sparkman into Defense Mode.” Sparkman guarded precociously. (Sparkman: 1400 Defense Points)

“You’re worried I’ll ram my Pyramid Turtle into him again?” Jim snickered.

“Maybe.”

“Okay then, I see where you’re coming from,” Jim accepted, “but what will you do when I DON’T use the turtle?” The Pyramid Turtle broke open into a massive being of bone, with sharp talon-like fangs and a large pulsating core within its chest. (Ryu Kokki: 2400 Attack Points) “Then I cast the Spell Book of Moon!” A blue book fell from above and smacked Bladedge in the head. It caused him to fall backward stupidly and become… a FACE-DOWN monster. (Bladedge: 1800 Defense Points) “Now your monster is in face-down Defense Position.”

“Obviously,” Yusei muttered.

“EEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!! I LIKE you kid! You’re a laugh!” Jim laughed. “Ryu Kokki, smash him!”

“GRUUUH!!” it groaned, lifting its giant bony fist and crushing the hidden Bladedge.

“Your move,” Jim allowed.

 

A yellow steamroller/locomotive/truck machine monster appeared on Yusei’s field. “Well good, because I’m summoning Road Synchron to the field!” (Road Synchron: 1600 Attack Points, Four Stars, Tuner) “Then, because I control a Tuner monster, I’m allowed to revive the two Quillbolt Hedgehogs from my Graveyard!” Two Quillbolt Hedgehogs appeared. (Quillbolt Hedgehog: Two Stars) “Now I can Tune my Hedgehogs to my Synchron in order to bring out the Level Eight Road Warrior from my Extra Deck! GOOOOO!!” The hedgehogs leaped onto the yellow machine and glowed white with futuristic energy! They all combined into a bronzed knight-like figure, with pipes spitting steam out from his back, and clawed gauntlets made for rippin’ up the road, which is actually stupid, and you shouldn’t do that. (Road Warrior: 8 Stars, Synchro, 3000 Attack Points) “Now that my two Quillbolt Hedgehogs get removed from play, I’ll activate Road Warrior’s ability to summon a Level Two Machine or Warrior monster from my deck and replace them!”

“Bleh,” Road Warrior spat, spitting a new Quillbolt Hedgehog onto the playing field. (Quillbolt Hedgehog: 800 Defense Points)

“Yeah, of course I have three now! What of it?”

“I wasn’t questioning it.”

“You’d BETTER not! Now attack, Road Rippin’ Rampage!”

“BOO,” someone said.

“What was that?!” Yusei gasped. But no matter, because Road Warrior stuck his rippin’ gauntlets into the earth and ripped them outward, showering Ryu Kokki with boulders, though they honestly weren’t made of the road. And then the bone creature was crushed, but not before spitting some bone fragments at Road Warrior’s eyes!

“ACK! MINE EYES!!” he cried, falling over and exploding. (Jim: 1200 Life Points)

“I bet you didn’t know Ryu Kokki instantly kills any Warriors or Spellcasters it fights, right?” Jim asked.

“No, but I suppose I’ll end my turn here.”

 

“Fine by me. I’m playing Pot of Greed, in order to draw two cards.” Jim sent a card to the Graveyard and picked up two new ones. “Next I cast Supremacy Berry and Terraforming!” He pulled a card out from his deck and held up some fat grapes.

“What do they do?”

“Terraforming gives me one Spell card from my deck, and if my Life Points are lower than yours, Supremacy Berry grants me two-thousand Life Points.” He slowly and irritatingly lowered the grapes into his mouth and chewed them in an unsettling manner. (Jim: 3200 Life Points)

Wait, I just realized it! As long as he has those three stupid towers, I can’t do anything unless he summons more weak monsters! Yusei strategized. He’s thought this game through.

“Young one…”

What? Who’s there? Yusei panicked.

“Do not worry, I have something for you,” told an ancient, serene voice. Yusei’s Duel Disk began to glow a faint crimson! Something was inside of his Extra Deck!!

Thank you, whoever you are, probably Crimson Dragon guy in the plot, who is a magic dragon I shouldn’t know about yet. I’ll use it wisely, because I’m not supposed to have that card until around episode fourteen!! “Well okay then, I’ll just beat those Life Points out of you all over again! I play Monster Reborn, bringing back Elemental Hero Necroshade from the Graveyard!” The red bone-ish figure rose from beyond the Grave! (Necroshade: Five Stars) Next I’ll Normal Summon Turbo Synchron!” The green guy from earlier was back! (Turbo Synchron: One Star) “Finally, I’ll tune my Turbo Synchron to my Quillbolt Hedgehog and Necroshade in order to summon…” The three monsters were purged by a beam of sparkling light from above! They were sucked into the cosmos by the power of the rays, and the sky of the cave which doesn’t make sense but bear with it spat out white dragon with a spear-like head, covered in green and purple bulbs over its forearms and chest! It took in a large breath and screeched!

“HHYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNN!!”

“THE STARDUST DRAGON!!” Yusei announced, pointing upward, showered by sparkles of stardust from above, drenched in light!! (Stardust Dragon: 2500 Attack Points, 8 Stars, Synchro)

“And… what exactly did that accomplish?”

“He can negate cards that destroy things!” Yusei explained.

“… How does that help you here?” Jim questioned.

 

Yusei turned around and began conversing with the Crimson Dragon in his head. “Uh, why did I need to summon it?

………..

“DAMN YOU POWER-BASTARD.”

“I suppose you end your turn then?”

“I digress; go ahead.”

“Fine. I will play the Card of Safe Return.” A weird man appeared on Jim’s field, laying down on his hand and knees and in an intense state of depression. He was muttering to himself in an unsettling fashion.

“Is he...”

“Ignore him. Your move.”

“Well then, I’ll take it.” Yusei picked up another card: Polymerization! This looks good. I’ll just hold onto this. “I’ll summon Elemental Hero Clayman in Defense Position.” The brown man sat down and held his arms out in front of his face. (Clayman: 2000 Defense Points) “I’ll call that a turn.”

 

“Then I’ll just set a monster myself,” Jim snickered. “Why DO you anime people always summon your monsters face-up all the time, hmm?”

“You’re one to talk?”

“Oh, no no no,” Jim declared, shaking his Accusing Finger™. “Let me tell you the story of my birth, as dictated by the script.”

“Oh man,” he groaned, rubbing his face as he drew animation cels, “I can’t believe that they’re making ME, *Name and Address Withheld* work all night on this… Yu-Gi-Oh! GX episode forty-seven, and I’m an animation DIRECTOR! I don’t have to do the grunt work!” Suddenly, a burst of pain shot through his wrist! “DAAAAANG CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME!! IT FEELS LIKE DEATH!!” In his sudden insanity, he pulled out a piece of paper from his desk. “That’s it, I’m going to draw the most unsettling character I can to scare those freaks when they find me!” He began to draw… LAZAR, in all his clowny glory. “TRUE ART,” the man announced, “IS A BLAST!! AHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAA!!” Then his wrists exploded due to extended stress! Blood surged out from his stumps as he laughed himself to death, covering his entire studio in his red blood cells and the odd white ones! The blood, instead of staining the paper red, actually COLORED IN THE PICTURE OF LAZAR.

 

Two days later, the man’s co-workers walked into his office to find him dead. Stepping through the puddles of blood, they pushed his body out of the way and picked up his masterpiece. “Hey look, this’ll be GREAT in our next series!” they proclaimed! “He’ll scare ALL the kids!” They pranced out like idiots.

 

The eyes on the picture glowed green. “WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEEEE?!?!?!” it screamed, silently.

 

“Is… that really what it says?” Yusei asked, un-believing.

“You’re rude, you know?” Lazar groaned. “Go, take your bloody turn.”

“And was that a joke?”

“YES, YES IT WAS. JUST PLAY.”

“Fine by me! I activate The Warrior Returning Alive to add Elemental Hero Burstinatrix back into my hand!” Yusei decided! Burstinatrix jumped back onto the field! “Now let’s see what these two fuse into! I play Polymerization to see whatever the hell I can get!” Burstinatrix and Clayman were lifted up by a blue force of nature and forced together into our favorite Rampart Blaster! (Elemental Hero Rampart Blaster: 2500 Defense Points) “Hmm… the card says that it can attack you directly for a thousand points. Then let’s do it! Rampart Blaster, rev it up! Stardust, follow suit and kill that face-down monster!”

“BOO,” someone said.

“Stop that!”

 

Rampart Blaster blasted the ramparts of Jim’s Life Points with a missile barrage, white Stardust Dragon waved its wings, sending sonic shockwaves into and through the hidden monster!

“BWAAAAGH!!” it screamed, revealing itself to be some hideous zombie combination of a fat man and several animals of no consequence! He exploded.

“Heh heh,” Jim chuckled, swiping the several missiles out of mid-air. They burst against the ground instead. (Jim: 2200 Life Points) “Well, there went the Plaguespreader Zombie. May I take my turn?”

“Sure, why not.”

“PERFECT!!” Jim took his next card from his Duel Disk, leaving a small path of dark flames in the card’s wake. “I’ll set myself a Trap card and revive my Plaguespreader Zombie!” The ugly fatso from the last turn was BACK!! “By doing so, I must return one card to the top of my deck from my hand, but then I draw that card back with Card of Safe Return!” Jim exploited, as a card floated out of the poor random safe return-guy’s back.

“I DESERVED THAT!!” he sobbed.

“Wow, weird,” Yusei gulped. Six more flames floated from the top of the Bone Towers.

“Next I’ll summon the Pyramid Turtle to the field and activate the Field Spell card: Zombie World!!”At his command, the entire cave turned into a holographic toxic wasteland, full of decaying plants and small undead vermin scampering around fields of skulls.

“Ugh, it STINKS here!” Yusei gasped, holding his nose as hard as he could!

“This Field Spell turns all monsters in both Graveyards and fields into Zombies, and in addition now you can’t Tribute Summon non-Zombies!” Jim shouted! “How do you like it? EEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE?!”

“What’re you laughing for NOW?”

“THIS!! I TUNE MY PLAGUESPREADER ZOMBIE TO MY PYRAMID TURTLE!!”

“WHAAAAAT?!?!” Yusei screamed! (Plaguespreader Zombie: Two Stars, Tuner) The Plaguespreader Zombie picked up the Pyramid Turtle and put it into his mouth. Two seconds later, it exploded into a grey serpent the shade of dead flesh, with six wings and a red core of mystery. It was covered in hard spines and seemed to be made from several dragons combined through death. It periodically hissed upon the release of the odd blue soul from its chest hole. (Doomkaiser Dragon: 2400 Attack Points)

“Upon his summoning, the Doomkaiser Dragon summons a Zombie monster from your Graveyard to go with it!” Jim said. He snapped his Snapping Fingers™ again. “Twelve more cards.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding!” Yusei groaned as the twelve new flames joined the original six.

“EEEEYAAAAHHH!!” screeched Elemental Hero Bladedge, growing from the Doomkaiser Dragon’s back in a grotesque manner! Strands of flesh rotting bound them together. It was horrific, to say the least. (Elemental Hero Bladedge: 2600 Attack Points)

 

“That’s terrible!” Yusei cried, trying to stop himself from vomiting.

“Of course, have you come to expect anything less? Now, strike Rampart Blaster! Bone Towers, strike Yusei! Go!” Bladedge rose and threw down his bladed arm, sending a shockwave toward the fortress-blasting warrior. As the attack flew forth, the eighteen flames of pain flew down to Yusei in a swarm.

“GYAAAAHH!!” He rose his arms and shielded his face… and heard a large explosion. (Yusei: 3900 Life Points)

“THE HECK’RE YOU DOIN’ TO MY BLADEDGE?!?!” Jaden roared, leaping up and taking the fires in his own chest. (Yusei: 34 Cards) The cards Level Eater, Speed Warrior, Avian, Winged Kuriboh, Level Warrior, Shield Wing, Tuningware, Reinforce Truth, Dark Catapaulter, Fusion Recovery, Hero Ring, Transcendent Wings, Winged Kuriboh Level 10, Feather Wind, Edge Hammer, Miracle Kids, and two Hero Kid cards fell to the grave.

 

My gosh… I have THREE Level Eaters?! Oh yeah, and that Jaden guy’s back to life!

“Jaden! You’re up?!” Yusei gasped.

“Hellz yeah,” he said, blowing out the remaining flames on his costume as it burned away, revealing his original outfit. “Like I’d stay down as my friends and cards get stolen by evil clowns?!”

“Good to see you up,” Yusei accepted.

“Yes, very good,” Jim said with a coy smile. “Now I can destroy you BOTH together… eee hee hee…”

“Yeah WRONG!!” Jaden yelled, drop-kicking the Jim in the face and leaping back next to Yusei.

“UGH! You little…” Jim wiped the blood off of his nose. His eyes hinted bloodlust. “Oh, now I’m going to finish you. I WILL FINISH YOU AS SOON AS YOU DECLARE YOUR TURN OVER, BOYS!! EEE-HEE HEE HEE, AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

 

“He’s getting stupider by the minute,” Jaden sneered. “Aaaanyways, let’s see what we got!” He pulled out their next card.

“Hey!” Yusei recoiled. Jaden looked over at their new combined hand. (Jaden and Yusei: 3900 Life Points, 33 cards)

“Yo yo yo, what can you do with this card?”

“Uh, I can discard a monster to summon it.”

“Can yo do anything with any of the ENTIRE DECK in the Graveyard? And yeesh, could you do something ‘bout this rank Field card?”

“Don’t patronize me! He’s so cheap!”

“Well, let’s just look at what you can do now!”

“Fine! Gosh! Ugh!” Yusei doggedly checked through his giant Graveyard. “Uh… OOOOOHOHO… I get it now…” Yusei and Jaden threw their arms outward.

“We discard Hero Kid in order to Special Summon the Quickdraw Synchron to the field!” The space suit-wearing boy appeared on the field and looked around. Then he was shot through the chest by a mysterious, gun-slinging robot! (Quickdraw Synchron: Five Stars, Tuner) “Then we call back our third Quillbolt Hedgehog to the field in order to perform a Synchro Summon!” The last of the hedgehogs flew down from nowhere and got eaten by the robot’s massive cowboy hat. AND THEN IT WAS CONSUMED IN FLOATING GREEN BINARY CODE!! “Quickdraw Synchron can be used as Syncho Material in ANY Warrior Synchro Summon! We summon the Nitro Warrior!!”

 

The gunbot took in all of the coding through its palms and turned into the green, horned monster from the earlier duel. (Nitro Warrior: 2800 Attack Points) “GO, NITRO WARRIOR! DESTROY THE BLADEDGE!!” Nitro Warrior leaped forward and grabbed Bladedge with one hand, then ripped him right out from the Doomkaiser Dragon while spraying blue blood everywhere with a shower of azure souls blowing away in the wind! Then Nitro Warrior threw the golden dead hero to the ground, blowing him into pieces. (Jim: 2000 Life Points) “STARDUST DRAGON, BLOW THAT MONSTER AWAY!! SHOOTING SONIC!!”

 

The white dragon flapped its mighty wings and released an arrow-shaped blast of wind. It flew toward the grey dragon, until a Trap card flipped itself up in front of the shot:

The Trap absorbed the blow and flew onto the Doomkaiser Dragon. It began to shake madly, as if a time bomb was in its stomach! It… it grew more draconic, more deadly, more… horrifying! It straightened up and grew bone armor over its chest in the shape of an angry skull! Two arms of bone jutted out fom its sides, right under its largest wings! Its head straightened up and stared hatingly at the Stardust Dragon.

“I tribute the Doomkaiser Dragon with my Trap card in order to Special Summon the Doomkaiser Dragon/Assault Mode from my deck!” Jim yelled! “In addition, for one turn only, I can summon as many zombies as I want to from your Graveyard!” From the dragon’s body grew Rampart Blaster, Necroshade, Road Warrior and Clayman, writhing in pain as they tried to escape their flesh prison. “Discard twelve cards and your Stardust Dragon!” (Doomkaiser Dragon: 2900 Attack Points) As a stream of flames dropped down from the three towers, the Doomkaiser Dragon’s chest opened up and breathed a stream of purple flames at the white dragon, forcing it to fall to the ground and burn to death. The twelve flames drifted around Jaden and Yusei, circling them until crashing toward them, burning them as well.

“GRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!” they cried, as the cards Polymerization, Junk Barrage, Card Defense, Cosmic Blast, Rockstone Warrior, Silent Doom, Soul Union, Super Junior Confrontation, Invincible Hero, Fusion Gate, Mirror Gate and De-Fusion fell from their deck. (Jaden and Yusei: 21 cards) Even Elemental Hero Sparkman looked worried, and he was still in Defense Mode!

“Th-the hell he think’s he’s doin’, interruptin’ my theme song,” Jaden scoffed.

 

“And now I’ll take my turn!” Jim demanded! “I activate the Spell card Book of Life in order to revive my Pyramid Turtle from the Graveyard, and remove one of your discarded monsters from play!” As all of the monsters inside of the Doomkaiser Dragon melted back into its flesh, despite the fact that all together he would have had more than five monsters in all for that turn, but who cares because they’re gone now, Pyramid Turtle rose from underground! Six cards dropped from Yusei and Jaden’s deck; Prevention Star, Tuning, Turret Warrior, Defense Draw, Fusion Sage and Kishido Spirit, and Stardust Dragon disappeared from Jaden’s Graveyard and Yusei’s life. (Jaden and Yusei: 15 cards)

“No! Stardust!” Yusei cried! “Why do you have so many useless cards in your deck?” Yusei asked.

“Same to you,” Jaden retaliated.

 

“Stop your driveling and pay attention!” Jim declared! “I now ram my turtle into the Nitro Warrior in order to bring out one Il Blud!” The Pyramid Turtle exploded without even moving, and Nitro Warrior was seen standing with a smoking fist while in a boxing position, signaling a badass kill. (Jim: 400 Life Points) Emergency Provisions, Elemental Hero Prisma (just some guy made of crystals, go with it), Polymerization, Shield Warrior, Scrap-Iron Scarecrow and Turbo Booster were lost. (Yusei and Jaden: 9 cards)

 

A card floated out of the Card of Safe Return man and in its stead came a really, really big fat man in prison clothing. (Il Blud: 2100 Attack Points) “Il Blud, attack Elemental Hero Sparkman!” The fat guy unzipped its prison pajamas AND SHOT OUT A GIANT EVIL FACE WHICH ATE SPARKMAN AND THEN FLEW BACK INTO THE MAN’S CHEST!! Then Il Blud calmly zipped his suit back up, as if nothing had happened. “Doomkaiser, destroy Nitro Warrior!” The Doomkaiser Dragon disappeared and reappeared behind the green soldier.

“WHAAAAAAGH!!” he roared, as the dragon’s chest opened wide and consumed him whole. (Jaden and Yusei: 3800 Life Points)

“Bone Towers, attack him, all three of you!” (Soul Absorbing Bone Towers: 400 Attack Points) The three towers began to shake and drop femurs down upon the duelists!

“AAAAAAHHHH!! LEG BONES!!” (Yusei and Jaden: 2600 Life Points)

“Now take your turn and make your retaliations so that I may conclude this game already!” ordered the Jim as he set one Trap card. “I grow tired of these lame escapades!”

“Yo! Adults can’t say ‘lame’!” Jaden accused! “It’s kid domain ONLY! WE get the HIP lingo!”

“I DON’T CARE!!”

 

“Yeesh, he don’t care,” Jaden gulped. They drew one card. (Jaden and Yusei: 8 cards) It was good ol’ Pot of Greed! “Woah! That card’s ALWAYS too useful!”

“Let’s use it. We need something good,” Yusel gulped.

“We play Pot of Greed!” Jaden shouted, tossing the green pot at Jim. He punched it into fragments of its former self. Jaden and Yusei drew two cards. “Next we activate the Spells Double Spell and Fifth Hope!” A bluish ball of energy appeared on the field next to Elemental Heroes Bladedge, Avian, Sparkman, Prisma and Wildheart. “Double Spell lets us discard two Spell cards in order to gain one of our older ones back from the Graveyard, and Fifth Hope adds five Elemental Heroes into our deck to draw two more cards!”

“Yeehaw!!” shouted Avian as he and the other hero monsters flew into the small patch of deck that Jaden and Yusei still called home! They drew Junk Synchron and Bladedge. (Yusei and Jaden: 11 cards)

“Yeessss!! Lucky!” Jaden cheered! He reached out to the cards, but Yusei slapped his hand away.

 

“No, let ME handle this one,” Yusei demanded. “We discard Burst Return and Bubble Illusion for Monster Reborn, to revive Elemental Hero Necroshade!” Necroshade broke out from the ground like a trained zombie as the blue orb dispelled itself. (Necroshade: 1500 Attack Points, Five Stars)

“What are you doing?” Jim asked. “Another Level Eight Synchro Summoning?”

“Yeah, that’s ‘ZACTLY what WE’S doin’!” Jaden argued! “Even though I still don’t get it.”

“No, not just yet!” Yusei denied! “I’ll decrease Necroshade’s level by three in order to revive the three Level Eaters in our Graveyard!” In an instant, three small ladybugs with stars on their shells leaped onto Necroshade and began to bite him furiously! He cried into his palms. (Necroshade: Level Two)

“And this accomplishes what, exactly?” asked Jim.

“THIS, MO-FO!!” Yusei shouted, summoning Junk Synchron into play! The orange guy landed with extreme prejudice! (Junk Synchron: Three Stars, Tuner) “I’m tuning my three Level Eaters, Level Two Necroshade and Level Three Junk Synchron together in order to Synchro Summon the Junk Destroyer!!”

 

The four material monsters became the four arms. The Synchron formed the head. As soon as that was finished, magic and willpower did the rest, as a grey body, huge black legs, four back-decorating blades and a magnificent forehead crest appeared to bring them together. The Junk Destroyer was large. (Junk Destroyer: 2600 Attack Points, 2500 Defense Points) Then its four arms all pumped themselves up, released buckets of steam, and flew out like rockets! They slammed into two bone towers, burst right through the Il Blud, and slugged Doomkaiser Dragon/Assault Mode in the chest, splintering its skull decal. “Wh-WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!” Jim gasped! The four monsters fell. “This… THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE??!?!”

“No it isn’t!” Yusei taught! “The Junk Destroyer can destroy as many monsters you control equal to the number of non-tuner monsters used in its summoning!”

“Well, when Doomkaiser Dragon/Assault Mode is destroyed, I can revive its previous form from my Graveyard!” Jim cried! “Arise!” The older, weaker dragon rose up from the dust. The Trap card inside it faded away from its soul. (Doomkaiser Dragon: 2400 Attack Points) “In addition, when he’s summoned, I can take one monster from your Graveyard as well!” A Hero Kid appeared and made a pitiful act of defending. (Hero Kid: 600 Defense Points) Four flames dropped down next to Jaden and Yusei. Avian, Hyper Synchron, Domino Effect and Limiter Overload were lost. (Jaden and Yusei: 7 cards)

“Well then, we’ll ignore’m!” Jaden ignored! “Junk Destroyer!”

“Use Destruction Junk!!” Yusei called! The Junk Destroyer’s fists flew around wildly! One fist smashed into the Soul Absorbing Bone Tower from the front, one smashed it from behind, and one smashed it from above. Then the last one held a broken radio tower, and swung it right through the pile of bones!! They exploded everywhere!

“THAT’S GAME!!” Jaden and Yusei declared.

“Not yet it isn’t!” Jim exasperatedly screamed, flipping up another Trap card! “I play Iron Resolve!” The card had the image of a man breaking out from all forms of invincible metal restraint with sheer willpower! “I halve my Life Points in order to negate all damage this turn!” (Jim: 200 Life Points) The bones all disappeared out of thin air.

“Damn, we almost had’m!” Jaden cried!

“We have one more turn to turn it around,” Yusei stated. “And if we need to, we can summon Bladedge next turn to destroy Hero Kid, since Necroshade’s back in the Graveyard.”

They… they’re right!! Jim realized. I need to lock them down NOW!! The clown-like demon held out a card with a man throwing away some cards. “I activate Card Destruction, so now we both discard each card in our hand and draw the same number of cards as we discarded!”

“That’s a lot simpler than it sounds,” Yusei sniffed, as he and Jaden discarded their Bladedge. They drew Prisma again. Damn dead draw… heh.

He carefully drew his next cards… included with them was Card of Sanctity, that one card I keep inserting into duels! How appropriate!!? “HA! I PLAY THE SPELL CARD: CARD OF SANCTITY!!” Jim hollered, playing the Spell card with the men running in money! “Draw cards until your hand has six cards!”

“WHA?!” Jaden and Yusei cried! They picked up all of their cards until there was one left. This… this game all depends on how he ends his turn, Yusei gulped.

 

“Then I’ll play the Spell card Book of Life to Special Summon Zombie Master, then remove your Necroshade from play and discard Vampire Lord to Special Summon my first Zombie Master, then…” He drew one card from Card of Safe Return. His hand only had Call of the Haunted, Card of Safe Return, Zombie World, two Call of the Mummy Spells, and a Despair From the Dark monster card. Damn! I need to hold onto this card, but I can’t Special Summon any extra monsters… oh well! I’ll do what I need to do! “I tribute Hero Kid and Zombie Master to summon the Despair From the Dark!!” The two monsters were bathed in pure darkness, and combined together. The combination… disappeared. However, the earth began to split open, releasing red, hellish light and heat into the zombified landscape. Several skulls fell into the divide. The being that rose from it was a tremendously gigantic shaded being, with long, lanky, spiny arms, and two horrific horns. The only given feature you could understand was his expression, glowing orange: that of one who is ready to eat your entrails. (Despair From the Dark: 2800 Attack Points, Eight Stars)

 

“Destroy the Junk monster!” Jim demanded! “Searing Souls! Doomkaiser, Zombie Master, then strike them directly! WIN THE GAME!!” The demon let out a pained bellow, and from its body burst one hundred eight black spears! They thrust themselves at the Junk Destroyer! But even though it was gored through the heart, even though its body was effortlessly torn apart, even though its head was completely speared through, it was okay. Why?

“We remove Shield Warrior from our Graveyard,” Jaden said with a smirk. “Our Warrior can’t die in this battle.” (Jaden and Yusei: 2400 Life Points)

“………” Jim’s eyes looked empty and fearful. “… But, but! You have no cards left in your deck!” Yusei picked up their last card. “As long as you have no options left to follow through with, you’ve lost! Game over!!”

 

“We activate Miracle Fusion.” Avian, Burstinatrix, Bubbleman, Clayman, Necroshade and Stardust Dragon all appeared next to a gold-colored hero with an ‘E’ on his chest. “Say hello to Elemental Hero Electrum.” (Elemental Hero Electrum: 2900 Attack Points)

“N-no, no!” Jim cried! “This can’t happen!”

“Yes, it can.” Yusei and Jaden gave him a thumbs-down. “All removed from play monsters return to our decks, and here they are now in spirit! EVERYBODY!!” All of the monsters reared up for an attack. “ATTACK!!” Electrum grabbed Junk Destroyer and transmuted it into a giant sword, twelve feet in width, thirty-seven in length. The four heroes jumped to Jim’s side and held him by the limbs.

“Y-you can’t be serious!!” he gasped! “This can’t happen!!”

“It already is, yo,” Jaden explained. “Electrum!”

“Stardust!”

“WIN!!” Stardust Dragon and Electrum combined, coloring the man white and giving him access to giant, shining wings of stardust! He flew toward Jim and cut him through with one swipe.

It… it isn’t… over… (Jim: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

 

The holograms all faded into nothing once again. Jim lay on the floor in two halves. He was quite obviously finished. “That’s why you don’t frickin’ mess with us!”Jaden warned. “I don’t know who you are, or what the hell’s your problem, but you’d best give back our friends.”

“… I’m… NOT… FINISHED!!”Jim’s two halves floated upright and combined together, back to normal. “If you think this is all I’m capable of, you won’t BELIEVE what’s NEXT!!” The monster began to grow and change color from clown to green. “JIM ACCELERATION!!” He began bursting out of his own coat thanks to his SUDDEN TREMENDOUS BULGING MUSCLES!! He grew to fifteen feet in height! The only clothing that stayed on his body were thankfully his pants! His hair became frizzy and uncomfortable to look at! “EEEHEEEHEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEEEEE!!!” he cackled! “PREPARE TO FACE*TRUE Name and Address Withheld*!!” (*TRUE Name and Address Withheld*: 9001 Attack Points) “TRICK OR TREAT, HEE HEE HEE HEE HEEE!!”

 

Jaden and Yusei turned to each other and nodded. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHH!!” They leaped at the weirdo and began pummeling him.

“OOOOOOFFF!!” *TRUE Name and Address Withheld* stepped backward in response to begin jabbed in the stomach by two people at once.

“GIVE US BACK OUR FRIENDS!!” Yusei demanded, gripping *TRUE Name and Address Withheld*’s arm to the point of breaking.

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!” he wailed!

“DIE, YOU DUMMY!!” Jaden said as he uppercutted *TRUE Name and Address Withheld* in the chin, then added a big stomp into his stomach, forcing him to vomit out all of the consumed characters in a blast of dark energy!

“Oof!!” they cried, landing on the stone floor. They were in no shape to fight.

“You okay guys?” Yusei asked as *TRUE Name and Address Withheld* slumped onto the ground.

“Yeah, you guy’s good?” Jaden asked.

“I think so,” Syrus whispered, struggling to keep consciousness.

“BUT YOU AREN’T!!” *TRUE Name and Address Withheld* laughed, as he leaped upon his two mortal enemies!

“RIGHT BACK AT’CHA PUUUUUNK!!” screamed Koala Ko Ala and Crasher Wake, busting right through the wall behind him on Yusei’s Duel Runner! Then ran over his neck, and with their combined girth, they broke it. (*TRUE Name and Address Withheld*: Game Over)

“Uuuuuugh…” He fell and turned back into his original state.

 

“Good job, you so-and-so!” Jaden exclaimed, patting Koala Ko Ala on the back.

“That hurt, man,” Koala Ko Ala sniffed.

“And what’s with that guy?” Yusei asked, pointing to Crasher Wake.

“I came for the food,” the wrestler said.

 

==========

 

SOME! HOURS!! LATER!!!

After the group could regain their strength, they all left the safety of their danger cave and stepped out to greet the sunrise. The academy had been completely leveled. “What went on up here?” Mann McOldsmobile wondered, rubbing his head.

“Beats the heck outta me,” Ratchet Nickles gave up. “Ugh, the hangover!”

“You just drank water, guys,” Alexis told them.

“Some goooood water,” Mann McOldsmobile recalled.

“I reckon we all forgot that the guy was tryin’ t’ kill me n’ Dobbson,” Billy Hills reckoned.

“Who?”

“Never mind, huh.”

“I wish we had less characters here so that we all got a chance to talk, though,” Luna sighed.

“Yeah,” Dr. Card said solemnly.

“Get outta here!” Jaden said, lightly slapping him away.

“Ahh, okay, I’m going!”

 

“Anyways, what DID happen?” Chazz asked.

“Look over there, a character!” Bastion cried! He pointed Omega-Xis at Tuff McBuffins and Atticus, walking up over a hillside, laughing with their arms around their shoulders.

“Aahahahahaahaaah, hey guys!” Tuff McBuffins greeted.

“Guess what?” asked Atticus.

“What?”

“I was living a lie!!” Tuff McBuffins roared with laughter!

“Oh. Well we killed one of several ultimate evils,” Yusei bragged.

“Yeah!” Jamey Simmons vouched.

“Oh… okay! Ha ha!”

 

Then came Jesstin Beaver, running to Yusei in utter fear! “WAAAGH, YUSEEEEII!!!” it cried, latching onto his leg!

“Woah! You were here too, Jesstin?!”

“I saw myself in the fuuuuu-huuu-tuuuuuree!! It was sooo scary, Yusei!!” it whined shrilly.

“Heh, EVERYONE says that with Crowler!” Jaden told.

“Oh.”

 

==========

 

“Are you sure this’ll work?” Syrus asked as the entire cast had grouped up by the sea. Another Duel Academy was in the process of being air-lifted onto the wreckage of the old school.

“Of course, yo, I read it in ‘The Seven Mysteries of Duel Academy’!” Jaden assured.

“That’s ridiculous, but somehow I feel like it’ll work!” Koala Ko Ala thought.

“Or, y’know, we COULD just stay here for a while and mooch,” Ratchet Nickles suggested.

“LOOK!! PLOT DEVICE AHEAD!!” Omega-Xis cried! A bus suddenly drove onto the scene from a blue portal! It had ‘Time Bus’ painted on the side.

“I reckon this here‘s the Time Travelin‘ bus,” Billy Hills said, for he recognized it. “My mama said so, I reckon. says stepping out of the vehicle in a bus driver’s uniform.

“Whoa, the rumors were true!” Leo and Luna cried together.

“Of course,” Bastion said, “Lazar did say that he had to duel first before he could kill someone.”

“Huh?”

“Accept it,” he sighed.

“Yeah that’s swell, so let’s go guys!” Yusei rushed.

 

“Goodbye Angry,” Akiza said to Angry McArgue, as she stepped past the door.

“See you,” Angry McArgue responded half-heartedly.

“Goodbye Nancy,” Akiza says to Nancy Wut.

“Bye, b****!” Nancy Wut bid.

“And I think I’ll miss you most of all, Alexis.” Akiza said with a gentle smile.

“Goobye Aki, and good luck with Yusei.” Alexis said, giving a friendly girl hug to Akiza.

“Y-Y-Y-Y-usei?!” Akiza asked, blushing.

“THAT’S ANNOYING! STOP THAT!” everybody said, including the students not present and the zombies who died along with *Name and Address Withheld*.

“Well, good luck with Jaden.” Akiza said, boarding the bus.

“That’s the dub Alexis!”

“I know.”

“… See you.”

 

“J-J-J-J-aden?!” Syrus cried, grabbing Jaden’s arm! “Didja hear that?”

“The dub,” Jaden said.

“I know, this IS the dub!” Koala Ko Ala assured!

“Nah, this is the dub BASED on the dub.”

“Yeah, so that means you get all that!” Mann McOldsmobile slyly remarked.

“Anything else you wanna try to explain?” Chazz asked, lodging his fist into Mann McOldsmobile’s face.

“Nope. Nada. Nothing.”

 

“Chazz, you’re cool!” Leo complimented! “I’m gonna make sure to try and become the type of guy who picks up minors and uses them as weapons, just like you!”

“That’s cool, kid!” Chazz replied. He gave him one hair. “This is one of my hairs.” An energy burst shot out of it!

“WOAH! That’s cool!” Leo gasped!

“One day, if you get a hair as strong as that, you’ll have finally surpassed me. Fare thee well!” Leo walked back toward the bus.

“I reckon we’ll be seein’ you, kiddo!” Billy Hills said.

“Huh! Huh!” was all Deep-Voice Dobbson could say.

 

“Um, I’ve decided that I’m going to try and learn psychology when I get older, just like you, Bastion,” Luna told her new idol.

“No no no, my young girl,” Bastion denied, “it’s SCIENCE OF DUELING. Farewell.”

“Bye,” Omega-Xis said.

Luna walked up to Leo, and the power duo stepped onto the bus. “Ew, a hair!” Leo said, disgustedly throwing away his new hair.

 

“Goodbye father,” Jamey Simmons told his young father with a tear in his eye, “I’ve had fun.”

“It’s been a humbling experience in this bad costume,” Syrus said with a sniffle. “I’ll meet you again in about…”

“Ten years.”

“Huh?!” Nevertheless, the man son walked onto the time shuttle.

“Holy crap…” Syrus gasps, “That mean I’ll finally SCORE!!”

“Yeah, but with who is the question.” Jaden wraps an arm around the little squirt, looking intentionally at Nancy.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, WHY ARE YOU ALLOWED TO DO THIS TO MEEEE?!?!?!”

 

“Hey man, though you tried to kill me and all,” Atticus forgave, “you’re an alright dude. If I see Drac McBuffins, I’ll slaughter’m for ya’!”

“Thanks, man!” Tuff McBuffins thanked, hugging him tightly. There was a loud crackle. “May we meet again!”

“WAAAHHH!!” screamed Jesstin Beaver as it ran onto the us after Tuff McBuffins.

 

Jaden and Yusei smacked their hands together into a powerful handshake. “This won’t be the last time we see each other, bud!” Jaden promised!

“I know, I already saw the movie!” Yusei agreed!

“Huh?”

“See ya’ soon.” Yusei walked onto the bus and the doors closed. The GX kids waved as the bus revved up its wheels, driving into the horizon.

 

MEANWHILE, BY THE LIGHTHOUSE…

Jack and Zane were finally finished with their game of war and peace, having stacked all of their pieces into massive towers upon the game board. “You were a very mighty opponent...” Jack told Zane.

“…”

“… TO THE KING. I am the king!” Jack slapped Zane across the face and leaped out into the open ocean. “THE KING RIDES AGAIN!!” He landed on the fast-moving time-travelling bus just before it leaped into the next dimension…

Zane fell on his side and wiggled.

 

==========

 

ON! THE!! BUS!!!

*Name and Address Withheld* was kicked off of the bus in 4th Century China. “EXACT CHANGE ONLY, PUNK!!” screamed the bus driver. He turned to the rest of the passengers. “AND IF ANY ‘O YOU GUYS DECIDES TO BREAK CANON BY REFERRIN’ TO THIS STUFF, YOU’RE GETTIN’ SENT BACK TO THE DINOSAUR AGE, GOT THAT?!”

“Yes sir mister bus driver sir,” everybody quickly muttered. And so, the bus left the hellspawn on the ground in the past. And so… HE WAITED.

 

 

Jaden and Yusei‘s Big Boogey Adventure - END

 

 

But wait! It’s time for Chancellor Shepherd and Officer Tuffles’ Safety Rules of Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!

 

“Uh, hey, we’re under contact to do this so don’t blame us, okay?” Shepherd said, worriedly.

“Hi, I’m Officer Truffles, and some of you may recognize me as some guy named Ushio!” Officer Truffles introduced, patting the scar on his cheek. “Well forget that, I’m totally different! TOTALLY! So without further ado, let’s go over the BASIC HALLOWEEN SAFETY RULES!!”

 

1. Don’t ask a zombie for candy; it’s very impolite and zombies take it as an offence.

 

Rei from Neon Genesis Evangelion was walking around dressed up as a witch. She walked up to a zombie. “Candy,” she said. The zombie scratched her face. “Owie,” she said.

“See, when zombies get offended, they get angry!” Shepherd explained. “We don’t need any MORE deaths out here, got that kids?”

“Exactly, our jails are full of ENOUGH zombie assaultists as it is!” Officer Truffles said.

“That’s not a real term, sir.”

“Oh, fine.”

 

2. When being chased by a werewolf look for help; preferably a vampire that only sucks animal blood.

Rei from Neon Genesis Evangelion was walking around dressed up as a witch. Suddenly, a werewolf wearing jeans burst out from the shade! “AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” he howled!

“Get’m,” Rei commanded. A vampire wearing combat fatigues leaped on him and they both exploded.

“As you know, the rare animal vampire has a high silver content in its blood,” Shepherd stated, “but he himself is allergic to fur.”

“Get them to collide and watch the fireworks!” Officer Truffles suggested while Shepherd checked the script to verify that crap.

 

3. Don’t take candy from a guy in a van. His candy ALWAYS sucks.

Rei from Neon Genesis Evangelion was walking around dressed up as a witch. Suddenly, a van pulled up in front of her. “Candy,” she said, stepping inside. A few seconds later she ran out and began to vomit.

“Yeah, y’know those Now n’ Later candies?” Officer Truffles asked. “Yeah. We’re talkin’ THAT bad.”

“And black licorice!” Shepherd added.

 

4. Isn’t funny how parents say don’t take candy from strangers, but on Halloween you go to other peoples houses and demand the customary candy?

Rei from Neon Genesis Evangelion was walking around dressed up as a witch. She walked up to a house and said “Candy.” Some guy walked out of the front door.

“WE DON’T WANT ANY!!” he shouted, throwing a rock at her. She fell over.

“Sometimes it just ain’t worth it,” Shepherd warned.

“That’s why you carry a big stick when you go out for Halloween,” Officer Truffles exposited.

“Are you SURE you’re a real police officer?”

 

5. If you don’t dress up as a Yu-Gi-Oh! Character, the Head of the Association of Sector Security for Heading Educational Authorities in Dueling, Sheldon, will find you and duel you into a coma.

Rei from Neon Genesis Evangelion was walking around dressed up as a witch. Then she was punched in the face by a man named Sheldon. She fell over and cried.

“Come on now, this is just getting painful to watch, man!” Shepherd cried.

“Hey, it’s for their own good!”

 

6. Always return crappy candy that people hand out back to them. They need it more than you.

Rei from Neon Genesis Evangelion was walking around dressed up as a witch. She walked up to the van from earlier and tossed her candy at it.

“That one’s not deadly, just rude,” Shepherd sniffed.

“… Anyways…” Officer Truffles sighed.

 

7. Stay safe, stay alert, and stay alive.

Rei from Neon Genesis Evangelion was walking around dressed up as a witch. She left thousands in her wake, with not one survivor.

Shepherd looked awkward. “Um… disregard that last image… and have a great Halloween!”

“Wait, Halloween already ended!” Officer Truffles cried!

“… Damn, we need better planning next time."

 

 

I hope it wasn't bad.

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Bump, once I get my computer anti-virus-fied, I'll post up all the last episodes of the season. You 'kin count on it! *twinkle* But seriously, I wish somebody'd say something about that Halloween special I wasted two weeks on, it's painful to see all that work be ignored.

 

GEE I SURE WISH I COULD GET COMMENTS HMMMMMM

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Okay, I will proceed to post the next episode once somebody else posts, or when tomorrow hits, because they won't both fit into the same post.

 

[spoiler=Episode 57 - Rise of the Sacred Beasts - Part One]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 57: Rise of the Sacred Beasts – Part One

 

Jaden and the gang all burst through some trees into a dark, dusty clearing surrounded by seven frighteningly-tilted stone obelisks, uncomfortably near the famous volcano. “Wow, yo, this thang’s REALLY gettin’ funky now,” Jaden gulped, holding up his forgettable, somehow important magic Egyptian pendant, which was now blindingly bright and shaking like a mad washing machine. It exploded. “Hey, now we don’t have to worry about it! Let’s go home!”

“I agree,” Chazz added, desperate to escape accountability for the current situation.

“Wait, look there!” Syrus yelled, taking aim at something rising in the center of the area! It was something like a metal can. Something rose out of its top… A TRADING CARD DECK?!?! “Oh, hey, trading cards,” he casually remarked as he strolled up to the cards. Then, just as he reached out to grab them… A MECHANICAL SPIKE PUSHED HIS HAND AWAY. “Ow. What?” It belonged to a four-legged robotic spider mech, with a liquid-filled tube, containing an old man… “AAAHHH!! IT’S PORKY!!” This time, Chazz slapped him in the back of the head, in retrospect to what you’d expect. “Hey, you summoned him!”

“True,” Chazz said. “Anyways, what’re you doing, slapping our friend’s hand away from some cards, rip-off artist!”

“Hey,” the robot tank countered, “this show was made BEFORE the game was released!”

“But the game had been in development since 1997!” Syrus argued. “WAIT!! Why aren’t I screaming?!”

“Because Billy Hills did it for you,” Omega-Xis said. Billy Hills was unconscious and foaming at the mouth. “Now who IS this fool?”

“Finally… I MAY INTRODUCE MYSELF coughcoughcoughAHEM!!” the man in the machine shouted! His voice was deep and grandiose, like a magician’s, or some crazy old guy’s! “I AM… THE VICE-PRINCIPAAAAAALL!!”

“I don’t believe you,” Alexis said flatly.

“But I AAAAAMM!!” the man cried! “LOOK, FOR MY NAME IS ON THE STAFF ROOOOOOLL!! I’m Kagemaru AHEMAHEMAHEM.” The spider mech held out a sheet of paper with the names of all the staff members on it. Under Chancellor Shepherd’s name was ‘Kagemaru – Vice Principal (not Vice-Chancellor)

“But then, who IS the Vice-Chancellor, y’all?!” Jaden wondered.

“And why haven’t we seen you all year?” Alexis wondered suspiciously.

“I was ALWAYS in this, this MECHANICAL SHELL! How DARE you not acknowledge me from the very start!”

“Hmmmm,” Jaden thought. “I… THINK he was sitting in front of Crowler in the first episode…”

“And was he on the morning announcements show? I think I remember the name,” Bastion considered.

“I know I got a t-shirt from ‘im, I reckon in the Spirit Day episode,” Billy Hills believed.

 

He was walking around with Chazz and Deep-Voice Dobbson, and they were combined together as a VWXYZ Dragon Catapult Cannon costume! Chazz was manning the incredibly heavy legs, while Billy and Dobbson were being held up as the arms. Their heads poked out between the yellow tank-claws of the machine. “Huh huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson chuckled.

“I reckon this is FUN!” Billy Hills shouted!

“S-SHADDAP…” Chazz groaned, sweating as hard as he could and nearly busting a few blood vessels, “MY ARMS’RE… KILLING MEEEEEE!!”

“Oh, excuse me,” Kagemaru called, approaching Billy Hills with a t-shirt cart, “would you like a t-shirt? It has a design of Margera Wonderweiss holding a bottle of EVA-01 Steak Sauce and reaching for a levitating Sammich while wearing a two-headed kitten on his head.”

“WOULD I, reckon?!” Billy Hills cried, overjoyed!

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH EVIL ROBOT MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN HUHUH!!” screamed his companions, ditching him and escaping.

“… I’ll take five, I reckon.”

 

“Seriously?!” Bastion screamed! “How’d I MISS that one?! I LOVE THAT SHIRT!!”

“I’m… hurt… IT STINGS LIKE BEES!!” Kagemaru announced! “I… I… will you silence thyselves and your hurtful words if I tell you that I made the Spirit Keys?”

“That depends,” Atticus growled, “how MUCH did you make the Spirit Keys?”

“NONSENSE HE SPEAKS!! I was the one given the DIVINE IDEA to create such… SUCH THINGS to seal away these trading cards! And now, thanks to you, ALL of you, I can UNLEASH these cards once again!”

“Wait…” Atticus thought. “Why did you make the keys to seal the cards that you want to use?”

“I sealed them because they were too POWERFUL!!”

“But why do you want them now?”

“Because of their POWER!!”

“But you… and then… just… WHY?”

“Because… I MADE THEM MYSEEEEELF!!

“Wut?”

“BeLAY that question, my student! I am now prepared to DUEL!! I was the one who worked with the Seto Kaiba to design the academy, and so I sealed them within, waiting until there was one student here with enough DUELING ENERGY to UNLEASH THEM!! The Duel Energy—”

“THERE’S DUEL ENERGY?!”

THERE IS NOTHING A CARD GAME CANNOT FIX!! And so, the energy built up over the years from every single duel, every card ever played, everything ever DONE with a random cardboard rectangle helped to DE-POWER the mechanism holding the cards sealed! Thus, you and your LAST GAME you have JUST PLAYED had UNLEASHED THE BEASTS!!”

“Then it’s all CHAZZ’S FAULT!! AGAIN!” Omega-Xis accused! “See, because he dueled Alexis! And if he’d waited until the next year, then the first game would unleash them! And there would be other people who could come with security, and pistols, and they’d shoot the cards or something! And then we wouldn’t have to do this! Let’s all hate on Chazz!”

“So did you make the Shadow Riders yourself in order to make a surge in Duel Energy?” Jaden wondered.

“Of COOOOURSE, the Keys themselves are USELESS, I SAY, USELESS!!”

“What about me?” Omega-Xis complained.

“What ABOUT you, you’re just an easily-forgotten side character,” Chazz spat.

“Hey!”

“WHO’RE YOU?!” Omega-Xis shot Chazz a deathglance as the kid laughed to himself.

 

“And so…” Kagemaru punched through the shell of his spider robot suit, with his right hand… wearing an EYE OF WDJAT RING!! “let us have the FINAL MATCH of the SEVEN STARS COME TO FRUITION!!”

“Shadow Riders!” said Nancy Wut, on the other side of the island.

“WHO OF YOU HAS THE MOST ENERGY?!” Kagemaru demanded, stepping out into the open air. As he did, he rapidly de-aged into a young man in his thirties.

“His Shadow Item controls his age, I guess!” Alexis noticed! “Look out everyone! This means he has all his teeth again!”

 

“MROOOOOOWW!” screamed a sudden cat, with an eerie deep voice! It was Garfield, bouncing ot from the trees! He bounced off of the robot with a thud and spat out a small soul orb… NAMED BANNER!!

“Hey, it’s that cat that ate Banner HEY IT’S PROFESSOR BANNER!!” Jaden yelled!

“Woah, that’s weird!” Atticus said. “Unlike me, who is cool.”

“I’m cool too, and I can fly,” Banner insisted.

“Well, everybody else’s confused,” Billy Hills said, “s’could you all give us an I reckonin’ bit o’ info?”

“Banner, he died a few weeks ago and his soul was eaten by Garfield!” Syrus explained. “You, you had to BE there to get it.”

“Oh.”

“Excuse me, I have about four more seconds before my stupid cat eats me again! I have something I just remembered to give you!” Banner said urgently.

“Cool! How’d you know I was here, anyways, yo?”

“No time! Blegh!” Banner ejected a card from his own soul. It hit Jaden in the forehead.

“Ow.”

“You have only one chance to use this. Use it well!” Banner said. “The world depends on this!”

“But wait!” Syrus asked. “Can I ask you a question?”

“No,” Baner replied, being eaten by Garfield again. The cat then scampered off.

“I… guess that was important?” Kagemaru supposed.

“Maybe,” Atticus supposed as well.

“Hellz yeah it is,” Jaden decided, staring at the new Spell card: Sabatiel – The Philosopher’s Stone, a greenish orb of pure magical energy. “Yup, goin’ right in mah deck,” Jaden decided, placing it wherever his deck would be.

“That means you’re dueling him?” Chazz deduced.

“Of course!” Kagemaru shouted!

“You bet yer buffaloes,” Jaden accepted, stepping up to the challenge.

“BOO,” someone said.

 

He pulled out a Duel Disk out of nowhere, apparently, and dragged himself into the center of the septet of obelisks. “Dr. Youngboy, I presume you’re ready to… THROW DOWN?!”

“SUPERBOO,” someone said.

“Hehey, that one was more orginal!”

“Puh-lease,” the oldyoung man sighed, taking a Duel Disk out of his pocket, “there’s no way you can stop me now. I already have the ULTIMATE DUEL MONSTERS CARDS!!” He pulled the deck out of the storage container, prompting it to explode, and stuck the cards into his dueling weapon of choice. “Let us DUUUUUUEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL!!”

 

(Kagemaru: 4000 Life Points, Jaden: 4000 Life Points) “I’m going to go first,” Kagemaru stated, “and I will SET TWO CARDS!!” A Trap card appeared.

“That’s a boring start,” Jaden said.

“Maybe… BUT THIS MONSTER SHALL NOT BE!!” A huge, purple blob appeared. It was disgusting looking. (Giant Germ: 1000 Attack Points) “And thus, this turn… is… OVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRR!!”

 

“This guy’s getting’ on my nerves,” Chazz scoffed.

“What took you s’long, I reckon?” Billy Hills asked.

“It takes four seconds for most,” Atticus threw in.

“I guess I’ll kick this off with the ANIME power of Elemental Hero Bubbleman!” Jaden decided, throwing his blue hero into the fray! (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points) “This means I get to draw two cards, since he’s the only dude chillin’ out on the field!” He drew his cards with a certain sense of flair, and they were Hero Signal and Skyscraper. “Next I’m playin’ Skyscraper, which ALSO adds 1000 Attack Points to all Elemental Heroes even when they get attacked, at least in the Anime version!” A few small buildings appeared around the dusty arena. “THEN I’m settin’ two cards and attackin’ that ugly thing over there! Bubbly Bubble!” The buildings began shaking around, as if they were trying to help Bubbleman in some way. And it helped! (Bubbleman: 800 -> 1800 Attack Points) Bubbleman threw a bubble at the enemy. It slowly floated over to the monster and hit it, causing an explosion of purple nastiness. (Kagemaru: 3200 Life Points)

 

“Ugh, it smells crappy in here!” Syrus gagged. “Wait… smell? Aw, dammit, a Shadow Game…”

“Yes, it IS a Shadow Game, and I shall now use the effect of the Giant Germ you have killed to summon BOTH OF HIS BROTHERS!!” Two identical random fat bubbles of purple germs appeared and floated around randomly. “And then, I shall deal 500 points of direct damage unto you, as you have destroyed my vile germ!” The purplish nasty haze wafting around the immediate area suddenly flowed at and into Jaden.

“Wha… UUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!!” the boy gagged! He fell over and began heaving.

“Jaden!” Syrus cried out!

“Are you alright?” asked Bastion.

“That felt so gross,” Jaden worried. “But don’t worry, I’m a’ight.” (Jaden: 3500 Life Points)

 

“And THEN, I shall take the damage you have inflicted unto me and summon, from my hand, the EMMISARY OF DARKNESS, GORZ!!” A sword appeared in the ground. It was gleaming, and looked as if merely looking at it could cleave your soul in two. A man covered in light metallic armor and black clothing leaped down from above, wearing a crimson cape and wild blood-red hair, with his face hidden by a simple flat helmet. To go with his swords, his wrists had incredible blades attached, as if for the hell of it. (Gorz, the Emmisary of Darkness: 2700 Attack Points)

“I-incredible, he’s just summoned forth a monster with over 2500 Attack Points!” Syrus announced!

“And he hasn’t even taken his second turn,” Alexis added with a shudder.

“But it’s just a card game,” Omega-Xis thought.

“IT IS NEVER JUST A CARD GAME!!” Kagemaru declared! “For I now summon by his ability a Kaien, Emissary of Darkness token with the same stats as the DAMAGE YOU HAVE INFLICTED!” An armored woman appeared, wearing a helmet and breastplate, holding a saber and a shield. She sat in Defense Mode. (Kaien: 800 Defense Points)

“D-dayum,” Jaden gulped. “Uh, I guess I’m ending my turn, then.”

 

“GOOD!! For now I shall play the Trap card Solemn Wishes!” His first Trap flipped face-up and showed a happy woman in a calming rain.

“THAT doesn’t seem as scary as demon swordsmen or germs,” Jaden chuckled.

“But it gives us both 500 Life Points whenever we draw a card,” Kagemaru explained, blowing some of his long hair out of his face. He drew a card. (Kagemaru: 3200 -> 3700 Life Points) “And then, I shall SHIFT all my monsters to Defense Mode and activate my SECOND Continuous Trap card, Gravity Bind!” His second Trap appeared which happened to be some sort of distortion in space (in the image of the card). The air in the dueling area had become, somehow, ten times heavier than before.

“Ugh,” Jaden grunted, struggling under the force atop him.

“Hmhmhm,” Kagemaru chuckled.

“This is painful to watch,” Alexis complained. “Jaden, at any time, you can just call us, and we’ll take you place!”

“And that will mean he forfeits,” Kagemaru stated.

“But”

“And that means I get the cards.”

“But”

“AND THEN I TAKE OVER THE WUUUUUURLD!!”

“Yeah, remember that,” Jaden said. At last, all of the stronger monsters on the field gave up and fell to the ground. (Gorz: 2500 Defense Points, Kaien: 800 Defense Points, Bubbleman: 1200 Defense Points)

“Next, I shall set my Giant Germs into Defensive Mode as well with one more Trap card.” The big bubbles of ew fell down, as if they lost the power to levitate for some reason. “That will BE IT!!”

“W-wait, it would be common sense to just attack Jaden with you Gorz, and yet you ignored it completely! What’re you scheming?” Bastion deduced.

“Hey, smart point,” Syrus agreed.

“Pfft, ameteurs,” Kagemaru replied, “YOU SHALL SEE IN THE NEAR-FUTUUUUURE!! Use this time to prepare thyself, boy.”

 

“Hmph,” groaned Jaden. He drew his next card. (Jaden: 3500 -> 4000 Life Points) “Then I’ll be layin’ down my Clayman wit’ some face-downs,” he told, placing down his duo of Traps (?) along with his muddy hero. (Clayman: 800 Defense Points) “Your turn, yo!”

Kagemaru drew his next card. (Kagemaru: 4200 Life Points) “I end my turn.”

“Really?” Jaden gasped. “Because it would—”

“I END MY TUUUUURN!!

“Oh, cool.” Jaden drew a card. (Jaden: 4000 -> 4500 Life Points) “Then… I’ll do nothing, too! Ha ha!”

“You’re an idiot!” Chazz yelled! “Just look at that! What’re you tryin’ to do, STALL him?”

“Well I could use more cards in my hand,” Jaden noted.

“AND I AS WELL!!” Kagemaru announced.

“Plus, I gotta find a way to beat’m up, so of course I gotta stockpile.”

(Kagemaru: 4200 -> 4700 Life Points) “ME TOO! And it is your turn.”

“Really? Is that all you’re gonna do?” asked Bastion.

“Me too!” Jaden added. (Jaden: 4500 -> 5000 Life Points)

 

“Well, thank you,” Kagemaru thanked. (Kagemaru: 4200 -> 4700 Life Points) As he pulled the card out of his deck, the seven obelisk structures began to glow.

“Oh crap! Freaky ju-ju magic!” Alexis gulped! “This means… this means…”

“This means I am about to EXPOSIT!” Kagemaru said, holding out his three-card hand. “Now how do you believe I was able to receive my magical mystical SACRED BEASTS?!”

“Uh, it’d be nice,” Syrus supposed. “Go ahead, try and make this make sense. And what’s going on with those obelisks?”

“Well it all began one day when I was working for KaibaCorp, around six years ago…”

 

Kagemaru was walking around the pristine marble floors of the KaibaCorp reception area. Within his giant spider mech suit. “Doo dee doo dee DOOOOOO!!” he hummed.

Paging Mr. Kagemaru,” called the intercom system. “Paging Mr. Kagemaru Kagemaruman, please come up to Kaiba’s office at once.” It fizzled out and he headed into the elevator. “TO THE TOP FLOOR!!” he shouted! He spider robot’s arm poked the elevator’s button for ‘K-Floor’ and began screaming gibberish to annoy everybody else in the elevator.

 

TWO! MINUTES!! LATER!!!

Kagemaru burst through the door to Kaiba’s office with a ruined paper caught on one of his spiky legs. “MISTER KAIBAAAAAAAHH!! I came as soon as you called, and I brought the finished blueprints for that SCHOOL YOU ORDERED!”

Kaiba’s office was mainly filled with a long, white desk, a wider window hidden by manila blinds waving with the air conditioning system, one giant mural of Kaiba on each of the walls, one Kaiba in a rolling chair and one Maximillion Pegasus on a wooden stool holding a vibrating suitcase. “MISTER RANDOM SPIDER ROBOT MAN, I HAVE SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT!!”

“’Ey, he’s my master carpenter!” Kaiba corrected, pushing three empty bottles of gin onto the plush carpet. “Now look here, b****, we don’t pay you to scream through doors.”

“HE DOES NOT PAY ME ONE CENT!!” Kagemaru accused, poking Pegasus.

“Yeow!” Pegasus sniffed. “I came to ask you for some extra SPECIAL help, Kage-boy!”

“I AM NOT YOUNG BOY, I AM OLDER THAN YOUR MOTHER!!”

“I have no mother.”

“THAT IS STRANGE.”

“Back on our original subject, I have something – URF – REALLY important for you to take care of for me. See this wiggling briefcase?”

“MY EYES DOTH NOT DECIEVE?!?!”

“No they don’t! Now I randomly decided to design three more totally awesome god cards like the Egyptian ones, and they OBVIOUSLY went HORRENDOUSLY ERRONEOUS!!”

“So you were stupid.”

“R-right. What we need you to do is have you seal the three cards in your school, possibly with seven amazing obelisks in the ground around it for no reason! And find some way to seal the away with duel energy with no real cause for it!”

“It’s my idea, b****,” Kaiba said.

“Uh, alright, will they somehow… HELP GIVE ME INFINITE ENERGY SO THAT I MAY BE ABLE TO WALK WITHOUT A PORKY SUIT?!”

“You don’t even know what that is yet.”

“But this takes place in the TWO-THOUSAND TWENTIES OR SOMETHING!! I am unsure!”

Pegasus tossed the suitcase at him. “Whatever, just hide this away somehow.”

“Use these,” said Kaiba, giving him seven Spirit Keys.

“Okay.”

 

“And that is how I HID THESE CAAAAAAAAAARDS!!”

“Is that ALL the backstory you’ve got?” Atticus inspected. “I mean, I got taken over in an abandoned dorm. You hid cards? I don’t see the resemblance.”

“THERE IS MORE… but not yet,” promised Kagemaru.

“Whyyyyyyyo?” Jaden whined. “I was so engrossed!”

“ BECAUSE I ACTIVATE THREE CONTINUOUS SPELL CARDS!!” Kagemaru cried out! “One copy of The Burden of the Mighty, and TWO copies of THE MESSENGER OF PEACE!!” Two cool monk men appeared with doves surrounding them, and along came a large crown with baby birds in it.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH” screamed the babies.

“Wait, three cards?” Syrus lampshaded. “Glowing pillars? Him doing something? I SENSE… SOMETHING BAD.”

“Hey me too I reckon,” Billy Hills added.

“BUT OF COURSE!!” Kagemaru said. “NOW I AM DISCARDING THE THREE CARDS I JUST LAID OUT IN ORDER TO SUMMON THE FIRST OF THE THREE SACRED BEAAAAASTSS!!” The three cards were suddenly hit by lightning and turned into odd distortions in space.

“EEEEEEEEKKK!!” went the baby birds.

“NOOOOOOO!!!” Jaden wailed! “THE BABIES!!”

 

Yet, Kagemaru had no worries over the fates of these adorable thingies, as they were going to become a part of the great one. The seven obelisks emitted large bolts of electricity in all directions, converging unto Kagemaru’s playing field. The static charge combined into… a giant skeletal golden figure of massive proportions. As he kneeled, he held his armored hands outward and created some sort of electric field. (Hamon, Lord of Striking Thunder: 4000 Defense Points)

“Aw man, this ain’t good,” Omega-Xis groaned. The skies had begun to drizzle and the air began to feel electrified itself. “I feel like throwing up again.”

“Please kill that thing as soon as you can,” Atticus requested. “It’s pretty tough.”

“’Cha, I can see that, bro,” Jaden scoffed. “I’m gonna blow him up as soon as I can.”

“Nope!” Kagemaru discounted. “For you see, this monster, IT IS A FIGURATIVE GOD OF LIGHTNING!! As such, it is immune to destruction by card effect!”

“H-huh?!” Syrus gasped! “How can you kill THAT?!”

“AND IN ADDITION,” began Kagemaru, somehow cracking every window in the immediate Skyscraper area, “IT CANNOT BE REMOVED FROM THE FIELD BY ANY ABILITIES! ITS CONTROL CANNOT BE SWITCHED! IT CANNOT BE EQUIPED WITH ANY SPELLS OR TRAPS, AND THE EFFECTS OF ANY CARD CAN ONLY EFFECT IT UNTIL THE END PHASE OF MY TURN!! YOU MUST TAKE IT DOWN THROUGH BATTLE!! But you cannot, for I have MY TRAPS!! And it’s just as well to mention how when in Defense Mode, Hamon can NOT allow you to attack any other monsters I control! Thus, your turns shall be completely USELESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS UNTIL I ALLOW YOU TO DO A THING MYSELF!! And thus, I have AMPLE time to call out the other two Sacred Beasts upon my own leisure.”

“That’s… that’s just cruel,” Syrus said.

“Of course!” Kagemaru agreed. “And thus, I END MY TUUUUURN!!”

 

Jaden drew a card. (Jaden: 5000 -> 5500 Life Points) Well, here we are, Jaden m’boy, Jaden thought. It’s come to this. I traveled to a card-playing high school, met several awesome idiots, chilled with some homies, killed robot dragons and normal dragons, watched my ancient Egyptian teacher die from eucalyptus juice and get eaten by his pet cat, and now I’m dueling a god.

 

My life is SO SICK.

 

Ignorin’ that for a sec’, I guess I should just let this awesome healing rain heal me until this sucka’ deos something. So, let’s start gatherin’ some hand advantage! “I’m just gonna end my turn, then!” Jaden said, making his hand count six, forcing him to discard an Elemental Hero Necroshade.

“THEN I WILL END MINE!” (Kagemaru: 4700 -> 5200 Life Points)

“And I as well, yo!” Jaden copied, discarding a useless Dark Catapaulter. (Jaden: 5000 -> 5500 Life Points)

“This crap is so boring, and it’s not SUPPOSED TO BE!!” Chazz complained! “COME ON! IT’S A GAME AGAINST GOD CARDS! STUFF SHOULD BE HAPPENING!”

“Stuff IS happening,” Kagemaru declared, (Kagemaru: 5200 -> 5700 Life Points) “as I AM SETTING OE TRAP CARD FACE-DOWN!!” The seven sparking obelisks were suddenly emitting a heavy smoke.

“Now what’s going on with the pillars?” Bastion wondered. “This CAN’T be good! I should know!”

“Does it matter, young MORTALLLL?!” Kagemaru challenged, puffing his massive chest out defiantly!

“Yes, yes it does,” Bastion countered.

 

“Now don’t start worryin’ about that, kiddo,” Jaden urged, “’cause I just drew… a card!” And alas, it was: Philosopher’s Stone – Sabatiel! (Jaden: 5500 -> 6000 Life Points)

“Can you say WHICH card?” Kagemaru inquired.

“Nope.”

“ConSARN IIIIIIT!!

“Hey, I reckon only I ‘kin say that, consarn it! I reckon you’re makin’ fun ‘o me’n my culture! I should sue you, I reckon!”

“Oh then I’m sorry.”

“Aaaanyways, I’m endin’ my turn,” Jaden decided, casting away an utterly useless Hero Kid card.

 

“Well then…” Kagemaru drew. (Kagemaru 5700 -> 6200 Life Points) Now atop his deck was his most important card. The seven obelisks became pitch-black. “This is… PURHURHUUUUUURFEEEEECT…” observed he. “I SHALL NOW ACTIVATE THE CONTINUOUS TRAP CARD AND ANTI-SPELL FRAGRANCE!” And so along with the Gravity Bind appeared some horrendous pot of incense.

“Burn burn burn” said the pot.

“Oh no, three cards again?!” Alexis shouted! “This means trouble!”

 

“I’ll just let these cards sit in front of you and build the unholy suspense!” Kagemaru laughed! “My turn ends here, and yet the terror now shall only BEGIIIIIINS!!”

“I don’t think he knows what he’s saying anymore,” Syrus decided.

QUIET YOU BOY!!”

“Anyway Jay,” Syrus pressured, “do something. NOW. That guy’s got all he needs to WIPE OUT THE ENTIRE WORLD. WE NEED YOU.”

“You guys need me, eh?” Jaden repeated. “Well, in that case I’ve just got to activate this ONE card and win HERE and NOW, yo!” (Jaden: 6000 -> 6500 Life Points He held his Philosopher’s Stone – Sabatiel card out in-between his fingers. It inexplicably began to glow green, as if it were today’s sudden plot device. “I play the—”

ANTI-SPELL FRAGRANCE GOOOOOO!!” commanded Kagemaru, lifting and throwing his smoking pot at Jaden! It grabbed him by the armpits!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!” Jaden wailed! “PRESSURE POOOOOOINT…”

“Buuuurn” the pot warned.

Syrus wasn’t gonna stand for it. “EITHER TALK NORMALLY OR GET THE HECK OFF MY FRIIIIIIEEEEEEEND!!” He charged forward in one bound and slapped the face off of the steel pot!

“Oh” the pot sighed, dropping to the ground and exploding.

“Woah!” Omega-Xis cried! “That stood out as something awesome but only because he’s never done anything special in this show!”

“Statistics don’t matter in THIS hood, y’all!” Jaden disagreed! “Thanks, Sy! That thing was disturbin’!”

“Uh, you’re welcome,” Syrus accepted, walking back over to the secondary characters. It made for an awkward silence.

“E-erm, that card that the boy just killed, it makes it so you aren’t allowed to play a Spell card unless you’ve set it face-down for one turn or longer,” Kagemaru explained. “Look look, that all just wasted a bunch of time and made us forget what was going on, so can you people in the back all just…” Without warning, large iron circus-level cages burst out from underground, capturing all of the non-dueling characters present.

“Okay now, what the hell is this?” Alexis asked, just plain exhausted with the day’s stupidity.

“It’s just a little something the Good Doctor cooked up for me,” Kagemaru explained, simply and cryptically.

“The ‘Good Doctor’?! This correlates to something in our past!” Bastion gasped! “I just have NO IDEA WHAT!!”

“And I reckon it feels so obvious, too!” Billy Hills added!

 

“You just freakin’ CAGED UP MY FRIENDS?!” Jaden gulped, enraged! “What, you havin’ ALL THE POWER IN THE DING-DANG WORLD wasn’t enough?”

“PRESCISELY!!”

“Naw, man naw; LISTEN HERE!!” Jaden demanded, somehow beginning to glow red!

“Woah, I can’t tell if that’s supposed to be taken literally or as a special effect!” Atticus said.

“Me neither!” Jaden agreed! “But just listen, Kage-whateverthehellyourname’ssupposedt’be, I dare you. I DARE YOU! Just summon your other two freaking Sacred Beasts. I WANNA BREAK ‘EM.

Everybody balked at that. “………. You just challenged a physical quote-unquote ‘trio of gods’, you cocky bastard,” Chazz said, dumfounded.

“And you think anybody else would be capable of such a thing?” Syrus suggested. “Jaden, go on! You’ve survived worse! And I can’t think of anything else lame and encouraging to say!”

“Thanks, it helps,” Jaden thanked. “I end my turn.” He tossed away a random card to his Graveyard. “Don’t worry, y’all, this won’t take long.”

 

Let us recap for all you with no short-term memory. Within the confines of Skyscraper, Jaden had summoned Bubbleman and Clayman (1400 and 2000 Defense Points respectively), and had three face-downs set. At least one of them was Hero Signal, which may or may not be useful soon.

 

And yet, Kagemaru’s much more impressive field had Hamon, one of the three Sacred Beasts and a being of lighting incarnate, who was protecting two copies of Giant Germ, exactly what it says it is, a Gorz, the Emissary of Darkness, and an Emissary of Darkness, Kaien token that was summoned once he’d hit the field. But don’t worry; the token won’t have any effect on the story as a whole, literally. And besides the monsters Kagemaru had summoned, he also controlled the Trap cards Gravity Bind (which prevents any Level Four or higher monsters to stay in Attack mode), Anti-Spell Fragrance (which stops both players from playing any Spell cards from their hands), and Solemn Wishes (which allows players to gain 500 Life Points each time they draw one card). Upon his next turn, Kagemaru will finally put these all to good use.

 

“YOU SAY THIS WON’T TAKE LONG, BOY?!” Kagemaru challenged! “I’LL TAKE YOU UP ON THAT OFFER! PREPARE THSELVES AS I PUT ALL OF MY CARDS TO GOOD USE! I NOW OFFER ALL OF MY FIENDS AND TRAPS FOR THE LAST TWO SACRED BEASTS!! COME FORTH!!” (Kagemaru: 6200 -> 6700 Life Points) The seven black obelisks around the field exploded from anticipation. “Aaaahh, collateral damage!” The two giant germs and demon swordsmaster all grabbed each other and combined to become a catalyst of evil, in the guise of a ball of heinous purple power. As it began to bulge and grow, the three Trap cards and their effects started to fade. The card images began to flare up and burn for no given reason. The fires started to move around, as if they were writing something across the ground… a summoning circle!

 

The lines drawing out the circle burned upward and converged! They had become at last, a tremendous crimson serpent, covered from head to tail in large spines. Its face was obscured by large horns, and it landed onto the ground on two bony, winged arms. It emanated pure heat, drying all of the air present. Its saffron eyes pulsated. “KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!!” it wailed. (Uria, Lord of Searing Flames: 3000 Attack Points)

“AAAAHH!!” Jaden cried out, grabbing his head! “MY EARS!!”

“Is he really alright, I reckon?” worried Billy Hills.

“No,” Atticus predicted, “the damage he’s taken today’s gonna start really piling up. I’m surprised he’s still holding on after all this, and I’m beginning to tire just from this last monster’s summoning.

“KRRRRGH…” growled something. Something big… yes, the orb of fiendish power we’d forgotten had already grown to a preposterous size, nearly half the size of Hamon and Uria.

“Oh, if you’re ALREADY feeling the HEAT,” Kagemaru joked, “then do as I said and prepare yourselves for… THIS!!”

 

The orb had begun to tear. Black blood seeped out from it and dropped onto the ground and began to smoke. An ebony arm ripped out through the ball! A leg! It broke open, releasing a tremendous winged demon, covered in the dark blood. His horned visage stared upon Jaden with deep red eyes, and his iron nails scratched against themselves. His tail whipped around as he prepared to kill, kill, kill. He inhaled deeply, all of the blood burned away to reveal his royal blue personage, and he roared.

“FOOLISH MORTALS! DO YOU SEEK DEATH? IT IS I!”

“I would like to introduce you all to my friends, URIA, LORD OF SEARING FLAMES, AND RAVIEL, LORD OF PHANTASMS!!” (Raviel, Lord of Phantasms: 4000 Attack Points)

“Did… did he just tell me he was going to kill me?” Jaden asked.

“Yes he did, but that was just programmed in,” Kagemaru explained.

“Oh, well that’s pretty morbid.”

“You… really don’t seem that disturbed for one facing some of the strongest Duel Monsters in existence.”

“Eh, it’s just a card game.”

“YOU WEREN’T SAYING THAT EARLIER!” Alexis griped. “LOOK, GET SERIOUS AGAIN! WE NEED THAT!”

“I WON’T GIVE YOU THE ALLOWANCE OF TIME!” Kagemaru shouted! “URIA, ELIMINATE ONE OF HIS TRAP CARDS! THE FIRST ONE!”

“What?!” The red dragon leaped up and extended forth its wings and beat them toward Jaden. A flaming gale inhaled and eliminated his Hero Signal card.

“GAH, MY EYES…” Jaden groaned, shielding himself from the blazing air!

“Ah, yes, once a turn Uria is allowed to destroy one of your face-down Spells or Traps and gains 1000 Attack Points for each Continuous Trap I have in my Graveyard zone.” Kagemaru then pointed to Clayman. “Hamon, I order you to strike DOWN the Clayman hero and deal 1000 points of direct damage to the boy! Kill him!”

“Wait, WHAT?!” Bastion cried! “No way!” He held Omega-Xis against the bars of the cage and proceeded to fire away against it. Yet, no amount of high-energy shots could dent it!

“Ha! That cage couldn’t be blasted away by an ELEPHANT, because I should know! That cage was STOLEN from elephant with a laser trunk!” Kagemaru exposited! “Hamon, commence with the death!”

 

KHYAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH!!” Hamon shrieked, standing up and holding its arms out. Lightning struck out from the dark clouds above and branched out. The larger bolt crashed upon Clayman, frying him instantaneously. The second bolt, however…

Wait… ACTUAL lightning? Jaden finally understood. Waaaiiiit… I’m risking my life! Why did it take me so long to understand? WHY? The lightning was falling right above his head.

I won’t let you die. Something reached out. Something somehow pulled Jaden away from where he was standing. He crashed onto the ground and avoided death.

 

The lightning struck where he had formally stood, making a large searing mark upon the earth. KRRRRAAAAAAAAASHHHHH!!!!?! “AHH!! WAAAARH, MY EARS HURT.”

“JADEN!” the peanut gallery cried!

“What was that?” Syrus asked! “You just flew backward, and—”

“Come on, Syrus,” the boy’s hair told him, “can’t you tell it was me?

These clues of foreshadowing are really unimportant right now, aren’t they? Syrus questioned. No, I shouldn’t say that. You just saved Jaden’s life! You’re awesome!

“Thanks~”

 

“Wooh,” Jaden cried, regaining his composure and cleaning his ears, “NOW I know what it feels like to get serious again.” (Jaden: 6000 -> 5000 Life Points)

“GETTING serious?” Kagemaru scoffed. “You’re out of TIME to get SERIOUS!! All I need to do is give you ONE DIRECT ATTACK!! My Sacred Beasts shall crush you like a grape-boy! LIKE A GRAPE!!”

“Maybe, but first I activate my last Trap card: Hero Signal!” Yes, he had set two copies! It’s never too late to prepare like that, yo, I think yo! Jaden thought. “Since you beat one of my heroes this turn, I’m allowed to Special Summon a new one from my deck! Say hello to Elemental Hero Sparkman!” An ‘H’ shone through the sky, bringing Sparkman into the battle in a flash! (Sparkman: 1400 Defense Points)

“Urgh, DARN ALL ‘H’s!” Kagemaru cursed! “Uria, goooo!! DeSTROOOOY the Bubblemaaaan!!” His flaming dragon diety accepted the command and started to flap his wings one again.

“Sorry, but now I’ll activate the Trap card Negate Attack!” Jaden apologized, bringing forth a purple energy barrier. “This card stops all of your monsters from attacking, and it DOESN’T target ANYBODY in particular! This means that the Sacred Beasts have got to oblige, dude.” The dragon stood down.

“Hmph, so they do,” Kagemaru obliged in return. “Just show me what you can do against MY THREE SACRED BEAST CARDS WHICH ARE REALLY GOOD AND HARD TO BEAT AND STUFF!!”

 

Jaden picked up his next card without a moment’s thought or hesitation. “D-don’t just charge into this one!” Chazz warned! “Think everything through before you screw up, Yuki! MY life matters to me!”

“Ehhhhh, don’t sweat it, Chazz-o,” Jaden suggested.

“BOO,” someone said.

“Come now, don’t be like that. I’m saving YOU, too.”

“… OKAY,” someone said.

“Let’s begin the end, shall we?” Jaden started. (Jaden: 5000 -> 5500 Life Points)

 

Woah! He really seems to know what he’s doing! Bastion realized! And that’s weird considering he’s fighting a spine-tinglingly destructive enemy! Maybe… maybe the REAL reason we have children fighting giant evil things in this series instead of adults… is because they’re TOO STUPID TO REALIZE THE CONSEQUENCES?! Nah, that’s dumb.

 

 

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[spoiler=Episode 58: Rise of the Sacred Beasts - Part Two]Last time yo, on Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic, yo!

 

Jaden dueled a man with the three Sacred Beast cards. Yes, the Egyptian God cards, except for Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. Because it’s EX-TREEEEEEEEME.

 

No, we ain’t getting’ any deeper than that. You should’a read it by now! What, you’d be skippin’ around, punks?! GO HOME TO YA MOMMAS, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THIS STORY!!

 

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 58: You Should Have all Seen it Coming, Because I Told You He Would Do Something

 

Before we come to our subject matter, we take a look at the cruise ship-style boat leaving the island and heading toward mainland Japan. Several children were jumping up and down, sliding down massive water slides with loop-de-loops, running on top of a massive rock wall, and getting fruit juice and various types of water at the ‘4Kids Bar’. Downstairs were several malls and shopping centers. In addition, there was everything anybody could ask for, except for a bathroom! They couldn’t afford plumbing after getting the walrus for the FREE walrus rides. Below the deck (ha, card humor), there was a boy with white hair, tipped as green as his eyes, for that was just his style. He was paling around with his token two friends, as is customary in this show, Barry the Beginner and Beehive Larry. “So, you’re freaking telling me that you just literally graduated from Duel Academy on your FIRST year?” Barry the Beginner gasped. “That’s impossible! Especially if you JUST joined last year!”

“What can I say,” the boy chuckled, “I’ve had some tutoring before I joined. I’m excellent, pure and simple.”

“It’s true!” Beehive Larry agreed. “I remember that one time you beat me in one turn!”

“Who’re you again?”

“I’m Larry, Stephen! Come on!”

“No, you’re saying it like ‘Stefen’! It’s like ‘Steven’!”

“How are we supposed to TELL?!”Barry the Beginner introjected.

 

As that non-pointless character introduction was going on, Angry McArgue and Zane Truesdale were sulking next to the ‘Super Ice Cream Bubblegum Slushie Shop’. “How could they miss the ship?” Angry McArgue worried, sipping on her ice cream slushie with bubblegum in it.

“…” said Zane.

“When I see Chazz next, I’m gonna wring his neck! And rip his head off! And… and stuff! I should call Alexis. I don’t even have any of my stuff…” The girl pulled out her trusty cell phone and dialed in A-L-E-X-I-S-P-H-O-N-E. “………. Alexis?” she wondered.

Hey, Angry?” Alexis replied.

“Alexis! The ship’s already left. You guys’re all stuck on the island.”

WHAT?!

“Yeah, and I’m stuck with Zane until I can get ahold of you and Nancy.”

Wait…” Alexis thought for a short moment. “Is Nancy with you?

“No,” Angry replied.

 

“Damn it all!” Alexis shouted!

“What’s going on?” Syrus asked. “We’re about to see Jaden make his counterattack!”

“Nancy and the rest are missing, and our ship left already.”

“… It’s… not my fault?” Chazz hoped.

“Technically, it’s Kagemaru’s fault,” Alexis explained, “so you’re okay.”

“Wait, what did Chazz do again, I reckon?” Billy Hills wondered.

“You guys have really bad memory,” Syrus Sy-ed.

“So we’re stuck on this island with some evil freak next to the freaky volcano. Awesome!” Omega-Xis growled. “AND I’m tingling all over, feel hot, and like I’m about to die due to the sense of disturbance coming from that guy! I didn’t ask for this!”

 

Jaden pulled out the Philosopher’s Stone card and summoned it onto the field. “I play the Spell card Philosopher’s Stone – Sebatiel!”

“What’s that name even MEEEAN?!” Kagemaru ordered.

“Somethin’ about the Sabbath. You know how kooky Japanese guys get about Christian references. THEY LOVE ‘EM!!” From the stone flooded forth holograms of each card in Jaden’s deck. “Once I play it, I can search my deck for any Spell card and add it into my deck at the cost of half my Life Points.” (Jaden: 5500 -> 2750 Life Points) “I’ll just be picking up a Miracle Fusion… and I’ll do it again.”

“What?” the cast asked in disbelief. Jaden put the card into his hand and allowed the deck to flow past him repeatedly.

“Yeah, this Spell returns into my hand THRICE!” Jaden explained! “I’m halving my Life Points two more times!” He grabbed a Gift of the Martyr and a Final Fusion card. Then the cards faded and the stone was grasped by Jaden himself. (Jaden: 2750 -> 1375 -> 687.5 Life Points)

“Has… anybody ever had Life Points like that?”

“BUSTIN’ DOWN PRECONCEPTIONS, JADEN SUMMONS HIS SUPAH’ FLY ELEMENTAL HERO TEMPEST!!” Jaden held forth a Polymerization and his cool stone.

 

Avian popped out of Jaden’s hand and grabbed Sparkman and Bubbleman. “Let’s make it work!” Avian suggested. As Bubbleman and Sparkman punched him in the face, they all began to combine! They reformulated as Tempest, the green-haired muscleman with the bubble blaster arm. (Tempest: 2800 Attack Points)

“Now I’ll cast the THIRD ability of Sebatiel!” Jaden commenced! “Once I’ve played it three times, I can equip it to a monster. Then it multiplies their power by the number of monsters you control.”

“…” Kagemaru looked at his monsters. There were four, including the forgotten token lady. She waved at him. “I CURSE THEE!” Kaien frowned.

“Yeeeah, 6700 Life Points ain’t enough,” Jaden chuckled. He threw his Philosopher’s Stone to Tempest who caught it in his gun arm. Magically, it transmuted the gun into a normal arm, and in its hand was a dual-bladed glaive. He spun it around over his head and became… (Tempest: 2800 -> 11200 Attack Points)

“WHAT IN HEAVEN’S NAME?!” Kagemaru cried! “THIS IS NOT… NAY, IT BE POSSIBLE, BUT REALLY REALLY CHEEEEEEEEEEEAP!!!!

“Oh my gosh,” Billy Hills realized, leaping to his feet with utter anticipation, “HE’S TOUGH ENOUGH T’END THE GAME IN ONE TURN I reckon!!”

“Wait, let me see,” Atticus declared, doing mental math. “Eeeeh, not QUITE.

“What’re you talkin’ about?” Jaden requested. “Here I am over here, about to tell Tempest t-ATTACK!! ATTACK URIA!!” Tempest swung his weapon off to the side, somehow gathering a massive wind around its tip. It started to shape itself into a large sphere of air, somehow green and spinning around the blade of the glaive. With one smooth motion, he swung the spear downward and sent the entire package at Uria in the guise of a tremendous, emerald shockwave.

“THAT… THAT WAS TOO FAST!! I DEMAND A RE-DOOOO!!” Kagemaru cried! “JUST KIDDING! RAVIEL, DO YOUR THING!” The blue giant nodded, grabbed the cardinal wyrm, and proceeded to dig his teeth into it.

“WAAAAAAAAAARGH!!” it cried, futilely. As a massive slab of flesh was ripped from its body, the rest of its being turned to a fog, inhaled by Raviel. And he became… slightly larger and engulfed by black, writhing shadows. (Raviel: 4000 -> 7000 Attack Points) The beast turned to the oncoming blast, held forth his arms and pushed through it. It disintegrated into merely a large gale, pushing everybody present onto their backs. (Kagemaru: 6700 -> 2500 Life Points)

 

“How did you DO that?!” Jaden ordered, outraged! “You just stole my win, man! You don’t just up’n DO that! Besides, that was GEN-YOO-INE CHEATING!!”

“No way, young one,” Kagemaru explained as Raviel’s power fell back to normal, “because the abilities of the Sacred Beasts, as do the Egyptian Gods of LEGEND proCEED the powers of ALL OTHER MONSTERS!! And that allOWS me to TRIBute ONE MONster on MY FIELD to inCREASE the POWER of RAVIEL to well you know the rest.”

“Now THAT’S a call-back.”

“Don’t compliment’m, Sy! Just let me set a Hero Barrier and it’ll all be okay, a’ight?”

 

But as Jaden argued, Kagemaru worried to himself. Darn this boy and his superluckdeuxexmachinawhatnot! At this rate, I can’t put the plan into action! But really, I SHOULD have done it LAST turn! WHY do I not think? He placed his hand on his deck and tried to feel the vibe of the card. It was… VILE. Oh ho ho ho ho ho… this is the time to dominate… “Boy, this is the time for expository storytelling information-giving!” he announced.

“Oh, really?” Jaden asked in an exasperated fashion.

“What’s wrong with that? The last one was EXCELLENT!!”

“Look, I feel like dying right now; my ankles are burning, my calves are trembling, my arms are too tired to let my Duel Disk down, my eyes are blurry and my head is just plain crappy. Could we just skip it so I can go to the hospital, or a bed-like thing?”

“NO! Now, listen, LISTEN AND BEHOOOOLD!!!”

“DO we HAYAVE to, I reckon?”

YEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!

 

This flashback takes place at the point in time wherein Kagemaru had set up the mechanisms for the seal on the Sacred Beast trio. “Welp, I set up a great deck, and put it into this large can!” he told himself, holding it up with two of his four spider legs. “I wonder what these… these THIIIINGS WERE FOR!!” His third leg held up the wooden box of seven Spirit Keys, while his fourth leg scratched his tank in thought. “Oh well!” He set the can into the ground and slapped a couple random seals onto it. “Now… IT CAN ONLY BE UNSEALED THROUGH MANY MANY CARD GAMES! PERFECT!!

“Oh crap I missed it,” complained a random man, who was really not all that random.

“WHOZZAT?!” Kagemaru cried! “THERE SHOULD NOT BE ANYONE ELSE ON THIS ISLAND AT THIS TIME!! Except for the CONSTRUCTION WORKERS!! And the PLUMBING SPECIALISTS!! And the FASHION CONSULTANTS!! And the PEOPLE WHO BRING THE DRINKS!! And the SPECIAL ENTERTAIIINMEEEEEENT!! And you, good sir, do NOT resemble ANY sort of SPECIAL ENTERTAINMENT I would EVER WANT!!” He tossed a glass of wine at the mysterious stranger.

“I don’t do that,” the man said, straining the red liquid out of his devastating yellow hair, and mopping the remainder off of his sleeveless lab coat with a napkin. His black and white mask he happened to be wearing at the time was confusing to people who did not know the man – NAY, the DEMON known as Dr. Card.

“Who’re you?”

“Dr. Card.”

“Oh.”

“And I have a plan.”

“Huh?”

“A plan for YUUUUUUU!!” Dr. Card held out a ring with the Eye of Wdjat on it, which holds significance in the source material. “Put on this ring.”

“No, I am in a glass tube!”

“Okay then, don’t put it on yet,” Dr. Card accepted. “But tell me, what is this disease of which you suffer from?”

“O, this calls for ANOTHER FLASHBACK!!” he shouted.

 

“What the hell?” Chazz interrupted. “A flashback IN a flashback? WHY?! We don’t have TIME for this crap! I have a soap opera to catch in two hours!”

“Then you gotta MAKE time, buckaroonie!” Kagemaru demanded harshly, pumping his pecs distractingly as he spoke! “WATCH! STARE DEEPLY INTO MY PECTORAL MUSCLES AND TAKE IN THE FLASHBACK FLASHBAAAACK!!

 

“O, this calls for ANOTHER FLASHBACK!!” he shouted once again in the past.

 

Kagemaru was once a young, muscular, shirtless boy, and he had a problem. “Doctor,” he cried as he sat in a doctor’s office, “why do I feel so tired all the time and can’t move all that much?”

“Oh, it’s because you have a Muscular Dystrophy of Enhanced Muscles disease,” Dr. Character said.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

“And you will gain the voice of a Victorian hammy actor.”

“NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!”

 

“Interesting, you’ve gotten a disease that has affected you since the very beginning of your life?” Dr. Card summarized.

“Yes, and it torments me to this very MOMEEEENT!!”

“That’s too bad, seeing as this RING lets you gain PERFECT HEALTH AND WELLNESS!” Dr. Card insisted, chuckling darkly.

“R-really?” Kagemaru gasped, suddenly interested! “I feel INTEREST!!”

“But sadly, it only works when you’re in the vicinity of the Sacred Beast cards you’ve just sealed up.”

“Wait, how do you know what they are?”

“Oh, I’ll tell you via flashback.”

 

One day, Pegasus was sitting in his design studio where he painted card art furiously on all sorts of easels. “Damn damn damn I wish we didn’t have to do one-hundred cards in a month plus promotional cards!” he complained.

“Yo,” Dr. Card said, poking in with three clean slates, “paint some threatening Egyptian God card-based monsters.”

“Okay okay okay, but I’m two seconds behind now! I need to catch up!” Pegasus cried, slapping paint on the boards.

“Great. Now put your stamp on these three forms,” Dr. Card urged, holding out three forms. Pegasus splattered some paint over them. “Perfect! Now I’ll be back tomorrow to pick them up.” Dr. Card walked out of the room satisfied.

 

Three minutes later there was an explosion of evil in the card factory downstairs. Several people were screaming and running around in a panic. One guy leaped into Pegasus’ art studio! “PEGASUS!! BLACK MAGIC IS AFOOT!!”

“OH NO!” Pegasus screamed! “Let’s make Kaiba-boy deal with it!”

 

“And that’s how I know them, for I DESIGNED THEM!!” Dr. Card shouted.

“WOAH! So if I were to make ANY cards, they could be INSANELY POWERFUL?!”

“No, it’s complicated.”

“Oh.”

“So, since you’re an IDIOT, and you just sealed away your only source of immortality,” Dr. Card sighed, “how’s about you become evil, work for me, and reclaim your lost childhood?”

“M-my LOST INNOCENCE?!” And so he remembered, again.

 

One day he was going to play baseball at school. But he was in a robotic fish tank. So he couldn’t and he felt sad.

 

“I… wish to reclaim that springtime of youth…” thought the Kagemaru man. “Can you tell me that it cannot be truly, truly outRAGEOUSly dangerous to the world?”

“Nope, it’s gonna screw up the earth!” Dr. Card assured happily.

“OKAY THEN!” Kagemaru cried! “What must I do?”

“All you have to do is do nothing until the seal goes awry and then defeat some kids in card games, and then play the trump monster, and then…”

“Trump card?” Kagemaru wondered. “What IS this CARD?!

“Oh, I’ve had THIS one in preparation for a while,” Dr. Card hinted, handing him something special… which fell down, as Kagemaru couldn’t grab it.

WHOOPS!

 

“That was so… stupid… and yet so full of info!” Atticus realized.

“What am I supposed to do with all that?” Jaden demanded. “I didn’t come here to listen to this crap! Come on! I just wanna beat you already! Come on! Yadda yadda yadda! Blah blah blar! Yo yo yo! Take your turn and bring out your NEXT strongest monster so that I can kill it!”

“Bah, why should I do such a thing for a BRAT LIKE YOOOOOU?!?!” Kagemaru scoffed. “Oh yes, because it is my PLAN! For I now summon the card I drew long, long ago, before I explained the whole story to you! I summon the PHANTOM OF CHAOS!!” A strange, black portal of inky darkness appeared in play and emitted a weird sound, harkening to that of a demon being skinned by his demon lord, as if for fun, judging by the cackling.

“What IS that thing?” Syrus asked, sweating. “I hear some… screams of agony, and… somebody… laughing? What the hell?”

“EXACTLY!!” Kagemaru agreed! “Next I shall activate its special ability!” The black portal of evil began to change form into… a black edition of Uria, the Lord of Searing Flames! It opened its mouth as if to roar, but said nothing.

“It’s BACK?!” Alexis gasped!

“Yes, yes, YEEEEEEEESS it hath returned!” Kagemaru announced! “My Phantom of Chaos can take the form of any monster in my Graveyard, can take its name as well!”

“And why?”Jaden asked. Elemental Hero Tempest shrugged. (Tempest: 11200 Attack Points) Kaien gave an ‘I dunno’ look.

“Oh, you’ll see… YOU’LL SEE NOW!! I FUSE MY THREE SACRED BEASTS TOGETHER TO FORM THE FINAL BEAST!!

“F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FINAL?!?!” Jaden gasped! “That sounds… tough?”

 

“Yes, yes yes yes yes indeed,” Kagemaru warned, shivering with excitement. “FUSE TOGETHER, MY SERVANTS!! FUUUUUUUSE INTO THE GIFT DR. CARD GAVE ME THAT ONE TIIIIIME!!

 

The three beings began to combine together. And by combine, I mean there was a wholesale slaughter. Raviel ripped Hamon’s head off and absorbed it into his arm. Then he shoved his arm through the black Uria, and had it turn into black fluid and splatter across the ground. Raviel lifted Hamon’s cadaver and began pulling it into his body. As soon as it was all gone, he began to bulge and bubble as if a creature of slime. He flew upward as black goo spurted from his legs and covered the earth, re-forming as a serpentine red tail! Hamon’s cranium sprouted from the beast’s left arm! A yellow blade appeared on the right wrist! The wings of the yellow creature broke from his back and extended outward in the rain, sending small electrical crackles through the wind! He flopped down onto the ground, supporting himself with the Hamon head and his wrist-blade, stuck into the earth! The souls of the damned began to flow around him and strengthen him, wherever they’re supposed to come from anyway! “HEH HEH HA…” (Armityle the Chaos Phantasm: 10000 Attack Points)

 

“That thing… what’s with its power level?” Chazz asked, starting to feel sick.

“I… I reckon it ain’t natural!!” cried Billy Hills.

“J-Jaden…”

“What?” Jaden asked. He didn’t seem too bothered.

“Something feels really, really scary about that monster,” Syrus warned. “My hair’s shaking. What’s this mean?” His hair was indeed shaking around.

“This thing… it feels solid!” the hair warned! “And look closely at Jaden!” As Syrus squinted his eyes, he could see a light blue aura drifting from Kagemaru and Jaden into the monster! “I think that their combined fighting spirits actually summoned this thing into real life!”

Syrus blinked twice in understanding. “The… the hell?!”

 

“STOP WORRYING!!” Jaden shouted harshly.

“EEP?!”

“Shut up and wait for me to win,” Jaden commanded. “You’re makin’ me ache all over.”

“SILENCE BOY!!” Kagemaru shouted! “WITH YOUR HELP, I HAVE USHERED THIS CREATION UNTO THE EARTH! ONCE I USE HIM TO DESTROY YOU, I SHALL CONQUER THE EARTH AND FORCE THEM TO DO… something… BUT THAT COMES AFTER THIS!! ARMITYLE, DO THY WORST!! BLACK BAPTISM!!” Tempest’s weapon of choice had begun to lose its windy energy and thus lose power. However, Kaien still sat there in Defense Mode… (Tempest: 11200 -> 5600 Attack Points, Jaden: 687.5 Life Points)

“Those aren’t enough Attack Points!” Alexis proclaimed! “JADEN!!”

“I TOLD YOU ALL TA’ SHUT UP!!” As he said that, the magnificent evil being opened both of its mouths as open as they could be and started to gather as much black energy as they could. Once they had gathered enough to form two dripping globes of some tar-like liquid, they channeled their chi into firing two pure evil laser beams through them! They struck the Tempest hero, and he faded away like a mirage. But that was on purpose, because it was a mirage. I bet you didn’t see THAT coming, huh? WRONG! You just don’t pay attention! You’ll understand once you read the next line.

 

“I just activated Hero Barrier in order to negate that Attack!” Jaden cheered, motioning toward his surviving hero. The black energy had been completely and utterly absorbed by the ‘mirage’ hero, effectively becoming useless.

“D-d-d-d-d-…d…” Kagemaru fell to his knees.

“What? Was it REALLY that crushing to have summoned your best ultimate super awesome monster and then have it made useless?” Jaden joked.

“d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dd-d-da-d”

“Why did you have to say that, Jaden?” Alexis asked exasperatedly.

“What?”

“You should KNOW that ALL bad guys go crazy when you make their plans useless!” she instructed! Now Kagemaru was lying on the ground, face-down, butt-up. It was pitiful.

“Maybe he’s just powering up for his next attack?” Jaden suggested.

“Don’t suggest stupid things like that! Take him out while he’s not looking! It’ll be kinda funny!” Chazz called!

“Gotcha.” Jaden whipped out his next card. “This… is gonna… be SWEET.” He threw down a Spell card. It was a flute. “First I play The Flute of Summoning Kuriboh, summoning my Winged Kuriboh!” I hope this counts as Banner’s theme music, and I’m sure he won’t mind me usin’ it when I need it… He put the flute to his lips and set up an instant BGM. At the sound of the tone, Winged Kuriboh flitted out onto the field!

“OOH!!” it shouted, ready for action! (Winged Kuriboh: 300 Attack Points)

“First up, I’m usin’ Berserker Crush!” A card flipped up, displaying Winged Kuriboh slashing the air furiously! How cute! “Now I can remove one monster from my Graveyard and turn THEIR stats into Winged Kuriboh’s for the turn! I mean the other way around! Whatever? You get me! I’m tired, okay? I remove Elemental Hero Bladedge, whom I discarded when you were doing SQUAT, bozo, to change my Kuriboh’s stats into his!” The outline of the hero began to form behind the cute creature, but was cut short as Winged Kuriboh slashed it away, absorbing it into his very being! (Winged Kuriboh: 2600 Attack Points)

 

“Next I’m usin’ the card Gift of the Martyr to tribute Tempest and add his Attack Points onto my Kuriboh!” declared Jaden. Tempest’s body and weapon blew apart, and yet his soul returned to enter the Kuriboh’s body. It made him STRONG!! (Winged Kuriboh: 2600 -> 8200 Attack Points)

“Woah! That’s actually a good start!” Bastion complimented.

“But it’s obviously not enough!” Chazz complained, tapping his foot to the beat of the song in our heads.

“I DID say START,” chuckled Bastion.

“Meh.”

“I’ll fight that big jerk on your field with Winged Kuriboh, activatin’ BATTLE BY TWO!!” Finally came a Spell with two penguin warriors getting ready to fight for their rights!! “My monster’s Attack Points get to DOUBLE in THIS scrap!!”

“NAH-NEE?!?!” Kagemaru screamed! Winged Kuriboh flew at the behemoth of evil, looming above in the rain, and then spun toward him. The Kuriboh began flinging rays of multi-colored energies in all directions, twirling into a magnificent spear of prismic power, cascading to the evil enemy, splitting into seven-hundred-seventy-seven points of light!! (Winged Kuriboh: 16400 Attack Points)They all cut into the enemy and… passed straight through, blasting Pluto’s moon to icy dust. The seemingly deadly ‘injuries’ began to flow back into shape, as if he were made of water…? (Kagemaru: 1 Life Point)

 

“Damn, this guy can’t be destroyed by battle, I take it,” Alexis groaned irritatedly. “But that guy there hasn’t lost yet! Is this some sort of cheap-ass way to continue and add drama to this duel?!?!”

“But we know that Winged Kuriboh can mffmffmfmff I reckon?” Billy Hills gasped, being muffled suddenly by Chazz.

“No! Don’t spoil it!” he commanded.

“Oh, I reckon.”

“d-d-d-DDDD!!” Kagemaru shouted, floating off of the ground under his own powers! “HA HA HA, I HAVE FINALLY COMPLETED THE MAGICAL CHANT OF POWEEEEEEEEEEERR!! THE FUUUULL CAPABILITIES OF MY MONSTER HAVE BEEN UNLEEEEEASHED!!”

“Whatzit?” Jaden wondered.

“By chanting the ancient words of a language with only one letter in the alphabet,” Kagemaru described, “NOW BEING SPOKEN, THE GREAT ANCIENT BEING FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION, ARMITYLE, GAINS THE FOLLOWING EFFECTS:

1. Any damage the owner of this monster received that would reduce your Life Points to 0 will reduce them to 1 instead once per turn.

2. Your opponent cannot activate the effects of any Spell or Trap cards that would destroy any card on the field.

3. This card fuses to the owner.”

“So this is just some kinda rip-off of that stuff Marik said when he played The Winged Dragon of Ra?” Syrus Sy-ed. “Wait, fuse?”

 

Mweh heh heh,” chuckled Armityle, amused. “You actually know the language of my ancestral home?

“HE’S REALLY SPEAKING!! HE’S DEFINETLY A DUEL SPIRIT!!” Chazz yelped!

“What? Who’d believe in a DUEL SPIRIT?” Omega-Xis asked rudely. “Wait…” He considered his options. “Okay, ignore me.”

Whoever you are, you’ve fulfilled the contract, and I must respect it,” mused Armityle, rubbing his chin with a deadly nail. “PREPARE TO TAKE ME INTO YOUR VERY BEING!! D D D DDDD!!” Armityle’s entire body began rumbling and bubbling up until he erupted! His entire body just broke into black liquid, covering Kagemaru.

“EW!” Jaden gasped. “YUCK-TOWN! THAT LOOKS NASTY!!”

“BOO,” someone said.

“Stop ruining the effect, I beg of you!” Bastion shrieked! “It’s annoying!”

The fluids began washing over Kagemaru, steaming and burning away into… armor. He had a headpiece matching Raviel’s head, saffron arms with the skull of Hamon and the wrist blade from Armityle, and the rest of the armor was purple and flesh-like, with crimson spikes lining the arms and legs. He looked… like a bad cosplayer. (KAGEMARU: 20,000 ATTACK POINTS)

“Dude, you look like poo,” Jaden said, telling it like it was. In response, Kagemaru plowed through Winged Kuriboh and appeared in front of Jaden’s face.

“BOY, YOU ARE ABOUT TO KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO LOOK LIKE POO!!” The man began to smack Jaden in the chest with his fists. Every second, the punching speed began to climb at an amazing rate! With each one carrying the strength needed to punch a brick and turn it into brick-bits, the fists flew into the tired boy and started picking him up off the ground! “HA HA HA, AHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!” Once he had been smacked a foot off of the mud, Kagemaru back-flipped and kicked him with all the force a super-powered back flip entails! Following that action, Kagemaru held up his Hamon-based arm and fired a lightning bolt into Jaden, striking his abdomen and exploding, oddly enough! Then as Jaden fell back down, the man grabbed his arms.

 

“AND NOW, I FORCE YOUR BEING INTO USELESSNESS!!” shouted the manjerk!

“Wait, what’re you gonna do t’him?!” gasped Chazz!

THIS!!” Kagemaru began bending Jaden’s arm bones in all the wrong directions. There were obviously several cracking sounds emitted from the body.

“AAAAAAAAAARRRRGH!!” screamed Jaden’s allies! “JADEN!!”

“Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeegh,” Jaden replied, vomiting an obsene amount of blood in a funny way.

YOU TOY WITH ME YOU BOY?!” Kagemaru rhymed! “WELL, IN THAT CASE, YOU WILL ENJOY MY PLOY FOR UTTERLYKILLINGYOU!!” The demonic man crushed Jaden’s Duel Disk, sending his cards all along the ground randomly and spraying plastic parts everywhere. Then he tossed Jaden up, grabbed him by the feet, and FORCEFULLY pulled and crunched every bone in Jaden’s lower body backward, as well.

“I… can’t watch this,” Syrus muttered, rubbing away hot tears and holding Alexis tightly. She was slightly irritated, but didn’t say anything to him.

“J-Jaden… DO SOMETHING!!” she screamed!

“My god, he’s already dead, I reckon!” Billy Hills sobbed!

“I’m not just SITTING HERE!!” Bastion held out and fired Omega-Xis several times.

Kagemaru held Jaden out as a human shield. “Hmmhmmhmm…” Jaden’s body twitched helplessly as it took the super-heated energy blasts in the back.

“N-NO!” Bastion choked, holding his robot hand back.

“DAMMIT, BASTION!!” Chazz squalled! “You’re making it WORSE!!”

Atticus sat cross-legged and was whispering something to himself. It was apparently important, as semi-invisible lines were emanating from his back.

“H-hey, I reckon we’re gettin’ some FORESHADOWIN’—”

“Shh,” Atticus demanded.

“…?”

 

“AND NOW,” Kagemaru denoted, “I END THIS FIGHT!!” He grabbed Jaden’s head and pulled it back sharply. It broke. Jaden’s body was simply dropped to the earth and landed awkwardly. Blood poured forth. Kagemaru turned to Jaden’s allies and smiled grotesquely. “And as this game has ended, and I have summoned my ultimate monster, I now shall use the power amounted to me by this Duel Spirit to… TAKE overtheworld.” He began walking up to the kids, gathering balls of fire in his palms. “Huhuhuhuhuh, aheheheheheheeeeehhh…”

“What… are you doing…?” Syrus wept. “You’ve… locked us in a cage, ripped our friend apart… and now you’re going to…”

“KILL YOU!” Kagemaru replied. “THERE MUST BE NO SURVIVORS!!”

“THE HELL DID YOUR CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS ABOUT BASEBALL BRING YOU TO THIS?!” Chazz demanded!

SILEEEEEEEENCE!!” screamed the man, as there was no good answer to that question! He raised his arms aaaaand felt something grab his leg. “BWA?!” he babbled, hurling the two orbs at Jaden, causing much fiery destruction within a thirteen-foot radius.

 

UGH!!” Kagemaru grunted, landing on the opposite end of the field, smoking. “OW OW OW OW, HOT ARMOR, HOT ARMOR!!” he cried! “WHAT WAS THAT?!”

And lo, obviously, our smoldering main character slowly crawled out of the new crater. He gathered up his floor-cards and shuffled them around a bit, taking extra care to separate the Graveyard and deck from the rest. Jaden took in a very deep breath and exhaled, and then felt better enough to speak. “We ain’t done yet,” he said. (Jaden: 687.5 Life Points)

“B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b… BUT YOUR BODY IS COMPLETELY DESTROYED!!” Kagemaru shrieked! “YOU CAN NOT STILL LIIIVE!!”

“I stopped feelin’ anything about twenty minutes ago, bro,” Jaden jibed. “Sure, I can do this...” He bent his arms over his head into a circle. “Heh heh! But as long as I make sure my legs are all straight and the bones’re stuck into each other, I can still stand!”

“Disgusting!” Syrus gagged! “I mean, I mean JADEN!! You’re ALIVE!!”

“But, but HOW?!” Bastion inquired. “HOW does that DEATH-DEFYING crap WORK?! It’s a MIRACLE!!”

“Hey,” Jaden answered, holding up his hand (of cards), “the show must go on, and it can’t without me!”

That’s a… lame answer… the world thought.

“I’ve been through too much t’day, let’s leave it at that. But hey!” Jaden growled. “There’s STILL somethin’ WHACK I gotta address! What is UP with you an’ that mystical chantin’ you did once you almost lost?!”

“What do you MEAN?!” Kagemaru replied. “I was calling upon the powers that be for my next turn!”

“But you just fell over and began whispering to yourself on your face!” Jaden raged! “It’s just like ME doin’ THIS!” He slumped over and started to shake as if crying.

“… Hey, are you alright, small child?” Kagemaru asked, concerned.

HA HA HA HA HA HA!!” Jaden laughed as he popped back up!

“WAAAAAAAGH?!” screamed everybody.

“See?” Jaden asked. “It’s as needless and useless as that! Nobody can find it all that appealing or awesome if you do something as seemingly-random as that at ANY MOMENT!!”

“Well I found it useful to put into motion AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME!!”

“Jus’ shut it, boy,” Jaden rudely insisted, waving his arm in a circular arc.

“Good job at making fun of yourself!” Alexis complimented.

“I’m just sayin’ that I used to be as dumb as that guy. Now, I’m less so,” Jaden decided. “Pssh, I’m done. You’re just stupid.”

“AND YOU CONTINUE TO MOCK THE ME THAT IS IIIIII?!!?!” Kagemaru leaped forward with rage and punched with his wrist-blade, sending all of his evil energy into its tip! As it came at Jaden, the boy merely held out his palm. The energy exploded around him, not even touching the young duelist. The blade had bent upon contact with his hand.

“I’ve ascended to a whole ‘nother plane of existence,” Jaden taught, “I can’t even feel that.”

“Y… you don’t?”enquired Kagemaru, dripping with sweat. He pulled back and stumbled over.

 

Jaden picked up the last cards from his ruined Duel Disk. “Okay… I had a face-down or two, right?” he checked, placing his forgotten Skyscraper back into play.

“I don’t remember,” Chazz replied honestly.

“Eh, it doesn’t matter anymore. All I need is two more cards.” As the boy’s own will summoned the buildings into reality, he placed two more cards into his Graveyard pile. “I activate Miracle Fusion.” Elemental Heroes Avian and Burstinatrix appeared on what was left of the field and stared down Kagemaru with winning intent. “I remove these two Elemental Heroes from my Graveyard from play in order to summon Elemental Hero Flame Wingman!” The green Stone of Sabatiel appeared with a gleaming emerald shine within Jaden’s hand. He smirked and hung his head over it. “There it is. Strange. I already know what to do with this.” He stood up and straightened his posture. Letting out a great sigh, he pressed the Philosopher’s Stone into his chest, and strangely absorbed it. “Aaaahhh. And now… my power is over… nine.”

“Are you seriously parodying that?” Alexis wondered.

 

MILLION!!” Jaden concluded! “JADEN YUKI GOES ABOVE AND BEYOND AAAALL EXPECTATIONS!!” The green ebb and flow of the stone’s energies began to float out from Jaden’s body and stretch high enough to scrape the clouds! Even the light rain gave up and finally stopped!

“What Spell hath thou cast upon thyself?” muttered Kagemaru in confusion.

“This ain’t no stinkin’ Spell card, it’s the soul of a someone real important!” Jaden countered masterfully! “And now I’m gonna put my OWN spin on things, y’hear?!” The energy began surging into a form more flame-like, more crackling like electricity, and more “EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME!!!!!!” form!!

“WAAAHH!!” Atticus cried, falling over with surprise!

“Are you okay?” Alexis asked.

“No,” Atticus assured, catching his breath. “It’s just, uh, the word ‘extreme’ caught me off-guard. Yeah.” Woah, I couldn’t have expected this to add so much Duel Energy into his body, Atticus thought with a crazy-excited smirk. This is going even better than expected! We could survive this!

 

“Now, I summon my Hero to the field!” Avian and Burstinatrix both turned into red and green bolts of energy. They swirled into Jaden’s battered-yet-energized chest, granting him the power to become… Jaden wearing a Flame Wingman costume. (Jaden: 2100 Attack Points)

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!?!” gasped everyone present, as though this was the biggest let-down of their lives.

“Don’t be like that, guys,” Jaden dismissed, “I have a plan. See, I’ve still got some cards left in my hand. And that Kaien Token there,” he continued, motioning to the 800-point monster left to be forgotten, drawing a circle in the mud with a stick, “she’s still out, and a sittin’ duck nonetheless. So, I figure it’s ‘bout time to do this:” He held the Spell card Battle Fusion. “Battle Fusion, used when I battle a Fusion monster, makes MY Fusion monster, me, gain YOUR 20,000 Attack Points! SO!!” Jaden pumped his arms. “I’M ATTACKING YOU!!”

“THEN WHAT DID KAIEN HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?!” Kagemaru wailed as his eyes bugged out!

“NOOOOOTHHIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNGAH!!” Jaden cried out! He flew in front of Kagemaru and began landing dozens of brick-breaking punches into his chest with his left arm.

 

“NOOOO, I CAN’T LET YOU DO THIS!!” Kagemaru disagreed! He pulled back and flipped onto his legs and right hand. “This is a SHADOW GAME! As long as I KILL you, I can BEAT you!!” (Kagemaru: 20,000 Attack Points, Jaden Yuki: 22,100 Attack Points)

“What am I watching here?” Omega-Xis asked. “Wasn’t this a card game?”

“And today started with a clip show and explanation of our idiotic world,” Syrus recalled.

“And THEN it was a Duel against Zane,” Alexis recalled.

“And THEN it was a duel between me and you,” Chazz recalled.

“What the hell kinda school is this?” Bastion asked.

“It’s the BEST school!!” Jaden answered, uppercutting Kagemaru in the chin!

 

The man in purple skidded upon the air itself and barreled toward Jaden in a bum-rush! “YAAAAHH!!” With his dragon arm, Jaden thrush forth and caught Kagemaru’s head with his second mouth and pushed him to the ground.

“It’s over, dude,” Jaden stated as flames gathered within his dragonheadarm. “Taste the flames of justice, be-yotch!

“IT SHALL NOT END HERE!” Kagemaru denied! He opened his own mouth and exhaled a burst of white fire into Jaden’s hand head! It all naturally served to power up Jaden’s own attack, stupidly.

“BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!!!!” went the dragon. Its attack appeared at an explosion, taking away even more of the arena than Kagemaru had already destroyed before.

 

Rubble began falling everywhere and bouncing off of the cage. “Damn, dude!” Chazz chuckled. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but that was pretty beast, Yuki!”

“Don’t sweat it!” Jaden said as something big appeared behind him. Armityle, growing from Kagemaru’s suit of armor, had risen again.

“You… YOU INSOLENT FIGHTER KID!!” the shadowboy shouted, as if it were an insult! “YOU’VE PUSHED ME TOO FAR!!” The armor all flowed off of him like slime. Armityle birthed itself back into existence once more, towering above the students and constructor of the island. “CHAOS PHANTOM, PROTECT ME!!”

YES,” Armityle accepted. His body began emitting innumerable black drops of vileness which fell to the ground with a ‘SPLAT’. From each one came a copy of either Raviel, Lord of Phantasms, Uria, Lord of Searing Flames, or everyone’s favorite, Hamon, Lord of Searing Thunder. (Raviel: 4000 Attack Points, Uria: 3000 Attack Points, Hamon: 4000 Attack Points)

 

“Dang, you guys have some REALLY bad memory.”Jaden tsk-ed. “I DO have more Attack Points than any of you.”

OH, DO YOU NOW?” challenged the monstrous monster of a monstrosity. (Armityle: 4,982,753,490,853,409,850,000 Attack Points) “FOUR TREDECILLION, NINE DUODECILLION, EIGHT UNDECILLION, TWO DECILLION,SEVEN NONILLION, FIVE OCTILLION, THREE SEPTILLION, FOUR SEXTILLION, EIGHT QUADRILLION, FIVE TRILLION, THREE BILLION, FOUR-HUNDRED NINE MILLION, EIGHT-HUNDRED FIFTY-THOUSAND ATTACK POINTS!!! YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY TRANSCEND THIS POWER!!” Black powers poured from Armityle’s being and flooded the skies of sunny Duel Academy Island. The shrieks of the damned emitted from the shaded yonder and pulled at everyone’s souls to join them.

Brr, Syrus thought, shivering, this feels so strange. Even though Jaden’s going to win, I feel kinda uncomfortable.

 

“Yeah?” Jaden replied. “It’s BATTLE Fusion, dammit, don’t you GET IT?!” (Jaden: Processing…) “This is a BATTLE, and you’re still a FUSION!! Its effect is STILL IN USE!!” (Jaden: 4,982,753,490,853,409,852,100 Attack Points) The force of Jaden’s battling aura began to warm the air around the entire island. The monsters Armityle had birthed started to shake and pop into black goo once again. The unshakable power of Flame Wingman had started to overwhelm all enemies, even without the need for battle. “Give it up, y’all, good guys win!” Jaden said in his ‘Imma hero lol’ pose.

“Nay, nay they have NOT!!” Kagemaru disagreed, putting away his black colored pencil. “I had yet to play my final card, figuratively, unto my LITERAL card!!” He held the physical Armityle the Chaos Phantom and showed off his work: he had written 19,834,217,590,854,852,982,198,728,917,589,754,139,807,589,342,759,807,435,728,475,982,041,751,409,854,398,753,047,598,437,598,734,541,359,142,982,378,023,740,827,198,478,953,498,564,986,528,973,420,195,690,479,052,210,342,175,481,574,587,349,857,345,897,034,275 Attack Points all over it, completely covering up all of the card’s original picture and text, with the side-effect of making it look obviously faked. And yet, the abomination caused the real monster to gain strength?! Armityle began to grow larger and larger, until he stood, coiling his enormous tail around the isle and blotted out the sky with his face.

PREPARE TO DIE, WORMS!!” he jeered, his breath itself heating the land. (Armityle, the Chaos Phantom – DIE MODE: 19,834,217,590,854,852,982,198,728,917,589,754,139,807,589,342,759,807,435,728,475,982,041,751,409,854,398,753,047,598,437,598,734,541,359,142,982,378,023,740,827,198,478,953,498,564,986,528,973,420,195,690,479,052,210,342,175,481,574,587,349,857,345,897,034,275 Attack Points)

“Why is it ‘DIE’ mode?” Jaden inquired, wiping away some sweat off his forehead.

“Because that’s what you’re supposed to DO, and it’s all you CAN do,” Kagemaru told. “Prepare to lose your lives, young mortals!” The snake-like coils began to revolve around the island and fire drops of black power from the being’s flesh, corroding anything that they touched! They came as if a rainstorm!

 

“Crap crap crap crap crap…” muttered Syrus, holding his head in his hands.

“What’re you ‘crap’ing for, kid?” Jaden asked. “You’ve got nothin’ to fear, ‘cause Jaden Yuki ALWAYS RISES TO THE OCCASION, BABEH!!” Jaden’s body began to expand! Aye, by stealing the idea of exponential growth from his mortal enemy, Jaden the Flame Wingman grew large enough to push away the monster’s tail. He continued to grow and grow and grow until… (Jaden: 19,834,217,590,854,852,982,198,728,917,589,754,139,807,589,342,759,807,435,728,475,982,041,751,409,854,398,753,047,598,437,598,734,541,359,142,982,378,023,740,827,198,478,953,498,564,986,528,973,420,195,690,479,052,210,342,175,481,574,587,349,857,345,897,036,375 Attack Points) He matched his size.

“IM… IMPOSSIBLE!!” the arch-demon screamed!

“Shaddap!” Jaden ordered, pushing him in the face, knocking him into the sea.

OH MY GOOOOOOOSH!!” was all everybody else could say, and they would’ve been better off not saying anything, for that matter.

 

“And now to kill the invincible Armityle!” laughed our hero. He took one mighty leap… and vanished.

“What… where BE he?!” yelped Kagemaru. There was nothing... until…

I BE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!!!!!! Yo.” Jaden rode down through the clouds, wielding the ultimate weapon of flame… THE SUN.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH?!?!?!?!” Jaden threw the sun down and smashed it into the fiend! “GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! IIIIIITT’S SOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTT!!!!!” Jaden then lifted it up, smashed it down again, lifted it, slammed it down, scraped it across the guy, picked it up, and threw it back into outer space to grace the earth with its presence. There was nothing left of Armityle.

 

“It’s… impossible!” Kagemaru screamed. “It canNOT BE!! Such UTTER disreGARD for the RULES!!

“Rules THIS, CHEATER!!!” Jaden then took all of his powers back into his being and proceeded to fall to earth. “WHEN ELEMENATL HERO FLAME WINGMAN DESTROYS A MONSTER BY BATTLE, THEIR ATTACK POINTS ARE INFLICTED TO YOUR LIFE POINTS AS DAMAGE, MEANING THAT YOU FREAKING LOSE, DAMMIT!!” And though he had no bones left in his body, Jaden fell onto Kagemaru and punched the youth out of him. The Shadow Ring exploded.

 

As for Jaden, as he set his fist upon the face of his foe, his arm bunched up in a disturbing manner. Now an old man again, Kagemaru fell on his side and Jaden fell onto his chest, causing several ribs to snap. Both fighters stared at each other for a long moment……….. “BLEH,” they vomited, spitting forth six quarts of blood and eight teeth each. (Kagemaru: -19,834,217,590,854,852,982,198,728,917,589,754,139,807,589,342,759,807,435,728,475,982,041,751,409,854,398,753,047,598,437,598,734,541,359,142,982,378,023,740,827,198,478,953,498,564,986,528,973,420,195,690,479,052,210,342,175,481,574,587,349,857,345,897,036,374 Life Points, Game Over)

“YOUYOUYOUYOUYOU DIIIIIIIIIIIIIID IIIIIIIIT!!!!” Syrus and Billy Hills celebrated!

“That creepy size thing was really great!” Bastion expressed!

“But mostly the good thing!” Omega-Xis certified!

“I reckon!” Billy Hills said in support!

“I knew there was a reason I chose you over Bastion to be MY rival!” Chazz said with that jerky flair. “But hurry up and get us outta this cage.”

“I’M NOT USEFUL IN THE SLIGHTEST!!” announced Ojama Yellow.

“Wow,” Atticus sighed, falling over and inhaling deeply. Dang, I think I over expended my abilities out there, he told himself. That Philospher’s Stone really is amazing!

“Atticus, what’s wrong?” Alexis checked.

“Oh, it’s nothing, I’m just expending all that pent-up stress I had inside and releasing it with a happy sigh. Hi Jaden, you were cool, and stuff.”

Well, he kinda was, Alexis decided, leaning against the bars of the cage with a satisfied arm-crossing. Now if we could just get off of the island, I’d be truly happy.

 

“A-a’ight, Kage-bro,” Jaden sputtered, standing upright one more time, “now jus’ tell me ONE more thing that’s been botherin’ m-meh.”

“W-what could YOU possibly want to GAIN from ME?” Kagemaru decreed. “I am but a feeble oldster with no way of moving his pinky toe, despite moving his own mouth quite expertly.”

“But wh-whatever happened to that jive turkey Dr. Card?” he asked.

“Card?” Kagemaru repeated. “But all he would do is take that volcano to do vile things with, like… build a secret supervillain cave volcano base. What harm could an idiot inflict?”

WHO’S an idiot?” asked Dr. Card.

“WHO?”

“WHAT?”

“WHEN?”

“WHERE?”

“I RECKON?!”

“BUCK WILD?!”

 

“Alas, it is I,” Dr. Card said, making a grandiose pose and lacing a half-black half-white mask upon his grim visage, “Doctor Card, card supervillain extraordinaire, and the one who was behind EVERYTHING that has happened to you kids this year! And this too.” A cage broke out from the ground, capturing Jaden and Kagemaru.

“Aw, that wasn’t even necessary, yo!”

“YOU?!?!” Syrus and Bastion wailed! “NOT NOW!!”

“He’s Dr. Card?” Alexis inquired. “The one who’s been messing with us with all that Seven Stars crap?”

“Th-the very same,” Syrus answered.

“And the one who stole Atticus’ soul?” Alexis inquired.

“Yes,” Dr. Card answered politely.

b****!!” swore Alexis as she started punching the super-duper-cast-iron bars of the cage containing the students.

“Dang! I remember you now!” Jaden recognized, holding one zig-zaggedly-shaped finger at him. “You tried t-BLEGH PAIN- make me go underwater, to some ghetto underwater school!”

“Actually, I was GOING to put you into a box and kick it out of the submarine after I’d dueled you into submission,” Dr. Card instructed.

“And what’s the deal with the Shadow Items?” Chazz demanded as Alexis began biting the cage with her sharp fangs. “I fought a girl named Yuki who mentioned you, I think! She went crazy and tried to kill everyone! WITH A SHADOW ITEM.”

“I reckon she was usin’ a whip with an Eye o’ Wdjat!” Billy Hills recalled. “I reckon I’d never forget her an’ her Prinnies; they were so cheap!”

“She’s just a test-subject,” Dr. Card sighed, as if she were just an after-thought, “but after she went off to success, I’d learned how capable humans were of using Shadow Items.”

“And then you used me to mess with the island?” Kagemaru inquisitioned. “For what purpose?”

“Well, you WERE supposed to use the Armityle Chaos Phantom monster from an alternate dimension to take over the world for me, but, eh, that didn’t matter.”

 

“BUT THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?!” Syrus wondered aloud. “I, well, I mean you’ve spent all this time trying to get a volcano on a dueling island, when you could’ve just gone to Mt. St. Helen, or Mt. Etna or something. Why here?”

“Because it HAS to be this one!” Dr. Card insisted.

“Why?”

“Because… one day, long ago… I was trying to turn this volcano into a fully-functional secret lair… and I dropped my Jacuzzi into it as I ran from coppers. Well, that one old one, but…”

“YOUR JACUZZI IS DEAD.”

“Well, but—”

“YOUR JACUZZI FREAKING BURNED INTO ASHES IN THE MAGMA,” Syrus Sy-ed loudly, “AND YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT FOR DOING ALL OF THIS. YOU WASTED YOUR TIME, GO HOME.”

“… But—”

GO. HOME.” Syrus’ face had an almost unsettling frown on it as he gave Dr. Card the order.

“Eeeeh,” Atticus moaned, sitting upright as Alexis ran around the bars of the cage in frustration, “so it seems as if Card has messed with all of us. Jaden was forced to Duel Kagemaru who was forced to take over the earth, Chazz was almost killed, as was Billy, my soul was taken, frustrating Alexis, and Syrus was bothered by his lack of knowledge. So do we all have a vendetta we can turn against him?”

“And me?” Bastion asked eagerly, holding up Omega-Xis.

“What ABOUT you?”

“Well why am I mad?”

“Uh…” Atticus thought long and hard for a good reason. “Be… cause he made that Amazon lady try to rape you.”

“Sagitorically, if I may add,” Omega-Xis said.

“Grr, now I have a reason to anger!” Bastion growled happily.

“Wait, where’s Card?” Chazz wondered.

“HE’S OVER THERE!!” Syrus cried, pointing to him running up the side of the volcano! “YOU KNOW, IF WE WEREN’T HERE HE COULD HAVE DONE THIS ANY TIME! LIKE LAST YEAR! BOY, HE’S A DOOFUS!!”

“DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH, HE’LL MAKE OUR DUELING HOME A MILITARY FORTRESS – AND HE COULD’VE DONE THAT ANYWHERE ELSE, FOR THAT MATTER!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

“Can’t ANYBODY STOP HIM?!” cried Omega-Xis!

“WE HAVE LOST HOPE, I RECKON!” shouted Billy Hills!

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, FOOLS!!” Dr. Card laughed maniacally as he dashed up the mount! And as he neared the one-eighth mark… he was hit in the back of the head by some luggage. “OOF!! OW! UGH!! YOW!!” he grunted as he spun down the hill on his side, bumping against all sorts of sharp rocks.

 

And behold, standing on a grassy patch of hill stood… THE BIT PLAYERS. Deep-Voice Dobbson, Nancy Wut, Mann McOldsmobile, Piggybank, and Baseball Bob with an out-stretched arm, previously used for chucking luggage, were on the scene. “ARE YOU THE SICK PRICK WHO KILLED CUTS N’ GUTS?!” Mann McOldsmobile demanded.

“Who?”

“IT’S THOSE GUYS!!” the other characters cheered! “YEEAAAAH, BEAT HIM UP!! Though you’re idiots for taking this long to find us.”

“Uuuuuum, maybe?” Dr. Card replied to the above question. Mann McOldsmobile, Deep-Voice Dobbson and Piggybank immediately jammed their fists into his head, chest and stomach in synch, knocking him into a tree. “… Okay,” he said, standing up and dusting himself off, “I suppose that this means DEATH!!” He stuck one arm into the ground as Deep-Voice Dobbson ran up to his face!

“I HOPE YOU’RE READY T’ GO, HUH BUB HUH!!” he yelled as he began to punch furiously! Dr. Card pulled his arm out from below, pulling with it a giant slab of dirt and stone! He absorbed the attack in the mud of his earthy gauntlet, and then slammed the boy into the ground.

YOU’D BETTER GET READY T’DIE, BUSTER!!” Mann McOldsmobile and Piggybank leaped over Dr. Card and started to throw nickels and dimes at the villain as if bullets! They hit the earth-shield-arm instead as it was held overhead, but as a special surprise, the item in question burst open! Fluffy Fred was inside and ready to rumble!

 

“DON’T COUNT ME OR MY HAIR OUT JUST YET!!” he said, shoving his fluffy pompadour into Dr. Card’s face!

NO boy should have such SOFT HAIR!!” the doctor raged, shooting a pair of handcuffs at the boy’s neck! The cuffs clamped upon his necky flesh, rendering him effectively choked and useless!

“GLECK!!” the poor useless guy cried.

“NO, FRED!!” Bastion cried! “HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO DO ANYTHING!!”

“REVENGE!!” Piggybank cried, whipping several dollar bills from her skull and flinging them at her target enemy! Dr. Card whipped his arm around, knocking them away and into Mann McOldsmobile! “AAHH!! WRONG KIND OF REVENGE!”

“Oh well,” Mann McOldsmobile shrugged, leaping into Dr. Card’s face with a heavy drop-kick.

“OOF!!” the bad guy grunted, flipping away with a beautiful spin! He recovered swiftly and started spinning his handcuff set around his head, twirling Fluffy Fred like a chain mace!

“WOOOOOOAAAAAH THE CHOKING!!” he said painfully.

“WAAAGH!! HOW ILLEGAL!!” Kagemaru balked!

 

Our Mann McOldsmobile and Piggybank-based characters, Mann McOldsmobile and Piggybank, weren’t gonna stand for that. They both charged ahead as Dr. Card threw his boy ammo down into the ground, breaking it apart upon contact. The two characters leaped over the poor soul and dove toward Dr. Card, who sneakily pulled his wrecking boy back! Of course, that knocked the two would-be assaulters away. “Ow, the knock-back,” they screamed at the top of their lungs, ejecting blood from their eyeballs!

“I-I ain’t gonna be no weapon,” Fluffy Fred growled, garnering what fighting spirit he had left…

“Quiet, weaponboy,” Dr. Card said as he painfully pulled his chain.

“AAAHHI’LLBEGOOD” The ground beneath his feet rumbled as Mann McOldsmobile and Piggybank wiped their eyeballs clear of all blood fluids. And from the soil erupted Deep-Voice Dobbson, spinning at high velocity, hair spikes gleaming in the sunlight!

“Huh taste my spiky hair huh!” he declared! He landed his hairstyle in Dr. Card’s chest, ripping his sleeveless lab coat into shreds and drawing two teaspoons of blood!

“Ahh! I’m so embarrassed!” Dr. Card wailed, as his coat fell away to reveal his sleeved lab coat! Deep-Voice Dobbson flipped away and back under the ground.

“ALLEY-OPP!” Mann McOldsmobile yelled, spreading saliva everywhere, as he threw a tree at the doctor! He held out his free hand and grabbed it while wiping his face on his new sleeve.

“Come now, I ALREADY FOUGHT with trees! Can’t you remember ANY EPISODE, SPIT-BOY?!?!” He twirled the tree around in his hand and swung it into the earth, knocking Deep-Voice Dobbson out of the ground!

“HUH?!?!” he cried. He was blown over to Jaden and Kagemaru, who were then all captured by a sudden cage that broke from under them. “Huh, two cages, huh?”

“Why’d you cage mah cage?” Jaden cried! “We’re all screwed! Dobbson, do somethin’!” Dobbson was already boring away through the dirt. “Aw, at least take the OTHER useful characters wit’ you!”

“Like me!” Alexis and Chazz insisted.

“I can shoot stuff!” Omega-Xis said.

“DOESN’T MATTER, HEAT OF THE MOMENT, HUH, GUYS, HUH!” Deep-Voice Dobbson foolishly decided, for he was a man, and it is manly to do stupid things.

 

“YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAH!!” Piggybank shouted as she continuously pelted the penultimate for with pounds of pennies!

“USELESSUSELESSYOUAREDUMB!!” he countered, punching them all into Mann McOldsmobile’s face! Several of them dove into his mouth and through there his stomach!

“WHA-BLAGH, UGH!!” he groaned, falling over! “NO, AHH, THAT’S FOUL!!” His gut wrenching itself in two, he was suddenly captured as a cage fell from above. He couldn’t move no more.

“What’s with all the cages?” Syrus asked. “Did you just guess where we’d stand and set a trap?”

“Yeah, kinda,” Dr. Card answered, kicking the previously-thrown tree at the Piggy of Bank. She broke through it with a headbutt.

“THEN WHAT WAS UP WITH THOSE TWO HUH CAGES HUH THAT CAUGHT EACH OTHER HUH?!”Deep-Voice Dobbson asked as he poked through with his hair, smashing one half of the tree into splinters.

“Spur of the moment,” he sighed, shrugging the question off.

 

WhatkindofdoctorAREYOUUUUUU?!” asked Piggybank as she punched Dr. Card hard enough to shatter an iceberg.

IhaveaDoctorateinADVANCEDROBOTIIIIIIIIIIIICS!!” he answered courteously, deflecting the attacks with his handcuff chain.

Shouldn’tadoctorbeSMARTERTHANTHATHUH?!” Deep-Voice Dobbson brought to the table, diving out behind the Doctor with the intent of impaling him on his hair.

WellnoI’mmorelikeanIDIOTSAVAAAAAANT!!” Dr. Card suggested, tangling Deep-Voice Dobbson within his OWN disastrous Yu-Gi-Oh! hair!!

OOOOOOOOOOOWWOWOWOWOWOW!!” Fluffy Fred shrieked, scratching at his neck.

“Ahh, huh, the, huh, the TANGLES!” whined Deep-Voice Dobbson, stuck within the confines of the doctor’s follicles, for he really should use conditioner more!

“And now that you are stuck, I have no use for the other one!” Dr. Card said, releasing Fluffy Fred!

“OHTHANKGOODNESS!” he shouted. Dr. Card’s handcuffs flew into his hair and captured Deep-Voice Dobbson!

“NO DOBBSON!!” Chazz and Billy Hills cried! “I MEAN, I RECKON!”one added.

Then the cuffs whirled around and tied themselves around Fluffy Fred’s neck. “SONUVAGUN!!” Then the other half of the cuffs flew out from the man’s sleeves and he caught the cufferpart on his ring finger. Then he spun it around three times as the two caught kids writhed embarrassingly and threw it at Piggybank!

“NO!” she declined, slapping it away!

“Don’t do that, they’re tricky!” Bastion warned!

“What?” questioned Piggybank. True to the boy’s word, the cuffs turned around and caught Piggybank by the throat. “AGH SAW IT COMING THOUGH!”

 

“NOOOOOO, WE HAVE NO HOPE LEFT!!” Syrus cried! “THEY’RE ALL CAPTURED!”

“Not quite.” Deep-Voice Dobbson and Piggybank dashed around Dr. Card and caught him… with the chain, by the neck!

“It’s finished, huh, Card, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson check-mated! He and Piggybank pulled as hard as they could, pushing with their legs and putting their best foot forward! With their indomitable wills, they were prepared to march off to a new tomorrow!! The unimaginable fighting children’s invincible spirits pulled at the chains of tyranny and robotics and idiocy and didn’t seem to have a real effect as Dr. Card summoned BLACK SHADOWY ARMS TO STRETCH OUT AND PUSH THEM AWAY!?

“WHAT ARE THOSE?!?!” Syrus squealed!

I think my life was useless,” Fluffy Fred cried as his Life Force left his body and had a depressingly happy expression.

“NNNGGH, UUUGH,” Piggybank groaned.

“HUUUUH, UUUUUHHH,” groaned Deep-Voice Dobbson.

“Yawn,” Dr. Card groaned.

“What’s he doing?!” Atticus wondered.

“Does it matter?” asked Dr. Card as the chains that bound everyone snapped. They flew a few feet around the handcuff zone and flopped around, completely unconscious. And then three cages fell onto them. “Hey man I won!” Dr. Card realized! He looked around for a few seconds. Then he started walking up the side of the volcano again.

 

All other characters looked at him, stunned and slack-jawed. They looked to their backs, scraping their bottom jaws upon the ground, and stared upon Nancy Wut and Baseball Bob. “Why didn’t you do anything?” they beseeched.

“If I tell you, I’ll have to go into a flashback!” Nancy Wut warned, patting Baseball Bob on the back.

NO NOT ANOTHRE FLASHBACK!” Chazz shouted!

“It all started four minutes ago,” Baseball Bob began.

DAMN IT!!

 

Four minutes ago, Baseball Bob had thrown a suitcase at Dr. Card, signaling the assault against him. Two seconds later, he realized what he’d done and become paralyzed with fear. “Aw man…”

“What’s up, doc?” Nancy Wut asked, as all other guys leaped into the fray.

“I-I-I-III-I-I can’t do anything,” Baseball Bob admitted. “I threw the suitcase in the heat of the moment! I can’t fight! I’m just Baseball Bob; I haven’t done ANYTHING since hitting Chazz and his brothers with a baseball bat in episode twenty-six! What am I DOING here?!”

“Well, I’m Nancy Wut!” Nancy Wut said.

“……….”

“What do I do?” she asked.

“Uh… say… weird stuff?”

“Yeah, guy! So what? I also like my ‘Lexis and Friends friends! Why do you think I’m doing this myself?”

“But you… don’t do anything… besides say sometimes-funny things.”

“And I can kick butt when I need to!” Nancy Wut continued. “Stop being all cowardly and stuff! Repetition sucks!”

“I-I’m not brave!” Baseball Bob complained. “I can’t do this, I can’t do this! Go ahead, call me Shinji-Desu, I’m not fighting him!”

“That don’t make no sense!” Nancy Wut groaned as Fluffy Fred got choked. Then she decided to try a different approach. “What made you call yourself Baseball? Bob?”

The boy started thinking. “Hmm. Well, it all started back in Middle School…

 

Back when the boy was merely named Bob, he was in Hittokiri Battosai Middle School, known for its fantastic Yu-Gi-Oh! Baseball League. No, wait, not yet. Back then, it was bad. Real bad. They always lost. It was depressing. All the other students always had great stories to tell their families about their huge losses, so at the same time it was alright for some other jerk people to have fun with. For some reason though, Bob had an idol. His name was Barry Bonds. His young dream was to become the next ‘Mr. 300’ and get every home-run he could. He would spend long nights staring at his Barry Bonds poster on his ceiling, telling himself ‘Man, I’m gonna be the next Mr. 300. Then I’m gonna find the One Piece, and then I’m gonna be the next Hokage. Then my life will be complete.’

 

He entered Middle School about the same time as he’d learned Naruto and One Piece weren’t real, nor was Major League Baseball. Devoid of his idol, he decided to join the next best thing: the Yu-Gi-Oh! Baseball Team, in an attempt to break into the Major League Yu-Gi-Oh! Baseball League, his universe’s answer to baseball and card games.

 

And then came the try-outs. The coach, the team captain, and the rest of the team and team hopefuls all stared at the brown-haired kinda-tall soft-spoken kid as he stumbled up to bat. “Who’s this fool?” asked the coach, a man with ratty black hair, bad posture and bad teeth, wearing a whistle and some sweats. “’Ey, what’s ‘is name, Layton?”

“He’s named Bob… that’s it,” replied a rather normal-looking man in a top hat and baseball uniform, red and white. “Mr. Morooka, this guy really doesn’t look like much.”

“Ha, he’s gonna strike out in an instant, Layton!” chided Phoenix Wright, a guy with swept-back black hair in the same uniform. “His stance is totally off!” Bob was standing straight up, holding the bat outward. “Kid, Bob, Kid-Bob? Can I call you Kid-Bob?”

“No.”

“We’re gonna have our pitcher pitch to you, I’ll be the catcher!” Phoenix Wright announced, running behind the new guy with a baseball glove and an umpire-quality mask made of Styrofoam.

“That mask doesn’t look… never mind…” Oscar the Grouch hopped onto the plate in his trash can and took out a Duel Disk.

 

“Hey, it’s that Bob kid!” one of the new recruits noticed. “He never talks to anybody; that makes it AWESOME to make fun of him!”

“Yeah, I know! He says he want to be the next ‘Mr. 300!’ That guy never existed! What a loon!”

“Wait, he never talks? But he said that?”

“… ESP?”

“Okay. HA! ESPER!!”

“TELEKINETIC!!”

“EASY-TO-FORGET!!”

“Who?”

The boys in the back continued to laugh at the poor Baseball Boy, who could only close his eyes and try to block it out. It’s not fair… he cried to himself. Am… American Baseball IS real! I know it, I saw it on ESPN!! WHY DO THEY LAUGH AT ME?![/i]

“PSST,” muttered Phoenix Wright.

“Eh?” noticed Oscar the Grouch. Phoenix made, with his fingers, a thumbs-up, a peace sign, the number two, a walking motion, the sign for a left turn, and fireworks with his magic skills. “Got it, here comes the Grouch Special, aheheheheh!” [/i]BASEBALL SECRET TECHNIQUE 44 – DEATHLY GROUCH GROUCHER SPECIAL: TAKIN’ OUT THE TRASH!! “DRAW!!” He drew a Prinny Laharl card and flipped it around in his fingers, tossed it up, bounced it off his trash can, and slapped it with all his junky might! It flew at Baseball Bob, emanating a giant Oscar the Grouch face!

“MAMAMAM EATCHA!!” he gurgled, flapping his Muppetty mouth like a freak of nature!!

“Is he tryin’ ta KILL that kid?!” Mr. Morooka wondered.

“TAKE THIS LOSER OUT!!” Phoenix Wright yelled.

“We don’t TAKE LAME-OS on OUR team!” Layton laughed brutally!

“WOOOAAHHOHOHOHOOOOO!!” the onlookers laughed!

 

“NNNGH… I WILL BE THE NEXT MR. 300!! I WILL NOT LOSE!!” Bob roared! He swung his bat forward, smashing the Grouchy apparition into dust.

“Yowza, he beat Number 44!” Mr. Morooka gaped!

“WOAH!!” everybody gulped!

“That wasn’t hard,” Bob chuckled, holding his bat down. The Prinny Laharl card hadn’t just gotten lodged into the bat, nay; the BAT got stuck in the CARD! It had scrunched up around the card’s shape! It was awkward to look at!

“………. okayyou’reontheteam” Layton mumbled, pulling his top hat over his eyes.

 

Eight successful months on the team later, Bob had pulled his team, single-handedly, to the world championships. And then it came to the bottom of the eighth (as there were only eight innings in Yu-Gi-Oh! Baseball). They were down by 500 Life Points. They needed to pull it together. The bases were loaded. And Bob was up at bat.

“COME ON, BOBBY!!” Phoenix Wright shouted!

“YOU CAN DO IT!!” cheered Layton!

“YOU MADE IT THIS FAR, KID, YOUR DREAMS ARE CONVERGIN’ HERE T’NIGHT!!” Mr. Morooka babbled.

Baseball Bob stepped up to the plate in full team regalia. He stared at his foe, Ichigo Kurosaki.

“Hmph,” Ichigo Kurosaki grumbled, “you know I’m the only one fit to become the next Hokage, chump.”

“Not if I find One Piece first,” Bob countered.

“Cheeky BASTARD!!” Ichigo Kurosaki leaped twelve feet in the air, did a back-flip and a split, and before landing on the ground, he threw an Ocubeam monster card at Bob. “BASEBALL TECHNIQUE 777: SILENT NIGHT, HOLY NIGHT!!” The card disappeared in a puff of smoke. It was replaced by a roaring twelve-foot ebon horse.

“KOKUOH-GO!!” it shouted righteously!! It clopped toward Bob as fast as he could… and then was smacked in the face by the bat. “KOKUOH-NOOOOOOO!!” he screamed! He flew into the giant amazing scoreboard, smashing it into smithereens! (Minnesota Monkeys: 1500 -> 0 Life Points; Rorouni Kenshins: 1000 Life Points, Winners)

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” screamed the earth as everyone ran up to join Bob in lifting him up with a large trophy as sparks danced across the arena dangerously!

“And now to go to Duel Academy!” Bob decided suddenly!

“But first, will you accept the title… Baseball?” Ichigo Kurosaki suggested.

“Ichigo… thanks!” Baseball Bob accepted graciously! “But seriously guys, baseball came from America. Watch ESPN sometime.”

“HUNH!?”

 

“So there’s your special skill!”Nancy Wut realized!

“What? My awesome baseball skills?”

“No no, you idjit; you’re super-dependable!” Nancy Wut exposited. “You took your whole crappy team to the WORLD SERIES of Middle Schools! We need you! THEY need you! The… city needs you?”

“You…” Baseball Bob understood something important. “You’re right.” He took a deep breath and a giant gulp as Dr. Card began walking up the volcano again. “I may be cowardly, but TRUE bravery is doing what you gotta do when you don’t wanna do it!”

“Huh?”

“I’m gonna do something!”

Why didn’t you do anything?” they beseeched.

 

“And THAT’S what we did while you weren’t looking,” Baseball Bob said as he picked up his backpack and took a wooden bat from it.

“By jove, that was kinda interesting!” Bastion yelled!

“But what now?” Dr. Card asked, standing around, waiting for excitement.

“You seriously stood around and waited for us? How nice.”

“Are you… SO SURE?” Dr. Card asked, summoning his black shadowy arms from his sleeves again and folded them while folding his arms.

“Oh yeah, I reckon that was confusin’, how’d you do that?” Billy Hills asked.

“You SHOULD have asked that earlier, so that you’d know your HATRED makes me STRONGER!!”

“What’s that?”

“These are made of pure hatred, and not even I know how it works!”

“Oh, simple enough.”

“You bastard!” Jaden called. “Bob and Nancy, what WILL you DO?!?!”

“Don’t start saying that again!” Syrus grimaced.

“Nancy, use your SPECIAL TECHNIQUES!!” Alexis and Atticus urged!

“Nn? You’re giving me clearance?” Nancy Wut questioned, nodding her head a tad to the right.

“Yes! You can go all-out!” Atticus allowed.

“All-out?” Omega-Xis repeated. “She’s a random person! How can she go all-out, randomly?”

“I’ll put it this way,” Atticus described. “You ever get assaulted by hundreds of pop-up ads at once?”

“No.”

“It’s kinda like that.”

“I just said no! Geez!”

 

“Perferheeeeerfect…” Nancy Wut began glowing with a nice, big smile on her face.

“Where’d she go?” Dr. Card asked foolishly. Nancy Wut appeared in front of Dr. Card and teleported around several hundred times. “HUH?! WHAT?! WHERE?!”

“Hiya!” she greeted, smashing his face with a teleportation fist. There was a big THWACK from the hit radius. As he was sent reeling, she popped around many more times and plowed him over with a BUM RUSH!! He flopped and bounced down the side of the volcano again!

“OOooooh, you’re gonna pay for that one,” Dr. Card growled, staring back up toward Nancy Wut. A cage fell from above. She avoided it with teleportation. “Darn, should’ve seen it coming.” She began slapping him in the face hundreds, if not thousands of times, within the space of three seconds. THWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACK!! “BWABWABWABWABWABWABWABWABWABWABWABABWBWBBWBABWBABABAAAAHHHHH!!!” He flew and bounced off the top of a cage, right into the path of a Nancy Wut kick!

“SOLAR PLEXUS SHOT!!” she called, smashing her toe into his tummy! He spat some spit and was headed straight for Baseball Bob. The batter chewed some bubble gum and prepared to swing his bat.

 

He swung his bat. It was hard enough to shatter the wood and show the aluminum bat that it truly was. “NO FAIR!!” Dr. Card declared!

This is no fair,” Nancy Wut said, appearing right in his path. She hit him. Then Baseball Bob hit him back. They hit him back and forth several, several, several, high-speed times.

“My gosh, they’re twisting the fabric of time and space!” Syrus said, as the air around the two became ripply and orange! Countless small stars poured from the air and scattered around the area and swirled, forming a tiny galaxy of sorts!

HERE’S MY CHANCE!! Dr. Card realized! He held his shadowy arms forth, sprouting tiny evil hands that flew out to grab them! Once they had a grip, they absorbed their powers and shoved the two heroes away! Baseball Bob flew into the sky, but Nancy Wut held her ground, though she fell over!

“Ow!”

“WOOOOOOOOOAAAAH!!”

“You fools, you should know by now that I am a master of time and space, which you have just allotted to me through your reckless space-warping!” Dr. Card laughed!

 

“What a random power-up!” He held his arms out and began pumping dark flames out of his arms! Ashes and cinders flowed out in the breeze and scattered like flower petals! “How did he DO that?!” Jaden asked. Everybody shot him a glance.

“How did YOU do that?” they countered.

“Touche, Joes.” A sparking black spark floated through the bars of Jaden’s cage and swirled into the form of a shadowy clawed hand! It fell toward his face! “EH?” An old hand darted out in front of the attack! It grabbed and crushed it.

“Ow, me old bones! They be pain-filled!” Kagemaru grunted, shaking his Defending Hand™ around.

“Old guy! You came through for me!” Jaden gasped, teary-eyed!

 

“How dare you make an old guy do something for a young’un!” Nancy Wut revenged! “I shall punish you!” She began flitting between the falling flames like a mirage.

“Sorry, I meant to focus EVERYTHING on you. One mistake like that is UNFORGIVABLE!!” He began pumping the flames out at full-power! They started to cloud the air like a mass-quantity pollutant… of eeeeeeeeeviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil! The dark arms started falling into Nancy Wut from all directions!

“Aiyeeee,” Nancy Wut muttered, guarding her face with her arms!

“NO!” Atticus cried!

“STOP HATING HIM!!” Alexis demanded, slapping him in the face before breaking down and crying. “I’M SORRY, I CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING!!”

“I can hold you!” Chazz held his arms outward. She pushed him away with her heel.

“She can’t take much more of this!” Bastion warned! “Bob, where ARE you?!”

 

Baseball Bob was high above, free-falling. This is it, he told himself. I’ve been knocked hundreds of meters into the air and I’m gonna die when I hit the ground! I’m not gonna— He was slapped in the face by a phantom of some sort. It was… the spirit of Shinji Ikari! “SHINJI?!” Baseball Bob gasped! Shinji Ikari silently looked at him sadly, crossing his arms in disapproval. Baseball Bob gripped his aluminum bat and swallowed deeply. Spines poked out from the club and sparkled. “I understand! I UNDERSTAND!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!” He broke through the storm of black hands with his mighty slugger and slugged Dr. Card on the top of his skull. His club got stuck in his head-bone. The flames stopped coming forth and those already out stopped moving.

“YOU DID IT?!” Syrus screamed in disbelief! “Uh, I mean, sorry?”

“S’okay,” he sighed, dropping onto the ground.

“You did it, Bobbyboy!” Nancy Wut cried gleefully, embracing the Bob boy of Baseball!

“Good job,” Alexis sighed out of relief, wiping away two tears.

 

“Or NOT,” Dr. Card warned as dozens of handcuffs flew out from his mouth!

“WEIRD!!” shouted Baseball Bob as they wrapped around every limb! Nancy Wut escaped that fate and kicked Dr. Card in the back of the knees!

“Yeow!” he yelped, falling backward! “Cheap shot!” The cuffs flew upward and pulled Baseball Bob along with them!

“CHOPPACHOPPACHOPPACHOPPACHOPPA!!” announced Nancy Wut as she karate-chopped the cuffs to pieces! The two characters spun to face the enemy and twin-uppercutted him, releasing a wave-motion beam into his chin and blowing him toward the moon!

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..” The sky twinkled where he disappeared.

“Did they do it, I reckon?” Billy Hills hoped.

“I THINK THEY DID IT!!” Chazz screamed!

“OH YEAH!!” Alexis rallied!

“He’s not done yet,” Nancy Wut realized.

“He’s not?” Baseball Bob gulped. The two were suddenly captured by two swirling balls of dark energy.

HUUUUUUUUUUUUUNH?!?!” the peanut gallery balked.

Slowly but surely, Dr. Card floated down, extending two stiff arms from the moon. “Hmph. I didn’t think I’d have to do THAT. And if I’m so easily hit from the ground, I suppose I’ll just wait here until the earth rotates the volcano under me! Muhuhaha!”

“But the moon rotates too!” Omega-Xis taught. “What if you miss?”

“I’ll walk?”

“Good enough.”

 

“Guys! You gotta get outta there!” coached Jaden! “You can’t give up after gettin’ caught by some random device!”

“Yeah, Jaden!” Syrus attacked! “You two, please hear us! You’re the only ones who can save us all and stop that guy from taking over the earth, even though he’s an idiot! He’s hurt all of us, and won’t stop until somebody teaches him a lesson! Please, stand up, for the sake of us all!”

“Hmph, you think of me as some common schoolyard bully?” Dr. Card scoffed. “You truly ARE espers.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Atticus asked.

“I… don’t know.”

 

Within his inky black prison, Baseball Bob was subjected to the tormenting screams of Hell itself, clawing into his brain, and tearing his soul apart. And yet… … Espers. “Bully…?”

“HA! ESPER!!”

“TELEKINETIC!!”

“EASY-TO-FORGET!!”

“Who?”

 

He flexed his body and blew the darkness to pieces! “WHERE’S A BULLY?” Baseball Bob challenged.

“YOU DID IT!!” the good guys announced! “YEAH!!”

“Manny used to be a bully,” Nancy Wut said, blowing her sphere away as well.

“How did YOU do that—”

“I was waiting for YOU first.”

“Y-you surely jest,” Dr. Card heaved, “you COULDN’T have broken out like THAT!! YOU COULD NOT!!” He began expending all his powers and called out a tremendous, mile-wide arm, covered in countless smaller hands, spinning about like drills! Four grippers appeared and held down Baseball Bob’s and Nancy Wut’s arms and legs! “THIS IS THE SUMOF ALL OF MY POWERS!! THE INESCAPABLE FATE OF DEATH BECKONS YOU!! JOIN THE MILLIONS WHO HAVE COME AT ME LIKE YOU FOOLS, AND PERISH!!” The arm of destruction clouded the sunset-filled sky and caught everything in sight within its shadow. There was only way to escape it… to go through it.

Everybody turned to Nancy Wut and Baseball Bob. They looked at each other and nodded. The hands holding them down started falling apart from their mere presence.

“Please, this is just weak,” Nancy Wut boasted, pulling out a tray of tater tots and shattering all their bindings.

“LET’S TAKE’M DOWN!!” Baseball Bob and Nancy Wut jumped and flew at Dr. Card, right into his deathhand.

“No! Dodge it!” Chazz called!

“NAY!!” Baseball Bob took the lead, twirling his bat as they went, blowing all the evil away through their path of righteous revenge!

“NAH-NEE?!” Dr. Card shrieked!

 

“Spuds,” Nancy Wut call-backed, slapping her tray into his face.

“GAAHH, THEY’RE PIPIN’ HOT!!” Dr. Card shrieked, wiping the taters from his eyes! So he didn’t see Baseball Bob’s bat coming as it slapped him in the face and sent him earth-bound. He bounced off of the stony exterior of the volcano’s base and got pushed down further as the fighting students landed their heels into his side! They sweeped their legs upward, pulling the man out, stunned!

“HAH!!” Baseball Bob hit him with the bat in the chest, smashing him against the bars of one of his cages!

“GOWAAHHHH!!” He vomited blood just in time for Nancy Wut to appear and headbutt him sideways! “DAAHHH!!” Dr. Card landed on his head, letting the rest of his body flop over him. “You DARE push me beyond 100%?” His body evaporated. And now to blow them away with my super-form as I re-materialize… Baseball Bob flew it and punched him in the face before he even returned to form. “DAMN IT, HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!” Dr. Card screamed, now in the form of a man covered in black cloudy tattoos!

“What a stupid super-form,” Nancy Wut bleh-ed. “I’ll get rid of it.” She swirled around the doctor in some sort of a Nancy Teleportation Hurricane Wut.

“W-wait, no, I’m supposed to show off my new power!” Dr. Card beseeched as his mist-like body started flowing apart into the flow of the tornado! “Aren’t you even curious?!”

“NOPE!” Nancy Wut leaped out of the wind tunnel, allowing it to wiggle and shake around independently!

“WOAWOAWOAWOAWOAWOAWOAWOA!!”

“QUIET!” Baseball Bob demanded, stabbing his spiked bat into the wind. It dispersed and Dr. Card smashed into the bat with his ribs, having returned to physical form.

“…….OOOOOOOW…..” Dr. Card pushed off of the bat, but couldn’t get anything to move. “I’m… screwed?”

 

“THIS IS THE LAST BLOW!!” Nancy Wut warned, lifting up Baseball Bob who lifted up his bat!

“You can’t be serious,” Dr. Card whispered, ribs groaning, legs shaking.

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!” Nancy Wut swung Baseball Bob who swung his baseball spiked club which grand-slammed Dr. Card away into the stratosphere.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM went the universe. Baseball Bob softly dropped to the ground and looked up. “I… did I just…”

TWO-HUNDRED PERCENT!!!!” screamed Dr. Card. Black pillars of flame dropped from above in random directions! A spell-circle suddenly wrote itself into being with the flames acting as markers! The circle glowed purplish-pink and summoned a giant black horned demon, breathing toxic clouds of gas from its nostrils and dripping poison from shining orbs along its flesh!

“You’re pretty dense,” Baseball Bob and Nancy Wut said together, staring up at the hideous beast, “because at the reading speed prescribed by the author to each and every reader, OUR POWER-UP SONG ISN’T OVER YET!!!” The beast twitched one finger. Within that time frame, the two students flew up, smashed his face in, broke off his left horn, sliced his belly open, ripped off one arm, carved up his legs, pulled his Dr. Card original form out from his giant heart, reduced the transformation to ash and held their common enemy by the ripped-up collar.

“Um, can’t we work something out?” he asked. They shook their heads. “Um, I’ll give you one dollar.” They held their arms back. “Uh, I’ll hire you for evil?” They gathered up the energies of the universe into their hands. “Erm… kids like candy, right?”

“MIRACLE PUNCH!!” They fused together their powers and produced one combined punch. The impact blew everything summoned in the battle to dust. They had slammed Dr. Card out of sight, nearly busting him out of orbit.

 

“You did it!” Syrus jubilated (new word)! “You saved the earth!”

“Probably!” Atticus verified! “Nancy, you were incredible!”

“Bob too!” Bastion added.

“Yeah, him too. Wait, who’s Bob?”

“Now find a way to bust us outta this cage so that we can victory-carry you to the school’s docks!” Chazz said.

“A-alright, we’re comin…g.” Baseball Bob fainted due to the sheer amount of awesomeness he’d just forced his body to secrete.

“Bob? ‘Re you okay?” Jaden wondered.

“Oh, the boy shall be fine, but my body shall not!” Kagemaru spat, foaming at the mouth.

“Whoop, guess I shouldn’t have fallen on you so hard.” He patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry, you’ll be ai’ght.” The shoulder cracked and became dislocated. “ULP.

 

 

Guys, I think I just killed an old man."

"We have more important things to worry about, I reckon," Billy Hills worried. "I reckon nobody can get us outta here now!"

"D-don't worry, all we have to do is yell for help!" Alexis suggested. "HELP!! HEEEEEEEEELP!! YOO-HOO, ANYBODY?!?! We're screwed."

"W-well, Bob and Nancy could get us out if they weren't... SLEEPING on the JOB," Atticus joked.

"BOO," someone said, trapped in the cage with Mann McOldsmobile.

"I JUST KILLED AN OLD DUDE, GUYS!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!"

"Um, can anyone dig?" Syrus suggested, digging away with his fingernails. "Ahaha... I don't even know what I'm doing!"

"I'm hungry!" Bastion insinuated. "If we don't get out of here within the next forty-eight hours, I'm seriously gonna die of hunger, everyone!"

"Shut up, I'm trying to think!"

"I'M SCAAAAAAAAAAARED!! I reckon."

Alexis turned to her little corner in her large cage and began to feel pity for herself.

 

"I think the boats already left, everyone..."

 

 

 

 

 

 

YU-GI-OH! GX! THE FAN FIC - THE END

 

CREDITS:

Director: Hatsuki Tsuji

 

Series Composition:

Junki Takegami

Shin Yoshida

 

Screenplay:

Akemi Omode

Ema Baba

Jun Maekawa

Junki Takegami

Natsuko Takahashi

Shin Yoshida

Yasuyuki Suzuki

Yuki Enatsu

Storyboard:

Hatsuki Tsuji

Hideaki Uehara

Hisaya Takabayashi

Kazuhito Kikuchi

Kiyoshi Egami

Koji Yoshikawa

Masaharu Okuwaki

Masaki Sugiyama

Naoki Hishikawa

Naoyuki Kuzuya

Noriyoshi Nakamura

Shuichi Shimamura

Yoshihiro Ueda

Episode Director:

Akira Shigino

Kiyoshi Matsuda

Toshihiro Ishikawa

 

Music: Yutaka Minobe

 

Original Work: Kazuki Takahashi

 

Character Design: Ken'ichi Hara

 

Art Director: Junichiro Nishikawa

 

Animation Director: Hideyuki Yoshida

 

Sound Director: Takuya Hiramitsu

 

Director of Photography:

Hiroaki Edamitsu

 

Producer:

Hidetaka Ikuta (NAS)

Naoki Sasada (NAS)

Noriko Kobayashi (TV Tokyo)

 

Chief Unit Director: Kan Tsuruta

 

Colors Choices: Ayami Minowa

 

Duel Layout: Masahiro Hikokubo

 

Monster Design: Ken'ichi Hara

 

Planning:

Hidetaka Ikuta (NAS)

Noriko Kobayashi (TV Tokyo)

Yukio Kawasaki (TV Tokyo)

Production Committee (Shueisha):

Kenji Yasaka

Masahiko Ibaraki

Shigeaki Oouchi

Recording Director: Yuji Mitsuya

Sound Effects: Toru Noguchi

 

Animation: Studio Gallop

 

Animation Cooperation: Dongwoo Animation

 

Broadcaster: TV Tokyo

 

Development: Tokyo Laboratory

 

Distributor: Konami

 

Music Cooperation: TV Tokyo Music

 

Production:

NAS

TV Tokyo

Sound Effects: Anime Sound Production

Sound Production Assistance: Jinnan Studio

 

ENGLISH CREDITS:

Translation: Arthur Murakami

 

Executive producer:

Alfred R. Kahn

Norman J. Grossfeld

Tom Kenney

 

Adaptation: Matthew Ordek

 

Associate producer: Shane Guenego

 

Editing: Jordan Podos

 

Editing Assistant:

Abelk Bautista

David J. Etzold

Sherene Sharpe

 

International Distribution: Rebecca O'Neil

 

Japanese Liaisons:

Enna Hozumi

Pico Hozumi

 

Main Theme:

Alex Walker

Jake Siegler

Matthew Ordek

 

Marketing:

Anietra Guzman

Roz Nowicki

 

Mix Engineer: Questar Welsh

 

Music Composition:

Alex Walker

Elik Alvarez

Freddie Sheinfeld

Jake Siegler

Julian Harris

 

Music Editing:

Liz Lysinger

Mitch Getz

 

Music Executive Producer: John Siegler

 

Music Production: Julian Schwartz

 

Music Production Assistant: Michael Brady

 

Post-Production Graphics:

Jennifer Obrotka

Kana Hashimoto

Luciale Dumaguing Garret

Paul J. Baccash

Rob Bruce

Ryan Kelly

 

Post-Production Supervision: Christopher J. Guido

 

Production: Matthew Ordek

 

Production Assistant: Sherene Sharpe

 

Recording Engineer:

Alon Namdar

Joseph Shalack

Mike Knoblauch

Questar Welsh

Rich Alvy

Suzanne Goldish

 

Sound Design: Ohad Tzachar

 

Story/Gameplay Adviser: Arthur Murakami

 

Voice Direction: Eric Stuart

 

VP of Production: Brenda Dillon

 

SONGS USED:

WAAAAYYYYY TOO MANY.

 

IF ANYBODY WHO OWNS THE ACCOUNTS ON WHICH THESE VIDEOS CAME FROM, OR OWN THAT PRINNY LAHARL PICTURE I LINKED TO, OR THAT SHORTER VERSION OF HAPILY EVER AFTER I USED TWICE, AND YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO TAKE THE SONG DOWN, OR PICTURE, THEN PLEASE TELL ME AND I WILL DO SO. IN ADDITION, IF I MISSED ANY LINKS, PLEASE TELL ME.

 

CHARACTERS:

TOO MANY TO COUNT

 

DISCLAIMER: SEVERAL, SEVERAL, SEVERAL PEOPLE WERE HURT DURING THE MAKING OF THIS PRODUCTION. ALL THE ANIMALS ARE FINE, HOWEVER.

 

QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, CONCERNS?

KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF

 

WEATHER REPORT - STAND PRODUCTIONS

2009-2010[/align]

 

 

Three hours later, Dr. Card crash-landed into his cave-lair on his back. "Oh fudge that hurt," he muttered. "You kids, rest assured, I WILL kill you all!" He sat up. He ribs snapped and crackled. "... Or maybe I'll just lie here for the next four months." He picked up a television remote and watched television.

 

 

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Here we go...

 

EDIT: I made a mistake. I said both Tyranno Hassleberry were in Ra Yellow, but in order to add to the new gal's Mary Sue-fulness, I need her in the same dorm as Jaden. I'm SO gonna irritate everybody with her SO much. The experiment is on.

 

[spoiler=Episode 59: Back to Duel]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. The Fan Fic

Episode 59 – Back to Duel

 

It was the end of Summer Vacation! Children were coming onto Duel Academy Island via boat and helicopter! Some kids were so excited that they leaped out of the choppers and met the harsh reality of the hardness of cement pavement! (Death Count Season Two – 13)

“AAAAAAAAAHHHHH DUELACADEMYISLAND,” Jaden sighed, stretching his arms and his legs, standing around his friends Syrus Truesdale and Mann McOldsmobile. “It’s so good t’be back, y’all!”

“I know, it’s been so boring living in a box all vacation!” Mann McOldsmobile sighed.

“It’s great to see everybody back again,” Syrus said contentedly. “So while Mann was in a cardboard box,”

“It had a hole in it!”

“That’s terrible, but what were you up to, Jay? I got to go to Disneyworld!”

“Oh, my dad took me to the hospital where he works and I went through super-painful rehabilitation exercises for all these two months, and I had to focus all of my energy into healing so that I could move my limbs again. Frankly, I’m still hurtin’ so much I feel like dyin’!”

“That’s horrible, Jay!” Syrus gasped! “I’m so sorry!”

“Eh, don’t mention it. You have to live in fear of everythin’! So we’re even.”

“Wait, what’re you talking about?”

“Your life sucks.”

“Yeah.”

 

“Wait a minute, we haven’t even established the setting yet!” Mann McOldsmobile cried! “I mean, where are we standing? By the docks with the falling kids?”

“Oh, we’re by the suspension bridge that got busted last year but fixed in like two days,” Jaden said, pointing to the bridge.

“I remember that bridge!”

“Well, then what’s up with this lady?” Mann McOldsmobile held up Ms. Dorothy.

“Hi, kids!” she said, waving. “Look who I found!” She held up Garfield the cat.

“MEOW,” he said gratingly.

“AAAAAAHHHHH!!! PUT IT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT!!” Syrus picked up Garfield and threw him into the sea. He swam back and looked at everybody. “… Cut to the next scene.”

 

Crowler was running at top-speed while holding a pudgy, creepy, bug-eyed puppet within its creepy mitts, making its way to the school’s docks. “Boy,” the puppet ‘said’, as Crowler tried not to move its lips, “it SHUHR was great that you became Chancelluh this yeahr since Shephad left last month!”

“Well, Bonaparte,” Crowler answered, “it was because all those ‘child molestation’ counts really piled up last year. He needs to learn to keep his hands off the nubile young girls at our school, heh heh. But in all seriousness, he’s hiding out in Peru to avoid the officials.”

“Sacre bleu!” Bonaparte the hand puppet gasped. “Dat sounds pretty bad! How’d a freak like dat get in chahge of a school?”

“I don’t know, but for further exposition, we’re heading toward the docks because we HAVE to see the year’s new Freshmen! We have a VERY special new student coming this year! His name: Aster Phoenix extrordinaire!”

“Woah, THE Aster Phoenix? Heah?!” the fat puppet asked as they finally broke out into the crowds of new kids! Many of them either ran at the sight of the duo or merely were thrown out of their way. “It must be some mistake! I mean, he’s a world-famous Duelist! Why’d HE come tuh OUWH academeh?”

“Beats me, but once I find him, I’ll make him my NEW apprentice!” Crowler exposited. Meanwhile, Bastion and his Baseball Wreckers gang noticed it from afar.

“Hey, isn’t that Crowler?” Fluffy Fred noticed!

“You’re right!” Baseball Bob agreed!

“Let’s go say hi, Bastion!” Piggybank ordered nicely!

“Why not?” Omega-Xis debated!

“Then, with such a duelist under my command, I will become UNSTOPPABLE!!” Crowler shouted to the heavens, freaking several kids out!

“Hello, Dr. Crowler, how nice it is to see you!” Bastion greeted, running over! Crowler kicked him away without breaking its stride and continued running to the big Duel Academy ship.

 

“But… suh, what if dis Aster Phoenix gets into a Duel, and then we don’t get to sway him to ouhr cause?” Bonaparte suggested.

“Um… I don’t know, but hopefully nothing gimmicky like that’ll happen,” Crowler shrugged off, not realizing that in a TV show, if you say it, it WILL happen.

 

MEANWHILE, WITH ASTER PHOENIX…

Jaden was standing on the rocky expanse of rock by the suspension bridge, next to the giant cliff of destiny next to the Slifer Toolshed. He was staring down a grey-hair-boy with a white tuxedo and creepily blue eyes. “Yo, Freshie! M’name’s Jaden Yuki! What’s yours?”

“He looks like some sort of important character!” Mann McOldsmobile guessed! “Pound ‘im to dust! Too many main characters leads to bad situations!” He, Syrus, Ms. Dorothy and Garfield were sitting on the edge of the cliff.

“Eee, eeeh, I’m scared,” Syrus mumbled, wobbling about dangerously. “Why do we live on an island of cliffs and unnamed volcanoes? Wait, I asked that last year.”

“Repeatedly,” Ms. Dorothy said. “But boy, day one, and Jaden’s ALREADY dueling? Hmph.”

“What, you’re saying that like it’s a bad thing.”

“It is!”

“Why?”

“Because… it’s dangerous?”

“Can I push her?” Mann McOldsmobile suggested.

 

“Like I asked before they started sayin’ useless stuff, I’m Jaden? I wanna duel you; no, wait, I meant GET YO’ GAME ON!!”

“BOO,” someone said.

“So what’s your name, kid?”

“Uh, was that supposed to be a catch-phrase or something?” Aster asked.

“Yeah!”

“That was… never mind. Anyways, you can call me… Aster Phoenix!” the guy introduced. He had the voice of a drunken surfer dude.

Who? We can’t hear from up this sheer cliff face!

“What’s that short for?” Jaden asked.

“It’s not a nickname. Why does it have to be a nickname?”

“Well, Jaden’s short for Jaden Yuki! Aster Phoenix CAN’T be for Aster Phoenix!” Aster gave him a look of confusion. “I’ma call you A P! For Aster Phoenix!”

“Call me Aster!”

“Got it, Ap! That’s short for A P, which is short for Aster!”

“OKAY, I’LL DUEL YOU.”

“Don’cha mean… get your game on?” Jaden suggested teasingly.

“BOO,” someone said.

“I’M GOING FIRST.”

“Woo hoo!!”

 

As that happened, Chazz, Alexis, Billy Hills, Deep-Voice Dobbson, and Nancy Wut suddenly walked up to the other characters upon the cliff! “HIIIIIII EVERYBODY!!” Nancy Wut shouted!

“Hey! Those guys!” Mann McOldsmobile greeted! “How’s it going?”

“Save it,” Deep-Voice Dobbson said, “some of huhs aren’t feelin’ well, huh.”

“Yeah, we lost Zane and Angry over the summer,” Alexis worried. “Syrus, do you have any way of communicating with Zane?”

“Uh, I have this!” Syrus pulled out a sheet of notebook paper reading , ‘If you ever need me, clap three times and believe – Zane’. Chazz promptly ripped it apart. “NOOOO, THE MAGIC SPELL!!”

“Like that would even work! Gosh!” Chazz growled. “Anyways, we bumped into each other while we were coming, since I wanted to see Yuki do something stupid, and Alexis to ask what she just asked.”

“It’s always funny t’see what Jaden does, I reckon,” Billy Hills noted.

“He’s funnier and dumber than TV, huh huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson added.

“Oh… well, he’s dueling some guy down there,” Ms. Dorothy told.

“Apparently this guy came over to our shack earlier and asked to see Jaden, since he’s our UNOFFICIAL STRONGEST DUELIST!!” Mann McOldsmobile stated.

“You guys were already in the dorm?” Chazz asked. “How early’d you get here?”

“Oh, ummmmm…” One month ago, Syrus stood outside of the Slifer Toolshed holding a mouse-shaped balloon and a Mickey Mouse hat. “Wait, WHICH month was I supposed to come back, again?”

“Oh, so how was Disney World?” Nancy Wut asked.

“It was fine. I liked the flying elephant ride.”

 

(Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Aster: 4000 Life Points) “I guess you can go first, A P!” Jaden urged.

“ASTER!!” Aster screamed, now obviously flustered.

“Phoenix Flyer?”

“NICKNAMES CAN’T BE LONGER THAN NORMAL NAMES!!” He angrily threw down a monster. “I set a monster. Your move.”

“Okay then!” Jaden drew a card. “School’s in, class is in session, and it’s time for your first lesson at Duel Academy! I summon Elemental Hero Sparkman!” Lightning danced across the field! From it arose Sparkman, posing a heroic pose! (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points) “Lesson One: WE HAVE DAILY HAZINGS!!” Sparkman shot an arrow of electricity from his palm at the card, causing it to reveal itself: a Lolwut! It exploded.

 

“He’s using that? Seriously?” Alexis wondered.

“Well, his deck can’t be THAT great, since earlier he came in and just bought eight booster packs of the ‘Gagagigo and Archlord Zerato and Friends’ set at the shop,” Ms. Dorothy recalled. “I’d show the flashback, but it’s exactly what I just said! Boring!”

“Thanks, ma’am, I reckon!” Billy Hills thanked, breathing a sigh of relief.

 

“Usin’ Lolwut? What, ‘re you takin’ lessons from Barry the Beginner?” Jaden chuckled. “It’s funny because he’s a beginner at the game, since that’s his name. Get it, Flamin’ Phoenix?”

“Stop calling me things!” Suddenly, an annoying cell-phone jingle began to play.

OOOOH THE TIME HAS COME, TO STAND UP FOR TOMMOROW, OH OH OH” it moaned.

“AAAAHHHH, TURN IT OFF!!”

WE’RE GHOST BUSTERZ NO FEAR FOR ANYTHIN IN OUR WAY” Mercifully, Aster answered the phone.

“Y’ello?” he greeted.

“My GOSH!! Who pulls out a CELL PHONE during a CARD GAME?!?!” shouted Chazz. “That’s so obnoxious!”

“Yeah, like me!” Ojama Yellow announced.

“NOT HELPING!” Mann McOldsmobile shouted, slapping him away.

“It’s like talking to your friend during brain surgery, or, or going on Skype during a wedding!” Alexis related! “That’s... okay, who wrote my lines today?” She threw her script to the ground.

“D-don’t worry guys, it’s cool, jus’ a Freshman, you did it too,” Jaden told.

“NO WE DIDN’T.”

“Okay. But seriously, shut up.”

“So yeah, I’m dueling him right now,” Aster said to the phone discreetly. “I’m just playing weak stuff so I can tell what his strategy is. Any suggestions?”

 

Within the crystalline chambers of the Hall of Justice in the arctic, a hooded man wearing all white clothing was moving around his JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure™ Tarot Trading Cards. He flipped one card over, showing an ugly baby. “The reaper is in reverse,” the man said to his cell phone. “Take the fall.”

 

“Got it.” Aster hung up. “So I’ll be setting one card face-down and playing Reload!” His Trap appeared on the field as an ancient Egyptian gun appeared in his hand. He put his remaining cards into it and shot his deck, making four new cards fly out.

“How useless! Ha ha!” Jaden laughed! “You’re a funny kid, ApPle!”

“The hell’d THAT one come from?!” Aster cried! “I’m playing The Sanctuary in the Sky!” A small space opened up on the side of his Duel Disk, where he slid a Field Spell into play. A magnificent Roman temple appeared, turning everything around them to blue sky on a realm of clouds.

“Sweet, Action Aster! Great move! I couldn’t a’ done it better m’self, homie!” Jaden congratulated.

“… D-did you just say… Action Aster?” Aster asked, speechless and pale.

“Yup! Cool nickname, eh?”

 

The boy slid into a sudden bout of depression, brought upon through memory.Aster Phoenix used to be a small boy with a teenage older brother and an NES. “Dang it, this game’s crap!” his brother shouted as Aster walked into the family room.

“What’cha playin’ bro?” he asked.

“O-oh, Aster, hey.” His brother felt like pushing all his sorrows onto the small one. “Heeeey, I got a new game for you! It’s called ACTION 52!!”

“Wow!” Aster got to hold the clear plastic cartridge. “Cool, it’s clear! And it has a ninja on the cover with a dragon! Sweet! Can I play?”

“Suuuuure,” the elder Phoenix boy allowed. He slipped the game into the NES and got them past the title screen, showcasing a Cheetahman waving his fist around to ‘It Takes Two’.

“Cool! A cheetah!”

“Not JUST a cheetah,” the brother said, “a cheetah-MAN!” He turned on the first game and handed the controller to the little kid.

‘FIREBREATHERS’ read the screen. Two dragons appeared in a grassy plane.

“Cool, the dragons!” Aster cheered! He took the controller and started attacking the second player with fireballs. Then he won. “…. That’s it?”

“Don’t worry, you have FIFTY-ONE games left!” the old kid said.

“But are they all this bad?”

“Don’t worry, there’s ONE GAME on this cartridge that’s secretly… THE BEST GAME IN THE WORLD.” Being an idiot, Aster fell for it and spent the rest of the day playing EVERY GAME.

 

“AAAAAAAAAHHHH, WHY DID I JUST LOSE WHEN THE GAME JUST STARTED?!?!”

 

“AAAAAHHHHHHH, WHAT’S A FETTUC?!?!”

 

“AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH, WHAT THE HECK IS MICRO MIKE SUPPOSED TO BE?!?!”

 

“WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH, WHAT’S THAT FACE ON THE GROUND AND WHY DOES IT KILL MEEEE???!?!!!!”

 

“BLARRRRRRRRRGHGGGG!!!! TIME?! TIME?!?!

 

And then, he had played through FIFTY-ONE GAMES. There was only one left… THE CHEETAHMEN. “Alright, could this one… TRULY… be the BEST game in the world?” Aster asked himself. He took a deep gulp and shakily pressed START.

 

He threw up from the sheer unplayability of the mess.

 

Aster didn’t sleep well that night. In his dreams, he was having trouble jumping, babies crawled around spraying milk everywhere, tough dudes smashed things with giant purple lollipops, Bubblegum Rosie was calling herself ‘Rossie’, cows were flying through the air, short magician things were shooting streamers on ledges and swinging around like Spiderman, crocodile people were running through the bomb-filled streets shooting people, ect. And Aster was caught in the middle of it all, chased by a naked guy with a giant schnoz and feet, rolling around in a ball of wrinkles and hair! “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!” the boy screamed! “AT LEAST PUT ON A TACKY SUIT AND SOME BAD SUNGLASSES!!” Suddenly there was a disturbance in the air. All of the monstrosities fled. And then the Cheetahmen trio entered. “Y-you… you lied to me!” Aster complained! Then one of the bipedal martial arts gi-wearing cheetahs held out his crossbow and shot him in the leg! “YEOW!” Aster fell over and nursed his injured limb in futility! The bulky member of the team picked him up by the shirt and punched him in the stomach! “OOGH!!” he cried. At last, the one wearing the red headband walked over, spun his two wooden clubs in his hands, and smashed Aster’s head in.

 

“Action 52…” muttered Aster’s older brother, standing over his bed, whispering into his ear. “Action 52… Action 52…” The kid sat up with a jolt, spraying his icy sweat all over the room.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOHOHOOO!!!”

 

“You got it, Action Hero!”

“NOT ACTION!!” Aster threw a monster card onto his Duel Disk. “I summon Warrior of Zera, and offer him as a tribute to summon Archlord Zerato from my hand!” A dark-skinned green-armored warrior appeared, held up his blue sword, and was struck by a ray of light via the tip of the fancy temple. His form was replaced by a pink, taller, winged shape. His sword had become longer and curved, as well. (Archlord Zerato: 2800 Attack Points) “Then I’ll discard a Mystic Shine Ball monster card to wipe out your monster by his effect!” A small glowing orb appeared next to Zerato. He stuck his hand into it, shattering it, and took all of its powers, firing them at Sparkman as a storm of lasers. Sparkman exploded. “Attack him directly, Archlord!”

“Woah! Nice goin’, Phoenix Games!” Jaden called! “You’re pretty good after all!”

Aster twitched. “NOT ANOTHER TRAUMA!!” he sobbed, shooting a thousand salty tears into Jaden’s face. (Jaden: 1200 Life Points)

 

“That looks pretty bad!” Syrus worried.

“Why’s Jaden so stupid today?” Chazz asked. “I mean, sure he’s an idiot, but now he’s just annoying.”

“We lost his meds,” Mann McOldsmobile said.

“His Stupid Pills?”

“No, it keeps all the anti-biotics and super-vitamins that are putting his bones back together from the last episode. It’s tragic.”

“Oh.” Everybody looked down in a somber fashion.

“A-anyways, I reckon you should take this!” Nancy Wut threw a towel at Jaden as Billy Hills slapped her face.

“Leave m’catch phrase alone, I reckon.”

 

Jaden caught the towel on his face, and as it slid off it took the wetness and salt away with it. “Thanks, yo! But y’know sumthin’, Dingo Pictures?”

“How did you even GET that nickname? Is it an insult?!”

“I summon Elemental Hero Clayman and play the Spell card Metamorphosis!” Clayman appeared on the field, round and brown as ever! Then he turned into… Clayman dressed as a football player with a shield. Yech. “It’s Elemental Hero Clay Guardian now, bub!” (Clay Guardian: 2800 Defense Points) Jaden held his pointer finger out at Aster and shouted “PENALTY GAME!!” Aster Phoenix exploded!

(Aster: 4000 -> 3400 Life Points) “AAAAHHH!!” he screamed! “What did you do?!”

“You lost six-hundred points.”

“How?”

“Because it’s convenient.”

“B-but was it your monster’s ability?” he reasoned, brushing away the ashes covering his suit and brushing his hair back into place with a giant afro comb. “Tell me that, at least.”

“Y’know you’ve made two big mistakes here, bub,” Jaden taught, setting one card face-down. “One: you have no cards left in your hand.” His opponent was out of extra cards. “Two: my monster has as many Defense Points as your monster had Attack Points! Now you can’t beat’m.”

 

Racking his brain in anger, Aster prepared his answer. “One: I USED that card to wipe your field and gain an ADVANTAGE, and I can do so AGAIN if you don’t pose an actual threat next turn. Two: how is it MY fault that you summoned that monster? Three: I win if I draw a monster! Do you understand?”

“Heh heh, heh.” Jaden held up two fingers and was having fun wiggling them in a precise order.

Don’t try reasoning with him, I tried!” called Syrus from high above. Understanding, Aster Phoenix began to silently cry blood.

 

This boy’s an idiot! I was promised a good match! Aster thought. Sartorius told me he’d be a challenge and all I needed to do was survey! All I’ve learned from today is that he uses Elemental Heroes and that he’s an IDIOT! Was this truly the destined boy I was sent to duel?

As that thought occurred, back in the Hall of Justice, the white-robed man flipped up another one of his Jo Jo Tarot cards. On it was an upside-down picture of a Frenchman with tall, silver hair and fashionable summer clothing. “The reversed Chariot?” the figure understood. “The game is coming to a climax…” Then, deciding it was better than spending his time flipping over cards and sitting idly, he pulled out a remote control and watched some TV.

 

“I have BETTER things to do than duel someone like YOU!” Aster growled! He drew a Spell card. “No matter, I’d better finish this. I activate the card Beckoning Light!” His Trap card disappeared, beckoning the Mystic Shine Ball out of Aster’s Graveyard! “This card discards my hand and replaces it with Light-type monsters from my Graveyard, which I can then discard to wipe your monsters away again!” The Mystic Shine Ball appeared again, got crushed again, and blew away Clay Guardian again for the first time.

“Is he REALLY going to lose THIS early?” Chazz appraised.

“No! Would anybody REALLY set a Trap card in this show and NOT use it?” Syrus lampshaded.

“Have you taken notes?” Alexis wondered.

Howdidyouknow?!

“STRIKE HIM!!” Aster shouted, as the archangel began his attack! He flew at Jaden and cut through his neck in one swift blow! Just kidding, it was just a Winged Kuriboh.

“OOH,” it ‘ooh’ed, sobbing two tears. Winged Kuriboh exploded!

“Sorry, I played my Flute of Summoning Kuriboh, Advanced Placement,” Jaden said as his newly-revealed Spell card flew off the field toward the Graveyard. “You done this turn, seein’ as you’re STILL out of cards?”

“Hmm hmm hmm…” He’s better than I thought, Aster believed. This is actually getting fun! Will I get to see one of these comebacks I’ve heard so much about?!

 

He remembered the day before. “Sartorius,” he said within the confines of the Hall of Justice, pushing Superman’s corpse around with his foot, “WHY should I bother with this kid when I get to the academy? I mean, sure, his deck is a foil to mine and makes it kinda funny, but—”

“Aster, enough, let me explain it to you.” Robed figure Sartorius shuffled his tarot cards around in his hands. “Every man and woman is born with three qualities of varying quality when it comes to Duel Monsters: luck, skill and sheer power. Jaden Yuki is quite possibly the most lucky man on the face of the earth, but while his power is high, his skill is below par. I know your skills and power are top-level, but that is why I need you to employ the power of chance to pick out a deck at random and duel the STRONGEST STUDENT at Duel Academy. Once you have lost to Jaden Yuki, that means he’s followed my expectations and our plan will work. Trust me.”

“Fine, I see,” Aster understood. “I’ll just hold onto my real deck and fart around ‘til I lose.” He kicked Superman out of the way. “Can I take the hovercraft to the island?”

“No, I arranged for you to use the sunset helicopter.”

“I NEVER get to use the hovercraft!”

 

“You see Yuki,” Aster began, “I’m starting to believe what I was told about you. When everybody is born, their destiny is already set out before them. Losers shall always be losers, and nameless characters will never be named unless the plot deems it necessary. And then there are legends, like you.”

“Me?” Jaden asked to the tune of ‘wa-wa’ music. “More like a super-star! Or a superhero with a kickin’ theme tune like ‘DAnananananana…’ But a legend? No thanks!”

“Oh you poor sap, you’re gonna fulfill your destiny whether you want to or not!” His hair began to flow as if underwater and his azure eyes turned pure blue! “Now, come at me with your full power! I WANT TO SEE YOUR FULL POWER!! COME ON; IT’S SHOWTIME!!”

“Found the huh meds huh!” called Deep-Voice Dobbson as he tossed two pills into Jaden’s mouth. He swallowed hard.

“Maybe not FULL power…” Jaden considered, “but how’s about our new half-season

“THAT SO DOESN’T FIT THE TONE OF THIS SCENE!!”

He picked up his next card off of his deck. He flipped it around! It was that guy I don’t like, “Elemental Hero Bubbleman in Attack Mode!” Bubbleman appeared with a sickly purple background! (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points)

“My gosh Boss,” Ojama Yellow cried, standing on Chazz’s shoulder, “that means he can draw TWO cards!” Garfield ate him.

“Thanks!”

“MEOW.”

“EEP!!”

 

“Hah!” Jaden said, pulling two cards from his deck of cards! He added the cards with the cards in his hand, and played another Spell. “I then activate The Warrior Returning Alive!” Sparkman floated out of his Graveyard and into Jaden’s hand in a swift, circular arc.

“WOAH HOW’D HE DO THAT I RECKON?!” Billy Hills gasped!

“He’s still got it!” Syrus said with a smirk.

“I GUESS that has to do with the last episode?” Alexis supposed.

“Next I’ll play Polymerization!” Jaden said, fusing Bubbleman and Sparkman with Avian!

“Hi, long time no see!” he greeted, waving to the kids.

“Hi, Avian!” everybody greeted back.

“Combine into…” They swirled together into the blue-clothed green-haired blaster-armed Hero, “TEMPEST!!” (Tempest: 2800 Attack Points) “Now, by discardin’ a card,” Jaden said, tossing away a Skyscraper card, “he can’t die in battle against guys tough as he is! Destroy Zerato!”

“ROOAAAAHH!!” the man shouted, sounding like a true hardened warrior! Tempest tackled into Archlord Zerato gun-first, aiming it into his stomach. He’d tackled straight through Zerato’s blade, which snapped and crumbled. In one burst, a laser burned Zerato to the last molecule, turning him into two specks of dust.

So this is what I’ll be facing later, Aster anticipated, dispelling his eye-glow and hair-float. This is too exciting…

“Then I play De-Fusion!” Jaden added, playing the aforementioned Spell! “My monster splits apart and all three Heroes attack you directly!” Tempest split back into Bubbleman, Sparkman and Avian.

“HAH!” Bubbleman threw a rockin’ bubble at Aster. (Aster: 2600 Life Points)

“HOO!” Sparkman threw a shockin’ spark at Atser. (Aster: 1000 Life Points)

“Whoop!” Avian threw an Avin’ credit card at Aster. (Aster: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

“And THAT’S how you get yo’ game on, son!” Jaden shouted, satisfied.

“BOO,” someone said.

“I missed that guy!” Jade acknowledged as the temple in the sky was blown away in the wind, restoring the cliff to its earlier state.

 

“Wait, what was that card he discarded earlier?” Chazz asked, impressed.

“Who cares, we just remembered why he’s the main character again!” Alexis remembered.

“So, Aster Phoenix AKA AP AKA random kid who dueled me even though I should be wondering why he’s a nation-wide celebrity duelist, I hope you realize what kinda competition you’ve gotta exceed at THIS school!” Jaden coached. “Good game! If you’d had better card advantage, you may’ve won.”

“Maybe,” Aster said, as the sun began to set and a helicopter burst out from the water nearby. “Well I think it’s about time to retire to the Obelisk Blue dorms.” He grabbed onto a helpful rope ladder as the helicopter began to fly off. “Maybe I’ll even use my REAL deck next time…” The chopper began flying over the ocean, into the sunset. “Wrong way, idiot!” It turned and flew back to the mainland.

“Yow kids! That SURE was the bee’s knees, eh?” Ms. Dorothy surveyed, petting Garfield. “We NEVER had games like those when I was a lass. All we had were Hoop n’ Stick, Tic-Tac-Toe, Pick-up Sticks, Hackey Sacks, The Hindenburg Disaster, Shoot the Impure Races, Ben 10 Alien Force, Everyone Hates the Immigrants…”

 

As she babbled on, the other characters began discussing other subjects. “So because I have to ask because I’m the one who plays card games the least around here,” Mann McOldsmobile said, “does anybody know what his REAL deck type IS?”

“Oh, I heard he uses some Elemental Hero fusions Jaden never used,” Syrus recalled.

“Like me, I reckon!” Billy Hills realized! Then he frowned. “Aw dang it, now I’m not unique anymore I reckon.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Alexis suggested. “All we need to figure out now is what he has to do with our plot.”

“Let’s find out as we go?” Nancy Wut suggested.

“Sounds dangerous.” Syrus said. “Let’s do it!”

“Well anyways,” Jaden asked, appearing behind the group as Ms. Dorothy went into her truly racist favorite games, “what’d you think ‘bout my duel down there?”

“Please don’t use Clay Guardian ever again,” Nancy asked.

“Now that I’m on mah meds,” Jaden said in a dependable fashion, “ANYTHIN’S POSSIBLE!!”

“AAAAHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!” And so they laughed on into the night…

 

… as Crowler and Bonaparte were stuck by the docks, waiting for Aster. “I don’t think he’s coming, monsyewer,” Bonaparte said, seeing as every student had already left to the island.

“Not a man.”

“Sorry. Shouldn’t we have taken all da children heyah by helicoptah like last yeyah? Then maybe we’d have done all this by now.”

“Stop applying logic to everything,” Crowler denounced, smacking the puppet on a nearby box.

A plank dropped down from the boat, allowing two students to step out from inside. One was a tough-looking young man, with a dinosaur-ish bandana, dreadlocks flowing to his back, and the sleeveless girl’s Ra Yellow top so that he could show off his muscles. And he was a BLACK kid!! The other was a perky young blue-haired (to the small of her back) girl with aqua-colored butterfly-shaped glasses, an idiot smile, and a red dress covered in yellow and black lines down the underside of her arms, running down to her feet, covered in shiny white boots. I wonder why she’s so well-described, even though she’s not even in the original material.

 

“SEN-KAI-YOOOOH!!” she shouted! “DADDY!! WE’RE HERE!!”

“Shugahplum!” Bonaparte exclaimed, as Crowler helped move his puppetty arms into an embrace around Senkaiyoh’s neck. “Comment allez vous? How was yuh trip?”

“Pretty good!” she answered.

“Hey, Mr. B!” the boy greeted, patting the puppet’s shoulder. “’Sbeen a while! Don’t worry, I’ve been takin’ care of Senkaiyoh on the boat. Boy, was it a massacre!”

“Why’re you wearing the girl’s uniform?” Crowler asked. “Wait, A MASSACRE?!”

“AAHH, WHAT ARE YOU?!?!” Hassleberry gasped!

“Oh, that? I thought you said only the two survivors got to go to the academy!” Senkaiyoh remembered.

“Non non non, my little flowah!” Bonaparte said. “We said it would take two HOUWAHS to get to the academy! What did you do this time?” Some blood ran down the side of the ship. (Death Count Season Two – 93)

“Well, they DID try to tap my shoulder, so I didn’t show the evil students any mercy!” Senkaiyoh explained.

“That… that’s horrible!” Crowler gasped!

“You too!” the boy said.

“Quiet, Hassleberry.”

“I see you’re already well acquainted with me, Manwomanpig,” the boy whose last name was Hassleberry said. “Well, she just said that’s what she heard and I believed her, so…”

“SENKAIYOH!!” Senkaiyoh continued.

“Not a man,” Crowler said. “Anyways, what happened to the captain?”

“It was SURE hard to drive a ship like that one!” Senkaiyoh deduced, straightening the Captain’s Cap on her head. “And THAT’S why we were late! Tyranno tried to drive it and it caught on fire, so we put it out by just shooting at it! It was so hilarious!”

“Well, what can I say? Aha ha ha ha ha…”

 

“So tell me again why I allowed both of these students into my school? Crowler asked.

“Because theyah just as dangehrus as the rest ah dem, bless theyah heahts…” Bonaparte said with a sniffle, wiping away a puppet tear. “By the way, let’s get rid of the Slifah Red dorms tomorrah.”

“Okay.”

 

[spoiler=NEXT EPISODE:]It’s love in full bloom at Duel Academy! Jaden becomes obsessed with new student Senkaiyoh! Chazz Princeton becomes obsessed with BEATING UP new student Senkaiyoh! New student Senkaiyoh becomes obsessed with old-looking guy Mann McOldsmobile! Mann McOldsmobile becomes obsessed with unmasking Bonaparte for the fraud he is! But there’s gonna be some trouble, ‘cause there’s a NEW Tyranno Hassleberry in town! Tune in next time to find out what the heck all this means! Yeehaw!!

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=The OTHER Other Episodes]

[spoiler=We Have Many Strange People Here]

Episode Fifty-Nine: Back to Duel

Episode Sixty: Champion or Chazz-Been

Episode Sixty-One: A Hassleberry Hounding

Episode Sixty-Two: Sad but Truesdale

 

[spoiler=Cannon Stus and Maru Sues]

Episode Sixty-Three: The Demon

Episode Sixty-Four: A New Breed of Hero - Part One

Episode Sixty-Five: A New Breed of Hero - Part Two

Episode Sixty-Six: Pop Goes the Duel

Episode Sixty-Seven: I've Seen the Light

Episode Sixty-Eight: Comradarie Contest (WRITTEN BY KENDOFISH) (Part Two)

Episode Sixty-Nine: A Greater Porpoise

Episode Seventy: Curry Worries

 

 

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An episode you'll never forget... but you'll WANT to! Hee hee ha ha!

 

[spoiler=Episode 60: Champion or Chazz-Been]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. The Fan Fic

Episode 60 – Champion or Senkaiyoh

 

Chazz Princeton was standing in the center of the good ol’ fashioned Duel Dome arena, standing with a brown-haired Obelisk Blue kid, with really wide eyes, both shuffling their opponent’s decks. “YOU CAN DO IT, CHAZZ!!” Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson screamed from the sidelines! “I RECKON YOU CAN HUH HUH!!”

“Hey boss, it’s ‘da first Duel a’ th’ new year!” Ojama Yellow announced, sitting on Chazz’s shoulder. “How d‘ya feel?”

“I feel like I won’t even NEED my Armed Dragons to take care of THIS newbie,” Chazz stated.

“I feel undahpreciated.”

“Hey RED KID,” Chazz’s opponent asked, “what’s with the WEIRDO on your shoulder?”

“He’s ugly. Get with it.”

“Uh, okay?”

Crowler was standing nearby, holding Bonaparte holding a microphone. “BONJEWER, CHILDREN!!” Bonaparte greeted. “T’day’s the fuhst day of classes, and I suppose yew’re all wonderin’ why we’ve ALREADY got a Duel set up!”

“Yeah,” said the audience.

 

As that happened, Jaden, Alexis, and their respective posses were running down the halls, trying to get to the main event. “Aw no, it’s last year all over again!” Mann McOldsmobile cried. “Ooh, I know! I can get you to the library!”

“Not now,” Nancy Wut cautioned. “We don’t need no book learning today!”

“I just wish that we already knew about this thing so that we wouldn’t HAVE to be late, yo,” Jaden lamented.

“We DID,” Syrus claimed. “They had the PA system say it all over the island. At maximum volume. People on mainland Japan heard it. We MIGHT be there already if you weren’t being a LAZY BUM while Alexis and everybody waited on us!”

“I mean really, did you HAVE to do that nose hair trimming this morning?” Alexis groaned.

“Long story, man. LONG.”

“Hehey,” Atticus snickered, signaling that he was with them, “I guess that you could say we’re in a… BUM rush?” He smiled awkwardly and waited for the payoff.

“BOO,” someone said.

“Gets worse every time,” Syrus Sy-ed.

“Oh hey we’re here,” Alexis quickly exclaimed, for they had just entered the Duel Dome.

“Hey, who’s that short guy on stage?” Atticus asked, pointing to Bonaparte.

“It’s a puppet, Atticus,” Alexis stated, disturbed, “a really, really uncomfortable puppet.”

“That Mrs. C!” Jaden guffawed.

“Mrs.?”

 

The two students gave their decks back to the original owners and backed off into Dueling position. “So allow ME to explain to them all what we’re doing here,” Crowler said, snatching the microphone out of her marionette’s paws. “My son, Chazz Princeton, will be dueling in order to determine the fate of the Slifer Red dorm! If he is to win, he will be promoted to Obelisk Blue and the old building will be destroyed!”

“GAYYYAASSSSP!!” the audience shrieked!

“Naw way!” Jaden cried!

“B-BUT LISTEN, GUYS!!” Chazz instructed as the Slifers in the room tossed red items at him. “IF THE RED DORMS ARE DESTROYED, ALL OF US REDS CAN GO UP A DORM AND LIVE IN LUXURY!! WE HAVEN’T EVEN HAD BREAKFAST ONCE SINCE BANNER KICKED IT!! DO YOU LIKE BREAKFAST?!?!”

“Boo,” some kid roared, tossing his red ketchup packet at Chazz. Chazz blasted it away with his CHAZZISAWESOMELASERBLAST and ignored the ignorant masses.

“Hmph. Idiots.”

“B-back to the point,” Crowler continued, wiping a red towel off of its face, “if this weird boy over here wins…”

“MY NAME IS FILLERBOY BLUESTUDENT!!” the random filler student boy from Obelisk Blue claimed.

“Yes yes, if Filllerboy wins, Red is still destroyed, so there.”

“SO WE’RE SCREWED EITHER WAY?!?!” Jaden and Mann McOldsmobile cried, sobbing into the heavens.

“But it’s good,” Syrus said quietly. “I wanna be Yellow…”

 

“Anyways before Chazz duels Fillerboy he has to duel Bonaparte’s daughter, who wants to save the Red Dorms,” Crowler spat as Senkaiyoh from earlier walked on-stage, taking Fillerboy Bluestudent’s place.

“SEN-KAI-YOOOOOOH!!!” she screamed.

“Wait WHAT?!” Atticus asked suddenly.

 

ONE! DAY!! EARLIER!!!

Crowler was sitting in its office, the Chancellor’s Room, dwelling on the cruelty of life in general. It fiddled around with Bonaparte’s puppety body, making him dance around like a common rag doll. “Doo dee doo dee doo,” Crowler sobbed. “OH IT’S HOPELESS!!”

“What, Crowluh?” Bonaparte asked, Crowler moving its mouth slightly in a way people wouldn’t notice.

“I just wanted Aster Phoenix! That’s all I truly desired for our mighty school as its new Chancellor. A fresh face. A school mascot of incredible constitution. And yet I can’t even find this new most important student of the millennium! It’s just not fair.”

“Why did we need him again?”

“Because everybody’s frigging killing up all the students at this school EVERY SINGLE YEAR!!” Crowler shouted! “Why do you THINK I put up the kill counter?! For FUN?!”

“It looked interesting, Crowluh.”

“BUT OUR POPULARITY KEEPS SHRINKING!! We BARELY got any NEW main characters since Zane Truesdale graduated!! All we have is… that… Hassleberry kid… and… see? NOBODY!!”

“And my daughtuh,” Bonaparte reminded. “Look, I got an ideuh. How’s about we have a NEW stah of the school? And while we’uh at it, we could get rid of Slifuh Red. It’s the biggest of ouh dorms, despite being the smallest quartehs. If we put the LOW-ranked students into the HIGHER-ranked dorms, then we MAY be able t’make us moah populah!”

 

“Hmm… and our new star… could it be my son?” Crowler thought. “My own flesh and cash? It’s perfect! What a perfect idea, Bonaparte! We could reinstate him into Obelisk Blue after dueling some random Blue Freshman, like HE used to be, and he’ll gain ALL his popularity BACK!! Bonaparte, you’re awesome.”

“Ooh, can my DAUGHTUH pahticipate as well?” Bonaparte asked.

“You’re becoming less awesome by the minute.”

“Well, I suppose ouh kids could Duel it up, and then the winnuh would duel the random kid, and THEN we’d have a stah on ouwah hanz!” Bonaparte decided.

“Fine then.” Crowler caved in. “Our kids can duel. Waiiiit… ARE YOU SAYING THAT IF YOUR KIDS WINS YOU’RE BETTER THAN ME?!” Crowler threw Bonaparte against the wall.

 

TWO! MINUTES!! LATER!!!

Senkaiyoh was walking around with Tyranno Hassleberry, heading to the Slifer Red dorms. He was carrying all of their luggage to appear respectably chivalrous. Senkaiyoh however was ambling on ahead, talking on a titanium cell phone. “So I’ll be dueling tomorrow, daddy?” she asked.

Yes ,pumkin, you’ll be facing a Sophomoah student befoah we blow up the Slifer Red dorms!” She looked at the crappy building ahead of them. A window fell out and broke suddenly.

“Well, it looks pretty hazardous, so okay!” Senkaiyoh accepted.

Alright, den. I’ll see you tomorroh, mon angette! Kisses.” He hung up. Senkaiyoh destroyed the cell phone in her grip.

“Alright, Hassleyberry,” Senkaiyoh said, “thanks for coming with me. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Well okay then,” the cool kid accepted, “but at least let me take your bags inside first.”

“’Kay! I’m on the first floor!” Senkaiyoh instructed. “I’m gonna look around a bit before I turn in.” She waved, he waved, and he walked her two bags of stuff into the first floor. He entered a giant, one-floor-sized room, full of half of the school, all Red students.

“WHAT IS THIS SCHOOL?!?!”

 

The blue-haired girl strolled around up the stairs of the tool shed and stopped at the last door of the flat. “I hope they like new neighbors!” Senkaiyoh hoped, intent on taking the room next door. She kicked the door down and screamed “SENKAIYOOOOH!! HOWDY, NEIGHBORS!!” Inside was Jaden, eating Cup Noodles from a cup and looking at trading cards atop Mann McOldsmobile’s fallen bunk.

“Uh… yo?” Jaden stuttered. Her eyes… sparkling like stars! Her hair… like the endless expanses of the universe! Her aura… it feels like somethin’ else cosmic-related!! What is this… longing? And that’s how he fell in love with our random new character.

“I’m Senkaiyoh, and I’m gonna live right next to you!” She pulled out a gun from nowhere. “I brought a casserole! Whoops. I guess I brought a gun.”

“AAAAHAHAHAHAAAA!!” Jaden fake-laughed. “Oh boy, you’re a riot, Senkai.”

“Senkaiyoh.”

“I’m Jaden, yo!”

“SENKAIYOH!!”

“Senkai, yo. Gotcha.” He quickly inhaled the rest of his noodles through his mouth cavity and wiped his hands. He offered a hand in shaking merriment. “I’m Jaden Yuki, the best Duelist kid at school, proven approximately 53 times so far. Nice dress. New uniform?”

“No, I forced them to let me wear it, because it’s my SPECIAL uniform!” Senkaiyoh explained, slapping Jaden’s hand away. “I’m the GALACTIC POLICE OFFICER, SWORN TO ELIMINATE ALL EVIL NO MATTER WHERE IT LIES!!”

“Oh, cool.” A’ight, now it’s time to lay it on thick, Jay-bird, Jaden told himself. Gonna put the moves on ‘er. “Uh, I like girls with long hair and random blue glasses.” SCORE!!

 

Syrus walked in, very upset. “Jaden, I just went to take a shower. And you know what?”

“Not now, Sy!” Jaden warned.

“The soap smells like ass!” Syrus pouted. “Why does it smell like ass?”

“I do not know, Sy.”

“It’s because you keep washing your ass with EVERYBODY’S SOAP. I mean, you put the soap, in your ass. That’s disgusting, Jay! We could ALL die if we use this soap! And it’ll wash down the drain, ruining ALL the water! You told me you stopped doing that, Jay.” Syrus appeared finished.

“Uh…”

“I mean seriously, who puts the soap in their ass-cheeks?!” Syrus complained further. “That’s foul!”

“Is he your friend?” Senkaiyoh asked.

“Um… yeah. He lives in this room with me and a tough guy.”

“Ooh, tough guy?”

“I’m Syrus Truesdale and I do not stick soap in my ass,” Syrus assured. “UNLIKE HIM! Ugh!” Senkaiyoh glanced at Jaden. Jaden frowned. Senkaiyoh stopped looking at Jaden.

“I’m Senkaiyoh, galactic police officer!”

“Oh.”

 

And then Mann McOldsmobile walked in, covered in wetness, not wearing a shirt. He placed one hand on the empty doorframe. “Uh, hi guys? What’s with this random girl? And why’re you on my bed?”

“Oop, sorry Mann,” Jaden apologized. “Nuthin’ personal.”

“Nah, it’s alright, it’s just that there’s a bed on the top with nobody inside.”

“But Koala Ko Ala DIED in that last year!”

“Oh yeah.” Suddenly Mann McOldsmobile accidentally crushed the doorframe with his bare hand! “Oops! Didn’t mean to do that, ha ha ha.”

“WAIT WAIT WAIT!! Did you just break that thing?!” Senkaiyoh questioned.

“Um, yeah,” Mann McOldsmobile said.

“And can you survive this?” Senkaiyoh asked, slamming an iron girder over his head.

“OW! Yeah,” Mann McOldsmobile said.

“WELL THEEEEEEEEENNN…” Senkaiyoh announced, “I’m an idiot.”

“… Okay.”

“And I’m not done!” she insisted. “You see, I do dangerous stuff all the time, being a galactic policewoman and such! So I need to make sure that before I die, I can carry on my DNA!” She grabbed Mann McOldsmobile by the shoulder. “You! I need you! Your body is stronger than normal humans. That way, I can’t kill you by accident! Give me a baby.”

“… No,” he said.

“What are you talking about, mysterious female character?!” Syrus cried. “You’re making this thing go from Teen to Adults Only! LIKE JADEN! UGH!! Stop hurting our demographic, you guys!”

“Nah, it’ll only rise to Older Teen!” Senkaiyoh insisted. “Teen Only at the very least!” She patted Mann McOldsmobile on the belly.

“Ahh! My belly!” he recoiled.

“Come on, it’ll only take five minutes!” Senkaiyoh went on. “It’ll be fun! I’m sure you’re not gay enough to turn me down!”

“Well, yeah, but… I only like older women.”

 

“……….”

“……….”

“…”

“I’ll take it!” Jaden said.

“… Allllright then,” Senkaiyoh accepted, “have it your way. I’ll just keep asking you at every opportunity!”

“No!” Mann McOldsmobile said.

“Please, ma’am, get out of our room,” Syrus stressed. “We don’t need another Sue or Stu here.”

“Alright thennnnn,” Senkaiyoh repeated. She picked the door up and every piece of shattered wall and threw them back into place. “I guess I’ll see you around! Sen-kai-yoh!” She walked out the door, leaving the three guys alone.

 

“I like her,” Jaden sighed. “I’m in love, bros.”

“She’s a whore!” Mann McOldsmobile said decisively.

“AND she’s OBVIOUSLY a MARY SUE,” Syrus verified.

“Naw, her name’s Senkai!”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Syrus groaned. “Alright, a Mary Sue by definition is a female character in a work of fiction who instantly becomes a top-tier character and dominates EVERYTHING, storyline and all.”

“But she’s cool! Didn’t you see those cool shades?”

“Jay, look,” explained the glasses-boy, “she’s a Mary Sue, which is BAD. She instantly made you fall in love, she’s pulling things out from… hyperspace or something, and she’s sexually harassing our Mann McOldsmobile. Plus she looks different because of her dress. That MEANS she’s taking the story from us. Which is BAD!! It’s like Shades Milligan, if he ever became important! We DON’T want that.”

“And I don’t like being sexually harassed, you fool in love!” Mann McOldsmobile stated. “You KNOW I’m uncaring about love right now seeing as I suddenly got an interest in Alexis and got over it! That MEANS it was an ACCIDENTAL CHARACTER TRAIT WE’D ALL BE BETTER OFF FORGETTING. She’s FORCING IT ON ME.”

“But she’s got blue hair, y’all! BLUE!”

I have blue hair!” Syrus yelled!

“Y’do?” Syrus jumped up and spin-kicked him in the face. Two teeth and an eyeball flew out of his head. “WHYYYYYYYyyyyy…”

“Look, we’re getting off-topic here, but this girl’s a BAD OMEN. We’ve got some bad JUJU magic up in here. We can’t have it.”

“Now to the point,” Mann McOldsmobile reminded, “why’s the soap smell like ass?”

 

Outside, Senkaiyoh slid down the banister and fell as it snapped in half. He glasses showed a small line of orange, as if on a circuit board, and summoned a second cell phone out of thin air. She grabbed it and dialed a number. “………. Hey daddy? What was that about you getting rid of the dorm? Because… I like it.

 

ONE! DAY!! LATER!!!

Senkaiyoh and Chazz attached their academy-issued Duel Disks to their arms and drew their opening hands. “Damn you, taking away more screentime than I got this episode?” Chazz complained. “I’m gonna beat you, then beat that guy and secure my space in my old dorms! And I’m not even gonna use my best deck!”

“So you’re cocky, huh?” Senkaiyoh asked.

“Well, I have to figure in that when I was a Freshman, I could’ve COMPLETELY smoked myself with just some silly Ojamas…”

“Hmmm… because I’m new, can I decide who goes first?” Senkaiyoh asked.

“Sure, why not?”

“Then go, black-hair kid! You can do it!” Senkaiyoh coerced.

 

“AND THE DUEL COMMENCES!!” Crowler shouted! “CHAZZ TAKES THE FIRST MOVE!!”

“I’m playing Polymerization to fuse together the monsters Ojama Yellow, Ojama Green and Ojama Black to form the Ojama King!!” Chazz shouted!

“YIPPEE!!” Ojama Yellow cried, as he and his brothers appeared and combined into the bigface horror!!

“HOW’S IT GOIN’ GUYS?” Ojama King asked.

“AAAHHH!!” the students yelped, averting their eyes!

“When Ojama King enters play, three of your monster card spaces become occupied!” And as Chazz said so, three ugly Ojamas appeared on Senkaiyoh’s field.

“Repulsive!” Senkaiyoh cheered!

“Next I’ll set one card face-down and end my turn,” Chazz decided, playing two extra cards. “That’s enough for now.” Heh, I set Destruction Jammer, so if she tries to destroy my Ojama King by an effect, I can discard an Ojamagic card from my hand to negate it. Then I can summon a second Ojama King once I use Fusion Recovery, also in my hand! Boy, do I love monologues.

 

“How could you summon something so UGLY?” Senkaiyoh questioned. “It’s like… ew!”

“But the question is ‘can you beat him’?” Chazz asked.

“Yeah.”

“Really?”

“SEN-KAI-YOH!! I PLAY SIX SAMURAI UNITED!!” She summoned a group photo to the field, showing six technologically advanced samurai standing together for their yearbook picture.

“Did you say… Six Samurai?” Chazz gulped.

“Yeah, now when I summon one of them I get a token on my Spell card! And I’ll also use Gateway of the Six Samurai, which gets TWO tokens every time!” A wooden sliding door appeared with a complex symbol pictured. “Then I’ll summon Legendary Six Samurai – Mizuho in Attack Mode!” A woman in red semi-traditional glowing samurai armor appeared, her hair styled into a flowing ponytail and holding two small scythes. (Mizuho: 1600 Attack Points) Two floating circles appeared on the doorway, one on the photo. “Next I Special Summon Grandmaster of the Six Samurai, possible if I already control one monster!” A grey-haired aging man with a robot eye and a respectable amount of armor appeared, holding forth a short laser sword. More orbs appeared.(Grandmaster: 2100 Attack Points)

“She’s swarming the whole field already?!” Alexis gasped! “That’s so stereotypically Sue!”

“I know, right?” Jaden asked dreamily.

“Alright, so now I’ll activate Mizuho’s ability: I can tribute one other Six Samurai monster to destroy one of your monsters!” Mizuho the red picked up the Samurai Grandmaster and threw him at the big Ojama!

 

“I don’t think so!” Chazz disagreed! “I play Destruction Jammer, so I can discard a card in my hand to negate the activation of your stupid samurai’s ability and DESTROY her!” His Trap card flipped up, knocked the old man away, and took Ojamagic with it. “Furthermore, by discarding Ojamagic, I can take Ojamas Yellow, Green and Black from my deck and add them to my hand!” Chazz took his cards and felt smug.

“So?” Senkaiyoh challenged, as the red woman was hit in the face by the oldmanball. “My monster goes to the Graveyard but I still have a lotta tokens! I’ll discard my United card to draw two cards!” Six Samurai United ripped in half, signifying the split between the band in 1987… and Senkaiyoh drew two cards. “Now I’ll play Smashing Ground!” A giant fist squished Ojama King with a fart noise, erasing the three tokens from existence.

“D-did you just crush my big monster without any build-up or complex strategy?” Chazz supposed.

“Next I’ll use my Gateway’s effect to remove four counters and add a Six Samurai from my deck to my hand! I summon Legendary Six Samurai – Kizan!” A black-armored man stepped up to the plate, taking out his favorite sword. (Kizan: 1800 Attack Points) “Just like the older one, I can Special Summon HIM from my hand, too!” From nowhere, yet again, Senkaiyoh held a katana and swung it around wildly! “KIZAN! GRANDMASTER!! STRIKKU!! STRIKKU!!” The two monsters appeared next to Chazz on either side and slapped him with the backs of their blades.

“AAHH! LASERS DON’T HAVE A BACK!!” (Chazz: 100 Life Points)

 

“Next before I end my turn, I Special Summon Great Shogun Shien due to having two Samurai!” Senkaiyoh went on. A man in fiery armor stepped out, wearing a billowing cape, a flaming crest, and a hell of a tough-guy moustache. (Shien: 2500 Attack Points) “When he’s on the field, he only allows you to play one Spell card per turn! And because I’m not finished yet, I’ll use Double Summon and Monster Reborn to revive Mizuho and summon Kagemusha of the Six Samurai!” A really forgettable guy from the distant past in brown armor appeared with the red woman. (Kagemusha: 2 Stars, Tuner; Mizuho: 3 Stars)

“Are you… seriously going to…”

“SYNCHRO SHOKAN!!” The two newly-formed guys combined into a younger form of Shien. He had similar armor, but his cape was replaced by two demonic bat wings and a purple aura. “Legendary Six Samurai Shien!”

“BOO.” (Shien: Synchro, 5 Stars, 2500 Attack Points)

“What’s that one do?” Chazz asked, worried for his own Dueling safety.

“He negates one of your Spells or Traps every turn.”

“WHAAAAT?!?!” Chazz squealed! Both Shiens bumped fists across time. She… she just put me on lockdown in one turn!! And she gave me mercy! She COULD have summoned all of these guys LAST turn!! She truly is… A MARY SUE!!

 

“Uh… you ‘kin do it, I reckon!” Billy Hills supported.

“Don’t give huh up huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson suggested.

“LOSE SO WE CAN STILL GO TO SLIFER RED!!” Jaden ordered.

It all comes down to this one draw… Chazz drew a card. He stared at it. “Uh… I pass?”

“STRIKKU!!” Kizan sliced through Chazz’s Life Points and his heart… of Dueling.

“NOOOO, HUH, I SAID DON’T GIVE UP, HUH!!” (Chazz: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

“DON’T STOP!!” Senkaiyoh commanded! “OTHERS!! STRIKKU!! STRIKKU!! STRIKKU!!”

“What’s she mean?” asked Fillerboy Bluestudent as his body was cut into pieces. (Death Count Season Two – 94, Fillerboy Bluestudent: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

“Sh-SHE WON?!?! ALREADY?!?! TWICE?!?!?!?!” Crowler exploded, but not literally! “HOW DID SHE?!?!”

 

Bonaparte stole the microphone from its cold, clammy hand and shouted, “AND SO THE RED DORMS ARE SAVED BY MY DAUGHTAH!!”

“Yeah?” three people cheered, excluding Jaden.

“AW YEAH, GIRLFIEND! YOU DID IT!! YEAHEAH!!” the boy shouted! Senkaiyoh left Chazz standing on the stage and approached Mann McOldsmobile!

“Hi, everybody! How’d I do?” Senkaiyoh asked.

“AHH! SKANKYjabroni WHORECAKES?!” Mann McOldsmobile shrieked, fleeing.

“Uh, alright I guess?” Alexis said. “I’m Alexis, and I’m slightly afraid of your ultimate power.”

“Thanks!”

“You were AWESOME OUT THERE!!” Jaden said, hugging Senkaiyoh!

“Aw, thanks, you feel disgusting!” she complimented. She shoved him off.

“I’ll be good.”

Syrus decided to step up to the front and center. “So is it true that you’re a Mary Sue?” asked he.

“Uuuuuh… yeah,” she said.

“And are you here to steal our major parts and roles?” Syrus inquisited.

“Yes, kinda.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Syrus fell on his face. His glasses shattered.

“Hey!” Tyranno Hassleberry walked over to his good friend named Senkaiyoh. “Sen’, your dad’s askin’ if you have anything to say to the crowd.”

“Gotcha!” She turned around with the Dino Dude and went to her ‘father’.

 

“YOU MEAN WE HAVE A BLACK GUY NOW?!” Jaden jubilated, sending spittle everywhere! “SUHWEET!!” He began to fangasm everywhere!

“EW! HE FANGASMED OVER MY FACE!!”

“GET HIM OUTTA HERE!!” Alexis and the gang lifted up Jaden and ran away, trying to contain the mess.

“AW MAN, I SLIPPED IN IT!!” sobbed Nancy Wut.

 

Senkaiyoh patted her inanimate father’s balding head, knocking three hairs loose, and took the mic. “Uh, hi everybody!”

“HI!” said one fellow.

“Quiet you! So, you may be wondering why I saved the Red dorms, right?” she reminded. “Well, I went to my dorm room last night and decided to see what some of my new dorm mates were doing. The place was REALLY REALLY stupid. And a window fell out of it. But when I went inside, I met some stupid people. I thought they looked pretty happy. I wanted to feel like them too. For in their poverty, they banded together and built their ties of youthful happiness together! I want to be like that, too! And now because I’m out of things to say, everyone cheer for me!!”

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!” screamed a giant fraction of the Slifer Red dormitories! They began leaping off of the bleachers and running to their new Suetiful savior! BUT SHE WASN’T HAVING ANY OF IT. Senkaiyoh tossed everybody named Chazz, Crowler, Hassleberry and Bonaparte into the air, summoned about eight remotely-operated gun turrets and two gatling guns, and...

DIIIIIIIIE GROPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERSSSS!!” she shouted. Everybody was shot. The Red horde died. (Death Count Season Two – 692)

 

“But Senkaiyoh,” Tyranno Hassleberry said as she caught him, disregarding Crowler and the rest, “they weren’t tryin’ to grope you, they wanted to CELEBRATE you!”

“Whoops!” Senkaiyoh said, shrugging and sticking her tongue out.

“HA HA HA! Let’s go.” The two left.

“Uuuuuugh, that was horrible,” Crowler groaned, rubbing its aching head.

“Well, anyways, now I think we shouldn’t be troying to destroy the Red dormitries, because it would be terrible if my little guhrl were tuh lose a place she loved, right?”

“… Maaaaybe,” Crowler said, obviously hiding an ulterior motive.

“Yuh-r still gonna try, ain’cha.”

“Yes indeed-y.”

“Oh.”

 

Syrus felt weary and scared as he took a newly-cleaned Jaden back to their room with Mann McOldsmobile. She has an unused archetype that won in one turn, she has a Synchro, which still technically doesn’t exist, and she’s done something to help us all just because. She’s going to screw up everything…

She want my XXXX, Mann McOldsmobile worried, in his own way. A girl five years younger than me wants my XXXX… I’m scared for today’s kids and tomorrow’s adults…

She’s still hot, AND she has a black friend~! Jaden celebrated in a worrisome fashion. I can get my sexy-time on AND have RAP BATTLES?!?! SICK!!!!

 

Chazz sat on the ground in the Duel Dome as Janitorboy Ikkaku brushed cadavers away with his mop. Billy Hills and Deep Voice Dobbson draped a blanket over his back. “C’mon, huh, Chazz, huh, time to go.”

“It’s twelve, I reckon, AM. It’s time t’go t’sleep, I reckon.”

It’s… it’s so embarrassing. I LOST to a STRANGE FRESHMAN!! Am I… becoming a worse Duelist?

 

[spoiler=NEXT EPISODE:]Uh-oh! Looks like Bastion’s Baseball Wrecking Gang’s back, and they’re stealing everybody’s stuff! It’s up to Mann McOldsmobile to save everybody from his new deck type…. one you’ll NEVER FORGET!! Ahahaaaa. So tune in next time for Three Billy Goats Gruff: The Fusion of Our Cultures!! See ya there!

 

 

 

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Bump. I got pushed down to the bottom of the page without many views.

 

On a side note, Senkaiyoh was going to be used since episode 19, as I remember it, and was created about 2 years prior to that. Ever since the beginning, she was set to use Six Samurai. So when the Legendary Six Samurai were announced, I just started laughing.

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Well, I've got a suggestion. You peeps remember the crossover episodes? Remember, with them Raspberyl and Simon (she-MOAN) in 'em?

 

I've decided that the episode with that quiz panel guy (a kid who made a duel a quiz show in season 2) is really dumb. So dumb that it deserves this treatment. It's kinda far off, but I'll take suggestions. Give me a series with lots and lots of characters I can use. It's up to you! I'll take the suggestions, maybe put up a poll later on, and do stuff! It'll be funny stuff, ha ha ha! So do you guys care? Give it a shot!

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It's the 61st one! Woo. And we do more stupid things.

[spoiler=Episode 61: A Hassleberry Hounding]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. The Fan Fic

Episode 61 – A Hassleberry Hazing

 

Duel Academy island, guitar riffs, dangerous volcano, you know the rest. Jaden, Syrus, and Mann McOldsmobile were carrying three tremendous burlap sacks full of Duel Disks. “This is SO un-CHILL, man!” Jaden complained. “Just because I fell asleep in Crowler’s class, she makes me lug all these replacement Duel Disks across campus!”

“Yeah, I hear ya,” Mann McOldsmobile groaned, “and I have to carry some because I just asked her what gender she was! I mean, don’t we ALL make that mistake at some point?”

“And it’s TOTALLY unfair how I’M doing this just because I’m your friend!” Syrus sobbed pathetically. “It’s just not right…”

“By the way, whazzup wit’ all these spare Duel Disks anyways?” Jaden asked.

“Oh. Most of them were owned by the Slifer Reds who died yesterday. The others are here because some idiot’s been taking over the Ra Yellow dormitories, gathered up his forces, gone over to the river by the Uselessly Small Bridge, AKA the West River all of a sudden, and forcing other people to Duel them before taking their decks away, because he says ‘you’re too weak!’. Or so I’m told of course.”

 

“That’s an oddly-specific random rumor. Why didn’t I hear that yet?” Mann McOldsmobile wondered.

“Because YOU didn’t DUEL him yet,” Syrus Sy-ed.

“Whaaaaaaaaat?” Jaden asked, dropping his Duel Disk bag. “Syrus, you CAN’T have a DUELIN’-related problem in THIS show and not tell ME ‘bout it! I’m S’POSSED t’help. I’m Jaden! You know that!”

“Fine, let’s go take care of this,” Syrus accepted, picking up his and Jaden’s stash and throwing the bags atop Mann McOldsmobile’s head. “Balance that all the way to the non-descript warehouse!”

“Where’s that?” Mann McOldsmobile asked.

“I dunno, just keep following your instincts and the path of the setting sun!” Syrus and Jaden took off toward the West River, leaving Mann McOldsmobile in the dust. He looked around. Then he simply dropped all of the Duel Disks. They all shattered.

“Yeah, like I’ll ever NOT follow you guys around!” he decided, kicking the bags away, further atomizing the contents, and chasing after his friends.

 

SOME! TIME!! LATER!!!

The trio entered the vicinity of an incredibly small wooden bridge crossing a tiny stream of water. Standing guard was a fleet of bandanna’d Ra Yellow students. And one Obelisk Blue one. “Hey, why’s there an Obelisk student?” Mann McOldsmobile asked.

“You don’t want me to explain it,” Syrus muttered.

“YOOOO KIDS, LET ME CROSS THIS BRIDGE!!” Jaden commanded. “WE GOTTA GET ACROSS TO GRAZE IN THE NEXT PASTURES!!”

“What’re you saying?” Mann McOldsmobile questioned as he was shoved forward. “And why’m I going first?!”

“Be-CAUSE, this is mah BILLY GOATS GRUFF plan!” Jaden explained. “Y’see, they’s the troll, and we’s the goats! When Sy tried to Duel ‘em, he was the LIL’ one. Now YOU’RE the middle goat, and once they’re completely underwhelmed, I’ll come in an’ SMOKE ‘em as the BIG BRO goat, allowin’ us to eat the green grass beyond. See?”

“That’s HORRIBLE!! That’s a TERRIBLE plan! It makes me feel sick!”

“Well, y’wanna go with the BILLY GOATS GRUFF plan, the JACK BE NIMBLE plan, or the RED SHOES plan?”

“What?! You mean the others are jumping over the bridge, or wearing evil shoes that make you dance until your feet get cut off?!?!” Mann McOldsmobile began walking up to the punky Yellows. “HEY, WHO WANTS TO DANCE WITH THE MIDDLE GOAT?”

YOU SERIOUSLY GOT TEMPTED INTO THE BAD PLAN BY TWO WORSE PLANS?!?” Syrus shrieked in disbelief.

 

“Hey you, think you can just walk all over HASSLEBERRY’S TURF?” demanded a mauve-haired girl with bunny ears growing from her head, sticking out from a dinosaur bandanna. Her shirt was also open at the bottom, showing off the television screen in her stomach, displaying only fuzzy static.

WOAH!! FETISH?! Jaden and Mann McOldsmobile thought in shock.

“Yeah, you can’t just WALK all over his TURF!” crowed Baseball Bob, standing along with this new female character.

HUH?! THIS GUY?!?!

Piggybank burst out from the shade, landing next to the bunny-person! “You BEST not be thinking you can STEP all over his TURF,” she warned.

WHAT?! HER? WHY?

YAAAAAAAAAAAAARG!!!” Fluffy Fred shrieked in pain as he broke through the bottom of the bridge, sopping wet bandanna and all!

AAAAHHH, WHAT AN IDIOT!!

 

A green flash of energy struck the ground next to Jaden’s feet. “YIP!”

“So, punk, you REALLY wanna walk ON this TURF?” asked Omega-Xis.

“I don’t think you would like to walk on this turf,” Bastion concluded. Both he and his hand were wearing their dino-bandannas.

“WHY?!” Jaden pleaded.

“… Eh?”

“Why are YOU here?!” Mann McOldsmobile cried! “AND TWO OF YOU ARE BLUES NOW! Where’d YOU come out from?”

“Eh, it’s kinda embarrassing,” Bastion sniffed, scratching his cheek. “This new boy with a Dinosaur deck came into the Ra dorms earlier and beat everybody up. Then I came in with Fred in order to protect everyone and got beat up, too. But look at these bandannas!” He got hit in the head by a large rock and fell over backward.

“NOOOO!!” Piggybank and Fluffy Fred wailed.

“And who’s HER?!” Jaden asked, poking the bunny lady in the television.

Ow!” she complained. Piggybank slapped Jaden’s hand away.

Ow!” Jaden complained. “What?”

“Sorry, can’t let you mess with her, because…”

“I’m her older sister, Bunnyear,” she said.

“And I’m HER younger sister, Piggybank,” Piggybank said.

“AND TOGETHER WE’RE THE BUNNYEAR AND PIGGYBANK SISTERS!!” they celebrated, hugging.

“Heh heh, Bunn Year,” Jaden snickered, nursing his hand.

 

“So why was she introduced in this season if she was mentioned in a flashback that I wasn’t around to hear, if she’s not that important?” Mann McOldsmobile wondered.

“I asked that too, it’s still weird,” Syrus warned.

“I’ll explain it myself,” Piggybank said, taking on the responsibility. “FRED, PUT THE BRIDGE BACK TOGETHER.”

“Aw,” he said, carpentering it back into shape.

“Will I get to do anything THIS season?” Baseball Bob asked.

“MAYBE!”

“Oh.”

 

[/i]“Now back to Everyone Loves Lenalee,” it said. Suddenly, Bunnyear sneezed.

“CHOOo!!” she sneezed. Her ears bent, cutting off the show she’d been showing! “Aah! The signal!”

“Don’t worry, we’ll just watch the TV in the den,” Bunnyear’s mom said.

“Wait… we have ANOTHER TV?!?!” gasped Bunnyear’s dad.

“You didn’t know that?” asked Bunnyear. “It’s right there.” She pointed to the big-screen TV sitting behind her, covered in dust. Her parents crawled up to the screen and turned it on.

“Lavi said WHAT?!?!” Lenalee asked.

“Hey, could you turn it down a bit?” Bunnyear suggested. Her parents didn’t move. “H-hey dad? Mom?” She tapped their shoulders. They fell over. Then they slowly and disgustingly straightened themselves up and stared into the hypnotic screen. “Guys? GUYS?!?! NOOOOOOOOO!!”

 

Weeping, she ran up into her room and collapsed onto her bed. “OOOH, MY PARENTS DON’T CARE ABOUT ME!! WHY? WHYYYY DON’T THEY CARE? HOW WAS I BORN WITH RABBIT EARS? AAAAHAAHAHAAAA…” She looked up and wiped the snot from her face. Then she spotted a picture on her dresser. Inspecting it closer she saw herself and her parents, staring at her bellyvision, and in the back was Piggybank. Wait, Piggybank? My sister who went off to Duel Academy? she remembered. I should go and re-connect with her! She deserves it! I ignored her like my parents for so long…

 

And so she went off to meet her sister and met her off-screen. I promise you this was planned out before chapter 59 was written. I assure you, she’s not that random.

 

“… Eh, seems kinda situational for an origin,” Mann McOldsmobile said.

“Aww, don’t be like that,” Bunnyear beckoned. “I’m just here to provide SPECIAL ENTERTAINMENT!!” She twitched one ear and her TV showed some quality programming.

“Where’s the beef?” somebody asked on-screen.

“OOOHH!!” everybody ‘ooh’-ed.

“She’s cool,” accepted Jaden. “Anyways, c’mon, I’m a busy dude yo, and Mann’s gotta duel somebody.”

“Yeah! Huh?”

“Well, as second-in-command of Sgt. Tyranno Hassleberry,” Bastion proclaimed, “I shall duel you!”

“And we’ve got some special rules to employ here, bucko!” Omega-Xis stated. “If you lose to Bastion, then you also lose your deck via a bunch of useless thugs!” He motioned to the entirety of the Ra Yellow kids. They kinda shrugged.

“Did he beat up ALL of them?”

“Yes. It was horrible.”

 

“So you really think you can beat me, Mann McOldsmobile?” Mann McOldsmobile challenged, taking out his DUELING SUPPLIES.

“Quite,” Bastion said smugly, “for over the break I’ve been refining my strategies and came up with a brand-new deck!” He took out his Duel Disk and prepared to Duel.

“What’d you do with your six OTHER decks?” Jaden asked. “Besides the one that got trashed. Heh, continuity, dawg.”

“E-Bay.”

“LET THE MATCH BEGIN!!” Fluffy Fred shouted, having fixed the bridge back together! It broke under him and sent him sprawling down the river. (Mann McOldsmobile: 4000 Life Points, Bastion: 4000 Life Points, Death Count Season Two – 692)

“LET’S GO BUCK WILD!! OWMF!!” Omega-Xis said, chomping down on Bastion’s opening hand.

“BOO,” someone said.

“As the challenger, I will allow you to go first,” Bastion allowed.

“Fine by me! I summon Gladiator Beast Hoplomus in Defense Mode!” A big, cream-colored-armored rhino gladiator with superbig hands appeared and guarded his face. (Hoplomus: 2100 Defense Points) “I’ll also set one Trap card and end my turn there! Go ahead, Nerdlinger Giveup!”

“Yes?” asked Nerdlinger Giveup from within the Yellow crowds.

 

Several small cultivation Petri dishes appeared on Bastion’s field. “I activate “A” Cell Incubator!” he named. “I’ll tell you what it does in a bit, but first I’ll Normal Summon the Alien Shocktrooper!” An amphibious, four-legged alien soldier leaped out onto the battlefield, wearing bluish armor over his green hide, brandishing a machete.

“GRUUUH,” it growled. (Alien Shocktrooper: 1900 Attack Points)

“Aliens? You ARE a nerd!” Syrus insisted.

“Shut up, Nerdboy Jones: Syrus Edition!” Bastion countered!

“That was LAME!”

“Next, by controlling one Alien monster on the field, I can Special Summon another one from my hand: specifically the ALIEN DOG!”

“EEER BOY,” the Shocktrooper whistled, tossing a small stereotypically-shaped bone. A white dog with blue parts leaped out and caught it.

“ARP ARP!” (Alien Dog: 1500 Attack Points)

“Yeah! You’re dead now, buddy!” Piggybank shouted!

“Why is that? They’re still weak,” Mann McOldsmobile insinuated. “OH MY GOSH NERDS USE STRATEGY.”

“I know, right?” Bastion joked. “When the Alien Dog is summoned, he adds two A-Counters onto any of your monsters!”

“‘A-Counters’? Sounds weird.”

“ARP, ARP.” The dog scratched behind its ear. Two watermelon-sized purple limbless abominations of nature flew out and hit Hoplomus with a ‘SQUELCH’ sound.

“Eeeeugh! What’s that for?” Mann McOldsmobile cried out in disgust.

“When a monster with an A-Counter fights an Alien, they lose 300 Attack and Defense Points for the battle!” Bastion taught. “But don’t worry just yet, I’m removing them.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“IN ORDER TO SUMMON ALIEN OVERLORD!!” The two counters fizzled out and exploded. In their stead came a black extraterrestrial, seemingly borne from a meteor, with six bony red arms stemming from its shoulders. Purple lightning sprang from its body.

“GRRRRH!!” it growled intensely. (Alien Overlord: 2200 Attack Points) The Petri dishes began to shake and spew purple bubbles.

 

“Now what?” Mann McOldsmobile asked.

“When A-Counters are removed from the field, my Incubator takes them and protects them until its destruction, where it sends them all back onto the field again!” explained Bastion. “Before I attack, I also use my Overlord’s special ability: to shoot one A-Counter onto all of your face-up monsters!” The chest cavity of the dark alien opened up… and revealed a giant purple gun barrel.

“… Hubba-wha?”

“It gets worse later, trust me,” Syrus promised.

“Oh, okay.” BANG!! SPLAT!! The gun shot another writhing token onto Hoplomus.

“Ew,” Hoplomus squealed as he tried brushing it off. “It feels nasty!”

“Shocktrooper, kill him!” Bastion ordered! “Shocktrooper Shocker!!” The soldier ran at Hoplomus and slammed his long knife at Hoplomus! (Hoplomus: 2100 -> 1800 Defense Points, Shocktrooper: 1900 Attack Points)

“I don’t THINK so!” A Trap card flipped up, showing Hoplomus and a purple bull guy under a protective barrier of hexagons! “I play Defensive Tactics, negating your attack and letting me Tag-In a new Gladiator Beast at the end of the Battle Phase!” Mann McOldsmobile shouted.

“YEAH! BEAT THAT BASTION!!” Jaden cheered! “SORRY BASTION, NOTHING PERSONAL.”

“I understand.” A third Petri dish started to shake.

 

“GYEAAAAAH!!” screamed a black tyrannosaurus, wearing some… black armor. (Spartacus: 2200 Attack Points)

“I’d explain the Tag-In thing, but I did that once!” Mann McOldsmobile explained. “And when Spartacus is summoned, I can add one Gladiator Beast Equip card into my hand from my deck!” He picked out a shoulder-guard, because it is special. “Now, seeing as it’s probably my turn,”

“Aw, what the heck!” Bastion allowed, smiling brightly. “I can’t say no to you!”

“Good. I summon Gladiator Beast Laquari in Attack Mode!” Mann McOldsmobile said, summoning a tiger man wearing flamin’ red protective body gear!

“NrrNRRR!!” he growled. (Laquari: 1800 Attack Points)

“Next I’ll Special Summon the Test Tiger, because I can do that.” A cool tiger walked up, semi-armored. (Test Tiger: Not important) “And then while HE’S on the field, I can tribute them both to Tag-In a Gladiator Beast! Come on out, Secutor!” The tiger picked up the tiger. The tiger then walked off, exchanging a hi-five with a green lizard guy in blue armor, who was short. He had giant turbo-powered gun-blaster guns. The two tigers then exploded, allowing Secutor to calmly walk to the fight through flames in an awesome fashion. (Secutor: 400 Attack Points)

“If I remember correctly, then he Tags-In two monsters once he himself was Tagged, correct?” Bastion checked.

“Yeperoonie.”

“What a DUMB move!” Piggybank challenged.

“Yeah, his points are LOW!” Bunnyear added. “Uh, did I get it right?”

“You’ll catch up in about a quarter of a season,” Baseball Bob assured.

“Oh.”

 

“You don’t remember? I JUST summoned Spartacus!” Mann McOldsmobile said. “I’m equipping the Spell card he just sent to my hand, the Gladiator Beast’s Battle Manica!” Secutor gained a great shoulder guard. “Now when he fights, he can’t be destroyed by battle! And THEN, I play THIS!” He held out a card with a marauder of a captain slicing a log-man several times. “Double Attack!! I tribute a monster with a higher Level than another one I control, and the weaker one can attack DOUBLE times this turn!” Spartacus exploded. “So now when my Secutor fights this turn, I can return him to the deck for FOUR Gladiators!”

“Uh, Mann, the GBs don’t work like that, sorry,” Syrus hand-waved.

“HUH?!”

“You’re kinda an idiot, yeah,” Jaden promised. “They won’t summon any more guys even if they fight a lot, yo.”

“You’ve GOTTA be kidding me,” Piggybank groaned.

“What,” Bunnyear wondered, “is that a bad thing?”

HURRY. DEVELOP A UNIQUE TRAIT NOW. BESIDES NOT KNOWING WHAT DUELING IS. PEOPLE WILL HATE YOU FOR THAT,” Piggybank whispered loudly.

“Oh, uh, um… I’m a techie?”

“I took a class on how to hack major computer mainframes and motherboards two years ago,” Syrus said. Nobody cared.

 

“I don’t believe you guys,” Mann adamantly denied. “You can’t be serious about something like that. I KNOW my deck! I’m gonna prove it to you how I know what my cards do! Secutor, attack him! Doubly!” Secutor’s gun-blaster-guns shot out two guns twice. The fighter lizard went guns akimbo on them b****es by grabbing them all within each of his limbs and fired away. They bounced off of the Alien Dog and flew into Secutor’s shoulder guard.

“Ah, m’ribs!” he groaned. (Mann McOldsmobile: 1800 Life Points) Then Secutor exploded and turned into Laquari again and Murmillo, the fish-guy. (Laquari: 1800 Attack Points, Murmillo: 800 Defense Points) Murmillo threw a trident at Alien Overlord, who exploded. Laquari gained several weird firecracker-sized flaming rockets that floated around him, which somehow made him stronger. (Laquari: 1800 -> 2100 Attack Points)

“H-he didn’t summon four guys?” Mann McOldsmobile whimpered.

“No, you’re just dumb,” Piggybank said.

“I know, right?” chuckled Jaden.

“NOT helping.”

“But you made YOURSELF lose SO HARD!”

DAMMIT!!” Mann McOldsmobile shouted, tossing his deck at Bastion. He caught it easily. “I quit! You guys’re mean! I wanna kill something! Ugh!” He cried a thousand tears as he stormed off.

 

“…… Jaden, you wanna go?” Omega-Xis asked.

“’Kay, guys, I’m down wit’ that,” Jaden said, stepping onto the bridge. “Time for da ELDEST billy goat to take the stage.” He pushed all of the Baseball Wreckers Gang off of the bridge and into the raging river. (Bastion: Game Over, Death Count Season Two – 692) “Now,” Jaden decided as he dusted off his hands, “THAT is how you get the show back on track.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!” screamed the rest of the Yellow Dorm.

“SO YOU HAD A REAL PLAN AFTER ALL, EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN’T EVEN NEED MANN TO DO ANYTHING?!?!” Syrus said rather calmly.

Well, Mann wasn’t in the regular episode either!” Jaden said.

“Shoot, Jaden, you’re suddenly kinda smart!” Syrus complimented.

“Nah, not really.”

“Aww…”

 

“Uh, hey,” a Yellow student asked amongst his own ranks, “if THEY’RE gone, WHO’S gonna be our figurehead?”

“THAT’D BE ME!!” said a brave Ra Yellow guy, stepping onto the bridge. Jaden pushed him off. The Ra kids looked on in shock. Another kid stepped up to the plate. Jaden pushed him off.

What do we do now?

Um, let’s go in groups!” Four kids walked up. Jaden pushed them all off. As they floated away, Jaden stared at the rest of the kids in a freakish manner.

Aaah! His eyes say ‘I’m hungry… FOR YOUR DOOM!!

Maybe if we don’t do anything until the Sarge gets back, we’ll be fine!” The kids stood there and did nothing.

 

Then Jaden pushed them all into the river from behind. They all floated away at dangerous speeds clocking in at kinda fast, which was made worse as they were cut and bruised upon impact with Fluffy Fred, Bastion and the rest. “AAAHH!! THE KIDS!!”

“MY EEEEYES!!”

“OW, MY DINO BANDANNA!!”

“I do believe I’m drowning, gang.”

Jaden posed gallantly over the bridge in celebration! “Haaaaaa ha ha ha haaaaa! I did it! I ruled ‘da school without no Duel! Write that one down, Sy, ‘cause that rhyme’s a WINNER!!”

“On it,” Syrus said, diligently scribbling the words down, “but you still didn’t get them to return all the decks they stole.”

“WHO’S gonna return the decks we stole?” demanded one stern Tyranno Hassleberry. “What happened to my group? You two HONESTLY couldn’t have done it yourselves!”

“Our third member is a sniveling wreck,” Syrus said. “Hey wait IT’S THE BULLY!!”

Oh my gosh he’s the black guy,” Jaden noticed, held spellbound in his gaze.

“What’s with you, stranger?” Hassleberry ordered.

You’re the first actual black guy I’ve ever met. Do you want to rap with me?” he asked softly.

“No! I don’t LIKE rap!”

But… but rap is a man’s soul. … No thuggin’ love?

“No!”

That means… you aren’t black.

“Do all Japanese people like tentacle rape?”

“Ew no,” Jaden recoiled, free of this strange man’s spell!

“Then don’t stereotype me, darnit; I GOT DINO DNA!!” Hassleberry shouted.

“Does that mean anything?”

“I HAVE A FRICKIN’ DINOSAUR BONE UP MY ARM. NOW SHUT UP AND DUEL ME.”

“Okay,” Jaden said in a teasing tone as he wiggled his finger. “But you gotta promise to return the decks you stole when you lose~!”

 

“Fine by me, darnit!” The two boys took out their Duel Disks and prepared to Duel. If this kid actually managed to beat all my forces, then he’s got to be like some sort of enemy commander! Hassleberry thought to himself. If I can win this, I can reclaim all my troops AND MORE! (Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Hassleberry: 4000 Life Points)

“Now lookie here, kid, this is what a REAL black guy’s like!” Jaden shouted. “I summon Elemental Hero Wildheart in Defense Mode!” Wildheart appeared, carrying his sword on his back. He was too busy to hold it for all the swag.

He had on oversized sunglasses and a poofy denim cap. He also had on forty gold chains, all having random letters of the alphabet on them. He was also wearing a white t-shirt, baggy jeans around his ankles, regular jeans around his calves, gym shorts around his knees and ugly boxer shorts that everybody could see against their will. He carried a boom box upon his shoulders and said “PEACE!” as he held out gangsta hand signs. (Wildheart: 1600 Defense Points)

“That’s not Wildheart,” Syrus Sy-ed.

“That’s offensive.”

“But it’s WHO YOU ARE, judging by the thousands of hours of rap videos I’ve watched,” Jaden concluded.

“You really haven’t met a black person before, have you?”

“No.”

“That’s sad.”

“I know.”

 

“Maybe I should just hurry this up,” Hassleberry sighed, summoning a monster. “Agumon, Attack Mode.” A yellow dinosaur with a big head appeared. (Agumon: 1400 Attack Points)

“Ha! Digimon deck,” Jaden chuckled.

“Not a Digmon deck! Anyways, that summon counted as a Special Summon!”

“He’s right!” Syrus verified, looking the facts up in his ‘Guide to Digimon Decks’ guide.

“Next I’ll tribute my Agumon to summon a bigger dinosaur!” Hassleberry warned. “Come on out!” Agumon grew into a bigger yellow dinosaur with a horned helmet.

“GREYMON, RAAAH!!” he roared. (Greymon: 2400 Attack Points)

“It’s a Digimon deck,” the Slifers decided.

“Euuuugh. NOT a Digimon deck.”

“Riiiiiiiight.”

“ATTACK HIM!”

“PAH!!” Greymon shouted, spitting a great ball of fire at Wildheart.

“Not cool, son,” Wildheart cried. He exploded.

“Ow,” Jaden said. (Jaden: 3200 Life Points) “Wait, what ow?”

“When Greymon kills a monster in Defense Mode, he still deals damage to your Life Points, ‘son’!” Hassleberry explained.

 

“Well then, I guess I’ll be doin’ something back to you, SON!” Jaden shouted, drawing a card and flipping it around in his hands. “Guess what I drew?” It was some Spell card with a bluish mystery totem of somethingness. “I use Monster Reincarnation, so by discarding Elemental Hero Necroshade I can add Elemental Hero Wildheart into my hand from the Graveyard!”A giant copy of the item on the card appeared on the field and opened up like a door. Necroshade leaped out of Jaden’s hand and walked into the totem. The door closed behind him. There were several scary grinding noises. Then it opened up again, releasing Wildheart back into the real world, who jumped back into Jaden’s hand as the totem exploded.

“Why does everythin’ explode on this island?” Hassleberry asked.

“It’s tradition!” Jaden exclaimed as Bladedge dropped down from above! (Bladedge: 2600 AttackPoints)

“That’s right,” Syrus remembered, “when Necroshade is slaughtered without an afterthought, you can Normal Summon Bladedge without a tribute, even though he has Seven Level Stars!” Greymon exploded. (Hassleberry:3800 Life Points)

 

“Whaaaaat? What’d you just do?” Hassleberry questioned.

“I just attacked your monster,” Jaden answered. Bladedge wiped his bladey arms clean with some Wet Ones™.

“He didn’t move, though!”

“He’s moving,” Jaden assured. Bladedge was chowing down on a Sammich. Well, he had no mouth hole, so he kinda just smashed it into his face messily, spraying orange M&M’s in all directions. Several bounced off of Hassleberry’s face.

“Hmph. I’ll ignore that for now,” he muttered, chomping down on one. “Hey! Mmm, chocolate!”

“Well maybe that means this would be a good time to ask;” Jaden asked, “what’s with you guarding this bridge so determinedly, even though it makes you an a******?”

“A******?” Hassleberry repeated. “I’m just doing what I was told!”

“You DON’T guard bridges at Duel Academy,” Syrus Sy-ed.

“Lookie here, I’m gonna tell you the story of how I got to where I am today, and you’d BETTER NOT INTERUPT WITH A STUPID JOKE COMMENT, alright?” warned the hassling berry.

“Uuuuuh… let’s think about that for a second,” Jaden suggested.

“Go ahead,” Syrus told.

 

 

Hassleberry was walking around with Senkaiyoh, wearing a Jurassic Park t-shirt because it was funny. They were inside of a giant domed building exactly like the one from Episode One, and they walked up to some proctor guys. The proctor guys looked at a paper they had on hand. “Names?” they inquired.

“Tyranno Hassleberry!”

“SEN-KAI-YOOOOOOH!!”

“Okay, Sen-Kai-Yoh: Slifer Red!” one proctor guy said, handing her a Slifer uniform. “You apparently got a zero on the written portion of the tests, but hey, if you can duel you can go.”

“UNACCEPTABLE!!” Senkaiyoh shouted jovially as she held out a pistol and shot the guy in the face, then began cutting the clothes with a stupidly large machete.

 

“…. Uuuuuh, you get Ra Yellow?” the other proctor guy said, trying to ignore what had just happened.

“WHAAAAAAAAT?!?!” Hassleberry screamed! “HOW IN SAM HILL DO I GET YELLOW?! I’M BLUE MATERIAL!!” He stepped on the desk between them and grabbed the proctor guy by the collar. “I GOT DINO DNA!!

“I-I-I-I’m sorry, kid, but if you want Blue from the start, you need to graduate from a snooty old prep school!” the proctor guy explained.

“NO EXCUSE!!” Senkaiyoh carried on, blasting the man apart with a laser rifle.

“Aw shoot, now how’m I supposed to get to the Blue dorm aside from doing good in school?” Hassleberry complained.

“Don’t you know?” Senkaiyoh said helpfully. “In order to rank up quicker, just beat up EVERYONE in the SCHOOL!! It ALWAYS works! How do you think I made it through middle school, what with all the biker gangs and drug cartels?”

“Oh yeah, those guys!” Hassleberry reminisced. “Didn’t that drug ring employ babies?”

“Babies with a DRUG problem!” They laughed.[/i]

 

“So you actually think you can get to Blue if you just beat up the entire school?” Syrus re-stated.

“That’s right.”

“Dude, if it were THAT simple, I’d be in Blue right now thanks to me killing off the entire Yellow Dorm,” Jaden reasoned.

“… Y’mean I was lied to?”

“Pretty much.”

“D’AW, NOT AGAIN!!” Hassleberry screeched, grabbing his head in irritation! “I CAN’T HAVE THIS KINDA STRESS; I GOT DINO DNA!!”

“I don’t get it.”

“That’s it! I’m gonna have to Duel all my frustrations out onto you guys instead of beating you up like a jerk!!” Hassleberry concluded. “I play a Field Spell called Jurassic Park!” A giant red symbol with a black tyrannosaurus skeleton silhouette rose within the background. “NOW who’s got a Digimon deck?!”

“You do. And besides, how’s THAT a Field Spell? It’s a logo. You gotta pay to use it, yo.”

“I…” Tyranno Hassleberry looked back at the symbol in desperation. “Y’mean… I gotta pay ROYALTIES to use this card?!”

“Pretty much, copyright-thief,” Syrus assumed.

“DANG IT ALL!!” Tyranno threw a rock at the symbol. A ‘c’ fell off of the label. The logo now read ‘Jurassi Park’, and was hence legal. “There, now it’s a TOTALLY different movie!”

“Yeah, alright,” Syrus said, rolling his eyes. Their plan to get ‘Berry to not use the card was FOILED!!

“Sweet dodge, yo!” Jaden complimented.

“This new movie advertisement gives all Dinosaur-type AND Winged Beast monsters an automatic three-hundred point stat boost!” explained Hassleberry. “In addition, they’re unaffected by Traps, and when attacked they can switch to Defense Mode!”

“That’s actually kinda useful,” Syrus noticed. “Jaden, look out: on the ten-point danger scale, he’s registering a three now!”

 

“I’ll ignore the idiot and summon a Guilmon in Attack Mode!!” A red lizard with a biohazard symbol on his adorable face appeared. His ears flapped as his tail wiggled.

“Tee hee,” Guilmon said. (Guilmon: 300 Attack Points)

“And then Jurassi Park gives him a power boost!”

“Hey, I know that movie!” Guilmon noticed. “I… think.” (Guilmon: 600 Attack Points)

“That’s still depressingly weak!” Syrus complained. “This episode’s really boring. Can we just say you lost with your Digimon deck so we can go home?”

“You know the answer to that one! Guilmon, use your ability to attack that Red fool directly!”

“HYAAAH!!” Guilmon yelled as he slapped Syrus in the face.

“AAAAAAHHH WRONG ONE!!” (Syrus: -600 Life Points, Game Over)

“Ha ha, that was kinda obvious,” Jaden laughed. Then a rock hit him. (Jaden: 2600 Life Points) “Aw man. That wasn’t funny at all. Couldn’t there be a better way to inflict that damage?”

“Well, I DO have this,” Hassleberry said, holding a refrigerator. A stranger poked his head out.

“Hee hee hee,” he laughed creepily, holding up a sock with some melted chocolate in it.

“I… don’t want to know what you were gonna do with that.”

 

“Now I think I’ll end my turn with a face-down,” Hassleberry decided.

“Hmm. I just noticed something, Sy,” Jaden said he noticed.

“What’s that?”

“This phony doubles as a dummy.”

“WHAT’RE YOU TALKIN’ ABOUT, PHONY?!?!” Hassleberry balked.

“Well, you’ve obviously just tanned yourself to death, seeing as you don’t like rap or anythin’ gangsta.”

Hassleberry stepped up to Jaden and grabbed him by the neck. “You punk! Who do you think you

are, mocking my proud heritage?!”

“But you’re not black.”

“I’m African American! I just came to Japan with my father for his job because we knew everybody else spoke English here, too! We went through slavery, the Civil Rights era, and the general asinine nature of racists! What did YOU go through recently?”

“… Sorry, I don’t know much about American history.”

“DIE!!” Hassleberry slammed his rock-hard fist into Jaden’s face, sending him flying into the Jurassi Park sign.

“Ooooooowww…” Jaden moaned, sliding off at a sluggish pace.

“Jay-DUUUUUN, throw away your gross prejudices and jump off toward a new tomorrow!” Syrus told. “You’re being terrible!”

“N-no, a rea-REAL man n-n-never gives up on h-his beliefs,” Jaden muttered, spitting out three teeth. “Wh-when I was growin’ up, all the TV shows said that ALL black people are like me! I decided to act like them because they was off ‘da hook!”

“You… YOU DUMBASS!!” Hassleberry screamed! “I’m gonna show you how wrong you are and get you to change your ways as I kick your BUTT, y’racist BASTARD!!”

“But I thought I called you all cool…” Jaden trailed off.

“YOU ALL?!?!” Hassleberry raged. “JUST TAKE YER’ DAMN TURN!! I can’t wait to sumthin’ sumthin’ sumthin’…”

 

“Now, as I was sayin’,” Jaden said, summoning standard Wildheart back to the field, “there’s one stupid mistake you made out here today. Even if your monster goes to Defense Mode, you’re still gonna be takin’ a big trilo-bite of dino-damage!”

“What kind of one-liner is that?!”

“I DON’T KNOW!!” Bladedge flicked his wrist, sending a shockwave at the Guilmon! In defense, Guilmon fell onto his belly. (Guilmon: 1600 Defense Points)

“I’m activating my Trap card Amber Pitfall!” Hassleberry’s Trap card flipped itself up, showing a businessman falling into a hole in the ground, filled with syrup! “Now YOUR monster goes into Defense Mode!” Bladedge fell on his belly. (Bladedge: 1800 Defense Points)

“Woah! You jus’ made ME waste my turn!” Jaden gasped! “I’ll give ya’ that. I’m throwin’ down two face-downs and endin’ mah turn.”

“Hmph, and you think it’s ‘cool’ to talk ‘like a black guy’?” Hassleberry guessed. “Come ON, we aren’t ALL like that! I already brought that up! That’s kinda offensive the way you go on about it!”

“What? It’s just my ‘Black-Guy Speak’. We Japanese people don’t know we’re doin’ anything wrong!” Jaden assured. “We do it all the time!”

“Hey...now I know that EVERY Japanese person thinks like that!”

“NOWAYIT’SJUSTHIM!” Syrus screamed, pointing.

 

“Sure he does. I believe you.”

“Really?” Jaden said.

“Sure!” Hassleberry said. “As long as you’re willing to say not every black man’s a rapper!”

“Uh… o…kay?” Jaden conceded.

“NOW we’re getting somewhere!” Hassleberry yelled! “I’ll just end this game over here with a New Ultra Evolution!” A Spell card featuring a dinosaur walking through time and space appeared, causing Guilmon to change form… “I get to discard a Dinosaur from the field to summon a bigger one from my hand!”

“Ohh! Is he Digivolving into Gallantmon or something?” Syrus thought.

“GUILMON DIGIVOLVE TO…” he began as he was swathed in the light of the time-space continuum! He became… a big green lizard with round blue plates or something across his back. “Raar,” he roared. (Reptar: 2600 -> 2900 Attack Points)

“Still a Digimon deck,” Syrus decided.

“Not when I ATTACK DIRECTLY!!” Reptar persuaded, flipping onto Jaden.

“No way because I activate a card called Insurance that sends one card from my field to my hand which was also Insurance which lets me gain 500 Life Points when it’s sent from the field to my hand.” He did so confusingly. Reptar stepped off of Jaden, who still had Life Points. (Jaden: 200 Life Points)

“Jaden! That was the most confusing move I’ve ever seen!” Syrus shouted! “And not in a good way! You could have done LOTS of things with only one card that could have allowed you to gain Life Points! I just don’t see the point!”

“Sy, I believe there’s a little thing called ‘padding out the show’.”

“This episode has been going on for long enough! And the Bastion duel? Unnecessary! We’ve HAD enough padding! We’re going to make everybody get bored and stop reading –slash-watching even though we just ACT like a real television broadcast!”

“Stop it, you’re padding now, too!” Hassleberry warned!

“But isn’t this entire episode padding?” Jaden said.

“Erm… yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Urgh, so naïve!”

“What was that?”

 

Jaden pointed at Hassleberry, as if to make a statement of some sort. “YOU LISTEN TO WHAT EVERYBODY TELLS YOU!!”

“HUUUUUNH?!” gasped Hassleberry!

“You heard you needed to take over the school!” Jaden described. “So you tried to beat up hundreds of students that I had to push off a bridge! I told you that you needed to rap! So you didn’t disregard it with ‘oh those crazy Asians,’ you got mad and punched me into Jurassi Park! We called your introductory episode padding! And though 95% of it IS, without it you would pop up randomly and join our crew in an irritating fashion! We NEED that 5% to establish you as a no-nonsense, naïve little tough guy!”

“Aw, shucks!” Hassleberry chuckled. “I guess I do take everything so seriously, but you WERE offensive!”

“True!” Jaden said. “And I am sorry! And I will give you a gift to say I apologize!” He tossed Hassleberry a Gummi Bear and Vanilla Cream Sammich, which he caught in his mouth.

“Mmm! Apology accepted, kid!” accepted Hassleberry with a lip-smack of happiness.

 

“And now, I’ll end this Duel the way only a true friend can! With the true union of our souls together, I summon Elemental Hero Avian!” Avian appeared.

“Uh, I guess so,” he mumbled. (Avian: 1000 Attack Points) A pterodactyl swooped down and took him away. “CURSES!! NOT AGAIIIIIIiiiiiiin…”

“Jay-duuuuuuuuhn,” Syrus Sy-ed, “don’t summon Avian! That’s an insult, not a show of friendship!”

“It WILL be in a second!” Jaden assured! “I activate Skyscraper!” As usual, countless tremendous city structures burst through the earth’s crust and knocked the Jurassi Park symbol to smithereens!

“NOOOOOO, I WANTED TO SEE THAT!!” Reptar screamed! He became depressed. (Reptar: 2900 -> 2600 Attack Points)

 

“Next I use the Spell card I ALWAYS use, Pot of Greed! And Polymerization!” Jaden announced, spinning the card around on his finger, flipping it into the air, bouncing it off of his fluffy hair, blinking it away with the force of his eyes, and catching it on his tongue—

“They’re bored again!” Syrus cried!

“Okay, fine, I fuse Wildheart with Avian! This is the fusion of African and Asian cultures, just like our friendship!!” Jaden concluded.

“But I’m Italian,” Avian told, returning suddenly! The pterodactyl swooped back down from above with the birdman hero and crashed into Wildheart! He stood up and took the attack in the back without bending a bit.

“Is that all?” WIldheart spat.

“Not really,” Avian said, in immense pain.

“UUUURRYAAAAAHH!!” Wildheart picked up Avian in one hand, the dinosaur n the other, smashed them together into a swirling mess of trans-dimensional energy, and jumped in. It then blew apart into…

“ELEMENTAL HERO WILDWINGMAN!!” It was Wildheart, now with feathered clothing, bird-like arms and feet, great white wings, and mysterious tattoos on his chest! (Wild Wingman: 1900 Attack Points) “With his ability, I can discard my Insurance Trap card from my hand in order to destroy your Amber Pitfall card and switch Bladedge back into Attack Mode!” Jaden expressed, discarding the card of lore.

 

“HYAAAH!!” Wild Wingman shouted, waving his arm and sending a swirling wave of wind into the Trap card Hassleberry still controlled! It exploded. Bladedge suddenly felt… as if he could move… and as if he could make a difference in his life and the lives of others!!

“I BELIEVE!!” he announced, jumping to his feets! (Bladedge: 2600 Attack Points)

“Wild Wingman gains one thousand Attack Points through Skyscraper and attacks your Reptar with Wild Wingpulse! Get yo’ ATTACK on!!” (Wild Wingman: 1900 -> 2900 Attack Points)

“BOO,” someone said. Wild Wingman leaped into the air, stretched his wings out, and sent some radio waves or something at Reptar’s face! He felt nothing. He shrugged. He fell into pieces. (Hassleberry: 3500 Life Points)

 

“Bladedge, take his lead!” Jaden ushered.

“STILL BELIEVING!!” Bladedge decided, flying through Hassleberry! (Hassleberry: 900 Life Points)

“But I still have some Life Points left!” Hassleberry stated! “I haven’t lost yet!”

“No you don’t, because I pull the same thing I JUST did: I play De-Fusion!” He played the card, being a bland, unoriginal character, just like everybody else I write for… *SNFF*. Avian and Wildheart punched Hassleberry in the stomach, in a holographic way.

“Nyooooooo!” (Hassleberry: 0 Life Points)

“Yeah, see ya’, suckah’!” Avian bade, fading off with all the other holograms.

 

Taking his defeat in stride, Hassleberry strode up to Jaden and offered him a handshake. “Jaden, that was the first time I’ve lost in ages; mostly because I duel kids like that one over there.”

“I AM right here!” Syrus squealed in anger.

“Ha! I know what you’re talkin’ about, kiddo!” Jaden agreed, shakin’ it up wit’ a good handshake.

“I’m STILL right here!”

“Now, about all those cards you took from people in order to start your evil regime?” Jaden politely asked.

“Sure, they’re right over there,” Hassleberry said, pointing to a giant stack of cards sitting next to the bridge. “In hindsight, I should’ve put them on the OTHER side of the bridge so people couldn’t just take them back, but who cares?”

“Yaaaay!” Syrus gleefully exclaimed, pulling away a giant bag full of stolen goods. “I feel so rich now! And yet, so empty.”

 

“I guess we’ve found somethin’ to bond over: Our love of cards games!” Hassleberry chuckled! “And as they say, I’m a lil’ bit country…”

“And I’m a lil’ bit rap n’ roll!” Jaden concluded!

“AAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!” they laughed!

“BOO,” someone rightfully said.

“But seriously, Wildheart’s Australian Aboriginal.”

“Heh heh heh NO,” Jaden replied sternly.

“AH THOUGHT HE WUZ NATIVE UHMARE-KIN!”

“Who said that!?”

 

ONE! HOUR!! LATER!!!

Jaden and Syrus walked back into their dorm room to meet Mann McOldsmobile, sniffing under a blankie. “Catch,” Syrus said as he tossed Mann McOldsmobile his stolen deck.

“Owm,” he said, eating it. “So I take it you won?”

“Yup, the status quo is back to normal!” Jaden announced! “And guess who’s takin’ the TOP BUNK!!”

“I AM!” Hassleberry announced, stepping inside!

“Oh hey, that guy!” Mann McOldsmobile remembered. “You’re the one who’s NOT Asian!”

“Like totally!” Hassleberry took off and put down a backpack and started removing and admiring eighteen completely identical dinosaur cups. They were orange and apparently created in the image of a certain character from the hit TV series, Dinosaur Train™. “Oh Buddy, I know who I’m gonna put YOU next to on the shelf!”

“Look out now, a kid died in that top bunk!” Syrus warned with a waggling finger and a bright, baby-like grin.

“AAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!” everybody laughed.

“Guess who’s coming to dinner!” Senkaiyoh said, breaking through the floor with her head!

“AAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!” everybody laughed.

 

[spoiler=NEXT EPISODE:]Looks like it’s Syrus’ time to shine, because he and Tyranno Hassleberry’s DUELING personalities over a classic children’s book series have put them in a STICKY situation! But when the chips are down, can they join together to take on the sleeping giant of the Slifer Red dorms? To find out, you just CAN’T miss next week’s episode History of Rainbow Fish! Punk Rock Versus the Bonds of Brothers! It’s gonna be a DUELING good time!

 

 

 

 

Oh wait, I just realized nobody cared about my proposition. I wish people posted here.

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I seriously wish I could get some feedback on something. *whistles*

 

[spoiler=Episode 62: Sad but Truesdale]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. The Fan Fic

Episode 62 – Depressing but Syrus-Related

 

Our episode opens up with Syrus and Hassleberry furiously punching the crap out of each other.

“AAAAAAH, I TELL YA THE ENDING TO THE RAINBOW FISH IS AMBIGUOUS!!” Syrus stated.

“ARARARARARA! NO WAY, IT HAD A DEFINITIVE ENDING!!” Hassleberry challenged. They both stopped beating one another in order to catch their breath and argue to their fullest potentials.

“I can’t BELIEVE you thought of that stupid book as an ENDING!” Syrus growled. “Look, remember how they came out with five OTHER books later? It’s NEVER going to end! Whenever we’re about to forget the series, we’ll get a NEW book! That series will NEVER end!”

“WRONG!” Hassleberry debated! “That first book was the BEST ending, how the fish had selflessly given all of its scales so PAINFULLY after RIPPING them from its flesh? It’s symbolism for how one can enrich the lives of so many others through self-sacrifice! It’s a CHRISTIAN book! And it was so poetic that we never NEEDED a sequel! So there, the first book is the TRUE-BLUE ending!”

 

“Uh,” Mann McOldsmobile mumbled, “maybe we should talk about the second book! Yeah, heh heh. When the new fish on the block comes around and the guy gives the rest of his scales to him! That’s so nice!” The two angry kids punched him in the schnoz, sending him out through the back wall.

“Nooo, don’t fight, peeps!” Jaden wailed! “Please, let’s just fill up our Dinosaur Train mugs with some hot cocoa and play card games!” The two kids looked at one another for a moment before Syrus rekindled the fight. Hassleberry returned fire.

“AAAAAAH, WHY DID YOU THROW OUR MY COMMEMORATIVE HE-MAN CUPS?!?!” Syrus demanded.

“ARARARARARA! I HAD TO MAKE SPACE FOR MY BUDDY CUPS, OR COURSE!!” Hassleberry roared in response.

“Guys, stop it!” Jaden wailed! “Can’t we compromise?! We can just store some of the cups in the OTHER cups!”

“YOU’RE TEARING OUR LIVES APART AT THE SEAMS!!” Mann McOldsmobile sobbed.

“I HATE Dinosaur Train! It makes no sense!” Syrus growled as the two fighters pulled back for a second. “How do you expect me to believe some idiots invented a time-traveling train and LEFT it in the DINOSAUR era?!”

“It’s OBVIOUS that they got KILLED by the dinosaurs who stole the train and build the foundations of modern language after the commands they discovered!” Hassleberry stated.

“Why don’t they just SAY that then?! And who want to watch such a post-apocalyptic spectacle such as that?”

“Why do YOU like EVA so much?!”

“EVA is special; Dinosaur Train is STU—” Everybody was suddenly knocked off their feet as something landed on the ground hard outside.

 

All of the kids stepped outside, because nobody else bothered to look out their own doors, and saw Chazz n’ company laughing maniacally next to a new house, dropped via helicopter. “HA HA HA, MONEY BOUGHT THIS,” Chazz obviously stated to the world as he threw several 1$ bills into the air.

“Yo, what’d you do THIS week?” Jaden asked.

“Oh, huh, y’see, we, huh, bought a house because living in a toolshed is no good,” Deep-Voice Dobbson explained.

“So Chazz jus’ used up a bunch of money I reckon and bought this house and had it air-lifted!” Billy Hills continued.

“That was stupid,” Syrus said. “Why don’t you just go up a dorm if you hate Red so much? Besides, now everybody’s all disoriented! Look for yourself.” Senkaiyoh had taken out a bazooka and shot down the helicopter and was turning her attentions to the new house.

“DIE, MONSTER!!” she screamed.

“No, DON’T shoot my house!” Chazz cried! “I paid MONEY for that!”

 

“We’re here!” said somebody different as they flew down from above. It was Shades Milligan, carrying Alexis with him via jet-boots! “How was the flight, milady?”

“Bleh,” Alexis replied. He let go of her waist and she walked into the house, locking the door behind her.

“…… Why does everybody do this to me?” Chazz muttered, tearing up. “I feel… like my character has been DERAILED!!” He began kicking at the door. “ALEXIIIIIS!! THIS IS MY HOOOOUSE!! YOU NEED TO ASK FIIIIRST!!”

Alexis unlocked all eight locks on the door and stared out at everybody. Her eyes were dark and pained-looking. “Guys, this isn’t a good time.”

“It’s NEVER a good time to steal!” Senkaiyoh taught. “Now come out so I can shoot you, thief!”

“Chazz likes me, so it’s okay,” Alexis said. Senkaiyoh shrugged and threw her bazooka away haphazardly. There was a large explosion far off. (Death Count Season Two – 696)

 

“I’m not afraid to sue you if you don’t let me back in!” Chazz swore. “I paid good money for the half-pipe, sno-cone machine and mystery escalator rides!”

“What if I gave you a good reason for why I came here in desperation?” Alexis suggested.

“Okay,” Syrus supposed. “Let’s hear what happened. We need to take this show SOMEWHERE.”

 

Late one spooky night within Crowler’s domain, lit only by one tiny candle as the windows were completely sealed for no reason, Bonaparte slowly rose over the Technical Chancellor’s desk and asked it, “So monsyewer, what will we be doing to foind our next stah? Though I really want moy daughtah to be—”

“SHUT IT!!” Crowler shouted, jumping atop the table with extreme prejudice! “What we need is summa this!” It held out a small photo of Syrus Truesdale crying over a puddle of milk. “Syrus Truesdale is Zane’s younger brother of course, so he can just ride on his fame. Doesn’t that make sense? And what’s more, we’re going to promote him to Ra Yellow if he wins a duel I’m cooking up.” And once Syrus rises through the rank, he shall become the biggest star of the world! Crowler plotted horribly.

C’eh magnifike! Bonaparte decided. Once that boy goes to Ra Yellow, then we can… I don’t know yet, but something!

 

“Also I thought that we could turn Alexis and her family into pop idols that sing during Duels. Everybody will love them.”

“Okay with mwoi.”

 

“And that’s pretty much what happened, and do NOT ask how I heard exactly what they said,” Alexis demanded coldly.

“I was the candle!” Shades Milligan revealed.

“Don’t explain it!” Alexis ordered.

“I don’t get it, why are you so against stardom?” Senkaiyoh asked. “I mean, you just have to humiliate yourself in front of millions and everybody loves ya’! It’s PERFECT!”

“Disregard THAT and listen to THIS!” Syrus called! “Crowler said she’s gonna promote me to Yellow!”

“Great for you, buddy!” Jaden said, patting his back.

“Yeah, if you like SYRUS that is,” Hassleberry grunted.

“You stole my deck, so you have no right to act as if I owe you something!”

“Say Rainbow Fish 1 was the best.”

“No!”

 

“The third one was the best!” Bastion decided as he and his usual suspects arrived.

“Hiya, we have news!” Bunnyear said, just to make sure she wasn’t forgotten.

“You’re going to duel SOMEBODY today!” Fluffy Fred exclaimed!

“Yowza!” Syrus gasped. “Who?”

“Mohawk Jill, the strongest of all the Slifer Reds and the mistress of the Punk Rocker cards.”

“……. Oh, a callback,” Shades Milligan understood.

“Then EXPLAIN!!” Senkaiyoh demanded, punching his torso to smithereens.

I… never even had a… chance… Shades Milligan fell over and ceased to respond, but nobody cared.

“So anyways, that’s the plot,” Piggybank said.

“If you beat her, you’ll rank up,” Baseball Bob repeated.

“And I had to say something before I was forgotten!” Omega-Xis stated as they all began to fly away. “It’s up to yoooou…”

J-J-J-Jill?! Syrus mentally gasped. N-not her… ANYONE but her or Senkaiyoh!! THE MEMORIES WILL NEVER FADE!!

 

Jaden turned to Syrus. “Sy, you’re GOIN’ places! All you gotta do is beat this girl and show the world that you’re the best Slifer Red has to offer besides me!” Syrus frowned. “Uuuuh, cheerful response?” Syrus continued to frown. Jaden grabbed his hands and punched one fist into a palm. “Oh yeah, I’m Sy, and I’m SO gonna beat that girl and go to Ra Yellow!” Syrus frowned so impossibly hard that his mouth flipped upside-down.

“I reckon he’s happy now!” Billy Hills cheered!

“Don’t be silly, that’s severe depression,” Chazz noted. “Besides, what’s there to worry about? You’re still a main character. You’ll beat her, predictably.”

“Yeah, predictably!” Senkaiyoh told.

“Mmmm….mmnnnn… IT’S YOUR FAULT THAT I CAN’T KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT!!” Syrus sobbed, rocking the heavens with the sheer whininess of it all. “Nyeh heh heeeeh…” He ran off.

“NO HUH SYRUS HUH NO!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson screamed, reaching toward him!

“I’ll go get him,” Hassleberry groaned, slowly chasing the kid.

“I wonder what’s gonna get’m to cry tomorrow,” Jaden wondered.

 

THREE! SECONDS!! LATER!!!

Hassleberry walked into the Jadengroup’s room and stepped in front of Syrus’s bed. Upon said bed was a blanket cocoon. “Up ‘n at’m kid,” Hassleberry said. “You gotta face your fears, and it’s just a card game.”

“Nah, I’ll pass,” Syrus declined from inside the blanket, shaking mildly. “Besides, I’ll be okay in here. I’ve got my Vitamin Water, my canned ham, my sudden apocalypse kit, and everything else I’ll need.” Hassleberry squinted his eyes so hard with concentration that the blanket exploded, sending all of its contents around the room and throwing Syrus into Hassleberry’s legs. “Oooowww.”

“Get up Syrus!” Hassleberry demanded! “If you’re so afraid, then you have to FACE that fear! You come out a better man for it, and people stop shaking their heads sadly when they see your face! Now come on! Ready to fight that fear?”

“But I’m too AFRAID to face my fear! Of failure, which makes you feel sympathetic and less confused. Because if I lose in front of everybody it makes me look like some sort of Rex Raptor or something, y’know, something nobody likes but like making fun of.”

 

“So you’re afraid of being like that absolute and total loser, Rex Raptor?” Hassleberry understood.

“Yeah, and we ALL know we wanna be a Weevil Underwood or something. But I know I’m going to lose, no matter what I do!”

“And how is that? You haven’t even fought this season yet!”

“But there’s this.” Syrus took out his Power Bond card. “My brother AKA Zane Truesdale AKA the reason my last name is my only redeeming feature gave this to me, and I rely on it so much. If I use this, that means I’ve failed as a duelist and will have to give up when I lose that card and live on the street where I am picked up by aliens and then deemed by them the best representation of us all, then I’ll be scanned by them, decided useless, and be the main cause for the entire earth getting turned into alien breakfast cereal!”

“That’s insane,” Hassleberry said.

“I know, that’s the prob—wait, no, the problem’s that I’m using my brother’s powers to win, meaning I’m still completely useless though I sure can lampshade weird things, ahahaha.”

“Then don’t use the card.”

 

*****“… MY GOD.” HALLELUJAH!! HALELUJAH!! The answer had finally come to Syrus! If he didn’t use the card, then he WOULDN’T BE USING HIS BROTHER’S POWERS AND HE COULD TRY TO WIN BY HIMSELF!! “Hassleberry,” he said, taking a powerful stance, “thank you. I can… I CAN DO THIS!!” Syrus threw the card into the wall, where it stuck like a dart. “Let’s go down to that Duel Dome. And you’re also right, the first Rainbow Fish book is the ONLY one for me.”

“For US, you mean!” Hassleberry corrected. They blew the door up with their minds and ran outside, leaping down to the ground from the Slifer Toolshed’s second level. “LET’S GO SEE US SOME DUEL!!”

“Woo,” cheered Jaden, Chazz, Billy Hills, Deep-Voice Dobbson, Senkaiyoh and Alexis. They all teleported into the Duel Dome. The kids took their seats in the audience section while Syrus jumped onto the event stage.

 

“Come on out, Jill, I’m not afraid anymore!” Syrus said. “I’m ready to WIN!” There was a large explosion across the stage. The audience was instantly full of random kids. And standing against Syrus was a tall girl, who wore her red coat with respect, having ripped the sleeves right off in a grungy manner. Under her skirt were acid-washed jeans, her face was decorated in horrifying make-up, and her hair… was the most breathtaking, flamin’-red Mohawk in existence.

“Really now?” she asked.

“Uh, yeah. I think. Yeah.”

“Hmph,” Mohawk Jill pouted, “when I heard I’d be dueling Zane’s brother, I was hoping there would be something more… less depressing about him. You make me depressed.”

“…” Syrus slowly slid onto his face and started weeping.

 

“Hey, jabronilady!” Jaden called! “Whadda ya think you’re doin’, fillin’ up the entire audience with your appearance?! YOU SUCK!”

“Can I shoot her?” Senkaiyoh asked, holding and aiming a sniper rifle.

“No way kid, you’ll shoot your eye out,” Hassleberry denoted, lightly pushing the gun down.

“Aw.”

“So who IS she, huh, Chazz, huh?” Deep-Voice Dobbson asked. “I huh haven’t huh seen her before.”

“She’s Mohawk Jill, of course,” Chazz began, “one of the twelve or so Slifer Reds Senkaiyoh didn’t just out-and-out murder yesterday.”

“POLICE BRUTALITY!!”

“Exactly. Jill has been in Red since her first year, and is set to graduate next year. But she says that she wants to show that Red students can still be great duelists, and has repeatedly denied rank-up proposals. She’s got an amazing lockdown strategy of her own with those Punk Rocker monster cards of hers. But I could still beat her with my Armed Dragons, because I’m full of pride and money.”

“I also heard she’s a real b****,” Alexis stated.

 

“Stand up like a real man!” Mohawk Jill ordered. “I didn’t come here to duel some sort of wimp, so much unlike Zane! I wanted SOME challenge! Like your awesome brother!”

“What’s in it for you?” Syrus mumbled into the floor.

“I get to graduate and go to the Pro Leagues with your brother Zane, DUH!” she explained. “How obvious WAS it? I can’t WAIT to get outta this stupid school!”

“She really doesn’t care ‘bout Red Pride?” Jaden figured. “Senkai, kill her! Now!”

“SENKAIYOH!!” Senkaiyoh insinuated, holding out her Red Ryder BB Gun. She pulled the trigger, sending buckshot into her own face. “MY EYES!!”

 

“You’ve just completely altered the perception of your character…” Syrus realized.

“Yeah. And?”

“Then that means… I can do it too!” Syrus understood, floating onto his feet! “I’m gonna make you all respect me slightly more than you USED to!”

There you go! Feel that motivation!” Syrus’ hair motivated.

“Yeah right, chump,” Mohawk Jill sneered.

“DUEL!!” (Syrus: 4000 Life Points, Mohawk Jill: 4000 Life Points)

 

“Mwee hee hee,” chuckled Crowler, watching from afar. “Once this Duel ends, we can choose if we’ll continue to push Syrus through the ranks into popularity, or if Jill wins this, we can bill her as ‘The First Punk-Rocker Duelist!’ We’ll get so much money from merchandise that we’ll be able to afford ANOTHER obelisk to go outside!”

“That sounds like a plan!” Bonaparte agreed. “Let’s get a green one this toime!”

“Stop it with your weird accent,” Crowler commanded, bonking him on the head.

 

“I’m going first!” Mohawk Jill declared, summoning some sort of anthropomorphic skunk to the field. “Punky Skunk in Defense Mode!” The skunk slapped some drumsticks together and started making a ruckus on his magically-appearing drumset. (Punky Skunk: 2000 Defense Points)

“Oh no, she’s already got HER act together, and if I know that then he’ s SCREWED!!” Mann McOldsmobile cried, suddenly appearing!

“Now?” Senkaiyoh asked.

“No!” he declined.

“With Punky Skunk on the field,” Mohawk Jill explained, “all of my ‘Punk Rocker’ monsters are safe, meaning there’s not a card in my deck you can touch, kid! Just waste your turn setting up some type of defense, and let me pick it apart with my typical grunge-related monsters! I’m gonna—”

“I activate Shield Crush, interrupting your exclamation and destroying your skunk!”A laser crashed through Punky Skunk and his drums, exploding them.

“… What?” Mohawk Jill gasped.

“Come on out, Super Robot Steam Locomotive Robot!” Syrus called! “Attack her directly!” His large old-style train robot rode the rails out of Syrus’ hand and into Mohawk Jill’s FACE!! (SRSLR: 1800 Attack Points)

“Th-the hell’d you just DO?!” Mohawk Jill demanded, outraged! (Mohawk Jill: 2200 Life Points)

 

“Snappy-snap, y’all!” Jaden cried! “Syrus isn’t failing! He’s WINNING!!”

“I feel bad for being so surprised!” Chazz exclaimed, feeling deep shame and regret.

“Well with a name like Punky Skunk, who expected HIM to survive?” Alexis asked.

“AHAHAHA,” everybody laughed.

“B-but that wasn’t even a PUN!!” Mohawk Jill complained!

“SY-RUS! SY-RUS! SY-RUS!!” the crowd cheered!

“You think you can just start making fun of anybody lower than you, eh?” Syrus challenged. “Yeah, WRONG!! Respect me or be torn to pieces by our audience members!!”

“UH, WE DON’T LIKE YOU THAT MUCH, SYRUS,” the audience said.

“Oh. Well, don’t insult me, please.”

“It’s too late for that!” Mohawk Jill said. “Once the train leaves the station, it can’t go back until it’s run its track!”

“Yes it can!” Syrus cried, pointing to Super Robot Steam Locomotive Robot, moving backward.

“STOP MOCKING ME!!” Mohawk Jill cried! “I summon Punk Rocker Roadie in Attack Mode!” A guy in a leather jacket and a pink Mohawk as tall as he was appeared.

“YEAYEEEEEAAAAAH~!!” he rocked out, being too happy for a real Punk Rocker. (PR Roadie: 1000 Attack Points)

“He’s nothing special,” Syrus brushed off.

“Not until I play the Spell card: They Never Stop Coming!!” The image of a thousand idiot fans swarming over a popular band appeared, and they were all out for blood. But it spat out two more roadies instead. They all began singing a song they liked crappily. Then they ate the original one. (Evil Roadies: 500 Attack Points)

“So? They’re both worse off than me with only five-hundred Attack Points!” Syrus joked.

“But I just sent my Roadie to the Graveyard,” Mohawk Jill reminded. “When he’s sent off, I’m allowed to Special Summon one Punk Rocker from my hand!” She took out one truly important card. “Come on out! Experienced Punk Rocker!”

 

A dark-haired man in spunky clothing appeared with his beat-up guitar on hand. He looked incredibly pale with blotchy skin, gaunt cheeks, and soulless eyes.“Gotta shoot up t’night,” he mumbled, falling over. (Experienced Punk Rocker: 1900 Attack Points)

“He’s not experienced at all!” Syrus Sy-ed! “He’s been chewed-up by the dark punk rocker underworld! HE’S COMPLETELY SICK!!”

“Oh he’s experienced, alright!” Mohawk Jill dictated. “Whenever he kills a Burned-Out Rocker in battle, he gains five-hundred Attack Points!”

“Um, yeah, I’ve never even heard of that card before, so I don’t think I’m in any danger!” Syrus decided.

“You think so? Not when I play the Field Spell card Concert Riot!!” The field turned into that of a dimly-lit basement, covered in cheap beer and broken furniture. The two Roadies began shambling up to Syrus in a mischievous manner.

 

“Crap! She’s gonna force her monsters onto him!” Alexis realized!

“R-really?!” Syrus cried. “Um, d-don’t hurt me, guys…”

“WELCOME TO DA JUNGAAALL!!” the two punks shouted, punching Syrus in the mouth!

“GBAAAAH!!” Syrus screamed, spitting blood in all directions! Luckily, after that one blow the two punks became truly Burned-Out Rockers. “OH NO, I GET IT NOW!!”

“I play the Spell card Let’s Rock Out!!” A needled appeared in the Experienced Punk Rocker’s hands. He jabbed it into his heart, filling his body with corrosive energy!

“RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHGGHHHHH!!!” he roared, punching one Burned-Out Rocker into oblivion. (Syrus: 2600 Life Points)

“And he’s not done rockin’ out just yet! That Spell card I just played causes my monster to attack you AGAIN!!” Mohawk Jill shouted! The Experienced Punk Rocker finished eating what was left of his kill and prepared to strike again. (Experienced Punk Rocker: 1900 -> 2400 Attack Points)

“RARARARAAABBABAAA!!” he vomited, smashing the other punk into Fritos. He ate them as well. (Experienced Punk Rocker: 2400 -> 2900 Attack Points)

“Please… just tell me you’re done…” Syrus whimpered, holding his eyes shut.

“Yeah, make your move so I can get outta this dirty hellhole!” Mohawk Jill urged. “The only reason I stayed a Red is because every other dorm’s too full of themselves! ‘Oh, we’re rich!’ ‘Oh, you can’t leave your needles THERE!’ You ALL make me sick!”

 

“SYRUS!!” Hassleberry shouted! “Come on now! Don’t show any weakness! Face your fear, stomp it out and tear her monsters apart! Then you WON’T lose!!”

“You’re right,” Syrus decided, half-heartedly, “I’ve gotta… man up?”

“THAT’S the ticket!” Hassleberry cheered!

“OOH, OOH!!” Senkaiyoh cried! “Play your theme song!”

“Uuuuh, no. Instead I’ll summon—”

“PLAY THE THEME SONG AND DRAW SOMETHING GOOD!!” Jaden screamed!

“FINE! I ALREADY DREW, BUT HERE YOU GO!! Ugh.” A submarine with a face and a torpedo appeared. “I summon Super Robot Submarine Robot and switch my Super Robot Steam Locomotive Robot to Defense Mode!” Syrus began. His train shifted into a defensive position. (SRSR: 800 Attack Points, SRSLR: 1800 Defense Points)

 

“Okay, so what?” Mohawk Jill asked, grimacing. “That’s a terrible move. What, does he have an EFFECT or something?”

“Yeah, he attacks you directly.” The submarine threw the missile at her face. It exploded painfully, covering her punky face in holographic soot. (Mohawk Jill: 1400 Life Points)

“Ha ha, now you look funny!” Syrus attacked! “Also my sub turns to Defense Mode, so you can’t touch him (for damage), either!” The submarine fell on its side. (SRSR: 1800 Defense Points) “Also I set a card. Remember it!”

“Well, that turn was a’ight, but he’s still got that druggie monster to contend with,” Jaden worried. “Why doesn’t he use… uh… what GOOD cards does he have, ‘sides the train?”

“Shield Crush,” Senkaiyoh said.

“Power Bond,” Alexis said.

“Nope, he gave it up today,” Hassleberry said, holding it up. “He said he want to win by himself, and because this came from his brother, he can’t use it.”

“THAT IDIOOOOOT!!” Jaden erupted! “HE GOT TWO OF THOSE LAST YEAR IN BOOSTER PACKS!! WHAT ARE YOU DOIIING, SYRUUUUUS?!?!?!?!”

“I DIIIIID?!?!” Syrus screamed! “OH NO, I WAS TOO BUSY BEING DEPRESSED TO REMEMBER!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!”

WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAAA!!!!” Syrus wailed! “DON’T KILL ME-HEE-HEEEE!!”

“I summon Worst Punk Rock Manager Ever! Go!” A fat, stupid-looking rich man who didn’t know what he was doing jumped up and drop-kicked Syrus in the face! And then he became burned-out and devoid of energy.

“NONOTAGAIN!!” (WPRME: 600 Attack Points)

“KILL HIM!!”

“GIMMEE MY FRICKIN’ PAYCHECK!!” the Experienced Punk Rocker shouted, throwing his deadly guitar at the man!

“I TOL YA I DON GOT CHA MONEH!!” the manager screamed in defense! IT WAS A LIE!!

“I play No Entry!!” Syrus cried, activating his Trap! It featured two guards guarding a gate into a cavern. “HE MOVES TO DEFENSE MODE!!” the boy screamed, guarding his face with fear! The guitar completely missed the target and crashed onto the floor. The druggie fell over, exhausted. (Experienced Punk Rocker: 1200 Defense Points) “A-a-a-also, y-y-you discard one card in your hand,” Syrus added.

“Hmph,” Mohawk Jill sighed, discarding the last card she held onto. “You think that’ll help you to win? You little nerd! NOTHING you can do will beat me! You’ll NEVER measure up to your brother! Face it and let me have him!” Mohawk Jill yelled! “STOP TRYING TO BE SOMEONE YOU’RE NOT!!”

 

“……….” Syrus closed his eyes and looked down to the floor. He shook lightly, as if he were crying.

“Oh don’t pull that Jaden s*** on me,” Mohawk Jill growled. “Like that’ll signify some sort of comeback when you start laughing?”

“SHUT THE STUFF UP, b****!!” Alexis screamed!

“YEAH, GO HOME!! WE DON’T NEED ANYONE LIKE YOU HERE WHEN WE CAN HAVE THAT GUY!!” Jaden raged!

“WHY DON’T YOU JUST DIE OR SOMETHING?!” Chazz asked, throwing Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson at her.

“YEAH!!” the collective argumentive audience shouted.

“Oh no, this is bad!” Crowler worried.

“What is is, Crowluh?” Bonaparte inquired.

“When that Mohawk Jill girl wins, she’s not going to sell ANY merch! Everybody already hates her, so we can’t make money!”

 

STOP IT,” Syrus yelled. The audience froze. “… It’s true that my brother Zane is amazing,” he began. “He’s always had great grades… so athletic… everybody says he’s the funniest person in the world… he has the idol-quality looks… I’ve been in his shadow since I was… no, since before I was even born. And yet…” He looked up at Mohawk Jill. Hot tears were streaming down his face, contortioned in anger. “I’M NOT TRYING TO BE HIM!! I AM SYRUS TRUESDALE!! AND I SWEAR, YOU SHALL FALL TO ME!!” He pulled out a Spell card and held it aloft.

“USE YOUR OTHER THEME SONG!!” Senkaiyoh suggested.

Already on it.” The Spell card appeared on the field, showcasing a train station connection zone. “I activate Super Robot Docking Station!”

“You can’t, because the effect of The Worst Punk Rock Manager in the World states he’s too cheap to let you play Spell cards!” Mohawk Jill said.

“It’s true,” the manager said, lighting up a cigar. Syrus punched him in the face and he exploded. (Mohawk Jill: 200 Life Points)

“Wait, what?”

A scale-model of the image in the card’s art appeared. “I’m not listening to that crap! I use this card to fuse three of my Super Robot monsters together!” The Super Robot Drill Robot appeared next to his brethren as they all set themselves up around the train tracks. And then they revved themselves up and smashed into each other, thus successfully fusing together. And yet… their combination didn’t yet appear.

“Where’s the Fusion?” Mohawk Jill asked, slightly unnerved. Syrus pointed skyward. A rift had begun to appear in the sky. Azure, spinning and yet seemingly technological, in a way? It started spitting bolts of holographic electricity into the audience, now completely encompassed into the current events that were but beginning to occur. And then something poked through it. It was a drill. The drill belonged to a mauve automated super robot. It had tasteful flames painted along its sides. It also wore an enraged expression.

“Ultimate Super Robot Jumbo Drill Robot XX-Edition 2009 inflicts damage through battles with Defense-Position enemies,” Syrus judged. (USRJDRXX-E2009: 3000 Attack Points)

“I…impossi…ble?” Mohawk Jill muttered, quaking. “HOW DID YOU FRICKIN’ DO THAT?!?!” Syrus pointed at his monster, then toward Mohawk Jill’s. The drill fell. The Punk Rocker was crushed by a giant drill. Syrus won. Mohawk Jill lost. (Mohawk Jill: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

 

“And that’s how you do it,” Syrus sniveled, wiping his face on his sleeve. “DON’T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT ME AND MY BROTHER AGAIN!!”

“But you—” Mohawk Jill was interrupted as her head exploded. All of the holographic images faded into nonexistence as Syrus looked toward the audience. Alexis had just blasted the girl’s head off with a Red Ryder BB gun. (Death Count Season Two: 697)

“He said to shut up,” she one-lined.

“Mine,” Senkaiyoh sniffed, taking it back.

“AND THE WINNER IS ZANE’S LITTLE BROTHER!!” Crowler announced into a microphone, ducking under three bullets.

“I always knew the kid had it in’m,” Hassleberry stated comfortably, sliding back in his seat.

“You should’a seen him last year when he broke ten-thousand Attack Points!” Jaden recalled! “Boy, those were the days, ha ha ha!”

“I don’t remember… wait, was I here earlier?!” Mann McOldsmobile stupidly flipped-out.

“Wait, where’s Billy and Dobbson?” Chazz wondered.

Syrus took in a deep sigh of relief. You’re growing, Syrus, his hair said. A yellow coat fell onto his head from above. “Welp, time to go be a Ra Yellow!”

 

He appeared in the Slifer Red dorms with the other characters. “Weren’t you going to be a Ra kid?” Jaden asked.

“You saw this coming, with all that Hassleberry stuff, right?” Syrus asked. “I mean it’s painfully obvious.”

“Oh yeah.”

 

Crowler sat on a chair with Bonaparte. “Wait, weren’t we going to do something with Syrus?” Crowler asked.

“I dunno,” Bonaparte mumbled.

“Oh.”

 

[spoiler=NEXT EPISODE:]Aster Phoenix decides to drop by and show his stuff to the hip kids, UNLESS JIMJAM JUGADORES HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT!! And while that happens, Atticus Rhodes gets the surprise of a lifetime! Or maybe THREE!! Watch out for the next episode: Atticus’ Upset! The Future Unwinds! It’s gonna be a shocker!

 

 

 

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