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Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. The Fan Fic.

Should I keep doing this, even though nobody will ever truly listen to me here?  

4 members have voted

  1. 1. I want to leave.



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Hello, all, I am here once more to say hey all, this is the second topic I've made after starting this story, and I've gone back over everything so far and begun re-posting edited editions of each previous chapter, so that everything looks perfect. I hope that you enjoy this wonderful brand of stupidity, and hold on for the ride of your... eh, week...

 

Yeah, sounds about right. Anyways, enjoy it while you can, and I'll add up a directory for chapters once I hit the second page again.

 

[spoiler=Episode One: The Next King of Games]

 

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode One: The Next King of Games

 

We begin our first episode inside of a large, Domino City High School by the name of 'Sakuragi Hanamichi High'. Inside, several once-middle school students were traversing the halls at their own leisurely pace, looking for the classrooms in which they'd be taking their entrance exams. One important boy in particular had his own circle of friends surrounding him, all eager for their new lives as high school students.

 

The kid in question had short-yet-puffy brown hair, odd for many traditional Japanese anime characters, and was strutting the halls with his large male friend, his cool, thinner male friend, and his shy female friend who seemed to be interested in him. "Jay-man, we're finally here!" the large boy announced cheerily! "High school!"

"Remember when we were just little kids and we always dreamed about becoming cool high school 'yankees'?" the thinner boy chuckled.

"Oh yeah, yo, that's because we read 'Chagecha'!" the kid recalled. "What a horrible idea! That story was cancelled after only eight chapters, right?"

"Oh, remember when we followed that yakuza guy last year, Jaden?" the thinner guy laughed. "We totally kicked his ass and saved those orphaned puppies!"

"Oh yeah! I remember, yo! We've had so many great adventures in our school years," the Jaden wistfully remembered, blinking his tremendously large brown eyes. He turned to his female friend, who hadn't said anything yet. "Hey, what's up? You haven't said anything yet."

"O-oh," the girl gasped. "Sorry, I was just thinking…"

"'Bout what, yo?" Jaden asked.

"Well… weren't you going to go to those Duel Academy entrance exams today?" the girl asked.

 

"… OHCRAPYOU'RERIGHT!" Jaden leaped out of the nearest window and ran off.

"AAAAAAW!" the big guy wailed! "I KNEW THAT STUPID DUEL MONSTERS WOULD TEAR OUR FRIENDSHIP APAAAART!"

"How COULD you? We agreed we'd keep that from him, woman!" The thinner kid punched the girl in the face.

"OH!" She fell onto another student's feet, causing him to fall in turn. "You hit me… then It's a good thing I brought THIS baby today!" She pulled out her lucky tommy gun and unleashed hell within the highly-populated schoolhouse.

 

Jaden bolted through the city as fast as he could, leaping over traffic, bounding over park benches and slamming into trash cans. As he dashed through the Domino City Park district, he began checking out his backpack. "Alright, I got my deck, I got my gear, and I ain't goin' to no REAL school! That's because I like card games! Sadly I'm late for my entrance exams because my old friends I've known since elementary school tried taking me to an actual high school entrance exam! Ha ha, screw them, I'm going to Duel Academy! Wait, why'm I saying all this?"

"That's one WEEEIRD kid," an onlooker chuckled to himself.

 

Ahead of Jaden walked a mysterious previous main character with legendarily spiky hair in his early thirties! Somehow, he and his Yuginess didn't actually notice Jaden heading towards him at a breakneck pace! "OH NO YO!" Jaden screamed, still running. "LOOK OUT, YO!" Yugi looked to his left. "NO, BEHIND YOU!" Yugi looked to his right. "NO, RIGHT HERE!" Yugi looked upward. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? Ow," he screamed, slamming into the man. "Oh, sorry 'bout that," Jaden apologized, helping the man up. "… Sorry you're such an IDIOT!" Jaden pushed the Yugi over again.

"Ow! Why did you do that?" the Yugey man whined.

"'Cause you didn't just get out of the way while I kept yellin' an' screamin' an'… screw it, I'm late for the DUEL ACADEMY ENTRANCE EXAMS!"

 

Something clicked within the Yugi-like man. "Wait. Did you just say, 'Duel Academy'?" he asked.

"Hellz yeah!"

"By that, do you mean the school where you duel?" Yugi questioned further.

"The COOL school where you duel!" Jaden corrected. "Yeah, where ELSE could I be headin' toward like this?"

"I don't know, but have a FREE Duel Monsters card!" Yugi invited, handing Jaden a free card of some sort. The boy snatched it up.

"Cool! But why?"

"Because you bumped into me, which told me to believe in you and your incredible Dueling adventures that are sure to follow!"

"Oh!" Jaden bowed in appreciation. "Thanks! I'll be sure to bump into more people from now on!" Jaden ran off as Yugi dusted himself off. As the happy idiot boy ran off, that man did the COOLEST THING EVER… he gave Jaden a THUMBS-UP as he walked away.

"WAHAHAHAHA, FAREWELL, YOUNG DUELIST! HA HA HA…" Yugi was suddenly run over by a bicyclist.

"… Oh, that guy was Yugi," Jaden realized. "He's a lot lamer than I thought. Well, I guess I should take a peek at this here Duel Monster card, yo!" With a small smile, he looked at the card he'd been given. It was… a Kuriboh. With wings. It was called 'Winged Kuriboh'. "… I hate you, Yugi," Jaden decided. "A Kuriboh with wings? That's insultin', man! WHAT'RE YOU TRYIN' TO SAY, BASTARD?"

 

"OOH," the Kuriboh cooed.

"… OH MY GOSH, MY CARD JUST TALKED TO ME!" Jaden slipped the card into his handy-dandy deck box and began running back off to the task at hand. "Who cares, 'cause I gotta go to school!"

"LOSER!" accused a man.

"Hey," Jaden reasoned, "I can't become the next KING OF GAMES if I'm LATE to the games!"

"BOO," someone said.

 

MEANWHILE, SEVERAL MILES AWAY IN A DOME-SHAPED BUILDING…

Several nerdy kids were running around within a massive arena, constructed just so that kids can play card games and adults could watch. Something was wrong with that picture, though. "All people who have won their entrance duels, please escort yourself to the left," an intercom buzzed, "and those of you who have lost, thus humiliating yourself against a badly-made deck and forever tainting your memory with the stench of failure, and the rejection of a school that teaches children to play simple card games… better luck next year. Or not, because I really hate you all."

A sexually-ambiguous person in a blue duelist uniform, complete with frills, was seated around several uncomfortable teachers up in the stands, sternly watching today's youth fail at card games with intense intent. "And have fun at the Kaibaland-sponsored Duel Academy, mwee-hee-hee-hee," it cackled.

"I despise you and also fear you," a fellow teacher told it.

 

"Now, I summon Leghul," a dueling proctor announced within the massive Duel Pit. "and now I will attack you directly! Bug Bite!" A large, spiky centipede flew out of a card and attacked a short, sad-looking kid with blue hair and glasses!

"Ow," he recoiled. (Boy: 4000 Life Points -> 3700 Life Points) I wish I was already enrolled so that I didn't have to deal with these crappy, freaky cards, the boy thought. I also wish I knew why I had to duel this idiot, even a beginner could beat him. Oh yeah, and I wish I stayed home, too. I'm depressed with life in general. Hey, I bet I just declared what my character is all about! That's not good…

"All of you terrible kids who can't play this game who also have NOT reported for a duel, please shame yourself now," the intercom asked.

 

MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE THE BUILDING WITHIN THE PARKING LOT OF DESTINY…

"Alright ladies, that's it," said a man of some sort with two women companions, all of which who worked for the school and such. "Mark all the no-shows 'no-shows', ha ha. I'm so funny."

"WAIT, Y'ALL!" cried a very unfitting voice! It startled everyone present into looking at the kid who had just climbed up the railing around the parking lot. "I'm no no-show, yo! You can count JADEN YUKI IN!"

"… Like I said, mark 'em. NOW," the man stressed.

 

**********

 

A few minutes and some intense negotiations (possibly street brawls) later, Jaden appeared next to the depressed blue-haired kid, cracking his shoulder. "Dislocated shoulders hurt, man… Oh boy, look at 'em go!" he excitedly shouted, looking toward the duels down below.

"I activate Hammer Shot, destroying the monster on the field with the most Attack Points!" a boy said, just after summoning his Dark Magician. A large hammer fell and crushed his monster. "Aw, man, I really gotta stop doing that."

"Oh, you mean that poor kid over there?" the blue-hair guy asked.

"No, I'm talkin' 'bout THAT poor kid!" And lo, Jaden pointed to a cool kid with swept-back grayish hair and a decidedly British voice. On his field was a guy who had a big raidin' spear who somehow emanated the word 'Vorse'. (Vorse Raider: 1900 Attack Points) His dueling, proctoring opponent with massive sunglasses had some sort of guard holding a big shield, along with a movable fortress constructed out of a golem covered in gears. (Big Shield Gardna: 2300 Defense Points, Gear Golem the Moving Fortress: 2200 Defense Points)

 

"Alright, new guy. Multiple-choice," the man yelled, "You've got two monsters starin' you down. Do you A: Throw in the towel, B: Beg for mercy, or C: Run home to momma?"

"I'll take D;" the kid answered in his thick, British accent, "You're an idiot!" He flipped up his Trap card: RING OF DESTRUCTION! Basically the card's art showcased a collar covered in grenades.

"A Trap? IT CAN'T BE!" the proctor screamed, in fear for his own life!

"Yes, this card destroys one monster on the field, causing us both to take damage equal to the monster's Attack Points!" the boy explained, quite confident in his success. The grenade ring appeared magically around his own monster's neck.

(Shady Proctor: 4 Life Points) "OH NOOOOO!" the proctor screamed! "But, wait, are you sure you really wanna do that?"

(Cool Kid: 1900 Life Points, Vorse Raider: 1900 Attack Points) "I'm DEAD-SURE."

"You don't say that, it's dead-WRONG," corrected the proctor.

"I KNOW WHAT I MEAN!" The grenade ring then detonated, resulting in a stylish explosion of some sort. (Dumb Kid: 0 Life Points, Shady Proctor: 0 Life Points. TIE)

 

Up in the stands, a kid with noticeably extreme swoopy-yet-spiky black hair was sitting with his two groupies. "Wow, that guy's purdy good, don'cha think Chazz, I reckon?" asked one in his offensively 'hillbilly-ish' voice, whilst having bluish hair swept over his shoulder and simultaneously having neat spectacles.

"Shut up, Billy Hills," the Chazz groaned, "your accent is offensive to hill-folk everywhere!"

"Guess the rumors about that Bastion kid bein' some kinda whizz-kid are true, huh, Chazz, huh?" his other groupie asked, complete with tallness, toughness, a large nose, blank expression and a haircut not unlike a freshly-cut lawn.

"Shut UP, Deep-Voice Dobbson," Chazz growled, "your accent is offensive to deep-voiced men and women everywhere!"

"Boy, I reckon yer' the best friend ever!"

"It sure is nice 'ta sit with you, huh, Chazz, huh!"

"SHUT UP! YOUR VOICES ARE INFURIATING!"

 

"Woo-ee," Jaden whistled, "that kid sure was an idiot."

"I heard that he came from a dueling prep school," the sad blue-haired kid remembered, "and his name's Bastion Misawa. He got the highest score on the written test, but he's still stupid and rarely wins, just having tie matches. We should stay away from him. By the way, I'm Syrus Truesdale. I barely passed the written test, mostly because I couldn't get any sleep last night. I was too scared about the rapidly rising population of the earth, and all the horrors we'll face. I learned it from one of those depressing PBS 'Nova' specials and…"

"Wait, what written test...?" The brown-haired guy shook the idea out of his head. "So what? You're in like Flynn, mah main min! And by that I mean 'man'! You're already in 'da school, fool!" Jaden rhymed. "I will too, after the duel, so don't be cruel! Ha ha, rhymin' like that should be a crime… I mean rhyme, 'cause 'rhymin' and 'crime' don't rhyme…"

"While you were trying to rhyme, the last applicant just finished up and failed," Syrus insisted, pointing down into the Duel Pit.

"WAAAAGH, I FAAAAAILED!" screeched a failure of a kid.

"OH CRAP, HE DID FAIL!" Jaden screamed!

 

MEANWHILE, WITH THE TEACHERS…

"Looks like we have a pretty good crop this year," one guy said to another.

"Yes indeed-y," his accomplice answered in a freakily nasally tone.

"AAH! What happened to your voice?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" the nasally man screamed! "HELP ME!"

A guy in a cool suit walked over to the really scary teacher and told it, "Sorry to interrupt, but one last applicant is really freaking out over there, Mr. Crowler."

It turned around and glared at him. "Did you just call me 'Mister?'" it asked.

"Oh, sorry, I'm new here. But really, that kid's goin' crazy." The man pointed to Jaden, across the stadium.

"WAAAAAAAAGH I GOTTA DUEEEEEL!" Jaden screamed, irritating everyone present.

 

"Yes, I've noticed him…" Crowler noted, "BUT YOU MUST NEVER CALL ME 'MISTER'! I! AM! A! WOMAN!"

"Oh, well I'm new here," the man repeated, shaking uncontrollably.

"Well," it growled, grimacing at him not two inches away from his face, "next time you should probably call me 'Doctor'. I didn't spend all that time at Kaibaland Dueling College to be MOCKED."

"Uh… uh…" the man whimpered.

"Either way," Crowler sighed, getting back on track, "just tell that truant child to come back NEXT year like everyone else that stupid."

"Uh… UH… UWAAAAAAAH!" the new teacher cried, racing away as fast as he could.

"I don't think he's coming back," the nasally man said.

"Come now, Ms. Crowler," an old man goaded, "I want to see just one more duel before I die today of old age."

"He's serious, he's 'bout to croak any moment now," another teacher recognized. "His eyes are REALLY dilated."

"Yeah," Mr. Nasal added, "The boy was only a LITTLE late. Give'm a chance."

"GRR! NO!" Crowler exploded! "I have no leniency for slackers! AND WHO EVEN LET THAT OLD MAN IN HERE?!”

“I work here.”

“Oh, yeah…” Suddenly, its Duel Phone™ beeped inside of its pocket. "And who might this be?" Crowler asked, placing the phone to its ear.

"It's Chancellor Shepherd here," a man with a perfect police chief voice told.

"Ah, yes, what is it?"

"I just wanted to conveniently call now to make sure that you don't do what you did last year for cutting a third of the applicants for calling you 'Mister'. And… that's it." He hung up.

"That was oddly convenient," Crowler growled. "Meh, I'll give the slacker-boy a chance."

"But wait," the nasally man asked, "Which proctor should duel him, and with which crappy deck?"

"If you promise to never speak again, I'll do it. Deal?" Crowler offered.

"My voice isn't my fault, it’s the dub," the man sniffed.

 

Jaden and Syrus both approached Bastion Misawa, the tie-match kid you've possibly forgotten about by now, thanks to the adventures of Crowler. Bastion had just sat down onto one of the thousands of bleachers provided when Jaden popped up next to him, proclaiming "TIGHT duel, Bastion!"

"WAGH!" Bastion screamed, caught off-guard by the sudden intrusion! "Uh, thanks."

"Looks like you might be the SECOND-worst Duelist here!" Jaden supposed.

"Huh?"

Suddenly, the intercom started to bother everyone again! "Jaden Yuki, please report to Duel Stadium Four, or whatever."

"Go time, yo!" Jaden cheered! "Wish me luck, dudes!"

"W-wait," Bastion begged, reaching out to Jaden, "if I'm the second-worst, then who's the first?"

"I dunno. Do you know anybody who always LOSES their duels?" Jaden checked. At this, Bastion clammed up with the both shame that nobody thought tie-matches to be cool, and amazement at the fact that there very well COULD be a boy who always lost… interesting…

"Woah," Syrus remarked, "He shut him up in an instant! He's GOT to be good. Or I could be wrong. And then he'd fail, and I'd have no friends to be with, again. Unless Bastion's my friend." Syrus turned to Bastion. "Hey Bastion, are you my friend?"

"Hell no."

"Aw."

 

Jaden strutted into the Duel Arena like a real jive turkey. He was going to have a Duel Monsters card game Duel against a Duelist teacher, who happened to ALSO be a Duelist itself. Crowler stood its place to the far-right of the box-like arena, giving off a look of disgust, aimed toward the weird kid. Its Duel Disk of choice looked like a scary sword that could kill people. It had bloodstains on it. "Okay, test time!" it yelled in an effeminate voice.

"WAUGH!" Jaden howled! "Oh, it's only an ugly lady, yo. Wait, is that any better…?"

"Ugh. So, son, your name?" Crowler scowled, scowling.

"Are you REALLY a lady?"

"Answer the question," it stressed.

"Jaden Yuki," Jaden Yuki said.

"Well, Jaden Yucky," Crowler said, smirking, "I'm Doctor Velian Crowler, Professor of Useless Card Game Techniques here at Duel Academia."

"Oh, a Professor! And here I thought you were just some sort of ugly lady! Or are you both? OOH!" Jaden was onto something!

"Grr…" it growled. "Your humor is terrible, Mr. YUCKY."

 

"Well, Chazz," Billy Hills mentioned, "now that he mentions it, he DOES kinda look like a she, I reckon!"

"That kid's got SOME lip, tellin' the truth to Crowler like that, right, huh, Chazz, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked.

"GRRRRR…" Chazz punched his friends in the faces! "SHUT YOUR FACES ABOUT HER!" Chazz unintelligibly screamed. Nobody talks about my mum like that…

 

Crowler tapped a weird deck-holding mechanism strapped to its chest and chanted, "Duel vest, on," gracefully removing five cards from its deck of cards.

"Hey, that's pretty elegantly unnecessary, Ms. Crowler, but how do I get one of those mad-slick duel blazers?" Jaden asked, interested.

"Oh, it only takes an extreme amount of effort, extremely high marks, and… how do you children say it… Mad Dueling Skills. Yes," Crowler answered after much thought, "But of course, first you must GET into Duel Academy, and I'm here to make sure that won't be happening!"

"Well hey, if I beat you, then I'll have shown mah MAD Duelin' Skills!" Jaden figured! "Thanks for the head-start, teach!"

"Oh, I'm SO going to enjoy this," Crowler groaned, internally bursting a blood vessel.

"DUEL!" both parties exclaimed. (Jaden Yuki: 4000 Life Points, Velian Crowler: 4000 Life Points)

 

"HERE GOES!" Jaden drew his starting hand with intense effort. His hand was made up of Elemental Hero Avian, Monster Reborn, Draining Shield, Hero Signal, Polymerization, and The Warrior Returning Alive, whatever THAT means. "Sweet, yo! I'm gonna summon Elemental Hero Avian in Defense Mode!"

"Hmph!" yelled a man in an embarrassing green winged jumpsuit, complete with a wimpy clawed glove, leaping onto the field. Crowler stared at it with a combination of disgust and hilarity. (Elemental Hero Avian: 1000 Attack Points)

"I'll also throw-down a face-down," Jaden snickered, setting his Draining Shield Trap card. What does THAT do, you may ask? Well, stay tuned!

"BOO," someone said.

"Alright, get your game on—"

"BOO," someone said.

 

"Yes, very good," Crowler complimented (WITH LIES!) "Just don't tell me what to do, child."

"Say something?"

"No," Crowler answered. "Ha ha ha ha ha. Also, since I'm using my own deck as opposed to those infinitely useless test decks, I’LL be calling ALL the shots!"

"Oh, that's cool!"

"Shut up, Mr. Yucky."Crowler drew its next card, adding a second Statue of the Wicked card into its hand, now constructed of the aforementioned cards, Confiscation, Heavy Storm, Ancient Gear Golem and Emes the Infinity, though to be fair the last one was there due to a lack of sense on the animator's part. "I'll fail this little upstart and send him home," Crowler reassured itself.

"Okay, whatever 'ya say, teach!" Jaden laughed! "Man, she is SUCH a riot." Crowler frowned.

"Well then, enough with the 'comedy'. I think I'll start off nice and easy with my Spell card: Confiscation!" Crowler announced in a grandiose fashion. As it held the card up, an intense psychedelic background and accompanying guitar riff explained HOW dangerous this was!

"Okay, so what's it do?" Jaden asked. (Crowler: 3000 Life Points) "Wow, you have such dumb cards, Ms. Crowler! That's what makes you funny!"

"IDIOT!" some guy yelled.

"What it does is give ME the chance to peek at YOUR hand and toss one of YOUR cards into the GRAVEYARD!" Crowler informed. Holograms of Jaden's cards instantly floated in front of Crowler's face with a rainbow-themed background for no reason. "Oh yes, I remember some of these cards from your dad."

"When did you see my dad?" Jaden yelled!

"Last night! Burned!" Crowler insulted!

"GAY JOKE!" somebody guessed.

"I'M NOT A MAN!" Crowler screamed!

"Yeah, dude, she's a SHE!" Jaden proclaimed radically!

"YEAH, RIGHT!"

"Sure showed THAT sucka'!" Jaden believed.

 

Why do I even bother making jokes if they always end up like this? Crowler asked itself, questioning its life and career choices. "Hmm," Crowler thought loudly, getting back to the task at hand, "Which card shall I banish? Eenie meenie miney you." Crowler poked the hologram of Monster Reborn, being some weird blue totem thing. "MONSTER REBORN TO THE GRAVEYARD!" It blew up and the other cards faded, along with their hip digital background.

"Darn it! The picture exploded!" Jaden lamented! Then after one stern look from Crowler, Jaden got a clue. "Sorry, should'a told me," Jaden apologized, sending his Spell card to the Graveyard manually.

"I DID ALREADY. My word, how have you SURVIVED this long, being so STUPID?" Crowler wondered. "Okay, Crowler, take a deep breath… control yourself… Alright then, on with the game. I'll set two cards face-down onto the field." Two large, face-down holograms of cards appeared. "Then I'll activate Heavy Storm, destroying all Spell and Trap cards on the field!" A huge hurricane, filled with a few screaming guys, a house ripped from its foundation, and a delightful cow stormed the field, ripping away all Spell and Trap cards, eating them up. Which means you'll never know what Draining Shield does or looks like.

"Whoopsie," Jaden joked, "Didja forget you had two Traps?"

"Now now, you mustn't speak out of turn, young one," Crowler shushed.

"I ain't in school yet, so you ain't the boss o' me, lady! Yet." Suddenly, the field transformed into a dark, twisted holographic land filled with curly clouds! "WOAH! What's up wit' this, yo?" Jaden screamed!

"NOTHING'S happening," Crowler said sarcastically.

"Oh, that's good—"

"NOT YET!"

"AAH, OH NO! AHH!"Two wiggly golden idols appeared, somewhat demon-snake-ish in appearance!

 

"AHHHHH!" the audience shrieked! Over half of the newly-accepted kids, weak of heart and mind, ran away in fear, exiting the building, running back into town, going home, eating dinner, and going to sleep. OR DID THEY…? Nah, half of them were killed in the ensuing trampling.

"I'm too depressed to run," Syrus sighed, shaking vigorously.

"Indeed," Bastion sighed.

But Chazz and his buddies commented as well! "I reckon a card THAT strong COULDN'T be in one o' the test decks, Crowler must be usin' her own!" Billy Hills noticed. “I reckon that Statue o’ the Wicked Trap card summons a weak monster to the field when it’s destroyed, n’ stuff!”

"She already SAID that first part, you idiot! Why don't you kill yourself?" Chazz snapped.

"Yeah, this is already over, huh, Chazz? No applicant can hope to beat the deck of an expert like Ms. Crowler, huh, Chazz, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson reckoned.

"Shut up! Stop stating the obvious, you two! Go drown yourself in Kool-Aid!" Chazz growled.

"Yeah, it's impossible, I reckon, don'cha think, Chazz?"

"Yeah, whadda ya think, Chazz, huh?"

"I think that you should both just go do a double suicide and leave me alone!" Chazz yelled!

 

MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE AFAR IN THE ARENA, WHILE WE JUMP BETWEEN POVS FAR TOO QUICKLY FOR OUR OWN GOOD…

"That Crowler's an idiot," some large-breasted blonde girl in a blue uniform announced, "That boy has 'Yu' in his name. EVERYBODY knows about THAT trend. He's practically invincible."

"You're too soft, Alexis."

"What are you talking about, Zane?"

"I just hope we get a chance to see that legendary monster Crowler has stashed away in that deck of his," an older teen boy with DARK-BLUE hair grunted.

"What does that have to with ANYTHING I just said?" Alexis asked, irritatedly.

"…" Zane glared at her silently.

I so want to make love to him right now, Alexis thought, trembling with excitement.

 

BACK IN ‘DA DUEL PIT…

"Ready for your next lesson?" taunted Crowler, as its two golden snake-demons wiggled around like wild.

"You bet!" Jaden cheered. "I can't REMEMBER the last time learning was THIS much fun! Except for Schoolhouse Rock, yo! Now THAT video series was OFF 'da HOOK, y'all."

"Hm, well, I AM quite an excellent teacher. And yet…" It held a single card high into the air, causing it so shine unbelievably bright and blind all students unlucky enough to stare directly at it without protection!

"MY EEEEEEYES!" some kids screeched!

"Now I sacrifice my two Wicked Statue Tokens to summon the LEGENDARY Ancient Gear Golem!" The two tokens exploded into flames for some reason as Crowler smacked its shining card onto the Duel Disk Blade! And finally, upon the field appeared a giant, ancient fighting robot, covered in epic rust! It was patterned after a gladiator for some reason.

 

"There it is," Alexis realized, now surprised, "He really DOES have a legendary Super Rare card! Why we forgot about it, I don't know, and it's not all THAT special."

"And I'd say we're about to find out what just MAKES it so legendary," the second of the blue-hairs smirked.

"It's not legendary." And so, our hero Jaden stared up at the giant robot in an intense mixture of fear, excitement, and hunger for he had skipped breakfast!

(CURRENT FIELD:

Jaden: 4000 Life Points; Elemental Hero Avian, DEF Mode (1000)

Crowler: 3000 Life Points; Ancient Gear Golem, ATK Mode (3000))

I really wish I hadn't skipped out on breakfast this mornin', dawg, Jaden worried.

 

TO BE CONCLUDED...

 

RIGHT NOW!

 

"Ho ho ho ho ho," Crowler laughed, "I hope you're not TOO scared of my Ancient Gear Golem!"

"Aw, no way!" Jaden disagreed! "I've ALWAYS wanted to take one of those on!"

"GASP!" the audience collectively gasped!

"HE'S A MADMAN!"

"I'm still blind from earlier. What's happening?"

"Either Jaden's brave or he's an idiot," Syrus moaned, "And if he's brave he'll be doing some stupid things throughout my school years, leading towards the deaths of everybody we hold dear, possibly thanks to a cosmic horror or stupid occurrence of the past, making no sense in the end. So I really, really just hope he's just an idiot, don't you, Bastion?"

"Who're you again?" Bastion asked.

 

"He's staring down that legendary rare monster like he doesn't have a care in the world!" Zane exclaimed exasperatedly. "I guess the youth and inexperience have their use after all, huh Alexis?"

"What are you talking about, Zane?" Alexis asked. "He's probably never even seen one of those before today. Look." Alexis leaned out toward the Dueling masses down below. "HEY, HAVE YOU EVEN HEARD OF ONE OF THOSE BEFORE?"

"Uh, no, actually I just wanted to look popular n' fly!" Jaden explained.

"Told you."

"There won't be much left of it to show after this," Zane remarked.

"…" Next time, I need to love for the mind, not for the delicious body, Alexis decided.

"WAAAAAHAHAHAHA!" Crowler laughed, as if they had just eaten sugar! "MECHANIZED MELEE!" The comically-oversized gears inside the golem whirred around, causing its large, single eye to GLOW! It propelled its massive robot fist through the air and into Avian!

"Don't worry, I've got'm!" Avian assured. Then he was completely crushed by the fist, which was twice the size of his own body. Whoops.

 

MEANWHILE WITH SYRUS…

"Aw, Jaden's monster didn't stand a chance! Its Defense Points were way too low! It was hopeless, man, HOPELESS!"

"And it's about to get worse if you don't shut up, Syrus," Bastion warned.

"So you DO know my name."

After crashing through Avian's crappy body, the golem's fist continued to fly through the Duel Pit into Jaden! "AAAAAARGH, THE PAIN!" he screamed, being hit! (Jaden: 2000 Life Points) "Stupid special ability causing damage to Defense Position monsters!" Jaden lowered his head down due to the intense 'pain'of the hologram.

"Don't feel bad, kid," Crowler consoled, "This is the top dueling school in the country! Some people…" Jaden looked up and smiled. "Oh, poop."

"Hahahaha!" Jaden giggled (?). "I've never been hit by a hologram like THAT before!"

"Wh…Bu…He… BUT I JUST HALVED YOUR LIFE POINTS, YOU FOOLISH FOOLY FOOL!" Crowler shrieked! "CAN'T YOU STOP LAUGHING AT EVERYTHING? You will NOT be allowed to make a MOCKERY of MY DECK!"

"Just keep tellin' yourself that," Jaden sighed, drawing his next card.

"OOH," his next card said.

"… WHATTHECRAP. AGAIN." Jaden picked up the WINGED KURIBOH! "Why do ALL my cards keep talking to me? And by that, I just mean Kuriboh and Avian, yo. I'll show YOU what I do to Kuribohs!"

 

But then, he remembered the immortal words of Yugi: 'Remember to wash your hands before and after every meal.'

"Y'know, I'm starting to believe that m'self, Yugi," Jaden muttered.

"OOH," Winged Kuriboh said, somehow winking from within the card art.

"Ew. Don't do that. I'm making you a living sacrifice to the giant death golem, alright?"

"OOH."

"Good! I summon Winged Kuriboh, yo, in Attack Mode, yo!"

"OOH," it said, being summoned. (Winged Kuriboh: 200 Defense Points)

"Next I'll throw down one face-down," Jaden rhymed, setting a card onto the field.

"BOO," someone said.

"Now what do you think o' me now, teach?" Jaden asked, winking to the audience.

"I think you're the biggest idiot I've ever seen or heard of, kid. In fact, you've made me so angry that I won't even feel great about beating you." Crowler pointed to the winged mascot. "Golem, destroy." The golem crushed Winged Kuriboh into the dirt, just like Avian.

Oh yeah, he's dead! Jaden thought victoriously.

"So, what's wrong with your Duel Disk?" Crowler asked, confused. "The Life Point logo should have appeared by now, signifying your defeat."

"Check it out." Jaden pointed to the Golem, who was retracting its fist, rather than smacking Jaden violently. "The only saving grace of that damn Kuriboh is that the turn he's destroyed, I take ZERO damage! Take 'DAT!"

"THAT'S ALMOST AS BAD AS YOUR ACCENT!" Crowler screamed, attempting to rip out its hair!

 

But hold on, because it's time for another pointless scene with that Zane-and-Alexis-combo…

"I told you," Alexis chuckled, "that 'Yu' guy's goin' places. He should thank his parents, because otherwise he'd have no talent." Sadly for her, though, her friend/lover was paying too much attention to the duel to care. "Why do I bother…?"

"… Grr… fine. So your LAME little monster managed to save you this turn," Crowler said, regaining composure, "But you won't be so lucky next time!"

"Hold up, teach!" Teachers aren't ALLOWED to say 'lame'! It's too cool for them! So step off, yo!"

"Oh, well I'm sorry," Crowler apologized seriously.

"You SHOULD be!" Jaden scoffed. "I activate my Trap card, Hero Signal!" His Hero Signal card, lying dormant previously as a face-down Trap card, flipped up and revealed a cityscape with an 'H'-themed Bat-Signal!" The card fired a large, flying 'H' into the air!"

"Oh no, not an 'H'!" Crowler gasped!

"And that brings out my second Elemental Hero, Burstinatrix!" Jaden whipped out a red-clad lady in a jumpsuit, covering pretty much the least skin they could have settled for. Many people gasped. "Whoops, THAT'S not the censored version!" He put it away and pulled out the 4Kid's version, covering everything! A raging flame appeared in front of its summoner as many of the people watching booed Jaden.

"Argh!" Crowler recoiled!

"Yah!" the monster yelled as she leaped out of the flames! (Burstinatrix: 1200 Attack Points, 800 Defense Points)

"BurstINATRIX? THAT'S not an appropriate name!" Crowler screamed!

"But it doesn't stand for 'dominatrix'," Syrus corrected from his seat, "the suffix means 'woman'. I wish people would do their research, or stay in school and whatnot, instead of stealing and murdering." Bastion shot him a dirty glance.

 

"My turn!" Jaden's new card was covered in a few dozen skyscrapers and a full moon. "Alright, Winged Kuriboh! Thanks for saving me one turn! Here goes sumthin'!"

"BOO," someone said.

"First, I return Avian to my hand with The Warrior Returning Alive!" Avian staggered back from the grave, covered in arrows and blood, then shone with intense light, blowing it all away!

"AND I LIIIIVE!" Avian announced! Then he leaped into Jaden's hand and faded away, being a hologram and such. Then Jaden pulled out one SPECIAL card from his hand. "Now I'll fuse him and Dominatrix… I mean, BURSTinatrix…"

"COULD YOU BE ANY MORE OBVIOUS WITH YOUR PUNS?"

"Quiet, damn audience member! Now I'll activate the Spell card Polymerization!" Jaden threw one of his Spell cards away to the Graveyard/discard pile slot in the Duel Disk, summoning a swirling portal of blue energy to the field. Avian and Burstinatix both flew into the portal from Jaden's hand, disappearing within the spiraling void of kewlness. Then the portal faded into pixie dust and started to re-form itself… as a green, creature-like man, with one wing and one dragon head for a right arm. He stood at around eight feet-tall, serving as the only cool thing to come from this series as of yet. "HE'S ELEMENTAL HERO FLAME WINGMAN, Y'ALL!" (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points) "I hope your Golem's ready to die a violent, flaming death! Yeah!"

"You've fought valiantly, I do admit… somewhat…" Crowler acknowledged, "But next time, young boy, you may want to do something less stupid."

 

"What's he mean?" Syrus asked.

"Flame Wingman's only got 2100 Attack Points, while that Golem of Crowler's got 3000 Attack Points, meaning that Jaden's still losing. But if Jaden's Flame Wingman WERE to defeat a monster, he would deal extra damage to the owner equal to the ORIGINAL Attack Points of the destroyed monster," Bastion explained simply.

"… You lost me there, Bastion. As far as I can see, Jaden's going to lose this next turn. Then he'll be forced out of the school, only to try again next year, over and over again rather than getting a real education, forcing him to live in the streets until he dies of starvation. Game over, man, game over."

"That's nice. Weirdo."

 

"Alright, young scholar, I don't mean to rush you but I AM a busy lady. Are you done yet?" rushed Crowler.

"Do you think I'm really that stupid?" Jaden asked.

"I'll try to refrain from answering that."

"Well I don't care, 'cause I'm usin' the Field Spell card Skyscraper!" Jaden tossed the cool building-filled card onto his Duel Disk, summoning tall pointy structures all around the field, and even making a fat moon take up the background, assisted by a starry night! (Note: You cannot see stars at night in the city usually.) In a hilarious juxtaposition, the Ancient Gear Golem stood in the middle of the city, as if it were a raging kaiju from a monster film, while the winged hero leaped to the top of the tallest and pointiest building in the city. "Flame Wingman, show her why I deserve to go to them schools to get my edjumacation! Use Skydive Scorcher!"

"Bring it on!" Crowler invited smugly! "Your silly little Skyscraper field card hasn't lowered my Golem's Attack Points at all!"

"You're right, teach," Jaden agreed, "but my Field card was made to INCREASE the Attack Points of ANY Elemental Hero, while attacking, by ONE-THOUSAAAAAND!"

"O-O-O-ONE-THOUSAND?" Crowler screamed! "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" The amazing hero man flew several meters up into the sky and held is dragon-arm outward. Then dropping down into the golem at super-high speed, it engulfed itself in flames, melting the monstrosity as it was touched, allowing for a great and fun injury. The golem's chest was pierced and it began to wobble around dangerously.

"Noooooooooo!" Crowler worried in an overly stupid way!

"GASP!" gasped the audience, though they honestly should have seen it coming!

"NOOOOO! This cannot BEEEE! My very… best… card… ow." Crowler was shut up as a massive robot hologram came crashing down upon its skull.

"Oh yeah, and my super hero's super power?" Jaden snickered. "It causes your Golem's Attack Points to be deducted from your Life Points!"

"Oh screw you," Crowler muffled-ly growled from underneath the hulking hologram. And so, Crowler was finally killed. (Crowler: 0 Life Points, Game Over) Then the golem, the city and all the other holograms faded away into obscurity once again, and Crowler got better.

 

The guitar BGM played a happy, peppy tune! "That's game!" Jaden winked!

"BOO!" somebody yelled.

"Who keeps doing that?"

As the holograms all faded away, Crowler slowly got to his feet. "Impossible. I was defeated... in a trading card game?"

"HUH, WOW!" Deep-Voice Dobbson exclaimed!

"WOW, I RECKON!" Billy Hills exclaimed!

"It must be dumb luck, there's no way some flunky with a great deck could beat Ms. Crowler!" Chazz shivered in fear!

"I knew it." Alexis acknowledged. "Told ya, huh, Zane…what?" Mr. Darkblue walked away rudely. What a jerk. "He's still hot," Alexis shrugged.

"I was wrong! I love being wrong!" Syrus cheered!

"I could use some competition here. Besides everybody else at this school," self-corrected Bastion.

"I made the academy!" Jaden screamed in happiness as he leaped around stupidly. "Ha ha! Yeah, bisshies! Woooo!"

"Yay," cheered the audience. Jaden removed Winged Kuriboh from his deck and stared at it. "You're gonna be the best meat shield ever."

"OOH," it winked.

 

 

 

[spoiler=ALL EPISODES][spoiler=Making the Grade]Episode One: You're Already There, but Whatever

Episode Two: Welcome to Duel Academy

Episode Three: A Duel in Love

Episode Four: Making the Grade

Episode Five: The Shadow Duelist - Part One

Episode Six: The Shadow Duelist - Part Two

 

 

[spoiler=Syrus and Jaden Have a Useless-ish Plot Arc]Episode Seven: Duel and Unusual Punishment

(PLEASE EXCUSE THE ACCOMPANYING RANT) Episode Eight: For the Sake of Syrus

Episode Nine: A Spirit Summoned (BLEACH?!)

Episode Ten: Family Business

Episode Eleven: Tag-Team Trial - Part One

Episode Twelve: Tag-Team Trial - Part Two

 

 

[spoiler=It's Pretty Much Filler, But It's Cool so Don't Ignore It]Episode Thirteen: Formula for Success

Episode Fourteen: Monkey See, Monkey Duel

Episode Fifteen: Courting Alexis

Episode Sixteen: The Duel Giant

Episode Seventeen: Nature of the Draw

Episode Eighteen: The King of Copycats - Part One

Episode Nineteen: The King of Copycats - Part Two

Episode Twenty: The Maiden in Love

 

 

[spoiler=What Ever Happened to that Chazz Kid, Anyway?]

Episode Twenty-One: The Duel-Off - Part One

Episode Twenty-Two: The Duel-Off - Part Two

Episode Twenty-Three: Get Yarr Game On

(PLEASE EXCUSE THE RANT) Episode Twenty-Four: Champion or Chazz-Been

Episode Twenty-Five: The School Duel - Part One

Episode Twenty-Six: The School Duel - Part Two

 

[spoiler=Duel Island, the Filler Arc! Woo!]Episode Twenty-Seven: Duels on Duel Island

Episode Twenty-Eight: More Duels on Duel Island

Episode Twenty-Nine: Even More Duels on Duel Island

Episode Thirty: Many More Duels on Duel Island

Episode Thirty-One: One More Duel on Duel Island

Episode Thirty-Two: Farewell, Duel Island, Island of Duels

 

[spoiler=Enter the Second Half!!]Episode Thirty-Three: Grave Risk - Part One

Episode Thirty-Four: Grave Risk - Part Two

Episode Thirty-Five: Doomsday Day - Part One

Episode Thirty-Six: Doomsday Day - Part Two

Episode Thirty-Seven: Field of Screams - Part One

Episode Thirty-Eight: Fear Factor

Episode Thirty-Nine: Sibling Rivalry

 

[spoiler=Duel Distractions and Idiocy]Episode Forty: Duel Distractions - Part One

Episode Forty-One: Duel Distractions - Part Two

Episode Forty-Two: The Dark Scorpions

Episode Forty-Three: Field of Screams - Part Two

Episode Forty-Four: A Reason to Win

 

[spoiler=Mann, Jaden, and the Chazz Crew do Stuff]Episode Forty-Five: A Little Belowski

Episode Forty-Six: The Seventh Shadow Rider

Episode Forty-Eight: Amnael's Endgame - Part One

Episode Forty-Nine: A Lying Legend

Episode Forty-Nine: Amnael's Endgame - Part Two

Episode Fifty: Duel Monsters Spirit Day

 

[spoiler=Wrapping up the Useless Ends]Episode Fifty-One: Magna Chum-Laude

Episode Fifty-Two: Field of Screams - Part Three

Episode Fifty-Three: The Hearts are Wild

 

[spoiler=The Last Day of School]Episode Fifty-Four: The Graduation Match - Part One

Episode Fifty-Five: The Graduation Match - Part Two

Episode Fifty-Six: Chazz-Anova

Halloween Special:JADEN AND YUSEI'S BIG BOOGEY ADVENTURE!! (Very few will understand the reference in that name)

Episode Fifty-Seven: Rise of the Sacred Beasts - Part One

Episode Fifty-Eight: Rise of the Sacred Beasts - Part Two

 

 

 

Season Two Listing

 

ACHIEVEMENTS (?):

50 Posts - Hit 11 October 2010

1000 Views - Hit 14 October 2010

First Season Completion - Done 15 November 2010

2000 Views - Hit 29 November 2010

GIVING UP - Officially, 2/22/2011

 

Yeah, I guess I'll put more stuff on there later. Oh yeah... and if you ever find a broken link on ANY chapter, please tell me. I'm sure a couple of songs have been removed at some point, so just tell me where the song was in the story and I'll fix that. So yeah, do that.

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Okay, here's this, the chapter that looked the most awkward of all. But it has finally been tamed.

 

[spoiler=Episode Two: Welcome to Duel Academy]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode Two: Welcome to Duel Academy

 

The loud engine of a ‘choppah could be heard as a bunch of people approached a volcano on a random island, in, well, a helicopter. “Attention new Duel Academy students…” a raspy and mechanical voice started.

“What? I can’t hear you!” somebody voice yelled.

If you haven’t gone deaf already, you would have realized we are approaching your new home away from home,” the raspy voice continued.

“What!? In a volcano!?” someone yelled.

“I can’t hear you;” another person explained, “everybody’s deaf!”

“What?”

 

Now now, I know you’re excited, but don’t shout. And for your information, a volcano is a perfectly safe place to live,” the com lied.

“I wanna go home!” someone yelled.

“WHAT?! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!”

“Huh?”

Tighten your seat belts and adjust your seats into an upright position, because we’re about to land on Academy Island!” the raspy voice exclaimed. The helicopter strafed downward, causing everybody hit their heads on the ceiling. They crash-landed into a large, dome-looking building, punctuated with large brownish obelisks outside of the building for no reason. Atop the dome were some other domes, colored (in ascending order:) red, yellow, blue and white. Around the island were some large dorm buildings and even a shipping port. AND AN ACTIVE VOLCANO. So the helicopter had crashed into a large dueling arena, and all of the students climbed out of the wreckage and surrounded a massive jumbo-tron-looking thing. The students were all wearing their academy-issued jackets, colored red, yellow or blue. It was apparently important.

 

The screen had the letters ‘DA’ in fancy font. I wonder what it stood for. Ignoring that, it suddenly announced “ALL STUDENTS, PLEASE FORM A SINGLE CROWD IN ORDER OF COLOR RANK.” The hundreds of idiot kids just sat there, staring straight up at the screen. “HEY… eh, well good enough.”

“Good… now if I get led to my untimely and bloody death, I won’t have to worry about by clothes getting bloodstained…” Syrus said, admiring his new red coat.

“Silly kid, if you die, you won’t HAVE to worry about your clothes!” some guy assured.

“Huh?” Syrus turned his head to face this mysterious character, causing the guy who just spoke to be poked in the eye by Syrus’s wacky hair and fall to the ground.

“AAAAAAUGH, AHH, AAAAAAHH!!” he screamed, rolling on the floor, bleeding profusely.

“Why can’t I get poked in the eye and bleed profusely? I deserve it, after all...” Syrus muttered. Suddenly the screen changed to reveal a bald person in another red-colored uniform, mocking all pre-conceived conventions of skill at this crappy school, and he held the world record for ‘best goatee’.

 

“Good morning,” He said, and several people went, well…

Le Gasp!” The collective gasp resonated throughout the crowd. Suddenly, Someone Jones pulled a jar into the air and closed it quickly.

“Yes! The ultra-rare limited-edition ‘Le Gasp’ gasp is mine!” Someone Jones said. Several people stared at him. “Well anyways, my name is Someone Jones. Good to meet you,” he shrugged, and being a minor character and all, he disappeared.

“It’s Professor Dumbledore!” Random Voice gasped, bringing attention back to the main screen. “But with less of a beard and more black-colored hair. And no glasses. And—”

“His goatee reminds me of home…” Bastion sighed.

“I STILL wanna go home!!”

“AND I’M STILL DEAF!! WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT GOATEES?!”

“—o and welcome, my students,” the Dumbledore/Goatee/Computer virus continued.

“No! You minor characters made us miss the start of his boring speech!” Alexis screamed in anger.

“…named Chancellor Shepherd, or Master, if you’d prefer it, heh heh, and YOU!” He paused to point at a snoring Jaden. “... are the brightest and best group of duelists in the world.”

“SNORE!” Jaden literally snored, much to the delight of the children.

“Now please, get yourself settled in at your assigned dorms. I think you’ll find them quite comfortable, depending on how you're ranked, of course… huhuhuhahahahaha...” The kids grimaced at his evil laugh.

 

**********

 

Jaden and Syrus were soon outside, sitting on one of many giant rock/slab things in front of the building, both holding YugiNavis™ (little hand held dueling cell phones, yo, if you couldn’t tell from Crowler’s). The stones had no purpose in anything, except for filling empty space.

“Well, I don’t know about you Sy, but I’m in the Slifer Red dorm,” Jaden announced.

“That’s sad! Same as me!” ‘Sy’ replied. Bastion walked by in yellow, hoping nobody would bully him.

As long as I don't say anything, they'll ignore me, Bastion told himself.

“Hey Bastion? You in red, too?!” Jaden called.

“AAH!!” Bastion ran away. He soon peeked out from behind one of the many rock/slab things with a wry smile. Stepping out, he felt like being superior for a while. “Er, well, let’s see here." He began inspecting his canary yellow uniform. "Yellow sleeves, yellow buttons… I don’t think so,” he replied. “Better luck next year, I suppose?”

“Oh! I get it, that’s why Sy and I are in red dorm,” Jaden said, suddenly being smart for once. "It's because we're wearing RED!!"

“Now you’re just not paying attention,” Syrus sighed.

“Please don’t tell me you just figured that out just now…” Bastion sighed. Is he colorblind or something? he thought.

“What, you thinkin’ I’m colorblind or somethin’, now? THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!” Jaden shouted with sudden rage. How did he know? Bastion wondered.

I hope nobody realizes that I have to use eye drops, Jaden worried, or else I'll be bullied for not understanding the concept of green! Kids are cruel.

“Uhh… No actually, I didn’t think you were colorblind… erm… b-boo?” Bastion stammered. “I’d better be getting the hell out of this conversation, then…”

“No, but I could have been,” Jaden said with a worried chuckle, and he saw Bastion sneaking off. “See you around the dorms!” he shouted at him, waving, and Bastion darted off like a frightened bunny. He’s a madman!! he thought as he ran, with tears in his eyes.

 

“I doubt that, seeing as your dorm’s over there…” Syrus's voice drifted. Jaden looked up from his YugiNavi™, and saw a crap-building-thing with a red roof.

“So THAT’S where it is! Teleport power!” Jaden shouted, striking a dumb pose. And he and Syrus were on the deck of a cream-colored, two –story structure with a red roof.

“Wow, how’d you do that? Anyways,” Syrus frowned, changing the subject, “This isn’t a dorm, it’s like one of those outhouse thingies. Only it has a deck. Not to be associated with cards, it's a building deck. Oh well, at least our bodies will be intact if the building topples and we fall to our untimely deaths.” Syrus sighed, staring at the nearby cliffs overlooking the sea. “Yes, it’s brilliant to place a weak structure over a cliff.”

“Hey! Check out the view! It’s sweet!” Jaden waved out over the ocean, drawing a seabird’s attention. “Hey seagull! Wha’chu lookin’ at? Hey… yeargh! Help!” Jaden screamed. Splatter sounds could be heard from his direction. Syrus opened a door with a key he’d found under a placemat. Jaden followed him in, now wearing blood stains on his uniform, whilst holding the seagull he’d just beheaded to save his skin. He looked at it and threw it behind his back.

“Kinda small, huh?” Syrus asked weakly.

“Hey, you’re tiny! It’s me we need to worry about!" Jaden laughed! "I’m going through puberty and I’m living in THIS palace! And for our first year here! I'll be crushin' myself to death, yo! Aha-ha-haaa!!” Jaden laughed loudly. Nobody could tell what he was saying.

 

“It’s weird isn’t it, meeting at the entrance exams, and now we're roommates?” Syrus supposed, mustering all the enthusiasm he had. “You think we were connected to each other in some ancient life, Jaden? Like you were the Egyptian Pharaoh and I was the guardian, Seto?”

“No offense, but that’s just lame,” Jaden said, bemused. “How could THAT happen a SECOND time?”

“B-b-but it could be true!” Syrus bawled.

“Forget it! They broke the molds when they made the two of us, yo,” Jaden continued, ready for a duel to the death. Of wit.

“Yeah… but for different reasons...” Syrus sighed.

“We’re going to have to work on that confidence, but first, let’s work on this sweet pad!” The brown-haired freak walked up to the curtains, which were pulled shut currently.

“I’m an emo-sadsack! I’m not supposed to-” Syrus protested as Jaden ripped the curtains open. LIGHT FLOODED FORTH!!

 

“ROOOOOOOOOOOOAR!” something roared. “THOSE WERE CLOSED FOR A REASON!!” Said thing had a low and very annoyed-sounding voice, reminiscent of a koala bear.

“Sor-” Syrus began, but was rudely interrupted by Jaden.

“Sorry, we didn’t see you up there…”

“Well, can you see me now!?” da' thing shouted menacingly, and it was, as it turned out, a large koala bear that was sitting up on the top bunk of their new bunk bed they’d ignored! “ROOOOOAR!” the koala bear roared again and Jaden and Syrus hugged each other, screaming.

“WAAHAHAAAAAAAGH!!

“I always loved you as a brother, Syrus!” Jaden wept.

“That’s game!! I mean, gay!! Card humor before getting eaten!!” Syrus explained, for no good reason.

“Stop screaming! Who are you and what are you doing in my room?” the koala roared again. Jaden and Syrus gave a sigh of relief.

“Oh, sorry. My name’s Jaden Yucky; I mean Yuki.” Jaden said, rubbing the back of his head. “I sure am happy you’re not eating us yet.”

“Yeah, I’m Syrus,” Syrus said, looking to his feet in fear.

“We’re your new roommates!” Jaden added quickly. The koala grunted and rolled around in his bed.

“You’re new, alright, so let me tell you how things work here,” the koala graciously decided.

 

“Oh, I know how things work. You duel and they give you a color. Like we’re Red for Red-Hot Awesome!” Jaden shouted, punching the air.

“No, we’re red for blood-red. Or hemorrhoid-red… ” Syrus said, shuddering, but no-one heard him.

“Uhh... you need to know how the color thing works. That’s more important than anything,” the koala reminded, and Jaden decided to ask another dumb question immediately after that.

“But we-" He stopped mid-word when he thought of koala-scars he'd seen on television and the koala’s glistening, sharp teeth. He never wanted to see anything like that TV movie again. “...IGNORE ME!” Jaden shouted, as he sank under the bed.

“You got three different kinds of students here.” The koala kid pulled out three large posters from behind his back and slapped ‘em flat. The first one had a picture of Zane Truesdale standing in front of a castle. “There’s Obelisk Blue students…” the koala began, taking out a second poster. This one featured Bastion in front of a mansion of some sort. “Then there’s Ra Yellow students…” the koala continued, and he prepared the final poster. This one showed Jaden sitting on a cliff in front of the new tool shed they lived in. “And here, in the Slifer Toolshed, are us the lowest of the low.”

“How am I on that poster when I just got here, yo?” asked Jaden, curiously.

“The blues are the highest ranked students. Some kids are in there because they’re great, others because they’re rich. Or they bribed the producers or manga-ka. Whichever works. Yellows are the second-highest. Mostly because they’re the younger students with a lot of potential. even Bastion. Who cares if he has an IQ of 42? He SURE can duel a tie match!” The koala paused for a second.

 

He pulled out his ‘Dramatic Voice’ gag medicine and gulped it down, and in a dramatic, deep voice, he stated, “AND THEN, THERE IS US. The Red Wonders.”

“They should gave called us the Blood Reds!” Syrus protested. "It stands for my beliefs more that way!"

“Ooh! Red Wonders! Sounds like a baseball team, yo!” Jaden said dreamily. “I gots to order some jerseys!”

“No, 'Wonders' as in ‘I wonder how these blunders even got this far’,” the koala groaned, and Jaden’s face lit up.

“That rhymed!” he exclaimed happily.

“That pun was just as useless as I am…” Syrus mused.

“Look, we’re bottom of the barrel here,” the koala began again.

“Before you go puttin’ yourself down like that, why don’cha tell us your name?” Jaden asked.

“Oh, I’m Koala Ko Ala,” the kid said, breaking through all previously-conceived naming conventions. Jaden and Syrus stared at each other for a moment.

“R-really? You’re sure you aren’t… Chumley… or anything of the sort?”

“Yeah, I’m Koala Ko Ala. Why can’t you just accept it?” Koala Ko Ala asked. Jaden and Syrus turned around and walked out the door. “WHY DO THEY ALL DO THAT?!”

 

Syrus and Jaden trekked outside onto the super-danger cliff overlooking the sea, and Syrus hunched himself up into a ball of depression. “Aww, don’t tell me you’re still depressed! We just saw the posters! I thought they were pretty tight, myself,” Jaden said, annoyed somehow, but Syrus remained hunched up. "I thougt that you WANTED us to get away from that koala guy! So smile, yo!"

“But Chumley said we’re the worst…. and I didn’t need another reminder to tell me THAT…” Syrus sighed. Suddenly, an assassin jumped behind Syrus and pulled a knife to his back. “EEEEEEK!!”

“Call him Koala Ko Ala,” he muttered menacingly, and he disappeared just as quickly as he'd appeared. Shrugging it off, they decided to take a walk.

"Let's walk to forget what just happened there!" Jaden suggested.

"A-agreed," Syrus shuddered.

 

“EEEEH, forget what that koala told you, red’s a sweet color!” Jaden said as they trailblazed the dirt road between them and the school, happily as always. “Think about it, where does ‘Red Hot’ come from? From red, baby!” Jaden continued. Syrus stopped and started to cheer up. And he was supposed to be emo! He was making progress. “Besides, the year hasn’t even started yet! So how can we be the worst?” Jaden continued yet again.

“Yeah! You’re Right!" the blue-hair boy cheered! "Red is for BLOOD! Dripping! Dead! Wet! I’m like a murder scene! A life just waitin’, ripe for the pluckin’! Or one of those bottles or vials of blood with HIV in it, right?” Syrus asked, suddenly becoming stranger than usual. He was scary when interested.

“Hey, I’m not a bottle!" Jaden laughed! But suddenly… he smelled something. Hot dogs? No. It smelled like… the scent of a duelist?! I don’t get it… BUT IT’S ENOUGH FOR JADEN! (Note: never expect Jaden to exhibit this power ever again)"DITCHED!!” he shouted, as he started dashing towards the main building, leavin' Syrus in the dust.

"But... uh... HUH?" Syrus blinked.

“There’s some kind of duel action taking place in there, hurry up!” Jaden called to Syrus. Within seconds of exaggeratedly fast dashing he’d entered the main school building and caught some janitors cleaning up the helicopter crash site with their mops.

 

“Hey! Wait up! How do you know?” Syrus asked, out of breath, instantly standing next to Jaden with no explanation.

“I just know, it was here. I’m sure of it,” Jaden repeated, while Syrus had an uncertain look on his face.

How do you know?” Syrus stressed.

“I just do. I’m the main character, so there. I can do that type of stuff. Be quiet and come 'ere,” Jaden snapped, and the rest of the journey was in silence. Idiot. Can’t he smell it in the air? Jaden asked himself. Hmm... knowing him, he’s got no hope of smelling da' duelin' spirit, yo. He looked at Syrus, who’d sneezed his own glasses off.

Maybe I could if the pollen count wasn’t about to bring about by super-sensetive allergies… Syrus thought, putting his tiny spectacles back on. “Oh! Wow! Cool! ” Jaden made noises of admiration as they finally began looking around the giant Duel Dome, staring at the thousands and thousands of chairs lined up half-way to the ceiling “Radical! Sweet! Off-da-hook, yo!”

“Yeah, no kidding. This stainless place is actually full of deadly chemicals that would kill us in a millisecond,” Syrus said, holding his ‘Big Book of Deadly Chemicals Within Everyday Objects’ Suddenly he noted the sight of two people standing on the arena. “People!” Syrus exclaimed, tugging Jaden’s sleeve frantically, dropping his book with a loud ‘BANG’ sound.

 

“Dobbson, I say it'd be awesome to duel here, I reckon!” a great (grating?) voice said.

“Yeah Billy, it would, huh, Billy, huh?” a deep voice replied.

“Let’s find out!” Jaden exclaimed, and ran up to the two boys. The great person had glasses on and looked nothing like a hillbilly, betraying his voice. The deep-voiced one looked about three years too old to be in this school, but maybe he’s just good at flunking. Just look at his catchphrase. “Wanna duel?”

“Don’t! If you slip, you’ll land on the floor and chomp on your own tongue!” Syrus exclaimed desperately.

“You’re annoying,” Jaden chuckled.

“Hey look! Slifer Rejects, I reckon!” the great one laughed.

“Look at the crest do 'ya THINK Slifer's up there, huh, kid? This is OBELISK territory, huh, kid, huh?” the deep-voiced person pointed just above the entrance. There was a dead deer’s head on a plate stuck to the wall. “Crap, we’ve gotta replace it, huh, Billy?”

THAT’S SLIFER?! Syrus thought. “Y-y-you know, if all peoples start hunting at the massive rates they do know, the world would be extinct of all animals within less than a hundred years,” Syrus sighed, trying to change the subject and avoid conflict.

“Hey! Like I said, let’s duel, yo!” Jaden called to the (stupid) people there.

“Hey! You’re a kid, I reckon!” Great-Voiced Person said, bug-eyed.

“Hey Chazz, it’s that applicant you saw beat Ms. Crowler, huh, Chazz? Huh?” Deep Voiced Person called into the sidelines. Immediately, Chazz appeared! He frowned at the world.

“Deep-Voice Dobbson, Billy Hills! SHADDAP!! YOUR VOICES INFURIATE ME!!!” Chazz screamed.

“My name’s Jaden!” Jaden shouted, making cool hand gestures. He slipped over and fell immediately afterwards. “Eh, whassup, Chazz?” he finished, striking a "gangsta" pose.

 

“Hey, that’s Chazz Princeton. Top Duelist at Prince Dueling School. He’s gonna be the next King of Games! Top Duelist in the World! You can't just talk to HIM like THAT!! IreckonhuhChazzhuh!!” Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson said, in startling synchronosity.

“Impossible,” Jaden grunted, folding his arms. Deep Voice Dobbson and Billy Hills collapsed onto the floor, dead inside. “You see, I’m tops! The cat’s meow! Totally tits!” Jaden finished. He rushed up to where Chazz was and bumped into him. “Can I have my free duel now?” Jaden asked. Chazz snorted and Jaden was blasted back to where he was before via a devastating CHAZZISAWESOMEENERGYBLAST, an invisible laser eye beam!

“You can’t even deflect the Chazzisawesomeenergyblast! I reckon you suck!!” Billy Hills guffawed.

“Yeah, ANYBODY with REAL duel skills can deflect an ENERGY BLAST, huh, Chazz?” DeepVoice Dobbson snickered.

“CAN IT, YOU VOICE REJECTS!” Chazz screamed. “And you, did ‘tits’ EVER mean ‘cool?’” he continued, stepping down from the sidelines.

“HUH?! Waddaya mean, huh, Chazz?” Dobbson asked. “Don’t you know your 80’s trivia slang, huh?”

“Just a lil' bit," Chazz added. "Anyways, I could POSSIBLY offer you a duel, random tits kid. You did beat my mum and her legendary monster, after all. It’s gotta take some skill to do that. But seriously, don’t try getting all ‘hi’ in my face anymore. I don’t like that.”

“Wait, that weirdo was your MOM?!” Jaden gasped.

“Or, what it was that game just luck?” Chazz smirked. “Only an amateur would talk like THAT.”

 

“NEVAR!! Let’s duel, homes!!” Jaden screamed.

“Don’t!” a feminine lady voice warned. “You don’t know this kid’s power! He’s the unholy union of Crowler’s desperation and her bribing Seto Kaiba and the producers to have a son!! Sure, he is rich and spoiled, but being spoiled gets you money! For cards!” The current cast turned to face Alexis, entering the scene.

“Eh, what?” Jaden asked, confused at the quick origin story.

“A-ALEXIS?! This room is off limits! Even during the afternoon!” Chazz screamed. "Unless, y'know, they have a DUEL here, and stuff."

“Wow, I'm gonna tell the Chancellor you hijacked the Duel Dome this early into the year,” Alexis said in a mother-like tone, turning towards the elevator marked 'EXPRESS ELEVATOR TO CHANCELLOR SHEPHERD'S ROOM'.

“No! I won’t get din-din if you do that!” Chazz screamed! “C’mon, idiots! Let’s book it!!” Everyone but Syrus, Alexis and Jaden screamed and rushed off (well, Jaden took a few steps before realizing his mistake). NO!! NOW THEY ALL KNOW MY SECRET!! Chazz believed. I’ll make’m keep quiet if it’s the last thing I do!!

 

“She’s haawt,” Syrus drooled, staring at her humongous boobs. She was anatomically-incorrect to the point that they were larger than her face. I was uncomfortable.

“By the way, sorry if Chazz rubbed you the wrong way. Those weirdos can be like that with Slifers.” Alexis turned to leave. “But yeah, don’t duel him unless you know what you’re getting into. He’s better than approximately 80% of the student body, but that can be attributed to nobody in the school knowing how to use Pot of Greed.”

“Don’t worry, lady. I’ll just beat them in a card game, thus robbin’ them of all credibility! You don’t have to take care of us,” Jaden promised.

“We’ll see,” she sighed, leaving once and for all.

“Hey, speaking of not having dinner, it’s six o’ clock, the universal dinner time hour!!” Syrus suddenly realized, pulling Jaden away.

“Whee!” Jaden laughed. As he fell onto the floor, being pulled through all the muck on the floor, passing Alexis.

“What’s your name again?” he asked. I can see up her oddly-short Japanese-style schoolgirl skirt! Neat! And yet… He felt a burning anger, but toward who?!

“Alexis Rhodes,” Alexis replied, and Jaden was pulled off-screen.

“I’m Syrus!” Syrus called.

“Okay,” Alexis learned, uncaring.

Why does nobody like me? Syrus asked himself.

 

In a mere hour, within the Obelisk castle everyone was drinking fruit cocktails and champagne, Chazz’s mum and some other ‘haawt’ teacher-lady telling everyone ‘don’t tell your parents’. There as much drunken partying late into the night.

 

In the Ra Mansion, everyone was drinking ancient Japanese tea and eating fish. Yeah, they’re pretty poor, too. They were sad.

 

In the Slifer Toolshed, everyone was starving, only having rice, tuna and curry to eat. “Isn’t it abuse not to feed us well?” a kid asked. The Headmaster with funny, trademark Yu-Gi-Oh-style hair and spectacles started a speech suddenly.

“Hello, everyone,” he greeted, adjusting his red tie and clean white button-up shirt, “My name, which you will not hear again until the next time you see me in class is—"

Jaden suddenly cried “This stuff’s GOOD!” while scoffing down his meal. The large figure of the headmaster towered over him.

“If someone does not feel like waiting and learning the names of key characters… oh well, let’s eat!” the Headmaster decided.

“YAAAY!!” The entire Slifer Red cast of characters held Jaden into the air as tortillas were flung into the sky.

 

Meanwhile, Syrus was pouring tea for himself, muttering about how if he spilled the kettle he would have his hand burnt to ashes and all that crap. What an idiot. “Would you like some?” he asked Koala Ko Ala.

“NYOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Ko Ala roared, evilly! "I already HAVE a sammich, thank you." He held up a handy sammich. “Have a chip.” He handed Syrus one potato chip.

“Wow, thanks.” Syrus scraped off a few of the many deadly crystals of salt.

NO! Stop that! Syrus’ hair ordered through his mind.

But why, hair? Why?!

Because salt makes chips taste nice, remember? his hair assured.

Well, you are right…

And tell the koala kid thank you. You need allies. Like Jaden.

“Uh, th-thanks for the chip?” Syrus thanked. Koala Ko Ala teared up suddenly.

“OH, THANK YOU, SMALL WEIRD KID! THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS I HAVEN’T BEEN IGNORED!! WAAAAAAAAGH!!” He gave Syrus a bear hug. “Okay, back to the bed.” The big kid walked off toward his bed. Syrus gave his hair a thumbs-up.

 

Minutes later, tired from the partying, Jaden walked into the room and took off his new sombrero and lead Syrus into their dorm room. “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HAH HAAAAAAAAAAAH!!” Koala Ko Ala wailed from happiness.

“Damn, tortilla parties really get to people like him,” Jaden said. But suddenly, something beeped!

“BEEBEEBEEP,” beeped a thing. Jaden pulled out his YugiNavi™ and a message from Chazz played instantly, somehow.

“Duel me. Midnight. Don’t tell anyone about me and Alexis. Winner gets loser’s best card. Over,” Chazz said through the machine. His image blipped out.

“Him and Alexis? WHATEVER could THAT mean? Bye!” Jaden waved to the kiddies, leaving in a blinding flash.

“My eyes!” Syrus yelled, recoiling from said flash. Jaden teleported into the arena, followed by Syrus. (He will never exhibit this ability again.)“Why’d you bring ME, too?!” Syrus complained, ignored. They saw Chazz and co. sitting on the immense rows of bleachers and seats. “Wait…” Syus looked at his watch. “Oh, great, and we travelled through time as well. Great job, Jaden.”

 

“Well, well, well. You came. Wait…” Chazz said, starting to walk down from the seats, stepping carefully over row after row of chairs. Suddenly he fell, bouncing off the rows of seats!! “ARGH!! Ow, oof, eef, ouff, urgh, augh, yow, poopie!!” He struggled to his feet while his lackies took to the stairs on the sides of the seating area.

“Yeah. So, what is it about you and Alexis?” Jaden asked.

“You know! That thing!”

“What thing?”

“The one that you can’t talk about!”

“…” Jaden stared at him like he was some sort of crazy person.

Wait… does he even know? the black-haired death-spike head pondered. Oh, crap, he didn't know! "Uh… never mind, I’m just going to duel you so that I can avenge my mum.”

“That’s not the reason YOU told us, huh, Chazz, huh.”

“SHUT UP!! Let’s see who’s the REAL king of games. And have your best card ready, ‘cause we’re ante-ing up this one,” Chazz growled. Heh heh. I’m gonna give this idiot an illegal Slifer the Sky Dragon card. Heh heh. Irony, Chazz thought. Yes, he had an illegal Slifer the Sky Dragon card handy. And he shall NEVER be able to use it in a real duel! Heh, I'm good.Double-layered traps are the best.

Finally! I can get rid of my stupid Winged Kuriboh! Jaden decided.

 

“DUEL!!” They both shouted, prompting their Duel Disks to turn on and flash a Life Point rectangular display. (Chazz: 4000 Life Points, Jaden: 4000 Life Points)

“Reborn Zombie! Defense Mode!” Chazz called, slapping down his card. (Reborn Zombie: 1600 Defense Points)

“Hey, that was sudden,” Jaden stated. “You didn’t say whose turn it was, or who got to go first. Screw it. Just screw it all. I’ll fold and give you a Winged Kuriboh!”

“Why would I want that crappy card?!” Chazz ordered.

“But you’d win it if you won—”

“SHUT UP!! I set one card and end,” Chazz finished. The Reborn Zombie was a barely-fleshed skeleton, with no eyes and a nice green cloak. He looked quite warm and zombified.

Brains brains brains,” The Zombie said in a spooky voice.

“BOO,” someone said.

“Shut up, Zombie!” Chazz ordered.

Brains…

 

Jaden checked his cards. He drew an Elemental Hero Avian. “OOH,” a soft, fluffy voice called from within his deck.

“Stupid Chazz, not taking my talking useless card,” Jaden sighed, sadly. “All it does is give me a free turn! If I use it, then the turn means nothing! And I would’ve just drawn that next card if he weren’t in the deck in the first place!! WHY do I use him? I ask you! Why? I DON’T NEED NO SCREWED-UP DUMBASS CARD!!”

“What are you raving about?” Chazz asked, irritatd.

“Nothing. But I still use Polymerization!” Jaden’s cool fusion portal appeared on standby. The boy pulled two additional monsters from his hand. Can YOU guess what they were? “I fuse Elemental Heroes Avian and Domi… Bursti…” Jaden looked angrily at his cards. “Oh, screw it all!” His two monsters appeared on the field and were pulled into the swirly portal of magic.

“What’s goin’ on?” Avian asked. “Wait, woah, WOOOOOAH!!”

“Elemental Hero Flame Wingman, come on out!!” Jaden called! The one-winged man came out, dragon head hand at the ready.

“Ha, loser. You set off my Trap card, Chthonian Polymer! Do your stuff! Wahahahaha!!” Chazz laughed. His Trap card flipped up! WOAH!! A strange purple aura emitted from the card, which showed some unhappy fat guy getting consumed by evil fire.

“Watch out, Jaden,” a newcomer warned. Alexis came walking into the arena, drawing everybody's attention, most notably Syrus' and Chazz's. The Reborn Zombie shattered and the aura washed over Flame Wingman, causing him to teleport onto Chazz’s side of the field! Covered in the purple aura, the colors of the monster became much darker and evil-related.

 

“Heh heh. Fail!” Chazz heh-heh-ed. “Not even Alexis can help you now!”

“What’s that even do?! And why’d she just burst in here?” Jaden gasped!

“I like walking around the Duel Dome,” Alexis revealed.

“Is that all you do?” Syrus asked.

“Well duh, until my two friend characters get introduced, that’s all I CAN do.”

“Well, back to the duel, I just took control of your Hero monster, because you Fusion Summoned him this turn,” Chazz explained!

“Anyways, I can summon another monster according to the Special Summon, though.” Jaden said. “Alright then, Elemental Hero Clayman comes Defense Mode, yo.” And a large brown fighter appeared, and he was one of the worst ideas I’ve seen in a while. With large balls of mud for parts, he resembled some sort of MAN of CLAY!! (Elemental Hero Clayman: 800 Attack Points, 2000 Defense Points)

 

“Heh heh.Is THAT all? You’ll NEVER gain Alexis’ affection like THAT!” Chazz mocked. Yeah, that’s right. I’m puttin’ the blame on him! Now I can cover my tracks and come out un-humiliated! Jaden and Alexis looked at each other and shrugged. “I summon Chthonian Soldier!” A grey, Doom™-imp-like knight appeared, growling quietly. (Chthonian Soldier: 1200 Attack Points)

“He sucks big-time, bro,” Jaden pointed out.

“I’ll ignore that! Now, Flame Wingman, use Flame Dragonarm! Chthonian guy, just swing your sword or something,” Chazz shouted, pointing to Clayman. The Elemental Hero jumped into the air and burst into flame. It came crashing down arm-first on the soft, squishy man, destroying him easily. “And don’t forget his effect!” Chazz warned!

“He has an effect?!” Jaden gasped, stupidly! The Flame Wingman appeared in front of Jaden in the blink of an eye, and then gave him a flame-charged holographic uppercut!! “Ow! Damn you, my own monsteeeeeeer, yo!!” (Jaden: 3200 Life Points)

 

Chthonian Soldier (which looked like some dumb guy in grey armor, nothing special) looked around for a moment. Chazz made a ‘go on’ motion with his hands. “Who, me?” he asked, in a dumb-guy voice.

“Go already!” urged Chazz. Finally, the idiot of the group came and cut Jaden with a really normal sword for normal damage. (Jaden: 2000 Life Points)

“Ow the sword!” Jaden cried!

“You may have felt like something at home, but in reality, you’re worse than an amateur~!” Chazz said mockingly. “This game’ll be over in just two turns. Trust me. One face-down will end my turn.”His hologram appeared, signifying he was done. Jaden cast his gaze downward and began shaking like crazy! “Aww.. What’s wrong? Wanna run home, cryin’ and suckin’ on mama’s milk?” Then Chazz got the picture. “Oh no… you’re doing the same stupid thing from yesterday!!” Jaden was laughing, of course. It’s a good thing he almost never does that again, since it’s just annoying.

“Th-this is too fun! I’m losing and I don’t even care! Wahahahaha!!” he laughed, bringing to mind the image of a dummy. “I’m diggin’ this school! I feel as if here, I really CAN get my game on! Yugi must’ve been onto somethin’ with me!”

“BOO,” someone said.

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, IDIOT!!" Chazz screeched.

“If Jaden didn’t have that ‘Yu’ in his name, he would have lost by now,” Alexis said, gravely. “I hope you all realize the name theme we have in this series by now.”

“Somehow, that makes sense when you say it,” Chazz realized, eyes shimmering with luv.

 

“Elemental Hero Sparkman! Let’s go!” Jaden said, ‘throwin’ down’ a card. A man flew out, a SUPER man!! The guy made a big fuss of flexing his muscles as the blue and gold armor he wore shone from the powerful electricity he was producing. (Elemental Hero Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points) “Awright, yo! Attack with Static Shockwave!” A large beam of electricity burst out of Elemental Hero Sparkman’s outstretched arm. The Chthonian Soldier was shocked, throwing his sword in the air, showing off his bones like in the cartoons, and then comically turned to dust. (Chazz: 3600 Life Points) But his sword was left spinning in the air, somehow, even though he didn’t throw it or anything, and it flew towards Jaden for some reason, hitting him square in the tummy! “Ow, the hologram!!” he grunted! (Jaden: 1600 Life Points)

"Ha, you didn't even know his special ability? Ha ha, idiot," Chazz jeered. “When I take damage from a battle with him, you take the same amount. Just look at my lead now! Thanks, kid, that turn was pretty much useless. Now may I shut up and go?”

“Grr, I set a card and end my turn,” Jaden growled, taking things slightly seriously.

“Flamey… Wingy… Guy! Attack before I draw my card!” Chazz ordered. Flame Wingman set his arm on fire and leaped at Sparkman! And yet… a Trap card was activated.

“Sorry, yo!” Jaden pseudo-apologized.

“A trap! NOOOOO!!” Chazz exclaimed, as if he had never heard of one before. It had a kooky mirror picture on it.

 

“Right, it’s my Mirror Gate card,” Jaden nodded. “So our monsters swap sides because you attacked a Hero of mine. Then through confusing means, YOU take the damage and Flame Wingman becomes mine!”

“B-but that card doesn’t make much sense!!” Chazz cried!

“They both hit mirror images of themselves, and then their attacks bounce back, and they switch factions?” Syrus struggled. “Nope, no sense in that one.

The two monsters were covered in a golden beam and teleported to the opposing player’s side. Then they thought it would be a great idea to hit each other! They grappled like real manly men, pushing each other’s arms as hard as they could! They struggled against each other for but a moment, however, because we know who’s stronger. “All right, go Wingman!” Jaden supported, punching the air. Soon the plates of armor on Sparkman’s body started to crack open and release electricity, making a bright blue light fill the room, and soon he shattered from the sheer manliness of the scene.

“NOOOOO, IT’S SUCH A CONFUSING CARD!!”Chazz screamed in pain. (Chazz: 3100 Life Points)

“Like I’ve said before, don’t forget Wingman’s’ super power,” Jaden said enthusiastically.

“IT’S JUST CALLED AN EFFECT, MAYBE AN ABILITY IF YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH IT!!” Chazz screamed! The released electricity somehow turned around and headed for Chazz, somehow. It went right through him and caused more pain than a regular hologram should. “YEOWCH!!” he yelped. (Chazz: 1500 Life Points)

 

“Oh no, now the electricity’s gonna hit us too, and eventually the building’s electrical system, and all the lights will flicker on and off, and everything will go ‘poof’, if you catch my drill!!” Syrus gasped!

“That made NO sense…"

"Well YOU try standing next to an attractive person, and see how YOU explain an explosion!!"

"... Well anyways, nice move, Jaden!” Alexis cheered.

“More like lucky move,” Chazz grunted, as he pulled out a Spell card from his hand. “I activate Chthonian Blast! Since my monster was destroyed this turn, one of yours is destroyed as well! Say goodbye!” A small whirlpool OF DEATH!! formed underneath Wingman.

“Err... goodbye?” Jaden said, confused. Flame Wingman waved as he slowly sank, looking disappointed. “And now, you take damage equal to half of its attack points!” Chazz added.

“So it IS useful!” Jaden realized!

“Shaddap!” The whirlpool spat a drop of water at Jaden as it disappeared.

“Ow, water.” (Jaden: 550 Life Points)

 

“Now I activate Call of the Haunted!” Chazz shouted, pointing a finger at Jaden. His face-down card flipped up. “It lets me Special Summon one monster from my Graveyard in attack mode!” His Chthonian Soldier came up from the ground with no special effects whatsoever, disappointingly. “And now I sacrifice him to special summon Mefist the Infernal General!” A soldier clad in black armor and holding a large trident-like trident appeared on his black horse, which had head armor, which didn’t look very helpful, but who knows. (Mefist: 1900 Attack Points)

“Not bad,” Jaden nodded.

“’Not bad’, heh-heh.” Chazz flipped his hand and did a cool ‘evil claw’ pose with it! “Especially since this card will bring your DOOM!! Just try defending yourself, I dare you! I double-dog dare you, b****!!”

“Never! My ‘Yu’ will protect me!” Jaden defended! "That lady says so!"

"I'm a student," Alexis defended.

“OOH,” said you-know-who. Jaden pulled out his card, which was… a Winged Kuriboh.

“Dammit, kid, now I gotta wait NEXT turn for my dramatic comeback!!” Jaden cursed.

 

“Wait, I hear something,” Alexis said, shushing everybody. Footsteps could be heard from the corridors. “WHUZZ GOIN’ ON IN THAR?!” some man yelled from the hauntingly creepy corridors of the school.

“M-M-M-RAPIST DISGUISED AS A FACULTY MEMBER!!” Syrus screamed, racing off!

“GUYS! Dustin the Old Copper Man’s comin’ this way! RUN FOR IT!” Alexis shouted.

“SCHOOL SECURITY, THEN!!” Syrus screamed racing back. “WHAT DO WE DOO-HOO-HOO?!”

“Why should we run?” Jaden asked as the holograms disappeared.

“The rules of Kaibaland Duel Academy state that no off-hour duels are allowed,” Alexis recalled. “Chazz knew that, of course, and let me guess… he didn’t tell you?” She got ‘all up in his face,’ as Jaden would say, and stared at him accusingly.

“You didn’t tell us either, so you’re hypocritical,” Syrus accused.

“Well, well, well, ahem. You lucked out this time,” Chazz grunted as he walked off, shaking his blushed expression off. “You won’t be so lucky next time, I bet! Muhuhahaha! WOAH!” He tripped over Deep-Voice Dobbson’s foot. “The hell’re you doing over there, not saying anything for the entire duel?!”

“I dunno, I reckon. We just din’t talk, I reckon.”

“Let’s get outta here, huh, Chazz, huh!” The trio ran off in a rushed manner.

“HEY! You said I was about to lose!” Jaden protested, running after them with his Winged Kuriboh held high. “Take my Kuriboh, PLEASE!! I don't want hiiiiim!" Defeated, Jaden sulked and put the card back into his deck box. “He just… won’t stop… saying ‘OOH’…”

 

“Jaden, we gotta get out of here or we’ll be locked up in the slammer!” Syrus yelled, breaking into a sprint. “And by that, I mean the Chancellor’s office.”

“Stoopid...” Jaden moaned as they teleported away for the second and truly final time. I’m sorry I lied to you all. Two black-clad police officers and Dustin the Old Copper Man stepped into the arena, looking for people to lock up. But everyone had teleported away!

“But ah culdda SWORD dere were sum kidsn here,” Dustin sadly sighed.

“Wow, he IS a senile cop!” one of the men laughed.

 

“Thanks for showing us the teleport-tastic way,” Syrus panted as he dragged Jaden.

“Don’t mention it… and please, don’t chat me up ‘til I feel better about this ordeal.”

“You could give ME the Winged Kuriboh.”

“I said don’t talk to me…”

“Sorry you couldn’t finish your duel, I guess,” Alexis apologized.

“Meh. I knew I would win anyway,” Jaden knew. “I was just trying to force my Winged Kuriboh on ‘dat foo’ there a second ago.”

“SO you can talk to her, but not me?”

“What? Because of your ‘Yu’?” asked Alexis.

“Why’re you all ignoring me, Syrus?”

“No, because of this!” Jaden grinned, pulling out a Monster Reborn. “The NEXT card on my deck, after Kuriboh.”

 

“I activate Monster Reborn!” Jaden would have said, playing his cool mystical card of destiny! Flame Wingman suddenly rose from beyond the grave, better than ever! Just looking at him had caused Mefist the General to explode! His horse scrambled away into the nearby trash can from fear.

“NOOOOO!!” Chazz wailed! Flame Wingman flew into his face and kicked him! “WAAAAAAGH, NOBODY LIKES ME!!” (Chazz: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

 

“But Flame Wingman can’t be Special Summoned from the Graveyard,” Alexis said, holding up the card and pointing to the text ‘This card cannot be Special Summoned except by Fusion Summon.’

“But HE didn’t know that!” Jaden insisted.

“You cheating bastard.”

“Sure am!” Jaden jumped on his feet and an off to the Slifer Toolshed. “See ya!”

“Jaden! You always leave me somewhere! Do you not like me or something?!” Syrus sobbed, chasing after him!

“Could be!”

This ended abruptly, Alexis thought, watching the two idiots run off. This sure is gonna be one stupid year…

 

 

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Alright, here's this.

 

[spoiler=Episode Three: A Duel in Love]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 3: A Duel in Love

 

The guitar solo at the start of the show signaled the start of class on “Death-Volcano” Duel Academy Island. It was very amateurish, but it was all they had.

“Duel Monster can be grouped into the following classes: Normal, Effect, Ritual, Fusion and Synchro monsters, and Spells and Traps,” recited Alexis Rhodes in front of a large class, taught by Ms. Crowler. “Trap Cards, ablah blah blah, Counter blah, blah blah, Spell Cards blah.” Every student in the class wasn’t paying attention. They just all sat in their chairs, staring at the clock on the shining, pristine, asbestos-filled wall.

“That was VERY boring, but you still got them all right!” Crowler cheered! “Except for that Synchro mess, they don’t exist. I wouldn’t expect ANYTHING less of my Blue Obelisk students.”

“So reds and yellows don’t matter, huh?” some guy yelled. “RACIST!!”

“And you’re a gaycist, judging from what you’ve scrawled out on your desk. Now who has the most distracting hair in the room… you! Syrus Truesdale.”

“Me?! But look at Beehive Larry!” Syrus whined! “And Mohawk Jill!”

“No, they both have black hair. Yours is MUCH more distracting. Now tell the class what a Field Spell is.”

“A Field Spell is a card that affects the entire field and is a Spell!” Syrus squealed.

“You’re right, I reckon, but since ‘yer wearin’ red, ‘yer AU-TO-MA-TI-CALL-Y WRONG!!” Billy Hills laughed. The entire class laughed, even the Slifer Red students!

“Ha, we’re being ridiculed too!” Beehive Larry giggled, with his tall hair and everything.

“Heh,” Chazz said, wholeheartedly.

“But you just said I was right…”

“Hmmm…” Bastion studied, around other people wearing yellow, “Why am I not laughing? Did I miss the punchline?”

 

“Relax, Sy, they’re all just racist against giant red dragons and cartoon show producers.” Jaden assured.

“What do you mean?”

“I think not,” Crowler cruelly admitted, “I happen to love big-shot producers with illegal trading cards named after them. Now will somebody NOT wearing red give me the answer? We need to ridicule a Ra Yellow as well.”

“Ha ha ha, I could be next!”

“This is stupid…” Syrus muttered.

“Hey, teach,” Jaden spoke up, “You really shouldn’t make fun of the weakest kids in the school, because I beat you, so we’re more powerful than the blues, but weaker than the yellows!”

“YELLOW RULES!!”

“GRRRRRR!!!!” Crowler proceeded to take out a handkerchief and bite on it for some reason as Jaden showed off his peace signs to the class. “THAT’S IT! I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS SLACKER IN MY SCHOOL FOR ANOTHER SECOND!!”

“Teach, you really gotta tell yourself things in your mind.”

“SHUT UP, JADEN… JADEN YUCKY!!” Nobody laughed at his joke. “But… his last name is ‘Yuki’, so ‘Yucky’ and ‘Yuki’… AAAARGH!! Now will everybody take out your textbooks, and turn to page three.” it commanded, instantly calming down.

 

LATER THAT DAY…

A different teacher was teaching the same group, since they do that teacher-swap thing in Japan. He had a fat cat and weird, Marik hair. “Hello, class,” he greeted, stroking his cat, “My name is Professor Lyman Banner. I specialize in some of the lesser-known strategies in Duel Monsters. And even a few that may even be considered… UNNATURAL!!”

“AAAAH!!”

Jaden, the only boy in class not scared by his proposition, was very bored. Suddenly, Syrus appeared!! “Thanks for earlier, Jaden.”

“What?”

“When you insulted every blue in the school whilst simultaneously taking all of the yellows up a notch.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Syrus,” Mr. Banner called.

“Yes?”

“Pick up Garfield for me.”

“Garfield?! You mean the cartoon?”

“No, he’s my cat.”

“What an unoriginal name!”

“Too bad.”

Turns out that a fat, orange cat was rubbing against Syrus and his depressed leg. “MEOW,” the cat meowed, in the voice of Lorenzo Music himself. Look him up.

Syrus jumped! “THAT CAT SOUNDS WEIRD!!”

 

**********

 

Meanwhile, in Crowler’s office with a random suit of armor standing inside, it wrote furiously with an old-fashioned quill pen. “How dare that Jaden Yucky make a mockery of me in front of my classroom, then force me to ignore it by teaching children! That’ll be the last mistake he makes at this academy.” It took the note it wrote and placed it (the note) inside of a letter. Then it creepily applied lipstick and kissed the letter! “The kiss of death! Now you’re done for! Muhahahahaha!!”

 

Meanwhile, in another large, domed room, the students were now all in TRACK UNIFORMS!! Jaden, surrounded by two random kids, looked around. “If this is a school for card games, then why are we in gym class?” he asked himself. “If we play a luck and strategy based card game, what’s the point of training your body?” Nobody responded. “Oh, ‘kay then, I’ll just keep makin’ sense t’myself.”

And in the locker rooms nearby, Crowler diabolically dashed awkwardly to a locker. And it began inconspicuously opening every locker (why weren’t they locked?!) until she gasped in surprise! “Aha!” It found red shoes! “These HAVE to be Jaden’s shoes, because NOBODY ELSE wears shoes that look like that! Not in THIS school! With its uniforms and such.” Giving a ghastly smile to the camera, it forced many people watching the show to crap their pants simultaneously.

 

Back in Jaden-place, a bright, happy lady in a similar, purplish track suit (which was oddly tight, making many boys’ noses gush fruit juice (yes, 4Kids made me say that)) walked in, and said “My name is Fonda Fontaine, and it is not a name pun! I’m also your gym class instructor for this year! You ready to sweat?” Jaden gulped. She looks even sexier than Ms. Crowler, and she was ugly!!

“Dammit, why can’t the girl’s locker room be more noticeable?” Syrus cried, running into the boy’s locker rooms. He opened a locker. “Stupid Jaden, using my locker! I bet it’s gonna be a plot device one of these days.” He pulled Jaden’s shoes out of his own locker and a LETTER fell onto the floor! “Gasp! A letter with a kiss on it! What could it be?! A suicide note?!”

 

Syrus looked around, then sneaked into a corner where nobody could see him. “I hope I can stop Jaden from killing himself. This letter’ll tell me all I need to know. If he dies, then I’ll be left alone with that Ko Ala kid, and he’ll eat up all the food in the big winter, leaving me and him to duel to the death so that I can eat his flesh, eventually being found out and getting sent to jail for trying to defend myself! Boy, I hate winter.” He opened the note and read the following transcript;

‘Since the moment I saw you, I’ve been in love with you.’ By now, Syrus was scared of Jaden.

‘Meet me tonight behind the girl’s dorm, endearingly, ALEXIS RHODES?!’“JADEN’S REALLY ALEXIS, AND HAS THE PSYCHIC ABILITY TO UNDERGO SEX-CHANGE SURGERY AND BE IN TWO PLACES AT THE SAME TIME!!”

 

Syrus stumbled backward and fell on his bottom. “I’M IN DESPAIR!! I’M IN DESPAIR OVER JADEN’S SEXUAL FETISHES!!” Then he thought about it all for a second. “Wait, that one’s a girl, so it’s okay.” Suddenly, he imagined a weird fantasy.

Girl Jaden was running in a storm of rose petals. “Syyyyyyruuuus…”, she sighed, oh so provocatively.

Syrus ran through the same area, yelling “Female Jaden named Alexiiiis…” The creepy duo caught up with each other in a huge flowery meadow and joined hands. Suddenly her face melted off and matched Jaden’s features!!

“GAAAAAH!!” Syrus screamed!!

“Please be mine,” s/he asked softly.

 

“That was overly creepy,” Syrus said, catching his breath.

 

**********

 

LATER! THAT!! NIGHT!!!

“Hey Sy, the outhouse is all yours.” Jaden entered the sadly crappy-looking Slifer Toolshed, wiping his hair off with a towel. “Note to self. Next time, realize there’s a SINK before using the TOILET for washing your hair…”

“Did you say ‘Outback Café’?!” Koala Ko Ala gasped loudly.

“Um, no. Where’s Syrus?”

Koala shifted on the bed so that he faced Jaden. “He just left to meet girl Jaden at the Obelisk Blue dorm. He was lookin’ MIGHTY pervy.”

“’Pervy’? Syrus’ gone through puberty already? He looks eight, man. I wouldn’t have guessed.”

“Shouldn’t you go rescue him from whatever crap’s about to go down?” Koala Ko Ala suggested.

“Why not you?”

“I don’t wanna.”

“… Jan Ken Pon to decide it?” That’s rock paper scissors in Japanese.

 

Meanwhile, Syrus was rowing across a lake in a random rowboat. “I sure am glad that I found that boat wherever it came from again! Now, I’ll go invite female Jaden into a double-suicide, because the true joy of love is finding death together~!” he sang! “Ugh, my tiny little arms. I wish I’d signed up for that rowing class…”

But at that same moment, some guy in crappy discount ninja clothing snapped a lock on the gate to the Obelisk Blue swimming pools! The locks clattered to the floor and it ran in like a really lame ninja! It dashed expertly from bush to bush, letting no mere mortal eye comprehend its speed… and at the same time, in a huge nearby building…

“Wanna go to the Obelisk hot springs… I mean, wading pools?”

“No way, if we go, then the boys’ll follow, and everything’ll turn to crap in an instant.”

“Hello, girl’s dorm? As in, no boys allowed?”

“Wow, that was stupid of me.”

“Don’t sweat it! Now it’s explained for the viewers!”

“Viewers?”

“You have a lot to learn.”

Crowler’s face eerily poked out of the bushes. “AHH!!” somebody screamed.

“This is perfect!” Crowler announced to the world. “Jaden will come in looking for Alexis, and then I’ll snap a picture of him in the act of walking into a girl’s dorm!” A short image of this flashed, and Crowler used a digital camera to capture Jaden on photo!

“Oh no not again!!” Jaden screamed!

“And then I’ll have captured him red-handed, and then… uh, nobody’ll like him anymore,” Crowler foresaw

 

Several feet away, Syrus’s boat landed and he crawled out, carrying several feet of rope. He dashed through the gate, not caring about anything else in the world! My suffering is almost over!!

At the same time, in the Obelisk Blue ‘wading pool’. “Can you believe that since we’re too far out of Japan’s waters, it’s against the law to go into hot springs without a swimsuit?” asked one of three girls in really weird-looking blue swimsuits in the strangely warm wading pools.

“Can you believe how out of place they look?” one girl complained. “This blue is obviously edited in! They just defied all of Japanese tradition!”

“Why are we talking about this? It’s kinda stupid,” Alexis reminded. Yes, it was Alexis, a girl with red hair and a girl with black-ish hair! Don’t Japanese kids have black hair anymore, like in the other cartoons? Chazz doesn’t count. He’s too Chazzy. Alexis suddenly left the pool-hot springs.

“What?! This is a stupid conversation?!?!” the red-haired girl, Angry McArgue, yelled.

“It COULD be, if people cared about it!” the blackish-haired girl, Nancy Wut said for no reason.

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know! HELP ME!!”

Outside, Crowler reared its ugly head again, smiling freakily. Suddenly, it frowned ugily. “Huh?” Syrus walked into the scene, still lugging his rope and shaking some pills.

“Come on out, let me degrade you with a picture that will disgust all of your friends and such!!” Crowler still didn’t know it was Syrus.

“Girl Jaden? I have sleeping pills to numb the pain of hanging!” Syrus called.

 

“HOLY SHNITZEL!” Crowler screamed, bursting out of the bush! “IT’S THAT SLIFER SLACKER THAT ACTUALY KNOWS WHAT A FIELD SPELL DOES!!”

A girl in pink pajamas stepped out into the fray, wiping her eyes from tiredness. “Who is it?” Several other girls rushed out in anger!

“IT’S A NINJA!!”

“Get’m!!”

“Oh, no, I’m a kunoichi! I’m a girl ninja!” Crowler defended!

“Says you!”

“Escape!” Crowler leaped into the sea, never to be seen by another human again. “Remember me as a woman…”

“Oh, and that guy’s got blue hair!”

“GET’M!!”

Syrus stood dully as dozens of girls surrounded him. “If you make a move, I’ll down these sleeping pills,” he warned, holding up his prescription drugs! Some girls restrained his arms and he dropped his wares! “No, without a rope I can’t hang myself and without my pills I can’t overdose! My threats are useless! Now I’ll be stripped and hung on the walls of the dorm, slowly dying a painful death as the blood drains from my flesh and the birds pluck out my liver, and—“

“What’s the deal, sneaking in here?” Angry McArgue ordered. “And you’d better have a good reason. We just caught a ninja peeking, and we’re pretty irate now!”

 

TWO! MINUTES!! LATER!!!

Angry McArgue, Nancy Wut and Alexis dragged Syrus into the dorm’s foyer, which had fancy rugs and a golden fountain for no reason. There were also stairs and a balcony up to the second floor, but they don’t matter right now.

“A love letter from Alexis? Liar, Alexis has no feelings except for awesome!” Nancy Wut yelled.

“Yeah, it’s right in my pocket. Heh.”

“Um, excuse me, but Alexis isn’t stupid, she’s the only girl in this show who was given a personality. Why would she love you?”

“But really, here’s the note. Please, Alexis, let’s die together! I have sleeping pills~” The way Syrus said ‘sleeping pills’ was very expressive.

“Um, here, it says my name has a ‘J’ in it. Alexis isn’t spelled with a ‘J’, genius,” Alexis growled.

“I’m sorry Syrus, but Tuesdays are meant for living, not dying,” Nancy Wut explained.

“So then you DON’T want to commit a double suicide?”

“NO.”

“Wait,” Angry McArgue pointed out, “This note says ‘Specifically for Jaden Yucky, not that kid who knew what a field spell card is’! You’re an idiot not to notice how obvious that was!”

“Now THAT’S depressing!! I can’t even land a night with GIRL JADEN. Will I EVER be able to live my life, ending in a double suicide with a woman I love?”

“’Girl Jaden’…? Well, sorry Syrus, we’ll just let you go.” Alexis apologized. “You’re obviously deranged, and we can’t hold you accused for that. I can show mercy.”

 

“I don’t buy it.” Angry McArgue pointed at him in a deadly fashion! “He could’ve written it up himself, and you know how much I love arguing!”

“So we need to throw him off the roof because he was doing what men do?” Nancy Wut suggested.

“But I was tricked in a humiliating fashion! That’s unfair!” Syrus cried out shrilly!

“Girls, what on EARTH is going ON down there?” Fonda Fontaine entered the conversation via the balcony! “What kind of person would SOUND that shrill?!”

“Uh…” The three girls awkwardly started hiding the Syrus kid in an odd fashion by sitting on him!

“We were trying to find out how many people could sit on a single stool!” Alexis assured! “Y’know, craaazy teenager stuff!”

“This is oddly pleasing!” Syrus whispered.

“Shut up, chair!” Angry McArgue yelled.

“Sorry for sitting so loudly!” Alexis apologized.

“Well, next time you girls should choose a smarter place to do such horribly humiliating acts!” Fontaine ordered, retreating to her quarters.

“So what now?” Angry asked as they all got off of the faux-chair.

“I’ll tell you what; we’ll use Syrus as a type of bait,” Alexis said. “Let’s find out about what we were talking about earlier.”

EARLIER! THAT!! MORNING!!!

“Hey Alexis,” Nancy Wut asked, “D’you think that Jaden kid can play well?”

“I guess so; if I dueled him in an odd situation, I’d really know.”

Alexis smiled in a creepily awesome fashion. “I don’t like the looks of this odd plot device…” Syrus said in response.

“I wonder if this’ll get Jaden to show us his real powers…” Alexis wondered.

 

Meanwhile in the Slifer Red dorm, Jaden played a video game while playing Jan-Ken-Pon with Koala repeatedly.

“Jan-Ken-Pon! Jan-Ken-Pon! Jan-Ken-Pon!” Suddenly, Koala threw down something that WASN’T a tie. “JAN-KEN-PON!!” He got scissors, thus beating Jaden’s paper!

“NOOOO!!” Jaden screamed! “I guess I’ve got to save Syrus…” Suddenly, his YugiNav™ beeped! He opened up a new message sent to him.

“We have your friend, Syrus,” a creepy person told in a computer-altered voice, dressed in a black sheet, “and if you want him back,”

“Hee hee hee!” giggled another person with a similar voice! “Imma ghost! Woah!”

“Get away from the camera, Nancy!” ordered Angry McArgue, pulling her out of the scene.

“Uh, just come to the girls’ dorms now,” the original figure ordered.

“Great, now we’ll have to do that all over again,” Angry McArgue complained.

“Oh, I’ll send it!” Nancy Wut announced, grabbing the camera as she ripped away her black sheet. She pressed a button.

“NO, DON’T–”

“Son of a gun…” Koala Ko Ala gasped. “At least I got to win after a four hundred-game tie match.”

“That was pretty dang hilarious, so it’s time to go find a random boat!” Jaden tromped out of the room, going to find a boat.

 

Crowler the ninja was using a bamboo pipe to breathe through the water as it treaded away from the dorm. Suddenly it surfaced. “Man, that was uncomfortable. Huh?” It saw another boat crossing the lake.

“Boy, I SURE am glad I just happened to find this boat lying around!” Jaden cheered.

“What took him so long?”Crowler asked.

“Too bad Syrus hadn’t signed up for that rowing class with me,” Jaden sighed, “He’d have loved it!” He landed on the shore and was face-to-face with Alexis and her posse holding Syrus hostage!

“Hi, Jaden.”

“Hey, Syrus, yo! What’s goin’ on here?” Jaden inquired.

“I did something stupid, hoping to commit a double-suicide with a secret lover.”

“He trespassed into the girl’s dorm!” Angry McArgues argued.

“Is that true, Sy? That’s even lower than trying to make a young woman kill herself!!”

“You’re trespassing now, too, Jaden.” Angry McArgue reminded.

“Yeah, so if you want to leave scott-free, you need to beat me in a card game right now!” Alexis warned!

“That’s even more unfair than trying to stop a kid from entering your school because he’s two minutes late, then losing and vowing to ruin his life!” Syrus explained!

“Don’t worry, Sy, I know how to beat a girl!”

“WHA?!” Syrus gasped!

“Jaden!” Nancy Wut accused.

“In card games!”

“Oh. Duh,” they all reassured themselves.

“And in real life.”

“GASP!!” everybody gasped!

“Boys too.”

“…” Nobody knew it that was better or worse.

“Let’s duel, Alexis,” Jaden challenged with fire in his eyes!!

“Sure, let’s do that and ignore what you were saying,” Alexis decided.

“Way ahead ‘o ya!”

 

A few minutes later, Jaden n’ the gang were in the two awesome boats in the middle of the lake, ready to duel!

“This is a stupid place to play,” Syrus mentioned. “While standing on the boat, you could fall and drown, thus ridding the world of your existence forever… and is it true that Alexis is your psychic twin that underwent a sex-change operation?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Jaden told him.

“Okay, just making sure.”

 

The duelists stared each other down, intent in murdering the opposing player in a harmless card game.

“Well,” Crowler noted, in the water, “A Slifer versus an Obelisk. I wonder how this’ll turn out! Heh… oh, wait.”

“Ready?” Alexis asked.

“Yeah,” Jaden answered, suddenly appearing in a split-screen-thing.

“Woah,” Alexis gasped at the sudden screen-changer-thing.

“LET’S DUEL!” they yelled!

(Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Alexis: 4000 Life Points)

“Get your game on, Alexis!” Jaden suggested.

“BOO,” someone said.

The onlookers were intent on their own duelists winning. Syrus, to save him and his friend from being put down for sneaking into the girls’ dorm… forever. The girls, to… well, actually, they’re just a******s in today’s episode. Who cares about them?

 

Alexis pulled her hand from her deck, yelling “Alright!” She’d drawn a lame-looking card with a dancer dancing oddly in the dark. How pathetically lonely. She ignored it for now. “Etoile Cyber, rise!”

Some weird lady appeared, spinning incredibly fast and making the Tasmanian Devil sound from classic Looney Toons. Suddenly she stopped, revealing that she was in an ugly red and whitish costume, covering her arms with medical bandages!

“Mhm!” she grunted. (Etoile Cyber: 1200 Attack Points) She hovered above the water because, you know, holograms do that.

“I’ll also place a card face-down and end my turn!” Alexis yelled!

 

“Let’s get ready to throw down!” Jaden announced.

“BOO,” someone said. He drew a card; Sparkman!

“Yes,” Jaden whispered. “I’ll summon the Elemental Hero Sparkman!” A huge blast of electricity shocked the air and Sparkman cruised out of it! (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points)

“That makes a lot of sense!” Syrus yelled!

“And now, he’ll attack your monster with Static Shockwave! It’ll make her hair so frizzy that she’ll NEVER get it straight again!!”

“Was that even a legit threat?!” Syrus gasped!

“Hooyah!” Sparkman held out his arm and a blast of electricity was shot at the woman monster!

“I use my trap card, Double Passe!” Alexis’s card flipped up, with the depressing dancing lady, and the electricity flew around Etoile Cyber and shocked her Duel Disk instead! “Nnnagh! Uugh!!” she grunted in ‘pain’.

“That was actually pretty satisfying!” Jaden smiled! “Damn, I’m weird.”

“My Trap card redirects your attack into a direct attack!” Alexis explained. (Alexis: 2400 Life Points)

“That was pretty lame…” Jaden said.

“Then my monster gets to attack YOU!!”

“Ohcrap!!”

 

Etoile Cyber leaped into action, literally! “And also, when my Etoile Cyber attacks players directly, she gains 600 Attack Points!” Alexis announced!

“That sucks!” Etoile Cyber roared and spun like a hell-bent ballerina!! (Etoile Cyber: 1800 Attack Points) She kicked him so hard that he felt nothing, as she was a hologram!

“Aaargh!!” (Jaden: 2200 Life Points)

“Are you alright?” Syrus asked hastily. “Because you should be, since it’s a hologram and all.”

“I guess so. Boy, that Alexis is stupid. She COULD have just summoned something stronger than that wimpo-dimpo monster! Then she wouldn’t have had to lose those life points!”

“W-wimpo-dimpo?!” Syrus exclaimed!

“So you’re impressed?” Alexis asked.

“No, not really. It’s just a card game, yo,” Jaden truthfully said.

“Oh, well. Now, where were we?” Alexis drew a crappy Vanilla-colored card with a bald, purple ice skater with a large pirate earring! “I summon Blade Skater!”

 

The purple lady appeared and slid onto the water! Sadly she slipped backward stupidly, but then made a comeback and stood next to the ballerina, causing much water displacement!!

“That makes sense, too!” Syrus noticed.

“And then I use Polymerization to fuse my Etoile Cyber and Blade Skater to form…” The two girls spun through the lake and turned into a tornado somehow! “Cyber Blader!” A blue-haired, purple-visored, weird-costumed ice skater leaped out and onto the water! (Cyber Blader: 2100 Attack Points)

That’s even hotter than Elemental Hero Domi—Burstinatrix… Jaden thought.

How much longer will we keep milking this joke? Syrus wondered.

Until it stops bein’ funny, Sy, until it just gets irritatin’.

“Now attack Sparkman with your Whirlwind Rage!” Alexis commanded! Cyber Blader began spinning around for a really long time, and then… when you least expected it… KICKED SPARKMAN!! A huge shockwave was sent forth, which decreased Jaden’s life points!

“Damn, that was hot…” (Jaden: 1700 Life Points)

“Jaden, you’re weird,” Syrus whimpered.

 

“Way to go, Alexis!” Nancy Wut cheered.

“Yeah, you’ve got’m! Him beating Ms. Crowler was just a fluke!” Angry McArgue yelled!

“Well, it would be my pleasure to prove you wrong, yo! My draw!” Jaden drew a Field Spell card covered in weird technological lines in front of a creepy evil portal. “Totally tubular, man!” he chuckled!

“Why do I hang out with you?” Syrus asked.

“Because I activate this Spell card; Fusion Gate!” Jaden slapped the creepy card into the Field Spell space! “You oughtta like this one, Syrus!”

“I DON’T LIKE FIELD SPELLS!!”

In stark contrast to Syrus’s wailing, the guitar riffs in the background just got radder than ever! “Now, I can Fusion Summon a monster without Polymerization!” He held out two monsters in overly dramatic fashions! “Now I fuse these two, Avian and Burtinatrix, to form Elemental Hero Flame Wingman!” The dragony/wingy man leaped onto the field!

“Oh,” Alexis sighed in an overly sarcastic tone, “It looks like your monster’s gonna attack my Cyber Blader, but since they both have equal attack points, they’ll just destroy each other!”

“Blader is one letter away from bladder!” Nancy Wut reminded.

“Take this, Sarcasm Woman! I use Kishido Spirit!” Jaden activated a card with a man in knight armor full of SAMURAI SPIRIT!! A large pulse was sent through the water. “This card makes it so that my monster can’t be destroyed when he attacks a monster with the same attack points! Plus, his super power makes you lose Life Points equal to your hot monster’s attack points!”

“What was that about ‘hot’—“

“Now go, Flame Wingman, and attack her Cyber Bladder—sorry, I didn’t mean it!!” Now she really hates me, I know it! Jaden shed a tear.

 

Flame Wingman flew through the air and powered up his awesome fire dragon arm. It caught aflame and blasted a column of fire at Cyber Blader/Bladder! What an idiot. Does he even know what sarcasm means? Alexis thought. I mean, he just called me ‘Sarcasm Woman’! He IS stupid for a ‘Yu’! The flames were met head-on by the action-skater’s palm! Then, as if they both just said ‘Wait, this is stupid.’, they stopped and retreated.

“Whubba-huh?!” Jaden exclaimed!

“It’s obvious, my Cyber Bladder can’t be destroyed by—gosh dammit Nancy, why’d you have to say the bladder thing?!”

“I can’t help it; you know about my condition!”

“She can’t be destroyed when you only have one monster,” Alexis spat out.

“Th-then that would mean that…”

“YES, Jaden, your turn was completely useless!! Wahahaha!” Alexis laughed!

“That’s pretty depressing.”

“Not as depressing as when you lose.”

 

Alexis drew a new card. “This card’s just as situational as your failure card!” She held out an equip card with a black-armored knight with some weird bio-weapon growing out of his arm. It looked painful and disturbing. “I equip my Cyber Bladder…”

“Just go with it, nobody cares,” Angry McArgue explained.

“I equip Cyber Bladder with Fusion Weapon!” The techno-bladder’s arm turned into the same thing as in the picture. The bio-weapon released a continuous electrical charge. (Cyber Bladder: 3600 Attack, 2600 Defense)

“This looks bad to the max!” Jaden cringed!

“Go, Bladder, and attack Flame Wingman with Trident Shock!” Cyber Bladder aimed her weird arm at Flame Wingman and fired an electrical discharge at him!

“Ooooooow!!” he growled, just before making an overly dramatic explosion!

“Argh, the fake smoke’s in my eyes!” Jaden complained! (Jaden: 200 Life Points) “You know, you’d have won if you actually SUMMONED another monster!”

“…Too bad! I can’t draw any!” Alexis sadly stated!

“If you lose, you’re both getting expelled!” Nancy Wut smiled!

“Shut UP, Nancy!” Angry McArgue yelled!

“That’s it, I’m off girls for good! They’re jerks!” Syrus groaned! “And boys, too. Zoophilia and a life of being looked upon as a creepy weirdo, here I come.”

“But animals have genders, too, Sy. And man is the MOST DANGEROUS animal!”

 

Damn, if only I had more than two non-tribute monsters in my deck right now. Why’d I even take them all out just before playing?! Alexis asked herself.

I wonder why most people don’t understand how humans are animals, too! I mean, really, I just explained it myself. Jaden looked at his Fusion Gate card. Man, that card’s totally useless right now. Seriously, it’s not gonna help me win somehow! He drew… MONSTER REBORN!! It glowed in his hand for some reason. “Shiny…”

“Ahh, creepy!” Alexis gasped!

“I summon… Elemental Hero Clayman!” Clayman appeared, still made out of clay and stuff! He fell onto the lake… and sank… and began to fall apart…

“Help me…” he begged! (Clayman: 800 Attack Points)

“ Next I activate Monster Reborn!!” Jaden yelled, confidently! Another tornado appeared and Sparkman jumped out!

“Why does everything have to jump out of tornadoes in this duel?!” Syrus screamed!

“Uh-oh,” Alexis muttered, “He’s making a classic ‘Yu’-comeback! This won’t end well for Cyber Bladder…”

 

“I’m sorry, Cyber Bladder, but I have to destroy you! I fuse, with Fusion Gate, Sparkman and Clayman, to form…” Jaden pointed into the sky and Clayman’s wet, moldable body clung to Sparkman. They spun upward for no reason into a malevolent storm!

“ONCE AGAIN, WHAT’S UP WITH THE TORNADOES AND STORMS?!”

A big lightning bolt shocked the lake and turned into a huge fat guy, making large waves! “WoOoOaAh!!” everybody wailed!

“Yow!!” Crowler exclaimed, rocking in the rough surf! “I wish I had brought a boat!!”

 

The fat guy, in yellow body armor with electrical spheres on it, crackled with electrical energy! “Elemental Hero Thunder Giant!” Jaden announced! (Thunder Giant: 2400 Attack Points)

“M-my Cyber Bladder still has more Attack Points than him…” Alexis pointlessly argued.

“Yeah, but once per turn Thunder Giant can destroy any monster who started out with less power than him,” Jaden said.

“B-but that means…”

“Yeah!”

“What?”

“I’m sorry my love, but once you die, you shall live on as a part of my heart forever!!” Jaden cried with tears in his eyes! “Go, Thunder Giant!”

“Groar.” Thunder Giant obeyed and held his hand above Cyber Bladder, and his ELECTRO PLAMS SHOCKED HER INTO OBLIVION!!

“I forgive you…” she whispered, loudly enough for everyone to hear.

“And now, Thunder Giant, use Voltic Thunder!” Jaden sent his giant to deal a crushing blow to Alexis’ Life Points, ending the game! A blast of volt-y thunder shocked Alexis to the holographic core!

“Nooooooooooooo.” And for some reason, some electricity shocked Crowler as well.

“THIS ISN’T A GOOD JOOOOOKE!!”

Alexis slumped onto the boat. (Alexis: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

“Alexis, are you okay?” Angry McArgue worriedly asked.

“What just happened?” Nancy Wut asked. Nobody was surprised.

“Hooray, I don’t have to get married to a cat now!” Syrus laughed, hugging Jaden!

“That’s game! I mean gay! Step off, yo!” Jaden yelled, pushing him off. “But I still love you as a friend, man. I just don’t roll that way.”

“Sorry.”

 

Several seconds later, the two boats had been moved closer together to talk about stuff.

“Well, Alexis, a deal’s a deal, yo.” Jaden reminded.

“Alright, we’ll keep your secret for you so that people don’t look down on you forever, thus ruining your lives so that nobody will come near you and you’ll have to commit zoophilia,” Alexis agreed.

Her mind’s so hot, Syrus told himself.

“Well, I say that we be complete jerkasses and turn them in to the eki-in!” Angry McArgue yelled! They stared at her, confused. “Look it up, it’s a Japanese thing! We’re presumably in Japan, right?”

“Nobody asked you, and nobody asked because you always argue about stuff!” Alexis yelled back!

“But Alexis…”

“It’s IN YOUR LAST NAME. We’re not STUPID.”

“Anyways, that was a cool duel!” Jaden said randomly. “Heh, I rhymed.”

“Heh, you noticed that he fell in love with Cyber Bladder while we were playing?” Nancy Wut revealed. “I’d call that… a DUEL in LOVE! Ha ha!”

“Aaaanyways,” Alexis sighed. Jaden and Syrus both got into optimal rowing positions!

“Well, see ya, we’ve got A LOT of rowing to do!” Jaden waved, leaving.

“Vitamin C you later!” Nancy Wut bid.

Man, I wish that Nancy would just shut up sometimes, Alexis told herself.

My last name has ‘Argue’ in it? I’ve never realized that… Angry McArgue noticed.

Spuds, Nancy Wut silently smiled.

I REALLY wish I’d brought a boat… Crowler sadly told itself as it swam back to the school.

 

 

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Nope, no replies? Oh well, here's one of my favorites.

 

[spoiler=Episode Four: Making the Grade]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 4: Making the Grade

 

The guitar was on vacation today, and replaced by THE NEW YORK SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA!! The music was loud and exciting, filled with horns and stringed instruments, and the ocean was all abuzz with ADVENTURE!! “Attention, everyone,” some guy said over an intercom to dozens of helicopters, huge ships , submarines and two giant movie monsters, “It’s been a long journey and we’ve lost hundreds of great soldiers to make it this far, but it’s all paid off since we’re almost there.” Some sailors and their captain were standing and pushing buttons and twisting knobs inside the main ship.

“Look like the goods are all safe,” the captain said, weeping with joy. “We made it.” He had a briefcase labeled ‘DA’ in fancy print.

“But sir,” one sailor asked, “Was it really necessary to send out the ENTIRE U.S. Navy for this job—” The captain shot him in the head.

“Do YOU have anything to say?” he asked the other sailor.

“Uh…” He was shot as well.

“NOBODY MESSES WITH TRADING CARD GAMES ON MY SHIP.” He pushed the cadavers out of the way and stated manning the ship. He pulled out some sort of intercom device and announced, “Everyone, full steam ahead! This is the moment we’ve been working for! Waiting for! The moment where Kaibaland Duel Academy gets their new trading card booster packs!”

The entire Navy joined together in joy and jubilation! They cheered so hard that their hearts were united as one under the hot, summer sun! Even the giant monsters blasted gamma rays into the sky with glee, furthering global warming at an alarming rate!

 

NOBODY plays around with TRADING CARDS.

 

Meanwhile, at the Slifer Toolshed, Jaden was sleeping well past 12:00 PM. “Snore, snore, snore, snore, snore…” he chanted, still asleep. Syrus was sleepily worshipping a poster of a deer by the desk in their room.

“Please, spirit of the deer head in the Duel Dome, help me pass my exams!” he begged. “I deserve this, especially since Jaden’s too loud to sleep around! I feel like I’m going to die of exhaustion or annoyance! PLEASE help me get promoted AWAY from Jaden and his stupid, literal snoring!” Suddenly, a bomb went off! “DAAAAAAH, I’M DYING NOW!! Wait…” He walked over to Jaden, still annoying, and noticed his bomb-shaped alarm clock. It kept repeatedly making realistic explosion sounds, rocking the entire toolshed. “Oh, just that retarded clock…” Syrus started pushing Jaden. “Jaden, wake up and turn off that stupid clock already! My ears are bleeding!!”

“ROOOOOOOAR!!” Jaden burst out of bed, smashing Syrus into the wall and obliterating the alarm clock like Exodia obliterates Life Points. “I TRIGGER MY TRAP CARD!!”

“Why can’t he just dream in Defense Mode?” Syrus asked himself.

“BOO,” someone said.

“No, Syrus,” Koala Ko Ala butted in, “You gotta let’m sleep! See, after our Normal Trap cards test, we have our Six Samurais card test, and after that, the Metal Raiders set exam! Wouldn’t it be TOTALLY LICIOUS if Jaden slept through it?”

“That’s a stupid idea that makes no sense, and it’s too late to drag that anime-only catchphrase in here.”

“Failures make me smile,” Koala Ko Ala explained. “Plus, after THAT, we have the Duel Exams, where we have to duel some OTHER guy who sucks… or JADEN. That way, we’re eliminating the competition!”

“Koala, that idea’s stupid, but it just might not work! We’d probably not duel him anyways in the first place!” Syrus protested! “AND, on top of that, we might have to duel Someone Jones and his Gasper Ghosts deck, or maybe even Mohawk Jill, the toughest Red in school, mistress of the Punk Rockers archetype!”

“Hm, you MAY have a point… wake him up and get’m to fight Mohawk Jill, hurry!” Koala cried!

“Jaden, wake up and duel the strongest student in school for us so that we don’t have to face soul-crushing public humiliatiooooooooon!! Oh, I don’t have time for this!” Syrus bolted out of the room.

“You know, I don’t even GO to the school here,” Koala Ko Ala remembered, “I just stay since I have no home anymore...”

 

Syrus dashed down the stairs of the Slifer Toolshed as the seven other rooms filled with every other Red broke, releasing HUNDREDS of students sprawling near the cliff. “Damn, they really hate us Reds,” Syrus muttered. “Putting all of those other students into the other seven rooms in the shack… wait! I could’ve been in there, and thoroughly CRUSHED by FAT people! Aw, man, now I feel bad for them so they can take advantage of me—” He fell onto the concrete walkway leading to the school, hitting his nose. “WAAAAAAH, MY NOOOOOSE!! I’M BLEEDING TO DEATH!!” Then he got over it and walked to school, sniffling like a wimp.

Twenty seconds later, Jaden leaped off of the balcony, finishing up a continental breakfast created by Koala Ko Ala, and leaping off of the struggling kid’s heads as they stood up. “Ow, my broken neck,” one guy said.

“Boy, that “Chumley” SURE can make breakfast!” Jaden smiled. “I need to ask why Syrus’s worshipping a deer, though.” Jaden threw his dirty plate and utensils behind his back as he left the crowd.

“My neck’s still broken… ow! A plate!”

“THE FORK! IT’S IN MY EYE!!”

 

Jaden soon came across a fat lady pushing a truck uphill. “Watch out! I’m running far faster than possible,” Jaden warned! He passed by, leaving a huge dust cloud in his wake! “Wait, ‘dat lady there was in a jam, yo! I’ve gotta help her!” He re-appeared behind the lady somehow and helped push the truck. “Don’t worry, I’m here to help!”

“Oh, thank you, young man!” she thanked. “Not many kids today would help old ladies pushing trucks anymore, with their electric scooters, and their potato chips, and their walkmans and their game boys, ignoring what really matters.”

“Actually, ma’am, it MAY help if you DRIVE the truck up the hill,” Jaden suggested.

“Oh my gosh, I forgot you could do that with cars AND trucks!”

 

MEANWHILE, IN PROF. BANNER’S CLASS…

Rows and rows of students were taking their easy Normal Trap card test. “Remember students, you have 45 minutes left to take the test,” he said in his overly soft voice.

“Teacher, everybody’s FINISHED,” a guy with shades explained, “Everybody except for Barry the Beginner.”

“It’s not my fault that I don’t know what a Trap card is!” some kid yelled. He had hair that slightly resembles Yugi’s, but it was black with a little red at the edges. “Just for that remark, I’m stealing Yugi Muto’s deck! You’ll see! YOU’LL ALL SEE!!”

“Simmer down, idiot students,” Banner ordered. “I bet that you missed a TON of questions with those shades on. Take them off and check your answers.”

“Why would I have…” The boy removed his shades and glanced at his paper. “Holy crap! There was a question SIX?! I TOTALLY missed that!”

 

Syrus was holding his head face-down on the desk, whispering to himself. “Okay, so note to self, Barry the Beginner will steal Yugi’s deck in about 14 more adventures, give-or-take.”

“I didn’t know that this was an ORAL exam, Sy!” Jaden was on da loose! He sat down next to Syrus.

“Jay! See, how do you like YOUR nickname, Jay?”

“SHUT UP, WE’RE CHECKING OUR ANSWERS!!”

“I really don’t like it.”

“Well, don’t call me Sy!”

“You never told me it annoyed you.”

“See, it all started when I was alone in my room when I was six—”

“SHUT UP!!” Chazz exploded from a few rows away. “YOUR VOICES INFURIATE ME!! JUST LET US TAKE THE FRAGGING TEST!!”

“Thanks a lot, Pointy-Head! Now I can’t concentrate!” Beehive Larry exclaimed.

Jaden turned around and gave Chazz a piece of his mind. “Yo, stop trippin’! You got NO RIGHT to tell me ‘ta stop talking! It’s not like this is an IMPORTANT TEST or anything!”

“What kind of idiot ARE you?”

“Actually,” Banner said, startling Jaden, “The test will only amount to 2% of your quarterly grade, so it actually DOESN’T matter in the SLIGHTEST. But still Jaden, shut the hell up and get your exam.”

“Ha, I was right!” Jaden awkwardly grinned. “I’m a-comin’!”

I wish that everybody would just shut up and finish already, Alexis thought, I have better things to do than explain what’s in the picture of Magic Cylinder.

Hmm, Bastion wondered, studying his test, What’s this ‘Trap Hole’ card the test talks about?

Stupid Bastion, Alexis mocked.

WHO SAID THAT?! Bastion panicked.

 

Two minutes later, Jaden finished his impossibly easy test and used Syrus as a pillow. “I feel uncomfortable,” Syrus bellyached.

“Shut up and act comfortable, please!”

But at that moment, near a door, somebody screamed “OH BLOODY HELL!! AAAAARGGH!!” But nobody paid any attention, because this happened often. Ms. Crowler was forcing its face through the door.

“Oh, that Jaden can rest easy now,” it plotted, “But soon enough, he’ll be taking a NIGHTMARE of a duel exam! Ha ha ha!”

“WE CAN ALL HEAR YOU,” the entire room sighed.

“Me too, teach!” Jaden chimed in.

 

An advertisement appeared to break up the nonstop action. The Yu-Gi-Oh! GX icon appeared in a reddish backdrop as an announcer said, “Yu-Gi-Oh! GX is sponsored by… Yu-Gi-Oh! GX, since nobody else cares! Oh and 4Kids.”

“C’MON AND GET YOUR GAME OOOOOON!!”

 

Suddenly, for no reason, it immediately happened AGAIN right after that.

“C’MON AND GET YOUR GAME OOOOOON!!”

 

It turns out that it was actually the U.S. NAVY THEME SONG COMMERCIAL!! The captain of the ship from earlier held up a walkie-talkie and spoke into it, “Okay boys, twice is enough! Stop! Dang, it’s so annoying! Just send in the choppers.” He put away the walkie-talkie and several helicopters flew past. “…Man, it’s just so inspirational to me,” he said, wiping away tears with his booster pack briefcase.

 

“Alright class,” Banner calmly explained, “the Metal Raiders set exam is now complete, and we’re now under attack by U.S. Navy helicopters, signifying that our new booster packs are here. Get in line.”

“Wait, you mean that the NAVY sent us CARDS?! Don’t they only do that for poor countries in times of war?”

“Who cares?”

“Wait,” one stupid kid thought aloud, “Our country’s at WAR with EUROPE and we need these cards to DEFEND OURSELVES?!”

“No, that’s not it at all—“

The entire class exploded through the doors, pushing and shoving the competition. “I’m gonna get those cards if it’s the last thing I do!”

“No, I’LL defeat those darn French ONCE AND FOR ALL!!”

“Ow, I’m being trampled.”

“WHO FREAKIN’ CARES?!”

Chazz was staring at some papers in the room, not budging. “Chazz, Chazz, I reckon!” Billy Hills urgently pressured.

“Chazz, the new cards are here, huh?” Deep-Voice Dobbson asked, I guess.

“Why should I care?”

“You can sell’m on E-Bay, I reckon!”

Chazz threw his papers on the ground. “Go get me some crappy cards and we’ll sell them for 500% profit.”

 

“Snore, snore, snore, snore…”

“Wake up,” Bastion ordered Syrus and Jaden. “Wake up or else my British voice will enter your dreams and give you a nightmare about having a British voice!”

“WHAAAAAT?!?!” Syrus screamed, waking up. “I saw on a show once that if your accent changes so suddenly, then you have an un-operable brain worm eating your language centers in your head!! Wait, what did I just say?” Syrus looked up at Bastion. “Hey Bastion, the patron spirit of the Slifer dorm isn’t a deer head, is it?”

“Why are you asking me?”

“It’s called SLIFER Red, Sy.” Jaden woke up explaining.

“I’ll ignore that. Where’d everybody go?” Syrus asked, realizing how empty the room was.

“Oh, Europe declared war on Japan, so everybody’s going to pick up the cards the U.S. Navy dropped off for us to defend themselves,” Bastion sighed. “Looks like every time I move someplace, Europe just HAPPENS to declare war on it…”

“EUROPE HASN’T DONE SUCH A THING IN YEARS!! But boy, I sure believe you! Let’s go get some supplies!”

“Now hold on Syrus,” Bastion held off in a creepy pose, kinda shifting his body to the right while holding one hand up.

“Ugh, that pose is creepy.”

“Shouldn’t we wait for the crowds to disperse first so that we don’t get trampled?”

“But everybody left a while ago,” Syrus reminded.

“Oh, yeah.”

“Come on, Jaden, let’s ditch him and save ourselves!” Syrus suggested!

“What took you so long to come up with that? Let’s go!” beckoned Jaden, with a hyper-active smile on his face!

As the duo ran off, Bastion outstretched his arm! “Wait, I can be an emergency food supply!! Don’t leave me alone!”

 

Several idiot students ran up to the card shop, sealed off by a large, metal gate. Some people whacked at it with their fists, others slapped the dead bodies of recently-trampled students against it, making large dents. “LET US IN!!”

“I WANT TO LIVE!!”

“STOP SMASHING ME INTO THE DOOR! I’M NOT DEAD YET!!”

Several army hummers drove in front of the school and released dozens of black-garbed identical soldiers into the building! “HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT!” they chanted while running.

“Holy crap, the Europeans have come to steal our Duel Monsters technology!” somebody cried at the sight of them, before slipping on some leftover blood. They were totally surrounded. Then, they all spread up against the walls, allowing a single CAPTAIN to come through.

“Oh children,” he laughed, “Lookin’ fer THESE?” The idiot captain held up his briefcase into the air!

“NOO!! THE EUROPEANS HAVE SENT OUT A TEXAN WHO LIVES IN SPAIN TO CAPTURE OUR CARDS AND SHOVE THEM IN OUR FACES!” somebody cried.

“Rescue Cat help us all!!”

“Naw, kids!” the captain protested. “Gosh darnit, every time I come ‘n deliver the next set, y’all turn it into a gol-dern bloodbath!” He kicked a disembodied head out of the way.

“That was my brother.”

“Who cares? I’m delivering the new set of cards to the survivors!!” he cheered! “Oh, and Europe just surrendered when they found out that a new set was just released in Japan.”

“WOO-HOO!!” The legion of teens who had just survived the Half-Hour War were clapping as hard as they could, screaming and crying and hugging one another!

“Will you marry me?” one guy with a moustache asked a girl!

“Yes, yes I will!!” Nancy Wut replied! They both leaped into a limo labeled ‘Just Married’ and drove down the hallway, somehow making that hard right turn. And everybody was laughing and cheering for the man who’d just saved the world from a Worldwide Duel Holocaust, the young couple that had just left, and the brave souls who’d been forced to give up their lives to save the others.

 

This happens EVERY THREE MONTHS. Cards are a big deal here.

 

The captain opened up the steel gate by pressing a button on the wall, prompting one guy to say “So THAT’S how we open it!”, and turned to the students, saying “Come’n get it!” Every last living student crammed themselves into the little shop and opened up the briefcase, revealing… a heavily censored group of documents.

“AAAARGH!!” Everybody was blasted away by the sheer wall-banger that had just occurred.

“Whoopsie, wrong briefcase.” The captain took the briefcase, ran out of the school, pulled out the keys to the ship, ran in, drove it back to America, swapped the cases at the U.S. Marine Base, drove back, ran back in and slammed in on the table. It held a piece of paper.

“What’s up? What happened to the cards?” a random guy asked.

“You know ‘da ruwels,” the young lady who worked at the shop who’d also never been mentioned before reminded in a heavy New Yorker accent, “Foist come, foist soived.”

“WHAT?!”

“And I was first, so I bought every one,” someCROWLERkid in a black cape and hat smirked.

“WHAT?!”

“My sons died for THIS?!”

“REMEMBER THE FALLEN, CROWLER, REMEMBER THE SACRIFICES!!”

 

“C’mon Sy, let’s make tracks!” Jaden commanded, skidding into the hallway on a pool of blood.

“I told you that I hated that name! Woah!” Syrus almost fell over by slipping on a disemboweled stomach. They entered the shop, which was SO empty that a thin mist covered the area. “Where IS everyone? We have to protect ourselves from the Spanish! I heard they have a new archetype that negates Spell cards!”

“Wait, don’t tell me they’ve… RUN OUT OF CARDS!!” The two scrambled over to the desk, which was run by that lady from earlier with the accent. Her nametag read ‘Countergirl Williams’. “’Scuse me, Countergirl, but please tell me that you still have some cards left!”

“Of COU’SE we still have ‘sum ca’ds, but jus’ regulah ones,” she explained, loudly chewing some gum. “He’a ya go.” She handed them a green ‘Duel Academy’ booster pack with a green lizard named Gagagigo in an action pose.

“Aw, but that ‘Gagagigo Redemption’ pack is based around that dumb ol’ Gagagigo card nobody likes! It’s all about the ALIEN cards now!”

“Great, I’m gonna lose the exam,” Syrus whined, “because I have to replace my cards with stuff like Gagagigo and Gogiga Gagagigo since I didn’t get anything better, and then I’m going to flunk out of school, and then—”

“Stop monologue-ing! I’m trying to think of something!” Jaden ordered.

“But you KNOW that’s my thing!”

“Just take the pack already before I throw up on you.”

“Yipes! Why don’t you just take it so that I don’t have to feel the crushing blow that is getting Gigobyte?” Syrus wondered aloud.

“Because YOU deserve it more than me, yo” Jaden explained.

“That was mean.”

“I didn’t mean it like THAT…”

 

“Yoo-hoo!” a familiar voice called, “Driving boy!”

“Oh, it’s you!” The fat lady from before entered the scene! ZAM! “You work here?” Jaden asked.

“Oh no, I own the shop! It’s the ‘bee’s knees’, huh?” the fat lady asked.

“Sorry, yo, but nobody says that anymore.”

“How do you know her, Jaden?” Syrus inquired. “Don’t tell me that… you sold your body to her?”

“You’re disgusting! I just helped her out with a broken-down truck that actually wasn’t broken down, they just hadn’t driven it before for some reason…. Well, it was complicated.”

“Oh, before I forget, I have something for you!” the lady said. On closer inspection, her nametag read ‘Ms. Dorothy’. “Just call it a ‘thank you’ for earlier.” And she presented Jaden with a mysterious card.

“WHAAAAAAAAT?!” Jaden fell over and went into shock at the mere sight of it.

“What’s eatin’ him?” Countergirl Williams asked.

“Oh,” Syrus answered, “it’s just that for him, that’s the WORST CARD EVER…”

 

But enough about that, because now we’re inside the 2nd floor corridors, where Chazz and his posse were walking on a dangerous hallway suspended FORTY FEET IN THE AIR!! “And then, some guy said he’d bought up all the cards already, I reckon!” Billy Hills explained.

“Yeah, we couldn’t get you any, Chazz, huh, sorry.”

“Damnit, you buffoons, what do you think I pay you for?” Chazz ordered.

“We don’t get paid, huh, Chazz.”

“So what? I grace you with my presence! Anyways, at least I know that nobody could get any of those presumably awesome cards and beat me, so my victory today is assured. ”

“Unless that student happens to be Jaden Yucky,” something cackled.

“Who—mummy?!” Chazz whirled around and saw some guyCROWLERin a black cape and hat.

“Hey, it’s that Crowler lady, I reckon!” Billy Hills gasped! “I reckon they took all the cards earlier!”

“What cards, you mean THESE cards?” Like a flasher, Crowler opened up its cape and revealed that several cards were attached to the fabric! Never-before-seen cards (in this dimension), such as OJAMA KING, and HAMMER SHOT!! Even if I did mention Hammer Shot in the first episode, but nothing’s cannon here.

“Woah, now I sense foreshadowing in that Ojama King card, huh, Chazz, huh?”

“I’ve never reckoned so much in my life!”

“So, my boy, would you like to accept these cards from… your MOTHER?” Crowler whipped its cape away, revealing its true face and sending many cards into the air, fluttering down onto the first floor! “Wait—oh, crap!”

“Cool, Duel Monsters cards!” some nasally-voiced kid screamed, picking up the cards!

“Wait, unhand those cards!” Crowler ordered! “Darn, looks like the Ojama King deck’s a bust.”

“Mum,” Chazz asked, “why’d you get all of those cards? Was it… love for your son?”

“No, an EVIL PLAN to make JADEN YUCKY get an F!” Crowler cackled!

“What an ingenious plan, I reckon!” Billy Hills cheered!

“And,” Crowler continued, “I want YOU to be the one to use this new deck to beat him!” It pointed to Chazz!

“But we’re not in the same dorm! They won’t let me be his test opponent,” Chazz inferred.

“Oh, I’m not talking about YOU,” Crowler corrected, “I’m pointing to DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON!!”

“GASP!!” the trio gasped!

“HUH, CHAZZ, HUUUUUH?!?!”

 

Take this time to listen to some random song, as it will help it feel like a passage of time for you all, and that is the intended, dramatic effect.

 

And thus, the “commercial break” was over. “YOU MEAN I’M GOING TO DUEL JADEN, HUH?!” Deep-Voice Dobbson gasped!

“Yes, and all you have to do is show up and put Jaden Yucky in his place in front of the entire academy! Wahahaha! Pulling strings is fun.”

“Wait, why not me, your own “flesh” and “blood”, even though we all know that you never birthed me! What’s HE got that I DON’T?” Chazz whined.

“Well, the Ojama deck was made just for you, but since I dropped it, now I have to give the back-up deck to the kid with the deep voice,” Crowler explained.

“GRRR!!” Chazz stormed off suddenly. “I WON’T FORGET THIIIIIIS!!”

 

Suddenly, Jaden screamed somewhere! “AAAAAAUGH!! I’m dueling an OBELISK!! And it’s DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON?!?! What grudge does HE have against ME?!”

“Oh,” Crowler sighed, walking onto the field as the duelists got ready for their exams, “Yes, well you always TALK such a big game, so I pulled some strings to help you SHOW how good you really are. Pulling strings is fun. So buck up, soldier, you get to face one of the strongest players at the school today and prove to us all how spectacular you really are!”

Many, many, many students who’d get to duel in just a half-hour looked on at this great injustice. I’ve got a BAAD feeling about this, Syrus told himself, and when I get a bad feeling, I get indigestion. Uh-oh…

I sure wish that I had that last Gagagigo card for my deck today, Bastion told himself, Then I’d get to show it off to the school, complete with my three Ring of Destruction cards.

Oh, I got one of those cards today, Syrus thought. Wanna trade?

Sure, I’ll give you a Power Bond for it.

 

Jaden and Deep-Voice Dobbson both nervously made their way to the center of the Duel Dome, ready to duel for superiority. There were several other duels going on around them, but they didn’t matter as much, so they didn’t get the cool platform like these cool dudes. “Alright, Dobbson, get your game on!” Jaden cheered.

“BOO,” someone said.

“Let’s finish what we started… oh, wait, I never dueled you before.”

“Indeed,” Crowler said, “You can try to prove yourself against Deep-Voice’s perfect deck in front of the whole school.”

“Uh, um… yeah, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson sheepishly agreed. He was shy, being in front of all those spectators.

“You didn’t say Chazz at the end!” Jaden realized!

“Well, I, huh, only say that when I’m around Chazz…”

“Okay.”

 

Both players placed their decks into their duel disks and Crowler ran off.

“DUEL!!” they shouted!

“I’m not lettin’ up on some sorta deep-voiced guy!” Jaden growled. (Jaden: 4000 Life Points)

“Bring it, huh!” (Deep-Voice Dobbson: 4000 Life Points)

“Look at’m go, Chazz, I reckon!” Billy Hills cheered from the sidelines with Chazz. “He’s gonna whup this Slifer slacker’s butt, I reckon!”

“Shut up, ingrate,” Chazz demanded. “It should be ME up there. I was the one who almost beat him before, why’d she choose Deep-Voice Dobbson?”

“I reckon ‘yer just jealous.”

 

“I’m kickin’ this game off!” Jaden drew his card with INTENSE GRAPHICS behind him!

“OOH,” the card said. It was Winged Kuriboh.

“Looks like this time you’re gonna be slightly more useful, but only if that guy’s stupid enough to fall for it!” Jaden scanned his cards and summoned Elemental Hero Clayman! “Hey Deep-Voice? You remember him from the last duel?” (Clayman: 2000 Defense Points)

HE SUMMONED A MONSTER! Syrus exclaimed.

HE SUMMONED A MONSTER! Bastion exclaimed.

HE SUMMONED A MONSTER! Alexis exclaimed.

HE SUMMONED A MONSTER! Crowler exclaimed.

“YOU JUST-JUST-JUST SUMMONED A MONSTERRRR, HUH!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson exclaimed.

 

He quickly regained his composure. “Well, huh, that guy’s not gonna stand up for long against ME!” Deep-Voice growled. “Draw!” Deep-Voice drew his new card. Thanks for the new card, Chazz’s creepy mom! “I summon the mighty Bass Beast!” A large lion with a deep singing voice stood on two feet and growled at Jaden.

“Grrrrrr!” it sang in its deep voice! (Bass Beast: 1600 Attack Points)

“Holy moley!” Jaden gasped! “It has such a deep voice!”

“No wonder mum said I’d never be able to use such a deck…” Chazz muttered in awe.

“And that’s not all!” Deep-Voice Dobbson continued! “Check out the magic of Opera Hall!” A spell card appeared, showcasing a fat opera singer performing with an opera robot. “Once per turn, I can special summon one ‘Bass’ monster from my hand! And I’ve got the best one: Bass Caterpillar!” A huge green cartoony caterpillar appeared with a microphone!

“LAAAAAAA…” he sang in his equally deep voice. (Bass Caterpillar: 1400 Attack Points)

“Now, let your singing powers combine, huh! I remove both of them to Special Summon Bass Aircraft, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson removed both creatures with wonderful voices from the field. However, the hologram of the caterpillar started to fire out flames, launching it into the air! It swirled and Bass Beast leaped into him! They combined into a ball of light, which exploded into an army airplane!

“LAAAA~” it sang.

“Its voice is so awesome!!” Jaden gasped! (Bass Aircraft: 2000 Attack Points)

 

“I’m not done yet, huh, Jaden, huh, since I can now use my awesome plane’s singing ability!”

“That’s no good!” Jaden channeled his inner Sonic the Hedgehog, even adding the arm movements. For reference, look at the Sonic Sez video that I’m referring to.

“That was a stupid joke!” Syrus complained. “Don’t do those!”

“By sending one of my cards to the Graveyard, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson explained, “my Bass Aircraft turns one of your monsters into Attack Mode!”

“Laaaaaaa, lalalalalalalalaaaaaaa~” the plane sang, with the voice of a deep-voiced male angel. Clayman stood up and placed his hand to his ear to hear.

“No, Clayman! Don’t listen, opera music’s boring!” Jaden urged!

“Now, huh, Bass Aircraft, huh, use your Deep-Seeking Missile attack!” The airplane shot out several missiles at Clayman, blowing him up.

“Noooooooz!” Jaden gasped, blocking his face from the smoke. (Jaden: 2800 Life Points)

“AAAAAAAAWW!!” the crowd collectively gasped!

“Well,” Crowler said from within an office overlooking the duel with Chancellor Shepherd, “looks like Jaden can’t play with the big boys AFTER all, right?”

“I dunno,” Chancellor Shepherd answered.

 

“And now, I’ll end my turn, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson yelled.

“Alright, I’m just gettin’ warmed up! Speaking of ‘warm’, here’s a guy who can really bring on ‘da heat, yo! Elemental Hero Sparkman!!” Jaden summoned the Sparkman we all know and love. “In Defense Mode,” he added. Spark Man appeared with a huge spark! And settled into a defensive position.

“Bleh!” he growled after posing about a bajillion times. (Sparkman: 1400 Defense Points)

“W-wait, huh! That doesn’t make sense, huh: an electrical guy does NOT use fire, so he has nothing to do with heat!!”

“… Yeah, just keep tellin’ yourself that.”

HE IGNORED IT, HUH!!

“Woah, he summoned another monster!!” the entire school gaped. Not gasped, just gaped.

“I’ll also set a card face-down.”

 

“I’m so amazed that he was able to summon another monster,” Bastion noted.

“I know, I’m mesmerized!” Syrus agreed.

This is so stupid, Alexis thought. If we all know that he’s going to win after a big struggle, why is it such an amazing thing if he summons another monster? They’re all idiots, IDIOTS!!

“Ready for more, huh, Jaden, huh?” Deep-Voice asked. “I summon Bass Mouth in attack mode, huh!” A giant pair of singing lips appeared. (Bass Mouth: 1500 Attack Points) “Then, due to my Opera Hall card I can Special Summon the Bass Robot, huh!” The robot from the card image appeared as well!

“La-la-la-laaaaaa!” the two monsters sang in their respective deep voices. (Bass Robot: 1500 Attack Points)

“No way! Their singing voices have melted my heart!” Syrus screamed!

“There’s even a mouth? That’s funny!” Jaden realized, sweating.

“Now I play my face-down card, Call of the Haunted, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson yelled, triggering his Trap! A spooky graveyard scene appeared on the card! “I can summon the Bass Potato I discarded before for Bass Aircraft’s ability to the field, huh!” A large potato with human lips appeared!

“LAAAAAA.” (Bass Potato: 1800 Attack Points)

“Holy crap!” Syrus gasped!

“IT CAN’T BE!! A POTATO?!” Bastion roared in surprise!

“I can’t believe it!” Chazz said. “He actually summoned a potato to the field! With human lips, no less!!”

“It’s amazin’, huh, I reckon!” Billy Hills cheered!

 

“Now, I’ll fuse my three monsters, huh! I remove them all from the field, huh!” His robot picked up the potato and put it into the mouth. The Bass Mouth released a massive electrical charge, lighting up the entire Duel Dome! Then the Bass Robot threw it into the air and it blasted a massive energy burst at it! They combined in the huge energy storm to become a bust of an opera singer!

“LALALA LAAAAAA!!” it sang in the most perfect opera voice you’ve ever heard!

“It’s Bass Statue, huh!!” (Bass Statue: 2800 Attack Points)

“No freakin’ way, man, no freakin’ way!!” Syrus screeched! “Jaden only has 2800 Life Points left!! If Dobbson doesn’t do something stupid right now, he’s won already!! Game over, man, game over!”

“WILL YOU GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF?!” Bastion ordered, smacking Syrus upside the head!

“Ow.”

“I’m over here!” Nancy Wut said, poking her head out from behind Bastion.

“WAH?!” Bastion gasped.

 

“Chazz, I reckon that I got a look at Deep-Voice Dobbson’s voice earlier!” Billy Hills explained. “I saw that by discardin’ a card, Bass Bust could destroy a card, so I reckon that if he doesn’t do anything stupid, he can attack Jaden’s Life Points directly n’ win!”

“You’re right!” Chazz yelled! “If he destroys the Trap card, he wins! C’mon, Dobbson! Don’t be an idiot!”

“And now… I remove both of my monsters from play in order to special summon Bass Singer, huh.” Deep-Voice Dobbson announced.

 

WHAT AN IDIOT, every last person in the immediate area, including the U.S. Navy leaving Japan’s waters thought, ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

 

The two monsters exploded and were replaced by a short, fat man in a nice suit. “LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!” he sang, in the lowest tone humanly possible… or even alienly. (Bass Singer: 3000 Attack Points)

“That idiot!” Syrus exclaimed!

“Ugh, he’s so stupid,” Alexis exclaimed!

“To ‘da max, yo!”Jaden exclaimed!

“My Bass Singer’s special ability, huh, removes one of your monsters from play every turn, so say good-bye to Sparkman!” Deep-Voice Dobbson exclaimed!

“Whoops!” Sparkman exclaimed, as he imploded upon himself.

“How does THAT make any sense?” Jaden asked.

“I don’t care, huh! Attack, huh, and win, since that Trap card will most definitely NOT make me lose!”

“No way, since it’s A Hero Emerges!” Jaden’s Trap card flipped up, featuring a cool zombie super hero performing an awesome slicing move!

“WHAT AN IDIOT!!” Crowler gasped!

“WHY MUST I BE WRONG, HUH?!”

“Now you have to choose a card in my hand randomly when you attack! If it’s a monster, then it emerges onto the field! Get it? Emerges?”

“BOO,” someone said.

“Take your pick, Dobbson!” Jaden held out his four card hand.

“Huh, the one on the far right!” Deep-Voice Dobbson guessed.

“Sweet, Elemental Hero Dom—Burstinatrix in Defense Mode!” Jaden leaped for joy! Burstinatrix appeared, and she looked none too happy at Jaden.

Jerk, she thought, hurt by his horrid joke. (Burstinatrix: 1200 Attack Points, 800 Defense Points)

“Huh, a monster, but my Bass Singer can change the position of a monster he attacks! Now, Concerto, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson declared!

“LAAAAAAAAAAA!!” The opera singer’s voice was so low that it made Burstinatrix blow up!

“Hoo-yah!!” she screamed, for some odd reason. Blame the show, I’m just quoting it. (Jaden: 1000 Life Points)

“Jaden!!” Syrus cried!

“Hahahaha!!” Crowler laughed evilly! “Now you’ll get an F and there’s NOTHING you can do about it!!”

“Crowler, shut up and sit down, sir,” Chancellor Sheppard asked.

“Don’t call me sir! I’m a woman!!” Crowler objected!

“… That explains so many questions but yet asks too many new ones.”

 

“So, huh, Jaden, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson said with extra emphasis on the last ‘huh’, “What’cha gonna do now?”

“Oh, I’ve got a whole army of vicious monsters in my deck, Deep-Voice Dobbson,” Jaden furiously warned, “and I’m just WAITING to sic ‘em all on you! This isn’t over, yo, it’s just BARELY started!” Jaden drew his card which happened to be, apparently, some weird little girl being taken hostage by an evil, giant, floating woman’s head just as the girl had sprouted her first pair of wings.

 

“Now, don’t tell anybody about this,” Ms. Dorothy said, several minutes earlier, “But I managed to hide away some extra booster packs just in case if any POLITE kids need them, unlike the others with their rap music, and their Japanese comic books, and their pogo sticks… sorry, here you go!” Ms. Dorothy handed Jaden the WORST CARD EVER… inside of the worst BOOSTER PACK ever, aptly titled “Kuriboh’s Opera and Ojama Friends”. It had a collage of Bass Singer, Ojama King, and Winged Kuriboh. Jaden’s mouth fell open in surprise. He promptly fainted, then stood back up and screamed,

“THEY ACTUALLY MADE A PACK BASED AFTER THAT STUPID THING AND HIS FRIENDS?!”

 

“Alright, time to sacrifice some Winged Kuriboh!” Jaden yelled!

“OOH,” Winged Kuriboh cooed.

“SHUT UP!! I SUMMON WINGED KURIBOH IN DEFENSE MODE!!” Jaden’s signature failure of destiny appeared.

“OOH,” it said confidently, somehow.

“AAAAAAAWW,” the ENTIRE FEMALE PORTION OF THE AUDIENCE SIGHED.

“Wait,” somebody yelled from across the dome, “I got a Shiba Warrior Taro!” They summoned an awesome puppy with a knife and a bandana!

“IT’S SOOOOOO CUUUUUUUUTE!!” The entire female audience exploded because they were too stereotypical.

“Now, I’ll throw down a face-down and call it a turn,” Jaden said, throwing down a face-down as the pink girl-smoke cleared away.

“BOO,” someone said.

“That’s it?” Syrus whined. “That sucks! Now he’s just going to win somehow!”

WHY DIDN’T I EXPLODE TOO? Alexis asked herself, afraid of the answer.

 

“Okay, huh, Slifer, huh, I’m going to attack your Kuriboh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson roared!

“NO, YOU NINCOMPOOP!!” Chazz screamed! “DESTROY IT WITH YOUR FREAKIN’ SPECIAL ABILITY!!”

“You said ‘poop’, I reckon!” Billy Hills giggled. “Also, he’s an idjit, I reckon.”

“LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” the singer sang.

“Thanks a lot,” Jaden thanked as the awesome shockwaves assaulted his fuzz ball. “Now I discard two cards from my hand to activate ‘Some Lady Abducts an Angel Kid!!’” His Quick-Play Spell card flipped up, able to be played like a Trap card since it was Quick-Play type! I’ve just confused some of you!!

“WHERE’D HE GET THAT STUPIDLY MIS-NAMED CARD FROM?!” Crowler screamed, aghast!

“Please, sit down, Crowler!” Shephard ordered sternly. “I’m trying to watch the duel with the dog card!”

 

Winged Kuriboh suddenly grew wings (BIGGER wings) and a weird golden eel-like dragon tried to gobble him up. “GOBGOBGOB,” it gobbled, but alas, Kuriboh turned reddish and just got stuck in its mouth! “GOBBIE?!”

“OOH,” Winged Kuriboh ‘ooh’-ed. (Winged Kuriboh Lv 10: 300 Attack Points)

“Huh? OH NOOOOOOOO!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson cried out! The Singer’s song simply bounced off of Winged Kuriboh and was then absorbed!

“Oh yeah,” Jaden corrected, “My Kuriboh just evolved into level TEN!!”

“LEVEL TEN?!?!” the audience gasped!!

“HUH, THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!! THERE’S NO WAY THAT A CARD COULD MAKE WINGED KURIBOH MORE POWERFUL, HUH, JADEN, HUH?!?!”

“It’s JUST a card game,” Jaden corrected. “No, wait, there’s no such thing as JUST a card game! Anyways, when attacked, he tributes himself and blows up the whole field. Then you lose LP equal to the attack of your monsters!”

“NOOOO, HUH, BASS SINGER, HUH!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson cried!

“Go, Winged Kuriboh Level Ten! Use your… attack without a name, I guess!” Winged Kuriboh exploded, causing the dragon to shoot out a gigantic laser beam and destroy the evil opera man!

“La?!” He exploded.

 

Satisfied with his job, the dragon flew into the sky, saying, “REMEMBER: HE DIED SO THAT YOU COULD LIIIIVE!!” Then it disappeared. (Deep-Voice Dobbson: 1000 Life Points)

“Who knew that such a stupid monster could prove to be so powerful, huh?” Deep-Voice Dobbson grunted.

“I dunno. I feel sorry for it sucking so hard, yo.”

“Huh, well, I end my turn.”

“NO, YOU FOOL!!” Chazz roared, shaking the bleachers as the girls all began slowly regenerating. “SUMMON A MONSTERRRRRRR!!”

“I reckon Dobbson’s an idjit. Also, I reckon that almost none of us have Japanese names, yet we’re from Tokyo.”

“That’s odd, Billy. I guess we’d better change that. You’re an American now.”

“SWEET, I RECKON!!”

 

“Attack!!” Jaden ordered, since his turn began after Chazz began yelling.

“You can count on me!!” Avian announced, flying to deliver a punch to Deep-Voice Dobbson!

“I discard my Bass Buster card from my hand in order to decrease your monster’s Attack Points by 1, HUH!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson yelled! He discarded a card showing the Bass Caterpillar smashing a French horn on some guy’s head.

“Whoops.” (Avian: 999 Attack Points) Avian barely missed Deep-Voice Dobbson with his weak punch. (Deep-Voice Dobbson: 1 Life Point)

“Now I summon, huh, Bass Hat, huh, and he attacks for game.” Deep-Voice Dobbson summoned a giant, red, baseball cap and it sang as it ate Avian. (Bass Hat: 2000 Attack Points)

“Nom nom NOM!!”

“Argh, I’ve failed again!!” Avian whimpered!

“NOOOOOOOOES!!” (Jaden: 0 Life Points. GAME OVER) Jaden failed. “IF ONLY I’D HAVE SET MY DRAINING SHIELD CARD!!”

 

“AAAAAAAAWW!!” The fans were outraged with disappointment! Because they’d exploded too early to see Winged Kuriboh Level Ten. Otherwise, they felt good for Deep-Voice Dobbson.

“That was… so stupid…” Syrus whispered before fainting due to stupidity-related fatigue.

“DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON!! DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON!!” the audience cheered!!

“Hey, but he’s a blue, so it was kinda obvious that he’d win!”

“Oh, yeah.” The audience began filing out of the Duel Dome, even though the other games weren’t over yet.

“Now I feel slightly fulfilled,” Crowler said, leaving its seat.

“But seriously,” Chancellor Sheppard asked on, “are you SURE you never had a sex transplant? I could’ve sworn…”

 

“Well,” Jaden sighed, “that’s game.”

“BOO,” someone said.

“Just who keeps doing that?” Jaden turned to his left and noticed a weird duck standing around.

“BOO, BOO!” it said. Then it flew away.

“Oh. Anyways Dobbson, just tell me whenever you wanna duel again.”

“Okay, huh, Jaden, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson agreed, shaking Jaden’s hand. Two new rivals have just been truly born… but then he handed Jaden an ‘F’ on a white sheet of paper.

“Aw dammit.”

“I-I can’t believe it…” Chazz stammered. “Dobbson actually won? BECAUSE YUKI’S AN IDIOT?!?!”

“I reckon so. I also reckon that we congratulate’m!” Billy Hills decided.

“Okay.” Chazz and Billy Hills left the bleachers, stepping on Syrus’s hair.

“HEY, DON’T STEP ON ME!!” the hair yelled.

 

“Well, that was depressing,” Alexis told herself, leaving.

 

 

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Here we go again.

 

[spoiler=Episode Five: The Shadow Duelist - Part One]

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode Five: The Shadow Duelist – Part One

 

It was not the normal morning you’d wake up to on Duel Academy Island; it was night. There was a full moon in the sky. For some reason, Alexis had wandered into a forest, and nearby was a large, decrepit building that SHOULD have been torn down, but I GUESS they just LOVE SAFETY HAZARDS. Like the VOLCANO. Alexis kneeled and placed a rose down gently next to the gate to this heap of moldy wood. Then Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut set their own roses next to the first. Be at peace, brother, they all thought in unison, wherever you are.

 

Meanwhile, Jaden, Syrus and Koala Ko Ala were seated around a table in the dark with a candle and trading cards! “Uh, okay, so here’s my story,” Syrus said. “Uh, so there was a cave at night, and I walked in. And so when I’m in, then I see some, uh, cards, and I bend down to pick them up from the water. Then an, uh, arm grabs me, and I drown!” Suddenly Koala Ko Ala smacks him in the back of the head.

“That was just stupid! Even worse than MY ghost story, and we ALL KNOW how un-scary were-koalas are!”

“Calm down, Koala Ko Ala,” Jaden sighed, “Let me tell MY ghost Duel Monsters story!”

“Dah, okay.”

“Okay, so LOOOOOONG AGO, when I was eight years younger, I would hear CREEPY sounds from my toy chest where I kept my cards in, yo,” he told. “Then I was really scared and wanted to check it out, y’know what I’m sayin’? So I opened it up… and there was an evil Yubel card in it, and from then on, it kept ruining the lives of me and my friends until I got rid of it! THE END!”

“That was even DUMBER!!” Koala Ko Ala roared!

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

“MEOW.”

“WAAAH!!” The kids turned around and saw the headmaster standing over them with Garfield the cat! “AARGH, HOW’D YOU GET IN HERE?!”

“Well, if I gave an explanation, you’d think very low of me, so I’ll just keep quiet,” Professor Banner said.

“Hey, wanna tell a SPOOKY story?” Jaden suggested.

“Uh, okay. Once there was a dorm at the edge of the island’s forest. Then it was shut down because a lot of students kept MYSTERIOUSLY DISSAPEARING!! Muhuhahahaha!” Banner laughed!

“Wh-where’d they all go, then?” Syrus innocently asked.

“They left the island because they didn’t like the idea of being stuck on an island until you graduate. Y’see?”

“Oooooooh.”

“MEOW,” Garfield meowed in his creepy voice.

“Oop, that means he needs to take a poop.” Banner rose out of his chair and left. “See you.”

“Bye.”

 

“Hey Jaden,” Syrus remembered, “I remember seeing a creepy building at the end of the forest before.”

“Then let’s go tomorrow!” Jaden exclaimed!

“But WHYYYYYYYYY?! If we go, then we’ll fall through the old, rotten floorboards, then we’ll be trapped under hundreds of pounds of wood and insects and dirt. Then we’ll slowly starve to death, as nobody could hear us scream!”

“But if it’s that rotten, we can pick it up!”

“That doesn’t make sense! Did you even listen to the whole thing?”

“Anyways,” Koala Ko Ala yawned, “Count me out. I’m too fat and lazy to go do stuff.”

“But—“

“FAT AND LAZY!” he stressed.

Meanwhile again, right outside of the window, Crowler stood and listened. “Heheheheheh,” Crowler schemed, “this is just the thing I’ve been waiting for! I’ll hire some evil guy to lay in wait for those kids and duel them into submission! Hahahaha!”

“Hey, is that Crowler?” Jaden asked. “I’ll be right back, I’ve gotta go say hi to Crowler!”

“Whoops.” Crowler leaped off of the cliff in order to escape.

 

MEANWHILE AGAIN!!

As all this was unfolding, in the town of Citysville some dude just won a card game. He wore a fat black suit and a Darkwing Duck-style fedora hat. And a domino mask. Since they hide your face so well. “Oh noooooo!” screamed his victim, a bald guy with shades. “I lost!! How dare you beat a blind man!”

“Too bad, I’m just that strong,” the man laughed.

“No, you stink if you can only beat blind people you forced to play card games!”

“Shut up! I’m invincible whenever I play against blind people! Now gimmee your soul!” He held out a blue Millennium Puzzle (upside-down pyramid with an Eye of Wdjat on a string for those who have forgotten) made of glass and it glowed furiously! Several people living in the buildings nearby yelled at him to turn it off.

“Oh no, apparently due to what those people are saying, you’re holding up something that glows!” the blind man gasped. Suddenly the puzzle shot a bullet out of its eye.

“Yeah, I got another soul!” the evil man smiled.

“Nuh-uh, you only hit my calf! Ugh, the pain!”

“Rest in peace,” the jerk continued, “IN THE SHADOW REALM.”

“Are you making fun of my blindneeeeeess?!” The blind man fainted.

“That was fun,” the evil guy said, as his cell phone began ringing.

“DOO DOO DOOBIE D-DOO DOO D-DOODOO,” it sang in a synthesizer-type tone.

“Evil Man Duels and Shoots Blind People Inc., how may I help you beat and shoot blind people?”

Um, yes, I have a SPECIAL assignment for you,” Crowler said over the phone.

“Hmm, what KIND of special assignment?”

“Ow, the pain!”

“Shut up, blind man I just beat!”

I want you to duel a KID, tomorrow night on Duel Academy Island.

“Hmm. Sounds risky,” the man thought aloud, rubbing his chin. “Oh well, how much harder can a kid be than a blind guy? I’ll take it. Have a nice day.” He cut off the cell phone. “Oh, wait, where was I supposed to go again?”

“Duel Academy Island,” the blind guy reminded.

“Hey, thanks.”

 

THE! NEXT!! DAY!!!

Crowler was sneaking a peek at Jaden and Syrus in their class, again, as usual. “Hmm,” it thought, “failing another class, is that right? Well, don’t you worry, you’ll have a make-up lesson soon enough -- if you know what I mean! That duelist I hired will beat you so badly that you’ll feel bad whenever you duel, and then soon enough, you’ll flunk out of school!! Ha ha!”

“There are several things wrong with your plan, teach,” Jaden said, apparently paying attention, “I’m not going to lose to some evil, evil idiot you’ve probably hired, and also, the LAST time you hired somebody to beat me, just a few days ago, I suffered NO adverse effects AT ALL! Chew on THAT, sucka!”

“NRGH! Beaten in a battle of wits, but I haven’t lost the war!” Crowler retreated, and the class cheered Jaden on for him common sense.

 

AND! THAT!! NIGHT!!!

Crowler was now, instead of spying on Jaden as usual, standing on the docks of Duel Academy Island, next to the depressingly small lighthouse. Suddenly, a MAN IN BLACK CLOTHING WALKED OVER!! Crowler turned and faced him and asked, “Titan, I presume?”

“Yes,” the man in the black clothing who enjoys defeating blind people whilst wearing a domino mask answered, “I’m Titan. Cocoa Titan, at your service.”

“Cocoa?” Crowler gasped, “I thought your FIRST name was Titan.”

“THAT’S WHAT THEY ALL SAY.”

“Anyhoo,” Crowler continued, “I want you do defeat a small child SO INTENSELY that he LOSES his WILL to LIVE as a DUELIST!”

“Is he… blind?” Cocoa inferred.

“No, he has perfect vision, according to my findings. And I’m not going to tell you where I got THOSE from…” Crowler’s eyes shifted nervously from side to side. “But are you up to the challenge?”

“Yes, but it’s going to cost you extra.”

“We’ve already discussed the price.” Crowler handed Cocoa two Hanewata cards and a D.3.S. Frog.

“E-HE-HEEEEXELENT.” Titan left quickly, across the docks.

“Wait, do you know who he is?!” Crowler yelled.

“Don’t worry, my DUEL senses never fail me! WAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Hm, what a weirdo,” Crowler mumbled.

 

“Boy, I just LOOVES me some dark forests at night!” Jaden cheered, leading his friends along a beaten path in the woods, holding up an old-fashioned barn lantern.

“Jaden,” Syrus whined, “I don’t wanna go find the house that will break under our weight and make us starve to death! Plus, what if a serial murderer rapist appears, grabs us from behind, slits our throats and does who-knows-what to our corpses?!” Syrus turned around and scared away a serial murderer rapist that was holding a knife behind them. “THAT was close… but what about the next time?!”

“Well, can’t you just turn around again, Syrus?” Koala Ko Ala suggested.

“Yeah, but, uh, I…” And suddenly, they were at the abandoned dorm of legend!! “Oi! How’d we get here so fast?!”

“Hold that thought, yo, ‘cause I found a flower!” Jaden bent down and examined three roses lying on the ground. “Wait, THREE flowers! Jackpot!”

“What does this mean for US?” Syrus asked.

“…Let’s go inside!” Jaden suggested.

“You’re ignoring me. Why are you ignoring me?”

“Hey, what’s that light?” a feminine voice called out through the darkness. Jaden held his light up to her face and it was… Nancy Wut! And Angry McArgue! And Alexis Rhodes!

“It’s you!” Jaden exclaimed! “What are YOU doing here?”

“That’s funny, I was about to ask the same thing!” Angry McArgue growled.

“Hey, don’t steal my lines,” Alexis ordered.

“We just wanted to investigate it, like Paranormal Investigation, or whatever the show’s called where they never find anything,” Koala Ko Ala suggested.

“HUH?!?!” Nancy Wut gasped!

“That’s dumb, you KNOW how people have a tendency to decide to drop out of school here for no good reason after coming here!” Alexis roared! “Only people with high duel energy can make it out safely!”

“What are you talking about?!” Syrus cried!

 

Jaden waved the question away. “Naah, that can’t happen, Lexie. And Nan. And Angy.”

“Did he just give us all stupid nicknames?” Angry McArgue asked, quite angrily.

“My reason,” Jaden continued, “Is that if your duel energy is 7,084, mine is 9,013.”

“Why is it so high?!” Syrus asked, loudly this time.

“Don’t even ask, he’s in another world,” Koala Ko Ala said.

“No, it’s at 4K right now, not even enough to walk through the door!” Alexis argued!

“Woah, yo, don’t get mad, get glad!” Jaden urged.

“BOO,” someone said.

“Ahh, not that again!” Syrus gasped!

“We won’t get in your way, but at least tell us why YOU’RE here.”

Alexis suddenly turned melancholy. “Well, you see, one of the kids who left here was my brother,” she sighed.

“HOW SUPRISING!” the boys gasped!!

“And…” Angry McArgue added, “He was also my father.”

“OH MY GOSH!!”

“And, also,” Nancy Wut added, “He was my son.”

“HOLY CRAP!!”

“Now, wait a minute,” Syrus groaned, “you’ve got to be kidding. This makes no sense. Stop joking. I can believe Alexis, but—“

“Actually, they’re telling the truth too,” Alexis revealed.

“B-but—“

“Don’t ask.”

Today I’ve uncovered a secret which should have never been revealed, Jaden shuddered. Suddenly and inexplicably, Alexis and her entourage disappeared.

“Did she just disappear?” Syrus whispered in terror!

“Well, why’re you just standin’ there?” Jaden asked. “It’s like you’re just WAITIN’ to disappear! US, on the other hand,” He pointed to Koala Ko Ala. “Are going in.”

“But I don’t wanna—”

“Are GOING IN.”

“Okay.”

“I didn’t get a word you said!” Syrus whimpered. Reluctantly, he followed his friends… into the darkness…

 

Meanwhile, standing by some trees whilst leaving, Alexis and her female buds stopped and checked on the unsuspecting little boys. “I sure hope that they make it out okay,” Alexis sighed softly.

I sure hope that we don’t get kidnapped by a large idiot,” Nancy Wut sighed softly.

“IDIOT!” Angry McArgue slapped her in the face! “Don’t you KNOW what happens when you say stuff like that?!”

“I’m sorry! I couldn’t help it!” Nancy cried!

“THERE YOU ARE,” Cocoa growled menacingly, appearing out of thin air.

“Oh crap…” Alexis shuddered.

“DAMN YOU NANCYYYYYYYYYYYY…” was all Angry McArgue could yell.

“Wh-what was that?!” Syrus shuddered.

“Aw, you’re just trying to scare us with your girly screams of vengeance, Sy!” Jaden chuckled.

“Why do I even bother…”

 

TO BE CONTINUED… RIGHT NOW!

 

The group was inside of the building, which was designed with some shelves, cupboards and ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs for some reason.

“What’s up with this place?” Koala Ko Ala asked. “It’s like Victorian-era Egypt… in England… and stuff.”

“Who cares? It’s sure spooky!” Jaden poked at a suit of knight armor.

“What’s with the armor?”

“Dunno. It was just here. Oh look, yo, a photo-yo!” Jaden shined his flashlight on a picture of a guy who looks like a more masculine Alexis. And somehow, a more masculine Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut, as well…

 

Meanwhile AGAIN, down below the rotting floorboards, Alexis and her friends woke up inside of a creepy-looking coffin. “What’s going on?” Angry McArgue yelled, tugging at the ropes holding her hands together.

“Heheheh,” Cocoa laughed, “It seems that you’ve fallen into my trap…”

“SHUT UP, YOU STUPID, STUPID, PERSON!!” She roared loudly enough for the trio up above to hear her!

“That sounds like a heated argument!” Syrus inferred!

“We’ve just GOTTA see this!” Jaden lead the group toward the nearest staircase and they dashed down to see what they were missing. The stairs ended by a whole bunch of old furnishings covered up in white cloth. “Where are you, Alexis? And Angry? And Nancy?”

“Hey, look!” Koala Ko Ala picked a card off of the floor. It was Cyber Blader! “Does this card have any relevance? I’ve sure never seen it before.”

“We have,” Syrus assured. Jaden swiped it out of the chum’s hand and took it for himself.

“I’ll lead the way so that I can return this card to Alexis or not!” he said, triumphantly! Finally, we can be together… FOREVER. “This way!” Jaden ran through a large mine-like path without thinking about what could possibly go wrong.

“Jaden, what if that serial-rapist-murderer appears again?!”

“Well he’ll just kill all of the serial rapists around here, Sy! Especially if you phrase it like that!”

 

Two minutes later, they arrived in a really big but normal-looking cave with cool lines drawn across the ground, making it not normal anymore. “What’s wrong with you, man?!” Angry McArgue ordered of Cocoa.

“I just told you what! I’m sorry!”

“Oh, hey, Jaden?” Alexis noticed Jaden and co. “Please just duel this guy and let’s get out of here. He’s a complete and utter failure.”

“What?” Jaden asked.

“He thought that WE were ALL you, Jaden!” Angry McArgue explained loudly!

“Ugh, and what a mistake THAT was!” Cocoa put his face in his palms. “Gosh, maybe dueling and shooting all of those blind buys was stupid. Maybe I’ve caught their blindness!”

“I have an anti-blindness potion!” Nancy Wut offered.

“R-really? Can I have it?”

“Sure, but you have to beat the REAL Jaden first!”

“Okay, I’m game.”

And so the plan is set in motion, Nancy Wut schemed.

 

“WAAAAAAAAIIIIIIT!!” Jaden called! “First off, let me ask you; Is this REALLY how your brother, father and son looked like, or has he really just let himself go? I mean, he LOOKS like an Atticus, but I’m not quite convinced.”

“He’s evil. How did you get the idea that he was Atticus?”

“I just guessed, judging y how the episode was flowin’.”

“Heh,” Cocoa smirked. “I’ll play against you, but if you lose… I’ll make you lose your soul via gunshot wound to the calf!” He held out his MYSTICAL Millennium Puzzle.

“Wait… are YOU the guy Ms. Crowler hired to beat me? That’s cool!”

“Wait a minute, guys,” Koala Ko Ala said, “Why don’t you just shoot him now so that—“ Syrus grabbed his mouth. “Mmfph?!”

“Don’t say anything!” Syrus whispered. “Idiots are prone to doing whatever you tell them to! Trust me, I know how it works!”

“Hey Jaden,” Syrus said, “Could you get me some milk?”

“Sure, Sy!” Jaden said. He walked over to the refrigerator. “Game on, get’cher game on,” he quietly sang. Jaden took the milk carton out of the refrigerator and Syrus could barely contain his laughter. Suddenly, it exploded, setting Jaden on fire! “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!”

“HAHAHA!! YOU FELL FOR IT!!”

“What a cruel trick! Even I would’ve fallen for something so innocent!”

“Quiet, Chumley, I’m tryin’ to duel here!” Jaden ordered!

“THAT’S NOT MY NAME!!”

 

Jaden pulled out a container of ‘Dehydrated Duel Disk Pellets’ from his back pocket, spat on it, and took out a fully-fledged Duel Disk! “Technology these days SURE is convenient!” He put it on and set his deck inside. “Now get your game on, boyo!”

“BOO,” someone said.

“That’s twice in one night!” Syrus gasped! “Or… was it once yesterday and once tonight…?”

“HI-YA HOO!!” Cocoa strapped a glove onto his arm, which grew into a duel disk! It came out from a slot in the glove, I mean.

“Hurry, guys,” Nancy Wut wailed! “I have to go to the bathroom!”

“You always say that when you get captured!” Angry McArgue said.

“But it makes them work faster,” she replied with a wink.

“I’m just gonna forget you said that, yo.” (Jaden: 4000 Life Points Cocoa Titan: 4000 Life Points) “Ha, the Life counter says you’re ‘Cocoa Titan’!”

“Ugh, this is one reason why I only duel blind people,” Cocoa recoiled.

“Is your first name Cocoa, or are you some giant with power over chocolate? The possibilities are boggling my mind!!” Jaden roared…with laughter!

“You’ll pay for that. I summon Infernal Queen Archfiend!” Cocoa summoned!

 

A purple stick figure appeared on the field. (Stick Figure Purple: 900 Attack Points)

“That’s not an Archfiend,” Alexis noticed.

“… That’s another reason why I duel blind people.”

“Dang, I can’t let my guard down, that thing’s part of the Stick Figure series!” Jaden growled!

“So he knows the cards well,” Cocoa said in a dramatic fashion. “As long as my Purple is on the field, all Stick Figure cards gain 1000 Attack Points!”

“Crap, now they’re slightly more frightening!” Syrus yelled!

“Purplepurplepurple…” Purple chanted. Suddenly it gained 1000 Attack Points. (Stick Figure Purple: 1900 Attack Points)

“At least as long as you control these monsters, you have to pay life points on every Standby Phase, just like the Archfiends!” Jaden smartly recited from memory! “GAME OVER! I gain Duel Energy equal to yours, putting me at a high and mighty 9,457!”

“You remembered about that crap?!” Alexis gasped.

“Actually, my boy, you’re wrong. DEAD WRONG! Hahahaha!” laughed Cocoa, as if he’d made a great joke. “I play my Field card!”

“No, it can’t beeeee!” Jaden cried, shielding his eyes!

 

They were now in a huge, demonic, red arena decorated with skeletal totems. “WHY IS IT STILL PANDEMONIUM?!?!” Syrus wondered!

“Hey, I was about to ask that!” Angry McArgue argued! “GIVE IT BACK!”

“SHUT UP!!” Alexis smashed her forehead with a head butt, knocking her out.

“Patched!” Nancy said, with a wink.

“Now, I don’t have to pay!” Cocoa laughed evilly! “Also, when a Stick Figure is destroyed out of battle, Pandemonium lets me put another one into my hand from my deck! Muhuhahahaha!!” Suddenly, the three coffins were closed by some evil bony tentacles!

“What the fu—“

“I JUST GOT PAAAAAATCHED!!” The coffins were all dragged underground… BY HOLOGRAMS.

“Noooooo, I don’t understand! How could this have happened?!” Jaden screamed!

“You didn’t protect them,” Cocoa mocked.

“No, literally, how do holograms do that in real life? They’re just… just pictures! I’ll never forgive you for disobeying the laws of nature,” Jaden roared with anger! “Never! Never! NEVEEEEER!!”

“That was a good point!” Syrus agreed!

 

“Here I go! Punishment, start!!” Jaden summoned… “Elemental Hero Avian!”

“NO, DON’T!!” urged his friends.

Avian appeared in all of his stupid glory. “I’ll try my best!” he promised. (Avian: 1000 Attack Points)

“I’ll throw down sum’ face-downs as well!” Jaden added.

“BOO,” someone said.

“JADEN, STOP MAKING IT DO THAT!”

“What the heck was that?!” Cocoa asked, as if he’d just been insulted. “You just summoned a super-weak monster! How dense can you be?! You act as if you have no eyesight!”

“Shut up, blindophobe!”

Cocoa wiped away a single tear. “You’ll pay for that comment very DEARLY INDEED. I summon Red Stick Figure!” A red stick figure appeared on the field, covered in sparks for some reason. (Red Stick Figure: 2000 Attack Points)

“And now, do your stuff, Purple!”

“Purplepurplepurple…” chanted Purple Stick Figure once again. Then the other figure gained power just like before! (Red Stick Figure: 3000 Attack Points)

“And now my second fiend is now a fiendish fiend to be reckoned with indeed,” Cocoa taunted.

“That joke was TERRIBLE!”

“Who gives a crap? Red Stick Figure, use Red Stick Figure Attack!!”

“Did ANYBODY put ANY effort into these stupid cards?!” Koala Ko Ala asked the world.

 

The red stick figure ran up to Avian and punched him. “Help me, Jaden!” Avian pleaded!

“Too bad, I use Mirror Gate!” Jaden activated! A mirror appeared in front of Red Stick Figure, intent on killing him and his friend!

“You DO care!!” Avian sniffled.

“Too bad, because when my Red Stick Figure is targeted by a card effect…” Cocoa chuckled, “… A RANDOM NUMBER APPEARS! And if it’s a two or five, it fails and you fail forever!” Out of the pool that nobody really noticed before in the center of the arena, a two appeared.

“Two,” said some young, disembodied voice.

“Hey that card cheats yo!”

“Too bad! Punch him again!” Red Stick Figure punched Avian as the Mirror Gate card exploded into smithereens!

“Noooooo!” Avian gasped! He exploded, too, in a dramatic fashion.

“I can’t believe that just happened, guys!” Jaden cried! “I mean, did you see it coming?”

“YES.”

“Oh.” (Jaden: 2000 Life Points) “Well now I can use my other card, Hero Signal!” His Hero Signal card appeared, shooting out a heroic ‘H’ into the sky!

“Oh no, an ‘H’! My least favorite letter…” Cocoa grunted.

“And it lets me summon an E-Hero from my deck with 1500 or less Attack Points! So come on out, Clayman!” Jaden invited!

“Hurgh!!” Clayman grunted, in similar fashion to Cocoa, and sat down in a defensive position. (Clayman: 2000 Defense Points)

“Yeah! Now that yucky purple monster can’t POSSIBLY beat HIM!” Syrus smiled contentedly. “Clayman can DEFINETLY protect his Life Points from THAT!”

“Maybe so,” Cocoa said, “but not from THIS!!” He held out his millennium puzzle! It glowed!

“AAAHH!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!” Cocoa looked at the field. Nothing had changed.

“Darn, now I seem like a big blowhard,” Cocoa whimpered. “Well, it was supposed to kill you, but I guess I’ll have to do it the old-fashioned way… in a battle of wits!”

 

“This looks serious,” Jaden muttered, “He just tried to kill me, and failed due to my magical name protection. But now I’m gonna get my game on!”

“BOO,” somebody said.

“DAMMIT JADEN, STOP SAYING IT!!” sobbed Syrus.

“I can’t help it; it’s in mah blood! My turn, yo! I play the Spell card Pot of Greed!” An ugly card featuring a horrendous pot was activated! “It lets me draw two cards!” He drew two cards. “Then I fuse my Elemental Heroes Clayman and Sparkman to summon Elemental Hero Thunder Giant!” He slapped Polymerization onto the field, and Sparkman flew onto the scene! Then he and his buddy were sucked into a massive tornado which spat them out as a GIANT, ROARING, GIANT MAN! Yeah, I said it TWICE! (Thunder Giant: 2400 Attack Points)

“Now, use your ability to kill that stupid red guy!” commanded Jaden!

“Five,” the voice from earlier said.

“Crap, I forgot!” Jaden cursed! “That was stupiiiiiid!” Thunder Giant shot lightning bolts at Red Stick Figure, and then they bounced back and made him explode.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST ATTACK THE PURPLE?!” Koala Ko Ala ordered! “THE PURPLEEEEEEEEE!!”

“I DON’T KNOW!”

“Well, Jaden,” Cocoa snickered, “Looks like you don’t stand a FIEND of a chance! MUHUHAHAHAHA—“

“You fail at comedy.”

“Oh.”

 

TO BE CONTINUED!!

 

 

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Holey cheese!! People said stuff!! Well, thanks for saying stuff. And don't worry, my English-bound friend, not everybody is a wanker, it's just that most people just hate to talk. For some reason. And to my favorite hero of destruction who has supported the series for a LOOONG time, I just felt it would be dumb to disappear for no real reason for several weeks and then start back up from the latest chapter. Oh, but I'll start the six-part 'arc' I began again, just wait until monday...

 

Meanwhile here's episode 6.

 

[spoiler=Episode Six: The Shadow Duelist - Part Two]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 6: The Shadow Duelist – Part Two

 

LAST TIME, ON YU-GI-OH THE FAN FIC, YO!!

“Alexis is in a coffin!” Syrus cried!

“I want her NOW!!” Jaden ordered!

“The only way you can get her back is if you beat me in a card game,” Cocoa said.

“HI-YAH!!”

“OOF!!” Jaden punched him in the face!

“I summon Terrorking Archfiend in Attack Mode!!” Cocoa summoned a fat kitten onto the field.

“It’s STILL not an Archfiend!”

Suddenly, Avian exploded.

“Thunder Giant, avenge me!!!” Thunder Giant shot out some lightning which bounced back and made him explode.

“HI-YAH!!”

“OOF!!” Jaden kicked Cocoa in the face!

“Then if I can’t beat you,” Jaden growled, “I guess I’ll just have to kill you!”

“BRING IT ON!!”

 

Now for today’s episode, yo!

Da-na, cummon n’ getcha game oooon!!

 

Jaden stood against the vile Cocoa Titan, looking like an idiot without any cards on the field. (Jaden: 2000 Life Points; Cocoa Titan: 4000 Life Points) “Hahahahaha,” Cocoa cackled, “You may have LAUGHED at my monsters when you first saw them! But now, they shall soon seal your fate and I can shoot you in the calf!”

“But I already knew that they were tough,” Jaden sighed.

“Hey! Jaden, you can’t let him do it!” Syrus warned! “If you do, then you’ll bleed so much that you’ll have to be sent off of the island since the hospitals here can’t do enough to save you, and your leg will get an infection while we wait for the choppers to arrive! Then you’ll have to lose your leg because it couldn’t be saved, and you’ll never have the heart to duel again! You’ll find that it was the only real career you could hold, so you spend the next thirty-four years working in a lousy 7/11 in Tokyo, and then you’ll die when defending the store from a thief armed with a large sausage! IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO SAVE YOUR FAAAAATE!!”

 

“Your words have given me couraaaaaage!!” Jaden slapped down another three cards! “I throw down two face-downs and activate Mirage of Nightmare!”

“BOO,” someone said.

“Jaden, PLEASE stop SAYING THOSE THINGS!!”

“I told you, Sy, it’s in my blood! Now go, Titan of Cocoa!” Jaden ordered. Two face-down Spell of Trap cards appeared next to some guy freaking out whist looking at two mummies. If he’s so scared of them, then why does he still look?!

“Your puny cards can’t save you from my STICK FIGURES!!” Cocoa roared!

“But my Mirage of Nightmare lets me draw until I have four cards in my hand.”

“Psshaw! It wouldn’t matter if you had forty-kajillion cards in your hand; you STILL couldn’t beat me!”

“Unless there were eight-kajillion Exodias to deal with, fool!!” Koala Ko Ala reinforced!

“Shut up, Chumley! Stick Figure Red, attack! Red Stick Figure Attack!!” The evil stick man ran with his fist covered in red energy, ready to pummel Jaden to a stupid red pulp! (Red Stick Figure: 3000 Attack Points)

“Nope, ‘cause I use Mirror Force!” Jaden’s Trap card flipped up, creating a cool mirror effect, reflecting the attack!

“Nooooeees!!” Cocoa’s stick figure bumped into the shield and broke. Then Purple Stick Figure got hit by his flying stickbody parts. “YOU ACTUALLY HAD A GOOD CARD?!”

“Hellz yeah, sucka!” Jaden gave him a thumbs-down!

“Well, my turn isn’t over yet, and I’ll discard one card,” Cocoa paused for dramatic effect. “YELLOW STICK FIGURE!! It lets me add my Red Stick Figure to my hand!” He discarded a card with a yellow stick figure in a dramatic pose and got his old friend back again. “Now I summon him again.” He was summoned again. (Red Stick Figure: 2000 Attack Points)

“He’s STILL stupid.”

“And now, I’ll use Pandemonium’s effect, muhuhuhahaha!! I can add a Stick Figure into my hand from my deck! And I’ll attack you with my RED STICK FIGURE!! Your face-down card can’t save you now!” Cocoa took a card from his deck whilst his red stick figure went on the offensive! Again!

“Can we ever stick up to this Stick Figure?!” Koala Ko Ala wondered in despair! Then he smirked.

“What kind of joke WAS that?!” Syrus whined!

 

“Well I think I just did!!” Jaden flipped up his last card: A card with a nice cracker and tuna can snack! “I use Emergency Provisions! I can discard any Spell of Trap cards on my field to gain 1000 Life Points for each one! Yeah!” His Mirage of Nightmare-or whatever card transformed into a tasty cracker! He tossed it into his mouth. “Omm!” (Jaden: 3000 Life Points) Then Red Stick Figure punched him in the chops! “Aargh, it be hot n’ stingy!!” (Jaden: 1000 Life Points) BUT HE STILL STOOD UP.

“Uuugh, how do you still stand?!” Cocoa asked, aghast!

“As long as I got two good legs, I’m more than able to stand up for my rights, yo!”

“But they aren’t! Not for long!” Cocoa took out his millennium puzzle again! “I’m getting kinda fed up with you not losing, so I’ll shoot your calf!”

“NOOOO!! JADEEEEEN!!” Koala Ko Ala screamed!

“REMEMBER THE RANT! YOU CAN’T GET HIT, JADEEEEEEENNNNNNUUUUHH!!!” Syrus reminded.

“Hoooooleeeeeeyyy craaaaaaap!!” Everything went white for a second. Suddenly the ground next to Jaden was smoking a bit. And he was okay. COCOA HAD MISSED.

“HUNH?! I MISSED?!” He clutched his head in anger! “And that was my last bullet! I really HAVE caught their blindness, argh!”

“You’ve got’m on da ropes, Jaden!” Koala Ko Ala reassured!

“That was amazing!” Syrus congratulated with teary eyes, “Even though you did nothing.”

“That was closer than a close shave, yo! Now it’s my move!” Jaden drew his card. “Okay! Let’s stand up!”

“Yeah, my favorite jams, dude!”

“Jaden, that’s a HORRIBLE song for this situation,” Syrus sighed.

“Well, if ANY OF YOU READERS HAVE SOMETHING BETTER, send it in! Yeah! Now I activate The Warrior Returning Alive! I add Avian into my hand from my Graveyard!!” Jaden broke the fourth wall. Suddenly Avian flew back from the grave as Jaden discarded a Spell!

“Not HIM!!”

“It’s cool, I got it!” Jaden said, gaining the support of the masses!

“I’m returning alive!!” Avian laughed!

 

“Now I fuse him and Elemental Hero Burstinatrix with Polymerization, to summon Elemental Hero Flame Wingman!” Avian and Burstinatrix dashed out of his hand!

“Yo!” Avian greeted with a ‘peace’ sign. Burstinatrix just looked slutty as usual. They both swirled together oddly, and then became the green man with one wing and a dragon head arm! (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points)

“Hmph,” he said coolly.

“He’s so much cooler than Avian!”

“You’re right, Sy! And now, Flame Wingman, shoot a fireball at’m! Fireball Shoot!!” Flame Wingman flew in front of the crimson stick man and punched him in the head with his flame-charged dragonhead arm, sending his face into the ground! “Oh no! My monster!” Cocoa cried! Red Stick Figure exploded.

“‘Oh no’ is right!” Jaden agreed! “Because of my Wingman’s super power, your stick man’s not the ONLY one who’ll be hurtin’… YOUwillTOO!!”

“Why’d you squish the words together?! Can you even READ the LINES?! AUGH!!” Cocoa suddenly blew up, but he was alright. (Cocoa Titan: 1900 Life Points) “How dare you inflict damage to me!”

“I dunno, you wanted to fight me, so there.”

Titan noticed that Jaden’s catchy theme song had just ended. “Well, too bad, because your “theme” is now ovah!” Cocoa sent another Yellow Stick figure into the Graveyard. “I’m now back in control! I discard another Yellow Stick Figure to add my Red Stick Figure into my hand again!”

“Well, that sucks! All I can do is summon my random monster, Dark Catapulter!” A robonic (yeah, robonic) dinosaur man appeared with some huge stick thingies on his back. They seemed to do something, but we’re not sure.

 

“Hmph. You’ll wish you’d never summoned that fancy dino-man. I sacrifice my Red Stick Figure for… THE SKULL ARCHFIEND OF LIGHTNING!!” Red Stick Figure blew up and was replaced by a Summoned Skull-ish guy.

“WHAT IS WITH YOU?!” Syrus ordered! “First Pandemonium, now THIS?! Can’t you AFFORD REAL ARCHFIENDS?!”

“It’s tough when you’re only paid in cards.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Anyways, attack!” Summoned Skull-ish shot lightning at Flame Wingman, making him explode in a shower of sparks!

“Neeeeeeeeuuuuuuu!!” Jaden nasally cried! (Jaden: 600 Life Points) “Oh, that’s it, you’re SO screwed! I activate my Dark Catapaulter’s ability!” A cool token appeared on the robonic dino-man’s forehead. “For every turn he’s been in Defense Mode, I can remove a card from my Graveyard and destroy a Spell or Trap on the field!” Jaden ironically removed Avian from play! “Now, do yo’ thing!” Dark Catapaulter ducked down and summoned a huge lightning blast in-between his back sticks! It was blasted out with such force that it destroyed Pandemonium! The world turned back into a normal, weirdo cave.

 

“My weird world named after an adjective!” Cocoa sobbed! “It’s discarded, all discarded!!” He took out his millennium puzzle gun again! “I just remembered! I have another bullet left! Hahahaha!” He began bouncing around on one leg as he pulled a bullet out of his vile shoe! Whichever leg it is, it’s up to you. He loaded it into his puzzle and took aim! “DIIIIIE, ICHIGO KUROSAKIIII!!”

“Not on MY watch!!” Jaden took his Avian card and threw it at the cheap pyramid thingie!

“Nooo, you aren’t supposed to throw meee!!” Avian screamed! He hit the pyramid with such force that it blew up violently.

“How did you do thaaaaat?!” Cocoa asked in an old man voice!

“Simple: I cheated!” Jaden’s card was actually… Avian.

“What you say and do do not match!!”

“Heh, he said ‘do do’.”

Cocoa held his puzzle high in the air! “This thing costed me four Blue-Eyes White Dragons and a Blue-Eyes White ULTIMATE Dragon!! You will pay!!” Cocoa threw the remains of his puzzle onto the ground and it starred smokin’ up a storm!

“And don’t think I’m not gonna get my Avian back; it costed good money!!” Jaden dashed over to the card on the ground. Suddenly, the snake statues that NOBODY AT ALL NOTICED, AS THEY WERE NEVER REALLY SHOWN BEFORE, PERIOD, began shooting laser beams at Jaden. “WHAT THE SHELL?!” A huge Eye of Wdjat appeared on the floor and encompassed the duelists in evil darkness power!

“YOU SAID IIIIIIIIIITT!!”

 

They were now both in an orb of pure duel energy, which is now apparently real. “Oh ship! Oh fork! This ain’t good,” Cocoa cursed.

“Stop makin’ all those jokes and explain this to me!” Jaden ordered.

“Apparently those snake heads sent us into the DOOM DIMENSION, where Bakugan go once they get affected by the DOOM card!” Cocoa explained!

“You actually watch that show?”

“It’s funny, I rather enjoy it.”

“This doesn’t LOOK like the doom dimension.”

“That’s because it’s another name for THE SHADOW REALM!!” Titan shrieked! “And if people go there without adequate duel energy, they get turned into a zombie-like man!!”

“NOT A ZOMBIE-LIKE MAN!!” Jaden exclaimed! Kajillions of evil blob guys fell from the sky! They began flying onto Cocoa!

“Help meee!” he screamed! Jaden stood there and looked at him. “They’re climbing inside my mouth, Jaden! Save me!” Jaden stood there and looked at him. “Seriously, help me—bloorf! Blubblubblub…” Jaden stood there and looked at him. Suddenly more blobs surrounded HIM as well!

“Aaaahh! Blobs! Save me, Cocoa—oh yeah, he’s kinda dead right now.”

“OOH,” somebody ‘oohed’. It was Winged Kuriboh! He appeared by Jaden’s side and looked at the blobs!

“NYEEEEH!!” They all retreated.

“SQUASH THE MONSTER!!” Jaden stomped on Winged Kuriboh. “That’s what you get, bastard!!” But things were getting worse for Cocoa. His eyes flashed and turned red.

“JADEN YUKI,” he said in a boring monotone voice, “PREPARE TO DIE.”

“Oh, I guess I shoulda saved him from becoming a zombie-like man.”

 

Cocoa stared at Jaden with his intense red eyes and stated in monotone: “Only one duelist shall leave alive, but do you have the strength to defeat me, even after this stunning transformation.”

“You didn’t even state it as a question!” Jaden yelled! “How am I supposed to answer that?! And what’s up with all of this?!” Jaden stretched his arms out. He’d suddenly had an epiphany. “I know that Crowler, that lady, hired you to spook me out and duel me, but this is a little overboard! First you capture three harmless, teenage girls, and then you have snake statues make a hologram-thing to scare me! And then you make all of these black bean buns, which you ate, and THEN you speak like a robot with red contact lenses! You need a life, dude!”

“I’m not joking. This is real. Why do you think that I’d go through with all of this.”

“BECAUSE Crowler hired you, OF COURSE!” Jaden stressed! The Dark Catapaulter and Summoned Skull-ish appeared upon the field again, all of a sudden. “Now I’m gonna kick your ass for wasting so much money on this stuff!”

“Aren’t you angry at me for stealing your teenage female friends,” Cocoa asked.

“But this thing is a HUUUUUGE WASTE!! Look at all this! This cost hundreds of dollars, I’m sure! And have you gotten any idea of what our country’s national debt is?!”

“Lower than America’s.”

“Sure, but it’s still pretty high! I use Monster Reincarnation to discard a crappy card to get a better monster: Elemental Hero Sparkman!” A cool purple totem card appeared on the field. Then Jaden discarded the situational Kishido Spirit card and retrieved his Sparkman from the Graveyard! “And here he is, ‘cause everyone loves Sparkman!” Sparkman appeared on the field and gave Jaden a thumbs-up. (Sparkman: 1400 Defense Points)

“Okay, it’s my turn,” Cocoa said with no real effort used.

“You forget: because your Pandemonium is da-dead, you lose Life Points for every Stick Figure or Skull Archfiend of Lightning you control!”

“Oh no.” Summoned Skull-ish glared at Cocoa. “Bleeeeeeegh,” he vomited. (Cocoa Titan: 1400 Life Points) A large glop of “black bean bun” fell out of his mouth. It grew eyes and bounced away.

“Yeah, yeah, bean buns is REAL scary, yo.”

“Actually it is. Skull Archfiend of Lightning, attack that evil dinosaur robot.”

“GRRRRAAAAAAAUGH!!” Summoned Skull-ish released a wave of electricity from its pie hole and blasted Dark Catapulter into smithereens!

“Woah! Looks like somebody’s pulling out all the stops now that he’s evil, yo!” Jaden grunted.

“What are you talking about.”

“Yeah, yeah, super transformation and all that crap. Go on, finish it up.”

“I set one card and summon the Yellow Stick Figure to end my turn,” Cocoa finished. A yellow stick figure appeared.

“GRrRrRrR!” it growled in varying tones. (Yellow Stick Figure: 1100 Attack Points)

“Aw, man, now I have the urge to attack wildly!” Jaden whined!

Perfect, all a part of the plan of summoning a weak monster on purpose, Cocoa thought vile-y.

 

“Psyche!”

“What.”

“I equip Sparkman with the card Sparkman’s Gun!” Jaden announced! Suddenly, Sparkman was holding a gun!

“Oh no, even I know the power of guns,” Cocoa gasped!

“It allows me to change the position of your monsters, but only three times! And I think I know who to shoot first!” Sparkman held up his gun and it shone.

“But wait, this isn’t good for the eight year-olds watching people play card games,” Cocoa complained, “I watched that card when I was eight, and look at me now, shooting calves and all that.”

“Talk to da gun, yo!”

“Hm,” Cocoa thought aloud, “Even if you try to kill my Skull Archfiend of Lightning, you may fail due to his special ability, you know.”

“ I just said TALK to DA GUN. I’m not doing that yet, I’m killing the monster you stupidly left out for me! Sparkman’s Gun Bullet Shoot Attack!” Sparkman shot a bullet at Yellow Stick Figure. (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points)

“Ugh,” it grunted. It blew up! (Cocoa Titan: 900 Life Points)

“And also, I’m using my Spark Blaster on my OWN monster, Mr. Dumb Failure Guy!” Jaden laughed. Sparkman shot himself in the head with his own gun.

“Ow,” he said. He crouched down and grabbed his wound in pain. “Damn Personas!” (Sparkman: 1400 Defense Points)

“Your jokes suck, Sparkman,” Jaden said, without remorse..

 

“Hmph, using your Sparkman to kill an enemy, then have it hide in Defense Mode in shame,” Cocoa grunted. “You’re a coward, using a strategy like that.”

“It’s not cowardly, just cheap!”

“Too bad, because I activate Battle-Scarred.” Cocoa activated a Trap Card with Terrorking Archfiend slicing a Marauding Captain’s face, spewing out green apple jam. “Now when I pay five-hundred Life Points for my Stick Figure or Archfiend cards, you do it too.” (Cocoa Titan: 400 Life Points)

“See, THAT’S cheap, too!” Jaden said. “I’M not calling it cowardly, AM I?” (Jaden: 100 Life Points)

“Anyways, since I couldn’t draw a monster, somehow, I attack your Sparkman!” Cocoa’s Summoned Skull-ish destroyed Sparkman with the electric blast attack from before. “Then I set a card and activate the Spell card Double Spell. It’s a Spell that lets me discard a Spell to copy a Spell in your Graveyard, and I’ll choose the Spell Emergency Provisions.” His newly-set card turned into a tasty cracker. He ate it. (Cocoa Titan: 1400 Life Points) “Yum. Your turn… of doom… begins now. Next turn your life points will be 0 because of the Battle-Scarred card I have on the field, and you don’t have any cards in your hand.”

“Oh, nobody noticed that before.”

“Yes. Well, you lose, so just play and such.”

“Well,” Jaden said, drawing his card, “Just so you know, ‘doom’ came from an old word meaning ‘destiny’! So I’m not gonna die, I’m just gonna attain my destiny… of kicking your ass!” Jaden examined his super-lucky card. “Time to repent of your sins of being hired by teachers long ago to duel people so hard that they gave up hope on dueling and left the school forever to look for new joooooooobs!! I summon… Elemental Hero Bubbleman!”

“…Did you just say ‘bubble’.”

 

A blue batman-like failure man leaped into the air, surrounded by bubbles, and creating a beautiful ballet scene. (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points)

“If he’s the only guy in my hand,” Jaden explained, “I get to summon him and draw two cards! And they’d better be good, yo!” Jaden drew just the two cards he needed! “OHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEAAAAAH, BAYBEH!! I ACTIVATE POLYMERIZATION!!”

“What could you possibly summon to kill my Skull Archfiend of Lightning.” Cocoa asked. Suddenly, Summoned Skull-ish was slowly but surely sucked into a raging black hole! “WHAAAAAAAAT.”

“Yes, I’m fusing him and my Red-Eyes Black Dragon together to form Red Eyes Black Skull Dragon! Yo!” Jaden had just successfully unmasked that skull guy and shown who he really was! SUMMONED SKULL!!

 

A ginormous, black, skeletal dragon of awesome, with piercing red eyes of pain had finally appeared!

“No, you don’t get it,” Cocoa pleaded! “Don’t you see that my monster is only KIND OF LIKE Summoned Skull. That was the whole point of the monster.”

“If it wouldn’t work, then it wouldn’t have turned into a dragon hologram!” Jaden bargained. “Now, use your Black Skull Flame Burst!”

“GWAGYOOON!!” The dragon roared, and then breathed out a raging fireball of flaming fire to burn Cocoa’s life points away!

“Nooooooooooooo.” (Cocoa Titan: 0 Life Points) He fell to the ground in pathetic defeat. “I just lost a card game. My life is oveeeeeeeer.”

“It’s not THAT bad, pathetic villain.”

“LITERALLY,” Cocoa added. Suddenly, the evil bean bun spirits swarmed all over Cocoa! “Ahh, they’re eating my flesh.”

“Hmm,” Jaden thought, “should I save him, or should I just leave like nothing ever happened here…” Jaden promptly left the evil orb of doom and hopped back out into real life.

 

“Jaden!”

“What happened there?” Jaden’s friends were apparently worried about him, as they rushed over to him and made sure if he was okay.

“I beat that dumb Cocoa guy. He’s gonna come out when he’s ready. How’s Alexis doin’?” Jaden paused. “And her friends?”

“Oh,” Syrus noticed. “They’re over there.” He pointed to the girls, sitting in their coffins, asleep.

“Okay, looks like we’ve tied up those DARN loose ends, guys! Let’s hit the hay!” Jaden began to leave.

“Wait, Jaden!” Koala Ko Ala exclaimed. “What about them? We can’t just LEAVE ‘em—“

“Yes we can! They’ll be fine.”

All of a sudden, the big orb of evil began to shrink, loudly releasing electrical shocks. Everybody ducked for cover. “HOLYMOTHERFREAKINGLOADSOFCRAPSAUCEJIBBERJABBERGREATGOOGLYMOOGLY!!” Syrus said. Then it was ALL OVER. It was silent and regular again.

“Well, he’s DEFINETLY not crushed and or killed!” Jaden laughed. “Like I said, let’s go.”

 

Ten minutes later… NANCY WUT’S EYES OPENED IN A SCARY FASHION!!

 

 

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Um, to the guy who replied to me...

 

1. Learn to type. Sorry, but I can't understand a word you just tried to say.

 

2. WHO got banned?!

 

3. Who should I remember YGO Cyber City Crisis if you don't give me a few details to refresh my memory?

 

4. And why does it need work?

 

5. Why do you have a Michael Jackson avatar, but a massive Sonic the Hedgehog song as your signature on a Yu-Gi-Oh! forum, and why are there so many people here just like you?

 

6. Why is your name not capitalized?

 

7. Why was I originally named after a YGO card named Weather Report, then named myself after an obscure character?

 

8. Why am I raggin' on everybody just like me on the entire forum?

 

9. Why are there so many numbers?

 

10. Here's revamped #7.

 

[spoiler=Episode 7: Duel and Unusual Punishment]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 7: Duel and Unusual Punishment

 

Alexis was walking with her two followers. But she wasn’t just walking, she was walking IN DA FOG BY DA OCEAN ON DA THIN PATHWAY AT DA SCHOOL! Nancy Wut was wet and soggy because she just fell into the sea. “Thanks for saving my life, guys!” she thanked.

“Stop being so thankful!!” Angry McArgue retorted. Suddenly, Alexis froze in her path.

“Woah, Zane?” Alexis called. Zane was standin’ by the lighthouse! In da fog! “Hey!” Zane kept on standin’. “Yo, Zane?” He paid her no mind. “Zane, you rude idiot! I’m over here!” Nothing. She walked over and poked him. “Zane? Zane?”

“Poke the bastard’s eye!” Angry McArgue ordered.

“Yeah!” Nancy Wut shivered.

“Zane?” Alexis began jabbing at his eye with her sharp, manicured fingernail.

“Nothing,” he calmly muttered as she continued jabbing his eye. “I just felt like being alone.”

“Aww, that’s our ZAAAANY Truesdale!” Nancy Wut joked. Angry McArgue pushed her into the ocean again. “But I can’t swiiiiiimmmmmmm…”

“Well maybe that’s because he shouldn’t be here,” Zane reasoned.

“… Well, I knew you’d always be like that, yet I still can’t get used to it,” Alexis said, holding her head in her palm in shame. Suddenly and without warning, Angry McArgue pushed her into the water.

“TAKE THAT! Oh, wait, you’re Alexis.”

 

Meanwhile in the Slifer Toolshed… or on the road TO the Toolshed… a military van filled with military personnel drove by. It stopped just outside and the troops leaped out in strict lines of five, holding advanced guns and stuff. “HUTHUTHUTHUTHUT,” they said.

At that same time, Jaden and Syrus were sitting atop a sleeping Koala Ko Ala’s tummy, watching television. “Man, I SURE am glad yo found that television outside, Syrus!” Jaden congratulated, patting his head. “You’re a good boy!”

“Don’t thank me yet. It might explode or emit something heinous, so watch out and use Koala Ko Ala for cover, ‘kay?” Syrus warned. He held up the remote control he’d found with the TV, but Jaden swiped it away.

“Hey, we could watch MTV on this baby! My fave channel!” Jaden informed. He pressed the ON button and pressed M-T-V on the number pad.

“WELCOME TO MTV, NO MUSIC, ALL REALITY SHOWS, ALL THE TIME! RADICAL!!” the TV blared! “Except in the mornings.”

“Oh no, what did they do since I last watched this channel, yo?!” Jaden wailed!

“When was that, in the 80’s?” Syrus asked.

“Wait, it’s still morning,” Jaden remembered, “so they MAY be gettin’ ready to show some MUSIC VIDEOS!” But nope, they found a commercial!

 

Joey Wheeler and a random kid were sitting in a restaurant. The kid picked up a salt shaker and stared at it intently. “This salt shaker top looks unnatural, like a tumor,” the boy remarked.

“Heh heh heh, Tumer Humer!” Joey giggled rudely.

“HEY!” the boy snapped, gaining his undivided attention. “There’s nothing funny about tumor humor.” The screen began turning white and blank, except for Joey Wheeler and his equally blank expression.

“TUMOR HUMOR: IT’S NOT FUNNY.” said the narrator of the commercial, as the words appeared onscreen. “A MESSAGE FROM THE TUMOR HUMOR ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA.”

 

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAAAAAAAT?!?!?!” Syrus cried, almost falling off of Koala Ko Ala’s tummy and into the precarious mouth! “I DON’T GET IT!!”

“WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO MY GLORIOUS AMERICAN EIGHTIES MUSIC VIDEOS?!” Jaden cried, not unlike Syrus!

“And the ENDING! What, are we supposed to be AGAINST IT, or is the TUMOR HUMOR ASSOCIATION FOR ALL OF THIS?!?!” Syrus screamed!

“I THINK YOU’RE OVERREACTING, SY!!”

“AND NOW,” said the TV, interrupting the nervous breakdown, “IT’S TIME FOR TMNT!”

“Yo, Syrus! That sounds awesome!” Jaden cheered!

“B-but what about the tumors?”

 

And so, the following theme song played:

Teen-age mu-tant ninja tu-mors!

Teen-age mu-tant ninja tu-mors!

Teen-age mu-tant ninja tu-mors!

Teen-age mu-tant… TUMOR POWER!

Teenage mutant ninja-tumors, mighty-morphin’ ninja tumooooooors!!

 

The resulting cries could be heard throughout the island. “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH, TOO MUCH TUMOOOOOOOOORSS!!”

 

Downstairs, the special action corps had assembled at the toolshed and charged up the stairs to the second floor! Professor Banner broke through his door, with a mug of coffee and pajamas! And the cat. “OH NO!!” he gasped! “The DISCIPLINARY action SQUAD! They ONLY come when a STUDENT has done something REALLY BAD!! RUN, JADEN, RUN! And the puffy boy. And the blue hair boy.” Then he walked back into his home.

The boys recovered slowly from their mental scarring by turning the TV off. “Damn, that was creepy.” Then some guys knocked at the door.

“OPEN UP, THIS IS THE DISCIPLINARY ACTION—” Jaden opened up the door.

“WE DON’T WANT ANY!” Jaden roared! He slammed the door in their faces. “Damn door-to-door-duelists.” Suddenly the door was blown right off its hinges.

“AAAHH!!” Syrus leaped under Koala Ko Ala for protection.

 

“This is the Disciplinary Action Squad!” the head disciplinary lady yelled! “You two are under Yu-Gi-Oh arrest!”

“But what did we do, yo?”

“The answer will be made MORE than apparent after you come with us.”

“No way!” Jaden defied! “I’m not goin’ until I hear just what I did!”

“That’s the rule, boy—“

“I raise your one unfairness with one irresponsibility!”

“Trying to bribe me, boy?!”

“Not if you can stop me! Now pay up, or put up!” Jaden held up his Duel Disk!

“Fine, here you go.” The lady gave Jaden $-12 in DuelBucks.

“Yeah, Sy! I just extorted cash! Wait… this is NEGATIVE twelve DuelBucks?!”

“I’m makin’ a break for it!!” Syrus, using Koala Ko Ala for padding, leaped out of the window off of the cliff into the sea.

 

A lil’ while later, the kids and officials were in Duel Academy at the Chancellor’s office. “WE’RE SUSPENDED?! Yo.” Jaden and Syrus screamed. In the office for some reason were three huge, scary screens that were known for making three kids wet themselves in the Winter of ’65.

“That’s right,” said the chief squad person lady on one screen, “for you have committed the terrible crime of pirating cable television!”

“But Koala Ko Ala was at the abandoned dorm, too—wait, we weren’t in trouble for that?” Syrus gasped.

“Well of COURSE not, silly! NOBODY cares about that! Hahaha BUT YOU’RE STILL IN TROUBLE.”

“I TOTALLY agree, miss,” agreed Crowler on a different screen.

“AAAAAHH!!” screamed everybody, turning towards its gigantic, creepy head.

“You scared me there for a second,” Chancellor Shepherd sighed.

“I TOTALLY AGREE!!” yelled the proctor who Bastion Misawa dueled on the first episode.

“Stop copying me—what in blazes are YOU doing here useless proctor boy?!” Crowler yelled!

“I DON’T KNOW, SIR! I GOT LOST ON THE WAY TO THE BREAKFAST CART!!”

“We don’t HAVE a breakfast cart!”

“AND THAT’S WHY I GOT LOST!!” And without another word, the man and his shades left. His screen… turned black forevermore…

 

“So, WHAT did we do again, yo?” Jaden asked, needing a reminder.

“You pirated cable from America.”

“HUNH?!” Jaden and Syrus hunh’d. “HOW DID WE DO THAT?!”

 

Meanwhile, outside of the dorm, Banner was waiting around with his cat in full uniform. “What happened to that pirated cable television I ordered with all the American channels on it, Garfield?”

“MEOW.”

 

“And so,” the lady continued, “as written in the Kaibaland Duel Academy of Japan, Article 23, Paragraph 13, and I quote, ‘Any children harboring stolen cable without sharing with the faculty and staff shall be thusly expelled from the school unless they can win a card game against some people you hire.’”

“THAT’S NOT…” Syrus caught himself. “Wait, that’s STUPIDLY fair. Any kid who can duel well can do ANYTHING they want and not be expelled?!”

“Well, it is a DUEL SCHOOL,” Shepherd said.

“That doesn’t make it right.”

“Well, won’t it sound harder…” Crowler gave them a dramatic pause. “…once I tell you that we hire PROFESSIONAL DUELISTS FOR THESE TYPES OF THINGS?!”

“OH, SNAPSKY!!” Jaden excitedly gasped! “I get to duel a cool duel-ist at the cool school, you fools!!”

“J-Jaden, DON’T rap about this!” Syrus suggested.

“Hmm,” Shepherd wondered, “Wouldn’t the PARADOX Brothers be sufficient for this, seeing as we have TWO boys?”

“That sounds right to me,” said the discipline lady.

“Well, then THAT’S settled.”

“Okay.” Without a word, the screens flickered off and the boys left.

“Jaden,” Syrus shuddered, “if we lose because of me, then I just KNOW that I’ll do something in a self-destructive rage to make our plane crash into… THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE.”

“RE-LAX, Sy!” Jaden said, ruffling his hair.

“Owww!” his hair groaned.

 

About forty seconds later, Koala Ko Ala was in Shepherd’s well-lit office. “YOU wanted to SEE ME?” Shepherd asked in his most nasally, official voice possible.

“Yeah,” Koala stuttered, “I, like, was at the abandoned dorm too, last night, and I think it’s unfair for Jaden to duel with such a terrible player as a teammate.”

“Koala Koala,”

“It’s Koala KO Ala, separate the syllables.”

“Anyways, we don’t CARE about that dumb dorm. Didn’t you listen?! Those kids stole cable!”

“B—but they were using me as a cushion!” Koala Ko Ala argued! “So it should be a TRIPLE-DUEL, since I’m JUST AS GUILTY!!”

“BUT. YOU. WERE. ASLEEP.” Shepherd moaned, knitting his brow. Suddenly, Alexis broke into the office!

“NO, IT WAS ME!!” she announced!!

“WH-WH-WH-WHAT?!”

“I was at the abandoned dorm, too!” she revealed!

“I JUST SAID THEY STOLE CABLE! WE DON’T EFFING CARE ABOUT THAT DUMB DORM,” the Chancellor near-cursed.

“W-well, I snuck into the room and secretly whispered into their ears, ‘steal the cable, you need it’!” Alexis lied! “I’m just as guilty, so it should be a triple-duel! You know how bad Syrus is at dueling!”

“Nuh-uh,” Koala Ko Ala interrupted, “QUADRUPLE duel.”

“Yeah!”

They both fell through the trap door Shepherd activated. “It’s times like these I enjoy having installed this baby,” he sighed.

 

Meanwhile, Jaden had decided that he was tired of Syrus being so depressed. “STOP BEING SO DEPREEEEESSED!!” He threw Syrus out the window and onto the beach. Then he, too, leaped out of the dorm room and onto the beach, holding two decks. “If you’re so WIMPY like you say you are,” Jaden preached, “then duel me so that I can help you work out your kinks, yo!” He tossed Syrus’ deck onto the sand, near his head, seeing as the rest of his body got buried into the beach upon impact.

“I can’t move, because I got buried somehow.”

“It’s all about the impact! Now get you game on!” Jaden gave him a reassuring smile.

“BOO,” someone said.

“WAAAAGH! NOT AGAIN!!” Syrus’ screams, somehow, blew the sand sealing his body away! He climbed out of the new crater and picked up his deck. “But I don’t have my duel disk.” Jaden tossed it at his face! “AHH! THE SHARP PARTS!”

“You’ll get used to them!” Suddenly, a large wave crashed over both players, thoroughly soggying them to the core.

“Oh, NO!” Syrus whined! “My DECK’S all WET! Looks like I’ll just go home now.”

“I got a spare!” Jaden tossed the spare deck at Syrus like a fastball, causing him to drop his ruined copy. Syrus looked through it quickly.

“Heeeeey, there’s no ARMOROID in here! I need that card!”

“Whoops, yo! Now….” Jaden waved his arm, dispelling all unlucky spirits and signaling a grape day! “LET’S HAVE SOME FUN!!”

“BOO,” someone said.

“Oh, I’m almost used to that voice now,” Syrus said, smiling uneasily.

 

(Jaden: 4000 Life Points; Syrus: 4000 Life Points) The waves picked up, LITERALLY! They were lifted twelve feet into the air! “This is weird!” Syrus cried.

“It’s all part of the game, yo!” Jaden picked up Elemental Hero Avian. “Sweet! Avian! In Attack Mode!”

“And I destroy it!” Syrus immediately made Avian explode.

“OH NOOOOOOO!!” Avian shouted. He exploded! Jaden’s wave began furiously waving around!

“Well, I THROW DOWN a FACE-DOWN and end my turn!” Jaden reinforced.

“BOO!”

 

“Okay,” Syrus yelled, “I summon Super Robot Police Robot!” Syrus’ wave flew higher and higher and a dumb police car robot drove onto the scene! “Attack him! Hit-And-Run!” The car drove super-fast, aiming to run over Jaden! And so it drove off Syrus’ wave and tackled… a cool shield barrier thing!

“Negate Attack, man!” The police car exploded on contact. Then a new one was lowered onto Syrus’ field.

“Aw, man! THAT stinks.”

“Plus,” Jaden added, “you were a complete FAILURE! You should’ve used that guy’s special power! You could’ve seen my Trap card and destroyed it somehow! But you WON’T be a SCREW-UP during the TAG-DUEL, RIIIIIGHT?”

“You really suck at making me feel better. You’re dumb.”

“HUNH?!” Jaden gasped! His wave lowered drastically! “You KNOW I didn’t mean it! I just meant it as a joke.”

“Oh.” They stood around idly for a minute. “Wanna continue dueling?”

“Dah, okay. I summon Elemental Hero Sparkman in Attack Mode!” Sparkman flipped out of his card and onto the field. (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points) “Plus, I use his super-power: if Avian was destroyed without a battle or card effect, Sparkman can bring him back!!”

“I didn’t know THAT!!” Syrus gulped! “THAT’S not his ABILITY!”

“I SAID THAT’S HIS SUPER-POWER!!” Avian sprang back from the grave!

“Thanks, buddy!” Sparkman punched him. “Ow.”

“Sparkman, attack that dumb police car!” Sparkman threw a lightning spear at him, generated by his hands!

“YEEEEOW!” said the car.

“AAAAAAAAHH!!” (Syrus: 3600 Life Points) And his wave sank quite a bit, too!

“And now, Avian, do yo’ thing!” Jaden suggested!

“Okay, boss!” Avian flew towards the blue-haired boy, then tripped and knocked into him, kinda.

“WAAAAAAAAAGH!!”they screamed! (Syrus: 2600 Life Points)

“Finally, I’ll THROW DOWN A FACE-DOWN!!” Jaden repeated.

“BOO,” someone said.

 

“Ugh, this sucks,” Syrus whined.

“Don’t worry, man, I bet you have monsters that can WIPE DA FLOOR with MINE!!”

It’s no good, Syrus thought, drawing a Pot of Greed and staring at his steam locomotive monster in his hand that has 1800 Attack Points and gains more when it attacks, but loses some (but not enough for Avian to kill it) when it’s attacked. I can’t win with THESE cards. “I just use Pot of Greed.” An ugly pot appeared and giggled a bit. Then it FREAKIN’ EXPLODED!! “I draw two cards.” He drew a card with a welder-man on it, and crappy-ol’ Polymerization. “Holy crap! I drew a GOOD card! That NEVER happens!”

“Aw, you should at LEAST have a 1/40 chance!” Jaden said.

 

I’ll NEVER forget the day I first used Power Bond… Syrus reminisced. Back when Syrus was slightly shorter, he dueled a BIG BULLY at ELEMENTARY SCHOOL! (Syrus: 4000 Life Points; Grizzly-Voiced Green: 14 Life Points)

“GIVE IT UP,” the eight-year old bully ordered in his gravely, grizzly voice. “’YER TOAST!” his Gearfried the Iron Knight was staring down that steam locomotive and a helicopter.

“No way,” Syrus growled, “I’m not afraid of you ANY MORE! I activate Power Bond!”

“STOP!” yelled Zane from nowhere.

“Oof!” Syrus fell over.

“Ha, how do you expect to WIN if you FALL OVER?” Grizzly-Voiced Green snickered. Zane approached him calmly and coolly.

“This duel never happened, got it?” he stressed. He took out a Hane Hane card.

“Bro, I’m ABOUT to HUMILIATE HIM.”

“Heheh, nice card,” the bully said.

“Just take this and walk away.”

“You got ‘yerself a DEAL!” The bully swiped the card out of his hand.

 

“Aw, GREAT, bro!” Syrus roared! “Now I’ll NEVER learn how to stand up for myself!”

“No Syrus, you WEREN’T!” Zane growled. “And I would’ve never GIVEN you that card if I were to know you’d MISUSE it like you were ABOUT TO.”

“But I WASN’T!”

“THIS was the face-down card you opponent had on the FIELD!” Zane held up a Bad Reaction to Simoochi card.

“That wouldn’t WORK, DUMB-ASS BROTHER!!” Syrus cursed! “I even had an MST in my hand! LOOK!” Syrus threw the Mystical Space Typhoon he had in his hand at Zane forcefully.

“THAT’S RIGHT, A VERY POWERFUL TRAP CARD.” Zane hadn’t noticed the sharp Spell sticking out of his now-bleeding neck yet. “And when it’s activated—“

“THAT’S IT!!” Syrus ran after Grizzly-Voiced Green with a vengeance! “COME’ERE, FATASS!!”

“AAAAAUGH!! MY LEGS DON’T BEND THAT WAY!! OOOOOOH, NO!! IS THAT MY LARGE INTESTINE?! OH, THE HUMANITYYYYYYYY!!”

 

DAMN, I used to be SO BADASS!! Syrus smiled to himself. The waves underneath the two players were still wiggling like water should, and they were also getting restless. “Yo Sy,” Jaden called, “the waves’re gettin’ restless! Hurry, they may recede and we’ll fall! TO OUR DOOMS!”

“Then it’s settled; I’m goin’ back to my former days of bad-assery! I play POWER BOND!!” A big, swirly black hole appeared.

“That’s no Power Bond,” Jaden playfully remarked, “THAT’S a Polymerization! I should know!”

“Aw, DAMN IT!! Well, I’ll fuse the Super Robot Helicopter Robot and Super Robot Steam Locomotive Robot cards in my hand to summon Super Robot Steam Locomotive Helicopter Robot, or SRSLHR for short!” And the black hole exploded, making a steam locomotive with a helicopter rotor on its side appear! (SRSLHR: 2200 Attack Points)

“Sorry, but that wasn’t short, and that guy’s a pretty useless Fusion!” Jaden laughed!

 

“Crap’s about to GO DOWN, JADEN!!” The waves responded to Syrus by exploding (hypothetically) behind him! “Time to go LOCO-MOTIVE! Use TRAIN TWISTER!!” Yep, I’m a bad-ass! The pain train’s rotors spun like MAD! It summoned a massive twister, which ate up Avian.

“WHY MEEEEEE?!” he wailed. Nobody could see what was happening inside… EXCEPT FOR THE WAVES. And Avian. And the train which had just flown into it. “Woah,” Avian chuckled, “this is kinda cool! Wait, there’s a light… and it’s growing… HOLY CRAP!!” Several ‘woot-woot’ sounds came from the twister. “THERE’S A TRAIN IN HERE! OH, MAN, IT’S COMING—OWAAAAAAAAAH! GUUUURGH, IT CRUSHED MY LEEEGS! ARGH!! NOOOO, IT TURNED AROUND FOR MORE!! WAAAAAAGH… OH, I’M STILL ALI—NOOOOOOOOO, IT CRUSHED ME AGAIN!! I’M DEAD NOW! NO, FOR REAL! AHH!!” The twister disappeared and Jaden’s wave reared back.

“Woah!” Jaden grunted. (Jaden: 2800 Life Points) “Well, then I use POLYMERIZATION, TOO!! And I gots a Clayman in my hand, too, yo.” A black hole appeared, AGAIN, and it absorbed Sparky and Clay-y. It quickly spat out Thunder Giant. (Thunder Giant: 2400 Attack Points)

“Aw, man!”

“‘Aw’ is RIGHT!” Jaden yelled! “Plus, sorry to say, but you’re about as BADASS as RASPBERYL!”

“Who’s THAT?!”

“I dunno, maybe you’ll find out by our NEXT adventure. Anyways, Thunder Giant, blow that… THING up!” Thunder Giant responded in turn by punching the train. It blew up. “Now, I summon Elemental Hero Burstinatrix!!” The firey lady flew right next to Thunder Giant, making her look even smaller than usual.

“Not Elemental Hero Flaming Dominatrix!!” Syrus cried, grabbing his head with both hands!

“Close enough!” Jaden supported! (Flaming Dominatrix: 1200 Attack Points) “Double Attack Thunder Fire Go Yeah~” he ordered! They shot out a DAZZLING array of flames and electricity, urging Jaden’s wave to circle Syrus’ like a wild snake, preying on its prey! Then, it struck. It pushed Syrus over.

“AAAAAAHH—ow.” Syrus had landed head-first into the sand, burying only his head, leaving the rest of his body standing straight up like a rod. (Syrus: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

 

“That was awesome, Sy!” Jaden encouraged. He leaped off of his wave and plucked Syrus out like a radish.

“That really sucked, man, sucked.” Syrus whimpered.

“Whadda ya talkin’ ‘bout?” Jaden said. “It was COOL! Didja see how I WON?! Plus, there was a card you smiled at, so I at least know all but one thing can depress you.” Jaden picked up Syrus’ discarded cards, strewn across the beach. “Hey, you had POWER BOND ALL ALONG?! AND A LIMITER REMOVAL?! DAMN, MAN! YOU COULD HAVE DOUBLED YOUR MONSTER’S ATTACK TWICE!! THAT DUMB TRAIN WOULD’VE HAD 8800 ATTACK POINTS!! YOU WOULDA BEATEN ME IF YOU HADN’T SCREWED UP!! There’s hope for you yet!”

“But what if I FORGET the NEXT TIME?! Wahahah!!” Syrus cried, as he ran away like a sissy.

 

“What was THAT?!” Jaden wondered. “Wait, when he said his flashback aloud, I heard him say that Zane was dumb. He has problems with him!” Jaden smashed his fist into his palm! “THAT’S IT!! If I can show ZANE how dumb he is by beating him in a DUEl, THEN Syrus’ll be a better duelist! It’s the perfect plan!” Jaden ran off, excited about his awesome idea.

 

 

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how old are u

 

how do u know all this shiz

 

1.YOU ARE ANNOYING

2. WHO DO U THINK U ARE

3.IF WE HADE WAY TO SMACK YOU THROUGH THE COMP. IT WOULD BE DONE

4. MY GIRL FRIEND PUT THE MICHEL JACKSON AVATAR

5. BY I MEAN THIS NEEDS SOME WORK I MEAN YOU SUCK

6.IF MY AVATAR MAKES NO SENSE THAN WHAT ABOUT YOURS

YOU CALL YOURSELF WEATHER REPORT -STAND AND THAN YOUR AVATAR IS SOME APOCALYPSE NEOS GUY BUT YOU CALL YOUR SELF WEATHER REPORT STAND

YOUR NEW NAME IS APPOCALYPSE JOE YOU JUST WAVE YOUR AVATAR AND PISS ME OFF YOU JUST CANT EXPECT SOMETHING GOOD TO COM OUT OF YOUR EFFORT

JUST THE 6 OUT OFF HUNDERED THINGS I HAVE TO SAY [sIGNING OFF]NERD

 

P.S YU GI OH CYBER CITY CRISIS WAS A FAN FIC THAT YOU CAME AND PUT A THUNDER STORM ON IT

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how old are u

 

how do u know all this shiz

 

1.YOU ARE ANNOYING

2. WHO DO U THINK U ARE

3.IF WE HADE WAY TO SMACK YOU THROUGH THE COMP. IT WOULD BE DONE

4. MY GIRL FRIEND PUT THE MICHEL JACKSON AVATAR

5. BY I MEAN THIS NEEDS SOME WORK I MEAN YOU SUCK

6.IF MY AVATAR MAKES NO SENSE THAN WHAT ABOUT YOURS

YOU CALL YOURSELF WEATHER REPORT -STAND AND THAN YOUR AVATAR IS SOME APOCALYPSE NEOS GUY BUT YOU CALL YOUR SELF WEATHER REPORT STAND

YOUR NEW NAME IS APPOCALYPSE JOE YOU JUST WAVE YOUR AVATAR AND PISS ME OFF YOU JUST CANT EXPECT SOMETHING GOOD TO COM OUT OF YOUR EFFORT

JUST THE 6 OUT OFF HUNDERED THINGS I HAVE TO SAY [sIGNING OFF]NERD

 

P.S YU GI OH CYBER CITY CRISIS WAS A FAN FIC THAT YOU CAME AND PUT A THUNDER STORM ON IT

 

[spoiler=Wait, wait, wait... Here's a 1HK.] You're an idiot.

 

 

Anyway, the GX stuff is great.

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Thank you, Mr. Great Priest Chtulu guy, and I hope, TRULY hope Mr... uh, whatever you're trying to be, that you realized that 90% of that stuff I said was a joke about myself as well as the entire community, so if you didn't pick up on that... well, if I called you stupid, it would be mean and probably not true, because idiots aren't that easy to find... well, you were quickly angered by the joke before you could even start analyzing it, so I COULD say that today, you're ignorant, and tomorrow you may not be, so I'll go with that. Also Apocalypse Joe is an awesome nickname, I am 15, and you're pretty damn annoying today, along with not explaining to me points 1., 2., 6., 7., 8., 9. and 10. You also answered numbers 4. and 5. out of order, and like I said just a minute ago, if you tried to look at 6+, you'd have known that I was making fun of myself by bringing me into the equation. Why should you (r avatar) make sense if mine doesn't? Why should you be forced to base yourself after a YGO thing if I don't? And why did you say that my story was horrible just because of your childish "grudge" with me? Why fight with people who don't know you? Isn't that immature? Or dumb?

 

Oh, but truly, the only thing you said that made me mad was calling that guy in my avatar some Apocalypse Neos guy. I am an honest, God-loving Christian, I'm timid, and I can still respect you,[spoiler=but here's what I have to say about that.]jojo-manga.jpg

B**** YOU BEST NOT BE TALKIN' 'BOUT MY FAVORITE STORY LIKE THAT MOTHERF***ER!!!!!! DON'T YOU COMPARE THAT S****Y-ASS HERO TO ANYBODY IN THIS STORY!!!!!

 

 

Erm, ahem, I just have to do that every now and then or else I get violent. Nothing personal, Mr. Beginning and Ending of Darkness. It just gets hard to remember who does and doesn't matter when you review so many bad stories, which I hope to get back into soon enough, when I get more time on my hands when school starts. When you write something good and entertaining, I may truly begin to pay attention to you. Oh yeah, one more thing, are you sure you like your girlfriend? I thought she chose your last avatar for you. Meh, not my problem.

 

If you don't have anything important to say, or anything constructive, then quit your screaming before I get a mod or something, please.

 

Now back to our regularly scheduled madness.

[spoiler=Episode Eight: For the Sake of Syrus]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan-Fic!

Episode Eight: For the Sake of Syrus

 

Another bright, deadly morning on “Death-Volcano” Duel Academy Island began, and the volcano rumbled softly, emitting an electrical guitar sound. Jaden walked through a hallway with a serious face and walked through an automatic sliding door. I didn’t even know they’d invented those yet… that reminds me of my intense anger and hatred from yesterday.

 

“Uh, Jaden, Syrus has a brother, duh,” Alexis said upon the cliffs above the crashing sea of death.

“I’m not too sure if talked to you last time, but okay. Who is he?”

“He’s Zane Truesdale, the best duelist at the Academy. Plus, he’s pretty cool-looking. And that’s about it.”

“Oh, thanks.”

 

“And that’s my motivation, alright!” Jaden had gone all the way to the “Special Writing Table” in the Card Shop and took out a pencil and paper. “Alright, since I’m at the writing table, I can write now without consequence, yo!” he shouted!

“Um, you’re dumb,” Countergirl Williams said from the counter, smacking her gum.

“I know, you don’t have to tell ME.” Now when I play against that Zane guy, he’ll have no reason to tell his brother that he’s not ready to use a trading card! I’m not too bright, but even I know the flawed logic there! But wait, that’s bad… ah, well I’ll ignore that.

 

Suddenly, Crowler walked by for no reason. It noticed that Jaden was writing something. “What are you writing?” it asked.

“A paper.”

“I don’t believe you. Let me see it.” Crowler forcefully ripped it out of Jaden’s hands! “Oh, now look at what you’ve done! You ripped it!”

“I have a spare,” Jaden announced, holding up his second paper.

“Oh. So you’re writing out a duel request form to duel Zane Truesdale?!” Crowler scoffed, reading a couple of words off the ruined page. “He’ll defeat you, I already read the TV listings.”

“What’s THAT mean?”

“Oh, who cares, you’ll never understand.” Crowler ripped up the paper and threw it away.

“I have a third—” Crowler took that one too and destroyed it. “Gosh, man, what’s the deal? I’m just tryin’ to help Syrus gain his confidence so that we can win the Tag Duel coming up soon!”

“I’m ripping them up because you’re an idiot!” Crowler yelled!

“NOOOOOOOOO!!” Jaden screamed melodramatically!! Actually, I have two more!

 

Meanwhile, Syrus was sitting in the Slifer Toolshed in a blanket, staring at a card. “Stupid Power Bond card!” Syrus yelled. “Great, thanks to my blabbering brother, I have intense self-esteem problems! I’m contemplating suicide.”

I would have never given you that card had I known you would misplay it.

“WAAAAAUGH!! GHOSTY VOICE!!” Syrus wailed! “WHO SAID THAT?!”

Sure, you know how to use Power Bond, but there’s more to dueling than just that!

“Syrus, make your stupid imagination shut up!!” Koala Ko Ala ordered from the top bunk of the bed. Syrus dove under the covers.

“Great, now I believe that I can’t play Duel Monsters! And also because I see all of those ads of the skinny, pretty girls, I need to turn bulimic! And those Scientologists have made an argument, and now I have to become one of them!! ARGH, I THINK IT SO NOW IT’S TRUE!!”

“No, Syrus,” Syrus’s hair whispered, “If you think that, then the duel will go like THIS…”

 

Syrus and Jaden stood in a hall of light. They were fighting two shadow-filled duelists, one of which sounded suspiciously like Tristan Taylor, Yugi’s old friend from the first series.

“Come on, you really suck!!” he goaded! “That’s all you can do? Fine, I’ll use my monster card to use a Trap card which pays some Life Points, and I’ll tribute my monster to Tribute Summon this monster, then discard two cards to Special Summon this card, so that I can take over your dumb police car and attack Jaden making his Life Points zero!!” A giant police car robot appeared next to Jaden and punched him in the chops!

“Oof!!” Jaden’s skull exploded in a bloody torrent of terror as he spiraled into the air!

“NOOOOOOO, IT’S ALL MY FAULT THAT HE DREW SUCH AN AWESOME COMBO WHICH WAS REALLY ACTUALLY IMPOSSIBLEEEEEEEEEE!!” cried Syrus. Suddenly, Jaden rose up from the floor and his flesh peeled off!

He stretched his arm out, which was for some reason covered in squirming maggots now, and wailed “WHY, SYRUS, WHYYYYYYYYY?! WHY DID YOU LET HIM USE THAT REALLY IMPOSSIBLE COMBO?!?! YOU HAD A SOLEMN JUDGMENT FACE-DOWN, YOU KNOOOOOWW!!”

“Oh, yeah, that card negates everything!”

“I’ll tell you why,” the other duelist said in a cool yet calculating tone, “because he doesn’t belong here.” The shadow was lifted off of him and he was… TRISTAN TAYLOR!!

“BUT THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!! HOW THE HELL DOES THAT WORK?!”

The two revealed Tristan Taylors both began cackling evilly!! “Hahahahahaha!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

 

“DAMMIT HAIR, NOW I BELIEVE IT’S GONNA HAPPEN!! YOU FAILED!!”

“Sorry…”

Meanwhile in the forest, Koala Ko Ala had left and was munching some eucalyptus leaves because Syrus’ hair’s story was freaking him out. TWO Tristan Taylors?! Brr…

“Stupid Ms. Crowler,” Jaden mumbled, passing by, “Ripping up the other two papers I had stashed away. How was I to know that today she could read minds? What a crook, yo! She’s trippin’.”

“Uh, Jaden, what’s goin’ on?” Koala Ko Ala asked.

“Oh, hey, Chum—sorry, I mean Koala Ko Ala. Whatcha eatin’?”

“Eucalyptus. Want some?”

“Koala,” Jaden gasped, “That stuff’s POISONOUS to humans!”

“I’m not a human, I’m a Ko—“

“YOU’RE NOT A KOALA.”

“WHAAAAT?!” Koala Ko Ala almost fell out of his tree in surprise! “So THAT explains why those Koala magazines never thrilled me.”

“I’m not going to ask you what kinds of magazines you’re talking about, but I’m angry. I need to duel my emotions out in one gracefully hardcore movement of the wrist and mind in harmonious motion!!”

“That was beautiful,” Koala sniffed, brushing away a tear, “but it really made no sense. Sure, I’ll duel you after I fall off of this tree and get my deck from the tool shed.”

“Wait…” Jaden had a thought!! “Sorry, I’ll be right back after a few hours!!” Jaden bolted out of the forest scene.

“So who’s gonna help me get off of the tree, then?” Koala Ko Ala’s hands were slipping dangerously…

 

Jaden suddenly was pushed onto the beach. “Ow, stupid teleportation! Why can’t I control it?!”

“Because you suck, ass-butt.” Two MEAN Obelisk Blues were blocking his approach to the Blue dorms. One had a SWEET weird hairdo that looked like it had been twisted 90 degrees to the right! The other had a GNARLY “Three Stooges” Moe bowl-type haircut! They SERIOUSLY had duel power!!

“I am NOT an ‘ass-butt!’” Jaden defended! “I may be a butt, but why technically call me a ‘butt-butt’? That makes no sense!!” Sudenly the Moe-guy splashed him with a bucket of water. “WHAT THE HELL?!”

“Heh heh, come back when you’re promoted to Obelisk Blue, Slifer Slacker!” Moe-guy laughed. “Let’s go, Twisthead.”

“Lol, Moe!” They laughed as they walked off, bumpin’ knuckles all the way.

“I’m not an ass-butt…” growled Jaden with vengeance.

 

Jaden and Koala Ko Ala walked back into the Slifer Toolshed, because apparently Jaden went back to help Koala Ko Ala up off of the ground. “So whadda ya gonna do now, Jaden?” Koala Ko Ala asked innocently.

“Well, I’ll tell ya ONE thing I’m not gonna do:” Suddenly Jaden’s voice turned dark and demonic. “I WILL NOT FORGIVE THOSE TWO.” Jaden kicked open the door and walked in. “Up ‘n at’m, Sy, we’ve got some Obelisk Blues to humiliate in a duel. Or worse.”

“Jaden, forget about it!” Koala Ko Ala yelled! “We’ll never see them again, they’re just one-shot characters!”

Jaden pulled the covers off of Syrus’ bed. SYRUS WAS NOT THERE!! “What a twist!!”

“There’s a horribly-written note!” Koala Ko Ala noticed! He read it aloud: “‘Dear Jade, I’m leafing Duel Academy. It’s fur the… uh, beast. Sigged, Syrus.’ Why can’t he write more clearly? Is he really THAT traumatized?”

Jaden ripped the paper out of his hands. “No way, Jose!” He pronounced it as “Joes”. “He’s not goin’ anywhere, yo! We’re gonna perform a dramatic rescue!”

“Okay then.” Jaden tore out of the room as Koala Ko Ala stumbled and fell.

 

Mere minutes later, Syrus had constructed a crappy raft and was about to shove off of the rocks and into the ocean. Looking down at his handiwork, he mumbled, “I’m an idiot. This thing couldn’t even float for three seconds. On the plus side, I get to drown and die quickly and easily!”

Jaden and Koala Ko Ala were tripping all over the rocks about an eighth of a mile away. “Darn rocks!” Jaden cursed! “They’re real… ass-butts!”

“You’re under a bad influence, Jaden, like Bad Reaction to Simoochi,” Koala Ko Ala sighed sadly, holding up the weird card he’d just referred to, showing some evil spirits making fun of a sad lady. “That will NEVER become a good catch phrase. Just stick to ‘get your game on’. It’s slightly less stupid.” Suddenly, Jaden’s pocket glowed!

“Whubba-huh?” Jaden gasped, taking his deck box out from his pocket! Winged Kuriboh flew out of the box and fluttered around Jaden’s face, and somehow Koala Ko Ala couldn’t care less! “OOH,” it said. It flew in his face, enraging him!

“Not you again…” Jaden picked up some rocks. “I’M GONNA GET YOU THIS TIME!!” He threw several, but they missed, seeing as it’s a ghost that rocks can’t hit. It began flying away after Syrus, because all it wants to do is help! “AFTER IT, KOALA!”

“Magic meatbaaaaaall!!” The boys followed it: One for vengeance, another for an emergency food supply.

 

Meanwhile again, on the random stretch of concrete stretching into the ocean with a mini-lighthouse on it, Zane was standing. Yeah, he was just standing. UNTIL ALEXIS APPEARED!! Then he turned his head. And stood. On his feet. WHAT A SCENE!! “So,” Zane spoke, “any new leads?”

“No,” Alexis sighed, “but I thought that we were supposed to be worried about Syrus right now.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll find him,” Zane reassured.

“Uh, alright. But once again, I heard that Syrus was missing.” He’s so sexy when he’s stupid.

“Oh did you, now?”

“Well, it’s the goal of the day to find him, and apparently if we do, we get five dollars.” Inside of the duel dome there was a bulletin board. It had a memo reading: ‘Today: Find Syrus. Tomorrow: Catch footage of Koala Ko Ala’s dad.’

“The big bad brother. What, does Jaden want to scold me now?”

“That didn’t make ANY sense.”

“Heh,” Zane chuckled.

“Pfft, he thinks he’s funny…” Alexis turned toward the rocks and saw Syrus ready to do something stupid! “OH MY GOSH HE’S ABOUT TO SHOVE OFF!!”

 

Syrus pushed his lousy boat into the water as Jaden ran up a hill and leaped several feet into the air, landing on the boat, making it break and capsize. “You suck at building boats, Syruuuuuus…” Jaden wailed as he sank; apparently he couldn’t swim.

“Oh no, me neither!” Syrus panicked, fearing the wetness! “Who’ll save him now?!”

“I WIIIIIILL!!” Koala Ko Ala ran up the hill, leaped, and smashed into the ocean, causing ALL of the water to splash skyward, making many fish fall all over the place. Jaden coughed up some water, but he was otherwise alright.

“Thanks, guys!”

“Hurry, you don’t have much time!!” Jaden scurried off of the ocean floor and onto dry land just as the water fell into place again in one huge sheet, rather than rainfall.

 

Jaden wiggled around, making all of the water on him fly off. “Syrus, why’d you decide that if you didn’t know how to play a single card right that you’d leave school forever?” he asked. “We’ll teach you, yo!”

“Well, then you could get a better Tag-Duel partner instead of me, like Koala Ko Ala,” Syrus explained.

“Uh, yeeeeah, I actually suck, so your idea stinks,” Koala Ko Ala said.

“Also, you’re wrong,” added Jaden.

“What?”

“I wouldn’t be able to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Get another partner.”

“Huh?”

“I can’t get another partner, it’s against the rules.”

“Oh.”

“So if you left, you’d die and I’d be screwed.”

“Oh, sorry then.”

“But-but I came to save your life, not my grades.”

“Oh, that makes it better then.”

“Good, good.”

“He is right you know,” Zane called. Everybody gasped and averted their gaze at… ZANE AND ALEXIS ON A CLIFF!!

“Zane?! But we already established that fact!!” Syrus explained and yelled.

“Hey lady, I can see up your skirt from here,” Koala Ko Ala said. “Have some dignity.” Alexis stepped back about three paces. “Thanks.”

“Thanks a lot, Koala Ko Ala,” Jaden mumbled.

“You’re droppin’ out?” Zane asked.

“No, we already fixed that problem, so we can all go home now.”

 

The credits began to roll, but Zane cut it off. “Well it’s about time,” he growled.

“Not anymore, jerk-off!” Koala Ko Ala insulted!

“Yeah, it was just about over, yo! Talk about lame!”

Syrus began walking away. “I’m tired and I was really ready to end the episode.”

“Syrus, you KNOW you can’t have a daily adventure without a duel, too!”

“Because I know it,” Zane said.

“Uh, what?” Alexis groaned.

“That’s IT!!” Jaden roared! “I’ve been in such a bad mood today that I’ve even gotten out of character for a while! Now I’m going to do what I’ve been TRYING to do all day…” Jaden paused. “I’m gonna ask you to play a card game with me! Will you play a card game with me?”

“Jaden, you know that you’re not allowed to directly ask people to play a card game with you here—no, wait, how many times have we broken that rule already?” Syrus wondered. “Anyhoo, I have no problem with this.”

“… Duel a Slifer? Sure, why not. After all it’s been a while since I went slumming.”

“What’s slumming, Jaden?” asked naïve little Syrus.

“I dunno, but I’ve got a card game to win, now! Get your game on!”

“BOO,” someone said.

“Jaden, WHO WAS THAT?!”

“I think it was some sort of duck. No, seriously.”

 

Hour(s?) later, on the pier, the group had set itself up along the harbor place. It was nightfall, and Syrus was antsy because that was about the time when the kids all got served milk and cookies in the dorms. I sure hope we don’t miss the milk and cookies… Syrus hoped.

“DUEL!” Jaden and Zane drew their respective cards. (Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Zane: 4000 Life Points)

“I sure hope we don’t miss our milk and cookies,” Syrus worried.

“Don’t worry, Sy, this’ll be quick enough so that we don’t miss cookie time!” Jaden smiled. “Nuthin’ goes better with winnin’ than cookies!!”

Except for ice cream, Alexis mentally corrected.

“I’ll kick this off by summoning Elemental Hero Avian in Attack Mode!” Jaden announced!

“AW, MAN!”

“You KNOW every time you use him you screw up somehow and he dies!”

Avian appeared, made a dumb pose, and yelled “HOOAH!!” (Avian: 1000 ATK)

“And I think I’ll go ahead and throw down a face-down!” Jaden concluded.

“We can do this, right, Jaden?” Avian asked. Nobody replied.

 

“That’s all, huh? For my first move, I’ll summon Cyber Dragon in Attack Mode!” Upon summoning, Zane’s huge robot snake dragon thing burst through the concrete and made an EVEN BETTER pose than Avian! (Cyber Dragon: 2100 ATK)

“Oh crap, guys! You were right!” Jaden gasped!

“I could play my Cyber Dragon BECAUSE it was my first turn, Jaden. With no monsters out, he requires no sacrifice,” Zane explained.

“WHO ASKED YOU?!”

“And now I’ll play Mystical Space Typhoon to destroy your face-down card!” A rip-roarin’ tornado took out the Trap Jaden was saving.

“This sucks!”

“Not as fast as your Life Point meter will go down! Cyber Dragon, attack!! Strident blast!” Cyber Dragon powered up fire power and shot out a column of flame at Avian!

“Yeooooww!!” he screamed, as he was burned away at a humorous speed.

“Damn it all, yo! I’m never summoning him again unless I have a good reason!!” Jaden exclaimed. (Jaden: 2900 Life Points)

Boy, my brother says the funniest things unless he’s scarring me for life, Syrus thought.

 

“Next, I’ll activate the Spell card, Different Dimension Capsule,” Zane said, Cyber Dragon staring down Jaden like some hungry guy staring down a stack of pancakes. A sarcophagus appeared on the field and Zane took his deck out from the deck holder. A card popped out like magic, and he placed it in front of his face menacingly! “It allows me to take any card in my deck, and remove it from play for two turns. Then I can add it to my hand.” He put the card into the HOLOGRAM and it left the third dimension entirely.

“That turn was so weird that I can’t even remember all the questions I was about to ask you,” Jaden admitted. He wiped his nose for no reason.

“Why do hero-type people in Japan apparently wipe their noses all the time?” Syrus asked.

“They only do that on TV, Sy, and plus I have an ENGLISH name, so I’m ENGLISH now,” Jaden laughed.

“Then why did you do that, anyways?”

“It’s your move, Jaden,” Zane said, changing the subject.

“Alright, I’ll use my Polymerization card! Next, I’ll ROLL out my heroes Sparkman and Clayman!” Elemental Heroes Sparkman and Clayman both appeared and then got sucked into a black hole that Polymerization suddenly created, crushing them and killing them as they passed the event horizon. The sounds were gut-wrenching. Then the black hole was consumed by light! “Now I’ll, heh, ROLL OUT my Elemental Hero Thunder Giant!!” The electric black hole exploded, and then Thunder Giant fell down from above. (Thunder Giant: 2400 ATK)

“RAAAAAWRWAAAAR!!” he roared, similar to Godzilla in many respects.

“Then what was the cool light show for?” Koala Ko Ala asked.

“Who cares, because my Thunder Giant’s special ability can destroy your Cyber Dragon like spoiled milk!!”

“WHAT?! I don’t get it!!” Suddenly Cyber Dragon was shocked by a bolt of lightning, killing it randomly.

“Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!” Jaden cheered! “I killed one of your main monsters!”

“Yay!” Koala Ko Ala cheered!

“Okay,” Syrus sighed, “but he has two more copies.”

“Uh…” Jaden began sweating. “I’ll pretend I didn’t just hear that.”

“Me too,” Koala Ko Ala agreed.

“Well, I’ll set a card face-down and have my Giant guy attack you directly!” Jaden pointed at Zane and his Thunder Giant held out both fists in agreement. Electricity came out in a lame looking-fashion. Zane didn’t flinch as he was struck by the holographic attack! (Zane: 2400 Life Points)

 

“Wow, he didn’t even flinch from that fake attack!”

“Duh, Jaden, It’s not real.”

“WHATEVER YOU SAY, Alexis. WHATEVER YOU SAY.”

“Nice moves kid,” Zane congratulated. “But, now that my field’s empty again, I can just throw out another Cyber Dragon.” Another Cyber Dragon appeared.

“U-uh, well, my m-monster is still st-st-stronger that it…” Jaden stuttered.

“Or better yet two!” No, Zane did NOT use a comma. “I activate Monster Reborn!” He held out said card. “And with just one monster in my Graveyard, you can guess who’s coming back.” And alas, within a huge shower of sparkles, the first Cyber Dragon appeared!!

“Holy crap, man, this ain’t lookin good, yo…” Jaden shivered in his boots.

“But not for long,” Zane added. He held out a Polymerization card in-between his fingers with a twirling motion. “Impressive form,” he noted.

“That was an impressive way to reveal a card, Zane,” Alexis said in a sweet voice, “Look at what it’s done to Jaden!” Jaden was laying on the ground, unconscious but frothing at the mouth in a puddle of urine.

“Wake up, or else I’ll get that on tape!” Koala Ko Ala threatened!

“And he’ll do it, too,” Syrus put in for good measure.

“WAAH, HUMILIATION!” Jaden quickly leaped to his feet, pretending that had never even happened. BUT THE STAINS TELL ALL…

 

A more impressive black hole that Jaden’s appeared behind the two Cyber Dragons, and Zane regally held his arm up. “Now, Cyber Twin Dragon, emerge!” A two-headed Cyber Dragon appeared from the depths of the black hole! (Cyber Twin Dragon: 2800 Attack Points)

“What a stupid idea!” Koala Ko Ala gasped!

“And my monster can attack twice per turn, so that means DOUBLE the trouble for you and your Life Points!” Zane’s joke wasn’t funny, but the two dragons charged up one laser beam each and fired them at Jaden!

Quick, Jaden, come up with a comeback before you look totally un-cool compared to him…

“Wow, a two-headed dragon!” Jaden bravely yelled. “What’re you compensating for, something down there, perhaps?” The audience face-palmed together in perfect synchronization. “But I have a Trap card!” Jaden flipped up his Trap: A Hero Emerges! “You choose one card in my hand and I can Special Summon it! Now choose!” Jaden held up his single card. Zane stared blankly at it while the twin laser blasts were still slowly (and I mean SLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWLLLLLYYYYY) rotating towards him and his giant. “I’ll just summon him then. Wroughtweiler!”

A dangerous-looking robot dog appeared on the field! “RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA—”

“Yeah, you’re a toughie, alright,” Jaden said. (Wroughtweiler: 1200 Defense Points)

“You’ll need’m,” Zane agreed! “Cyber Twin Dragon, DOUBLE Strident Blast!”

“That’s STILL a stupid idea!!” Koala Ko Ala gasped! “What’s next; a THREE-headed dragon with TRIPLE Strident Blast?!”

“RA-RA-RA-RA—” Wroughtweiler was yet again interrupted from his stupid barking by the giant laser hitting him and Thunder Giant. (Jaden: 2500 Life Points) The dog’s head, however, survived just long enough to spit out two cards at Jaden.

“Thanks for killing him for TWO REASONS: One, he was annoying—oh, no, I meant to say that the two reasons were these two cards I get from my Graveyard. A Hero and Polymerization… well, you get what I mean.”

“I don’t worry.”

“Heh ha ha, you ARE SO STUPID!!” Jaden laughed! “What’s up with your brother, Sy?”

“He was dropped on his head by his mother when he was younger. Last year, I mean.” Syrus turned to Alexis. “And why aren’t you defending your boyfriend?”

“Because he IS stupid,” Alexis replied. “Why don’t you defend your abusive older brother?”

“Touché, Girl-Jaden, touché.”

“What?”

“Long story. Remember?”

Zane smiled and retorted, “You too, Jaden.”

“That was a DUMB retort,” Koala Ko Ala explained.

 

“My turn!” Jaden announced! He threw down a monster! “I throw down a face-up! Elemental Hero Bubbleman!”

“BOO,” someone said. Some ugly Batman impersonator appeared, except he was fat-ish and blue. “BOO,” someone repeated. (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points)

“I understand where he’s coming from, he IS pretty ugly,” Alexis muttered.

“And because the rules on Duel Academy Island are different from the rules everywhere else,” Jaden went on, “I can draw two awesome cards, yo!” Suddenly and without warning, Winged Kuriboh appeared on his shoulder.

“OOH,” it cooed.

“THIS IS FOR EARLIER!” Jaden punched it in the face!

“OOH!!” It fell on the ground, unconscious similarly to how Jaden was when he wet himself. Jaden took this time to look at his two cards. They were Winged Kuriboh and Some Lady Abducts an Angel Kid!

“Oh, and because the rules for Bubbleman everywhere else say that when he’s summoned and I have nothing on the field, it counts as a Special Summon, so I can summon Winged Kuriboh and activate Some Lady Abducts an Angel Kid!” And thus, he cheated by using the real rules. Winged Kuriboh appeared, then got swallowed up by a dragon, took over its body and blew Cyber Twin Dragon up. (Zane: 0 Life Points. Game Over)

 

“Wow,” Syrus gasped, “now I have the power – to save the day with my Cyber Bond card! It all makes sense now!

“That was awesome!!” Koala Ko Ala screamed!

“Impossible…” Alexis whispered. “He won.”

“Hm.” Zane smiled and turned around to leave. He looked back at his little brother, though. Then he left.

“Hey, I actually beat him!” Jaden cheered! “Does that make me Obelisk Blue now?”

“No.”

“Aw, snap.” Alexis left to console Zane. “Uh, bye, Alexis?” asked Jaden, somehow.

“So, what happened?” Alexis asked the blue-haired tall guy. “You were supposed to win. What went wrong?”

“I think Sy chose good friends, Alexis.” Zane smiled.

“I guess that explains everything…”

Jaden turned to his buddies and said, “How about we go eat some milk and cookies?”

“AWRIGHT!!” Koala Ko Ala yelled!

“But seriously, change your pants,” Syrus said.

“It was THAT noticeable?!”

 

 

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how old are u

 

how do u know all this shiz

 

1.YOU ARE ANNOYING

2. WHO DO U THINK U ARE

3.IF WE HADE WAY TO SMACK YOU THROUGH THE COMP. IT WOULD BE DONE

4. MY GIRL FRIEND PUT THE MICHEL JACKSON AVATAR

5. BY I MEAN THIS NEEDS SOME WORK I MEAN YOU SUCK

6.IF MY AVATAR MAKES NO SENSE THAN WHAT ABOUT YOURS

YOU CALL YOURSELF WEATHER REPORT -STAND AND THAN YOUR AVATAR IS SOME APOCALYPSE NEOS GUY BUT YOU CALL YOUR SELF WEATHER REPORT STAND

YOUR NEW NAME IS APPOCALYPSE JOE YOU JUST WAVE YOUR AVATAR AND PISS ME OFF YOU JUST CANT EXPECT SOMETHING GOOD TO COM OUT OF YOUR EFFORT

JUST THE 6 OUT OFF HUNDERED THINGS I HAVE TO SAY [sIGNING OFF]NERD

 

P.S YU GI OH CYBER CITY CRISIS WAS A FAN FIC THAT YOU CAME AND PUT A THUNDER STORM ON IT

 

Kekekeke! This should be great Weather Report material!

 

I totally want to read your fan fic now.

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Either way, here's Nine, and I'll be posting episodes 41/42 or something tomorrow.

 

[spoiler=Episode Nine: A Spirit Summoned?!]

A REVOLUTIONARY NEW CHAPTER BY WEATHER REPORT

 

AN EPISODE NOBODY WILL EVER FORGET

 

YU-GI-OH! GX! THE FAN FIC

 

EPISODE 9: A SPIRIT SUMMONED

 

THEME MUSIC: THIS

 

A BLEACH AND YU-GI-OH CROSSOVER OF ACTING PROPORTIONS

 

Hanataro Yamada, an Obelisk Red, flew through the halls one dark, blustery autumn night. “JADEN!!” he cried; he was acting in place of Syrus for this episode. “JAAADEN!!” he repeated, more anxiously this time. He passed by a girl and her best buddies; Orihime Inoue, Rukia Kuchiki and Hiyori Sarugaki, all Obelisk Blues. “Hey, Alexis, Angry, or even Nancy!” he pleaded! “Have you seen Ichigo lately?”

“Sorry, no,” Orihime said.

“Why would we wanna see THAT idiot?” Hiyori rudely answered. “Bug off.”

“Wait, I am NOT playing Nancy Wut in this episode,” Rukia said. “Orihime, switch roles with me.”

“Uh, okay.” The two switched standing positions.

“Nope, haven’t seen him lately.”

“Oh, well, thanks anyway.” Hanataro dashed off, with no success. Damn, this is important! Why can’t I find him when I need to?!

 

Soon enough, he met up with Chad Sado, the resident guy playing an English Ra Yellow character. “Chad, hey!” Hanataro greeted. “Have you seen Ichigo?”

“mmmnmnnmmn…” he mumbled.

“Hey, wait, you can’t play BASTION!” Hanataro argued. “We need Ishida. He talks. ISHIDAAAAAA?” Uryu Ishida walked onto the scene.

“You called?” he asked, fixing his glasses.

“Uh, yeah, you make a better Bastion Misawa, so take Chad’s place.”

“mnmnmm?!” Chad grumbled.

“Is it because people think I’m BRITISH?!” Uryu challenged!

“Come on, Uryu, this is the last time, okay?”

“Ugh, fine,” Uryu sighed. Chad took off his duel blazer and Uryu put it on instead. Chad silently walked away.

“So, have you seen Ichigo as of late?” Hanataro asked.

“I JUST got here; of course not.”

“Oh. Thanks?” Hanataro ran off, again.

 

Then he ran into three guys in white coats. One, Sosuke Aizen, without glasses, turned around. “Hey, watch it, Slifer Slacker.”

“Stop acting like a Blue, you aren’t even WEARING blue.”

“Hey,” said another one, also Aizen, but with glasses grunted, turning, “you can’t make fun of US, huh, Hanataro, huh.”

“Yeah,” said the other guy, turning around, a TALLER version of Sosuke Aizen with glasses, “you can’t do that, I reckon!” You see, actually the short one was AIZEN Aizen, and the TALL one was Sosuke SOSUKE. You’ll get used to it.

“Well, have you seen Jaden or not?!”

“Uh, no.”

“I haven’t, huh, right, huh?”

“Don’t think so, huh, Hanataro, huh. I reckon!”

“Damn, you’re confusing! Anyways, back to my mission.” Hanataro left without another word.

 

Finally, he decided to check the place he’d LEAST expect: the Slifer Toolshed. He burst through the door, glimpsing Marechiyo Omaeda sleeping and Ichigo Kurosaki standing randomly; they were his Slifer Red roommates. “Oh, Ichigo, THERE YOU ARE!!” Hanataro jubilantly exclaimed!

“Huh?” Raspberyl turned around.

“WHAT THE HECK?!” Hanataro gasped! “YOU’RE NOT ICHIGO!!”

 

SECOND THEME SONG:

NO, I HAVE NOT WATCHED THAT SHOW.

 

STARRING (in order of appearance):

Hanataro Yamada as Syrus Truesdale

Orihime Inoue as Alexis Rhodes, and then Nancy Wut

Rukia Kuchiki as Nancy Wut, and then Alexis Rhodes

Hiyori Sarugaki as Angry McArgue

Yasutora Sado and Uryu Ishida as Bastion Misawa

Sosuke Aizen, Sosuke Sosuke and Aizen Aizen as Chazz Princeton, Billy Hills, and Deep-Voice Dobbson

Marechiyo Omaeda as Chumley Huffington/Koala Ko Ala

Jaden Yuki as Ichigo Kurosaki

Neku Sakuraba as Himself

Kaname Tousen as Himself

Ikkaku Madarame as Janitorboy Ikkaku

Toshiro Hitsugaya as Cult Leader Boy

Yumichika Ayasegawa as Cult Kid 1

Renji Abarai as Cult Kid 2

Rangiku Matsumoto as Cult Girl

Shinji Hirako as Cult Leader Man

Gin Ichimaru as Chancellor Shepherd

Zaraki Kenpachi as Jinzo

 

AND… Raspberyl as Jaden Yuki

Special guest appearance by Syrus Truesdale

Special thanks to the Prism Rangers, a Rifle Demon, seven Prinnies, and the International Hollow Association of Hueco Mundo.

 

Hanataro stood, mouth agape, at the little girl he’d just seen transform from Ichigo. “B-but you were Ichigo! And then you-you TURNED AND…”

“So, what?” Raspberyl asked. “What’s wrong?” Just then, Syrus Truesdale rushed through the doorway!

“JADEN!! WE HAVE A PROBLEM—who’re you guys?”

“Oh, didn’t you get the memo?” Hanataro asked.

“What memo?!” Syrus freaked out. “Who ARE YOU?!”

“No, you guys are supposed to be starring in Bleach this week.”

“Oh, so Jaden’s filling in for Ichigo?”

 

Jaden stood in the air (wearing a black kimono), held up his massive blade, and shouted, “BAN-KAAAAAAIIIII!!” He was covered in an impressive aura of power as he gained a black coat and a small, equally dark katana sword. “GET READY TO DIE!!” he shouted!

Neku, standing at the other side of Hokage Rock, held out his left palm and roared, “DON’T CALL ME PHOOOOOONES!!” He fired off a massive kamehameha blast from just one hand!

Kaname Tousen called out to Jaden, “What anime are we in?” Then Jaden held him out as a human shield.

“THIS ONE!!”

“Hey, what’re you—NOOOOOOOO!!”

 

“So, thanks, I’ll leave this up to you,” Syrus sighed, leaving.

“Well, back to the script,” Hanataro said, shrugging, “Raspberyl, if that IS your REAL NAME, we have some BIG problems!!” He walked back outside and pulled in Janitorboy Ikkaku Madarame, dressed up like a janitor with a moustache. He had a small janitor hat that sat just barely on the back of his head. “This guy, Janitorboy Ikkaku, the new janitor, is oddly injured!”

“I’m injured,” he groaned. “Jinzo! He came TO LIIIIIFE!!” Then he fainted.

“That was weird,” Raspberyl sighed. “Besides, Yu-Gi-Oh cards don’t come to life! What a CRAZY new janitor!”

“Well, how do you explain this?!” Hanataro said. “His head was shaved by Jinzo!” Janitorboy Ikkaku’s head glowed faintly.

“I’m not bald.” He pointed to his moustache.

“Aren’t YOU supposed to be knocked out?” Raspberyl ordered.

“Not anymore, because now I feel a lot better,” Janitorboy Ikkaku explained, stepping onto his feet. “And I can explain EVERYTHING, okay?”

“Okay.”

 

“Okay, so it was not too long ago, and I was cleaning up some pee outside the library…” he began.

 

Janitorboy Ikkaku took out a three-sectioned spear with a red mop on the end and began cleaning up a yucky fluid. “Damn kids, can’t even make it to the bathrooms these days.”

“HOLY SHIZZ-NIT!!” a boy screamed, not too far inside!

“Hubba-WHA?!” Janitorboy Ikkaku dropped what he was doing, straightened his moustache and hat, and sneaked inside. Four people were manipulating an Ouija board by candlelight. They all wore MYSTICAL cloaks and stuff. The lead boy was small with silver hair and a disgruntled face.

“Shut. Up.” he ordered. “Do you WANT people to sneak in here and bust us?!” He jabbed an accusing finger at some effeminate guy with a funky eyelash.

“B-b-but it just pointed to ‘H’…” he croaked.

“He’s right,” said a guy with pinappley crimson hair and odd eyebrow tattoos. “If you go screaming EVERY time we spell a letter because they bumped into the table, then you’ll wake up EVERYBODY.”

“Nobody’s bumping into the table!” assured a young lady with strikingly blonde hair for a Japanese school. “It’s all real, right, Hitsugaya?”

“No.”

“See?”

“Quiet, everybody,” said Shinji Hirako, also robed, but sitting a small distance away. “If you’re too loud, then we’ll NEVER MEET JINZO.”

“Okay, daddy,” the others all moaned in a hypnotized-ish fashion.

Holy crap, that’s a hypnotist cult! Janitorboy Ikkaku thought to himself. Suddenly, a MYSTERIOUS PHANTOM APPEARED BEFORE HIM, DRESSED COMPLETELY IN GREEN!! “HOLY CRAP!!” Janitorboy Ikkaku screamed!

“An intruder!” Shinji yelled! “Get him!!” The evil cult tore off after Janitorboy Ikkaku, who tried his darndest to escape unscathed!!

 

“And so,” Janitorboy Ikkaku concluded, “I passed out after I escaped, due to both fear and fatigue, and then that Hanataro guy found me.”

“Oh, that makes PERFECT sense!” Raspberyl exclaimed!

“Huh?” Omaeda asked, drowsily.

“It DOES?!” Janitorboy Ikkaku gasped, happy to see somebody believed in him!

“Not to me,” Hanataro said.

“Yeah, I see what you’re talking about, Janitorboy Ikkaku!” the demon girl said, patting Janitorboy Ikkaku’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’ll just call the cops or teachers, and then those cult followers’ll be arrested!” Then the lights went off.

“AAAAAHH!!” Hanataro screamed like a wimp! “The lights went out!”

“Duh!”

“But why?” Hana pleaded, for some reason.

“Maybe the fuse’s busted,” Janitorboy Ikkaku guessed.

“Maybe Omaeda did it,” Raspberyl guessed.

“Huh?” Omaeda asked.

“OR MAYBE IT WAS ME!!” said some guy with a robot voice! A mysterious man in a fedora hat and long coat approached, in an evil fashion, somehow! He smacked Janitorboy Ikkaku in the head and picked him up!

 

“Let’m go, you dumb Jinzo!” Raspberyl ordered!

“NEVER!!” he rasped! And so, he ran into the nearby woods.

“AFTAH HIIIIM!!” Raspberyl commanded! She leaped onto Hanataro’s back and slapped his shoulder!

“Hey, I’m not Kenpachi! Get off ‘a me!” He slid her off of his fancy coat. The duo ran off, leaving Omaeda to his own devices. At that point, the lights flickered on again.

“We’re sorry for the inconvenience, kids,” said Chancellor Gin Ichimaru over the intercom, “but a crazy robot ran into the power supply room and momentarily turned everything off for no reason. Don’t give me complaints, just beat him up if necessary. Have a nice day.”

 

The two Slifers made it to the island’s giant generator holding pin (it was made so that the generators couldn’t escape) and stopped with a jolt. Janitorboy Ikkaku was strapped to a large plank of wood, around a roaring bonfire! Also the people from the flashback were inside, too. “What’s going on?!” Raspberyl asked.

“THEY SHALL BECOME THE FOOD… FOR MY SOOOOOUL!!” Jinzo rasped! Jinzo took off his head… which was really a helmet! His head was…

 

HIS HEAD WAS THAT OF ZARAKI KENPACHI’S!! Although his head was obviously too big in proportion to his body. “HO-LY—” Hanataro didn’t finish. Raspberyl was laughing at him like crazy. “You’re ruining the mood!” Hanataro accused!

“BUT HE JUST LOOKS SO FUNNY!!” she laughed! “DO YOU EXPECT ME TO FIGHT MR. BIG HEAD TONIGHT?! HAHAHA HAAA!!”

“Actually, yeah.”

“Please stop that,” Jinzo Kenpachi asked in a gruff, Kenpachi voice, “you’re gonna hurt somebody’s feelin’s like that.”

“AW, HA HA, I’M GONNA PEE, IT HURTS SO BAD!! HAHAHA… whoo, okay,” Raspberyl said, recovering from laughter and wiping away a tear, “fine, I guess that since this is Yu-Gi-Oh, I have to duel you now.”

“Ah, yes,” Jinzo Kenpachi agreed, “you see, in order to become, ‘REAL’,” he began, trying to touch a generator tower thing. His palm simply passed right through it, though. “I need to steal your Duel Energy through a duel. And then I have to burn your body into a crisp. But if you beat me, then I pretty much die again. Sound fair?”

“NOTHING’S fair in Yu-Gi-Oh! But what the heck.” Raspberyl took out her duel disk from behind her back and tried to strap it onto her arm. “Dang, it’s too big. Can I get some help, here?”

“Catch!” Hanataro tossed Raspberyl a roll of duct tape.

“Thanks.” She taped the crappy device onto her wrist. “Okay, duel!”

 

(Jinzo Kenpachi: 4000 Life Points, Raspberyl: 4000 Life Points)

Jinzo Kenpachi automatically created a duel disk on HIS arm, as well, and drew his cards. “I summon Fishbone D. in Attack Mode!” An ugly monster man with a fish mask appeared!

“GWAAAAR,” he said. (Fishbone D.: 1600 Attack Points)

“Next I use the card Spiritual Pressure Absorption.” Jinzo Kenpachi placed down a Spell which appeared on the field as a red guy getting the life sucked out of him.

“NUH-UH!!” Raspberyl blurted out! “That’s just Ectoplasmer! Don’t try to gloss up EVERY card like it’s from Bleach! What a dumb gimmick!”

“Fine. But I still use its power! I tribute Fishbone D. in order to deal 800 damage to your life points!” Jinzo Kenpachi held out his arm, and the Hollow monster fell over. Its spirit came out of its body and flew through Raspberyl!

 

“Um, okay, it’s just a hologram. Am I supposed to be hurt or something?” (Raspberyl: 3200 life Points) She drew her new card and said, “I summon Prism Green, in Attack Mode!” A super-sentai parody in a green suit appeared on the field with an emerald glow!

“Ya-ha!” he triumphed! (Prism Green: 1000 Attack Points)

“But that’s no Bleach character!” Hanataro yelled! “Can’t it at least be something like one of the Karakura Superheroes?”

“No! Next I set four cards face-down and activate Mirage of Nightmare!” Five non-monster cards appeared on Raspberyl’s field. “On your Standby Phase, I draw four new cards, but on MY turn, I discard four as well! Now Prism Green, attack!!” The green ranger took out a short wand of some sort and leaped toward Jinzo Kenpachi! He struck him with his wand, releasing all seven colors of the rainbow!!

“GAAAAH, IT’S SO COLORFUL!!” (Jinzo Kenpachi: 3000 Life Points)

“That’s not all,” Raspberyl continued on, “I’ll use your Ectoplasmer card to tribute my radical hero and inflict 500 damage to your life points!!” Prism Green died, but his spirit lived on! It punched right through Jinzo Kenpachi’s chest!

“AAAAAARGH, IT HURTS FOR SOME REASON!!” (Jinzo Kenpachi: 2500 Life Points)

“Ha,” Prism Green said, “I may die, but justice lives on!” And his spirit faded away.

“Yeah, you got’m on da ropes!!” Hanataro yelled!

“No, not really.”

 

“She’s right!” Jinzo Kenpachi agreed! “When my Fishbone D. is killed by a Spell, I can summon him again!” The ugly, wimpy Hollow appeared again, flashing its white, shiny, mask teeth! (Fishbone D.: 1600 Attack Points)

“But I get to draw my cards now!” Raspberyl reminded. Her Mirage of Nightmare flashed a bit, and then she drew four new cards. “Next I’ll flip up one of my cards, Emergency Provisions, oh yeah!!” The Mirage of Nightmare card was turned into a cool cracker, which she just looked at dully. “Uh, should I eat it?”

“Only if you want to,” Hanataro offered.

“Okay then.” (Raspberyl: 3200 -> 4200 Life Points)

“Well, no matter! I summon Hell Butterfly in attack mode!” A black butterfly from the Soul Society appeared and fluttered a bit. (Hell Butterfly: 1600 Attack Points) “Now, attack her DIRECTLY!!”

“No way, Jose!” she shouted. “I use A Hero Emerges!” A card with a zombie super hero making a cool pose flipped up! “Now, choose one of the monsters in my hand! If it’s a monster, then I can summon’m to the field!” She held out her four cards where Jinzo Kenpachi could see them.

“I choose…” Jinzo Kenpachi rubbed his chin for a second. “The one on the far right. I choose that one.”

“Good.” Raspberyl threw down her monster! “It’s PRISM YELLOW!!” A yellow version of Prism Green appeared!

“YAAAH!!” he yelled! (Prism Yellow: 1600 Attack Points)

“OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” screamed Jinzo Kenpachi, emulating the ever-famous Home Alone scream pose!

 

Prism Yellow leaped up triumphantly and kicked the Hell Butterfly right in the antennae (remember, if you ever get attacked by a butterfly, hit it in the antennae. Also, NEVER bleed near one). But they BOTH exploded in a flash of rainbow-colored light!!

“FOOLISH FOOLY FOOL!!” Jinzo Kenpachi ridiculed! “DON’T YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU KICK A BUTTERFLY, IT’S BASICALLY SUICIDE?! NOW THAT YOU’VE KILLED MY MONSTER, WE CAN BOTH ADD ONE MONSTER IN OUR DECK INTO OUR HANDS!! And I choose Yammy Rialgo.” A picture of a fat guy with a bit of a Hollow mask on his jaw appeared. It had no effect and its stats were 0/0.

“Well, I choose Prism Red!!” Raspberyl yelled, holding up a red version of those guys from earlier.

“Ugh, the dreaded Prism Red, leader of the Prism Rangers,” Jinzo Kenpachi monologued. “Anyways, Fishbone D.! Use Fishbone Attack!!” The evil spirit fish man took out a large fishbone. Then he threw it at Raspberyl, aiming to murder!!

“Oh, okay, then.” The bone flew through her body, since it wasn’t really real. (Raspberyl: 2600 Life Points)

“AAAARGH, ARE YOU OKAAAAAAY?!” Hanataro yelped!

“Duh, it didn’t hurt a bit!”

“THIS sure will… AS LONG AS YOU BELIEEEEEEVE!!” Fishbone D.’s soul once again flew at Raspberyl and did nothing to her. (Raspberyl: 1800 life Points)

 

“You’d better hurry up, young lady,” Jinzo Kenpachi chuckled, “’cause your buddies are getting roasted to a crisp over there!” He pointed to the roaring bonfire in the distance. The people inside were awake and moving around. They were even playing cards.

“I play Bubonic Vermin!” the girl one said.

“Well, I activate Trap Hole!” the girl-ish one said.

“Oh, crap!” Raspberyl cursed! “JANITORBOY IKKAKU! DON’T WORRY! YOU’RE ON FIRE, BUT WE’LL SAVE YOU!!” Janitorboy Ikkaku, who was in a seated position, looked at himself, twitched his moustache, and shrugged. “You bastard, how DARE you burn people for your own personal gain! I summon Prism Orange, the German of Courage!” A semi-fat orange ranger appeared and punched the air.

 

“HOO-WAH!!” he grunted. (Prism Orange: 800 Attack Points)

“Now I equip him with Supa-Color!!” Raspberyl continued. A Spell Card with Prism Orange glowing flipped onto the field.

“WHAT YOU SAY?” Prism Orange asked… with a vengeance. “YOU’RE NOT ENJOYING OF THE SUPA COLOR?” He glowed deep orange from the bottom of his heroic heart!

“What kind of lame card idea is that?!” Jinzo Kenpachi recoiled. “I bet that reference just sailed over so many of those kiddie’s heads out there!”

“It’s the best we could think of here! Now the let’s keep the good times rollin’ with Polymerization! I fuse my Prisms Red and Orange to summon…” The two Rangers flew into a black hole and became… “Honorary Ranger Rifle Demon!!” A giant, black-ish demon with a laser gun for an arm appeared! (HRRD: 2000 Attack points)

“How is that even possible?” Hanataro asked, staring at the giant behemoth.

“Like I said, it’s the best we’ve got! Now, since my Prism Orange was sent to the Graveyard, the effect of Supa-Color activates!” Raspberyl stabbed her finger at Ectoplasmer. “Your dumb card dies!” It exploded suddenly.

“That doesn’t make sense, either, but that’s so awesome!” Hanataro cheered!

“And that ain’t it, yet!” Raspberyl laughed!

“Huh-WHA?!” Jinzo Kenpachi gasped!

“My Rifle Demon can attack directly to deal 1000 damage to your Life Points! Go, Honorary Shot of JUSTICE!!” The demon fired a laser at Jinzo Kenpachi, dealing massive damage!

“GRRRRRR!!” (Jinzo Kenpachi: 500 Life Points) He was now truly outraged, because we all know that Jinzo Kenpachi doesn’t appreciate being shot at. “OH, THAT’S IT. My Fishbone D. is revived now,” Jinzo Kenpachi reminded as his Hollow came back, “and I’ll sacrifice him for the BEST monster EVER… JINZO!!” Fishbone D. disappeared in a flash of light. Then lightning struck! A huge gust of wind began to blow! Hanataro was blown away! The earth began to shake!!

 

Jinzo Kenpachi simply stepped onto the field and it all stopped (Jinzo Kenpachi: 2400 Attack Points). “Now, I’ll attack! Rusty—“

“Hey, you can’t draw yourself!” Raspberyl said. “That’s just stupid! I mean, SURE you’re a card, but that doesn’t make sense! If somebody ELSE summoned you RIGHT NOW, would you have to go run ALL THE WAY OVER THERE, and then COME BACK when you’re destroyed?”

“YOU TALK CRAZY! RUSTY BLADE SLICE!!” Jinzo Kenpachi held up a rusty blade and sliced the Honorary Ranger! He exploded.

“NO! HRRD!!” Raspberyl cried! (Rapsberyl: 1400 Life Points) “Damn, you’ll pay SO HARD that you’ll WISH you’d NEVER HAD TO PAY IN THE FIRST PLACE!! I set a monster face-down and end my turn!”

“Raspberyl!!” Hanataro yelled. “Stick to the script! Summon it FACE-UP!” He waved his copy of the script around.

“Who cares, it’s STUPID not to set guys like this!”

 

“You MAY be right, but you’re also WRONG!!” Jinzo Kenpachi mocked!

“But HOW?!”

“I summon Numb Chandelier in Attack Mode!!” A squiddy pink monster with a mask featuring heart-shaped eyeholes appeared and snickered. (Numb Chandelier: 1000 Attack Points)

“You never answered my question! And WHY summon somebody so WEAK and STUPID?!”

“Because RUSTY BLADE SLICE!!” Jinzo Kenpachi sliced through the face-down monster… PRISM INDIGO!

“Owwwwww…” he groaned. Then he blew up!

“Oh yeah,” Raspberyl cheered, “since he has an effect similar to Wroughtweiler’s, I can add Prism Orange and Polymerization into my hand!”

“Well, now my Numb Chandelier can attack you directly!” Jinzo Kenpachi commanded! “Seed Flare™!”

“That’s a Pokemon™ attack! You TOTALLY ripped them off!” Hanataro worried. The octopus shot out a large seed pod, covered in the power of Grass!! It hit Raspberyl and bounced off.

“Once again, I don’t really care.” (Raspberyl: 400 Life Points) “You realize that if you were SMART you could’ve KILLED ME right here.” Jinzo Kenpachi held up the script. “Oh. That makes more sense now.”

 

“Now, lastly,” Jinzo Kenpachi said, “I equip myself with Kenpachi’s Secret Bankai!” His rusty blade transformed! Now it was a larger blade covered in mosaics.

“Damn,” Raspberyl grunted, “will we EVER see it?”

“Not likely! Now I can use Trap Cards and such!” He pointed to his Trap card nearby on the floor.

“Who freakin’ cares?! I activate Pot of Greed!” Raspberyl summoned a small, yet ugly pot in her tiny hands. She threw it at Jinzo Kenpachi!

“OW!!”

“I can draw two cards, and then I’ll summon Prism Blue!!” Raspberyl summoned a BLUE Prism Ranger!

“YAH!!” he roared! (Prism Blue: 800 Attack Points)

“Now I use Mystical Space Typhoon to kill off your dumb Trap,” she said, using a hurricane to kill a Spirit Barrier card.

“NO! That card had ‘Spirit’ in it, so we didn’t HAVE to change it! NO!!!” Jinzo Kenpachi cried!

“And lastly, I activate the Spell card Football Game of JUSTICE!!” Raspberyl sent a card to the Graveyard and held up a rainbow-colored football. It exploded, summoning all SEVEN Prism Rangers for Raspberyl! Red struck a pose, and the seven got into formation.

“Huh?!” Jinzo Kenpachi asked, dumbstruck. Seven Prinnies appeared in front of him and flashed their machetes! “And who are they? What’s going on? Why are we playing FOOTBALL?! Or rugby, in some countries that aren’t America. And isn’t this just some Magichange attack from Disgaea 2 for the PSP? Is this product placement or something?!”

 

“This card can only be activated by removing all seven Rangers from my hand or Graveyard,” Raspberyl said, folding her arms, “and Purple was in my hand this whole time. Now I can inflict 2000 points of damage to you, if they get at least one point. And this IS product placement.”

Jinzo Kenpachi gulped. “Oh, crap, guys! You’d BETTER win!!”

“But, but we don’t have fingers, dood!” a Prinny grumbled. “We can’t win, dood.”

“Damn. Just go.”

“DOOOOOOD!!” The penguins ran out into the fray! Prism Purple ran into the crowd with the football in hand! He sidestepped them all, leaped up, and tossed it into the air. Prism Yellow grabbed it over to the left.

“OVER THERE, GUYS!!” Jinzo Kenpachi yelled, pointing furiously at him! Two Prinnies turned around and attacked him! Yellow simply beat them up and tossed them into each other. As they exploded, he threw the football to the other side of the field. Green, Orange and Indigo smacked it away with their staves into the receiving hands of Prism Blue.

“NOW, WE FINISH THIS!!” Red yelled! Blue held the ball in place as Red charged to it, backflipped, and power-kicked it. It flew with such intense force that it knocked the wind out of Jinzo Kenpachi as it smashed into his stomach.

“UUUUUUUGH!!” he ‘ugh’ed. Then the football grew and glew with the force of a thousand rainbows, and was then detonated.

 

“FRIENDSHIP!!” the seven Rangers roared, holding their right arms up, and then faded away. (Jinzo Kenpachi: 0 Life Points, GAME OVER)

“AAAARGH!!” Jinzo Kenpachi roared! Then he stood idly.

“Uh, shouldn’t you be dead by now?” Raspberyl asked. “You just LOST. This IS Yu-Gi-Oh, right?”

“No, actually that wouldn’t kill me.”

“OH CRAP THEY’RE SCREWED!!” Hanataro screamed! The kids and Shinji were looking pretty crispy!

“NO THEY AREN’T!!”

 

Uryu and Chad came swinging in on a jungle vine through the forest, wielding two sealed bottles of water! They threw them into the roaring fire, instantly quenching it! “YOU GUYS!!” the heroes cheered! Then the three Aizens ran into the area! Aizen Aizen and Sosuke Sosuke held Jinzo Kenpachi in place!

“This is for trying to kill people!” Sosuke Aizen yelled! He punched him in the face.

“OW!!”

Then, the three action girls of the series appeared suddenly, holding heavy-duty machine guns! “DIE, FIEND!!” they screamed! Then shot him repeatedly.

“THAT HUUUUUURTS!!”

“WHO CAAAAAARES?!” Orihime asked.

 

Raspberyl picked Janitorboy Ikkaku up, among the other burnt guys, sitting, and doing nothing. “Janitorboy Ikkaku! You’re okay!”

“Uh, yeah?” Suddenly, Janitorboy Ikkaku’s moustache fell off.

“OH MY GOSH!!” Raspberyl and Hanataro gasped! “IT’S IKKAKU!!”

“NOIT’SNOTWHATYOUTHINK!!” Then, the cops arrived.

“Okay, book’m, guys!” said the senior policeman. Two others placed handcuffs on him and the other guys in the quenched fire.

“NO!” Janitorboy Ikkaku wailed! “THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!!” He was hauled off, with the other guys, into the paddy wagon.

“Thanks, kiddos,” said the policeman, “that Janitorboy Ikkaku guy’s been going from Duel Academy to Duel Academy, leading psycho hypnotism cults based around summoning evil monsters and ritual suicides!”

“So THAT’S why that Blue-Eyes was attacking New York last month!” Hanataro realized.

“Yeah, so now he’s going to jail. And so is that Jinzo Kenpachi corpse, he’s good evidence.” The policemen picked everything up and put it into the car.

 

“But what’re YOU guys doing here?!” Raspberyl asked.

“Oh, well the Chancellor told us to beat up the jerk who turned off the lights instead of him, so…” Hiyori trailed off.

“Okay.” Then Jinzo Kenpachi broke out of the cop car!!

“YOU’RE ALL DEAD MEAT!!” he loudly yelled. His head was blown off without warning. His limp body fell to the floor. Everybody turned and saw Marechiyo was holding a submarine sandwich and a smoking pistol.

“MARECHIYO!!”

“Aw,” he said, bashfully smiling, “it was nuthin’.”

 

Meanwhile, the Aizens were having a talk. “Man, we finally did something important, I reckon!” exclaimed Aizen Aizen.

“Well, it was BOUND to happen, since you ARE my clones,” Sosuke Aizen said.

“Nuh-uh, huh, Sosuke Aizen, huh,” Sosuke Sosuke retorted, “you guys are MY clones, I reckon!”

“Well, I reckon we ALL agreed that YOU were clones of ME!” Aizen Aizen yelled.

 

Suddenly and without warning, Ichigo Kurosaki appeared. “Hey, everybody, I’m here, get your game on, heh heh. Oh, wait, am I too late?”

“Yeah, you are,” Rukia said. “Sorry.”

“Heeeeeey…” Ichigo stared at Raspberyl. “Who’s this?”

“Oh, that’s just Raspberyl, your replacement,” Hanataro explained.

“Actually, I’m just Young Etna,” Raspberyl revealed.

“HUH?!”

 

 

 

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For those of you who have read all the other chapters, which means 2 or so guys, here's where we left off! For the others, feel confused for a few more weeks.

 

[spoiler=Episode 45: A Little Belowski]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 45: A Little Someone Jones

Part One

 

Cuts Man and Gut Man were walking slowly through the halls with Mann McOldsmobile, yukking it up to the rockin’ soundtrack. “An’ an’ an’,” Mann McOldsmobile chuckled, “An’ ‘DEN, ‘e said ‘e was—”

“REALLY REALLY IRRITATED BY THEIR VOICES!!” Cuts Man and Gut Man finished together, before erupting into laughter!

“Hoo hoo hoo, boy,” Mann McOldsmobile laughed, waggling his finger at them, “if you keep that humor up, you’ll be goin’ places! Hahaha!”

“Oh man, that was a good one,” Gut Man sighed. Then they bumped into a large door marked ‘DO NOT OPEN OR FACE CERTAIN BOREDOM!! ~signed chancellor shepherd~’.

“Cuts cuts cuts! What’s all this?!” Cuts Man asked.

“Oh, this door is dangerous,” Mann McOldsmobile recalled, “we’ve sealed up some students in here because they’re SO annoying and boring that they make people fall asleep and suffer horrifying nightmares.”

“R-really?!” Gut Man wondered. “How?”

“Oh, they’re just really scary and boring,” Mann McOldsmobile told, “Only somebody REEEEALLY tough could withstand them.”

“Hmm…” Cuts Man looked closely at the door. “D’you think that if Crowler unlocked ‘em, he could do something to Jaden, like he always wanted?”

“Dude, she’s a she.”

“Cuts cuts cuts! I forgot!” Cuts Man looked at Gut Man and they both nodded. Gut Man pressed a watch he was conveniently wearing, causing it to beep uncontrollably.

 

“Oh crap,” Gut Man cried, “I forgot! We have an appointment at the card shop in TWO WHOLE MINUTES!!”

“Wh-what?!” Mann McOldsmobile cried! “What KIND of appointment?!”

“A tag duel,” Cuts Man revealed.

“Sweet, guys! Can I come?”

“Sorry,” Gut Man declined, “it’s STRIP Duel Monsters.”

“Oh! Now I REALLY wanna come!!” Mann McOldsmobile excitedly announced!

“You don’t wanna come, we’re dueling two fat boys,” Cuts Man sighed.

“We lost a bet,” Gut Man explained.

“Oh, sucks for you,” Mann McOldsmobile sadly sighed.

“Well then, we’d better find some clothes!” Gut Man said.

“Cuts cuts cuts! I just found a sock!” Cuts Man noticed, holding up a yellow sock. “See you in a bit!” The two robots ran off.

“Wish ‘ya luck!” Mann McOldsmobile wished. As the two robots raced off, they exchanged glances. They were headed to see Crowler.

 

MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN…

“OH CRAP!!” screamed Jaden, Syrus and Koala Ko Ala. “WE OVERSLEPT AND MISSED BREAKFAST!!” They leaped out the door and onto the ground, then kicked through the door to the eating area! It was completely empty, save for some tables, chairs, six empty trays, and Chazz’s posse (plus Chazz).

“Yo! Our vittles!!” Jaden cried! “They’re GONE!!”

“Burp I reckon,” Billy Hills belched.

“YOU ATE ALL OUR FOOOOOOOD?!?!” Koala Ko Ala roared with rage!!

“Eh, yeah, we were hungry,” Chazz said.

“Mostly me, huh, guys, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson guiltily revealed.

“B-b-b-b-b-but,” Syrus stammered, shaking like a vibrating item of some sort, “WE NEED OUR BREAKFAST!! IT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THEY DAY!!” He leaped onto the table in the current enemies’ faces. “NOW IF WE TAKE OUR MULTI-VITAMINS, WE WON’T HAVE ENOUGH FOOD IN OUR STOMACH!! THEN WE’LL GET HORRIBLE STOMACHACHES BEFORE THROWING UP!! DO YOU WANT US TO THROW UP?! IN YOUR FACES?!?!

“Ew no,” Chazz said, pushing him away softly. “You guys were an hour late so we didn’t know if you were coming to eat.”

“That’s no excuse!” Koala Ko Ala said sternly! “Professor Banner!!” They waited. “PROFESSOR BANNER, WE HAVE A SITUATION!!”

“Yeah, yo!” Jaden added! Nothing happened.

“… Soooo… should we go to class now?” Chazz suggested.

“Sure.” They all went off to class.

 

Everybody was in class two seconds later. Everybody… except for Professor Banner! The kids all sat there and did nothing. “Uuuuuuh… uuuuum…” Jaden poked Syrus.

“Ow.”

“Hey Sy, what do you think’s up wit’ Banner bein’ gone?” Jaden asked his buddy.

“I don’ know, but I hope he’s not being afflicted with a horrible debilitating illness right now,” Syrus hoped. Just then, Crowler entered the classroom with some books!

“Why hello, class,” Crowler greeted. “Because nobody can seem to find Professor Lyman Banner anywhere, I’m going to be your substitute teacher for today.”

“OH, COME ON!!” Barry the Beginner screamed! “I CAN’T HANDLE THIS KINDA STRESS!!” He bolted out of the room.

“… Well, then, let us begin.” Crowler opened up one of its books just as Cuts Man and Gut Man walked up to it.

“Cuts cuts cuts!! Hey teacher!!” Cuts Man cried! They both started whispering to it.

“… Hm, well y’know, I never even thought of THAT,” Crowler realized. “Okay, class dismissed.” Crowler and the robots ran out of the classroom.

“… I’ve decided!” Jaden decided! “Even though I’m hungry, we’re gonna go look for Banner! Sy, Koala, you’re comin’ with me!” Jaden picked up his two friends and ran off.

“WAIT!!” Chazz shouted! Jaden stopped running.

“What’s up?”

“I’m going with you three,” Chazz said, “I’m not gonna just sit here and look crazy or a whole period! I’d rather be doing something that matters!”

“Well awright, then, let’s go!” Chazz and Jaden ran out of the classroom, leaving the rest of the students staring straight ahead at nothing for a whole period.

 

MEANWHILE WITH CUTS MAN N’ GUT MAN…

The two robots and Crowler were standing before the massive door that was not to be opened. “So, Ms. Crowler, how do we open the door?” Gut Man asked.

“Oh, simple,” Crowler said, slicing the door in half with its bloody sword Duel Disk. The door broke into splinters, despite being made of metal, revealing a silver electronic door with a card key applicator sliding device thing. “And then…” It took out a card key of some sort and slid it through the card key applicator sliding device thing, allowing it to make a nice ‘BOOP’ sound.

“Oh, I like that sound,” Cuts Man said, smiling at the noise. The door slid open, revealing a bright, white room filled with intense fog.

“Woah, what’s in here?” Gut Man asked.

“Only the two most dangerous students in all of Kaibaland Duel Academy,” Crowler snickered. “Boys, hello there?” Two figures stirred around in the fog.

 

“Hey, can we come out yet?” one kid asked.

“Yes, sure sure sure,” Crowler allowed, beckoning the two out. The first was a tired-looking grey-haired kid in a blue coat holding a clear jar of nothing. His clothes, an undershirt and plain pants, had obviously been worn for a long time.

“Yes! Someone Jones is BACK!!” Someone Jones cheered!

“EEE-hee hee hee hee hee,” laughed the second one, in a horrifically high-pitched voice. It was some sort of clown-like figure in a red coat with lavender hair and a somewhat-receded hairline. Some red lines were drawn up and down its eyelids and lipstick sat on its lips.

“Welcome back to our school, Someone Jones and Jaeger Lazar!” Crowler announced in a grandiose manner!

 

Jaeger put one of his hands and placed it onto Crowler’s shoulder. “EEE-hee hee hee hee hee,” it laughed creepily.

“Ms. Crowler,” Gut Man asked, “why were these two kids locked up in here, anyways?”

“Well,” Crowler began, “Someone was placed in lockdown because he was too boring for me to let stay in my dorms. If he starts talking to people, they start falling asleep without noticing it. Jaeger was just too frigging creepy, eugh. That’s why we refer to ‘it’ as ‘it’.”

“It’s a clown joke?” Cuts Man guessed.

“Hmm, I never noticed that before.”

“EEEE-hee hee hee hee hee,” Jaeger laughed.

“Okay, please stop that,” Crowler asked.

“H-hey, d’you wanna know ‘bout my COLLECTION?!” Someone Jones asked, holding up his jar.

“Um, no, that’s quite unnecessary…”

“EEEEE-hee hee hee hee hee,” Jaeger laughed.

“Oh well, you see here?” Someone Jones pointed to something in his jar. “That there’s the wily Speedy Gasp! It’s really fast and hard to catch!”

EEEEEE-hee hee hee hee hee,” Jaeger laughed.

“This one over here’s the FAT Gasp! It’s really fat, so it was tough to fit into the jar!”

“Please, please stop it, you two!”

EEEEEEE-hee hee hee hee hee,” Jaeger laughed, his eyes becoming more dilated and shaking wildly.

“STOP LAUGHING!!”

“Oh and over HERE is the Pink Gasp, the exclusively FEMALE gasp!”

EEEEEEEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE,” Jaeger laughed, now somewhat cloaked in a thin black veil of fear.

“PLEASE, JUST SHUT UP, YOU TWO!!” Crowler sobbed!

“And that one, the RAREST gasp of all, is the LEGANDARY LE GASP!! It got THAT one at the start of the year!!”

EEEEEEEEE-HEE! HEE! HEE! HEE! HEE!

“GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!” Crowler wailed, falling over backward, foaming at the mouth and convulsing madly.

 

“… I think we’ve found what we were looking for,” Cuts Man thought, removing his knife-on-a-stick from behind his back.

“Let’s go find them,” Gut Man decided. He pulled out a list, saying ‘Jaden Yuki, Chazz Princeton, Bastion Misawa, Chancellor Shepherd, Lyman Banner’. As Cuts Man pulled Crowler’s Spirit Key from its neck, Gut Man instructed, “I want you two to knock out everybody in the school and find these five people, got it?”

Cuts Man took out a receiver and pressed a button on it. “Cuts cuts cuts! Sir, we’ve finally gotten things rolling. Could you please send us the secret weapon?”

 

MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN…

Jaden, Syrus, Koala Ko Ala and Chazz were throwing all sorts of random items around in Banner’s room. Books were lined up in a large pile, and Garfield was unable to move, having been placed on his back. “MEOW,” he meowed.

“Darn it, there HAS to be a clue in here!” Chazz cried! “Can anybody find a suspicious piece of paper?”

“I got one,” Syrus found. “‘Note to self: Tonight @ 9 ‘Deep Throat’ Channel 442.’ I wish I hadn’t read that.”

“Sorry, after hearing that, I can’t stay in here,” Chazz said, trying to forget what he’d just heard. “I’m gonna go out and find Dobbson and Billy to see what they’re doing. Good luck, and call me if you find anything of any use.”

“How do YOU know about it? ‘Cuz I don’t!” some random kid said. “And is it THAT insanely terrifying?”

Syrun frowned at him.

“Over here, a REAL clue!!” Koala Ko Ala discovered! He held out a nice, crisp piece of paper and held it out for everybody to see. “It reads ‘Note to Jaden: Find me at…’”

 

MEANWHILE, WITH MANN MCOLDSMOBILE…

The poor guy was walking the halls, bored. “Boy, I wish that everybody else wasn’t in class or finding Crowler right now,” he sighed. “Why am I the only one who skips every class out here? Oh wait, that Koala guy does that, too. I’ll go find him!!” Mann McOldsmobile began running through the halls! A few random people were lying on the floor, flopping around like crazy. The further he ran, the more of them there were grouped together. As he approached a classroom, so many people were piled together that the door wouldn’t close for all the students in the doorway.

 

“Well, that’s just silly,” he chuckled. He continued running until he tripped over somebody. “Oof!” Mann McOldsmobile cried, tripping. “I sure wish I hadn’t tri…” He had fallen in one of the hallways filled with classes. People were everywhere. The entire floor was covered in sleeping, shaking students. “What in the…?! It looks as if… they were trying to get outta there,” Mann McOldsmobile thought aloud. He stood back up and carefully stepped over the children.

“…hee hee hee hee hee,” he heard further down the halls.

“…an’ THIS one’s an exclusive gasp from Malaysia!”

“GYAAAAAAAAH!! MAKE THEM STOP!!”

“That doesn’t sound good,” Mann McOldsmobile thought.

 

He picked up speed, racing down the hall, finally approaching the two newly-released students, harassing a small crowd of students, guarded by Chazz, blocking them from approaching further. Allied with the two were Cuts Man and Gut Man, who held onto three Spirit Keys. “SHADDAP!!” Chazz shouted, sending his fist flying towards Jaeger! “YOUR VOICES ARE IRRITATING US!!” His fist was stopped by Gut Man, grabbing him by the arm.

“Just go to sleep, alright?” Gut Man suggested.

“EEEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE,” Jaeger laughed.

“And then THIS one is Le Gasp, the prize of the entire collection!!” Someone Jones described.

“I… can’t handle it…” somebody sighed, struggling to stay awake. The people were dropping like sleepy, sleepy flies.

“I SAID SHUT YOUR TRAPS!!” Chazz flipped and kicked Gut Man in the face with both feet!

“Ugh!” Gut Man let go of Chazz accidentally, dropping him onto the ground.

“I can’t sleep until I save the school from you freaks!!” Chazz heroically announced! “I can’t even believe why YOU two’re doing this!!” Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson, whose class was being defended, stared at him with as pure an admiration you could get before getting freakishly enamored with somebody, because they like women.

“Cuts cuts cuts,” Cuts Man said, smacking Chazz over the head with his stick weapon, “just fall asleep already.”

“G-gaaaah…” Chazz groaned, falling unconscious.

 

“RAH!!” Mann McOldsmobile, Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson leaped at Cuts Man all at once, the only ones still awake!

“Too slow,” Gut Man said, deflecting them all at once. The three all fell over.

“Y-you hit Chazz, huh, you, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson growled.

“I reckon we can’t let anybody touch’m like that,” Billy Hills promised.

“We can,” Jaeger said ominously, in a voice deeper than his laugh would normally signify. It and Someone Jones grabbed the two by their collars. “Now what’s keeping you two awake at this point?”

“We can’t go ‘till we stop you guys,” Mann McOldsmobile said, stepping up behind them. He bonked them both on the head!

“Gyah!” Someone Jones cried! Jaeger didn’t flinch.

“Boss, we’ll take these guys onto the roof and duel them,” Jaeger told one of the robots.

Why isn’t he hurt?! Mann McOldsmobile wondered. I put all my force into his attack, since he’s the creepy one!

“Yeah, huh, we’ll handle you two up on the roof, huh” Deep-Voice Dobbson decided.

“Then go,” Cuts Man allowed, handing Jaeger some sort of Eye of Wdjat on a string.

“MY PLEASURE,” Jaeger smiled, opening his eyes as freakishly wide as possible, taking the Shadow Item. He and Someone Jones leaped up really hard, holding their victims above their heads as shields as they broke through the ceilings of every consecutive floor.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HUH I RECKON!!!” cried our two Slifers.

 

“Wh-what’re you two doing?!” Mann McOldsmobile asked.

“Figures he’d still be awake, being so tough n’ all,” Gut Man reckoned.

“Why are you attacking everybody?” he inquired.

“Simple.” Cuts Man smacked Mann McOldsmobile out the window and down onto the piers, sliding into a ship. “Eh,” he sighed, “that takes care of him… for now.”

As Mann McOldsmobile rubbed his head, which he’d fallen on, he looked back up at the school. “Th… those guys… why?!” As he prepared to leap back into the school, a jet flew by. It dropped a box about twenty feet tall and twenty feet wide. “Wh-what’s in the box?” The crate was marked ‘MEGY MAN’. “Crap,” he muttered, as the box exploded open.

 

MEANWHILE, WITH BILLY HILLS AND DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON…

The four had broken through the school all the way to the top of the white dome of the academy. “Oooh, I reckon…” Billy Hills gasped, as he and Deep-Voice Dobbson were dropped.

“What’re we doing here, huh, here, huh?” Deep-Voice Dobbson asked.

“Oh, we’re duelin’,” Someone Jones said, as he and Jaeger pulled out their Duel Disks.

“You see, we COULD battle each other to the death, seeing as you’re too pumped-up to sleep,” Jaeger proposed, “but we figure it’ll take less time to duel you.”

“We’ve had only each other to duel for the past five months of school, since we got locked up,” Someone Jones said, “so I think we’d like another person t’duel.”

“And in addition, we would like a Tag Duel, so that we may be able to defeat the both of you at once,” Jaeger added, “and though our decks MAY not work together in most circumstances, we’ve trained to combat that since we joined forces against the school.”

 

“Eh… eh… I… reckon okay?” Billy Hills sheepishly decided.

“Yeah, huh, let’s do it!” Deep-Voice Dobbson shouted!

“EEE-hee hee hee hee hee,” Jaeger laughed, with a voice that sounded as if he’d swallowed some helium, “DUEL.” He held out his shadow charm and immediately covered them all within an orb of darkness. (BH, DVD: 4000 Life Points, SJ, JL: 4000 Life Points)

“What’s this, huh?” Deep-Voice Dobbson asked.

“Th-this is a Shadow Game, I reckon,” Billy Hills dreaded. “I reckon we either win this game, or we’re toast.”

“I’m startin’ off THIS one!” Someone Jones proclaimed! He drew his opening hand and laughed a bit. “He-hey, I drew the card right off the bat!”

“Play it then,” Jaeger excitedly ordered.

“I play the Spell card, Final Countdown!!” A Spell appeared, showing twenty red orbs floating around a devilish-looking purple cloud. “We pay 2000 Life Points, and then in twenty turns, we automatically win this duel.” (SJ, JL: 2000 Life Points)

“What, huh?!”

“I reckon?!”

“Yes, we have some expert stalling tactics,” Jaeger stated. “Now go on, Someone.”

“I’ll activate Gasper Ghost Smackdown,” Someone Jones said, playing a Spell featuring an angry-looking puff of air. “Next I’ll set a monster and a Trap face-down, and end my turn,” Someone Jones finished, laying down his cards.

 

“My turn, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson announced. “I summon Bass Mouth!” A floating mouth with ruby-red lips appeared on the field.

“LA LALALA LAAAA,” it sang in a rich, deep voice. (Bass Mouth: 1800 Attack Points)

“Now attack, huh, Bass Mouth, huh, with Big Kiss!” Deep-Voice Dobbson ordered! The mouth flew over to the face-down card and pressed against it. The card flipped up, being Shining Angel, a regular-looking angel man, who then exploded.

“Thanks a bunch,” Someone Jones thanked. “Now because he was destroyed, his ability lets me Special Summon a Light monster from my deck with 1500 of less Attack Points! A spotlight appeared from the heavens, allowing a small pink puff of air to come onto the field.

“GASP!!” it gasped. (Pink Gasp: 300 Attack Points, 100 Defense Points)

“… Those are REAL cards, huh?!” Deep-Voice Dobbson asked, confused.

“I play Jester Confit,” he said, revealing a fat clown man on a ball. “I can Special Summon him to the field when I choose to.” The fat clown man appeared on the field! “He’s a Spellcaster monster, meaning that it will make sense for me to activate the Field Spell card, Secret Village of the Spellcasters!” The white dome became a village in a forest, where the houses were fat acorns and there were odd floating lights everywhere.

 

“The effect is simple:” Jaeger explained, “if I control a Spellcaster and my opponent does not, they can’t use Spell cards. If I don’t control any Spellcasters, then we can’t activate Spells. Understand?”

“Th-the song’s gettin’ t’me, I reckon,” Billy Hills worried.

“I’ll set a card face-down and end my turn,” Jaeger finished, as the song cut off suddenly.

 

“W-well then…” Billy Hills looked at his hand. I reckon I’m SO glad that Chazz threw this thing away after Duel Island… “I RECKON I SUMMON ELEMENTAL HERO OCEAN IN ATTACK MODE!!” Billy Hills threw down the nautical blue fish-man with the dolphin fin head! (Ocean: 1500 Attack Points)

“Woah, nice card, huh, Billy, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson complimented.

“Ocean, use yer’ Aqua Wave on Jester Confit, I reckon!!” Ocean held out his neat spear and caused a wall of water to wash toward the clown man!

“I activate my Waboku Trap card,” Jaeger announced, flipping up a card with several nun-like ladies in sky-blue robes. “All your battle damage is negated.” The wave washed over the clown, doing nothing.

“W-well, then, I reckon I’ll set a card,” Billy Hills said, setting Hero Signal.

“Do you end your turn?” Jaeger asked.

“W-well, since I can’t use m’Spells, I reckon so,” Billy Hills reckoned.

“Good. At the end of my opponent’s turn after I Special Summon him, Jester Confit and one monster under my opponent’s control are sent back to their respective hands,” Jaeger explained. “Bye bye, Bass Mouth.”

“Wha, huh?!” Deep-Voice Dobbson gasped. The jester looked really, really hard at the Bass Mouth. It backed off and into Deep-Voice Dobbson’s hand. Jester Confit nodded, as if to say ‘You BETTER run,’ and left the field.

“Now it’s been four turns,” Jaeger announced, bringing Final Countdown to mind. “Go, my friend.”

 

“I activate the card Gasper Ghost Smackdown!” Someone Jones said, playing a Spell card showing a fat puff of air getting really, really mad.

“Why do they keep usin’ their theme songs, huh?!” Deep-Voice Dobbson complained, slightly irritated.

“Next I’ll summon another Shining Angel to the field.” A second angel descended onto the field. (Shining Angel: 1400 Attack Points) “I attack Elemental Hero Ocean with him, while activating my Trap card!”

“He’s commitin’ suicide, I reckon?!” Billy Hills gasped!

“Not quite!” Someone Jones hinted. The Shining Angel flew over and punched Ocean, who didn’t seem hurt by him in any way. He slapped him across the face, blowing him up. However, no damage was inflicted, as a Trap showing a man blasting a dinosaur with a laser was face-up! “It’s Spirit Barrier, and as long as I control a monster, I don’t take damage,” Someone Jones said.

“Me neither, as this is a Tag Duel,” Jaeger added.

“Huh, damn, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson cursed.

 

“Next, with Shining Angel’s ability, I’ll summon Fat Gasp from my deck!” Someone Jones continued, as a fat yellow puff of air appeared, similar to the one featured on his Spell. (Fat Gasp: 300 Attack Points, 100 Defense Points) “Also, since I just lost a Fairy-type monster, my Gasper Ghost Smackdown Spell activates! The Attack Points of every ‘Gasp’ monster that was on the field when it was beaten becomes 3000.”

“Oh no, huh!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson cried! “I don’t have anything on the field!!”

“Go, m’little Pink Gasp!” Someone Jones commanded! “Do your stuff!!” The pink puffy thing got mad… turned red… and then began fuming with smoke!! It was now clear that the Gasper Ghosts were rip-offs of existing monsters!!!

“GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!” it growled! (Pink Gasp: 3000 Attack Points, Fat Gasp: 300 Attack Points)

“Attack Ocean!!” Someone Jones ordered!

“FWOOOOOO!” Pink Gasp exhaled, breathing at Ocean! Ocean was blown to pieces. (BH, DVD: 2500 Life Points)

“Wait, I activate Hero Signal, I reckon!” Billy Hills shouted! His Trap flipped up, shooting an ‘H’ into the sky!

“Oh, that paltry ‘H’ isn’t enough to defeat us,” Jaeger snickered.

“Maybe it is, I reckon, ‘cause I summon Elemental Hero Woodsman from my deck!” Woodsman appeared all of a sudden!

“HEY!!” he shouted, in his funny accent! “LET’S PAHTY!!” (Woodsman: 2000 Defense Points)

“Fat Gasp, attack the OTHER one, then,” Someone Jones decided. Oh no, Billy Hills realized, I forgot he could do that!

“Fwoooooo,” exhaled the fat one.

“W-woah, WOOOOAH, HUH!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson cried, being blown away!

“DOBBSON, I RECKON!!” Billy Hills screamed!

“HUH!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson grunted, smashing against one of the acorn houses of the Secret Village, just to remind you that it was still there. (BH, DVD: 2200 Life Points)

“I think I can call that a turn,” Someone Jones said.

“Hoo,” sighed Pink Gasp, feeling better again, turning pink once more. (Pink Gasp: 300 Attack Points)

 

“Dobbson, I reckon!” Billy Hills gasped, helping Deep-Voice Dobbson to his feet! “Are you okay, I reckon?!”

“Y-yeah, huh, Billy, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson huffed, “I, huh, just, huh, didn’t expect’m to, huh, be able to, huh, do that, huh…”

“This is a Shadow Duel, they do that there, I reckon,” Billy Hills explained.

“Aw, huh, should’a though’a that, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson thought. “A-anyways,” he started, walking back to his spot with Billy Hills, “I’ll set two cards, huh.” A Trap and a monster appeared. Don’t worry, Billy, he thought, I got the Field taken huh, care of, huh.

“No Spells, kid?” Jaeger asked inquisitively. “You do realize that I don’t have a Spellcaster right now, yes?”

“I know, huh, weird guy, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson acknowledged.

 

“Not again, I reckon,” Billy Hills complained under his breath.

“I’ll Special Summon Jester Confit to the field again and set a card face-down, ending turn seven of the duel.” The cards appeared, and the clown looked as fat as ever. His weak stats just seemed to mock Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson. (Jester Confit: 0 Attack Points) The song ended again. Billy Hills took that as the signal to draw his next card. Dang dang dang, he thought, if that Village wasn’t active, I could do a fusion, and then I reckon I’d beat that Jester n’ win!

Deep-Voice Dobbson yelled! “I flip up my Trap, huh, Dust Tornado, huh, which destroys your Secret Village of the Spellcasters!!” A huge brown tornado blew by, sending dust everywhere, ripping all the acorns from their foundations!

“Koffkoffkoff,” Jaeger coughed, “what have you done?!”

“I just let Billy use his Spells, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson said, smiling like a winner!

“I reckon I’ll use my Woodsman’s special effect, givin’ me a Polymerization card!!” Billy Hills shouted!

“HERE YOU GOOOOO!!” Woodsman yelled, throwing Billy Hills a Polymerization Spell card!

“I reckon I couldn’t do this without you, Dobbson, thanks!” Billy Hills thanked! “I activate Polymerization to fuse Woodsman with Ice Edge from my hand!” The signature wormhole appeared, and the two heroes jumped inside. Some icy fog spilled out from the portal, followed by Elemental Hero Absolute Zero dashing right through Jester Confit’s body!! (Absolute Zero: 2500 Attack Points)

 

“Oh my gosh!!” Someone Jones screamed!

“You lose, I reckon,” Billy Hills said, smiling like a winner.

“No, I don’t!” Jaeger laughed!

“What’re you talkin’ about, huh, clown, huh?” Deep-Voice Dobbson ordered.

“My Trap card, Crush Card Virus, activates!” Jaeger said, smiling gleefully! His Trap, showing some evil-looking viruses, flipped up and exploded into digital triangles, making Jester Confit turn completely purple and melt. Absolute Zero took a few steps back before falling over, releasing a huge gust of cold air. The Gasper Ghosts were taken with it.

“Shucks,” Someone Jones cursed, “but at least you can’t attack!”

“Wh-what happened, I reckon?!” Billy Hills asked, scared now.

“Crush Card Virus needs me to tribute a Dark monster with less than 1000 Attack Points. Then all monsters on your sides of the field, in your hand, AND which you will be drawing for three of your turns, are destroyed if they have 1500 or more Attack Points!” Jaeger explained!

“I reckon…”

“Huh, huh…” The two black-coated boys were stunned.

“Go on, discard your monsters,” Jaeger ordered. Deep-Voice Dobbson and Billy Hills discarded Elemental Hero Heat, Elemental Hero Stratos, Bass Lion, and Bass Caterpillar.

Billy Hills looked at the Magic Cylinder card in his hand. “Fine, I reckon, I’ll set a card and end my turn,” Billy Hills said, as if he’d already been defeated. No, I reckon that shouldn’t have happened! I reckon we almost won then n’ there! Even if I’d attacked a Gasp, Absolute Zero’d STILL get beaten, I reckon!

 

“You two are SUCH horrible duelists,” Jaeger informed, “you even forgot that we controlled Spirit Barrier!!” He pointed to the card on Someone Jones’ side of the field.

Huh?!

I reckon he’s right!!

“EEEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE,” Jeager laughed, with that high-pitched voice of his! “MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA!! IT’S USELESS!! YOU’RE TOO INEXPERIENCED FOR US!! YOU’VE ALREADY LOST, HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!! THERE’S NOTHING STANDING INBETWEEN US AND THE REST OF THE SCHOOL BESIDES TWELVE MORE TURNS!! EVERYBODY ON THIS ISLAND IS AS GOOD AS DEAD!! HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!!”

“D-Dobbson, I reckon…” Billy Hills said softly.

“Don’t give up yet, huh, Billy, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson urged, filled with rage, “we can do this. Please don’t give up.”

 

I don’t know if I can hold out anymore, I reckon.

 

MEANWHILE, BACK WITH JADEN…

Jaden and his two good friends were hiking through the forest together, now that they knew where to go. Luckily, they were VERY far away from the school by now, oblivious to what was going on. “Ah, boy, I really hope Banner’s okay, yo…” Jaden hoped.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure he’s fine, though Syrus isn’t,” Koala Ko Ala said.

“I’m not sure he’s alright,” Syrus admitted.

“Aw come on, Sy. Either way, I already miss the guy!” Jaden sighed. “I just remember all those nice things he did for us.”

 

“Here Jaden,” Banner said one day during dinner while holding Garfield, “have this brownie.” He gave Jaden a brownie.

“Hubba-WHA?!” Jaden gasped! “Are… are ‘ya SURE you’re willin’ to give up ‘dat brownie?!”

“Eh, sure, Garfield licked it already.”

“MEOW.”

“Eh… what?” Jaden asked, having already stuck the entire thing into his mouth. He threw up a minute later.

 

Jaden’s expression turned sour. “… Well, he usually means well.” They continued to walk, and the area around them became foggier and foggier.

“Jaden, we’re here,” Syrus said.

“Then let’s go, yo,” Jaden decided, as the three of them walked into the abandoned dormitory for the last time this season.

 

 

[spoiler=Episode 46: The Seventh Shadow Rider]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 46: A Little NEDM

Part One

 

Jaden, Syrus and Koala Ko Ala had walked down into the caves of the abandoned dorm while we weren’t looking, and there was a doorway on the wall ahead of them. “That’s where he said for us to meet him,” Syrus said.

“Now, Jaden,” Koala Ko Ala said, “are you ready? We don’t know what we’ll find in there.”

“I know, but we’ve gotta do this,” Jaden said with firm resolve. “Tough times, hard climbs…”

“We’ll take ‘em on together,” completed Syrus and Koala Ko Ala. “We’re ready.” The three walked down into the next chamber… which was yellow-ish, and had stone slabs decorated with the pictures of a fiendish behemoth, a massive dragon and some demonic, winged creature of some sort. There was a coffin on one wall and some machinery on the other.

“What IS this place…?” Syrus wondered.

“It looks dangerous,” Koala Ko Ala worried. “What’s with the coffins?”

“I’m gonna open it,” Jaden decided, opening it.

“JADEN, DON’T OPEN COFFINS!!” Syrus screamed!

“OOOOOOH MMAAAAAAAAH GOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHH!!” Jaden screeched!!

“Wh-wh-wh-what is it?!?!” Koala Ko Ala asked, freaked out!

“It’s… it’s… it’s…” The other two, scared but curious, ran over to check it out. And what they found was… A PROFESSOR BANNER-SHAPED CORPSE WITH DRIED-UP SKIN!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!” the boys screamed!

 

“Oh, hello boys,” greeted a familiar voice. The trio turned around. They were facing… Professor Banner, with white hair, a puffy grey cloak covered in red strands of fabric, and black clothing underneath. “Don’t worry, that’s just my Halloween costume.”

“P-Professor,” Syrus said, “you already look like you’re wearing a Halloween costume.”

“Teach!” Jaden happily cried! “You’re okay?!”

“Yes, of course I am,” Banner said. “Don’t worry, everybody, I’m fi—EHUUGH!!” Banner coughed up a handful of blood!

 

“Oh no, Professor Banner!” Koala Ko Ala cried! “Are you alright?”

“Y-yes, do not worry,” he said, as if nothing was wrong.

“Why did you call us down here, Banner?” Jaden asked, getting down to business. “Where have you been lately? We were worried about you this morning.”

“Listen, Jaden,” Banner told, “I have something really important to tell you.”

“What is it, yo?”

“I am the Fifth Star.”

 

“What?!” Syrus gasped!

“It can’t be!” Koala Ko Ala claimed!

“Th-that isn’t true,” Jaden believed, “it can’t be! You’re one of the Spirit Key guardians, y’know? Key of Heart?”

“The elements have nothing to do with it, or anything, for that matter. I am an enemy. You must defeat me here and now if you want to save everyone.”

“Th-this is just a bad joke,” Jaden chuckled, “you don’t really mean…”

“Jaden, I want you to duel me now,” Banner sternly ordered, “we don’t have much time. I’ll tell you everything after this is over, I promise you. You have to win this duel.”

“But… teach!” Jaden complained. “I can’t… I just can’t duel you under these circumstances! I don’t wanna have a Shadow Duel! If I win, you’re dead!”

Banner took out his Duel Disk, which was colored in a dull shade of grey. “I don’t care, it doesn’t matter.”

“Professor…” Syrus sighed sadly. “I can’t believe this.”

“DUEL,” Banner exclaimed. (Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Banner: 4000 Life Points) It’s all going according to plan, Yugi, Banner thought to himself, pleased.

 

MEANWHILE, WITH BILLY HILLS AND DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON…

“EEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE,” Jaeger laughed, calming himself down from his previous outburst, “Oh, that was priceless. You lot are just so full of surprises. And don’t forget, only twelve more turns!”

“Stop repeatin’ yourself, huh, dumb-face, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson yelled!

“Is that the best insult you can throw at us?” Someone Jones asked sarcastically.

“Just take your turn, huh, Jones, huh?” Deep-Voice Dobbson turned to Billy Hills. “C’mon, huh, Billy, huh, Hills, huh, are you okay?”

“… Y-yeah, I reckon I guess so,” Billy Hills guessed.

“All my monsters for the next few turns are useless, huh, bud, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson admitted, “but I promise I can support you as much as you need for these next few turns.”

“That’s nice,” Someone Jones guessed, “but I’ll just summon Fast Gasp in Attack Mode.” A small-but-long puffy air-thing appeared by the guy. (Fast Gasp: 300 Attack Points) “Attack!”

“Fwoo fwoo fwoo!!” Fast Gasp breathed, with short-but-fast bursts of air!

“Ugh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson grunted, trying to shield himself with his arms. (BH, DVD: 1200 Life Points)

“Turn ten,” Someone Jones announced.

 

“Stop that, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson said.

“Huh huh huh, is that all you can say?” Someone Jones mocked.

“Huh, not quite, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson answered. “I…” He drew Bass Robot (Bass Robot: 1500 Attack Points, 1600 Defense Points) “…huh, I’ll discard this card.” He did so. “But I’ll set two cards, huh!” He quickly placed two cards face-down.

“Turn ten,” Jaeger announced.

“STOP PLAYING THAT SONG, I RECKON!!”

“No. I Special Summon another Jester Confit,” he decided, playing that fat clown again. (Jester Confit: 0 Attack Points, 0 Defense Points) “Next I’ll Normal Summon Jester Lord.” This time a tall, thin clown appeared, juggling some balls of flame. (Jester Lord: 0 Attack Points, 0 Defense Points)

“What’re you doing with, huh, those monsters, huh, kid?” Deep-Voice Dobbson asked, confused. “They’ll only stall you ‘til we can draw again, huh!”

“I don’t care, I’ll just set a card and end my turn,” Jaeger said, setting his card. “Turn eleven.”

 

Ignore it, Billy, Billy Hills tried to tell himself, I reckon it’ll make victory all the sweeter if’n I can finish up just before we hit twenty. “DRAW, I RECKON!!” He drew a card. It was… Elemental Hero Captain Gold. “I reckon I discard it…and I also reckon it’s your turn.”

“Turn twelve!” Someone Jones said. “I set a card and end it here!” A card called ‘Trap Hole’ was played. “Turn thirteen, begin!”

“Huh, I summon Bass Boot!” Deep-Voice Dobbson summoned a grey shoe. (Bass Boot: 1100 Attack Points) “I’m gonna attack your Jester Confit, since he’s stupid, huh!”

“Nope, I play Trap Hole, destroying any monster with 1000 or more Attack Points upon summoning,” Someone Jones stated, flipping up his card, featuring some sad demon guy in a hole. Bass Boot fell through an odd circular opening in the ground.

“Huh… fine.” Deep-Voice Dobbson grunted.

 

“Turn fourteen!” Jaeger exclaimed! “Because I’d Special Summoned my Jester Confit, I have to add him back into my hand again, but that’s no problem.” Jaeger’s clown returned to him!

They’re just playing with us, I reckon!! Billy Hills realized!

“I activate my Trap card, Compulsory Evacuation Device, to add my friend’s Mokey Mokey-like thing back into his hand,” Jaeger said, as his Trap faded away and shot Fast Gasp away into the sky. (Jester Lord: 3000 Attack Points)

“Hey! It’s not like Mokey Mokey! It’s not like Mokey Mokey at ALL!!” Someone Jones sniffled.

“What’s with your monster? I reckon it’s gettin’ stronger!” Billy Hills worried!

“When there are no other monsters on the field, my Jester Lord gains 1000 Attack Points for every Spell and Trap active.” He pointed to Billy Hills’ Trap, Spirit Barrier, and Gasper Ghost Smackdown.

“Huh, what, huh?!” Deep-Voice Dobbson cried!

“I’ll attack you directly,” Jaeger said, pointing to Billy Hills. “You deserve at least ONE attack before we finish this.”

“Yah ha ha,” Jester Lord laughed, throwing his flaming orbs of flame at Billy!

“No way, I reckon I play Magic Cylinder!” Billy Hills countered, activating his Trap! The orbs flew into a big cylinder covered in magic signs that meant something of some sort. “Your attack is now a direct assault on your Life Points, I reckon!!”

“Aw yeah, huh, Billy!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson shouted, pumping his fist! The fireballs flew back out of the cylinder at Jaeger, but they fizzled away on contact.

“Spirit Barrier,” Jaeger repeated. (Jester Lord: 2000 Attack Points)

“Augh, dang, huh!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson growled! “I hate that card, huh!

“I reckon ‘yer done, then?”

“Fine, turn fifteen,” Jaeger accepted.

 

Billy Hills drew somebody cool. “I reckon Crush Card Virus is over, now?”

“Correct.”

“Then I reckon I summon Elemental Hero Heat!” Heat appeared, flaming a bit for extra style points!! (Heat: 1600 -> 1800 Attack Points, Jester Lord: 0 Attack Points) “Attack Jester Lord, I reckon, Heat Flame!” Heat fired some flame at Jester Lord. He blew up. “I reckon that’s enough for one turn.”

“Good, that means turn sixteen,” Someone Jones said delightedly, drawing a card. “I play Gasper Ghost Combination.”

 

MEANWHILE, WITH MANN MCOLDSMOBILE…

Mann was standing in front of a giant crate marked ‘Megy Man’ “Huh?” Mann McOldsmobile wondered. “‘Megy Man?!’” He touched the box.

Megy Man,” a computerized voice said from inside the box, “A robot created in the future for the purpose of destroying and/or holding off assaults from the enemies of the Seven Stars.” As soon as the voice had silenced, a giant, metal, muscular arm burst through the wooden crate! Each finger had a full-sized jackhammer on every fingertip.

“W-woah?!” Mann McOldsmobile gasped, ducking under it. “What’s up with that arm?! Who IS this guy, Quint?! Naw, that’s too obscure a reference! But WHO?!” The crate exploded open and released a robot with a circular head without a neck, placed onto a massive upper body, colored cyan with a red stripe running horizontally on it. It had arms huge enough to reach the ground, mostly in part to the incredibly small legs. “GAH!! That thing looks tough!!” Mann McOldsmobile gasped! Megy Man, quick as a flash, smacked Mann McOldsmobile with his fingernails, which pounded Mann McOldsmobile due to their jackhammer nature. He was blown off into a tree near the piers.

 

“Ooh, ugh, that hurt,” Mann McOldsmobile moaned, rubbing his bleeding forehead. Wait… it hurt?! Oh crap, this guy can hurt me! he thought. This won’t be easy… He stood up and looked at his enemy. Megy Man in turn looked back at him. I know I’m faster than him, because of his legs, Mann McOldsmobile decided. I can outpace him, and pound ‘im too. It’s been a while since I’ve punched through metal… He flexed his right hand twice. I know I’m not outta practice. “RAAAAAAAAAH!!” He pushed off of the ground as hard as he could and flew fist-first into Megy Man. Megy Man caught him in his Mann McOldsmobile-sized palms and tried to crush him in-between them.

 

Using the only free muscles he had, Mann McOldsmobile pushed the hands apart a few inches by pushing out his pinky fingers. “DRRR… DAH…” he gasped, as it was hard on the pinkies. Now that he had enough room to move around, Mann McOldsmobile… was headbutted as Megy Man’s head extended into him via mechanical extendable cables. “OOF!!” He fell onto the hard concrete ground of the pier and backflipped onto his feet. I need… I need some distance between us. He turned around and started running away as fast as he could. He can’t catch me with those small legs! he believed. Megy Man silently jumped onto his left arm, supporting all of his body weight successfully, and used his finger-jackhammers to propel himself forward at a great pace, chewing up the ground as he went. CRAP!! Mann McOldsmobile mentally screamed! The distance between them was shrinking quickly! “HAH!!” He turned around and kicked at Megy Man, who defended with his free hand! From that he pushed off and stuck his hand into Megy Man’s armor! Some grating sounds came out from his new chest-hole. Megy Man slapped him off onto the ground and pounded him with his fist.

“AAAH!! AAAH!! AAAH!!” Mann McOldsmobile screamed with each new punch! “AAAH!! AAAH!!” Unbeknownst to Megy Man himself was the fact that with the last punch, Mann McOldsmobile had held onto his hand and jumped off of that behind him. Megy Man punched the ground two more times before noticing. The giant robot leaped off of his left hand and back onto his feet. Come on, Megy Man, I can’t attack your back, that just wouldn’t be fair, Mann McOldsmobile thought, despite the fact that there were some rather heavy boats he could be throwing at him, or that there was a thunderstorm coming in from the ocean, OR the fact that his side was hurting more than many could endure. “CHEEEEEE,” Mann McOldsmobile whistled, “this is getting GOOD. I haven’t had a fight THIS good in FOREVER.”

 

“I play Gasper Ghost Combination,” Someone Jones said, holding up a Spell card showing off the three Gasper Ghosts in cool poses in front of an electrical background.

“What does that card even do, huh, Jones, huh?” Deep-Voice Dobbson asked, bracing himself.

“Well, you know how ghosts come back from the dead?” Someone Jones reminded. “This card lets me use them from the Graveyard in order to do a Fusion Summon.”

“Th-that card’s basically a Parallel World Fusion, I reckon, but with ghosts!!” Billy Hills cried!

“Well, of course,” Someone Jones sighed, “but anyways… COMBINE!!” His eyes fired off magnificent rays of light! The trio of gasps appeared before the duelists once more and swirled together. They formed into a rather large mass of orange gas with a cute face and a monarch’s crown. “Le Gasp in Defense Mode!!” (Le Gasp: 100 Defense Points)

 

“That… that’s jus’ the same thing, but BIGGER, I reckon!” Billy Hills realized. “I reckon there’s no point to that.”

“Or… IS THERE?” Jaeger suggested.

“Eep, huh?!” Deep-Voice Dobbson meeped, surprised by the sudden outburst.

“When this monster’s destroyed,” Someone Jones explained, “I can summon the original Gasper Ghosts from my Graveyard.”

“Oh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson accepted, drawing a card, “my turn huh huh.” This card… this card is… HUH?! Deep-Voice Dobbson thought, as if the card was a sacred treasure.

“I’M NOT DONE YET, STOP!!” Someone Jones yelled. Deep-Voice Dobbson looked at him, then looked at the card, then sadly put it back onto his deck. “Now, I’ll set a card and end my turn.” He did so.

Wait, ain’t I forgettin’ something, I reckon? “Hey Jaeger, I reckon your Jester Lord’s got 0 Attack Points again!” Billy Hills recalled.

“Hm, so you’re right,” Jaeger shrugged. (Jester Lord: 0 Attack Points) “Turn eighteen.”

 

“POT OF GREED, HUH LET’S GO HUH!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson shouted! He drew Bass Potato and some random card!

“What?! Why does everybody draw that one RIGHT when they NEED it?!” Jaeger gasped!

“I summon Bass Potato and activate my two face-down cards, Sing Out, huh, to summon two Bass monsters from my Graveyard!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson’s regular-looking potato appeared, along with a robot and the mouth!

He’s gonna fuse! thought Someone Jones.

He’s gonna fuse! thought Jaeger.

I reckon he’s fusin’! thought Billy Hills.

“I remove the three monsters from the field, huh, to summon Bass Statue!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson said, not quite defying everyone’s expectations!!

“LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!” sang a realistic bust of an opera singer. (Bass Staue: 2800 Attack Points)

“Yeah, I reckon it’s time to get rid o’ that Spirit Barrier!!” Billy Hills cheered ecstatically!

“I activate this monster’s effect;” Deep-Voice Dobbson proclaimed, throwing down one random card, “I discard one card from my hand to destroy one card on the fieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeld, huh huh!!” The statue’s eyes turned emerald! Its mouth opened as wide as it possibly could without breaking!

“Oh no,” Jaeger said, “we aren’t about to lose just YET.”

“LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.” it sang, releasing a wave-motion cannon-style blast of energy. The blast flew faster than the eye could perceive! In an instant, the laser had fulfilled its purpose; it had destroyed a Trap card. The wrong Trap, but a Trap nonetheless.

“… Huuuuuuh?!” Deep-Voice Dobbson wondered, as the Spirit Barrier was STILL showing a dinosaur getting blasted with a beam.

 

“Fake Trap,” Someone Jones said, showing off the fact that he’d flipped up a card with some ugly demon guy, who was really excited with the fact he’d just written ‘FAKE’ in cool handwriting. “It takes the place of any Trap card you destroy.” The card ‘sploded into bits and faded into nonexistence. “You’ve failed.”

“Oh ho ho, that was a good one,” Jaeger complimented.

“Wh-wh… I… I reck…” Th-that can’t be, Billy Hills thought, now certain of loss, he COULDN’T have done that! How… how could it end like this… I reckon?! “D-D-D-Dobbson, it’s over, I reckon,” Billy Hills said, swallowing his pride. “I reckon we lost… but we… we gave it a good shot.”

“It’s not over yet, huh, Billy, huh.”

“I reckon?”

Deep-Voice Dobbson cracked his knuckles. “Bass Statue attacks Le Gasp, huh.”

“LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.” The statue’s alluring tone caused the giant king to fall apart into three separate gasps again. (Pink Gasp, Fat Gasp, Fast Gasp: 100 Defense Points)

“So?” Someone Jones asked.

“So you don’t have Le Gasp anymore, huh, Jones, huh!” Deep-Voice Dobbson said.

“Turn nineteen,” Jaeger said. “I don’t even HAVE to do anything here, so I’ll skip STRAIGHT to twenty.”

 

“Turn tw-twenty… I reckon…?” Billy Hills repeated, disillusioned. He stared at his hand. It was made up of Miracle Fusion and Chazz’s signature Parallel World Fusion. “B-but I reckon… I can’t… I can’t do anything…”

“Draw your card, huh, Billy, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson earnestly instructed.

“Do you really think that one card will help you?” Jaeger asked.

“I managed to defeat Le Gasp with one draw, huh, clown, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson reminded. “It may have been the musical accompaniment, huh, maybe, huh, but I still did somethin’ with a lucky draw.”

I reckon he’s right, Billy Hills reckoned, he DID happen t’draw Pot of Greed after he started playin’ that song randomly! And… I reckon that Jaeger guy plays HIS OWN stupid song all the time… what does this mean? Sh-should I do mine, I reckon? Billy Hills gulped. He rested his shaky hand on his deck. “I-I reckon I dr-draw, an’ an’ an’…”

His eyes became soulless, black holes of space. He began to levitate for some reason.

“Wh… what…?!” Billy Hills asked, with no idea of what was going on. He even forgot to say ‘I reckon’.

“NEDM,” Jaeger announced, his voice becoming airy again.

“…?!”

“Not even DOOM music could save you now!!” Jaeger screamed, staring right into Billy Hill’s soul, cloaking the entire area in darkness. Rays of pictures of eerie smiling cat heads spiraled out from Jaeger and around the field. “If you were GOING to win, you’d have done it TWENTY TURNS AGO!! You two are FAILURES at your only skill! You will LOSE, and you will DIE HERE AND NOW!! EEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!!EEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEEEEEE!!!!” Billy Hills’ legs stopped working. He fell onto his knees. “OH, WHAT’S WRONG, LITTLE BOY? SCARED? WORRIED? YOU’D BETTER BE, YOU SICK FILLER OF A CHARACTER!! END YOUR TURN AND LET YOURSELF BE ERASED FROM OUR STORY AND OUR MEMORIES FOR GOOD!!”

 

“Y-y-y-you’re n-not even… I reckon… the me-meme doesn’t work tha-th-that way,” Billy Hills stammered, almost unable to speak from terror.

“I DON’T CARE!!” Jaeger rudely answered.

“Jaeger, you’re going a little too far now,” Someone Jones said, irritated. “Stop talking and let them lose.”

“NO, DON’T TALK BACK TO ME,” Jaeger replied, uncaring. “THESE TWO DESERVE TO KNOW HOW USELESS THEY ARE IN THIS STORY!! THEY’RE ONLY SLIGHTLY POPULAR!! THEY HAVEN’T DONE ONE IMPORTANT THING YET!! EVEN THIS DUEL DIDN’T HAVE TO BE DONE!!”

“What’re you talking about?”

“I’M SAYING THAT THEY DON’T BELONG HERE,” Jaeger said, staring down the two characters he was referring to. “EVERYBODY WHO IS DERAILING THE MAIN PLOT DOESN’T MATTER.”

“Y-you weren’t like this before,” Someone Jones said, confused. “What’s gotten into you?”

“EVERYBODY WHO DOESN’T BELONG SHOULD JUST DROP DEAD,” Jaeger decided, “EVERYBODY WHO WAS HERE FROM THE START SHOULD ACT LIKE THEY WERE WRITTEN TO. I’LL JUST USE THE NEXT YEAR GETTING EVERYBODY IN CHARACTER… AND IT’LL BE PERFECT.”

“Wh-what’s with that guy, I-I-I…” Billy Hills could finish the catch-phrase.

“The truth is,” Someone Jones said, “he’s one of the head writers of the original show, Mr. NAMEANDADRESSWITHELD. NAMEANDADRESSWITHELD wasn’t happy with how this show was taken and made fun of, and he came here originally to fix it back to normal… by laughing in people’s faces for a while. I was cool with it, especially because he told he he’d let me be if I worked with him, and he was trying to get back at the people who threw me into a locked room because I liked to tell people about my gasp collection.”

“It’s… it’s boring…”

“YES IT IS,” Jaeger agreed, “JUST LIKE THIS SHOW SHOULD BE!! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WRITTEN AWAY IN EPISODE THIRTEEN, SO YOU’RE TWENTY-THREE EPISODES AND TWENTY TURNS OVERDUE!! END IT!!”

 

Billy Hills slowly turned to Deep-Voice Dobbson, the only person left who could help. “D-D-Dobbson, I… I’m scared.”

“Huh, Billy, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson said, “trust yourself to draw what you need.”

“… I reckon?”

“This plot thread doesn’t even make any sense, huh, Billy, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson said, “the author’s merely stallin’ for time. You can do this, huh, Billy, huh.”

Billy Hills nodded and turned to his Duel Disk for final support. He gulped, drawing his card, stood up, and said “I activate the Spell card Fifth Hope.” earnest

“WHAT?!” Someone Jones gasped!

“NANI?!” Jaeger gasped!

“HUH AWESOME HUH!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson gasped!

“I add Elemental Heroes Ocean, Ice Edge, Captain Gold, Heat n’ Ocean into my deck, so I reckon I ‘kin draw two cards,” Billy Hills said, drawing the two most necessary cards at that moment. “I play Polymerization, I reckon, to fuse Elemental Heroes Ocean n’ Woodsman from my hand!”

“H-how did you… draw them…?” Jaeger asked, dumfounded, allowing his eyes to become visible once again.

“How did you get t’be so annoyin’, I reckon?”

“Oh well mostly it comes from the theme song—”

“ARISE, I RECKON, ELEMENTAL HERO TERRA FIRMA!!” The air broke apart into a passageway, allowing Terra Firma, the glowing ivory hero that is kinda good. (Terra Firma: 2500 Attack Points)

“Oh no oh no oh no,” Jaeger whimpered, “I know what’s coming next…” He turned to Someone Jones.

“Don’t worry, I still got Spirit Barrier!” Someone Jones insisted. “We’re okay!

“Yeah WRONG, huh, bub!” Deep-Voice Dobbson triumphantly stated.

 

“Now I reckon I activate Miracle Fusion.” The hologram of Billy Hill’s card flipped onto the field and was smashed apart as Absolute Zero burst through. (Absolute Zero: 2500 Attack Points) Billy Hills gave a victory awesome point-at-the-enemy’s-face pose. “I tribute Absolute Zero t’ activate both heroes’ abilities, I reckon.”

“Wait, BOTH abilities?” Someone Jones double-took. “What’re you talking about?”

“RaaaAAAAAAAAHH!!” Terra Firma roared, absorbing Absolute Zero and all his powers. (Terra Firma: 5000 Attack Points)

“Nnnnngh…” Jaeger turned to the monsters his team controlled, sweating. (Jester Lord: 0 Attack Points, Pink Gasp, Fat Gasp, Fast Gasp: 100 Defense Points) Why? Why do I feel like he’s going to win?! We’re completely invincible at this point!! All he has to do is say ‘I end my turn I reckon’-whatever, and it’s done! What’s happening to my dreams of ‘Yu-Gi-Oh! GX’?! All of the monsters they controlled were suddenly swathed in ice crystals and exploded. “WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!”

“When Absolute Zero leaves the field, I reckon,” Billy Hills said, satisfied, “he takes all th’other opposing monsters with’m.”

“YOU’RE CRAZY!!” Jaeger shouted, making the crazy cat heads turn red with rage!! “WE’RE IMPERVIOUS!! WE STILL HAVE SPIRIT BARRIER!!”

“Actually,” Someone Jones said, on the verge of tears, “Spirit Barrier only works when we control a monster…”

 

What?

“Terra Firma…”

WHAT?!

“Use Negative Infinity Degrees, I reckon!!”

WHAT DID I MIIIIIISS?!?!

Terra Firma pulled out his two sword handles and focused his energy, becoming icy blue-colored, forcing a spray of deadly ice crystals to blow to form his blades. He leaped into Jaeger’s face and stared him in the eyes. “Will you leave us and get over this, huh?” Deep-Voice Dobbson asked.

“N-no, I can’t promise that I will,” Jaeger honestly said.

“Then there’s no reason t’keep you here, I reckon,” Billy Hills decided. Terra Firma jabbed his two swords into Jaeger’s stomach and turned the power on full-blast. He dropped his Shadow Item and was launched right through the darkness sphere, knocking some cat hallucinations around, and landed in Canada. (SJ, JL: 0 Life Points, Game Over) All of the holograms and weird cat faces disappeared. Someone Jones fell down onto the Shadow Item necklace item thing, cracking it.

“Damn,” Someone Jones muttered, honestly excited by that last turn exchange. “That was good.” Deep Voice Dobbson lifted him up by the shoulders.

“Huh, Someone, huh, I think you should decide what you’re gonna do right now,” Deep-Voice Dobbson pressured, “Will you keep hurting the other students, huh, or will you come back to being a regular citizen, huh?”

“… I’m sorry…” Deep-Voice Dobbson let him go, allowing him to land on his side, completely devoid of energy now.

“Huh, Billy, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson called, “I’ll go check on Chazz. You stay here, huh, ‘til you’re ready.”

“Mm… mmkay, I reckon,” Billy Hills accepted, nodding. Deep-Voice Dobbson leaped down the hole they’d come up from originally and did stuff. Meanwhile, Billy Hills cried manly tears with his new-found pride.

BILLY HILLS/DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON PLOTLINE – COMPLETE

 

MEANWHILE, IN THE CHANCELLOR’S OFFICE…

Yugi in his yellow coat was pacing around Chancellor Shepherd’s desk, messy with random disgusting papers and magazines. Shepherd was also fast asleep and twitching in an uncomfortable manner from obvious causes. He was on a cell phone and irritated. “Now, come on, you said maybe,” he said over the phone.

“That I do not recall, Yugi,” the responder responded.

“Yes you did!” Yugi argued! “I DISTINCTLY recall you saying that in episode 36! Now get off your lazy ass and save us from two evil robot Shadow Riders!”

“And so… tell me why YOU can’t do it?”

“Because the fate of the universe in three years depends on me grooming that Jaden Yuki kid into a dueling genius!” Yugi yelled! “Don’t you get it?!”

“… Sooo… tell me again why you can’t do it…?”

Urgh, smug bastard,” Yugi muttered. “Fine, it’s because I’m not a good enough duelist anymore and I need you to save the world… of dueling.”

“Mweh heh heh, just the words I wanted to hear,” the guy accepted. “I’ll be there soon. Also, did you know that Marik died a few months ago?”

“Marik? Noooo, not that guy!”

“Yeah, tragic helicopter accident.”

“Aw man, and when was the last time I saw that guy? When we went to Cancun?”

“Just teaches you to enjoy life to the fullest while you can… I’ll be there in ten minutes to help you with your robots.” CLICK went the phone. Yugi stowed his cellular phone into his pocket and sighed heavily.

“Why did we have to do this today of all days?” Suddenly, some large red claws slid through the metal door like it were made of tasty butter!

“Urr-UMPH!!” Gut Man shouted, kicking open the door. “So, are YOU the last key holder?” he asked, stepping toward Yugi with Cuts Man.

“Cuts cuts cuts! I knew we’d have to double-check for some people!” Cuts Man sighed. He held out his knife-stick. “So if you know what’s good for ‘ya, you’ll tell us ‘yes’. Do you know where the last two Spirit Keys are?”

 

MEANWHILE, WITH MANN MCOLDSMOBILE…

A storm was coming over the ocean. Mann McOldsmobile was suffering from a slight head wound. He was flashing a bloodthirsty grin at a large blue robot named Megy Man. Megy Man had shown already that he has a skilled battle robot, as he had already scored some damage on our hero character and torn up the piers quite a bit with his jackhammer-fingers, while only suffering from a fist-sized hole in his back. “Come on, y’hunk ‘o metal!” Mann McOldsmobile goaded. “Izzat all you got?!” He took a huge leap off of a tree trunk and landed right in front of Megy Man. The colossus did a simple arm-swipe maneuver, which was simply side-stepped by Mann McOldsmobile. The manly boy kicked the groin area of the robot as hard as he could. He felt some parts of the ‘bot snap and saw the hips release several hundred volts of electricity. The legs crumpled, broken and useless. Mann McOldsmobile jumped back away from the thing as it fell forward with a loud ‘QRASH’ sound. The ‘Q’ is there on purpose.

 

And sure enough, he’ll come after me, Mann McOldsmobile knew, running away up a large hill. Sure enough, Megy Man came after him on all ten of his fingers. Because he used twice the fingers… He’s going twice as fast as before!! Mann McOldsmobile perceived! “UHHHHN!!” he groaned, slammed into by a fifty mile-an-hour tank. The force knocked him right up the entire incline he was traveling. He was stopped by the helpful suspension bridge, upon which his arm had taken the brunt of the fall and was dislocated. “NYAAAAH!!” Mann McOldsmobile screamed, clutching his shoulder! But he certainly had no time for screaming, because Megy Man was still coming after him. Mann McOldsmobile flipped onto his feet and grabbed a hold of his arm. It may not be exactly fair, Mann McOldsmobile thought, but it’s just a matter ‘a usin’ your head. “COME ON, BASTARD-ROBOT,” he yelled, “WHASSA MATTER? HURRY UP!!” He pushed his arm back into place and turned around. “UUGH!! SONUVA…” But hey, at least he was able to pump his arms better as he made his escape.

 

He had run about one-eighth of his way across the bridge when Megy Man had reached it. Of course, as expected, it was a stupid idea to bring jackhammers onto a suspension bridge. The structure collapsed under Megy Man, dropping him into the ocean below, along with a small storm of debris. Mann McOldsmobile, being masterful and stuff, leaped from slab of concrete to slab of concrete, until he was able to smash his fist through Megy Man’s chest armor! “Heh, this armor’s like aluminum foil!” Mann McOldsmobile joked. “Can’t you at least stop making fun of me and get serious?” At this point, I believe it’s a good idea to note that Megy Man was buoyant. He quickly clapped Mann McOldsmobile in-between his hands as he’d done once before and flipped over, holding him underwater.

 

CRAP!! Mann thought. He couldn’t even move his pinky this time; Megy Man was applying more force than earlier. The air was forced from his lungs. He couldn’t do anything. Damn it, this shouldn’t have happened! I shouldn’t have brought him up on that bridge! That was unfair, and look where it got me… There was a massive jolt, separating Megy Man’s hands. KRAK-BOOM!! Mann McOldsmobile was free and stuck his head above the water! “BWAAAAAH!!” he said oddly, sucking in as much air as he could! He looked around and noticed that it was raining. He also smelled the faint smell of smoke and felt the water slightly scald his torso and legs. Was he just struck by lightning? And where’d he go? He stuck his head down into the drink again and looked around. Megy Man was sinking! Wait, why’s he sinking? He was floating a minute ago… aw, damn it, I punched two holes in him!! He’s filling up with water! Feeling an odd sense of pity for his enemy, he dove back down into the water. He caught Megy Man by the finger as he sank and slowly managed to swim back upward, despite rough, stormy currents.

 

He pushed himself through the surface back near the piers. He carefully swung his legs onto the land and swung Megy Man back onto the concrete. He landed with a ‘SPLACK’ and slid for half a second. Water poured out of his chest armor. “Ah, woah, ah, heh,” Mann McOldsmobile breathed heavily, “You, you’re really, really, heh, heavy. I, can barely, eh, believe I, I managed to… aw, screw this.” He moved into a boxing position. “I hope we’ve leveled the playing field, now?” Megy Man flipped onto his stomach and balanced himself on one elbow, with one arm ready for smackage.

 

Do I… do I really wanna kill this guy? Mann McOldsmobile asked himself. This guy’s a robot, like Cuts n’ Gut! That won’t… that just won’t feel right! I kill… a LOT… but this just feels too personal! Are they still my friends? Can… Megy Man count as an ally? But he, he doesn’t seem to feel emotions. He’s just fighting me. He can’t say anything, and his face can’t emote. Is he… no, no. I have to finish this. This guy’s affiliation is evil, like that talking crate told me for some reason! I have to help everybody and get back in there to get to Cuts Man and Gut Man. Mann McOldsmobile began mentally focusing all he had into his right fist. One punch… I don’t have to think about anything except ending this in one punch!! “HAVE AT’CHAAAAA!!” Mann McOldsmobile announced, dashing toward his enemy for the final time. Megy Man threw his right hand forward, with the jackhammers on full blast. And blood splattered out…

 

…from Mann McOldsmobile’s fist as it nearly disintegrated through the hand from the sheer force of his energy. He continued to travel through Megy Man’s arm, through the upper part of his armor plating, and into his head. “HEH,” Megy Man chuckled, flashing a smile.

“Wha?!” But alas, because Mann McOldsmobile was not gifted with the power of flight nor teleportation, he couldn’t stop himself from smashing Megy Man’s head into pieces of misshapen metal. Mann McOldsmobile landed behind the metal corpse on his feet. He turned back and stared at it. Was… was that… something sentient? He walked back to it. He stared at it. He laughed. He smiled. And after I thought… Suddenly Mann McOldsmobile heard something coming. Something emitting a jet-like sound. Something white and lame-looking.

 

The signature Blue-Eyes White Dragon jet plane flew past Mann McOldsmobile and into the school with a loud, satisfying explosion. “THE FAWHK?!” Mann McOldsmobile gasped! “Wh… right, the situation inside the school…” He took one more look back at Megy Man and then charged off to the school building.

 

 

 

Please excuse my knowledge of weird memes and get ready for a cameo next week. Also I apologize for how horrifying Jeager was, but trust me, he won't be as disturbing as season 3 *WINKWINKOWIWINKEDTOOHARD*.

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Welp, time for chapter 10, if anybody cares... which I know you do...

 

[spoiler=Episode 10: Family Business]Syrus entered the Slifer Toolshed and saw Jaden and Koala Ko Ala watching television. “Yo Sy!” Jaden greeted, waving his hand. “We were just watchin’ Bleach!”

“Two Bleach references in two weeks?!” Syrus gasped. “That’s uncreative! And also, didn’t they say that we weren’t allowed to watch the television if we don’t share with the faculty?”

“I’ve got it ALL covered,” Jaden winked.

“This is a great episode,” Koala Ko Ala warned, “you’d better get here fast!” Syrus charged over onto his bunk of ‘da bed and stared at the small screen…

 

Momo Hinamori had woken up late for a meeting. “Oh no, it’s so late already!” she gasped, grasping the time of morning. She ran down a hall of the Soul Society and came upon a small barricade. “I’ll just take this shortcut…” She leaped over it, and froze.

 

Several captain-class Soul Reapers had been standing around something hung upon a wall, covered in blood. Upon it was Captain Sosuke Aizen. “I can’t believe he died this way,” one guy said. Another one quickly studied the scene and wrote something in a notepad.

“Cause of death…” he grunted, “was EXPLOSIVELY BLOODY DIARRHEA.”

CAPTAIN AIZEEEEEEN!!

 

Jaden flipped off of his seat, Koala Ko Ala threw up out the window, and Syrus sat down in shock. “That… wasn’t what happened…” Syrus muttered.

“But that’s what it LOOKS like!!” Jaden defended, pointing to the picture link I just provided.

“YOU… YOU’RE RIGHT!!” Koala Ko Ala screamed! “UGH, NOW I’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LOOK AT THAT PAGE WITHOUT LAUGHING AFTER I RECOVER!! DAMN GAG DUBS!!”

“Could this day get ANY worse?!” Syrus wailed! “I mean, after ONE bad thing goes wrong, then something ELSE bad happens, then some guys do something REALLY stupid that’ll draw meteors into orbit and crush us ALL!! And the episode hasn’t even STARTED yet!!”

“Dude, that’s just weird, yo.” Just then, a giant flaming meteor fell onto and crushed the Slifer Toolshed.

 

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 10: Family Business

 

It was a hazy, misty ocean morning, and a man was stupidly crossing the entire ocean on a rickety raft made out of papier-mâché and cardboard. Then it capsized! The man sank into the ocean… but then, a large, flabby narwhal swam under him and swam off with him. “HEY!!” the man roared. The narwhal froze. “TAKE ME TO DUEL ACADEMY ISLAND.” His piercing gaze struck the narwhal so hard that a bit of his fat got pushed in, as if a manly ghost poked him!

“Uh, uh, ooh ah, um, alright.” the whale agreed, shakily and frightened-y. It turned around to the direction in which the guy was originally rowing in and took off with a jet-like sound.

 

The man’s eyes and nose were incredibly intense.

 

Meanwhile, Jaden was sitting under a tree. “Ahh, this is the life!”

“THAT’S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY!!” Syrus and the other Slifer Reds were busy recovering stuff from the meteor strike. The toolshed was totally crushed, but the rest of the island was quite alright. Dozens of meteors were flying and striking the ocean randomly. “HURRY UP AND GET OVER HERE, SOMETHING TERRIBLE’S HAPPENED!”

“Of course!” Jaden pointed to the toolshed.

“NO, SOMETHING ELSE!”

“Oh, yo, why didn’t you say so, yo?”

 

A giant narwhal suddenly flew out of the ocean and into the air, and all of the meteors suddenly lifted up and flew back into space. The narwhal continued flying away as a tough-looking man (who had the intense, glaring nose) fell down, flipped twice, and landed on his hands, performing a handstand. He then flipped backward onto his feet in a single, gravity-defying bound.

“Where’s the dorm master?” he asked. The several kids who were suddenly homeless stared at him for a second. “I SAID WHERE IS HE?!” he asked, a teensy bit louder this time.

“Uh ooh ah um uh in there!” they all struggled to blurt out. They pointed to the crushed dorm.

“So he was killed by the meteor, huh?” The man simply stared at it long and hard enough… for a rainbow to strike it, repairing it instantly!

“I’m alive!” Lyman Banner jubilantly exclaimed. He graciously let the man into his office for a chat.

 

“Who do you think THAT guy is?” Syrus asked Jaden.

“Hmm…” Jaden thought about his large nose, tiny eyes, and oddly ear-shaped hair. “No idea. Let’s sneak over and listen in!” They both tip-toed comically over to the door and placed their ears to it.

“So,” Banner asked, “what seems to be the problem, KOALA KO ALA’S DAD?”

Koala Ko Ala’s dad, Jaden thought.

That’s his dad, Syrus thought.

That’s really his dad, Jaden thought.

He really has a dad like that, Syrus thought.

WHO WOULDA THUNK IT? Jaden and Syrus thought in unison, shrugging.

Not me, yo! Jaden thought. Syrus frowned and slapped him.

“Well,” Koala Ko Ala’s dad started, “my son is quite obviously…”

“Learning impaired?”

“Stupid. That’s the word I was looking for, stupid. Well, it’s come to my attention that he really SUCKS at dueling, and it’s useless for me to pay for him to SUCK at everything he does. So if he SUCKS so much at this school, and everything else sans eating and sleeping, then he should SUCK at the family business.” He took out a tall, green bottle of Koala Juice™ and slapped it onto the table.

“Erm, what is this?” Banner asked. “Green tea—“

“IT’S KOALA JUICE, YA DUM-DUM!!” Koala Ko Ala’s dad roared. “My family makes a living off of this stuff! Respect it, it helped build the foundations of this country!”

“Uh, OHHH, KOALA JUICE!” Banner said, as if he’d simply forgotten. “I can’t believe that I forgot all about it! I used to drink it EVERY day!”

“Just so you know, the secret ingredient is eucalyptus leaves.”

“GULPGULPGULPGULPGULP—SPOOORSH—WHAAAAAT?!” Banner wiped the remaining juice off of his mouth and stared at him! “ISN’T THAT STUFF POISONOUS TO HUMANS?!”

“It’s like a delayed-action poison. But only if you’re a wimp!” Koala Ko Ala’s dad remarked.

“OH, DAMN, I ALREADY INGESTED SOME OF IT!!” Jaden and Syrus stared at each other for a moment, then ran away.

 

They dashed up the newly-repaired stairs toward their room and forced it open. Koala Ko Ala was placing clothing into his backpack! “Koala Ko Ala! What’s wrong?! What’re you doing?!”

“What’s it look like?” he grunted.

“It looks like you’re feeding your backpack, yo! Stop, before you overfeed it!!”

“Like I have a choice!” Koala Ko Ala turned around from them, lifted up the fridge in their room, and shook out all of their food into his bag.

“Hey, you can’t just let your… SUCKY… dad force you out of school just because you’re a straight-D student!” Syrus encouraged.

“But that was LAST year! This year’s even WORSE!”

“Uh, oh. Well… you tried.”

“YO!” Jaden yelled, grabbing his shoulder. “You can’t give up NOW! Maybe if you start going to class, you’ll get your grades on!”

“BOO,” somebody said.

“I thought that it wouldn’t trigger—oh who cares!” Jaden pulled on Koala Ko Ala and slammed his fists on his back. “THAT DUCK DOESN’T MATTER; WE’LL TAKE ‘EM ON TOGETHER!!” But Koala Ko Ala wasn’t convinced. His eyes were spilling over with some weird, wet fluid. WHAT WAS IT?!

“But right now…” Syrus fidgeted. Jaden and Syrus smiled and pointed at him with both hands.

“IT WON’T WORK THIS TIIIIME!!” Koala Ko Ala sobbed loudly! “JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! THERE’S SOME SLIME COMMIN’ OUT MY EYE! I DON’T HAVE TIME TO SING NO STUPIPD THEME SONGS!!”

“You’re crying, yo!”

“Nuh-uh, I just got something in my eye! Each one!” he countered.

“No, those are just tears,” Syrus said. Koala Ko Ala poked both of his own eyes.

“YEOW! NOW DO YOU BELIEVE ME?! MY FINGERS WERE IN MY EYES!!”

“Aw, he’s having a breakdown. What should we do, Sy?”

 

“It’s not a breakdown,” Koala Ko Ala said, “I’m just sad n’ junk. BUT!!” He stood up suddenly with fire in his eyes!

“WAAAAUGH!!” Syrus screeched, pointing at the fires!

“I just KNOW I can be a master if I can just perfect my special power!”

“What is it?”

“I can EAT. A LOT.”

“Oh, alright.”

“Also, I can TALK to KOALAS!!”

 

Koala Ko Ala flashed back to one time where his Big Koala card came to life. “Hey, Big Koala,” he’d said.

“Yo,” it said back. Koala Ko Ala slapped both hands on each side of his face!

“IT TOTALLY TALKED TO ME!!”

 

“Well,” Jaden shrugged, “that sounds crazy. Didja tell yer’ dad ’bout it?”

“No. All HE said was…”

 

“YOU’RE A DUM-DUM! I DIDN’T RAISE MY BOY TO BE ACRAAAZY DUM-DUM, DID I?!”

 

“That’s harsh,” Syrus whimpered. “Can’t you… be used to lure dumb koalas to your Koala Juice factory?”

“Actually, we HIRE them,” Koala Ko Ala said, “they’re paid seven bucks an hour to pick eucalyptus leaves and grind them up for their fancy juices. That’s why it’s called Koala Juice.”

“That stuff’s POISONOUS!!”

“Dad says it’s only poison to WIMPS.”

 

Suddenly, Jaden grabbed Koala Ko Ala by the collar and heaved him up! “Ko-ALA Ko ALA, you SON OF A KOALA! The REASON you ALWAYS do WHATEVER your DUMB father SAYS is BECAUSE you ALWAYS keep REFERRING to THINGS he SAYS!!”

“B-b-but I only did that twice!!”

“NOW you’re PROTECTING him!!” Jaden roared! “YOU can’t LET’m get ALL up IN yo BUSSINESS! It’s YOUR life, AND you NEED it NOW!! Let’s go to the Chancellor and set this crap straight with that DUM-DUM SUCKER!!” Jaden pulled both boys out by the scruffs of their necks.

“AAARGH!!”

“JAY-DUUUHN! WHY ARE YOU PULLING ME, TOO?! IT’S NOT MY DAD!!”

 

And so, a TEENSY bit later…

“And so, Chancellor Shepherd, mah main man, THAT! Is the reason. Why Koala. Ko Ala. Should stay, at this VERY school.”

“That was a VERY odd plea,” Shepherd told Jaden, who was with his friends and Koala Ko Ala’s dad in the bald guy’s office (which was bright and sunny, mind you), “but I can’t just tell his dad that he can’t pull out his son because you said he can talk to koalas.”

“You don’t just TELL a man that he’s wrong,” Koala Ko Ala’s dad said, bein’ muscular and stuff, “ESPECIALLY if he was knighted by the Queen of England two years ago and given by her majesty the title of “Awesomest Man Alive Among Men”, little boy!”

“WELL I’M DA AWESOMEST HUMAN BEING AMONG HUMAN BEINGS THEN, YA HEARD SON?!” Jaden yelled, with crazy hand movements, getting all up in the man’s grill.

“Yeah, and I’m Syrus!” Syrus said!

“Syrus stay outta this.”

“Aw.”

 

“Look, boys,” Shepherd urged, “you CAN’T get all up in Koala Ko Ala’s dad’s GRILL, y’know, or else my office is gonna be all bloody tonight. Rather, why can’t we settle this… WITH A DUEL?!” The man leaped off of his desk chair, held out his white dueling glove, and slapped both Ko Alas with it!

“OOF!!”

“Ow.” Koala Ko Ala was sent spinning onto the floor.

“Now I have challenged BOTH of you to a family duel,” Shepherd explained, “and if Koala Ko Ala loses, he leaves and is grounded for a month. If Koala Ko Ala’s dad loses, then he leaves his boy here and grounds him for a month.”

“Why can’t I win?” Koala Ko Ala asked.

“Huh?”

“Well, if I lose, I lose, and even if I win, I lose! My PRIVILEGES, that is!”

“Shut your SUCKETTY mouth, son!” yelled Koala Ko Ala’s dad, ripping a duel disk out from a hole in the time-space continuum he’d suddenly summoned. “It’s TIME TA’ DUEL!!”

“RIGHT NOW—”

“First thing in the mornin’.”

“Oh, well that’s fine.”

“Then it’s settled,” Shepherd said, “it shall be decided… IN THE MORRRRNIIIIIIIIING!!”

 

That night was spent with much happy partying, drinking, and laughs shared between Koala Ko Ala and Koala Ko Ala’s dad.

 

The next morning, Banner had the boys and “Awesomest Man Among Men” enter a secluded room… soon filled with UNHOLY DUELING RAGE!! “Uuuugh, I feel terrible,” Banner groaned.

“Aw, how can you be SICK and a DUELING OFFICIAL at the same time, yo?” Jaden asked, nudging him in the side.

“I don’t know, it must be the Koala Juice. Anyways,” he declared, staring at the two Ko Alas standing at opposite sides of the room, “let the duel BEGIN! Begin! Begin, begin, begin…”

(Koala Ko Ala: 4000 Life Points, Koala Ko Ala’s dad: 4000 Life Points)

“That was a great echo,” Syrus complimented.

“Thanks.”

 

“AW-RIGHT, I’LL SHOW YOU HOW MANLY YOU REALLY ARE, OLD MAN!!” Koala Ko Ala drew a card. And it was… “OKAY, I SUMMON DEATH KOALA!!” A puffy koala in a black robe with a sickle in hand appeared!

“RAWR!!” it roared. (Death Koala: 1100 Attack Points)

“Oh, man,” Syrus said, checking his YugiNavi™, “if my hunch is correct, and Death Koala is based off of Des Koala, then Koala Ko Ala’s an idiot! Shouldn’t he have set him for maximum damage?”

“Oh, CRAP!!” Jaden screamed! “No WONDER he was getting D’s even when he went to class!”

“I CAN HEAR YOU, BASTARD!!”

“I know, yo.”

“Since you made such a SUCKY move,” Koala Ko Ala’s dad growled, “I CAN’T afford to LET THIS TURN PASS WITHOUT KICKING YOUR CAN!! I SUMMON…I SUMMON… I SUMMON!!!” Koala Ko Ala’s dad began running at Koala Ko Ala, holding his card in his hand, gathering electrical energy! “AAAAAAAH!!”

“WHAT THE HELL?!?!” Syrus cried! “HE’S GOING TO DESTROY US ALL!!”

“IT’S HIS SPECIAL TECHNIQUE!!” Baner informed!

“SPECIAL TECHNIQUE OF STUPID USELESSNESS?!” Syrus asked.

“NO, NOT REALLY.”

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!” Holes began ripping all over the room, creating wormholes to alternate dimensions of such magnitudes of horror and sheer beauty, that the scene was both heart-clenchingly horrible and yet so melancholy that it brought a tear to everyone’s eyes!! “I SUMMON DRUNKEN TIGER!!” Koala Ko Ala’s dad threw down his monster, releasing all of his energy, sealing away all of the terrors and dreams that he’d helped to release! A tiger with shades, a belly-band, and some beer appeared.

“Roar,” he said in a cool way. He appeared in a cool claw-based pose. (Drunken Tiger: 1800 Attack Points) Then he fell over.

“WHAT WAS ALL THE BUILD-UP FOR?!?!”

“I dunno,” Banner shrugged.

 

“Attack, Dizzy Punch!” Koala Ko Ala’s dad yelled.

“Okay,” the drunken fiend said. He dizzily stumbled over to the koala and fell onto him while trying to punch him. He exploded in a burst of thunder!

“HOLY CRAP!! HOW DOES THAT WORRRRRK?!” Koala Ko Ala wondered! (Koala Ko Ala: 3300 Life Points)

“AAAAAAND THAT KOALA IS DOOOOOOWN!!” Banner yelled!

“Hey, just because you’re the Duel Official doesn’t mean you call out that kind of thing,” Jaden said.

“Oh.”

“With dueling skills like THAT, son,” Koala Ko Ala’s dad smirked, “we’ll be home for dinner… WHICH SHALL BE KOALA JUICE!!”

“NOOO, DAD!” Koala Ko Ala whimpered, “NOBODY EATS KOALA JUICE, THEY DRINK IT!! YOU NEVER LET ME EAT SOLIDS FOR DINNER!!”

“So THAT’S why he doesn’t wanna leave the academy,” Syrus sighed. “I was hoping it was all about friendship or… something besides that.”

“He SHUR does eat, dude!” Jaden laughed.

“This next card’s gonna spell defeat, you know!” Koala Ko Ala boasted! He drew Death Koala again. …CRAP. “Uh, well I use the Spell card Death of Major Koala!” He held up a Spell card with the image of a koala being speared by a spear. “It lets me re-summon my Death Koala from my Graveyard!” Death Koala did rise again, but he had a spear in his belly. “Then I can summon A SECOND Death Koala from my hand!” Koala Ko Ala smacked his second guy onto his Duel Disk. And so it appeared! And it even took the spear out of its friend.

 

“So, what’re you going to do with your SUCK-filled koalas, Koala Ko Ala?” Koala Ko Ala’s dad asked. “You just summoned two worthless monsters to the field. Should I be scared?”

“NO! I mean, YES!!”

“Ooh, I’ve got goose bumps,” Banner gasped.

“Me too, yo!” Jaden agreed.

“OH NO!!” Syrus screamed.

“I tribute my two Death Koalas for my Big Koala!!” Koala Ko Ala yelled! A fat, blue koala with an amazing belly pouch fell from the sky onto the two lil’ guys. (Big Koala: 2700 Attack Points) “Now, attack his Drunken Tiger with Pouch Pounder!!”

“RUH!!” The Big Koala picked up the tiger and stuffed him into his belly pouch.

“Oh, man that must feel HORRIBLE!!” Koala Ko Ala’s dad gasped! (Koala Ko Ala’s dad: 3100 Life Points) “That is… TO A WIMP!!”

“Well, then I guess that your Drunk Tiger Guy was a wimp,” Syrus laughed, “so he got hurt easily, which SHOULD mean that all of your OTHER monsters should be just as wimpy, and you’ll lose really fast! Ahahaha!”

“That joke got old before you even finished it,” Banner solemnly proclaimed.

“Oh.”

 

“I SUMMON THE DRUNKARD ANGEL!!” Koala Ko Ala’s dad exclaimed! Some freak angel in a suit appeared. He was drunk. (Drunkard Angel: 1800 Attack Points)

“That’s blasphemy!” Jaden acknowledged!

“And what happened to the fancy lightshow?” Banner inquired.

“I decided to save time and NOT use it! Now I activate the cards Bottle of Beer and Flippin’ the Table!!” A bottle of beer appeared! A table appeared! “First, I destroy all cards I control to do the same to you!” He picked up the table and threw it! Everybody exploded with tabley madness, man!!

“Oh crap!” Koala Ko Ala yelped as his Big Koala fell over, dead! However, the weird angel just sat there, picking his nose.

“My Drunken Angel stays on the field since he can’t be destroyed by Flippin’ the Table! But next,” Koala Ko Ala’s dad said, holding up the bottle of beer, “you lose 500 Life Points since the Bottle of Beer card was discarded! HA!” He threw the bottle at him at light speed, immediately cracking against his skull!

“AH! THAT WASN’T A HOLOGRAM!” (Koala Ko Ala: 2800 Life Points)

“Holograms are for WIMPS!! NOW, DRUNKEN ANGEL, ATTACK!! RADICAL HOLY CEREMONY!!” The building suddenly became a white void, devoid of everything.

“What IS this?!” Koala Ko Ala asked, panicked.

“HA!!” the angel exclaimed, throwing a gigantic nickel at him!!

“WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THIS ATAAAAACK—oof.” The koala boy was crushed by the five cents of pain! (Koala Ko Ala: 1000 Life Points) Then everything turned back to normal and all was well.

“That attack was like, made on crack or something!” Syrus said.

“Oh, that Pegasus!” Banner giggled. “Always up to something stupid.” Everybody stared at him. “What, we were college roommates.”

“Oh.”

 

“Make your move, son,” Koala Ko Ala’s dad urged, “you’ll be safe and sound at home, drinkin’ that Koala Juice like you always loved.”

“And READ the CARD, yo,” Jaden helpfully stressed.

“Grrrr….RRRRRGH!! YOU DON’T KNOW ME AT ALL, DAD!!” Koala Ko Ala yelled! “I HATE THAT STUPID EUCALYPTUS CRAP!!”

“GASP!” gasped Syrus.

“GASP!” gasped Jaden.

“GASP!” gasped Banner.

“GASP!” gasped Koala Ko Ala’s dad.

“GASP!” gasped the ‘Boo’ duck.

“EVERY DAY, EVERY NIGHT, ALL I GET IS KOALA JUICE, KOALA JUICE, KOALA JUICE!!” Koala Ko Ala went on! “DON’T I EVER GET TO DRINK WATER JUST ONCE?! GOSH!! YOU’RE JUST… JUST… A BIG FAT DUMMY!! AND I’LL BEAT THAT FACT INTO YOU RIGHT NOW!!” Koala Ko Ala drew… he drew an awesome green monster card, synonymous with Australia and all it stood for! And it was great at boxing, too! Could it be… a kangaroo? “I first activate the Silent Doom card to summon Big Koala from my Graveyard!” A creepy hand appeared and pulled Big Koala out of the Graveyard and onto the field! I’ll show YOU who sucks at dueling!

 

“Next, I summon the monster… Elemental Hero Avian!” Koala Ko Ala said!

“Huh?!” Jaden gasped.

“What is he trying to do?!” Banner asked.

“He’s going to lose in a few seconds,” Syrus warned. And so, it a turbulent wind, Avian appeared!

“Hahahahahaha!! I’m here to save the day!” he triumphantly announced! (Avian: 1000 Attack Points)

“I activate the card You Suck Big Time!” Koala Ko Ala’s dad said! He held out a Spell card with some guy punching out Avian, sending blood everywhere. “If you summon a normal monster with 1000 or less Attack Points, and in Attack Mode, then you lose 1000 Life Points!”

“Hunh?!” Avian exploded violently.

“NOOOOOO, WHY DID I THINK THAT STEALING SOME OF JADEN’S CARDS WOULD HELP ME WIN?!” Koala Ko Ala asked himself, cursing fate! (Koala Ko Ala: 0 Life Points. Game Over)

“YOU BASTAAAAAARD!!” Jaden roared, leaping at his throat! “GIVE ME BACK MY CARDS, YOU!!”

“AAAAAH!!” Koala Ko Ala punched him in self-defense so hard that he blew a huge hole in the side of the building and fell off of the nearby cliff.

Holy crappoly! Koala Ko Ala’s dad thought, That jab was amazing! How could my son be able to do that? Wait… it must’ve been… the power of friendship…

 

Flash forward thirty minutes later, where Syrus and a very soggy Jaden burst into their room to find Koala Ko Ala packing again! “Aw, buddy, stop feeding your backpack like that! You’ll make it sick, yo!”

“It’s no use, Jaden,” Koala Ko Ala whimpered, “I’m going to leave, like I told my dad. And get grounded. Actually, it was what Chancellor Shepherd said, but I’m in no position to argue.”

“Aw, but who’ll fill in the Chumley position?” Syrus asked, misty-eyed. “Who KNOWS what’ll happen to the universe if you do THAT? Leaving, I mean.”

“Don’t leave,” Jaden said, pulling a fish out of his pocket. “I’ll give you this fish I found in the ocean if you stay!”

“Nah, that Chazz kid’s gonna take my spot, anyhow,” Koala Ko Ala explained, picking up his bag.

“Hey wait, you still have my cards!” Jaden yelled, going in for the kill! “GIVE’M BAAAAAACK!!” Koala Ko Ala grabbed him and tossed him over his shoulder, through the window, knocking into Crowler(who was hiding there to listen to them talk and plot evil plans), sending them both over the cliff again.

 

And so, about five minutes later, Koala Ko Ala, Syrus, and Jaden, wiping himself off with a towel, walked down the dusty dirt road to the school pier. They ran into Professor Banner along the way, though! “Hey kids!” he beckoned. “Your dad left for some reason and gave me a note!” He handed Koala Ko Ala a note.

“B-but why would my dad just leave like that after coming here on a mission?” Koala Ko Ala asked! “This makes no sense!”

“But you can stay!” Jaden exclaimed! “Now gimmee back my cards.”

“What’s the note say, sir?” Syrus asked.

“I don’t know, but if anybody else besides Koala Ko Ala opens it up, they’ll die,” the man explained, pointing to some writing on the front of the note: ‘If anybody besides Koala Ko Ala reads this note, they will die in six seconds.’

“That’s just like dad!” Koala Ko Ala reminisced! He opened up the note, which read as follows;

 

‘Dear son,

 

It’s come to my attention that being at this school has awakened THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP within you, thus giving you the unbridled strength needed to punch your friend through a wall. So, in order to not interrupt your training, I’ve decided to let you stay in school. Just try going to class once in a while, though. It’s stupid, you staying inside all day long! I mean, for Pete’s sake…’

 

That was all Koala Ko Ala needed to hear. He charged off toward the cliff, teary-eyed and full of emotion! “What’s goin’ on?” Jaden asked. He and Syrus followed him.

“DAAAAD!!” Koala Ko Ala yelled over the cliff. “THANK YOU SO MUCH, AND I’LL MAKE YOU PROUD OF ME SOMEDAY—”

“SHUT UP!!” Chazz yelled, down the road, “YOUR VOICE IS INFURIATING ME!!”

“Yeah,” Crowler agreed, poking its head out from beyond the cliff, “I can’t hear Yucky-boy over the sound of your stupid speech!” It retreated afterward.

“I wonder if your dad heard you…. In his heart.” Syrus said… from the heart.

 

“WAAAAHAHAHAHA!!” Koala Ko Ala’s dad laughed, racing by in the sky on a meteorite! “MEN DON’T HEAR WITH THEIR HEARTS, THEY HEAR WITH THEIR EARS!! SEE YA, SON!! AHAHAHAHAHA…” And soon enough he’d left the atmosphere to go back to his Koala Juice headquarters, stationed on the moon.

 

 

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Alright, get ready for... this.

 

[spoiler=Episode 11: Tag Team Trial - Part One]Hey, yo! You came, you saw, and you voted, and we have a winner for my NEW THEME SONG!! It’s Happily Ever After, from some anime of some sort! Thanks for participating in the theme song poll!Listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYFN6mB9Tzk Or just do it later! Yo!

 

“Hey, who’re you talking to, Jay?” Syrus asked, abruptly entering his shared room, full of Jaden, Koala Ko Ala, and Lyman Banner.

“Oh, just Professor Banner, because we JUST SAW STAR WARS EPISODE SEVEN!!” Jaden yelled!

“WHAAAAAAAT?!” Syrus gasped. “EPISODE SEEEEVEEEEEEEN?!?!?!”

“Heck yeah, Syrus!” Banner exclaimed! “It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen, and I saw that Bleach thing you looked at last week.”

“I’ll tell you about it!” Koala Ko Ala was eager to declare. “Y’see, it happens after Vader died, and everything’s all cool and stuff. But then, ALL of the plot threads get SOLVED in ONE movie.”

“P-plot threads?!” Syrus gulped.

“You’d never know them if you’d never seen that movie,” Jaden said.

“So, then we found out that CHEWBACCA was POSSESSED by an evil spirit THIS WHOLE TIME. And he tried to kill everything in the UNIVERSE!!” Koala Ko Ala went on.

“HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?!” Syrus wheezed, squeezing his cranium!

“It made sense in the way they presented it!” Banner said. “And the ending was so epic! They teamed up with the STAR TREK people and destroyed the Death Star MK-2! It made a huge explosion that was seen ALL THROUGHOUT THE SPACE -TIME CONTINUUM!”

“WAAAAGH, MY MIND’S BLOWN!!” Syrus screamed, as his head exploded! “But answer this, why’d you not call me over for this? You KNOW I love Star Wars-slash-Trek.” He pointed to his several Star Wars/Trek figurines.

“Uh, I dunno.”

“Anywho,” Banner said, getting up to leave, “now that you have shared your television, it is now legal!”

“How?” Syrus asked.

“Well, the rules say that if you don’t share it, then it’s illegal, right?”

“Right.”

“Now you’ve shared it.”

“That was easy. So can we skip out on our tag duel?”

“Ha, no.”

 

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX!

Episode 12: Tag Team Trial - Part One

 

Today the guitar sounded especially serious, as it was almost time for Jaden and Syrus to initiate their Tag Duel of Destiny! Crowler was storming the halls, which were for no reason full of Slifer Reds. “Stupid Slifer Slackers,” he muttered.

“HEY!!” one guy yelled.

“WELL IT’S TRUE!!” Crowler shouted back. “Always littering the hallways… not being great duelists… wearing a non-blue color… and housing that gosh-dang Jaden Yucky! I HATE’CHA ALL!!” it screamed to the heavens!

“WAAAAAUGH!!” The Slifers all ran away like roaches.

“Hey, ma,” Chazz said, walking up to it from behind, “I have a favor to ask.”

“Oh, Chazz. Ask away, my boy,” Crowler sighed.

“Let me and my two friends duel those two dumbos.”

“NO.”

“But why, I reckon?!” Billy Hills whined, stepping out from behind Chazz.

“Yeah, huh, Crowler, huh?” Deep-Voice Dobbson whined, stepping out from behind Billy Hills. Darn, you’re always one step ahead ‘o me, Billy. But soon enough, that will change…

“SHUT UP YOU TWO, YOUR VOICES INFURIATE ME!!”

“No way, Chazz,” it told its son.

“Why not? If it’s unfair, we can just get the fat kid to join him and we’ll have a triple duel, AND get that guy out before he eats us out of academy and home. It’s dueling three birds with one duel.”

“Well, you ARE exceptional duelists,” Crowler acknowledged, “but we’ve hired the best tag duelists in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE…”

 

“So, Jay, y’worried?” Koala Ko Ala asked, in the Slifer Toolshed, with Jaden and Syrus at his side.

“Naw, y’know what I say? I say another duel, another day, yo!” Jaden smirked.

“BOO,” somebody said.

“That weirdo is right,” Syrus agreed, “that WAS a bad line.”

“Well, also, this isn’t just another duel on this other day… that was… awkward sounding… but if you lose you’re out. Gone. Kaput. Zilsky.”

“What’s ‘Zilsky’?” Jaden asked.

“I dunno, but they’ll expel you!” Koala Ko Ala stressed!

“Aw, you cute, naive, little Koala,” Jaden giggled, “you have NO idea that it’s nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to lose? I have ‘Yu’ in my name. YU-ki. YUUUU-ki. Say it with me.”

“No,” Koala Ko Ala said.

“Well, I’m not losing today!”

“What about that Deep-Voice kid?”

“Now don’t get me started on him; he’s a hack! A hack I say, yo!”

As Jaden and Koala Ko Ala argued, Syrus looked at his cool Spell card, Power Bond. Man, will I EVER be able to use this card correctly?

And so, he remembered a few days ago, the words that had worried him for so long…

 

“Hey, you had POWER BOND ALL ALONG?! AND A LIMITER REMOVAL?! DAMN, MAN! YOU WOULDA BEATEN ME IF YOU HADN’T SCREWED UP!! There’s hope for you yet!

“HADN’T SCREWED UP!!

“HADN’T SCREWED UP!!

“HADN’T SCREWED UP!!

“HADN’T SCREWED UP!!

“HADN’T SCREWED UP!!”

“FOR THE LOVE OF KOALAS, STOP REPEATING YOURSELF, JADEN!!” Koala Ko Ala roared!

 

And, also, I remember the worst thing I’ve ever thought about… Syrus continued to remember, That HORRIBLE vision of the future...

Syrus and Jaden stood in a hall of light. They were fighting two shadow-filled duelists, one of which sounded suspiciously like Tristan Taylor.

“Come on, you really suck!!” he goaded! “That’s all you can do? Fine, I’ll use my monster cards to use a Trap card which pays some Life Points, and I’ll tribute my monster to Tribute Summon this monster, then discard two cards to Special Summon this card, so that I can take over your dumb police car and attack Jaden making his Life Points zero!!” A giant police car robot appeared next to Jaden and punched him in the chops!

“Oof!!” Jaden’s skull exploded in a bloody torrent of terror as he spiraled into the air!

“NOOOOOOO, IT’S ALL MY FAULT THAT HE DREW SUCH AN AWESOME COMBO WHICH WAS REALLY ACTUALLY IMPOSSIBLEEEEEEEEEE!!” cried Syrus. Suddenly, Jaden rose up from the floor and his flesh peeled off!

He stretched his arm out, which was for some reason covered in squirming maggots now, and wailed “WHY, SYRUS, WHYYYYYYYYY?! WHY DID YOU LET HIM USE THAT REALLY IMPOSSIBLE COMBO?!?! YOU HAD A SOLEMN JUDGMENT FACE-DOWN, YOU KNOOOOOWW!!”

“Oh, yeah! That card negates everything! Why didn’t I?”

“I’ll tell you why,” the other duelist said in a cool yet calculating tone, “because he doesn’t belong here.” The shadow was lifted off of him and he was… TRISTAN TAYLOR!!

“BUT THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!! HOW THE HELL DOES THAT WORK?!”

The two revealed Tristan Taylors both began cackling evilly!! “Hahahahahaha!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

“THAT’S IT, MAN! THAT’S IT!!” Syrus exclaimed! “WE ARE GOING TO POUND MY BRO AND TRISTAN TAYLOR IF IT’S THE LAST THING WE DO!!”

“Okay,” Jaden said, writing ‘Beat Tristan Taylor and Sy’s Bro’ in his Slifer Red notepad. “Okay, I wrote it down. Now I’ll NEVER forget!”

 

“Okay, then, I think we’re ready to go,” Syrus sighed. “See ya, Koala Ko Ala.”

“Oh, it’s time?” Koala Ko Ala guessed. “Then I guess it’s time for me to go.” He jumped off of the bunk bed and over to the door. “Well, guys?”

“You actually want to go to the Duel Dome?” Jaden gasped.

“Well, duh, now that I’ve got a new lease on life from my dad for the next few weeks, I think it’s about time!”

“Well, that’s good.”

 

MEANWHILE IN THE DUEL DOME…

The intercom blared, “Welcome folks to the DUUUUUEL DOOOOOME!! We’re hosting a MAJOR match between TWO Slifer Reds, Syrus Truesdale the “Doomsday Wimp”, and Jaden Yuki, the boy who humiliated himself against the kid with the deep voice! They’re fighting for their lives… SCHOOL LIVES! Against two famous tag duelists, that is, as the school rules decree! The snack bar is also now closed, so you’ll have to go down to the café if you want a hot dog!

Bastion Misawa, seated around a whole bunch of Ra Yellows, muttered, “I wish I got myself a hot dog.” A girl was clinging to his arm. She wore cute little animal ears, was of middle stature, and had a slot in her brunette-haired head. They were pig ears, but they were cute on her. She also had a nice pink scrunchie on her left wrist. Her name: Piggybank. Why was she here? Wait until episode 13 for that.

“Bastion, what’s wroooong?” she asked him innocently.

“I shoulda gotten a hot dog while I had the chance.”

“Oh.” Then they continued to sit, just waiting for the duel to commence. Then, a trio of Ra Yellow boys sat down around them, carrying hot dogs and large bottles of cola.

WHY DIDN’T I GET MY HOT DOG WHILE I HAD THE CHANCE?!?!

 

Meanwhile, again, with Chazz, Deep-Voiced Dobbson and Billy Hills, Chazz peered at Bastion. “Holy crap, guys!” Chazz exclaimed! “Bastion has a girlfriend!”

“HUH, CHAZZ, HUNH?!?!” Deep-Voiced Dobbson exclaimed right back at him.

“Well, I reckon that’d be delightful for’m!” Billy Hills congratulated.

“She has a slot in her head, it’s creepin’ me out.”

“Well, I reckon that’s just tragic, y’all.”

 

“HEY, THEY’RE COMING!!” some dude yelled from the duel gate, the gate where the duelists enter from. Mass murmurs were all abound! “IT’S… IT’S…” Jaden and Syrus entered the Duel Dome.

“BOOOOOO!!” The people began throwing crap at the poor guys.

“Jaden, they hate us!” Syrus whined.

“Nah, they just hate the messenger, yo!”

“Oh.” And as soon as they’d reached the center of the duel arena, Crowler popped out from behind Jaden!

“WHA?!”

“AND NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, I PRESENT TO YOU ALL, THE PARADOX BROTHEEEEERS!!” Crowler leaped off of the stage and a lot of smoke spewed out of a ceiling panel. The lights darkened, and ‘Eye of the Tiger™’ began playing!

“Holy guacamole, the PARADOX BROS.?!?!” Syrus screamed! “THEY DUELED YUGI MUTO AND JOEY WHEELER YEARS AGO!!”

“I can’t hear you, I’m groovin’ to the phat beats!” Jaden ignored, dancing a bit. The ceiling panel slowly lowered itself down as a funky lightshow started to blind dozens of students.

‘Don’t lose your grip on the dreams of the past, you must fight just to keep them alive!’

Now you could see the two shadows of the players through the smoke.

I can’t believe this… we’re gonna lose… Syrus promised himself.

“PARADOX! PARADOX! PARADOX!” the kids chanted! And so, the panel reached the floor, and the smoke faded away.

‘Risin' up, straight to the top, had the guts, got the glory, went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop!

Just a man and his will to survive…’

The music stopped, and it was clear to all souls watching, that the two legendary tag duelists, Para and Tristan Taylor, were about to kick some—WHAAAAAT?!?!

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!?!?!” The collective sounds of confusion of everybody in attendance nearly deafened the utter-ers.

“WHO THE FLOOP IS THAT?!”

“Uh, Dox got sick so I had to take his place,” Tristan explained.

“He is here to help save him face,” Para added.

“But I hired…” Crowler gave up.

Holy ship, this is… half of my nightmare come to life!! Syrus nearly fainted.

“And so, without further disappointment—I mean, stupidity—oh, I’m no good at this.” Crowler ran off of the stage. “Let the duel begin!”

 

“Y’ready, Sy?” Jaden challenged.

“Y-y-you, y-y-yuh-yu-y-you bet?”

“Man, you’re stuttering even more than usual, bud!”

“DUEL!!” Tristan yelled, holding up his Duel Disk!

“Yeah, you fools!” Para added!

(Para and Tristan: 8000 Life Points, Jaden and Syrus: 8000 Life Points)

“Why’d you add that?”

“Rhyming keeps you from getting fat!”

“Huh?”

“Muh.”

Tristan stared at him for a long-seeming moment. “Get yo’ games on!” Jaden challenged, drawing his hand.

“BOO,” somebody said.

“Jay-duhn, stop it!!” Syrus whined like a baby seal.

“Just take your turn, man, I believe that you’ll make up for what I just said!” the Slifer Sucker assured.

“OKAY!! I SUMMON SUPER ROBOT HELICOPTER ROBOT IN ATTACK MODE!!” Syrus summoned his helicopter guy. (SRHR: 1000 Attack Points)

“We’ve just lost,” Jaden sighed. “Thanks a lot for doing something stupid, as usual.”

“SHUT UP!”

 

“I am surprised that thing even HAS an Attack Mode!” Para mocked! Then he stared hard at Tristan.

“Oh, uh, we’re gonna mash you up into pie ala mode?”

“I summon Jirai Gumo!” A huge, hulkin’ brown spider creature appeared and snarled at the boys! (Jirai Gumo: 2200 Attack Points) Para stared at Tristan again.

“No, I am NOT gonna rhyme your freaking cards!”

“Then I will not shop at Menard’s!”

“Well, I’m gonna do the SMART thing here,” Jaden snarkily stated, “and summon Elemental Hero Burstinatrix!” Burstinatrix was summoned. (Burstinatrix: 800 Defense Points)

“Hey, I thought you’d call it Dominatrix as always.”

“Nah, that joke wasn’t funny anymore.”

 

“Well, I summon Kaiser Sea Horse in Attack Mode!” Tristan roared! A purple and blue crustacean knight appeared, though I don’t see how that’s a sea horse. (Kaiser Sea Horse: 1700 Attack Points)

“That is NOT a sea horse!” Jaden smirked. “You’re already failing! You’re gonna lose in no time!”

“Not really, since I use Tribute Doll!” Tristan chortled! A dead-ish soldier doll appeared on the field. “I can tribute that huge spider thing to summon Kazejin from my hand!” The spider ate the doll stupidly, since it was really… A TIME BOMB!! The spider exploded graphically and was replaced by a big gust of wind! It blew Syrus away!

“WAAAH!” Syrus cried!

“SYRUUUUUUUS!!” Jaden wailed, reaching for him. A fat green guy with no legs was summoned and stopped the wind with his mere presence. (Kazejin: 2400 Attack Points)

“Now we’re getting’ ready to kick some butt!” Para exclaimed!

“I think I’m getting better at this rhyming stuff, like buildin’ a hut!”

“That was dumb, Tristan.”

“Well, mistan,” Tristan rhymed. “Next I play Dark Designator!” A hard-to-explain card appeared. “I can call a card name, and if it’s in Para’s deck, then it’s added to his hand!”

“Oh no!” Syrus gasped, running back on-stage!

“And I choose... Sanga of the Thunder!”

“And that choice was no blunder!” Para placed his card into his hand!

“Well, THAT was cheap, man!” Jaden complained. Tristan stared at Syrus.

“I’M GONNA FREAKING KILL YOU,” he growled.

WHAAAT?! THIS IS EXACTLY LIKE MY MIND SAYS IT WOULD BE LIKE!! THIS SUCKS! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO HIM?!

“Don’t worry, Sy, we’ll make’m eat his words!” Jaden laughed confidently.

“Uh, you’re kinda right, because I summon Super Robot Steam Locomotive Robot!” Syrus yelled! His cool train appeared! (SRSLR:1800 Attack Points) “And now, I use Polymerization!” Syrus announced, slappin’ his Spell into the Graveyard! “And I’ll fuse my two monsters into the ultimate despair engine of complete destruction that could wipe out the universe as we know it…”

“WE GET IT ALREADY!!”

“Hmm, tough crowd. Well, I summon Super Robot Steam Locomotive Helicopter Robot.” The two machines flew into a vortex and came out as a train plane. (SRSLHR: 2200 Attack Points)

“He’s still useless!” some guy yelled from the stands.

“WHO. FREAKING. CARES. Now, attack!” Syrus ordered! His train flew at the force of three trains and two planes!

“No, Sy, don’t!”

“HOW STUPID!”

“You’re a failure!”

“No WONDER you’re Zane’s least favorite brother!” And other people in the audience said things somewhat like that, as well.

“Tristan, now, if you’d please,” suggested Para.

“Kazejin, use the attack from Code Geass!” Tristan commanded! Kazejin flew in front of the useless contraption monster and stared at it. Soon enough, Steam Gyroid looked down, turned around, and retreated.

“That was no attack from Code Geass,” Para said.

“I couldn’t think of an attack name that rhymed with ‘please’!”

 

“I TRIED to tell ya, Sy, but that guy can negate an attack, and now you look stupid,” Jaden scoffed.

“But now he can’t use that power LATER!” Syrus said.

“Then why didn’t you just attack with the helicopter first?”

“YEAH!”

“DUMMASS!!”

“You’re a failure! FAILURE!!”

This day… really… sucks.

 

“Aw, cheer up, Sy!” Jaden said, smiling. “I’LL win it for us!”

“But then I’ll just be…”

“Completely ineffectual, yes!” Jaden concluded for him.

“Hey, that’s not such a bad idea!” He’s right, Syrus told himself, as long as HE doesn’t suck, then we’ll be in the clear! I’m gonna be a burden and thus help Jaden win and stop us from being booted out of school and being forced to usher in our new lives of crime in order to survive! HE CAN DO THIS! Syrus placed one hand behind his head and put on the kind of face you’d put on if you knew you were in the wrong place and felt awkward. “Uh, I’ll just put a card face down, eheheh.” He ended with sticking his tongue out a bit.

 

“Oh, no, he’s become completely laid back and carefree!” Tristan gasped!

“Worst of all, I have gum that is sugar-free!” Para gasped, holing up a stick of minty gum.

“You lie, that has some sugar in it,” Tristan accused, looking closely at the wrapper.

“Don’t make me make you swallow a peach pit!! I use Monster Reborn to bring out my Jirai Gumo!” Para used his card, which summoned out the giant creepy spider onto the field again!

“RAWR,” it growled. (Jirai Gumo: 2200 Attack Points)

“Then I use Tribute Doll.”

“OOOOOHHHH NOOOOOOO!!!!” screamed Syrus and Jaden!

“WOOOOOHOOOOO!!” screamed the audience!

“Kick their asses, Para and Tristan!” Piggybank cried, shaking Bastion’s arm a bit.

I can’t take this anymore, I’m taking this hot dog business into my OWN hands, Bastion fumed.

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

Meanwhile, as I do say that a lot, the spider had just exploded into… “Suijin!!” A big pair of legs with an evil snarling face as a crotch appeared out of the smoking wreckage of the spider. (Suijin: 2500 Attack Points)

“EEEEEEEWWWW!!” the audience barfed.

“That thing is just disgusting, yo,” Jaden admitted.

I think I’m about to lose my breakfast, Koala Ko Ala thought, holding his belly.

That’s so… that’s so… yucky!! Chazz thought, clutching his abdomen. Deep-Voice Dobbson passed him a semi-used barf bag. “S’all yer’s, Chazz, I reckon…” Billy Hills gurgled. “Ugh…” he fainted.

“And for my next move,” Para continued, “I must borrow one of your monsters, Tristan, my partner.”

“Well, here you go, pardner!” Tristan exclaimed, pointing to his Kaiser-not-a-Seahorse.

“I sacrifice that weird thingie to summon—“

“Something even MORE disgusting?” Jaden challenged.

“Uh, not yet. SANGA OF THE THUNDER! Because that thing counts as two Light sacrifices, don’cha know.” The Sea Horse fakie was blasted by lightning and turned into an enormous torso and arms combo!! (Sanga: 2600 Attack Points)

“Holy moley, that thing’s gonna combine!” Beehive Larry gasped! “They’re gonna combine, like robots! Robots, I tell’s ya!” Somebody hit him with a bat.

“Shut up, we’re trying to LISTEN, filler person!” they growled.

 

“AND NOW, COMBIIIIIIINE!!” Tristan and Para commanded!

“Told ya!”

“SHUT UP!!”

“Ow.”

The three roboty guys began glowing as hard as they could possibly glow! And so… the green guy sat on the blue guy and the yellow guy sat on the green guy and SHAZAM!! “Behold, the Gate Guardian!!” Para and Tristan introduced. (Gate Guardian: 3750 Attack Points)

“I know about robots,” Syrus remarked, “and that is NOT how you combine. Just look at my Steam Gyroid—”

“WHICH GATE GUARDIAN WILL NOW ATTACK!!”

“HUNH?!” The giant threesome summoned a wave of water. Then they charged it with electricity. Then they blasted it away with wind!

My goodness… Jaden realized, now I know the real meaning of a Tag Duel… And the stupid train plane was DOOOOOOOOOWN! As it had gotten hit and exploded.

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!” Syrus screamed! (Jaden and Syrus: 6450 Life Points)

“Are you okay, patsy?” Jaden called.

“Uh, yeah, considering that they’re just holograms.”

“Oh, and I set a card.” Para remembered. “Your turn.”

 

Those guys are toast! Chazz thought to himself. They can’t POSSIBLY win now that they’re facing one of the hardest monsters to summon ever! Plus, it’s twelve stars-worth of power! They’re SO super-heated bread that butter can be spread across.

Oh, this is so divine! Crowler told itself. The Paradox brother… and Tristan… are CLOBBERING those two Slifer Slackers! Oh, SUUURE, Jaden Yucky’s got the power around here, but little Truesdale is just too small and useless to act as anything but a human meat shield in here! Oh, how WILL they make it?

“LIKE THIS!!” Jaden roared! “WHAAAAT?!?!” said Crowler and Chazz.

“What’s he talkin’ ‘bout?” some guys in the audience wondered.

“GIVE ME THAT HOT DOG!!” Bastion yelled, punching some hot dog holders in the face, causing them to drop their hot dogs! A large shadow crept up behind him.

“HEY, some guy growled, “YOU CAN’T JUST STEAL HOT DOGS LIKE ‘DAT.” Bastion turned behind him. About fourteen thugs with hot dog-related jackets approached him.

“Oh crap,” Piggybank cursed, “they’re the Hot Dog Mob. Bastion, they’ll KILL you for trying to take hot dogs by force!!”

“Yeah, right!” Bastion challenged, chowing down into a dawg. “I’LL TAKE ‘EM ALL ON!!” And armed with nothing but his fists, he ran into battle with these strange men.

TO BE CONTINUED!!

 

“I activate my Polymerization Spell card!” Jaden yelled. His Elemental Hero Clayman appeared out of the blue suddenly!

“HUH HUH HUH,” he punched. (Clayman: 800 Attack Points)

“What?!” Para gasped! “A man made out of clay?!”

“You can’t summon a man made out of clay today!” Tristan told Jaden. But Jaden wasn’t about to listen.

“I fuse my Elemental Heroes Clayman and Burstinatrix to form…” And so the two heroes flew into a sudden black hole vortex… “ELEMENTAL HERO FREAKIN’ RAMPART BLASTER!!” A giant battle suit filled with a really small lady with a massively amazing blaster gun arm descended from the hole! (Rampart Blaster: 2000 Attack Points, 2500 Defense Points)

“Uh, why’s this the time for your theme tune?” Syrus inquired. “Unofficial theme tune, if I may add.”

“BECAUSE ‘O THIS, ME BOY!!” Jaden explained! “My monster can ATTACK YOU DIRECTLY FOR 1000 POINTS FOR THE FIRST HIT OF THE DUEL!!”

“Our life points!” the ParaTris Brothers realized!

“BLASTIN’ RAMPARTS ATTACK!!” The lady aimed her arm cautiously and fired off dozens of high-speed missiles at the two guys standing behind the faux mecha!

“OWOOFEEFOUWFOWOOFEEFOUWFYEEEEAAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!?!” The two men were consumed in the blazing explosions of justice, the American way, and all sorts of pies. (ParaTris: 7000 Life Points)

Actually, that was a bit cooler than I’d expected, Syrus figured.

 

“Well, it ain’t over yet!” Tristan said! “I equip our monster with Fairy Meteor Crush!” In an epic fashion, a Fairy Meteor Crush card flew onto Sanga of the Thunder’s face. It just kinda sat there, though.

“What’s it do?” Jaden asked.

“MYSTICALSPACETHPHYOON,” Syrus activated! A gigantic hurricane, even larger than that mechanized monstrosity appeared, consuming the monster, and finally fading away, causing its equip card to simply drift off onto the floor, where it exploded in a fiery blaze of JUSTICE!!

“OOH,” several onlookers ogled.

“Pick that card back up, Gate Guardian,” Para ordered, “because I activate Curse of Anubis!” His OWN Trap card flipped up, becoming a jackal statue.

“I CURSE THEE,” he told Syrus.

“Why me?”

“Serves ‘m right,” Tristan glared.

“This card negates your typhoon, ending its flight!” Para rhymed. And so, the Gate Guardian picked up the flaming card, brushed off some dirt, and placed the glowering card back onto its face. That sounds stupid.

“It also destroys one of your monsters and you lose Life Points equal to its Attack Points!” Tristan yelled! Jaden’s theme song abruptly ended as his Rampart Blaster was blasted away. [End the song. NOW.]

“Ow,” Jaden and Syrus said. (Jaden and Syrus: 4450 Life Points)

“Damnit, my doing something ruined everything!” Syrus whined.

“It SURE did,” Jaden agreed.

 

“Also I summon a Brick Wall, which you have to destroy in order to attack any other monster we control,” Tristan said quickly. A brick wall appeared! (Brick Wall: 2100 Defense Points)

THIS IS SO AWESOME!! Crowler thought, drooling all over the stage. Kinda.

“URGH!!” Bastion groaned! One of the eleven Hot Dog Mob guys that Bastion hadn’t already defeated had just pierced Bastion with a massive spear!

“BASTIOOOOOOON!!” Piggybank screeched!

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

“It’s your turn now,” Tristan said.

“Go or else we’ll steal your plow!” Para added.

“We don’t have any plows!” Syrus tried to convince. “I’ll just summon this cool bike in Defense Mode,” Syrus sighed, summoning a CYCLOPS BICYCLE. (That Bicycle: 1000 Defense Points)

“Cool, a CYCLOPS BICYCLE?!” Jaden drooled! “That’s been my dream for years!”

“TOO BAD SO SAD ATTACK IT!!” Para’s Gate Guardian crushed it… WITH A HUGE METEOR FROM ABOVE. (Jaden and Syrus: 1700 Life Points) “Man, you guys suck at dueling! You should just give up! At dueling! Because you’re terrible at it! Ha ha!”

Syrus slumped onto the floor. “He’s right,” he told Jaden, “let’s just give up.”

“You suck! You suck! Nyeeh!” the ParaTris Bros. laughed.

“You guys suck at dueling!” some guy yelled!

“You’re just gonna lose, so give up!” said another.

“I PAID TO SEE THIS?!” an angry customer roared.

“I summon Elemental Hero Sparkman and give’m Sparkman’s Gun, yo,” Jaden said. And Elemental Hero Sparkman appeared with his cool gun. (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points) “Shoot’m!” And Sparkman shot the Gate Guardian! Blood poured out all over the stage! It was holographic, though, but still!!

“OH CRAP!!” Tristan cried!

“GUNS AREN’T ALLOWED IN SCHOOL, YOU SAP!!” Para cried!

I’m SO gonna kick your asses, thought Jaden and Bastion, staring at their enemies.

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

 

 

If there's anything wrong with it, please tell me because I don't have enough time to check this one over today.

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It's teh next episode.[spoiler=Episode 12: Tag Team Trial - Part Two]Earlier that morning, before the guys went off to their duel, they watched television. And this is what they saw. “Woah, Jay, look at this!” Syrus gasped, watching the single most awesome commercial in existence.

“What is it, yo?” Jaden asked.

“And why didn’t you call ME over?” Koala Ko Ala asked.

“Oh, you don’t matter, Koala, but just LOOK at THIS!!” Syrus aimed his pointer finger at the screen and something awesome at the SAME TIME.

 

“Shindo Hikaru was almost on the top of the world,” the narrator told, “having being entered in the Hokuto Cup, until everybody found out… that Hikaru... had a checkered past.”

“YOU played WHAT?!” Fujiwara no Sai screeched!

“Yes,” Hikaru solemnly stated, “I used to play checkers.” He pulled out his gold-plated “World Checkers Champion” trophy from four years ago.

“NNNOOOOOOOOO!!”

 

After that sequence, dramatic action music started playing. Many fiery chase scenes flashed by the screen. Then a helicopter pulled up and four gun-wielding men leaped down off of a rope ladder. Akira Toya followed! Sounding deranged, he yelled, “YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU PLAYED CHECKERS!!!

Hikaru unsheathed his samurai sword and said, “Bring it on.” Ominous Latin chanting ensued.

 

It then showed Hikaru in a Jeep with Sai driving up on a movable bridge, lifting itself up to let a boat go underneath it. Hikaru yelled to Sai, the driver, “JUMP!!” Sai leaped into the water as the entire bridge blew up into a roaring fireball. The remaining men from earlier and Akira drove near the bridge in a limousine.

“Damn,” he cursed.

 

It showed a separate scene under a bridge late at night. “If we’re gonna get through this,” Sai began, “we’re gonna get through it together.”

“GET DOWN,” a man ordered, and Sai and Hikaru crouched onto the ground. “YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR TREASON.” The man stepped out of the shadows and revealed that he… was a robot… with a gun! The robotic cop held Hikaru at gunpoint. “I COULD KILL YOU RIGHT NOW,” the robot challenged.

 

The chanting ceased as we cut to Sai and Akari Fujisaki at a coffee shop. “We’ve gotta help Hikaru” Akari said chillingly.

Sai lifted his mug to his mouth and drank some coffee in response. Then, Yuki Mitani approached them and said, “Alright,” taking out a walkie talkie, “but we’re gonna need some reinforcements.”

 

Then, a shady character opened Hikaru’s jail cell. He was Yoshitaka Waya! “I’m here to get you out of here,” he said.

“Huh?” Hikaru responded.

Then Yoshitaka pulled out a knife. “Not.” He quickly sliced Hikaru’s jugular vein!

It wasn’t supposed to end this way… Hikaru thought, dropping to the floor.

 

In yet another scene, Sai was dressed in an orange costume at a fruit festival swarming with enemy robots in fruit costumes. “You think I could learn necromancy?” he asked Akari, who was dressed as an avocado. She nodded, looking worried.

 

Latin chanting picked up again. Akira and his father Meijin had a stern staring-at with each other! Sai, wielding a staff, transformed into a neko-guy! Guys in fruit costumes were ice skating!

 

Akari, now in a jail cell with Yun Sensei, told him, “It doesn’t matter if you play checkers or not. It’s how you play it.”

 

Tetsuo Kaga stood on top an airplane, which had a flaming wing and was headed straight for Mount Everest! “The only thing that truly matters…is shogi!” He laughed maniacally as the plane rapidly surpassed the sound barrier and he was burned to cinders.

 

Hikaru flew through white nothingness, Latin chanting ceasing again. What am I fighting for…for…for…for…

 

Hikaru burst out of the ground in a rainy cemetery, right in front of his mossy tombstone. He stepped out of his grave, grabbed the stone, and CRUSHED it between his hands! He looked up to the heavens and screamed, “DAAAAH!!” It echoed chillingly.

 

Anime theme song music started playing. The television showed Hikaru and Sai in a giant, collapsing mechanical building. “YOU HAVE YET TO SEE MY TRUE POWER…” a man grunted in the darkness. Then, out of that darkness, came a giant go board-shaped robot with pincer arms and Toya Meijin in the cockpit!

“This is our last chance,” Sai pressured, grabbing Hikaru’s shoulders. He took out his fan and pointed to one of the spots on the board robot. “PUT THE FINAL PIECE RIGHT THERE AND ALL SHALL BE CLEAR!!”

Hikaru placed his fist in his palm and shouted, “JAN… KEEEEEN… ROOOOOOOOCK!!” He charged forward with a glowing hand and leaped at the robot as it powered up its photon blasters!! Oh no, it’s too late, he thought.

Suddenly, Akari blazed through the ceiling with seventeen gigantic machine gun laser guns and roared, “BUT YOU STILL HAVE MEEEE!!!” And they all were consumed in light… and the logo for the movie appeared.

“Hikaru No Go: A Checkered Past,” the narrator read. “Coming April 19th, 2010.”

 

The kids stared at the screen, slack-jawed. After two minutes, Koala Ko Ala said, “I don’t get it.”

 

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 12: Tag Team Trial – Part Two

 

And so, where we last left our two failure kids, they had 1700 Life Points, and were staring down Gate Guardian, Para, and Tristan Taylor. They had 1700 Life Points. And they had Sparkman. With his gun. That had just shot Gate Guardian. Which made it slump over into Defense Mode. “What have you done?!” Para asked hysterically!

“He shot him with that gun!” Tristan shakily proclaimed, pointing to Sparkman.

“Damn straight I shot that guy with a gun!” Jaden agreed.

 

“That guy REALLY shot that guy with a gun!!” exclaimed one of the Hot Dog Mob men. Suddenly, the spear he’d been carrying up until now was torn out of his hands. “Wha?!” Bastion had pulled it all the way through his body, tossed it into the air, and caught it.

“Alright,” he challenged, “who wants some?”

“You’re okay?!” Piggybank gasped.

“WHO CARES?!” the Hot Dog Mob leader (signified by hit hot dog hat) roared! “GET HIIIIIIM!!” And the entire remaining mob rushed up to him, and…

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

Woah, Koala Ko Ala thought, watching the duel, this duel looks cool, but Bastion’s fight is even COOLER!! He began staring at Bastion, smacking down ‘da mob.

“Wowzers,” Billy Hills gasped, “look there, I reckon! Bastion Misawa, I reckon, is beatin’ the Hot Dog Mob!”

“HUH BASTION HUUUUUUUH?!?!” Deep-Voice Dobbson gasped.

“Shaddap!” Chazz growled. “I’m watching the duel!”

“HOLY CRAP I RECKON HE JUST PUNCHED THROUGH THAT MAN’S STOMACH!!”

 

“Now I’m gonna throw down a face-down and end my turn,” Jaden said, confidently.

“BOO,” somebody said.

“Hmph,” Para grunted, “you may have a gun, you son of a gun,”

“But the game has merely just begun!” Tristan finished! “I set a card face-down and end my turn!”

“Jaden,” Syrus said, turning to his buddy, “how can you possibly look so positive about this situation? Sure, that guy’s in Defense mode now, but what does that make? A giant, defense guy who’ll kill us next turn! It’s hopeless! I feel hopeless because of this giant, evil, thingy!!”

Jaden turned to him and chuckled. “Heh heh heh, Sy, you’ll find out… after you… draw… that… card.”

“Uh okay HOLY MACKEREL!!” Syrus drew Drillroid, a purple drill robot!! He turned to Solemn Judgment, lying in his hand, waiting oh-so patiently to be played. I’d better set this before I forget about it, he thought. “First, I set two cards face-down!”And so he did. “And now I’ll summon… SUPER ROBOT DRILL ROBOT!!” He held his monster card into the air and it seemed to ripple with light!

 

“OOH,” the audience gasped. Syrus felt an impulse of adrenaline. He was trembling. “’Ya did it, Sy!” Jaden proclaimed! “Way to go, yo! You just got ‘yo game on!”

“BOO.”

“Aw, who asked you?”

“AND NOW…” Syrus began, without concluding, for now. He smacked his card onto the Duel Disk and had wrought a purple drill robot super robot fighter who hath broken through the ground! Jaden was right!! Syrus believed! He guessed that my next card would be awesome! This is… very coincidental. He turned to Jaden, who gave a thumbs-up and at that moment thought, Lucky guess!!

 

But… I’m actually gonna kill that bastard monster that’s been so irritatingly invincible all this time! This… sense of EMPOWERMENT! This… FEELING OF PRIDE!! This… is just a card game… so it really doesn’t…

“SHUT UP!!” an alien voice ordered of him. It was his hair again, speaking through a mind link of some sort! “It doesn’t matter that this is just a game,” it yelled, “This is your first major achievement since you’ve even STARTED playing card games!”

“But it still doesn’t matter,” Syrus told his hair.

“It does!! You’re about to do something Jaden couldn’t do alone. Together, with his crazy luck skills!”

“You don’t usually speak to me like that.”

“You usually aren’t pumped up with adrenaline. Tear that sucker to pieces.”

“SRDR,” Syrus commanded, “TEAR THAT SUCKER TO PIECES!”

“But he has too much defense!” Para laughed!

“It’s as useless as punching a fence!” Tristan added.

“Well, this fence… JUST GOT PUNCHED!!” Syrus yelled, adding in a punching motion as he got to the yell-y part. “Any Defense Position monsters my robot fights are AUTOMATICALLY destroyed!”

“Wall go!” Tristan ordered, as his Brick Wall flew into Super Robot Drill Robot’s face! (Jaden and Syrus: 1200 Life Points)

 

“Wait… that doesn’t make any sense!” Syrus gasped! “I mean, why did we take damage, why didn’t my attack work?!”

“Because of Brick Wall’s special ability!” Tristan laughed!

“For you I feel no pity!” Para added.

“But… the damage…” Syrus muttered. Jaden turned to face Syrus and shrugged, thinking, Better luck next year! “Urgh, that’s not all!”

“There’s more?!” Para gasped!

“There’s more?!” Tristan gasped.

“Seriously, don’t rhyme ‘more’ with ‘more’,” Para suggested.

“Sorry.”

“SHIELD CRUSH GO!!” Syrus yelled, activating Shield Crush, which featured a shield getting crushed, and the card’s holographic representation appeared in mid-air and fired a crushing laser beam at Gate Guardian’s shield-like arms! In short, it blew up.

 

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!11!!!1!!” the crowd screamed!

Even Bastion, who’d just ripped off his shirt and stabbed his new spear through a man’s face, stopped to say “Woah.”

“HOW THE HELL CAN HE GET THAT LUCKEEEEEEEEEEY?!?!” Chazz and Crowler screamed simultaneously!

“AWESOME!!” was all Koala Ko Ala could yell.

“Nice goin’ Sy!” Jaden congratulated! “Y’know what they say, ‘the bigger they brawl, the harder they fall’!!”

“BOO,” somebody said.

“They don’t say that, Jaden.”

“They sure do now!”

 

The twins (kinda) smirked, looking at the two boys, purple drill robot and super hero facing them, as if to all say, ‘F*ck you, we’re winning!!’ “I see that you may have enjoyed your sentiment,” Tristan babbled.

“But now, for destroying our Gate Guardian,” Para added, “we use Dark Element!” Para slapped down a card with a zombie screaming in pain as he stood in some black fire for some reason. (Paratris: 3500 Life Points) “When Gate Guardian’s in the Graveyard,” Para read off of the card, “we can summon the monster Dark Guardian!! But we have to halve our Life Points first.”

 

A multi-colored fog seeped out of the hologram and was sucked into the Graveyard. Then a zombie appeared! (Zombie: 0 Attack Points, 8790 Defense Points) “Oh, is THAT all?” Jaden challenged. Then the zombie caught on black fire!

“WAAAAARGH!!” the zombie cried, and then exploded. And after that, a HUGE DEMONIC SHADOW DESCENDED ONTO THE FIELD!! “Oh, so I guess it wasn’t all…”

 

And it was… it was… a guy attached to a spider with an axe in hand. WITH 3800 ATTACK POINTS!! (Dark Guardian: 3800 Attack Po— “WE JUST HEARD THAT!!” said some random guy.

“Oh and he can’t be destroyed by battle,” Para added, just in time.

“Oh no,” Bastion gasped, punching out two of the three final hot dog mob men at the same time, “it’s THAT strong and JUST AS INVINCIBLE AS ME?!”

“Yeah, right!!” laughed the last man.

“WATCH OUT!!” Piggybank screamed! The last mob man pulled out a gun… and shot. “BASTIOOOOOOON!!”

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

“Now Dark Guardian,” Para yelled, “attack that dumb drill! Super Axe Slashah!”

“NO NOT SLASHAH!!” Syrus gasped! We just lost!! When that attack connects, our Life Points’ll be zero! Wait, why didn’t I just use Solemn Judgment?

“HOO-AH!!” the monster grunted, swinging his axe, launching a giant wave of axe power!

“Sorry, but I use Hero Barrier!” Jaden said! He flipped up his Trap card, which had… a giant ‘H’!

“Oh no! An ‘H’!’ Tristan gulped!

“I think my head’s starting to ache!” Para groaned.

“Hey, ‘H’ and ‘ache’ don’t rhyme!” Tristan accused.

“Sorry, um, lime.” As they were busy rhyming, the axe blast smashed into the ‘H’ and faded away.

“Take ‘dat, yo!” Jaden laughed! “You fail winning forever!”

“That was harsh…” SIGH-rus sighed.

“Yeah, RIGHT!” Jaden ‘psshawed’. “Look, stop being so negative! We’re gonna beat these two guys, and then we’re gonna go through all sorts of zany duel adventures! Then we’ll graduate, after I turn evil and you save my life somehow! But right now… LET’S GO!!”

“BOO,” somebody said.

“I play Pot of Greed!” Jaden drew two cards. “It lets me draw two cards—”

“WE ALL KNOW THAT!!” the world yelled at him.

“Okay, but d’ja know I’d use… FUSION GATE?!” Jaden smacked a Field Spell onto his Field Spell compartment. The world was consumed by a black hole…

“WAAAAUGH!!” you screamed. It was a holographic black hole, though. “Whew!” sighed the reader.

 

“This card counts as all ‘da Polymerizations I want!” Jaden explained. “And so, I’ll summon… ELEMENTAL HERO AVIAN!!”

“NOOOOOOOO!!!” the audience cried!

“HA, IDIOT!” Chazz laughed. Avian swirled onto the field in a whirlwind entrance!

“HA, HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!” Avian laughed! “I’M HEEEERE!!”

“JADEN YOU IDIOT, YOU’VE JUST DOOMED US ALL!!” Syrus screamed maniacally!

“No way,” Jaden began. “doom is an old Norse word for destiny. Or a word LIKE destiny, I don’t remember which. So yeah, we’re meeting our destiny… OF BEATING THEM UP!! I fuse MY OWN Light, Water and Wind guys to summon a Fusion hero!” Jaden removed his Sparkman, Avian, and Bubbleman in his hand from play. “Now I summon Elemental Hero Tempest!” Jaden’s theme song picked up from where it had once been cut off (at about 1:00, please). They all got sucked into the black hole of earth; the winged screw-up hero, the gun-slingin’ lightning man, and the dumb-looking man with a terrible excuse for a name. They were consumed by the hole… and soon spat out by it, too, and were released as a man with cool hair, wings, a blue suit, and a bubble-launching arm (they had to add in Bubbleman somehow, right?)! (Tempest: 2800 Attack Points)

 

“Oh, I thought they’d do something smart,” a young kid innocently stated.

“Shut up, you bastard kid!” Jaden roared!

“WAAAAH!!” the kid screamed.

“Now I use Skyscraper!!” Jaden ripped out his Fusion Gate and replaced it with a picture of the big city. Huge buildings started to grow out of the ground! Syrus was inevitably standing on top of one as it grew suddenly.

“WOAH!!” he gasped.

“SYRUUUUUUUUS!!” Jaden screamed, stretching out his hand to him! “Anyways,” Jaden shrugged, as soon as the buildings stopped growing, “when my weaker Hero attacks your stronger dummy,”

“WE HEARD THAT!” ParaTris accused.

“he gains 1000 Attack Points!”

“Okay.”

 

Tempest flew into the nighttime Skyscraper sky and aimed his bubbly arm at Dark Guardian! “NOW, USE BUBBLY AAAAAAAARM!!” (Tempest: 3800 Attack Points) Tempest shot out a bubble from his bubble launcher with a satisfying ‘bloop’ sound. The guardian tried his best to deflect it with his axe!

He struggled on, as Para chuckled, “You know, he won’t die by battle.”

“Syrus, discard a card!” Jaden ordered.

“OKAY,” Syrus agreed, several stories up. “WAIT, WHADDA YOU SAY?!”

“Great! Now my Tempest can’t be destroyed by battle due to his ability!” The bubble splattered all over the Dark Guardian.

“OH NO, HE IS ALL WET!!” Para growled.

“We’re gonna… um, bet.” Tristan threatened, emptily.

“THAT WAS DUMB, JADEN!” Nancy Wut yelled from the audience. “NOTHING CHANGED!”

“YOU’RE A DUMB DUELIST!” another guy insulted.

Aw, man, Syrus thought, now everybody thinks that Jaden’s a dumb duelist! He’s just making everybody think he sucks at dueling! This duel is… is…’nt fun! Isn’t fun at all!!

 

“Well, I use the card Super Samurai Smack-DUUUUUN!!” Tristan yelled, beginning his turn with a bang. His Trap card, a big battle between two samurai in front of the roarin’ coastal shoreline at sunset, flipped onto the field and disappeared. “Super Samurai Smack-DUUUUUN!! makes our two strongest monsters fight and stuff!” Dark Guardian brandished his mighty axe again and swung it! The energy wave travelled powerful slow, though. “Do you wanna use your special ability?” Tristan asked.

“Ugh,” Jaden recoiled, “I’ll discard Skyscraper.” The buildings faded away, Tempest shielded his face with his arms, and Syrus fell down from above onto his face. Painfully.

“OW!” Syrus cried. “JADEN, NO!!”

“JADEN YES!” Jaden cheered for himself. Slowly but surely, that energy blast swooped into Jaden for critical damage!!

“That thang was goin’ powerful slow, I reckon!” Billy Hills gasped.

“UUUUUUURRRGH!!” Jaden and Syrus groaned, as if they were undergoing intense intestinal distress. (Jaden and Syrus: 200 Life Points)

“That’s all for me!” Tristan huffed.

“And next turn I give you my guarantee,” Para added,

“This duel will be ours, just wait and see!” Tristan wrapped up. “Oh, and I’ll set another card.”

 

“OH, CRAP!!” an onlooker realized! “THEY’RE PULLIN’ OUT ALL DA’ STOPS! THEY RHYMED THRICE!!”

“Don’t sweat their rhyming, Sy,” Jaden supported, “just follow your heart, and your dreams… of not being expelled… will definitely come true, yo.”

“Uh, um, er, eh, okay,” Syrus half-heartedly trusted. Okay, all I have to do… is use… Power Bond. But it’s not even in my hand yet. Wait, he’s trusting me to draw a certain card? You can’t exactly WILL that to happen, of course! What if he blames me for losing after his is all over and never talks to me again?! Will I be left out of all the ZANY and CRAZY duel adventures to come?! I CAN’T HANDLE THE PRESSUUUUUURE!!!

 

Meanwhile, Bastion had been fired upon by a bullet! Damn, I can’t dodge a bullet in mid-air! That’s physically impossible… impossible… impossible… IMPOSSIBLE!! he told himself whilst the bullet flew. “BUT YOU STILL HAVE MEEEEEE!!” Piggybank pulled out a golf club!

“No, not a GOLF CLUB!!” the hot dog mob man final guy gasped!

“YES, A GOLF CLUB!!” She swung her club at the bullet, placing her final bets on its success. Somehow, it connected and sent the bullet into the man’s skull.

“Yay,” cheered the onlookers.

“Wait…” Bastion blinked. “You just… saved my life?”

“Bastion, I’m SOOOO happy you’re alright!!” Piggybank squeed, hugging him drastically.

“Who are you again and why is there a hole in your head?” Bastion asked.

“Hey,” some guy realized, slightly out of range of the bloodbath, “I just realized: you originally just wanted a hot dog. Then you stole some from some guys by beating them up, and after that the mob came in. This means that you’re the bad guy here, the mobsters were just upholding the peace, and you’ve killed innocents in order to get a snack, whom will all be cleaned up later by Janitorboy Ikkaku.” Bastion stared at him for a moment before spearing his skull.

“Dammit, not another one!” Janitorboy Ikkaku groaned nearby. “Why can’t you kids clean up your OWN damn dead bodies!?”

 

BASTION’S STUPID SIDESTORY: THE END

 

Meanwhile once more, Syrus gripped his new card and began his turn. Ugh, I’m so nervous. Well, I guess, as they say, it’s time to duh-duh-duh-duh-duel! “MY TURN!!” He drew… Power Bond! HOW HORRIBLY CONVENIENT!! he thought. “HOW HORRIBLY CONVENIENT!!” he cried.

“He got something convenient?!” Para cried!

“That is, for us, inconvenient!!” Tristan finished.

“Alright,” Syrus started, with his own theme song, which began to capture the imaginations of millions of televised onlookers around the country. “I tribute my SRDR for Super Robot Unidentified Flying Object Robot!!” His purple drill exploded… into a flying saucer with awesome eyes!! (SRUFOR: 1200 Attack Points)

“Woah,” the audience gasped.

“Now I use Power Bond!!” Syrus smashed his card onto the field, summoning another black hole… filled with construction workers in wielding masks! “I’ll fuse Jaden’s hero and my Super Robot together!”

“Oh,” Para said.

“No!” Tristan said.

 

Thousands of workers and their depraved souls grasped the two fusion materials and began attaching metals to them. They worked unbelievably fast, able to make a UFO and a man into a man on a UFO within seconds. “IT’S SRUFOR FIGHTER!!” Syrus named. “And his Attack Points are equal to the attack points of each part used to make him!”

“TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-THAT MEANS FO-FO-FO-FOUR-THOUSAND ATTAAAAACK!!” Para and Tristan shouted! But on the inside, they had a plan. The random Trap he’d hastily set after that Super Samurai Smack-DUUUUUN!! “But we’ll still survive it,” they hastily added.

“Not really,” Syrus admitted, “because it’s DOUBLED because of POWER BOND!!” The UFO man’s spirit shimmered… and his power became 8000.

“Uh, eh, that’s STILL not good enough, heh, heh,” Tristan and Para stammered.

“Plus I’ll throw in Limiter Removal just for the hell of it.” (Super Robot UFO Robot Fighter: 16000 Attack Points)

“THAT’S IT! I’M TIRED OF WAITING!!” Tristan activated his Trap card!

“No, don’t use it yet, is my warning!!” Para warned!

“I’ll discard Random Monster A and Random Monster B from my deck in order to use my Trap card, Da Puppet Master Appears!!” Tristan threw some cards in his deck away to flip up his Trap Card, which had the card Puppet Master getting smacked over the head by a crappie (no, it’s not pronounced CRAPPY, and it’s a type of fish).

 

“Wha...what?” Syrus asked.

“Don’t worry, Sy,” Jaden said.

“That’s ALL YOU SAY NOW!!”

“I know, but it WILL ALL WORK OUT.”

“This card,” Tristan explained, “has the Puppet Master being knocked out by an even better monster. Da Puppet Master.”

“Those names are suspect.”

“Who cares, because I get to pay 1000 Life Points to tribute my Dark Guardian in order to summon him, and then discard two cards in my hand in order to take control of one monster in your hand!!” Tristan let Dark Guardian explode into another, smaller monster. (ParaTris: 2500 Life Points) The monster looked like a man with a puppet. Nothing special—UNTIL A SHADOW HAND FLEW OUT OF HIS EYES AND STOLE ONE OF SYRUS’S CARDS!! Syrus looked on in horror as his card was stolen, which was SUPER ROBOT POLICE CAR ROBOT. “The best part is,” Tristan finished, “is that I CAN ATTACK JADEN DIRECTLY WITH IT RIGHT NOW BEFORE YOUR ATTACK.”

OH… SHIIIIIIII—wait, Syrus realized, this is… just like my fantasy, but… but…

 

“WHY, SYRUS, WHYYYYYYYYY?! WHY DID YOU LET HIM USE THAT REALLY IMPOSSIBLE COMBO?!?! YOU HAD A SOLEMN JUDGMENT FACE-DOWN, YOU KNOOOOOWW!!”

 

That’s… not happening this time. IT’S NOT FRICKING GOING DOWN!!

 

“I activate Solemn Judgment in order to halve our Life Points and negate your card effect.”

 

His Trap card flipped face-up. And old man walked out of the card. He stared at Da Puppet Master intensely. The old puppet-controllin’ man simply exploded, turning back into Dark Guardian, negating the Tribute Summon. (Jaden and Syrus: 100 Life Points)

 

“You did it, Sy!” Jaden cheered, as the police car was sent back into his friend’s hand! “Now, finish ‘em!”

“SRUFOR FIGHTER, ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!” Syrus aimed his finger at the Dark Guardian. The warrior glared at the monster. IT EXPLODED INTO FIREWORKS!! IT’S NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE DESTROYED IN BATTLE!!

 

“NO, NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!!” The two duelist enemies, defeated, fell to the ground. (ParaTris: -10700 Life Points. Game Over)

 

“AND THAT’S GAME, BASTARDS!!” Syrus concluded. And so, his theme song began fading away, into the background, as songs do…

 

“Woah,” Chazz said.

“Woah, Crowler said.

“Woah,” said Tristan.

“Woah,” said Tristan—wait, TWO TRISTANS?!

“HUNH?!?!” the audience gasped! Para’s face was actually a mask, and it was revealed to the world that the Paradox Brothers… were just two Tristan Taylors!

“HEY, I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE TO HIRE THE PARADOX BROTHERS!!” Crowler roared! It turned to Chancellor Shepherd, sitting nearby.

“Well, we don’t ALWAYS have the money for real celebrities to come to our school,” he shrugged.

“LET’S GET OUTTA HERE!!!111!1!!” The two Tristans escaped.

 

Jaden turned to Syrus. “That was effing sweet, yo!” He patted his shoulder. “That was the most epic turn EVER!! Did you realize that you killed a monster that can’t get destroyed by battle by just looking at it, dawg?”

“Well, I couldn’t have done it without you,” Syrus sighed.

“SHUT UP!!” Jaden punched him in the face.

“Ow.”

“YOU were the one who summoned that freaking wicked dude! YOU were the one to pump him up beyond comprehension! YOU were the one that ruined their perfect plan! YOU DON’T SUCK!!”

Syrus glared at him. “You mean… I don’t suck?!”

“Well, you usually do, but not right now!”

Wow, I just conquered my weird fantasy… hey, there really WERE two Tristans. That was really screwed up. Anyways, I’ve learned that believing in yourself can make the world bow down to you in awe and fear. Hey, I wonder if my bro watched me! Syrus looked up toward the highest seating area in the Duel Dome. His brother and Alexis were standing there, talking and stuff… but Zane had some toilet paper on his shoe. He… went to the… bathroom… and missed it. Life sucks.

 

Jaden also stared up at Zane. Then he took out his notepad, where he’d written ‘Beat Tristan Taylor and Sy’s Bro’. He crossed off Tristan’s name. One down and one to go… wait, didn’t I already beat Zane? He crossed off Zane’s name. “Hey, Sy, I’m done pounding your bro and Tristan like you told me to!” Jaden reported.

“Oh yeah, and you’re not expelled anymore,” Shepherd told them.

“Whoopee!!” Syrus and Jaden cheered.

“Congratulations!” Koala Ko Ala cheered, clapping.

“Congratulations, students,” Lyman Banner and Garfield clapped.

“Congratulations,” Alexis and Bastion clapped.

“Congrats, Sy!” Jaden applauded.

“Good job,” Chazz clapped.

“Congratulations, I reckon!” Billy Hills clapped.

“Great job, huh, Syrus, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson clapped.

“Congratulations,” Crowler clapped.

“Eh, congrats,” Angry McArgue clapped.

“Woo-hoo, party time!!” Nancy Wut shouted.

“Congratulations,” Zane clapped.

“CONGRATULATIONS!!” cheered the audience.

Syrus turned to them. “Thank you,” he thanked. “Thank you my father. Goodbye my mother. And to all the children, congratulations!”

 

THE END. A STUDIO GAINAX PRODUCTION.

 

 

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Alright, here's a WR double-shot for today, in order to make up for yesterday.

 

[spoiler=Episode 13: Formula for Success]Jaden and his peeps were watching television. Apparently, it was the dub of Beyblade. Tyson Granger and Kai Hitawari were getting ready for a Beyblade battle, or whatever they’re called! “LET IT RIIIIP!” they cried, letting loose their battle-tops!

“Y’know,” Syrus said, “whenever they said that, I thought it was a fart joke.”

“What were you expecting,” Jaden asked, “a GOOD joke? It’s HARD to make a good weekly TV joke!”

 

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 13: Formula for Success

 

The guitar sounded pretty sporty today, as we open up to the gym, with an open roof, letting in the sun-shiny day. The boys were playing baseball. The bases were loaded, and Jaden was up at bat. “C’mon, Jaden!” some guy yelled.

“You ‘kin hit it!” another said.

“If you don’t score, I’ll kick your ass!!” a bully threatened.

“That’s right, Jaden,” Syrus warned, “be careful! You DON’T want some guy sticking his foot up your butt! It hurts!”

Oh, I’ll score alright, Jaden told himself, stepping up to the plate. First, I’ll hit the ball out the roof and score. Then the guy on third base’ll score, then the guy on second base’ll score, and lastly, the guy on first’ll score, which is me. And then, I’ll REALLY score, if y’know what I mean, yo! Hohohohoho! But in all actuality, he wasn’t going to really score for about twenty more years.

 

It’s the bottom of the eighth. The opposing squad, the Yellow Yellers, had three points. If Jaden could pull this off, then the Red Rockers would have four points, giving them the game. “Wait!” Bastion cried, running onto the scene. “I’m sorry I’m late! I was studying some Attack Point quantum mechanics and lost track of time!”

“What did you study?” asked a bamboozled kid.

“What?”

“Huh?”

“I’m here, so it’s all okay now.” The kid just stared at him as he walked over to the pitcher’s mound.

That guy’s bananas, he thought to himself. BANANAS!!

“Hey, wait up!” Piggybank, that random girl from the last episode, charged out of the locker rooms and to Bastion’s side. “What, did you forget me?”

“You’re creeping me out,” Bastion admitted.

 

“Who IS that broad?” a guy asked.

“And why’d she go through the BOY’S locker room? Girls don’t go THERE!” another immature guy whined.

“I hear that she’s a Bastion fangirl!”

“Aren’t we ALL a bit too young to have fangirls?”

“The LOCKER ROOM, guys,” the boy stressed, “the LOCKER ROOM!!”

“What’s up with her ears?”

“I heard she’s a stalker.”

“I heard that she’s a character made up for the heck of it.”

“I heard that she was introduced because there aren’t enough girls at this school,” a smart kid supposed.

“Well, which is it?”

“I guess it’s just a little of all of ‘em,” a guy concluded, “a lil’ of all of ‘em.”

 

“Hey, who the heck’s she, Bastion?” Jaden asked, pointing his bat menacingly at Bastion. “If you don’t spill it, I swear I’m hitting someone with my bat!”

Bastion looked at Piggybank over his shoulder and said, “Oh, she’s a fangirl stalker with pig ears lampooning the cat ear fetish (and sub-type bunny ear fetish) and thought up of on the spot and used in order to help support the fact that we need more female duelists here with names.”

“Oh, okay, yo.” Jaden got into a batting stance and Bastion got into place.

“I hope you’re ready for me to, heheh, BRING the HEAT,” Bastion chuckled, as he CAUGHT ON FIRE!!

“Oh no!” Piggybank tossed a closed water bottle at Bastion, which appropriately put out the fires anyway.

“Er, well, as I was saying, this one’s commin’ in RED HOT!!”

“Oh, don’t you get ME started on RED, dude!” Jaden sniffed.

 

And then… anybody who was really engrossed in that was interrupted by the irritating theme song, thus screwing them over.

 

That is what I must suffer as I write this story of intrigue and adventure…

 

But then we’re back!

 

“I hope you’re ready for something with some BITE!” Bastion warned! He pulled back, flung the ball, and it did something cool. It turned into THREE separate baseballs!

“Crap, yo!” Jaden swung at the two new ones, which suddenly turned into smoke upon impact. “Then where’s the last one…?” he asked himself. He looked around and then froze. A large tiger pounced upon him! “Yeow, yo! It really DOES have some bite!!” he yelped as it bit into his arm. Then it turned back into a simple baseball and bounced into the catcher’s mitt.

“C’mon, Jaden, play it like it’s a card game!” Syrus shouted! “Then you’ll win for sure, mister YU-ki!”

“OOH, BASTION, YOU’RE THE GREATEST!!” Piggybank squealed!

“Shut up, ya dumb broad!” Jaden roared! “It’s not fair! We DID NOT sanction the usage of Secret Baseball Techniques Twenty-Four OR Seventy-Five!” He was pelted by pennies. “Ow! What?!” Piggybank stopped throwing pennies at him.

 

“Stop acting like you’re better than Bastion! He’ll beat your ass up in a second!” Piggybank reached inside of her slot-head again, then pulled out and threw a nickel at Jaden.

“Ow!” He turned to Bastion. “Bastion, make your fan stop!”

“I clearly don’t know who she is,” Bastion admitted, tossing two more baseballs into the catcher’s mitt.

“Strike-out,” Barry the Beginner (see chapter four or something) called, as he was the umpire. He was secretly vying for Baseball Barry to be his nickname, but it was already taken…

“I didn’t even see him… aw, Syrus, what went wrong?” Jaden asked.

“You didn’t play like it was a duel,” Syrus sighed.

“I CAN’T if there’s no CARDS, Syrus.”

“WE NEED A RED PITCHER.”

“I’m gonna get my baseball game on!” Jaden chuckled, running onto the pitcher’s mound.

“BOO,” somebody said.

 

“Gimme your best shot,” Bastion smirked.

“Awright, I’m gonna throw down a strike-out down!” Jaden exclaimed, tossing his baseball straight into the ground, where it bounced over to Barry.

Now, if the science of baseball has taught me anything…

“Ball,” Barry called.

“Okay, throw it back, dude,” said Jaden.

“Sorry, but I’m a Ra Yellow, so I’m gonna hold onto it for a minute,” Barry said, holding onto the baseball.

YES! Science has not forsaken me! Bastion took off, stealing first base!

“Dude! Throw the frickin’ ball already!” Jaden ordered!

“No,” Barry answered. Then Bastion stole home base and was replaced by another Ra Yellow.

“Holy crap, man! You’re just gonna let’m do that?!”

“Sure.” Four more players charged onto the field.

“This has GOT to be cheating!!”

“No, they’re just stealing bases.” Then some Slifer Reds ran onto the field.

 

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Jaden asked.

“We switch teams, since losing sucks,” one said.

“Sorry, Jay,” Syrus apologized, running by, “but you didn’t play it like a duel.” Soon enough, the scoreboard said ‘Yellow Yellers: 589 Jaden Yuki: 0, sucks’

“Who wrote that?!”

Meanwhile, Crowler was studying the game from inside of an elaborate but large baseball costume, in order to remain unnoticed. “Hmm,” it studied, “that Bastion kid hasn’t just UTTERLY CRUSHED Jaden YUCKY, but he broke baseball, too. This is perfect, maybe I can find a NEW prodigy other than Chazz to defeat Yucky-boy…”

“Hey, Crowler, huh,” Deep-Voice Dobbson waved.

“Shut up, I’m looking for a kid to beat Yucky-boy.”

“Okay, huh, teacher, huh.”

 

Bastion had left the locker rooms about a half-hour later, with the scores at 16097 to 0. “I had no idea that people could run across bases so much!” he smirked. He took out a sports drink and gulped it down.

“BastiOOOOOOOON!!” Piggybank glomped him from above!

“Don’t drop down on people, you’re wearing a skirt.”

“I’m amazed! You actually BROKE a great American and slightly less great Japanese pastime!” Piggybank recounted. “That was the best baseball-related thing I’ve ever seen somebody do single-handedly!”

“What about me?” Barry the Beginner asked.

“Hey,” some shy-looking, kinda tall brown-haired boy said, “you’re Bastion, right?” He was also a Ra Yellow student.

“Yeah.”

“I was wondering,” the boy went on, “can I join your fan club?” He pointed to Piggybank, who was still sitting on Bastion. “I’m not attracted to you, I just think that you’d be a great role model for the kids.”

“Sure, what’s your name?”

“My name… is Baseball Bob.” Baseball Bob took out an Ultimate Baseball Kid card. “That is my reference, and I shall become a worthy companion who was amazed at your baseball skills.”

“Dah, okay.” And so, Bastion had gained another apprentice, even though Piggybank just kinda appeared earlier.

“Wow,” some Obelisk Blue with a fluffy pompadour gasped from afar, “that guy has fans. I must learn more!”

 

Then Crowler approached Bastion and co. “Hey, Bastion, would you like to be my apprentice?” it asked.

“Why are you dressed up in a baseball suit?” the British boy asked. Indeed, Crowler forgot to take it off.

“Erm, to celebrate your crushing victory over Jaden Yuki? Anyways, you’ll get a lot of perks if you join up with me, like… you get to duel Jaden.”

“Count me in!” Bastion agreed, suddenly rising to the occasion. “I’ll duel him into such a tie match that his head’ll spin!”

“Oh, thanks.” Then Crowler walked away. “All according to plan… heheheh!

“Say what?” Bastion asked.

“Nothing.”

 

THE! NEXT!! DAY!!!

Chazz Princeton walked into ‘Spell Cards and You’ class, taught by Crowler, and sat down in his seat. “Yo, I want a club sandwich, some saltines, a hot dog with onions, and one of those southern American ‘Sweet Teas’. Now.”

“No way,” replied an Obelisk Blue. “We don’t follow YOUR orders anymore.”

“But you ALWAYS follow my orders! What’s wrong with today?”

“Sorry, bub,” a taller Obelisk Blue chuckled, “but didn’t you know that sweet tea is just iced tea with sugar in it? And we don’t respect you anymore because Bastion Misawa’s Crowler’s new apprentice.”

Bastion Misawa?! The kid who couldn’t win a duel to save his life—but only tie it?! “But I’m ALWAYS mum’s apprentice! What’s wrong with today?”

“Also,” said the guy with the fluffy pompadour from the day before, “that’s my seat. Get out of it.”

“But this is ALWAYS my seat! What’s wrong with today?”

“You stole it from me when you were Crowler’s apprentice, and now I want it back,” the boy forever known as Fluffy Fred (fluffy hair for the win!) stated. “Get up now, jerk-wad.”

“WHAT. DID. YOU. JUST. SAY.” Chazz growled. “DID YOU JUST TELL ME TO DO SOMETHING?! “

“Did I stutter? Gimme me back my chair so that I can give it back to The King.”

“The King?!” Bastion walked over. He had on a badge that said ‘Baseball King’ on it.

“Ah, hello, Chazz,” he greeted. Then he walked over to his seat.

“N-no, wait!” Fluffy Fred picked up Chazz and pushed Bastion into the seat instead.

“Ow.”

“Ow! Put me down! And don’t drop me, since that’s what people always do on television!” Fluffy Fred placed Chazz on the floor. “Damn fools…” Chazz, defeated, slinked back into his chair, which was now what used to be Bastion’s chair. Fluffy Fred sat down next to Bastion, in the last empty chair in class.

“Oh, sorry, but we just got MYSTERIOUSLY transferred here,” Baseball Bob said, walking over with Piggybank.

“Hi, Bastion!” Piggybank greeted. Bastion looked around in deep thought. Hmm, if what I know about the science of human nature is correct…

“Hey, you, could you please move for my friend?” Bastion asked Fluffy Fred.

“Okay, you da’ King!” Fluffy Fred sat on the ground as Baseball Bob sat in his new old chair, and Piggybank stationed herself in Bastion’s lap.

“I’m still uncomfortable, though. Who told you to sit on me, Piggybank?”

“I did.”

“Oh.” Bastion pushed her onto the floor next to Fluffy Fred.

 

Then Crowler entered the room to no fanfare. “Okay, students, take out your rule books that came in your Starter Decks and turn to the Spell Cards section,” it said, still wearing that baseball costume.

“MUM!!” Chazz screeched! “WHY DID YOU CHOOSE MISAWA OVER ME, YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD?! AND WHAT’S WITH THAT COSTUME?!”

“Well, I’m just OH SO full of the baseball spirit ever since Bastion broke the game yesterday,” Crowler snickered.

“And I helped!” Barry the Beginner said, ignored.

“Plus, you lost to Jaden Yucky.”

“No I didn’t!” Chazz protested!

“When you dueled him on episode two!” Crowler said, looking at an episode guide. “You dueled Jaden Yuki, but your game was cut short due to you leaving the arena, resulting in a tie!”

“B-but-”

“And the rules state that if an upperclassman ties to one of lower house status, then the game goes to the idiot who’s still in a non-blue house!” Crowler pointed to page four in the manual.

“There’s no such rule!” Chazz growled, checking for himself. He scanned the page until he read what Crowler had just described. Son of a gun… “D…dammit…” I can’t just let it end like this! “MISAWA!!” he roared, shaking the foundations of the classroom!

“Yes?” Bastion responded.

“I challenge you to a duel! And the loser leaves this school forever (unless they come back), YOU GOT THAT?!”

Chazz had made a stupid decision.

“Eh, okay.”

Chazz had made a stupid decision.

“Perfect.” Chazz sat back down, smug and sure of himself. Heh, fool didn’t see THAT commin’… AW, CRAP!! He remembered the rule. The rule he’d just read. The one that explained how he lost to Jaden. Did… I just condemn myself?!

Chazz had made a stupid decision.

 

LATER! THAT!! DAY!!!

Some guy knocked on Jaden, Syrus, and Koala Ko Ala’s door. “I’ll get it,” Koala Ko Ala helpfully said, leaping off of the bunk bed and over to the door. He opened it up, and in came Piggybank!

“Oh no, she’s gonna throw money at me!” Jaden cried!

“Isn’t it a GOOD thing when people throw money at you? Anyways, who’re you?” Koala Ko Ala asked.

“I’m here to deliver… a note.” Piggybank dramatically pulled out a folded piece of paper from behind her back. It said ‘NOTE’.

“’Note’,” Syrus read.

“Open it up, dude!” Jaden urged excitedly. Syrus opened it up and read it.

“It says for me and Jaden to come to the beach to learn the secret to how Bastion won baseball yesterday. It was pretty pretty obvious, but he seems a bit unstable and we should humor him for today.”

“Aw, YOU’RE the unstable one, yo!”

“W-w-w-w-what about me?!” Koala Ko Ala asked, overreacting. “Why didn’t he invite me?!”

“Have you ever been inside of the same frame before?” Piggybank challenged.

“No.”

“Well why would he invite you, then? C’mon guys.” And so, the three left the building, leaving Koala Ko Ala to cry himself to sleep with a large sandwich.

 

A FEW! MINUTES!! LATER!!!

Bastion, Baseball Bob, and Fluffy Fred were sitting on the beach near the Ra Mansion. They were stationed around something that was obviously a spear wrapped up in a blanket. “Yo, we’re here, yo!” Jaden called, as he approached with his peeps.

“Ah, Jaden, you’re finally here. And Syrus,” Bastion realized.

“So are you gonna show us how you did that stuff?” Fluffy Fred excitedly asked.

“Yeah, tell us how you did that trick!”

“Elementary, my dear Baseball Bob, Fluffy Fred, Jaden Yuki and Syrus Truesdale.”

“And me!” Piggybank added, unsuccessfully.

 

Bastion stood up and held up the spear. Remember how he used a spear against the hot dog mob? That proved how skilled he was with one! He tore the blanket off, revealing its shiny, ebon, metal handle and amazingly spiky blade. His ‘Baseball King’ badge shone brightly in the sunlight.

But what does that have to do with baseball? everybody else thought.

Bastion twirled the spear into the air, caught it, and threw it at a fish in the water several feet out. He leaped out and grabbed the handle! He pushed off of the tiny fish, flipped off with spear, held it up into the heavens and roared, “RAZOOMAFOO!!” Lightning struck the spear twice—in the same spot! He slowly floated down and stabbed his weapon into the beach. The sky cleared up.

But what does that have to do with baseball? everybody else thought.

Then the spear fell apart into a baseball bat covered in random mathematical equations.

OOOOOOOOH, everybody else thought.

What was the point of THAT?! Syrus thought to himself.

Shut up, Syrus.

Yeah, shut up, Syrus.

 

The kiddies ran up to Bastion and his cool bat, kicking away some spear debris in their wake. “What’s with all the writing?” Baseball Bob innocently asked.

“Simple. All of these scientific equations? THEY MAP OUT THE SCIENTIFIC SOLUTION TO BASEBALL.” Bastion flashed a flashy grin. “And now, it’s impossible for me to lose.”

“I get it now, yo!” Jaden said, studying the bat. “THAT’S how you do that trick!”

“Now I know how to hit a homer!” Fluffy Fred cheered!

“Anyways, who wants to see where I live?” Bastion suggested.

“OOH OOH ME ME I DO I DO!!” As Bastion carelessly threw his bat away and walked toward the mansion, the small crowd clamored over to him.

 

Around three minutes later, the group had arrived at Chez Bastion. “Jaden, how useless has the episode been so far?” Syrus asked a bouncy Jaden.

“Around 70% of it’s been made up, but who cares?! We get to see where a genius lives!”

“He’s dumb, he never wins a duel!” Syrus complained further.

“But he NEVER LOSES.”

“Aw man you got me.”

“And here we are!” Bastion loudly announced, opening the door to his small apartment room. It was pretty normal-looking, except that THERE WAS WRITING ON ALL THE WALLS, FLOOR AND CELING BITS!!

“Woah, this is just what I thought a CRAZY man’s room resembled, but I was wrong!” Baseball Bob gasped.

“As you can see,” Bastion said with his laser pointer, pointing at different random mathematical equations, “I have successfully figured out how to master Spells, Traps, and monsters to their fullest potential, by discovering the science behind them all!!”

“I don’t get it, but that means it’s working!” said Fluffy Fred.

“It’s like an epiphany or something!” Jaden celebrated!

“I don’t have anything of merit to add to this conversation…” Syrus moped.

“Well who cares,” Piggybank rudely blurted out, “Bastion’s a genius!!”

“We knew that.”

“SHUT UP, WHY DON’CHA?!”

No wonder she’s the least popular character in the story, Bastion thought. He pulled out some buckets of paint. “Who wants to paint my room because I became Crowler’s new apprentice and replaced Chazz and am moving to the Obelisk Blue dorm so I need to clean this place up before I leave?”

“WE DO!!” The idiots all began picking up paint brushes and started painting the walls, as Bastion expertly sneaked out through the door. Heh, the science of HUMAN NATURE never fails. Thank you so much, Tom Sawyer, for this excellent idea.

“I SHUR do loves me some paintin’!” Jaden laughed.

 

LATER! THAT!! NIGHT!!!

“… ya got that, Chaaazz?” said some irritating-sounding guy on a television screen deep in the heart of the Obelisk Blue Castle, in Chazz’s privately large room. Yeah, it was a waste of money to provide each student with a huge suite. Who cares?

“Yeah, yeah,” Chazz answered.

“I can’t HEAR you,” another guy stressed.

“I said YEAH, idiot.”

“Good.” Two men were on Chazz’s TV; one who apparently had the abilities to both make an auto-split-screen effect, while the other could make others talk through television screens. One had a normal businessman style, while the other had a cool hairstyle, over-the-top like you’d expect from Yu-Gi-Oh, but with a more suave-ish touch.

“The Princeton Brothers have a PLAN, Chazz, and we’re gonna follow THROUGH with it,” the cooler one said, in a voice like he was talking to a little kid and attempting not to be imposing, but failing horrendously.

“You sound stupid, you know.”

“You had BETTER be following through on YOUR end, Chazz,” the boring one grunted. “Imagine it, the world of politics, finance, and card games! They’d all be ours!”

“Hey, but I reckon that finance and duel monsters kinda go hand-in-hand, y’all,” Billy Hills said.

“Yeah, what makes DUEL MONSTERS so important, huh, you two, huh?” asked Deep-Voice Dobbson.

“Wh-what the hell, Chazz?! I thought you told me nobody else was in here!!” the cooler one yelled!

“I thought so, too!”

“Well, get them out of here!” the boring guy ordered.

“Yikes, I reckon, huh!!” The two young men were forced out of the room.

“Anyways,” the boring guy continued, “once we control those three industries, we will control the entire world!!” Cut to: a picture with Chazz and his two brothers in front of a random backdrop. The elder two were dressed in formal business attire, while Chazz was just in his school uniform, looking out of place.

 

Yes, they were the three Princeton Brothers! Chazz, the guy who duels well, Zazz, the guy who knows his government trivia, and Slade, the one with the odd-name-out! Slade had the cooler look, so it didn’t matter much.

“So anyways, go out there and win tomorrow, no matter what, LITTLE BROTHER,” Slade hissed in his ‘lil’ kids story time’ voice.

“If this plan fails because of you making a stupid bet, I swear, I’m giving you the BIGGEST noogie when I see you again!” Zazz threatened, shaking his fist.

“Yow!” Chazz recoiled. “Uh, okay, I’m sure I’ll win with my sub-par deck type! Because I’m good like that, y’know!”

 

The television blipped off. How are we supposed to rule the world like that? Chazz wondered. I’m just in it so I don’t get noogied. The others are just wasting their time, pathetic idiots… they’re just jealous because I’m the only one who was a son of Crowler and was created through bribery. Chazz wandered over to his window. Bastion, Baseball Bob, Piggybank, Fluffy Fred, Jaden and Syrus were all gathered around outside, with a campfire, tents, and what looked to be marshmallows. What’s he doing out there? Chazz thought. I know! He’s just trying to make me angry at him for stealing my spot from mum! No way, I’m just paranoid… Chazz closed his curtains and walked off.

 

“Welp,” Piggybank sighed, looking through binoculars, “‘Operation: Annoy Chazz’ is a bust. I guess we’re gonna have to camp out for real now.” She turned around and helped herself to marshmallows on a stick.

“Dang, I really thought it would work, too,” Bastion tsk’ed. “Anyways, thanks for accompanying me out here for camping due to my room being painted and such, but why in the name of all that is holy did you paint my personal computer?”

“We were in ‘da zone,” Jaden said.

“The zone of PAINTING,” Baseball Bob helpfully added, chewing on some s’mores.

 

EVEN LATER! THAT!! NIGHT!!!

Chazz soon enough had gotten the idea that it would be GREAT to break into Bastion’s room and do some evil crap. “Room 203,” Chazz read off of a door, “204, 205, Bastion. Aha, Bastion means it’s Bastion’s room!” Deep-Voice Dobbson stared at the door sign literally marked ‘Bastion’.

“That’s rather convenient, huh, Chazz, huh?” he remarked.

“I reckon it is,” Billy Hills nodded.

“SHADDAP!!” Chazz roared loudly! “YOUR VOICES ARE SCREWING UP EVERYTHING! THIS IS A COVERT MISSION, NUMB-SKULLS!!”

SHUT UP OUT THERE!

“Sorry,” Chazz told some angry guy or gal from outside their room. “Now guys, let’s make this a clean break-in and get rid of ‘da goods.”

“’Da goods?!” the two gasped. “Okay, I reckon, huh!”

 

Using Deep-Voice Dobbson’s head as a spiky battering ram, the three guys successfully broke into Bastion’s bright white room! “Woah, it’s so bright, huh, Chazz?” Deep-Voice Dobson gasped, rubbing his injured head.

“Why’s it painted white?” asked Chazz. “Even the bed… even the windows—even the COMPUTER?! What kind of idiot IS this idiot?!”

“I reckon he painted over his cards too!” Billy Hills chuckled, looking at a random deck lying on the computer table. Chazz picked up a few cards. Each side was perfectly painted. Those idiots sure do a thorough job.

“Meh, let’s throw ‘em into the ocean, anyway. You know how people always seem to make a miraculous comeback, so let’s not even give him the satisfaction of getting these worthless cards and making then usable again somehow.”

And so, the boys cheated their way into throwing some cards into the ocean.

 

Meanwhile, on the semi-nearby docks of Duel Academy, the Dorothy lady who works at the card shop was watching a ship sail off, just after leaving a shipment of NEW CARDS!! for the island to enjoy. Some white cards floated by on the surf. Placing a crate labeled ‘FRAGILE CARDS’ onto her truck-thing from an earlier episode, she inspected them from afar. “Hm, are those… no, they couldn’t be… wait, maybe… oh, wait, no… OH MY GOSH!!”

 

THE! NEXT!! MORNING!!!

The kids camping out were suddenly jolted awake by a roaring truck stopping right next to Syrus’s head. “WAAAAGH!!” Syrus screamed!

Everybody woke up and paid close attention as Ms. Dorothy leaped out of her truck and yelled, “IS THIS YOUR CARD?!” She held out a painted card… slightly washed up and clean on one bit, revealing the letters ‘f Destr’ and part of a grenade in front of a fiery background!

“Is that a Ring of Destruction card?” Bastion inquired, steadying his ‘Baseball King’ badge. No, it will always be part of his uniform.

“Yes!”

“Oh, Bastion!” Piggybank sobbed, grabbing Bastion close. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t prevent this from happening!”

“Those dang kids!” Dorothy cursed! “This wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for those bad influences, and that rock n’ roll, and those Japanese comic books, and those inappropriate television shows—”

“Actually,” Baseball Bob stated, “if we’re in Japan already, you wouldn’t call them Japanese comic books. You’d just say comic books, or manga.”

“You almost ran over me…” Syrus complained, weeping.

“Oh, sorry, but we’ve got to bring the culprits to justice!” Dorothy preached on!

 

“Now hold on a second,” Bastion said, “do we REALLY know who did this?”

“CHAZZ.”

“BILLY HILLS.”

“THAT DEEP-VOICED GUY.”

“Maybe,” Bastion agreed, “but what if it WASN’T? They really don’t want me to be promoted to Obelisk Blue, but what if it was somebody else, who wanted to blame everything on Chazz, hmm?”

“Sure, that makes sense,” Fluffy Fred thought aloud, “but what if you’re wrong?”

“How many people hate Chazz?”

“Around thirty-seven.”

“And how many would be capable of thinking up of such an ingenious plan?”

“Around eight or so.”

“So,” Bastion concluded, “do you want to possibly waste somebody else’s time, which could result in getting them unrightfully expelled—”

“Which would probably make them be unable to use their most perfect skill,” Syrus picked up, “forcing them to work a dead-end job until they snap under pressure, kill eight or so men, give or take, and get shot by policemen…”

“Exactly!” Bastion yelled! “If I were to press charges, I could be unknowingly aiding in the deaths of NINE innocent men! I cannot live knowing that! For I know the TRUE SCIENCE BEHIND THE HEARTS OF MEN AND MINDS OF THE POPULACE!! I CANNOT GO ON LIKE THAT!! BECAUSE I CARRY MORE COPIES OF MY DECK!!” He pulled out an exact copy of his old tie match deck.

“… Woah,” the crowd simultaneously gasped.

“Now,” Bastion coughed, “let’s get in on some dueling action.”

 

Around a few minutes after the last scene, the trio of Jaden, Syrus and Bastion came runnin’ into the Duel Dome, housing Crowler and Chazz. “Ah, so you made it, Bastion?” Crowler asked, quite obviously right. It was also still wearing that suit. Right behind the FIRST trio came all of Bastion’s followers.

“How long have you been WEARING that suit, dude?” Fluffy Fred disgustedly asked.

“How long have you been wearing YOUR clothes?”

“Good point.”

“HEY!!” Jaden flipped onto the stage and landed on his toes, right next to Chazz, and pointed at his nose! “You threw Bastion’s cards into the ocean, yo! Admit it!”

“HIYAH, HUH-RECKON!!” Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson came out from nowhere, crushing Jaden’s face in between their elbows!

“AARGH, MAH FACE!!” Jaden reeled back, gripping his pained face!

“How DARE you accuse Chazz, huh, JADEN, huh?” Deep-Voice Dobbson’s voice sounded harsh and accusing.

“Billy and Dobbson were with me last night all the time, so OF COURSE they don’t have to lie about my innocence,” Chazz lied.

“Why, you bastard…” growled Piggybank, standing around the other pro-Bastion angry people group.

“Hey, calm down, guys, we talked about this,” Bastion pleaded, trying to calm them down.

 

“NOT SO FAST!!” cried out a feminine voice!

“GASP!!” screamed the group. Alexis and Zane had entered the scene!

“Alexis and Zane just entered the scene!” Syrus cried!

“Who’s she again?” Baseball Bob wondered.

Alexis walked right up to Chazz, who gulped, and shouted, “LIAR!! We saw you do it, too!”

“Gulp,” Chazz gulped.

 

Earlier that morning, Alexis and Zane were doin’ some hot n’ steamy stuff I guess I can’t say here. By the piers. How kinky?

“We’re gonna dump the cards here, huh, Chazz, huh?”

Alexis pushed Zane away for a second and listened. “Shut UP, Dobbson!! We’re trying to dump Bastion’s cards here!” Aleixs and Zane, using crates for strategic cover, peered out at three MYSTERIOUS figures over by the lighthouse.

“But why’re we dumpin’ them again, Chazz, I reckon I forgot.”

“Be-CAUSE!! If I lose to Bastion Misawa, then my reputation shall be forever tarnished, and I’ll get a noogie through some means I don’t care to list out!”

“And we, Deep-Voiced Dobbson, huh, and Billy Hills, huh, are assisting you, Chazz Princeton, in this great adventure?”

“Yes, YES, YES!! GOSH, YOU’RE SO STUPID!! KILL YOURSELVES OR SOMETHING, BECAUSE I, CHAZZ PRINCETON, AM DUMPING BASTION MISAWA’S CARDS INTO THE OCEAN!!”

 

“And I have ‘da tape to prove it!!” Nancy Wut giggled, popping out from the upper-right corner of your television screen.

“Where’d you come from?!” gasped Syrus.

“Who cares?!” Angry McArgue yelled, suddenly appearing next to Syrus.

“WAAAGH!!”

“Shouldn’t you be more concerned with the fact that Nancy caught Alexis and Zane ***** ***** **** and ***** *** while watching Chazz early in the morning ON TAPE?”

“WHAT?! Anyways, I’ll deal with that later.” Alexis turned back to the incredibly sweaty Chazz. “Normally, I wouldn’t snitch, but you DON’T go messing with somebody else’s CARDS in THIS school.”

“Ugh, curses!” Chazz grunted, spitting out some blood as if he’d been punched in the gut really hard.

 

“Yeah, no joke, that’s low for even YOU!” Jaden agreed, punching Chazz in the gut.

“OW! Why’d you hit me?! GET’M!!” Billy Hills and Deep-Voiced Dobbson got into battle mode, getting red and blue glowing eyes, respectively.

“Oh no you DON’T!!” Baseball Bob took out a baseball bat. Fluffy Fred took out brass knuckles. Piggybank took out some razor-sharp dollar bills. “We’ll handle them, boss, go on ahead and duel.”

“Thanks,” Bastion thanked, “but you really don’t have to fight and stuff—”

“But they’ll kill ME!!” Jaden complained, with Syrus as a shield.

“Please put me down, Jaden.”

“Oh, okay.” Bastion pointed at them. “Alright team, you first mission as the Bastion Baseball Wreckers Gang: protect Jaden and Syrus!”

“OKAY!!” They all leaped at those two DANG Blues!

Billy Hills turned to Chazz. “Y’know, if you lose this match and leave forever, I reckon us two’ll never respect y’all, and plus we’ll never follow you around again, prob’ly” he quickly whispered.

“I know. Just get them.”

“Okay, I reckon.” And so, in the background, a randomly epic battle began taking place.

Why am I here if I don’t have any lines? Zane wondered, as Alexis, he, and Alexis’s two random friends left… without another word.

 

“Anyways,” Chazz shrugged, “if you ARE out of a deck, which you seem to be, then you’ll have to forfeit the game!”

“No.”

“What?!”

“I said NO!!” Bastion gripped both sides of his coat. “You know what I did with all of that science knowledge on card games?!” Ripping his coat off epically, with six deck boxes strapped to his chest, he roared, straight to the heavens, “I HAVE CREATED SIX MORE DECKS OF THE SAME KIND!!” Luckily, the men weren’t grossed out and the ladies weren’t excited because Bastion had on another shirt underneath. It was dark green, if you’re curious.

“That’s so stupid!” Chazz recoiled, shielding his eyes. He held out his trusty Duel Monsters deck! “I don’t care HOW many decks you have, but isn’t it smart to just have ONE or TWO?! You save a lot of money, and stuff! Now let’s do this thing already!”

“Don’cha mean… let’s DUEL this?!” Jaden suggested.

“No.”

“BOO,” someone said.

 

“Duel disk, on!” commanded Bastion! His duel disk turned on, and he threw his deck into the card playing device.

“I wish I had an automatic duel disk,” Syrus sighed.

“Actually, it’s NOT voice activated,” Bastion admitted.

“Hubba-WHA?!”

“You’re just a problem to be solved, Chazz,” Bastion ‘mocked’, “a theorem to be cracked! You’re finished!”

“That was SUCH a geeky threat,” Chazz retorted!

“WHO CARES? DUEL!!”

(Bastion: 4000 Life Points, Chazz Cheater-Pants: 4000 Life Points)

“H-hey, what’s up with the Life Point counter?!” Chazz gasped!

“Don’t look at me,” Crowler unhelpfully suggested, still wearing its baseball suit.

“Nobody was looking at you!”

“Oh, well… don’t look at me.”

 

“I’ll ignore that and GET THIS THING STARTED!!” Chazz drew his card, but he was much more scared than he let on. Crap, I KNEW guys like that always made miraculous comebacks and stuff! This sucks! My only hope is to defeat him before he can use a Ring of Destruction… “I summon Cthonian Soldier!” Chazz exclaimed, summoning the familiarly sucky monster.

“GRR,” he growled. (Cthonian Soldier: 1200 Attack Points)

“Then I’ll set a card face-down and end my turn,” Chazz grunted.

 

“Do you, now?” Bastion challenged.

“Oh no, he’s gettin’ ready to BRING THE HEAT!” Jaden trembled.

“He’s ALWAYS ready to bring the heat!” corrected Piggybank from above.

“I agree!” Syrus agreed.

“I summon Hydrogeddon!” Bastion announced, summoning a water dinosaur hybrid for the ages!!

HISSS, HISS HISS HISS,” it hissed. (Hydrogeddon: 1600 Attack Points, 1000 Defense Points)

“How appropriate!” Syrus smiled. “It’s ‘hydro’, plus ‘Armageddon’, the end of the world! I like THAT card.”

“You’re scary,” Jaden said.

“I know, I know…”

“Now attack Cthonian Soldier,” Bastion commanded, “with Hydro Gust!”

“PUH!!” The dinosaur spat out a gust of water! No, that does NOT work. Anyways, the brown, dirty water splashed onto the soldier and blew him up.

“Well alright then!” Chazz accepted, losing life points! (Chazz Cheater-Pants: 3600 Life Points) “Thanks, you activated his special ability!” Chazz thanked! “Now YOU lose the same amount of Life Points asI just did.” Bastion lost some Life Points without any fanfare. (Bastion: 3600 Life Points)

“He just walked into THAT one,” Syrus sy-ed. Or sighed, alternatively.

“Well, I’ll just use MY ability,” Bastion countered! “When Hydrogeddon beats a monster in battle, I can summon another copy from my deck! Rise, Hydrogeddon number two!!” And dramatically in a gush of water, a second Hydrogeddon was summoned from the earth! “Oh, and my Battle Phase is still not over.”

Oh, shi— Chazz mentally stopped himself. Wait, no, I’m not allowed to say that on this story. Um, something the kids can say, something the kids can say… oh, here’s something: Oh, poop. “Now, Hydro Gust!!”

“PUH!” The second Hydrogeddon emulated the first one’s triumph and spat out an identical spout of water.

“WAAAGH—BLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB!!” Chazz was struck in the face, comically knocking him upside down, mocking physics. (Chazz Cheater-Pants: 2000 Life Points) “GRR,” Chazz grr-ed, or growled if you prefer, standing up once more, “I activate my Trap card, Call of the Haunted!” In a random blaze of lightning (don’t ask), Cthonian Soldier appeared again!

 

“What a DUMB move!” Syrus contradicted!

“No WONDER you’re Crowler’s protégé!” Jaden said.

“What’s that mean?!”

“I don’t know!”

“Anyways,” Chazz continued, “now I’ll use the card Inferno Reckless Summon!!” He activated a card featuring skeletons rising from the grave whilst getting blasted by laser beams. “Now we can summon any other copies of monsters we both control from anywhere! So I can summon two more soldiers and you get another stupid dinosaur.”

“That’s not nice, take it back!” screamed Piggybank, who was about forty feet in the air and punching Deep-Voice Dobbson in the kisser!

“Oh, well then I’m sorry. But I get my monsters!” Chazz summoned his two wimp monsters. (Chthonian Soldiers: 1200 Attack Points) The three soldiers got into an odd formation, which consisted of them all standing really closely to each other, but each one was either slightly further forward or backward than the next one. It looked kinda okay from the side, but I’m getting too far into it now, for just a single frame. I’ll go on ahead from here.

 

“You call that stupid NOW?” Chazz challenged.

And so, a third dinosaur appeared on Bastion’s field. “That Chazz kid’s planning something drastic out there, yo,” Jaden figured, “as his monsters alone are really useless. They truly are stupid.”

“Indeed,” Syrus agreed.

“You shut up! I activate the Equip Spell card, Cthonian Alliance!”

“See, I told ya.”

“This card gives eight-hundred Attack points to the equippee for each other copy of itself on the field!” Chazz narrated. One Cthonian Soldier was engulfed in a ray of purple light, although the card itself showed a guy being possessed by battle-spirits, I think. “Now his Attack points are… well, I’ll let the NERD figure it out.” He was struck in the head by a razor-sharp dollar bill! “OW!!”

“JERK!” Baseball Bob insulted.

“Gosh, sorry!” (Cthonian Soldier: 3600 Attack points, Chazz is rude) “Hey, I said sorry!! Gosh! Again!” Cthonian Soldier (the one from the huge light burst) grew two sizes, that day… so he was twice as big as the others. “ATTACK!” And so, the soldier cut a dinosaur in half. AND A GIANT DUST CLOUD CAME POURING OUT!!

“Ugh, my sinuses--!” Bastion cried! (Bastion: 1600 Life Points)

“This isn’t looking good,” Syrus mentioned.

 

“Fine, then, good show!” Bastion complimented! “But they don’t call me the King of Baseball for nothing! I’ll set a Trap card, and then summon my Oxygeddon card!” A pterodactyl made out of wind that thoroughly confused me appeared!

KYAAR,” it screeched.

“Now attack that Cthonian Soldier with Vapor Scream!” commanded Bastion!

EEEEEEK!!” it screamed, making the soldier blow up, as usual. (Chazz Cheater-Pants: 1400 Life Points)

“Well, you take damage, too!” Chazz reminded! “So, ha ha!” (Bastion: 1000 Life Points)

“Well, my turn’s not through, so my Hydrogeddon number two attacks another soldier!” Bastion announced. His second dinosaur spat water. The soldier exploded. (Chazz Cheater-Pants: 1000 Life Points)

“What, do you keep forgetting or something?! Idiot! Just for that, I’m not even explaining it to you again!” Chazz yelled. (Bastion: 600 Life Points)

“Oh, I get it now,” Syrus figured out, “Bastion’s just attacking to bring down the Attack Points of the main soldier there! He’s not even an idiot! What a Bastion, that guy…”

“Well, duh!” Jaden answered, patting his head.

“I’ll end this turn with one more face-down card,” Bastion said, setting a face-down card. Oh man, Chazz worried, He’s set two Traps this turn. Which one is Ring of Destruction?! Is one EVEN Ring of Destruction?! I’ve gotta hurry up and end this.

 

“Hmph, think your little Trap cards’ll save you this time? No way!” Chazz’s Cthonian Soldier, for some reason, began spinning like the Tazmanian Devil, as something has once done on this show before, except he was on FIRE!! “I tribute the last soldier, along with every card in my hand, in order to Special Summon the almighty Infernal Incinerator!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHA…” And so, as Chazz laughed maniacally, the tornado became a ball of flames, which shot out a ring of energy, which made it explode, and out of the explosion came a weird guy, who was attached to the back of a giant beast, colored red and black, causing me to comically write in this many commas!! Hey, if you want a good description, look it up for yourself. (Infernal Incinerator: 2800 Attack Points) “HA HAHAHAHA HA HAAAA!!” Chazz concluded his laughing! “How’s it feel to face THIS monstrosity?! He gains 200 Attack Points for every monster you control, meaning he’s gonna kick your ass right outta the school!!”

The smaller figure attached to the incinerator rubbed his chin for a few seconds before deciding… “Mmm, I don’t like’m.”

RAAAAAARR!!” roared its brethren! (Infernal Incinerator: 2800 -> 3400 Attack Points)

“That thing has 3400 Attack Points?!” Jaden gasped! “This turn Bastion’s gonna lose, no matter WHAT he attacks! Unless…

“You’re right!” Syrus screamed! “AUUUUGH, THE HUMANITY OF IT ALL!! Unless…

Baseball Bob decided that it was time for him to say something inspiring from up above, floating and fighting Deep-Voice Dobbson and Billy Hills with his trusty, trusty bat. “Bastion!” he cried! “You said you learned the science behind Duel Monsters, right? Well, if you’re the Baseball King, show us what you can—ugh!” Billy Hils punched him in the back of the head, knocking him out and into the bleachers!

“I reckon three strikes and ‘yer out, bub!” Billy one-lined.

“BOOOOOOOB!!” Bastion cried! And he did NOT say ‘boob’, merely an elongated ‘Bob’.

“Pay attention, loser!” Chazz ordered! “Infernal Incinerator, use Firestorm Blast!”

“HWAAAARRRRRRGH!!” Infernal Incinerator stood up straight, aimed at a Hydrogeddon, and spat out a maniacal (don’t ask how) twister of fire!

“USE THE TRAAAAAAAAAAP!!”

Damn, Chazz gulped, the Trap? Ring of Destruction?!

 

There was a flash of white light. A cool diamond-y barrier grew out of the floor, constructed of several cool pillars. It absorbed the fire and disappeared. “It’s Amorphic Barrier,” Bastion revealed, “and when I have three or more monsters, it negates your attack and ends the Battle Phase.”

“HOW SITUATIONAL!!”

“Be quiet, Syrus.”

“Well, good luck getting your famous Ring of Destruction,” Chazz sneered, “you’re gonna need it if you want to actually WIN, Mr. I-Can’t-Win-a-Duel-Normally,-So-I’ll-Just-Make-BOTH-Of-Us-Lose!”

“I’m afraid there won’t BE a next turn.” Bastion drew his card. He stared at it and thought, Perfect. Let’s put my theories to work.

 

Bastion’s theme song began playing out of nowhere. “Wha… what’s up with the music?!” Chazz uncomfortably asked. “Where’s it coming from? It doesn’t even match your character accurately!”

His opponent thought for a second. “UP YOUR ASS!!” Bastion retorted finally, randomly. “I activate the Spell card, Bonding H2O!” A Spell card featuring some guy pouring a liquid into a flask of stuff appeared and glowed! “I tribute two Hydrogeddons and one Oxygeddon in order to summon the mighty Water Dragon!”

“But… that’s all you have!” Chazz gasped! “Were you setting this all up the whole time?!” The trio of monsters were engulfed in purple whirlwinds, thus chemically bonding them together! An utterly massive water spout erupted out from the center of Bastion’s field and shot up to the really tall ceiling! It struck Billy Hills.

“I reckon this hologram’s weeeeeeet!!” he cried, falling several stories to his apparent death.

“BILLY!!” Chazz screamed! He turned back to the giant spout. It began changing shape… into a red-eyed dragon! “Holy CRAP that thing’s huge!”

“HYAGOOOON!!” it roared! (Water Dragon: 2800 Attack Points) Some water from its body began spraying around the field at random. It stared hard at the opposing monster.

“And,” Bastion reminded, “because I have less monsters now, your monster has less Attack Points!” Infernal Incinerator looked kinda sad. (Infernal Incinerator: 3400 -> 3000 Attack Points)

“Aw, man!” it complained, trying to wipe off some wetness from its arms.

“RAWR, RAW RAW RAWR!!” the beast half complained!

“Aw, don’t worry, you’ll be dry in a minute!” the humanoid part soothed. Or, at least I HOPE so…

 

“It’s no use, Bastion!” Syrus called out. “Because the boost was so pathetic, it won’t amount to much when it decreases!”

“That dumb kid’s right!” Chazz agreed! “You STILL aren’t powerful enough to defeat me! But you can attack anyways.”

“You’d better double-check your work…” Bastion ordered, then paused… “BECAUSE I’VE ALREADY DONE ALL THE MATH!!” It was somehow intensely awesome, and created a beautifully extreme burst of light from behind his back!

“MY EYES!!” Syrus screamed, shielding his peepers!

“Did he…” gasped Crowler!

“…just make…” continued Fluffy Fred!

“…a good math dig, I reckon?!” Billy Hills concluded satisfyingly, injured!

“You’ve had ALL of this planned out SINCE THE BEGINNING, YO?!?!” Jaden shuddered in anticipation! “That’s total sweetness!!

“BOO,” someone said.

 

“Ability, activate!” called Bastion. He pointed at his Water Dragon, which nodded, apparently understanding him. It inhaled a gigantic lungful of air and released it! A freakin’ huge wall of water splooshed out of the serpentine Water Dragon’s body, headed straight for Chazz’s monster!

“OH SHI—” Chazz’s cry was cut short as he was engulfed in aqua madness! “Blublublub…” His Infernal Incinerator began wiggling about nervously, steaming due to water cooling it down! (Infernal Incinerator: 0 Attack Points, go Bastion!)

“Aw, now I’m all wet AGAIN!” the incinerator guy cried!

“How do you DO that to the Attack Point calculator?!” Chazz squealed!

“I know the SCIENCE behind it!”

“No, I mean the message!”

“I did, too! And my monster’s ability makes Pyro-Type monsters it battles literally powerless!”

Oh, Bastion, thought Piggybank, staring down from her battle above, you’ve just completed a perfect duel, and I’m in such awe over your card game prowess…

 

“FINISH THIS GAME, WATER DRAGON! TITAL BLAST!!” See, I spelled it like ‘titan’ for titanical power, but it’s ‘tidal’, though they sound the same? Yeah. And so, the Water Dragon exhaled out a huge, continuous stream of water, flooding right toward that Infernal Incinerator guy.

“No, NO!” Chazz whimpered! “It can’t end like this! Not so soon!” I can’t leave the academy! Or else I’ll just work a dead-end job until I snap and kill somebody! I CAN’T lose!!

“In fact, it WON’T end like this!” Bastion said suddenly! “I activate the Trap card, Ring of Destruction!!” His second Trap flipped up. A large ring of grenades appeared upon the water dragon’s maw! The water stream was immediately cut short.

“Why’s he…” Syrus began, but stopped.

“Oh, irony…” I deserve this, thought Chazz, he actually showed me that he could really win normally if he wanted to, but just laughed in my face with that stupid card of his, saying he could win however he wanted to… once again, the irony.

 

Suddenly, Bastion had a flashback. Bastion had been finishing up fixing stuff up in his room, unpacking his things from a suitcase he’d brought with him from home. There were some clothes, some card materials, and a book. “Hmm? What’s all this, then?” he asked nobody. It was titled The Science of Everything. “Why’d I bring this book along by accident? Oh, yeah.” He opened it up. It was full of random scientific equations under headings for different real-life things, like card games and human nature. “Bah, what kind of rubbish is this?” He read on, into the human nature section.

 

“Basically,” he summarized, “it says that if I walk up to a girl and ask her out, they’ll instantly fall in love with me? That sounds ridiculous!” Bastion closed up the book and went outside for a little walk. He saw Piggybank randomly walking around by herself. The book says they’ll fall in love, right? Well, if I want to experiment, I’d better not use it on any popular people or pretty people, or else my reputation shall be forever tarnished.

 

He approached her and asked, “Hey baby, wanna go out sometime?” Piggybank stared at him in disbelief.

“Oh, uh, I don’t… know what to say…” she stuttered out, blushing and looking away. Bastion felt as if he’d been struck by a laser beam from the heavens. IT ACTUALLY WORKED!! I ACTUALLY MADE SOME WEIRD GIRL FALL IN LOVE WITH ME!! WITH SUCH A BOOK, I CAN NEVER LOSE ANOTHER CARD GAME AGAIN!! And from that point on, from before he showed up with Piggybank on that two-part episode, he would NEVER be the SAME AGAIN…

 

The ring exploded violently! The dragon turned red and fire-filled! “It’s containing the explosions?!” Jaden exclaimed! “That’s so totally wiggedy-whack!”

“BOO.”

“HYAGOOOOOON,” the dragon roared, one more time. And yes, it looked like that unused fire dragon that appears next to him on the theme song, so you three nerds can stop belly-aching about how it doesn’t exist! It flew into the air once more, spread out its newly-formed wings of blazing glory, and detonated. The resulting explosion covered the entire arena in fake smoke. But the Life Points didn’t change yet!

“What’s wrong with the Life Point counter now?!” Chazz asked, irritated at his humbling loss.

“HYAGOOOOOOOOON !” The fiery dragon speared the smoke with its body, flying toward Chazz, its gaping mouth wide open!

“Wha… WAH! WAAAAAAAAAHHH!!” And by logic that could only be described by card game hologram physics, Chazz was captured in the flaming serpent’s mouth

“It ate him?!” Jaden wondered, wondering how guys could die in card games.

“NO, YOU IDIOT!! AAAAAAAH!!!” The dragon burst through the ceiling, into the real sky above! It flashed, looked at the sun, and screeched.

“HYAAAAAAGOOOOOOOOON!!!” Three rings of energy, as compared to the Infernal Incinerator’s one, flew from the dragon’s body. And finally, it detonated, flooding the skies of the island in a crimson haze for the next several hours.

 

And Bastion… (Chazz Cheater-Pants: 0 Life Points, Bastion: 0 Life Points. GAME OVER)… still didn’t win, but at least it looked cooler. Chazz fell hundreds of feet to the ground, somehow surviving without any real injury, onto some random rubble from the broken dome. Crap… crap! He just beat me so hard that he defied physics and actually destroyed a building! This kid… he’s the real deal… and now, because of arrogance, I have no friends left. Remind me, why did I challenge him again?

 

“CHAZZ, HUH!!” Deep-Voice Dobbson screamed! He was suddenly punched in the face by Fluffy Fred and tossed to the ground like a meteor.

“Take that, catch-phrase chump!” Fluffy Fred insulted!

Chazz angrily stared at Bastion from the floor, on his knees. “Fine, I get it, you’re a good duelist. I get it now. Just do whatever you want.” Chazz stood up and took his leave with whatever dignity he could scrounge up.

“Oh, good game, son!” Crowler congratulated. Then it turned to Bastion. “So you won! Are you ready to move into your new dorm and take up your new position?”

“No,” Bastion surprisingly answered, “I must decline your invitation.”

“What?! But what for?” asked Crowler. “You get to duel Jaden!”

“Oh, then what the heck did I say ‘no’ for? Screw the original script; it’s a deal!” Bastion shook Crowler’s hand. Piggybank, Fluffy Fred, Jaden, and Syrus, who held up Baseball Bob, who was now in a full-body cast, approached Bastion to congratulate the boy!

 

“Congrats, Bastion!” Piggybank congratulated!

“Mffemfum,” Baseball Bob said, mouth bandaged up.

“It brought tears to me eyes,” Fluffy Fred admitted, wiping away a manly tear. “That duel was perfect!”

“You so TOTALLY got your game on, yo!” Jaden chuckled, patting his shoulder!

“Good work,” Syrus said, “but seriously, Jaden, recently you’ve become a bumbling idiot.”

“No, I was always that way, yo!”

“But—”

“Actually,” Bastion added his two cents in, “he’s right. He’s only serious in a duel. Or as serious as he could get. And that’s why I made this deal. I want to defeat you fair and square for good.”

“Why don’t you just play him now?” Piggybank asked.

“Yeah, you don’t have to follow Crowler for that,” Jaden said.

“Heh heh,” Bastion chuckled, “Jaden, if we were to duel right now, it would turn out just like that baseball game.”

“I don’t see how.”

“Oh, you will, Jaden, you will.” And the two rivals were once again consumed by the flames of friendly competition, striving to work hard to become the best duelist in the class.

 

And hundreds of years in the future, their legends lived on. They would be known as Bastion the Tiger, and Jaden the Dragon. Or Super Hero, it’s kinda sketchy. But he’s not much of a dragon, so believe what you wish.

“Hm!” Bastion roared!

“Ha!” Jaden exclaimed!

The two animals, tiger and dragon, natural enemies, would fight each other for centuries to come. Or that’s what this episode had lead us to believe.

 

LATER! THAT!! NIGHT!!!

Chazz, incredibly tired from what he’d just done that day, walked alone back to his dorm room. “Now’s as good a time as ever to pack up my stuff,” he sighed to himself. He froze in front of his door. “What… the hell?” He bent down and picked up a badge. It read, ‘King of Baseball’. “WHAT KIND OF INSULT IS THIS?!” He threw the badge down the hallway! Suddenly, from another adjoining hallway that intersected at the end of the one Chazz was already in, Bastion walked by.

 

He was in his new Blue uniform, and he was with his servant-like fans. They were laughing, even the Bob guy, who was still wrapped up and using crutches, though his arms were really too wrapped up to use them correctly. And without even making any sign of notice, Bastion held up his hand and caught the badge in midair. He placed it on his duel blazer and turned down a different hall.

 

“…Damn Bastion.”

 

MEANWHILE, TWENTY YEARS IN THE FUTURE!!

Jaden, now a seasoned adult, stepped up to the plate. He gripped his bat and chewed his bubble gum. He focused his eyes, and the pitcher pitched the ball…!! He hit it! The baseball went flying! It was a HOME RUN!! “YEEEEEES!!” Jaden cried, running around the bases, pushing children out of the way! “I FINALLY GOT A POINT!! AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS—”

“That’s good,” the team coach said from the sidelines, “but next time, PLEASE don’t interrupt out Little League game for this…”

“Awright, yo,” Jaden agreed, being dragged away by security officers.

 

 

 

[spoiler=Episode 14: Monkey See, Monkey Duel]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 14: Monkey See, Monkey Duel

 

The night was dark and the guitar solo sounded pretty intense in today’s episode’s opening. The island’s native active volcano was spewing out smoke like there was no tomorrow. And in a secret dueling base nearby, everything was in chaos. “CODE RED, CODE RED!!” some obnoxious man spat into the intercom. “I REPEAT, CODE RED!!

“WE GET IT, AHHH!!” shouted one of the several fleeing scientists, running for their lives in random directions.

“Damn,” one guy cursed, “if I hadn’t spent all of my time in front of a computer screen all day, I might actually know how to get out of this place…”

“SECURE THE PERIMITER!” ordered a tough-looking head-honcho man leading other tough-looking men into the compound. “We can’t let the specimen escape. Who KNOWS what kinds ‘a hell he’ll unleash!!” The men held up their multi-colored plastic guns and re-loaded the barrels with foam darts.

“If we hit Project MONKEY with these darts, won’t we kill him?” one guy asked.

“Who cares, we’re protecting the students of the isl—”

 

“WAAAAH!!” a guy screamed!

“Oh, shoot, I heard it from the broom closet!” a man pointed out!

“Let’s move!” ordered the head honcho! Strategically holding their toy guns, they headed off toward the broom closet. “Alright, let’s open the door and shoot’m!”

“But sir,” noted a guy standing right in front of the door, “what if that plan fails… OH CRAP!!” The door was blown right off its hinges and some THING pulled the poor idiot inside the closet! “AAAH, HE’S RIPPING ME APART! NO, NOT THE ARM, NOT THE AH-HA-HA-HAAAARM!!” Buckets of blood were splattered along the wall and floor.

“LET’S GO!!” ordered the head honcho, and they all charged off to their deaths.

CODE RED, I REPEAT, CODE RED!! CODE RED!!

“SHUT! UP!!”

 

THE! NEXT!! MORNING!!!

Chazz had just walked out of the school building as the guitar got more slow and relaxed sounding, if not a bit sad. Lugging a bag over his shoulder, he turned back and sneered, “Eff you, school.” Then he continued lumbering along, leaving with a sack of dreams and a head full of shame.

 

Meanwhile, back in school, Syrus ran, in contrast to Chazz, who was walking OUT of school! Syrus charged into a classroom and found Jaden among the several rows of students! “JAY-DUHN!” Syrus shouted, gasping for breath! “This is TERRIBLE! Chazz is MISSING!!”

“Really?!” some guy gasped in surprise!

“AW, YEAH!!” another cheered! People leaped out of their seats, jumped for joy, danced around, and pulled out a snack table with a turntable on it.

“Cool, a ‘Chazz is Gone’ party! Sweet!” Jaden said, happy with the changes.

“Um, isn’t this a bad thing?”

“No way, Syrus! Now lemme get on those turntables, I’ll put on a rap like you’ve NEVER heard before!”

“But I’m one of those people who still doesn’t appreciate rap as a true form of music,” Syrus revealed.

“Well, as long as Chazz isn’t here, it’s a-okay!”

“No it’s not, he was your RIVAL character!!”

 

Jaden froze in place. His rival character had been written off of the show! “But wait, isn’t Bastion my rival, too?” he remembered.

 

For some reason, we focus in on Alexis, Angry McArgue and Nacy Wut for a second.

 

Then we look back at Jaden and Syrus. “Well what the hell was that camera angle for, anyway?” Jaden asked.

“Weren’t you just talking about Bastion a moment ago?”

“Hey,” some Obelisk Blue with greenish hair said with a cup of punch (donated so nicely by the snack table), “Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson are missing.” And indeed, the two seats near him were vacant.

“Aw, they’ll be back soon, don’t worry,” some other nameless character told him. “I heard they just went off to the bathroom.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Well, Syrus,” Jaden decided, holding up his script for episode 14, “I suppose the script states that I have to care about this.”

“And have we just admitted the fact that the show is in fact also just a show to us?” Syrus checked.

“Yep, we’re apparently good actors. So what should we do about Chazz?”

“Well, the script says we have to go run out and look for him,” Syrus read off of his script.

“Well then, that’s what we’ll do, dawg!”

 

Within two minutes, Jaden had successfully crawled out from under a huge hole in one of the non-blue obelisks outside the building. “Okay, the coast is clear, buddy!”

“Alright,” Syrus sighed, walking out of the front door.

“Oh, dude, don’t take the EASY way out! Take the TOUGH, N’ GRITTY one!”

“And possibly die, scraping my skin off on the gritty, sandpapery surface of THAT hard way? No way!”

“Y’know, there IS a front door, guys,” giggled Alexis, complete with her two girls nearby.

“What’s wrong with the tough way, though?” Nancy Wut asked naively.

“Well, I took the front way, Alexis!” Syrus proudly proclaimed.

 

“Well, uh, Alexis,” Jaden stammered, thinking of an excuse lying on his stomach, “we were just trying to… get a head-start… on some… homework?” Damn, their mini-skirts are short! he thought. I mean, really, in this frame which the readers of this story cannot see without watching the show, it REALLY hits you! I know Japanese school uniforms have short skirts, but this is ridiculous! I can see almost ALL of her thighs! Doesn’t this count as sexual harassment? Who designed these, anyways?!

“A-CHOO!” sneezed Chancellor Shepherd. “Whoo, somebody must be talking about me somewhere…”

“That was the worst excuse you’ve used yet,” Angry condemned, “and you really SUCK at excuses.”

“Well, yeah, but…”

“Don’t sweat it,” Alexis chimed in, “we’re coming with you.”

“Whubba-HUH?!” the two Slifers gasped! “B-b-b-b-but WHY?!”

“It’s fun teasing such a sexually immature boy who likes you, such as Chazz, so we should go find him,” Alexis explained. “Also, it’s in the script.”

“I get’cha,” Jaden sighed. “Sooooo… let’s goooooooo!!” Jaden lead the new convoy, out to search for the least-popular man in school.

 

“HEEEEEERE Chazz!” he called out, as they passed the volcano.

 

“Here Chazz, here boy!” he called out, as they wandered by the beach.

 

“Here’s a nice, meaty bone!” Jaden offered, waving a large bone, covered in beefy goodness throughout the forest.

“Okay, this is it,” Alexis decided, obviously irked. “CHAZZ, YOU FREAKING BASTARD!! COME ON OUT ALREADY!! I’LL LET YOU HAVE ONE OF MY SOCKS!!” Her loud call made numerous birds flee the area, but Chazz did not appear. “Darn, that usually works.”

“Well, why the hell did Chazz run away in the first place?” Angry McArgue argued. “Do any of you REDS have anything to do about it?”

“Maybe he’s just on a secret mission, out to stop an evil organization or something,” Nancy Wut guessed.

“No, that’s Billy Hills’ job,” corrected Alexis.

“HUH?!”

“It’s in episode 50, you’ll understand it later…” But Alexis heard something, something close by… “Quick, something’s moving up there!” She pointed at something ahead that was apparently moving around. A semi-faraway bush wiggled a bit!

“Ooh, I bet it’s a monkey!” Nancy Wut hoped! The team ran on after it, like it was some really awesome treasure just waiting to be opened… and that would be a jerk to you and try to be a dumb rival and be generally crappy in terms of people skills.

 

“Come on out, Chazz, I still got ‘da bone,” Jaden offered. They all pushed on past the bushes… and Shades Milligan, the kid who wore shades in the episode ‘Making the Grade’ was standing by a shady tree!

“Woah! Shades Milligan?!” Angry McArgue exclaimed! “What do you think YOU’RE doing out here?”

“Oh, who said that?!” he asked, looking around blindly. “I can barely see through these shades!”

“Take ‘em off, idiot!”

“No way,” he persisted, “either I find school lookin’ cool, or I don’t find it at all!” Suddenly a giant, shady figure burst out from the brush and chomped into Shades Milligan!!

“HO,” gasped Jaden.

“LEE,” gasped Angry McArgue.

“SH,” gasped Alexis.

“IT’S A VELOCIRAPTOR FROM THE FUTUUUURE!!” Syrus and Nancy Wut screamed, pointing to the aforementioned shadowy beast… which was a velociraptor, outfitted in random pieces of metal and a Duel Disk! Shades Milligan was losing blood fast, and he was unconscious!

“GRRRRAH! GRAH!” the raptor growled! It turned around and fled through the woodlands with Shades Milligan in his maw!

 

“I HEARD ‘IM THIS WAY!!” shouted one of the tough men from earlier, with his second helper and a stubby scientist, all carrying their plastic toy guns!

“AAAHH! WEIRD MEN!!” screamed Syrus and Nancy Wut!

“Eh?! Duelists?!” the scientist gasped! “Why aren’t you kids at school? You could’ve been eaten by that DUELING velociraptor!”

“More importantly,” Jaden said, taking charge, “there’s a cool guy in shades out there who needs our help!”

“It’s what he always wanted,” Nancy solemnly remembered, “just some dinosaur to come outta nowhere and sweep him away…”

“What idiot would want that…?” Angry McArgue argued. “On second thought, men have some really weird fetishes these days. Ew. Let’s go after him!”

“Why are we chasing a dinosaur?” Syrus asked, as he was quickly left behind.

 

And so the velociraptor leaped through the trees… used cool stepping stones to traverse a river… and dashed through a clearing in the forest. It finally stopped until it reached the legendary Idiot Tree, a tree so named for its stupid idea to grow RIGHT off of a cliff. The velociraptor set Shades Milligan on the tree and began ripping out his intestines! At that moment, Jaden and the gang climbed out from a nearby underpass, placed in a very convenient spot!

“I TOLD you taking the easy way would get us there quicker!” Syrus insisted!

“I suppose you’re right sometimes. Now, you stinkin’ velociraptor! Unhand Shades! Now!! Eh…” Jaden felt suddenly stupid when he figured out just how much of the kid’s small intestine had been ripped out. “Dammit! This wouldn’t have happened if we took the TOUGH N’ GRITTY way!”

“This is NO time for jokes!” Angry McArgue argued, slapping him in the head.

 

The scientist and two tough guys muscled their way through the crowd and out into the open. “Okay, fire when ready!” the head-honcho guy ordered to his shorter subordinate, who took deadly aim at the raptor.

“WAIT!” the scientist ordered! “If we shoot now, the impact will SURELY knock him out into the sea! We don’t want THAT!”

“It’s a NERF gun,” Angry McArgue snarkily remarked, “that thing wouldn’t knock SYRUS into the sea.”

“You ARE right,” Syrus agreed.

“Hey, what did you say about ‘dueling raptor’ earlier?” asked Alexis to the armed men.

“Oh, yes, that raptor was a twelve year-long experiment to find out if dinosaurs could REALLY play card games,” the scientist answered. “Its codename was MONKEY, but we called him Wheeler as a pet name.”

All of the kids immediately grabbed him by the collar and hoisted him up, yelling, “WHAT THE F*CK WOULD YOU DO THAT FOR?! WHY COULDN’T YOU CHOOSE SOMETHING SAFER?! HOW DID YOU GET A DINOSAUR IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!”

“B-but it was for science!” the scientist wheezed!

“Oh, that’s okay then,” the kids accepted, putting him down.

 

“Hey, if he duels, why don’t I duel’m, y’all?” Jaden supposed.

“Sir, it’s a VELOCIRAPTOR. We fed it human flesh for breakfast!” the head-honcho man explained! “He literally eats duelists like you for breakfast! It was his favorite food!”

“So? DANGER’S my MIDDLE NAME.” Jaden held out his Duelist ID Card. On his name, a small sticker covered his middle name and had ‘DANGER’ written on it.

“Well, I can’t argue with THAT logic,” the head-honcho sighed, scratching his head.

“But WHY would you DUEL a VELOCIRAPTOR?!” Alexis reasoned!

“Be-CAUSE, yo, if I BEAT him, then he’ll give up without any physical violence! Except for that over there,” Jaden explained, pointing to the dinosaur that had just cracked open the boy’s ribs. “So how about it, Wheeler? Ready to get yo’ game on?”

“BOO,” somebody said.

 

Wheeler the raptor stopped chowing down for a moment and looked at Jaden. “KHEEEEH,” he hissed.

“That’s right,” Jaden continued, standing in a lame pointing pose, “duel me or else I’ll NEVER be able to call you a REAL MAN!”

“What an idiot,” Syrus thought aloud, “but at least he’s got guts.”

“Like Shades, whose guts are all over the place right now,” remarked Angry McArgue.

“Whose side are you on, Angry?” Alexis wondered.

“Hee hee, his ribs went ‘CRACK’!” giggled Nancy Wut affectionately. The others stared at her in disgust.

“If I win, then you come back to the research facility I suppose you came from, dino!” Jaden said. “If I lose, then you come back to the research facility I suppose you came from, too!” He winked at the crowd, pleased with his idea.

 

Wheeler rubbed his chin, like a human, in thought. I can just kill him afterwards, he thought in some sort of stereotypical dino-language. “GRAAW,” he growled, holding out his Duel Disk!

“Awright then,” Jaden laughed, “Let’s go!” He put on his Duel Disk he pulled out from nowhere and strapped it on like a pro! The two duelists held their ground firmly, holding onto their beliefs as well! Their flames will never waver, and their hearts shall be forever true! And I don’t know how much sense this makes!

“Hey, I have a clear shot!” the short subordinate man with the gun exclaimed!

“No,” the scientist intervened, “this is EXACTLY the field test we need.”

“Why didn’t somebody duel him in the lab already?” Syrus asked.

“Top secret info, kid.”

“Oh, sorry.”

 

Waves crashed upon the cliff from below, as if to say, ‘Hurry up! Duel aready! I’m tired of waiting!!’. Awright, dawg, Jaden thought, time ‘ta get down to business… DINO business, G! “Ready or not, LET’S DUEL!”

“DUEL,” the raptor grunted!

“OH SHIZZNIT!!”

“That thing talks?” Syrus gasped! “What’s next, he teaches OTHER animals to talk, which sparks revolts around the earth?!”

“No, that would be COMPLETELY unrealistic!” argued the scientist. “He has a chip in his flesh that reads his mind, and talks for him.”

“And just how realistic is THAT?” Angry McArgue argued back.

 

(Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Wheeler: 4000 Life Points) “Here I go!” Jaden called, drawing his sixth card of the game: Elemental Hero Sparkman!! Sweetness! Just what I need to EXCAVATE this dinosaur! “Go, Elemental Hero Sparkman!” Jaden summoned his helpful hero, who pounded his fists together, spraying out sparks of electricity everywhere!

“HOOOO-HUH!” he grunted! (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points)

“Your turn, dino-breath! Heh heh, get it? Because your breath smells like rotting meat,” explained Jaden. “I’m having so much fun with all these puns today!”

“GRRRR…” growled Wheeler, not amused!

“Stop making such lame jokes!” ordered Angry McArgue!

 

“MY TURN, SCUM-BAG!” Wheeler’s chip belted out! “DRAW.” Wheeler drew a monster with 2000 Attack Points, 1000 Defense Points, and a picture of an animal spewing out fire. “SUMMON: GIANT FLAMING VELOCIRAPTOR.” A giant flaming velociraptor appeared! It was not a gorilla, nor was it berserk! What a nod to the source material!

“What’s he supposed to be, a dumb dinosaur? He can’t be as dumb as YOU, that’s for sure!” Jaden mocked.

“You’re only making him angrier!” Syrus screamed!

“So what? What could a velociraptor POSSIBLY do to me?”

“MURDER SPARK MAN NOW!” The velociraptor bit off Sparkman’s head, prompting the body to disintegrate. “SET ONE CARD, THEN END TURN. GO AHEAD, PUNK!” (Jaden: 3600 Life Points)

“Who do you think YOU’RE talkin’ to, bub, a Stegosaurus?” Jaden challenged! “Humans are TOTALLY better than dinosaurs, and now’s the time to prove it!”

 

“Jaden’s losing the duel!” Syrus cried!

“And he’s losin’ his cool, too!” Nancy added.

“No he’s not, he’s lost his mind, clearly!” Alexis said. “Who wouldn’t, fighting a robotic velociraptor?”

“Hey, gimme a break,” Jaden sighed, “all I did was one stupid move! There’s PLENTY of time for some SMART ones, too! Like THIS!” He held out a Polymerization card! “By using Polymerization, I fuse Elemental Heroes Burstinatrix and Avian to summon…” Avian and Burstinatrix flew out into the open air!

“Yo, guys!” greeted Avian, flashing a peace sign! The two began swirling around each other in an awkward-looking fashion until they were consumed by a whirlwind of… wind! Soon the wind died down, revealing their fusion counterpart!

“ELEMENTAL HERO FLAME WINGMAN!!” Jaden named! (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points) “Now, with Flame Wingman, I’ll REALLY lose my cool!”

“How is that a GOOD thing?!” challenged Angry McArgue!

“GO, INFERNAL RAGE!!”

“Plus, why do the attack names keep changing?” Syrus demanded answers!

Flame Wingman held out his cool dragon-arm and spat out a raging column of flames! The flames consumed and exploded the already-flaming Giant Flaming Velociraptor monster for massive damage!

“DAMN YOU,” the velociraptor cursed! (Wheeler: 3900 Life Points)

“And I’m not done yet!”

“HUH?”

“My Flame Wingman’s super power deals your monster’s Attack Points straight to your own Life Points!” Jaden helpfully explained! Flame Wingman coolly flew in Wheeler’s face and took deadly aim.

“WHAT THE—” Flame Wingman burned his face at point-blank range! “THIS REALLY DOESN’T HURT! WHY DO YOU FOOLS ALWAYS DO SOME DERANGED FLINCH OR SCREAM WHENEVER YOU LOSE LIFE POINTS?!” (Wheeler: 1900 Life Points)

“Because that’s how we humans roll, son!” Jaden pridefully answered!

 

“Wow, Jaden got a big hit on him already!” Syrus cheered! “Things are looking up, for once!”

“Not quite,” the scientist who still has no name corrected, “he only made one little mistake, our Wheeler. He’s not out yet.”

“Really?” Nancy asked.

“Yes. It was all a part of his training regimen, you see. If he screwed up twice, he’d be in for QUITE a shock, yessiree. He’s been trained to be faster than other duelists, stronger too, and even more INVINCIBLE!!”

“Then why doesn’t he have a one-turn-kill deck?” Alexis smirked.

“Don’t be ridiculous! Those don’t exist in THIS show!”

Oh, they’ll see, Angry McArgue plotted, they’ll ALL see!!

 

“So, dino-dude, callin’ it quits or what?” Jaden asked.

“NEVER! LIKE THAT WOULD DETER ME?! NOT LIKELY! GO, ACROBAT VELOCIRAPTOR!!” A blue-and-white robotic velociraptor acrobatically flipped onto the field! (Acrobat Velociraptor: 1000 Attack Points)

“You SURE do like your velociraptors,” Jaden remarked on the sly.

“SHUT UP! NOW I USE THE TRAP CARD: DNA SURGERY TO CHANGE THE TYPES OF ALL MONSTERS TO DINOSAUR!!” Wheeler roared! His Trap card flipped up, showing some weird doctors preparing for surgery!

“Oh, crap, yo!” Jaden cried!

 

The robotic velociraptor began transforming into a REAL velociraptor! And Flame Wingman began transforming… into a REAL velociraptor! “How unoriginal!” Jaden cried out in surprise!

“NEXT I PLAY WILD JURASSIC RELEASE BURST GO!!” Wheeler announced! He played a card that featured a velociraptor (of course), covered in electrical sparks, letting loose a massive howl and a ring of energy! “THIS CARD LETS MY DINOSAUR MONSTER GAIN ATTACK POINTS DUE TO ITS DEFENSE POINTS, SO YOU’RE SCREWED!! EVEN THOUGH IT DIES AT THE END OF THE TURN, I WILL STILL CRUSH YOUR HELPLESS PIECE OF TRASH!!”

“GWRAAAARAAAWGH!!” the Acrobat Velociraptor screeched! It flexed its body, and grew! The metal armor on its body cracked and fell apart, as it just couldn’t hold so much dino-muscle! Soon enough, all that was left was its helmet! (Acrobat Velociraptor: 3000 Attack Points)

“Ew, he’s naked!” Nancy flinched.

“MASSACRE HIM!!” ordered Wheeler! The Acrobat Velociraptor leaped into the air, flipped around a few times, and smashed Flame Wingman’s head in!

“Yowza, what a move, homie!” Jaden grunted, shielding his eyes from the dust. (Jaden: 2900 Attack Points)

“What slang are you using? Choose a time period and STICK with it!” Angry McArgue hassled. Just then, the Acrobat Velociraptor exploded for no visible reason!

“Ha, she’s so annoying, the velociraptor JUST couldn’t handle it!” laughed Jaden.

“It’s not funny, it’s in the card’s ability! Don’t laugh when there’s a DEAD CLASSMATE just sitting in front of you!”

 

“TAKE YOUR FREAKING TURN ALREADY!!” Wheeler rudely commanded!

“Sheesh, it’s just a game… that determines your DESTINY, Wheeler, aha ha!” Jaden drew his card after his terrible attempt at humor. His card featured a missile flying toward a meteor… IN OUTER SPACE!! “Good! I got JUST the card I’m going to use in just one episode to beat my opponent! Now I activaaaaate…” Jaden stopped his card from play! Because… he saw a herd of velociraptors hiding behind a small rock! “Why are they hiding behind such a small rock?”

“More importantly, why are there MORE VELOCIRAPTORS?!” Syrus screamed!

“What, you think we genetically engineered a new velociraptor?” the scientist ‘tsk’-ed. “You’re light-years too young from understanding how we work.”

 

Yes, perfect, Wheeler chuckled to himself (could velociraptors chuckle? I’d believe a triceratops, but not a VELOCIRAPTOR! I’ll stop that now). My mind control worked! Now, when this game is over, the SWARM will kill ALL of these idjits. ‘Idiots’ isn’t extreme enough for these people.

“Aw, man,” Jaden sighed in a bummed-out manner, “you really just wanted to escape to go back home? Well, I can’t let you go home, unless you give us the corpse of Shades Milligan there, and plus, you’d have to go back with those guys. Otherwise, I’d have to duel you into submission, man! And so that’s why I have to summon Elemental Hero Clayman!!” Our friendly clay-molded man appeared in Attack Mode.

“HUUUUR-HUH!” he grunted, much like Sparkman! (Clayman: 800 Attack Points)

“DNA SURGERY ACTIVATES,” Wheeler reminded.

“Okay.” Clayman painfully-lookingly turned into a velociraptor covered in clay, with a HUGE ribcage! Ouch! “Well it’s not gonna help when I activate The Missile That Almost Saved the Dinosaurs read it and weep oh yeah!” Jaden used his one-time-use Spell card! The one with the missile and meteor on it, remember? “Somehow, the image, as there is no words on this U.S. edition card, states that I pay one-thousand Life Points and choose a monster with one-thousand or less Attack Points. If he deals Battle Damage to you this turn, you lose Life Points equal to its Defense Points… two-thousand baby, yeah!”

The silhouette of a massive meteor appeared in the sky, but fear not, as a small rocket was placed on the ground, long activation string already lit and rarin’ to go! (Jaden: 1900 Life Points)

Alexis gasped for some reason! “Gasp,” she gasped!

 

An oddly-chosen musical moment began for added oddly-chosen intensity. “Now, attack Wheeler with Clay Clobber-rer!!” Jaden shouted, as the super hero put his dumbly-named plan into action! Clayman reared back and let loose a super clay-charged velociraptor punch, which stretched all the way to Wheeler!

“WHAT IS THIS, ONE PIEEEEECE?!” he screamed, in fear of what references could be found from that one action! (Wheeler: 1100 Life Points)

“And now, thanks to The Missile That Almost Saved the Dinosaurs,” Jaden confidently informed, “your dino time is dino done!” Wheeler looked up toward the heavens. A small meteor-shaped spot in the sky rapidly grew with each passing second!

“AW, DAMN IT.” The missile suddenly launched into the stratosphere in order to protect the velociraptor menace, but sadly it merely impacted upon the rock, leaving a small explosion that did NOTHING. The rock flew faster and faster, shadowing over Wheeler’s space more and more, until it was finally right above his head. IT LITERALLY CRUSHED HIM, WITH A SICKENINGLY-CRUNCHY CRUNCH SOUND. His blood seeped out from under the smoldering stone. (Wheeler: -900 Life Points, Game Over)

 

“Woah, I never meant to kill him with the intense duelin’ action,” Jaden huffed, putting his cards away.

“HOLYMOTHERFLIPPIN’CRAPSHOOT!!” Syrus randomly screamed, “YOU JUST KILLED A ROBOTIC DINOSAUR WITH A METEOR HOLOGRAM!!”

“And it was worth it, too, for the look on ‘is face, Sy!” Jaden laughed.

“Well, there goes our twelve years of research,” the scientist sniffed.

“OH MY GOSH LOOK OUT!!” Angry McArgue warned! The other velociraptors were on the attack!

“GWAAAH!!” they all screeched, lunging out and looking for BLUDD!!

“NOT ON MY WATCH!!” screamed Nancy Wut, taking out a hand-held machine gun, from wherever they could be hidden. She quickly dispatched of all twelve velociraptors in the blink of a really slow blinker’s eye. But they were all dead, so that’s okay.

“And I got the body!” Alexis cheered, picking up and bringing back Shades Milligan’s corpse over the meteor.

“Let’s go bury him like it says in his will!” Angry McArgue suggested, holding up Shades Milligan’s last will and testament.

 

“WAAAAIT!!” the scientist urged, “don’t bury him! Give the body to us!”

“Why?” asked Syrus. “What could you possibly do with him now? In fact, don’t answer it if it’s gonna be disgusting.”

“Bah, his wounds are merely superficial!”

“But he’s been dead before the duel even began!” Jaden reminded. “Those are NOT just superficial, yo.”

“Ah, but we know how to REBUILD him!” the scientist chuckled! “We can make him stronger, faster, and more INVINCIBLE!!”

“But he’s DEAD, sir,” the head honcho sighed, “we can’t do anything for him.”

“Yeah, right.” The scientist took Shade Milligan’s corpse by the arm and dragged him away down the forgotten staircase that lead to the cliff in the first case.

“What about the raptors?” asked Nancy Wut, but she got no reply.

“Hey kids,” Prof. Banner greeted, coming out of nowhere, “Chazz just left on a boat.”

“Aw, DANG it!” cussed Jaden.

“Here’s how it happened,” Banner began to repeat.

 

Chazz was sailing away on top of his family’s personal yacht. “Yeah, b****es!” Chazz laughed! “You guys have a DUMB island! Well, my family (on my brothers’ side) owns a YACHT… AND A COOL PERSONAL ISLAND! SO LONG, AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

“Stop laughing, idiot!” yelled a random brother from below the deck.

“Oh, sorry.”

And Banner watched Chazz sail away, from the docks of Duel Academy, feeling slightly hungry… for knowledge… and food.

“Well, that’s okay, because we didn’t really like him, anyways!” Jaden shrugged off.

“Plus, he’ll be back in action in episode 24 or so!” Nancy Wut reminded!

“But that’ll take FOREVER!!” complained Syrus!

“Plus,” wondered Alexis, “what’s gonna happen to Billy Hills and Deep-Voiced Dobbson?”

“Hmm… good question…”

 

THE END…?

 

 

 

Watch out for Secret Agent Billy Hills!

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Here's Shades!

 

[spoiler=Episode 15: Courting Alexis]Jaden and the gang were watching T.V. … AGAIN!! “And now back to Code Geass,” the screen spouted.

“Y’know, when I first heard of the name, I thought it was spelled like ‘goose’!” Jaden laughed! “Heh, the plural of ‘goose’ is ‘geese’? Get it? Eh? Yo?”

“BE QUIET!” Koala Ko Ala roared! “It’s bad enough that I barely get any screen-time! Leave it alone!”

“Uh, um,” Syrus wiggled.

“What’s up?” Jaden asked. “Y’got something to say?”

“Uh, well, when I first read Lelouch’s name, I thought it was pronounced ‘Le-LOUCH’, like ‘slouch’, not, ‘Le-LOOSH’.”

“HE’S DUMB!” Jaden screamed! “GET HIM!!”

“NOW THERE’S SOMETHING EVEN I CAN AGREE WITH!!” Koala Ko Ala said! And so, the two proceeded to beat the living daylights out of Syrus. The end.

 

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 15: Courting Alexis

 

The high-sky view of today’s duel academy snapshot was warmly received with some awesome guitar riffs and such, as is usual on this extreme island. “Alright,” said Fonda Fontaine, the gym teacher whom we’ve likely forgotten all about, “time to get your game on! TENNIS game on, that is!! Ha ha ha ha ha!”

“BOO,” somebody said, bringing us in to a shot of several students playing tennis, all wearing a set of track clothing. The tennis ball flew over the net. Then it flew back over. Suddenly, if flew over the net! And then… it was hit… back over the net.

 

“HIIII-YAH!” roared Nancy Wut, sending the ball right back at Syrus with intense energy. For some STUPID reason, they decided to put Angry McArgue, standing around like an idiot, staring at the viewers, just WAITING to be struck in the back of the head by a tennis ball gone awry. “This SURE is tennis,” she decided.

“AAAAAHH!! Uh, uh, AHH!!” screamed Syrus, teamed up with a less-than-enthusiastic Jaden, smashing the ball back over the net like a wimp.

“Uh, will somebody please tell me what this has to do with dueling?” Jaden asked. “And also, why am I playing tennis, yo?”

“Because I told you toooooooo!!” roared Nancy Wut, slappin’ the ball back, high into the air!

“Oh, poop,” Syrus cursed at fate!

“I guess that’s my cue.” Jaden leaped up thirty feet in the air, as provided by the source material, and hit the ball like a pro at hitting that ball would do! If they were an IDIOT, that is!! The tennis ball flew awkwardly, past the net, past the players, and straight for Alexis, playing a totally different game of tennis! “ALEXIS!!” Jaden cried! “NOOOOOOO!!”

 

Alexis turned and gasped! “Gasp!” she gasped! Suddenly, a shadow of a doubt appeared heroically, smashing the ball away like the pro Jaden was SUPPOSED to be, but SCREWED UP at BEING!! The tennis ball somehow flew toward Crowler who sat in a lifeguard-ish chair and was hit in the eye.

“BUT I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG TODAY…” Crowler cried, tears streaming down its eyes as it fell down to earth.

“Alexis!” said Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue at the same time, inexplicably. “Is you okay and stuff?”

“Yeah, all thanks to this guy,” Alexis said. “Thank you, whoever you are, if you hadn’t saved me I’d have a bruise or something.”

“You’re welcome…” said… SHADES MILLIGAN!!

“OH SHI—” Alexis shook her head and caught herself. “Whoo, almost used R-rated dialogue there, ahaha. But you died right in front of us!”

“Ah, yes,” he said, adjusting his shades, “the scientist fixed me. Now I’m a cyborg! Half machine…” He looked at her closely. “… and ALL man.” Shades Milligan was suddenly represented in front of a blue shoujo background.

“Whoa,” sighed Angry McArgue, swooning.

“I just LOVE a ROBOT,” Nancy Wut giggled.

“Oh, well thanks.” Alexis was suddenly represented in front of a bubbly shoujo background. That’s Alexis Rhodes… Shades Milligan thought. He blushed at the thought of her, standing in front of the backdrop, which for some reason to him made her look three times more GORGEOUS!! Then again, cyborgs are weird.

“Um, what’s wrong? Are you another random admirer? Because if you grope me, I’ll do to you what I did to the LAST guy that tried that,” Alexis informed.

Behind her, a man who was shown twisted into a pretzel shape screamed, “DON’T DO IT!!”

“Oh, no, it’s just that you’re beautiful and stuff, heh heh heh!” Shades Milligan said, trying to joke around but failing. “Well, anyways, sorry to bother you, heh heh, I’m just gonna go play more tennis, heh heh heh, and I guess that the score is just love-something, heh heh heh…”

“… Who writes for this guy?” Alexis irritatingly and rhetorically asked. A mysterious writer in the background ran off. “I didn’t mean it literally!”

 

TWO! MINUTES!! LATER!!!

“And that… is the reason… why I am… so sorry…” Jaden woefully apologized to Crowler in the nurse’s office, who still had that injured eye from earlier. “So how’s that for sorry, teach?”

“No, I’m not feeling it. Try harder. Attempt to convey even the SLIGHTEST feeling of regret.”

“Hold still,” urged Ms. Fontaine, nursing Crowler’s new BLACK EYE!!! In the nurses’ office. Yeah, a gym teacher AND a school nurse! How cool is that?! “Just so you know, I actually SAW Jaden hit you with that ball, and it seemed to me like it was an accident. You KNOW how hard it is to hit a tennis ball straight from eleven feet in the air, right?”

“You ARE right, but he still hit it! And then it hit my eye! Case CLOSED,” Crowler decided. “Plus, he was THIRTY feet in the air, not ELEVEN.”

“CoughcoughcoughYEAHRIGHTcough,” Jaden coughed.

“SAY THAT AGAIN, YOU LITTLE BRAT, I DARE YOU!! SAY THAT AGAIN!!”

“Well, if you wanna PUNISH me, teach, why don’t you ban me from tennis yo?” Jaden suggested.

“No,” Crowler disagreed, “I think that the best plan of action would be to FORCE you to play tennis against your own will! On the tennis team!”

“We have a TENNIS team? Who do we play against?”

“Yourselves!”

“That’s lame, yo, I don’t wanna do DAT!” whined Jaden!

“Who cares, I’m the teacher in here, and NOBODY goes against a TEACHER’S orders!”

“Aw dang it.”

 

Meanwhile, Alexis opened up a locker, dressed normally again, and placed a towel inside. “Hey Aleixs!” called Nancy Wut. Alexis turned around and saw both her friends approaching, and two noticeably hideously-drawn girls sitting on a bench inside the locker room.

“AHH!” Alexis screamed! She quickly got a hold of herself and tried not to look at them.

“We found out who that tennis guy was!” Nancy informed!

“We ALREADY knew he was Shades Milligan,” Alexis sighed.

“Well we learned again!”

“Also he’s freaking rich,” Angry McArgue added, “AND he’s a third-year!”

“I thought that when he was introduced he was a Slifer.”

“He became an Obelisk Blue in TWO DAYS after that velociraptor attack!”

“Holy crap, that’s cool. But you know I already have a thing going with Zane, right?” Alexis said.

“But I’m strictly AlexisXJaden!” Nancy Wut complained.

“Me too!” one of the hideous bench girls gleefully yelped.

 

MEANWHILE, IN A RANDOM HALLWAY…

Syrus was running around in circles. “OHMANOHMANOHMANOHMANOHMA-HA-HAN!! WHERE’S THE TENNIS TEAM?!?!”

“Hey, he finally snapped!” cheered Nancy Wut.

“Stop acting like an idiot!” Angry McArgue ordered, grabbing him and slapping him silly!

“Ow! Thanks, I needed that. NOW WHERE’S THAT TENNIS TEAM?!?!” Syrus carried on.

“The tennis court, duh,” Alexis helpfully told. “But what’s the problem?”

“Oh, Crowler’s forcing Jaden to play for the tennis team against his will and Shades Milligan’s in control over him now and he might get forced to do illegal drug trading for the squad under threat of lying to Crowler by telling her that they were JADEN’S drugs! And I gotta save’m!”

 

And in the tennis courts of pain and hardship, Shades Milligan fired off a super-special serve of SERVICE!! The tennis ball flew past the net and at Jaden’s tennis racket! “Wow, Shades!” Jaden said in awe, holding his racket out and allowing Shades to keep hitting it no matter WHERE he served from, “Back when you were alive, or less robotic, you could NEVER see!”

“That’s what artificial eyes’ll do for ya,” Shades Milligan answered, smashing the ball once again.

“And to think, if we didn’t make you up, then some OTHER guy would be the filler enemy in this episode, yo!” Suddenly the ball passed by Jaden.

“My point,” Shades Milligan pointed out, guzzling down some ‘Corpiko’ sports drink. Two random girls standing around him wiped off his forehead with a towel and handed him another tennis ball, respectively.

 

“Hiiii-YAH!!” shouted Shades Milligan, firing off another round of PAIN!!

“Woah, robots really DON’T let up!” Jaden said to himself. The ball hit his racket and he was sent sprawling onto the floor! “Augh, ugh, ooooooh, ung! AAAAARGH,” Jaden groaned, grabbing his liver!

“Hey, Jaden, get up!” Shades Milligan urged! “No pain, no gain! You gotta hustle to build that muscle! You gotta sweat to be a THREAT! If you don’t pick up the pace, you’ll lose the race!!”

“That’s easy for YOU to say, robo-dude!” Jaden winced.

“Hey, what’s THAT supposed to mean?” Shades Milligan asked in an imposing manner.

“You’re a CYBORG, and robots DON’T feel pain, you hypocrite!” Jaden cried! “Your muscles are ALREADY BUILT on your ROBOTIC FRAME! And you don’t sweat, and yet you’re ALREADY a threat! Plus, there IS no RACE!! So speak for yourself, Mr… Tennisguy!!”

“Well, there’s no I in TEAM, man!”

“But there IS an I in I! So let me rest ‘a second!”

“Silly kid,” Shades Milligan laughed, “EYE is spelled E-Y-E!”

“You JUST DON’T GET IT, DO YOU?!” Jaden stood up and tried walking away in a sulky manner.

“Hey, you can’t leave until you work on your backhand strokes, kid!” Shades Milligan ordered!

 

“He’s dumb,” Syrus syed from behind the action.

“You’re right,” agreed Angry McArgue.

“Y’know, now I want some Corpiko, too,” Nancy Wut thought.

“Oh, it’s Alexis, too,” Jaden noticed.

“Hi, Alexis!” saluted Nancy Wut.

“A-A-A-A-A-LEXIS?!” Shades Milligan stuttered to the extreme. “So NICE of you to DROP BY, Alexis! I was just teaching him the basics. Y’know how it is.”

 

Alexis walked right past him on her way to Jaden. “WHA?!?!”

“Jaden,” Alexis began, “I just remembered something to tell you that I forgot to tell you when I saw you earlier at the start of the episode.”

“Oh, what?” Jaden asked.

“Professor Banner said there was a Chazz Spotting lately.”

“Oh, okay. I forget, was I supposed to care?”

That darn Slifer Slacker buttering up Alexis?! Shades Milligan furiously mulled, gaining a scary face that rivaled Crowler’s, I’ll show ‘m a thing or two about tryin’ to steal a girl from a guy who’s OBVIOUSLY hitting on her RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!! He instantly set himself on fire, as cyborgs can do that, and stormed on over to the pair. “YO!!”

“Hey, yo, onlyI can say ‘yo’, yo!” Jaden defended.

“Oh, well I’m sorry. BUT YOU HAVE A LOT OF NERVE!!”

“He has a lot of nerve?” Syrus gasped. “Wow, he really means it now.”

“I’LL ONLY ASK YOU ONCE, JADEN,” Shades Milligan growled in the most frightening voice robotically possible as his eyes glowed crimson, “STEP AWAY FROM ALEXIS BEFORE I CRUSH YOUR WINDPIPE!”

“Hey, man, woah,” Jaden said, “I’m just chattin’ up mah peeps, here, that’s all. As you were saying, Not-His-Girlfriend-Alexis?”

“DIE!!” commanded Shades Milligan, popping up in Jaden’s grill!!

“UWAAAAH!! MY GRILL!!”

“YOUR GRILL’S GONNA BE A LOT WORSE IF YOU DON’T STEP OFF…”

“Don’t make ME step ON yo’ grill, son!” Jaden fought back!

“OH NO, I’M GONNA MESS UP YOUR GRILL!! IN A CARD GAME!!”

“Holy crap!” gasped Angry McArgue!

“He means it now!” Syrus cried!

“Oh, okay, I love card games,” said Jaden.

“OH, YOU DO, NOW? WINNER BECOMES ALEXIS’ FIANCE!!” Shades Milligan added, uppin’ the ante!

 

“Wait, what the hell are you talking about?” Alexis angrily shouted. “You’re taking this too seriously!”

“I just LUV a wedding!” Nancy Wut said.

“Why do we even hang out with you?” asked Angry McArgue.

“Silly, I always follow you guys around!”

Jaden got into his DUELIN’ pose. “I don’t think I like the terms, yo, but I ALWAYS bring ‘da pain when it comes ta’ DUELIN’! Let’s THROW DOWN!!”

“BOO,” someone said.

“I wondered when that guy was gonna say something,” Syrus said, relieved that the ‘BOO’ guy was still here.

“You’re crazy!” Alexis screamed, “You’re BOTH crazy! You’re crazy people! You KNOW I’ll just get a divorce and get a huge sum in alimony! CRAZY!!”

“And what if that guy duels like he plays tennis?” reminded Syrus! “You’re screwed, man!”

“No way, remember when you told me to play baseball like it was a card game?” Jaden reminisced.

“Oh yeah, you SURE sucked, but this is DIFFERENT! It’s TENNIS!!”

“Who cares,” Jaden and Shades Milligan said in synch, “let’s duel!!” Apparently while Syrus was spazzing out, Jaden and Shades Milligan had taken out their DUEL DISKS!! “LET’S DO THIS!!”

“And get ‘cho game on, too!!”

“BOO,” somebody said.

“Did you REALLY have to squeeze that in?”

“Yep!”

(Shades Milligan: 4000 Life Points, Jaden: 4000 Life Points)

 

“So,” Nancy Wut asked Alexis, who was now standing in between her two WEIRD friends, “two CUTIE-PIE boys are duelin’ it up for your hand in marriage, how does it make you FEEL?”

“Stop talking!” Angry McArgue ordered, punching her in the face.

“Why are you two my friends, again?” Alexis wondered aloud. “Anyways, I’m just here to watch the duel, for your information, and I want to see if the rumors are true: that Shades Milligan, after he turned into a cyborg, is really as good as Zane.”

Syrus blinked! There are rumors? And how was there enough time for the rumors to circulate if he died just three days ago, I wonder?

 

“Aw-right, I’m gonna start off this duel with the card SERVICE ACE!!” Shades Milligan’s shades shone in the sun’s rays as he played a card featuring a tennis court… an EXPLODING tennis court!

“Wait, I always thought your nickname came from your shades! And usually nicknames come from your deck, too!” thought Jaden!

“Well too bad, that wasn’t thought out before I started wearin’ my shades! This card makes me choose another card in my hand, and you choose if it’s a Spell, Trap or Monster. If you’re right, it’s discarded, but if you’re wrong, you lose 1500 Life Points!”

“Time to put on my thinkin’ expression, then!” Jaden scrunched up his face in thought. Hmm, that card’s stupidly cheap. Why don’t they make it a real card or something? It would be pretty useful in most decks that rely on burn damage. Or maybe because there’s a small margin of error, only people who couldn’t afford better cards would be forced to run it? “A SPELL!!” Jaden roared!

“Ha ha ha, I’m wearing shades,” Shades Milligan gloated, “and even I can tell that it’s a MONSTER!” He revealed his Mega Thunderball card with 800 Attack Points! It was a spiky ball! Yes!

“Why are you using such a crappy monster, yo?!” The Service Ace card glowed like the morning sun, and then… and then… and then… well, nothing seemed to happen. “Aw, come on, yo!!” …

 

BUT THEN THE CARD SHOT OUT A GOLDEN GLOWING TENNIS BALL!! “Ow, yo,” screamed Jaden, as he was knocked back by the force of the blow!! “If that were a real ball, that’d leave a BRUISE, man! Yeowch!” (Jaden: 2500 Life Points)

“Well, anyways,” Shades Milligan smugly called, “I’ll end my turn here with a face-down card. Your move.” He set his card and tilted his shades into the gleaming sunlight.

URGH, when he does that, somehow, it makes him irritatingly cool! WHY?! “Awright, man, MAH draw!!” Jaden drew a card… a TRAP card! It featured feathers in a gust of wind. Rad, yo, FEATHER Wind!! I’ll only use it once or twice in the entire series! But before that, I’d better think of a strategy! Which means… I’ll attack’m! Yeah! And today, I can use my SPECIAL buddy, ‘cause the script calls for something KOOL today!

 

“I summon… ELEMENTAL HERO… AVIAN!! In Attack Mode.”

“NO, JADEN, NO!!” cried his helpless friends!! But they were too late. Out of a card inside of a whirling, twirling, hurling whirlwind of wind came Avian, flying out with an intense ‘inner beast unleashed’ pose!

“RWWWAAAAAAAARRRAAAAAARRWAARG!!” he groaned! (Avian: 1000 Attack Points)

“Jaden, you FOOL! Whenever you use HIM, he DIES!” Syrus recalled!

“But today’s episode script CALLS for me specifically!” said Avian, pointing to his script.

“Oh, well that’s okay then. Go ahead, by all means.”

“Now, Avian,” asked Jaden, “are you up for a GOOD attack?”

“Why bother ASKING when you can SEE MY QUILL CASCADE!!!!!?!” Avian repeated the same pose as before, showering the arena in fluffy feathers. FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE!!

 

“Yeah, WRONG!!” corrected Shades Milligan!

“Uh-oh, he’s wrong!” Nancy Wut gasped!

“I activate my Trap Card: RECEIVE Ace! It negates an attack and sends it back to you for 1500 damage! Good luck, heh, FEATHERING this storm!! Hahaha!” My use of humor is obviously helping my relationship with Alexis! Just look at her! Alexis was around seventy feet away, drinking at a water fountain. She’s SO totally falling for me! A Trap Card featuring a guy who seemed to be from The Prince of Tennis hitting a tennis ball flipped up, gobbled up the feathers, and shot them out in reverse!

“AHH, FEATHERS!!” Jaden cried! (Jaden: 1000 Life Points)

“Ah, don’t sweat it, kid, since I still have to discard three cards from my deck to use that Trap,” Shades Milligan said, discarding his three cards.

“But I’m STILL sweating it! That’s not a fair price! That’s like, unfair! That’s FIFTEEN HUNDRED LIFE POINTS, and that’s just THREE CARDS!” Jaden whined!

“Have you ever wondered how I got to Obelisk Blue right after I was turned into a cyborg?” Shades Milligan brought up. “My enhanced ROBONIC brain made me think: why not make a cheap themed deck, instead of a LAME themed deck?”

“He’s got a point there,” Alexis said.

“Word!” Jaden retorted! “There’s not heart in that kinda deck!”

“You DON’T use ‘word’ like THAT, Jaden!” Syrus informed!

“Oh well! I’ll throw down a FACE-DOWN!” Jaden set a card… with spirit.

“BOO,” someone said.

“Jaden, is it wise to anger that… thing… like that?” Avian reckoned.

“Who dang cares, man? Go, Shades, just take your DANG turn.”

 

“Thanks, bro, ‘cause now I can use SMASH Ace!” Shades Milligan drastically flipped up his Trap, which featured a guy smashing another guy in the face, comically… with a tennis ball. Y’see, it’s only funny, until you mention the ball. Tennis makes everything sad and depressing.

“WHAT is UP with ALL the ACES?!” Jaden roared, flippin’ out!!

“I said a CHEAP THEME DECK! I threw out my old ‘Shade Specters’ deck to make room for my ‘Tennis Ace’ deck! You KNOW how they make decks for EVERYTHING, some decks better than others! But enough about that. Now I can flip up the top card of my deck, and if it’s a monster, then you get hit by a tennis ball!!”

“Is that ALL you can do!”

“I’m pretty sure it is,” Angry McArgue snarkily remarked.

“Hey, a Mystic Shine Ball, or whatever it’s called!” Shades Milligan cheered, holding up a MONSTER card featuring a glowy ball of doom. A mystical cloud of tennis appeared in the sky in a dramatic and scary swirly pattern. “This game is OVER!!”

 

“Heh, yeah, RIGHT, Shades,” Jaden shrugged, “just try feathering THIS STORM!!” Jaden flipped up his Trap card! The one with the wind! And feathers! “It’s FEATHER WIND!!”

“B-but that’s an AVIAN Trap card! What could THAT do?!” Syrus and Shades Milligan wigged out!

“It negates your Spell card, boyo!” Jaden explained!

“YAAAAAAY!” cheered the audience.

Try feathering THIS storm, PUNK-ASS!” Avian flapped his wings around, making the eerie tennis cloud move SLIGHTLY to the right. It fired its glowing ball of death at the four viewers!

“YEAAAAaa…AAAAAAHH!!” They exploded violently.

“What the hell!” Shades Milligan yelled! “You just killed Alexis!”

“Um, holograms much?” Jaden sighed.

“Yeah, I’m PEACHY keen!” Nancy Wut said, giving off a thumbs-up through the smoke.

“WHY DOES AVIAN HURT EVERYONE HE LOVES?!” Syrus screamed!

“Heh,” Shades Milligan smirked. “if I cried whenever something bad happened to ME, then I’d NEVER get anywhere! It’s okay with me!”

“He knows what he’s talking about, he was mauled by a velociraptor!” Nancy Wut remembered.

“WE KNOW!!” Angry McArgue roared, smashing her friend’s head in!

“Gosh, Angry, can’t you, like, NOT be angry, for just ONCE?” Alexis sarcastically asked.

“But it’s my character trait…”

“I WAS SARCASTIC. I KNOW.”

 

“Sometimes, ‘ya gotta TAKE hits ‘ta GIVE hits!” Shades Milligan remarked.

“Aw, great, he’s back to his sports clichés again,” Jaden groaned.

“Like YOU don’t make lame jokes!”

“Yeah WRONG Mr. Tin Man yo! I’ll have yo know that since I’m the happy-go-lucky stereotypical shonen hero of this show, whatever I say is instantly pop culture! Just look at this, y’all! Banana boat!” Nobody seemed to care that he’d said banana boat. “Let’s see YOU try something better.”

“… You’ve just been GENDOWNED!” Shades Milligan laughed!

“You’re just QUOTING SOMEBODY MORE SUCESSFUL THAN YOU. HOW IS THAT COOL?!?!” Jaden demanded answers!

“… Mario, Wario… Lucario!”

“SHUT UP! JUST SHUT! UP!

“Hey, Jaden, remember that one movie?” Shades Milligan asked.

“… Whaaaaat movie, yo?”

“THE ONE WHERE SNORLAX EFFING OWNED!!”

“AW, THAT IS IT, b****!! YOU’S GOIN’ DOWN LIKE ONE ‘A MY FACE-DOWNS!!” Jaden went berserk! Could anybody stop him?!

“BOO,” somebody said.

“Ugh, oh, whew,” Jaden sighed, full of relief, “I’m glad THAT guy brought me back to my senses. I’ll just get my revenge… with cards!”

“’Atta boy, Jaden!” congratulated Avian!

 

“… Hey, d’ja hear that thing that said ‘boo’?” Shades Milligan asked.

“Yeah,” Jaden realized, “it was revealed to be a DUCK on episode FOUR! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

“AHHHHAHAHAHA!!”

“OOHAHAHAHAHAHEEHAHAHHUUR!!”

The two laughed for an irritatingly long time. (Jaden: 1000 Life Points, Shades Milligan: 4000 Life Points)

 

“This is one of the five dumbest things that’s ever happened in this show,” Syrus shrugged. “I bet we’ll get cancelled.”

“But we got signed on for four seasons!” Nancy Wut shivered. “I’m scared, guys!”

“NOBODY’S getting cancelled,” Alexis assured, “let me take care of this.” Alexis walked up to the two laughing buffoons.

“AHAHAHAHAHEEHAHAHA!!”

“AHAHEHEHEHEHEHEAHAHEH!!”

“SHUUUUUT UP!!” Alexis punched Jaden in the gut and kicked Shades Milligan in the you-know-whats.

“AAAAHUUUUUURGH!!” Jaden recoiled!

“But I’m a cyborg…” Shades Milligan gasped, crumbling to the floor. “Tell my mother… the grandkids’ll have to… wait…” Wow, he thought, she floats like a butterfly, and stings like a CYBORG butterfly… what a babe!

“Heh, d-don’t worry,” Jaden gurgled, standing up once more, “I’m still in ‘da game…”

“Word to your mother, son!” Avian added in, for extra kick.

“M…me too.” Shades Milligan recovered quickly, being a cyborg and all, and regained his composure.

“Too bad, ‘cuz I’m a’ playin’ Polymerization, oh yeah!” Jaden used his signature Spell! “Clayman and Burstinatrix, fuse together now in the coolest way possible!” Sadly, instead they simply flew into the air, floated, swirled together with a cheap effect, and then UN-swirled as Elemental Hero Rampart Blaster, that one who was just Burstinatrix in a huge suit of clay armor, armed with a missile-launching arm that just barely made it passable as a card. “It’s ELEMENTAL HERO RAMPART BLASTER OH YEAH BABAY!!” cheered Jaden! (Rampart Blaster: 2000 Attack Points) Slowly, she floated back down upon the field next to Avian.

“Now we’re REALLY in the zone, guys!” Avian said, but nobody seemed to care.

 

“All right!” Syrus said with an oddly angry face, “Now that he has THAT weirdo hero, he’ll DEFINETLY win!”

“Avian, attack!” commanded Jaden! “Electric Orb!”

“HAAAAAAAAH…” Avian charged up a bunch of electricity in his palms and fired it off in the shape of an orb?! “I never even knew I could DO that!” Avian chuckled.

“UGHAAAAH!!” screamed Shades Milligan, struck by the orb and contained within the massive dust cloud the hologram had provided! (Shades Milligan: 3000 Life Points) “AHH!! AWAAAHAHAAARGH!! UWAAAAAH!!”

“Re-LAX, it’s JUST one-thousand damage…UNLIKE THIS GUY!!” Rampart Blaster held out her blaster-arm and fired off a BARRAGE OF MISSILES!!

“OOHAHHEHHURGAHHGAHOFFHEFFKHINNN!!” screeched Shades Milligan. (Shades Milligan: 1000 Life Points)

“And THAT is why you put MONSTERS in your deck!” Jaden gloated! “Ones beside Mega Thunderball! ‘Cause he STINKS!”

“You SURE showed HIM, Jaden!” Syrus gleefully noted!

“Well, of COURSE he’s gonna show him,” Alexis stated, “he’s got YU in his last name. How OBVIOUS is it?”

“What’re you talking about?”

“That’s a DUMB hypothesis.”

“Hey, everybody! Alexis makes DUMB hypotheses!”

“FINE, just forget I said anything.” Alexis had given up in despair.

 

“Grr, I’ll show YOU a monster card! But first, I play Deuce!”

“Heh, you dropped a Deuce!”

“SHADDAP!” Shades Milligan ‘threw down’ a Spell card, featuring a scoreboard for tennis! It read ‘40 – 40’. How appropriate! “I can only activate this card when both players have 1000 Life Points. Each of us chooses one monster, and from now on, it’s the only one that can attack. When it deals Battle Damage twice, then the owner of that monster…” He took a pause to allow his shades to shine dazzlingly in the sunlight. “… Automatically wins the match!”

“Well THAT be dumb!” Jaden shrugged.

“Who cares? Me, because I summon Big Server, the monster I was boasting so much about!” Shades Milligan summoned… a robotic tennis player! “GAME. SET. MATCH.” it said in a freaky monotone. (Big Server: 300 Attack Points)

“That TOO be dumb!” Jaden shrugged yet again.

“Stop making fun of my heritage!” Angry McArgue shouted!

“What’s up?” Jaden asked.

“I’m IRISH, so stop saying ‘that be this, that be that’! It’s offensive!”

 

At that point, everybody had given up on Angry McArgue.

 

“Aaaaaanyways, Big Server, use Spike Serve!” Shades Milligan quickly commanded!

UUUUUURRRR YAAAAAAAAAH,” Big Server said in its odd monotone, flinging a metal spike ball of DOOM into the air and smacking it with its SUPER TENNIS RACKET ARM!!

 

This is NOT peachy keen!! Nancy Wut mentally gasped, as the camera zoomed in on her!

“Ow, a metal ball of death!” Jaden yelped, as he was struck by the illegal tennis ball! (Jaden: 700 Life Points)

“HAAAAAhahahahahahahahaaaaaa!!” Shades Milligan laughed! “Now just one more turn until I make Alexis my bride-to-be!” He pointed toward his Deuce card.

“Dammit, I wish he’d never dropped that Deuce!” Jaden smiled faintly.

“THAT WAS NEVER FUNNY!! Well, back to the main plot, when my Big Server attacks directly, I get to add a Service Ace into my hand from my deck, and you can draw a card, too.”

“Is this JUST to give me the advantage in this episode?”

“Could be.” Shades Milligan systematically placed his card-he-won’t-be-using into his hand.

 

Jaden drew… a card with a picture of Avian in ‘da big city firing feathers out of his wings! Well, whadda ‘ya know, Jaden thought, it WAS just for me to get an advantage! Good thing this card is USELESS in any other situation!

“Now, since apparently further research upon this Deuce card I used through the internet,” Shades Milligan helpfully told, “I won’t be using that Service Ace, since the effect is gonna be confusing.”

“How so?” asked Nancy Wut.

“Well, Deuce says that it’ll only let you win once you perform Battle Damage twice, but then Service Ace is EFFECT Damage, although it may have NOT said just Battle Damage, and so anyways, you’re gonna call it right, making it completely useless, so I guess it’s your turn… AFTER I PLAY GIANT RACKET!!” Big Server was suddenly wearing a comically-oversized tennis racket on its back. “It negates damage and keeps my guy from being destroyed once per turn, so neener neener neener!”

“But you realize that if you’d never played ‘Deuce’, then you HYPOTHETICALLY could have played that Service Ace, and they preyed upon my natural goofiness to guess the incorrect card type, earning you the win as I take 1500 damage to my Life Points,” Jaden explained, truthfully.

“… Soooooooo… what do you mean by that?”

 

Jaden took a deep breath. “I use De-Fusion and then I use Feather Shot which will let my Avian attack thrice this turn since I have three monsters and it’s all because you’re an idiot.” Avian flew into the sky as Rampart Blaster fell apart, and then our winged hope fired off his feather barrage, which blew up the racket, blew up the robot, and blew up Shades Milligan.

“UWAAAH!!” Shades Milligan cried, as he exploded! (Shades Milligan: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

 

“That was kyool!” Nancy Wut dribbled.

“That was dumb,” complained Angry McArgue.

“Oh yeah, Jaden’s gettin’ married, and hopefully will not divorce, will not abuse Alexis, and will not abandon her after having three kids!” Syrus supported. Alexis turned toward Syrus with a deathly gleam in her eye.

“Uh, Lexeh, don’t kill the boy, please,” Nancy Wut pleaded.

 

The smoke surrounding Shades Milligan faded, revealing that the only parts remaining of his cyborgy frame were his left arm, most of his torso, his head, and his feet (no legs!) “Ugh,” he groaned, “at least I’m still alive… due to being a cyborg and everything.”

“Cyborgs don’t make sense, buuuut…” Jaden got ready for it… “THAT’S GAME!!”

“BOO,” someone said.

“We SURE showed HIM,” Avian sniffed.

“Oh, get outta here, man!” Jaden ordered.

“Oh all right.” Avian and his buddies faded away.

“GRRRRRR, NOW I’LL ALWAYS BE A VIRGIN! I WON’T FORGET THIS!” Shades Milligan’s parts magnetically bonded together, then a rocket thruster in his back allowed for a quick, flashy getaway.

“Well, we won’t be seein’ HIM soon!” Jaden said as his friends and admirers surrounded him.

“I don’t wanna marry you, I wanna marry Syrus’s sexy older brother,” Alexis said.

“Well duh, I don’t wanna marry a GIRL!” Jaden said. “Girls are YUCKY and covered in COOTIES! EW! What I want… is a woman!”

“So you’re interested in older women?” Syrus asked sheepishly.

“The keyword is woman, Sy!” told Jaden.

 

And upon a cliff overlooking the sunset, Shades Milligan wept in silence as he rebuilt his body with a wrench and random pieces of scrap metal. Just you wait, Alexis, I’ll win you over… SOMEHOOOOOW!!

 

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Alright, I'm updating the CURRENT chapters now, just for... I think one person. Maybe. Either way we have a cameo here, and he does something about it.

 

[spoiler=Episode 47: Amnael's Endgame - Part One]A Blue-Eyes White Dragon-shaped jet airplane smashed through Kaibaland Duel Academy, crashing into a random hallway filled with a few sleeping people. As the smoke cleared and several fires arose around the area, two suspicious men kicked their way out of the cockpit. “Ah, how horribly ironic,” growled Seto Kaiba, dressed in a white spiky coat of doom, death and more doom, which he’d somehow never changed out of since the original series of Yu-Gi-Oh! .

“What do you mean, big brother?” asked his crackly-voiced younger black-haired brother, Mokuba, wearing a green coat, orange shirt, some pants and some shoes, as he pulled out his awesome orange sunglasses. At this point, puberty had turned him into some sort of six foot-tall giant.

“Well, I crashed my signature Duel Monster into the academy for Duel Monsters that I created; I find it kinda funny.”

“Oh. I get it. Shall I activate the ‘Robo-Signal’?” Mokuba suggested, pulling out a large suitcase.

“Sure,” Kaiba sighed, “I’d like to do this and go home and drink some of my ultra-rare imported puma-skin cocoa in my ultra-rare imported puma-skin cocoa cup.”

“I’m your brother, and even I don’t get it.”

“You don’t have to… because we’re stupid-rich. Activate the Robo-Signal!!” Kaiba pointed to the large suitcase in a suitably epic manner!!

 

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 47: Amnael’s Endgame – Part One

 

Mokuba opened up the suitcase. Inside was bubble wrap. The guy began taking foot after foot of bubble wrap out of the suitcase. After what seemed to be a period of time long enough to be strange, then funny, then boring, then funny again, and then even MORE boring, Mokuba pulled out a small flute. “This is the Robo-Signal?” Mokuba asked.

“It emits an ultra-sonic signal at such an intense frequency that only robots and robot byproducts can hear,” Kaiba explained.

“You waste too much money, Seto.”

“I know, Mokuba, I know. Just blow the damn whistle.”

“Okay.” And with that, Mokuba took a deep breath and blew air into the whistle. The first seven notes of the ‘ABC’s Song’ came out. “What the hell?” Mokuba asked. “Seto, did you test this thing?”

“No,” Kaiba said, “but nonetheless, this should be enough to draw the robots out.”

 

“AAAAAAAARGH,” screamed Cuts Man and Gut Man, bursting through the wall, “CAN’T HANDLE THE NOOOOOISE!!”

“That was easy,” Kaiba accepted, despite the fact that it made no sense.

“But why…” Mokuba shook his head. “Anyways, time to duel, bro.”

“Ugh!” Cuts Man and Gut Man leaped to their feet. “Cuts cuts cuts!! Who the heck’re you?!”

“I’m mother-freaking Seto Kaiba, b****,” Kaiba growled. “Now are you going to duel me or not?”

“That depends,” Gut Man said. “Are you currently a holder of a Spirit Key?”

“Gimee a moment.” Kaiba snapped his fingers. At that signal, Mokuba ran off and then returned with the safe from Chancellor Shepherd’s office.

“YAH!!” he shouted, karate-chopping it in half and pulling out the Fire Key inside. “Here ‘ya go, bro.” He handed Kaiba the key.

“THERE YOU GO, b****es!!” Kaiba yelled, giving the robots The Finger®!! “NOW JUST SHUT UP AND DUEL!!”

“Awright,” Gut Man agreed, “I guess I’ll take you on.” He held out his dueling arm. The metal parts began reshaping themselves and turning into the shape of a Duel Disk!! “Cuts, you hold off unless I lose.”

“Then let’s go, dammit,” Kaiba growled, taking HIS Duel Disk out from his bottomless pockets.

 

“AAAAAAAARGH,” screamed Mann McOldsmobile, bursting through the wall. “CAN’T HANDLE THE NOOOOOISE!!” He smashed into Gut Man, knocking him over.

“Wh-what’re you doin’ here?!” Cuts Man screamed!

“Sh-shouldn’t you be dead?” Gut Man inquired!

“Y-you two, why’d you do that stuff?!” Mann McOldsmobile ordered. “I thought… I thought that we were friends! You were supposed to be on OUR side! How could you?!”

“You mean sic Megy Man on you?” Cuts Man double-checked.

“… Erm, what?” Kaiba asked.

“I hear good,” Mann McOldsmobile said, “and I couldn’t stand that crappy song SO much that I was blown into the school. What’s not to get?”

“Oh,” everybody said, understanding.

“Who’s Megy Man?” Mokuba asked. At that moment, the body of Megy Man smashed into them, knocking all of the characters (and the jet) present out of the building and by the symbolic entrance to the academy.

 

MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN AND BANNER…

Damn, man, Jaden thought, being forced into a duel against Professor Banner, who was in an odd outfit, inside the abandoned dorm, I can’t believed he’s forcing me into this duel! I can’t SHADOW Duel’m; I could regularly duel him, but I don’t wanna kill anybody! But, he says he’s a Shadow Rider. Can I really afford t’give up this chance? “A-alright, Prof., let’s THROW DOWN!!” Jaden announced, showing his final decision.

“BOO,” someone said.

(Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Banner: 4000 Life Points)

 

“Why, in that case I activate Chaos Distill,” Banner said, allowing a comical-looking orange steam boiler to arise onto the field. “As long as this card is active, all of my cards sent to the Graveyard are removed from play instead.”

What’s he doing that for, yo? I gots t’know yo! Jaden thought.

“Jaden, watch out,” Syrus warned, watching the game with Koala Ko Ala, “he’s got a deck theme! A DECK THEME!!”

“He’s got a Trap up his sleeve… LITERALLY!!” Koala Ko Ala threw in.

 

“My student, Jaden,” Banner said earnestly, “thank you for making this decision. I’ll give my all in this match.” He took a book out from under his cloak and threw it into the center of the ring. Its cover prominently featured an EYE OF WDJAT.

“What’s with the book?” Koala Ko Ala asked.

“You… shall see soon enough,” Banner hinted. “But now I play the Spell card Steel Lamp!” A steel lamp appeared. The giant boiler responded by opening and sucking it in. “If I play this card while Alchemic Distill is active, I can Special Summon a specific monster from my deck… Alchemic Beast – Salamandra the Steel!” The boiler spat out a really, really great looking metal European-style bipedal dragon with red skin on the insides of its wings! (Salamandra the Steel: 500 Attack Points)

“The hell is that?!” Jaden gasped, insulted. “Why’d you summon something so… stupidly bad?”

“I’d say laughably bad, after all the build-up,” Syrus thought.

“Well, my Alchemy Beasts can attack you directly,” Banner revealed. Jaden stared at him, as if to say, ‘Is that all?’ “Also I play Bronze Scale and Lead Compass to summon Ouroboros the Bronze and Leon the Lead.” A scale and compass were consumed and turned into a bronze, six-eyed serpent and a grey awesome lion-bear-thing. (Ouroboros the Bronze: 500 Attack Points, Leon the Lead: 500 Attack Points)

“L-L-LEON?!” Koala Ko Ala shrieked! “WHAT A NAME!!” Jaden himself was now exhibiting an ‘OH SHI–’ face.

“Ah, I was waiting for that face,” Banner chuckled. “I will set a card face-down and end my turn.” A Trap hologram appeared behind the great weak monsters. “Now, Jaden, show me what you can really do.”

 

“Well then, why don’t I?” Jaden asked rhetorically. “I summon Elemental Hero Bubbleman!” Lo and behold, from an ocean spray came Bubbleman, the same as ever. (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points) “In THIS show, when he’s the only card on my field when summoned, I can draw two hip new cards!” Jaden drew his two new cards. “Situationalriffic!!” Jaden cheered! “I equip’m with a bazooka!!” Bubbleman’s Bazooka appeared within Bubbleman’s bubble hands! (Bubbleman: 1600 Attack Points) “Now hit’m with a BomBarding BuBBle BarrageB!!” A giant water drop flew out of the giant weapon!

“Not so fast!” Banner commanded. The water slowed down and began approaching at a sluggish pace. “I play my Trap card, Elemental Absorber!” A four-pointed star made out of metallic parts cloaked in electricity appeared on the hologram, though it somehow translated out into a black metal thing made up of a black downward triangle and a semi-circle with four spikes. “While this is active and you declare an attack, I can remove one card in my hand of the same Attribute as your monster to prevent it from attacking!”

“Damn you, situationalism!!” Jaden cried!

“Ah, yes, situationalism,” Banner sighed. “I remove Aqua Spirit from my hand.” By discarding what looked to be somebody’s underwater bride, the Elemental Absorber machine rotated until it released a blue upside-down triangle. “BLUE,” the machine buzzed. It made a roaring wall of water, which somehow cancelled out Bubbleman’s attack. It slowly splashed into the wave and was absorbed.

“Oh, so it ABSORBS the attack?!” Koala Ko Ala cried!

“It TOTALLY makes SENSE!!” Syrus understood! “WATCH OUT, JAY!!”

“I declare it to be my turn,” Banner declared. “All three of my monsters will now attack you directly.”

“Oh no,” Jaden said, “THIS ain’t lookin’ good.”

 

MEANWHILE, WITH MANN MCOLDSMOBILE AND THE KAIBA BROS. ...

The group was now recovering from being slapped to the front of the school by Megy Man’s lifeless body. “No way,” Cuts Man scowled, “you actually managed to defeat Megy Man and his jackhammers of death?”

“Yeah, I sure did,” Mann McOldsmobile admitted. “What about it?”

“He was the most destructive robot from the future we could find!”Gut Man stated. “I’m really surprised you managed to survive it.”

“Wasn’t my favorite victim, I’ll give’m that,” Mann McOldsmobile said, “but I won anyways.”

“Excuse me, poor, penniless old man attending my school,” Kaiba said.

“I’m eighteen!”

“Sure. But where do you get off on upstaging me? I’m about to duel that one with the huge claws over there.”

“Oh yeah,” Mokuba remembered, “I forgot since that old-looking kid started talking.”

“Dammit, kid!” Kaiba got into his dueling pose in the rain. “Time to duel, stupid evil robot guy!”

“Bring it,” Gut Man smirked, holding out his Duel Disk-arm and separating his two claws into five fingers. They drew their first five water-resistant somehow cards and stared menacingly. A bolt of lightning struck between the two.

“DUEL.” (Kaiba: 4000 Life Points, Gut Man: 4000 Life Points)

 

Kaiba pulled out his next card fast enough to cut through the air and make a neat flashy richman arc. Then he flipped the card around in his fingers. “I summon the Totem Dragon in Defense Mode.” A weird, wooden-looking brown-ish long-necked weird dragon weird flew onto the field and sat in a resting position. (Totem Dragon: 200 Defense Points) “Now take your lousy turn, b****.”

“I’m no b****,” Gut Man retorted, “I’m a ROBOT FROM THE MOTHER-FREAKING FUTURE!!” I’ve never heard Gut Man with such harsh language before, Mann McOldsmobile thought, appalled. Also that dragon is weak and dumb.

He leaned over to Mokuba. “That dragon is weak and dumb,” Mann McOldsmobile whispered.

“Nah,” Mokuba disagreed, “in the years since he last dueled in that Battle City thing nobody remembers, big bro’s become less focused on absolute strength… and more focused on strategy… and absolute strength.”

“So… he got smarter?”

“Not really.”

“Oh?”

 

“Heh,” Gut Man smirked, “I know all about your signature card, Blue-Eyes White Dragon, and that’s why I wanted so desperately to duel you before my colleague. Wanna know why?”

“No.”

“Then here you go!!” Gut Man shouted! “I summon Ally of Justice – Quarantine!” Six bug-shaped robots zoomed onto the field and then connected to each other with rays of light. The rays somehow turned into a black diamond containing potentially evil energy. (Quarantine: 1700 Attack Points, 1200 Defense Points)

“Eh-heh,” Cuts Man laughed, “see, we have your plan figured out!”

“Aaaand?” Kaiba yawned.

“You HAVE to have summoned that wimp for its special ability! Which is…”

“Not tellin’ yet,” Kaiba adamantly denied.

“D’aw. Anyways, it PROBABLY has to do with Special Summoning your Blue-Eyes. And Blue-Eyes White Dragon is a Light-Attribute monster!” Cuts Man continued. “Quarantine’s special ability won’t allow any player to Special Summon a Light monster to the field! Now you’ll have to work up two tributes’ worth of monsters in order to bring out your signature card! And the thing is that Gut Man WON’T be letting you keep out that many monsters for long as he swarms the field!!”

“I wanted to say that…” Gut Man sighed sadly.

“Cuts cuts cuts! Sorry, buddy.”

“Anyways,” Gut Man said, recovering, “Quarantine! Attack Totem Dragon! Quarantine Him!!” The six bugs scattered and surrounded the brown weirdo weird dragon. They resumed creating a diamond and captured Totem weird-looking Dragon inside, then tore it into pieces using their extra-dimensional magics!! The bugbots returned to Gut Man’s side of the field triumphant. “Go ahead, Mr. Kaiba,” invited the gutsy bot.

 

“Don’t mind if I do,” Kaiba accepted. “Because it’s now the beginning of my turn and I don’t have any non-Dragon-type monsters in my Graveyard, I can Special Summon my Totem Dragon.” The weirdo Totem Dragon was BACK!! (Totem Dragon: 400 Attack Points) “And now he counts as two tributes. So I guess I’ll just summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon.” The Totem Dragon weirdo faded away… AND WAS REPLACED BY A GIANT WHITE DRAGON WITH A LONG NECK OF POWAH!!

“WOAH!!” Mann McOldsmobile gasped!

“WOAH!!” Gut Man gasped!

“CUTS CUTS CUTS!!” Cuts man gasped!

“You show’m, big brother!!” Mokuba clapped!

“GRRRAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWHHHRRRR!!” the dragon who shall from now on be referred to BEWD roared gallantly. (BEWD: 3000 Attack Points)

“Attack,” Kaiba ordered, sounding bored. “Burst Stream of Destruction.” The dragon vomited a giant laser and burned away the robot bugs. (Gut Man: 2700 Life Points)

“Th-that… that was a good move,” Gut Man admitted.

“Yeah yeah, bastard,” Kaiba said, “but I can’t use my Totem Dragon’s effect anymore, because the card says so. Take that handicap and do something with it.”

“Yeah, traitor!” Mann McOldsmobile growled!

 

“That hurt, Mann,” Gut Man spat, drawing a new card. He liked it. “I summon Ally of Justice – Core Destroyer!” A cool gold and silver quadruped robot with one eye and a cool bendy tail appeared. It bounced around playfully like a dog. (Core Destroyer: 1200 Attack Points)

“OOOOOH YEEEAH,” Cuts Man shouted, “HE GOTCHA!!”

“With what, a dog-bot?” Kaiba sniffed.

“Can I explain it?”

“When Core Destroyer attacks a Light monster, it’s automatically destroyed without any battle damage!!” Cuts Man informed!

“Eh… yeah. So I’ll attack your Blue-Eyes White Dragon.” Gut Man’s robot jumped onto the dragon and looked like it was sniffing the beast. It crawled around, up its neck, and into its mouth. The dragon felt weird and bulged oddly. Core Destroyer burst out from its head, exploding it.

“WHAT?!” Mokuba cried! “No, not his FLAGSHIP monster!! THAT doesn’t look good!!”

“WAAAAAAAAAGH, NOW HE WILL NEVER WIN!!” Mann McOldsmobile belived!

“Shut up, I’m rich!” Kaiba shouted! “And that means I CAN’T lose!!”

“Then fine, go ahead, by all means,” Gut Man allowed.

“I don’t need your permission, bastard,” Kaiba responded, summoning a blue dragon wielding both shield and spear, spikes running down his back. He had a dumb smile. “I summon Vanguard of the Dragon, with whom I can boost by discarding a Dragon-type monster from my hand. I discard The White Stone of Legend, adding a Blue-Eyes from my deck into my hand.” A white rock appeared next to the blue guy. He smacked it away with his shield. (Vanguard of the Dragon: 1700 -> 2000 Attack Points, EARTH-Attribute) “Attack.” The blue guy threw his spear into the dog-like robot, causing it to catch fire and burn into nonexistence. (Gut Man: 2000 Life Points) “NOW do you consider me a threat?” Kaiba double-checked.

 

“Grr… GRRRR… I activate the Spell Lightning Vortex,” Gut Man announced loudly, as lightning struck behind him, spooking out Cut Man, “I discard one card from my hand to destroy all monsters you control!!” By discarding a random monster named ‘Ally of Justice – Omni Weapon’, Vanguard of the Dragon got hit by a stray bolt of electricity, ‘sploding him. Luckily, BEWD decided to take his place. (BEWD: 3000 Attack Points) “… WHAT DA HELL?!”

“Oh, when my Vanguard of the Dragon is destroyed by a card effect, I can summon a Dragon from the Graveyard,” Kaiba sighed, scratching his head. “Now, say mah name, bee-yutch.”

“…” This guy irritates me.

 

“Alrighty then,” he chimed, “all three of my monsters will attack you directly now.” His steel dragon, bronze snakey-thingie, and lead-based lion-gorilla fired a stream of flames, light, and quills respectively.

“WOAH!!” Jaden dived out of the attack’s paths. “Damn, that was some serious crap,” he realized. (Jaden: 2500 Life Points)

“Good job, Jaden,” Syrus congratulated, “don’t let any of those attacks hit you! They look deadly! They’ll ONE-SHOT you!!”

“If worst comes to worst, I-I can be a shield!!” Koala Ko Ala suggested.

“N-nah,” Jaden declined, “I’ll be okay without yo’ huge belly. Banner’s got just one card in his hand left. He can’t be negatin’ all my attacks now.”

“Or so you th-GEHEEEM!!” Banner said, vomiting blood.

“AAAAAAH!!”

“Sorry, students, didn’t mean to do that. But…or so you think?”

“I forgot what the point of that was, since the blood vomiting and stuff…”

“… I’m drawing more cards,” Banner sighed.

“What?”

“I DON’T have one card in my hand anymore, because I use Black Process – Negledo.” Banner held out what looked to be some modern art (and we all know how intelligent THAT looks… damn, people’re gonna hate me for that one) painted using dark colors. “Now I can tribute all my Alchemy Beasts and draw two cards for each one.”

“… I don’t like you so much, teach.” The three monsters jumped into the giant orange boiler and burned to death. Meanwhile, Banner drew six cards.

“Ah, so is the way of an alchemist,” Banner rambled, “turning one thing into another. In this case, a brand new hand of cards.”

“Um, okay,” Syrus accepted, confused.

“And those into more monsters.”

“Hubba-WHA?!”

 

Banner removed three more cards from play. “I activate Tin Spell Circle, Mercury Hourglass and Silver Key.” A circle, an hourglass and a key jumped into the boiler. “And NOW I summon Alchemy Beasts Eatos the Tin, Echeneis the Mercury and Moonface the Silver.” A grey falcon, a blue-finned metal fish and… a smiling moon with arms and legs leaped out and onto the field. (Eatos, Echeneis and Moonface: 500 Attack Points)

“You’re running out of ideas, aren’t you?” Syrus sy-ed.

“Hey, I like Moonface!” Koala Ko Ala defended.

“Yeah, I like’m too!”

“I thought that everybody was supposed to be serious here,” Banner shrugged, “since you ARE dueling for your life here.”

“And yours too, I forgot,” Jaden groaned.

“Also students,” Banner taught, “notice how I managed to replace my entire field and come out with three more cards than I had before. Normally in alchemy, this would be impossible.”

“But it’s a card game, Professor. It’s possible there, because it’s done with cards.”

“Precisely.”

“Huh?”

“Just take your turn, it’ll sink in later,” Banner assured.

“Fine.” Jaden drew his card. “I summon…”

Please be Clayman, please be Clayman, Banner wished.

“ELEMENTAL HERO CLAYMAN!!”

YES!! Banner cheered, staring happily at the next card he would discard.

 

MEANWHILE, WITH KAIBA AND MANN MCOLDSMOBILE…

“GRAWWWWR!!” roared BEWD, which Kaiba had just summoned on his opponent’s turn. (BEWD: still 3000 Attack Points)

“HA HA, YEAH, YOU GOT’M!!” Mann McOldsmobile applauded. I think we can chalk this one up for Kaiba… but still… Gut Man and Cuts Man, what happened with you guys?

“So what?” Gut Man asked.

“So I’m about to have my dragon bite off your metal ass, that’s what,” Kaiba said.

“Yeah, tell’m, big bro!” Mokuba shouted!

“No, I don’t think so,” Gut Man disagreed.

“You dare disagree with the rich?”

“Yes, I do.” Gut Man motioned to his Trap card. “I activate Call of the Haunted to summon the monster I discarded for Lightning Vortex, Ally of Justice – Omni-Weapon!” A grey robot box came out from the earth, wielding such weapons as a drill, a hammer, a fist, a buzz saw and some scissors. (Omni-Weapon: 2200 Attack Points, 800 Defense Points, 5 Stars)

“And?” Kaiba asked.

“Next I summon Ally of Justice – Unlimiter.” Some sort of mosquito-spaceship hybrid appeared, glowing a faint shade of indigo. (Unlimiter: 600 Attack Points)

“And?” Kaiba asked.

“Then I tribute Unlimiter in order to use its effect; I double the Attack Points of Omni-Weapon for one turn.” The mosquito robot thing stick its needle into Omni-Weapon, for it was very sharp, and squirted some stuff that can only be thought of as robo-roids into it. (Omni-Weapon: 4400 Attack Points)

“And?” Kaiba asked.

“And I destroy your Blue-Eyes—”

“Allowing him to draw a card by Omni-Weapon’s own effect!” Cuts Man finished.

“Please stop doing that, Cuts.”

“Cuts cuts cuts! I can try, but I can’t make any promises!” Cuts Man said. The robobox punched BEWD, smacked it in the head with the hammer, drilled a hole through its chest, sawed its head off and then cut one of its toenails with the scissors. The attack was highly damaging. The dragon evaporated into light, and then the light became a new card in Gut Man’s hand. (Kaiba: 2600 Life Points)

“And?” Kaiba asked.

“And he summons the card he drew, because Omni-Weapon just lets’m do that, too!” Cuts Man finished.

“Uh, um, yeah, I summon Ally of Justice – Unknown Crusher,” Gut Man said, bringing out a mecha-mammoth, “but I really do wanna play the game by myself.” (Unknown Crusher: 1200 Attack Points, 3 Stars)

“Sorry, can’t help it,” Cuts Man apologized. “Can we both just agree to kill everybody?”

“Sure,” Gut Man accepted, and the two robots shook on it.

“And?” Kaiba asked.

“And then we’ll have all the Spirit Keys for our master and creator and then—”

“I don’t mean in real life, I’m talking about this game,” Kaiba interrupted. “I don’t give a damn what you’re planning, I just wanna beat you and your yellow friend over there.”

“Oh, then in that case I’ll play a face-down and end my turn,” Gut Man decided. At that point, the robo-roids wore off on Omni-Weapon, and he returned to normal strength. (Omni-Weapon: 2200 Attack Points)

Wow, Mann McOldsmobile thought, his utter lack of empathy for human life and cold ruthless attitude are so cool! But I can’t let him hurt Gut Man. I know I can bring him back to the side of empathy, goodness and… well, I’ll bring him and Cuts to their senses. I’ll just jump in on the last attack, and BAM! I’ll deflect it and give some sort of friendship speech! It’s foolproof! Everybody’ll forgive’m in a while, we’ll just give them time. And then we’ll go on to save the world with card games, just like Syrus always says. It’ll be perfect.

 

“My turn,” Kaiba announced, drawing a card. Studying his new card, he smiled. “Well then, I suppose it’s time to get serious.” He held his new card out at Gut Man. “You will lose on my next turn.”

“What if I don’t?” Gut Man challenged.

“Then you’re still screwed,” Kaiba answered, smiling.

“OH MY GOSH BIG BRO, YOU’RE SO COOL!!” Mokuba screamed!

“Shut up Mokuba, I know! I summon Decoy Dragon!” A small pale-blue dragon baby appeared.

“Boop?” it said cutely. (Decoy Dragon: 300 Attack Points)

“I tribute it to Special Summon Red-Eyes Darkness Metal Dragon.” The baby turned into a giant black metal death dragon. (REDMD: 2800 Attack Points) “Once per turn with its effect I can Special Summon one Dragon-Type monster from my hand or Graveyard, so I’ll summon a Blue-Eyes from my deck.”

“GRAAWWWR,” it roared. Somehow, this time it was slightly-less awesome.

“Attack him together,” Kaiba ordered. “Red-Eyes, attack the elephant. Blue-Eyes, get your revenge for your brother.” REDMD spat a column of black fire at his target, BEWD fired a laser.

“Woah,” Mann McOldsmobile gasped, “he’s not gonna win NEXT turn, he’s winning NOW!”

“Yeah, I know!” Mokuba agreed happily.

“I’VE GOTTA PUT A STOP TO THIS!!” Mann McOldsmobile cried, leaping into the path of the attacks! They went through him. Huh?

“I activate Threatening Roar!” Gut Man shouted, flipping up his Trap card!

“ROAR,” it said threateningly. The attacks bounced off of the card and back through Mann McOldsmobile.

“EEEEK!!” he shrieked!

“Your attacks are null and void,” Gut Man announced as his card faded.

“What the hell are you doing?” Kaiba asked.

“I… aw, I’ll just save it and go sit down again.” Feeling dumb, Mann McOldsmobile walked back to his seat.

“That was dumb,” Mokuba and Cuts Man said.

“I know, you don’t have to tell me twice!” Mann McOldsmobile barked.

 

“So you expected the attacks to be solid?” Gut Man asked. “Then I guess I’ll just use this.” Gut Man pressed a hidden button inside his helmet. The sound of a disk being read by machine could be heard coming from him. An Eye of Wdjat appeared on his chest. “Crap just got real, son,” Gut Man stated.

“Shadow Items? Heard of ‘em, I’m not impressed,” Kaiba shrugged. “I set a card.” He set a card.

“You should be, Kaiba,” Gut Man warned, “because it’s my turn again.” He threw a card down. “I summon Genex Ally Chemister.” A short blue robot guy with two tanks of stuff on his back appeared with the right arms to use’m, however that would work. (Chemister: 200 Attack Points, Level Two, Tuner) “He’s a Tuner monster, so I believe I’ll be doing what people do best with them and perform a Synchro Summon.”

“Synchro Summon?” Mokuba and Mann McOldsmobile asked.

“Damn, you kids’re stupid,” Kaiba growled.

 

(Omni-Weapon: 5 Stars, Unknown Crusher: 3 Stars, Chemister: 2 Stars) “SYNCHRO SUMMON!!” They combined with a flash of light and became… a gigantic black-and-golden levitating tank robot with cannons for arms and a face. (Decisive Armor: 3300 Attack Points, Level 10)

“HOLY PICKLES,” Mokuba cried, “THAT SHIP’S HUGE!!”

“Good use of censor decoy,” Mann McOldsmobile thanked.

“Ha ha ha,” Cuts Man chuckled as the field became enshrouded in darkness, “this is probably it for you. One direct attack and you’re vaporized.”

“I won’t need a direct attack;” Gut Man said, “I’m going to use his special ability. I can discard my entire hand to the Graveyard and search your hand. I get to see your hand and then discard all Light monsters I see. Then all of those Blue-Eyes’ Attack Points are deducted from your Life Points.”

“Oh? So you’ll attack me with my own Blue-Eyes?” Kaiba laughed. “Try it!”

“I will!!” Gut Man promised, tossing out the rest of his cards. And so, the images of Kaiba’s cards appeared in front of Gut Man: White Stone of Legend, Dragon’s Mirror, Black Luster Soldier and Montage Dragon. … Just White Stone?! That’s it?! “… Er, okay, I discard that White Stone thing.”

The rock itself appeared over Kaiba’s head and plummeted. Kaiba side-stepped it as it crashed to the ground. (Kaiba: 2500 Life Points) “Thank you,” Kaiba thanked, drawing his BEWD.

“SHUUUUUUT UP!!” Gut Man raged! His giant armor of decisions shot a giant laser at REDMD. It erupted into flames and burned to the ground. (Kaiba: 2000 Life Points) “Go on, play,” Gut Man ordered.

“Wow, you’re completely out of cards;” Kaiba realized, “this means you’re REALLY about to lose. Didn’t you learn that you NEED hand advantage in order to do anything?”

“… Damn you,” Gut Man growled.

Kaiba drew a card. “Final turn: start.”

 

MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN…

“I summon Elemental Hero Clayman!!” Jaden announced! Clayman bounded onto the field! (Clayman: 800 Attack Points) “I equip him with Clayman’s Go-Kart!!” A purple go-kart drove onto the field and Clayman jumped onto it.

“Go-kart?!” Koala Ko Ala wondered. “Sparkman gets a gun, Bubbleman has a bazooka, but…”

“Shaddap, it has a good effect!!” (Clayman: 1100 Attack Points) “He gains 300 turbo-charged Attack Points and gets to DRIVE A GO-KART!!”

“BOO,” someone said.

“Shaddap, he’s gonna use all eleven-hundred ‘o those Attack Points to run over your ambitions!!”

“BOO,” someone said.

“Just attack.” Clayman drove! In fact, he drove at the falcon monster!

“No you won’t! I was hoping you’d summon Clayman, because I discard The Rock Spirit!”

Banner discarded a gladiator made out of stone (don’t get it), allowing the weird black mechanism to spin around until it said “BROWN.” A brown downward triangle with a line through it appeared. Rocks appeared and Clayman crashed his sucky go-kart into them. It caught on fire.

“Damn it! Attack, Bubbleman!”

“BLUE,” the machine said, making the blue triangle again. Bubbleman’s watery attack ‘bloop’ed into a wave.

“DAMN it! What’s with that damn thing?!”

“I discarded that Water card earlier. It still works.”

“DAAAAAMN IT!!” Jaden screamed!

 

“My turn, then!” Banner decided. “I activate White Process – Albedo.” Another piece of modern art appeared, painted in bright colors. “I can use this card to Special Summon the monster Golden Homunculus from my deck.”

“Oh crap,” Syrus gasped. The card’s image appeared on the field. It shimmered and became a huge golem constructed from gold. (Golden Homunculus: 0 Attack Points) At this point, Jaden’s easily-forgotten pendant glowed once again.

“Damn it, Banner, you’re doing this?!” Jaden asked, upset. “Why’re you usin’ the Shadow Item?” The book thrown in the center of the arena turned silver.

“You can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs, you can’t learn anything without experience, and I intend to turn this damage into knowledge,” Banner said.

“What’s with all that symbolism?” Syrus asked.

“I’m beating a lesson into Jaden,” Banner flatly admitted. The room around them became black.

“Then why’re you summoning that wimp monster?” Jaden inquired.

“He gains 300 Attack Points for every card I have removed from play.” He pointed at the boiler. “There are thirteen cards in there.” (Golden Homunculus: 3900 Attack Points)

“Th-that’s the strongest monster summoned all day!” Syrus cried!

“But he comes last,” Banner said. “Attack, Alchemy Beasts!!” The falcon somehow breathed fire, the fish spat more water than its body could even hold, and the moon guy threw blades of energy.

“They ARE running out of ideas!!” Syrus screamed! “DODGE, JADEN, DODGE!!” Jaden couldn’t dodge.

“GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAAAA, YO!!” Jaden screamed. His head was burned, his legs were cut, and his torso was wet. (Jaden: 1000 Life Points) He took some of the water from his chest and placed it on his head, so that he felt better. “W-well, at least the cuts were shallow…”

“JADEN!!” Koala Ko Ala and Syrus screamed!

“Let’s see what that go-kart can really do,” Banner said wistfully. “Golden Homunculus, attack.” The giant golden golem lifted its giant arms and threw them down on the crashed go-kart and crashed go-kart driver. The result was what seemed to be a nuclear explosion. “Good game.”

 

“Not quite good ‘nuff,” Jaden countered, “because I use Clayman’s Go-Kart’s special ability!!” Clayman appeared back next to Bubbleman with Avian.

“Hey,” Avian greeted.

“NOOOOO, WHY HIIIIIM?!”

“Wait for the kicker!!” Jaden ordered! “When Clayman’s attacked in his go-kart, then he’s safe from damage AND he brings on out an Elemental Hero from my hand!” He drew a card and summoned it. “And I’ll also summon Elemental Hero Burstinatrix!!”

“Hoo-yah!” she shouted. (Burstinatrix: 1200 Attack Points)

“Ha ha ha, fire, water, earth and air? How ironic!” Banner laughed.

“SHUT YO MOUTH!! GO ALL, WIMP RUSH!!”

“You got it, boss!” Avian accepted, leaping into the air and throwing out bunches of sharp feathers!

“Nope, I discard Garuda the Wind Spirit for Elemental Absorber.” He threw out a brown bird-headed man.

“GREEN,” the machine said, making a green upward-facing triangle with a line crossing through it. A gust of wind ate up all the feathers and threw them away. (Golden Homunculus: 3900 -> 4200 Attack Points)

“Damn it, stop discarding cards!! Burstinatrix!!

“Nope, Spirit of Fire.”

“RED.” Fire appeared. (Golden Homunculus: 4200 -> 4500 Attack Points)

“DAMN YOU TO HELL, TEACH!!” Jaden roared, giving Banner several inappropriate HandSigns®.

 

“What’s with Jaden?” Syrus asked. “He usually doesn’t lose his cool like this.”

“Well… we’re right behind him,” Koala Ko Ala said.

“I know that we’re supporting him, but—”

“We’re standing right behind Jaden,” Koala Ko ala repeated, “and if there’s a large enough attack, it could hit us AND him.”

“Well damn, Sy, what took you so long?!” Jaden growled. “I can’t have this ‘ed-jyoo-cay-tor’ beatin’ up mah friends! I need to beat him NOW.”

“Do you, now?” Banner sighed. “We’ll see about that.”

“We’ll see SOON, if THAT’S what’cha mean!” Jaden said.

“You’re saying he’ll beat you really soon, then showing us if we’d really get hurt, Jaden,” Syrus translated.

“… Damn logic. I don’t care ‘bout no damn logic!!” Jaden played two Spell cards. “I play Burst Return, sending all non-Burstinatrix Heroes into my hand!” Clayman, Bubbleman and Avian teleported away. “Next I play Burst Impact to destroy all of your monsters and deal 300 damage for each one!”

“Oh my gosh, it’s THE KICKER!!” Syrus cheered!!

“So it is,” Banner nodded. Burstinatrix stared at the opposing four monsters. The great shiny fish leaped out and devoured the grey falcon. “Haven’t seen that before.” Then it jumped onto the moon-guy and swallowed it up, too. “Or that.” The fish bounced up like a salmon and attached itself to Golden Homunculus’ head! It then slowly began unhinging its mouth and inhaling the giant. “That isn’t even possible.” No, it wasn’t, but the fish did anyways. Filled with so much power, it began shaking and bubbling. Within seconds it was a blue ball of light. It floated into Burstinatrix’s hands.

“And now, give it to’m!” Jaden commanded! Burstinatix understood. She put both hands on the sphere and forced all of her burning inner spirit energy into it! The sphere had become a huge fireball, which Burstinatrix decided to lob at Banner.

“URRRRRRRYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!” Banner screamed. The fire disappeared after a few good seconds of burning, leaving Banner in a ruined coat in a puddle of blood. (Banner: 2800 Life Points)

“Good job, Jay!” Syrus cheered!

“Yeah! Although I’m still torn about having to kill off our teacher!” Koala Ko Ala added.

“He’s evil now!”

“Oh yeah!”

“Hmhmhmhmhm,” Banner chuckled, “you’re quite good, Jaden.”

“Damn straight,” Jaden agreed.

 

MEANWHILE, WITH KAIBA AND MANN MCOLDSMOBILE…

“I activate Trade-In,” Kaiba said, “which lets me draw two cards if I discard a Level Seven or higher monster.” He discarded his Black Luster Soldier.

“Damn, he has hand advantage!!” Cuts Man gasped! “He was talking about that…”

“I’ll Special Summon Montage Dragon by discarding three monsters from my hand.” Kaiba discarded his third BEWD, a second Black Luster Soldier and a Dark Horus, a black metal phoenix monster. “His Attack Points equal the total number of levels from the discarded cards, in this case, twenty-four-times-three hundred.

“HROOOOOOOOOOAAAR!!” roared Montage Dragon, a purple, three-headed masked dragon. (Montage Dragon: 7200 Attack Points)

“Oh crap,” Gut Man gulped.

“Next I activate the Spell card Dragon’s Mirror.” It was a card with a dragon popping out of a mirror. “I can perform a Fusion Summon for a Dragon by removing monsters from my field and Graveyard.” The mirror appeared. Within the glass were the ghostly images of the three BEWDs.

“Oh snapsky, here it comes!” Mokuba gasped, filled with excitement!

“Please don’t say ‘snapsky’, it makes you sound like Jaden,” Mann McOldsmobile said.

“Who’s Jaden?”

 

The mirror exploded into glass shards, unleashing a giant white three-headed BEWD. “RAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!” they roared. (Blue-Eyes White Ultimate Dragon: 4500 Attack Points)

“Oh crap,” Gut Man gulped.

“Now I play it again.” Another mirror appeared and sucked up the BEWUD.

“Wh-what’s ‘e summoning now?!” Cuts Man cried!

“Arise, Dragon Master Knight.” The dragon broke out, unharmed, with Black Luster Soldier riding him. (Dragon Master Knight: 5000 -> 5500 Attack Points) “He gains 500 Attack Points for every other Dragon I control,” Kaiba explained.

“Th-there’s only one other, so why tell me that?” Gut Man asked.

“Because I activate my Trap, Return From the Different Dimension.” Thanks to the card with the orca, warriors and various winged animals falling from the sky, a blue portal appeared over Kaiba’s side of the field. “I halve my Life Points.” (Kaiba: 1000 Life Points) “AND THEN I CAN SUMMON MY REMOVED FROM PLAY MONSTERS, b****!!” BEWD, BEWUD and Black Luster Soldier fell from the inter-dimensional portal. (Black Luster Soldier: 3000 Attack Points)

“Oh crap,” Gut Man gulped.

“AAAAAAW, DAY-UM, BRO!! YOU JUS’ GOT ‘IM, SON!!” Mokuba yelled!

“D-don’t do that,” Mann McOldsmobile ordered. Now’s my chance, so I’d better get ready.

“After I annihilate your Decisive Armor with my Dragon Master Knight,” Kaiba said (Dragon Master Knight: 6500 Attack Points), “you’re looking at 17700 points of Direct Damage, b****!!”

“C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-crap,” Gut Man gulped.

 

“AAAAIII-YAH!!” roared the Black Luster Soldier riding the three-headed dragon, leaping up and slicing the massive tank… with a karate chop. Decisive Armor fell apart and exploded magnificently. (Gut Man: -1200 Life Points)

“GO, ALL OF YOU!!” Kaiba ordered!

“HERE’S MY CHANCE!! AGAIN!!” Mann McOldsmobile announced for some reason!

“ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ow,” Kaiba grunted, being stabbed through the stomach by Cuts Man’s butter knife-stick. “G-guuuh,” Kaiba groaned. (Kaiba: Game Over)

“C-CUTS MAN!!” Mann McOldsmobile shouted!!

“Gut Man, sorry,” Cuts Man apologized.

“B-bro?!” Mokuba sniffed, surprised. “BRO?!” The dark haze around the area was drawn into Gut Man’s chest-eye.

“Damn,” Gut Man cursed. He exploded.

“G… GUT MAN!!” Mann McOldsmobile screamed! WHAT HAPPENED?! Gut Man’s body was destroyed, leaving only his head and an arm. His eyes closed. Mann McOldsmobile turned to Cuts Man. “Wh-WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!”

“Our Shadow Items won’t let us lose, since they’re made specifically to kill us when we fail,” Cuts Man said, pulling his stick from Kaiba’s stomach. The cross-mark on his forehead opened up into… an Eye of Wdjat. “I won’t have to deal with it anymore after I get Jaden’s key, though.” Cuts Man reached for Kaiba’s pocket, in order to take his Spirit Key.

“DON’T LET HIM TAKE IT!!” Mokuba shrieked!

“CUUUUUUUUUUUTS!!” Mann McOldsmobile pushed Cuts Man away and took the key for himself, before throwing Kaiba onto the sidewalk. All of the holograms disappeared. “Remember? You guys can’t take the keys unless you win.”

“You don’t duel,” Cuts Man remembered.

“Oh yeah?” Mann McOldsmobile challenged, pulling out his very own Duel Disk.

 

 

 

[spoiler=Episode 48: A Lying Legend] Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 48: A Lying Legend

 

As Mokuba dragged Seto Kaiba to the jet for first aid, Mann McOldsmobile put a deck into his Duel Disk.

“Who DOESN’T duel here?” Mann McOldsmobile brought up.

“True. So what kind of deck d’you use? Fortune Ladies? HARPY Ladies? Ojamas? Something stupid like that?” Cuts Man joked.

“Gladiator Beasts, jerk!!” Mann McOldsmobile shouted! “Let’s throw down!”

“BOO,” someone said.

“Dang it, I couldn’t help it!” Mann McOldsmobile ripped five cards from his deck. “You can go first, if you’d like.”

“Sure,” Cuts Man accepted. The eye on his forehead glowed.

“DUEL!!” (Cuts Man: 4000 Life Points, Mann McOldsmobile: 4000 Life Points)

 

Cuts Man quickly sent a card to the Graveyard. “I play Hand Destruction!!” It was a Spell showing a tiny samurai cutting through two perfectly good cards for no reason. “We each discard and then draw two cards!”

“Okay then,” Mann McOldsmobile accepted. He drew his cards. “Now what?”

“Oh, well I just discarded the cards Makyura the Destructor and Ojamagic,” Cuts Man said.

“Those are the worst names I’ve ever heard.”

“Cuts cuts cuts, me too. Makyura allows me to play a Trap card without setting it this turn,” Cuts Man explained as a card with a weird purple Egyptian robot Wolverine rip-off appeared, “and Ojamagic adds the three cards, Ojama Yellow, Ojama Black and Ojama Green, into my hand from my deck.” The second one featured the three Ojamas doing a horrible magic trick. Cuts Man now had eight cards in his hand. “Next I activate the Trap card, Appropriate!” The card in question had two people staring lustfully at a pile of gold coins; I don’t want that money anymore. “Whenever I draw a card outside of my Draw Phase, at the start of my turn, I draw an extra two cards.”

“C-can we NOT look at those people why we duel?” Mann McOldsmobile asked. “The fat guy’s face screams ‘rape you’.”

“Not my problem!” Cuts Man said, playing ANOTHER Spell, called…

 

“I activate a second Hand Destruction!” Cuts Man discarded Sangan and Monster Reborn. “Now I draw FOUR cards!”

“S-so? I can draw TWO NEW cards, too, so you’re not… THAT much… further than me?” Mann McOldsmobile flubbed, not knowing what he was saying.

“You have five cards, I have eight,” Cuts Man sighed. “I’m already in the lead.” He stared at his hand for just a moment longer. “Meh, I’ll play Card Destruction,” he decided.

“… And what?”

“We discard our hands. Then we draw cards EQUAL to how many cards we discarded.”

“You’re too cheap, man,” Mann McOldsmobile complained, “you weren’t like that before.” He sent his cards away. “You used to be all about fair play and just being who you really were.”

“When?” Cuts Man inquired. “What the heck are you talking about? That just sounds like something random you could say about anybody without really meaning it.”

“When you were my robot friend!” Mann McOldsmobile insinuated, drawing his five cards.

“And when was that?” Cuts Man asked, drawing his nine cards.

“You were NEVER my friend, you say?” Mann McOldsmobile asked further.

“That’s all up to you, meanwhile I’m setting a monster and a Trap.” Cuts Man set his two cards. He glanced at what was left of Gut Man. “Your move, Mann.”

 

“Took you long enough,” Mann McOldsmobile grunted. Does he mean all that? he wondered. He can’t be serious. I mean, all those times since they got here… at the start of the second semester… which was when the Seven Stars started attacking.

 

“Oh, Gut Man and Cuts Man just said that we should come here and stuff, so we did,” said Mann McOldsmobile.

“Also there’s a vampire out there,” Gut Man said, pointing out towards the lake.

 

“Oh hey, is that REALLY Cuts Man and Gut Man?!” Allen gasped.

 

“Either way,” Kanda grumbled, grabbing Chazz and holding his magical black sword against his Adam’s apple, “if you try anything, she’ll kill you, and I’ll cut your friend’s neck. Conversely, this will STILL happen as long as Chazz refuses to give us the last part of his Spirit Key. Well, we’ll spare the robots, anyway.”

 

FORESHADOWING!! Damn it! I should’ve picked UP on those clues! But it was so hard!! It makes so much SENSE now!!

“MANN!! Or whatever your name is!!” Mokuba shouted, running onto the scene, carrying a mummified Seto Kaiba! “Watch out!”

“Why should I? Your character is unpopular!” Mann McOldsmobile argued.

“Because he’s drawing all those cards for SOMETHING,” Mokuba reasoned. “Be careful.”

“Gotcha, kid,” Mann McOldsmobile agreed, snatching his next card from his Duel Disk. “Also I’m not sure if you bandaged him right. The head’s not tightly-wrapped enough.”

“Can we duel now?” Cuts Man asked, becoming bored.

 

“Sure. I summon Gladiator Beast Darius!” And upon Mann McOldsmobile’s field came a brown horse, fully bipedal, covered in orange armor, wielding some whips.

“NREEEEEEEEEIGH!!” he shouted! (Darius: 1700 Attack Points)

“Oh, is that all?” Cuts Man chuckled. “You can get your new Glad by attacking, but you’re still taking damage.”

“I DON’T CARE!!” Mann McOldsmobile roared! “Attack whatever his monster is!! Horse Whip Attack!!”

“NREEEEIGH!!” Darius shouted, whipping the hidden monster with his whips!! The card ended up being some sort of stone soldier of some sort. (Giant Soldier of Stone: 2000 Defense Points) The whips bounced off of the monster’s body and hit Darius in his eye. “OUCH!!” Darius cried! (Mann McOldsmobile: 3700 Life Points)

 

“Now, I shall use the special ability all Gladiator Beasts share: I will return the monster that I had battle this turn to my deck in order to bring out a different beast!” Mann McOldsmobile announced!

“And then you’ll use your new Glad Beast in order to destroy a card,” Cuts Man said, rolling his eyes.

“Exactly! But don’t call them Glads, that sounds lame.” A green bird-man walked out and slapped Darius’ shoulder. Darius imploded. (Bestari: 1500 Attack Points) “And when Bestari is summoned by a Gladiator Beast’s effect, he destroys a Spell or Trap card!” Mann McOldsmobile yelled!

“I know,” Cuts Man accepted.

“NO YOU DON’T!!” Bestari screamed, using a wrist-cannon in order to shoot away Appropriate, thank heavens.

“Next I’ll Special Summon Test Tiger from my hand!” A regular-looking tiger ran onto the field, wearing some regal armor. (Test Tiger: 600 Attack Points) “I can Special Summon him when I control a Gladiator Beast, and I can tribute him WITH that beast in order to Tag-In a new one! It’s pretty confusing-sounding, but I really promise it’s not!” A blue fish-man walked up to Bestari and slapped his shoulder. He and Test Tiger suddenly caught fire and burned away in an instant. “It’s Gladiator Beast Murmillo!” (Murmillo: 400 Defense Points) “HIS ability destroys a monster you control!” Mann McOldsmobile explained!

“UR-YUP!” Murmillo grunted taking out a pistol and shooting the Giant Soldier of Stone. It broke for no reason.

“And now I’ll just set a card and call it a turn,” Mann McOldsmobile sighed, stone-faced.

“You’re doing good, Mann,” Mokuba supported, “’cuz now he has to start back from the beginning. He has absolutely no card advantage, and has no field. You’re good to go.”

“We KNEW that already. Stop rambling!”

“Damn, I thought I stopped doing that already…”

“You may THINK you have the upper hand,” Cuts Man said, “but I assure you that you’re so very wrong, cuts cuts cuts! I’m activating my Trap card now.”

 

MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN AND BANNER…

“So, will you give up all this stupid crap, teach?” Jaden asked, just after dealing 1200 points of damage to Professor Banner. “I really don’t wanna destroy your body, and you really don’t want to destroy mine. Can we meet halfway on ‘dat?”

“But you’re still losing yourself,” Syrus noted. (Jaden: 1000 Life Points)

“So? Now ‘e knows I’m bein’ SE-REE-OUS, yo.”

“Well, your strategies have surely become more mature, I’ll give you that,” Banner complimented, “but I’ll be damned if I’m giving up now.”

 

“Come on, teacher!!” Koala Ko Ala cried out! “Please stop this nonsense!! We already know the story; you’re an alchemist who was dying, and so he made a homunculus and stuck his body in it! Then you joined the Shadow Riders in order to work toward infinite life! But it’s okay, you can just make ANOTHER homunculus! Stop the nonsense, stop the nonsense! Please!!”

“Koala, that was the dumbest idea I’ve heard so far,” Banner sighed, “but I’ll say that it was quite original. The real reason for me to do this is much more confusing and weird. It will all make sense in the end, though.”

“Of the duel?”

“Of the fourth season.”

“Oh, hmm.”

“Wait, we’re on for FOUR WHOLE SEASONS?!” Jaden gulped. “How’d ‘ya know?”

“For you, three and a half, but like I say, I will reveal it to you… after the duel,” Banner exasperatedly repeated. “Now may I please take my own turn?”

“Eh, go ahead, teach,” Jaden allowed, “but hear ‘dis: if you still really wanna duel me, for the sake of my friends who may get caught in the crossfire, along with all other people I may save in the future, I can’t afford to die here. I’m gonna take you down, for one reason or ‘nother! HEAR ‘DAT? I AIN’T GIVIN’ IN!!”

“My gosh, why do you all repeat yourselves so often?!” Syrus sy-ed. “‘I’m not giving in, though I don’t want to beat you;’ ‘I will tell you after this game.’ It’s awfully repetitive, and we get it already!”

“Shut up, Sy!”

“Yes, Syrus, please shut up.”

“Why do I even bother…”

“Because you’re the guy who lampshades everything!” Koala Ko Ala acknowledged, patting Syrus on the back.

 

“Now if you excuse me, I have a duel to win,” Banner said, reminding everybody that there was a card game going. (Banner: 2800 Life Points, Jaden: 1000 Life Points) “I activate the Spell card Chaos Greed!” A man in a purple robe appeared on the field next to the giant orange boiler. “If I have no cards in my Graveyard, this card lets me draw two cards.” The robed figure held out his palms and made a psychic energy wave!

“VIZZZCHEEEEEWWW…” went the waves, summoning two cards. The cards floated to Banner, who caught them easily.

“Thank you,” he thanked.

“Naw don’t mention it, I’ma jus’ doin’ mah job,” the man said in a particular accent. He walked away into the darkness.

“I’ll lay the two cards face-down,” Banner decided, placing down a Trap and a Spell. “Your turn, Jaden.”

 

Dammit, Jaden thought, Banner’s got no cards in ‘is hand. But that don’t matter, ‘cause wit’ ‘dat Elemental Absorber chillin’ on his field, he can nix any of my attacks!

BOO, someone thought.

Wha?! A-anyways, I can’t afford to draw some dang useless card! I need my duelin’ mojo t’kick in right now!

BOO, someone thought.

OH COME ON, WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THAT ONE?! Swallowing his pride, Jaden ignored the boos of the apparent audience and played on. “Here goes somethin’!” he announced, drawing his next really, really important card.

“BOO,” someone said.

“Stop pickin’ on me, gosh!!” Jaden growled! “It’s not funny anymore!”

“YES IT IS,” someone said.

“That thing, whatever it is, is getting freakier and freakier,” Koala Ko Ala whimpered.

“STOP IGNORIN’ ME!!” Jaden cried! “I PLAY POT OF GREED!!” He drew two cards.

“What a lucky draw!” Banner complimented.

“Thanks, I know, right? So I’ll summon Clayman again and play Clay Wrap.” Clayman appeared! (Clayman: 800 Attack Points) He was wrapped up in some orange plastic. “Next up I play Polymerization to summon Rampart Blaster!!” Burstinatrix ran up to Clayman and began taking his body apart. She forcefully molded all of Clayman’s body into a battle suit, complete with a shield and a missile launcher. She put on a helmet, jumped in, and was ready for battle!! Sadly the suit was terrible looking, as it was hand-made. (Rampart Blaster: 2000 Attack Points)

“Wait, don’t you usually summon her in Defense Mode?” Syrus asked. “And what happened to Clay Wrap?” As an answer, Burstinatrix dug around inside of her clay suit and pulled out the plastic. Because she didn’t need it, she balled it up and threw it at the Elemental Absorber. The ball hit it, unfolded, and gently drifted to the ground. “… Aaaaaaand…?”

DOES NOT COMPUTE, DOES NOT COMPUTE!!!” shrieked the machine, spinning around, out of control! It shot sparks and smoke out in all directions! Then it just exploded, sending metal parts everywhere.

 

“Oh, so THAT’S what Clay Wrap does, it just destroys a Spell or Trap when it’s sent to the—HOLY FISHPASTE, WHAT HAPPENED?!” Syrus screamed!! Professor Banner’s stomach was impaled by one of the fat spikes from the machine.

“N-no worries….” Banner wheezed, “I’m fine, I’m fine.”

“YOUR STOMACH IS GONE!!

“I’m fine, I’ll play through!!” Banner assured, though his abdomen was spewing out far more blood than could fit into a regular human being.

“D-do you really mean that?’ Jaden asked. “I mean, I’m about to hit you with missiles, and that’d be a damn shame. You really wanna keep playin’?”

“Yes, yes I’m su—”

“FIREFIREFIREFIREFIREFIRE!!” Jaden commanded! Rampart Blaster shot a large barrage of missiles from her missile-firing arm.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!” Banner shouted, being struck by several explosives. (Banner: 800 Life Points)

“PROFESSOR!!” Syrus called. “ARE YOU DEAD YET?”

“…”

“He died,” Syrus accepted.

“Not yet I don’t!” Banner said, swiping away some smoke and patting out a few fires along his body. “You’ve only beaten me three-quarters to death! It’ll take more than that to take ME out.”

“Not much more…”

“You were always one of my least favorites, Syrus,” Banner said flatly.

“I’m sorry, I can’t HELP being so negative!!”

 

The Trap seemed to be a diagram over a blue-haired man, trying to activate his inner energy. At the sight of it, the orange boiler became red with rage and shook like crazy!!

“THE BOILER’S GONE MAD!!” Koala Ko Ala screamed!

“RUN FOR YO’ LIVES, YO!!” Jaden shouted! Syrus and Koala Ko Ala ran away! They bumped into the end of the shadow area.

“OW MY BIG NOSE!”

“OW MY HAIR!”

“OW!”

“WHY’S YOUR HAIR TALKING?!”

“Just tell us what’s goin’ on, teach!” Jaden begged! “We feel safer when we know what’s happenin’!”

“With it, I destroy my Chaos Distill!” Banner revealed! The boiler fell apart, then and there, into a bunch of spare boiler parts. The spare parts themselves melted into dark-bluish fluids with white specks of light within them. The liquids collected together and swarmed over the field, taking the place of the inky darkness with a backdrop of the universe.

“Woah, it’s beautiful,” Syrus beheld.

 

“Behold, the power of alchemy encompasses the entire universe,” Banner grandly explained, stretching out his burnt arms.

“Uuuuuh, alright then,” Jaden sighed, uncomprehending.

“Well, will you care if alchemy transmutes some of the dark matter into a new life form?”

“Banner say what?”

“When Macro Cosmos is activated, I may Special Summon the monster known as Helios, the Primordial Sun!!” Banner said. All at once, several planets began to roll over through the universe.

“What’re they doing?” Koala Ko Ala asked. The planets got in a square formation and somehow distorted space. The distortion, looking as if somebody had twisted a part of space, snapped back into a mummified woman with a sun for a head. (Helios: 1100 Attack Points)

“Okay, now I think that we need better card ideas,” Jaden sniffed.

“Oh, don’t laugh Jaden,” Banner warned. “She gains 100 Attack Points for every card removed from play, and Macro Cosmos still allows me to remove my monsters from play!”

 

The planets then began to swirl around the duelists as a confusingly fast pace. “Wh-what’s going on now?” Syrus asked.

“I’m sorry, you two in the back,” Banner apologized, “I didn’t drag you into this one.” Banner opened his red eyes for the first time since he was two and was told his eyes were ugly. “I’m going to activate the Spell card Planet Alignment.” The card was just several planets all in a row, done in jarring CG. The spinning planets stopped, sitting all around the players. “With this card, I destroy all your monsters and deal 300 damage to your Life Points. Now: distort space once again.” The planets began rotating in place, fast enough so that a year’s worth of spinning could be done in a second.

“Nnngh…nhg…” Syrus moaned.

“Sy? What’s wrong?” Jaden asked.

“Are you okay?” Koala Ko Ala checked.

“G…GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!” Syrus’s body felt as if it were being ripped apart.

“SYRUS!!” Koala Ko Ala cried! Yet suddenly, he felt the same sensation! “KAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!!”

“G-GUYS!!” Jaden groaned! “AAAAAAAAAAHHHH, AAAH! K-KOALA!! SHIFT YOUR CENTER OF GRAVIT—AAAAAAUGH!!”

“O-OKAY!!” Koala Ko Ala wiggled his belly. The act set the whole gravitational pull off, simply crushing Rampart Blaster. (Jaden: 700 Life Points)

“Ugh… ugh… ugh…” The boys fell to their knees and hands, trying to catch their breath.

“So, how did it feel?” Banner asked.

Jaden stood up in an instant. “It’s gonna take more than making us two inches taller with stretching to beat us, yo!” he announced! He pulled his friends off the ground and patted their shoulders.

“We’ll see, ahmhmhmhmhm,” Banner chuckled ominously.

 

MEANWHILE, WITH MANN MCOLDSMOBILE AND MOKUBA…

“I activate my Trap card,” Cuts Man stated, allowing the hologram of his card to flip face-up. “Backup Soldier!” The card featured a couple of random middle ages-ish soldier men. “When I have five or more monsters in my Graveyard, I can add two Normal Monsters into my hand.” Cuts Man pulled out some cards with an arm and a leg on them. “Next I’ll place a monster face-down and end my turn.” A monster appeared. “I have seven cards in my hand, so I’ll just go ahead and discard one for you now.” He discarded a card.

Hmm… Backup Soldier? For the Ojamas? Mokuba wondered, dropping the immobile, unconscious Seto on a rock. So he uses an Ojama deck?

 

“You may like taking it slow, but I can’t let this thing drag on forever,” Mann McOldsmobile said. “I summon Gladiator Beat Dimacari!” A purple man-bull with wrist-blades appeared. (Dimacari: 1600 Attack Points)

“MROOO,” he grunted, breathing smoke from his nostrils.

“Dimacari attacks! Bull Dozer!”

“Worst attack yet.”

“I’ve heard worse!!” Dimacari ran into the face-down card and punched it into shards. The shards in turn floated back together, laughing in the face of physics, and became a GIANT RAT!!

“When Giant Rat is killed in battle, I can Special Summon one Earth monster from my deck with 1500 or less Attack Points,” Cuts Man explained, leaning on his knife-stick. The rat was swarmed upon by flies, which ate him until he was merely a skeleton. And yet… a small rock-beast broke through the ribcage with its fists!!

“AAAAAAAAAAANGRY!!” it roared! (Enraged Muka Muka: 1200 -> 3600 Attack Points)

“That was disgusting!” Mann McOldsmobile cried!

“And the monster’s ugly as sin!” Mokuba screamed!

“And how’d it get so tough?” Mann McOldsmobile asked!

“Hax!” Mokuba accused!

“Cuts cuts cuts! No, he just gains 400 Attack Points for every card in my hand,” Cuts Man said. “Now Tag-In your new monster and end your turn.”

“Fine, I’ll tag out Dimacari… with this Trap card!” His Trap card flipped face-up: Double Tag Team! It showed a flaming tiger guy looking cool as Darius flipped out. “Now I can bring in TWO Gladiator Beasts!” A rhino in off-white armor and a green lizard in blue armor slapped Dimacari, who promptly collapsed on himself. (Secutor: 300 Defense Points, Hoplomus: 2100 Defense Points) “I’ll play one more Trap and end my turn.” The card was called Defensive Tactics.

 

“I’ll destroy them, then,” Cuts Man decided. He drew his card, which was some sort of head. “I’ll play Pot of Duality!” A pot appeared, with both an ugly green face on one side and a calm blue expression on the other. “This card lets me pick up the top three cards of my deck, add one in, and return the others to the deck.” The cards were a leg, a tornado, and a second Giant Rat. … I’ll take this one. Cuts Man took the leg card. “Now, Muka Muka, get rid of that large-handed rhino!!”

“GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUURRRRR!!” the angry monster growled, for he was angry. He punched Hoplomus the rhino, but…

“I activate my Trap card, Defensive Tactics!” Some floating shield panels appeared and took the punch for him!

“Cuts cuts cuts! How could I not see that one coming?!” Cuts Man growled.

“I don’t know, but I’ll do a Tag-In now!” Mann McOldsmobile shouted, pulling out his two cards!

“Summon Spartacus!” Mokuba called.

“Hell no! I’m summoning Gladiator Beast Equeste!!” The Gladiator Beast this time was backwards; he was a horse-man instead of a man-horse. Also he had wings. He had really great blue armor, though. (Equeste: 1600 Attack Points) “Thanks for discarding all my cards earlier. Now I gotta get some back! When Equeste is Tagged-In, I can add a monster from my Graveyard into my hand!” Equeste clip-clopped over to Hoplomus and patted him on the head. BUT SOMETHING WAS WRONG. Hoplomus’ body started getting absorbed into Equeste’s palm! Within seconds, the horrible deed had been done, and Equeste tossed Mann McOldsmobile a card.

“Oh boy,” Cuts Man sighed, “which one is it?”

“Of COURSE it’s a second copy of DIMACARI,” Mann McOldsmobile stated, showing off the card. He placed into his hand what he had just stated. “Now I’ll let you continue your turn.”

 

“Hell, I forgot it was my turn anyways!” Cuts Man joked. “I’ll set a monster face-down.” And so he did. It would turn out to be a tasty marshmallow. “Go.”

“I will.” Mann McOldsmobile placed a monster onto the field. “I summon that Dimacari card!” The bull appeared again. (Dimacari: 1600 Attack Points) “Now I’ll shift Secutor to Attack Mode and strike that face-down!” Secutor got his game-face on. (Secutor: 400 Attack Points) The two giant jet gun shooter guns behind his back activated. They shifted over to his shoulders and shot out two jet guns. Secutor grabbed the jet guns and fired giant blasts of air at the face-down monster! The card flipped up and absorbed the blasts, being really squishy and stuff.

 

“Aw dammit, it’s Marshmallon!!” Mokuba shrieked! It WAS a marshmallow, with cool eyes, rosy cheeks, and an upside-down mouth on its forehead. (Marshmallon: 500 Defense Points) Marshmallon leaped onto Mann McOldsmobile and chomped Mann McOldsmobile with its sharp, triangular teeth.

“GAAAAAH, IT WAS JUST A FAÇADE!!” Mann McOldsmobile screamed! (Mann McOldsmobile: 2600 Life Points)

“When you attack Marshmallon, you lose 1000 Life Points,” Cuts Man pointed out.

“Buuuut…” Marshmallon jumped back next to Cuts Man. “Why didn’t he die?”

“He can’t be destroyed by battle,” Mokuba informed, sitting on his bandaged brother, “he’s too soft and delicious!”

“Well, that works!” Mann McOldsmobile announced! “Dimacari! STRIKE!” Dimacari punched the Marshmallon. It whimpered. “Equeste! STRIKE!” Equeste turned around and kicked Marshmallon in the face with his back legs. Marshmallon fell over and stopped moving.

“Did you just kill Marshmallon?!” Cuts Man gasped.

“Sure, and I’m using Secutor’s ability to bring out two Gladiator Beasts when he gets Tagged-Out, for a grand total of FOUR new monsters,” Mann McOldsmobile said. “SO COME ON OUT…”

 

MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN AND BANNER…

“I throw-down a face-down,” Jaden said, resuming his turn, “and I’ll end my turn.”

“BOO,” someone said.

“HOW DID THAT GUY GET IN HERE?!” Koala Ko Ala growled angrily. He and Syrus turned around. The duck was floating through space.

“Jaden, you need to get rid of that stalker duck. SOON.”

“Not yet I don’t!”

“Well, if you’re so adamant about it…” Professor Banner said, hardening his expression, “… THEN I’LL PLAY THE SPELL YELLOW PROCESS – KITOLENICS!!” This card was another odd piece of art, but this time the prominent color was yellow. “I tribute my Helios, the Primordial Sun, in order to summon Helios Duo Megistus!!” Helios the Primordial Sun was covered in some green wrappings, covered themselves in letters from a language never seen before. “Transmute, my monster, with the energy of the universe!!” Banner commanded! The wrappings tightened themselves upon her supple body and then exploded into pure energy, which is green from now on.

 

Helios had transformed into a fat sun lady. (Helios Duo: 0 Attack Points) “… Now that’s hilarious,” Jaden said flatly.

“Hey, fat’s not funny,” Koala Ko Ala argued, “it’s both attractive and menacing!”

“Besides, we don’t even know her ability yet!” Syrus reminded.

“You’re right,” he said, feeling as if he’d just witnessed a big revelation.

“Oh, is that all you wanted to know?” Banner asked. “She gains 200 Attack Points for each and every monster card removed from play. That’s twelve monsters now, so…” (Helios Duo: 0 -> 2400 Attack Points)

“Eh, that ain’t… TOO bad.” Jaden shrugged, nonchalant face and all.

“Attack him, with Solar Singer.”

“Singer? As in ‘to singe’? THAT can’t be dangerous,” Jaden thought.

“Eeeyoop,” Helios Duo Megistus cried, holding her arms up. Jaden was suddenly lifted into the air!

“Wait, what?!” Jaden spit-took. The monster woman started channeling her energy into the air, creating a small sun. It slowly began floating toward Jaden. “HOT DAMN, THAT’S HOOOOOT!!”

“JAAAAAYHAYHAAAAYDEEEEEN!!” Syrus cried! “ BANNER, DON’T INCINERATE HIM!! PLEASE!!”

“I should’ve…” Koala Ko Ala said in his most serious voice possible, “brought… some sunscreen.”

“RAH!!” Syrus shouted, punching Koala Ko Ala in the face!

“UGH!”

“HOW COULD YOU BE MAKING TERRIBLE JOKES AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!” Syrus ordered!

“I DON’T KNOOOOW!!” Koala Ko Ala sobbed! “JADEN, USE THE TRAP!!”

“Urgh… yeah!” Jaden said, pressing a button on his Duel Disk. “I activate A Hero Emerges!” The zombie superhero Trap was BACK!! It floated in front of the large sun and pushed it back. “Ch-choose any card in my hand,” Jaden said, drenched with sweat and holding up his three cards, “and I can summon it if it’s a monster.”

Please be Avian, Syrus and Koala Ko Ala hoped, Please be Avian. Please be Avian.

Please don’t be Avian, Jaden hoped, Please don’t be Avian. Please don’t be Avian.

Uuuuuuh… hmm, I sure hope I choose Avian, Banner hoped. “I choose… the Avian in the middle?”

“Wrong, Avian was the Avian on the right!” Jaden exclaimed, falling slowly to the ground! “THIS Avian is… get ready for it, yo, ‘s gonna BLOW yo’ mind… AVIAN ELEMENTAL HERO BLADEDGE!!” Elemental Hero Bladedge dashed onto the field, jumped up in front of the CG sun sitting in the weird micro-space around them and kicked it like a soccer ball (foot ball, if you’re into that) into Helios’ body! Banner frowned.

“You need to do your research, Jaden,” Banner said.

“Whadda ya’ mean?” Jaden asked.

“HE’S ALREADY AWESOME ENOUGH TO BEAT YOU!!” Syrus roared! “BLADEDGE RUUUUULES!!” Helios exploded in a blaze of glory. (Banner: 2600 Life Points)

“Now I shall activate her special ability,” Banner said.

“… She does something else?” Jaden questioned, blinking.

 

TO BE CONTINUED!!

 

 

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It's funny how whenever I make a topic on any forum, only about ten people post in it over the course of a year. And yet, I have a couple hundred views at this point. Huh.

 

[spoiler=Episode 16: The Duel Giant]Jaden and friends turned on their TV one fine Sunday morn. “But JAY-DUUUN,” Syrus whined, “I don’t WANNA see 4Kids TV! It’s dumb and un-popular with the hip, cool kids!”

“Relax, Sy,” Jaden said, tightening the ropes binding Syrus to the bedpost, “I tied Koala Ko Ala JUST as tightly as you! It’s all fair, dude!”

“NO, IT’S NOT,” Koala Ko Ala groaned, “YOU’RE CRUSHING MY STOMACH.”

“QUIET!” Jaden turned on the lil’ black box of entertainment.

 

“And now, a message from Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D’s, brought to you by Yusei Fudo and Crow Hogan,” the 4Kids announcer babbled. Yusei and Crow ‘Hogan’ drove by the screen on their Duel Runners.

“Hey, Crow?” Yusei asked his friend.

“Yeah, Yusei?” his friend responded.

“Y’know where I go when I have a reading fix?”

“Where?” Crow giddily asked.

“The LIBRARY!!” Yusei thunderously responded!

And the commercial ended with the two men revvin’ up their Duel Runners, rapping, “REV IT UP REV IT UP REV IT UP UP UP AT THE LIBRARY!!”

“SON!” Yusei added, with a hip hand motion.

“A message from the ‘Revvin’ It Up at the Library’ program, sponsored in part by 4Kids Entertainment.”

 

Jaden and his friends stared blankly at the ‘telly. “… Okay, you guys can go now. I guess you don’t HAVE to watch it with me THIS week,” Jaden depressingly sighed, untying the two boys.

“Yippee!” Syrus cheered!

“Let’s go outside and play catch, Syrus!” Koala Ko Ala suggested.

“Great idea!” The two guys left Jaden to wallow in his own sadness.

“… I forgot why I liked their dubs, yo…”

 

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 16: The Duel Giant

 

“AAUIUUUUGHEEEEYYAYAYA!!” screamed a guy who exploded in the middle of the night. His cards flew everywhere in the immediate area! The Obelisk Blue kid looked on in horror as a hilarious-looking fat guy covered in several blue coats bent down and took one of his cards.

“I’ll be takin dish,” he said in his most gruff voice possible.

“Uuugh… ahahaha! Your voice is hilarious!” the blue guy chuckled.

“You’re jush lucky dish card washn’ de ONRY thing you losh tonight!” the giant failure warned.

“Like what? My life? That would be STUPID,” scoffed the Obelisk Idiot.

“Nesh time, pick on shumbuddy yer OWN shize! Eheheh,” laughed the big, fat man as he left the scene.

“That’s so dumb! I mean, YOU challenge ME, AND you’re HUMONGOUS! Oh wait he took my card.”

 

THE! NEXT!! DAY!!!

The guitar solo was pretty short today, which should be taken as a sign that everything is NOT okay. “I heard he beat up ANOTHER guy LAST NIGHT!” an Obelisk Blue kid told his two friends.

“I hear he’s REALLY BIG, and THAT’S why they call him the Duel Giant!”

“Hey, that really makes sense!”

“Y’know, I hear he eats BABIES for BREAKFAST,” one of the three snorted.

“A guy like that should be arrested… for eating babies!” the third one who I didn’t acknowledge stated.

“Ha ha, yeah, THAT’S what should happen to him!”

“Hee hee!”

“Yo, what’s all ‘da hubbub, bubs?” Jaden asked out of nowhere.

“AAAARGH, THE DUEL GIANT!!” the three guys screamed! But no, it was just Jaden… and Syrus… and Koala Ko Ala.

“I bet you’re surprised to see me in school for once, right?” Koala Ko Ala asked.

“No, you’ve been seen around school more than once before!” one of the Obelisks said. “You just startled us when we were talking about the DUEL GIANT!”

“Duel Giant?” repeated Jaden.

“Yeah, a giant who duels! He beats Obelisks like us and takes one random card of theirs! Rumor has it that he has poor eyesight, so he usually takes the CRAPPY ones as WELL as the GOOD ones.”

“Last week,” one started, “he beat me and took my Watapon, though there was a perfectly good Blue-Eyes White Dragon next to it!”

“But that one sucks, too!” Syrus announced.

“Oh. Well, there goes that theory.”

“Well, why’s everybody so SCARED o’ ‘dis guy, yo?” Jaden asked.

“Legend has it (and by legend I mean rumors circulating around the school), that he wears ALL the blazers of the Obelisk Blues he’s beaten… and probably some he stole from a supply cabinet, because I REALLY don’t think he’d be able to beat THAT many guys,” answered one of the random guys.

“Hmmm.” Jaden conjured up the image of a fat guy wearing several layers of clothing. He fell over and was rendered helpless, because of the sheer fatness of his eleventy-bajillion coats.

”I SURE wish I wore a bit less coats,” he sighed.

“Ha ha!” Jaden laughed.

 

“Well, we’ll be doing Obelisk Blue stuff now, bye,” said the Obelisk guys, leaving semi-hastily.

“What’s THEIR hurry?” wondered Syrus audibly. AAAAHH, Crowler was walking down the hallway, headed STRAIGHT for them!!

“Darn that DUEL GIANT,” it seethed, “because of the RUCKUS he’s causing, I can’t monitor Jaden YUCKY today!”

“Do you… want one of US to do that for you, ma’am?” Bastion asked, wearing his new BLUE coat and his good ol’ fashioned ‘King of Baseball’ badge. “You COULD, as my mentor, just tell me to get somebody else to do it and they’ll get it done.” He pointed to Fluffy Fred, Baseball Bob, and lastly (but not leastly) Piggybank. “Alternatively, you COULD just send ME out to find the Duel Giant by myself.”

“I’ll watch the little bugger!” Fluffy Fred suggested.

“Hmm, not a bad idea,” Crowler agreed. Then it bumped into Jaden. “Ahh! Yucky-Boy!”

“Yo Crowler!” Jaden greeted. “Yo Bastion!”

“Salutations.”

“Yo Bob!”

“Eh, hi?”

“Yo Piggybank!”

“Hello.”

Jaden turned to Koala Ko Ala and Syrus. “C’mon, guys, say ‘yo’ to them all!”

“I don’t wanna say ‘yo’,” Syrus fidgeted, “and plus I’m SCARED of Piggybank.”

“And I don’t like Bastion!” Koala Ko Ala stated. “He didn’t invite me out to the beach, so he’s an idiot!”

“Yo, he can HEAR you, yo!” Jaden reminded.

“Oh. Huh?” Koala Ko Ala flinched as Bastion shed a single tear, shuddering.

 

Wait, Crowler thought, I have an easily swayed boy idiot wonder duelist in front of me. Think of something, quick, and get HIM to duel that NASTY Duel Giant! It’s the perfect plan! “Say, Jaden?”

“Yeah, teach?” Jaden answered.

“What would you say to… no homework for the rest of the year?”

“N-n-n-N-n-n-N-n-n… n-n-n-N-n-n-N-n-n… n-n-n-NO HOMEWORK?!” Jaden cried!

Yes! I’ve got’m on the ropes! Whatever THAT means, thought Crowler.

 

“N-n-n-n-NO DEAL!” Jaden shouted!

“But why?” Baseball Bob wondered.

“DUH, if I don’t have any homework, then I won’t have the need to study. Then my grades will DROP DRAMATICALLY. Furthermore, if I get too much extra time, I’ll surf the net on my YugiNavi™ and do nasty stuff while looking at soft-core porn of anime characters! What do you THINK would happen?! Plus you didn’t offer it to my friends, man.”

“Oh well Syrus too,” Crowler hastily added.

“But what about me?” Koala Ko Ala voiced.

“AW YEAH BOOOOY!!” Jaden and Syrus cheered!

“Seriously, did you just ignore me… AGAIN?!”

“Anyways just beat the Duel Giant and the reward is yours, heh heh heh heh heh!” Crowler pushed Fluffy Fred and Bastion forward.

“Woah.”

“Oof!”

“Bastion, assist Jaden and Syrus. Fred, secretly keep an eye on Yucky-Boy and document anything strange or useful that happens,” Crowler instructed.

“Okay.”

“Alright. TEAM.” Bastion caught the attention of his fellow Baseball Wreckers Gang. “Baseball Bob and Piggybank, you are to slack off and do nothing!”

“RIGHT!” The two saluted and instantly dropped onto the floor, doing nothing.

“Well, good luck with that,” Crowler said, and left with a SCAAAARY grin on its face. “Heeheeheeheehee, once I get cold proof that Jaden YUCKY and that DUEL GIANT were dueling with an illegal ante rule, meaning that they’re dueling for cards by betting… why was I explaining that to myself? Anyways, they’ll be expelled. HA HA!”

 

Jaden, Syrus, Koala Ko Ala, Bastion, and Fluffy Fred kinda stood there for a minute. “Boy, that Ms. K.”

“Her last name starts with ‘C’.”

“… Oh.”

“She told me to watch you like a hawk, but secretly,” Fluffy Fred said.

“Cool, yo! Like a BODYGUARD?”

“No. Like a creepy rapist, sadly,” Bastion corrected.

“What’s the diff, yo?”

We went over this last week, Syrus thought, annoyed.

Why am I so largely ignored? Koala Ko Ala thought, sadly.

 

MEANWHILE, IN DA DUEL DOME…

“I’m gonna beat you in a duel!” an Obelisk Blue guy promised!

“I’m NOT gonna beat you in a duel!” a depressed-looking Ra Yellow with green hair agreed. “Now, Super Spiky Razor Sharp Rhino, don’t attack him! Just stand there!” the boy ordered. His Super Spiky Razor Sharp Rhino stared at the Blue Dood’s Marauding Captain. (Depressed Kid: 300 Life Points, Random Blue Dood: 200 Life Points)

(SSRSR: 1400 Attack Points, Marauding Captain: 1200 Attack Points)

“Let’s watch a duel!” Jaden said, leading himself, Syrus, and Bastion into the Duel Dome to watch the train wreck in progress.

“Good useless idea!” Bastion said. “Using the science behind badly-written anime shows, we’ll DEFINITELY be able to figure out who the Duel Giant REALLY is by JUST watching this duel.”

 

Suddenly, Jaden’s face appeared in somebody’s crosshairs. They readied themselves to shoot their rifle, but Bastion stood up. “Fred, no, she told you to MONITOR, not ASSASSINATE.”

Fluffy Fred put his gun away, sighing, “Aw, okay, boss.”

“Hmm,” said the Depressed Boy, “I’ve got the Earthquake card in my hand, which by nondescript means, will allow me to win this duel…”

“Yo! He’s gonna WIN!” supported Jaden.

“Naw, he’s gonna LOSE!” disagreed three obelisk Blues.

Aw, crap, their support and non-support has made me feel nervous beyond comprehension… Depressed Boy just kinda looked at his hand. “Um, I’ll use this… no no no, I’ll use this… wait, I’ll use— ”

“Just hurry up!” ordered the Obelisk Blue guy. “You’re taking an irritatingly long amount of time to LOSE!”

“Um, eenie… meeny…”

“MINEY MOE!! YOU HAVE TWO CARDS TO USE!! JUST PICK ONE ALREADY!!”

“My-mother-told-me-to-pick-the-very-best-one-and-you-are-iiiiiit…” Depressed Boy pointed to one of his two cards. “… But-actually-you-are-the-best-one-al-though-this-one-could-be…”

“This is STUPID!!” the Obelisk guys realized! “He’s gonna LOSE!”

“This is SMART!!” Jaden guy realized! “He’s gonna WIN!”

“Okay, now you’re just screwin’ with us.”

“Heh heh, yeah!”

“IENDMYTURN!!” Depressed Boy spat out! Due to stupidity, his rhino guy exploded, thus ending the match. “Augh, I lost due to stupid reasons unknown!”

 

“Hmm,” Bastion mused, “that boy has a classic case of stage fright.”

“But in the TV shows I watch, the kids ALWAYS surpass their fear and finish the school play!” Jaden said, confused. “THAT can’t be stage fright.”

“No, the real world doesn’t work that way, like, ever,” Syrus broke to him.

“HUUUUUUUH?!?!”

 

“Wow, that was DUMB!” the Obelisk guy laughed! “You’re too shy to win, ‘cause you could’ve beaten me right there! But you were DUMB! Ha ha!”

Noooooooo, thought Depressed Kid. Fools, fools all of them! Just FOOLS!! Depressed Kid got up and tried to leave with as much dignity as the script would allow.

“Hahahaha,” laughed the Obelisk Quartet, “he’s so wimpy that I think I’M depressed now! Hahaha, aw.”

Depressed Kid walked away… but with a VENGEANCE. AND A LAME DRAMATIC EFFECT, TAKING THE FORM OF A DISGUSTING GREEN SWIRLY BACKGROUND.

“OOH,” ‘ooh’-ed Winged Kuriboh, suddenly flying out of Jaden’s pocket and deck box!

“Oh, no you don’t!” Jaden grabbed Winged Kuriboh forcefully!

“OOH, OOH.”

“Back you go!” Jaden shoved Winged Kuriboh back into the card, from whence he came. “You’re lucky! I only use you since you have an okay effect!”

“Woah, what a disgusting background,” Syrus Syed.

 

“Oh my gosh! Look!” Syrus gasped, pointing to a big guy who helped usher out Depressed Kid. He was both tall, AND fat! Or big-boned. “That guy HAS to be the DUEL GIANT!!”

“REALLY?! WHERE?!” Fluffy Fred appeared out of nowhere, trying to push Jaden out of the way.

“Augh! Aren’t you just supposed to MONITOR, not SHOVE, dude?!”

“Oh, him?” Bastion took a peek. “Oh, AHAHAHAHAHA he’s no duelist Sy he’s Big Kid just at this school to learn how to DESIGN games not PLAY them.”

“What was up with that sudden switch from laughing to talking! There was NO comma in there! What’s the deal?!” But Syrus was ignored. Don’t worry, consoled his massive hairdo, This will ALL work out in the end, just you wait and see...

“Well, who cares what YOU all think, suckass!” Jaden ran out of the Duel Dome, in hot pursuit of the two guys!

“Wait up, Jay!” pleaded Syrus! He and the rest followed him.

 

“Yo!” Jaden called out to Depressed Kid and Big Kid. “Are you the Duel Giant?”

“Waah!” Big Kid gasped!

“There’s no such thing as the Duel Giant!” Depressed Kid said.

“Really?”

“No!” Depressed Kid turned around with Big Kid and walked away.

“Really?”

“No!”

“Reeeeeally, yo?”

“No!”

“I think there IS no Duel Giant,” Syrus said, “I mean, he said ‘no’ four times!”

“Well, we’ll just have to put that… to the test. I know how to flush out ‘da Duel Giant, yo!” Jaden said!

“Oh, really?” Fluffy Fred inquired.

“Tell us, now!” Bastion urged!

 

LATER! THAT!! NIGHT!!!

“I didn’t think this was what you were talking about earlier,” Bastion sighed, tied up with Fluffy Fred on a tree.

“Syrus, he can still speak! Tie him tighter!” ordered Jaden!

“Okay.”

“Ugh!” Syrus pulled on the ropes, making them MUCH tighter.

“The scent of fear and a blue coat shall drive the giant from the wilderness!” Syrus poetically put the plan. “What a great idea.”

WHOOSH!!

Out of nowhere but a gust of wind, the Duel Giant appeared!

“Woah, he looks just as stupid as I’d imagined!” Jaden whispered in awe.

“Oh, crap, he’s gonna DUEL us!!” Fluffy Fred screamed! “Get me outer here!!”

“Yo, Mr. Duel Giant IDIOT!!” Jaden name-called! “Let’s THROW DOWN!!”

“… OKAY,” the Duel Giant said, giving in immediately.

“Okay, then, uh… GET YOUR GAME ON!!”

“BOO,” somebody yelled.

 

Jaden, Syrus, and the Duel Giant stood facing each other from opposite ends of a forested area of the island. Slowly pointing to his foe, Jaden challenged, “So what’re we just standin’ there for, foo’? Let’s get this DUEL started!”

“Well, why are WE TIED TO A TREE, FOR THAT MATTER?!?!” Fluffy Fred shouted.

“Easy, Fred,” Bastion calmed, “it’s of no use. They’ll probably forget about us and somebody’ll find us in the morning.”

“B-but Bastion, I’m so scared!” Fluffy Fred sobbed.

 

“OOH,” Winged Kuriboh cooed, floating out of… Jaden’s back pocket…?!

“Wh-WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING IN THERE?!” Jaden roared!

“What’s wrong, Jaden?!” Syrus gasped! “Who’re you screaming at?!”

“I AM TIRED OF YOU AND YOUR STUPID… STUPID SHENANIGANS, YOU LITTLE TURD!!” Jaden grabbed Winged Kuriboh and hurled him far away off of the island! “And I NEVER wanna see YOU AGAIN!!” Jaden added, for good effect.

“RUN, SYRUS!” Bastion urged! “HE’S GONNA BLOW!!

“WAAH, WHY MUST YOU HATE ME?!” Syrus ran off, crying.

“NO, SYRUUUUUUS!!” screamed Jaden, reaching out his right arm! “Oh, well, he’ll come back… he ALWAYS comes back, right?”

“Uh, what cod ahr you bet ’n’?” the Duel Giant asked in his funny voice.

“Ha ha ha, you speak funny,” Jaden laughed.

“WHAT COD?!”

“This guy, duh!” Jaden held out Winged Kuriboh! “Now it really DOESN’T matter if I win or lose!” The Duel Giant was already holding out his own Winged Kuriboh card.

“Um…”

“Oh, sum’b****!” Jaden cursed! “Fine, let’s just play.”

“Awright, duelisht!” The Duel Giant activated his Duel Disk! “Afterr you, I’ll jush duel THOSHE guysh behin’ you.”

“Jaden, it REALLY matters if you win or lose again, I mean it,” said Bastion, wiggling in fear.

“Hey, stop wiggling!” Fluffy Fred recoiled! “It’s uncomfortable!”

“Oh, well I’m sorry.”

 

“LET’S GET YOUR GAME ON, SHALL WEEEEEE?!” Jaden roared heroically!

“BOO,” someone yelled.

“IF YOU INSHISHT!!” roared the Duel Giant! “I summon GIANT ORC, in ATTACK MODE!” A grey, ugly, piggish demon dude appeared… WITH A GIANT BONE CLUB!! But he looked pathetic compared to his card art, quite sad and deflated. Just fat.

“Um… beware my power?” he shivered. (Giant Orc: 2200 Attack Points)

“He looks pathetic!” Jaden stated! “Just like you! I mean, you’re funny looking! I’m allowed to say that since you’re evil and stuff!”

“Weoh, aw’ll en’ my turn... MISHTER MEAN!!” the Duel Giant yelled!

 

“OOH,” cried Jaden’s next card.

“Aw, shaddap! You bring me nothing but a Threatening Roar effect!” Jaden growled! “I summon Winged Kuriboh in ATTACK Mode, yo!” And lo and behold, the puffy dude appeared suddenly.

(Winged Kuriboh: 200 Attack Points) “OOH.”

“Whud a dum’ move!” the Duel Giant laughed! “That thing couln’ even defen’ againsht a bug!”

“Did I NOT just explain what he did? Just go, BIG guy.”

“’Den I will! Dish’ll be a turn t’ ‘memember!”

“Dude, ANYTHING a weirdo does is memorable.”

“GRR, yuw’ll pay fer ‘dat lassht statement! Giant Orc, ‘ttack th’ Winged Kuriboh!” The Duel Giant’s lowly-looking orc hit the puffball with his bone. He exploded in a fiery poof.

“Ha, I lose no Life Points the turn he’s killed!” Jaden laughed! “Plus, your Orc goes into Defense Mode after he attacks! I read the ding-dang card!”

“NOT QUITE!!”

“N… not quite?!” Bastion gasped!

“I summ’n Secon’ Goblin an’ ehquip ‘im t’my Orc!” The Duel Giant summoned a short, reddish goblin.

“Don’t go into Defense Mode!” he yelled.

“Okay,” said Giant Orc. He simply stood there.

“Stupid Union-Monsters! They’re largely forgotten!” Jaden looked at his hand, which contained The Warrior Returning Alive, Bubbleman, Burstinatrix, Sparkman, and Clayman. Hmm, I’m SUPPOSED to summon Rampart Blaster in this episode, buuuut… nah, screw it all! I’m an original, yo! “I’m gonna do the SMART thing in THIS episode!”

“But that’s against the script!!” cried Fluffy Fred!

“The script can go to HECK for all I care!”

“GASP!!” gasped the listeners.

“I use Polymerization to fuse Elemental Heroes Sparkman and Clayman to form Elemental Hero Thunder Giant!” Jaden summoned forth a cool whirlwind of fusion-stuffs, which absorbed the two heroes from his hand somehow! The whirlwind of fusion-stuffs faded away, releasing the big thundery electric guy we all know and love!

“RAHR!” he roared! (Thunder Giant: 2400 Attack Points)

“Next,” Jaden continued, “I use the Warrior Returning Alive to get back AND summon mah peep, Sparkman!” Sparkman rose from the grave, covered in arrows, looking all beat up and stuff.

“HU-HA!!” he yelled, flexing his muscles, and somehow recovering from all of his injuries! Sadly the arrows were still stuck in him, somehow. (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points)

 

“And THEN I’ll use Thunder Giant’s ability to discard one card and kill one monster weaker than him!” Jaden threw out his silly old BUBBLEMAN and gave Thunder Giant the power! The power to summon a lightning bolt to strike Giant Orc and his friend into submission!!

“Waaaaah, I told you not to go into Defense Mode!!” cried Second Goblin! The twosome blew up.

“Wow, why didn’t they do this in the original?” Bastion asked.

“Hmph, dish ain’t sho tuff,” the Duel Giant huffed, “I’ve eaten bigger babies ‘den you fer BREAKFASHT!”

Jaden shook his head. “Okay, first, my monsters’ Attack Points add up to four-thousand EXACTLY. Second, your field is COMPLETELY empty, as you laid out absolutely ZERO protection, which was one of the dumb-assiest things you’ve ever done. Third, YOU EAT BABIES FOR BREAKFAST?! That is SO UN-ETHICAL!!”

“Uh?! Wait, no, I din’t mean it like ‘dat…”

“SYRUS BOMBER!!” Jaden swung Syrus at the Duel Giant’s head, knocking off all of the coats in the process!

“Where did I just come from?!” Syrus wondered aloud. But who cares, since the Duel Giant was ACTUALLY… TWISTHEAD AND MOE, THE JERKS FROM EPISODE EIGHT STANDING ON EACH OTHER’S SHOULDERS!!

“I saw that coming!” Bastion admitted.

 

“Aw, dude, our secret’s out!” cried Twisthead!

“Argh, you ass-butts! We’ll duel you!” Moe threatened!

“Jaden, don’t let him duel me!!” Syrus cried!

“Don’t worry! CHUMLEY BOMBER!!” Jaden cried! Suddenly, from over a mile away, in the Slifer Toolshed, eating a grilled cheese, and eucalyptus Sammich, with some Koala Juice, on the side, Koala Ko Ala heard him.

“Ah, the signal!” he gasped! Koala Ko Ala jumped out of bed and leaped out of the window, into the sea.

 

Meanwhile back with the shocking results, a large wind began picking up. “What’s up with this wind?” Fluffy Fred asked.

“This could only mean one thing…” Syrus predicted, “the Chumley Bomber attack worked!”

“W-who’s Chumley?!” asked Twisthead, in a panic!

NEEEEEREEEEREEEOOOOOOW, went the sound effect. Over the ocean, over the forest, Koala Ko Ala was flying like a missile, with his arms spread out wide and a serious look on his face! He dove into the underbrush, dodging trees only like a flying koala could! And then the two menaces were in sight.

“CRAP, HE’S GONNA CRASH!!” cried Moe! Koala Ko Ala inexplicably flew RIGHT THROUGH THEM… but left handcuffs on both guys. “Huh?”

“Where’d the ‘cuffs come from?”

“Don’t ask me,” Syrus Syed. And Koala Ko Ala flew into the night sky…

 

“I’ll be takin’ it from ‘ere, boys,” said Dustin the Old Copper man, the old guy from episode two, stepping out of nowhere. “You rascals jus’ run on home, I’ll be haulin’ these two kids ta’ jail.”

“Wait, JAIL?!”

“Yeah, they ATE BABIES!” Dustin the Old Copper said. “Whuzz’wrong wit’ that? EVERYTHING. Let’s go.”

“But it’s a figure of speech!” the kids pleaded, unsuccessfully. He pushed the two kids off screen… FOREVER…

 

“Well, this was a dumb one,” said the entire cast of characters standing around in Dustin the Old Copper’s wake.

“Oh and you’re not really getting your free year of no homework after all, hahaha,” laughed Crowler, appearing outta nowhere, somehow.

“Aw dammit!” Jaden cursed, shrugging with a smile as the screen faded to black with cartoony background music.

 

 

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Okay, if some people (person) have noticed that I haven't been updating for a few days, it's because I've been busy typing more episodes. This means that I'm busy. However, Monday is Labor Day, so I'll have around 11 hours to be busy. Expect updates and me raving about how many chapters I've written this week.

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