Agro Posted October 21, 2012 Report Share Posted October 21, 2012 [center][b][size=8]Digimon: Knights of the Sun[/size][/b][/center] So here's the pilot chapter for the Digimon fic I've been working on. The story's name is only a working name so it's subject to change. I've also included the little poem I whipped up a few weeks ago as a preview. Enjoy! And comments are appreciated. [quote] [center]From the times of old a legend once sprung, Of Heroes, sent by the great Amatarumon, When the guardians of the land began a long slumber, Arisen from their shadows, still four strong in number, Were the Demon Kings, copies, of the sleeping guardians, Whom cast waves of Silence, Decay, Deceit, Confusion. So from another world, these heroes did appear, Though the demons thought them only children, nothing they needed to fear, But with the powers of light, of the sun and of the moon, And of great Susanoomon, with the strength of a typhoon. These heroes, small in stature, but very strong in heart, Put all their effort into defeating the demons from the start. And although we do not know yet how their story will unfold, We do know what's at stake, young humans: The Digital World.[/center] [/quote] [spoiler='Chapter 1: Tahiro, the Journey Begins!'] Ground. Dirt. That’s what he could feel underneath his hands, and smudging against his face. It was cool, and wet. Nothing like the dry sod he was used to. It was unusual, unnatural in this part of the country. Why was it so wet? He reached up, his hand trying to find a spot to push himself up. Slowly, it came into contact with something; felt like wood. His bedpost? Surely, but, it was soggy, and… not like he remembered. More like an actual branch than a refined two-by-four. As he used it to lift himself up, he opened his eyes, looking down at his support beam, seeing a dark brown, moss covered branch stretching across the bare ground. Wait… actual wood? Why was he sleeping outside? “Where the hell am I?” His thought was interrupted as the branch snapped beneath his weight and he came crashing down back to the ground. “Ow.” He rubbed his forehead, rolling over and sitting up, looking at the piece of wood that was left in his clutches. Even without him putting much force on it, it was breaking apart. A dead branch, decaying in his hand. Deciding to better figure out his surroundings in such unusual circumstances, he stood up, dropping the dead piece of wood to break apart in the wind. “Tahiro, what did you get yourself into?” Through five years of summer camping experience, Tahiro had picked up a few survival skills,- though none that could really equip him to being dropped in the woods with no idea how he got there or how to get back. He’d been lucky enough to wake up in a rather high point in the area. The terrain in front of him was varied, ranging from patches of plains, bare soil and, further into the distance, rows and rows of trees that encircled the rest, coming up right behind where he stood. Past that, and at an extremely far distance at that, were foothills leading to a steep mountain range. But there was a surreal difference, he could tell, from this area and that of the forests near his home in Fukushima. The nearest National Park to his home was Oze, and while there were certainly similarities- such as the open spaces and mountains- this was nothing like that. For one, there were more trees, and more that looked like they would belong in a tropical jungle. More importantly was the sound, rather, the lack of it. There wasn’t any sound. No birds chirping, bugs buzzing- at least none that he could hear. Worst of all, though, was the smell. He knew that smell. It was the same smell he’d experienced when he was six and tried to keep a stockpile of fruits in his closet in case of an alien attack. Just like the branch that must have fallen from the tree line behind him and rolled down the hillside, everything reeked of decay. So all this led to the question: Where was he and how did he get here? Tahiro wandered down the hill, away from the tree line, to get a different perspective of his surroundings. As he did so, he took a misstep and stumbled down, coming to a sharp stop at the bottom when he landed into a patch of barren ground that was damp enough to soften the impact. “Aw, man. This is my favorite shirt!” Tahiro grumbled as he pulled himself up, finally realizing how filthy rolling around in the mud for the past few minutes had actually made him. Dazed, but remembering the lake to his left, he headed out in that direction. After a minute of walking, and having to continuously slow to work his way through the patches of tall grass that remained in some areas, he reached the bank of the lake. Surprisingly, unlike the rest of the land around him, the water seemed very clear. The mud from the shoreline did seem to seep into the lake, but it dissipated quickly further in. While finding this strange, Tahiro, nevertheless, elected to leap into the clear waters, worrying more about getting clean than dangers that were not immediately apparent. The water was cool, and not in the way the dirt and mud on the shore had been. It was a refreshing feeling, and more importantly a clean feeling, as if he could feel the grime and muck getting washed away. Stomping his feet down, he figured out it was shallow enough to stand with the water only coming up to his stomach. Realizing he’d need to clean his clothes as well, he pulled of his shirt and soaked it in the water, removing the dirt much faster and more effectively than he had expected. Confused as to the amazing cleansing properties of this water, he waded back towards shore and looked down at his pants to check if they needed to be cleaned as well. Apparently not. Even without brushing them off, the water had cleaned away all the grime. “Weird.” His incredulity over the effective cleaning power of the water was soon overshadowed when he noticed, out of the corner of his eye, a rocky outcropping on the shoreline- hopefully a good place to dry his clothes without dirtying them all over again. He moved quickly out of the lake and down the shoreline, ignoring the ripples in the water that were not of his creation, and a great large set of eyes quickly descended back into the deeper parts of the water, the focus of its attention now out of its reach. The rocks stood high above the ground, and while much of it was covered in moss, the majority of it was dry- something Tahiro made use of as he laid out his shirt and shorts to dry. He sighed, “Guess I better figure out at least which way is which.” Remembering something his old man had once told him, he looked for a larger rock that was smooth and flat on three sides. If there was moss on a higher point of it, and that side was on the other side of the sun, then that was North… or South… Yeah, how that worked was never really explained to him. Either way, he had to look up at the sun. And what would have been just a glance turned into a stare of panic. “What’s going on?” The light from above was not cast by a sun. No, in fact, there were two balls of light hanging in the midday sky. Two suns. “I’m not on Earth right now… am I?” Stumbling back, he tripped and landed on his ass and stared around at this now dangerous looking environment. He had no idea where he was or what he was doing here. He couldn’t even trust the most basic of physical attributes he’d known his whole life. In all his confusion and panic, a sound had slowly grown in volume in the field. Footsteps, or at least the crunching of dead leaves below them. Only now had Tahiro noticed it. And there was something else… voices? Not wanting to get caught off guard- and in only his boxers, no less- Tahiro quickly got dressed and leapt down off the rock, staying low, but keeping his eyes open to see who, or rather what, was coming. Aliens was the first thought in his mind. What else could they be? He was definitely on another planet. That fact was for sure. I mean, why would humans be out here? Well, yeah, he was out here, so maybe there’d be others but there was no way… “Are you sure it was around here?” Were they speaking English? He’d studied the language in school, and his brother would often speak it at home. Why was he hearing it here? “Yeah, this is the spot. Snimon told us to investigate immediately.” It was definitely English. Does that mean they were human? Snimon wasn’t a Japanese name, and didn’t sound like any name he’d ever heard in American movies or world news. What was going on? “Why is he so worried about this? It’s probably just another silly electrical disturbance. Is there something he knows that we don’t?” He still couldn’t see the owners of the voices “I don’t know. Rumors were something like this happened in the Northern mountains before everything happened there. Snimon probably just doesn’t want to be responsible if something happens to Hokakamon like what happened to Bishomon.” Tahiro tried to think past the names, which obviously at this point were making less and less sense. At least he now knew which direction was which. The mountains were North. “Please, do they really think a human could have come here of all places? That’s ridiculous.” So they were looking for a human? Tahiro shifted in his spot, crouched below the line in the grass, trying to get a better view of the owners of the voices. If they were talking about humans in the third person, then they must not be human. They had to be… Tahiro would have yelped at the sight of the creatures if he didn’t cover his mouth with his hand. They were giant roaches, with hideous faces that definitely resembled a human face. They were just disgusting, four arms and everything. He was lucky he’d hushed himself, and his reaction was faster than he’d expected. Though… his hand did feel weird. More importantly, when did he grow a third hand? Oh, god. Tahiro looked down at the “hand” keeping his mouth shut and saw a yellow vine instead. Shifting back, he looked behind himself to see a very large yellow plant staring back at him with shifty red eyes. A large mouth hanging open in an ugly smile, teeth, white and large, dripping with saliva. Tahiro screamed, or he tried. It was muffled up by the plant’s vines. The plant wrapped its arms around him, shaking him, and closing its mouth in agitation. Tahiro looked down to see a smaller creature crawl up beside it. This new one was round, looked a lot like a tadpole. Green, with an orange fin atop its body and blue stripes running parallel to it. It’s fangs hung underneath its closed mouth and, he felt, it looked a little hungry. But its actions seemed to counter that, as it lifted up one of its four fins and raised it to its mouth, making the human motion for silence. Nonetheless, Tahiro tried to struggle, but his efforts were in vain as the oversized vegetable tightened its grip around him. “What was that?” The voices from the roaches floated over the tall grass, making the two other creatures shift uneasily. “Who’s there?” Tahiro looked back at the roaches, and while scared, he was slowly beginning to realize he had more to fear from them than any other creature present. “Let’s check it out.” The roaches started inching forward, carefully moving through the underbrush searching for what they thought they had heard. Tahiro looked back at the other two creatures, looking for help from others that looked almost as uneasy as he did. Looking past them, however, he saw something else. Something moved in the lake, causing a ripple to travel across the otherwise calm waters. Tahiro motioned to the waters, trying to let them know something was there, and it was moving. He could see the top of a yellow head rise partially above the water, slowly weaving towards them. The yellow plant was certainly not helping, instead of noting his worry, it wrapped its vines around his arms, holding him down. Looking to the smaller amphibian for help, and glancing at the water, the little thing looked back and nodded, hopefully trying to be reassuring. “Do you see anything?” One roach asked the other. “Nothing yet.” The creature in the water moved closer and closer, and as it did, Tahiro could feel the plant’s grip on his mouth loosen, and when it finally let him open his mouth, he instinctively gasped. “What was that?” Just as the roach was about to stumble upon them, the creature in the water arose, and boy was it massive. A giant sea serpent, turquoise in color, emerged from the water, rising tall above even the trees of the surrounding forest. It’s yellow head opened as it let out a roar, causing the roaches to stumble away from Tahiro’s hiding spot. “Roachmon. What are you two doing encroaching on my lake?” The roaches quickly regained their composure in the face of the giant sea serpent. “You’re lake, Seadramon? This part of the forest is under Snimon’s control! You lost ownership long ago!” “Maybe so, but if I remember, I am allowed direct control in his stead.” Seadramon lowered his head down in front of the Roachmon, demonstrating the differences in their size. “Is Snimon here to tell me otherwise?” The Roachmon quivered in fear, slowly backing away from the Seadramon. Tahiro felt a nudge in his side and looked down to see the amphibian creature motioning for him to move with them down the shore away from the scene. Tahiro, contemplating whether or not this was the best idea, took one last glance at the intimidating Seadramon before making his decision. “We’ll be back, Seadramon!” “Yeah! We’ll be back!” The Roachmon yelled as they fled the scene. Seadramon let out a mighty roar, causing the pair to fly far faster than they had been previously. Rid of the roaches, Seadramon twisted his body around and dove back into the depths of the lake. “This way!” The little amphibian motioned to Tahiro. The pair had led him away from the lake, and after passing through row after row of similarly looking trees, they had arrived at a large oak that stood on the edge of a cliff. Its branches were broken or lacking of leaves. In fact, the highest parts of the trees looked like they broke off long ago, and the remains of those branches lay decaying on the ground below. “You can talk?” Tahiro admitted that while he’d seen the Roachmon and Seadramon speak, and while the little guy had made motions just like humans had, he hadn’t really expected the amphibian to actually speak. “Of course I can! All Digimon can talk!” “Digimon…?” The word didn’t ring any bells. “Huh? You don’t know?” The little guy looked over at his veggie buddy before looking back at Tahiro. “I’m sorry, I guess I just assumed you’d know.” “Know what?” “Where you are.” “And… were exactly am I… um, what’s your name?” “Betamon! And this here,” Betamon motioned to his friend, “Is Veggiemon.” The plant creature waved one of its tendrils in the air like a human would wave. “And this place you’re in. This place you’ve fallen into. This is the Digital World.” “The Digital World?” “Yup! Ever heard of it?” Tahiro put his hand on his chin, running the word through his mind. Betamon looked enthusiastically up at him, expecting the connection to light up in his mind at any second. “And?” “No clue.” Betaman slouched as Tahiro answered. “Well I guess if you don’t know, we’ll have to explain everything!” Betamon looked at Veggiemon. “So… can we explain everything?” Veggiemon shrugged. “Oh… so, um…” Betamon walked over to the roots of the tree and poked around until he found a hole in the roots. With a quick peck, the roots moved, by themselves, opening a secret pathway underneath the tree. “Since we can’t explain what’s going on, we’ll have to bring you to someone who can! Follow me!” Without another word, Betamon jumped into the hole, and Veggiemon quickly followed. Tahiro stepped over to the entrance and looked down. It fell into the ground a few meters before turning forward and out of sight. “Are you coming?” Betamon called back up from somewhere underneath. Tahiro wasn’t exactly sure if he wanted to follow. In fact, he was debating on whether or not turning tail and running would be the better option. But as he looked back at the forest, whose trees seemed to grow closer the longer he stared at them, he realized he’d be lost without their help. And so he jumped into the hole behind them, looking back up at the entrance as the roots closed together above him. On the outside of that wall, one unfriendly set of eyes, hidden beneath the cover of a nearby bush, turned away from its attentive watching of the tree, having witnessed the human who escaped beneath it. Its owner’s wings buzzed as it flew in the other direction, intent on passing on the knowledge it had learned. The ground in the tunnel was a little slippery. Due to that, the fall turned into a slide that led Tahiro forward, down, around, maybe even back up at some point. Though for such a long slide, he realized as he came to a halt at the bottom that it wasn’t that far of a fall and he’d probably be able to climb back out if he so chose. “This way, this way!” Tahiro looked across the cavern he’d slid into to see Betamon jumping up and down on the other side. Light trickled in from the ceiling, allowing him to barely make out his darkened surroundings. The room wasn’t a natural occurring structure, the straight lines and jagged, ninety-degree corners made him sure of that much. From what it looked like, they’d stumbled into some ruins, overgrown and covered by the surrounding forest. Noticing his guides had already started down a tunnel exiting from the opposite end, Tahiro began running to catch up. “Come on, come on! We’re almost there!” Tahiro had to stick close to the wall to help guide himself through the much darker tunnel, using it as his guide and the thick, strong roots that hung from them as a stabilizer to keep his balance. There were two turns in the path, and finally, after a few minutes of walking, he could see light around one corner, with Betamon’s high-pitched voice adding extra guidance. “We’re here! We’re here!” Even after only a few brief minutes in the dark, Tahiro needed to shield and rub out his eyes to adjust to the bright mid-day sun glaring down on him. Once adjusted, though, the sight he beheld was breathtaking. The ruins he’d just come through was only the beginning, it seemed, as old stone buildings overrun with floral life were scattered across a beautiful canyon landscape. Lush trees stood tall over the buildings, ridding up even the cliff sides and arriving on top, leaning over the canyon giving it a canopy that Tahiro could only assume looked like the rest of the forest from the skies above. “This is amazing!” “Well it’s not the most beautiful place in the Digital World.” Betamon seemed to try to sigh after he said it. “Well maybe it is now, after what Hokakamon has done to the forest.” “Who’s Hokakamon?” Tahiro was beginning to piece together the social make-up of this new and dangerous world. The Roaches had referred to Hokakamon previously, and with Betamon’s mentioning of him, it had become obvious that he must be someone extremely important. Whether that was a good or bad thing was yet to be seen. “We’ll have Mistress Lotosmon tell you,” Betamon chirped as he trodded along on all fours. “She’s the best at explaining things. She should be able to answer every question you have!” “That’s good. I think.” Tahiro was sure there’d be at least something she wouldn’t be the one to tell him. “Who is Lotosmon, by the way?” “She’s the guardian of the forest! Or at least our part of the forest. Sad to say, the real guardian has been absent for a while, but I’m sure Mistress Lotosmon will fill you in on that.” The group stepped to the side of the narrow path they walked on as a group of green, blue-eyed plant Digimon with flowers sprouting from their heads sprinted by in a playful manner; laughing idly and sneaking glances at the human in their midst. “Who are they?” “Hm? Oh, those are Palmon. They’re the most frequent Digimon you’ll see around here. Most of the plant Digimon live under the protection of Lotosmon. After all, she’s the one keeping all the plants here healthy!” Tahiro realized he hadn’t noticed it before, even when walking in the darkened path. The faunal decay that had been so prevalent outside in the forest was completely absent within this area. So whatever deathly force had pervaded the outside world was being held at bay- apparently by Lotosmon’s power. Betamon finally stopped as the trio arrived at a dead end in the path, a chasm with dark waters below. A drawbridge on the other side. “We’re almost at Lotosmon’s temple, human! Just got to talk to the gatekeeper!” “My name’s Tahiro!” Tahiro said it as a blast of water shot up from below, causing him to jump back in surprise, and Betamon to jump up in amusement. “Tahiro! Tahiro! Getting scared so easily, huh?” Betamon chuckled. “I think you met our gatekeeper before, right?” Tahiro gulped as the stream of water that had rushed up from below fell to reveal a large turquoise sea serpent with a yellow head staring back down at him. “We may have, but I don’t think I gave an introduction. I am Seadramon, defender of the forest waters.” It’s mouth opened in what must have been an enjoyable smile to anyone other than Tahiro. “And you are the human, Tahiro. Just arrived here by the grace of Amatarumon.” “Amatarumon?” Tahiro was having a hard time filing all these new names. Hell, the idea that this was all a dream was still hanging in the back of his mind. Seadramon let out a mighty chuckle. “You’ll come to learn of our more theistic social observances as you spend more time here. For now, I shall let you pass!” Seadramon swung himself around and slashed at the hook holding the drawbridge in place, allowing it to fall down and complete the pathway into the temple. “Come on! Come on! Let’s go see Lotosmon!” Betamon jumped up into Tahiro’s back, pushing him forward and across the pathway. “Good luck, young human. Pray to Amatarumon that you have been chosen, Digidestined.” The last word rung inside Tahiro’s mind as he was pushed, by both Betamon and the quiet Veggiemon, into the inner sanctum of the temple- unable to ask the serpent about it before it dove back into the depths of the canyon waters.[/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legend Zero Posted October 21, 2012 Report Share Posted October 21, 2012 A very nice read. Not sure if it was on purpose, but the mention of summer camp in the beginning of a Digimon fic just screamed call back to me, so thanks for that. I wasn't to thrilled with how fast things got going, but I understand its for getting attention early on. I've got a few theories on what is going to happen next, so I guess I'll wait to see. Edit: Wait, is there a description of Tahiro yet? I didn't notice. I somehow just filled him in my mind without an actual appearance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agro Posted October 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2012 [quote name='Legend Zero' timestamp='1350863663' post='6050210'] Edit: Wait, is there a description of Tahiro yet? I didn't notice. I somehow just filled him in my mind without an actual appearance. [/quote]Isn't it amazing how that happens? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted October 22, 2012 Report Share Posted October 22, 2012 You know, since I haven't done Phantom's Divinations in a long time, and you did ask me to review a story of yours awhile back, I think I'll make my revival here. [spoiler=23 is Number 1!][color=#0000CD]W-...where am I?[/color] [color=#800080]Roxas! Oh thank goodness, you're awake! I...I never thought you would wake up![/color] [color=#0000CD]Awake? How long was I out?[/color] [color=#800080]*Sniff* Um...[/color] [color=#0000CD]HOW LONG, JEN?[/color] [color=#800080]...Nine months.[/color] [color=#0000CD]NINE MONTHS? So... it's October now? Where's Blake? Just... what happened?[/color] [color=#800080]Well, see, we went to go find Brandon, and he had his Haunter-[/color] [color=#0000CD]I thought he had a Gastly.[/color] [color=#800080]It evolved. Anyway, his Haunter used Hypnosis, and you've been asleep ever sense.[/color] [color=#0000CD]FOR NINE MONTHS?[/color] [color=#800080]I guess Brandon felt bad for what he did, and he just ran off. Blake went after him, but he hasn't returned his calls. [/color] [color=#0000CD]Wait a minute, how did we even get to talk with Brandon?[/color] [color=#800080]Beats me.[/color] [color=#0000CD]...Any news on Votek?[/color] [color=#800080]Well, no. He hasn't done anything since you fell asleep.[/color] [color=#0000CD]I see. Maybe it's time I get him to finally do something.[/color] [color=#800080]What are you doing to do?[/color] [color=#0000CD]The same thing we do every night, Jen. READ TERRIBLE FANFICTION.[/color] [color=#800080]Well, I don't have anything terrible, but Agro posted a Digimon fanfic.[/color] [color=#0000CD]Digimon? Sweet. I can't believe we haven't reviewed any Digimon stories before.[/color] [color=#800080]Here it is, [url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/291506-digimon-knights-of-the-sun-pilot/"]Digimon Knights of the Sun[/url].[/color] [color=#0000CD]Okay, let's begin.[/color] [i]From the times of old a legend once sprung, Of Heroes, sent by the great Amatarumon,[/i] [color=#0000CD]What is this?[/color] [color=#800080]A poem.[/color] [color=#0000CD]...I'll wait to see what the rhyme scheme is, but "sprung" and "Amatarumon" hardly rhyme. Anyway, I'll commend the name "Amatarumon" if it means Agro is going to make up his own Digimon.[/color] [i]When the guardians of the land began a long slumber, Arisen from their shadows, still four strong in number, Were the Demon Kings, copies, of the sleeping guardians, Whom cast waves of Silence, Decay, Deceit, Confusion.[/i] [color=#0000CD]Okay, so the rhyme scheme [i]is[/i] "AABB". So the first stanza definitely does not fit it.[/color] [color=#800080]Well, I like that he mentioned the Demon Kings. It sets up the main antagonists of the story right off the bat.[/color] [color=#0000CD]Even though they sound like ripoffs of the Seven Great Demon Lords, although their attributes strike me as a poor attempt to emulate the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.[/color] [color=#800080]Oh lighten up, will you?[/color] [color=#0000CD]NEVER![/color] [i]So from another world, these heroes did appear, Though the demons thought them only children, nothing they needed to fear,[/i] [color=#0000CD]Wait, is this the prologue, or is this about the past?[/color] [color=#800080]Well, he called this poem a preview, so...[/color] [color=#0000CD]That's like giving a preview for Bionicle and saying "In the time before time, there were robots, but this one dude just would not die, although apparently all you need to do to get rid of him is to push him into a falling sphere."[/color] [i]But with the powers of light, of the sun and of the moon, And of great Susanoomon,[/i] [color=#0000CD]Ooh, Susanoomon either will or did play an important role in this story. Kudos.[/color] [i]with the strength of a typhoon.[/i] [color=#800080]WITH ALL THE FORCE OF A RAGING FIRE~[/color] [color=#0000CD]You both got the lyrics mixed up.[/color] [i]These heroes, small in stature, but very strong in heart, Put all their effort into defeating the demons from the start. And although we do not know yet how their story will unfold, We do know what's at stake, young humans: The Digital World.[/i] [color=#0000CD]Well, you pretty much just spoiled the plot, so I don't see what will surprise us.[/color] [color=#800080]Um, doesn't almost [i]every[/i] good versus evil story pretty much come with the expectation that the heroes will win.[/color] [color=#0000CD]If he wanted to surprise us with Susanoomon, then he could do that in the story. I get that it's not a prologue, but really, there's exposition, and then there's telling us exactly what we are about to read.[/color] [i]Ground. Dirt. That’s what he could feel underneath his hands, and smudging against his face. It was cool, and wet. Nothing like the dry sod he was used to. It was unusual, unnatural in this part of the country. Why was it so wet? He reached up, his hand trying to find a spot to push himself up. Slowly, it came into contact with something; felt like wood. His bedpost? Surely, but, it was soggy, and… not like he remembered. More like an actual branch than a refined two-by-four. As he used it to lift himself up, he opened his eyes, looking down at his support beam, seeing a dark brown, moss covered branch stretching across the bare ground. Wait… actual wood? Why was he sleeping outside?[/i] [color=#0000CD]I like this. Good way to start the story, and makes us understand our hero's confusion.[/color] [i]“Where the hell am I?”[/i] [color=#0000CD]Consider what I've been through apparently, I sympathize with this guy.[/color] [i]His thought was interrupted as the branch snapped beneath his weight and he came crashing down back to the ground. “Ow.” He rubbed his forehead, rolling over and sitting up, looking at the piece of wood that was left in his clutches. Even without him putting much force on it, it was breaking apart. A dead branch, decaying in his hand. Deciding to better figure out his surroundings in such unusual circumstances, he stood up, dropping the dead piece of wood to break apart in the wind. “Tahiro, what did you get yourself into?”[/i] [color=#0000CD]Okay, his name has a "Ta" sound to it, which is a nice way to keep consistent with a hero's name in Digimon, and I already like him more than Tagiru, although that is admittedly not very hard.[/color] [i]Through five years of summer camping experience, Tahiro had picked up a few survival skills,- though none that could really equip him to being dropped in the woods with no idea how he got there or how to get back. He’d been lucky enough to wake up in a rather high point in the area.[/i] [color=#0000CD]I find it weird that despite spending a long time in summer camp, he doesn't know what to do. Then again, I assume none of that would include training you for this exact situation, so I'll let it slide.[/color] [color=#800080]The mention of summer camp is a nice nod to the original series too.[/color] [color=#0000CD]Actually, come to think of it, why is this series starting with him in the Digital World? Why not show how he got here?[/color] [color=#800080]Oh Roxas, that would just waste time. Clearly Agro wants to get to the action right away, and Tahiro's confusion allows us to see this story through his eyes.[/color] [i]The terrain in front of him was varied, ranging from patches of plains, bare soil and, further into the distance, rows and rows of trees that encircled the rest, coming up right behind where he stood. Past that, and at an extremely far distance at that, were foothills leading to a steep mountain range. But there was a surreal difference, he could tell, from this area and that of the forests near his home in Fukushima. The nearest National Park to his home was Oze, and while there were certainly similarities- such as the open spaces and mountains- this was nothing like that.[/i] [color=#0000CD]Once again, finer details like this are clever. Referencing real life Japanese locales helps make your story feel authentic.[/color] [color=#800080]You mean if the only Japanese thing he did was Tahiro's name, one could basically take that as enough to think, "Yep, this is totally based on an anime"?[/color] [color=#0000CD]Exactly.[/color] [i]Worst of all, though, was the smell. He knew that smell. It was the same smell he’d experienced when he was six and tried to keep a stockpile of fruits in his closet in case of an alien attack.[/i] [color=#800080]That smelly smell that sounds... smelly.[/color] [i]Just like the branch that must have fallen from the tree line behind him and rolled down the hillside, everything reeked of decay. So all this led to the question: Where was he and how did he get here? Tahiro wandered down the hill, away from the tree line, to get a different perspective of his surroundings. As he did so, he took a misstep and stumbled down, coming to a sharp stop at the bottom when he landed into a patch of barren ground that was damp enough to soften the impact. “Aw, man. This is my favorite shirt!” Tahiro grumbled as he pulled himself up, finally realizing how filthy rolling around in the mud for the past few minutes had actually made him. Dazed, but remembering the lake to his left, he headed out in that direction. After a minute of walking, and having to continuously slow to work his way through the patches of tall grass that remained in some areas, he reached the bank of the lake. Surprisingly, unlike the rest of the land around him, the water seemed very clear. The mud from the shoreline did seem to seep into the lake, but it dissipated quickly further in. While finding this strange, Tahiro, nevertheless, elected to leap into the clear waters, worrying more about getting clean than dangers that were not immediately apparent.[/i] [color=#0000CD]Wouldn't his survival training had covered when you encounter a lake?[/color] [color=#800080]He acknowledged that it was strange, so it shows cunning on Tahiro's part.[/color] [i]The water was cool, and not in the way the dirt and mud on the shore had been. It was a refreshing feeling, and more importantly a clean feeling, as if he could feel the grime and muck getting washed away. Stomping his feet down, he figured out it was shallow enough to stand with the water only coming up to his stomach. Realizing he’d need to clean his clothes as well, he pulled of his shirt and soaked it in the water, removing the dirt much faster and more effectively than he had expected.[/i] [color=#0000CD]What [i]does[/i] his shirt look like? For that matter, how does Tahiro himself look like.[/color] [color=#800080]I don't know, I'm just imagining Tahiro without his shirt off.[/color] [color=#0000CD]I'm going to try and think that he looks nothing like Tagiru.[/color] [i]Confused as to the amazing cleansing properties of this water, he waded back towards shore and looked down at his pants to check if they needed to be cleaned as well. Apparently not. Even without brushing them off, the water had cleaned away all the grime.[/i] [color=#0000CD]Clearly he is a son of Poseidon. As such, I shall picture Tahiro as a Japanese Percy Jackson.[/color] [i]“Weird.” His incredulity over the effective cleaning power of the water was soon overshadowed when he noticed, out of the corner of his eye, a rocky outcropping on the shoreline- hopefully a good place to dry his clothes without dirtying them all over again.[/i] [color=#0000CD]"Digimon: Knights of the Sun!" Thrill as a young man finds himself in a strange world and cleans his clothes in a mysterious lake![/color] [color=#800080]You know, I said that it seemed like this story was going to get into the action right away, but... Tahiro is the only character we've seen so far, and we really don't know much about him beyond the fact that he went to summer camp a few times and that he likes his shirt.[/color] [i]He moved quickly out of the lake and down the shoreline, ignoring the ripples in the water that were not of his creation, and a great large set of eyes quickly descended back into the deeper parts of the water, the focus of its attention now out of its reach.[/i] [color=#0000CD]I... what? If he was unaware of them, but that's one thing, but outright ignoring something like that?[/color] [color=#800080]You know, I guess if there was one thing I didn't miss while you were asleep, it would be your nitpicking.[/color] [i]The rocks stood high above the ground, and while much of it was covered in moss, the majority of it was dry- something Tahiro made use of as he laid out his shirt and shorts to dry. He sighed, “Guess I better figure out at least which way is which.” Remembering something his old man had once told him, he looked for a larger rock that was smooth and flat on three sides. If there was moss on a higher point of it, and that side was on the other side of the sun, then that was North… or South… Yeah, how that worked was never really explained to him. Either way, he had to look up at the sun. And what would have been just a glance turned into a stare of panic. “What’s going on?” The light from above was not cast by a sun. No, in fact, there were two balls of light hanging in the midday sky. Two suns. “I’m not on Earth right now… am I?”[/i] [color=#0000CD]I guess that's one advancement in the plot: We know that he's not on Earth.[/color] [i]Stumbling back, he tripped and landed on his ass[/i] [color=#0000CD]How crude.[/color] [i]stared around at this now dangerous looking environment. He had no idea where he was or what he was doing here. He couldn’t even trust the most basic of physical attributes he’d known his whole life.[/i] [color=#800080]I actually kind of like how this is a look at reacting to something you don't know.[/color] [i]In all his confusion and panic, a sound had slowly grown in volume in the field. Footsteps, or at least the crunching of dead leaves below them. Only now had Tahiro noticed it. And there was something else… voices?[/i] [color=#0000CD]*Gasp* Other character? Hurray![/color] [i]Aliens was the first thought in his mind. What else could they be? He was definitely on another planet. That fact was for sure. I mean, why would humans be out here? Well, yeah, he was out here, so maybe there’d be others but there was no way… “Are you sure it was around here?” Were they speaking English? He’d studied the language in school, and his brother would often speak it at home. Why was he hearing it here? “Yeah, this is the spot. Snimon told us to investigate immediately.”[/i] [color=#0000CD]Snimon, eh? If that's meant to be a reference to how Kuwagamon was the first enemy the heroes fought in Adventure, then more props to you. If not, then it's still a good way to help get the reads interested in more of the story.[/color] [i]It was definitely English. Does that mean they were human? Snimon wasn’t a Japanese name, and didn’t sound like any name he’d ever heard in American movies or world news. What was going on?[/i] [color=#0000CD]Well obviously Snimon is Italian.[/color] [i]“Why is he so worried about this? It’s probably just another silly electrical disturbance. Is there something he knows that we don’t?” He still couldn’t see the owners of the voices “I don’t know. Rumors were something like this happened in the Northern mountains before everything happened there. Snimon probably just doesn’t want to be responsible if something happens to Hokakamon like what happened to Bishomon.”[/i] [color=#0000CD]Huh, more names for more original Digimon, although at this point I just want to know who these two are supposed to be.[/color] [i]Tahiro tried to think past the names, which obviously at this point were making less and less sense.[/i] [color=#800080]If only there was a recurring theme between the names![/color] [i]At least he now knew which direction was which. The mountains were North. “Please, do they really think a human could have come here of all places? That’s ridiculous.” So they were looking for a human? Tahiro shifted in his spot, crouched below the line in the grass, trying to get a better view of the owners of the voices. If they were talking about humans in the third person, then they must not be human. They had to be… Tahiro would have yelped at the sight of the creatures if he didn’t cover his mouth with his hand. They were giant roaches, with hideous faces that definitely resembled a human face. They were just disgusting, four arms and everything.[/i] [color=#800080]Hey, that's racist![/color] [color=#0000CD]I totally believe Roachmon as servants. In terms of not annoying me like Xros Wars did with handling existing characters, so far this is avoiding it. Then again, we're not even done with the first chapter, so that could change really soon.[/color] [color=#800080]Do you hate Xros Wars?[/color] [color=#0000CD]Oh no, I liked Xros Wars. It's just that there is a lot about it that's pretty bad, namely the fact that it managed to introduce the worst antagonist in the first part and the worst main character in the awful post-script season.[/color] [color=#800080]What about Kurata and Davis?[/color] [color=#0000CD]Bagramon. Tagiru. Your argument is invalid.[/color] [i]He was lucky he’d hushed himself, and his reaction was faster than he’d expected. Though… his hand did feel weird. More importantly, when did he grow a third hand? Oh, god. Tahiro looked down at the “hand” keeping his mouth shut and saw a yellow vine instead. Shifting back, he looked behind himself to see a very large yellow plant staring back at him with shifty red eyes. A large mouth hanging open in an ugly smile, teeth, white and large, dripping with saliva.[/i] [color=#800080]Ew, I hope that's not his partner.[/color] [color=#0000CD]On the one hand, I share the sentiment. Then again, I would absolutely love to see a break from the overuse of dragons.[/color] [i]Tahiro screamed, or he tried. It was muffled up by the plant’s vines. The plant wrapped its arms around him, shaking him, and closing its mouth in agitation.[/i] [color=#0000CD]Well, this [i]is[/i] based on a Japanese franchise, so I think I know where this is going.[/color] [i]Tahiro looked down to see a smaller creature crawl up beside it. This new one was round, looked a lot like a tadpole. Green, with an orange fin atop its body and blue stripes running parallel to it. It’s fangs hung underneath its closed mouth and, he felt, it looked a little hungry.[/i] [color=#800080]Betamon? D'aww, I really hope that's his partner![/color] [color=#0000CD]...Damn it, I thought there would be no overlap.[/color] [color=#800080]What?[/color] [color=#0000CD]Moving on.[/color] [i]But its actions seemed to counter that, as it lifted up one of its four fins and raised it to its mouth, making the human motion for silence. Nonetheless, Tahiro tried to struggle, but his efforts were in vain as the oversized vegetable tightened its grip around him. “What was that?” The voices from the roaches floated over the tall grass, making the two other creatures shift uneasily. “Who’s there?” Tahiro looked back at the roaches, and while scared, he was slowly beginning to realize he had more to fear from them than any other creature present. “Let’s check it out.” The roaches started inching forward, carefully moving through the underbrush searching for what they thought they had heard.[/i] [color=#800080]I would have phrased it "they creeped silently through the underbrush" just to see how many people would catch the reference.[/color] [color=#0000CD]I don't.[/color] [color=#800080]You don't count.[/color] [i]Tahiro looked back at the other two creatures, looking for help from others that looked almost as uneasy as he did. Looking past them, however, he saw something else. Something moved in the lake, causing a ripple to travel across the otherwise calm waters. Tahiro motioned to the waters, trying to let them know something was there, and it was moving. He could see the top of a yellow head rise partially above the water, slowly weaving towards them. The yellow plant was certainly not helping, instead of noting his worry, it wrapped its vines around his arms, holding him down. Looking to the smaller amphibian for help, and glancing at the water, the little thing looked back and nodded, hopefully trying to be reassuring. “Do you see anything?” One roach asked the other. “Nothing yet.”[/i] [color=#0000CD]And at least one of them won't fly to get a better view because...?[/color] [color=#800080]What makes you think that they can fly?[/color] [color=#0000CD]Ignoring the fact that Roachmon have flown in previous seasons, the fact that they're roaches would imply that they could fly.[/color] [i]The creature in the water moved closer and closer, and as it did, Tahiro could feel the plant’s grip on his mouth loosen, and when it finally let him open his mouth, he instinctively gasped. “What was that?” Just as the roach was about to stumble upon them, the creature in the water arose, and boy was it massive. A giant sea serpent, turquoise in color, emerged from the water, rising tall above even the trees of the surrounding forest. It’s yellow head opened as it let out a roar, causing the roaches to stumble away from Tahiro’s hiding spot. “Roachmon. What are you two doing encroaching on my lake?” The roaches quickly regained their composure in the face of the giant sea serpent. “You’re lake, Seadramon? This part of the forest is under Snimon’s control! You lost ownership long ago!”[/i] [color=#0000CD]Are you so sure about that, Roachmon? I think LandLordmon will be the judge of that.[/color] [i]“Maybe so, but if I remember, I am allowed direct control in his stead.” Seadramon lowered his head down in front of the Roachmon, demonstrating the differences in their size. “Is Snimon here to tell me otherwise?”[/i] [color=#0000CD]I never thought Seadramon would ever be my favorite character in a Digimon story.[/color] [i]The Roachmon quivered in fear, slowly backing away from the Seadramon. Tahiro felt a nudge in his side and looked down to see the amphibian creature motioning for him to move with them down the shore away from the scene. Tahiro, contemplating whether or not this was the best idea, took one last glance at the intimidating Seadramon before making his decision. “We’ll be back, Seadramon!” “Yeah! We’ll be back!” The Roachmon yelled as they fled the scene. Seadramon let out a mighty roar, causing the pair to fly far faster than they had been previously.[/i] [color=#0000CD]See? Told you they can fly.[/color] [i]“This way!” The little amphibian motioned to Tahiro. The pair had led him away from the lake, and after passing through row after row of similarly looking trees, they had arrived at a large oak that stood on the edge of a cliff. Its branches were broken or lacking of leaves. In fact, the highest parts of the trees looked like they broke off long ago, and the remains of those branches lay decaying on the ground below. “You can talk?” Tahiro admitted that while he’d seen the Roachmon and Seadramon speak, and while the little guy had made motions just like humans had, he hadn’t really expected the amphibian to actually speak. “Of course I can! All Digimon can talk!” “Digimon…?” The word didn’t ring any bells. “Huh? You don’t know?” The little guy looked over at his veggie buddy before looking back at Tahiro. “I’m sorry, I guess I just assumed you’d know.”[/i] [color=#0000CD]Since humans were mentioned earlier, I'm curious how they're familiar with humans, so I guess it makes sense that Betamon would assume what he did.[/color] Rid of the roaches, Seadramon twisted his body around and dove back into the depths of the lake.[/i] [i]“Know what?” “Where you are.” “And… were exactly am I… um, what’s your name?” “Betamon! And this here,” Betamon motioned to his friend, “Is Veggiemon.” The plant creature waved one of its tendrils in the air like a human would wave. “And this place you’re in. This place you’ve fallen into. This is the Digital World.” “The Digital World?” “Yup! Ever heard of it?” Tahiro put his hand on his chin, running the word through his mind. Betamon looked enthusiastically up at him, expecting the connection to light up in his mind at any second. “And?” “No clue.”[/i] [color=#0000CD]Is Tahiro now talking in English? He noticed that the Roachmon were talking in English, so I assume that Betamon does as well. At least it was pointed out that Tahiro studied it.[/color] [color=#800080]I'm more curious as to why Veggiemon.[/color] [color=#0000CD]The same reason Digimon has characters like Betsumon.[/color] [color=#800080]I don't know who that is.[/color] [color=#0000CD][i]Good.[/i][/color] [i]Betaman slouched as Tahiro answered. “Well I guess if you don’t know, we’ll have to explain everything!”[/i] [color=#800080]Exposition time?[/color] [color=#0000CD]Exposition ti[/color][color=#0000cd]me[/color][color=#0000CD].[/color] [color=#800080]P[/color][color=#0000CD]r[/color][color=#800080]e[/color][color=#0000CD]p[/color][color=#800080]a[/color][color=#0000CD]r[/color][color=#800080]e[/color] [color=#0000cd]y[/color][color=#800080]o[/color][color=#0000cd]u[/color][color=#800080]r [/color][color=#0000cd]b[/color][color=#800080]o[/color][color=#0000cd]d[/color][color=#800080]i[/color][color=#0000cd]e[/color][color=#800080]s[/color][color=#0000cd]![/color] [i]Betamon looked at Veggiemon. “So… can we explain everything?” Veggiemon shrugged. “Oh… so, um…” Betamon walked over to the roots of the tree and poked around until he found a hole in the roots. With a quick peck, the roots moved, by themselves, opening a secret pathway underneath the tree. “Since we can’t explain what’s going on, we’ll have to bring you to someone who can! Follow me!” Without another word, Betamon jumped into the hole, and Veggiemon quickly followed. Tahiro stepped over to the entrance and looked down. It fell into the ground a few meters before turning forward and out of sight. “Are you coming?” Betamon called back up from somewhere underneath. Tahiro wasn’t exactly sure if he wanted to follow. In fact, he was debating on whether or not turning tail and running would be the better option.[/i] [color=#0000CD]Yes, run in the direction the Roachmon went, I'm sure that will help.[/color] [color=#800080]Oh, but they're probably long gone by now. Besides, he's still uncertain about this area.[/color] [i]But as he looked back at the forest, whose trees seemed to grow closer the longer he stared at them, he realized he’d be lost without their help.[/i] [color=#0000CD]As you should.[/color] [i]And so he jumped into the hole behind them, looking back up at the entrance as the roots closed together above him. On the outside of that wall, one unfriendly set of eyes, hidden beneath the cover of a nearby bush, turned away from its attentive watching of the tree, having witnessed the human who escaped beneath it. Its owner’s wings buzzed as it flew in the other direction, intent on passing on the knowledge it had learned.[/i] [Youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1Y73sPHKxw[/Youtube] [i]The ground in the tunnel was a little slippery. Due to that, the fall turned into a slide that led Tahiro forward, down, around, maybe even back up at some point. Though for such a long slide, he realized as he came to a halt at the bottom that it wasn’t that far of a fall and he’d probably be able to climb back out if he so chose.[/i] [color=#0000CD]In other words, the slide is kind of just there.[/color] [i]“This way, this way!” Tahiro looked across the cavern he’d slid into to see Betamon jumping up and down on the other side. Light trickled in from the ceiling, allowing him to barely make out his darkened surroundings. The room wasn’t a natural occurring structure,[/i] [color=#0000CD]Oh, like you know what "natural" means here.[/color] [I]the straight lines and jagged, ninety-degree corners made him sure of that much. From what it looked like, they’d stumbled into some ruins, overgrown and covered by the surrounding forest. Noticing his guides had already started down a tunnel exiting from the opposite end, Tahiro began running to catch up. “Come on, come on! We’re almost there!” Tahiro had to stick close to the wall to help guide himself through the much darker tunnel, using it as his guide and the thick, strong roots that hung from them as a stabilizer to keep his balance. There were two turns in the path, and finally, after a few minutes of walking, he could see light around one corner, with Betamon’s high-pitched voice adding extra guidance. “We’re here! We’re here!”[/I] [color=#800080]Hurray![/color] [color=#0000CD]Now we can [i]finally[/i] get the exposition out of the way.[/color] [i]Tahiro looked across the cavern he’d slid into to see Betamon jumping up and down on the other side. Light trickled in from the ceiling, allowing him to barely make out his darkened surroundings. The room wasn’t a natural occurring structure, the straight lines and jagged, ninety-degree corners made him sure of that much. From what it looked like, they’d stumbled into some ruins, overgrown and covered by the surrounding forest. Noticing his guides had already started down a tunnel exiting from the opposite end, Tahiro began running to catch up. “Come on, come on! We’re almost there!” Tahiro had to stick close to the wall to help guide himself through the much darker tunnel, using it as his guide and the thick, strong roots that hung from them as a stabilizer to keep his balance. There were two turns in the path, and finally, after a few minutes of walking, he could see light around one corner, with Betamon’s high-pitched voice adding extra guidance. “We’re here! We’re here!” Even after only a few brief minutes in the dark, Tahiro needed to shield and rub out his eyes to adjust to the bright mid-day sun glaring down on him. Once adjusted, though, the sight he beheld was breathtaking. The ruins he’d just come through was only the beginning, it seemed, as old stone buildings overrun with floral life were scattered across a beautiful canyon landscape. Lush trees stood tall over the buildings, ridding up even the cliff sides and arriving on top, leaning over the canyon giving it a canopy that Tahiro could only assume looked like the rest of the forest from the skies above. “This is amazing!” “Well it’s not the most beautiful place in the Digital World.” Betamon seemed to try to sigh after he said it. “Well maybe it is now, after what Hokakamon has done to the forest.” “Who’s Hokakamon?” Tahiro was beginning to piece together the social make-up of this new and dangerous world. The Roaches had referred to Hokakamon previously, and with Betamon’s mentioning of him, it had become obvious that he must be someone extremely important. Whether that was a good or bad thing was yet to be seen.[/i] [color=#0000CD]Betamon pretty much just said "Hokakamon screwed everything up." I would think that was a bad thing.[/color] [i]“We’ll have Mistress Lotosmon tell you,” Betamon chirped as he trodded along on all fours. “She’s the best at explaining things. She should be able to answer every question you have!”[/i] [color=#0000CD]Considering Lotosmon's appearance, could you say she is... and Exposition Fairy?[/color] [color=#800080]Roxas, you're going to the Boo Box after this.[/color] [I]“That’s good. I think.” Tahiro was sure there’d be at least something she wouldn’t be the one to tell him. “Who is Lotosmon, by the way?” “She’s the guardian of the forest! Or at least our part of the forest. Sad to say, the real guardian has been absent for a while, but I’m sure Mistress Lotosmon will fill you in on that.”[/I] [color=#800080]I like the way you've been building the backstory of this world.[/color] [color=#0000CD]Except the majority of Betamon's dialogue has been about giving Tahiro exposition.[/color] [I]The group stepped to the side of the narrow path they walked on as a group of green, blue-eyed plant Digimon with flowers sprouting from their heads sprinted by in a playful manner; laughing idly and sneaking glances at the human in their midst. “Who are they?” “Hm? Oh, those are Palmon. They’re the most frequent Digimon you’ll see around here. Most of the plant Digimon live under the protection of Lotosmon. After all, she’s the one keeping all the plants here healthy!”[/i] [color=#0000CD]And the Adventure references continue. Don't worry, I only bring it up because you've been consistently good with it, although I might just been looking too much into it.[/color] [I]Tahiro realized he hadn’t noticed it before, even when walking in the darkened path. The faunal decay that had been so prevalent outside in the forest was completely absent within this area. So whatever deathly force had pervaded the outside world was being held at bay- apparently by Lotosmon’s power. Betamon finally stopped as the trio arrived at a dead end in the path, a chasm with dark waters below. A drawbridge on the other side. “We’re almost at Lotosmon’s temple, human! Just got to talk to the gatekeeper!” “My name’s Tahiro!” Tahiro said it as a blast of water shot up from below, causing him to jump back in surprise, and Betamon to jump up in amusement. “Tahiro! Tahiro! Getting scared so easily, huh?” Betamon chuckled. “I think you met our gatekeeper before, right?” Tahiro gulped as the stream of water that had rushed up from below fell to reveal a large turquoise sea serpent with a yellow head staring back down at him. “We may have, but I don’t think I gave an introduction. I am Seadramon, defender of the forest waters.” It’s mouth opened in what must have been an enjoyable smile to anyone other than Tahiro. “And you are the human, Tahiro. Just arrived here by the grace of Amatarumon.”[/I] [color=#800080]Just as the prologue said. I'm really curious about this Amatarumon.[/color] [color=#0000CD]Oh, I'm sure he's the typical Gennai/Ophanimon/Omnimon/Abin Sur character. All I know is that I suddenly want to Seadramon to show up more often.[/color] [i]“Amatarumon?” Tahiro was having a hard time filing all these new names. Hell, the idea that this was all a dream was still hanging in the back of his mind. Seadramon let out a mighty chuckle. “You’ll come to learn of our more theistic social observances as you spend more time here. For now, I shall let you pass!” Seadramon swung himself around and slashed at the hook holding the drawbridge in place, allowing it to fall down and complete the pathway into the temple.[/i] [color=#800080]It must be a pain to get that drawback up again.[/color] [i]“Come on! Come on! Let’s go see Lotosmon!” Betamon jumped up into Tahiro’s back, pushing him forward and across the pathway. “Good luck, young human. Pray to Amatarumon that you have been chosen, Digidestined.”[/i] [color=#0000CD]Doesn't Digidestined, by definition, mean that he was chosen?[/color] [i]The last word rung inside Tahiro’s mind as he was pushed, by both Betamon and the quiet Veggiemon, into the inner sanctum of the temple- unable to ask the serpent about it before it dove back into the depths of the canyon waters.[/i] [color=#0000CD]TO BE CONTINUED.[/color] [color=#800080]So, what did you think?[/color] [color=#0000CD]Actually, to be honest, I really enjoyed this. A lot of the things done here, like opening right with Tahiro in the Digital World and not automatically giving him his partner were some unique changes that helped it stand out, but it retained classic story beats that helped prove that this was a Digimon story. While the exact plot isn't quite clear just yet, plenty of the characters have been brought into the playing field either with proper introductions or simple mentions of a name. The pacing, despite my teasing, was actually well done. I think if there was to be any major problems, it would be telling instead of showing, as the narration describes how Tahiro more often than we see him actually expressing those emotions.[/color] [color=#800080]You do realize that, since this is a written format, you can't exactly convey those emotions the same way you could on a screen, right? I think it's a good thing the narration is there.[/color] [color=#0000CD]Perhaps. I myself wasn't exactly won over by Tahiro, or really anyone else from the cast besides, Seadramon, but none of them were written too flat or with extreme personalities, leaving room for them to be developed with much contradiction. I wasn't expecting to be mean in this review, and I'm glad that I don't really feel like I need to be. I highly recommend reading this, although as it stands, this has more of an appeal if you're already a Digimon fan.[/color] [color=#800080]Wow, I'm really impressed how positive you were![/color] [color=#0000CD]I've been out of this for a while, Jen. I'll think you'll need to bring up to speed on the past nine months, and then we'll plan out our next move.[/color][/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Chaos Sonic Posted October 22, 2012 Report Share Posted October 22, 2012 A nice lookin' fic here Agro! Now I just wanna ask: What Digimon series/style is this based off? Adventure, Ad. 02, Tamers, Frontier, Savers, Xros Wars? I want to know so I can anticipate the next chapter! =3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agro Posted October 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2012 [quote name='Chaos Sonic' timestamp='1350934039' post='6050874'] Now I just wanna ask: What Digimon series/style is this based off? Adventure, Ad. 02, Tamers, Frontier, Savers, Xros Wars? [/quote]No. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
?someone? Posted October 28, 2012 Report Share Posted October 28, 2012 [quote name='Agro' timestamp='1350934494' post='6050883'] No. [/quote] Wow, you're a friendly bugger, aren't you? The only thing I can say that others haven't already is that you have a few grammar errors in there. Nothing big or obvious, but they're there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegasus_Maxamillion Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 Wow Digimon. I will soon be making a new renamon for all to love on IMVU... So I hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 You can't bump threads that are this old and/or not on the first page. Sorry, Agro, but I'm locking this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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