Bob's Bobbing Bob Adventures With Bob: A One-Shot

[Weather Report - Stand]

This is a delightful one-shot story I made about 6 months ago. It's a random comedy, so enjoy it.

 

Bob’s Bobbing Bob Adventures With Bob!!

 

IN: The Grocery Store

 

Bob the stick man lived in a house. It was a nice house. It looked exactly like it was drawn by a five-year old. Even the smoke puffs looked like squiggles from the chimney.. So one day he walked over to his refrigerator. He wanted a sandwich because he was hungry. “Boy, am I hungry for some sandwiches,” he said. He opened up his refrigerator; it was empty. “Oh yeah.” he remembered. “I ATE all of my food, heheh. I’d better go get some more.” He walked in the direction of the hidden garage door, as it seems there’s no garage to his house when there really is. And then he tumbled down the stairs, cracking several bones in his body. “Ow,” he groaned. “Now I have to go to the hospital.” Bob limped past the phone he had and went into the garage. It was dark and cold and had a black hummer car in it.

 

He stepped inside and turned the key to the car. It made large engine noises! “AHH!” Bob leaped out of the car, thinking it was a monster. Then he realized it wasn’t three minutes later and stepped inside again. He backed out his hummer through the garage door wall and bricks were lain out everywhere. Then the car stopped. “Aw, crap. Outta gas.” As you know, hummers suck with milage. Why do people like them? WHY?!

 

Bob stepped out of his car and started pushing it. “There’s a gas station by the freeway,” he sighed. “If I can make it there, I’ll be alright!” By now Bob had completely forgotten about the hospital and focused on getting food. After four hours of pushing the car he had made the mile it took to get to the gas station! He pushed his car by a gas pump. He began filling the car with gas and saw the gas meter go up to ’30 gallons’ and ‘$500.75’. Bob took out his wallet and counted out money. “Oh, shoot.” he complained, “I’m a quarter short. I’ll have to rush back home now.” He began dashing back to his house and found a thirty dollar bill on a table.It had a picture of a dolphin on it. “Oh boy, thirty dollars!” Then Bob shivered a bit. He looked at the thermostat. It read ’78 degrees’.

“Uh-oh, it’s COLD in here!” He turned the thermostat up to ‘104 degrees’. “That should do it.” Then he left the house and returned to the gas station. He paid for his gas and climbed into his car. There was a quarter sitting on the driver’s seat. Bob slowly turned to the screen and shrugged. “I didn’t expect that.” Then he finally, after FIVE FREAKIN’ HOURS drove to the grocery store. The parking lot was completely full. “Oh, come on, who goes to the grocery store at this time of night?” Bob asked himself. He drove around the parking lot, looking at every row of equally ugly cars lined up perfectly. With each ugly row his temper flared a bit more. Eventually he was annoyed. Suddenly a car zoomed away! “YES!!” he cried! Then just before his car could take the space another car took it instead. “DARN IT!!” he cursed! Eventually he decided to park the car across the street at about 1 in the morning. He climbed out of his car into the warm, night air. It was a nice summer night. He crossed the street and the crowded fugly parking lot and entered the grocery store.

 

The Grocery Store was a bright, happy area full of food. The area was brightly lit and the people all smiled. Bob geot a shopping cart with a flier inside. The handle of the grocery cart read ‘The Grocery Store’. The flier had a bunch of deals you could find at The Grocery Store. “Ooh, Bargain Dash ice cream is on sale!” Bob exclaimed. “One gallon for $6.98! Originally...$6.99! So what?”

“Hey you,” said a teenager that looked like a very nice person, smiling like everyone else, “Shut up and die!” She proceeded to walk away from Bob, leaving him open-mouthed in shock. He turned towards an anthropomorphic weasel pushing his own cart.

“D-d-did you j-just see that?!” Bob cried. The smiling weasel turned to him.

“If you don’t leave me alone, I’ll break your face and eat your children and wife.” he smiled.

“But I don’t have children or a wife.”

“You do now!” A stick lady with two stick children appeared.

“Get outta here!” Bob shooed them away from the grocery store. “Now let’s just for get everything that just happened here.” He pushed his cart over to the fruit and vegetable area. He saw a red cabbage for $3.194. He stared at its price tag in disgust and put it back. He noticed some spinach for $3.19. He took that instead. He also found an apple for $7.84 and an orange for $1.29; he took an orange. He then went to the meats area nearby. He got a whole ham for $0.001. He wanted to find out what that was all about. Then he got to the bread aisle. “Now it’s time to get some whole grain bread!” he yelled.

 

 

He scrolled the aisle; 50% whole grain, 75% whole grain, whole grain banana nut, cranberry whole grain, cinnamon swirl whole grain, pimento loaf whole grain, 25% whole grain, half-whole grain, 10% whole grain-

He took the 10% one. It costed...$16.87?! He ran back to the 75% bread. It costed...$3.12?! What a random number?! Besides it costed WAY less than the one with LESS grain!! “WHAT THE HEEEEECK?!?!” Bob roared! The teenager girl appeared behind him, smiling.

“I told you to shut up and die. Maybe we can try targeting the other one...”

“AHH! WHY DO YOU LOOK SO NICE BUT CONCEAL SUCH A BLACK HEART?!” Bob asked.

“I’ll take this side!” said the weasel. It was now holding a ginormous scythe.

“Why are you all still smiling?” Bob asked, shaking with fear. “Why do you want to kill me?”

“Because you disturb the natural order of all that is good.” The girl was now holding a claymore in her hands.

“WAAAAAUGH!” Bob took off running toward the weasel. He got his sickle ready... then Bob ran back for his grocery cart and kept running at the weasel.

“You can’t win-” Bob ran over the weasel with his grocery cart and stole his scythe.

“*gasp* Ittadakumasuchinorisayotokiaburame!!” she cried. She held the broken body of the weasel, limp and lifeless. She cried while smiling. She stared at Bob who ran to the next aisle. “Kill him.” All of the other people who smiled in the whole store’s eyes glowed red. They turned to where bob was now.

 

He was in the ice cream aisle. He stopped running and opened the freezer door that housed the Bargain Dash ice cream and got blue raspberry flavor. “There’s always time for ice cream,” he announced, “So buy your Bargain Dash today!.” Wait, just what is all this crap, a dangerous area such as this and you take time to add in a comercial?! What the heck?

 

From both sides of the aisle, many evil smiling people ran over to block his way. Bob took a plastic bag from a nearby bag of Bagger brand bags. He put his food into the bag and charged into battle! Then everybody took out guns and pointed them at Bob. “Holy crap!” he cried, ”Guns ALWAYS beat blade objects!” All of the people simultaneously fired at Bob. Hundreds of guns blasted bullets at him. The area was filled with smoke. But then the smoke faded away and revealed Bob, still alive, with a cool gauntlet on his left arm! A small fairy popped out and floated near his face, the Zelda kind with the blue light sphere body.

“Hi, I’m a fairy.” she said. “I came from the scythe you were carrying.”

“That’s nice.” Bob sighed.

“KEEP FIRING!!” ordered the evil smiling teen. Everybody continuously fired at Bob. He got hit by most of the bullets.

“So why did it turn into a glove on my left hand?” asked Bob.

“That’s because it’s the Super-Magi Bladeh Death Tool!” the fairy answered.

“But I’m RIGHT-HANDED!!” Bob cried.

“You can will it to turn into any weapon you desire.”

“But this is my WEAK hand!”

“Well screw you, just kill these guys and get outta here!” Bob held out his left hand, his body covered in gun wounds, and it turned into a pistol!

“Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!!” He swung his food bag over his shoulder and shot at the crowd. A marble fell out onto the floor from the gun. “HUH?!”

“Sorry, but you can’t use REAL guns yet, you have to train alot with the blades first. THEN you can be awesome.”

“I can use a scythe but not a gun?!”

“Not anymore!” the fairy chimed. “Since you turned the scythe into a gauntlet you must create a new save file and go through your adventure again.”

“WHA?!”


“By turning the scythe into the gauntlet you erased your save file.”

Bob slowly turned to the screen, bullets whizzing through him. “I didn’t expect that,” he shrugged. “THIS IS A FREAKIN’ VIDEO GAME?!”

“Kinda, but if you don’t do something soon you might actually take a fatal hit. You have to start with the lowest grade weapon in the memory, the short sword.” Suddenly the fairy was shot by a bullet and exploded in a bloody mess.

“OH NO!” Bob screamed. “Well, let’s take this baby for a spin.” His left arm turned into a glowing, blue sword of a small size. He ran up to an old lady and cut her. A huge energy shockwave completely erased her body. “HOW THE HECK IS THIS LOWER GRADE THAN THE SCYTHE?!” Bob screamed with his eyes bulging out of his head. More bullets fired at him and he deflected them with his blade. He made another energy shockwave and erased some more people. Then he jumped into the air. “Finisher: Blade Universal!!” The area turned dark like space and several star-like pictures appeared with galaxies. Bob floated and everybody stopped moving. Swords flew out from every possible angle at everybody. Then Bob landed again. Everyone but two people were gone(a cashier and the evil teen).

 

“BOB lost five MAGIC POINTS.” said a random voice.

“WHAT THE HECK ARE MAGIC POINTS?!” Bob zoomed in at the cashier. He gave him his $29 dollar bill and quarter. The bill had a picture of a vampire. Then the cashier gave him back a $17.469 dollar bill with a rocket ship depicted on it. “What’s the meaning of all this extra change?”

“The bag you took only costed a few cents. You paid for the whole bag, and so I gave you back what you really needed.” the cashier explained.

“Thank you.” Bob ran out of the store. It was daytime now. He took off his gauntlet and threw it down on the concrete, hard. It broke. “You mean to tell me I was here for several hours?!” He walked over to his car. The two smiling people walked over to the door and tried to open it. The door was jammed. They frowned. Then the whole building exploded, leaving a towering inferno in its wake.

Bob turned to the screen and shrugged. “I didn’t expect that.” He climbed into his car...only to discover that it was out of gas. “Aw, man. Not again.” He climbed out and began pushing it in an attempt to get more gas again. His bag in his hand, he pushed the several-ton truck into a traffic lane and stopped up traffic for the world with his slowness. I sure do hope that the ice cream doesn’t melt while I’m doing this, he thought. For the next few hours he played in a race against time against the sun. And the sun won. By alot.

 

Bob stood by the gas pump, his bag full of melted ice cream. He started pumping gas into his hummer. The gas filled up slowly. Bob unpatiently tapped his foot up and down. “I sure hope that my ice cream doesn’t evaporate while I’m doing this.” he sighed. Finally his car had all 30 gallons in it(his car gets 15 gallons to the mile), and the screen told him that he needed to pay $17.468 for it this time. Bob scratched his head. He was her last time, so why wasn’t it $500.75 like last time?

 

Bob sat in his hummer, holding his new hay-penny(1/10 of a penny), which had a hercules beetle picture on it. “So that’s what everybody was talking about,” he said. Suddenly a smell of blue raspberry ice cream filled the car. Bob stopped, making many people behind him angry, and looked at his ice cream container. It was empty! “OH NO!” Bob screamed! “IT EVAPORATED! BUT I CAN STILL EAT IT AND DRIVE AT THE SAME TIME!!” He began driving again and kept stretching his head around to try to eat the air containing blue raspberry taste. His car kept swerving because he couldn’t hold steady like that.

 

Finally he finished his ice cream, his belly full and cold. He arrived by his house...which was on fire! “AHH!” Bob cried. He ran out of his hummer which was running out of gas. Several fire fighters were busy fighting the fire. “What happened?!” Bob cried. A fire fighter turned and looked at him. She looked exactly like the teenager from the grocery store!

“We suspect it’s because a thermostat overheated and blew up,” she said. “You won’t BELIEVE how often that happens. But for now on keep your thermostat at a NORMAL temperature.” Suddenly the house exploded, leaving no traces of its existance.

“YEAH!” yelled a fire fighter!

“We did it!” another one said.

“All done, let’s go.” said the girl look-alike(she wasn’t the real one). All of the fire fighters left. Bob was left to deal with his lost house now.

He turned toward the screen slowly and shrugged. “I didn’t expect that.” Then he got hit by a bowling ball.
“Don’t use catch phrases, jerk!” the guy said.

[Crystal Beast 123]

Oh, my , God.

 

I was laughing the whole time! This thing is so freakin' funny. You can't even start to say in words how funny that was. Totally, whole-heartedly, that was the best thing, I ever read! A nice change from serious writing, that was spectacular, awesome, radical and so many other good adjectives put together in one!!!

[Weather Report - Stand]

Well, I do enjoy writing comedies. I made a second one later on, and my third chapter just doesn't have the same charm as the others. It'll be a while before #3 is ever completed, but I'll put #2 on someday. It's on the Rockman Exe Forums, under the 'Mega Man Battle Network' topic on page 9, maybe. If anybody cares enough.

[Silent Omega]

I didn't really understand how this is funny. I mean, no offense, but I wasn't laughing, not once. Still, the storyline was good, it was funny (But not enough to make me laugh).

[Crystal Beast 123]

I didn't really understand how this is funny. I mean' date=' no offense, but I wasn't laughing, not once. Still, the storyline was good, it was funny (But not enough to make me laugh).

[/quote']

Well you have no sense of humor.

[Weather Report - Stand]

I didn't really understand how this is funny. I mean' date=' no offense, but I wasn't laughing, not once. Still, the storyline was good, it was funny (But not enough to make me laugh).

[/quote']

 

It's okay that you didn't laugh, but my problem is that you thought it had a storyline. What storyline? It's just random crap that happens to a stick figure! Anyways, have a good day.

[Kaisu]

It's funny, but I can't laugh so I kept my mouth shut.

There are quite a few capitization errors in there.

[Weather Report - Stand]

Well, I looked it over and I fixed spelling errors and I gave all of the money pictures. Check 'em out!

[bury the year]

It was pure crack. Sometimes you need that at seven in the morning. :/

 

It did its purpose, so I can't complain. Keep up the good work! ;D

[Weather Report - Stand]

Yay, that's good. Now I know that by typing up random stuff, I can get a response! It's like Bo-BoBo Bo-Bo BoBo!

[Umbra]

Stop pretending to be funny; you're not. To be funny, you have to fit the context. There is no context in this.

[Weather Report - Stand]

Well it OBVIOUSLY doesn't please all crowds. I say once again: this is all random.

I understand that nothing pleases everybody and that everyone's comedy is different. I make another version of this story whenever I'm completely bored, but if you want to see my other comedy series, look at Wild West Bob. Maybe that'll be my gate to comedy bronze(not gold. That's aiming too high).

[The Warden]

I liked this for the sheer randomness and wit, but it appears my sense of humour has melted to standards beyond wit, therefore, I found it hilarious on the inside, but didn't laugh. Curse you toilet humour. But I completely adore randomness, so go you, bring us more absolute skull f**king random

[Weather Report - Stand]

You can get some of that in Wild West Bob, another fan fic of mine...[/advertisement]

[The Warden]

Somehow, I still think B4 was missing something, maybe a possessed pacifier? No, too corny

[Drunken Fist]

LOL times a thousand that was hilarious

[ShootingTheMoon]

Even though I hate you it was ok 7/10

The plot is weird.

[Weather Report - Stand]

It was actually supposed to be weird. It's a gag story, so there's no actual plot to really speak of. The story is about a stupid guy who goes to a grocery store filled with some sort of evil cult of "happy" people who attempt to kill him. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

[ThatPhantomGuy]

PURE. COMIC. GOLD.

[RyanAtlus]

It was Bobbalicious.

Wait a minute, is that even a word?

[Weather Report - Stand]

COOL! MONTHS LATER, IT'S STILL LOVED! That's awesome.

[.:Incognito:.]

its ...

There's not enough words that describes its awesomeness

from the look of my mom's face I think she was abit worried why I was loling so much..

[Weather Report - Stand]

I feel badly now, because whenever I start wanting to make this a series, I realize, while writing, that I'm just not on the same funny level as the original. If I COULD write better, then this series would rival Bobobo-Bobo-Bobo. Naw, that's saying too much.

[feline card maker]

the idea was good but I think you didn't really embrace the concept of a five year old drawn houce.:( the story itself was funny but not enough to make laugh:), just put a few more jokes in :D

[Black Rose Petal]

I LOVE IT! This is so funny, and it's completly ridiculos! IT'S AWESOME!