Are you the funniest person on Earth? (POLL ADDED)

[JG.]

This is my...fourth one?

 

[spoiler=The Fourth Coming of Lulz]

At the age of four' date=' Billy was about to go to his first day ever at school. Before he went out to catch the school bus, his dad came down the stairs and spoke to him.

 

"Son, I need to tell you something first," said the dad "when you go to school, you need to act mature and learn to use some grown-up words, you understand?"

 

Billy nodded and kissed his dad goodbye, and went off to school.

 

When Billy returned, his dad came out of the kitchen and asked "So son, how was school?"

 

"I read a book dad."

"Oh good, you don't call me 'daddy' anymore!" he sarcastically said.

"I listened to what you said."

"That's a good boy. Oh by the way, what book did you read?"

"Winnie the S***."

 

 

[/quote']

 

Lame and funny at the same time.

[Nishi-chan]

I'll start to chose the 3 winners, then the voting will begin.

[Lyfe.]

I'll start to chose the 2 winners' date=' [b']because Lyfe. is already one of them,[/b] then the voting will begin.

I appreciate your knowledge of who is funny and who is not.

 

Obviously, you find me funny. I thanks you for this.

[Blamonchesix]

I LOL on Pikachu. XD

[Lyfe.]

This is my...fourth one?

 

[spoiler=The Fourth Coming of Lulz]

At the age of four' date=' Billy was about to go to his first day ever at school. Before he went out to catch the school bus, his dad came down the stairs and spoke to him.

 

"Son, I need to tell you something first," said the dad "when you go to school, you need to act mature and learn to use some grown-up words, you understand?"

 

Billy nodded and kissed his dad goodbye, and went off to school.

 

When Billy returned, his dad came out of the kitchen and asked "So son, how was school?"

 

"I read a book dad."

"Oh good, you don't call me 'daddy' anymore!" he sarcastically said.

"I listened to what you said."

"That's a good boy. Oh by the way, what book did you read?"

"Winnie the S***."

 

 

[/quote']

 

lolno

[Mehmani]

This joke is offensive to EVERYONE IN EUROPE (except the Spanish, Dutch and Eastern Europeans).

 

The Archangel Gabriel comes down from Heaven to the French, and says: "I've some commandments, would you like some?"

The French say: 'Give us an example."

"Errmm....'Thou shalt not commit adultery'?"

French: "Ugh. Non chancez. Go away!"

 

He goes to the Italians and says the same.

The Italians say: "Give us an example."

He says: "Err...'Thou shalt not steal'?"

The Italians say: "No way!"

 

He goes to the Germans, and he says the same thing: "Commandments?"

Germans: "Example?"

Gabriel: "Thou shalt not kill?"

Germans: "Ugh. NEIN!"

 

So he finally goes to the Jews, and says: "I've got some commandments, would you like them?"

Jews: "How much are they?"

Gabriel: "They're free."

Jews: "I'LL TAKE TEN!"

[Nishi-chan]

Poll added.

GO VOTE!!!

[Eury]

My joke isn't in the poll...:(

 

I'll vote later. ;)

[OnSlaUghT]

Yay my joke is in the poll

[Dweller of Parables]

I posted some jokes before on other threads...

Some about masochists...

 

Stupid Search in YCM can't find my jokes :/

I need help.

[JG.]

This joke is offensive to EVERYONE IN EUROPE (except the Spanish' date=' Dutch and Eastern Europeans).

 

The Archangel Gabriel comes down from Heaven to the French, and says: "I've some commandments, would you like some?"

The French say: 'Give us an example."

"Errmm....'Thou shalt not commit adultery'?"

French: "Ugh. Non chancez. Go away!"

 

He goes to the Italians and says the same.

The Italians say: "Give us an example."

He says: "Err...'Thou shalt not steal'?"

The Italians say: "No way!"

 

He goes to the Germans, and he says the same thing: "Commandments?"

Germans: "Example?"

Gabriel: "Thou shalt not kill?"

Germans: "Ugh. NEIN!"

 

So he finally goes to the Jews, and says: "I've got some commandments, would you like them?"

Jews: "How much are they?"

Gabriel: "They're free."

Jews: "I'LL TAKE TEN!"

[/quote']

 

They're not offensive to Danes, Swedes, Norwegians, Finns, Austrians, Swiss, Belgian, Luxemborgian, Leichensteinian, Portugese, Andorran, English, Scottish, Irish, and so on, either.

 

xD

[Amethyst Phoenix]

[spoiler=I am so going to get flak for this one XD]

HARLEY DAVIDSON MEETS GOD

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

 

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

 

Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

 

God said, "Ah, yes."

 

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

 

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.

4. The intake is placed ! way too close to the exhaust.

5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous."

 

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

 

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

 

 

[Cyndaquil]

[spoiler=I am so going to get flak for this one XD]

HARLEY DAVIDSON MEETS GOD

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation' date=' Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

 

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

 

Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

 

God said, "Ah, yes."

 

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

 

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.

4. The intake is placed ! way too close to the exhaust.

5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous."

 

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

 

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

 

 

[/quote']

lol two jokes in this one it's kinda funny gave me a small lul

[T. Sankara]

so a young man comes home from school. He notices his mother and father on the couch, having sex, but he doesn't understand. He approaches his mother and asks, "Mommy what are you doing?"

 

They stop and the mother replies, "We're baking a cake." so the little boy goes on about his business.

 

The next day, he again walks in on his parents having sex, and the mother again replies, "We're baking another cake."

 

So the next day, the boy comes home late from school, and runs to his mother and says, "Mommy I know what you were doing. You were baking a cake. I licked the icing off the sofa."

---

[spoiler=I am so going to get flak for this one XD]

HARLEY DAVIDSON MEETS GOD

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation' date=' Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

 

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

 

Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

 

God said, "Ah, yes."

 

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

 

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.

4. The intake is placed ! way too close to the exhaust.

5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous."

 

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

 

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

 

 

[/quote']

 

I cracked the funk up. xDDD

[-Griffin]

While both jokes posted on this page were great, Crab's is the worthy winner, obviously.

[Cyndaquil]

so a young man comes home from school. He notices his mother and father on the couch' date=' having sex, but he doesn't understand. He approaches his mother and asks, "Mommy what are you doing?"

 

They stop and the mother replies, "We're baking a cake." so the little boy goes on about his business.

 

The next day, he again walks in on his parents having sex, and the mother again replies, "We're baking another cake."

 

So the next day, the boy comes home late from school, and runs to his mother and says, "Mommy I know what you were doing. You were baking a cake. I licked the icing off the sofa."[hr']

[spoiler=I am so going to get flak for this one XD]

HARLEY DAVIDSON MEETS GOD

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation' date=' Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

 

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

 

Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

 

God said, "Ah, yes."

 

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

 

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.

4. The intake is placed ! way too close to the exhaust.

5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous."

 

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

 

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

 

 

[/quote']

 

I cracked the f*** up. xDDD

OMFG LOL xDDD

[Lyfe.]

so a young man comes home from school. He notices his mother and father on the couch' date=' having sex, but he doesn't understand. He approaches his mother and asks, "Mommy what are you doing?"

 

They stop and the mother replies, "We're baking a cake." so the little boy goes on about his business.

 

The next day, he again walks in on his parents having sex, and the mother again replies, "We're baking another cake."

 

So the next day, the boy comes home late from school, and runs to his mother and says, "Mommy I know what you were doing. You were baking a cake. I licked the icing off the sofa."[hr']

[spoiler=I am so going to get flak for this one XD]

HARLEY DAVIDSON MEETS GOD

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation' date=' Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

 

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

 

Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

 

God said, "Ah, yes."

 

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

 

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.

4. The intake is placed ! way too close to the exhaust.

5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous."

 

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

 

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

 

 

[/quote']

 

I cracked the f*** up. xDDD

OMFG LOL xDDD

 

you win the internet.