Shinzo 2.0

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

If you guys were even paying attention to my post on the planning thread, you would've known that I was planning on making a Shinzo-based fanfic. This is it... the [s]masterpiece[/s] [s]eye-bleeding wall of text[/s] STORY that I'm working on. It might not be the best one out there in the whole of YCM (hell, it might even be far off from the best one of there), but I have definitely seen worse. Not sure if I got 100% of the canon right since its been ages since I've seen Shinzo on TV and I don't have perfect memory. In fact, I can't even remember how exactly you're supposed to spell the guys' names, so any corrections on them would be fine. But if you see anything wrong canon-wise: deal with it. Please. Oh, and I'm not describing characters that are already in the anime just because I mention them here. I may however, describe them later in this fanfic IF they appear differently when they're actually introduced in this fanfic than in the actual anime. In the mean time, Wikipedia is your friend.

Criticism will be accepted as long you don't flame (I have a brain, so I'll be the judge of that). Any positive feedback will be greatly appreciated. One last thing, I do have a right to comment on any criticism made. Without further ado, here's Chapter 1.

[spoiler=Chapter 1: Kadrian Redemption]Over ten thousand years have passed since Lanancuras was finally slain. The ruins of Shinzo were completely destroyed as Lanancuras and an Enterran Guardian by the name of Mushra did battle amongst them. All there was left was a grave, marked by two twigs that were tied together to make a cross. A two-man team of Kadrians was ordered to excavate these parts, in search for anything that their brethren could use. The Kadrian Holy Order required more warriors so they could hold off the Enterran rebellions. From there they could attempt to put an end to the war once and for all.

The first Kadrian was a perfectly humanoid Kadrian by the name of Zolarc. He was clad in two-inch thick golden armor, and wielded an eighteen-inch sword. Zolarc was a noble warrior, who never backed away from battle, and rarely showed a single sign of fear. His armor, despite being very heavy, barely slew him down when he pursued his enemies. However, since the Kadrians' task seemed only to require digging, Zolarc's sword was holstered and he had a shovel in hand.

Scorokko, the second Kadrian, was not humanoid. In truth, he resembled a black scorpion: with a single large eye, mouth and pair of nostrils on his face, and a multitude of appendages inside each claw that acted as fingers. Scorokko was a physically powerful Kadrian, capable of knocking unconscious all the Enterrans he ever fought in a single blow. Unfortunately for his adversaries, he was also quick to engage combat. Unlike Zolarc, Scorokko didn't need a shovel; he could dig with his bare claws.

“Nothing,” Scorokko muttered, muscling his way through the earth, “There's not a damned thing in this wasteland but rock and gravel.”
Scorokko turned, to notice that Zolarc hadn't dug a thing while he did all the hard work.
“You know Zolarc, the King sent the both of us here for a reason,” he reminded.
“I know, Scorokko, I know,” Zolarc replied, “Seriously though, if you hadn't tried to dig all over the place, I'd have somewhere to start.”

Zolarc scanned the surroundings for an elevated piece of land, as a signal that Scorokko might have missed a spot. He saw nothing in the immediate area, but as he climbed up a nearby slope, he saw the grave in the distance. Shovel still in hand, Zolarc approached the grave. Zolarc never exhumed graves before then, since he preferred to show respect to those who have been buried. But he had to present something to the King of the Kadrian Holy Order. After a brief sigh, Zolarc looked down at the ground.
“Damn the Enterrans for making me do this,” he said to himself as he drove the shovel into the grave. It took some time before Zolarc struck something solid, in which a clang was heard throughout the entire area. Scorokko approached to investigate.

“Hey, find anything?” he asked Zolarc.
“I'm not sure what we have here,” Zolarc answered as he dug around this mysterious object, “But it definitely looks mechanical.”
“So how're we supposed to open it?” Scorokko continued, “Is there a button or a switch or something of the like?”
“I have a better idea.” Zolarc withdrew his sword and slashed down onto the glass, which shattered into a thousand pieces upon impact. Inside was a corpse, of a girl who couldn't have been more than 17 years of age.

As Kadrians or Enterrans were slain in combat, their bodies would immediately transform into what looked like a card. These cards were of a rounded rectangular shape in the case of the Enterrans, or a hexagonal shape in the case of the Kadrians, and bared a portrait of the being that was slain in question. Though it was possible to resurrect Kadrians or Enterrans while in their card form, or absorb their powers while they were in their card form, the cards must remain intact in order for one to do so. A single scratch could jeopardize any form of either action. If a Kadrian or Enterran corpse were to be destroyed before the transformation could initiate, the card would cease to exist.

This was why corpses were a rear sight. As a matter of fact, the locating of a corpse could only mean one thing; one has found a dead human. There was now only one human on the planet Earth for every two thousand Enterrans or Kadrians. There was an abundance of humans in ages past, but a meteorite had wiped out the vast majority of their population. As rare as human corpses were, they were no less likely to be discarded as stones or twigs on the ground. But the mechanical object that bared this corpse seemed useful. Perhaps it could be the base a vehicle that could provide transportation.

“Well, we still have the egg, machine… thing,” Scorokko mentioned as he sighed, “…what do we do with the human?”
“She might be useless to us…” Zolarc answered, “But she might prove useful to the enemy… somehow.”
“I don’t know about that,” contradicted Scorokko, “Only thing I could think of is for food. I've heard of people eating human flesh as a delicacy, but…”
“Doesn’t matter!” interrupted Zolarc, “We’ll take the entire thing with us to Neo Shinzo. If we don’t find any food along the way, I might consider having a slice.”

And so the two Kadrians trudged through the desert, unaware of whomever might be following them. Meanwhile, the excavation site was then occupied by what seemed to be a large group of beings; neither of Enterran nor Kadrian blood. One of these beings moved its way towards the exact location where Zolarc and Scorokko dug earlier. Nothing was there, not even the shovel the Zolarc carried with him.

“So,” determined the being, “The Kadrians had found Yakumo after all.” This particular being showed no change in emotion, but the news he gave seemed to alarm the others. One of them slithered to what the being revealed as Yakumo’s grave. The one that approached seemed to resemble a giant shark with two arms under what looked like his dorsal fins, wielding a vast trident in one hand and a harpoon launcher in the other. Just by looking at this being, one would assume correctly that he was not to be trifled with.

The being that bared the news looked more humanoid, but his body was purely of a gaseous material that was indigo in color. He also lacked any form of a face, which may have explained why he didn't show any emotion. For an unknown reason, his voice would always repeat itself, as if it were an echo.

“What does this mean, master?” The shark-like being asked the more humanoid one, “Have we failed our mission?”
“Not yet, Giamako, but we must make haste.” the other answered, “Yakumo’s body must be found if we Xorquasans are to revive Lanancuras. We must not fail.”

Giamako now knew what he must do: track down the Kadrians and retrieve Yakumo Tatsuro’s corpse. He searched for footprints that might have been planted into the sand. There were few and far between, and they made minimal impact on the desert floor. However, Giamako did catch a scent in the air, the smell of sweat. Acting on instinct, he prepared to leave the area, but not before turning back to his master.

“The Kadrians have gone to the south east of here.” Giamako told him, “They must be bound for Neo Shinzo. But that’s well over five thousand miles away…”
“Which gives you plenty of time to intercept them,” his master responded, “And if they attempt to fight back, slay them and destroy their cards.” After receiving these orders, Giamako dove into the very sand that made up the desert floor, moving as if he were swimming through it. He was traveling much faster than the Kadrians could run.
[spoiler=End of Chapter 1]Who are these Xorquasans? Why would they want to revive Lanancuras? And how would they suppose Yakumo’s body could help? Find out on Chapter 2.[/spoiler][/spoiler]

EDIT: Fixed Lanancuras' actual name. Still not sure on Mushra's name but I'm certain about Yakumo's. Safe to say I need Wikipedia myself.

EDIT2: Fixed Yakumo's age and the spelling of both original races' names. Note to self, look at Wikipedia to jog memery on Shizo BEFORE writing a fanfic about it.

[Phantom Roxas]

Barely skimmed it, but I got to say, it looks like it has solid grammar, except for one thing. The guy's name was Lanancuras. I watched Shinzo too, and a shameless search through Google for confirmation shows that that's the correct spelling. Even if you have the "It's my fic, deal my with interpretation of canon" clause, at least try to get to spell all the names right. I don't think I've ever read a Shinzo fic, but this looks good.

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

[quote name='Phantom Roxas' timestamp='1288746727' post='4758236']
Even if you have the "It's my fic, deal my with interpretation of canon" clause, at least try to get to spell all the names right.
[/quote]

I have. That's the thing though, I can't even remember how exactly you're supposed to spell the guys' names. Overall, I was close though. Just changed the 2nd A into an I and made the "Lan" syllable a word on its own. Oh, and thanks for the correct spelling on Lanancuras. I'll change it from what I had when I get the time.

EDIT: Lanancuras' name has officially been spelt correctly.

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

*BUMP*

And on that [s]bombshell[/s] rocky start, I'm happy to announce that I have fixed the 2nd Chapter. This one will feature the two Kadrian protagonists fighting for the first time. And if you're wondering why I'm even bothering to recap previous chapters; it's a mere preparation in case this fanfic gets big... and people start getting too lazy to read it all

[spoiler=Previously on Shinzo 2.0: Kadrian Redemption]Lanancuras and an Enterran Guardian by the name of Mushura did battle amongst the ancient ruins of Shinzo. Over ten thousand years later, Zolarc and Scorokko were excavating the very site of the battlegrounds, only to find an egg-shaped mechanical object that bared the corpse of Yakumo Tatsuro, a human girl. They then left for Neo Shinzo, unaware that Giamako was hot on their tracks. Guided only by the minimal amount of footprints the Kadrians must’ve left behind and the smell of their sweat, Giamako was racing against time to track them down and capture Yakumo, who the other Xorquasans required to resurrect Lanancuras. Why would they want to do so, and how could they suppose Yakumo’s corpse could aid them to achieve such a feat?[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Chapter 2: A New Enemy]Days had passed since Zolarc and Scorokko were digging for objects of use. And yet these Kadrians were still in the desert area, trudging their way southeast, to the city of Neo Shinzo. Baring the weight of the mechanical object they found didn’t help. Eventually deciding to relax for a moment, Scorokko set off to hunt for food and water, while Zolarc remained on guard, keeping an eye out for any poachers.

However, the few beings that were truly after Yakumo Tatsuro were the Xorquasans. Giamako, the shark-like Xorquasan, was still continuing his way through the dirt and sand that made the desert floor, hoping to intercept Zolarc and Scorokko on their journey to Neo Shinzo. Unlike the two Kadrians, who were only moving at walking speed to begin with and suddenly stopped, Giamako was moving as fast as his body would allow. He eventually caught sight of the mechanical object that bared Yakumo’s corpse, but even then, he estimated that he was at least ten miles away.

Meanwhile, Scorokko had little luck finding any edible food or drinkable water, but at least he had a source of each in hand. Not expecting it to be enough, Scorokko continued hunting. Zolarc, on the other hand, was watching the horizon. At first his eyes were on the beautiful sunset, but then a random fin caught his attention. Noticing it was heading his way; Zolarc withdrew his sword and started to sharpen it, expecting combat. ‘Twas about this time that Giamako revealed himself.

“It’s over, Kadrian,” Giamako declared, “Hand over the girl.”
“Why should I?” asked Zolarc, “She’s of as little use to you as she is to us.” Giamako scoffed at this comment with a sinister laugh.
“You don’t know who she is now, do you?” he continued on, “Her name is Yakumo Tatsuro, and she is the one that absorbed the majority of Lanancuras’ powers. She also tried to stop Lanancuras’ first resurrection, but she failed. Now, with Yakumo’s help, we shall resurrect him once more.”
“I’d let you kill me before I’d allow you to do that!” Zolarc shouted, “We had good reason to betray Lanancuras; he ruined our reputation as holy warriors!”
“Suit yourself,” retorted Giamako, “But beware, we Xorquasans have felled a vast amount of those like you! We are not to be underestimated!”
“Perhaps it is you who has underestimated us!” Zolarc swung his sword at Giamako with all his might. Giamako narrowly dodged one swing, whilst blocking another with his trident. He then aimed his harpoon launcher at the crown of Zolarc’s skull.

Unaware that his colleague’s life was in danger, Scorokko had finally returned from his little hunting trip. He placed his supplies on top of Yakumo’s corpse, hiding it from plain sight. He then dug a hole large enough to hide the mechanical object deep within the desert lands. Remembering to place the object in the hole first, Scorokko had then covered it, before heading off to find Zolarc, who was supposed to keep guard.

He must’ve wandered off, but he’d always keep sight of what was required of him to safeguard. Scorokko, however, couldn’t find Zolarc anywhere; at least not without traveling too far away from the hole he dug earlier. By process of elimination, Scorokko had deduced that Zolarc got into a fight with someone, and that fight must’ve drifted away from the area. Scorokko was known for his constant desire to get into the action.

Zolarc was still struggling as he continued to battle Giamako. Most of his energy was drained, and he scored only a few strikes. Giamako, on the other hand, was still in top physical condition, and was preparing one last move on Zolarc’s life.
“Any last words?” Giamako asked sinisterly.
“Yeah… I have a few choicest words…” Zolarc replied through his gasping for breath, “Lanancuras was the King of Kadrians… not Xorquasans. We already destroyed all the Kadrians that set out to revive him… so why would you … want to do the same?”
“You’re wrong,” Giamako corrected Zolarc, “You never did destroy us as such Kadrians. In truth, we evolved directly into the Xorquasans you see now. We will show true loyalty to Lanancuras, starting with destroying all those who would oppose us!”

Zolarc was disgusted from hearing this. Yet he pondered… how did Giamako know all this? The only ones who were supposed to know the truth were the Guardians. Was Lanancuras one of those Guardians? And if so, did he pass this information to the Xorquasans? Or did they obtain it by other means? Zolarc didn’t know what to believe, but he continued to listen. Perhaps he could confirm or deny what Giamako just said once he reached the King of the Holy Order… if he could live long enough.

“We had to kill those humans,” Giamako lectured on, “They were destroying the very planet they lived on… slowly, but surely. At first, we thought the Enterrans would do the job just fine. And yet three of them turned against the remaining army, and destroyed the whole lot. We then attacked those traitorous Enterrans ourselves. We felt we were sure to succeed, but somehow, that failed too. We also went far enough to allow Lanancuras to take matters into his own hand, yet even he was overwhelmed.”

“So what?” Zolarc snapped back, “Now that these so-called traitors have gone, you think you can revive Lanancuras and start this unholy mission all over again?”
“We’ve had this opportunity the whole time!” Giamako argued, “We just needed one thing, Yakumo’s corpse. Our master has a ritual in place that shall extract the last of Lanancuras’ power from Yakumo, and use it to resurrect Lanancuras himself. Even if it fails, we can always devour the last few ounces of her flesh. But if it succeeds, we’ll have all the power we need to wipe out the humans once and for all.”
“Then I’ll make sure it fails!” protested Zolarc.

Only getting angrier, Giamako was about to pull the trigger. But having arrived just in time, Scorokko had jumped on his back, disctracting him. Once obtaining a stable grip, Scorokko aimed a couple of punches at Giamako’s head. As little effect as it had, it was enough to keep Giamako at bay, focusing on Scorokko. Seizing the opportunity, Zolarc swung his sword one last time. It connected. Giamako roared in pain as blood was pouring out of a gaping hole in his bowels.

Giamako was no match for the combined forces of the two Kadrians. He gasped for breath as Zolarc stood over him, holding him at sword-point.
“I told you that you underestimated us, Xorquasan,” Zolarc stated, “Now step aside.”
“Never…” whispered Giamako, “I’ll find that corpse… if it’s the last thing I do.”
“You mean you almost killed my friend over A GODDAMNED CORSPE??!!” Scorokko grabbed Giamako by the neck, holding his face so it was right next to his. All Scorokko achieved from this was a cold, blank stare from Giamako.

“You haven’t been filled in… have you?” Giamako assumed.
“And what if I haven’t?” retorted Scorokko.
“Your friend over there…” Giamako pointed at Zolarc with his nose, “I’d assume he’d tell you… everything I told him.” Giamako then turned to the location of the mechanical object: at least where he expected it to be. He was about to head in this direction when both Kadrians charged. Suspecting they might ambush him once more, Giamako turned to unleash a wave of ice from his trident, freezing the entirety of their bodies. By the time the desert sun had melted all the ice around the Kadrians, Giamako was nowhere in sight.
[spoiler=End of Chapter 2]Could Giamako have taken Yakumo with him? Would Zolarc and Scorokko reach Neo Shinzo in time to warn the King? Find out on Chapter 3.[/spoiler][/spoiler]

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

BUMP

Need comments on Chap 2... or 1, or both

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

Bump kick

EDIT: 66 views to 70 in one shot? ...nah idc... needs... some... COMMENTS!!

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

Bump kick

Not gonna stop bump kicking till someone comments.

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

Well, hasn't been locked so far. I myself haven't even been warned for all this bumpkicking... which reminds me.

BUMPKICK!!

Oh, and here's another chapter, just to let you know that this isn't dead.

[spoiler=Previously on Shinzo 2.0: A New Enemy]Stopping for a break after days of trekking the barren desert, Scorokko went to search for food and water, while Zolarc remained on guard. Unhappy with the amount of both supplies that he found, Scorokko returned to find Zolarc missing. Thinking on his feet, Scorokko had hid Yakumo’s corpse from view, before trying to find Zolarc. Meanwhile, Zolarc was struggling to keep Giamako at bay. When asked for any last words, Zolarc demanded information as to why the Xorquasans would want to revive Lanancuras. This bought Scorokko enough time to save his life. Giamako succumbed to both the Kadrians, but as they tried to finish him off, they were frozen by a wave of ice that Giamako unleashed from his trident. Could Giamako have taken Yakumo Tatsuro with him while he ventured out to where his master was holding a special ritual for her?[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Chapter 3: Back From the Dead Once More]Immediately after both Kadrian’s were thawed, the first thing on their minds was to find Yakumo Tatsuro’s body. They noted the blood trial left by Giamako, and followed it. It seemed that Giamako was sifting through the sand, trying to locate the corpse. Yet he can’t have had much time for a thorough search: assuming that Xorquasan corpses would also transform into cards, Giamako would’ve met that same fate if he lost too much blood. Knowing this, Scorokko was even more confident in his digging abilities. He started digging deep into the ground, eventually revealing Yakumo’s corpse.

“And that’s how you stop poachers from getting anywhere!” Scorokko then claimed.
“You do realize that thing would’ve likely searched longer if he had the chance?” Zolarc questioned, “He would’ve only stopped short because...”
“Which reminds me,” interrupted Scorokko, “There’s something I need to know about that woman… the dead one we’re lugging around with us.”
“And I need to know the truth…” Zolarc replied, “We best get going, it already took us from dawn to dusk to get this far.”

Seventy-two hours have passed until they were finally just at the outskirts of Neo Shinzo. Another four hours later, they’d arrived at the Castle of the Holy Order, which was located in the exact center of the city. At this time, the duo split up once more. Zolarc wanted to speak with the King of the Holy Order for answers, whilst Scorokko was hoping to get his own, via reviving Yakumo Tatsuro by himself.

Placing Yakumo’s naked body into a tube, Scorokko moved to what looked like a control panel, flipping random switches and turning random knobs. He then figured out what do, learning that Yakumo’s body was metamorphing with each flip of a switch or turn of a knob. A black button caught Scorokko’s eye. This resulted in him pressing both up and down segments, neither seeming to have any effect.

Frustrated by this, Scorokko grabbed a metal pipe and slammed it into the up segment of the button. Scorokko then concentrated on altering some of Yakumo’s finer details that he had in mind, unaware that her power continued to rise as he did so. Scorokko was only finished with one particular detail when an alarm went off. He ignored it for a few seconds, but was forced to rush as he could see that Yakumo was trying to come to life, way too soon for his liking. It was only a matter of time before she would drown inside the green fluid, or so as it appeared, that was within the tube.

Thinking fast, Scorokko drained some of this fluid, and then had the machine pump oxygen in the area of the tube that did not have any fluid. This ensured that Yakumo could at least breathe, while Scorokko applied the finishing touches before draining the remaining fluid and releasing her from the tube. About this time Zolarc appeared. He must’ve heard the alarm that went off when Yakumo was starting to come to life.

“The hell’s going on out there?” exclaimed Zolarc.
“Relax, Zolarc,” answered Scorokko, “I’ve got this under control.”
“You? Getting things under control?” Zolarc retorted, “Like that’ll ever happen.”
“Aw, come on!” argued Scorokko, “You’re treating this like toxic fumes have been let loose and we’re all gonna die of suffocation!”

As the two Kadrians continued to argue with one another, Yakumo slowly stirred further to life. She opened her eyes for the first time since she had died, albeit only barely. She also realized that she could move her arms and legs. After covering herself as best she could, Yakumo turned to look at the Kadrians. They were still bickering, but not even as Yakumo’s sense of hearing came to could she make out what they were arguing about.

Just then, an electronic door opened right up. Garisune, the King of the Holy Order himself, walked inside the room. Like Zolarc, he too carried a sword by his side, but this one was a whole three and a half foot beast in its own right. Garisune also had the same two-inch thick armor, but over top of this was a robe made entirely of what looked like thick wool. The final accessory was a crown of pure gold. Garisune was much further aged than the other two Kadrians, yet he was still able to fight in the event that he must.

“That’s enough, you two,” Garisune called. Zolarc and Scorokko turned immediately to face Garisune. Yakumo was struggling to stay awake, yet she too kept a keen eye.
“I see that you’ve finally revived the girl,” noted Garisune.
“It wasn’t easy getting her here, milord,” Zolarc responded, “It took days for us to find her. We were also attacked by a Xorquasan along the way.”
“A Xorquasan?” Garisune asked.
“We almost had him too,” added Scorokko, “But he managed to evade us.”
“This is a serious setback,” declared Garisune, “Lanancuras would walk the face of the earth once more if those Xorquasans could get a hold of her.”

While Zolarc and Scorokko were still conversing with Garisune, Yakumo was stilling trying to figure out what was going on. But hearing Lanancuras’ name seemed to ring a bell. It was almost as if she saw him at some point of time. Yet she hasn’t heard of Xorquasans before. Nonetheless, she was convinced that those guys were the new enemy. But during the last time Yakumo was alive, the Kadrians were her enemies too, as were the Enterrans at an earlier stage. She hardly knew what was happening around her, but she had to speak out. Maybe then she would gain some information.

“That name…” Yakumo’s voice was hoarse and groggy, yet it was still somewhat audible by the Kadrians, “it sounds… fimiliar…”
“You think?” Scorokko questioned, turning to Yakumo, “He’s been dead for what, 10,000 years? Surely he would’ve been completely forgotten about by now.”
“Actually Scorokko, you’re wrong,” corrected Garisune, “Lanancuras never was forgotten. Our history records have great details of his battle, right down to the moment he was finally slain. Although they still say humans were extinct for so long…”
“And they still say that our people have vanquished the evil Kadrians for good,” informed Zolarc, “I’m not even sure if that’s true anymore.”
“That doesn’t matter now, Zolarc,” answered Garisune, “What matters is that we prevent Lanancuras’ resurrection at all costs. We may even have to kill the Xorquasans.”

On that note, Garisune had walked away, leaving the other three to discuss amongst themselves. Yakumo couldn’t believe it; she was actually with Kadrians this whole time. Maybe she knew these Kadrians were the good guys after all. Or perhaps she only expected them prepared to a call a temporary truce; one that lasted until the very last Xorquasan was ridded of the face of the Earth.

“So uh… you guys are… Kadrians, huh?” Yakumo asked Zolarc.
“Yes ma’am,” answered Zolarc, “We’re your allies now. In truth, we’d offer you better protection against the Xorquasans than any Enterran would.”
“Might as well introduce ourselves,” added Scorokko, before turning to Yakumo “I’m Scorokko, and this guy here is Zolarc. And you are?”
“Oh, my name is Yakumo Tatsuro,” Yakumo introduced herself.
“So yeah, really nice to…” Scorokko started, before coming across an epiphany on his mind, “…wait a minute, you’re that woman who stole Lanancuras’ powers, aren’t you?”
“Err, I’m… not sure if ‘stole’ is the word you’re looking for…” replied Yakumo.
[spoiler=End of Chapter 3]How exactly did Yakumo obtain Lanancuras’ powers? Was her revival enough to thwart the Xorquasans’ ritual? Did the Xorquasans have a backup plan? Find out on Chapter 4.[/spoiler][/spoiler]

Seriously though, I can only go so far without any comments, or even any criticism. Any of either will be mucho apprectiato

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

One more bumpkick for good luck =/

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

And another one since people want to wipe this off the 1st page...

COMMENT, DAMN IT!!

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

Throwing up a 4th one now. This one sets up the 2nd fight that our protagonists will have.

[spoiler=Previously on Shinzo 2.0: Back From the Dead Once More]Zolarc and Scorokko managed to recover Yakumo Tatsuro’s dead body, but only because Giamako was bleeding too heavily lest he be carded… if that was possible for a Xorquasan. A few more days had passed until the Kadrians had reached Neo Shinzo, and split up once again. While Zolarc wanted a word with Garisune, the King of the Kadrian Holy Order, Scorokko set his sights on attempting to revive Yakumo. This was successful, but Zolarc, after rushing in to see what was going, claimed it could’ve easily been worse. He and Scorokko had then argued for a while before an electronic door was sent wide open. This only meant one thing: Garisune had come. He and the other two Kadrians were talking amongst themselves, before he left them with one final mission: to prevent Lanancuras’ resurrection at all costs. Was Yakumo’s revival enough to complete the mission, and did the Xorquasans have a backup plan in motion?[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Chapter 4: Embarking a Holy Mission]Yakumo Tatsuro never had a chance to look at her own reflection. Perhaps this was because she never found any form of a reflective surface. But by looking at herself and feeling her own body alone, she knew something wasn’t right. Yakumo swore that her breasts were significantly larger than she remembered them to be. She looked at her hair. It used to be light brown, but it was now much darker. There were even groups of strands that were black. Yakumo could also see a strange symbol all over her back, which appeared as though it was scratched on there with a blade or the like.

There was one more change that Yakumo couldn’t see; in her left eye. Its iris had changed into an ice blue, and the eye itself appeared as though it were clouded. The other eye remained completely untouched. Yet these changes weren’t the main issue Yakumo had on her mind. She was only getting further embarrassed as she was still naked, and was frantically looking for something to cover herself with.

“I can’t… go out like this,” stuttered Yakumo, “Where are my clothes?”
“Disposed of,” Scorokko answered quickly. At first he thought this was enough of an answer, but as he saw the look on Yakumo’s face, he reconsidered.
“The Xorquasans will surely look for you, Yakumo,” Scorokko continued, “If we can fool them into thinking that you’re someone else…”
“Which we can’t,” Zolarc intervened.
“…Then at the least we won’t be constantly bombarded by…” Scorokko abruptly stopped mid-sentence, only to snap at Zolarc, “The hell do you mean ‘which we can’t?’”
“They contradicted what we believed to know all our lives,” raved Zolarc, “What makes you think they’d be foolish enough to fall for something like that?”

Without receiving an answer, Zolarc gave directions as to where Yakumo could find some clothes. He then went on a separate path, presumably to locate the mechanical object that the Kadrians carried with them. Scorokko, on the other hand, initially remained where he was standing. However, he figured the other two would take a while to complete their tasks, so he took some time to explore the city of Neo Shinzo.

Yakumo had a hard time selecting some clothes that she wanted. While pants, shorts and undergarments were easy to find, finding the right top was a completely different matter. At first Yakumo thought it wouldn’t be so bad, as she expected the symbol to be covered up with ease. But that wasn’t so; every time she tried, the symbol would glow a deep red and emit a sharp pain directly into the pain receptors in her entire body. This would always happen, even if the symbol was only partially covered. This meant Yakumo had to find a dress… one that would keep her entire back exposed, yet one that wasn’t too flimsy to keep her breasts at least partially covered at all times, if not completely. This was a tall order, but she eventually found a cyan dress to go with her blue jeans.

Little did she know that she needed gold to buy these clothes, which she didn’t have. In fact, the only one of the trio that had any amount of gold was Scorokko, and he was betting it all on a roulette table inside a casino, not far from where he originally was. This wasn’t unusual of him: in truth, he did this every time he went into a city that actually had a casino in it. It was also of little surprise that Scorokko would splash all his gold coins across the table, declaring that he’d bet all in on double zero.

Scorokko might not have known how to properly gamble, but he certainly knew how to fight. Zolarc only truly excelled at fighting too, but at least he was a little bit more of a jack-of-all-trades. But Yakumo would much rather follow the path of peace. However, conflict seemed to follow her wherever she went, regardless of whom she met and what was going on around her. Violence was almost the only answer ever now.

Eventually, the trio came back together, Scorokko with more gold than he entered the casino with, and Yakumo with some new clothes.
“Alright guys,” Zolarc announced, “If we stay here for too long, the Xorquasans will eventually find us, and may kill a multitude of civilians in their attempts to kill us. Which is why we shall find them first, even if we walk till the ends of the earth. Any questions?”
“Which exit are we going out?” asked Scorokko, causing Zolarc to sigh.
“Let’s just head out through the East Wing and start from there,” commanded Zolarc, “If the Xorquasans find us just before we leave, then at least their attacks will only endanger the three of us. The East Wing has still been abandoned for some time.”
“Well what’re we waiting for, guys?” Scorokko raised the rhetorical question, “Let’s get going already before them Xorquasans find us!”

Following Scorokko’s lead, Yakumo and the two Kadrians ventured into the East Wing. It looked… completely destroyed, as if a powerful bomb or explosive magic attack was centered there, vaporizing everything in its path. Whole buildings blocked the most direct way to the gate, forcing the trio to walk around the rubble.

“Actually, I have a question that I haven’t had the chance to ask,” mentioned Yakumo, “Why are we doing this? Isn’t there an easier way to stop Lanancuras’ resurrection?”
“It’s the only surefire way that I know of,” answered Zolarc, “They claim to have a ritual in place that’ll extract your powers and use them to resurrect Lanancuras. Going by most rituals, I’d say they require of you to be dead. Regardless, we’re only giving the Xorquasans the chance to surround us if we wait for them to do the attacking. But if we look for them and find them, we should be able to take them down… if we can fight them one at a time. They’re much too powerful to combat otherwise.”
“But aren’t we wandering around aimlessly?” asked Yakumo, “I mean, how are we supposed to find them? I haven’t a clue as to where to look.”
“Neither do I,” Zolarc admitted, “But we’ll know when we find one of them.”

The trio had finally reached the gate. Scorokko swung its doors wide open, only to confront a vast swarm of insectoid Enterrans that laid conveniently before the trio. Some of them were shaped like worms, with huge bug eyes, and giant antennae protruding from their foreheads. What looked like their Hyper Formed brethren, on the hand, had six legs apiece, each equipped with sharp stingers, and moth-like wings on each side in addition. Zolarc withdrew his sword, unwilling to wait for their expected attack.

“Wait, don’t fight them!” Yakumo cried, “They might be on our side!”
“There’s only one way to find that out!” Scorokko retorted. He then took a step forward, and took a deep breath as he stared down the vast swarm of Enterrans.
“Welcome to Neo Shinzo,” Scorokko sarcastically greeted the Enterrans, “To your left, you have… some… random building over there. To your right, you have another random building, which I don’t even know what is, and straight ahead of you…”
“DEATH TO ALL KADRIANS!!” hissed one of the Hyper Formed Enterrans. Scorokko then clicked the bones of his claws before turning to Yakumo.
“Nope,” declared Scorokko, “They’re definitely not on our side.”
[spoiler=End of Chapter 4]Could Zolarc and Scorokko defeat the vast swarm of Enterrans? Did Yakumo have a chance to put her amplified powers to the test? Find out on Chapter 5.[/spoiler][/spoiler]

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

This is ridiculous... all the way down the bottom again

BUMP KICK!

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

[quote name='Admiral_Stalfos19' timestamp='1290116892' post='4793945']
This is ridiculous... all the way down the bottom again

BUMP KICK!
[/quote]

[Floyd.]

I found it quite confusing throughout the entire thing to be honest. I had no idea what you were talking about or who you were talking about when you mentioned names like "Zorg", you need to explain these things but in a constructive way for those who do not follow the series.

Other then that I think it was well-worded, lacked a few adjectives and similes but still, well worded.

Well done.

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

[quote name='Floyd.' timestamp='1290203568' post='4795969']
I found it quite confusing throughout the entire thing to be honest. I had no idea what you were talking about or who you were talking about when you mentioned names like "Zorg"...
[/quote]

"Zorg"? o_O Yeesh, you'd think I'd actually know if I actually used such a name.

Seriously though, thanks for the compliment. Have you tried reading the "Previously on yadayada" spoilers? They should help summarize what actually happened within each previous chapter.

As for the lack of adjectives, blame my grammar checker. I only have Microsoft Office 2000, so its as unreliable as buggery.

[Floyd.]

[quote name='Admiral_Stalfos19' timestamp='1290238876' post='4797195']
"Zorg"? o_O Yeesh, you'd think I'd actually know if I actually used such a name.

Seriously though, thanks for the compliment. Have you tried reading the "Previously on yadayada" spoilers? They should help summarize what actually happened within each previous chapter.

As for the lack of adjectives, blame my grammar checker. I only have Microsoft Office 2000, so its as unreliable as buggery.
[/quote]
Haha, okay, that was going overboard a little bit, I think I miss read one of the names or something. And I think I did, but I only glanced at it, I'll give it a proper read.

Lack of adjectives, eh, no excuses next time, here: http://thesaurus.com/

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

Chapter 5 will be on its way in a couple of days.

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

Well, since I'll be gone for 5 days, I might as well post this now.

[spoiler=Previously on Shinzo 2.0: Embarking a Holy Mission]The trio had split up once again. Yakumo went to look for some clothes, as she couldn’t stand walking around naked. Zolarc went elsewhere, presumably to look for the mechanical object that previously contained Yakumo’s body, while Scorokko went into a casino to gain some extra gold. They regrouped, and decided to walk out through the East Wing, as since it remained a ghost town for so long, no lives would be endangered if the trio were to be attacked. Almost as if on cue, Scorokko opened the gates to have the trio introduced to a vast swarm of insectoid Enterrans. Could Zolarc and Scorokko defeat the entire swarm, and would they need Yakumo’s help to do so?[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Chapter 5: The Xorquasan Kings]“Mega Slash!” Zolarc called, unleashing a colossal energy wave from his sword. Scorokko jumped this wave, but the Enterran swarm didn’t have such smarts, resulting in the wave barreling through the majority of them. However, the swarm was far from neutralized, as more minions arrived seemingly arrived from out of nowhere.

“Acidic Blaster!” It was Scorokko’s turn to perform a technique. He sprayed a vile globule of acid from his mouth. It didn’t hit as much of the swarm, but those that were hit disintegrated into the ground. While Scorokko had the ground forces covered, Zolarc dealt with the Hyper Formed variants above. The two of them, however, were expending much energy, just to keep the swarm away form them.

“Damn it, there’s too many of them!” Zolarc cursed, “For every foe we slay, two more take its place! We’re running out of options here!”
“Maybe we should Hyper Form,” Scorokko suggested, “Those things up there must’ve already done; otherwise they’d look completely different to the ones down here.”
“No… they’ve Hyper Formed too soon,” doubted Zolarc.

He then turned to Yakumo, to notice that she stood… frozen in place, her arms crossing her chest. A crimson glow emitted from her whole body, shining brightly across the ruins of the East Wing. The insectoid Enterrans rushed into the East Wing, each and every single one aiming at Yakumo. The two Kadrians worked even harder in their attempts to drive the swarm back, but it was all in vain.

Yakumo suddenly screamed at the top of her lungs. It sounded like a shriek of pain, yet the Enterrans were still nowhere in range. For an equally unknown reason, her whole body had caught ablaze. Another scream, she threw her arms wide open and unleashed a colossal hemisphere of fire. The Kadrians jumped to opposing side, narrowly evading the flames as they hurdled the buildings that they used to take cover.

The swarm of Enterrans on the other hand, again not showing the smarts to dodge attacks, was consumed by the inferno. They were no more, but something was amiss. Yakumo’s arms crossed her chest yet again. She remained on her knees, still quivering over what seemed to be sharp pulses of pain clawing into her skin. Zolarc and Scorokko approached, taking care not to draw too near. ‘Twas unlikely, almost to the point of impossibility, that the flames on Yakumo’s body were merely cosmetic.

“This… can’t be…” Yakumo stuttered, “So much pain… surging through my body…”
“Maybe the fact that you’re on fire has something to do with it.” Scorokko bluntly suggested, as if he stated the obvious.
“No…” Yakumo denied, “Not the flames, they’re not causing this…”
“Yakumo Tatsuro,” an unknown voice had echoed, “I’ve found you… at last.”

A vortex appeared out of nowhere. Exiting this vortex was a being, presumably a Xorquasan, whose body was made entirely out a gaseous material that was indigo in color. The Xorquasan levitated towards the center of the trio, eyeing up Yakumo. The Kadrians readied themselves for an attack.

“I wouldn’t bother if I were you,” the Xorquasan warned, “Your attacks will be futile, I myself cannot be harmed by anything other than holy magic.”
Scorokko burst into laughter at the Xorquasan’s so called threat.
“You just gave out your big weakness!” Scorokko shouted after collecting himself.
“And what if I have?” the Xorquasan snapped back, causing Scorokko to force himself into a more serious nature, “You don’t even know such magic, and you’ll never find the likes of such artifacts! Even in the unlikely event that you do, I’ll have accomplished my mission on this vastly oversized ball of dirt that happens to be called a planet.”
“We’ll find an artifact of holy magic all right,” Zolarc said in a tone that implied that he’d guarantee it, “And once we do, you’ll be vanquished just as easily as the other curs.”
“Oh really? Guess again!” the Xorquasan spat.

He then waved his arms. Six cards appeared before him, twirling mid-air in the trio’s eyes. They had the hexagonal shape of the Kadrian cards, but the backgrounds were much darker, and a big X, gradating to red, shone on the backs of the cards. Apart from these details, they would’ve been exactly the same. Maybe Giamako was right about the Xorquasans being the evolved forms of Kadrians all along.

“Allow me to introduce you to the strongest of our forces: the Xorquasan Kings!” the Xorquasan made his speech, “You must defeat all of them if you wish to prevent Lanancuras to walk the Earth once more. But be warned: they are not to be trifled with, and shall destroy all who would oppose them.” Five of the cards erupted into various gaseous forms, whilst the other was absorbed back into the Xorquasan that created the cards. The forms showed strong representations of the true beings in question, but the Kadrians were not intimidated by their appearance.

“First, we have Behemos, the Wild Beast King!” The Xorquasan pointed to what resembled a massive rhinoceros that was covered in spikes. Behemos could outrun any human despite his gargantuan size, and he could barrel through armies of Kadrians or Enterrans with as little effort as a knife could cut through butter.

“Alberager, the Bird King!” An albatross-like form took flight. Zolarc and Scorokko watched as the gaseous form continued to soar, all the way to the ceiling of the world. Alberager was most feared for his powerful Spatial Beam technique, a wind magic attack that had what seemed an unlimited range.

“Scorerra, the Insect Queen!” This one almost looked like Scorokko, but she had a more aged feminine look and was at least twice the size… and Scorokko was never small to begin with! Scorerra may have been a relative to Scorokko, possibly even being his mother. It was unknown as to why Scorerra was a Xorquasan and yet Scorokko wasn’t.

“Giamako, the Sea King!” Zolarc and Scorokko had fought Giamako before, the latter only briefly. They almost killed him too, before he managed to freeze them in their tracks. However, Zolarc feared that they only did so well the first time because Giamako was at a severe disadvantage, and the next battle would have tables turned to his favor.

“Vydora, the Reptile Queen!” Dozens of heads turned to face the trio, each and every one glaring coldly and blankly, and exposing their sharp fangs. They all resembled snakes, but they were connected to a more humanoid figure, protruding from what looked like the neck, elbow and above the buttocks, those of the latter acting as legs or sometimes tails.

“Last, but not least, yours truly, Xenonite, the Phantom Beast King,” Xenonite absorbed the other gaseous forms back into his own body before continuing, “You know your enemies now, so I’ll let you go. But if we meet again, your lives shall be no more.” Xenonite disappeared into thin air. The Kadrians were thankful that he was gone, but Yakumo wasn’t so sure she wanted him to leave so quickly.

[spoiler=End of Chapter 5]Were Zolarc and Scorokko powerful enough to best the Xorquasan Kings? Could they even hope to come across an artifact of holy magic? Find out on Chapter 6.[/spoiler][/spoiler]

[Dr. Cakey]

[spoiler='Growing Praise and Adulation Episode 4: Freely Associated'][b]I have a deep, dark secret. I’ve never watched [i]Shinzo[/i]. I’ve never even heard of it, actually. Of course, this is probably actually the second-most famous anime after [i]Dragonball Z[/i] and I’m just a shut-in even by the standards of fellow Internet-madbeasts. Needless to say, I am eminently qualified to review this.[/b]

Over ten thousand years have passed since Lanancuras was finally slain.
[b]Aw, I liked him. Wait, I have no idea who he is. I’m going to do some free association and assume he looks like Lando Calrissian wearing a cuirass and wielding a cutlass, since my free association exercise attached ‘cuirass’ to the sword before I corrected myself.
[/b]
The ruins of Shinzo were completely destroyed as Lanancuras and an Enterran Guardian by the name of Mushra did battle amongst them.
[b]Well, that’s okay. I mean, they were already ruins. I think I’ll continue to free associate, so I’m picturing an Enterran Guardian as looking like Elemental Hero Clayman. Mushra is distinguished by wearing some kind of red oni mask (Hell if I know how I come up with this stuff).[/b]

All there was left was a grave, marked by two twigs that were tied together to make a cross.
[b]By now you folks have probably noticed I’m not doing my usual stopping-at-every-third-word-insulting-tense-choices-and-preposition-use routine, which would be useful to cover up the fact that I’m currently picturing Lando Calrissian and Clayman fighting. That’s because until now I haven’t seen anything wrong in terms of this. You want to say, “All [i]that[/i] was left” not “All there was left”.[/b]

A two-man team of Kadrians was ordered to excavate these parts, in search for anything that their brethren could use.
[b]Ooh, this is tough. I’m thinking Kadrians look kind of like Lizardman from Soul Calibur. Now that that’s out of the way, you just stated that there was nothing left but two twigs, and now the LIZARDMEN are trying to excavate ‘parts’. Are they excavating the twigs?
[/b]
The Kadrian Holy Order required more warriors so they could hold off the Enterran rebellions.
[b]You can never stop CLAYMAN!
…
Wait a minute. You kind of jumped topics. Last sentence you were saying two LIZARDMEN were sent to excavate the twigs, now you’re talking about how they need more warriors.[/b]

From there they could attempt to put an end to the war once and for all.
[b]Slight error in phrasing here. They are (presumably) already attempting to put an end to the war. All you want to say is, “From there (ZONE) they could put an end to the war once and for all.”[/b]

The first Kadrian was a perfectly humanoid Kadrian by the name of Zolarc.
[b]I guess he was one of the rare mutant LIZARDMEN who could transform into a full human.[/b]

He was clad in two-inch thick golden armor, and wielded an eighteen-inch sword.
[b]You have any idea how thick that is? It’s…well, I’d say about two inches. Meanwhile, his sword is basically a Roman gladius – a perfectly good weapon, but everyone knows longer swords are inherently cooler.[/b]

Zolarc was a noble warrior, who never backed away from battle, and rarely showed a single sign of fear.
[b]Excessive ZONES detected. Here’s the thing. You are now taking the time to describe a character in excessive detail. Telling is really only useful to give us a physical image of the character (Which I’ve got. Zolarc looks like Garoozis (remember that alligator thingy Joey played?) even though you explicitly told us he was fully human in appearance.) or to quickly establish baseline traits so some reaction a character might make doesn’t seem patently ridiculous.[/b]

His armor, despite being very heavy, barely slew him down when he pursued his enemies.
[b]Erm…I’m going to let you work this one out on your own.[/b]

However, since the Kadrians' task seemed only to require digging, Zolarc's sword was holstered and he had a shovel in hand.

Scorokko, the second Kadrian, was not humanoid. In truth, he resembled a black scorpion: with a single large eye, mouth and pair of nostrils on his face, and a multitude of appendages inside each claw that acted as fingers.
[b]So that’s what a Kadrian looks like. Pity I started this free association business, because he is officially a more manageably-sized Machine Emperor Grannel. Sorry. Anyway, you’re misusing “In truth” here. “In truth” means (and this gets a bit abstract) that what follows is a fact (generally lamentable) that differs from perceived reality. For example, “In truth, Pegasus was straight, and had been engaged to a lovely young woman named Cecelia before she exploded.”[/b]

Scorokko was a physically powerful Kadrian, capable of knocking unconscious all the Enterrans he ever fought in a single blow. Unfortunately for his adversaries, he was also quick to engage combat.
[b]To engage [i]in[/i] combat.[/b]

Unlike Zolarc, Scorokko didn't need a shovel; he could dig with his bare claws.

“Nothing,” Scorokko muttered, muscling his way through the earth, “There's not a damned thing in this wasteland but rock and gravel.”
Scorokko turned, to notice that Zolarc hadn't dug a thing while he did all the hard work.
“You know Zolarc, the King sent the both of us here for a reason,” he reminded.
[b]*breakparagraphcoughcoughcough*[/b]

“I know, Scorokko, I know,” Zolarc replied, “Seriously though, if you hadn't tried to dig all over the place, I'd have somewhere to start.”
[b]Here’s what you do: you pick a spot. Then you dig. Not too hard.[/b]

Zolarc scanned the surroundings for an elevated piece of land, as a signal that Scorokko might have missed a spot.
[b]It took me a few seconds to puzzle this one out. Apparently, this one of this cartoon digging projects where everyone digs holes several feet deep, rather than Zolarc attempting to locate the vaunted HIGH GROUND.[/b]

He saw nothing in the immediate area, but as he climbed up a nearby slope, he saw the grave in the distance. Shovel still in hand, Zolarc approached the grave. Zolarc never exhumed graves before then, since he preferred to show respect to those who have been buried.
[b]Generally people don’t just go around exhuming corpses. It doesn’t pay very well. Oh, and “Zolarc never exhumed graves before then” is in the wrong tense. To indicate something past-er than what is already in past tense, you use a tense that I’ve mentioned once before – the pluperfect. It’s not hard. You just put ‘had’ before your already past tense verb.[/b]

But he had to present something to the King of the Kadrian Holy Order. After a brief sigh, Zolarc looked down at the ground.
“Damn the Enterrans for making me do this,” he said to himself as he drove the shovel into the grave.
Paragraph break again.

It took some time before Zolarc struck something solid, in which a clang was heard throughout the entire area.
In which a clang was heard throughout the entire area? You’ve got multiple problems here. First is “in which” – the clang was not heard “in” him striking something solid. Second, you’re using passive voice (“was verb”), which is generally poor construction. And last, you’re indicating an observer to do the hearing – specifically a camera. If Zolarc heard it, it would be “he heard”, right? The simplest fix for this would be to do something like, “Zolarc’s shovel clanged against something solid.”

Scorokko approached to investigate.

“Hey, find anything?” he asked Zolarc.
“I'm not sure what we have here,” Zolarc answered as he dug around this mysterious object, “But it definitely looks mechanical.”
[b]Gah, I can’t see it. Are you sure it’s mechanical? I mean, what does it look like?[/b]

“So how're we supposed to open it?” Scorokko continued, “Is there a button or a switch or something of the like?”
[b]I guess Scorokko can’t see it any more than I can. While we’re here, let me remind you of what Professor Young Boy explained: you can’t replace ‘said’ with any synonym or half-synonym. This should be abundantly obvious, seeing as ‘continued’ might possibly seem to indicate a continuation of some kind, which Scorokko is not participating in.[/b]

“I have a better idea.” Zolarc withdrew his sword and slashed down onto the glass, which shattered into a thousand pieces upon impact.
[b]That couldn’t possibly have any adverse consequences.[/b]

Inside was a corpse, of a girl who couldn't have been more than 17 years of age.
[b]O.o
I imagine this makes perfect sense to someone who actually knows what the hell [i]Shinzo[/i] is about.[/b]

As Kadrians or Enterrans were slain in combat, their bodies would immediately transform into what looked like a card. These cards were of a rounded rectangular shape in the case of the Enterrans, or a hexagonal shape in the case of the Kadrians, and bared a portrait of the being that was slain in question.
[b]Bared? You’re confusing the verbs ‘bear’ and ‘bare’. ‘Bear’ in the past tense is, of course, ‘bore’. Also, insert whatever crappy [i]Yu-Gi-Oh![/i] joke you want here.[/b]

Though it was possible to resurrect Kadrians or Enterrans while in their card form, or absorb their powers while they were in their card form, the cards must remain intact in order for one to do so.
[b]That’s a useful plot device.[/b]

A single scratch could jeopardize any form of either action. If a Kadrian or Enterran corpse were to be destroyed before the transformation could initiate, the card would cease to exist.

This was why corpses were a rear sight.
[b]A rear sight. I love it.[/b]

As a matter of fact, the locating of a corpse could only mean one thing; one has found a dead human.
[b]Lots of fanfics make very odd constructions, like “the locating of a corpse”. Instead, you could say, “locating a corpse”.[/b]

There was now only one human on the planet Earth for every two thousand Enterrans or Kadrians.
[b]Did somebody take a census?[/b]

There was an abundance of humans in ages past, but a meteorite had wiped out the vast majority of their population. As rare as human corpses were, they were no less likely to be discarded as stones or twigs on the ground. But the mechanical object that bared this corpse seemed useful.
[b]Bore.[/b]

Perhaps it could be the base a vehicle that could provide transportation.
[b]All your base are belong to us.[/b]

“Well, we still have the egg, machine… thing,” Scorokko mentioned as he sighed, “…what do we do with the human?”
[b]Is this very clearly not-egg referred to as an egg by Scorokko (Grannel) because it looks egg-like? Hell if I know, since I still don’t know what this egg-corpse-machine looks like.
[/b]
“She might be useless to us…” Zolarc answered, “But she might prove useful to the enemy… somehow.”
“I don’t know about that,” contradicted Scorokko, “Only thing I could think of is for food. I've heard of people eating human flesh as a delicacy, but…”
[b]I use humans flesh as sacrifices to Crab Helmet.[/b]

“Doesn’t matter!” interrupted Zolarc, “We’ll take the entire thing with us to Neo Shinzo. If we don’t find any food along the way, I might consider having a slice.”

And so the two Kadrians trudged through the desert, unaware of whomever might be following them. Meanwhile, the excavation site was then occupied by what seemed to be a large group of beings; neither of Enterran nor Kadrian blood.
[b]You’re reeling in your time structure. Just read over this a couple of times and work out what’s missing.[/b]

One of these beings moved its way towards the exact location where Zolarc and Scorokko dug earlier. Nothing was there, not even the shovel the Zolarc carried with him.
[b]I assume Zolarc’s shovel wasn’t there because he’d actually remembered to take it with him.[/b]

“So,” determined the being, “The Kadrians had found Yakumo after all.”
[b]Now here you[i] don’t[/i] want to be in pluperfect.[/b]

This particular being showed no change in emotion, but the news he gave seemed to alarm the others. One of them slithered to what the being revealed as Yakumo’s grave. The one that approached seemed to resemble a giant shark with two arms under what looked like his dorsal fins, wielding a vast trident in one hand and a harpoon launcher in the other. Just by looking at this being, one would assume correctly that he was not to be trifled with.
[b]It barely fits, but put an Aquaman joke in here if you want.[/b]

The being that bared
[b]Bore.[/b]

the news looked more humanoid, but his body was purely of a gaseous material that was indigo in color. He also lacked any form of a face, which may have explained why he didn't show any emotion. For an unknown reason, his voice would always repeat itself, as if it were an echo.

“What does this mean, master?” The shark-like being asked the more humanoid one, “Have we failed our mission?”
“Not yet, Giamako, but we must make haste.” the other answered, “Yakumo’s body must be found if we Xorquasans are to revive Lanancuras. We must not fail.”
[b]“We’re called the Xorquasans?”
“Yes, we are.”
“Thanks for the heads-up, boss.”[/b]

Giamako now knew what he must do: track down the Kadrians and retrieve Yakumo Tatsuro’s corpse. He searched for footprints that might have been planted into the sand. There were few and far between, and they made minimal impact on the desert floor. However, Giamako did catch a scent in the air, the smell of sweat. Acting on instinct, he prepared to leave the area, but not before turning back to his master.

“The Kadrians have gone to the south east of here.” Giamako told him, “They must be bound for Neo Shinzo. But that’s well over five thousand miles away…”
“Which gives you plenty of time to intercept them,” his master responded, “And if they attempt to fight back, slay them and destroy their cards.” After receiving these orders, Giamako dove into the very sand that made up the desert floor, moving as if he were swimming through it. He was traveling much faster than the Kadrians could run.
[b]You know those sharks in the Desert Realm in [b]Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks[/b]? Or those worms in [i]Twilight Princess[/i]? Yeah, those both make no sense. Sand is not like water – you can’t really swim in it. Even fish move better in air than water – that’s why dolphins leap. Meanwhile, I’m trying to imagine a five-thousand mile walk. That would take on the order of a hundred days…the generic war could be over by then.[/b]

Who are these Xorquasans? Why would they want to revive Lanancuras? And how would they suppose Yakumo’s body could help? Find out on Chapter 2.
[b]You never said if they wanted to revive Lanancuras. And I will not find out in Chapter 2, because I’m not reading any more. This is by far the best fanfic I’ve reviewed yet, but since I have zero familiarity with the source material, it was pretty much all lost on me. Let me just say here and now that anyone who writes a (good) [i]Code Geass[/i] fic will win as many Internets as it is within my power to bestow.[/b][/spoiler]

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

In other news, Chapter 6 will be on hold, since I haven't even started on it yet. Will update when it's done.

[Aviv: D's Knight]

What's shizo? (sounds like shizno from red vs blue.)

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

[url="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinzo"]*throws encyclopaedia at Caiba*[/url]