Jord200 Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 Remember over the summer how I made YCM Stories? Well for the next few days, they are back. They will be a bit shorter though. Either way, enjoy. The NEW Super YCM Chronicles [spoiler=New Teacher Part 1] It was a cold winter day. Sadly, winter break was coming to an end for most. For one person, it had already began. Renji swore under his breath. "I'll be late at this rate! Pencil, check. Wallet, check. Pants, check. Textbooks, check. Feel like I'm forgeting something though..." he said. Renji then noticed the clock. "I"M GOING TO BE LATE!" He yelled as he barreled outside. As it would turn out, his regular teacher was nowhere to be seen. However, a familiar face appeared. "Good day, class. I am your new teacher. You may call me, Opalmoon." said the infamous female Mod of YCM City. "Opal?!" Your my teacher?!" yelled Renji. Opal adjusted her glasses and grinned. "Yes, yes I am. Also, I'm giving you an F on your homework." she said. Renji's jaw dropped. "Why?!" he asked. "You didn't do it." she said with a cute smile. "How do you know?" asked Renji confused. "I never saw you work on it once, while we were on break. Neither did Jord, Issun, DL, Mirror, Shradow, British, evilfusion, or anyone else. See me after class." grinned Opal with a evil smile. *A/N Opal DOES NOT want to talk with Renji about what your thinking. Get your mind out of the gutter you perverts....* [/spoiler] [spoiler=Not very safe] A terrible noise was plauging YCM City. Nobody could sleep. Nobody could focus. It could all be traced to one person. Airide was struggling to open a small safe. The safe itself, was no bigger than the average kitchen sink. Around him layed 19 crowbars, four blowtortchs, two jack hammers, countless bullet casings, and a plunger. Other people simply watched. "How long has he been at this....?" asked Koko. "Since New Year's Eve." replied Kingdom Xathers. "Does he even know what is inside?" asked Roxas. "No. He doesn't." said Xathers. "Well someone needs to stop him, because I don't think that thing is going to open anytime soon." said Striker as he Xathers, Koko, and Roxas returned their attention to Airide, only to discover something. "Hey, where'd he go?" wondered Koko. Her question was soon answered. Airide had returned. With a rocket launcher. Everyone who was watching sweatdropped. "...Where did he get that?" asked Roxas, slightly conserned. "Maybe we should back up a bit." suggested clairedestroyer. Everyone seemed to agree, and retreated back. Moments after they did, an explosion was heard. A fiery smoke filled the area. When it cleared. Everyone was amazing to see the safe was without a scratch. Nobody said a word for a couple seconds. "What kind of safe is that.....?" said clairedestroyer. "Don't know. Whatever the brand, if it can take that, and be fine, I want one." said Koko. Everyone else nodded in agreement. "Oh, he's going at it with a crowbar again." said Jord200. Airide grabbed a second crowbar, and out it his mouth. Then he grabbed a third. *A/N, Don't try this at home* "Who does he think he is? Roronoa Zoro ( One Piece )? Only thing that will accomplish is destroy his jaw." said Flame Dragon. Airide appeared to hear this, and noticed half th city was watching him fail to open a simple safe. He dropped he crowbars. "Oh screw it...." he said as he kicked the safe and walked away. As he kicked it, the door flew open. Everyone who was watching didn't know whether to laugh, feel sorry for him, or aplaude. Airide looked inside and found something that should have stayed locked up. Everyone watching ran as fast as the possibly could. "What about Airide?!" yelled Xathers. "He opened it! She's HIS problem!" said Koko. A familiar voice began to speak the EXACT SAME words over, and over. "Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen!" said the voice. "NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" yelled Airide. [/spoiler] [spoiler=New Teacher Part 2] Continued from Story 1.... After class, Renji met with Opalmoon. She had a rare stern look on her face. Renji gulped. Opal turned her back to Renji. "Do you remember that Nuzlock you attempted?" asked Opal. Renji thought for a moment. "Yes, but what does that have to do with me forgetting my science homework?" he asked. Opal turned around. Her eyes full of anger. "Do you even know what your homework was?" she asked. Renji could only shake his head no. Opal sat on her desk on pulled something out of a drawer. Well.... I guess I have no choice." she said. She then pulled out a Poke Ball. Renji did a double take. A Poke Ball?" he asked. Opal sent out the Pokemon in the Pokeball. Renji's eyes got huge. It was a very familiar Starmie. "Opal, are you..." began Brittish Soul. "No, don't be an idiot. I'm not Misty the Cerulian City Gym Leader. I'm a student of hers. She sent me to do something very important." Opal said with a slasher smile. Renji stepped back. "TELL MISTY SHE'S DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE ALREADY!" he yelled. Opal only smiled. "I know. She told me to say she's sorry for killing five of your six Pokemon, and to take this Poke Ball that has a Shiny Milotic in it." Said Opal with a normal smile. Renji relaxed. He didn't know what to say. "Oh.... Wow. Um... ok.... Well... Tell Misty apology........accepted?" said Renji, still unsure. "That is all I wanted to talk to you about. Run along now. See you tomorrow." waved Opal. Renji walked off, glad he got an apology from Misty, and a Shiny Milotic. "You still get an F though!" yelled Opal. Renji fell to the ground. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Breakfast, Platypus, Steam Roller] It was a cold winter morning in YCM City. Hatcher sat in the Mod's Dining Hall. Before her was a feast of pancakes, french toast, eggs, bacon, ham, five different types of berries, eight different types of cerial, and fish. Noting that everyone else was sleeping in, she decided to dig in. "They won't mind if I eat without them." said Pika witha smug smile. Just as she was about to begin eating eggs, a a girly scream was heard. Striker was then seen for some reason running for his life. Behind him, was Koko. "WWWWRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY!" cackled Koko evily. Koko was driving an old Steam Roller. "Somebody stop her!" screamed Striker as he ran down a hallway with Koko on his tail. Pika glared at attemped to go back to eating. Then the entire building began to shake. "A-an Earthquake?!" said Pika in shock. A voice began to yell something loud. "MADOKA! HARUHI! ARCEUS! KAMINA! One of you do something! Girtina, you owe me!" yelled Roxas. Pika was begining to get annoyed. Before she had another attempt to eat..... "HELP ME." yelled Striker as he jumped over the table. Koko then followed, driving over the table. Pika looked in disbelief as Koko chased Striker out of the dining hall, and outside. Elsewhere in the city, Dem was at a TV studio, hosting YCM in the Morning, with Dem. "Good morning, YCM City. I'm your host Dem. Today we have a special guest. Ladies and gentlemen, a platypus." said Dem as the audience clapped. A green platypus sat at the leather chair. "So, have you heard that the new Luigi's Mansion game comes out next month?" asked Dem. The platypus did nothing for a moment, then nodded, followed by a growl. "Grrroughawrr." responded the platypus. "Ok. Do you know that switching to Geico could save you 15% on car insurance?" asked Dem. "Grrroughawrr" went the platypus. "I see. What are your thoughts on Chuggaconroy?" asked Dem. "Grrroughawrr." said the platypus. "Interesting. Have you heard the discovered the skelleton of King Richard III under a parking lot?" asked Dem. ( A/N They actually did. No joke. ) "Grrroughawrr." said the platypus. "Really. Then do you mind helping introduce todays music guest?" asked Dem. The platypus nodded. "Grrroughawrr." said the platypus as it introduced the singer of the song. The music began to play as Kitty and Hina appeared and began to dance to the song. Kimi ha kikoeru? Boku no kono koe ga yami ni munashiku suikomareta Moshimo sekai ga imi wo motsu no nara Konna kimochi mo muda de ha nai Akogare ni oshitsubusarete akirametetanda Hateshinai sora no iro mo shiranaide Hashiridashita omoi ga ima demo Kono mune wo tashika ni tataiteru kara Kyou no boku ga sono saki ni tsudzuku Bokura nari no asu wo kizuite yuku Kotae ha sou itsumo koko ni aru Sugita kisetsu wo nageku hima ha nai Nido to mayotte shimawanu you ni Kazoekirenai hon no sasayaka na Sonna koukai kakaeta mama Sono senaka dake oikakete koko made kitanda Sagashite ita boku dake ni- the song was interrupted by a noise outside. "What is that racket?!" yelled Hina. Hina, Kitty, Dem, and the platypus looked out the window and saw Koko chasing Striker. "This is for what you did to my garden!" yelled Koko. Before the chase could continue, Jord200 slammed open his front door. His eyes were bloodshot. Koko and Striker looked in horror. "Jord, you look awful...." said Striker. "What happened to you?" asked Koko. Jord200 said nothing for a moment. "I'm no good until I've had that first cup...." said Jord. Upon this time everyone noticed Pika running towards the group enraged. "I think this is about her breakfast...." said Striker in fear. Then an explosion from the mod hall's R & D department captured everyone's attention. Something flew out of the hall and landed on Pika, stoping her in her tracks. "Roxas, get off me!" yelled Pika. "Good news everyone, I'm still alive." said Roxas. "What's going on?" asked Dem as he the platypus, Kitty, and Hina walked up. Koko lifted Striker up by his hair. "Striker tried to build a frog pond in my garden, I chased after him with a steam roller, we ruined Pika's breakfast, she came to kill us, and we were saved by Roxas falling from the sky because........" began Koko. "I was trying to build the world's biggest lava lamp." said Roxas. "Really. How did it work?" asked Kitty. "It blew up." said Roxas bluntly. Everyone then noticed a smell in the air. "What....what is that divine smell.....?" aksed Hina. "It smells delicious." said Dem. "Grrroughawrr" said the platypus. "A lot better than the food at the dining hall." agreed Pika. "Its unlike anything I've ever encountered before." said Kitty. "Jord, you smelling this? Jord?" said Striker upon noticed Jord200 was gone. "Breakfast is served." said Jord200, as he appeared in his doorway, looking much more awake. He drank from a glass of orange juice and let out a satisfied sigh. Everyone was silent. "Well get in here. I'm inviting you all for breakfast." said Jord200. "Grrroughawrr?" asked the platypus. "Yes, you can come too." said Jord200 as he and everyone else went to eat breakfast. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Beach NEW] Everyone had gone on a vacation for a little rest and relaxation. Koko, Marisa, and Jenny were on jetskis, Sora and Bahamut were experimenting with deep frying, Hina, Jord200, Eva, and Bart were ordering a large ammount of food, and Desu and Devil's Advo were flying in a plane. "Banana. Oreos. Corn Dog. Apple. Watermellon. Kiwi. Salmon. Giant pretzels. Cheese wheel. Bacon. Bagel." said Sora as Bahamut handed him various food and deep fried them. Meanwhile, Jord200, Eva, Barty, and Hina finished ordering the rest of the food. "Should be here in 15 minutes." nodded Jord200. Elsewhere, Desu and Advo were high above the beach. "You have the parachute, right?" asked Advo. "Yeah." said Desu. "Ok, get ready to jump-" began Advo before he noticed something. "Desu...." said Advo. "What is it?" replied Desu. "Why is the door open?" Advo said as he and Desu looked out of the plane and saw Nurse Joy skydiving. In a bikini. "I've never felt so alive!" she said with a smile as she activated her a parachute. "Huh. What do you know. Oh well. We'll just have-" Advo began as he noticed Desu had jumped out of the plane with another "parachute". "YEEEEEEHAAAAAW" yelled Desu. Advo looked out of the plane in horror. "DESU! THATS NOT A PARACHUTE. THATS A LUNCH BOX!" yelled Advo. Desu looked and noticed he was falling at an alarming rate. Lucky for him he fell into the water. He then noticed the trio of women in bikinis jetskying. Desu grinned. "PERVERT! Spying on women jetskying! Prepare to be brought to justice!" came a voice. Jord200 looked through binoculars and noticed 12th from Mirai Nikki dancing "in the name of justice", and attacking Desu by throwing clams at him. Eva then brought some unfortunate information to Jord's attention. "They got the orders wrong. Instead, we got five tons of frozen pasta and four ATVs." signed Eva. It then donned on her that they had four ATVs. "Barty, do you still have that chainsaw from your old lumberjack job?" grinned Jord200. "Indeed I do my friend. Indeed I do." he said. "Care to join us, ladies?" offered Jord200 as he drew his blade. The girls smiled. "Why wouldn't we?" they said together. Back to Desu..... "Prepare to be brought to justice!" yelled 12th. "I could use a hand here!" yelled Desu. He and 12th then noticed the girls were coming right at them. ( A/N Yes, I know 12 is blind, but he can still hear. In fact, if you lose one of your senses, the others increase dramatically. ) "DESU! GET OUT OF MY WAY BEFORE I-" began Koko as she and Jenny stopped and looked around. "Wait.... Where's Marisa?" asked Jenny. "How should I know? You were behind her!" yelled Koko. She then noticed a golden glow in the distance. "Is it Domon Kasshu?" asked Jenny. "Is it Yusei Fudo?" asked Koko. "Is it Superman?" asked 12th. "Its Marisa." said Desu. "MY LOVE. MY ANGER. ALL OF MY SORROW. SHINING FINGER!" said Marisa as her hand grew massive and flicked Desu, Koko, Jenny, and 12th into the air, and towards the giant mountain of frozen pasta. The jetskies were detsoryed from the impact, and became nothing more than crushed, falt, smooth, pieces of garbage. "Direct hit, ze!" laughed Marisa. Koko, Jenny, Desu, and 12th then noticed ropes being thrown and lassoing the wrecked remains of the jetskies. "Is that 12th form Mirai Nikki?" yelled Eva. "That or the best cosplay of him ever." responded Jord200. "Now this is fun." laughed Koko with an insane smile as she and Jenny water(pasta?)skied up the frozen mountain of pasta behind Eva. Desu and 12th were skying behind Barty. Everyone then noticed an explosion from the beach. Sora, Marisa, and Bahamut fell from the sky and landed on the wrecked jetskies. "I TOLD YOU BOTH TO BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU DEEP FRY. WHY DID YOU DEEP FRY SPRAY CHEESE, SODA, AND CANNED WHIPPED CREAM ANYWAY?!" yelled Marisa. "I couldn't see! I thought they were tomatos!" yelled Bahamut. "Your fault for eating deep fried chili peppers....." groaned Sora. "A quick question. What happens when we run out of mountain?" asked Jord200. Nobody said anything for a moment. "We go for a swim." said Hina as everyone flew off the top of the mountain, and landed in the lake. Luckily, they landed unharmed. They then noticed Advo eating Gumbo. "Where have all of you been? By the way Desu, you owe me a lunchbox." he asked with a smug look. [/spoiler] Here are links to the original stories.http://forum.yugiohc...-fanfic-shorts/ On the next episode of YCM, Koko, Jenny, and Marisa in bikinis, everyone goes to the lakeside beach, cameos of several Mirai Nikki characters, a race around a mountain of pasta, a snowball fight, skydiving, and a Gundam reference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sora1499 Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 I love these, please keep them up! Can I be in one next time? ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jord200 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 [quote name='Archlord Sora' timestamp='1357333609' post='6111202'] I love these, please keep them up! Can I be in one next time? ^^ [/quote] Sure thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sora1499 Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 [quote name='Jord200' timestamp='1357333644' post='6111205'] Sure thing. [/quote] Awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathanael D. Striker Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 Ah YCM City, glad to see I started something here. Also, glad to see me in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astolfo Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 I wish to be in i-*shot* I like this. I'm guessing a troll or something was in the safe? And cool story br-*shot* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 [quote name='Jord200' timestamp='1357333516' post='6111200'] See me after class." grinned Opal with a evil smile. [/quote] I was almost sure I knew where this was going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astolfo Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 [quote name=''Night' timestamp='1357333823' post='6111212'] I was almost sure I knew where this was going. [/quote] What? Jord's just gonna get [s]spanked[/s] yelled at and have to make [s]out with[/s] it up to Ms. Opalmoon. xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Hounds Of Anubis Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 Never go into writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jord200 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 [quote name='Neph' timestamp='1357333820' post='6111211'] I wish to be in i-*shot* I like this. I'm guessing a troll or something was in the safe? And cool story br-*shot* [/quote] No. It was Navi, from Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time. WARNING. CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK. [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duRO3noyAKU[/media] [quote name='Neph' timestamp='1357333936' post='6111215'] What? Jord's just gonna get [s]spanked[/s] yelled at and have to make [s]out with[/s] it up to Ms. Opalmoon. xD [/quote] 1. Not me, Renji. 2. No. Not that either. I plan to explain what Opal wants to talk about in one of the next two chapters. Its not THAT, you bunch of perverts.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~British Soul~ Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 Great as always Jord. Navi coming out to annoy Airride was amusing. Regarding the beginning with the homework: [i]"I never saw you work on it once, while we were on break. Neither did Jord, Issun, DL, Mirror, Shradow, [b]British[/b], evilfusion, or anyone else. See me after class." grinned Opal with a evil smile.[/i] Yeah, I can relate. Back in the early days of High School, I always forget to hand in my homework. I can't wait to see what shenanigans happen next time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Althemia Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 Please write more. This is amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desu the Blue Nerd Posted January 5, 2013 Report Share Posted January 5, 2013 [color=#0000CD]Okay, so you're one of the rare people I don't find insufferable but that doesn't suddenly mean I'll like what you write. Don't worry though. I won't even bother with complaining grammar since I know I'm no expert myself. The humor for at least the second story is pretty cliche except for the last part with Navi that was actually pretty good but since the stories are short just having a funny ending is pretty good redemption. But neither of them are really that funny and have maybe one part that I seem to like (one part in the two parters altogether) but I don't feel like just one part or line is allowed to make up for it. But comedy is subjective and I accept that. Now members just feel shoehorned in and their names can easily be switched with eachother since none of them actually have much personality except for kind of the apparently bipolar Opal. With the second story an excuse like "for whatever reason a bunch of people gave a sh*t and gathered" throws a bunch of people in the area and they say one or two lines of observation but there's still nothing special about their lines. No quirk or spark of an individual's personality. Although I suppose I could also mention how characters don't even seem like they're really based off of the members they're named after. Almost as if they were essentially just the same character with different names. That or YCM is filled with people that are generally just the same person. I could probably list a few people who just seem about the same.[/color] [color=#0000CD]But there's always been one thing I've hated about these kinds of things. People asking for themselves to be in it and the author complying because they're a pushover. Hear that, Sora? F*ck you. Oh, and a decent chunk of the members actually featured in it being complete dipsh*ts I don't give a rat's ass about. But that's also subjective. Not as much but still kind of subjective.[/color] [color=#0000CD]Now before there's any sort of hate and yadda yadda I'm doing my own take on criticism so I can hope to see improvement because as I've said, I don't dislike Jord. Far from it. He's a swell guy, right? I don't think he's a dumbass cursed for mediocrity. I'm sure there can be improvement and I just don't want to be the guy who even though problems are evident doesn't give a sh*t because ooh, looky, I can be a character.[/color] [quote name='Striker' timestamp='1357333731' post='6111210'] Ah YCM City, glad to see I started something here. Also, glad to see me in it. [/quote] [color=#0000CD]For the fifteenth f*cking time you are not the first person to write YCM based stories so whenever someone writes something with not very well defined settings or none that are actually consistant don't start patting yourself on the back. Although I could be wrong here and Jord may actually be so low as to copy you of all people.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jord200 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2013 [quote name='finiteGunslinger' timestamp='1357362683' post='6111680'] [color=#0000CD]Okay, so you're one of the rare people I don't find insufferable but that doesn't suddenly mean I'll like what you write. Don't worry though. I won't even bother with complaining grammar since I know I'm no expert myself. The humor for at least the second story is pretty cliche except for the last part with Navi that was actually pretty good but since the stories are short just having a funny ending is pretty good redemption. But neither of them are really that funny and have maybe one part that I seem to like (one part in the two parters altogether) but I don't feel like just one part or line is allowed to make up for it. But comedy is subjective and I accept that. Now members just feel shoehorned in and their names can easily be switched with eachother since none of them actually have much personality except for kind of the apparently bipolar Opal. With the second story an excuse like "for whatever reason a bunch of people gave a sh*t and gathered" throws a bunch of people in the area and they say one or two lines of observation but there's still nothing special about their lines. No quirk or spark of an individual's personality. Although I suppose I could also mention how characters don't even seem like they're really based off of the members they're named after. Almost as if they were essentially just the same character with different names. That or YCM is filled with people that are generally just the same person. I could probably list a few people who just seem about the same.[/color] [color=#0000CD]But there's always been one thing I've hated about these kinds of things. People asking for themselves to be in it and the author complying because they're a pushover. Hear that, Sora? F*ck you. Oh, and a decent chunk of the members actually featured in it being complete dipsh*ts I don't give a rat's ass about. But that's also subjective. Not as much but still kind of subjective.[/color] [color=#0000CD]Now before there's any sort of hate and yadda yadda I'm doing my own take on criticism so I can hope to see improvement because as I've said, I don't dislike Jord. Far from it. He's a swell guy, right? I don't think he's a dumbass cursed for mediocrity. I'm sure there can be improvement and I just don't want to be the guy who even though problems are evident doesn't give a sh*t because ooh, looky, I can be a character.[/color] [color=#0000CD]For the fifteenth f*cking time you are not the first person to write YCM based stories so whenever someone writes something with not very well defined settings or none that are actually consistant don't start patting yourself on the back. Although I could be wrong here and Jord may actually be so low as to copy you of all people.[/color] [/quote] 1. Thank you for your kind words. 2. I'm NOT copying anyone. I'm not that kind of guy. 3. It can be difficult to find out someone's personality when you have never met them in person. I do my best. Some people are just easier to read than others. For example, your a jerk with a heart of gold. Opalmoon is the kind of person who love to have a good time. Renji doesn't have a bad bone is his body. Hina isn't afraid to speak her mind. evilfusion is wise, and calm. Koko is mischievous at times. Though, those are just small obersvations. I can choose whoever I want to be in here. I'm not going to choose some random no name that NOBODY has heard of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catterjune Posted January 5, 2013 Report Share Posted January 5, 2013 [quote name='finiteGunslinger' timestamp='1357362683' post='6111680'] [color=#0000CD]Now members just feel shoehorned in and their names can easily be switched with eachother since none of them actually have much personality except for kind of the apparently bipolar Opal. With the second story an excuse like "for whatever reason a bunch of people gave a sh*t and gathered" throws a bunch of people in the area and they say one or two lines of observation but there's still nothing special about their lines. No quirk or spark of an individual's personality. Although I suppose I could also mention how characters don't even seem like they're really based off of the members they're named after. Almost as if they were essentially just the same character with different names. That or YCM is filled with people that are generally just the same person. I could probably list a few people who just seem about the same.[/color][/quote] Pretty much this. All the characters are entirely interchangeable with very little defining them and making them stand out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpakha Posted January 5, 2013 Report Share Posted January 5, 2013 Agro does anger management class... can't wait. Is it taught by Zanda? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desu the Blue Nerd Posted January 5, 2013 Report Share Posted January 5, 2013 [quote name='Jord200' timestamp='1357398129' post='6111855'] 1. Thank you for your kind words. [color=#0000CD]No prob.[/color] 2. I'm NOT copying anyone. I'm not that kind of guy. [color=#0000CD]I know. Striker has just been annoying me a lot lately with the fact that he made a bad YCM fic and now thinks everything with no relevance to it is thanks to him.[/color] 3. It can be difficult to find out someone's personality when you have never met them in person. I do my best. Some people are just easier to read than others. [color=#0000CD]I'd recommend sticking bigger roles to people you do know better with maybe insignificant snipits of people you seriously feel the need to add because they're whiny brats.[/color] For example, your a jerk with a heart of gold. [color=#0000CD]Heart?[/color] Opalmoon is the kind of person who love to have a good time. [color=#0000CD]True. And as mentioned she's the only one who's really gotten any kind [/color] Renji doesn't have a bad bone is his body. [color=#0000CD]That monster killed all of Misty's pokemon.[/color] Hina isn't afraid to speak her mind. [color=#0000CD]I think she's more complicated than that but I rather not go off into tangents.[/color] evilfusion is wise, and calm. Koko is mischievous at times. [color=#0000CD]Oh of course she is but she doesn't display it in this.[/color] Though, those are just small obersvations. I can choose whoever I want to be in here. [color=#0000CD]I've noticed but I've also stated that doesn't necessarily excuse lack of personality.[/color] I'm not going to choose some random no name that NOBODY has heard of. [color=#0000CD]You mean like Jord? OOOOOHHHH!!!!!! Sorry, couldn't resist.[/color] [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jord200 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2013 I'll finish the next story later. I'm hungry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desu the Blue Nerd Posted February 6, 2013 Report Share Posted February 6, 2013 Striker screaming like a little girl hilariously fits him especially with the fact that Koko is chasing him. That's some improvement, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jord200 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2013 Finally done. New story for you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sora1499 Posted February 11, 2013 Report Share Posted February 11, 2013 A YCM story featuring both me and Desu without Desu calling me gay in some fashion? Jord, I am disappoint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jord200 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2013 A YCM story featuring both me and Desu without Desu calling me gay in some fashion? Jord, I am disappoint. Dangit. Knew I forgot something..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desu the Blue Nerd Posted February 11, 2013 Report Share Posted February 11, 2013 I'm beginning to think that these are just too random and nonsensical for me to find them all that funny. And once again it feels like everybody is apparently anybody else still. Except I think I'm supposed to be a perv or something (that something probably being really dumb). I'm still not going to blame the large cast this time. Get a smaller cast to work with or get more variations in lines. Actually, do both. The jokes just feel like, "HERE'S THE JOKE" and that's it. Nothing really clever. Just more ATVs for some reason (although I would have probably laughed if their was a little self-realization of this). And this needs some better writing. It just isn't very tolerable when the jokes aren't even good. Dangit. Knew I forgot something..... If we're talking about stuff missed about me then you also forgot to have me swear even once, I don't like Advo (or pretty much the rest of the cast and swimming as well so why I'd ever go swimming/flying with a bunch of people I don't even like is beyond me because yes, if you're going to base a character off somebody it doesn't hurt to be somewhat accurate even at the cost of not inserting the character), I'd much rather say yahoo or however you spell that one word that was also the title of that operation in which Osama was killed rather than that southern hillbilly crap, and I didn't make a cannon ball/belly flop/any comments on the splash that would have probably been pretty large if I just fell from a plane. But now I'm just being an egotistical douche instead of typical Desu asshole so I won't go on and on about how to write what I'd say is the slightly less perfect Desu who is already perfect and it's impossible to copy my perfection because my narcissism tells me so. By the way, 12 was obviously Raine. Now that's a sh*t ton of criticism I've got there and I feel like I could do more. There's one thing I said that I think you should consider for now. Smaller cast. Yeah, don't just insert a load of different people into the same area and then still try to give them all a little bit of the limelight with just a tad bit of interchangable dialogue. Seriously, you just have a bunch of who gives a f*cks and I find myself not giving a f*ck about any of them for some strange unexplainable reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jord200 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2013 I'm beginning to think that these are just too random and nonsensical for me to find them all that funny. And once again it feels like everybody is apparently anybody else still. Except I think I'm supposed to be a perv or something (that something probably being really dumb). I'm still not going to blame the large cast this time. Get a smaller cast to work with or get more variations in lines. Actually, do both. The jokes just feel like, "HERE'S THE JOKE" and that's it. Nothing really clever. Just more ATVs for some reason (although I would have probably laughed if their was a little self-realization of this). And this needs some better writing. It just isn't very tolerable when the jokes aren't even good. If we're talking about stuff missed about me then you also forgot to have me swear even once, I don't like Advo (or pretty much the rest of the cast and swimming as well so why I'd ever go swimming/flying with a bunch of people I don't even like is beyond me because yes, if you're going to base a character off somebody it doesn't hurt to be somewhat accurate even at the cost of not inserting the character), I'd much rather say yahoo or however you spell that one word that was also the title of that operation in which Osama was killed rather than that southern hillbilly crap, and I didn't make a cannon ball/belly flop/any comments on the splash that would have probably been pretty large if I just fell from a plane. But now I'm just being an egotistical douche instead of typical Desu asshole so I won't go on and on about how to write what I'd say is the slightly less perfect Desu who is already perfect and it's impossible to copy my perfection because my narcissism tells me so. By the way, 12 was obviously Raine. Now that's a sh*t ton of criticism I've got there and I feel like I could do more. There's one thing I said that I think you should consider for now. Smaller cast. Yeah, don't just insert a load of different people into the same area and then still try to give them all a little bit of the limelight with just a tad bit of interchangable dialogue. Seriously, you just have a bunch of who gives a f*cks and I find myself not giving a f*ck about any of them for some strange unexplainable reason. Yeah, not my best work. I know the personalities could have been A LOT better. I'm still tinking. I agree though. I had too many characters. I kept thinking that towards the end. Either way, I have research to do before I make another story. The next one is going to actually-........ I'll let you see for yourself when the time comes. This is what I have so far. Jord200- my personality Desu- Ass Sora- Butt Monkey Agro- Cranky Jerk Black- James Bond Caeda- the woman James Bond ends up with Koko- Sadist Issun- Jerk with a heart of gold Roxas- The fun loving knuckle head Eva- the character she's named after Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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