Lightsworn Support [Brill, Lightsworn Templar]

[Origin 뮤]

If this card is sent from your  Deck to the Graveyard: you can Special Summon it in face-up Defense Position. If this card is used for the Synchro Summon of a LIGHT monster: You can return up to 3 "Lightsworn" cards from your Graveyard to your Deck. During each of your End Phases: Send the top 2 cards of your Deck to the Graveyard. You must control this face-up card to activate and to resolve this effect.

[hr]

 

Well they probably don't need it, but I created some Lightsworn support for my first card because they are my favorite at the moment. I don't like Minerva too much, not really sure why, so I decided to make an alternative. Brill is a faster sync than Minerva, but I fear that he may be overpowered. Should I make it so that you can only control 1 Brill? Or make a restriction on the type of Synchro Monster it can summon? Thoughts, comments, and suggestions are appreciated as well as Official Card Grammar help.

[Toffee.]

So... Not only does this let you make sacky plays off doing Charge then Recharge, this also lets you potentially mill the hell out of your Deck and also recover Judgment Dragon at the same time?
Why.

[goddamnit names are a pain]

Mill is not actually a term in game. 
And see Armz's post.

[I Hate Snatch Steal]

I'm not a lightsworn expert, but I'll to what I can here:

 

First, your OCG is very good for new member, you only used 1 term that isn't used in real cards (mill) and only slightly mixed up the ; and : symbols. The effect is easily understandable which is important

 

This is how I would write it, others can tell you about capitalization where I miss it.

 

If this card is sent from your hand or Deck to the Graveyard: you can Special Summon it in face-up Defense Position. If this card is sent to the Graveyard for a Synchro Summon: You can send cards from the top of the Deck up to the combined Level of all other Synchro Materials (max. 6 cards); shuffle a number of "Lightsworn" monsters or "Judgement Dragon"(s) equal to the number of cards sent from your Graveyard into your Deck.

 

My first worry about this card is that it can summon when sent from the hand. That makes it good in fableds and darkworlds and many other decks besides lightsworn, which is not a good thing unless its what you're going for. I'd say make it only work when sent from the deck.

 

The second criticism is that based on how I interpreted it, you need to have enough card to shuffle in before you "mill" anything, meaning that you can't 'mill' 4 cards unless you have 4 or more lightsworn in the grave already. I'd say change it to choosing how many cards you want to send ala card trooper and sending the cards when the effect resolves and then shuffling lightsworn and Judgment Dragons up to the number of cards sent would be better.

 

I'd revise the effect to this:

 

If this card is sent from your hand or Deck to the Graveyard: you can Special Summon it in face-up Defense Position. If this card is sent to the Graveyard for a Synchro Summon: You can choose a number from 1 to 6 or the total levels of the other synchro materials, whichever is lower, then send that many cards from the top of your deck to the graveyard and if you do, you can shuffle a number of "Lightsworn" monsters or "Judgement Dragon"(s) up to the number of cards sent to your Graveyard into your Deck.

 

Though this review may sound negative at first, I do like the concept however and the artwork is great, did you draw it yourself? If you did, then great job!

[goddamnit names are a pain]

I'm not a lightsworn expert, but I'll to what I can here:

 

First, your OCG is very good for new member, you only used 1 term that isn't used in real cards (mill) and only slightly mixed up the ; and : symbols. The effect is easily understandable which is important

 

This is how I would write it, others can tell you about capitalization where I miss it.

 

If this card is sent from your hand or Deck to the Graveyard: you can Special Summon it in face-up Defense Position. If this card is sent to the Graveyard for a Synchro Summon: You can send cards from the top of the Deck up to the combined Level of all other Synchro Materials (max. 6 cards); shuffle a number of "Lightsworn" monsters or "Judgement Dragon"(s) equal to the number of cards sent from your Graveyard into your Deck.

 

My first worry about this card is that it can summon when sent from the hand. That makes it good in fableds and darkworlds and many other decks besides lightsworn, which is not a good thing unless its what you're going for. I'd say make it only work when sent from the deck.

 

The second criticism is that based on how I interpreted it, you need to have enough card to shuffle in before you "mill" anything, meaning that you can't 'mill' 4 cards unless you have 4 or more lightsworn in the grave already. I'd say change it to choosing how many cards you want to send ala card trooper and sending the cards when the effect resolves and then shuffling lightsworn and Judgment Dragons up to the number of cards sent would be better.

 

I'd revise the effect to this:

 

If this card is sent from your hand or Deck to the Graveyard: you can Special Summon it in face-up Defense Position. If this card is sent to the Graveyard for a Synchro Summon: You can choose a number from 1 to 6 or the total levels of the other synchro materials, whichever is lower, then send that many cards from the top of your deck to the graveyard and if you do, you can shuffle a number of "Lightsworn" monsters or "Judgement Dragon"(s) up to the number of cards sent to your Graveyard into your Deck.

 

Though this review may sound negative at first, I do like the concept however and the artwork is great, did you draw it yourself? If you did, then great job!

Recycling JD. NO.

You can choose a number from 1 to 6.        Why?

[Sora1499]

It's hopelessly broken, and practically designed specifically to abuse all the other cards in the deck.

 

The fact that it can SS itself when milled OR when used as Lumina/Reincarnation fodder on a level 3 tuner is already plenty good by itself.  But after that, it also gets to mill a fucktillion cards when it's used as synch material.  Don't you see the problem in that?  Milling this at basically any time turns into a huge beater from the ED and 6 milled cards, of which they can be Wulfs or Felices for more swarming, Minervas for even MORE milling, or more of these to continue on with your rampage.  A LS card that mills 6 is absolutely ridiculous by itself, not to mention that you made it a +1 to summon it.

 

Then you get to recycle the stuff that you want... So on top of being a droppable level 3 tuner that mills 6 cards, you also made it able to recycle the stuff you milled by accident.  

 

There are no drawbacks or skillful options with this card, it's a gift that keeps on giving.  And giving.  And giving.

[Origin 뮤]

So... Not only does this let you make sacky plays off doing Charge then Recharge, this also lets you potentially mill the hell out of your Deck and also recover Judgment Dragon at the same time?
Why.

 

Not exactly helpful...but I see what you are getting at

 

 

I'm not a lightsworn expert, but I'll to what I can here:

 

First, your OCG is very good for new member, you only used 1 term that isn't used in real cards (mill) and only slightly mixed up the ; and : symbols. The effect is easily understandable which is important

 

This is how I would write it, others can tell you about capitalization where I miss it.

 

If this card is sent from your hand or Deck to the Graveyard: you can Special Summon it in face-up Defense Position. If this card is sent to the Graveyard for a Synchro Summon: You can send cards from the top of the Deck up to the combined Level of all other Synchro Materials (max. 6 cards); shuffle a number of "Lightsworn" monsters or "Judgement Dragon"(s) equal to the number of cards sent from your Graveyard into your Deck.

 

My first worry about this card is that it can summon when sent from the hand. That makes it good in fableds and darkworlds and many other decks besides lightsworn, which is not a good thing unless its what you're going for. I'd say make it only work when sent from the deck.

 

The second criticism is that based on how I interpreted it, you need to have enough card to shuffle in before you "mill" anything, meaning that you can't 'mill' 4 cards unless you have 4 or more lightsworn in the grave already. I'd say change it to choosing how many cards you want to send ala card trooper and sending the cards when the effect resolves and then shuffling lightsworn and Judgment Dragons up to the number of cards sent would be better.

 

I'd revise the effect to this:

 

If this card is sent from your hand or Deck to the Graveyard: you can Special Summon it in face-up Defense Position. If this card is sent to the Graveyard for a Synchro Summon: You can choose a number from 1 to 6 or the total levels of the other synchro materials, whichever is lower, then send that many cards from the top of your deck to the graveyard and if you do, you can shuffle a number of "Lightsworn" monsters or "Judgement Dragon"(s) up to the number of cards sent to your Graveyard into your Deck.

 

Though this review may sound negative at first, I do like the concept however and the artwork is great, did you draw it yourself? If you did, then great job!

 

Thank you for the review. It seems that I put a little too much 'umph' into this card, lol. I've revised, hopefully now it isn't so broken. And no, I didn't draw it. I would kill for that kind of drawing ability

 

 

It's hopelessly broken, and practically designed specifically to abuse all the other cards in the deck.

 

The fact that it can SS itself when milled OR when used as Lumina/Reincarnation fodder on a level 3 tuner is already plenty good by itself.  But after that, it also gets to mill a fucktillion cards when it's used as synch material.  Don't you see the problem in that?  Milling this at basically any time turns into a huge beater from the ED and 6 milled cards, of which they can be Wulfs or Felices for more swarming, Minervas for even MORE milling, or more of these to continue on with your rampage.  A LS card that mills 6 is absolutely ridiculous by itself, not to mention that you made it a +1 to summon it.

 

Then you get to recycle the stuff that you want... So on top of being a droppable level 3 tuner that mills 6 cards, you also made it able to recycle the stuff you milled by accident.  

 

There are no drawbacks or skillful options with this card, it's a gift that keeps on giving.  And giving.  And giving.

 

Point taken, I revised it so that it hopefully isn't too broken.

[Sora1499]

[quote name="Vigilante" post="6317328" timestamp="1386728101"]Not exactly helpful...but I see what you are getting at       Thank you for the review. It seems that I put a little too much 'umph' into this card, lol. I've revised, hopefully now it isn't so broken. And no, I didn't draw it. I would kill for that kind of drawing ability   Point taken, I revised it so that it hopefully isn't too broken.[/quote] And now it's... Perfectly fine. Good job, especially for a new member. On that note, welcome to YCM!

[goddamnit names are a pain]

Yeah, does seem better. Nice work.

[Origin 뮤]

And now it's... Perfectly fine. Good job, especially for a new member. On that note, welcome to YCM!

 

Thank you!

 

 

Yeah, does seem better. Nice work.

 

And thank you! :D