[Post-Contest Tune-up] Stalking Apparition

[Trebuchet MS]

[spoiler Card Text]This card gains 100 ATK for each face-down banished card. When this card is Tribute Summoned: You can target 1 Set card on the field; banish that target face-down. When this card is destroyed by your opponent's card (either by battle or card effect) and sent to the Graveyard: Randomly add 1 of your face-down banished cards to your hand. Once per turn: You can banish 1 card from your hand face-down, then draw 1 card.[/spoiler]

 

This was created for a 1v1 where the requirement was cards that interact with face-down banished cards. Normally you can't interact with face-down banished cards due to the severe lack of cards that can do so. That's what the third effect is for -  recovering what was banished face-down when this card eventually goes down, although you don't have any control over what you're going to get.

 

So what does this card do that banishes things face-down? A former version (and the one entered) of this card had the choice between banishing a card from hand a drawing, or banishing a Set card on the field. Voters have noted that the ability to repeatedly banish Set cards face-down would create too strong a swing in field advantage, so I've shifted that ability to a one-off that happens on Tribute Summon, akin to an upgraded Granmarg.

 

The ATK-gaining effect used to be 200 per face-down banished card to bump this card to acceptable stats after using an effect that banished stuff face-down, and it wasn't a problem because either choice would create a 2400 beater regardless. With the potential to banish 2 cards the turn it's Tribute Summoned, having a 2600 ATK beater right away felt a tad too powerful, so the boost was toned down to 100 ATK per card to match Monarch range for the first turn, then slowly snowball onwards if left unchecked.

[Darj]

The card is slow. As a Level 5 it requires a Tribute to be Normal Summoned, but it doesn't have any effect that pays off that cost or makes the card worth of being Tribute Summoned. The first choice of the second effect is basically a +0 hand fixer but doesn't generate any card advantage. The floating effect is neat but it relies on this card's other effect to be alive, and there is little point on recovering any of those banished face-downs when you could have used them while you had them in the hand in the first place.

 

The only reason for considering this card is its milling effect, but it doesn't look like a great effect when you could be Tribute Summoning, let's say, Caius or Majesty's Fiend instead.

 

My suggestions are to drop its Level to 4 and adjust the original ATK accordingly, taking the ATK boost effect into account.

Alternatively, you could leave it as a level 5, but replace the "banish 1 card, draw 1 card" effect with something like:

"When this card is Normal (or Tribute, your pick) Summoned: You can banish 1 card in your Graveyard face-down; draw 1 card"

 

That way, it becomes a +0 on Summon, just like Monarchs, and combined with its floating effect it essentially allows you to recycle any card currently in your Graveyard; or you could take a tip from Dimensional Alchemist/Esper Girl and banish the top card of your deck face-down instead.

As for the milling effect, you could leave it as an OPT effect that will hurt the opponent's deck for each turn this card spends on the field.

[Peridank]

(I'm nervous to comment on this one because your a big name but here goes) Voltex is half right... It's effect isn't as good as Caius... at first... this card can be a great beat down and can weaken you opponents defenses. But it could use some touch ups. It's almost there... (I am way to nervous to say anything else lol)

[Trebuchet MS]

(I'm nervous to comment on this one because your a big name but here goes) Voltex is half right... It's effect isn't as good as Caius... at first... this card can be a great beat down and can weaken you opponents defenses. But it could use some touch ups. It's almost there... (I am way to nervous to say anything else lol)

Worry not. If any of us "big names" disagree with what you're trying to say, we'd normally try to reason it out in a relatively civil manner. After all, it's difficult to figure out how to improve the card if nobody's willing to express what they feel is lacking.

 

 

The card is slow. As a Level 5 it requires a Tribute to be Normal Summoned, but it doesn't have any effect that pays off that cost or makes the card worth of being Tribute Summoned. The first choice of the second effect is basically a +0 hand fixer but doesn't generate any card advantage. The floating effect is neat but it relies on this card's other effect to be alive, and there is little point on recovering any of those banished face-downs when you could have used them while you had them in the hand in the first place.

 

The only reason for considering this card is its milling effect, but it doesn't look like a great effect when you could be Tribute Summoning, let's say, Caius or Majesty's Fiend instead.

 

My suggestions are to drop its Level to 4 and adjust the original ATK accordingly, taking the ATK boost effect into account.

Alternatively, you could leave it as a level 5, but replace the "banish 1 card, draw 1 card" effect with something like:

"When this card is Normal (or Tribute, your pick) Summoned: You can banish 1 card in your Graveyard face-down; draw 1 card"

 

That way, it becomes a +0 on Summon, just like Monarchs, and combined with its floating effect it essentially allows you to recycle any card currently in your Graveyard; or you could take a tip from Dimensional Alchemist/Esper Girl and banish the top card of your deck face-down instead.

As for the milling effect, you could leave it as an OPT effect that will hurt the opponent's deck for each turn this card spends on the field.

I'm willing to keep the hand-fixing effect, as the card was mainly inspired by Bane Alley Broker.

 

But maybe if I tweak my contest version a little... Would this version suffice?

 

This card gains 100 ATK for each face-down banished card. You can look at your face-down banished cards. When this card is Tribute Summoned: Target 1 Set card on the field; banish that target face-down. When this card is destroyed by your opponent's card (either by battle or card effect) and sent to the Graveyard: You can Randomly add 1 of your face-down banished cards to your hand. Once per turn: You can banish 1 card from your hand face-down; draw 1 card.

The Set card banishment that was part of the last effect choice from that draft has become an on-Summon effect to immediately (attempt to) offset the cost for Summoning it, in addition to making it sit between Caius and Granmarg. Successfully using both effects will put it to the Monarch range of 2400 ATK.

[Dramatic Crossroad]

1st things 1st - the artwork you picked is awesome, you got the realistic part of.

 

A friendly tip for the lore text: 

• the lore would look way better if these optional effects are not stacked each on a new row, just have them flow all over the text box. 
• When writing the text, its better to use "+" instead of asterisk, cause it's way easier to add the dot with Paint later as using + as bulseye for its center. 

 

I think the "looking at your hand" effect could use some clarification, like "while face-up on the field", otherwise it might contradict the random destroy-to-add. Plus you would already know the cards banished by your own effect anyway, so it doesn't look all that useful in the 1st place, unless there is another card/effect to do something with it. 

 

Suggestion on effect edit, (1st optional) - making the hand card banish part of the effect instead of the cost.

Ease the summoning condition. So, here is what i have in mind: 

 

You can Normal Summon (but not Set) this card without tributing. When you do: target 1 card

you control; banish  that target face-down. This card gains 100 ATK for each face-down banished

card. When this card is destroyed by your opponent's card (either by battle or card effect) and

sent to the Graveyard: You can randomly add 1 of your face-down banished cards to your hand.

Once per turn: You can activate 1 of these effects  ● Banish 1 card from your hand face-down 

and draw 1 card.   ● Banish the top 3 cards of your opponent's Deck face-down.

[Darj]

@Gadjiltron: The card is fine now in my opinion. The removal effect is still outclassed by Caius who can banish whatever it wants, but this card comes with additional effects and thus has a different purpose than the monarch, so they can't, or shouldn't, be compared with each other.