Mad Hat Magician Posted January 13, 2015 Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 So I have finished revamping based on the critique I received (Thank you all who contributed! It's been super helpful). So I now present you with the New and Improved Ezrakai, Lord of the Tormented Dead! 1 Level 5 or higher DARK Spellcaster-type Monster + 1 Zombie-type Monster Once per turn: You can activate 1 of the following effects: * Send 1 monster (to the Graveyard; Special Summon 1 Zombie-Type from your deck or graveyard with a Level equal to or lower than OR an ATK/DEF equal to the sent monster's. If summoned from your deck, shuffle it. * Pay 1000 Life Points: Special Summon 1 monster from your opponent's Graveyard. When that monster is destroyed: Your opponent takes damage equal to its ATK, also banish it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ÆƵ– Posted January 14, 2015 Report Share Posted January 14, 2015 This card seems like it could be good if some tweaks were made, but its grammar is a bit off. let me see if I can correct it (all things italicized are corrections) 3 or more (max 5) Level 7 DARK or Zombie-Type monsters Once per turn: you can activate one of the following effects: *Send one monster (from hand/field/Deck???) to the Graveyard; Special Summon 1 Zombie-Type monster whose level/ ATK and DEF is equal to the sent monster's level/ ATK and DEF. *Pay 1000 Life Points: Special Summon 1 level 4 or lower monster from your opponent's Graveyard; When the monster Special Summoned by this effect is destroyed, inflict damage to your opponent equal to that monsters original ATK, and if you do, Banish it. The first effect is a little vague, since we aren't sure where the monster is being sent from, Also, that second effect is maybe a little too good. Maybe put a draw back on it, like the monster's eff is negated, or it can't be tributed or used as an xyz/synchro material. One more thing I noticed is that this card doesn't detach any materials, which is rare for an Xyz. I would either remake it as an effect monster/ maybe a synchro monster, or add some detaching costs to the already in place effects. Also, maybe turn it into a Rank 6/Rank 8, since Level 7s are a bit harder to get onto the field (if you do decide to keep this as an Xyz monster) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Hat Magician Posted January 14, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2015 This card seems like it could be good if some tweaks were made, but its grammar is a bit off. let me see if I can correct it (all things italicized are corrections) The first effect is a little vague, since we aren't sure where the monster is being sent from, Also, that second effect is maybe a little too good. Maybe put a draw back on it, like the monster's eff is negated, or it can't be tributed or used as an xyz/synchro material. One more thing I noticed is that this card doesn't detach any materials, which is rare for an Xyz. I would either remake it as an effect monster/ maybe a synchro monster, or add some detaching costs to the already in place effects. Also, maybe turn it into a Rank 6/Rank 8, since Level 7s are a bit harder to get onto the field (if you do decide to keep this as an Xyz monster) Thank you for the advice! I'll tweak this card. not sure if I'll keep him as an XYZ, but I may repost an update one once I complete it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash Flyer - Sakura Posted January 14, 2015 Report Share Posted January 14, 2015 3 or more (max 5) Level 7 DARK or Zombie-Type Monsters Once per turn: You can activate 1 of the following effects: * Send 1 monster (from where?) to the Graveyard; Special Summon 1 Zombie-Type (again, where are you summoning from?) with a Level equal to or lower than OR an ATK/DEF equal to the sent monster's * Pay 1000 Life Points: Special Summon 1 monster from your opponent's Graveyard. When that monster is destroyed: Your opponent takes damage equal to its ATK, also banish it. You do realize that Xyz Monsters need to have the Level of the materials needed; in this case, 7. I have edited the effect to reflect its materials + OCG stuff. Material-wise, it would be rather impossible to Xyz Summon this card; considering a sizable lack of L7 Zombies; there exists Red-Eyes Zombie, yes, but not too many others. DARK monsters are bountiful, however, but really don't see them making this card. If this were a Fusion Monster, then maybe it'd see a little more play, but as noted, no Deck will run 3+ Level 7 monsters for this. Note that the first effect needs to specify WHERE the monsters you are sending to the Graveyard and Special Summoning are coming from. Right now, it gives the impression that you can send/summon from anywhere, and that's not a good thing. Second effect can potentially revive a boss monster you killed earlier, and if your opponent is foolish enough to destroy it (or in this case, you kill it yourself); then they take the burn and said monster gets banished. Depending on the circumstances, this essentially acts similarly to a one-sided Ring of Destruction (unedited). ---- Also note that Xyz Monsters generally detach a material (or 2-3, depending on how much of a cost you believe the effect should have). I would make the effects require a number of detaches, should you keep this as an Xyz. I'd nerf the second effect though, as via1ne already mentioned; either put some drawbacks on it or edit the burn effect to hit you instead. First one, as noted, needs to have locations of the sent monster and the revived one in its effect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Hat Magician Posted January 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 3 or more (max 5) Level 7 DARK or Zombie-Type Monsters Once per turn: You can activate 1 of the following effects: * Send 1 monster (from where?) to the Graveyard; Special Summon 1 Zombie-Type (again, where are you summoning from?) with a Level equal to or lower than OR an ATK/DEF equal to the sent monster's * Pay 1000 Life Points: Special Summon 1 monster from your opponent's Graveyard. When that monster is destroyed: Your opponent takes damage equal to its ATK, also banish it. You do realize that Xyz Monsters need to have the Level of the materials needed; in this case, 7. I have edited the effect to reflect its materials + OCG stuff. Material-wise, it would be rather impossible to Xyz Summon this card; considering a sizable lack of L7 Zombies; there exists Red-Eyes Zombie, yes, but not too many others. DARK monsters are bountiful, however, but really don't see them making this card. If this were a Fusion Monster, then maybe it'd see a little more play, but as noted, no Deck will run 3+ Level 7 monsters for this. Note that the first effect needs to specify WHERE the monsters you are sending to the Graveyard and Special Summoning are coming from. Right now, it gives the impression that you can send/summon from anywhere, and that's not a good thing. Second effect can potentially revive a boss monster you killed earlier, and if your opponent is foolish enough to destroy it (or in this case, you kill it yourself); then they take the burn and said monster gets banished. Depending on the circumstances, this essentially acts similarly to a one-sided Ring of Destruction (unedited). ---- Also note that Xyz Monsters generally detach a material (or 2-3, depending on how much of a cost you believe the effect should have). I would make the effects require a number of detaches, should you keep this as an Xyz. I'd nerf the second effect though, as via1ne already mentioned; either put some drawbacks on it or edit the burn effect to hit you instead. First one, as noted, needs to have locations of the sent monster and the revived one in its effect. Thank you for the critique, I've fixed the OCG in the format you mentioned, as well as changing the card from XYZ to Fusion. I have also altered the secondary effect to damage you, and am planning to soon post the finished product soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ezra627 Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Why my name is in there?XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash Flyer - Sakura Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Probably coincidental that your name makes up part of the card's one. Anyway, you need to give a comment relevant to how the card is designed. Look at mine and Aquatic's posts for examples. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ezra627 Posted January 17, 2015 Report Share Posted January 17, 2015 Ok so design is pretty good for "me" (lame joke) and the effect needs some 3 mat level 7 like 3 (max. 5) Level 7 monsters. BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE AMOUNT OF MATERIALS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash Flyer - Sakura Posted January 17, 2015 Report Share Posted January 17, 2015 I already mentioned the last part to the TC already. As mentioned, while there are Decks perfectly capable of making Rank 7s (see Ruler builds, MPBs and the like), this card requiring specific Types/Attributes does kill its playability. I'd like to give Isolde some recognition for somewhat making it easier to go into this, but she can only affect 2 monsters at a time (whereas this needs 3); plus this card isn't a Zombie itself. So yeah, you might want to fix its summon requirements a bit; though he did say that he's changed it to a Fusion (although it's still going to be a pain in the ass to summon). If kept as an Xyz, only way you can really get this out is by Astral Force over Empress of Prophecy or something; but that's random. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
121092 Posted January 17, 2015 Report Share Posted January 17, 2015 I could see this being a real card 10/10! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash Flyer - Sakura Posted January 17, 2015 Report Share Posted January 17, 2015 I could see this being a real card 10/10! :D I'd like to inform you that you need to elaborate on why this card would be 10/10 in your opinion. Basically, these types of comments are nice, but really don't help the thread creator improve. Also keep in mind that this card has severe playability issues, which were noted twice by myself and another member. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.