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[dark_magician_girl]

Post your jokes here and see who's got the best joke of all, please rate them on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best, 1 being the worst). HAVE FUN AND LAUGH IT GETS RID OF STRESS! :lol:

Post your jokes here and see who's got the best joke of all, please rate them on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best, 1 being the worst). HAVE FUN AND LAUGH IT GETS RID OF STRESS!

[Tkill93]

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico. Two million Mexicans have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start and is asking for help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.

 

Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots.

 

Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

 

Other Latin American countries are sending supplies.

 

The European community (except France) is sending food and money.

 

The United States, not to be outdone, is sending two million Mexicans to replace the dead ones.

God bless America!!!!

 

---

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

 

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

 

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

 

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

 

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

 

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

[Shaymin]

A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"

 

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

[Mr. Best Male 2008]

dark_magician_girl dont double post

[Shaymin]

The was a blonde, red head, and a brunette in a car. The red head was driving and she was speeding,the cops were following them. "Hurry, there are three potato bag in the back seat, get out the car and get in them!" said the red head. When the cops came, they saw three potato bags. A cop kick the first one that had the brunette in it, the brunette said "Meow! Meow!" "Oh, it's just some kittens the cops, and he kicked the second one with the red head in it. "Bark! Bark!" said the red head. "Oh, it's just some puppies." said the cop and kicked the third one, which had the blonde. The blonde said, "Potatoes! Potatoes!"

[Tkill93]

dark_magician_girl dont double post

 

KA Flame' date=' I believe this is my thread, no wait... I'm sure it is! So that means that if I want to double post then I very well can. OH! And before I forget, I don't ever recall mentioning that you couldn't double post... Oh wait, That's cause I never said you couldn't! I guess that means that you should take you 'ill-educated' commentary to another poll for someone else's lack of enjoyment. Thanks, dark_magician_girl

[/quote']

 

You know what ? It may be your thread. But it's not your forum, and its a FORUM RULE that you can't double post. k? And if you want to double post, you don't, because your NOT allowed. Or you'll get in trouble and eventually banned from the forum. And it doesn't matter what you say, you don't own yugiohcardmaker.net . And you don't need to be so rude to KA, he's been here ALOT longer than you,

[Serrenox]

dark_magician_girl dont double post

 

KA Flame' date=' I believe this is my thread, no wait... I'm sure it is! So that means that if I want to double post then I very well can. OH! And before I forget, I don't ever recall mentioning that you couldn't double post... Oh wait, That's cause I never said you couldn't! I guess that means that you should take you 'ill-educated' commentary to another poll for someone else's lack of enjoyment. Thanks, dark_magician_girl

[/quote']

 

You know what ? It may be your thread. But it's not your forum, and its a FORUM RULE that you can't double post. k? And if you want to double post, you don't, because your NOT allowed. Or you'll get in trouble and eventually banned from the forum. And it doesn't matter what you say, you don't own yugiohcardmaker.net . And you don't need to be so rude to KA, he's been here ALOT longer than you,

 

That is exactly what I was going to post, it isn't your forum, so don't double post.

 

Tkill93= best jokes ever, funny. I likedthe one aobut Dick Cheny and the president in the pother joke thread...

[Jerry OldMaster]

:lol:....

 

I voted "yes"

[chaoserver]

Heres ones, forget precisely how it is worded and cannot remember if I made it up or found it but here goes:

 

There is a government organization, recruiting for an upcoming mission. Three individuals, two males and a female are applying. They enter a small room, where the big cheese and his two bodyguards wait. On the desk before him are three guns, behind the bodyguards was a door. The agents take a seat before the head of the organization.

 

" We must be certain beyond a doubt that you three can carry out whatever mission is granted to you, no matter how obscene." He turned now to the first man," Your wife is being held behind the door at my back, you must go through the door and shoot her,"

 

Shaking the man takes a gun from the table and goes through the door. A few minutes later he emerges in tears and places the gun on the table.

 

" Im sorry, I couldn't do it, Im not fit for this job," He stammered as he left.

 

" You, " He turned to the second man," We have now moved your wife and child into the room, you must shoot them both,"

 

The man gulped and proceeded through the door after picking up a gun. Minutes passed but he too emerged and stated that he was unable to shoot his wife.

 

" Ah, and now you," The chief turned to the woman," We have moved your husband behind the door now, go and shoot him,"

 

She took the gun and proceeded through the door. After a few moments she emerged.

 

" Were you able to...?" The cheif began.

 

The woman shrugged," Well the gun was full of blanks so I had to beat him to death with a chair,"

[rscrash]

[align=center]Most of mine swear or are unsuitable one way or another, but here's one:

 

A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time. The father and his son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator.

"What's that Paw?" the boy asked.

"I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" replied the father.

Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in. The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch. They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old busty blonde.

The father looks at his son and says "Go get your Maw !"

 

 

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

 

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

 

 

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "S***, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"[/align]

[Motto M8]

There was 3 men stranded in the desert they was each granted a wish 2 of them wished for them to go home to there families and then the last one said for his wish "I'm lonely I wish my friends was here."

 

A bunny walked into the bar and ask the barkeeper do you have any carrots the barkeeper said no so the next day the bunny came and asked again and still the answer is no then the rabbit went to the same bar again and asked the barkeeper and the barkeeper said no if you ask me again I'll pin your ears to the wall with nails so the bunny asked do you have any nails the barkeeper said no so the bunny asked again do you have any carrots.

[Motto M8]

sorry for the double post but I have to think for my jokes so their might loads of different posts from me.

 

Why didn't get into the football team? Because she always misses the ball.

 

A new student came to a school he was called albert micky jones so the teacher said ok so I'll just call you albert jones so albert said im sorry miss but my dad does not like people taking the mickey out of my name.

 

Have you heard the joke why was 6 afraid of 7? cause 7 8 9 well this is the other version. Why couldn't 6 be afraid of 7? because 10 8 6.

[Static]

This joke has sexual inuendo, but does not use explicit language.

 

3 women are in the changing room of their local fitness club. All of a sudden, a man that is completely naked with the exception of a paper bag on his head runs through the womens changing room.

 

When the man is gone, the first woman replies "That's sure not my husband"

 

The second then replies "No it sure ain't"

 

The third woman then states "Not only that, he is not even a member of the the club"

 

NEXT JOKE:

 

This one is a bit more explicit, but does not contain any graphic/violent sexual content.

 

A relatively old man marries a relatively younger woman, and after enjoying their honeymoon, they agree to have intercourse. The man however, is unable to please his wife.

 

The next day, the man goes and asks his rabbi (LOL) about the problem. The rabbi tells him that people come to him with this problem often, and that the trick is to "Have a young man twirl a towel above you while you and your partner have intercourse" The man takes his rabbi's advice, and finds a willing young man to twirl the towel above him and his wife.

 

She is still unpleased.

 

The next day, he asks his rabbi why this did not work. The rabbi replies,

"That happens a lot with this problem, what should work is if you switch roles with the younger man"

 

The man takes his rabbi's advice, and has the young man get in bed with his wife. His wife, almost instantly starts moaning and groaning, and to that the Husband says to the younger man "Idiot, thats how you twirl a towel"

 

If you don't get it, then read this when your older.