legolover09 Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 So before reading your whole post, I saw that part about three people commenting. Which three??? Also, Ebony. Good or bad? We don't know yet. The mom. We don't know. The directors special cards? we don't know. This chapter only brought up more questions, rather than less. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vector Nightmare Posted February 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 [quote name='legolover09' timestamp='1297893750' post='5012726'] So before reading your whole post, I saw that part about three people commenting. Which three??? Also, Ebony. Good or bad? We don't know yet. The mom. We don't know. The directors special cards? we don't know. This chapter only brought up more questions, rather than less. [/quote] Bahamut and Anbu are the most regular, and then it's you and / or Cakey, and a couple of others who post more rarely. I meant that I rarely get more than three people commenting on one chapter. This is actually the longest series of posts in the thread without me posting a chapter, I think =/. And yes, we're still not even in the middle yet, so you're supposed to have questions, which will be answered in due time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 First of all, correct me if I'm wrong, but were you once Ixigo? I might be thinking of a completely different person, but a friend of mine spoke about your writing and how good it was so many times, and I remember actually reading something of yours once, I think. I just finished reading Episode 1, and your writing baffles me. What I mean is, I think of myself as a decent writer, and I actually like writing the YuGiOh FanFic a lot, but your FanFic is so good, your writing style flows so well, that I've actually sat here and read your episode while writing my own to try and learn how to use detail better. I still can't seem to get it, but this is great, so, so great. I'm not caught up in 5D's, so I don't know if ZONE uses Plant-Type monsters or not, but the duel was so well written, and the description and detail you use if phenomenal. Excellent, excellent job. If it's not too much trouble, perhaps you could take a look at my own and give me some pointers? It's nothing compared to this, I'm sure, but I'll definitely be reading more of this when I get the opportunity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legolover09 Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 He was once Ixigo. You can tell from the display name change on everyone's profile who they might have been. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vector Nightmare Posted February 17, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 [quote name='Star' timestamp='1297899130' post='5012947']First of all, correct me if I'm wrong, but were you once Ixigo?[/quote] Yep, that's me. [quote name='Star' timestamp='1297899130' post='5012947']I might be thinking of a completely different person, but a friend of mine spoke about your writing and how good it was so many times, and I remember actually reading something of yours once, I think.[/quote] [url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/15297-chronicles-of-the-ascension-arc-1-currently-at-chapter-13-dark-confrontation/"]This[/url], amirite? 'tis the only thing I've posted in here (though it was a big success at its time), barring a couple minor one-shots. [quote name='Star' timestamp='1297899130' post='5012947']I just finished reading Episode 1, and your writing baffles me. What I mean is, I think of myself as a decent writer, and I actually like writing the YuGiOh FanFic a lot, but your FanFic is so good, your writing style flows so well, that I've actually sat here and read your episode while writing my own to try and learn how to use detail better. I still can't seem to get it, but this is great, so, so great.[/quote] Ego-flaunting aside, that's actually the most important skill a writer needs. The ability to improve his own work based upon the work of others. All good writers were diligent readers, and it comes as no surprise. If you, by thinking it was good, tried to use it to improve your writing, you are already on the right track. Philosophy aside, thanks. It's funny that so many people comment on how good my writing is, whereas I hate myself for posting stuff without proofreading it (it's one of my two resolves for this story: first: to put up stuff as I write it, no editing, second: to actually [i]finish [/i]this) which results in pretty awkward sentence structures and stuff. [quote name='Star' timestamp='1297899130' post='5012947']I'm not caught up in 5D's, so I don't know if ZONE uses Plant-Type monsters or not, but the duel was so well written, and the description and detail you use if phenomenal. Excellent, excellent job.[/quote] ZONE doesn't use Plants in 5Ds and neither does he do that in this story. He used a Plant deck in the first chapter because it was convenient with Black Rose Dragon. Also, because he could. You'll see what I mean when you get further into the story. [quote name='Star' timestamp='1297899130' post='5012947']If it's not too much trouble, perhaps you could take a look at my own and give me some pointers? It's nothing compared to this, I'm sure, but I'll definitely be reading more of this when I get the opportunity.[/quote] Sure, I'll take a look. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 [quote name='~ Epic Hero - Saber ~' timestamp='1297901838' post='5013089'] Yep, that's me. [b]Umbra talks quite a bit about you whenever we have FanFic related discussions. Umbra is sort of my inspiration to write here, at least compared to how I used to, and he said you were his. So it's no surprise to see you live up to the hype.[/b] [url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/15297-chronicles-of-the-ascension-arc-1-currently-at-chapter-13-dark-confrontation/"]This[/url], amirite? 'tis the only thing I've posted in here (though it was a big success at its time), barring a couple minor one-shots. [b]Yeah, that was it. I read it years ago, I think. Perhaps not. It had something to do with Obelisk the Tormentor, I think.[/b] Ego-flaunting aside, that's actually the most important skill a writer needs. The ability to improve his own work based upon the work of others. [b]I'll never be as good as you are at this, but it definitely helped, at least a little.[/b] [All good writers were diligent readers, and it comes as no surprise. If you, by thinking it was good, tried to use it to improve your writing, you are already on the right track. [b]I like the criticism, and the advice. I want to be able to write really well, and I expect to make mistakes. Even when I post an Episode, I know there's going to be something that someone points out, and that's good, because I can improve it next time.[/b] Philosophy aside, thanks. It's funny that so many people comment on how good my writing is, whereas I hate myself for posting stuff without proofreading it (it's one of my two resolves for this story: first: to put up stuff as I write it, no editing, second: to actually [i]finish [/i]this) which results in pretty awkward sentence structures and stuff. [b]I don't proofread really, just spell check.[/b] ZONE doesn't use Plants in 5Ds and neither does he do that in this story. He used a Plant deck in the first chapter because it was convenient with Black Rose Dragon. Also, because he could. You'll see what I mean when you get further into the story. [b]I look forward to it.[/b] Sure, I'll take a look. [b]Awesome![/b] [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Borg Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 Finally got caught up and the most recent chapters are amazing! I can't wait to find out about the whole Ebony Ivory plot in latter chapters! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vector Nightmare Posted February 17, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 [quote=Star]Umbra talks quite a bit about you whenever we have FanFic related discussions. Umbra is sort of my inspiration to write here, at least compared to how I used to, and he said you were his. So it's no surprise to see you live up to the hype.[/quote] That's bull. Umbra is at least as good as I am. [quote=Star]Yeah, that was it. I read it years ago, I think. Perhaps not. It had something to do with Obelisk the Tormentor, I think.[/quote] No, that was Umbra's story, Legacy of the Tormentor. It was better than mine. [quote=Star]I don't proofread really, just spell check.[/quote] That's... nothing to be really proud of. I don't proofread because I realized it hinders my ability to progress with the story, and eventually causes me to get bored and drop it. So I decided to keep it as it is, and leave correcting all the flaws for after I finish it. That, and the fact that I more or less trust my ability to not make a total mess. You should always proofread. [quote name='Naturia Cat' timestamp='1297911042' post='5013471'] Finally got caught up and the most recent chapters are amazing! I can't wait to find out about the whole Ebony Ivory plot in latter chapters! [/quote] Thanks, I hadn't seen you in a while. Looks like I'm finally starting to rack up a decent fanbase. Because you guys are all so awesome, here is the next chapter. One of the characters has played thus far a major role in the story, but we know nearly nothing concrete about them. Well, it's high time we learned. Also, card games. [spoiler=Chapter 21] [center][b][u]Chapter 21:[/b] Altar of the Sun[/u][/center] Kirizaki Maya was only one-eighth Japanese, despite how strongly that blood came out in her. Her mother was an international diplomat from Ukraine. Her father was an author - though he had never managed to become renowned, he had sold a few titles over the years. Five years ago, both her parents died in a plane crash as they were returning from a vacation in New Zealand. Maya, thirteen years old then, went to live with her grandfather from her father's side in Japan. However, that person, a half-Japanese half-Korean man of criminal ways sought to use Maya's fame as the European champion and strike several partnership deals with Duel International. Cornelius Klein had been the link between her and her grandfather in those schemes, and that was the main reason for Maya's animosity towards him. Soon after that, she fled her home and sought refuge in anonymity. But life was hard on her. Though she had no financial issues thanks to the small fortune her parents had left her with, even if most of it had been devoured by her greedy relatives, she faced discrimination and chauvinism. Not being able to deal with them while coping with the death of her parents, Maya would have fallen into depression. It was at that time that she had met Aizawa Yuusuke. A cheerful, bright young man with a strong sense of right and wrong, and a formidable passion to stand up for his friends. Though she never actually shared a word with him about the nature of her problems, thanks to his encouragement and support, she got through that difficult period. That was the one favor in Maya's life that she felt she had not repaid, and probably never fully would. But nevertheless, it was her duty to protect Yuusuke now, when he was under the worst peril. If there was one thing that had often been the cause of argument between the two friends, that had been Sanjou Kiishiro. The boy was a loner, keeping to himself most of the time. Of course, the ever-vigilant Yuusuke found in him an immediate target for 'rehabilitation' - he would never stop trying to get him to open up. But, Maya objected to the idea, harshly and firmly. She had nothing against Kiishiro, personally. Even though she didn't think Yuusuke's approach would work with that guy, she found no reason there to discourage his efforts, either. One of Maya's main qualities, and largely responsible for her illustrious career in Duel Monsters, had been her uncanny intuition. An ability to 'sense' subliminal messages, things that were not at first obvious. That 'understanding', a sort of sixth sense but everyone has, but few really cultivate, was Maya's most trusted instinct. And that instinct warned her, with all its might, that there was something extremely wrong with Sanjou Kiishiro. What it was, she had no idea. She could 'feel' the impending disaster, the black veil of death around him. She knew that, whoever associated too closely with him, would end up being swept in that dark current. Whether it would be soon enough or years later, she didn't know. Nevertheless, she vigilantly kept him at arm's length. And, just as she had feared, the trouble began one week ago. Only she hadn't been able to keep Yuusuke from getting involved. Well, she could never have foreseen, back then, the turn things would take. Jacqueline's comments regarding Kiishiro had further fortified Maya's suspicion. Perhaps the next course of action should be to return to the issue that had been the beginning of their troubles, and start searching for Sanjou Kiishiro's whereabouts again. The conversation with Adam Fergusson had gone reasonably well, if you considered the personality of that guy. Maya had learned a few useful tidbits about the situation in the American side of the network, and had been able to extrapolate some conclusions. She'd have to - A message beeped on her D-Wheel's display. She sighed. She couldn't remember the last time she had been able to fully conclude a trail of thoughts without being interrupted by something. She turned her attention to the display and read the message. She paused, then read it again. This couldn't be right. [center] [i][b]You have been challenged by Duelist:[/b][/i] <Sinclair> [i][b]Duel Mode:[/b] Standard [b]Duel Field:[/b] Temple of the Sun [/i][b]Accept[/b] || [b]Decline[/b] [/center] Despite the initial shock, Maya quickly conjured the possible scenarios. Someone from Duel International was luring her into a trap. Most likely Jacqueline. It did not stretch disbelief that they would be able to make use of her deleted account, although she found it difficult to understand the reasoning behind it. At any rate, Maya had resolved not to run from any challenges. She would take what they threw at her head-on. Jacqueline had already confirmed that they were afraid of her - Maya had too much knowledge on the company's intricate workings and dirty secrets, and, through her family and other, less direct routes, had contacts that could severely imped Jacqueline and the others. That much, at least, had become apparent. She would press on that notion, and capitalize on her advantage as far as she could. Clicking Accept, she rushed through the portal that appeared immediately in front of her. Coincidentally, or perhaps not so much, the Temple of the Sun would be exactly the place she'd have chosen as Sinclair. A massive pyramid of Aztec design, towering high over the clouds, the brilliant sun shedding its rays upon the uppermost altar which was the battle arena. As it had not received any updates since the server remodelling to accomodate Riding Duels, Maya found herself instantly locked in her designated place, bound by the motion prevention system. The sun overhead was reaching its peak - although no matter how long they'd spent there, they'd never see it waver or sink into the horizon. Maya liked this field - the ancient stones paved under her feet, the feeling of standing on the very top of the world, the intricate designs sculpted upon the rocks. But, she was not here for sightseeing. Prepared as she was after reading the challenge message, she still couldn't hold back her surprise after her opponent ported in. It was exactly the avatar she had designed for her alternate account. It was a body she had learned to recognize as her own in this virtual space, at least when she was not using it to covertly access her primary account. And now it was an enemy. Light hazel eyes stared at her without expression. Blonde hair flickered slightly, even though there was no wind. Maya had unconsciously chosen the <Celestial Gold Raiments> for the occasion, a rich, low-cut golden dress with scarce crimson decorations. Sinclair was sporting the <Sun Priestess' Yukata>, a traditional japanese orange dress with various depictions of the sun painted over one side. In Maya's hands, the Rod of Dominion shone under the sunshine. Sinclair was armed with a traditional Duel Disk. They stared at each other for a long moment. "If you thought to scare me with that, get real." Maya scoffed, folding her hands in front of her chest. "I do not seek to scare you." Maya gave a start. Sinclair's voice was soft and warm, almost... almost human?! "I... I need you." "You need me?" Maya asked incredulously. "What for?" "You'll see." Sinclair initiated her Duel Disk. [center][i][b]Duel Commencing[/b][/i][/center] "It's always like that, isn't it?" Sinclair smiled softly. Maya nodded, despite herself. It always was. The randomizer gave her the first turn. [center][i][b]Stiyel Crystal[/b] - LP: 4000[/i] [i][b]Sinclair[/b] - LP: 4000[/i][/center] "My turn. Draw." What deck was Sinclair using? Maya had a fair selection of decks available in that account. But there was only one she could think was so fitting - the deck that had been used to battle Cornelius Klein, the Sun and Moon Dragon deck. Well, let's see. "One monster, in defense mode." She announced. The Rod of Dominion eliminated the need for a Duel Disk - simply raising it caused one of the concealed cards in front of her to float into its designated horizontal position, facing the ground. "One reverse card. Turn end." "My turn. Draw." Sinclair's demeanor, even her very movements, were quite similar to what Maya herself was doing. It was eerie, yet strangely saddening. "First, when I control no monsters, but you do, I can Special Summon Priest of the Sun. Then, I activate One for One, sending a monster from my hand to the Graveyard, in order to Special Summon the Level 1, Tuner monster, Supay, from my deck." [spoiler=Priest of the Sun][b]Priest of the Sun[/b] LIGHT / Spellcaster Level 5 1000/2000 If your opponent controls a monster and you control no monsters, you can Special Summon this card from your hand. When this card on the field is destroyed and sent to the Graveyard, you can add to your hand 1 "Fire Ant Ascator" or 1 "Supay" from your Deck.[/spoiler] [spoiler=One for One][b]One for One[/b] SPELL / Normal Send 1 Monster Card from your hand to the Graveyard. Special Summon 1 Level 1 monster from your hand or Deck.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Supay][b]Supay[/b] EARTH / Fiend / Tuner Level 1 300/100 When this card is sent from the field to the Graveyard by a card effect, you can Special Summon 1 "Oracle of the Sun" from your Deck. The ATK of that monster is doubled, and it returns to the owner's hand during the End Phase of that turn.[/spoiler] "Now, I send another card from my hand to the Graveyard." She discarded one more card. This allows me to Special Summon The Tricky from my hand. Finally, I normal summon Red Ant Ascator." [spoiler=The Tricky][b]The Tricky[/b] WIND / Spellcaster Level 5 2000/1200 You can discard 1 card to Special Summon this card from your hand.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Red Ant Ascator][b]Red Ant Ascator[/b] EARTH / Insect / Tuner Level 3 700/1300 When this card is destroyed by battle and sent to the Graveyard, you can select and Special Summon 1 Level 5 monster from your Graveyard. Its effect(s) is negated, and it is sent to the Graveyard during the End Phase of this turn.[/spoiler] "A - all those monsters at once..." Maya drew in a sharp breath. She had expended all her hand to do this, yes, but... "I tune my Level 5, Priest of the Sun, to my Level 3, Red Ant Ascator, as well as my Level 5, The Tricky, to my Level 1, Supay." Sinclair said, raising both her arms as twin explosions of darkness and light burst on either side of her, heralding the appearance of the two signature monsters at once. "Synchro Summon. Descend, Sun Dragon Inti, Moon Dragon Quilla." The sky rippled, and the twin solar and lunar dragon creatures materialized. [spoiler=Sun Dragon Inti][b]Sun Dragon Inti[/b] LIGHT / Dragon / Synchro Level 8 3000/2800 "Red Ant Ascator" + 1 or more non-Tuner monsters When this card is destroyed by battle and sent to the Graveyard, destroy the monster that destroyed this card, and inflict damage to your opponent equal to half that monster's ATK. If this card on the field is destroyed, during the Standby Phase of the next turn, you can Special Summon 1 "Moon Dragon Quilla" from your Graveyard.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Moon Dragon Quilla][b]Moon Dragon Quilla[/b] DARK / Dragon / Synchro Level 6 2500/2000 "Supay" + 1 or more non-Tuner monsters When this card is selected as an attack target, gain Life Points equal to half the attacking monster's ATK. If this card on the field is destroyed, you can Special Summon 1 "Sun Dragon Inti" from your Graveyard.[/spoiler] "Battle." Sinclair said sharply. "Moon Dragon Quilla, attack the reverse monster. The moon dragon struck quickly with a wave of lunar energy, annihilating Maya's reverse monster. It was good that Hellway Patrol had been sent to the Graveyard, but... [spoiler=Hellway Patrol][b]Hellway Patrol[/b] DARK / Fiend Level 4 1600/1200 When this card destroys a monster by battle and sends it to the Graveyard, inflict damage to your opponent equal to the Level of the destroyed monster x 100. You can remove from play this card in your Graveyard to Special Summon 1 Fiend-Type monster with 2000 or less ATK from your hand.[/spoiler] "Sun Dragon Inti, direct attack." Hell's fire wrapped around her, embracing her fully. She had prepared herself for pain, even agony, but this only hurt as much as a direct attack normally would, without interference to the sensor regulators. It lasted only a couple of seconds. [center][i][b]Stiyel Crystal[/b] - LP: 1000[/i] [i][b]Sinclair[/b] - LP: 4000[/i][/center] "Not all wounds harm the body." Sinclair said, as if reading Maya's surprise. "Save your philosophy for after I use this." Maya retorted, raising her scepter and causing the concealed card to flip over. "Damage Condenser. I have to discard a card from my hand, but I can Special Summon from the deck a monster whose attack points do not exceed the battle damage I just took. And thanks to you, I can Special Summon just about any monster I choose. So come, Demon Roar God Dianaira! And you won't forget that Demon Roar God monsters' effects can activate when they are discarded, so Demon Roar God Lurrie that was used as the cost for Damage Condenser is Special Summoned as well!" A gigantic bull standing on its hind legs, and a tiny masked devil appeared simultaneously on the field. [spoiler=Damage Condenser][b]Damage Condenser[/b] TRAP / Normal Activate only by discarding 1 card when you take Battle Damage. Special Summon, in Attack Position, 1 monster from your Deck with ATK equal to or less than the Battle Damage you took.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Demon Roar God Lurrie][b]Demon Roar God Lurrie[/b] LIGHT / Fiend Level 1 200/400 When this card is discarded from your hand to the Graveyard, Special Summon it.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Demon Roar God Dianaira][b]Demon Roar God Dianaira[/b] LIGHT / Fiend Level 8 2800/100 You can Tribute 1 "Demon Roar God" monster to Tribute Summon this card in face-up Attack Position. Once per turn, when your opponent activates a Normal Spell Card, its effect become "Your opponent selects and discards 1 card from their hand".[/spoiler] "It's my turn again." Maya said, and a new card materialized in front of her. They thought to pit her own deck against her? Ridiculous. She'd never lose. She held four cards, and had two monsters on the field. Her opponent had expended all the cards in her hand, hoping to use the effects of the Sun and Moon Dragon as quickly as possible. She'd show her just how deluded that kind of thought was. "I summon Demon Roar God Kushano." She announced, flipping over an aquamarine female creature with feathered wings. "Prepare yourself. I tune my Level 1, Demon Roar God Lurrie, to my Level 3, Demon Roar God Kushano." Both monsters split into an array of light. Though the level was low, this Synchro monster would be the key to defeating the Inca deck. "Synchro Summon! Come, Demon Roar God Beast Unicore!" A unicorn with black armor-like saddle atop its silver-white back appeared. [spoiler=Demon Roar God Kushano][b]Demon Roar God Kushano[/b] LIGHT / Fiend / Tuner Level 3 1500/800 You can discard 1 "Demon Roar God" monster to the Graveyard except "Demon Roar God Kushano" to add this card from your Graveyard to your hand.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Demon Roar God Beast Unicore][b]Demon Roar God Beast Unicore[/b] LIGHT / Beast / Synchro Level 4 2300/1000 1 "Demon Roar God" Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner monsters While both players have the same number of cards in their hands, negate the activation of the effects of your opponent's Effect Monsters, Spell Cards, and Trap Cards, and destroy those cards.[/spoiler] "Then, I activate the effect of Hellway Patrol in my Graveyard, which allows me to Special Summon a demon monster from my hand, if its attack power is not higher than 2000 points. Come, Demon Roar God Raven!" The masked raven materialized on the field next to the unicorn and the bull. [spoiler=Demon Roar God Raven][b]Demon Roar God Raven[/b] LIGHT / Fiend / Tuner Level 2 1300/1000 Once per turn, you can discard any number of cards from your hand and increase the Level of this card by the number of discarded cards, until the End Phase. This card also gains ATK equal to the number of discarded cards x 400, until the End Phase.[/spoiler] "Now." Maya said. "I place one card face-down. Battle. Demon Roar God Beast Unicore, attack Sun Dragon Inti!" "That is suicide." Sinclair shook her head, but Maya flipped over a card in her hand, the last card standing in front of her. Sinclair recoiled. The card that had been another source of argument between her and Yuusuke. A card that was the most powerful weapon for a user of a Light monster deck, like both Yuusuke and herself. An argument that traced back to the early days of their friendship. Regardless, she had no qualms about using it now. Honest. This card, by being discarded, would power up a Light monster during battle, by the same amount of points the opposing monster possessed, ensuring victory. Instantly, Unicore's attack power rose to 5300, and it leapt across the field, piercing Sun Dragon Inti with its horn. The floating sun exploded, showering Sinclair with burning fragments that cut down her Life to 1700. [center][i][b]Stiyel Crystal[/b] - LP: 1000[/i] [i][b]Sinclair[/b] - LP: 1700[/i][/center] [spoiler=Honest][b]Honest[/b] LIGHT / Fairy Level 4 1100/1900 During your Main Phase, you can return this card from the field to its owner's hand. During either player's Damage Step, when a face-up LIGHT monster you control battles, you can send this card from your hand to the Graveyard to have that monster gain ATK equal to the ATK of the opponent's monster it is battling, until the End Phase.[/spoiler] "But, if Sun Dragon Inti is destroyed, it will retaliate by destroying the attacking monster, and dealing damage to you equal to half that monster's attack strength. This move will cost you the duel." Sinclair said, panting slightly. "I don't think so." Maya retorted. "As you may have noticed, as of the end of this battle, both you and I hold the same number of cards in our hand - that is, zero. Therefore, as Sun Dragon Inti's effect activates, Demon Roar God Beast Unicore's effect also does. When we are holding the same number of cards in our hands, all of your card effects, including monster, Spell, and Trap card effects, are negated. Sun Dragon Inti cannot harm me." "I see." Sinclair said. "Then, I'm done for. Go ahead and finish me." "Naturally." Maya shook her head. What had they been thinking? Against a deck she had used for so long, did they honestly expect her to waver? She had known exactly what to do to stop the effects of the Sun and Moon Dragons. Her victory had been sealed from the beginning. "Raven, attack Moon Dragon Quilla. Upon attack declaration, the mandatory effect of Moon Dragon Quilla activates, and Demon Roar God Beast Unicore negates it, destroying Moon Dragon Quilla. Quilla's effect to Special Summon the Sun Dragon also dissipates." Unceremoniously, the purple-and-blue dragon sank into the earth, its light disappearing from the field. "With the field clear, Raven will attack directly." The bird creature struck at Sinclair with its talons. [center][i][b]Stiyel Crystal[/b] - LP: 1000[/i] [i][b]Sinclair[/b] - LP: 400[/i][/center] "And of course, I still have Dianaira to attack with." Maya raised her scepter, and the bull roared, preparing to charge. Sinclair closed her eyes and smiled, accepting her fate - [i]Don't.[/i] Maya recoiled as her instincts warned her against what logic urged her to do. Her enemy watched her, unwavering. "Sinclair." She said, finally addressing her opponent with her name. "What... what exactly are you? At first I thought you were one of those... those Cataphracts, or whatever. But you seem..." She trailed off. She couldn't exactly say the word 'human' and sound convincing to herself. "Is it that hard to understand?" Sinclair asked, a smile of sorrow on her face. "I am you. Am I not the one whose form you took when you entered this place? You may think otherwise, but in this world, I am you as much as the one whose form you are wearing is. I am a side of you, and when I was torn from you, it nearly destroyed me. But... I survived. And now we will be reunited." Her smile changed to one of rapture. "What - what do you mean?" Maya breathed. "In the real world, this world is just a fake, an illusion." Sinclair said. "But in this world, everything that happens is real within its context. It is not something to be surprised about. You, as one who possesses two identities in this virtual world, exist as two different women. But now we shall be one again." "A - are you telling me that, if something happens to you..." Maya muttered. "We are each other, even when we have been split apart." Sinclair said. "My mind was broken, but I was given consciousness again. However, I was empty. Without the part of me that is you, I was but a hollow shell. So I could only seek you out. The only way for us to become whole once more is this. If I lose, I will disappear, but that will also kill you, and if something as drastic as that happens to you here, it will kill you in reality as well. But death is not the end. We will be whole again." "Don't misunderstand." Maya steeled herself against the inexplicable sorrow that filled her at Sinclair's words. "You have allowed yourself to be used too much to be called a part of me. If you are indeed a side of me, you are a weak side, and I will gladly purge you and that weakness." "Then attack." Sinclair urged. "And finish this." Maya considered carefully. Every fiber of her being urged her to keep from destroying her opponent. Would she truly cease to exist if Sinclair was annihilated? There was only one way to find out, and she did not want to try it. "My battle phase is over." She scowled. Whatever the case, she had control of the duel. She could afford to hold back for a bit, search out for an alternate scenario. But, no sense in taking too much of a risk. "During the second main phase, I tune my Level 8, Demon Roar God Dianaira, to my Level 2, Demon Roar God Raven." The very ground shook with the intensity of the convergence, as the skies blackened to herald the appearance of the new creature. "Synchro Summon." The last ultimate Demon Roar God, an imposing devil clad in crimson and gold, with bright red hair and great wings. Despite its sinister smile, it seemed content to idly lounge next to Unicore, its gaze unnerving even underneath its blindfold. "Descend, Demon Roar God Leviathan." [spoiler=Demon Roar God Leviathan][b]Demon Roar God Leviathan[/b] LIGHT / Fiend / Synchro Level 10 3000/2000 1 "Demon Roar God" Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner monster. When this card on the field is destroyed and sent to the Graveyard, you can select up to 3 "Demon Roar God" monsters in your Graveyard. Add them to your hand.[/spoiler] "There is no reason to finish you off right now." Maya stated. "You understand, right? We have no cards in our hands - this means that, to activate the card you will draw, you will need to place it on the field. At that moment, the conditions for Unicore's effect will activate again and negate it." "Then, I'll have to get rid of that lockdown." Sinclair scowled. "Draw. The effect of AD Changer in the Graveyard activates. By removing this card from play, I can change the Battle Position of one of your monsters. And since the number of cards in our hands is different, Unicore cannot negate this." Indeed, the white legendary beast shifted to kneel on its front legs, defensively raising its horn to any potential attacker. [spoiler=AD Changer][b]AD Changer[/b] LIGHT / Warrior Level 1 100/100 You can remove from play this card in your Graveyard to select 1 monster on the field. Change its battle position.[/spoiler] "You had already set this up when you discarded your cards for the costs of The Tricky and One for One." Maya growled angrily. "I summon Dark Grepher." Sinclair continued. The frightening muscular warrior with the demented face appeared, brandishing his great sword. "Battle. Dark Grepher, strike down Demon Roar God Beast Unicore." As commanded, the fallen warrior sliced at the fabled beast, cutting it down completely. [spoiler=Dark Grepher][b]Dark Grepher[/b] DARK / Warrior Level 4 1700/1600 You can discard 1 Level 5 or higher DARK monster to Special Summon this card from your hand. Once per turn, you can discard 1 DARK monster to send 1 DARK monster from your Deck to your Graveyard.[/spoiler] "Now, my card effects will no longer be negated." Sinclair said. "Whether I defeat you or you defeat me, the outcome will be the same. Turn end." "Draw." Maya was getting slightly annoyed. "If the outcome will be the same, why did you care so much about defeating Unicore? There's something you are not telling me. I refuse to lose to myself." She took a deep breath. Whatever was going to happen, there was no avoiding it. She chided herself for having hesitated. This had to end now. --- Yuusuke twisted around in his chair, unable to remain calm. He was at his home again, after a gruelling session of interrogations. He had told his mother, privately, everything that had happened in the virtual reality. She seemed reluctant to fully believe him, but at least agreed that they should keep those events a secret. Shugo's fate still tortured him. He had not completely believed it, not until he woke up in the hospital bed, with his friend's lifeless body next to him. He had been the one to kill him. He had been the one to push him into logging into the Duel Terminal system. And he had been the one to deliver the finishing blow. No matter what others said, that would not change. But, before he could repent for his death, he had to punish those who had forced his hand. It was his obligation to discover what was truly happening. Without fail, he had to uncover Duel International's crimes. Right now, his thoughts spun around two people. The first was his father. According to his mother, he was currently in a scheduled meeting, which could take hours, and could not be reached by phone. There was nothing to be done about that. She had agreed to tell him everything upon his return, and try her best to convince him to stay away from work for a while. The other person was Maya. Yuusuke's mother had tried to reach her as soon as Yuusuke was found. But she had not answered her phone at home, nor her mobile phone. This was not good. Maya and Yuusuke had both agreed not to access the Duel Terminal system. But, if Maya had somehow found out that Yuusuke had gone in, as Yuusuke had done with Shugo, Maya would certainly do the same to reach him. But, it was dangerous. Maya was a good duelist, there was no denying that, but she would never be able to stand up to the Ghosts, or those Cataphracts. There was no way he would return to the virtual world in person, of course. If they tried to use Maya against him the same way they had with Shugo, there was no question that he could never find the resolve to repeat his actions. But there was another method, the same thing that Maya and his dad had used to connect to the network when he had first fought that Ghost. It would need tweaking, but he could do it. Thankfully, his father had brought home equipment for just that kind of circumstance. Wearing a grim expression, he rushed downstairs. --- "Maya!!" Both women reflexively glanced around to identify the source of the person addressing - well, whichever one of the two he was talking to. But, they were alone up there, and it did not take long for Maya to match the disembodied voice with Yuusuke. He was supposed to be safe in the real - but then she realized that Yuusuke was not connected, merely talking to her through some method like what she and his father had done before - no. He was not talking to [i]her[/i]. The person he had come here for was standing opposite to her. Sinclair, the one Yuusuke knew as Kirizaki Maya, was the one he had reached for. To Yuusuke, she might as well be a dangerous enemy. A dangerous enemy who was just about to destroy his friend. "You!" Yuusuke cried out. "You are - wait." She could almost [i]feel[/i] his intensity. "You are the European champion!" He exclaimed, apparently having located the information he was looking for. "Why are you doing this - wait, don't tell me... you aren't one of those 'Cataphracts'?!" Maya shook her head. This was getting more complicated than it should. At any rate, all she had to do was end this. She could explain things to Yuusuke once they were both safely out of this space. "Don't worry." Sinclair said softly. "I will be alright." "The hell you will!" Yuusuke screamed. "She's just about to bring you down! This is serious - who knows what will happen to you if you lose!" "Battle. Leviathan - " "Hold on!" Yuusuke yelled out desperately. "Don't do this! Why are you fighting, anyway? Duel International doesn't control you, do they?" "No." Maya snapped. How could she explain this in a convincing manner, without sounding insane? "Yuusuke - " Then a sound like static, and there was silence. "What happened?" Maya demanded. Sinclair shook her head. "I do not know. But it is beside the point. We are alone once more. Won't you attack?" Maya gritted her teeth. She had made her choice, and was prepared to live with the consequences. But Yuusuke had reminded her. She was not alone. Therefore, her life was not just her own to discard. She could not die so easily. She owed that much to Yuusuke. "Turn end." She sighed. She had to find a solution. Was there a solution? "My turn. Draw." Sinclair continued. "Won't you understand? There is no choice. We are one and the same. It was so, it is so, and whoever wins this, it will be so forever. Dark Grepher's effect activates. I send a Dark monster from my hand to the Graveyard, in order to search my deck for another Dark monster and also send it to the Graveyard. Then, I change Dark Grepher to defense mode. Turn end." "If it's the same, then why? Why are you defending?" Maya asked angrily, forcing another card to materialize in front of her with the Rod of Dominion. "What aren't you telling me, Sinclair? Battle! Demon Roar God Leviathan, attack Dark Grepher!" "Necro Gardna activates in my Graveyard." Sinclair said smoothly. "Your attack is blocked." [spoiler=Necro Gardna][b]Necro Gardna[/b] DARK / Warrior Level 3 600/1300 Remove from play this card in your Graveyard to negate 1 attack this turn from a monster your opponent controls.[/spoiler] Maya gritted her teeth. This just [i]had[/i] to happen. "Turn end." She snapped. "My turn. Draw." Sinclair said. "Why am I defending, you ask? Because this has to end, one way or another. If you don't have the courage to finish this - " She held up the single card in her hand. " - then I will." [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legolover09 Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 That chapter was spooky. Sinclair coming back will need explanation, but Maya's backstory was enjoyable. I think that the duel will end in a draw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 [quote name='~ Epic Hero - Saber ~' timestamp='1297947680' post='5014158'] That's... nothing to be really proud of. I don't proofread because I realized it hinders my ability to progress with the story, and eventually causes me to get bored and drop it. So decided to keep it as it is, and leave correcting all the flaws for after I finish it. That, and the fact that I more or less try my ability to not make a total mess. You should always proofread. [/quote] By no means did I say I am proud of it. I don't proofread because I don't like my own work. I check for errors, and I re-read certain sections, but to read and critique it as a whole, I'd never get anything done. If I try to change one thing, I end up needing to change something else, and I'd never end up getting anything done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamut - Envoy of the End Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 Gotta love those situations where all options are unviable, all the exits are sealed, there is nothing you can do...! That's twice times you've done that now. Been researching Fabled recently. Wow Unicore is lethal, better than I gave it credit for. I love the way all the pieces have fallen against Maya, how fate mocks her that Yuusuke watchs thinking she's the enemy. Great foresight there, intentional or otherwise. Been thinking about the Ebony/Ivory thing. Would love it if it turned out if Ebony was actually turned out the good one, or that they're both evil yet still against each other. Whatever, the endless possibilities and the WHAT THE HELL's GOING ON?!?! factor are what is most fascinating about this story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vector Nightmare Posted February 17, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 [quote name='legolover09' timestamp='1297966099' post='5014585'] That chapter was spooky. Sinclair coming back will need explanation, but Maya's backstory was enjoyable. I think that the duel will end in a draw. [/quote] That wouldn't solve things. Things don't happen to you because "you lose", they happen because of the things that make you lose (for example, your LP reaching 0 or Exodia blasting you or I guess an effect like Ouja Board or Final Countdown... I guess the safest way to lose would be deckout, since there wouldn't be any 'effect' there). So if both players lose because both their LP reach 0, for example... well, bad things would happen to both of them. [quote name='Star' timestamp='1297970343' post='5014683'] By no means did I say I am proud of it. I don't proofread because I don't like my own work. I check for errors, and I re-read certain sections, but to read and critique it as a whole, I'd never get anything done. If I try to change one thing, I end up needing to change something else, and I'd never end up getting anything done. [/quote] You're starting to make me dread tomorrow evening (that's the time I will be reviewing your story, after I return from university). [quote name='Bahamut ZERO' timestamp='1297974448' post='5014818'] Gotta love those situations where all options are unviable, all the exits are sealed, there is nothing you can do...! That's twice times you've done that now. Been researching Fabled recently. Wow Unicore is lethal, better than I gave it credit for. I love the way all the pieces have fallen against Maya, how fate mocks her that Yuusuke watchs thinking she's the enemy. Great foresight there, intentional or otherwise. Been thinking about the Ebony/Ivory thing. Would love it if it turned out if Ebony was actually turned out the good one, or that they're both evil yet still against each other. Whatever, the endless possibilities and the WHAT THE HELL's GOING ON?!?! factor are what is most fascinating about this story. [/quote] As I've said, "good", "evil"... don't think in such black-and-white terms. And yeah, every bit about the scene and Yuusuke's appearance was fully intentional, and it'll start to kick in from the next chapter onwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 Did I mention you're awesome? The next GPA (Hey, that's a decent achronym. I never noticed!) will be up this weekend - and it has [i]your[/i] name on it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vector Nightmare Posted February 17, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 [quote name='Dr. Cakey' timestamp='1297979606' post='5014990'] Did I mention you're awesome? The next GPA (Hey, that's a decent achronym. I never noticed!) will be up this weekend - and it has [i]your[/i] name on it! [/quote] brb changing pants <3 @ your sig. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted February 18, 2011 Report Share Posted February 18, 2011 [quote name='~ Epic Hero - Saber ~' timestamp='1297978480' post='5014945'] You're starting to make me dread tomorrow evening (that's the time I will be reviewing your story, after I return from university). [/quote] I look forward to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamut - Envoy of the End Posted February 18, 2011 Report Share Posted February 18, 2011 Oh yeah, forgot to mention earlier one thing that did disappoint me a little. Kinda feel we missed out by skipping over the conversation with Ferguson, think there was a lot of scope for his character to come into the frame there. Would have liked a live dialogue there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legolover09 Posted February 18, 2011 Report Share Posted February 18, 2011 I've decided that they both still should tie and bad things should happen to both of them. PLOT TWIST! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted February 18, 2011 Report Share Posted February 18, 2011 [quote name='~ Epic Hero - Saber ~' timestamp='1297983371' post='5015113'] brb changing pants <3 @ your sig. [/quote] lol I'm finding that I totally love ZONE, which is ironic since I find myself continually disappointed with his personality, deck, and character design. [quote name='legolover09' timestamp='1297991468' post='5015394'] I've decided that they both still should tie and bad things should happen to both of them. PLOT TWIST! [/quote] Yes, because s*** happening to people [i]never[/i] happens in this story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vector Nightmare Posted February 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2011 ZONE is... ZONE. He happens to fall into several of my favorite tropes. He's a living embodiment of what I like in a character. But yes, the anime is definitely giving him the short end of the stick. They make him way too much of a jerk, and I fear they're forgetting why they originally made ZONE as they had made him, and changing him into something he was not supposed to be. But I digress. We'll see how it goes. In the meantime, chapter 22, and the events from the previous chapter conclude in an unexpected (or not so unexpected) way. [spoiler=Chapter 22] [center][b][u]Chapter 22:[/b] Dual Spark[/u][/center] Yuusuke collapsed on his chair, panting heavily. He had not even noticed standing up. Hikari rushed to him, but only shock was the cause for his distress. Suddenly, all communication between his Terminal and the network had been cut. He tried in vain to reboot it, but the system wouldn't even initiate. Swearing loudly, he kicked the machine. What was happening? What would happen to Maya? In the meantime, his mother was already swooping up her car keys. "Let's go to Maya's place." She said. "Hurry!" Yuusuke did not need a second prompting. "She must have found out I was logged in." A few minutes later they were both in the car, driving as fast as the traffic allowed towards Maya's apartment. "It's my fault." "You shouldn't have jumped into that damn thing in the first place!" His mother exclaimed, exasperated. "Whatever happened to your friend, things would have been much better if you had acted rationally. You should have let us know!" "I know." Yuusuke said softly. His reckless actions had already cost Shugo much - too much. He could not stand it if something happened to Maya as well. Then, he remembered something. Maya had not mentioned his name during their brief conversation in the virtual space. She had not said it, yet Stiyel Crystal, the obscure European champion, rumored to be the very best female duelist in the world, had known it. And it was extremely doubtful that Maya would have just casually mentioned his name in such a situation. The puzzle was missing a piece here. A very large piece. --- The hacker watched excitedly as the European champion, Stiyel Crystal, fought against her virtual alter ego, Sinclair. The technology that had allowed this phenomenon to occur was his own to begin with. The card he had given to Kirizaki Maya so long ago, to allow her to log into her primary account while shrouding her presence with her secondary one had seemed to her like a useful tool back then, a convenient thing. But she had not given it more than the fleeting attention. It was only something to be used. And now she was paying the price, because it was that card that had now put her in this situation. Even he could not tell, exactly, what would happen to the person that was known as Kirizaki Maya following the conclusion of this duel, whether she won or lost. Pitting her against Sinclair had been an idea that had been recently born in his mind, once he realized that Maya could, in her own way, be more dangerous than any other threat he, or Dunkan, had considered. More importantly, Maya was a link back to him, and he could not allow himself to be found so easily. Duel International had way less control over their virtual world than they would like to think, but if they got a hold of the information Kirizaki Maya kept diligently hidden, they just might start putting two and two together. One way or another, this duel would get rid of the problem, or at the very least postpone it. He greatly regretted having used Sinclair to test out Sanjou Kiishiro. After her defeat, it had taken a lot of effort on his part to restore her to full function. Then again, what he had done now was much more complex than simply restructure the shell of the virtual entity that was known as Sinclair. It might have made no difference in the long run. Sinclair had been a very interesting subject to work with. Stiyel Crystal, a champion, would be that much better. --- Confident in her superior advantage and distracted by her hesitation, Maya had let two consecutive turns pass by without attacking. Technically, two turns shouldn't be enough for an average duelist to make a comeback, not from the situation Maya had forced upon her opponent. But Sinclair was far from an average duelist. "Have you been keeping track of the monsters in my Graveyard?" Sinclair asked quietly. Maya narrowed her eyes. What did she - but then she gasped, despite herself, as three spectral images of cards materialized around her enemy, turned face-up towards Maya. Those were - !! "During the first turn, I sent Stone Statue of the Lamenting God to the Graveyard by the effect of One for One. Then, you destroyed the Moon Dragon Quilla. Finally, during my last turn, I discarded Gravekeeper's Spy to send Necro Gardna from my deck to the Graveyard. But, Necro Gardna was removed from the game. This means that currently, in my Graveyard, there are exactly three Dark monsters." Maya groaned - how could she have let this happen? [spoiler=Stone Statue of the Lamenting God][b]Stone Statue of the Lamenting God[/b] DARK / Rock Level 2 0/500 You can remove from play 1 Tuner monster in your Graveyard to Special Summon this card from your hand.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Gravekeeper's Spy][b]Gravekeeper's Spy[/b] DARK / Spellcaster Level 4 1200/2000 FLIP: Special Summon 1 "Gravekeeper's" monster with 1500 or less ATK from your Deck.[/spoiler] "From my hand, this monster can be Special Summoned if there are exactly three Dark monsters in the Graveyard. Descend, Dark Armed Dragon!!" The brilliant light of the sun that always shone above the magnificent altar was shrouded by pitch-black stormclouds. Thunder sparked, and black flecks of static stormed around them, causing Maya's hair to stand on edge. Though the beast was clearly of the dragon tribe, its entire body was covered in black metal plates. Its tail broadened into a hammer-like edge. Its wings and claws were sharp like blades, and its jaws looked like they could reduce even the toughest foe to shreds. Amongst all Duel Monsters, Dark Armed Dragon was one of the most feared. The ease with which it could be summoned, the power it wielded - its appearance usually heralded the end of the duel. [spoiler=Dark Armed Dragon][b]Dark Armed Dragon[/b] DARK / Dragon Level 7 2800/1000 This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card cannot be Special Summoned except by having exactly 3 DARK monsters in your Graveyard. You can remove from play 1 DARK monster from your Graveyard to destroy 1 card on the field.[/spoiler] "Dark Armed Dragon's effect activates." Sinclair declared. "By removing a Dark monster in my Graveyard, a card on the field can be destroyed." The ghostly shillouette of the Stone Statue materialized in front of Dark Armed Dragon, who raised its giant claw and grasped it. The hapless creature screamed as it was turned into a sphere of flaring black energy, which the mighty behemoth opened its jaws to consume, before it unleashed it all onto the opposing demon. Leviathan raised her arms to deflect it, but the force was too much for her, and she was vanquished in an explosion of dark light. "But, when Demon Roar God Leviathan activates, I can return up to three fallen Demon Roar God monsters to my hand." Maya said. "I will return Lurrie, Raven and Kushano." In front of her, the cards which represented what was available in her hand increased from two to five. But Sinclair shook her head. "No matter how many cards you have in your hand, they cannot protect you from Dark Armed Dragon's direct attack." Sinclair prepared to unleash her strike, but then hesitated. "That reverse card of yours... your decks mostly contain Traps that can revive your monsters or take control of the field. You are confident that you can hold your own in battle, and therefore do not use many cards to stop your opponent's monsters. In fact, I think the only card I should be afraid of at this time is Holy Barrier - Mirror Force - and you only have one in your deck. I could either deplete my Graveyard of Dark monsters, or risk Dark Armed Dragon and attack." "And why are you telling me all this?" Maya scoffed. "Whatever it is you want to do, just do it soon." "Fine." Sinclair nodded, as if confirming something. "Dark Armed Dragon's effect activates, destroying your reverse card." She held up Gravekeeper's Spy, and the armored dragon shot another burst of energy at Maya's reverse card. She scowled, as Mirror Force was blown to bits. "How did you know?" [spoiler=Holy Barrier - Mirror Force][b]Holy Barrier - Mirror Force[/b] TRAP / Normal Activate only when an opponent's monster declares an attack. Destroy all Attack Position monsters your opponent controls.[/spoiler] "Is that a question you should really be asking me?" Sinclair chuckled, but it was without mirth. "After all those times, do you think it's that hard to read into your moves? When you set that reverse card, you were attempting to fulfill the conditions for Unicore's effect. You took the chance to set an important trap, because an average opponent would write it off as you trying to empty your hand, and believe that face-down card was nothing more important than a minor Spell or Trap card you had no use for at the time. But, not me." She pointed towards Maya, and Dark Armed Dragon released a frightening roar, before flying upwards. Maya could almost [i]feel[/i] the grinding of air against air, as the beast prepared to unleash its ultimate attack. A spiralling wave of dark energy descended from the darkened heavens, tearing down space as it zoned in on Maya. "You think you've gotten the best of me just because you read one of my moves?" Maya said dismissively, flipping around another card in her hand. "Battle Fader's effect activates. By Special Summoning him to the field when I am about to receive a direct attack, I instead end the battle phase immediately." [spoiler=Battle Fader][b]Battle Fader[/b] DARK / Fiend Level 1 0/0 When an opponent's monster declares a direct attack, you can Special Summon this card from your hand and end the Battle Phase. If this card is Special Summoned with this effect, remove it from play when it is removed from the field.[/spoiler] "Then, I will end my turn." Sinclair said. Maya nodded. Her opponent was unwilling to abandon Moon Dragon Quilla. It seemed that Sinclair had shifted the usual Sun and Moon Dragon deck to a Chaos variant. Even if it wasn't the most popular choice for an Inca deck, since it involved removal and more Light and Dark monsters than those decks usually kept, Maya had made it work, mainly for the purposes of summoning of Arcanite Magician. Sinclair had taken it a bit further, apparently, by integrating more Light and Dark monsters, as well as support like Dark Armed Dragon. It was ironic that Maya's, Sinclair's, and Yuusuke's decks were all linked by their Chaos elements now. And Maya hated irony. "Draw." She said. Whether it was a regular Inca deck, or a Chaos variant, or anything else, she could still win. The problem was, how to win while making sure her existence was not erased because of her opponent's loss. There was no choice. She had to place her trust in herself, and the cards she had gathered. She glanced at the card newly added by the Rod of Dominion. [i]It's here.[/i] Finally, all the pieces were assembled. If there was one thing that could lead her to the answer she sought, it now was within her grasp. The time to find out the truth had come. --- Someone who had known Maya from back when she was the Duel Monsters champion in Europe might have said that she seemed like the person to not attach any sentiments to her decks and playstyle. She had been often told that she gave off the impression of being cold and ruthless, and that she had an extremely strong drive for victory. A person such as her would have no room for personal attachment - they would simply pick the strongest cards available, and formulate the deck with the highest capacity to win. That was not entirely true. Maya had grown up almost alone, as her parents were usually away or busy. Thus, she had become accustomed to being by herself, and grew increasingly shy and distant towards others. When she was ten years old, Maya had won her first official competition in the virtual world. Even at that time, others thought grimly of her due to what they perceived as cold attitude. When her final opponent was defeated, he bitterly insulted her, and those harsh words, even if they were spoken with no more thought than a moment's anger, reached deeply into her heart. Seeing her concern, and hearing the reason for her dismay, her father had then taken her to his office. There, he unlocked a single black box with a strange white symbol on its lid. Within it lay a single card, a real one, preciously guarded. "This card is called Chaos Goddess." Her father had explained. "Maya, people do not have only one side to them. Others may think of you as hard-to-approach at first glance, but if they get a chance to get to know you, they'll discover how truly wonderful you are. Just like light cannot exist without darkness, every aspect of our personality is a precious part of ourselves. Whatever people may say about you, Maya - do not ever feel bad about being yourself. Keep this card, and remember this - if chaos unites light and dark, then we are all chaos." He smiled and patted her head. Maya had not understood fully, of course, back then, but she treasured that card. Of course, her life quickly tumbled for the worse, and she lost whatever optimism her father had imbued her with on that day. One thing, though, remained, as a memento of her deceased parents. From that day, her strategy focused around the usage and unity of Light and Dark monsters. And though Chaos Goddess herself was almost never used, she still remained a symbol of what had first inspired Maya to take this path. Just as nothing was ever truly light and good, nothing was only dark and wicked. --- "I activate Raise Dead, reviving your Moon Dragon Quilla." Maya watched her enemy intently, but Sinclair did not give any indication that she acknowledged Maya giving up the chance for victory a third time in a row. "Then, by discarding Demon Roar God Lurrie, I Special Summon Demon Roar God Beast Chawa from my hand. This means that Lurrie is also Special Summoned, in Defense position." A small fiendish creature atop a miniature brown dog appeared alongside the winged demon. [spoiler=Raise Dead][b]Raise Dead[/b] SPELL / Normal Special Summon 1 monster from either player's Graveyard to your side of the field.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Moon Dragon Quilla][b]Moon Dragon Quilla[/b] DARK / Dragon / Synchro Level 6 2500/2000 "Supay" + 1 or more non-Tuner monsters When this card is selected as an attack target, gain Life Points equal to half the attacking monster's ATK. If this card on the field is destroyed, you can Special Summon 1 "Sun Dragon Inti" from your Graveyard.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Demon Roar God Lurrie][b]Demon Roar God Lurrie[/b] LIGHT / Fiend Level 1 200/400 When this card is discarded from your hand to the Graveyard, Special Summon it.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Demon Roar God Beast Chawa][b]Demon Roar God Beast Chawa[/b] LIGHT / Beast / Tuner Level 1 200/100 During your Main Phase, you can discard 1 "Demon Roar God" monster to Special Summon this card from your hand.[/spoiler] It was now or never. "I tune my Level 1, Dark monster, Battle Fader, and my Level 6, Dark monster, Moon Dragon Quilla, to my Level 1, Light monster, Demon Roar God Beast Chawa." The reason that Chaos Goddess was so rarely used by Maya were the difficult summoning requirements. Getting exactly one Light, Tuner monster, and two Dark, non-Tuner monsters, whose Levels all added up to eight, was no easy task when the game was this fast-paced. Yet she always kept that card, scanned in when she had acquired it back then, in her deck, as a reminder. If there was any truth in what Sinclair had said, then this card should definitely reveal it. Chawa's body shattered to form a single green circle. Glowing images of the lunar dragon and the pendulum-like creature passed through it, before dissolving into seven shining black stars, all of which converged into a single row. Dark and white spiralling lights spun around a golden column of energy, setting off explosions of sparks where they collided. Then that light subsided, and from within the form of the goddess. Snow-white skin cloaked by a black dress, adorned with a golden velvet stripe. Flowing silver hair curling into elegantly combed locks framed a face whose clear black gaze was both imperious and captivating. A black crown with a skull carved on its front sat atop her head, a dark crimson halo framing it. Twin wings, one black and one white, spread out on either side of her. [spoiler=Chaos Goddess][b]Chaos Goddess[/b] LIGHT / Fairy / Synchro Level 8 2500/1800 1 LIGHT Tuner + 2 or more non-Tuner DARK monsters. Once per turn, you can send 1 LIGHT monster from your hand to the Graveyard to select 1 Level 5 or higher DARK monster from your Graveyard. Special Summon that monster. It cannot be used as a Synchro Material Monster.[/spoiler] Both duelists remained still, observing the newly summoned monster. Chaos Goddess stood between them, protectively standing in front of Maya. For an instant, it seemed as if Sinclair would not respond, but - "Is this truly the 'answer' you wanted to show me?" Maya recoiled. " - eh?" She questioned, as Sinclair's face was filled with uncontained anger. "Are you truly that much of a hypocrite?" She shouted. Dark Armed Dragon roared, resonating with its controller's rage. "You [i]dare[/i] summon that card against me? Do you even remember what it represents? Light and dark will merge into chaos. This duality was the symbolism you pretend to follow - yet you cannot acknowledge a part of your very self, standing before you? Answer me, Kirizaki Maya! Answer me, Stiyel Crystal! If this card is the mirror of our soul, how can you deny that we, too, are like light and dark? Sides of the same coin, we cannot exist without one another, yet you continue to reject me! Win this if you wish, Maya, but even if you found some way to save yourself from the aftershock of my demise, you will never be whole again. Just like I am now, you will be a spectre, a severed person, desperately clinging onto a life that will never again be complete. Forever searching for that missing piece - but I'll be gone, forever." Silence reigned atop the sacred altar. Opposite stood two halves of the same whole. Both glad in bright golden attires, each backed up by their own aspect of their union. In a world that was chaos, was there any reason? Any logic that could be applied to a situation such as this? " - it seems I must apologize to you, Yuusuke." Maya sighed, lowering her eyes to the ground. In here, she was the almighty sorceress, a duelist of worldwide fame and frightening ability. Yet, she had never felt as much as the ten-year-old girl that she had once been than now. Never in the real world, where she had structured her own defenses and enjoyed the support of her friends, had she ever felt so vulnerable. "This may be as far as I go." She 'understood' the part of her that was Sinclair now. Sinclair was alone, completely alone, detached from even her very self. And solitude was so very, very frightening. "It will be over soon." She whispered. She saw the same tears that were wetting her cheeks flow from Sinclair's eyes. "But!" She shouted to the sky, loudly and clearly, raising the Rod of Dominion. "Whoever you might be that caused this, remember this: I may vanish here, but you will never get away with this. Even if I have to be reborn as a demon, I'll hunt you down and punish you!" The sky shattered, a golden pillar of pure, untainted light collapsing onto the temple's ceiling. "I summon Demon Roar God Kushano!" She yelled, materializing one of the last two remaining cards in her hand. The azure-skinned maiden appeared again on the field. [spoiler=Demon Roar God Kushano][b]Demon Roar God Kushano[/b] LIGHT / Fiend / Tuner Level 3 1500/800 You can discard 1 "Demon Roar God" monster to the Graveyard except "Demon Roar God Kushano" to add this card from your Graveyard to your hand.[/spoiler] "Next, I'll tune my Level 1, Demon Roar God Lurrie, to my Level 3, Demon Roar God Kushano." Maya pointed her scepter forward, and the two monsters burst into light. "Synchro Summon! Arms Aid!" The monster that was born from the union was not a demon - it didn't even seem to be a living creature. Instead, it was a gauntlet with claw-like appendages in place of fingers. [spoiler=Arms Aid][b]Arms Aid[/b] LIGHT / Machine / Synchro Level 4 1800/1200 1 Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner monsters Once per turn, you can equip this card to a monster OR unequip it to Special Summon this card in face-up Attack Position. While equipped to a monster by this effect, that monster gains 1000 ATK. When the equipped monster destroys a monster by battle and sends it to the Graveyard, inflict damage to your opponent equal to the destroyed monster's ATK.[/spoiler] "The effect of Arms Aid activates. Once per turn, I can equip it to a monster on the field. My target is Chaos Goddess." The deity raised her delicate hand, and the mechanical appendage floated towards her, attaching itself to her outstretched arm. It looked quite out-of-place with her angelic features, but nonetheless her attack power was raised to 3500. [i]They will not win. I will not let them win.[/i] Maya thought, her mind oddly at ease. There was only one thing that could be done, only one thing that would be done. Only one thing that had to be done. Whatever the consequences, Maya would never betray herself. "Battle." She announced, her voice calm and steady. The heavens blazed with the power she had released. As Chaos Goddess made to lunge for the demonic dragon, Sinclair whispered a silent 'thank you'. But then, the light dimmed, and the power she held twisted and waned. The very ground shook under her feet, and even though she was locked in place, for just one dreadful instant, she feared she might plummet to the depths of the cloud-filled abyss below. She caught Sinclair's surprise that must have reflected her own as the world shattered around her. Her vision became blurry, and her head began spinning. A throbbing pain in her stomach surged, and she almost felt like vomiting, before she abruptly blacked out. --- Maya rose with a gasp, and Yuusuke had to firmly keep her steady to prevent her from falling, or smashing head-first into the Duel Terminal booth. He and his mother had quickly arrived at Maya's apartment. Thankfully, Maya, who lived alone, had given him a key to her place for an emergency, and if today did not qualify for an emergency, Yuusuke did not know what did. Yuusuke's mother had theorized that, if strong enough shocks to the mind in the virtual world were enough to affect the body in the real world, maybe strong enough shocks to the body in the real world might shake the mind free of the shackles of the virtual reality. It had been a risk, but thankfully, the electric shocks that were used to kick a heart that had stopped beating back to action, even though they had no effect on people already in a coma, had shaken Maya into awakening. "Are you alright?" Yuusuke asked tentatively. "How are you feeling?" "N - numb." Maya muttered, trying to move her arms without much success. "What - what happened?" "We used electric shocks to wake you up." Hikari said, walking into the room while pointing at the makeshift panels used as conductors. Yuusuke had really admired his mother's ingenuity at constructing a conductor using a hair dryer, a waterbag, a pair of stray cables, and a headphone set. "I couldn't regulate the voltage very well, so you might feel the aftereffects for a few hours. Drink this." She pushed a glass of orange juice into Maya's hands. "Thanks." Maya held the glass, but did not put it on her lips. "It - it was close. If you hadn't come when you did..." "Maya, what happened?" Yuusuke asked. "Why did that woman duel you? How did she know my name? And what did you do to avoid her attacks for so long?" --- Fifteen minutes later, Maya had finished explaining things to Yuusuke and Hikari. She had related the facts truthfully as they had happened, mostly. She still kept everything hidden about her twin accounts, and instead implied that she had been suddenly forced into a duel with the European champion. "I see. Can you give us a moment, Yuusuke?" Hikari said. Yuusuke seemed surprised, but still nodded, and walked away. Waiting until he was well out of earshot, Hikari opened the door to verify he was not eavesdropping, and moved close to Maya. "Myself, I don't really care." She started, her voice low and purposeful. "But, I did happen to see your account status on the display. I switched it off so Yuusuke wouldn't notice. I won't pretend to understand just what happened to you in there, but I will respect your decision not to reveal it." Maya raised her eyes, shocked. Hikari smiled. "Don't be so surprised, girl. Us women know better than to confide everything to even the most trustworthy man in the world. They tend to rush into things, and they don't tend to use their heads much before acting. Just look what happened to Yuusuke." Maya nodded, thankful. But Hikari held her gaze, now serious. "Realize, though, that I cannot accept you putting your life on the line like this. Today was an extremely close call - your body was already falling into violent convulsions before I managed to shock you back. Next time, you might not be so lucky. Even supposing someone is always there to shock you out of a dangerous situations, that's not going to work. The voltage is too high and the danger to your body too much, especially if you repeat it. I know how Yuusuke thinks about the whole situation, and I understand how you must feel yourself, but this game is too dangerous, too deadly. I will certainly not allow this horrible situation to continue, but you children need to stay out of this. We will deal with this. We can't let you put your lives at risk." "Yes." Maya said glumly. But, unlike the last time she had resolved not to enter the virtual world again, this time she knew she wouldn't be able to keep that promise. Sooner or later, the score between her and Sinclair would have to be settled. --- "Aizawa-san, may I have a moment please?" Aizawa Taihito turned, surprised. The man who had called for him as he was returning to his office from his lunch break was the secretary of the research and development department. Udou Itai was a stern-faced man who had less years on his shoulders than his stiff posture and all-too formal manners, as well as his balding grey hair, seemed to suggest. "Certainly." He replied uncertainly, approaching the secretary's desk. "You were in Jurakai-san's team, correct?" Itai asked without beating around the bush. Taihito nodded - he had worked with Jurakai Akira on one of the tech department's latest, cutting edge projects. "The crash test for <Sky Drive> is in a couple of hours. Sarunoki-sama himself will be attending. Unfortunately, Jurakai-san called in sick. He recommended you for doing the presentation in his stead." "M - me?" Taihito asked, taken aback. It was hard to picture Akira getting sick - Taihito thought that his superior would rather come to work carrying his deathbed than delegate the glory of demonstrating the <Sky Drive> to one of his team. Especially one that seemed to have fallen out with the company's top branch, like Taihito had after the incident one week ago. Something was not right here. "You'll be expected in the control room. The exact schedule is already on your desk - please make your preparations. Jurakai-san emphasized that Sarunoki-sama must not be disappointed." At the appointed time, Taihito was in the control room, a massive, circular chamber with several large screens hanging from the walls, and about a dozen terminals that could be used to control every aspect of the virtual area that was under testing, or multiple areas at once, should the need arise. To his surprise, barring a single other person, he was alone in that room. That person was none other than Sarunoki Moboro, the president of the technological department of the Japanese branch. Even though he had only personally met him three times so far, and talked to him during none of those times, the man unnerved him - he seemed to be constantly looking for something invisible in the air, something that only he could see. Still, as Aizawa walked in, Moboro turned to him and greeted him formally. "Ah, good to see you, Aizawa-san." He said. If there was any expression on his extremely tight features, that would be a slight, deeply suppressed mirth. "I see you are right on time. Very well, very well." "Sarunoki-sama." Taihito bowed slightly. "Please, just Sarunoki-san for today." The man said, unsmiling. "I am looking forward to this testing. If all goes well, the <Sky Drive> will be almost ready for release. We've been lagging behind the other branches in new ideas, I'm afraid, and with all the recent trouble, we need something major to catch up..." He did not quite say that Taihito was part of that trouble. "Now, if you are ready, let's get down to it." "What?" Taihito asked, mouth half-open. "Just... just the two of us? Shouldn't we wait for the rest of the team?" "They will come." Moboro said dismissively, already walking towards one of the five Duel Terminal booths that were stationed on the back of the room. "But they'll be participating from here. Only us two are scheduled to use the Terminals." Taihito shook his head. It was common that the final testing for each area would be done with a few members of Duel International's staff present in the virtual world. But nothing like that was prepared for today. It was supposed to be just a series of sample duels between some bots, carefully programmed to accomodate for many possible scenarios. The team would carefully monitor each event for any abnormalities. Only after that phase would the live testing occur, using the company's beta-testers and with the direct presence of the staff. But apparently that schedule had gone down the drain for this. Though it was not exactly surprising, perhaps, due to the reasons Moboro had mentioned, and the fact that the next world tournaments would soon be at hand, that things needed to be sped up a bit. Taihito logged in to the Terminal's interface just as his superior entered his. Quickly, they found themselves in the area called <Sky Drive>. Majestic did not even begin to describe it. As the name implied, it was an arena designed for Riding Duels - and many of them at once. No less than seven duel lanes, each designed to accomodate as many as four people at once, made up the area. But instead of carving paths along the ground, their design was quite unique. The aforementioned 'ground' was only a small patch of land. Everything around was complete black, with only the light of thousands of stars providing some outside illumination. It was literally like an island, hovering in the middle of the crystal-clear nightsky. And from that tiny platform shot up the seven duel lanes, each towards a different direction. They spun around, forming bizarre shapes that twirled around the 'island', creating a magnificent, glowing green matrix of twisting lines. Needless to say, a lot of new technology had had to be implemented to make this absurd system safe for use. Taihito trusted the developers' expertise, including his own. But it was too soon for live testing. There had been tests with bots, of course, but nowhere near conclusive ones. Unfortunately, Taihito realized that more extensive bot testing might be skipped, because the three people that had already populated the platform were clearly not artificial intelligence programs. [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 I felt like ZONE didn't know if Accel Synchro could change the future, and wanted to see if the Yliaster plan or evolution would win out. I'm reasonably good with my Japanese card names, but...what's Dual Spark? Also, you know how I said I'd have the next episode up this weekend? I lied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vector Nightmare Posted February 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 [quote name='Dr. Cakey' timestamp='1298223377' post='5020917']I felt like ZONE didn't know if Accel Synchro could change the future, and wanted to see if the Yliaster plan or evolution would win out.[/quote] That makes no sense since Brunomony already knew Accel Synchro, not to mention D-Accel, and it didn't do anything. ZONE probably saw that Yusei had the possibility for it as well, (obviously ZONE did not know he had it back then and probably never found out until he went to this timeline, probably because there was no ZONE in ZONE's timeline shooting down tablets from the future, if you get my point), and decided to see whether, if he pimped his past self out with an Accel Synchro, it could change things. He probably is testing that theory now by pushing Yusei to his limits. [quote name='Dr. Cakey' timestamp='1298223377' post='5020917']I'm reasonably good with my Japanese card names, but...what's Dual Spark?[/quote] [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Gemini_Spark"]Herp derp[/url]. Helps when you remember that Gemini monsters are called Dual monsters in the OCG. [quote name='Dr. Cakey' timestamp='1298223377' post='5020917']Also, you know how I said I'd have the next episode up this weekend? I lied.[/quote] LIAR. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 I wanted to thank you personally for taking the time to review my story as in-depth as you did. I feel you pointed out a lot of great things that I'm going to work on. I did reply to you, and I had some questions I was hoping you'd be able to answer. That said, I plan to have a review of your second and third Chapters posted tomorrow. I've started reading Chapter 2 already, and it's very compelling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vector Nightmare Posted February 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2011 [quote name='Bahamut ZERO' timestamp='1297991465' post='5015392'] Oh yeah, forgot to mention earlier one thing that did disappoint me a little. Kinda feel we missed out by skipping over the conversation with Ferguson, think there was a lot of scope for his character to come into the frame there. Would have liked a live dialogue there. [/quote] Just noticed I never replied to this. There'll be plenty of time for his character to come into the spotlight in arc 3, and at that moment narrating the discussion between him and Maya would have been pointless, as it would be either stuff we already know from other sources, or stuff that are not meant to be revealed yet and would have to be obscured. Trust me, no character appears randomly, and now that the second arc is almost complete, the time for set-ups is coming to an end. For now, enjoy the twenty-third, and semi-final chapter of the arc. Cheesy chapter is cheesy, but hey, what's a story without some cheesiness, right? [spoiler=Chapter 23] [center][b][u]Chapter 23:[/b] Burning Blood[/u][/center] "Who are they?" Taihito demanded, scrutinizing the trio of D-Wheelers that was waiting for them in the <Sky Drive>. The first one was a young boy in a bright orange suit laced with red patterns. His spiky orange hair and arrogant smirk, coupled with the piercings that adorned the brows over his dark brown eyes, screamed of a rebellious, haughty attitude, even considering the fact that this was just a virtual avatar the owner used. His D-Wheel was narrow with pointy front and rear edges, the shape of a flame carved along its broad side, designed for speed and flashy curves rather than stability and balance. Next to him stood a girl, also wearing a slight smirk. Her hair was a pale azure, neatly divided into two long strands, each falling in front of one of her shoulders, while the rest was gathered behind her back. Her attire was a revealing riding outfit, almost fully white with some deep blue stripes along the sleeves. Fingerless black riding gloves covered her hands. Her D-Wheel, in contrast with the previous one, was spacious with two large sidewings that were crafted for smoother turning, the supple seating tailored for the driver's comfort. The third one was also male, noticeably taller than his companions. His outfit was unusual - rather than the tight clothing usually seen in riding uniforms, he had opted for a plain grey shirt with black leather trousers. His blue eyes were dancing along the entrancing pathways of the riding lanes, as his smooth, short silvery hair rippled slightly at a breeze that could not be felt. His own ride was an elegant black-and-grey machine, built for pure speed and acceleration. Not waiting for Sarunoki Moboro to respond, Taihito hurried to answer his own question by opening up the administrator panel, providing himself with the profiles for those three. Vortexflame, real name Bando Takechi, rank 69, outfit <Flare King's Regalia>, D-Wheel <Hellspike>. Aurora, real name Iseya Yuko, rank 64, outfit <Wave King's Regalia>, D-Wheel <Neptune's Throne>. Gawain, real name Ryusaki Sugita, rank 71, outfit <Wind King's Regalia>, D-Wheel <Eagle Cove>. Rather than the names, virtual or real, Taihito recognized the outfits. The Regalia of the Wind, Wave, Flare, and Stone Kings were awarded as promotional gifts to the four duelists who emerged on the top of an event hosted by Duel International a year ago. The challenge was to use decks which contained monsters of only one of the prime elements - Wind, Water, Fire and Earth. The participants were divided into four blocks, based on the attribute they had chosen, and the winner of each block competed in the final face-off. Then, those three must have been the winners of that event. Taihito had been working on a different project and had not learned the details - but they must assuredly be top-class duelists, if their ranking was any indication. Still, there was no calling for them to be used in such a dangerous testing. "Sarunoki-san." He said carefully. "The control room booths were empty. Where are they logged in from?" His superior shrugged, as if to say it was of no consequence. "From their homes, I imagine." He replied, looking at the trio with almost fatherly affection. The three duelists did not speak, just looked over at Taihito. Aurora had to suppress a giggle, while Vortexflame openly laughed mockingly. Only Gawain showed any measure of respect by inclining his head slightly. "Don't be so worried, Aizawa-san. I'm sure you and your colleagues have done an excellent job with this stage. Now we just have to wait for their opponent to arrive." "They won't be dueling each other?" Taihito was taken aback. "Oh no, no, not at this stage." Moboro shook his head. "You see, these three are our promising new prodigies for the upcoming tournament. The opponent will arrive soon." Indeed, as if his words were a summons, a portal opened between the two Duel International staff members and the three duelists, and another D-Wheel emerged, its rider looking bewildered at his new surroundings. Taihito wasted no time in verifying the guy's identity, but he recoiled in shock as he realized what Moboro was preparing. Greyblade, real name Jinrei Yenma, rank 26, outfit <Grey Void Garb>, D-Wheel <Shadowwind>. Taihito's eyes lingered on the rank. There was no way Moboro was serious about pitting a duelist who hadn't even reached rank 30, against national champion-class duelists. Yet as Greyblade turned to regard them, much to Taihito's surprise, his expression shifted from shock to anger. "I knew this was going to happen!" He cried out, visibly nervous, but also enraged. "What do you want with me? Why are you chasing me?" "we are chasing you because you used an illegal card." Moboro said smoothly, and he clicked a few unseen buttons. An image of a black dragon of peculiar design appeared in the sky in front of them. "Do you think I'm stupid?" The boy growled. "You were hunting me before I even knew of Blackfeather Dragon. What were those two people you sent after me, anyway?" "That was a completely unrelated incident. We had no part in instigating that fight." Moboro said. "This, however, is an entirely different matter. There is only one punishment for use of a non-sanctioned or otherwise illegal card in this world, and that is, account deletion. However, as part of a restructural program, we will take this opportunity and give you a choice. You can either defeat a Duel International representative in a duel, thereby earning yourself the right to remain active, or you can have your account purged." Taihito did not know what to say. That boy did not seem to deny using an illegal card, and the consequences for that were certainly as Moboro had described. But what had happened to him? Had he been attacked? Was he in an incident like the one Yuusuke had experienced? Despite everything, his superior seemed to be actually offering the boy a second chance, rather than punishing him. Then, why did it feel like they were the ones in the wrong here? --- Yenma was ready to say that he did not care if his account was deleted. Then, he remembered ZONE's story. He had stepped back for now. But what if he was needed in the future? He had chosen to avoid that responsibility for now, but he had only done that conscious of the fact that he would have to prepare himself for the eventuality that he might have to join the fray once more. If he backed down here - ! "Fine, I'll take you on." He snapped. He tried to contact Kiishiro, but his D-Wheel's communications system seemed to have been blocked. No doubt he could not even be seen as active from Kiishiro's panel. He was on his own. "But, which of us should take him on?" The girl in blue asked, and though her tone was polite, Yenma could detect her the subtly-concealed arrogance. Yenma quickly checked out the names of the three on his D-Wheel's panel - the delinquent-looking fellow in orange was Vortexflame, the girl was Aurora, and the taller guy was Gawain. "Of course, that will be me." Vortexflame said haughtily, climbing on his motorcycle. "Sarunoki-san, I request that I am allowed to handle this duel." Gawain said abruptly, earning astonished glances from both of his companions. "That card he used - " "No." The guy from Duel International interrupted him. Wait. Sarunoki? As in, Sarunoki Moboro? The guy was famous for his achievements in the technological field! He was the leader of an entire department in the company. Yenma found himself anxiously fiddling with the accelerators. If a guy like him was there. "Vortexflame will handle this duel." "Naturally." The orange-haired punk spat, turning on the engine. It roared and spilled out a burst of flames from the modified exhaust pipes. He quickly drove up to Yenma, who was already near one of the seven duel lanes that flew away from the ground. Yenma had never seen an area like this. They were supposed to duel on those tubes hovering in the middle of the emptiness? Things were getting crazier by the minute here. "Are you ready for this, kid?" Vortexflame said with a confident smirk. "Don't blame me if I beat ya down too hard. Normally I'd go easy on someone in the twenty-somethings, but now I'm just too fired up to hold back." "We'll see." Yenma said quietly, verifying the contents of his deck. Thanks to the Duel Points he had earned during the tag team duel with Kiishiro against CrossWing and Sinclair, he had been able to make quite a few upgrades. Certainly, he was unnerved by Vortexflame's high rank. But that fight had taught him not to take things for granted. He could win this. "Let's get this thing underway." The Duel International guy said, whispering something to his lackey. Without another word, both duelists kicked their engines into high gear. [center][i][b]Riding Duel - Acceleration![/b][/i][/center] "Speed World 2, activate!" Both duelists said, clicking the appropriate button to activate the signature Riding Duel Field spell. [spoiler=Speed World 2][b]Speed World 2[/b] SPELL / Field If you activate a non-"Speed Spell" Spell Card, take 2000 damage. During each player's Standby Phase, place 1 Speed Counter on this card (max. 12). You can remove any number of Speed Counters from this card to activate an appropriate effect: • 4: Inflict 800 damage to your opponent for each "Speed Spell" Spell Card in your hand. • 7: Draw 1 card. • 10: Select and destroy 1 card on the field.[/spoiler] "Whoever passes the first corner takes the first turn!" Vortexflame laughed, but he was already burning so much fuel that he was halfway to that point. Yenma pushed his D-Wheel hard, gritting his teeth, desperate to keep up even though he knew he couldn't beat his opponent to the checkpoint - - then suddenly Vortexflame slowed down. Yenma had no time to react as he passed in front of his enemy, who had almost stopped, at blinding speed, crossing the corner first. [center][i][b]Greyblade[/b] - LP: 4000[/i] [i][b]Vortexflame[/b] - LP: 4000[/i][/center] [i]He let me go first.[/i] Yenma realized. [i]But, why? Maybe his deck benefits from going second. I have to be careful.[/i] He could use going first to his advantage, though. "I summon Dragonfly in defense mode." He announced. "One reverse card. Turn end." A giant flying insectoid creature materialized in front of a concealed card. [spoiler=Dragonfly][b]Dragonfly[/b] WIND / Insect Level 4 1400/900 When this card is sent to the Graveyard as a result of battle, you can Special Summon 1 WIND monster with an ATK of 1500 or less in face-up Attack Position from your Deck. Then shuffle your Deck.[/spoiler] "Hmpfh. At least [i]try[/i] giving me a challenge, will you?" His opponent mocked, surging his D-Wheel to just enough speed to get close to Yenma. He slammed the side of his D-Wheel to Yenma's Shadowwind, but the young duelist had prepared himself and twisted at just the right angle to absorb the brunt of the impact, and knock Vortexflame's D-Wheel away. Vortexflame scoffed, but did not say anything, instead adding a card to his hand to indicate the start of his turn. [center][i][b]Greyblade[/b] - SPC: 1[/i] [i][b]Vortexflame[/b] - SPC: 1[/i][/center] "You know what the good thing about going second is, little Greyblade?" He asked with an expression that Yenma did not like. "You get to attack first! I'll begin by calling Summon Priest to the field in defense position! Then, Summon Priest's effect activates, discarding a Spell card in my hand to Special Summon a monster from my Deck, if its Level is exactly 4! So I'll discard Speed Spell - The End of Storm to Special Summon Flamvell Helldog!" An elderly monk in a deep purple garb appeared on the field, and as soon as Vortexflame had tossed away his Spell card, a flaming portal opened next to him, and a ferocious canine creature whose body seemed crafted out of boiling magma. [spoiler=Summon Priest][b]Summon Priest[/b] DARK / Spellcaster Level 4 800/1600 This card cannot be Tributed. When this card is Normal or Flip Summoned, it is changed to Defense Position. Once per turn, you can discard 1 Spell Card to Special Summon 1 Level 4 monster from your Deck. It cannot attack this turn.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Speed Spell - The End of Storm][b]Speed Spell - The End of Storm[/b] SPELL / Normal Activate only while you have 10 or more Speed Counters. Destroy all monsters on the field and inflict 300 damage to each player for each of their destroyed monsters.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Flamvell Helldog][b]Flamvell Helldog[/b] FIRE / Pyro Level 4 1900/200 When this card destroys an opponent's monster by battle and sends it to the Graveyard, you can Special Summon 1 FIRE monster with 200 or less DEF from your Deck, except "Flamvell Firedog".[/spoiler] "Helldog cannot attack, since it was called by Summon Priest." Vortexflame continued. "But that doesn't make it worthless! You see, this monster in my hand can be Special Summoned if I control a Flamvell monster, as is the case, and my opponent has three or less cards in their Graveyard, which is also the case - for now, at least! And I have two of these things! Come, Neo Flamvell Origin!" Two blue small fires shaped like faces, sitting atop bright red flames, appeared on the field. [spoiler=Neo Flamvell Origin][b]Neo Flamvell Origin[/b] FIRE / Pyro Level 2 500/200 If you control a face-up "Flamvell" monster, except "Neo Flamvell Origin", and your opponent has 3 or less cards in their Graveyard, you can Special Summon this card from your hand.[/spoiler] "Neo Flamvell Origin is a Tuner monster." Vortexflame said with a malicious smile. "So then, let's go! I tune my Level 4, Summon Priest, to my Level 2, Neo Flamvell Origin, and my Level 4, Flamvell Helldog, to my Level 2, Neo Flamvell Origin! Double Synchro! Come, twice the burn! Flamvell Urquizas!" Two copies of the same creature appeared, a giant covered in black plate, violent flames raging around his wrists. [spoiler=Flamvell Urquizas][b]Flamvell Urquizas[/b] FIRE / Pyro Level 6 2100/400 1 Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner monsters During battle between this attacking card and a Defense Position monster whose DEF is lower than the ATK of this card, inflict the difference as Battle Damage to your opponent. This card gains 300 ATK each time it inflicts Battle Damage to your opponent.[/spoiler] Yenma swallowed hard. Two Synchro monsters on the first turn. They also dealt piercing damage. Dragonfly would replace itself and keep a monster on the field for him to use, but... "Battle!" Vortexflame spun his D-Wheel around, facing Yenma directly and forcing him to break sharply. "Flamvell Urquizas, burn that Dragonfly to ashes!" On command, the giant launched its massive fist at the insect, which screeched as it was scorched to dust. Yenma also screamed as the pain of fire surged through his whole body. Gritting his teeth, he suppressed it, ignoring the nauseating scent of seared flesh. It was all in his mind. And this kind of damage had nothing on Sinclair's direct attack. "I see you have some endurance at least, but don't forget about Urquizas' piercing damage." Vortexflame said, and Yenma noticed his counter was already dropping. [center][i][b]Greyblade[/b] - LP: 2800[/i] [i][b]Vortexflame[/b] - LP: 4000[/i][/center] "When Dragonfly is destroyed, I can summon a new one from my deck." Yenma said, calling out another card. "The more you Summon, the more there is for me to burn!" His opponent taunted, pointing his finger at the second insect. Urquizas went on to obliterate that one, and Yenma's Life Points dropped dangerously close to half. A third Dragonfly appeared to replace the second. [center][i][b]Greyblade[/b] - LP: 2100[/i] [i][b]Vortexflame[/b] - LP: 4000[/i][/center] "The attack power of Flamvell Urquizas raises by 300 points, each time they deal battle damage." Vortexflame said indifferently. "One reverse card. Turn end." "About time. Draw!" Yenma picked up. [center][i][b]Greyblade[/b] - SPC: 2[/i] [i][b]Vortexflame[/b] - SPC: 2[/i][/center] "I'll release my Dragonfly to advance summon, Wicked Emperor Gaius!" Gaius was one of the new monsters he had acquired, a fearsome black giant sporting a horned vizor. "Gaius removes from the game one of your Flamvell monsters!" The dark emperor unleashed a bolt of pure wicked energy that warped one of the opposing monsters out of this dimension. [spoiler=Wicked Emperor Gaius][b]Wicked Emperor Gaius[/b] DARK / Fiend Level 6 2400/1000 When this card is Tribute Summoned, remove from play 1 card on the field. If it was a DARK Monster Card, inflict 1000 damage to your opponent.[/spoiler] "Then, I'll have Gaius attack your remaining Urquizas!" Yenma pressed on. "Hah! I can't believe you'd fall for this!" Vortexflame laughed. "Enjoy being struck down by your own card! Reverse card, Magic Cylinder!" Yenma only had time to blink before Gaius' attack was absorbed in one of the cylinders and launched back from the other. [spoiler=Magic Cylinder][b]Magic Cylinder[/b] TRAP / Normal Negate the attack of 1 monster your opponent controls and inflict damage to your opponent equal to its ATK.[/spoiler] This was bad. If the counterblast struck, it would be over. "Trap, open! Thunder Break!" Yenma said desperately. "I discard a card in my hand to destroy a card on the field! My target is Wicked Emperor Gaius!" A thunderbolt fell on top of Gaius, and the attack, as well as the retaliatory effect of Magic Cylinder, were disrupted. Yenma breathed a sigh of relief. [spoiler=Thunder Break][b]Thunder Break[/b] TRAP / Normal Discard 1 card from your hand. Destroy 1 card on the field.[/spoiler] "So let me get this straight." Vortexflame put on a serious face. "You wasted your monster, your Trap, [i]and[/i] a card from your hand, just to barely survive. God, I wonder why we don't put you in the pro leagues." He laughed at his own joke. "Laugh while you can, but now that Wicked Emperor Gaius is in the cemetery, I can remove him, along with one Dragonfly from play, to Special Summon this! Come, Dark Simurgh!" The great flying beast spread its darkened wings, establishing its dominion over the field. [spoiler=Dark Simurgh][b]Dark Simurgh[/b] DARK / Winged Beast Level 7 2700/1000 While this card is face-up on the field its Attribute is also treated as WIND. You can remove from play 1 DARK monster and 1 WIND monster from your Graveyard to Special Summon this card from your hand. You can remove from play 1 DARK monster and 1 WIND monster from your hand to Special Summon this card from your Graveyard. Your opponent cannot Set any cards on the field.[/spoiler] "One reverse card, turn end." "Oh? So you have some spunk in you, after all?" Vortexflame said. "Well, it's not like it will make any difference. Draw!" [center][i][b]Greyblade[/b] - SPC: 3[/i] [i][b]Vortexflame[/b] - SPC: 3[/i][/center] "I do not need Traps to take care of your monster! During my Main Phase, I can send Flamvell Baby from my hand to the Graveyard. By doing so, the attack power of a Fire monster on my field increases by 400 points! Urquizas, fry that oversized chicken!" The giant roared as the flames on his arms burned brighter, and he leapt up to crush Dark Simurgh. [spoiler=Flamvell Baby][b]Flamvell Baby[/b] FIRE / Pyro / Tuner Level 1 800/200 During your Main Phase, you can send this card from your hand to the Graveyard to select 1 face-up FIRE monster you control and have it gain 400 ATK.[/spoiler] "I don't think so!" Yenma retaliated. "The card that was used to pay the cost for Thunder Break - Necro Gardna activates in my Graveyard, removing itself from play to block your attack." [spoiler=Necro Gardna][b]Necro Gardna[/b] DARK / Warrior Level 3 600/1300 Remove from play this card in your Graveyard to negate 1 attack this turn from a monster your opponent controls.[/spoiler] "Tsk. You lucked out of this one. But, it's not over yet. I release Flamvell Urquizas!" Yenma was shocked as the powerful Synchro monster was absorbed in a pillar of light. "I advance summon Flamvell Deathgunner!" A blue-skinned warrior wielding a giant firearm, a flaring orange mane flowing behind him, appeared on the field. [spoiler=Flamvell Deathgunner][b]Flamvell Deathgunner[/b] FIRE / Pyro Level 6 2200/200 This card cannot be Special Summoned. This card can only be Normal Summoned by Tributing 1 "Flamvell" monster you control. Once per turn, you can remove from play 1 monster in your Graveyard with 200 DEF to inflict damage to your opponent equal to that monster's ATK.[/spoiler] "You see, Deathgunner has a special effect." Vortexflame took his time explaining, even though Yenma's face, full of dread, already told him he had understood. "By removing from play a monster in my Graveyard, provided it has exactly 200 points of defense, I can strike you down with direct damage equal to its attack. And though Urquizas falls 200 points higher than that threshold, Firedog is at exactly the amount I need. Go, Deathgunner!" The burning dog appeared inside the wicked creature's cannon muzzler, grinning insanely as the cannoneer charged his weapon. Yenma braced himself for the collision - Pain. As if it had been being shot with an actual cannonball, Yenma's D-Wheel spun out of control, crashing along the edge of the duel lane. He screamed as he tried to maneouver himself into a straight line. In the end, in a searing daze, he managed to find the equilibrium of the motorcycle again, and heavily land on the ground of the platform, following after his opponent who had long since sped ahead, laughing maniacally. [center][i][b]Greyblade[/b] - LP: 200[/i] [i][b]Vortexflame[/b] - LP: 4000[/i][/center] They were driving over a curve which led downwards now. Yenma had focused his attention on the duel, not paying heed to his surroundings. They were almost at the zenith of the duel lane. The lanes were designed as cubes, but the top part was missing. If his earlier accident had lasted a little longer, or his D-Wheel had been tossed just a little higher, he would have been soaring into that endless black by now. He swallowed hard, trying not to imagine what would happen to him if he received another strike like that. Well, if he received another strike like that, his Life would hit zero. And that was something he could not afford, if what Kiishiro and ZONE had told him had any merit. "I'll end my turn for now." Vortexflame sighed, as if disappointed. "But you understand, right? All I need is a Speed Spell in my hand, or a monster that can inflict a measly 200 points of direct damage, and you're finished. Try winning before that time comes." Well, yeah. Winning was certainly a plan. But he had no idea how to go about it. One thing was for sure - he'd be getting rid of Deathgunner immediately. In his state, as much attack as Flamvell Baby's could do him in. He considered summoning another monster, to deal more damage. But that would only mean that, other than effect damage, Vortexflame could finish him off by just summoning a stronger monster next turn. Maybe his next draw could give him the answer, he thought as he added a card to his hand - then grimaced. [center][i][b]Greyblade[/b] - SPC: 4[/i] [i][b]Vortexflame[/b] - SPC: 4[/i][/center] "I... I summon Sound Warrior Bassist in defense mode." He said. A guitar-shaped person wielding another, smaller electric guitar appeared next to the giant bird. [spoiler=Sound Warrior Bassist][b]Sound Warrior Bassist[/b] WIND / Machine / Tuner Level 1 600/400 Once per turn, you can select 1 face-up "Symphonic Warrior" monster on the field. Increase its Level by the number of cards in your hand; this increase lasts until the End Phase. You can remove from play this card from your Graveyard to select 1 face-up "Symphonic Warrior" monster you control and increase its Level by the number of cards in your hand; this increase lasts until the End Phase.[/spoiler] "Battle. Dark Simurgh, attack Flamvell Deathgunner!" The mighty dark sacred bird spread its wings, unleashing a devastating dark gale that swallowed the fiery warrior. Vortexflame's Life dropped to 3500. At least now he had averted certain defeat. If Vortexflame did not have a Speed Spell, or a card capable of directly inflicting effect damage... [center][i][b]Greyblade[/b] - LP: 200[/i] [i][b]Vortexflame[/b] - LP: 3500[/i][/center] "Turn end." "Is that all? Pathetic!" Vortexflame screamed, drawing a card. "Your time's just run out, kid! Draw!" [center][i][b]Greyblade[/b] - SPC: 5[/i] [i][b]Vortexflame[/b] - SPC: 5[/i][/center] Vortexflame added the card he had just drawn to his hand, while picking up the one he already held. A sinister smirk spread across his face. "Speed World 2's effect activates." He said, making sure Yenma could hear every word. "By revealing Speed Spell - High Speed Crash in my hand, 800 points of damage are inflicted to you!" [center][i][b]Greyblade[/b] - SPC: 5[/i] [i][b]Vortexflame[/b] - SPC: 1[/i][/center] [spoiler=Speed Spell - High Speed Crash][b]Speed Spell - High Speed Crash[/b] SPELL / Normal Activate only while you have 2 or more Speed Counters. Destroy 1 card you control and 1 other card on the field.[/spoiler] Yenma closed his eyes, as the fiery wave enveloped him. --- Kiishiro was in the region known as the <Dark Mosaic>, an area resembling the chambers of a palace. He had just finished a duel with a Ghost. It was strange, but the number of Ghosts seemed to be decreasing lately. An optimist might think Kiishiro's efforts were finally paying off, but he knew that was hardly the case. Their enemies were preparing an assault of much greater magnitude. This was merely the calm before the storm. He had long figured out that the motion prevention system that was enforced in most areas that didn't involve Riding Duels was a deadly peril. Even if you were attacked by a monster, if you could physically avoid it, even if your Life Points took damage you should be able to lessen the impact greatly. He did not know what would happen if his Life Points reached zero, but ZONE had figured out a way to disable that system. Kiishiro avoided using it, though. It was a trump card he would like to keep secret for as long as possible. The pain from taking damage was a necessary price to pay for it. He had not yet been in any situation that directly threatened his life, anyway. But now that the opponent had defeated, and Kiishiro had installed the appropriate devices to cloak his presence here from prying eyes, he was pacing back and forth. What had that thing been, which he had sensed before? He had not asked ZONE about it. ZONE kept a lot of things hidden from Kiishiro, and Kiishiro did not reveal everything to ZONE. Yet they both seemed to know, and accept that. But this was something else. Something unrelated to - A surging flash of pain struck him. He groaned, clutching his head as he dropped on his knees. This feeling - ! It was not unlike when he had been attacked by Black Rose Dragon, back during the duel with ZONE. It was not as intense, so he could still formulate thoughts, but he was struggling for breath. But how? No attack had happened. No - then he noticed it. His arm was blazing crimson, as if on fire. The light was so bright, it took him a few seconds to focus his vision on it - but once he did, he could clearly see a mark like a mishappen right claw. It blazed on his lower arm, visible through the sleeve of his <Emerald Regalia>. Kiishiro recognized it instantly. It was the mark that he had first seen when he had climbed that altar ZONE had led him to. In that vision, five shadowy shapes of dragons were floating in the middle of the stormy heaven, and a massive behemoth, crafted out of pure crimson, slithered between them. There was a massive flash of light, and then those signs had appeared in the sky - one of them was his, and it had fallen like a meteorite onto him, while the others spread out in different directions. That was when the illusion had ended, and when Kiishiro had returned to his senses, there was no storm, no mark, no dragons. He had kept this experience to himself, even after the girl named Ivory had mentioned something similar. And now that mark had appeared. But it didn't take long for him to realize that his arm was not the only thing glowing red. Stunned, he took his deck out of his pocket and singled out a card, shining with a clear crimson color. That was - !! Then, the card simply burst into a red light and vanished. --- Yenma screamed, yet the attack had not made contact yet. His arm felt as if it was being scorched to dust. Daring to take his eyes off the lane, he glanced at it, only to find it blazing with a crimson light. What was going on? He had slowed down abruptly, trying to maintain his course through the pain. [i]Don't give up.[/i] In the middle of that agony, he thought he heard those words. But it couldn't be. Who was there to - then he glanced at his cards, attached to the panel of his D-Wheel. They were surging with a bright crimson luster as if aflame. And they called out to him. Surprisingly little time had passed since the pain began. A peculiar red sign had appeared on his arm, and with it, the agony was beginning to subside. The mark looked like wings attached to an invisible creature, spreading out to either side of his lower arm. It was shining brightly, enough to be visible under the cloth of his Grey Void Garb. And through all that, the coruscating fire from Speed World 2's effect was drawing closer. It was now or never. "Trap activate! Urgent Tuning!" He declared, flipping over his reverse card. "With this card I can Synchro Summon a monster during your Battle Phase!" [spoiler=Urgent Tuning][b]Urgent Tuning[/b] TRAP / Normal Activate only during the Battle Phase. Synchro Summon 1 Synchro Monster. (Send the appropriate Synchro Material Monsters to the Graveyard.)[/spoiler] "what?!" Vortexflame exclaimed. "But that won't save you from the effect damage!" "We'll just see about that!" Yenma placed his hand on the top of his deck, closing his eyes. He felt as if he was flying through the void, as if the unending tapestry of stars overhead was nothing more than another boundary for him to cross. He pressed on the accelerators of his D-Wheel, overtaking his enemy. He was the wind. [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted February 21, 2011 Report Share Posted February 21, 2011 [quote name='~ Epic Hero - Saber ~' timestamp='1292893234' post='4869178'] [center][b][u]Chapter 2:[/b] Arrival of Darkness[/u][/center] "What did you say?!" [b]Now, I'm still unfamiliar with ZONE, since I haven't caught up with 5D's (I watch Dubs, not Subs, so they're behind). However, I assume he was dueling (or at least present) with that weird machine that looks like a giant motorcycle with arms, and that's what tried to grab Kishiro in the end there.[/b] The tone, very unlike what one might expect from a person addressing a police officer, betrayed Aizawa Yuusuke's agitation. Beside him, Kirizaki Maya stood stiffly, disapproval obvious in her glance. "We already answered all your questions." She said, barely suppressing her hostility. When the man had approached them with questions concerning Sanjou Kiishiro's whereabouts, they could not even begin to guess where exactly that conversation would lead. "We don't know anything else. Please leave us alone." [b]This is interesting. So he's gone, which was essentially the one part between the last episode and this one that confused me.[/b] The officer cleared his throat. He was a middle-aged fellow, who seemed to have taken on some weight lately. His black hair was neat and combed to the side, and his brown eyes seemed quite weary. He looked uncomfortable, being forced to interrogate two students in the middle of the school's front yard, with quite a crowd gathered around them. "Rest assured, you are not being blamed for anything. But you are the last people to have had any contact with Sanjou Kiishiro before he fell unconscious, and perhaps the only ones who can help us get a lead on the circumstances behind the accident." Yuusuke shook his head. The accident? That was too light. The man had fallen into a coma after a Duel Terminal match? And noone had any clue as to what exactly had happened in there? When all Duel Terminals were closely monitored twenty-four hours a day? That was unbelievable. Most likely, they refused to tell him. But he'd find out. [b]I'm kind of confused with the tense here. Is the the officer who thinks they're lying or hiding details, or the other way around?[/b] "How is he now?" He asked, ignoring Maya's displeasure. She did her best to ignore Kiishiro's existence, but now was not the time for that kind of attitude. "He has been hospitalized." The policeman said reluctantly. "Further information is confidential, however his condition is stable. We believe he will be making a recovery... shortly." "Yuusuke, we have nothing more to do with this." Maya insisted, tugging at his sleeve. "Let's go." "Hold on a second, Maya." Yuusuke said. "Officer, I'm sure you already know, but my father is an employee for Duel International." The man nodded. Yuusuke's father had been working for the company monitoring the Duel Terminal system and maintaining the servers for eight years now. "If we can help in the investigation in any way, please let us know. Kiishiro is a friend of mine." [b]I like the way you write, and the way your story is played out. It's very smoothly written and you don't rush plot details.[/b] "I'll keep that in mind." The officer sighed. He looked distracted. "This case is keeping us on our toes... be careful, kids. We tried to shut down the Duel Terminals, at least until we can investigate into the matter more, but they refused to even consider it on such a secluded incident." Then he snapped back, cast a firm glance and a curt nod at the pair. "Regardless, avoid those things for now... we don't know what could be at fault." And with that, he left. Yuusuke waited for a while, until the engine of the police vehicle could no longer be heard, Maya standing still as a statue by his side. Then he turned, not towards the still packed school where they had two more hours of classes, but out, towards the gates. "Where are we going, Yuusuke?" Maya demanded, close behind him. "Back to my place." He responded. "There's something I need to check." [b]When I read this, I can picture it as though it were an actual TV Show or book. It's brilliant.[/b] Yuusuke's father, Taihito, was a brilliant mind, to be sure, as evidenced by his recent promotion, but he was rather aloof, and tended not to pay attention to important details. Thus, Yuusuke had no trouble finding out all the information he needed, all the while booting up the Duel Terminal booth he kept in his room. He could almost sense Maya's displeased glare boring into his back. She did not like it when Yuusuke did things she deemed unnecessary, but Yuusuke was too stubborn. "[i]Thunderbolt Knight, you said? Yeah... that's the account of the kid who had the accident yesterday. Let's see, his opponent... ah, yes. We believe there might be a bug with the control systems, but... we could not find out whom he was supposed to be dueling. He had entered the area in <Duel Mode>, not <Observer Mode>, so the system must have matched him with an opponent, but...[/i]" "Where was he dueling?" Yuusuke asked, entering his account information with quick, practiced motions. The terminal logged him in, displaying on its screen the figure of his avatar, Galahad. As one of the first few thousand of players to create an account in the new Duel Terminal network, he had had the privilege to select the name he wished, without having to compromise in its syntax or form to avoid duplicates. Galahad was not modelled much differently to Yuusuke himself. They had about the same height and stature, and even the same eye color, the central difference being the digitalized avatar's bright golden hair, flowing artistically behind him in a manner that was not quite reproducable in real life. "[i]Where? Hmm, that would be... Blossom Garden. Wait, this information is supposed to be classified! Yuusuke, what - [/i]" "Thanks, dad." The teenager interrupted, shutting down the phone. Decidedly, he put on the D-Tacher, and set his status to <Observer Mode> allowing him to freely roam the Duel Fields. "Yuusuke." Maya said behind him. "I should warn you, if you do anything reckless - " "Don't worry." He said. "I'm just going to check something." Just to make certain, he quickly browsed through his decks, and selected a specific one, a personal favorite, to carry along for the occasion. Not that he expected much to happen, but... The outside world shut off around him, the all-too-familiar surroundings of his bedroom fading off into nothingness, smoothly replaced by the beautiful landscape of the Duel Field, <Blossom Garden>. It was unchanged as ever, its static charm unable to be altered. Testingly, Yuusuke tried moving. As he had expected, the motion lock was in place. Nothing seemed different from the last time he had been there. Really, he did not even specifically know why he was at this place. Every time a Duelist entered a Duel Field, a new instance of the area was generated, the only common link between the place Kiishiro should have stood on yesterday and the one Yuusuke was standing on today would probably be the fact that they were supported by the same server. Still, something had drawn him here, and he wasn't about to give up without finding out at least what. "Yuusuke? Yuusuke!" A voice suddenly resounded through the area. "What's going on? Why did you enter here? And why on earth are you in <Duel Mode>?" Yuusuke was startled, though not by the fact that his father was speaking to him in this normally isolated space. As an administrator, he had freedom to intervene with the system in such ways. But indeed, as Aizawa Taihito had pointed out, a duel disk was attached to his arm - his custom-designed, blue-and-silver model - with his deck loaded into it. But just the fact that he was in the Duel Field without an opponent, human or otherwise, proved that he should be in <Observer Mode>, and thus his duel disk shouldn't be on his arm unless he himself placed it there. [b]Interesting. I like where this is going. The Duel Terminal aspect of this makes the story completely different so far. I wonder if there will be Ground Duels or Riding Duels later.[/b] "Yuusuke!" But the boy did not need the warning to notice the sound of someone else entering the area. He looked towards the direction where his opponent would stand, had this been a duel, and was not entirely taken aback by the fact that a person was just materializing there. His eyes immediately flew to the panel, which would analyze the name of the intruder. And that was the first shock. Oddly enough, perhaps, as the system was designed in Japan, all player usernames consisted of only English characters. Numbers or other symbols were barred, though a single empty space was allowed, for those like Kiishiro who wanted to separate their username into two. Most certainly, foreign characters were not an option. However this player's name consisted only of strange symbols in a language he did not know. And then the second shock - opposed to Yuusuke's own, formidable <Duel Rank> of fifty-five, where the ranking of his opponent should have been written, a pair of question marks stood. "Yuusuke, there's something wrong with this. Disconnect immediately!" The voice of his father urged him. However, a creaking noise followed, the sound of a short static, and then silence fell. Somehow, Yuusuke knew that communication had been cut off, the same as he knew that he couldn't disconnect now even had he wanted to. He did not lose his cool, though. He calmly regarded the new arrival, not once losing his calm stance. Where his clothing consisted of a deep maroon shirt accompanied by matching blue trousers, and a richly-embroidered dark crimson coat etched with golden designs, the <Nobility Attire> he had acquired for upwards of a thousand Duel Points, the other "player" that had entered the field was dressed in skin-tight black robes that reached down to his feet, a cloak draped onto them that wrapped nearly his entire body. A hood concealed half of his face, and beneath it, a sinister smile crossed pale white skin. The <Assassin's Garb>, unless Yuusuke was way off the mark, though the last time he had seen that attire, it featured shorter sleeves, and no hood. More intriguing was the duel disk, which was black with green emeralds, a model unlike any Yuusuke had ever seen. [b]I'm surprised to say this, seeing I've done it before, but, don't you think that attire is somewhat generic? Like, a basic villain attire? Not saying simple is bad, but compared to the rest of the story, I guess I just expected, perhaps a more well-thought out design.[/b] While it was true that, as one grew through the ranks, he could unlock new features, including duel disk models, Duel Fields, and attires, or even other, more exotic features, and that most people only found out about their existence at the time they unlocked them, you could find information on everything included in the Duel Terminal system, if you searched hard enough. Yuusuke had done his fair share of research, and he knew an irregularity when he saw it. There was no way to have your username changed to contain strange symbols other than English language letters. There was no way to conceal your Duel Rank. There was no way to force a duel on someone in <Observer Mode>. And there most definitely was no way to cut someone off from disconnecting at will, much less prevent an administrator from interfering with the Duel Terminal's system. Of course, all this applied to those bound by the 'rules', limited to the norm. There was always the other side. What Yuusuke was right now facing was, most likely, a hacker's invention. Hackers existed everywhere, even in a system as technologically advanced as the Duel Terminals. Most people didn't even consider the possibility, but Duel International had a special anti-hacker department. Most likely his father would have already contacted the regulators about this issue. [b]So, are the Duel Terminals the only way to duel in this world?[/b] That, in itself, was no reason to be worried. Most hackers did not intend to harm others. They simply meant to challenge the system, see how far they could get away with 'cheating'. Sure, there were cases of people being defeated by cards that didn't exist or were supposed to be banned from use, duels where a player's Life Points wouldn't decrease, or something as innocuous as someone sporting a unique outfit or appearance. But those events were quite isolated, and they caused no real damage to the players themselves, although the company responsible for system maintainance might have different views. Certainly nothing like what had happened to Kiishiro the other day sounded like the work of a hacker. But he'd be a fool not to connect the two incidents. [b]For a minute I thought you were jumping the gun, so I was glad to see that explained and clarified.[/b] "I will assume I'm talking to a person here." He addressed his black-clad opponent. "Who are you, and what do you know about Sanjou Kiishiro? Something happened to him in this Field yesterday, and he fell into a coma. His avatar was called Thunderbolt Knight." [b]Still think Kiishiro's avatar name makes it difficult to take him seriously. Though I assume that's the point.[/b] But the fellow did not speak, and instead raised his arm and activated his Duel Disk. Yuusuke sighed. It was never easy with those guys. He mimicked his opponent's motions. [center][i][b]Duel Commencing[/b][/i][/center] The turn order decision panel appeared in front of him, and he pressed the randomizer option. His opponent apparently did the same, and a miniature screen appeared before him, quickly shifting between the numbers one and two. After a couple of seconds, it settled on one before vanishing. Now that he had the option of choosing who would take the first turn, Yuusuke opted to start things off himself, the Life Point counters were set. [center][i][b]Galahad[/b] - LP: 4000[/i] [i][b]__[/b] - LP: 4000[/i][/center] Intrigued, he noticed that, though the username screen was able to depict the strange symbols, the wide display which held the duel's status, hanging over their heads in the middle of the field like an immaterial scoreboard, could not apparently resolve the font correctly. He made a note to mention that to his father, before focusing on the duel. He drew five cards, then, once his opponent had done the same, added a sixth one to his left hand. [i]I do not know what tricks this fellow is using, but unless he has hacked the card database, he will be hard-pressed to win against this deck.[/i] Of all the hacking reports, the most common ones concerned fake or hacked cards, or Forbidden cards being used. However, most of those reports were also fake, caused by either sore losers who gambled on a chance at revenge, or by simply ignorant people. Hacking the card database was the most challenging threshold to achieve. Because of the structure, each card was not only drawn from a specific database which had only one route connecting it to the main system, and that was closely monitored, but was also double-checked along the way through numerous other databases, and even received scans upon being entered into a deck, being brought into a Duel Field, and of course being used in a duel. Hacking the system on so many levels would take a long time, much longer than it would usually take for an administrator to notice and correct the issue. Comparatively, it was much easier to 'stack' your deck or make yourself invincible - although, admittedly, less fun as well. "I summon Lightlord Magician Leila!" Yuusuke declared. In an instant, a pillar of light burst out of the ground, and from within, a woman clad in white-and-gold robes akin to those of a priest, her foreheard adorned with a diadem and her hands wielding a shining gold scepter, appeared on the field. Instantly the display demonstrated her stats and abilities. [spoiler=Lightlord Magician Leila][b]Lightlord Magician Leila[/b] LIGHT / Spellcaster Level 4 1700/200 You can change this card from face-up Attack Position to face-up Defense Position and destroy 1 Spell or Trap Card your opponent controls. If you activate this effect, this card's battle position cannot be changed until the end of your next turn, except with a card effect. During each of your End Phases, send the top 3 cards of your Deck to the Graveyard.[/spoiler] [b]I have so much difficulty writing the in-Duel descriptions. Every time I try and describe a monster, it sounds so repetitive. How are you so good at it?[/b] "I'll place two cards face-down. Turn end." As he proceeded to end his turn, Yuusuke picked up the uppermost three cards lying on his deck, examined them briefly, and placed them in the Graveyard slot. His opponent could check them if he wished through the available options, so he was not obliged to demonstrate them to him. Lightlords. When it came to winning, there were two ways to go about it: one was the slow, methodical style. The other was the fast, dynamic style. Lightlords were one of the fastest decks around. Their main point was to send cards from the deck to the Graveyard, as fast as possible, in order to use their powerful effects and mightiest monsters. You could win in a few quick turns, if you pushed hard enough. Get the wrong hand, or make one wrong decision, or just have bad luck and mill cards that should be in your hand while drawing cards that should be in your Graveyard, and you would lose just as fast. For that power, that speed, that risk - even though Yuusuke had built over ten decks, and the Lightlords had been by far the hardest to construct, mainly due to how many Duel Points some of the key cards cost, they were still his favorite. "My turn. Draw." Yuusuke's unnamed opponent said. His voice brought shivers down Yuusuke's spine. This was certainly no ordinary human's voice. It was low-pitched, yet clear as crystal water. Yuusuke could feel the cruelty that was apparent on the figure's half-hidden smile in that tone. Pleasure almost radiated from it, yet it was sinister pleasure, born from wicked things. If, even for a moment, he had thought the situation to be simple, that single instant changed his mind completely. Whatever the thing he was fighting against was, it was [i]wrong[/i], something that shouldn't be. Unconsciously he edged back a little, as far as the system allowed. "I summon Ally of Justice Core-Destroy." The cold words were accompanied by the presence of a strange creature. It seemed quadrupedal, its appearance somewhat akin to a dog, but its main body was lean and smooth like a serpent. It was obviously mechanical, and though its body was colored in dark and light shades of blue, its tail was golden, and its four feet were light crimson. "Ally of Justice Core-Destroy, attack Lightlord Magician Leila." The enemy announced, and the monster leapt forth. "What?!" Yuusuke said, taken aback. He had noticed the monster's attack points, and they only stood at 1200, nowhere near enough to take down Leila at 1700. Inadvertently, his eyes shifted back to the display overhead, and - [spoiler=Ally of Justice Core-Destroy][b]Ally of Justice Core-Destroy[/b] DARK / Machine Level 3 1200/200 If this card attacks or is attacked by a LIGHT monster, destroy that monster at the start of the Damage Step (without damage calculation).[/spoiler] In an instant, the robotic dog smashed into Leila's body, shattering it to pieces. Yuusuke recoiled from the impact. "I place two cards face-down, turn end." Ally of Justice. Yuusuke tried to gather his focus, as he drew his next card. He had never heard that name before. And if it was a single card, that was fine. But he had the terrible feeling that there were more. And what was worse, they seemed geared to destroy his Light-attribute Lightlords. What had he gotten himself into? Thankfully, the card he had just drawn was a good one. [b]I see what you mean when you said you use the "Meta"/competitive style Decks. That should be interesting going forward.[/b] "I activate Solar Exchange!" He proclaimed. He held a card in his hand for a few seconds. Lightlord Beast Wolf was a powerful monster, but it could not be Summoned regularly from the hand, so he would just use it as exchange material for his Spell card. "By discarding a Lightlord monster, I can draw two cards, then send the top two cards of my deck to the Graveyard." He did the appropriate exchanges, keeping mental notes of the cards he sent to the grave. Thankfully, combined with his reverse card, he now held what was needed to get rid of that Ally of Justice monster. [spoiler=Solar Exchange][b]Solar Exchange[/b] SPELL / Normal Discard 1 "Lightlord" monster. Draw 2 cards, then send the top 2 cards of your Deck to the Graveyard.[/spoiler] "I activate my reverse Illusion of Flashing Light!" He said, revealing his Trap card. The focus shifted to demonstrate the newly activated card. "It allows me to revive Leila from the Graveyard!" [spoiler=Illusion of Flashing Light][b]Illusion of Flashing Light[/b] TRAP / Continuous Select 1 "Lightlord" monster from your Graveyard and Special Summon it in Attack Position. During each of your End Phases, send the top 2 cards of your Deck to the Graveyard. When this card is removed from the field, destroy that monster. When that monster is removed from the field, destroy this card.[/spoiler] "Next I release Leila to Advance Summon Lightlord Angel Cherubim!" Leila united her hands in a praying stance, disappearing into a column of light. From the illuminated sky above one of the mightiest monsters amongst the Lightlords, Cherubim descended. It took the form of a winged female with deep blue hair, in an armor that looked smooth as white silk, and armed with a stave that ended in a brilliant circle of pure light. [spoiler=Lightlord Angel Cherubim][b]Lightlord Angel Cherubim[/b] LIGHT / Fairy Level 5 2300/200 When you Tribute Summon this card by Tributing a "Lightsworn" monster, you can send the top 4 cards of your Deck to the Graveyard to destroy up to 2 cards your opponent controls.[/spoiler] "Cherubim's effect activates! When she is Summoned by releasing a Lightlord monster, by sending the top four cards of my deck to the Graveyard, I can destroy two cards you control!" Yuusuke said, sending the appropriate cards to the grave. No matter its immunity to battle with Light monsters, if he took down Core-Destroy with an effect - "Trap activate, Pitfall of Hades." Came a swift response. Yuusuke was well-versed in the workings of the deadly Trap card, even without the visual aid. [spoiler=Pitfall of Hades][b]Pitfall of Hades[/b] TRAP / Normal Activate only when your opponent Summons a monster(s) with 1500 or more ATK. Destroy and remove from play the monster(s).[/spoiler] "The permanent Trap card, Proclamation of the Royal Palace!" One of the most lethal dangers to Yuusuke's Lightlord deck were Trap cards, such as Pitfall of Hades, which could utterly cripple his plays. Thankfully, the continuous effect of Proclamation of the Royal Palace would negate the effects of all Trap cards on the field, rendering his monsters safe. But - "Instant magic, Cyclone." The mysterious duelist countered instantly, and the dark iron gates that suddenly formed on the field were swept away by a mighty tornado. A bottomless hole opened underneath the feet of Cherubim, swallowing her whole. The display was now demonstrating the effects of the two cards used in succession. [spoiler=Proclamation of the Royal Palace][b]Proclamation of the Royal Palace[/b] TRAP / Continuous Negate the effects of all other Trap Cards on the field.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Cyclone][b]Cyclone[/b] SPELL / Quick-Play Select 1 Spell or Trap Card on the field. Destroy it.[/spoiler] [b]I like this character. The villain, that is. Though Yuusuke seems like a Seto Kaiba esque character so far, and I'm assuming he's not the "Main" protagonist. Then again I could be wrong.[/b] "Regardless, Pitfall of Hades activates after Cherubim is summoned." Yuusuke said. "So its effect still destroys your monster." Core-Destroy was enveloped in a burst of light, disappearing completely. Darkly, Yuusuke looked over his cards. He had nothing more he could summon, and no cards to protect him. He had to rely on luck for at least the next round. "I end my turn." He said. "Draw." The dark figure said without pause. "I activate the Spell card Allure of Darkness. It lets me draw 2 cards, but then I have to remove a Dark monster in my hand from play." He held out a single card, its back turned to Yuusuke. "But now I use the Equipment spell, Different Dimension Revival. I only have to discard one card, and the monster I removed is Special Summoned." [spoiler=Allure of Darkness][b]Allure of Darkness[/b] SPELL / Normal Draw 2 cards, then remove from play 1 DARK monster from your hand. If you don't have any DARK monsters in your hand to remove, send all cards in your hand to the Graveyard.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Different Dimension Revival][b]Different Dimension Revival[/b] SPELL / Equip Discard 1 card. Select 1 of your removed from play monsters, Special Summon it in Attack Position, and equip it with this card. When this card is removed from the field, destroy the equipped monster.[/spoiler] Yuusuke was still absorbed in the mechanics of the two cards that had just been used, when abruptly a roar like thunder struck the field. Before the opponent now stood a giant robot, similar to a bulldozer but with many arms protruding from its body, each armed with a different kind of weaponry. "Ally of Justice Lethal Weapon." Yuusuke's enemy explained, though it was unnecessary as Yuusuke was already scanning the panel for the relevant information. [spoiler=Ally of Justice Lethal Weapon][b]Ally of Justice Lethal Weapon[/b] DARK / Machine Level 5 2200/800 When this card destroys a LIGHT monster by battle and sends it to the Graveyard, draw 1 card. If that card is a Level 4 or lower DARK monster, you can reveal that card to Special Summon it.[/spoiler] [i]As I thought, an anti-Light deck...[/i] Yuusuke gritted his teeth. If this went on... "Next I Normal Summon the Tuner monster, Black Bomber. Its effect will Special Summon a Level 4 Dark Machine-Type monster in my Graveyard." A black round object that looked, for all intents and purposes, except with large sinister eyes and a wide laughing mouth in the front, appeared on the field. Its fuse on it was lit. "The target is, of course, the monster discarded for the cost of Different Dimension Revival. Come, Ally of Justice Garadholg." When the fuse on Black Bomber reached the breaking point, it exploded, revealing a new monster from within, apparently an android of sorts covered in bright red armor. Frantically, Yuusuke read the information of the new arrivals. [spoiler=Black Bomber][b]Black Bomber[/b] DARK / Machine / Tuner Level 3 1200/200 If this card attacks or is attacked by a LIGHT monster, destroy that monster at the start of the Damage Step (without damage calculation).[/spoiler] [spoiler=Ally of Justice Garadholg][b]Ally of Justice Garadholg[/b] DARK / Machine Level 4 1600/400 If this card battles a LIGHT monster, it gains 200 ATK during the Damage Step only.[/spoiler] "Do not bother." His opponent taunted him. Yuusuke jerked his head - it was the first time he had addressed him directly, speaking to him outside of announcing his moves. "They won't stay. I tune the Level 5 Ally of Justice Lethal Weapon to the Level 3 Black Bomber." Black Bomber exploded, creating three dark green circles that floated in the middle of the field. Omni Weapon also burst into a black blaze, splitting into five stars that flowed into these circles. Synchro Summon. Yuusuke was worried something like this would come, but... "Behold, your demise. Synchro Summon, Ally of Justice Light Gazer!" - but even if he said that, even if the panel overhead clearly displayed the statistics for the new Ally of Justice monster, Yuusuke could not locate it with his eyes. [spoiler=Ally of Justice Light Gazer][b]Ally of Justice Light Gazer[/b] DARK / Machine / Synchro Level 8 2400/400 1 Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner monsters This card gains 200 ATK for each LIGHT monster in your opponent's Graveyard.[/spoiler] [b]I think it would have been better to continue with the opponent showing no emotion at all. It was easier to follow that way. When he starts yelling, despite the fact that he's making a big move, the darkness of his character is taken away and automatically you get that arrogant sense, in a way.[/b] "Look farther above." The enemy mocked. Yuusuke did - and screamed out loud. A massive black ring was floating in mid air, a good five hundred meters overhead or more, and in its midst stood - that was not the correct word, the great dark beast seemed to not be supported by anything visible, it simply hovered there, like a monstrosity of metal in a vaguely humanoid shape. Lights flowed from the creature's two arms, as well as several projectors attached to the support ring. One of them focused on Yuusuke, forcing him to avert his eyes. "What... is this monster...?" He grunted, shielding his face from the intense light rays, all of which were converging on him now. "Ally of Justice Light Gazer, effect activate." The opponent said in a more neutral expression. "This monster gains 200 attack points for each Light monster in your Graveyard... currently, you have Lightlord Beast Wolf, Lightlord Magician Leila, and Lightlord Druid Aurkus. For three monsters, Light Gazer will gain 600 attack points, for a total of 3000!" Indeed, silhouettes of Yuusuke's three Lightlords appeared in front of him, looking at him regretfully as they were scanned by those rays of light. The great machine's attack rose instantly. "It's over. Ally of Justice Garadholg, direct attack!" The robot sped towards him, slashing at him with its claw. Yuusuke granted as his Life counter fell to 2400. [center][i][b]Galahad[/b] - LP: 2400[/i] [i][b]__[/b] - LP: 4000[/i][/center] "And now, to finish it... Light Gazer, annihilate him!" Energy charged in the giant machine's arm, preparing to be unleashed in a destructive torrent. If that thing struck him, Yuusuke somehow knew that he would end up in a state such as Kiishiro's, or maybe worse. [b]How did he know, exactly? Was he feeling pain throughout this duel, like Kiishiro was?[/b] [/quote] Your writing is still great. I liked Episode 2 better than Episode 1, and I'm sure it will get better. I may be in no place to say this, but I almost feel like you "assume" too much in the writing. Yuusuke had no idea what happened to Kiishiro, including how the Duel had even come about, so why would he "know" he'd end up in a similar state? Yes, it's possible this was a coincidence, but what drives him to believe something like that would happen? A smarter character like Yuusuke seems like the type who would want to use his intelligence to predict what's going to happen, almost not believing that something "magic", for lack of a better term, was possible until it actually hit him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vector Nightmare Posted February 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2011 I thought it was rather strange that you started off with chapter 2, rather than chapter 1. I was actually looking for some criticism concerning chapter 1, as it is the most important chapter in the story, in the sense that it's literally what makes or breaks the reader's desire to continue. Anyway, thanks for this - there were actually a lot of things that I already want to change with those earlier chapters, and those will come about when I'm done with the whole story. Let me reply to your points: [b]Now, I'm still unfamiliar with ZONE, since I haven't caught up with 5D's (I watch Dubs, not Subs, so they're behind). However, I assume he was dueling (or at least present) with that weird machine that looks like a giant motorcycle with arms, and that's what tried to grab Kishiro in the end there.[/b] Yeah. [b]This is interesting. So he's gone, which was essentially the one part between the last episode and this one that confused me.[/b] Well, it was supposed to be ambiguous. [b]I'm kind of confused with the tense here. Is the the officer who thinks they're lying or hiding details, or the other way around?[/b] I always write from someone's perspective (except when I'm doing some form of storytelling, but it's pretty clear when that happens). Therefore, everything that is in the form of thoughts or otherwise expressed via opinions etc, represents the character from whose perspective the chapter is written. Ergo, Yuusuke in this case. The next sentence should be clarifying that. [b]I like the way you write, and the way your story is played out. It's very smoothly written and you don't rush plot details.[/b] Of course I don't. I'm at freaking chapter 23 and noone knows what's really going on yet =/. [b]When I read this, I can picture it as though it were an actual TV Show or book. It's brilliant.[/b] That's the goal, generally. I'm glad you think of it that way. [b]Interesting. I like where this is going. The Duel Terminal aspect of this makes the story completely different so far. I wonder if there will be Ground Duels or Riding Duels later.[/b] Both. [b]I'm surprised to say this, seeing I've done it before, but, don't you think that attire is somewhat generic? Like, a basic villain attire? Not saying simple is bad, but compared to the rest of the story, I guess I just expected, perhaps a more well-thought out design.[/b] Yes, it is purposefully generic. The attire is there on purpose to actually emphasize that fact. As you read further into the story, you'll understand better. [b]So, are the Duel Terminals the only way to duel in this world?[/b] Well, there are no Duel Disks or whatever in the real world, and real cards are extremely rare. I suppose you could do traditional table-top duels, if you had cards. [b]For a minute I thought you were jumping the gun, so I was glad to see that explained and clarified.[/b] What part, exactly? [b]Still think Kiishiro's avatar name makes it difficult to take him seriously. Though I assume that's the point.[/b] I initially started by picking a 'fanboyish' sort of name for him on purpose. Later on I kind of regretted that, especially as it doesn't end up fitting as nicely as I thought it would. That's probably one of the few major changes that will happen, come the rewrite. [b]I have so much difficulty writing the in-Duel descriptions. Every time I try and describe a monster, it sounds so repetitive. How are you so good at it?[/b] Probably because I put up the card statistics directly underneath. That removes the need to pointlessly narrate attack and defense when I do not want to stress them out, and also lets me dodge spending too much time on attribute, type and whatever. This sort of makes it easier to focus on physical description and not waste time on unnecessary stuff. [b]I see what you mean when you said you use the "Meta"/competitive style Decks. That should be interesting going forward.[/b] Deck's quality directly correlates to rank. Higher rank = more assembled DPs = better deck. This will be shown in more detail down the road, but there's no excuse for someone with a rank of fifty and above to not be able to have nearly every card he needs in his deck. [b]I like this character. The villain, that is. Though Yuusuke seems like a Seto Kaiba esque character so far, and I'm assuming he's not the "Main" protagonist. Then again I could be wrong.[/b] I portrayed Yuusuke as an arrogant prick in the first chapter on purpose, then subverted it in this chapter. I do not really like going on about "main" protagonists and stuff. One of the things I try with my stories is to give everyone a significant role. In this case, I'd like to think that the 'main' character seat is shared by Yuusuke, Maya and Kiishiro. Of course, since I started with Kiishiro, it's natural that he'd be thought of as the main character, but... [b]I think it would have been better to continue with the opponent showing no emotion at all. It was easier to follow that way. When he starts yelling, despite the fact that he's making a big move, the darkness of his character is taken away and automatically you get that arrogant sense, in a way.[/b] He wasn't really yelling, just announcing what he was doing a little more emphatically. I think most of your feelings towards this character, including what you mentioned earlier about his attire, and what you said now, come from a little misunderstanding concerning his nature. I thought it had become apparent by this chapter, but I was probably wrong. You'll understand when you progress a bit, but I'll consider clarifying a few things here. [b]How did he know, exactly? Was he feeling pain throughout this duel, like Kiishiro was? Your writing is still great. I liked Episode 2 better than Episode 1, and I'm sure it will get better. I may be in no place to say this, but I almost feel like you "assume" too much in the writing. Yuusuke had no idea what happened to Kiishiro, including how the Duel had even come about, so why would he "know" he'd end up in a similar state? Yes, it's possible this was a coincidence, but what drives him to believe something like that would happen? A smarter character like Yuusuke seems like the type who would want to use his intelligence to predict what's going to happen, almost not believing that something "magic", for lack of a better term, was possible until it actually hit him.[/b] Yuusuke's trail of thought wasn't that complicated. He knew something bad had happened to Kiishiro in there. He knew he had been involved in a duel under unusual circumstances (the system couldn't find info on the duel etc). And now he was also in there, having a duel under even more unusual circumstances. And he is about to get clobbered by a giant floating robot he had never heard of before. I think it's kind of natural to assume the worst in that scenario. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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