Yu-gi-oh!: The Wanderer [Grande Finale]

[Agro]

10th on the list!?

Hell no BUMP!

[Agro]

I don't even like being ninth 9th...BUMP

If there are any other readers who haven't commented, I'd love to hear from you guys. (still waiting for star's review of chapter 3)

I'll try to get chapter 4 done sometime this week. It won't have a duel, so I apologize to those who were actually looking forward to another one, or where disappointed with how I ended the other one. (get over it, btw) I promise the next ending will be much more clichéd, lol.

[Vector Nightmare]

When I came into this topic, I expected to leave a minute later (tops) with my eyes rolling in exasperation. What was it? Maybe something about the plain title that omitted the dashes between the syllabi of Yu-Gi-Oh? The rather plain title? The 'all of...' that implied that you had found it a good idea to split a single chapter into parts (as opposed to splitting it into chapters, which would be more logical)? Anyway, I didn't get here with the best of predispositions.

I was pleasantly surprised. I've read much in the way of Yu-Gi-Oh fan fiction, here and elsewhere, and this one definitely lies within the upper bracket. It's something that doesn't try to be an anime script, which is what really kills most such works. The characterization is solid, the plot is not rushed, and the language used is colorful and dynamic, which amounts to a hard-to-put-down story. In fact, the single aspect the story seems to be suffering from is the duels. The duel between Everett and Leland was decent enough to keep me interested throughout, but the second duel... let's just say I completely share Leland's feelings about it. I pretty much got what you did there but... yeah, when the reader actually has to sit through it, it doesn't work as well as you might think. Most people blame the anime (and by extensions, fan fiction) on the duels being extremely contrived (god draws and such) to make them short and to prevent dead moves that would generally be almost unavoidable. This was... pretty much the opposite. It felt contrived to make it last as long as humanly possible. And the whole, uh, about-to-win-then-gives-up-to-make-a-point... Everett just got a few Marty Stu points right there, even if he was doing rather fine until then.

A few last words: I found the custom cards a bit boring, but then again, that's mostly because I don't really play YGO any more and it's pretty hard to get me interested in something like that. Personally, I don't think custom cards make or break a story. A story can use no custom cards, or can use exclusively custom cards, and either won't really affect it quality-wise. A story can also use a few custom cards here and there as signature / boss cards, and it will generally be a good addition, as long as the added cards are not retarded (it's obvious that, as large as the available card pool is, it can't cater to every need a fiction writer might encounter, which is a trial I have to overcome during almost every duel I write). But when you mix the TCG card pool with a custom game to a significant extent, it has to be extremely well-done. You hit that spot, too, with the Limiting of PoA thing, which again got me entertained at how self-conscious and meta this story is, but that doesn't remove the fact that attention is required in order to avoid an utterly unbalanced and ludicrous card pool.

Long story short, good job. This is a nice story, and I will be following it.

[Agro]

[quote name='~ Epic Hero - Saber ~' timestamp='1315185586' post='5492730']
When I came into this topic, I expected to leave a minute later (tops) with my eyes rolling in exasperation. What was it? Maybe something about the plain title that omitted the dashes between the syllabi of Yu-Gi-Oh? The rather plain title? The 'all of...' that implied that you had found it a good idea to split a single chapter into parts (as opposed to splitting it into chapters, which would be more logical)? Anyway, I didn't get here with the best of predispositions.

I was pleasantly surprised. I've read much in the way of Yu-Gi-Oh fan fiction, here and elsewhere, and this one definitely lies within the upper bracket. It's something that doesn't try to be an anime script, which is what really kills most such works. The characterization is solid, the plot is not rushed, and the language used is colorful and dynamic, which amounts to a hard-to-put-down story. In fact, the single aspect the story seems to be suffering from is the duels. The duel between Everett and Leland was decent enough to keep me interested throughout, but the second duel... let's just say I completely share Leland's feelings about it. I pretty much got what you did there but... yeah, when the reader actually has to sit through it, it doesn't work as well as you might think. Most people blame the anime (and by extensions, fan fiction) on the duels being extremely contrived (god draws and such) to make them short and to prevent dead moves that would generally be almost unavoidable. This was... pretty much the opposite. It felt contrived to make it last as long as humanly possible. And the whole, uh, about-to-win-then-gives-up-to-make-a-point... Everett just got a few Marty Stu points right there, even if he was doing rather fine until then.

A few last words: I found the custom cards a bit boring, but then again, that's mostly because I don't really play YGO any more and it's pretty hard to get me interested in something like that. Personally, I don't think custom cards make or break a story. A story can use no custom cards, or can use exclusively custom cards, and either won't really affect it quality-wise. A story can also use a few custom cards here and there as signature / boss cards, and it will generally be a good addition, as long as the added cards are not retarded (it's obvious that, as large as the available card pool is, it can't cater to every need a fiction writer might encounter, which is a trial I have to overcome during almost every duel I write). But when you mix the TCG card pool with a custom game to a significant extent, it has to be extremely well-done. You hit that spot, too, with the Limiting of PoA thing, which again got me entertained at how self-conscious and meta this story is, but that doesn't remove the fact that attention is required in order to avoid an utterly unbalanced and ludicrous card pool.

Long story short, good job. This is a nice story, and I will be following it.
[/quote]

*sits humbly and nods*
*rereads entire posts again*
*nods again*

I'm going to split Chapter 3 into 3 chapters.
I'll add the dashes in between Yu, Gi, and Oh.
A little too late for the name change, but I like it simple anyway.
I apologize for the lengthiness of the last duel. At this point, I just want to use it as an example if someone comes and tells me that a duel was too short. *evil smile*

Thank you for your time.

[Agro]

bump.

I want to get chapter 6 in today or tomorrow, but it's a long shot.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter(s).

[Agro]

Don't like where I am on this list, so BUMP.

Still waiting for a review, Star. I was really looking forward to it.

[Divine Chaos]

Wow, just wow! This is just so cool. I don't really have enough time for a full review right now, but I'll definitely try to post one once I get my own chapter finshed

[Agro]

HeadBump like a neglected dog.

STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, if anyone else wan't to voice their opinion, please do so. Next chapter will be up tomorrow or Sunday, depending on how much schoolwork gets in the way.

[Agro]

FINALLY got this up. Dear lord.

Alright folks, this is 10 pages on MS word without a duel. GTF over it.

Enjoy:
[spoiler='Chapter 6']
Leland immediately laid himself face down on the nearest grass he could find the second his feet met the land. Everett stood close by, holding his bag over one shoulder, trying his best to get by unnoticed by the groups of students filing out of the ferry that stared confusedly at Leland.

“Oh, land, I missed you so!”

“You’re embarrassing yourself, Leel.”

“No, I’m embarrassing [i]you[/i]. There’s a difference.” Everett frowned.

“Fine, you’re embarrassing [i]me[/i]. Get you’re a** up of the ground.” Leland groaned and rolled on his back.

“Let me have my moment.” Everett laughed at his friend, but was forced to turn away when he heard the footsteps of another person approaching from behind them.

“You still get seasick, huh?”

Ryouta held the straps of his backpack upon either shoulder with each hand. He looked upon Leland with the same look Everett had given him when they met back on the mainland, but with the kind of pity that a small child might give to an abandoned puppy.

“Ryo!” Everett exclaimed- as he failed to hold back his surprise that Ryouta had announced himself present without so much as a well-thought-out jab at him.

“What brings you over here?” Leland had pushed himself up to face Ryouta, dusting off the grass that had clung to him while he was rolling around on the ground.

Ryouta, though, holding everything in exceedingly well, let loose a slight blush.

“Well, um. I wanted to, um. I wanted to, uh, apologize. For how I acted before. I shouldn’t have blamed you for what happened to my brother.”

Leland looked more surprised than Everett.

“Really? That thrown duel actually wo–.” Leland’s comment was met with an elbow to the gut before he could even finish it.

“That’s alright. I mean, you really care about your brother and all. If I had a little brother, I’d hope he’d be as dedicated as you.”

“Really? You’re a single child? Hm, your mom seemed like the type to have more than one–. “ Leland, still hunched over from the last hit, was met with a back kick to the groin, sending him toppling backward into the grass he loved so dearly.

Ryouta let out a small chuckle at Leland’s antics before looking back up at Everett.

“Thanks Everett, that means a lot.”

“You can just call me Rhett if you want.”

“Wait, that’s supposed to be [i]my [/i]way to torture y–.” A solemn glare from Everett kept Leland locked onto the ground and out of the conversation.

“If you ever need someone to show you around campus, I know this place better than anyone.”

Leland, still lying face down on the ground, raised a pointed hand signaling he wanted to speak. He was ignored, as the group’s attention shifted to the slightly older man who had just walked up to them.

“Professor Grey!”

“Afternoon, Ryouta, I see you two are doing well after your little fight earlier.”

“Oh,” Everett put his hand behind his head, “You saw that?”

“Well, of course I did! Some of us teachers that had chaperoned the trip watched it from the captain’s lounge above the deck! You two are the talk of the faculty, if I do say so myself.”

Everett slouched depressingly. By now it seemed obvious he was never going to get any peace and quiet.

Professor Grey, who hadn’t stopped talking, finally got to the point that he had come over for.

“So, Everett, are you ready to meet with the Chancellor to discuss your situation?”

“I guess so.” It [i]was[/i] half the reason he was here anyway.

“Oh, you gotta go?” Ryouta put forward a hand, which Everett thankfully shook. “Oh, well. Anyway, my offer still stands if you ever want to take it. I’ll see you around.”

“Alright, you too.” Everett and the Professor headed off towards the main building, Ryouta waving them off until he remembered the land-deprived idiot lying behind him.

“Are you just gonna stay there?”

Leland reached out his hand and grabbed Ryouta’s ankle.

“Take me back to my dorm.”

“I am [i]not [/i]carrying you.”

“C’mon.” Leland elongated the last part, whining intolerably.

“Alright, how about I drag you?”

“Wait, what?” Ryouta grabbed Leland’s arm and started dragging him over to the nearest dock he could find. Seconds later, Ryouta was chasing him past Everett and Professor Grey as he attempted to escape the horrible fate of being put on another boat.

“Good to see those two are friends again.”

Everett’s face allowed more of a stunned expression than the Professor’s.

“Are they usually like that?” Grey didn’t actually give an answer, but a confirming silence gave his response.





Everett would admit it: the buildings on campus were exceedingly more elegant than he had expected. Of course, all he’d actually been shown was the Obelisk dorms and most of the main building.

He was, admittedly, more interested in what kind of living conditions the Slifer-red were stuck with. After all, more than likely, that would be where Leland would talk him into staying.

“Wait here for a second.” Everett had followed the professor all the way to the top floor of the main building where he would be meeting with the Chancellor himself. After a brief entrance, subsequently followed by yelling from the far side of the room, Grey leaned out the door and turned to Everett. “This may take a while.”

Everett returned the professor a disappointed frown.

“Um, well, if you’d like to pass the time, you can check out our ‘hall of fame’, as some of the students call it. It’s downstairs. If you don’t like that, there’s a restaurant, a bowling alley…”

Grey continued naming all the things to do one floor down, even after Everett had already walked out of range.

The “Hall of Fame”, as the professor called it, was exactly that. Wall to wall, the enormous atrium was covered with photographs, plaques, medals, and trophies garnered by all the best duelists during, and, for some, after their time at Duel Academy.

Halfway down the hall, the atrium opened further, revealing it to be only a part of four different wings jutting out perpendicular to each other around a central rotunda that encircled a statue commemorating the founder of the academy.

It wasn’t the statue that drew Everett to this central area. It was that which surrounded it. Displayed in busts, trophies, and holograms generated by a technology which he assumed was no different than that inside his own duel disk, was an exhibit showcasing all the current duelists making names for themselves on the world stage. The image of one man caught Everett’s eye.

“It’s inspiring isn’t it?”

The feminine voice behind Everett caused him to jump. Turning slowly he looked back to see an amber-haired girl, no older than Rhett himself, wearing a Ra-Yellow uniform.

Her dark green eyes stared listlessly up at the images of past duelists in a similar manner as Everett had.

“When I first came to Duel Academy and the administration told us to explore the campus, this was the first place I went to too.” The girl walked past Everett, paying him no mind as if he were not even present. “It truly created a vision for what I wanted to be. These people here are achieving their dreams.”

The girl turned to Everett, addressing him as if she’d known him his whole life.

“So what is it you see from it?” Everett smirked, knowing he wasn’t going to give her a straight answer.

“I see a destination.”

The girl giggled. “That makes sense.”

Everett raised an eyebrow, not sure how it did.

“I see all of these people, and I dream of walking among them, dueling them,” She giggled again as she finished, “Beating them. Don’t you think that would be amazing?”

“Yes, yes it would.” Though Everett assumed his reasons were far different than hers. “But there is one.”

The girl perked her head to the side and looked at Everett out of the corner of her eye.

“There is one, that I don’t think I would need to duel.”

Everett straightened himself as he expected another small laugh, but the girl’s response was far from it.

“I would never have taken you for a fan-boy Everett Aalto.” Everett paused. There was something familiar in the way she had said his name. “Don’t you even know that you’ll [i]never[/i] meet [i]any[/i] of these duelists if you haven’t graduated from Duel Academy anyway?”

“Wait, seriously?” That was by far the most striking thing he’d heard all day, and quite possibly the most persuasive.

“You didn’t know that?” She laughed at Everett’s naivety. “The vast majority of duelists at the world-wide level are graduates from one of the Duel Academy’s around the globe, so they developed two levels in the professional league: one for educated duelists; another for everyone else. This has been around for like three years, where have [i]you[/i] been?”

That one would sting for a while. It appeared [i]no one[/i] had actually forgotten Everett’s unexpected departure.

The click-clack of high-heels on marble in the wing behind him alerted Everett that the chancellor’s secretary had been sent to bring him back up, a suspicion that was confirmed as the tall, stout woman came trekking around the corner.

“The chancellor will see you now, Mr. Aalto.”

Everett nodded in acknowledgement. Not wasting any time, and, assuming Everett would promptly find his way back without a problem, exited the atrium.

“I have to go.” Everett extended a hand, “Though I never got your name.”

“It’s Carina, Everett.” There was an air of disbelief in her voice, as if it were a question.

“Well, nice meeting you Carina.” Everett started back off down the hallway, stopping only when he recognized the name. “Ina?”

When he turned to look back Carina was already halfway down the other wing, waving back at Everett as she walked off.

“I’ll see you later, Ev.”

As soon as Carina was out of sight, Everett put an embarrassingly frustrated hand up to his forehead, not sure whether to be more embarrassed that he had just spent an entire conversation and had not realized that the person he was talking to was Leland’s sister, or that he hadn’t recognized a girl that he had had a crush on for at least three years prior to his family moving away.

“Mr. Aalto!” The secretary peeked her head around the corner of the entrance behind him. Apparently vexed that Everett had not directly followed after her when she came down to retrieve him.

“Coming, Ma’am!”





The sliding, steel door to the chancellor’s office opened the second Everett stepped in front of it without any complication. The room itself held the same atmosphere of order. Assumingly, just the way the chancellor wanted it. The walls lay off to each side at a distance comparable to even the atrium downstairs, even though the office, undoubtedly, did not need as much space.

The professor stood awkwardly at the near right corner of the desk at the far end of the room, looking over at Everett with an expression of unease. Once Everett had reached him, he turned to face the chancellor, who sat, turned away from the others, in a rather oversized, black leather chair, gazing out through the paneled window that made up the entire back wall of the room.

“Chancellor Sabine, Mr. Autten is here to see you.”

The Chancellor hardly moved at all upon hearing Grey’s voice, and Everett was having a hard time figuring out his expression with only the crown of his head visible above the top of the seat.

“Have you informed him of everything we’ve discussed?” The voice was low and soft, as if forced. Everett could tell that he was still frustrated with having this put upon him without warning.

“Well, no. He just got in.”

Chancellor Sabine waved a hand off to the side. Quickly understanding the direction, Grey turned to Everett.

“Well, you see, since this is on such short notice, and you really only have a month left to even graduate, Chancellor Sabine thinks it would be folly for you to even attempt to join us at this point.” Grey had clasped his hands in shame. “I’m sorry, but we don’t think that you’d be able to complete the work required in time.”

“So it’s a question of time?”

“Pretty much.”

“Isn’t there any way to get it all done?” Everett scratched his chin in thought. He hadn’t come up with a viable argument in the time after he’d decided that he actually wanted to attend.

“In three weeks? I highly doubt that.”

“You [i]doubt[/i] it. So does that mean that there [i]is[/i] a chance it can be done?”

“Well,” Grey turned to the Chancellor, who hadn’t moved a muscle since they’d entered. Whatever help he was looking for wasn’t going to be there. “No, well, I don’t know.”

“School policy does not allow us to take on a student this late in the semester.” The chancellor’s tone held more hope than Everett had expected from him.

“But Sir,” Grey looked a bit uneasy as Everett addressed the chancellor, “There must be some way. If it’s true that the highest tier of the professional league is only academy students, then this is the only chance I have.”

The chancellor did not answer.

“Sir?” Everett wasn’t sure if he hadn’t heard him or was asleep. As it would turn out, it was neither. “Sir?”

“If you really want to get in to our academy, Mr. Aalto, I suggest you begin by addressing your superior’s properly.” The chancellor turned around to emphasize the point, and it made Everett flush in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am.”

The Chancellor stood up from her seat, her blonde threads of hair flowing down around her shoulders. She talked into the glass of the windows behind her, looking over the campus cast in the light of the afternoon sun as she addressed Everett.

“As well you should. Now look, Mr. Aalto. I would love to add you to an already long list of excellent graduates. And I’ll have you know that rules [i]can[/i] be bent to allow a student in late.” The uplifting statement was undercut by its general lack of closure, and the doubt in the Chancellor’s face was obvious as she turned to him. “But I don’t trust you’re motivation, and obviously, neither did the chairman of Industrial Illusions when you met with him a few years ago.”

“How did you hear about–?” Everett stopped himself short as the chancellor chuckled.

“He’s my husband, Mr. Aalto, I’ve heard about everything that you’d talked about those many years ago, and it was he with whom I recently consulted upon our professor here informing me that you wished to become a student at this academy.”

Everett was completely perplexed by the current situation; everything from the gender mishap to the revelation that the chairman had not kept their conversation to himself had him listening along silently and unassertively to whatever the chancellor said.

“Now, I’m willing to give you a chance, Mr. Aalto. My husband still thinks very highly of you. I don’t know why, nor do I agree, but if he sees something in you, even if I do not, that’s the least I can do for you. But, if that is to happen, I need to know that you actually [i]want[/i] an education here.”

“Excuse me?”

“From what Professor Grey has told me, your conversation was more he convincing [i]you[/i] to come here than vice versa. Considering what it was that caused you to leave the amateur league,” the chancellor leaned forward towards Everett, “Why exactly do you want an education from us, Mr. Aalto?”

Everett sat up strait, clenching his fists above his knees. Someone, he assumed, was bound to learn anyway.





When Everett finally exited the building, he found Leland and Ryouta dueling diskless on the bottom steps leading up to the main building. Upon seeing Everett, the two quickly cleaned up their mess and met him at the top of the stairs.

“How’d it go?” the two questioned in unison, looking at each other in annoyance before letting Everett answer.

“Well, I’m in. Sort of.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well, put simply, I have to pass a test covering all the classes I would have taken for the first three years of school.”

Ryouta, though extensively less interested than Leland, was astonished.

“Seriously? That’s impossible?”

“Ah, that doesn’t sound so bad.” Ryouta responded to Leland with a look of doubt. “What’s that face for? Look, I passed through the first three years here without so much as picking up a textbook.”

“We don’t even [i]use[/i] textbooks, smart a**.”

“Whatever, you get the point.” Leland held his hands to his hips. “So how long do you have to study for this?”

“The test is tomorrow.”

“[i]Tomorrow[/i]? Hell, you could pass it [i]now[/i].”

“Is it really that easy?”

“You played in the amateur league for as long as I did, right? Well, a week less.” Leland paused long enough for Everett to get the message. “That should be more than enough to pass it.”

“You know what it’s gonna be like?”

“Well, I’d guess it’d be like most tests here, right Ryo?” Leland glanced at Ryouta for help. He responded with a sigh.

“I’d assume so. If it is, it shouldn’t be too hard, but it’ll probably come in three parts.” Ryouta lifted up his hand, putting up a single finger. “Part one will be a standardized test. It’s been mainly multiple choice for us, but considering it’ll be for just you, I’m not quite sure.”

“Just basic dueling tips and stuff?”

“Yeah, you’ll just have to read up on how exactly they teach it, cause you know it might be different than how you see it.”

“Sounds easy enough. What’s the second section?”

“Duel puzzles,” Ryouta listed as he lifted his second finger.

“Stupid duel puzzles.” Ryouta quickly cast a glare in Leland’s general direction before turning back to Everett.

“They usually mix up easy and tough ones, but considering you’re covering three years worth of material, I’d highly doubt that they’ll let you get off so easily.”

“Right. How do I study for that?”

Leland laughed, over exaggerating it to its fullest extent. “Study? You don’t study for those.”

“The duel puzzles will be based mainly on skill, understanding of the rules, and more than anything, knowledge of cards.”

“Which ones?”

“All of them.”

“Right. Great. What’s the final part?”

Ryouta lifted his third finger, but it was Leland who answered. “A duel with a proctor.”

“Alright, that sounds simple.”

“It won’t be that easy.” Leland’s usually carefree face had evolved into a serious expression. “The proctors here take these duels extremely seriously. They try to win, and win big. They’ll dominate you if you give them the chance.”

“And, considering you’re supposed to be tested on three years worth of dueling, I’m sure they’ll get the best professor they can to face you.”

“Don’t they use structured decks though?”

“Yeah, but when they say structured, they mean that they build them before each exam for [i]every [/i]duelist to face. So, if you’re the only one dueling…”

“Then the deck will be built to face me.” Everett lifted his hand to his chin. “I guess I’ll have to prepare for that.”

A long silence followed as all three walked on in thought.

“Well, in any case, you’d better get to studying if you’re really worried about it.” Leland put a hand around Everett’s shoulder and started leading him down the road. “And seeing as you haven’t been given a proper room yet, you get to stay with me at the Slifer dorms!”

“Really? They said I could stay at the hotel in the main building.”

One look from Leland and Everett knew he wasn’t going to be getting out of this. Besides, it shouldn’t really matter where he slept, because, whatever the living conditions, he only had a day to ready himself for a test that most people would have spent three years to study for. There wasn’t any time to waste on small details.
[/spoiler]

[bilaterus]

Needs moar dueli*gets shot*

I was impressed by that. It looks like a lot but its mostly one-line speech which takes up a fair amount of space. It was well written, the plot didn't really stop or drag at any point and its got me excited to see the duel exam in the next episode. So, all in all, [s]totally[/s] nearly worth the long wait, and even if you posted the next chapter tomorrow it'd be a day too late.

Keep it up!

[Synchronized]

[quote name='AggroDrago' timestamp='1315339360' post='5496804']
Don't like where I am on this list, so BUMP.

Still waiting for a review, Star. I was really looking forward to it.
[/quote]

I'm all caught up with a review for both now. My apologies, man, first week of College pretty much took up all my time. That said, by the end of the night I'll have those reviews actually posted up. :]

[Agro]

[quote name='Star' timestamp='1315678788' post='5504932']

I'm all caught up with a review for both now. My apologies, man, first week of College pretty much took up all my time. That said, by the end of the night I'll have those reviews actually posted up. :]
[/quote]
I had the same problem in getting this chapter out.

s'all right, I'm just kidding around, get any review done whenever you want.

[Dr. Cakey]

Here he comes, here comes Dr. Cakey. He's a demon on the Internet. He's a demon and he's gonna be reviewing after someone.
[spoiler='Growing Praise and Adulation: Episode 24: Silver Psychiatrist']
[b]This is Yu-gi-oh: The Wanderer by AggroDrago.[/b]

[b]For some reason, no one seems to know how to write Yu-Gi-Oh!...well, now you know. The exclamation is part of the name. Yu-gi-oh, YuGiOh, Yugioh, and (god forbid) Yugio are all wrong. Got it? What’s that? You were sleeping?[/b]

Chapter 1

The long, dusty road that [b]leads[/b] to the sea [b]had[/b] long since given way to the grasses and sand that lay near the western shore.
[b]Pst. You. Yeah, you. Verb tense agreement.[/b]

[b][u]Large Tangent Which I Cannot Spoiler For Whatever Reason:[/u][/b]
[b]I recall somebody replying to my review of that one zombie story (k, I’ll look it up: the story was Leid der Toten, by Dwarven King, and the review was episode twenty-three: Tea-Time of the Dead) insisting that several of the grammatical errors I had pointed out in the review were actually legitimate grammatical constructions I just wasn’t elevated enough to understand. I double-checked, then triple-checked, and they really were errors, but I was assured that since said critic of my criticism had received a 5 on the AP English exam, he was right. I suppose the answer really is always ‘C’.[/b]

[b]My point in this lengthy tirade is that there is conceivably a sentence in which the above construction of those seemingly contradictory tenses could be used together, and apparently there are anti-grammar Nazi (grammar Ally?) snipers just waiting in the wings to headshot me, were I to say such a thing. So take that, grammar Allies! All hail the [url="http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090424013103/fma/images/7/75/WrathAnimeBrotherhood%3F.jpg"]Fuhrer[/url]![/b]
[b][/tangent][/b]

It was that piece of scenery alone that informed Everett Aalto as to his location.
[b]Which one? You’ve mentioned three or four already.[/b]

The smell of salt that rolled over the hills before him stung as it flowed through his nostrils and left a certain unsettling sense of longing within him; one of which he knew very well. It was this smell, this taste, which had pulled him away from the main road that had been leading him northward.
[b]Credit where credit is due, this is all solid, if slightly melodramatic. But you’re sticking extra words and it gets…weird. We don’t just have a sense of longing, we have a certain, [i]unsettling[/i] sense of longing, and – most damningly – one of these one senses of longing is a sense of longing he knows well.[/b]

He wasn’t sure of what this sense of longing was, nor why it had made him take a detour three miles to the East, but it didn’t matter to him. He was just searching. Had been, ever since he left the circuit.

Everett Aalto had shown up, without warning, onto the amateur dueling circuit almost three years ago. Word would have it that his deck and the cards therein were created by the CEO of Industrial Illusions to Everett’s own specifications.
[b]Everett[/b][b] adheres strictly to the YGO Mary Sue rules of Having A Custom Deck.[/b]

Though the CEO, nor Everett, ever confirmed that to be the case.
[b]It was also never confirmed that Everett was Yugi/Jaden/Yusei/Pegasus/Kaiba/Crow/the unnamed I[sup]2[/sup] CEO’s son. Because Everett is a card-carrying Mary Sue.[/b]

There wasn’t much Everett had allowed [i]anyone[/i] to know about his past; at least the five years prior to his appearance in the amateur league. As to the accusations– well not exactly accusations– they were true. There wasn’t any use denying that. Those cards were his, birthed and bred, and that was how he’d wanted it.
[b]The message is not “heart of the cards” or “friendship”, it’s “the only way to win is to get custom cards straight from the source”. That’s even more cynical than “this game is a f***ing crapshoot.”[/b]

During the first tournament he had competed in in the
[b]Oops.[/b]

American Amateur Dueling League (AAL for short), he was, by and far, the most dominate duelist, defeating every opponent he faced on the first turn, every time. The media had labeled him a prodigy, a man amongst boys. Everett did not doubt that last part. Not one of the duelists he faced had ever had the conviction and emotion he put into every move.
[b]He believed in the cards he had made exactly as he wanted.[/b]

That was something that the CEO of Industrial Illusions had noticed when they had met a year before Everett’s debut. He had mentioned how ironic it was, that the duelist that used emotion so well in duels, had the hardest time expressing it.
[b]Because as we have clearly seen, Everett uses emotion, but can’t express it. Oh wait, except, we haven’t seen it, we’ve just been told it.[/b]

[b]Also, not sure if intentional, but in this recent IT R TROO!!!!! from the author I’m getting some Yusei parallels. Coincidence? Mm…probably.[/b]

He knew why that was too, and it was part of the reason he had granted Everett the right to create his own cards.
[b]And thus, Reborn Tengu was born.[/b]

[b]yes i know that last paragraph he wasnt using custom cards shut up and go away[/b]

Evert stood atop the hill, looking at the sunlit ocean.
[b][/flashback][/b]

Most, he thought, would have gazed upon the vast waters with a sense of majesty and greater importance. Everett only saw a body of water, dangerous, deep, and at its core, a darkness that no man could ever truly imagine, let alone experience. It was an ocean. There were others in the world, and the Pacific, though gargantuan, was far from the most beautiful, and as Everett looked over it, he began to realize how unusually lifeless it seemed.
[b]He then pondered how the condition of Man was like to that of the ceaseless ebbing and flowing of the ocean, how those lifeless waters chilled like the lonely souls of humanity who eternally quested to communicate with others and yet, despite it all, remained isolated and sorrowful.[/b]

At least it seemed that way compared to the shore it lay against. The town that stood between the water and the foot of the dune Everett had stopped upon was busy. Everett assumed that, being a coastal town, there would be some sort of festival or party as the days grew nearer to summer.
[b]…that was an…interesting…segue.[/b]

Everett found himself curious about what was going on and slowly began walking down the sandy slope towards the town. He was walking against better judgment, and not because of the treacherousness the sand and grass that made up the side of the hill created.
[b]Just in case you were wondering. I mean, that’s a pretty treacherous hill he was standing on. Hm? I didn’t tell you? Because it’s not important? Yeah, but it’s made of sand [i]and[/i] grass.[/b]

He couldn’t risk getting recognized. Well, he could. He just didn’t want to. Fame had created a following to Everett that seemed to pop up everywhere he went. It was a despicable thing, having a bunch of fan-girls, and sometimes fan-boys, asking for his autograph or a picture. It wasn’t what he wanted, and it wasn’t why he dueled.
[b]In fiction, there are two kinds of celebrities. First, there are shallow, vapid people who are living mannequins, adore their fans, and think that the reason many Americans can’t find Iraq on a map is because there aren’t enough maps. The second kind of fictional celebrity is a troubled, brooding individual – the only people he is completely indifferent to more than the people who don’t like him are the people who like him.[/b]

[b]Put another way, this is intended to show that the character in question is above all that. What it actually shows is that he’s a dick. Further analysis and other clues unintentionally laid down by the author might indicate that this is motivated by a deep self-loathing deflected onto his fans.[/b]

[b]I’m in an over-thinking mood. Now lets see what other psychological ailments we can diagnose Everett with.[/b]

Why did he duel? Everett thought about it as he took his first few steps into town. That was the question the chair of Industrial Illusions had asked him after he’d won the championship almost a year after his charge into the limelight.
[b]inb4answerthatdoesn’treallyhaveanythingtodowithdueling[/b]

The answer he had given was, as the chair himself had stressed, inadequate. The following week, Everett had disappeared from the amateur circuit. In a same manner to his appearance, with no one, not even those who knew him well, having any idea as to where he had gone.

It had been about two years since then, and Everett wasn’t quite sure if he had found a reason. His last one had surely not been resolved.
[b]So he had a reason, but the clutch gave out and he had to junk it, and he’s shopping around for another? Well, it is a basic tenet of YGO that if you don’t have a reason for dueling, you suck, so I guess there’s no way he can duel until he finds one.[/b]

In either case, even after two years, he was unsure if people remembered him, and if they did, how they would react.

He had made it about halfway through the town when he realized a far more pressing matter he had to put his mind and effort to, and his stomach was giving him a heads up.

“I gotta get something to eat.”
[b]“Show, then tell” is an art fan-fiction writers the Internet over have devoted their lives to mastering.[/b]

As pathetic as it may seem, Everett felt as if an iron ball chained to his feet held him down. His hand holding his stomach in comfort, he continued to drag his famished and exhausted self down the right side of the road to the beach until, finally, sitting himself down, clumsily, onto one of the stools that lined a burger and custard stand sitting on the line between the sand and pavement.

“Can I get you something?” The man behind the counter said it light-heartedly, obviously noting his potential customer’s sorrowful disposition.

“Burger. Fries. Soda. Please.”

“Coming up.”

Everett finally propped himself up as he realized the food was on its way. It was only then that he noticed what was going on around him on the beach.
[b]What? There’s not much to say. Excessively wordy, but by YCM standards this is…well, I would say ‘gold’ but there’s at least one and probably two stories in this forum more tightly written, so I’ll say that this is ‘silver’.[/b]

He wasn’t sure, exactly, if he had been correct when he made his guess at there being a festival, but there was definitely something. From one side of the beach to the other, there were people, wearing red, yellow, and blue uniforms, most of them around Everett’s age or younger. And as he saw the first holograms of two fearsome creatures do battle on the far side of the beach, he began to get excited with the realization of what was going on.
[b]Because as we all know, characters in Yu-Gi-Oh! all have only one interest:[/b]

“There a duel tournament here this week?” Everett asked the bartender.
[b]I was going to say ‘Capsule Monsters’, but that works.[/b]

“There is.” The man spoke as if letting Everett know that he would not be giving his undivided attention. Everett wouldn’t argue. He wanted his food quickly anyway. “Duel Academy is taking a break here this week. I guess it’s to reward the students as they near the end of their year.”

“How long they gonna be here?”

“Tomorrow is the last day, I think.”

“Hm.” Everett smirked “I’d better see as much as I can until then, huh?”

“Yeah, you know some of these kids are actually pretty good.
[b]Pretty crazy how people who’ve gone to high school/college (not quite sure which one Duel Academy is) solely for Duel Monsters would be good at Duel Monsters.[/b]

I’ve been watching them all week and I’m telling you: I’m surprised most of them aren’t on the amateur circuit.” As Everett heard the last few words he winced a bit.

“I don’t know, I’ve always thought that going to Duel Academy would be cooler than competing in an amateur tourney.”

“What makes you say that?”
[b]“You know, the social scene, the expert teachers. There’s also the tropical island location. And the active volcano.”[/b]

“Well, first off, they can still join the competitive circuit after leaving, plus I’ve always been told that the school experience is something every up and coming duelist should go through.”

“You’re not in school?” The waiter was looking more attentive to what Everett had to say, and to Everett’s dismay, less attentive to making his food. “You look like that age.”

“No.” Everett stretched his arms out, trying his best to not look too conspicuous. “I’ve taken a different road.”

“Really? What kind of road is that?” Everett smirked as the waiter asked him.

“It’s not something I like to talk about much, but it’s gotten me here and with enough money to eat, so I can’t complain, can I?”

That last part made the man chuckled, and he had Everett’s food done within a matter of seconds.

“Here you are.”

“Great!” Everett leaned over the meal, eyeing it idly.

“Say, you look familiar.” Everett froze as he heard the words. “Have I seen you somewhere before?”

Gathering himself steadily, Everett smiled and looked up at the man.

“I doubt it.”

The man gazed at Everett’s mask of innocence.

“Alright, sorry then. Enjoy the food.”

“Will do.”
[b]Phew. This remains YCM silver, to be sure, but AggroDrago loves words. A lot. Look at all those [i]words[/i]. And they never [i]said[/i] anything.[/b]

Everett readjusted himself on the stool as he looked back over the food. With two hands, he lifted the burger to his mouth. His jaw had half-bitten into the bun when he heard someone address him to his left.

“Hey, are you?” Face-still buried in the burger, Everett looked to his left to see who was speaking. “Rhett? Is that you?”

Crap. Someone noticed him.

The boy to his left wasn’t acting like an adoring fan running into his idol, nor a man with a big boot meeting the scum of the Earth. He was acting significantly… different, than how anyone else Everett had met since he had left the amateur circuit had.

Everett spent a few seconds examining the boy, wondering if he might know him. He had obviously come from the ocean: his amber-laced, brown hair lay, soaked, hanging over his ears and forehead and he wore swim trunks and an unbuttoned red and white uniform jacket, signifying his place in the Slifer-Red dorm of Duel Academy, the lowest of the class ranks at the Academy.
[b]The official dorm of major characters, in what I’m sure is no coincidence whatsoever.[/b]

“Rhett?”

“Uh-hra?” Everett realized he was still biting into the burger and bit the chunk off and swallowed it. As the food billowed through his esophagus and down into his stomach, he suddenly realized who he was talking to. “Leland?”

Everett jolted as a fist came flying down and cracked onto the top of his skull.

“Ow! What was that for?” Everett clutched his head in his hands, wincing from the stinging pain and leaning away from his aggressor.
[b]ANIME HUMOR![/b]

[b]…does not translate well to the written word.[/b]

“You were supposed to duel me you a**!”
[b]This is the Internet. You don’t need to censor yourself.[/b]

“What are you talking about?”

“The day before our duel, you just left the amateur circuit! Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten!” Okay, maybe Everett was wrong, Leland may have been acting like he was the scum of the Earth. “That was [i]supposed [/i]to be my [i]last[/i] [i]duel[/i] before my parents pulled me out of the league and sent me off to Duel Academy!”

“What?”

“But you had to disappear! I thought that [i]maybe[/i] you’d show a little more respect for your best friend!”

“Wait, you can’t put that on me! You never told me, if I had known you were leaving, of course I would have-.”

“No excuses!” Leland’s foot came flying up and knocked Everett in the gut, toppling him over like pin.

Everett groaned as he hit the concrete, cussing himself that he didn’t choose a seat placed an optimal yard to the left where the ground was softened by kicked-up sand.

“Okay, okay, yeah. I’m sorry I left without telling you, I [i]probably[/i] should have-.” Everett stopped short as he saw the menacing look on Leland’s face. “I [i]should [/i]have told you before I did what I did.”

Leland held his fist up in the air, considering whether or not to beat the helpless idiot.

“Ugh, your not worth it.”
[b]Your/you’re confusion.[/b]

Leland threw a hand up in the air indifferently and walked back over to the counter, being sure to take a fry from Everett’s plate as payment before sitting down on an adjacent seat. Everett, dusting himself off, soon followed.
[b]‘Soon’ being ‘after he was discharged from the hospital after suffering a concussion and several broken ribs’.[/b]

“So, wait, you’ve been at Duel Academy for [i]two years[/i] now?”

Leland sent a quick, but menacing glance towards Everett. Obviously thinking that he shouldn’t be the first one to answer questions.

“Well, technically speaking, I’ve been privately tutored by former DA teachers since I was five, and I’ve been going there to study during their summer programs.”
[b]“I’m a major character, you see.”[/b]

“They have those things?” Leland gave Everett a lifeless glare in response to the rhetorical question.

“My parents, always wanting me to have [i]the[/i] [i]best[/i] knowledge to win, told me that I had to become a full-time student at Duel Academy if I wanted to continue. I wasn’t really given a choice in the matter. I was [i]planning[/i] on telling you a week before, but…”

“Yeah… sorry about that… again.”

“Whatever. Anyway, that’s why I’m here. More importantly, let’s talk about where [i]you [/i]went. You’ve been off the radar for what, two years now?”

Everett laughed, “It’s a bit too long of a story. Mainly, I’ve just been traveling around. Ever since that last duel, you know?”

The duel in question, in what ended up being the final duel Everett played, taking place about a month or so before his disappearance, had left him with a few bruises and had laid his opponent in a hospital bed. No one could exactly lay a finger on the actual problem, but mostly, it was attributed to a programming error in the simulated explosions that caused them to magnify to be far larger than normally allotted.
[b]Bla bla holograms bla bla I know it’s magical powers[/b]

“Alright, so how’d that bring you here?”

“I don’t know. It was mostly coincidence. Really though, I came here looking for someone.”

“Who’d that be?”

Everett responded with a bothered expression, not wanting to let loose what it was exactly that had brought him here, but knowing he owed [i]something [/i]to Leland.
[b]Unfortunately, the Law of Forced Tension required him to not tell Leland.[/b]

“If you’re looking for a deeper reason as to why I left, then don’t waste your time. I don’t have one for you, Leel.” Leland’s head perked up from staring down at the dark lines in the wooden counter when he heard his childhood nickname.

Leel was the nickname Everett had come up for Leland when they met almost fifteen years prior. A response to Leland beginning to call Everett by Rhett. The name stuck. Well. And it carried over even after Everett’s family moved away, all the way up until they finally reunited at Rhett’s second amateur tournament.

“Don’t call me that, man.”

“Then don’t call me Rhett.”

“Pft. Like hell I’ll do that!”

Everett sighed, “Look, Leel. If you [i]need[/i] a reason for why I left, it’s this: I don’t know what it is I was playing for. Why should I have put myself out there and tried to win every day, and at apparent risk of health? I couldn’t find a reason to fight anymore. So I left it behind.”

Leland took a glass of water the chef had laid before him when the two sat down and took a gulp. Everett hadn’t seen him this much in thought since the first time he’d watched him duel in the amateur circuit.

“You can’t remember what you duel for, huh?” Leland pushed himself up out of his seat. “Well then.”
[b]Here it comes…[/b]

Everett looked up at his old friend.

“Rhett, do you still have your duel disk?”
[b]*drumroll*[/b]

Everett could see where this was going, and there wasn’t anything he’d be able to do about it.
[b]With the possible exception of refusing.[/b]

So, with some distain, he reached over to the tan backpack set beside his seat and opened a flap revealing his old duel disk.

“Good then.” In [i]the most[/i] clichéd way possible, Leland pointed to Everett, “Everett Aalto, I challenge you to a duel!”
[b]In a classic case of [url="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BeamMeUpScotty"]Beam Me Up Scotty[/url], I don’t think these exact words are ever said in any Yu-Gi-Oh! iteration.[/b]

[b]And thus as the duel is about to begin, the chapter comes to a close, because…that’s the way Internet chapters work? As I’ve mentioned, this is YCM silver. It’s probably one of the best reads you’ll find in this forum. It needs an editor and…something else. Not sure what. But it needs those. Then it would become truly good. Who knows? Maybe the writing improves as AggroDrago gets a better handle on things. Whatever the case, this is one of the only stories I’ve reviewed that I can genuinely recommend.[/b]
[/spoiler]

[Agro]

Surprising, how much I laughed along at that.

I'm actually thankful for that, it's helpful, if not a little too nitpicky.

Speaking of nitpicky, I know this is the kind of review that tried to Foe 'Dead Zone', but for the amount of thinking you explained you had done, did you ever think for a reason why something is before jumping to anime-esque conclusions.
[spoiler='Spoiler Alert']This actually isn't a school tale. s***'s gonna get serious near the end of the semester.[/spoiler]

EDIT: congratulations, you have your exclamation points.

Oh, and bilaterus. Don't make me release Chapter 7 today. If I do that, then I won't release another chapter for 2 weeks!

[bilaterus]

So I CAN'T have my cake and eat it too? RAAAGE

If you do decide you want an editor, I think I'd make a fair one, especially if it means I get to read the chapters early, hehe

[Synchronized]

Didn't forget about you! I'm not at my computer at the minute, but I will have your reviews up tonight! I've also finished 13 if you want to take a look!

[Agro]

I've already started, but I actually got to get on homework at some point.

[Synchronized]

The final part of three (Chapter 5) was really good, sort of. I mean, it was well written, but the duel was way too long, and it wasn't long enough to keep anyone's interest, you know? I'm not sure how to explain it.

Chapter 6, which I didn't quite finish yet (90% done), is definitely intriguing and a nice break from the constant dueling in that it catches us up with the story. Your writing is very GX-ish, in a good way, though. I like how it's a story you can actually get into.

[Agro]

HAHA, TIME TO BUMP!!!

[Not-so-Radiant Arin]

I should really find something else to read while I am working on my next fan-fic. Maybe I might take a look at this one, but the first chapter did not really seem to hook me in all that well. I think I suffer from "first-chapter Duel Syndrome is blah", because it was the same way with Dead-Zone (OMG, yes, I haven't read Dead Zone yet, shocking, I know). I hope it gets better as it goes along.

[Agro]

[quote name='Devil's Advocate' timestamp='1316739381' post='5533706']
I should really find something else to read while I am working on my next fan-fic. Maybe I might take a look at this one, but the first chapter did not really seem to hook me in all that well. I think I suffer from "first-chapter Duel Syndrome is blah", because it was the same way with Dead-Zone (OMG, yes, I haven't read Dead Zone yet, shocking, I know). I hope it gets better as it goes along.
[/quote]
Neither have i, and that's alright if you don't feel like reading it. At some point I'll have to go back through and re-edit the first few chapters, but it's nice to know I got someone else reading. Guess that means I've gotta put out the next chapter soon. Good thing I'm off tomorrow!

Bilaterus: Prepare yourself!

[Synchronized]

Where's Chapter 7? ):

Also, you said you'd review mah story ;_; *shot*

[Agro]

[quote name='Star' timestamp='1316786945' post='5534579']
Where's Chapter 7? ):

Also, you said you'd review mah story ;_; *shot*
[/quote]
I've been busy, okay, don't be so impatient!

I'll try to read up on youra today and I should have 7 up today or tomorrow.

[Agro]

Beg for forgiveness bump.

I swear I'll have the next chapter up soon.

Anyone else that wants to review?

[Synchronized]

I would but alas there is no Chapter, I must know where Everett's quest has taken him!