Kyng's Old Account Posted September 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 @DaWeirdGuy: [quote][b]Kakashi Hatake:[/b] Okay, here are my issues with his app currently: 1. His Personality seems a lot less like a personality and more like a biography describing how "cool" his character is in real life and then in-game. [color=#000000]This is quite true: your personality is less descriptive about your character, but more so driven towards telling his backstory. I omitted the Biography because it isn't that necessary in these current stages. I want to see more Leon, less Bio.[/color] 2. His appearance his toaned down by saying that his clothes are super f*cking flashy but are completely useless. That wasn't good. It really seemed like a cop-out. I don't think that clothes that flashy would be in the very beginning of a game at all and I think he needs to change them. [color=#000000]I'll summarise my point in the next one of Kaka's...[/color] 3. His bow looks way too up there. That needs to be toned down a little and that Torn Clok thing needs to go completely-- same with the "Damaged Pretty Knife". [color=#000000]The facts are your character is a new player in an MMOJRPG. You're, in fact, spawning when the RP begins. Your flairy outfit conflicts with this. It is too high class for a beginner's outfit. Additionally, the Bow's appearance is way too upper class for a beginning weapon. The same goes for the knife: you have to understand you're not starting off with luxurious stuff. As for the Torn Cloak, well, there's no way he would have acquired the item at the moment, so he cannot have it.[/color] 4. Everything about his app just screams "LOOK HOW PERFECT MY CHARACTER IS!!" [color=#000000]In Summary: Your character is dangerously close, if not IS, a[/color] [url="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MarySue"]Mary Sue[/url], [color=#000000]or more sex-appropriately a [/color][url="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MartyStu"]Marty Stu[/url].[color=#000000] It needs fixing. Drastically.[/color][/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ListenToLife Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 Okay then. Was worried about that. XD (I thought Gary Stu was the male version, but whatever.) I guess I should completely re-do the app. I honestly wasn't trying to make him cool, more of a humble guy who would probably fail a bit, but I could create something else, sure. I'll be back in a few hours maybe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enrise Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 [quote name='Kakashi Hatake' timestamp='1347691150' post='6025466'] In your Equipment, where it says "[b][i]Du[/i][/b][i][b]al-wield Standard Starter Sword:[/b][/i]", do you mean two Standard Swords? Also, you need to fix the image you used for Ryo's Appearance. It's an anit-hot-linking image from Zerochan. [/quote] Yes, I figured that Dual-wield would be synonymous to saying Standard Sword x2, but instead went with what I say. Is it bothersome? Fix it? Anti-hot-linking image? I don't see that. I can see the picture just fine. But I'll fix what I can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunar Origins Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 Everyone is copying me = ^= Oh well~! Looking forwards to the selection on Monday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makο Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 [quote name='✖C.C.✖' timestamp='1347729545' post='6025602'] Everyone is copying me = ^= Oh well~! Looking forwards to the selection on Monday. [/quote] Really? *Checks your app* Funny, I did my app with no one's app in mind. Completely winged it. ._. Also, your app as three abilities. Shouldn't it only have two? (unless I'm missing something) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunar Origins Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 I'm a mermaid. We have a mandatory ability called 'Metamorphosis'. Even though that counts as an ability, we can still choose two more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makο Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 Ah. That makes sense when I think about it. Fair enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kakashi Hatake Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 [quote name='Enrise' timestamp='1347721861' post='6025545'] Yes, I figured that Dual-wield would be synonymous to saying Standard Sword x2, but instead went with what I say. Is it bothersome? Fix it? Anti-hot-linking image? I don't see that. I can see the picture just fine. But I'll fix what I can. [/quote] I don't see any problems with yu having 2 standard swords but Imma wait for Kyng's imput on that. As for the anti-hotlinking thing, you're going to be about the only one who can't see it. All you need to do is take your image and upload it to imgur or something then switch out the links in your app. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyng's Old Account Posted September 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 [quote name='Kakashi Hatake' timestamp='1347741919' post='6025758'] I don't see any problems with yu having 2 standard swords but Imma wait for Kyng's imput on that. As for the anti-hotlinking thing, you're going to be about the only one who can't see it. All you need to do is take your image and upload it to imgur or something then switch out the links in your app. [/quote]I have half a mind recommending you have the Advanced Akimbo ability, however I don't see it as necessary. I'd expect you, Enrise, to understand that with his dual wielding his defensive abilities would be quite limited. If you're alright sacrificing defensive abilities (not the stats or abilities on the charts, but manoeuvring in battle) then go for it. Anyhoo, the Dungeon Zero admin have done quite a bit of work today guys! 1 - Reviewed ( again =_=; ) all of the applications. 2 - Got a few nice little maps 'n' monsters 'n' such. 3 - Have had something to drink and eat, as well as a nice nap. 4 - Worked on some other key mumbo jumbo yada yada spliggle ploof. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enrise Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 [quote name='Kyng' timestamp='1347743242' post='6025774'] I have half a mind recommending you have the Advanced Akimbo ability, however I don't see it as necessary. I'd expect you, Enrise, to understand that with his dual wielding his defensive abilities would be quite limited. If you're alright sacrificing defensive abilities (not the stats or abilities on the charts, but manoeuvring in battle) then go for it. [/quote] Yeah, I intended him to be a more offensive character with an hypothetical ration of 2:1 of offensive:defensive playability (numbers are arbitrary). I could always make him a tanking character, but I'll leave it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hotaru987 Posted September 16, 2012 Report Share Posted September 16, 2012 [spoiler=app] [img]http://i46.tinypic.com/nyv6fo.jpg[/img] [b]Personal Information[/b] [b]Character Name: [/b][b]Oshiro,[/b] [b]Nezumi [/b] [b]Avatar Name: [/b]Yáviel (Yah-vee-ell) [b]Sex: [/b]female [b]Age: [/b]17 [b]Avatar’s Species: [/b]Elf [b][spoiler=Personality:] [/b]Nezumi is a closed off anime/game otaku who doesn't have many friends, especially once they discovered her hobby, and she doesn't try to make new friends. It's not because she's mean, she just keeps very true to her namesake "rat". When others - besides her family - approaches her she shys away - not very ruler like - and draws herself in. So because of this she doesn't go out much and stay in her room. Like her brother, her sisters - mainly Aoi - made her join clubs as well, but it was to get her out the house, though that ended in failure since she had not an athletic bone in her body. However, she did manage to pick up archery, and actually come to like it. Wanting to completely reinvent herself in this new world, Yaviel is completely different from her IRL counterpart. She is very open with her feelings, and doesn’t have a problem telling people off if they deserve it, or they may not due to her habit of jumping to conclusions. So some call her crude, others annoying since she doesn't always know when to keep certain things to herself. Not one to sit still for more than an hour, and doesn’t have much of an attention span unless it comes to fighting. Otherwise, if you start a conversation with her there is no telling what you two will talk about. As Yaviel, she will actually go out of her way to make friends, and help them if she could.[/spoiler] [b][spoiler=Avatar's Appearance] [/b][img]http://i50.tinypic.com/124jash.jpg[/img] This picture is just how she looks, and since she's essentially a noob there is no way she has this outfit. Instead her outfit consist of a light green, thin cloth, with straps, that covers her chest. Its more in the style of a sports bra just without much support. So it leaves her entire midsection visible. A matching, straight ironed skirt, that has shorts underneath, and connected to the skirt, for those windy days. It's about an inch and a half above her knees. Finishing the outfit are brown boots that reach mid-calf.[/spoiler] [b]Combat Information[/b] [b]Attributes:[/b] (Initial points are +5 to all attributes, plus a Species Bonus) [i]Strength[/i] 5/99 [i]Perception[/i] 5/99 [i]Agility[/i] 6/99 [i]Charisma[/i] 7/99 [i]Endurance [/i]5/99 [b][spoiler=Equipment:][/b] Standard Bow &Arrows– Nothing special but it gets the job done[/spoiler] [b][spoiler=Inventory:] [/b] Healing Potionsx3 – “[i]Only an idiot wouldn’t have these”[/i] Always good to have a few Clothing – “[i]I might as well be naked...”[/i] A light green, thin cloth, with straps, that covers her chest. A matching, straight ironed skirt, that has shorts underneath for those windy days. Finishing the outfit are brown boots that reach mid-calf.[/spoiler] [b][spoiler=Attacks/Technique(s):][/b] [i]Straight Shot:[/i] Aiming and firing a bow is twice as accurate standing still [i]Natural Immunity:[/i] Characters are immune to poison[/spoiler] [b]Other Information[/b] Nezumi is an anime/game Otaku who doesn’t have “normal” friends due to her cosplaying hobby In the Archery Club Allergic to chocolate, and loves sour candy Nezumi (鼠) actually means “[i]rat[/i]” or [i]“mouse[/i], and her last name Oshiro (お城) means [i]“Big Castle”. [/i]It lit. means [i]“Rat Castle”, [/i]however, some other interpretations of her name are [i]“King of Rats” “Rat Ruler”, [/i]or [i]“Wise Rat King”. [/i]Her parents are really into folklore, and took a liking to the “wise rat” stories. [spoiler=IRL appearance] [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/t7d4l0.jpg[/img][/spoiler][/spoiler] Ok here I am putting me app in the running (hopefully). So whats the verdict mr judge? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kakashi Hatake Posted September 16, 2012 Report Share Posted September 16, 2012 [quote name='Hotaru987' timestamp='1347785318' post='6026059'] [spoiler=app] [img]http://i46.tinypic.com/nyv6fo.jpg[/img] [b]Personal Information[/b] [b]Character Name: [/b][b]Oshiro,[/b] [b]Nezumi [/b] [b]Avatar Name: [/b]Yáviel (Yah-vee-ell) [b]Sex: [/b]female [b]Age: [/b]17 [b]Avatar’s Species: [/b]Elf [b][spoiler=Personality:] [/b]Nezumi is a closed off anime/game otaku who doesn't have many friends, especially once they discovered her hobby, and she doesn't try to make new friends. It's not because she's mean, she just keeps very true to her namesake "rat". When others - besides her family - approaches her she shys away - not very ruler like - and draws herself in. So because of this she doesn't go out much and stay in her room. Like her brother, her sisters - mainly Aoi - made her join clubs as well, but it was to get her out the house, though that ended in failure since she had not an athletic bone in her body. However, she did manage to pick up archery, and actually come to like it. Wanting to completely reinvent herself in this new world, Yaviel is completely different from her IRL counterpart. She is very open with her feelings, and doesn’t have a problem telling people off if they deserve it, or they may not due to her habit of jumping to conclusions. So some call her crude, others annoying since she doesn't always know when to keep certain things to herself. Not one to sit still for more than an hour, and doesn’t have much of an attention span unless it comes to fighting. Otherwise, if you start a conversation with her there is no telling what you two will talk about. As Yaviel, she will actually go out of her way to make friends, and help them if she could.[/spoiler] [b][spoiler=Avatar's Appearance] [/b][img]http://i50.tinypic.com/124jash.jpg[/img][/spoiler] [b]Combat Information[/b] [b]Attributes:[/b] (Initial points are +5 to all attributes, plus a Species Bonus) [i]Strength[/i] 5/99 [i]Perception[/i] 5/99 [i]Agility[/i] 6/99 [i]Charisma[/i] 7/99 [i]Endurance [/i]5/99 [b][spoiler=Equipment:][/b] Standard Bow &Arrows– Nothing special but it gets the job done[/spoiler] [b][spoiler=Inventory:] [/b] Healing Potionsx3 – “[i]Only an idiot wouldn’t have these”[/i] Always good to have a few Clothing – “[i]I might as well be naked...”[/i] A light green, thin cloth, with straps, that covers her chest. A matching, straight ironed skirt, that has shorts underneath for those windy days. Finishing the outfit are brown boots that reach mid-calf.[/spoiler] [b][spoiler=Attacks/Technique(s):][/b] [i]Straight Shot:[/i] Aiming and firing a bow is twice as accurate standing still [i]Natural Immunity:[/i] Characters are immune to poison[/spoiler] [b]Other Information[/b] Nezumi is an anime/game Otaku who doesn’t have “normal” friends due to her cosplaying hobby In the Archery Club Allergic to chocolate, and loves sour candy Nezumi (鼠) actually means “[i]rat[/i]” or [i]“mouse[/i], and her last name Oshiro (お城) means [i]“Big Castle”. [/i]It lit. means [i]“Rat Castle”, [/i]however, some other interpretations of her name are [i]“King of Rats” “Rat Ruler”, [/i]or [i]“Wise Rat King”. [/i]Her parents are really into folklore, and took a liking to the “wise rat” stories. [spoiler=IRL appearance] [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/t7d4l0.jpg[/img][/spoiler][/spoiler] Ok here I am putting me app in the running (hopefully). So whats the verdict mr judge? [/quote] Other than maybe one or two problems, I kinda like your app. The only problems I can see is your appearance. We will be starting at the very beginning of the game so your character won't have fancy clothes like that. Now, I see that you have vagely described some clothing in your equipment. Is that the clothes that your character is actually wearing and the image in appearance is just a general idea for what she looks like, then that's okay, but I'd like it if you could move that clothing description to the Appearance with the image and be a little more descriptive with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desu the Blue Nerd Posted September 16, 2012 Report Share Posted September 16, 2012 [color=#0000CD]I'd like to note right away (even though Kaka knows this alread) that Hotaru and I made our characters to be brother and sister. :3[/color] [spoiler=My App] [img]http://i.imgur.com/QVO8b.png[/img] [b][u][u]Personal Information[/u][/u] Character Name: [/b] Noburo Oshiro [b]Avatar Name: [/b] PrinceOfRage [b]Sex: [/b]Male [b]Age: [/b]17 [b]Avatar’s Species: [/b]Ogre [spoiler=Personality] Noburo is infamous in his his community due to his exceptionally low temper with a vulgar vocabulary to match. He'd have the tendancy to get into fights all the time and just be downright pissed at just about anything and everything. He is able to show a somewhat more kind side to his immediate family members though it doesn't always seem like he does. Looking for an expression for his rage he had been forced into various sports all of which ended in him being kicked out for having zero restraint whatsoever and getting into a bunch of fights. He even got kicked out of boxing and a martial arts class. Eventually, two of his sisters believed they had discovered the perfect way for him to release his anger all he wants with no real consequences whatsoever so him along with Nezumi were thrown into the world of Dungeon Zero Online. In the game his personality translates directly into his playstyle. Heavily agressive and charging into even large mobs with no hesitation. He tends to attract the agro of a large amount of enemies although it may just be a way for him to protect his sister while also trusting that she'll be able to back him up. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Avatar Appearance] [img]http://i.imgur.com/PZMCw.jpg[/img] Noburo stands at 6'3" and weighs approximaely 200 lb. Instead of the horns featured he has two more basic horns portruding from his forehead. Another difference from the picture is his clothing. His starting out clothing consists of a raggy kilt and a brown leather sash. Of course, his clothing is bound to change the moment he is able to. [/Spoiler] [u][b][u]Combat Information[/u][/b][/u] [b]Attributes:[/b] [acronym=Damage done by physical attacks]Strength[/acronym] 7/99 [acronym=Accuracy of attacks and vision range]Perception[/acronym] 5/99 [acronym=Maximum speed in which a character is able to move at]Agility[/acronym] 5/99 [acronym=Power of all magical attacks/de/buffs/heals]Charisma[/acronym] 5/99 [acronym=Defense and maximum health]Endurance[/acronym] 6/99 [Spoiler=Equipment] [url="http://i.imgur.com/ADYVG.jpg"][u]Standard Club[/u][/url]-A starter weapon that is basically just a large stick. And may be used by those who feel the need to over compensate. Don't mention any of this to anybody who uses one though. They may be a bit slow but can deal out some solid damage. "It's like I'm back in baseball. But this time instead of beating on the douche who threw a ball at me I'm beating on douches throwing fireballs at me." [u]Standard Ogre Kilt[/u]-A simple raggedy brown skirt for men. Only the manliest of retards can wear this with pride. "I now understand any complaints feminists have against clothing for females in video games." [u]Standard Leather Sash[/u]-Makes you feel a bit less naked. "Yeah, this helps a whole f*cking lot." [/spoiler] [spoiler=Inventory] (Spoiler Please: Describe a full, in depth list of the inventory your character uses (or, in other words, any items that do not classify as equipment). You’re not going to start with much, since you’re new to the game) [u]Basic Health Potion x3-[/u]Basic healing potions handed out when you start the game. Restores 25% of your health when used. "I feel like the other guy is going to need these more than me." [/spoiler] [spoiler=Attacks/Technique(s)] [u]Traumatize[/u]-Passive that increases critical hit rate with blunt weapons. "I make all my hits critical." [u]Rage Rush[/u]-Passive that increases damage proportional to the amount of damage that's been taken. "Were they insulting me when they made me get this skill?" [/spoiler] [u][b][u]Other Information[/u][/b][/u][list] [*]Noburo means "Ascend;Climb" and Oshiro means "Big castle." It's essentially a joke his parents made refering to when ogres are sieging castles and climbing up castle walls. Come on. They ALWAYS try it. And you know what happens? The ladder gets kicked. ALWAYS. [*]He has three sisters. One of which is Nezumi (he's older by about 10 months) and the other two are named [url="http://s2.wallls.com/images/6/1280x1024/wallls.com-33484.jpg"]Aoi[/url] (19) and [url="http://static.desktopnexus.com/thumbnails/478690-bigthumbnail.jpg"]Midori[/url] (15). [*]His real life [url="http://mjv-art.org/pictures/get_image/182266-1200x882-vocaloid-kaito-short+hair-solo-blue+eyes-male.jpg"]appearance[/url]. He tends to look more pissed though. [*][spoiler=Theme Song][media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3S8LNG4aNo&feature=channel&list=UL[/media][/spoiler] [/list] [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyng's Old Account Posted September 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2012 [quote name='Kakashi Hatake' timestamp='1347786177' post='6026065'] Other than maybe one or two problems, I kinda like your app. The only problems I can see is your appearance. We will be starting at the very beginning of the game so your character won't have fancy clothes like that. Now, I see that you have vagely described some clothing in your equipment. Is that the clothes that your character is actually wearing and the image in appearance is just a general idea for what she looks like, then that's okay, but I'd like it if you could move that clothing description to the Appearance with the image and be a little more descriptive with it. [/quote][url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jT4A-MSQgoI]Muchas gracias, Mr Judge, a very tasteful review; Señor Judge, too, would second this notion. This, or alternatively, you could write a descripción of her physical form in the appearance instead.[/url] [quote name='useD Swordsman' timestamp='1347791300' post='6026084'] [color=#0000CD]I'd like to note right away (even though Kaka knows this alread) that Hotaru and I made our characters to be brother and sister. :3[/color] [spoiler=My App] [img]http://i.imgur.com/QVO8b.png[/img] [b][u][u]Personal Information[/u][/u] Character Name: [/b] Noburo Oshiro [b]Avatar Name: [/b] PrinceOfRage [b]Sex: [/b]Male [b]Age: [/b]17 [b]Avatar’s Species: [/b]Ogre [spoiler=Personality] Noburo is infamous in his his community due to his exceptionally low temper with a vulgar vocabulary to match. He'd have the tendancy to get into fights all the time and just be downright pissed at just about anything and everything. He is able to show a somewhat more kind side to his immediate family members though it doesn't always seem like he does. Looking for an expression for his rage he had been forced into various sports all of which ended in him being kicked out for having zero restraint whatsoever and getting into a bunch of fights. He even got kicked out of boxing and a martial arts class. Eventually, two of his sisters believed they had discovered the perfect way for him to release his anger all he wants with no real consequences whatsoever so him along with Nezumi were thrown into the world of Dungeon Zero Online. In the game his personality translates directly into his playstyle. Heavily agressive and charging into even large mobs with no hesitation. He tends to attract the agro of a large amount of enemies although it may just be a way for him to protect his sister while also trusting that she'll be able to back him up. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Avatar Appearance] [img]http://i.imgur.com/PZMCw.jpg[/img] Noburo stands at 6'3" and weighs approximaely 200 lb. Instead of the horns featured he has two more basic horns portruding from his forehead. Another difference from the picture is his clothing. His starting out clothing consists of a raggy kilt and a brown leather sash. Of course, his clothing is bound to change the moment he is able to. [/Spoiler] [u][b][u]Combat Information[/u][/b][/u] [b]Attributes:[/b] [acronym=Damage done by physical attacks]Strength[/acronym] 7/99 [acronym=Accuracy of attacks and vision range]Perception[/acronym] 5/99 [acronym=Maximum speed in which a character is able to move at]Agility[/acronym] 5/99 [acronym=Power of all magical attacks/de/buffs/heals]Charisma[/acronym] 5/99 [acronym=Defense and maximum health]Endurance[/acronym] 6/99 [Spoiler=Equipment] [url="http://i.imgur.com/ADYVG.jpg"][u]Standard Club[/u][/url]-A starter weapon that is basically just a large stick. And may be used by those who feel the need to over compensate. Don't mention any of this to anybody who uses one though. They may be a bit slow but can deal out some solid damage. "It's like I'm back in baseball. But this time instead of beating on the douche who threw a ball at me I'm beating on douches throwing fireballs at me." [u]Standard Ogre Kilt[/u]-A simple raggedy brown skirt for men. Only the manliest of retards can wear this with pride. "I now understand any complaints feminists have against clothing for females in video games." [u]Standard Leather Sash[/u]-Makes you feel a bit less naked. "Yeah, this helps a whole f*cking lot." [/spoiler] [spoiler=Inventory] [u]Basic Health Potion x3-[/u]Basic healing potions handed out when you start the game. Restores 25% of your health when used. "I feel like the other guy is going to need these more than me." [/spoiler] [spoiler=Attacks/Technique(s)] [u]Traumatize[/u]-Passive that increases critical hit rate with blunt weapons. "I make all my hits critical." [u]Rage Rush[/u]-Passive that increases damage proportional to the amount of damage that's been taken. "Were they insulting me when they made me get this skill?" [/spoiler] [u][b][u]Other Information[/u][/b][/u][list] [*]Noburo means "Ascend;Climb" and Oshiro means "Big castle." It's essentially a joke his parents made refering to when ogres are sieging castles and climbing up castle walls. Come on. They ALWAYS try it. And you know what happens? The ladder gets kicked. ALWAYS. [*]He has three sisters. One of which is Nezumi (he's older by about 10 months) and the other two are named [url="http://s2.wallls.com/images/6/1280x1024/wallls.com-33484.jpg"]Aoi[/url] (19) and [url="http://static.desktopnexus.com/thumbnails/478690-bigthumbnail.jpg"]Midori[/url] (15). [*]His real life [url="http://mjv-art.org/pictures/get_image/182266-1200x882-vocaloid-kaito-short+hair-solo-blue+eyes-male.jpg"]appearance[/url]. He tends to look more pissed though. [*][spoiler=Theme Song][media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3S8LNG4aNo&feature=channel&list=UL[/media][/spoiler] [/list] [/spoiler] [/quote] YAY! I get to review this first! Anyway, apart from Expie territory (Nora) I've, not many problems. It is a good app overall, but I'm not in the mood to conflict with the Advanced Clause: do me a favour, and tell me why this guy differs from Nora personality-wise? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hotaru987 Posted September 16, 2012 Report Share Posted September 16, 2012 [spoiler=app] [img]http://i46.tinypic.com/nyv6fo.jpg[/img] [b]Personal Information[/b] [b]Character Name: [/b][b]Oshiro,[/b] [b]Nezumi [/b] [b]Avatar Name: [/b]Yáviel (Yah-vee-ell) [b]Sex: [/b]female [b]Age: [/b]17 [b]Avatar’s Species: [/b]Elf [b][spoiler=Personality:] [/b]Nezumi is a closed off anime/game otaku who doesn't have many friends, especially once they discovered her hobby, and she doesn't try to make new friends. It's not because she's mean, she just keeps very true to her namesake "rat". When others - besides her family - approaches her she shys away - not very ruler like - and draws herself in. So because of this she doesn't go out much and stay in her room. Like her brother, her sisters - mainly Aoi - made her join clubs as well, but it was to get her out the house, though that ended in failure since she had not an athletic bone in her body. However, she did manage to pick up archery, and actually come to like it. Wanting to completely reinvent herself in this new world, Yaviel is completely different from her IRL counterpart. She is very open with her feelings, and doesn’t have a problem telling people off if they deserve it, or they may not due to her habit of jumping to conclusions. So some call her crude, others annoying since she doesn't always know when to keep certain things to herself. Not one to sit still for more than an hour, and doesn’t have much of an attention span unless it comes to fighting. Otherwise, if you start a conversation with her there is no telling what you two will talk about. As Yaviel, she will actually go out of her way to make friends, and help them if she could.[/spoiler] [b][spoiler=Avatar's Appearance] [/b][img]http://i50.tinypic.com/124jash.jpg[/img] This picture is just how she looks, and since she's essentially a noob there is no way she has this outfit. Instead her outfit consist of a light green, thin cloth, with straps, that covers her chest. Its more in the style of a sports bra just without much support. So it leaves her entire midsection visible. A matching, straight ironed skirt, that has shorts underneath, and connected to the skirt, for those windy days. It's about an inch and a half above her knees. Finishing the outfit are brown boots that reach mid-calf.[/spoiler] [b]Combat Information[/b] [b]Attributes:[/b] (Initial points are +5 to all attributes, plus a Species Bonus) [i]Strength[/i] 5/99 [i]Perception[/i] 5/99 [i]Agility[/i] 6/99 [i]Charisma[/i] 7/99 [i]Endurance [/i]5/99 [b][spoiler=Equipment:][/b] Standard Bow &Arrows– Nothing special but it gets the job done[/spoiler] [b][spoiler=Inventory:] [/b] Healing Potionsx3 – “[i]Only an idiot wouldn’t have these”[/i] Always good to have a few .[/spoiler] [b][spoiler=Attacks/Technique(s):][/b] [i]Straight Shot:[/i] Aiming and firing a bow is twice as accurate standing still [i]Natural Immunity:[/i] Characters are immune to poison[/spoiler] [b]Other Information[/b] Nezumi is an anime/game Otaku who doesn’t have “normal” friends due to her cosplaying hobby In the Archery Club Allergic to chocolate, and loves sour candy Nezumi (鼠) actually means “[i]rat[/i]” or [i]“mouse[/i], and her last name Oshiro (お城) means [i]“Big Castle”. [/i]It lit. means [i]“Rat Castle”, [/i]however, some other interpretations of her name are [i]“King of Rats” “Rat Ruler”, [/i]or [i]“Wise Rat King”. [/i]Her parents are really into folklore, and took a liking to the “wise rat” stories. [spoiler=IRL appearance] [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/t7d4l0.jpg[/img][/spoiler][/spoiler] Ok, so I kept the picture, but bellow it I put in the description of her clothes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyng's Old Account Posted September 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2012 Me and Kakashi are doing another inside Application review, so remember: if you want to get in, improve your app. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King of Games Posted September 16, 2012 Report Share Posted September 16, 2012 I don't know how much it's improved mine, but i've made slight additions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ListenToLife Posted September 16, 2012 Report Share Posted September 16, 2012 Just wondering, when's the app deadline? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makο Posted September 16, 2012 Report Share Posted September 16, 2012 Managed to make a few tad changes. Mostly word swaps or grammar fixes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desu the Blue Nerd Posted September 16, 2012 Report Share Posted September 16, 2012 [quote name='Kyng' timestamp='1347793444' post='6026091'] YAY! I get to review this first! Anyway, apart from Expie territory (Nora) I've, not many problems. It is a good app overall, but I'm not in the mood to conflict with the Advanced Clause: do me a favour, and tell me why this guy differs from Nora personality-wise? [/quote] [color=#0000CD]He may be similarily rage induced but I wasn't planning on him just being a complete and utter idiot like Nora. Giving Noburo a bit more intelligence to actually be able to compete with others in those terms if he actually has to and although he'll probably start out a bit stupid about the game's mechanics at first (since he doesn't actually play many you know) he'll learn (something Nora would never be able to do and instead take hours to use a basic potion every time he tries even if he's been playing the game for two years nonstop). It also won't make me use that more comedic style of narration to make up for what Nora severly lacks. And he certainly doesn't show as much of a complete love for fighting like Nora does. Nora is basically just obsessed with fighting and would just walk around looking for a fight. Noburo has the aggressive play style more to protect his sister and keep her out of harm's way. Of course he also has an incredibly bad temper so he may just want to put people that annoy him in their place but unlike Nora it's not just because they used words that were too big and gave him a headache. And as I had mentioned a little bit of he does have a purpose for fighting. He wants to be a bit more of the bro he never really was. He wants to protect and save his little sister from the world they were trapped in. Also, to get out and stop worrying his other sisters who he believes are probably feeling incredibly guilty about all of this.[/color] [color=#0000CD]tl;dr[/color] [color=#0000CD]He's not a dumbass whose sole purpose in life is just to fight. Put into this situation he wants to make himself a bit better (something Nora wouldn't do for himself) by putting his all into protecting his sister and getting out of this game as soon as possible.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyng's Old Account Posted September 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2012 [quote name='King of Games' timestamp='1347820822' post='6026237'] I don't know how much it's improved mine, but i've made slight additions. [/quote]Duly noted, thanks for updating it. n_n [quote name='DaWeirdGuy' timestamp='1347824136' post='6026248'] Just wondering, when's the app deadline? [/quote]Monday.[quote name='Mako109' timestamp='1347824576' post='6026255'] Managed to make a few tad changes. Mostly word swaps or grammar fixes. [/quote]Duly noted, thanks for updating it. n_n [quote name='useD Swordsman' timestamp='1347827338' post='6026278'] [color=#0000CD]He may be similarily rage induced but I wasn't planning on him just being a complete and utter idiot like Nora. Giving Noburo a bit more intelligence to actually be able to compete with others in those terms if he actually has to and although he'll probably start out a bit stupid about the game's mechanics at first (since he doesn't actually play many you know) he'll learn (something Nora would never be able to do and instead take hours to use a basic potion every time he tries even if he's been playing the game for two years nonstop). It also won't make me use that more comedic style of narration to make up for what Nora severly lacks. And he certainly doesn't show as much of a complete love for fighting like Nora does. Nora is basically just obsessed with fighting and would just walk around looking for a fight. Noburo has the aggressive play style more to protect his sister and keep her out of harm's way. Of course he also has an incredibly bad temper so he may just want to put people that annoy him in their place but unlike Nora it's not just because they used words that were too big and gave him a headache. And as I had mentioned a little bit of he does have a purpose for fighting. He wants to be a bit more of the bro he never really was. He wants to protect and save his little sister from the world they were trapped in. Also, to get out and stop worrying his other sisters who he believes are probably feeling incredibly guilty about all of this.[/color] [color=#0000CD]tl;dr[/color] [color=#0000CD]He's not a dumbass whose sole purpose in life is just to fight. Put into this situation he wants to make himself a bit better (something Nora wouldn't do for himself) by putting his all into protecting his sister and getting out of this game as soon as possible.[/color] [/quote]F*ck me Dixxie-dee o__o Lovely justification, plenty of effort in that! I thoroughly am okay with your app. ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agro Posted September 16, 2012 Report Share Posted September 16, 2012 Edited mine again. :< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ListenToLife Posted September 16, 2012 Report Share Posted September 16, 2012 Considering how long until applications are accepted, this is probably my last shot. If you could please review this soon, before you accept, it would be helpful. I want to iron over any errors quite soon, before I shut off for the night. [spoiler=Application Numero Deux] [img]http://i127.photobucket.com/albums/p145/devil-darkness/Greenpurp.jpg[/img] “No-one respects the Fourth wall nowadays. You know that, right?” [b][u]Personal Information[/u][/b] [b]Character Name:[/b] Fumio Saito [b]Avatar Name:[/b] Archwizard_FS [b]Sex:[/b] Male [b]Age:[/b] 18 [spoiler=Personality:] Fumio is often noted for being quite the braggart. With a wealthy past and access to almost anything thing he desires, he is rather spoiled, to the point that he is aware of such spoiling and takes advantage of it at any available time. His well-treatment and forced compliments have gotten to his head over time, and have resulted in an over-confidence and pride in his self, and a habit of looking down upon others around him. He also seems to have a high intelligence – easily above average – and the combination of intelligence and wealth has lead to a fascination with the Video Gaming world, and cybernetics in general. Currently starting a college course in Computing, he knows what he is talking about in relation to electronics and the world of the internet, and his addiction with Video games, specifically MMOs, has contributed to this knowledge; and in a vice versa sort of way, his knowledge of the internets has given him quite a reputation within the gaming world. He seems to show expertise with almost all games he plays, and manages to achieve moderator status on most of the MMOs he has encountered, at which point he becomes a rather strict and powerful person. Having dealt with Beta’s before, he is quite aware that glitches may exist, and is excited to try and find them so as to take advantage of them. Due to a long history with video games, he has recently become quite bored of the online life. As such, he has taken it upon himself to create a challenge, and is aiming to defeat the game without losing a life. This means he is quite protective over his own character, and will put another’s life over his own if he is at risk; completely unaware that it’s only a one life game, and that life isn’t virtual...[/spoiler] [b]Avatar’s Species:[/b] Human [spoiler=Avatar’s Appearance:] [img]http://i127.photobucket.com/albums/p145/devil-darkness/Greenpurp.jpg[/img] The Avatar of the ‘Archmage’ stands at a rather small 5’8, and is quite slender compared to the average human in the game. His face seems to show Elvish features, though these aren’t extremely prominent. For example, the eyes are much narrower than the normal human avatar and the ears are also more pointed, though not by much. His face is also narrower and more slender, and his eyes contain a complete Heterochromia – his right eye being an uncommon (But not unheard of) purple while his left remains an ordinary blue. He dons a thin cloth hood and tattered travelling cloak over a light robe covering most of Fumio’s body, leaving only his hands, face and feet exposed; a belt encompasses the robe at the waist. The feet are enclosed within a weak pair of walking boots that offer little comfort when travelling. From the avatar’s right hip hangs the sheath of his blade, while his staff is usually held in his hand when equipped. While the buckler is equipped – which is rare – it remains hanging over Fumio’s back until in use.[/spoiler] [b][u]Combat Information[/u][/b] [b]Character Attributes:[/b] [i]Strength:[/i] 5/99 [i]Perception:[/i] 7/99 [i]Agility:[/i] 5/99 [i]Charisma:[/i] 6/99 [i]Endurance:[/i] 5/99 [spoiler=Equipment:] [b][u][url="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Estoque_1480_dC..jpg"]Standard Estoc[/url][/u][/b] [i]"What a pretty blade. I think red might suit it better though."[/i] While not a strong as a standard longsword, this blade is much lighter and allows for a more agile fighting style. Generally used by the weaker of warriors, as it takes a lot less strength to swing. [b][u][url="http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20080226231629/finalfantasy/images/9/94/MageStaff.png"]Wooden Stick[/url][/u][/b][i]”It’s better than nothing, I guess.”[/i] A long and thin stick. Commonly used by junior mages until a real staff is found. It offers no bonuses what-so-ever, but can be used as a bludgeon if necessary.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Inventory:] [b][u][url="http://wow.mmodb.com/images/items/renders2/18488-l.jpg"]Standard Wooden Buckler[/url][/u][/b][i]”This is supposed to block a blow from an Ogre or a Dwarf?”[/i] A simple circle of wood, held in place by a ring of metal. Provides simple protection from weak bludgeons and blades. [b][url="http://i.imgur.com/lPM4I.png"]Basic Health Potion (x3):[/url][/b] [i]"Strange. That’s a very blood like red."[/i] A simple basic healing potion, an essentially for the novice wayfarer. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Attacks/Technique(s):][b] [i]Heal:[/i][/b] [i]"I guess someone's gotta keep everyone alive."[/i] Launches a magic aura that decently heals the target with a 30 second recharge. [i][b]Strong will[/b][/i] “What, these injuries? They’re nothing!” When health drops to red, the player gains 10 seconds of resistance to physical attacks. [/spoiler] [b][u]Other Information[/u][/b] ~Born to two rather rich parents. ~Knows the basic lore of any Fantasy-based MMORPG. ~Shows no discrimination between anyone really; though he’s rather unsocial anyway. ~Theme: Dunno yet. I’ll think of it. [spoiler=IRL Appearance] [img]http://i1159.photobucket.com/albums/p633/NamelessAnon666/GlassesAnimeforRP.jpg[/img][/spoiler] [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kakashi Hatake Posted September 16, 2012 Report Share Posted September 16, 2012 Weird, spoiler your Personality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ListenToLife Posted September 16, 2012 Report Share Posted September 16, 2012 Done; though personally I think the app looks better without covering it with spoilers. But meh, you're the boss. Critiscisms? (I'm hoping that was the only one, but I bet you'll find some. XD) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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