One-Sentence Horrors [Finished]

[William Wilder]

I'd like to join. and here is my card

[AGATHODAIMON BANGTAIL COW]

For those of you who haven't joined this contest and are considering it: you have a little over twelve hours left to join. Or maybe registration ended about 13 hours ago. The wording points to the latter, but my intentions suggest the former. Luckily, I don't have to remind anyone to submit a card.

 

So, uh, yeah, time's almost up.

[AGATHODAIMON BANGTAIL COW]

In hindsight, my reminder to those not playing that they don't have long to join was a mistake. Now I'll be irked with this double post for a while. But it has my reviews, and that's what you want, yes?

 

[spoiler='Roll the drums! Wait, we're not even doing it right.']Karkuk: http://i.imgur.com/XiE5GjJ.jpg
I'm going to pretend that this card isn't automatically unplayable (It should say "while you control no other monsters") and say stuff about it anyway. It looks like it is trying to 1-up Card Car in that you can gain this effect when it's Summoned in any way, so long as it's your only monster. You also have Reinforce Truth and One For One to toss this card onto the field from the Deck for a free Pot of Greed, but Decks are probably not going to run either of those just for her. Being able to make plays with your +2 effect, as opposed to Card Car's +1 effect that immediately ends your turn and only works when Normal Summoned, makes a big difference in the competition between this and Card Car, and I don't really like how this says "better Card Car."


Gadjitron: http://i.imgur.com/MzbXFc5.jpg
So, it's Book of Eclipse, only it the "flip back up" is immediate, works on your field rather than your opponent's, and offers no drawing for either player. While it does look like this is a much nicer version of Book of Eclipse that doesn't result in horrible plusses for your opponent, it does nuke the field with Fenghuang and Xyz Burst. However, outside of Fenghuang, Monarchs would probably only find this useful just to prevent monster effects on the field from activating, so they can make a big play. Or they could Set it and risk messing up their Treeborn Frog just to have a pseudo-Swift Scarecrow. On the topic of Xyz Burst, Burst sucks without this card. This would be able to potentially save yourself for a turn if played right, as well as allow Dragon Rulers to avoid returning themselves if they were SSed and you didn't use them for an Xyz for whatever reason. This would probably end up to the field nuke being an inconsistent combo that (good) players would rather avoid. The biggest offense that this card has, however, is that it serves as both a Book of Eclipse and a Book of Taiyou in Empty Jar Decks, and nobody sane likes to go against one of those Decks.


Axi: http://i.imgur.com/PmGQR21.jpg
Well, it's a nice beater that helps you get around those annoying stall monsters like Spirit Reaper, Marshy, and The Fool, which is always nice. Outside of that, it looks pretty vanilla to me--oh wait, monsters your opponent Summons didn't attack last turn... Yeah, this means that this card pretty much disables a ton of effects if the monster didn't attack the previous turn, and that could be a lot of monsters. I'm not sure if it only applies to the field, but it probably does, which makes it a little easier to get around. Still, this card seems to absolutely murder monster-focused Decks that activate their effects on the field in the MP1, like Dragunities.


Infinite Rainbow: http://i.imgur.com/A6w4JmK.jpg
Well, by having such a wide array of monsters to search from, this card is definitely threatening, judging by the cover. Looking down the list of the eleventy-kajillion cards that you could add to your hand with its effects, notable ones are all-but-one of the Cloudian monsters (they may not be that good, but hey, they get a searcher so yay), Constellar Sombre, Gellenduo, Hecatrice (who could be potentially nasty if the card Tributed itself rather than discarded for a cost), Honest, Marshy, Agents Venus, Earth, and maybe Jupiter, and an assortment of Vylon monsters. However, Cloudians aren't going to become too good off of this. Running this in Constellars just for Sombre doesn't seem like that good of an idea. Gellenduo can be gotten around quite easily, so can Marshy. Hecatrice would be nice when this card dies for the extra Summon (especially in Darklords). Honest would be completely bonkers if this was LIGHT, and probably is even though this isn't. Being an additional Agent Earth for Agents is nice, and probably the most threatening thing about the card since it lets Agents go Chaos more easily and lets Venus be even moar searchable (plus, the discard is potential Hyperion fuel). I don't really know Vylons enough to know how much they would benefit from this, but it can't be anything better than what Agents get out of it.


Sunkist: http://i.imgur.com/E8pIiLu.jpg
Unlike a few of these cards, this one is pretty straightforward and doesn't really require me going onto DN/the wiki to pretend I know more about Yugioh than I really do. Basically, Steamroid does this card's job better, and Steamroid isn't all that good itself. As is, it's a beater that dodges BTH by having low ATK, but doesn't kill much that 1900 beaters could already take out - there's just a few things like Blackship or so that this could run over while 1900 beaters can't take it out. Maybe if it were just a little stronger. EDIT: Buuut, Armored Bee exists (which I completely forgot), which is effectively a 3200 beater, so this card is seemingly stuck as inferior here. So, making it stronger wouldn't help this enough.


OPMuffin: http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/300/6/9/createcard_by_opmuffin-d6rzl8f.jpg
As this card gains practically no benefits from having a monster equipped to it whatsoever, this monster is a lot like the Monarchs Caius and Raiza, though it leans more towards Zaborg since it can only hit monsters (face-up ones, at that). Combined with its weak ATK stat, this card is pretty much completely inferior to Caius, Raiza, and even Zaborg. It doesn't get any Type bonuses as it shares Fiend-Type with Caius, no WATER bonuses since Mobius (who isn't ran often, but occasional techs suggest it would be much more likely to be ran than this) is also WATER. Also, it looks like the last bit with the "If it's WATER, send it to the Grave instead" is supposed to further this card's effect against WATER Decks, but keeping the monster equipped is actually much better than just offing it to the Grave, even if said equip does nothing for the monster. But then again, your opponent does get the monster back at the End Phase, so, that hurts the card even more. Perhaps if the monster stayed equipped, could have been face-down instead of only face-up, this monster had 2400 ATK, and could use the equipped monster as a hostage to save itself if your opponent would make it explode, it would be respectable. As it is, however, it's completely outclassed.


Thar: http://i.imgur.com/3XMqhol.jpg
From what I've heard about Dark Worlds, they do not often keep their Graveyards filled with monsters, and this card's strategy would conflict with Gates' drawing ability. Therefore, this card would need dedication to be used to its fullest potential, or just attack two or three times per turn. Though, attacking twice or thrice does deal a lot of damage, but the field would need to be cleared with your Graphas (or the monsters they Xyz into), and said Graphas are probably just going to use this the same way they use Beiige: fodder to bring themselves back. While the whole "having nothing to do with discarding" is ok since Scarr doesn't say anything about discards, this card's flavor doesn't match up with the rest of the Dark World monsters' flavor very well. Or is there a color that sounds really similar to "mouth" that has been eluding me?


Kuri: http://i.imgur.com/gZduXsO.jpg
It's a Level 7 Synchro, so it has Power Tool Dragon and Vylon Delta to compete with when it comes to Equip-based effects. Delta adds an Equip to your hand if you sit on it until the End Phase, and isn't generic. With its low ATK, your Equips would have to go to other monsters a lot of the time. But Delta is pretty much outclassed by the other competitor, Power Tool Dragon. PTD, if you still have at least 3 Equips left in your Deck, can pick randomly out of a selection of three one of these Equips for immediate use. With cards such as United We Stand, Power Tools C&D, and maybe the Noble Arms Equips, your damage output is likely to exceed the extra damage you get from this ditching an unused Equip from your hand. Plus, with this card's low ATK, you would need that Equip card to make this do something other than be a wall. You would also likely deal more damage or take out something that's enough of a threat to be worth taking out, since UWS is 800 per face-up monster, and then there are things like Cursed Armaments, Shackles, and even Axe of Despair as secondary generic bad equips that still hurt more than this card's burn effect.


Poseidonbt: http://i.imgur.com/6bblMOh.jpg
It's pretty powerful at what it does. It flat-out kills a monster. No Battle Position requirement. No face-up/face-down requirement. However, the one requirement that it does have, the need for your opponent to have three monsters is probably what kills the card. It isn't all that uncommon to have three monsters out, but they can often be condensed into a single Synchro or Xyz monster until there are two or less monsters on the field, which means this does nothing except serve as discard fodder (though you can use it with Summoner Monk with amazing results). The potential for this to be dead in your hand is what makes Soul Taker still better than this. 1000 Life Points is hardly much of a drawback when it comes to destroying an opponent's monster if the only requirement is that your opponent must have a face-up monster. In fact, if the monster you take out with Soul Taker had more than 1000 ATK, or something that would have restricted you, then the 1000 gain is often less than the damage your opponent will end up taking due to losing that monster.


Dark Fetus: http://i.imgur.com/wTmeWtV.jpg
Well, uh, it's a 1-Tribute monster with low stats when compared to other 1-Tribute monsters. When the most powerful 1-Tribute monsters are the likes of Caius and Raiza, who have 2400 ATK and solid card-removal effects, a 2100 ATK monster that burns your opponent for a mere hundred during either player's turn is not a threat at all. The card allows for casual games of "protect the green mushroom monster," but still, 100 per turn isn't going to win you the duel anytime soon.


Eptin: http://i.imgur.com/JMbwvBn.jpg http://i.imgur.com/8kg9uBc.jpg
The concept is pretty nice: a walking multi-use Effect Veiler. However, it won't work as well as you would want it to. Ritual Decks are already starved for advantage, and you usually won't have many (if any) monsters leftover when you bring out this card. Sure, you have Ascending Soul to recycle a Manju you used for this, or a Dark Factory to give you back your whatevers that you milled for Advanced Ritual Art, but that's still only going to deter your opponent for a short while. As a Level 8 Ritual Monster that eats your card advantage like a fat kid, you're scamming yourself by playing this card. I'm ignoring the fact that the monsters you ditch have to have the same exact ATK as the Summoned monster instead of being able to exceed it, or else this effect will never work ever.


Stan Alda:
[spoiler='Card']Self-Ejecting Tomato

WIND

Level 1

Plant/Effect

FLIP: Return this card to your hand.

500/200[/spoiler]
It's amusing - it's a tomato. Playability-wise, I don't really see this being useful. Its self-bouncing does stuff for the Mist Valley Field Spell, but I'm pretty sure it goes to the Graveyard instead if it gets attacked by anything with enough ATK. Then, there's also the fact that your opponent is likely to blow it up with a card effect, granted said opponent has the resources. I'm not really sure what advantages this card would have over something like Condor or Birdman, or some other stuff that bounces your WIND monsters.


Dedavii: http://i.imgur.com/Qio2WKc.jpg
So, it's a 3-mat Level 10 Synchro monster that is pretty restrictive on what can make it when compared to pretty much any other Synchro. And in return, you get a monster who wipes out everything in either player's hand or field with enough ATK to wipe out half of your opponent's Life Points in the turn that it is Summoned. Even if it's a little tricky to get out, this card essentially wins you the duel if you get it out and it doesn't get hit with an Effect Veiler. That's why I don't really like the design of this card. Your opponent is highly unlikely to make a comeback from the one card he/she draws between this card's Synchro Summon and its next attack.


William Wilder: http://i.imgur.com/F6IPj4N.jpg
While having no effect that involves detaching Xyz Materials is irksome, it isn't the only monster that does such a thing. It's pretty powerful in that it is an untargetable 2900 beater that doesn't care whether it is made by Hazy Flames, Evols, or Monarchs who decide to tech Thestalos or Fenghuang and combo with Illusory Snatcher. But, this card is basically a slightly weaker incarnation of Basiltrice being at 4 materials and without a banishing effect. That's really what kills it, since this is basically "Oh, I can't make a good enougn Basiltrice, so I'll just do this instead" and you end up with a Basiltrice who is, in fact, good enough to go around and whack your opponent for a while. Besides, with only a few generic cards existing that could take this card out that are being ran, forcing your opponent to rely on 2-4 cards in the Deck in order to even get around this doesn't sound very nicely designed. Perhaps if the untargetability was temporary and utilized the Xyz Materials. It would also be less irksome by actually interacting with its Materials.[/spoiler]

 

There aren't any number scores because I've never liked doing the "n/10" thing, but you could probably guess your ranking off of what I said about your card. Also, even though I've posted the reviews, there isn't a winner yet. I will devote a couple of days for people to argue what I said. It doesn't necessarily have to be the contestants here, it could be anyone on YCM. Then I will force myself to rank who's in what position.

[Aix]

Yeah, it's only meant for face-up monster. It's a simple enough matter to kill it, whether by battle or anything other card/monster removal. Purely effect-wise, it is no stronger than any other anti-meta card, weaker than Skill Drain and you can't chain it like Skill Drain. Also eats up your Normal.

But on the other hand, it's a powerful Stun card that runs over battle immunity and often other immunity and encourages battle and player interaction.

[Dark Fetus]

Dark Fetus: http://i.imgur.com/wTmeWtV.jpg
Well, uh, it's a 1-Tribute monster with low stats when compared to other 1-Tribute monsters. When the most powerful 1-Tribute monsters are the likes of Caius and Raiza, who have 2400 ATK and solid card-removal effects, a 2100 ATK monster that burns your opponent for a mere hundred during either player's turn is not a threat at all. The card allows for casual games of "protect the green mushroom monster," but still, 100 per turn isn't going to win you the duel anytime soon.

It's not meant to be fast acting. It's a slow-working poison, bringing your health down little-by-little.

And while it may seem slow-acting, if played near the end of the duel, it may be just the extra kick you need.

[Stan Alda]

I KNEW I should have added an attack-negating clause to my tomato! Also, it's a Monty Python reference, so I get credit for that, right?

[AGATHODAIMON BANGTAIL COW]

Yeah, it's only meant for face-up monster. It's a simple enough matter to kill it, whether by battle or anything other card/monster removal. Purely effect-wise, it is no stronger than any other anti-meta card, weaker than Skill Drain and you can't chain it like Skill Drain. Also eats up your Normal.

But on the other hand, it's a powerful Stun card that runs over battle immunity and often other immunity and encourages battle and player interaction.

Skill Drain dies to MST though. I haven't paid enough attention to Decks for the past couple of formats, so I don't really know if many Decks have a way out against a Skill Drain in monster form. Actually, MST is only 2-3 cards in the Deck most of the time, so it wouldn't really matter all that much. Still, I feel like it still shares Skill Drain's evilness.

 

It's not meant to be fast acting. It's a slow-working poison, bringing your health down little-by-little.

And while it may seem slow-acting, if played near the end of the duel, it may be just the extra kick you need.

It didn't have to be slow and weak. It really could have dealt more. And besides, any effort that could bring your card out could have also brought out something like Gigaplant, whose 300 extra damage from attacking effectively is three doses of your monster's effect per turn (then add in stuff like how it can Special Summon other monsters and stuff and you'll find that the card is just really outclassed).

 

I KNEW I should have added an attack-negating clause to my tomato! Also, it's a Monty Python reference, so I get credit for that, right?

*Nervous laughter.* I... kinda haven't... you know. *More nervous laughter.*

[AGATHODAIMON BANGTAIL COW]

Well, I've given you all a week to read what I said about your card, and to refute my words. Some of you did, most of you didn't. Now, I am posting what position the top three of you ranked. As 74/14=5r4, so I'll also state 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th place to reveal who gains 6 points instead of 5. Delving much further is probably only going to hurt feelings. I'm going to be a jerk with the spoilers and make you have to open them all to get to see who wins. Think of it as a punishment for the majority of you disappointing me.

[spoiler='Seventh place goes to...']SunKistRebulution

 

Out of the several outclassed cards in this contest, yours isn't worse than a Junk Archer-like 2100 1-Tribute monster or the tamest poison in the history of the world, so congratulations on getting the one extra point. And besides, this has Howling Insect and Flying Kamakiri to support it, and peaking at 2700 under Rising Air Current is pretty neat if you think about it.

 

[spoiler='Sixth place is for...']Karkuk

 

It's still irksomely one-upping Card Car, but being a 1/duel effect is what makes me rank it high enough for the extra point. Otherwise, this would have been definitely below 7th place.

 

[spoiler='The 5th place winner is...']Thar

 

It works, I guess, even if it doesn't work with Dark World's strategy of keeping their Grave pretty devoid of monsters so they can fuel Gates. This is only ranking so high because so many other cards deserve to rank lower than this.

 

[spoiler='The one who almost made it - 4th place...']Axi

 

I still don't like it much for being a lot like Skill Drain, and that would have been exactly what would have ranked you lower if we had better entries in here. But as it stands, getting around weak stall monsters like Marshy and The Fool is nice, and for the most part, Skill Drain already does exist to take most of the criticism that would go to this, like being a major pain to Decks that like to activate monster effects in the MP1.

 

[spoiler='Getting the bronze, 3rd place should craft something with it...']Gadjitron

 

It would have ranked higher only if Empty Jar wasn't a thing, and would have ranked lower if this contest was taken more seriously. Being field nukes with Fenghuang and Xyz Burst aren't really anything too bad, at least not yet, and Flip support is always fun until you realize it makes Morphing Jar smile more grimly.

 

[spoiler='Smug about the fact that silver looks prettier than gold, 2nd place is for...']Poseidonbt

 

Surprised?

 

Despite it being totally reliant on your opponent on having so many monsters out on the field, it is still a pretty powerful effect for when it does work.

 

[spoiler='I bet you're tired of clicking...']Infinite Rainbow (now Tenshi Hinanain), but really for a lack of competition. If there were more well-thought-out, or simply better, entries, this might have taken a slightly lower place just because it can search Honest. But there aren't really many of those. Anyways, the Agent, Cloudian, Darklord probably, and probably Vylon (IDK) is nice and doesn't seem that bad.[/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler]

 

Even though I gave you all a week to tell me why your card isn't as bad, stupid, or icky as I said it was, you're probably more likely to do so now that you know you're losing this contest. I should really just put my foot down and tell you that I'm not changing the scores, but meh, whine away. I'll try to remember to give out your prizes.

[AGATHODAIMON BANGTAIL COW]

Ok, you apathetic participants, I've given you more than enough time to voice your concerns. Now you can't, because it's time to reap your five points for disappointing me (though half of you get more than that).