Shukaku

[flavio137]

This is my first post, I have other cards made but I would post this because I want other opinions.

Comment and help me to do better and better cards!

 

 

 

1 Tuner monster + 1 or more non-Tuner monsters

When this card is Synchro Summoned; Spell / Trap cards can not be activated.

Once per turn, in both players turn, you can activate one of these effects:

- Destroy 1 monster on the field, this card loses 500 ATK;

- Tribute 1 monster on your side of the field; increase the ATK of this card by 800 points.

 

EDIT: Fixed the quick effect, and a increase in ATK boost.

Many thanks to Sakura and Sleepy helped a lot with your suggestions!

[Sleepy]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

The card is fine, though a little weak on the weak side.

I'm not very knowledgeable about the folklore that Naruto beasts are based from, so I'm not really sure if deciding what to do after the Tribute is payed is part of some sort of flavor.

Or is it something related to Gaara?

I could probably see an analogy about his killer intent early in the series damaging him from the inside... or something like that.

 

Power-wise though, it is a little weak.

Destroying a single monster isn't incredibly powerful nowadays, and doesn't warrant him weakening, especially if you are also even Tributing a monster to do it.

Then there's how it has a solid DEF stat. That implies it is meant to sit there with it without going into offensive, and that's usually a recipe for waiting for the opponent to be able to break your wall instead of trying to also push them.

 

My suggestion is one of the following options:

 

A )

Make the destruction effect a quick effect. If this card is weakening anyways, then at least it can stop your opponent cold to a degree. It'd look something like:

Once per turn, during either player's turn, you can Tribute 1 monster to activate one of these.

-This card gains 500 ATK.

-Target 1 monster your opponent controls; destroy it, then, this card loses 500 ATK.

 

B )

Get rid of the -500 ATK part, keep it slow (unlike option A), and just put both the +500 and the "destroy a monster" together. It'd look something like:

Once per turn: You can Tribute 1 monster to target 1 monster your opponent controls; destroy it, then, this card gains 500 ATK.

 

C )

Keep it as is, except the boost effect has to be at least around twice as big as the other effect. Otherwise, if you decide to destroy something with it one turn, you'd most likely never use the boost effect afterwards, because it'd be like wasting a turn use of the effect just to get back to where it was last turn. Besides, 500 for a Tribute isn't exactly too convincing to begin with, especially if it is your reward for going Synchro into this card. if you decide to consider this one, I think you could even get away with making its base ATK bigger, something like 2400, or even 2500 ATK. The effect would look something like this:
Once per turn: You can Tribute 1 monster and activate one of these.

-This card gains 1000 ATK.

-Target 1 monster your opponent controls; destroy it, then, this card loses 500 ATK.

 

 

 

Those are my suggestions. The card looks overall pretty good for a first attempt, even though you say you have other cards stored already so you have some experience already..

[Flash Flyer - Sakura]

For the record, Shukaku is based on the Japanese tanuki, although effect-wise, not sure if I see the flavor in here.

If I go by the book, Shukaku is more of a defensive thing with sand shields and a bunch of other stuff, but it has offensive powers as well (which is to be expected).

 

The Tribute + power up effect makes sense, given Gaara's initial nature, but as Sleepy noted, boost needs to be higher. You can change it to 800 or something.

You can get rid of the tribute for monster destruction.

 

It might fit the story as-is, but other monsters that can blow up cards on the field don't require that much of a cost [or any] to destroy things.

 

-------

OCG fix (with suggestions):

 

1 Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner monsters

(1) When this card is Synchro Summoned: Spell/Trap Cards cannot be activated.

(2) Once per turn, you can either: Tribute 1 other monster; this card gains 800 ATK, OR: Target 1 monster your opponent controls; destroy it, and if you do, this card loses 500 ATK.

 

As Sleepy suggested already, you can make it a Quick Effect and have Shukaku trigger on either player's turn; although the destruction one will need to be a hard "once per turn",

[flavio137]

Thank you to everyone who commented ...

 

I liked the Sleepy's suggestions, but they fled a bit of my initial idea. I did not think to make you be required to tribute a monster to destroy an other and still lose 500 ATK. When I made the card I thought of an exchange effect; or you destroy an opponent's monster and decreases its ATK, OR increases its ATK destroying one yours.

 

The idea of joining the two effects in one is good because it improves monster attack the infinitely how many times you destroy an opponent's monster.

 

I also thought to increase the boost of ATK, 800 is a good number because it can give an increase in the state it was before using the effect of destruction.

 

In short I took all their respective suggestions and made a new effect:

 

1 Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner monsters

When this card is Synchro Summoned; Spell / Trap cards can not be activated.

Once per turn, in both players turn, you can activate one of these effects:

- Destroy 1 monster on the field, this card loses 500 ATK;

- Tribute 1 monster on your side of the field; increase the ATK of this card by 800 points.

 

Thus we have a quick effect with a slightly higher boost to make more sense when it comes to use the increasing of ATK, and not required to tribute a monster if you want to just destroy an opponent's monster.

 

Regarding the Gaara or something that relates the card to the character initially one had thought of nothing.

[flavio137]

Bump

 

This is right?  I don't know when and how I use this very well....  

[Sleepy]

I like the new effect, quite a bit. If I had to suggest anything (just a little minor thing that's not even really an actual issue).... I'd personally like it if the second effect also destroyed instead of Tributing, because for some reason I really wanna use Scapegoats with it.

 

Though in any case, the card has improved a lot.

 

Now that Sakura mentions it, walls and barriers WAS kind of the forte of the one tail... He even said he specialized in seals and stuff too. IDK why the first thing that came to mind about the sand was Gaara's dessert coffin rather than the defensive nature =0

[Flash Flyer - Sakura]

Bump

 

This is right?  I don't know when and how I use this very well....  

 

Bumping is 12+ hours.

Yours has 10 hours and 5 minutes.

 

If you waited another 2 hours, you'd be fine (however you're still fairly new to the section, so don't worry about it)

 

 

I like the new effect, quite a bit. If I had to suggest anything (just a little minor thing that's not even really an actual issue).... I'd personally like it if the second effect also destroyed instead of Tributing, because for some reason I really wanna use Scapegoats with it.

 

Though in any case, the card has improved a lot.

 

Now that Sakura mentions it, walls and barriers WAS kind of the forte of the one tail... He even said he specialized in seals and stuff too. IDK why the first thing that came to mind about the sand was Gaara's dessert coffin rather than the defensive nature =0

 

Well, Gaara was technically a psychological mess when he debuted + lived for the purpose of self-love.

Indeed, he did use it to kill certain people so there was some merit in the effect doing it (then again, that was Shukaku's nature from the beginning).

 

* shrugs *

 

----

But yeah, card is better now and is more appealing as a Level 6 option.

 

TC, make sure you update the main post with any changes you have made thus far.

[flavio137]

Bumping is 12+ hours.

Yours has 10 hours and 5 minutes.

 

If you waited another 2 hours, you'd be fine (however you're still fairly new to the section, so don't worry about it)

 

 

 

Well, Gaara was technically a psychological mess when he debuted + lived for the purpose of self-love.

Indeed, he did use it to kill certain people so there was some merit in the effect doing it (then again, that was Shukaku's nature from the beginning).

 

* shrugs *

 

----

But yeah, card is better now and is more appealing as a Level 6 option.

 

TC, make sure you update the main post with any changes you have made thus far.

 

Thank you Sakura! I was a little confused with the time zone and did not notice right on time! I promise to be more careful next time!