Just Crouton Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Source SEATTLE - it has been reported that the coffee selling giant Starbucks has allegedly been including semen in their products for the last 3 months, after semen samples were found in the back of Starbucks stores. Apparently human semen added “more flavor” to the beverages on sale. The FDA is currently investigating the company as there are many questions to be answered. The FDA is currently trying to find out where the semen is coming from. It is currently unknown if the semen is from humans or animals; and if from humans, is it infected semen? “We can not believe this” says FDA inspector Jamison Fields, “this is disturbing, if i wanted to consume semen I would just do gay pornography, who would’ve known i was consuming semen through Starbucks” concluded Fields. However, not everyone thinks semen in their coffee is exactly a bad thing; according to Starbucks daily consumer Jackie Sultana, “if they’re using semen then they should keep using it because it’s so God d*mn good, I might just try semen alone to see if it’s that good”. Starbucks is yet to send out a public apology, however, we are expecting it really soon. It is also speculated that the seasonal Pumpkin Spice Latte, which is only sold at Starbucks in the autumn, is not only loaded with semen, but cockroaches as well. The FDA plan to shut down Starbucks production tomorrow across the nation. We will update you on Starbucks here on huzlers. ______________________ Next time a customer argues with me about bringing in their Starbucks, I'll warn them that someone busted a nut in it, and that ours is nut-free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toffee. Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 >Added more flavor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 I. I. I. I...I...What? Um. I don't, words...um... Okay seriously, this is messed up. What in the world? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shradow Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Ok... so? If that is the case, I don't see why it should matter that we know another ingredient, it's still the same coffee. Like, is there a law against selling food and beverages with semen in it? Hell, there are whole cookbooks dedicated to recipes that use semen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goddamnit names are a pain Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 My f***ing face when this is in general. And isn't a joke. or is it I cry evry tiem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Ok... so? If that is the case, I don't see why it should matter that we know another ingredient, it's still the same coffee. Like, is there a law against selling food and beverages with semen in it? Hell, there are whole cookbooks dedicated to recipes that use semen. Semen isn't a very safe thing actually, seeing as they don't know where it comes from it could be contaminated. Also, seriously why? Why would they risk the trouble they'd get in to do this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brinolovania Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Wait, holy shit, this isn't in misc. Uh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shradow Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Semen isn't a very safe thing actually, seeing as they don't know where it comes from it could be contaminated. Well then we just need proper regulations and stuff, like any food or drug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goddamnit names are a pain Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 This site(in the OP) looks reliable as an ACME product in BGO. Well then we just need proper regulations and stuff, like any food or drug. …This seems…legit. …. Damn, I have nothing on that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susie Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 definitely on the top 5 weirdest things to hear about from a news article Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goddamnit names are a pain Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 definitely on the top 5 weirdest things to hear about from a news article what are the other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susie Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 what are the other 4 i dont know and i hope i will never know what the other 4 are Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goddamnit names are a pain Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 i dont know and i hope i will never know what the other 4 are Wait til Crouton makes a few more topics and you'll have them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shradow Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 …This seems…legit. …. Damn, I have nothing on that Well, I mean, that's literally what the FDA is for, after all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brinolovania Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Well, I actually read it. Got it now. Still don't get why it's not in Misc, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goddamnit names are a pain Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Well, I actually read it. Got it now. Still don't get why it's not in Misc, though. Welcome to General, where things like "post a pic of the real you" and "japanese black burgers" make the front page without question. I don't care I'm getting post count for this. I mean, technically, it IS a general discussion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shradow Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Well, it is legit news. Apparently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goddamnit names are a pain Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 That site looks unlegit as fuck though. Not to mention "news' =/= reliable. Have you seen Fox news? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shradow Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Thus, the "Apparently." in my post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
(GigaDrillBreaker) Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 I frantically checked to see if this was a legitimate news source... it was Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goddamnit names are a pain Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 I frantically checked to see if this was a legitimate news source... it was When I saw this on their front page, I started to grow skeptical, though- Seeing all the headlines and stuff has me really questioning what "news" and "legitimate" even mean anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 I just wonder why Giga was "frantically" searching, perhaps he had some coffee recently... But this is really dumb if true. Obviously they would get in some trouble and lose sales if they were caught. It really makes no sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goddamnit names are a pain Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 I just wonder why Giga was "frantically" searching, perhaps he had some coffee recently... But this is really dumb if true. Obviously they would get in some trouble and lose sales if they were caught. It really makes no sense. They already got plenty of sales as is, though. Not to mention, some people wouldn't give a fuck and would continue to drink it, somewhat continuing that improved sales boost. Since when did anything make sense in the world? Especially in America. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agro Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 the site is literally called "hustle" how were any of you actually thinking it was a real story? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brinolovania Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Is this actually real news? 'Cause the articles and the writing lead me to believe it's an Onion-y site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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