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I'm sorry


EndUser

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  I never thought I'd reach the point where I'd expose this part of me. I'll probably feel better tomorrow and regretting saying the below stuff, but then I'd have just burried my feels once again.

 

  Anyway, to the point:

 

  I'm sorry. I try hard to make myself helpful and friendly, while expecting you guys do the same for me. I lack interests and communication skills, while trying to adapt even if that's not possible. Chatting here and there, playing/dueling/having fun with you,... All good but, what if those end? Am I one you'll consider for your next game or to have a say to a matter?

  I try to defend myself at sensitive things or when I know something is very wrong. That's normal, isn't it? Everyone does it. My complaints and worries are not always heard, though. Sometimes, I may indeed cause rumors or bad thoughts against me with my actions, even if I don't have any bad intentions at all. Who is to blame? Me, of course. What do I do wrong? I know, but I also don't know at the same time.

  My best is not enough. My worst will destroy me. Medium solution? What may that be? Sicne there's not much I can do to show that "I'm here too", even unimportant things said or done against me can affect me a lot. Not always, but they definitely leave a litte mark.

  Being "the good guy" is not that easy. However, it's the best I can try. Is it the case, though? How can I value to you without causing problems? How can I be part of you without being extreme? I'm afraid my true self will set me apart from you. If I don't give a good shot, I'll probably be so distant that you won't even notice.

  Occasionally, all the above thoughts come to mind but they don't seem to stop re-coming back. Probably because I'm a prisoner to them and just go on, w/o trying to make a change. I don't even know why I'm telling you all this. Probably just to let go of the pain I have right now and, maybe, to hear something to soothe me... I don't know. Do I seek pity? Do I seek help?

 

  Talking like that makes people less happy than the opposite. Can I really help it though? Since my actions and words can't reach some of you, maybe this cry lets you at least see how I feel. From there, do as you wish.

  I'm sorry. And sorry for being persistent or ignorant about things.

  Also: Trying to befriend someone when there's too little value from me... Really, who does that?

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Since when were you against me, at any time

Never, but he still shouldn't give a flying funk. Would have said the same thing if he was getting defensive about me calling him creepy. It's not healthy to get so charged over what others say about you

 

Also put what black says through multiple filters before taking it's value

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Never, but he still shouldn't give a flying f***. Would have said the same thing if he was getting defensive about me calling him creepy. It's not healthy to get so charged over what others say about you

 

Also put what black says through multiple filters before taking it's value

Ok, makin sure. I just know you get a bit hostile when you're hungry...

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I simply posted what reasons people had, based on how OP presented himself.

 

He privately messaged me on discord, and I explained it has no personal influence, but there are reasons, and it's not a matter of "it's everyone else". If a large pool seem to think or feel a way, there has to be a core reason.

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