Star Child Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 ya now that i've reread it, its not so good )= Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 Empty Feel boxed inCant understand the pain im inI've died a thousand times over...But ill do it again just to win. But my hearts goneSo is my mind and one lungNow i feel dead and ridden...And i just got hung. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Star Child Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 just 1 question, what's any of that have to do with empty? WishI wishYou wishWe all wish We may wish for peaceWe may wish for moneyWe may wish for helpNey, We may wish to help others Wishing is more than a gameIt's a way of lifeEvery minuteOf every dayWe all wish for something GenesisWe liveWe dieWe loveWe wave goodbye But we knowThat our kidsThey will carry on the family name They are a part of lifeThey will live for usBecause our life is over As I dieI know that my kids will live for many more yearsAnd create genesis for others p.s. genesis means "New Life" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted March 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 just 1 question' date=' what's any of that have to do with empty? [center']Wish[/center]I wishYou wishWe all wish We may wish for peaceWe may wish for moneyWe may wish for helpNey, We may wish to help others Wishing is more than a gameIt's a way of lifeEvery minuteOf every dayWe all wish for something GenesisWe liveWe dieWe loveWe wave goodbye But we knowThat our kidsThey will carry on the family name They are a part of lifeThey will live for usBecause our life is over As I dieI know that my kids will live for many more yearsAnd create genesis for others p.s. genesis means "New Life" I like these better! By the way, what is ney? Isn't it supposed to be neigh? @ Supreme GM: It's a sonnet!!! 0_oI didn't even notice! Great job!A couple things, sonnets usually aren't broken up. They are all just put together, all fourteen of them. Also, try to stay away from words that have different numbers of syllables depending on how you pronounce them. (Ex. Tales: Tales or Ta-les. Ex. Vile: Vile or Vi-le.) You understand?Very nice though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jericho Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 I know what I wantFor us will never beI just want you to be happyEven without me If I must leave to see you happyThen that's just what I'll doThat way I can die smilingKnowing you are happy too. :cry: Please comment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Star Child Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 thats very good. sounds like it was for a g/b friend.and it probably was suppose to be 'neigh' in my poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted March 29, 2009 Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 @ Supreme GM: It's a sonnet!!! 0_oI didn't even notice! Great job!A couple things' date=' sonnets usually aren't broken up. They are all just put together, all fourteen of them. Also, try to stay away from words that have different numbers of syllables depending on how you pronounce them. (Ex. Tales: Tales or Ta-les. Ex. Vile: Vile or Vi-le.) You understand?Very nice though![/quote']Thanks. This one, I wanted broken up, because I started a new subject in each quatrain, or, in the last case, couplet. As for word choice... it's hard enough fitting the subject in without such words, but I will try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted March 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 I know what I wantFor us will never beI just want you to be happyEven without me If I must leave to see you happyThen that's just what I'll doThat way I can die smilingKnowing you are happy too. :cry: Please comment. I like it! Very sweet and sad at once.Who is it for? ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huntar! Posted March 29, 2009 Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 Very good, Jericho. But your happiness should be just as important as her's. ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted March 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 The poem that was published in the YCM magazine: [align=center] Eraser Shavings Blank paper laying on the writing deskwith eraser shavings scattered on the scratched up woodof the tired table. Many ideas have been here,have wandered across the lonely pagemaking the long journey,but none have been good enough,none worth remembrance. All that’s left are the eraser shavings,each one standing for an idea,a sudden brain storm,a daydream,an inspirationno longer thereupon the lonely paper,waiting for more ideas to come along.[/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huntar! Posted March 29, 2009 Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 ^that is epic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted March 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 ^that is epic Thaynx! I'm glad you like it. ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Sir Posted March 29, 2009 Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 BartendersUndiscloseMonkeysPublicly. That was short. I'm still learning. >.< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted March 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2009 BartendersUndiscloseMonkeysPublicly. That was short. I'm still learning. >.< Lol, it's a bump. ^_^It's like the the titles on the Kids Next Door! =P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted March 30, 2009 Report Share Posted March 30, 2009 I was (trying to) freestyle in the showa so i came up with some good lyrics..Dont judge lol. Whats happiness? Its too be freeBe the meanest MC To be the best MDTo have all moneyOn this ; On this earthIt aint workDont worry it wont hurt Its happinessIts the best of this worldBetter then sadnessWacker then madnessIts getting tougher to getLike a win in rouletteOn a cruise in the westWith the best, booze in the westHaha dont worry theirs the rest Its to escape deathHold your last breathKeep it in your heart and avoidThen you'll be sure to get rid of itStop looking at death, kickHim in the face and let him fit. Its to liveLook at your parents Their the bestSuch joy such and such the restYou'll see them in the end with deathNow then let them rest. Its happinessThats the last of itI dont want to hear no more of itIll kill ya quick If i hear ya b****B****. Lol.I made up a few lines right nao but other then that..Freestyle ^-^ Yeah, its not very good..Compared too likeEveryone else in this club.:DKeep going guys!I like all these poems! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted March 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2009 As you said, I'm not going to rate. ^_^If that was freestyle, that was pretty freakin awesome. I said nothing.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Blud Posted March 30, 2009 Report Share Posted March 30, 2009 [align=center][spoiler=[b]Ultimatum[/b]]Every movement is an actionEvery action is a choiceEvery choice comes with an alternativeThe alternative could be better or worseThan the choice you madeEvery thought is an arguementBetween good and evilOne must choose which side to move toOne must choose which path to takeAnd that one's movement onto that path is their actionAnd that action was their choiceIf one chooses to change their choiceOne must change their movementBefore they walk into the darkness of the unknown futureAnd be damned by the evil within. [/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted March 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2009 [align=center][spoiler=[b]Ultimatum[/b]]Every movement is an actionEvery action is a choiceEvery choice comes with an alternativeThe alternative could be better or worseThan the choice you madeEvery thought is an arguementBetween good and evilOne must choose which side to move toOne must choose which path to takeAnd that one's movement onto that path is their actionAnd that action was their choiceIf one chooses to change their choiceOne must change their movementBefore they walk into the darkness of the unknown futureAnd be damned by the evil within. [/align] Very nice! I really like it! ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Star Child Posted March 30, 2009 Report Share Posted March 30, 2009 thats real good BludMonkey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Blud Posted March 30, 2009 Report Share Posted March 30, 2009 Thanks! I'm glad you like it. ^_^ The Bells by Edgar Allen Poe. Discuss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Star Child Posted March 30, 2009 Report Share Posted March 30, 2009 instead of that we should discuss Annable Lee by edgar allen poe. its supposed to bring bad luck to anyone who reads it aloud. lets discuss both of them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Blud Posted March 30, 2009 Report Share Posted March 30, 2009 Cool, I love EAP. ^_^ @The Bells: I believe this is my favorite poem by Poe. I like how he went from happy and cheerful to mournful and dark. @Annabel Lee: Haha as usual it ended in death. XD But it's sad how he says that bad luck could go that far. V_V Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Star Child Posted March 30, 2009 Report Share Posted March 30, 2009 bells: its very very long; that gives it a lot more words. its very good and i like how he changes the colors of the bells; silver, bronze, etc.annabel lee: Still long and good. i like how he talks of the angels being jelous of him and his wife.something else for annabel lee: i heard that it brings bad luck but i'm not sure. one time i read it and the computer stopped working (telling the truth here) and i saw a skull cloud very same day (still truth). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Blud Posted March 30, 2009 Report Share Posted March 30, 2009 bells: its very very long; that gives it a lot more words. its very good and i like how he changes the colors of the bells; silver' date=' bronze, etc.annabel lee: Still long and good. i like how he talks of the angels being jelous of him and his wife.something else for annabel lee: i heard that it brings bad luck but i'm not sure. one time i read it and the computer stopped working (telling the truth here) and i saw a [b']skull cloud[/b] very same day (still truth). O_O creepy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Star Child Posted March 30, 2009 Report Share Posted March 30, 2009 your telling me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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