Micheal Fudo vs Paradox

[Phantom Roxas]

Could you please put the chapters in spoilers?

[krspaceT1]

Well, since several of you (Well, not you Phantom), seem quick to call my characters sues, let's see you make a character whose better. Actually, the one who makes the best one will appear in my Fanfiction story; either dueling

Duela yuki; Jaden's daughter, uses the Charmers, Elemental Heroes and Eatos, has Turbo Deck

Yuna Motou; The daughter of yugi and Tea, uses a deck based on Yugi's

Timo; Duela's crush, uses a animal deck, from another dimmension, possesses the immortals

Shania Yuki; a clone of Jaden, appearing about 16, like Duela's older sister, uses Amazoness/ Cyber girl deck

Lighta; A failed clone of Luna by the Neo dark alliance, uses a light deck; or

Micheal Fudo; the son of Yusei and Akiza from the future, decks based on his parents

[Umbra]

Well' date=' since several of you (Well, not you Phantom), seem quick to call my characters sues, let's see you make a character whose better. Actually, the one who makes the best one will appear in my Fanfiction story; either dueling

Duela yuki; Jaden's daughter, uses the Charmers, Elemental Heroes and Eatos, has Turbo Deck

Yuna Motou; The daughter of yugi and Tea, uses a deck based on Yugi's

Timo; Duela's crush, uses a animal deck, from another dimmension, possesses the immortals

Shania Yuki; a clone of Jaden, appearing about 16, like Duela's older sister, uses Amazoness/ Cyber girl deck

Lighta; A failed clone of Luna by the Neo dark alliance, uses a light deck; or

Micheal Fudo; the son of Yusei and Akiza from the future, decks based on his parents

[/quote']

This post tells you exactly how good a writer Krspace is and why Krspace should write stories at all.

One, Krspace has a character called "Duela" who is a duelist. If she had ever grown up and wanted to be a carpenter, she would hate her parents so much.

Two, Krspace describes a character as the above person's crush and then goes on to write more about the character's deck than the actual character.

Three, Krspace describes a character as a clone of an original character. Kudos for being honest, though.

Four, Krspace immediately loses those kudos by comparing said character to the older sister of Duela, who we haven't even been introduced to.

Five, Krspace gives a character called Lighta who runs a Light deck. Not only do Light decks (which I read as Random Pile of Light Associated Cards) suck, but your naming conventions sound as if they belong in Duelist Kingdom.

Six, one of Krspace's characters is from the future for no reason whatsoever.

Seven, Krspace's character and interpretation of an existing character are both Sues.

 

Good day.

[krspaceT1]

Honestly, what's with all the critics, well Umbra, there are more polite ways to deal with questions then that, so rephrase what your saying nicely, why don't you?

[Umbra]

Honestly' date=' what's with all the critics, well Umbra, there are more polite ways to deal with questions then that, so rephrase what your saying nicely, why don't you?

[/quote']

 

The critics are here because your story is bad.

Deal with questions then what?

What about my saying? Why should I rephrase it nicely?

 

You throw us directly into a story that apparently already has characters AND a plot without telling us. Said story apparently takes place in a spontaneously formed crossover universe consisting of the settings of shows and movies you like, with no concern for how little it makes sense. Your only presented main character is the son of two main characters and has that very fact as his only negative quality, and he single-handedly defeated a villain that the three greatest duelists in history could barely defeat together, nullifying the point of the anniversary movie.

 

And then, YOU ask ME to be polite.

[krspaceT1]

That chapter was self sustainable enough to use without confusion, pr at least I thought, personally I think I'll stick to Fanfiction.net for fanfics, I have fans

 

You are on the favorites list of 13 members.

You are on the author alert list of 5 members.

[Weather Report - Stand]

Welp, I guess that about does it. We've booted another member off of our forums when he could have posted his hilariously bad stores for us to see, and nobody's gained anything out of this. I'd say it's about time to lock this bad boy up. Anybody agrees?

[Kaisu]

Agreed.

 

You know, so many members make a bad fanfic and leave the site at the first hit of critism.

[Phantom Roxas]

I must apologize, then, for now it's my turn to critique.

 

Weather Reports, Foe Fiction. These are what have shown us the writing capability of YCM. That is, very little at all. Do we need more proof of this? Yes, because these are Phantom's Divinations.

 

[spoiler=Then Thou Shall Count to 3]It appears that this story is only a small part of some ridiculously convoluted crossover with an absurd amount of completely unrelated series. Fortunately, this story seems to be self-contained. However, our author's name is krspaceT1. As stated in 2 Minutes to Midnight, that is a bad sign.

 

In a even more futuristic Neo Domino

 

krspaceT1 assumes we know that Neo Domino was already a futuristic place to begin with, and thus decides to open a story with a line that is solely telling us the location, finding it necessary to add in the "even more."

 

On the daedulus bridge, a dark red duel runner,

 

And here we have a couple issues with capitalization. There are countless examples of this from here on out, so to avoid being repetitive, I'll just leave it at that.

 

sort of like Yusei's,

 

Because everyone knows what Yusei Fudo's Duel Runner looks like.

 

flew down late at night, with a odd lack of traveling cars. The person on the runner had a blue racing suit with red shoulder pads. A yusei like disk was on the runner. His brown eyes were focused, his burgundy hair, with yellow highlighting flashed in the wind. He then spotted the person he was looking for, a large white runner, driven by a oddly clad man.

 

Well, at least krspaceT1 is describing characters.

 

"Paradox!" he yelled. The masked man turned his head back towards him.

 

Is it really that hard to describe Paradox's masks, of all things?

 

"So, if it isn't my young friend" he smirked in content.

 

How exactly does one smirk in content? Incidentally, our second consistent error: lack of punctuation.

 

"I'm sorry, but I'm a few decades late for my appointment" his duel runner started to pick up speed.

 

"Oh no you don't!" the boy smirked, pressing a button.

 

"Speed World 2, ON!" both of the runners entered duel mode.

 

"Really that determined to lose" Paradox smirked.

 

Excuse me, I believe the smirk had a glaring lack of content.

 

"Very well, I needed to test this deck out"

 

"Caution a duel is commencing,a duel is commencing,a duel is commencing, Central Lane chosen" a annoying announcer voice hollered.

 

If the announcer is annoying, we can decide that for ourselves without the narration needing to tell us so. If I was reading a fantasy novel where a fairy constantly says "Hey, listen!", it's pretty obvious that the fairy is annoying.

 

A red barrier formed, as they were herded into a long stretch of road.

 

"DUEL!"

 

Both 4000

 

"The first move is mine!" Paradox smirked.

 

"You may have some famous parents, Micheal Fudo,

 

So yes, as the clever title says, we finally here our main character's name. Is this misspelling intentional, or does krspaceT1 really not know how to spell "Michael"?

 

but that's not helping you today, first I set two cards face down, and next I remove my deck's Elemental Hero Neos, to summon Malefic Neos!"(OC monster) a evil version of neos with a black and white mask appeared in attack mode (2500, 2000).

 

Once again krspaceT1 assumes that we know how something looks like. In fact, why does krspaceT1 describe the mask here as black and white and yet earlier just says Paradox has a mask?

 

(Dark, Level 7, 2500, 2000 This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by removing from play 1 Elemental Hero Neos from your Deck. There can only be 1 face-up Malefic monster on the field. Other monsters you control cannot attack. If there is no face-up Field Spell Card on the field, destroy this card.)

 

You couldn't cover any of that throughout the story itself?

 

"Now, since I just removed a monster for a card effect, I activate this special trap that can only activate when a monster is removed for a summoning of a malefic monster, even on the turn it was set, go Malefic Override" (OC continous trap card showing Malefic Blue Eyes, rainbow Dragon and Stardust Dragon battling their original selves over a destroyed city).

 

Stop telling us if a card is OC, it's unnecessary.

 

"With this card's power, first any monster, including the one I just removed by the effect of a Malefic monster, are instead placed in my grave. If my monster is destroyed by battle, the corresponding card in placed on the bottom of your deck, and in exchange,you get dealt damage by the monsters level times 100."

 

See, this is what you should have done with Malefic Neos. Actually have the character say what it does rather than putting the card's effect as an aside.

 

"Not bad" Micheal commented.

 

"But next, I think I'll summon Dark Mimic level 1 in defense mode!" a blue box with teeth appeared. (100, 1000).

 

"Next, I play speed spell, Level up! Now, if i have a level monster on my field, I can upgrade him" the little box was replaced by a bigger one.

 

"Dark Mimic, Level 3 (1000, 1000), I think that's enough for now"

 

"My draw!" the boy smirked.

 

"I'll start, with discarding one card" he discarded his Speed Warrior. "To summon, Quickdraw Synchron!" a tuner in a cowboy get up appeared in attack mode (700, 1400).

 

"Next, I normal summon, my Dark Verger in attack mode!" a plant with two eyes on its leaves appeared in attack mode (0, 0).

 

"Now, since my Quickdraw can count as other synchron monsters, its time to tune!" Quickdraw shot his gun into the air, exploding as he did, covering Dark Verger in 5 green rings, with dark verger becoming transparent with two stars.

 

"Rise!" a flash of light

 

There is absolutely no reason that last part should be it's own paragraph. In fact, every other bit of dialogue a character has is a different paragraph. I know you want to avoid having a wall of text, but sometimes you don't need to hit the enter key every single line.

 

"Nitro Warrior!" a large blue warrior with anger issues appeared in attack mode (2800, 1800).

 

Well, at least krspaceT1 knows basic math.

 

"Nitro Warrior, attack!" the warrior flew with a fiery contrail straight into Malefic neos, smashing him with a punch.

 

Paradox 3800

 

I spoke too soon, as Paradox should have 3700 Life Points.

 

"Remember my trap, well if you don't!" a blast of purple light struck Micheal, causing him to cringe.

 

Micheal 3300

 

Okay, this makes krspaceT1's ability to properly calculate another consistent error.

 

"Well, in case you don't remember, since my Nitro Warrior destroyed a card in battle, I can change your defense monster into attack mode, and attack again..."

 

"Normally yes, but I activate Skill Drain!" a creepy purple fog descended upon the field, engulfing all the monsters.

 

"Now, by paying 1000 life points, all effects in play are negated, and this card lasts for as long as it isn't destroyed, so sorry but your warrior is stupefied!"

 

Paradox 2800

 

2700. Yes, I'll be giving the proper Life Points Paradox should have. This isn't Supreme King vs. Jim.

 

"I'm not impressed, and with that I place a card face down to end my turn"

 

"You completed negated my ability to activate effects. Since Mystical Space Typhoon is scarcely used nowadays, I may or may not have a card that can destroy Skill Drain. I'm not impressed."

 

As they biked past a large billboard, with large wanted images for Valdimore and Bellatrix Lestrange, as well as another advertising "Tonto Co brand shaving cream", Paradox began his turn.

 

Apparently this seemingly pointless reference is actually a continuity nod to krspaceT1's mega crossover, only he doesn't know how to spell Voldemort properly.

 

"My draw!"

 

"Now, I send to my grave the monster called Elemental Hero Flame Wingman, to summon Malefic Flame Wingman!" a dark version of Jaden's favorite monster rose in attack mode, with a black and white mask on his head and on his dragon arm

 

It seems that each card gets more description than the last, though that's still not much. Also, why aren't this card or Malefic Neos Elemental Heroes?

 

( OC 2100, 1200).

 

no wait i thought the supreem king or parudox use that in the anime.

 

(Dark, Level 5 Warrior; This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by removing from play 1 "Elemental hero Flame Wingman" from your Extra Deck. There can only be 1 face-up "Malefic" monster on the field. Other monsters you control cannot attack. If there is no face-up Field Spell Card on the field, destroy this card. If this monsters destroys a opponents monster by battle, and sends it the graveyard, deal the destroyed monsters original attack points to its owner as damage)

 

Okay, new consistent error: Laying the card's effect in front of us vs. A character explaining it via dialogue.

 

"Next, I also send my deck's Blue Eyes to the grave, in order to call Malefic Blue eyes white dragon!" a evil blue dragon rose into the air (3000, 2000).

 

"Now, you see the power of my deck! Two all powerful monsters, and thanks to skill drain, its all possible! With it, their effects to be alone are negated!"

 

Not sure if Skill Drain would negate the summon, but alright.

 

"I do, but also I see its defeat" Micheal smirked.

 

"Very well, Blue Eyes, Paradox Lightning!" a blast of blue light flew straight as Nitro warrior.

 

"Go, Scrap Iron Scarecrow!" a metal scarecrow blocked the attack.

 

"That's your father's oldest trick, I'm not impressed" Paradox smirked as he ended his battle phase.

 

Paradox seems to really love smirking even though he's wearing a mask. A shame he only smirked with content once.

 

"I activate, the Infinity Destructinator speed spell (OC spell card showing a green blue infinity symbol piercing Stardust Dragon, Colossal Fighter and Gaia Knight, the Force of Earth, with light of the same color).

 

 

Stop telling us that the card is OC! We get it! Not necessarily an error, but it's equally annoying! Also, what kind of name is "Infinity Destructinator"? It may sound cool to you, but I personally think it's stupid.

 

"Now, by giving up 2 speed counters when I have at least 3, I can remove from play a synchro monster on your field, and in exchange, you regain the non tuners you used to make it" a blue light pierced Nitro Warrior, sending him into a swirling vortex, as Dark Verger replaced it.

 

"And finally, I remove from play from my hand, Infiinity Skill Flagger (OC ) a monster just made of a mask like Paradox's with two large red and white flags behind it jumped into a remove from play vortex

 

Too bad krspaceT1 refused to describe Paradox's masked and expected us to know it's design ourselves.

 

(dark level 1, 0, 0 When you have the skill drain trap card out, you can remove this card. As long as this card is removed from play, your opponent is not affected by Skill Drain, and in exchange, this card's owner draws two cards each turn. Malefic Monsters also regain their effects, aside from their rule on being only one Malefic Monster in play)

 

This card is agonizingly stupid and way, way too situational.

 

"My draw!" Micheal said calmly.

 

That exclamation point doesn't really seem that calm to me.

 

"I activate, my speed spell one for one" he activated his spell.

 

I'm still trying to ignore your insistence to take cards and make them into Speed Spells.

 

"By removing 4 speed counters" he slowed down, getting a good look at the nearby billboards saying Krusty Krab; Home of the Krabby Patty, a inter world delicacy and for Dexlabs

 

No one cares for these stupid, unnecessary, and out of place references. Did I mention we're only half-way done?

 

"I can discard a card from my hand, and summon a monster from my deck at level 1" he discarded his GigaPlant, as Stardust Xialong curled up on his field (100, 100).

 

"Next, I summon Hyper Synchron in attack mode!" the blue cybernetic being rose in attack mode (1600, 800).

 

"Now, I tune level 4 Hyper Synchron and Level 2 Dark Verger!" Four glowing lights burst out of a hatch on Hyper Synchron's chest, as he vanished. The lights turned into four green rings, which surrounded Dark Verger. He became transparent with two glowing stars again.

 

"I synchro summon, Splendid rose!" the blond haired girl with half black and half green clothing, with vines everywhere and roses above her feet, spun in attack mode 2200, 2000).

 

"I activate my Rose's special ability, by removing my Gigaplant from the grave, I can cut the attack of your Malefic Blue eyes in half!" a vine surrounded the evil Blue eyes (1500, 1000).

 

You were doing so well barring your consistent errors until the very end. Malefic Blue-Eyes has 2500 DEF, and half of that is 1250, but that's not the problem. The problem is that Splendid Rose only halves ATK.

 

"Now, Attack, Wonder thorn!" the monster used a rose like a whip to strike down the trapped dragon.

 

Paradox 2100

 

2000.

 

"You fool! Now, your taking some damage, and a free loader!" her deck gained Blue eyes as a purple light struck Micheal again.

 

Micheal 2500

 

No, I'm pretty sure it should be 2700.

 

"Now, for my monsters other effect, by removing dark verger from play, she can attack again by cutting her points in half, so now your dark mimic shall also get some!" his monster swung her whip, striking the purple box, and Paradox. Paradox cringed, feeling a cut on his arm where the rose's whip hit him.

 

"You should know, when Dark mimic is destroyed, I can draw a card"

 

"I see, you are a freak like your mother" he smirked.

 

Once more without - okay, I'll stop. But seriously, does he need to smirk so much when he still has a mask?

 

"My move, and I activated the effect of speed spell, Bypass destroyer" (OC card showing Speed Warrior Kicking the head of Dark Grepher before he could draw his sword). "This spell activates in my draw phase when I draw it, instead of gaining a speed counter. Now, your strongest monster is destroyed!" a speed blast hit and destroyed Splendid Rose.

 

"No!"

 

Now are you impressed?

 

"Yes! Paradox smiled as he also drew his extra card.

 

"Now, I send from my extra deck to my grave, Chimera the Flying mythical beast, to summon Malefic Chimera the Flying Mythical Beast!" a two headed creature, with a snake tail, all these heads covered in black and white masks, with armored wings, flew in from a dark vortex (OC, 2100, 1800)

 

(Dark, Level 6 Beast; This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by removing from play 1 "Chimera the Flying Mythical Beast" from your Extra Deck. There can only be 1 face-up "Malefic" monster on the field. Other monsters you control cannot attack. If there is no face-up Field Spell Card on the field, destroy this card. If this monster is destroyed and sent to the graveyard, and sent to the graveyard, summon forth a Malefic with equal or less attack points then this card,ignoring the summoning conditions)

 

"I have made malefic copies of the greatest cards ever made!"

 

Paradox gloated as his two great monster stared down at Xialong. "And with them, I will change history!"

 

That was some long overdue exposition.

 

"I don't think so" Micheal smirked.

 

Oh great, now you're smirking. Seriously, do either of these guys know any more facial expressions other than smirking?

 

"Well then, Malefic monsters aren't my deck's only cards, I now remove Dark Mimic Level 1 and Chimera, sorry your not getting him today" his two monsters flew into a vortex "to summon, Dark Simorgh!" a giant black bird flew up from the air in attack mode (2700, 1000) "And now, thank's to my monsters ability, you can't set any card!"

 

No, that's not how it works. I know you said Chimera was sent to the Graveyard, but that's not how Malefic monsters work. Even before you did it right and have the monster be removed from play, but here you forgot that for the sole purpose of letting Dark Simorgh be summoned.

 

"Now, Attack Chimera!" the monster charged at the small dragon.

 

"Go, scrap iron scarecrow!" the attack was bounced off.

 

"Well then, Dark Simigroth!" a dark whirlwind hit the dragon.

 

"Yes, I am aware that your little dragon has to be beat twice, that's why I have him!" Malefic Flame wingman burned through the dragon, and Micheal got the extra fire.

 

Micheal 2400

 

2600. Did you even state which mode Stardust Xiaolong was in? I assume he was in Defense Position, because otherwise Micheal would have taken more damage.

 

"That's enough for now" Paradox smirked, as they drove past another wanted sign, with Megatron and Azula's image on them, as well as a sign for Jurassic Park Domino"

 

STOP IT.

 

"MY draw!" he yelled.

 

"And with that, I summon my Junk Synchron to the field in attack mode (1300, 500).

 

"Now, I can revive a monster from my graveyard that's level 2 or below, so welcome back, Speed Warrior in defense mode!" (900, 400)

 

"Junk Warrior can't help you now" Paradox commented..

 

"Oh maybe he can't, but not before I activate, Speed Spell, Angel Baton! Now, I can draw two cards, as long as I send one to the grave" he discarded Quilbolt Hedgehog.

 

"And since I have a tuner in play, I can call my Hedgehog from beyond the grave in attack mode!" A hedgehog with bolts for quils rose in attack mode! (800, 800).

 

"Now, I tune level 3 junk Synchron!" his tuner broke himself apart into three green rings.

 

"With level 2 Speed Warrior and Quilbolt Hedgehog!" the monsters jumped into a burst of light.

 

"To summon, my mother's favorite, BLACK ROSE DRAGON!" the flower themed dragon roared as it appeared in a flash of dark light (2400, 1800).

 

"Oh boy" Paradox chuckled "I have a chance to get a scan of that card too" his duel runner started to glow purple

 

"I don't think so, because when Black Rose Dragon is summoned, I can destroy all the cards on the field!" a burst of black fire crossed the area. "Sorry, no Malefic Black Rose Dragons today!"

 

"Go, Malefic guard!" (OC trap card showing Malefic Chimera protecting Paradox from a dark magic attack)

 

"Huh?"

 

"Now, I can protect my spells and traps from being destroyed, by removing a malefic card from my deck! I remove, Malefic Swift Gaia the Fierce Knight (OC)!"

 

((Dark, Level 7, 2300, 2100 This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by removing from play 1 Swift Gaia The Fierce Knight, from your Deck. There can only be 1 face-up Malefic monster on the field. Other monsters you control cannot attack. If .?docid=17358803 is no face-up Field Spell Card on the field, destroy this card If this card is the only card in your hand when you special summon it, you can draw one card.). Paradox's cards were all destroyed, as was black rose Dragon.

 

This is even more pointless. We're not going to see the card, unless it's being brought back later, so we don't need to know what it does.

 

"and now, thank's to my Malefic Chimera, I can summon a Malefic monster back, like Malefic Flame Wingman!"

 

You don't understand the concept of Nomi's do you?

 

"I play two cards face down, and with that, I end my turn"

 

"My draws!" Paradox smirked, as they passed a bill board about the big dueling leagues. The older Duela and Leo were on it, with Guardian Eatos vs Power Tool Dragon.

 

Duela is a character from the mega crossover. This is the most pointless meta reference so far. And that's terrible.

 

"I now send my Handcuffs Dragon, and my VWXYZ Dragon Catapult Cannon from my deck and extra deck, to summon Malefic Handcuffs Dragon (1800, 1800)and Malefic Dragon Catapult Cannon!" (3000, 2800). The large monster battle robot with a black and white mask on his face, and on his dragon head's armor, stood like a creepy robot, and behind it, the handcuffed headed and ended dragon had black and white marks on each part of the handcuff.

 

Okay, Malefic Dragon Catapult Cannon. That's my favorite card here. Too bad it's not enough to even bring this fanfic from so-bad-it's-horrible to awful.

 

(Dark, Level 5, 1800, 1800 This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by removing from play 1 Handcuffs Dragon from your Deck. There can only be 1 face-up Malefic monster on the field. Other monsters you control cannot attack. If there is no face-up Field Spell Card on the field, destroy this card. If this card is destroyed in battle, all monsters on your opponents field loose 1800 attack and defense points, and when this card inflicts damage ,your opponent must send the bottom 2 cards from the deck to the grave)

 

(Dark, Level 8, 3000, 2800 This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by removing from play 1 VWXYZ Dragon Catapult Cannon from your Extra Deck. There can only be 1 face-up Malefic monster on the field. Other monsters you control cannot attack. If there is no face-up Field Spell Card on the field, destroy this card. Once per turn, you can remove a card in your hand to remove a card on your opponent side of the field and deal 500 points of damage)

 

"Whoa!"

 

"Yes, and now I remove the Rainbow Dark Dragon in my hand, to remove Scrap Iron Scarecrow!" his main defense trap was gone! and he took 500 points of damage

 

Unnecessary, since Black Rose Dragon destroyed every card on the field, which you even pointed out, but only Paradox's cards were protected.

 

Micheal 1900

 

Screw this, I'm not going to keep track of Life Points anymore.

 

"Now, I attack you with my Catapult!" a blast of dark energy flew at Micheal.

 

"Go, Draining Shield!" a shield formed around him, absorbing the power of the attack.

 

Micheal 4900

 

"Very well, but still not enough! my Flamewingman!" a blast of dark fire struck Micheal head on

 

Micheal 2800

 

"And my Handcuff!" Micheal got pinched

 

Micheal 1000

 

"Now, your bottom two cards are back to me" he regained Neos and Blue eyes in his grave.

 

"Your move!"

 

"With pleasure" Micheal focused before drawing. He smiled.

 

"I first activate, Speed Spell- Burial from a different dimmension, and by removing 3 speed counters; Nitro, Quilbolt and Dark Verger are back in my grave!"

 

"Now I summon Debris Dragon in attack mode!" the white dragon flew in with a growl (1000, 2000).

 

"A tuner!"

 

"Yes, and now with his ability, I revive Dark Verger!" (0, 0).

 

"And with a tuner on my field, I revive Quilbolt Hedgehog one more time! (800, 800).

 

"Now, I tune level 4 Debris dragon, level 2 Dark Verger and Level 2 Quilbolt Hedgehog!" his monsters did the whole tuning sequence.

 

"To summon, Stardust Dragon!" the pure white dragon roared to life (2500, 2000).

 

"Next, I play, Speed Spell- Enchanted fitting room! With it, I give up 800 points, and draw four cards!" (In this time, its normal only rule is scratched)" two of the cards he drew glowed orange, as he felt a strange feeling on both of his arms. The dragon's head and Claw formed on each of his arms, from his parents.

 

"I summon, Two Majestic Dragons!" (0, 0) "as well as Dash Warrior (600, 1200)" he put the other card, Max Warrior, back into the deck. "And since Stardust Dragon was summoned, I can revive Stardust Xiaolong!"

 

"Now, I tune together, Stardust, Stardust Xiaolong and Majestic Dragon!" the two dragons jumped into the enlarged majestic Dragon to tune.

 

"I Synchro Summon, Majestic Star Dragon!" he yelled as the great beast roared to life (3800, 3000).

 

"You can summon that thing!" Paradox said shocked.

 

"When your the son of two signers, you pick up a trick or two, and now I activate, Descending lost star, reviving my one level down friend, Black Rose Dragon (2400, 0).

 

Or rather, you're a blatant Sue.

 

"Next, I tune my other majestic dragon, Black Rose Dragon, and Dash Warrior, into the just as mighty Majestic Rose Dragon!" the two monsters also jumped into the enlarged tuner.

 

"Rise, my mighty beast!"

 

A dragon much in the shape of Majestic Star Dragon, except purple with large roses at each pointed part, and petals on its wings, flew alongside the other majestic dragon. (3400, 2800).

 

(Fire, Level 10, 3400, 2800 Majestic Dragon + Black Rose Dragon + 1 non-Tuner monster

You can Tribute this card to destroy all the cards on your opponents side of the field, and for each card destroyed by this effect, you gain 400 life points. During the End Phase, return this card from the field to the Extra Deck, and Special Summon 1 "Black Rose Dragon" from your Graveyard.)

 

what

 

What

 

WHAT

 

Okay, this just pathetic! 7 + 1 + 3 = 11, but krspaceT1 somehow concludes it's 10! Is he trying to make it match up with Majestic Star Dragon's level? Maybe, but this is just so blatantly stupid!

 

"Now, Majestic Rose Dragon, Rose Obliteration!" his dragon burst into a purple light, that obliterated all the cards on Paradox's field.

 

Micheal 2200

 

"Now, I shall attack with Majestic Star Dragon!" the bright light emmiting from Star's mouth struck Paradox clean

 

Paradox 0

 

Paradox's duel runner stopped as they skidded to a halt, near a bill board with a Visit the beautiful land of Alegesia, as well as a wanted poster for Van Kliess and Marik.

 

"It's over, Paradox, your going to the prison world, Spaghetti Junction" Micheal told him.

 

"Its not over, I still have this" a portal through time opened up as he got back onto his runner and drove for it.

 

"Go, Black Rose Dragon, STOP HIM!" he used his psychic dueling skills to really summon Black Rose, whose thorns grabbed Paradox and his runner, but then his deck through into the portal.

 

"NO!" Paradox cried as his deck vanished.

 

In the present

 

The deck flew out of the portal, and landed in a dispersed pile, in the room of the supreme king, as he opened the door...

 

Michael Fudo; Son of Yusei Fudo and Akiza Izinski

As seen in The Adventures of Duela and Yuna

 

Oh. My. God. It's over. If you're still reading, then you managed to reach the end. This is just unspeakably awful. Pointless pop culture references, atrocious lapses in grammar, a blatant Gary Stu son of Yusei and Aki, insistence on writing out the effect to almost every single original card and constantly stating they're OC when it's obvious they are! I am most certainly smirking with content at how awful this is.

 

 

[krspaceT1]

One; Most of the speed spells like One for one come from Reverse of Arcadia, two Descending lost star reduces the level of the monster special summoned, Three Malefic Override put them in the grave, Four yes I do make mistakes with Voldemorts name, Five, this was in Fanfiction.Net, so for that reason, I would expect the readers to be Yu Gi OH fans (Though I did have one who thought he was Ben 10's paradox

[Phantom Roxas]

Okay, I'll give you Descending Lost Star and Malefic Override, but my the rest still stands.

[Dr. Cakey]

In what possible universe(s):

-Does Darth Sidious not win (excluding defeat by Darth Vader)?

-Is Ash Ketchum in a prophecy, with the possible exception of a prophecy of the coming Dark Times?

-Is GX acknowledged. Not only does it have all its character-based crap, the ultimate villain was vague energy being spewed out of a white hole that despite being all-powerful needed to borrow a world-destroying mind-controlling satellite?

-Are Sin Monsters called "Malefic"*?

-Does someone find ANY crossover appropriate, forget this mind-twisting mega-crossover which presumably will collapse into a black hole if gathered together?

-A bunch of other crap?

 

Crossovers do not support their own plot-structure. While I was reading the Twilight saga, I periodically envisioned Ichigo going Hollow on everyone's ass. He cut Edward in half. And it was very pretty. But I did not then go ahead and write this. In addition, I did not add in any other media I could think of (off the top of my head, I'll pick Hikaru no Go, Peanuts, Dune, Star Wars, Code Geass, Star Trek: The Next Generation, and The West Wing) and let them all clusterf*** one another.

 

* Yes, I know they're called Malefics. But in the name of all that is holy, you don't have to go along with it! They're f***ing Sins!

[DARKPLANT RISING]

krspaceT1, you haven't ever answered my question. I don't hate you, but at least answer:

 

Does your characters have a meaning? Can't Voldemort be something else? Can't Jaden be someone else? If there's no real reason for their specials to exist, then your story is invalid. Get what I mean?

Let's say no one duels except Jaden. If so, Jaden can be replaced by another character you made up. Then, let's say that "Avada Kedavra" can be replaced by something like a knife, should the need arise. Or is it in the plot that only spells can be cast? If so, I'll let it go, but everything must have a meaning.

Creating characters is a part of a good story. Lack of your characters is a lack of writing skills.

[krspaceT1]

My stories represent my imagination of the worlds of shows, book and games combining in ways never before seen. The descendents of heroes represent the story continuing. And with so many villians; the mad scientist, Dr. Doofemsmirtz, The reborn sith, Darth Julian, the evil virus XANA, the sith Sidious, the wizard Voldemort, the titan Kronos, the robot Megatron, so on, so on, I have a lot of villain choices. The universe will always reflect the idea, that no matter how dark things get, their will always be light, friendship, and humor......

 

Where anything is possible, the KrspaceT universe, just imagine

The penguins blowing up the death star

Percy Jackson fighting Kratos, the ghost of sparta

Jayfeather the cat playing poker with an older Skipper, Private, Momo and Pikachu

Sora fighting Count Douku

Sidious fighting Zak Saturday, Ben and Gwen Tennyson, Jade Chan, Omi and Kiki Benjamin

Jaden dueling the supreme king

Ben as XLR8 Racing sonic the hedgehog

Ed cloning himself by himself

Dobby playing cards with the older penguins

Saphira growling at Hagrid

Ect, ect, ect, ect, ect

And I have a long list of OC's, including

Zoe Jackson daughter of Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase

Sally Sumdac daughter of Sari Sumdac

Tisa Tano adoptive daughter of Ashoka Tano

Garrow son of Eragon and Arya

Bell Utonium Daughter of Blossom and Dexter

Jess Lee daughter of Juniper Lee

Diana clone of Artemis and a borrowed OC, Tonto

Leia Caselatan Grace clone of Thalia Grace and Luke (What, Luke was dead, and Artemis is well, it was the only way I could do it)

Lee La Rue son of Clarisse la Rue and Chris Rodriguez

Liberty Hiller Daughter of Sarah Philips and James Hiller

Einette Hopper Daughter of Aelita Hopper and Jeremy Belipos

John Victoria Son of OC Thomas Greenlight and Seras Victoria

Derrek Fenton son of Danny Fenton and Sam Manson

Chroma Daughter of Kronos

Odd; Son of Rex and Circe

[Umbra]

The main problem doesn't lie in your use of crossovers, even though your idea of a multi-crossover seems to be one story with random inserts to other series every fifteenth line or so. No, it's just that you're a terrible writer who makes up bad characters and writes bad stories.

[krspaceT1]

You haven't even read my stories, just one small bit, and you dare to call my stories horrible! My stories are daring, where I do things no one before has ever dared! I've given Avatar Azula a Sephiroth wing, I created a duel keyblade just for Jaden's bloodline, I made Dharc a girl, I've turned Percy, Annabeth, Grover, Thalia, Nico, Bianca and Clarisse into gods, READ MY STORIES IN FULL FIRST, UMBRA, OR BE SILENT

[Dr. Cakey]

You haven't even read my stories' date=' just one small bit, and you dare to call my stories horrible! My stories are daring, where I do things no one before has ever dared! I've given Avatar Azula a Sephiroth wing, I created a duel keyblade just for Jaden's bloodline, I made Dharc a girl, I've turned Percy, Annabeth, Grover, Thalia, Nico, Bianca and Clarisse into gods, READ MY STORIES IN FULL FIRST, UMBRA, OR BE SILENT

[/quote']

 

He doesn't need to read the rest of them. He can tell this is not quality stuff because of what he's read. If everything else is like this...I don't know...

 

And doing random crap is not daring. Observe:

'Kay, I'm going to put Hikaru from Hikaru no Go, and I'll have him working alongside Batman, right, and he'll have the Millennium Necklace, because after Darth Maul got his legs cut off, he didn't actually die but got prosthetics and went to Egypt, but then Grimmjow attacked him and the Millennium Items were scattered all over the place, but then Navi was able to get the necklace and Spiderman took it to Hikaru and told him it was his destiny to help Batman as decreed by Athena.

 

Good story idea?

[krspaceT1]

Actually, it does sound workable. You just need to have a good idea of where your story should go, and keep on writing

[legolover09]

I think he might actually find it a good idea, and compared to this one story, it actually has a plot line. No offence, krspaceT1, but you need to learn to take criticism. Seriously, you need to learn. LEARN. OR ELSE. Crab Helmet will eat your stories for breakfast.

[krspaceT1]

I've taken critisiim, but I've barely got any compliments, on Fanfiction, even when I get a critic, I always have another fan who says otherwise, but not here, and its just a chapter, not a real story

[bury the year]

...I really need to post an announcement about the Jack Witt Clause. :/

[Umbra]

You haven't even read my stories' date=' just one small bit, and you dare to call my stories horrible! My stories are daring, where I do things no one before has ever dared! I've given Avatar Azula a Sephiroth wing, I created a duel keyblade just for Jaden's bloodline, I made Dharc a girl, I've turned Percy, Annabeth, Grover, Thalia, Nico, Bianca and Clarisse into gods, READ MY STORIES IN FULL FIRST, UMBRA, OR BE SILENT

[/quote']

 

Yes. I dare because I possess a mind perfectly able to draw conclusions. Let's look at the facts, shall we?

1. This is part of a larger story.

2. You have posted this part here on YCM.

 

My conclusion:

This is the part of your story that you wanted us to see; the best your story has to offer, the part that is supposed to draw us in and go to FF.net to read your other parts. If this isn't true, then you should've posted that part from the beginning.

 

I am of the opinion that this is a very bad story. Thus, I conclude that all of your other stories are either as bad as this, or worse. I have no reason to torture myself, so I don't read your other stories.

 

Oh, and writing a story isn't "daring" in any way, unless you're offending a large group of people by writing it. (Which you are, to some extent, but not enough to call it "daring".)

 

Oh, and I am silent. I'm just writing.

[DARKPLANT RISING]

......krspace.

 

Seriously.... please answer my question. It's extremely annoying.At least, I'm not flaming you... and it wouldn't hurt, would it?

 

On the other hand, I would also like to ask your age. Depending on that, my way of seeing would change A LOT.

 

If you are 12 or under, I would probably give this a "neutral for the age". On the hand, if you were 16 or something, I would stop reading completely.

[Dr. Cakey]

Actually' date=' it does sound workable. You just need to have a good idea of where your story should go, and keep on writing

[/quote']

 

Who do you think you are? yugiohoverlord?

[Weather Report - Stand]

Actually' date=' it does sound workable. You just need to have a good idea of where your story should go, and keep on writing

[/quote']

 

Who do you think you are? yugiohoverlord?

 

What does that have to do with it? Really, I think that we can all say that he's still a beginner at writing stories. Remember when you were younger, and that ONE criticism on your gawd-awful story mentally broke you? Why can't everybody accept that he's still at the stage where you literally view your own story as the best thing you've done? You're just supposed to GENTLY break it to him by pointing out all the flaws while being NICE. Hell, if anybody'd done that to me on my olde-timey days on Pokemon Crater (V.2), then I'd sure as hell be a better writer than I am now.

 

So, um, anyways, I just wanted to say that you guys need to recall how you were with your first story under the age of 13, and yeah.