LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 Constantly, every moment, I worry and stress and try my hardest to make people that I never even really met happy. I feel bad whenever I can't help, or when I feel differently from someone and express it. Because I can't help but think that I need to be a good happy friend or else. And I'm f***ing sick of it. I'm so tired of this pressure I force upon myself. I don't want to give a f*** anymore. And so, I am going to give it a try. I'm gonna try and not get so outwardly emotional. I'm gonna just do what I feel like, and hope that my guilt doesn't tear me apart. So the plan for now, though this could change. Is, at least here, to be a little more distant. I'll keep posting, though maybe not as often. I might even put on a happy face. But I will attempt to discard at least some of the pressure and emotion I've flooded myself with regarding this place. I mean...like, why did I even put myself under such pressure for YCM in the first place? i find it harder and harder to find the answer, which I suppose shows that something is wrong. I just feel empty and cold and I want that to go away...or at least I want to ignore it easier. Why am I saying this? idk, maybe to get it off my chest. Maybe I feel I owe it to people here to explain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toffee. Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 'sfunny..... I can relate to this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raine Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 Wünderbar! I think you're taking the hard way on this but you're getting the right idea. To run yourself ragged over this place would nothing but disappointment and undue stress. Accept who we are and what this is at its face value, it's a distraction, a wonderful place of social interaction. You don't need to fundamentally blame your personal philosophy but understand what the balance of your priorities and perspective is. Good for you, CowCow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sleepy Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 You have a great mindset, but as said above, you need to find a certain balance. You can't go around being completely selfless if it is wearing you down. I think you can keep smiling as you said it, but within reason. I've had my own few disappointments in the past, trying to be open and honest and even apologizing for whatever I might have done in the past regarding certain members. I've done that when they are "leaving" as to not have me keep things unsaid, even if the other person hardly remembers me. Bottom line, some people just don't give a crap..... well, at least I also did it for myself so it's not too big of a deal if I only get the "X has seen your message" at best and X leaving member(s) ends up not leaving at all..... I think I'm getting side-tracked somewhere.... Anyways, remember that above anything else, you are here in this site to enjoy your time. You probably have your close friends from this site on Skype or somewhere else already so I'm guessing you are talking about going out of your way for random strangers. I wish you luck with this issue. EDIT: Oh, and from a quick glimpse at your status, no, you don't need to cover up your emotions. You need to think about yourself, not about others's comfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~ P O L A R I S ~ Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 Each person has a unique emotional landscape, so I won't claim to know what you're experiencing, it's your own extremely personal terrain. That being said, I can appreciate the difficulty of trying to master emotions rather than letting them master me. Sometimes I'm in control and sometimes I just have to watch and cringe. I wish you the best in that struggle, hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow Posted March 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 tfw a thread titled "I give up" gets three likes. Well...It's just...I really don't want to feel so much, don't want to care so much about things...so I'm gonna try to not care and hope that works out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 I think people on this site have a tendency to over-analyze shit. It's not that complicated, you don't owe anyone anything, similarly, no one expects that of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash Flyer - Sakura Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 Just be yourself, Cow. As Night mentioned, you're not expected to impress any of us. If you end up doing it, then great; otherwise, no big deal. --- Provided you still follow the rules and respect everyone else on YCM, then do what you feel is needed to get yourself through this. No need to alter your own emotions to satisfy ours; at least not forcibly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow Posted March 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 Ya know I thought after I posted this that it came off as a lot harsher than meant, but it's nice to know that people seem to have gotten the meaning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thar Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 Night summed it up better than I could. I used to feel the same way, and in a way I still do, but I've managed to narrow it down to family only and not strangers, and even they see it as unnecessary. If I want to help someone, I don't oblige myself to it unless they need it. Otherwise I usually only do it for myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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