Jump to content

[Serious] Seeking genuine advice

EeveeManiac

By EeveeManiac
in Miscellaneous

Recommended Posts

EeveeManiac Newbie

EeveeManiac

Posted
Posted

So, say I had a friend who is struggling with wanting to come out of the closet, but his parent is a sort of conservative Christian. It is basically eating this friend from the inside out, but having read about so many negative outcomes, the friend is terrified to do so. The parent has stated that they had a good LGBT friend, and the parent doesn't think LGBT people are bad people just that the parent doesn't really approve of what they do. This friend has been planning and thinking about this for months, with all the paranoia and anxiety that that implies. Any advice for this friend?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Dova Newbie

Dova

Posted
Posted

As a Christian myself, my family's attitude towards that sort of thing has been "Hate the Sinner, not the Sin". However, I can't predict how your family will react. I would say that it might be best TO reveal, considering it can eat one from the inside out, but again, I dunno the actual status.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
EeveeManiac Newbie

EeveeManiac

Posted
  • Author
Posted

As a Christian myself, my family's attitude towards that sort of thing has been "Hate the Sinner, not the Sin". However, I can't predict how your family will react. I would say that it might be best TO reveal, considering it can eat one from the inside out, but again, I dunno the actual status.

I'd like to know what you mean by status. If you mean how the other members of the family view it, I'd say: One of the brothers has displayed a negative reaction to a scene in a movie that shows two men kissing, and the other brother seems to be ok with it as long as it's not being pushed in his face. Yeah, I probably should have mentioned "brothers" but this friend was thinking about taking it one person at a time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
EeveeManiac Newbie

EeveeManiac

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Well, what I mean is, what one might say and what one might do are entirely different things. I think that it might be best to come out, but I'm just saying that I'm not 100% sure on the outcomes.

Ok now I get it, you have a very good point. I think said friend may take a week or two more to think over likely reactions, and possibly subtly obtain more information from the family. Really appreciate the help!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Yuuji Kazami Newbie

Yuuji Kazami

Posted
Posted

So, say I had a friend who is struggling with wanting to come out of the closet, but his parent is a sort of conservative Christian. It is basically eating this friend from the inside out, but having read about so many negative outcomes, the friend is terrified to do so. The parent has stated that they had a good LGBT friend, and the parent doesn't think LGBT people are bad people just that the parent doesn't really approve of what they do. This friend has been planning and thinking about this for months, with all the paranoia and anxiety that that implies. Any advice for this friend?

Can you elaborate on the circumstance? I understand that he wants to come out of the closet, but it'll help us more if you can describe the situation better.

 

Does he already have a partner or possible partner who wants to take things to the next level?

 

Does the parent already suspect/know his true colours?

 

Is the friend being forced to do anything against his well?

 

If you can be more specific (No names or locations required), then perhaps I can give some better advice in this category. In my school, LGBT is supported greatly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Snatch Steal Apprentice

Snatch Steal

Posted
Posted

So, say I had a friend who is struggling with wanting to come out of the closet, but his parent is a sort of conservative Christian. It is basically eating this friend from the inside out, but having read about so many negative outcomes, the friend is terrified to do so. The parent has stated that they had a good LGBT friend, and the parent doesn't think LGBT people are bad people just that the parent doesn't really approve of what they do. This friend has been planning and thinking about this for months, with all the paranoia and anxiety that that implies. Any advice for this friend?

 

don't do it. d o n o t d o i t.

coming out is a really really really really bad idea. No matter what, it's always better to stay in the closet. Your friend needs to keep being afraid, since it will probably keep him safe. 

He's probably better off pretending to be straight anyway. Maybe he'll eventually convince himself he's not gay somehow and save himself the trouble.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
(GigaDrillBreaker) Enthusiast

(GigaDrillBreaker)

Posted
Posted

don't do it. d o n o t d o i t.

coming out is a really really really really bad idea. No matter what, it's always better to stay in the closet. Your friend needs to keep being afraid, since it will probably keep him safe. 

He's probably better off pretending to be straight anyway. Maybe he'll eventually convince himself he's not gay somehow and save himself the trouble.

Are you, like, an alt someone made to funk with people? I mean really.

 

If the friend is prepared for what will certainly be a significant change in their life, then by all means they should take that step. Even so, it is a big step to take, so pushing them through it is insensitive.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Snatch Steal Apprentice

Snatch Steal

Posted
Posted

Are you, like, an alt someone made to f*** with people? I mean really.

 

If the friend is prepared for what will certainly be a significant change in their life, then by all means they should take that step. Even so, it is a big step to take, so pushing them through it is insensitive.

 

...uh, no. I'm serious. I came out, it really sucks. My dad is always getting on my case about being a catholic this and that, guys don't like being around me because of it. That's even considering there are practically no significant bullies at my school. Not sure where he's going, but if it's public, then coming out is a no-go.

 

Sorry, but asking a question doesn't always warrant a carbon copied answer xd

Link to comment
Share on other sites
(GigaDrillBreaker) Enthusiast

(GigaDrillBreaker)

Posted
Posted

So, with your experience, you have absolute knowledge to the point where you can speak for every possible situation, and say that it is never, ever a good idea? Is this a funking joke?

 

Kreeper, your friend should know that people like this exist, who live to criticize a lifestyle, but they shouldn't let those people be in charge of how he lives his life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
EeveeManiac Newbie

EeveeManiac

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Can you elaborate on the circumstance? I understand that he wants to come out of the closet, but it'll help us more if you can describe the situation better.

 

Does he already have a partner or possible partner who wants to take things to the next level?

 

Does the parent already suspect/know his true colours?

 

Is the friend being forced to do anything against his well?

 

If you can be more specific (No names or locations required), then perhaps I can give some better advice in this category. In my school, LGBT is supported greatly.

To answer the questions in order:

No, but he is sure about the way he feels.

Maybe, maybe not. He (the friend) is not too sure at the moment.

No.

What would you like me to be more specific about?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Yuuji Kazami Newbie

Yuuji Kazami

Posted
Posted

To answer the questions in order:

No, but he is sure about the way he feels.

Maybe, maybe not. He (the friend) is not too sure at the moment.

No.

What would you like me to be more specific about?

Everyone else, please let me talk to Kreeper without fighting. Any encouragement for him and his friend is appreciated.

 

So okay, I see it's mainly anxiety that's weighing him down. I won't ask for his age, but here's all the advice I can give:

 

Option 1:

 

If his age is below 17, or he still isn't about to move out the house yet, I would recommend seeking out a school counselor or a teacher he can trust first. And no, that's not all I'm going to say, so don't quit reading. I say seek out a counselor or a teacher he trusts first because it's just another person to talk about this with, and they're mature enough not to disclose any private information. This will help ease some of the anxiety and pain in his heart.

 

After that, tell him to be with friends more, but not enough to distract him from his schoolwork. School is important. He will need brave people like you supporting him as he's walking through this. Hang out, play video games, go swimming, eating at restaurants together, etc. It will help as well because it takes his mind off things.

 

DO NOT. I SAY. DO NOT LEAVE HIM ALONE. EVEN IF HE GETS ANNOYING, AND ESPECIALLY IF HE SEEMS MORE DEPRESSED. Have somebody talking with him or being with him ALL THE TIME. It can be as simple as Skyping together while doing homework.

 

WHEN HUMANS ARE ALONE AND THEY FEEL THAT THERE IS NO ONE ELSE THEY CAN TURN TO, THEY'LL BREAK. I NEARLY WENT BERSERK WHEN IT HAPPENED TO ME.

 

I'm straight (maybe a little gay), but even s*** happens to straight people too.

 

Now we get into the meat. Since he feels his parent would probably not be approving of his decision, and his parent already somewhat suspects his true sexual orientation, I'd say wait until it's almost University/College time before saying anything. However, I understand that it may be too hard, so here's my alternative solution. I'd still recommend waiting before post-secondary though.

 

Alternative: So he can't hold it in, and is too scared to confess. Start by dropping subtle hints. Unfortunately, I have no idea about his ethnicity so I've split it into the most common probabilities.

 

Start by having him talk about the parent's LGBT friend in order to start a conversation with said parent. Have him ask the parent's thoughts about the said LGBT friend, and ask parent's opinions of the LGBT friend.

 

If they say along the lines of "He/She is a good person, but I don't approve of their sexuality": Have him ask the parent what would they do if he was also a LGBT, or in case they're too smart, ask what would they do if they raised an LGBT child.

 

If they're like REALLY smart, change it to "what if you had to suddenly raise an LGBT child, and she can't change her sexual orientation." This is the safest method, but also the most inaccurate. It wouldn't provide an exact estimate of the parent's reaction. (I used SHE in order to throw off the parents more).

 

If things turn to worse, have him drop the conversation altogether and be like "I was just curious." Then come back to me and I'll provide another plan.

 

Option 2: If he's above post-secondary, tell me and I'll type it out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Tinkerer Mentor

Tinkerer

Posted
Posted

As a Christian myself, my family's attitude towards that sort of thing has been "Hate the Sinner, not the Sin".

...Well, that's completely different from my family. I always grew up learning it was "Love the sinner, hate the sin."

 

Unfortunately, I can't really give insight into your friend's troubles, but a Christian should know that God is forgiving. It may be difficult, but I think it'd be best to definitely come out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...