[serious] My mom's terrible boyfriend

[ÆƵ–]

So, I just had a little mini-confrontation with my mom's terrible boyfriend. Now, I'm not going to go into specifics because I don't want to, but I will give a lil background.

My mom's boyfriend is bad. Nine years in the same house, and things have only gotten worse.

Things started out okay-ish. I never did like him, and he probably doesn't even like kids to begin with, (I was 9-10 when he came up) so that just makes things destined for doom.

Now, I think things started going downhill when I was around 13-14, and things were going bad for me, emotionally. I started hating my mother (a topic for another time), and acted out in all sorts of ways. The thing that set my household on a path to doom? I scratched his car. I don't mean a little scratch, I mean a bumper to bumper scratch. I got in trouble for it, obviously, and ever since then things have degraded into hatred.

Later, he started doing things that were, in my eyes, senseless. Covering up the dishwasher vent to "prevent water damage". Tying towels in knots around the refrigerator door. Turning the hallway light on and leaving it on for no reason. Being the person I am, I undo these things. I uncover the vent, I undo the knots, I turn off the light. Yet he persists, simply to annoy me, especially the refrigerator towel. He went so far as to tie a note into this knot that read, and I quote, "How to keep a retard busy: 1) tie a knot. 2) watch them untie it 3) retie knot". I wrote my mother a letter, tapping this hurtful and bigoted note to said letter, and presented it to her. There was little consequence. So we both kept at the towel, so much so that he even went so far as to ambush me and my mother over the refrigerator towels, threatening to stab someone.

Since then, he has, without a doubt, done some things to get back at me. He has scratched my computer screen, my t.v. Screen, he even broke into my room, my locked room, while the others of the household were on vacation and sprayed his deodorant all over my room, leaving white streaks and a bad smell that didn't go away for at least a month. Of course, since I have no proof, he denies it, and essentially gets away without consequence. All because of such little, petty things.

His name is [personal details redacted]. I know I would appreciate it if you made his life a living hell somehow, but I know that's far from likely.

Anyways, feel free to share stories about terrible people in your life here. I'll continue taking my bath.

[mitchermitcher]

Dude, not misc.

 

Also I sorta recall a rule about not presenting personal information without consent or something like that, iunno.

 

I mean, I'm sad to hear how bad your life seems to be, unless this is ironic for some reason, but a children's card game enthusiast forum really ain't the best place.

[Trebuchet MS]

Your circumstances may be unfortunate, but I don't think getting others on the Internet to harass that person is the best way to handle it.

 

We're not 4chan or anything.

[(GigaDrillBreaker)]

You said you also accept nice words.

 

I believe the word exuberant to be very nice.

 

Just say it out loud. Sounds funking awesome.

[Power Armour]

I'd play his game, tie a knot over the tv, with the note attached:

How to keep a jabroni busy

 

Tie knot

Watch jabroni untie knot

Retie knot

[Spinny]

I'd play his game, tie a knot over the tv, with the note attached:

How to keep a c*** busy

 

Tie knot

Watch c*** untie knot

Retie knot

That sounds like an awful idea, you just make your position in the household worse and make him sound more believable when he denies his bullshit.

[Althemia]

These things are petty, as you said. So I don't see why you bothered to keep undoing said things if they were as petty as you made them out to be. At some point in time, you probably had the power to stop this entire thing at one point in time by not responding to these things. Am I saying that this makes your mother's partner exempt? No, of course not. He has done some horrible things, but there is a partial blame on you since you kept fueling his fire instead of letting it die. I understand that this isn't what you want to hear, but it's something that you need to hear otherwise you're going to keep repeating this cycle over and over again.

 

Also if I'm entirely honest, the majority of your gripes don't even point toward your mom's boyfriend being bad. A lot of this can be described as idiotic, yes, but the majority of it isn't something that I would describe as harmful. You going out of your way to undo what he did wound him up, which caused a lot of his actions. Again, some of this isn't acceptable such as him damaging your property but the deoderant thing I really wouldn't advise getting bothered about.

 

Big things I have gripes with regarding this. Why in the world would you ever consider giving out someone's personal information for things like this? That's absolutely ridiculous. I can understand wanting to vent, but when you put something like that out there for god knows who to find..

 

No, there are no nice words in this post. Why? The biggest thing that you need isn't nice words, it's a reality check. Have you actually attempted to defuse the situation WITH HIM? Going around to your mother isn't addressing the situation obviously because she's smitten with this guy. If you'd already stated that you tried to clear the air with this guy, I would have been more inclined to give you sympathy. But you've stated nothing of the sort, just that you went ahead to undo whatever he did which gives him the impression that you're doing it delibrately to spite him and not because you find what he does unnecessary.

[Power Armour]

That sounds like an awful idea, you just make your position in the household worse and make him sound more believable when he denies his bullshit.

If any mother believes her boyfriend (not even the father of the child) over her own kid, that's bad parenting at it's finest.

[mitchermitcher]

If any mother believes her boyfriend (not even the father of the child) over her own kid, that's bad parenting at it's finest.

Even if the mother mentioned was a bad parent, that doesn't change the fundamental problem about the relationship between OP and the boyfriend. Getting back at him like that would only worsen the situation.

[Halubaris Maphotika]

Yea-no

 

Doxxing and harassing someone is not how you get sheet properly done and it makes you no different than him.

 

I have no sympathy for one who stoops to such levels in these circumstances. It's wrong, plain and simple.

 

Thank God there was a mod to fix this.

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

Okay these comments, while not entirely wrong, are bothering me. Obviously Aez isn't in a very good state of mind when writing this, and if you're really gonna just focus on the mistake they made, then that's petty in of itself. Though I do agree with removing the personal information.

 

This guy sounds terrible, but yeah, I agree with the advice of ignoring the petty things. I understand it can be scary, because I know this kind of person. It's quite possible that he'll find a new, worse, thing to do. He sounds somewhat psychotic, not a typical bully you can ignore and he'll leave it be. That's what I think the above posters are missing most. He might not be, but the possibility is there. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

 

Also if I'm entirely honest, the majority of your gripes don't even point toward your mom's boyfriend being bad. A lot of this can be described as idiotic, yes, but the majority of it isn't something that I would describe as harmful. You going out of your way to undo what he did wound him up, which caused a lot of his actions. Again, some of this isn't acceptable such as him damaging your property but the deoderant thing I really wouldn't advise getting bothered about.

 

So we both kept at the towel, so much so that he even went so far as to ambush me and my mother over the refrigerator towels, threatening to stab someone.

He has scratched my computer screen, my t.v. Screen, he even broke into my room, my locked room, while the others of the household were on vacation and sprayed his deodorant all over my room, leaving white streaks and a bad smell that didn't go away for at least a month.

To me, while seemingly not horrid, this is a very possible sign of something much worse. Now, it might just be my personal bias, because of...well.

 

Time to share my story. I don't care if people think this forum is not the place for this kinda thing, there's plenty of people I care about and care about me here, and honestly, it's good to be able to talk about these things in a semi-public but still anonymous place.

 

Anyway.

 

My former step-dad. He did many a terrible things. Keep in mind I lived with him from when I was about 6 to when I was...around 16? Let's see...okay well to start. My mom used to have a hobby shop, selling cards, figures, etc, it even had pool tables, arcade machines, and hosted official MtG tournaments.

The step-dad stole, cheated on taxes, and other such things, behind my mom's back, and ended up getting the store shut down.

He was a druggie. And by that I meant pot, prescription, and heroine. He even stole from me to pay for it and smoked the pot in my room, making my clothing smell of it.

He threatened and hit me a lot. For instance I was about 12 and he told me he'd remove my bedroom door if I kept it locked ever because "This is my house I should be able to go wherever I want".

He hit me for things such as, when a kid, like 10 or so, I smacked my lips while eating a few times.

He cheated on my mother with at least two different women, including one he got with after my mom got a divorce. (He also was accused but not convicted of sleeping with her 16 year old daughter). He, as I later learned, often threatened and abused my mom as well.

And.... He put a camera in the vent of my bathroom, in order to get video of my sister showering. And when it was discovered, he blamed my brother for it.

Luckily I don't have to deal with him anymore, because mom divorced him a while ago...and he's not in prison for child pornography. (Not my sister, she was an adult at the time, just had loads of little kid porn on his computer)

The scariest part was that I have chunks of memory missing, that for all I know something even worse happened during.

And this isn't even all he's done, just a basic run down.

 

So basically, I know how living with someone like this is, and Aez's post reminds me of some things I'd see him doing.

Maybe y'all have similar stories, maybe not. I don't know. All I know is that I can't completely say Aez is in the wrong when he could be dealing with someone like that. (Though yes again personal information thing is bad)

They are manipulative, they are violent, they are terrifying, and unpredictable. And if this guy turns out to be anyway similar to my former step-dad I will give this advice to Aez.

Don't get into things with him, don't try and get back at him, try to talk and if that doesn't work, support your mom and try and talk to her about your concerns. And hold on. It took a long time for my mom to finally get rid of the trash, so do your best to deal with things calmly, and just keep on your guard for any more signs.

[MiracleGhost47]

Abuse? Is that what this is about? Yeah, that happened to me before, but it never got serious. The worst I've had to deal with were some threats, insults, and closed mindedness from many different people. How did I respond? Tbh I didn't really respond much at all. I just sorta rolled with the punches by avoiding those people as much as possible. Even when I can't avoid them, I just stay as quiet as possible. Meh.  

 

I'm not really a pacifist. There are times to fight, but I don't typically encounter those situations. I'm mostly just an observer of people that I've lost hope in. XD

[Yuuji Kazami]

=(

 

Delicious senpai is right. There's always going to be psychotic bastards in the world who fucks humanity over when law and order collapses. Aside from that, this message seems more like a desperate cry of help as opposed to some childish revenge. I have friends in my city who are in similar situations as they have to deal with an abusive step parent. They had to leave the house and go to one of those government run houses for teens who have nowhere else to go.

 

Sorry about all the things you two have been through. However, remember that your life is the most important thing. Don't risk doing anything that would cause you to endanger yourself. You still have a future, so don't throw everything away for revenge or to satisfy your pride.

 

CowCow is also right on the bastards being unpredicatable.... Both of you should be wary for your families. You never know when bastards like them might come back and try for revenge. These cowardly types break when they lose their dominance and control, and would surely attempt for horrific vengeace.

[Ryusei the Morning Star]

These honestly sound like things my older siblings do to me.

 

That aside.

 

As a confrontational person, take it from me, fighting fire with fire leaves you both burned