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Yu-Gi-Oh Key of the Mind (FINISHED)

Wyhe

By Wyhe
in Creative Writing

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Wyhe Newbie

Wyhe

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It's pretty good. Since I have never written a Fan Fic' date=' I don't know how to criticize this. I liked it though. Can't wait to see how good the duel between my character and Clair is.

[/quote']

reminds me of...me!

I also critise fanfics before I even wrote 1 until now. I have a feeling that we could be very good friends.

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Wyhe Newbie

Wyhe

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I thought we were friends. You' date=' along with Meti, are my only friends. But, last I knew, he is gone. This isn't the place to discuss him though.

[/quote']

You could have told me that earlier.But anyway, its good to know you.

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Neiko Newbie

Neiko

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Very good for the Pilot chapter!

May i suggest putting it in the first post to? Just incase when/if this fan-fic gets popular they dont have to search for a chapter.

 

And i think it took him about 4-5 days for this one.

maybe a week til the next perhaps?

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Wyhe Newbie

Wyhe

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Very good for the Pilot chapter!

May i suggest putting it in the first post to? Just incase when/if this fan-fic gets popular they dont have to search for a chapter.

 

And i think it took him about 4-5 days for this one.

maybe a week til the next perhaps?

Yup it took nearly 4 days & a few hours to finist that up.

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Kale Newbie

Kale

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nice next chapter! But watch your life point costs, because you didnt get a change in LP when she activated premature burial....

 

Just pointing something out, but that was an excelent duel. ^_^

 

@: off topic: could you read my chapter 6? No one has.... Except one person... ^_^

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Wyhe Newbie

Wyhe

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So' date=' I'll have to go all week without seeing my duel?

[/quote']

Patience is a virtue,my friend. I need the proper time to shape the chapter finely.

When I read fanfics myself, I had to wait for the writers themselves to finish their chapters. It may be tiring, but worth it in the end.

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Aelsthla-Mental Newbie

Aelsthla-Mental

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Well, you've done well.

 

Few errors, but they have already been pointed out. it's natural, we can be your beta readers :).

 

I've written a couple of fanfics, they ALL had spelling mistakes, grammar errors, without fail. Sometimes when re-reading them, i pick one up that no-one noticed :(.

 

Anyway, you're doing great, keep it up!

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Wyhe Newbie

Wyhe

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Very true. I'll just use my time to get more Yu-Gi-Oh cards' date=' seeing as how my whole collection was stolen yesterday except for my ghost rare Honesty card.

[/quote']

 

Oh, I hope that you can find the lost cards.

 

And thanks for the comments guys you all are a lovely viewers.

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Wyhe Newbie

Wyhe

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Since I'm on quite a roll, let me give you Chapter 2 now. As you can see, this one is more straight-forward & has faint humor in it.

 

Ch. 2-Beat the Unbeatable

Ch. 2-Beat the Unbeatable

 

For the whole day, Clair & Penny were roaming throughout the streets of Oregeorgia. For Penny, it was nothing special. However, Clair was marveling the surrounding area as she never left the house before under the supervision of Aunt Layla. They were carrying shopping bags in both their hands, which was very tiring apparently since both girls were perspiring fiercely. They eventually stopped at a park where they found a bench to rest on for the moment.

“Oh my aching arms!” cried Clair as she sat down & fanned herself, “I never imagine that shopping could be this fun & painful.”

“Yeah, but it’s still worth it in the end,” replied Penny, “just look at what we had bought.”

“Penny!” called out a voice near them.

Penny turned around & saw another girl of her age with dark blue eyes & long black hair. She was wearing a black belly shirt & tight jeans also of the same colour. She was carrying a sling bag on her arm.

“Hi there, Miora!” replied Penny.

Both Clair & Miora stared at each other with blank looks in their eyes & Penny realised she needed to do something.

“Clair, this is my friend, Miora Ne…Nem…” Penny said, but she got tongue-tied when she forgot Miora’s last name.

“It’s Miora Nemnia,” said Miora, “and who are you?”

“But I was gonna to say Ne…Ni…me…something” said Penny before she got lost in her words.

“So its Nemnia, right?” said Clair, “I’m Clair Kinet, Penny’s cousin from Eastern California.”

“But I don’t recall Penny having relatives there…” Miora said.

“So I thought too…” said Penny, “before Daddy told me that his…sister’s family moved there.”

“I see,” said Miora, “so, can you duel?”

“Of course, I can!” Clair exclaimed with lots of energy that pumped out of her suddenly.

“Good enough for me,” Miora said as she opened up her sling bag to find a Duel Disk with a deck attached, “so, are you ever-ready for one with me?”

“Am I ever?” Clair called out with excitement as she rummaged 1 of her shopping bags for her Duel Disk & placed her deck in it, “let’s get the show on the road!”

 

Miora (LP: 4000) <-> Clair (LP: 4000)

 

“Thought you would never ask…” said Miora, “and I draw! Now, I play 2 copies of the continuous spell card called Mystical Card of Light!”

The images of 2 the 2 cards appeared & a pillar of light appeared as well.

“So what the light show does anyway?” asked Clair sheepishly.

“Nothing…for now, I put Learning Elf in DEF mode (DEF: 1500) & end my turn,” Miora said as a scholar-like elf knelt in defence.

“Lying low, eh…” thought Clair, “either your strategy has no real battling involved or you just got a bad case of bad luck.”

As Clair drew out her card, she felt a little faint…

Clair found herself in an ancient temple in a desert. Some distance away from her was Miora…wearing a outfit resembling that of an Egyptian priestess. Clair tried to call out to Miora, but she apparently ignored her. Clair ran towards her, but suddenly, the ground shoke violently. She looked up & saw “Miora” facing a Greek army alone…but not for long. A titanic humanoid being rose from the sands behind her. It was of an Egyptian design too & stood behind “Miora”. As “Miora” raised her palm, the giant formed a ball of pure energy & unleashed it at the approaching army. The impact rendered the entire army into skeletons only.

“Exodia!” cried Clair, which surprised everyone.

“How did you know about my deck?” Miora inquired, “Did Penny told you already?”

She took a mean glance at Penny.

“Nope,” replied Penny. “Oh no, she used it again.”

“Anyway, it’s my turn & unlike you, I prefer the best type of defence-a good offense with my Psycho Walld in ATK mode,” (ATK: 1900) Clair said as a giant slug with arms appeared.

“And I give him the Fairy Meteor Strike & he’ll attack that elf,” Clair commanded as the Walld unleashed electric bolts at the elf & destroyed it.

 

Miora (LP: 3600) <-> Clair (LP: 4000)

Miora (LP: 3600) <-> Clair (LP: 4000)

 

“Thanks, because when my elf is sent to the grave, I can draw a card,” Miora said as she drew her card, “and since I’m so nice, I’ll show it to you.”

She turned over the card she drew, which had a yellow border & depicted a arm bound by a chain.

“That’s Exodia’s left arm!” cried Penny who was watching the duel, “Clair had better end this duel before Miora called forth Exodia…”

“Yup, and it’s thanks to you that I can get him out so fast,” goaded Miora.

“End turn,” said Clair.

“So it’s now my turn again & I’ll draw…twice,” Miora said as she drew the cards in which Clair complained.

“You can’t do that!” shouted Clair, “it’s an illegal move!”

“But it’s very legal,” Miora explained as she pointed out to her 2 Mystical Cards of Light, “When 2 copies of these cards are with me, I can draw 2 cards instead of 1 now. I now play Magical Mallet to return 4 cards in my hand to my deck. After a quick shuffling, I can draw out 4 more to replace them.”

Therefore, Miora put the 4 cards in her deck & shuffled it. Then, she drew out 4 cards.

“F.Y.I, I now got 3 parts of Exodia now,” said Miora to frighten the opponent even more. However, it would not work on Clair.

“I summon Exodus, the Forbidden Servant in DEF mode (DEF: 1000) & end my turn.” Miora said as an Egyptian-looking warrior wearing armour similar to Exodia’s knelt in defence.

“I bet that that guy helps Exodia out a lot, if it were to be destroyed, it may be curtains for Clair,” thought Penny while watching the duel.

“If she destroys Exodus, I can place 1 more Exodia part to my hand & I’ll win soon enough…” Miora thought as she looked at Clair, who was still determined to fight.

“Fine then & I’ll draw!” Clair exclaimed as she drew a card, “and I play Card Destruction to destroy our cards on hand & replace them with new ones.”

She then slid the card into a slot & its image appeared & glowed. Both players immediately discarded their cards & drew new ones. Miora was quite pissed off with her strategy ruined.

“To make things worse, I summon devastating Destrutor in ATK mode,” (ATK: 1600) cried Clair as a robot composed of a computer appeared, “but that’s not all, for I play Monster Reborn to revive Power Injector.” (ATK: 1300)

The ground broke apart to reveal a blue creature with 2 barrels as his hands.

 

Miora (LP: 3600) <-> Clair (LP: 3200)

Miora (LP: 3600) <-> Clair (LP: 3200)

 

“By paying 800 Life Points, my Psychic monsters gains 500 ATK for this turn by the effect of my Power Injector,” Clair said as Power Injector’s 2 barrel hands blasted energy to his comrades & himself. (ATK: 1300~1800/ 1600~2100/ 1900~2400)

“Now, my Walld attacks Exodus,” cried Clair as Psycho Walld destroyed Exodus with a electric shock.

 

Miora (LP: 3600) <-> Clair (LP: 3200)

Miora (LP: 3600) <-> Clair (LP: 3200)

 

“When Exodus is destroyed In battle, I can take a part of Exodia & place it in my hand,” Miora said as she searched the Head of Exodia.

“Too bad that you can’t use it because I’m attacking you with my remaining monsters!” cried Clair as Destrutor slashed at Miora with its claw & Power injector unleashed an energy blast from its barrel-shaped hands.

 

Miora (LP: 0) <-> Clair (LP: 3200)

Miora (LP: 0) <-> Clair (LP: 3200)

 

“Amazing, Clair,” Miora said as she applauded at her foe’s victory, “even when the tides were against you, you handled them. You’re sure a great Psychic…”

“What!” butted in Clair, “you knew who I was already?”

“Yeah, Penny told me to help you,” Miora said, “it was earlier today when…”

 

Flashback

Miora was up against a duel with a local gangster who was bullying several kids playing Duel Monsters. Miora had 2 cards face-down & a Giant Soldier of Stone in DEF mode. (DEF: 2000) The gangster had Vorse Raider on the field in ATK mode. (ATK: 1900)

 

Gangster (LP: 4000 <-> Miora (LP: 3100)

Gangster (LP: 4000 <-> Miora (LP: 3100)

 

“Ok, babe,” said the gangster in a lustful manner, “if I won, you must do whatever I say for a week.”

“Shut up & get over with the duel!” Miora retorted.

“I Release Vorse Raider for Zaborg the Thunder Monarch (ATK: 2400) !” he said as the beast man converted into a portal for a being with an afro & thunder crackling.

“Since he has just been Advance Summoned, your Stone Soldier goes bye-bye,” he said as Zaborg unleashed a thunder blast that destroyed the Stone Soldier, “that means he can attack you directly now.”

Zaborg unleashed a blast of electricity at Miora who was hurt badly by it.

 

Gangster (LP: 4000 <-> Miora (LP: 700)

Gangster (LP: 4000 <-> Miora (LP: 700)

 

“Give up since you can’t do anything but block me,” goaded the gangster.

“I take it that you ended your turn,” Miora said as she drew, “I now activate my 2 trap cards! “

The 2 face-down cards were then revealed; both of them depicted talismans that were sealing off something being torn.

“They are called Break the Seal & by sending 1 of them along with another card that is also called “Break the Seal” to the graveyard, I can place 1 part of Exodia to my hand,” Miora said, “by the way, it works both ways, so I can get 2 parts of Exodia at one go.”

The 2 cards disappeared & she took 2 cards out & placed them in her hand. Then, she revealed 5 cards that were in her hand.

“I’ve collected Exodia, therefore you lose,” said Miora as a pentagram appeared behind her & Exodia himself appeared to deliver the final blow to the opponent.

“Now that was rather fun…” Miora said when her handphone rang, in which she picked up & answered.

“Hello?” Miora called, “oh, it’s you, Penny! What do you want?

“Just simply help out that friend I told you about…” said Penny who was outside the public toilets when Clair ran out of the Males Toilet.

“I didn’t know that guys & girls use different toilets out here,” Clair thought embarrassingly.

 

“Anyway, I have quite a good impression of you after that duel,” Miora said as she shook Clair’s hand, “so who’s up for a drink? It’s my treat.”

Then, the 3 girls went out, with new-found bounds of friendship amongst them.

Unbeknownst to them, a mysterious person who was sitting in his car had been spying on them from a distance away. He was focusing his attention on Clair particularly.

“That girl…” thought the man, “she appears to be 1 of them. Those 2 girls have no idea what they had gotten themselves into…”

He then tapped in something onto his laptop, which had a profile of Penny.

“Based from my research, the Dales family had been keeping her in secrecy for some time,” thought the man, “I ought to go to their house to a little information update.”

With that, he scrolled up his car window & dashed off in his white car.

 

Card of the Day

Exodia the Forbidden One

DARK/Spellcaster-Effect/LV 3/ATK 1000/DEF 1000

When you have “Right Leg of the Forbidden One”, “Left Leg of the Forbidden One”, “Right Arm of the Forbidden One”, “Left Arm of the Forbidden One”, in addition to this card in your hand, you win the Duel.

 

Miora: Exodia the Forbidden One is an all-powerful creature that was once said to have destroyed armies single-handedly. He was firstly assembled by Yugi Moto who defeated Kaiba & his 3 Blue Eyes. Anyone who possess this card along the 4 other limbs of Exodia can release the soul of Exodia himself.

 

[spoiler=Next Chapter]

Curtis: That girl…Clair, there’s something about her that I can get over with it…She’s just too suspicious or is it just me?

Penny: Duh! Stop asking the obvious sometime.

Mystery guy: Don’t listen to her. She’s been brainwashed by that fiend. Next on Yu-Gi-Oh Key of the Mind, Chapter 3-Bitter Sweet Vanilla!

Curtis: So that’s the truth! Well, I will have to…

 

(A man appears in front of Penny's house)

(Curtis blocking out his parents)

(Curtis & the man began to duel)

(The man looking desperate at his duel)

 

 

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Kale Newbie

Kale

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interesting new chapter. ^_^

 

the main thing I noticed was a few inconsistencies in the text, like you were going to type it one way, but then you decided against it and tried to type it another way without completely erasing the sentence you had typed out before...

 

But still, it was a nice chapter. ^_^

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