The Slime Lord Posted May 2, 2007 Report Share Posted May 2, 2007 Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris. i might post more. if these offended anyone for any reason im sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Professor Cobra Posted May 2, 2007 Report Share Posted May 2, 2007 :lol: Great! The one of the fist behind the chin, I saw on TV. Still, very funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BS Posted May 2, 2007 Report Share Posted May 2, 2007 I think these only offend Chuck...here comes YM444. Not bad I have a shirt with alot more ill go get a couple of good ones Oh Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands now they are just known as The Islands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Slime Lord Posted May 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 2, 2007 yeah i know that one :lol: i could have posted a lot more, but at the time i thought masta or someone might start huge argument over how inappropriate these jokes are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danilus Posted May 2, 2007 Report Share Posted May 2, 2007 :) Once a year Chuck Norris trims his beard. Once a year 4,872 bald chemo patients receive a full (and permanent) head of hair from an anonymous donor. Chuck Norris won the Kentucky Derby on a 3-legdged goat. When Supernovas meet, they talk about the incredible amount of energy released when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks somebody. Chuck Norris uses his forehead as a flyswatter... and he has never missed. If Chuck Norris doesn't like you, how can you like yourself? Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's. Chuck Norris? house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Falling Pizza Posted May 2, 2007 Administrators Report Share Posted May 2, 2007 When Chuck Norris falls into a puddle, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HORUS Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 danilus, i like your signature. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jw18 Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 this is awesomehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcMRkMKP_DU :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danilus Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 danilus' date=' i like your signature. :lol:[/quote'] Cheers mate, its based on actual real life events. I wish I think these only offend Chuck Actualy he said they were quite funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
free2rhyme Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 you wish you bit off the head of chuck norris?? then hed be dead!! and thats a really strange thing to wish for anyways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danilus Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 What can I say, I'm a strange guy. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Professor Cobra Posted May 19, 2007 Report Share Posted May 19, 2007 This one is sort of already done, but this is different. People within his area buy Chuck Norris insurance instead of car insurance No girls like him, they have to like him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thatguy387 Posted October 14, 2007 Report Share Posted October 14, 2007 Love Chuck Norris jokes... Jesus walks on water, but Chuck Norris walks all over Jesus. Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits. Chuck Norris once shot down a plane with his finger by yelling "bang!" Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YamiCardMaker Posted October 14, 2007 Report Share Posted October 14, 2007 THIS HASENT BEEN POSTED ON IN AGES! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frunk Posted October 15, 2007 Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 ^ Oh well, I got one: Chuck Norris once shot down a plane by pointing at it and saying bang... EDIT: Damn, didn't see it was just posted... :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gustov_ya Posted October 15, 2007 Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 here is a few chuck norris can kick u in the back of the facechuck norris can delete the recycling bin when god said "let their be light" chuck norris said "say please" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry OldMaster Posted October 15, 2007 Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 Lol.... That of Mars is an awesome one......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quicksilver Posted October 15, 2007 Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 Someone once said to Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the biggest mistake ever made. If you spell CHUCK NORRIS in scrabble, you win. Forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YamiCardMaker Posted October 15, 2007 Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 If this is gonna be active again then ok heres one Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ROY Posted October 15, 2007 Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 that one was already posted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Slime Lord Posted October 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 Dude, I remember this thread. I made it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HORUS Posted October 15, 2007 Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 Chuck Norris can punch a cyclops between the eyes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest King of Games Posted October 15, 2007 Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups,he pushes the ground down Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aximil Posted July 6, 2008 Report Share Posted July 6, 2008 I hope you peoples don't mind me bringing this back. These were just insanely awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Judgment Dragon Posted July 6, 2008 Report Share Posted July 6, 2008 A person has slept with over 20,000 women in his life time. You know what Chuck Norris calls that. A Tuesday. LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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