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Chuck Norris jokes

The Slime Lord

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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.


Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.


Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.


If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.


When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.


There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.


Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.


If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.


If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.


Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.


Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.


If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.


i might post more.


if these offended anyone for any reason im sorry.

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I think these only offend Chuck...here comes YM444.


Not bad I have a shirt with alot more ill go get a couple of good ones




Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands now they are just known as The Islands.

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Once a year Chuck Norris trims his beard. Once a year 4,872 bald chemo patients receive a full (and permanent) head of hair from an anonymous donor.


Chuck Norris won the Kentucky Derby on a 3-legdged goat.


When Supernovas meet, they talk about the incredible amount of energy released when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks somebody.


Chuck Norris uses his forehead as a flyswatter... and he has never missed.


If Chuck Norris doesn't like you, how can you like yourself?


Chuck Norris can divide by zero.


Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.


Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.


When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.


Chuck Norris? house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.


Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.


If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.


Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.


Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.


Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

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Love Chuck Norris jokes...


Jesus walks on water, but Chuck Norris walks all over Jesus.


Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.


Chuck Norris once shot down a plane with his finger by yelling "bang!"


Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

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