The Pub at the Edge of the Multiverse ~ Fanfiction Public Planning Thread

[Guest PikaPerson01]

Never heard of it, so you'll have to explain the similarities to me.

 

Eh, the similarities are only on the surface at best. It's best not to dwell on it. There's a virus in an MMO video game, and it sends people into a coma. The protagonist is supposed to fight against it. Just the "normal day when suddenly! [monster attack!] and [guy in coma]" thing. That's it really. But then again, that's all you really mentioned, other then the time travel folks.

 

For the first part, it has to do with the fact that the Spirit World and our world are different timelines

In other words, because the plot says so? =/

 

Then again, I never saw the 10 year Yu-Gi-Oh anniversary thing, so I have no idea if this is an actual canon thing.

 

And yes, I'm trying my best to make it as realistic as being a time travel will allow.

 

[attempt to sound sciency]

You're writing a fanfic about a children's card game. If someone's willful suspension of disbelief is already stretched enough that they'd believe a society could run on CAHD GAEMZ! why weigh them down with the actual theoretical stuff behind it?

 

Dénouement of Raining Memories

 

The story I wish to tell, is about a boy, who meet a girl from when he was very little. Ever since that day, he'd constanly been having dreams about her.

 

To him, the little girl is just one of those people you meet in life-time that you just can't forget about. No matter what you go through.

 

Ever since that day, both the Boy and the Girl have been communicating through their dreams, and became the best of friends. But one day, the Dreaming suddenly stops. The Girl doesn't respond to the Boy anymore. Distraught, the Boy does everything he can to try and find her, to see if she is okay. But to no avail.

 

After a couple of years, the Boy hears about an upcomming tournement, that is the biggest that the world has ever seen. With hopes that the Girl has heard of it, the Boy enters it with high-hopes that she continue talking to him via. Dreams again. But after getting so far in the tournament, the Boy discovers a fundemental, but shocking truth that threatens everything that everyone values. Their Hope.

 

The first part sounds like the first 5 or so pages of Scott Pilgrim. (inb4NeverHeardOfIt)

 

What's the setting to this? Is it the present? Is it in medieval times? Is it the future where dreaming about other people and interacting in dreamspace there is common?

 

What's the tournament? I figured "yu-gi-oh" because, lolYCM, but it could just as easily be anything else.

 

Also, what's the point of the first three "paragraphs" when the last one launches us into something completely different? "There's a boy who fell in love and etc etc, something about dreams. Oh yeah, and then he joins a YuGiOh tournament." It just comes right the hell out of nowhere. =\

 

I want to cowrite with someone about a grand-continent dueling tournament, with 3 of the greatest duelists from each...well...continent. I need to brainstorm a bit, but from what I think I can put together, the dueling tournament will start as friendly competition but will quickly erupt into something much bigger because of gambles between the nations. To give you an idea, here are two characters I came up with participating in the tournament from Europe.

 

I think you should focus much less on the individual characters (for now) and focus more on the "something much bigger because of the gambles between the nations". Unless it's just that they decide to settle wars with Children's Card Games, because that's hardly an interesting concept if we don't even get to see the consequences of their actions.

[Frybread002]

The first part sounds like the first 5 or so pages of Scott Pilgrim. (inb4NeverHeardOfIt)

 

What's the setting to this? Is it the present? Is it in medieval times? Is it the future where dreaming about other people and interacting in dreamspace there is common?

 

What's the tournament? I figured "yu-gi-oh" because, lolYCM, but it could just as easily be anything else.

 

Also, what's the point of the first three "paragraphs" when the last one launches us into something completely different? "There's a boy who fell in love and etc etc, something about dreams. Oh yeah, and then he joins a YuGiOh tournament." It just comes right the hell out of nowhere. =\

 

Actually, I got everything sorted out already (and it only took me 20 minutes to think of). With that being said, I already got a Setting down, and I already have a set pace for it. Personally, this Plot, is only a "One" subject in the fan-fic project I'm doing. This "Chapter" is only a small matter to attend to, and this fan-fic I'm planning, is the second half of the last fan-fic project that F.A.R. Studios did. It's t he countiation of the stories that never had the chance to be told...

 

Welcome to the new "Theme" of The Last Report...

 

Not only that, I was just unsure of the subject, so I just wanted it to fly by with you guys and see how it would work.

[Quiksilver]

Eh, the similarities are only on the surface at best. It's best not to dwell on it. There's a virus in an MMO video game, and it sends people into a coma. The protagonist is supposed to fight against it. Just the "normal day when suddenly! [monster attack!] and [guy in coma]" thing. That's it really. But then again, that's all you really mentioned, other then the time travel folks.

 

Mm. Alright. Yeah, it seems like that kind of thing would happen before, but Josh would be more motivated by curiousity and an inbred sense among all humans to fight that which they fear to pursue it, really.

 

In other words, because the plot says so? =/

 

Then again, I never saw the 10 year Yu-Gi-Oh anniversary thing, so I have no idea if this is an actual canon thing.

 

Basically, yes. But, think about it. You're talking about a world which, in the anime, which cannot be normally accessed by ours. My explanation for that, in keeping with the plot, is that they are two different dimensions, two different timelines, which, normally cannot be accessed from each other.

 

You're writing a fanfic about a children's card game. If someone's willful suspension of disbelief is already stretched enough that they'd believe a society could run on CAHD GAEMZ! why weigh them down with the actual theoretical stuff behind it?

 

Basically, because while, yes, this is based on Yu-Gi-Oh!, I'm trying to add a little meaning behind the words. There is supposed to be something behind the text, so, no, I would not rattle that whole thing off in one gone. I'd simply scatter it here and there, so while most people would just see "Oh, time travel, cool" really perceptive people would see the reasoning behind it.

 

I'm too lazy to copy down each separate quote, so sorry if this messes up your reply, Pika.

[Guest PikaPerson01]

Mm. Alright. Yeah, it seems like that kind of thing would happen before, but Josh would be more motivated by curiousity and an inbred sense among all humans to fight that which they fear to pursue it, really.

 

... I think you mean "an innate sense" >_>

 

I wouldn't say it's innate. It's called the Fight or Flight response. You know... either charging headlong into danger or staying the hell away. Having the guy stay away is just as likely, though significantly more boring.

 

On a completely unrelated note, I don't like the fact that he "motivated by curiosity" as opposed to say... motivated by vengeance ("My girlfriend was killed by that time traveling thing!") or obligation ("I'm the only one who can use the Royal McGuffin, and it's the only thing that can defeat the forces of evil!") or trickery ("They told me there'd be cake at the end of this enrichment center test!") or, really just about anything. I mean, come on. If your own character doesn't think his glorious quest is that important then why should I?

 

(Alternatively, if your character does find his quest important, then by all means, show it as often as you'd like, though not in a "beat us over the head" way.)

 

Basically, yes. But, think about it. You're talking about a world which, in the anime, which cannot be normally accessed by ours. My explanation for that, in keeping with the plot, is that they are two different dimensions, two different timelines, which, normally cannot be accessed from each other.

I stopped watching halfway into the third season of GX, so bare in mind I don't know how 5D's works. That being said, I'm fairly certain the kids got into the spirit realm on three different occassions through three different means. The "field trip" with the gravekeepers, the Yubel hand, and the "rescuing Johan" thing. All those times they did that, it never seemed that they traveled through time when they did so. I think time moved at the same rate and, if not the same rate, than at least in the same direction.

 

The only thing I can think that refutes my theory is the ending of GX where Jaden and Yugi dueled but even then... I think that was a dream of sorts. I don't know if they fulled explained it.

 

But yeah, once again, how important is it that you have time travel in this? You could spend pages and pages of exposition explaining this but if you can write it easier and much less convoluted with something as simple as "We're in Japan! He's in Spain! We have to go to Spain!"... why wouldn't you?

 

I mean, I don't know the story, maybe "spirits!" and "time travel!" are extremely important to the story, but from your description it really doesn't seem to be that way.

 

I'd simply scatter it here and there, so while most people would just see "Oh, time travel, cool" really perceptive people would see the reasoning behind it.

May I ask the reasoning behind it?

[Quiksilver]

... I think you mean "an innate sense" >_> Probably.

 

I wouldn't say it's innate. It's called the Fight or Flight response. You know... either charging headlong into danger or staying the hell away. Having the guy stay away is just as likely, though significantly more boring.

 

On a completely unrelated note, I don't like the fact that he "motivated by curiosity" as opposed to say... motivated by vengeance ("My girlfriend was killed by that time traveling thing!") or obligation ("I'm the only one who can use the Royal McGuffin, and it's the only thing that can defeat the forces of evil!") or trickery ("They told me there'd be cake at the end of this enrichment center test!") or, really just about anything. I mean, come on. If your own character doesn't think his glorious quest is that important then why should I?

 

This is for the very beginning, at the least. Once he meets the time-hopping duelists, he begins to understand the gravity of the situation, and thus it becomes an obligation. Though I do feel like having him motivated by trickery, if only because I LOVE Portal.

 

(Alternatively, if your character does find his quest important, then by all means, show it as often as you'd like, though not in a "beat us over the head" way.)

 

Look above PL0X.

 

I stopped watching halfway into the third season of GX, so bare in mind I don't know how 5D's works. That being said, I'm fairly certain the kids got into the spirit realm on three different occassions through three different means. The "field trip" with the gravekeepers, the Yubel hand, and the "rescuing Johan" thing. All those times they did that, it never seemed that they traveled through time when they did so. I think time moved at the same rate and, if not the same rate, than at least in the same direction.

 

Don't think of it as different time periods, per se. Think of them as fully isolated worlds, seperated from each other by time and space. The card power, can work for both; accessing different dimensions, and going through time, or both.

 

And, if you look in 5Ds, you'll notice something about Planetary Particles and a machine called Infinity, which are used to change timelines through (you guessed it) wormholes. I'm surprised no one got the reference (I thought you would get it, Pika, but then you told me you hadn't watched 5Ds :P). Basically, that will relate to the time-travel going on here, and I'm melding that with the Spirit World in an attempt to explain what's going, why Duel Monsters are like they are, et cetera.

 

The only thing I can think that refutes my theory is the ending of GX where Jaden and Yugi dueled but even then... I think that was a dream of sorts. I don't know if they fulled explained it. Again, look up.

 

But yeah, once again, how important is it that you have time travel in this? You could spend pages and pages of exposition explaining this but if you can write it easier and much less convoluted with something as simple as "We're in Japan! He's in Spain! We have to go to Spain!"... why wouldn't you?

 

I dunno. Why am I writing a story in the first place? Because it's fun. I would enjoy writing a time travel story, and so I proposed the idea where's discussing now. That being said, I have been toying with several different ideas. If I didn't go with the whole time travel shtick, what do you think I should play this story off as?

 

I mean, I don't know the story, maybe "spirits!" and "time travel!" are extremely important to the story, but from your description it really doesn't seem to be that way.

 

May I ask the reasoning behind it?

 

They tie in with the whole reasoning (How Duel Monsters and the other stuff work) behind the story, so yes, I would say they're important. I'm sorry you feel that way- would you care to mention where I said so?

 

Damn, Pika, you're a good Devil's Advocate. I'm glad you were here to dispute my story before I wrote it.

[Guest PikaPerson01]

Once he meets the time-hopping duelists, he begins to understand the gravity of the situation, and thus it becomes an obligation.

 

How does it become an obligation exactly?

 

I mean, if heaven forbid my house caught on fire and I got saved by the local brigade of fire fighter, my first instincts wouldn't be to follow the fire fighters and try to help them out. Presumably they've been doing this for a good length of time so I'd only be baggage to them and their dalmations.

 

Sure, I could go to the fire fighting academy and learn to fight fires or w/e, but I don't think being a time traveling duelist is something that can be learned. And if it is then what's to stop them from recruiting a ton of people to overwhelm him with numbers?

 

I suppose it could be his obligation if he's DESTINED to do it or w/e.

 

I would enjoy writing a time travel story, and so I proposed the idea where's discussing now.

There's no problem with writing a time travel story but it doesn't seem to be an integral part of the story here. It's about dueling and the forces of evil, and you just kind of seem to be forcing time travel into it because, as you said, you wanted to write a time travel story.

 

If I didn't go with the whole time travel shtick, what do you think I should play this story off as?

It seems like a generic "Protagonist. Antagonist. Team of Heroes." plot with nothing really out of the ordinary to make it stick out, other then time travel. But it just seems like time travel for the sake of time travel, as opposed to because the plot needs it or if it would make the plot better.

 

I already mentioned that I rather liked the Pokemon story where that idiot loser guy gets sent on a fool's errand to find out stuff about Pokemon. If you wanted, you could include a long section of him meeting Celebi or Dialga or Palkia (I forget which one controls time).

 

I'm sorry you feel that way- would you care to mention where I said so?

I feel like you just kind of hid behind: "The next part I don't want to divulge due to potential plot twists" but overall if I could replace "travel through time" with "travel to Spain" or something else like that, I don't think it works all that well.

 

 

 

On an unrelated note, have you ever played Mario and Luigi: Partner's In Time? I feel like that's what time travel would contribute to this story. Nothing.

 

Well not entirely true, Mario and Luigi met Baby Mario and Baby Luigi and it was a clever-ish little game mechanic, but as for the entire plot of the game, the Shroob Princess takes over the Mushroom Kingdom, kidnaps Peach, shatters the Cobalt Star, and Mario and Luigi travel throughout various areas to gather the Cobalt Star shards, the fact that this all occurred in the past didn't really seem to affect anything. The only reason they absolutely had to do time travel there was just for the little baby Mario and baby Luigi thing. Otherwise the entire game could have been Mario and Luigi exploring the Mushroom Kingdom in the present when the Shroob Princess was invading in the present.

 

... Just my $0.02

[Quiksilver]

How does it become an obligation exactly?

 

I mean, if heaven forbid my house caught on fire and I got saved by the local brigade of fire fighter, my first instincts wouldn't be to follow the fire fighters and try to help them out. Presumably they've been doing this for a good length of time so I'd only be baggage to them and their dalmations.

 

Sure, I could go to the fire fighting academy and learn to fight fires or w/e, but I don't think being a time traveling duelist is something that can be learned. And if it is then what's to stop them from recruiting a ton of people to overwhelm him with numbers? It isn't learned- anyone can time travel. However, they must be in position of a powerful enough Duel Monster card, and the bond between the card in question and the owner must be strong enough the owner can draw upon their powers at will, and besides, it takes a ridiculous powerful card to move through space and time. There are only a small number of cards that can do such, so recruiting a bunch of people will just result in a bunch of people sitting around the base, unable to time travel. Add to the Duel Spirits knowing they exist, and it would be best to keep their numbers small to make sure their isn't a traitor among their midst. Luckily, Josh coincidentally fills the first two requirements and the third is kinda forced (look below) and so he joins.

 

I suppose it could be his obligation if he's DESTINED to do it or w/e. I absolutely HATE when stories do that. Truthfully, I haven't though that far ahead yet to how he will join up (this is just my basis for the story) but it will probably be due to forced circumstances; he will end up in an emergency with a time-traveler that requires him to learn how time travelling takes place, and after that, the time-travellers can't just let him go, so they take him on, somewhat unwillingly.

 

There's no problem with writing a time travel story but it doesn't seem to be an integral part of the story here. It's about dueling and the forces of evil, and you just kind of seem to be forcing time travel into it because, as you said, you wanted to write a time travel story.

 

It seems like a generic "Protagonist. Antagonist. Team of Heroes." plot with nothing really out of the ordinary to make it stick out, other then time travel. But it just seems like time travel for the sake of time travel, as opposed to because the plot needs it or if it would make the plot better.

 

I see where you're coming from. Yes, I do want to write a time travel story, and yes, I am trying to mix this with an established franchise, most of which doesn't have much to do with time travel. But time travel is at the basis of the story. I'm thinking about making the story first about time travel first and foremost, with the time-travellers operating as so-called "Guardians of Time". Then, the Duel Spirits show up from beyond the timestream (nothing specifically explained, I've decided to ditch the different timelines) and begin to mess with the world, and the Guardians of Time finally discover Duel Monsters is the only way to stop them. As they fight them, a plot begins to emerge, as the Duel Spirits are malevolent entities, unaffected by space or time, who are ripping their way through the temporal barrier around this world and appearing to wreak havoc and destroy the world. However, they show up at different periods of time, so at first their attempts are a bit erratic. They are led by a entity who messes up Josh's duel, and wishes to seek revenge for a former colony of Duel Spirits who came to this world, only to be sealed into Duel Cards.

 

As for that generic part, let me just say it's not so predictable. After the revelation of the Duel Spirits becoming imprisioned, Josh begins to wonder whether or not he is on the right side (Is this truly slavery? Is the Big Bad right?) and begins to waver in his conviction halfway through. He soon discovers the world is not painted in black and white- not all members of the team are good, and conversely not all of the Duel Spirits are bad. In the end, Josh will be the deciding factor in what happens to this world, but no one is quite so sure what choice he'll make. I'm also thinking about making it not adhere so closely to traditional Yu-Gi-Oh! anime, more being like this world, but with Card Games.

 

I already mentioned that I rather liked the Pokemon story where that idiot loser guy gets sent on a fool's errand to find out stuff about Pokemon. If you wanted, you could include a long section of him meeting Celebi or Dialga or Palkia (I forget which one controls time).

 

You ARE? When did you say that? Truth be told, I think I would like writing that story much better (I'm not good at completely serious stuff), but since I thought I had only gotten responses to my YGO one I thought I was going with that one. Any advice for that story? Anything you think that could improve on it?

 

I feel like you just kind of hid behind: "The next part I don't want to divulge due to potential plot twists" but overall if I could replace "travel through time" with "travel to Spain" or something else like that, I don't think it works all that well.

 

Unfortunately, what I said above is true. So far, I've only painted this story in broad strokes, and if it I was to reveal anymore of what I have, it probably would mess up my plot. Any advice for improving this story (or my Pokemon one) would be much appreciated, of course.

[J-Max]

I wanted to write a little Fan Fiction for my next Pokemon Giveaway. You'll have to forgive me as I hardly write Fan Fiction. My Story is going to be based around a Moon Stone Festival. I play as myself and have even invited Nurse Joy from Pewter City along to view the Specticle. Here's what I have so far, please don't ridicule me.....

 

"James looked at the poster that was pasted onto the wall of the Pewter City Pokemon Center. “Come and view the Moon Stone Festival!” the poster read with a picture of 6 Clefairys dancing around a Giant Moon Stone. “Nurse Joy, do you know what this festival is about?” James asked as he took his 6 Pokeballs from his pocket to give to the Nurse for healing. Nurse Joy smiled at James as she took the 6 Balls and carefully placed them in the machine. “The Moon Stone Festival is a yearly tradition on Mt Moon in which Clefairy from all over Kanto join together for one magical night” Joy had a small tear in her eye and her words drifted slightly at the words 8 *Magical Night*

 

“What's wrong Joy?” James asked as he heard a small sob from the Nurse. “It's just... It's just that the Clefairy are often spotted near Pewter City and they are inquizitive Pokemon but when they become a Clefable, they leave.” Joy had tears streaming down her face as she mentioned about Clefables. “Hey.... Why don't we go and see this Moon Stone festival together?” James suddenly asked as he put a reassuring hand on Joy's shoulder. “You know more about Clefairys then me and it would be nice to have some company” James took a tissue from his pocket and haned it to Joy. “T-Thank you” Joy was slightly blushing as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “Here are your Pokemon” Joy handed the 6 Pokeballs back to James as she smiled slightly. “Meet me at the entrance of Mt Moon at 9pm this evening” James nodded in agreement “9pm it is”

 

Later that night James made his way to Mt Moon whilst imagining how the festival would turn out. “Joy mentioned that the Clefairy often hang out near Pewter Cit-” His thoughts were suddenly cut short as he heard a cute noise nearby. *J-Max Note. Pokemon in this Fan Fiction do not say their names as a way of communicating*"

[Guest PikaPerson01]

However, they must be in position of a powerful enough Duel Monster card,

Took me a full minute to realize you meant "must be in possession".

 

Don't feel like quoting the whole thing, but the jist of it is that, only the planets can do it. Say that instead of "anyone can do it and special magic bonds and etc etc". Just say "you need a planet for it", like 5D's does with the Signer Dragons. >_>

 

I'm thinking about making the story first about time travel first and foremost, with the time-travellers operating as so-called "Guardians of Time"

If "anyone can time travel" according to you, and "all you need is a planet" according to me (=D?) then how do they get off as calling themselves the Guardians of Time? >_>

 

Sounds rather pompous and full of themselves to declare themselves that.

 

Duel Spirits [...] begin to mess with the world

[...]

Duel Monsters is the only way to stop them

[...]

Duel Spirits are malevolent entities

I was always under the assumption that Duel Spirits and Duel Monsters were the same thing. So, go ahead. What's the difference?

 

After the revelation of the Duel Spirits becoming imprisioned, Josh begins to wonder whether or not he is on the right side (Is this truly slavery? Is the Big Bad right?)

 

He soon discovers the world is not painted in black and white

Duel Monsters attack our world. They lost. To the victor go the spoils. 30 years later (or 30 years earlier, 'cause LAWLTIMETRAVEL!) some jerk tries to mess with humans again.

 

Seems pretty black and white to me.

 

The easiest way to "gray" it up would be to give them a reason. There food is disappearing or something... *shrug*

 

Also depends what "mess with the world" specifically means.

 

Any advice for that story? Anything you think that could improve on it?

Since nailing down every single Pokemon would be ridiculously difficult/borderline impossible unless you pushed out a new chapter everyday, I wouldn't recommend that.

 

Uhh... just off the top of my head... rookie ruins Oaks' lab. Oak decides to send him on a quest, but instead of catching 'em all, he has to look into a specific subset of Pokemon, legendary Pokemon. Three birds, Metwo, Mew. Three dogs, Ho-Oh, Lugia, Celebia. Three Regis, Weather Trio, Lati@s, Jirachi and Deoxys. Etc etc. Compile data about them, etc etc.

 

The legendary Pokes are borderline deity status in this particular incarnation, and local legends and such are needed to track them all down. It'd be like if someone told you to go out one day and find big foot, the loch ness monster, aliens, etc etc except this guy actually find them. And yeah, of course he's gotta be humble and cool about it.

 

He travels all around the world all with a quirky sense of determination. "Must make Oak happy!" even though the things he's seen and experienced are ridiculous, from the humble beginnings of Pallet Town to beyond the furthest star.

 

You have plenty of chances for time travel, with Celebi and Palkia (Or Dialga, still haven't looked it up) and if you ever write yourself into a corner, have him stumble upon Jirachi for a get out of jail free card. (It grants wishes. "I wish everything that just happened didn't happen!")

 

 

Rough outline of a plot there, and should you get bored of it, slowly edge in an epic plot about the long going battle of the Pokemon God, Arceus versus the Pokemon Devil, Missingno.

 

 

... Okay, maybe this wasn't just off the top of my head. >_>

 

 

Edit: Oh, someone posted before me. It'd be rude to ignore him. =\

 

*reads*

 

James

 

... I know that's most likely you're real name but... seriously, that's the name of a main character. >_>

 

"I'm making a Naruto fic! It takes place in the Naruto universe. But this one has original characters. That guy named Naruto? He's not Naruto from the show. That's my name."

 

It's just not gonna fly. Sorry.

 

*reads the rest of the fic*

 

My Story is going to be based around a Moon Stone Festival.

... And? What about it? They go to the Moon Stone Festival. Now what? Goals? Conflicts? Outcome? Resolution? Something like that? If it's just an advert for you Pokemon Giveaway, I don't think it needs to be that long. =\

[J-Max]

lol my name is James, so I wanted to base it on myself. It was originally going to be a short piece but once I started I couldn't stop. Outcome? James (I think i'll change that) meets a Cleffa who decides to go with Him as a travelling companion. James & Joy enjoy the Moon Stone Festival and find out that not just Clefairy's attend it. James spreads the news about this and the Moon Stone Festival beecomes a Kanto Wide celebration.

 

Goals? Well the main Goal of this Fic was to add some life to my Giveaways. Also gives me the oppotunity to express myself as I can have a very active imagination at times. Also this would be a small test run to see if I am capable of writing Fan Fiction as well. I petty much sucked at English Classes so have always played Catch Up.

[Guest PikaPerson01]

What's to make your story stand out from the hundred or so other "trainer starts a journey" stories on YCM? >_>

[Frybread002]

Alas, just another short story had sprung up in my head right now. But of course, common courtesy to answer the question that has come before mine:

 

Actualy J-Max, I think you should keep the name to James. Like, I will be honest, it is very rare I see an "American Name" (or any other European name for that matter)!! So on that basis, I would say stick with James because it sounds rather unique, and as for the progress, Pikaperson has already asked the questions I was going to ask, so I have nothing more to say than stick with the name.

 

Onto my story-line:

 

Okay, I have had this trippy dream not 1-hour ago, so don't be to harsh guys, but I really want to do something about it, so here it is. Although it should be noted, I'm not actually gonna explain my dream, but the story is based off the dream I had and within the short timespan of waking up, I didn't have much to do much with it, and then forget about it like I do with all of my dreams:

 

[spoiler=Plot]

 

*Still did not come up with a title*

 

After spending a night with his parents at a hotel, a 16 year-old teenager was the first one to get ready and take his bags down to his mother's car. But as he was walking down the flight of stairs, he heard some people giggling on the secondlevel balcony and started to wonder what was going there. But after hearing their voices, he'd realized that they were about the same age as him and just dimissed it. Thinking that they were just hanging out.

 

Upon reaching the ground floor, the teenager realized that it was just one boy and girl. The girl had pink hair with porcelain like skin and figured she was an Emo, while the guy had shoulder length hair that was kept of his face with a beanie with some matching black shirt and pants.

 

Reaching the parking lot, the teenager noticed his mother's car had her bumper and all 4-tires missing. Freaking out, the teenager raced to towards the car and realized that car has been ran-sacked. Hearing a giggle behind, the girl with the pink patted him on the shoulder and ran around the trunk to show him something, then ran off to the same guy she was with and took off with him. Trying to catch the girl before she ran off, the teenager began to inspect the car o see if there was any clues and looked in the trunk, but found nothing inside of it. Scarred for his life, the teenager noticed something stratched on the hood of the car and realized that it may belong to the people who'd done this.

 

15 minutes later, the mom is freaking (because it's HER car), while the dad and the rest of the family are inside of the wal-mart that shares the same parking lot with the hotel. Still scarred of his mother taking her wrath out on him, the teenager told the dad what he had wtinessed and said that he may know who done this to the car. Because the same girl and guy who was laughing earlier, had taken off in a green car - which the boy suspected are THE culprits - and took careful notes of it.

 

So before they can disappear altogether, the teenager tells his dad that he can find the two people who are responsible for this crime and bring them to justice!!

 

 

 

Okay, like I said earlier, this is based off a dream I had about an hour ago, so I'm not really looking for real intense questions like "What's the setting?" or "What is the conflict" and stuff like that. Because I seriously don't wanna put too much thought into. BUT! What I DO know, is that I want to make it a Crime-Adventure story. But the only problem is I don't know what fictional setting I want to put it in.

 

Like, there is not many real-life scenarios where a character that young can take any real role like that, unless it's in a movie or comic book. With that in mind, a fictional place like Spongebob Sqaure Pants or Pokemon would do, because the characters in there are young and seem beleivible. With that in mind, I want to make the setting in the universe of Naruto. Because there is a lot characters who are young, but can make a difference.

 

But that's just me though, and if anything, I really don't plan on making a big deal out of this story, I just want to know if you guys think that this is "Story-Material."

[fenrir]

So, I decided to start on a lolYCM fic. The particular fandom will be Pokémon though. (not like it changes anything.)

 

The particular thing that's bothered me about YCM fics is the light they show the members in. In Zexaeon's (do any of you remember that?) everyone had abilities that they wanted, and no one had any real flaws. In other fics, everyone is typically given the stuff they want, whether it's a YGO one or whatever. The only one that really gave any flaws was The Adventures of Huntar the Savage. And that wasn't even serious.

 

My fic's main goal is to portray every YCM member I decide to stuff in with a crippling flaw. Whether they're complete cowards or just mind-numbingly stupid. (I have the feeling that's going to appear a lot.) They're still going to have their 'I'm actually competent!' moments, but it's going to be after they actually develop to that point/when it actually makes sense.

 

tl;dr I'm making a YCM fic that while promises to be different will still probably fail due to my laziness.

 

Oh. Forgot the plot.

 

[spoiler=Plot]

The setting is in the future, where battling with actual Pokémon has become out of date. With hologram technology usage increasing, there is no point in actual Pokémon battles anymore. Why catch a Pokémon, raise it for years and take care of it, when you can just push a few buttons for that perfect Pokémon you want? Level 100 Venusaur with Petal Dance? Screw trying to breed a good one, just press a few buttons and there you go; Level 100 Venusaur with Petal Dance, ready to do battle with another holographic Pokémon in an arena. Now the only real 'trainers' are bodyguards, who use Pokémon to aid them in work. Nothing's better than having an Arcanine to scare off intruders/actually be threatening.

 

This is all due to Pt Inc, a large corporation that owns several businesses. It merged with D-R, another corporation that owns several research facilities and other businesses. They then merged with Lustrous Works, repeating the same process. This new company, Pt.D.L. Inc. has a practical monopoly on businesses. It's three CEOs have hid themselves from media, leaving people wondering; what the hell are they up to?

 

The main protagonists share two things in common; one, they're all failures. Two, all or part of their family has been killed in accidents. After an incident involving an exploding limo, a corpse in a forest, and a portable TV, they band together to form a crime group. Their goal? To shut down Pt.D.L. Inc. using any means necessary.

 

 

 

Thoughts? I might have missed some things.

[Cozmosus]

I have a vague idea for a fan-fic of my own. It's sort of an adventure sci-fi. The basic story is about two sides headbutting in a continuing battle set in the year 2050 on Earth. The Galls(or Gulls, you pick which one sounds better) and the Crows. The Galls(or Gulls) are the protectors of modern citizens. The control most countries around the world. They own a vast enterprise, and are the larger power. But, underneath the heroic shell of the Galls, lies a secret organization called Cross-hair. Cross-hair publicly known as the enemy of the Galls, secretly under orders from the leader of the Galls, Marek(No, not based on the one from Yu-Gi-Oh). He has plans to control the whole world and build Utopia, by any means necessary. They can be identified by their symbol, which is (obviously) a cross-hair. The Crows, are a rebellion that is building up against the Galls. They are people who want to know the truth, suspect something about the Galls, or already know the truth. They have been cast into the underbelly of society, exiled from Gall controlled cities and constantly at war with the Galls and Cross-Hair. The Crows are making attempts to destroy Gall HQ's, uncover the truth to the public, and stop their plans of taking over. The Crows are under command of a man whose name I have not come up with yet. On to the main characters. A young man named Matt Williams is living in one of the Gall cities. Something happens, and he leaves the city to become a Crow. He becomes part of a small faction of Crows that is lead by a woman named Jenny Smith. Note that these are only vague ideas and haven't exactly finished the idea. Comments and suggestions welcome.

[Quiksilver]

Took me a full minute to realize you meant "must be in possession". Gah, sorry about that. You're correct.

 

Don't feel like quoting the whole thing, but the jist of it is that, only the planets can do it. Say that instead of "anyone can do it and special magic bonds and etc etc". Just say "you need a planet for it", like 5D's does with the Signer Dragons. >_> Can do, though I was planning to make the bonding thing like that in Eragon- only the right person with the right card can successfully have a bond.

 

 

If "anyone can time travel" according to you, and "all you need is a planet" according to me (=D?) then how do they get off as calling themselves the Guardians of Time? >_>

 

Sounds rather pompous and full of themselves to declare themselves that. I was actually quoting the sub-section of Time Travel stories called "Guardians of Time", in which a group of people try to stop people from interfering with time. They would not actually never name themselves as such. And I was also planning to make the cards that could Time Travel be almost exclusively Sacred Cards, and as we know in the anime, these cards are extremely rare, so there wouldn't be too many people who could Time Travel. However, that also means trouble for the time-travellers- these monsters coming into their timelines would have to be conversely powerful as well.

 

I was always under the assumption that Duel Spirits and Duel Monsters were the same thing. So, go ahead. What's the difference? Duel Spirits are the spiritual counterparts to the game, while Duel Monsters is the game itself. Basically, if they were living things, Duel Monsters would be the domain and Duel Spirits the denizens. The only changed thing here is that not every Duel card will have a corresponding Duel Spirit. Only the powerful ones.

 

Duel Monsters attack our world. They lost. To the victor go the spoils. 30 years later (or 30 years earlier, 'cause LAWLTIMETRAVEL!) some jerk tries to mess with humans again.

 

Seems pretty black and white to me.

 

The easiest way to "gray" it up would be to give them a reason. There food is disappearing or something... *shrug* I was thinking more along the lines of their homeworld being destroyed and they were forced to find a new one- like Earth, for example. And, they didn't attack the Earth- they were forced here because of this reason, in which the humans, in fear and cowardice, imprisoned all of them in these cards, though not all of them were evil. They're had godlike powers but most of those refused to wield them against the humans, but some did and so the humans thought of them all as evil. Over time, the Duel Spirits became the scapegoats for anything that went wrong, even though most of it wasn't their fault. The Duel Spirits refused to retaliate to such accusations, so this grew and grew until the humans finally sealed their "demons" away.

 

The second group of Duel Spirits could actually came from the same timeline as these other Duel Spirits, but due to the strangeness of space and time they arrived in much later years. When they heard about what happened to their brethen, most of them were whipped up into a fury and began to attack humankind. Most, but not all.

 

The question will probably be put up that "Why don't they just travel back in time and save their companions?" Well, perhaps I should implement something about you can only travel so many years before you "burn out" and must wait to travel again. Thus, it would take such a long time for you to travel through the years, as you would have to make a bunch of "hops" through time. The Duel Spirits feel that trying to do so would expend so much energy, and so are just seeking revenge for their lost brethen at this point as well as trying to find ways to free them.

 

Also depends what "mess with the world" specifically means. The evil ones are using their powers to destroy, ravage, and scar the Earth. the good one, on the other hand, are just trying to avoid getting into conflict, or, in some cases, helping the humans against their savage brethen.

 

Since nailing down every single Pokemon would be ridiculously difficult/borderline impossible unless you pushed out a new chapter everyday, I wouldn't recommend that.

 

Uhh... just off the top of my head... rookie ruins Oaks' lab. Oak decides to send him on a quest, but instead of catching 'em all, he has to look into a specific subset of Pokemon, legendary Pokemon. Three birds, Metwo, Mew. Three dogs, Ho-Oh, Lugia, Celebia. Three Regis, Weather Trio, Lati@s, Jirachi and Deoxys. Etc etc. Compile data about them, etc etc.

 

The legendary Pokes are borderline deity status in this particular incarnation, and local legends and such are needed to track them all down. It'd be like if someone told you to go out one day and find big foot, the loch ness monster, aliens, etc etc except this guy actually find them. And yeah, of course he's gotta be humble and cool about it.

 

He travels all around the world all with a quirky sense of determination. "Must make Oak happy!" even though the things he's seen and experienced are ridiculous, from the humble beginnings of Pallet Town to beyond the furthest star.

 

You have plenty of chances for time travel, with Celebi and Palkia (Or Dialga, still haven't looked it up) and if you ever write yourself into a corner, have him stumble upon Jirachi for a get out of jail free card. (It grants wishes. "I wish everything that just happened didn't happen!")

 

Rough outline of a plot there, and should you get bored of it, slowly edge in an epic plot about the ongoing battle of the Pokemon God, Arceus versus the Pokemon Devil, Missingno.

 

That's...quite good actually. Especially since most of the entries in the Pokedex are something along the lines of "Shrouded in mystery" or something similarly scant, I can see scientists wanting to find out about these legendaries, though to do so would take a lot of effort, and these scientists have so much too do nowadays -like just sit around your lab and wait for old Trainers to visit so you can check their Pokedex- so who has the time? And so Oak is able to kill two birds (Pidgeys?) with one stone when Trevor comes along.

 

Besides Domino, I was thinking of another companion for Trevor- the fiery redhead who couldn't give a rat's ass (Rattata?) about science and instead prefers a more physical approach (usually with her fist). This of course, will balance out Trevor quite nicely- I'll probably have situations where only science will get the group out of situations (like fashioning a bomb to escape a prison cell) or using physical force (beating up some Team Rocket grunts to sneak into Rocket HQ). She'd probably join up with Trevor alternately for the lulz / or to snag some Legendaries.

 

Btw, it's Dialga who controls time, not Palkia. I get the sense you're trying to appease me with that time travel comment, but don't worry; even though I like the concept, I'm not going to force time travel into the story if I've got a perfectly good story beforehand.

 

So, I decided to start on a lolYCM fic. The particular fandom will be Pokémon though. (not like it changes anything.)

 

The particular thing that's bothered me about YCM fics is the light they show the members in. In Zexaeon's (do any of you remember that?) everyone had abilities that they wanted, and no one had any real flaws. In other fics, everyone is typically given the stuff they want, whether it's a YGO one or whatever. The only one that really gave any flaws was The Adventures of Huntar the Savage. And that wasn't even serious.

 

My fic's main goal is to portray every YCM member I decide to stuff in with a crippling flaw. Whether they're complete cowards or just mind-numbingly stupid. (I have the feeling that's going to appear a lot.) They're still going to have their 'I'm actually competent!' moments, but it's going to be after they actually develop to that point/when it actually makes sense.

 

tl;dr I'm making a YCM fic that while promises to be different will still probably fail due to my laziness.

 

Oh. Forgot the plot.

 

[spoiler=Plot]

The setting is in the future, where battling with actual Pokémon has become out of date. With hologram technology usage increasing, there is no point in actual Pokémon battles anymore. Why catch a Pokémon, raise it for years and take care of it, when you can just push a few buttons for that perfect Pokémon you want? Level 100 Venusaur with Petal Dance? Screw trying to breed a good one, just press a few buttons and there you go; Level 100 Venusaur with Petal Dance, ready to do battle with another holographic Pokémon in an arena. Now the only real 'trainers' are bodyguards, who use Pokémon to aid them in work. Nothing's better than having an Arcanine to scare off intruders/actually be threatening.

 

This is all due to Pt Inc, a large corporation that owns several businesses. It merged with D-R, another corporation that owns several research facilities and other businesses. They then merged with Lustrous Works, repeating the same process. This new company, Pt.D.L. Inc. has a practical monopoly on businesses. It's three CEOs have hid themselves from media, leaving people wondering; what the hell are they up to?

 

The main protagonists share two things in common; one, they're all failures. Two, all or part of their family has been killed in accidents. After an incident involving an exploding limo, a corpse in a forest, and a portable TV, they band together to form a crime group. Their goal? To shut down Pt.D.L. Inc. using any means necessary.

 

 

 

Thoughts? I might have missed some things.

 

What part do real Pokemon play in this story, besides being the companions of bodyguards? Will the protagonists use them, or virtual Pokemon, or both?

 

Also, since you said this was a YCM fanfic, please don't use exact usernames for their names. Nothing ruins the seriousness of a story than to see humans who are realistic in most other ways to have numbers and Pokemon in their name. Though, since there is a virtual portion to this story, maybe their YCM username can be their username on that?

 

Why are they out to shut down Pt.D.L. Inc? Did they kill their families?

 

I have a vague idea for a fan-fic of my own. It's sort of an adventure sci-fi. The basic story is about two sides headbutting in a continuing battle set in the year 2050 on Earth. The Galls(or Gulls, you pick which one sounds better) and the Crows. The Galls(or Gulls) are the protectors of modern citizens. The control most countries around the world. They own a vast enterprise, and are the larger power. But, underneath the heroic shell of the Galls, lies a secret organization called Cross-hair. Cross-hair publicly known as the enemy of the Galls, secretly under orders from the leader of the Galls, Marek(No, not based on the one from Yu-Gi-Oh). He has plans to control the whole world and build Utopia, by any means necessary. They can be identified by their symbol, which is (obviously) a cross-hair. The Crows, are a rebellion that is building up against the Galls. They are people who want to know the truth, suspect something about the Galls, or already know the truth. They have been cast into the underbelly of society, exiled from Gall controlled cities and constantly at war with the Galls and Cross-Hair. The Crows are making attempts to destroy Gall HQ's, uncover the truth to the public, and stop their plans of taking over. The Crows are under command of a man whose name I have not come up with yet. On to the main characters. A young man named Matt Williams is living in one of the Gall cities. Something happens, and he leaves the city to become a Crow. He becomes part of a small faction of Crows that is lead by a woman named Jenny Smith. Note that these are only vague ideas and haven't exactly finished the idea. Comments and suggestions welcome.

 

Isn't there three sides, not two? Unless I'm mistaken, Cross-hair and Crows are different organizations and not linked in any way. Please don't make this story a good rebels v. evil empire story- that's so cliche. Add some flaws to the good side and some good things to the bad.

 

Also, expand more on the main characters, if you will. Is Matt cocky player who is smooth with the ladies? Is Jenny a a confident and serious kick-ass-take-names leader-type?

[fenrir]

What part do real Pokemon play in this story, besides being the companions of bodyguards? Will the protagonists use them, or virtual Pokemon, or both?

 

Also, since you said this was a YCM fanfic, please don't use exact usernames for their names. Nothing ruins the seriousness of a story than to see humans who are realistic in most other ways to have numbers and Pokemon in their name. Though, since there is a virtual portion to this story, maybe their YCM username can be their username on that?

 

Why are they out to shut down Pt.D.L. Inc? Did they kill their families?

 

 

They're forming a crime group so they won't be going by the rules, thus, they're using Pokémon. Sorry if it didn't seem I was implying that. :/

 

Eh. It's mostly serious. Since it's a YCM fic, it can't be completely serious without some form of humor thrown in. The YCMers thrown in however do not have numbers/Pokémon in their names. I'm avoiding those people for a reason. None of them have connections with the virtual stuff, and it doesn't even play that big of a part for the main characters.

 

As for the Inc. Where's the fun in telling you now? Gotta give a reason to want to read the first chapter.

[Frybread002]

Actually Rarity, I like the idea. I mean, in terms of a pokemon story, it's rather original because of it's general direction. Like, that concept is really original and I would agree on every level with you. So personally, I'd say go for it.

 

Although I will admit...currently waiting for someone to see what they think on my idea...again...-_-

[Quiksilver]

Eh. It's mostly serious. Since it's a YCM fic, it can't be completely serious without some form of humor thrown in. The YCMers thrown in however do not have numbers/Pokémon in their names. I'm avoiding those people for a reason. None of them have connections with the virtual stuff, and it doesn't even play that big of a part for the main characters.

 

I got the tone of sorta serious, sorta funny from the plot. But still, those things would ruin a fanfic for me. And- Damn. Now I'm know I'm not in it. D:

 

Seriously, though, most of the names on YCM don't translate into real names- there's not too many "John Carlson"s on YCM, now is there?

 

As for the Inc. Where's the fun in telling you now? Gotta give a reason to want to read the first chapter.

 

True dat. But if we're supposed to help you plan them out, we'll need to know something about the main characters.

 

@Frybread: Sounds like a decent detective story, why force it into a setting anywhere? Why does it need to be Naruto, or Pokemon, or something? Sounds to me like you've got a pretty good setting right there.

[Cozmosus]

Isn't there three sides, not two?

Actually there are only two. I said in there that the Galls(or Gulls) are secretly Crosshair. Also, as I said these are vague ideas and will expand on the characters and story.

[Guest PikaPerson01]

I just want to know if you guys think that this is "Story-Material."

 

A family goes on a roadtrip. They wake up the next day and their car has it's tires missing. The teenage son thinks it's some teenagers he saw before...

 

... And? Like, sure I'd hate to have it happen to me but it should be nothing more then a moderate inconvenience at best. The parents buy 4 new tires and, pay, at a max, 800 dollars to get their car fixed.

 

But sure, maybe the son goes off to find the teenagers. He finds them. ...And?

 

He "brings them to justice"? What does that mean exactly? Does he kill them? Sounds harsh for 800 dollars worth of damage. They apologize and he gets money for a new car. Okay... And?

 

I always just kind of figured that any story worth telling has their characters experience some kind of growth or evolution along the way. They learn a lesson, albeit how small, and they're slightly better off for it. Or if not that, they resolve a conflict and the world (region? city? heck, one other person) is better off for it.

 

Here, no one really seems to have any chance to learn or grow as a character.

 

Also:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ShaggyDogStory

 

 

Their goal? To shut down Pt.D.L. Inc. using any means necessary.

 

... Why? I mean, it's one of the better plots I've read recently, but why are they trying to stop PtDL? Clearly there's a high enough demand for the services they provide, otherwise they wouldn't have a practical monopoly. But even if our protagonists disagreed with what PtDL did... they're just a bunch of terrorists aren't they?

 

The Galls(or Gulls, you pick which one sounds better)

The Galls makes it sounds like the entire side is 100 percent women. It might be, for lulz... but I doubt you meant that. The Gulls, to contrast with the the Crows. Both birds.

 

Comments and suggestions welcome.

... Sounds like Aeon Flux to me. Right down to the faction of rebels lead by a woman. =\

 

Not to discourage you or anything. More like... passing a reference to you, if you wanted.

 

 

I was actually quoting the sub-section of Time Travel stories called "Guardians of Time"

You're doing what now? I'm sorry, your story makes less and less sense the more you try to explain it. Make it simpler, seriously. =\

 

Duel Spirits are the spiritual counterparts to the game, while Duel Monsters is the game itself. Basically, if they were living things, Duel Monsters would be the domain and Duel Spirits the denizens.

... Not to beat a dead horse, but that also makes no sense. It's pretty well established that duel spirits are the spirits of Yu-Gi-Oh cards. A Blue Eyes White Dragon card is a BEWD card, it's duel spirit would be a ghost-thing that could become a flesh and bone dragon. Also, they're typically called the same thing anyway, so I don't know how you're drawing the distinction between a Duel Monster and a Duel Spirit.

 

I was thinking more along the lines of their homeworld being destroyed and they were forced to find a new one- like Earth, for example.

That sounds like it would make for a much more interesting plot twist. LAWLTIMETRAVELERS! fight off against a slew of monsters. It turns out humans and duel spirits have pretty common goals. Duel Monsters wanna live in their Duel Monster world, humans want them to GTFO out of the human world. The second half of the story is the two warring factions putting aside their differences to stop a common threat and accomplish both goals.

 

And, they didn't attack the Earth- they were forced here because of this reason, in which the humans, in fear and cowardice, imprisoned all of them in these cards

[...]

They're had godlike powers but most of those refused to wield them against the humans, but some did and so the humans thought of them all as evil.

... So let's say 5 guy with 5 shotguns (one shotgun each) break down your door and enter your house. They eat your food, watches your TV, uses your hot water, and make a general mess of the place.

 

Do you consider calling the police an act of "fear and cowardice"? Then, if one of them shoots you, do you think "Even though they all had shotguns, only one of them actually shot me so they're okay!"

 

I mean, this whole "painting them in a positive light" thing is BS. They're invaders.

 

Well, perhaps I should implement something about you can only travel so many years before you "burn out" and must wait to travel again. Thus, it would take such a long time for you to travel through the years, as you would have to make a bunch of "hops" through time. The Duel Spirits feel that trying to do so would expend so much energy, and so are just seeking revenge for their lost brethen at this point as well as trying to find ways to free them.

Or you could just drop the whole time traveling gimmick instead of having to add excuse after excuse after excuse. =\

 

I'm not going to force time travel into the story if I've got a perfectly good story beforehand.

Do so for the Yu-Gi-Oh one then.

[Cozmosus]

Aeon Flux? I literally have no idea what that is. I'll look it up.

[fenrir]

... Why? I mean, it's one of the better plots I've read recently, but why are they trying to stop PtDL? Clearly there's a high enough demand for the services they provide, otherwise they wouldn't have a practical monopoly. But even if our protagonists disagreed with what PtDL did... they're just a bunch of terrorists aren't they?

 

I was actually going to reveal it in the story, rather than reveal it here. It's... An important plot point. :U

 

And yes, that's what I'm making them out to be. If you view their actions in any other way besides theirs; they seem like terrorists. That was sort of the goal. :/

[Quiksilver]

You're doing what now? I'm sorry, your story makes less and less sense the more you try to explain it. Make it simpler, seriously. =\ I simply meant that the time travelers protect the timeline. The actual quote comes from here.

 

... Not to beat a dead horse, but that also makes no sense. It's pretty well established that duel spirits are the spirits of Yu-Gi-Oh cards. A Blue Eyes White Dragon card is a BEWD card, it's duel spirit would be a ghost-thing that could become a flesh and bone dragon. Also, they're typically called the same thing anyway, so I don't know how you're drawing the distinction between a Duel Monster and a Duel Spirit.

 

Duel Monster and Duel Spirit are the same thing. I'm talking about the actual Yu-Gi-Oh! Game, which in-anime is called "Duel Monsters", which is simply the title of the game. It's like the difference between the United States of America and it's citizens.

 

... So let's say 5 guy with 5 shotguns (one shotgun each) break down your door and enter your house. They eat your food, watches your TV, uses your hot water, and make a general mess of the place.

 

Do you consider calling the police an act of "fear and cowardice"? Then, if one of them shoots you, do you think "Even though they all had shotguns, only one of them actually shot me so they're okay!"

 

I mean, this whole "painting them in a positive light" thing is BS. They're invaders.

 

Or, a couple of people have a choice between destruction or staying at your house. They're refugees, and would you really be so cold-hearted to turn them down? Now, it's not something you like, it's not something you like, but all but one of them are trying to make it work. However this one attacks you. So, you decide to kick them all out. Was that fair? Blaming all of them for the actions of one of them? They aren't all trying to kill you. Some actually care about you. And yet, because of the action of one, you condemn them all to a life of agony.

 

Or you could just drop the whole time traveling gimmick instead of having to add excuse after excuse after excuse. =\

 

Okay, look. First off, I'm not adding excuse after excuse. I'm refining the details of my story to make it stronger and more clear-cut, and while it might be a little complicated, I'm doing my best to make it as simple as possible. Here it is in a nutshell:

 

"A up-and-coming Duelist is just about to kick off his dueling career when his duel is suddenly sent off track. A wormhole appears in the air above them, and suddenly time seems to move more slowly. A creature emerges from the portal, and it's eyes lock on the two; it lunges to attack. The duelist is paralyzed as the creature blast his opponent with some sort of dark energy, and then it turns to him. He thinks it's all over, when suddenly a bright light and a second wormhole appears. The creature is blasted away, and in it's place is a young woman. She urges the boy to come with her and they escape.

 

Along the way, the boy discovers the girl is a time-traveler- someone who harnesses the power of Duel Cards to travel through and control brief periods of time. To escape the monster, which is some sort of beast like that in the Duel Cards, they must time-travel- it's nearly impossible for one untrained in time travel to jump in such a manner, but after obtaining a powerful "Planet" card from the girl, they are able to.

 

They end up at a base in which the girl and her fellow time-travelers operate out of. The boy learns that these people are the self-appointed guardians of time, protecting the delicate timestream from being disturbed. He also learns that these creatures are seemingly bad, and emerge randomly at points in the timestream- and that all of them seem to want to destroy this world. They, termed "Duel Spirits", can only be defeated in Duel Monsters. Having time-traveled and bonded with a Planet card, the time-travelers see that it would be worst off to let the boy go off with such power and agree to train him as one of their own. For his own part, the boy doesn't want to become a time-traveler, but after hearing that his family thinks he is dead and that to show himself as otherwise would put them in danger of vengeful Duel Spirits, he reluctantly agrees to do so, secretly thinking that he would only do so until the point of which he can go home and protect his family.

 

As he is trained, the boy becomes increasingly embroiled with the conflict between protectors and the invaders. He soon learns that not everything is as it seems- the creatures are simply refugees from a dying timestream, who are angry due to the imprisonment of several of their brethren in the Duel Monsters cards." How's that? Is there too many excuses in there?

 

Second off, you're asking me to get rid of the time traveling part, which I believe is at the base of this story- regardless of what you think. I think it's a critical part of the story, and you're asking me to get rid of it. It's like reading a story based around a magic and you saying "get rid of the magic." From my point of view, that's rather ridiculous.

 

At this point, I rather think I might go with the Pokemon one (though credit will be given to Pika for helping me out a lot with the plot.)

[Guest PikaPerson01]

Aeon Flux? I literally have no idea what that is. I'll look it up.

why does no one like the things that I like!? ; ;

 

... Just read the wikipedia page, I suppose. If you have the time, watch the first 2 seasons (they're short. The first 2 seasons are about half an hour in length.)

 

It's... An important plot point.

If it's important, what better place to reveal it then here to get the masses interested? Unless their reason isn't interesting. =\

 

In any case, you mention later that they're terrorists. So that would be "reason enough", wouldn't it?

 

Duel Monster and Duel Spirit are the same thing

That's what I was saying. Weren't you arguing otherwise?

 

Or, a couple of people have a choice between destruction or staying at your house. They're refugees, and would you really be so cold-hearted to turn them down? Now, it's not something you like, it's not something you like, but all but one of them are trying to make it work. However this one attacks you. So, you decide to kick them all out. Was that fair? Blaming all of them for the actions of one of them? They aren't all trying to kill you. Some actually care about you. And yet, because of the action of one, you condemn them all to a life of agony.

If they're refugees, they may appeal to my (very small) sense of sympathy, but sympathy can only stretch so far, and I become much less forgiving as time goes on and my resources are stretched, and even less so after I'm attacked.

 

Hell, they could have been 5 orphans without shotguns. I'd be sympathetic for a week or so, but as time went on my sense of hospitality would wane. While before I had enough money to eat well, I now find myself dipping into my savings just to feed everyone for a week. While I had ultimate privacy, I now have to line up to use the bathroom in the morning. So yeah, as time goes on I'd be feeling less and less generous.

 

Finally, the "last straw" when one of my orphans attacks me. All of them have become a burden so they're getting tossed to the curb. Let someone else pity them.

 

On the other hand, my patience would most likely increase greatly if the orphans actually did pull their own weight. They kept the place clean. They washed the dishes. The eldest one got whatever job a young teen could find and contributed to the rent in some way. Yeah, I might be more inclined to feel pity if they helped...

 

Which leads me to the next part of the mild critique. I don't think it's unreasonable to suggest that the Duel Monsters would help around the planet. Stick a plow on a Blue Eyes and make him till the entire field faster then any horse ever could. Time Wizard speeds up time and makes your plants grow. Dark Magician Girl... attracts customers to your delicious corn selling store.

 

But tilling the field and speeding up time are EXTREMELY helpful things that humans or animals can not do on their own. Let's say it's the beginning of humanity, and we just domesticated horses. One horse kills a guy. Now, the options are either:

 

a) Murder all horses.

B) Murder this one specific horse that killed a guy.

 

Apparently humanity picks choice A, but replacing murder with sealing in w/e or something. It just stupid for the entirety of humanity to do this. =\

 

... So to summarize!

 

1: Duel Monsters come into the world of humans.

2: If Duel Monsters were lazy layabouts, humans had every right to extinguish them.

3: If Duel Monsters pulled their own weight, and did so in a vastly superior way to any kind of animal (which they almost assuredly would), when a small handful of them rebel, humanity has two options; get rid of the ones that are troublemakers, or get rid of all of them. Getting rid of all of them is a stupid option, for obvious reasons, yet humanity takes this option...

 

So to conclude, either humans are right and it's not black and white, or humans are stupid and the story is awful and plothole ridden.

 

Is there too many excuses in there?

The "too many excuses" was in reference to the "oh well, you need a certain amount of power" section when you thought people would bring up why Duel Monsters didn't come out as reinforcements during the great battle/war thing instead of refugees at a later on time.

 

Second off, you're asking me to get rid of the time traveling part, which I believe is at the base of this story- regardless of what you think.

Honestly, I don't see it.

 

The main parts of the story as I see them are; a Duel Monster entity attacks a duelist. Duelist gets saved by a group of magical people. Magical people explain their magic. Also, Duel Monsters are refugees who are possibly being harassed by the main entity that the group is also attacking, just pawns to the main villain, and also victims of his wrath. Absolutely nothing in that story is enriched by time travel. Maybe if you included some elaborate time travel based scavenger hunt midway through or something, but that just seems like padding for the sake of padding. If time travel exists in this world, the same annoying questions about time travel will pop up.

 

As for specific annoying things about time travel, check out this Cracked list. Specifically number 5.

 

http://www.cracked.com/article_16625_8-classic-movies-that-got-away-with-gaping-plot-holes.html

 

And sure, I'm betting you'll mention some kind of plot thing. "You need x-amount of time and y-amount of power and it only lasts for z-amount of time" but then throwing arbitrary limitations up because otherwise your plot is asinine leads to my original "you're making excuses" complaint.

 

(though credit will be given to Pika for helping me out a lot with the plot.)

I don't need any credit for anything. All my tips and/or pointers and/or help come free of charge. Most of these ideas are actually thoughts I've had for fanfics over the years and I'm just glad to see someone getting them done. =\

[Aesirson]

ACTIVATE BRAINSTORM!

 

The main character dies in a car accident in the first chapter. However, when he is being judged by the Judge of the Dead, deciding if he goes to heaven or to hell, he refuses to accept his fate, and is given a second chance in the form of the Divine Trial.

 

The Divine Trial is a sort of game. Each contestant is placed within New York, where they are to duel eachother until there are only one left. The victor is then allowed to live, carry on with his or her life as if he or she never died. However, the losers are forced into the deepest level of Hell, which is why not many accept the Divine Trial.

 

There are also four Overseers, Angels, who take part in the Trial. They are there to heighten the intensity of the Trial. If you defeat an Angel, you are deemed a victor even if you did not finish the Trial, and you're allowed to get a second chance at life without completing the Trial.

 

I dunno. Interesting?