~¤The Chibi Knights: Reborn¤~

[Spirit of DMG]

Since 1st and 3rd Generation Dragon Slayers are raised by Dragons, you can add Wendy, Gajeel, Rogue, and Sting to that list along with Natsu.

Unless you wanna count their Dragons as their parents, which (minus Sting and Rogue) they do.

Gajeel is a maybe in that, but Wendy and Natsu certainly count Grandine and Igneel as parents.

[Lt. Colonel Remo]

Ah well, at least you get stuff for your birthday at all.

Some people don't even get that much, which is a shame :T

I think I'll just teach my kids the value of money early on...sure I won't be in their good books for a while, but crushing the materialism early reaps benefits later.

 

You know what I've noticed recently? Pretty much every major mainstream main character I can think of does not plainly have a mom and dad.

[spoiler=No seriously]

Harry Potter-Both parents dead

Batman-Above

Naruto-Above

Peter Parker-Above and Uncle Ben dead

Ichigo-Mom dead

Katniss Everdeen-Dad dead

Luffy-Parents unknown (at least when he was growing up)

Natsu-Parents unknown

Ed and Al-Mom dead

Otonashi-No parents

Tomoya-Mom gone

Lelouch-Mom gone

Kamina and Simon-Parents unknown (or did Simon's die in an accident, I forget)

Daisuke Link-Dad dead

Yusuke-No dad

Yugi-No dad

Yusei-Parents dead

Yuma-Parents gone

(I guess Jaden would be an exception, but the show's setting kinda makes the point moot anyways)[/spoiler]

 

If I ever do make DEF a thing, I'm not going to kill off any of the trio's parents. Someone needs to break the trend.

My father passed away in '05, does this make me a secret main character?

 

 

@Jake: Well, at least you're working on it. I was hoping for something more revealing, but this is enough to satisfy me till the end of May when schools out for me. All this being said, I noticed something. It goes by the name "Said Bookism", sound familiar? If not, here's a little snippet (and by snippet I mean the whole article) on the TvTropes page

 

[spoiler Snippet]

"Said Bookism?" Alice interrogated. "What's that?"

 

"Well," Bob exposited, "it's a variety of Purple Prose in which the writer goes out of their way to avoid the word said."

 

"Why would they do this?" ejaculated Alice.

 

"Because," explicated Bob, "it was the fashion at one point. There were even 'said books' you could get mail order with lists of the words that can be used instead of said as saying said was discredited during that time. That's where the name of the trope comes from," he further proclaimed.

 

"But Said Bookism itself is a Discredited Trope these days?" Alice queried.

 

"Absolutely," confirmed Bob, "it's considered redundant," he proceeded, "because dialogue should speak for itself without needing fancy tags to convey its meaning and intention."

 

"That makes sense," Alice concurred.

 

"In the worst cases, the dialogue tags end up repeating what the dialogue itself is telling us," Bob stated in addition, revealing that in the worst cases the dialogue tags end up repeating what the dialogue itself is telling us.

 

"Oh, dear." Alice murmured. "How do more experienced writers get around lots of dialogue, then? If repeating 'said' over and over is annoying, and using dozens of synonyms for 'said' is also annoying, then how do you write so that it's not annoying?"

 

"Well," Bob's eyes darted upward as he thought. "You could use body language instead."

 

Alice gave Bob a confused look. "How does that work?"

 

"It's simple," Bob gestured. "The word 'said' isn't really the important part of the sentence. What you're trying to do is draw attention to who is speaking, not the fact that they are speaking."

 

"And that's so the reader doesn't accidentally mistake one person's dialogue for someone else's, like if we left off the names entirely."

 

"Exactly!" Bob smiled seductively. "So having a person perform some action just before speaking is as good as explicitly telling the reader that they're speaking. It also gives the author another tool for delivering sub text that you couldn't get across with just text."

 

"That could get old too, though." Alice frowned. "Just like in video games where the characters just perform actions randomly as they're talking."

 

"I guess so." Bob shrugged. "In that case you always have 'said' or its synonyms as a fallback, at least, so long as you don't overuse it."

 

"Are there any similar tropes?" Alice requested.

 

"There are!" enthused Bob. "It's not just like Purple Prose, but also sort of like Delusions of Eloquence and Author Vocabulary Calendar," he noted augustly.

 

"So where can I see what it looks like?" Alice inquired.

 

"Well," said Bob, "right here..."

 

[/spoiler]

 

Long story short (get it?) the author avoids using the word "said"

 

I was just worried that you might be following along that path

[Fusion X. Denver]

My father passed away in '05, does this make me a secret main character?

 

 

@Jake: Well, at least you're working on it. I was hoping for something more revealing, but this is enough to satisfy me till the end of May when schools out for me. All this being said, I noticed something. It goes by the name "Said Bookism", sound familiar? If not, here's a little snippet (and by snippet I mean the whole article) on the TvTropes page

 

[spoiler Snippet]

"Said Bookism?" Alice interrogated. "What's that?"

 

"Well," Bob exposited, "it's a variety of Purple Prose in which the writer goes out of their way to avoid the word said."

 

"Why would they do this?" ejaculated Alice.

 

"Because," explicated Bob, "it was the fashion at one point. There were even 'said books' you could get mail order with lists of the words that can be used instead of said as saying said was discredited during that time. That's where the name of the trope comes from," he further proclaimed.

 

"But Said Bookism itself is a Discredited Trope these days?" Alice queried.

 

"Absolutely," confirmed Bob, "it's considered redundant," he proceeded, "because dialogue should speak for itself without needing fancy tags to convey its meaning and intention."

 

"That makes sense," Alice concurred.

 

"In the worst cases, the dialogue tags end up repeating what the dialogue itself is telling us," Bob stated in addition, revealing that in the worst cases the dialogue tags end up repeating what the dialogue itself is telling us.

 

"Oh, dear." Alice murmured. "How do more experienced writers get around lots of dialogue, then? If repeating 'said' over and over is annoying, and using dozens of synonyms for 'said' is also annoying, then how do you write so that it's not annoying?"

 

"Well," Bob's eyes darted upward as he thought. "You could use body language instead."

 

Alice gave Bob a confused look. "How does that work?"

 

"It's simple," Bob gestured. "The word 'said' isn't really the important part of the sentence. What you're trying to do is draw attention to who is speaking, not the fact that they are speaking."

 

"And that's so the reader doesn't accidentally mistake one person's dialogue for someone else's, like if we left off the names entirely."

 

"Exactly!" Bob smiled seductively. "So having a person perform some action just before speaking is as good as explicitly telling the reader that they're speaking. It also gives the author another tool for delivering sub text that you couldn't get across with just text."

 

"That could get old too, though." Alice frowned. "Just like in video games where the characters just perform actions randomly as they're talking."

 

"I guess so." Bob shrugged. "In that case you always have 'said' or its synonyms as a fallback, at least, so long as you don't overuse it."

 

"Are there any similar tropes?" Alice requested.

 

"There are!" enthused Bob. "It's not just like Purple Prose, but also sort of like Delusions of Eloquence and Author Vocabulary Calendar," he noted augustly.

 

"So where can I see what it looks like?" Alice inquired.

 

"Well," said Bob, "right here..."

 

[/spoiler]

 

Long story short (get it?) the author avoids using the word "said"

 

I was just worried that you might be following along that path

Sorry to hear that bro, but to answer your question, I always thought you were a main character anyways.

In spirit.

 

I think I had a mild case of Said Bookism when I first started writing, then I think Atman taught me that said is sufficient enough and now I abuse the technique where someone does an action like smiling or shrugging before talking.

[Jake the Sage]

Anyway, Jake, it seems like you intentionally chose those snippets to make the plot as vague as possible. Just my little complaint.

 

Yeah I did that on purpose and it was to make the plot as vague as possible. I figured it'd piss some of you off but that is what I decided on.

 

If I ever do make DEF a thing, I'm not going to kill off any of the trio's parents. Someone needs to break the trend.

 

I thought you were going to already publish DEF (Oo)

 

Well, at least you're working on it. I was hoping for something more revealing, but this is enough to satisfy me till the end of May when schools out for me. All this being said, I noticed something. It goes by the name "Said Bookism", sound familiar? If not, here's a little snippet (and by snippet I mean the whole article) on the TvTropes page

 

Long story short (get it?) the author avoids using the word "said"

 

I was just worried that you might be following along that path

 

So in other words the total avoidance of the word 'said', right? Hmmm . . . I don't know how many times I use it, but I don't think I've avoided saying it that much. To be honest whatever it needed I put in there.

[Kazooie]

Well I don't want that so . . . without further ado- here is some of Trio of DEF II

 

[spoiler=Trio of DEF II]

Confused mumbles spread throughout the entire group as they wrap up what it was they happened to be doing at the moment, though no one thinks twice of not trusting Phantom Roxas. Once the last person has gone into the elevator and both of the Mods watch the numbers descend, Roxas turns back to Velma Crab, “You’ve been in the room already?”

 

“No. I thought it best to wait for you.”

 

“Alright then,” Roxas nods and takes the lead, both walking through the steel doors into the room. Looking around at the machines both Mods were coming to the same conclusion. Clenching her fist Velma began biting her lower lip, “It looks like our suspicions were right about what Enzax was trying to do here . . .”

 

“Yes . . . seems so,” Roxas replied lifting up tubes coated with the remains of various chemicals.

 

[hr]

 

With the entire class’s attention Mr. Guile resumes, “Now most of you know that around this time of the year the Drama Class puts on a play to help the school.”

 

The idea of putting on a play gets the students excited; already there is a light buzz of whispers going back and forth only silenced when Mr. Guile raps the end of the desk again with his ruler. “However . . . however . . . it’s up to the students to decide which play we get to put on. Now does anyone have a suggestion? Keep in mind it has to be school approved.”

 

Mr. Guile allows the students to spend the last few minutes of class brainstorming ideas. The moment the door to his office is shut a few students, those artistically inclined, already beginning to make suggestions.

 

“I say we do ‘The Princess and the Frog’!”

 

“That old play? ‘Thumbelina’ was a better hit last time the drama club did it!”

 

“Yeah but no one wants to see that again,” one of the girls said rolling her eyes, “If you want to do that why not do ‘The Wizard of Oz’?”

 

“Sinbad!”

 

[hr]

 

“Anyone up for Mario Party 12?” Daniel asked holding the game box up and a headset.

 

“I’m in!”

 

“Sure.”

 

“I know you’ll all loose horribly, but I’ll try not to make it as humiliating as possible.”

 

“Says you Keiko,” Amelia replied putting one of the headsets on and switches on the console. Quickly the party game was under way after the usual hassle over who got to be which character. With the children occupied and the dishes washed Rue was content on watching, turning her head when she saw her husband coming out of the bedroom finally.

 

[hr]

 

“Hello Crab Helmet.”

 

“God damn it Nob-”

 

“Desperado Finale”

 

“Desperado Finale . . . what the Hell are you doing here?” Velma asked shutting the door and locking it, keeping one hand close to her weapon, “Where’s Clair?”

 

“If I had to guess she’s probably already called her news station and they’re using a helicopter to get her off of the roof I left her on,” Desperado stated matter-of-factly and almost with a chuckle, “Or maybe she called the fire station, I don’t really know to be honest.”

 

[hr]

 

“I had no idea your father made you run around like this,” Anne admits getting off of the bus right behind Zugai, having finished his errands for his Dad. As the bus drives off Zugai looks back at Anne, who is carrying the rest of the documents in a notebook, “Yeah, at first I was surprised by the amount of work Dad had me doing but I got used to it after a while.”

 

Hands in his pockets Zugai walks beside Anne, who he notices is staring at the ground. Turning to look her in the face Zugai tilts his head in confusion, “Is something wrong?”

 

“N-No,” Anne answers, hiding her face behind the notebook that she has been carrying for Zugai, “I’m fine.”

[/spoiler]

 

Now, no complaining! That was a sample from just about every chapter to show you I am working on this. And yes, I did take out those pieces with the intention of making the plot and circumstances of what is going on as vague as possible.

 

Then what's the point? All this shows is that you've written stuff that's boring and has no purpose... Adventure Ho? Part of the point of a teaser is to make people want to read it and inspire excitement, all this did was bore me and make me lose the minimal interest I had.

 

Second, Present Tense is really awkward to read a lot of the time, that last bit showed it very well actually. It isn't the worst thing in the world, but when the sentences seem short and choppy like those in the last segment, the awkwardness shows and it's kinda jarring to read.

[Jake the Sage]

Then what's the point? All this shows is that you've written stuff that's boring and has no purpose... Adventure Ho? Part of the point of a teaser is to make people want to read it and inspire excitement, all this did was bore me and make me lose the minimal interest I had.

 

Second, Present Tense is really awkward to read a lot of the time, that last bit showed it very well actually. It isn't the worst thing in the world, but when the sentences seem short and choppy like those in the last segment, the awkwardness shows and it's kinda jarring to read.

 

As I said this wasn't to interest anyone, since everyone was already interested and wanted to see what I had gotten done, but just to show that I have been writing. Anything else I can just assume is because they're random parts of the story so I don't know if it's that choppy like you said or not . . .

[Kazooie]

As I said this wasn't to interest anyone, since everyone was already interested and wanted to see what I had gotten done, but just to show that I have been writing. Anything else I can just assume is because they're random parts of the story so I don't know if it's that choppy like you said or not . . .

 

Even if you have been writing, all this SHOWS us is that you can write filler. There was only one bit of what seemed to be substance in that really.

 

That wasn't about the pacing, that was about the sentences themselves.

"Anne admits getting off of the bus right behind Zugai, having finished his errands for his Dad. As the bus drives off Zugai looks back at Anne, who is carrying the rest of the documents in a notebook"

 

And

 

"Turning to look her in the face Zugai tilts his head in confusion"

The fact that this is in present tense makes the fact that it's just short and choppy just more apparent. If you write in present tense like this you need to be more careful with how you word your sentences. Right now, both of these are insanely awkward to read, not hard, but they disrupt any flow you could have had going.

 

Past tense is generally used over Present tense for a reason. Present tense is only really good for short stories, you have to be a great writer for it to work for anything more really.

[Jake the Sage]

Even if you have been writing, all this SHOWS us is that you can write filler. There was only one bit of what seemed to be substance in that really.

 

Again, it's what I picked . . . not saying I put anything of significance in there. That pretty much was all filler, unless you want to dig a bit deeper and speculate that one of those parts I gave you has a deeper meaning.

 

That wasn't about the pacing, that was about the sentences themselves.

"Anne admits getting off of the bus right behind Zugai, having finished his errands for his Dad. As the bus drives off Zugai looks back at Anne, who is carrying the rest of the documents in a notebook"

 

And

 

"Turning to look her in the face Zugai tilts his head in confusion"

The fact that this is in present tense makes the fact that it's just short and choppy just more apparent. If you write in present tense like this you need to be more careful with how you word your sentences. Right now, both of these are insanely awkward to read, not hard, but they disrupt any flow you could have had going.

 

Past tense is generally used over Present tense for a reason. Present tense is only really good for short stories, you have to be a great writer for it to work for anything more really.

 

Well good to know you can make such an in depth analysis of the entire work just from some random parts I pulled out, not to sound insulting, but I am appreciating the input on what I might be doing wrong. If you were more accepting of the story and interested I'd actually like you to be a third beta reader, but you've already said you aren't interested so I'm not going to ask.

 

And I was using present tense because, honestly, in the timeline of the story that is happening now- I switch to past tense when the characters are referring to something that had happened. Present goes the same way.

 

I guess to me the point of view of the story is the characters, who are going through the experience as I write it. So, it might look choppy and what not when taken out of context, but I hope it'll come together when the entire story is read.

 

Guess my two beta readers will tell me that for myself when they read it *nods my head* Mhm . ..

[Mugendramon]

As someone who didn't ever read DEF:

 

If it was all like that, I would never pick it up Jake, ever. Why would you want to show that off is a very good question right now.

[Jake the Sage]

As someone who didn't ever read DEF:

 

If it was all like that, I would never pick it up Jake, ever. Why would you want to show that off is a very good question right now.

 

I showed off the most random parts I could find while trying to make it a single instance in the story. Don't go thinking this is how the entire story is (= =)

[Mugendramon]

I showed off the most random parts I could find while trying to make it a single instance in the story. Don't go thinking this is how the entire story is (= =)

 

So what you're saying is... you picked filler... on purpose?

[Jake the Sage]

So what you're saying is... you picked filler... on purpose?

 

Mhm, because I don't want to give ANYTHING away. Consider that evil or consider it a dumb ass move, but either way I did just pick filler.

[Mugendramon]

Mhm, because I don't want to give ANYTHING away. Consider that evil or consider it a dumb ass movie, but either way I did just pick filler.

 

For further reference on how the latter is what actually happened:

 

 

 Part of the point of a teaser is to make people want to read it and inspire excitement, all this did was bore me and make me lose the minimal interest I had.

[Jake the Sage]

For further reference on how the latter is what actually happened

 

Mmmmmm . . . true (9.9)

[Spirit of DMG]

Okay, I don't know how many times this was said, but...

He wasn't giving a teaser. People kept asking him to show some preview, and one person speculated that his lack of a preview meant that he hadn't written anything and was, in fact, playing us along. This wasn't meant to entice interest, this was meant to be proof something had been written. Complete difference.

[Kazooie]

Okay, I don't know how many times this was said, but...

He wasn't giving a teaser. People kept asking him to show some preview, and one person speculated that his lack of a preview meant that he hadn't written anything and was, in fact, playing us along. This wasn't meant to entice interest, this was meant to be proof something had been written. Complete difference.

 

This still doesn't show that he's wrote any substance, everything he showed was purely filler which is very easy to slap together.

 

The parts he showed don't inspire confidence in the least. Even as a preview, it's poor.

[Fusion X. Denver]

Anyways

The anime fanbase amazes me sometimes.

A few months back, Kyoto Animation released a short commercial promoting...something, I don't even know. I think it was just a teaser showing their updated animation skills or whatnot for the new year.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByhP478ZPQI

The thing is, Tumblr and other places exploded in reaction.

Commercial got fanart, fans, people petitioning to make it into an anime, the works.

Lo and behold

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=JNU1ehnCVP8

They made it happen.

 

Makes me wonder if Little Witch Academia could get one. For those who don't know, it was basically a "one-shot" released early in the spring and it's beautifully animated and a good watch if you have a half hour to kill.

[Fusion X. Denver]

Wait, no, I was sadly mistaken.

http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/news/2012-04-03/animation-do-studio-has-project-in-the-works

Turns out it'd been in the works for a while >.>

Still though, it was a phenomenon in the sense that everyone got excited over a 30 second commercial.

[Jake the Sage]

Okay, I don't know how many times this was said, but...

He wasn't giving a teaser. People kept asking him to show some preview, and one person speculated that his lack of a preview meant that he hadn't written anything and was, in fact, playing us along. This wasn't meant to entice interest, this was meant to be proof something had been written. Complete difference.

 

Thank you (= =)

 

Even as a preview, it's poor.

 

Caeda you know I'm not trying to be mean but, did you even read Don's post? He pointed out "this wasn't meant to entice interest, this was meant to be proof something had been written."

 

That pretty much sums up the entire post and discussion that has occurred SINCE I posted it. I am not trying to make everyone excited. I just wanted to show that, yes, I have been writing and those were some samples from random chapters.

 

The anime fanbase amazes me sometimes.

A few months back, Kyoto Animation released a short commercial promoting...something, I don't even know. I think it was just a teaser showing their updated animation skills or whatnot for the new year.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByhP478ZPQI

 

Wow . . . just . . . wow. That is some good animation, but then again I think I've seen that somewhere already. But the ability to have really good animation isn't all that new, at least for me Fusion.

 

I knew we were getting too good with out animation capabilities when I saw that video game trailers had "Scenes are Not Real and are Game Simulations" or something to that matter. I mean it's gotten to the point where we have to tell people, "Hey! Don't freak out when you see buildings exploding . . . because this is just. a. game!"

[Blake]

Jake, the point is that your post proved you jotted up some filler in half an hour, not that you're writing.

 

I mean, that's as bad an argument as "BTW I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA BE ASSASSINATED SO I'LL KILL ONE ASSASSIN TO PROVE I'M YOUR ALLY", when they could easily be another assassin.

[Jake the Sage]

Jake, the point is that your post proved you jotted up some filler in half an hour, not that you're writing.

 

I mean, that's as bad an argument as "BTW I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA BE ASSASSINATED SO I'LL KILL ONE ASSASSIN TO PROVE I'M YOUR ALLY", when they could easily be another assassin.

 

None of that was jotted up in half an hour, but fine if you guys want something to officially prove I've been writing then you'll get it.

[Sploda]

Hey, I'm okay with that proof. I just needed to know that you were working and not just taking information and ideas from people.

 

Also, I'm encountered a very odd manga this evening that I've taken a liking too.

[Jake the Sage]

Hey, I'm okay with that proof. I just needed to know that you were working and not just taking information and ideas from people.

 

I didn't lie when I said i was working on it (= =) Sheesh you people think I lie about everything

 

Also, I'm encountered a very odd manga this evening that I've taken a liking too.

 

I'm afraid too ask, but I have too . . . what manga is it Creator?

[Sploda]

Take a look at Mysterious Girlfriend X. I'm enjoying it.

 

If I recommend my other reads, you'd all probably report me.

[Spirit of DMG]

Creator:

I doubt I'd report you. I'd probably start reading it myself. Maybe. If I liked it.

Jake:

How do I know you're not lying when you say I think you're lying?