Madsen Posted May 3, 2014 Report Share Posted May 3, 2014 I don't have any favorites, but I saw a "What's the best one liner" thread on reddit today. Here are some of the best ones: I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain. Say what you want about deaf people It's always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they're always taking things literally. How long is a Chinese name My grandfather had the heart of a Lion and a lifetime ban from the Central Park Zoo I organized a threesome last night. There were a few no-shows, but I still had fun. I organised a bukkake party, but it ended up a failure. Nobody came :( I didn't know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there. I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure I often say to myself: "I can't believe that cloning machine worked!" Together, I can beat dissociative identity. Have you ever got half way through eating a horse and thought, I'm not as hungry as I thought I was? You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes. I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won. I replied, "Yeah, man, you're free." I'll never forget my grandfathers last words to me before he kicked the bucket. He looked me in the eyes and said, "Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?". They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now. On the other hand, you have different fingers The first night I spent at my girlfriend's religious parent's house, her father wouldn't let us sleep together, which is a shame because he's very attractive. And the Lord said unto John, "come forth and ye shall receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster. My girlfriend's dad accused me of being a pedophile just because she's 18 and I'm 32. Really ruined our 10th anniversary. If life hands you melons, you might be dyslexic. My ex-girlfriend had this really weird fetish, she used to dress up like herself and then act like a f***ing b**** all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glitch Posted May 3, 2014 Report Share Posted May 3, 2014 Your face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zauls Posted May 3, 2014 Report Share Posted May 3, 2014 Your face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thar Posted May 4, 2014 Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simping For Hina Posted May 4, 2014 Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 Your face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elijah~ Posted May 4, 2014 Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: who just threw that?! Boy: Me! I’m going home now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EPTinYugi Posted May 4, 2014 Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 You. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shradow Posted May 4, 2014 Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfXyo_-vvtg&index=3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
(GigaDrillBreaker) Posted May 4, 2014 Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 [Spoiler=Why can't Helen Keller drive?] Because she's dead.[/spoiler] [Spoiler=Why did Cleopatra fall off the swing?] Because she's dead. [/spoiler] [Spoiler=Why can't Abraham Lincoln write a speech?] Because he's dead. [/spoiler] [Spoiler=Why can't Napoleon Bonaparte breathe underwater?] Because it is humanly impossible. What else would i say? [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akira Posted May 4, 2014 Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
宇佐見 蓮子@C94 Posted May 4, 2014 Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 If a bluebottle hits your head at that speed, it'll go straight through.... It's own arse. You've given me the baby, now get in the back. Jesus was a very pro-exploration fellow, unless if you're exploring yourself. Fuck you, you're straight! Reps to anyone who can identify where these quotes are from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zauls Posted May 4, 2014 Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 ^First one is James may on Top Gear when he was talking about some convertible supercar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maeriberii Haan Posted May 4, 2014 Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 Second is James May, from Top Gear when he's talking about women who makes their husbands sit in the back of the car. Didn't know the last one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog King Posted May 4, 2014 Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 My girlfriend's dad accused me of being a pedophile just because she's 18 and I'm 32. Really ruined our 10th anniversary. the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northern Sage Posted May 4, 2014 Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 Me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
:^) Posted May 5, 2014 Report Share Posted May 5, 2014 You. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Urayne Posted May 5, 2014 Report Share Posted May 5, 2014 Thar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.B. Sparticus Posted May 5, 2014 Report Share Posted May 5, 2014 Your face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greiga Posted May 5, 2014 Report Share Posted May 5, 2014 yugiohcardmaker.net Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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