.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Thanx!!! :D :D :P But, I just wonder: Did you mean this chapter, or all the chapters so far? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenrir Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 This chapter, I'm going to read the others. And now that my chars have been accepted I'm definatly reading this Fan- Fic to see what you do with them ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Warden Posted January 22, 2009 Report Share Posted January 22, 2009 hmmm, that crystal is interesting, i'm fascinated to see where this goes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted January 22, 2009 Report Share Posted January 22, 2009 Not so bad; the plot certainly hasn't gotten any worse, even if it is rather slow. I'd get to work on sentence structure; you have a nasty habit of introducing clauses with conjunctions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stigma_Horrizone Posted January 23, 2009 Report Share Posted January 23, 2009 Oh' date=' and jjackv2, hope I didn´t spoil Renamon/Blue for you, making her to have sex with Flamedramon and stuff.[/quote'] no problem, use them as you like Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2009 Keeping things alive here. I´m planning to write Chapter 12 tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 [spoiler=Chapter 12: New Friends on The Path!][align=center]Chapter 12: New Friends on The Path! After the quite emotional night, Renamon and Veemon was now alot together, as Tracey just looked at them and smiled. He knew that this was going to happen, in due time. As they continued along the path, they noticed two dragon-digimons in front of them. They seemed to be argueing with eachother. "NO! I should be the leader!" one of them said. His skin was coloured green. "I am a lot smarter than you, Cobalt!" "You´re as dumb as the earth you dig your holes in, Emerald!" said the other one. He had blue skin, and looked like Emerald. "I should lead this little "adventure" that you put us through!" "US?!" Emerald shouted. "I was not the one to listen to that stupid Cyberdramon in the first place!" "Why you!!!" Cobalt was about to charge him, as Tracey ran between them and stopped them. "Take it easy!" he shouted, and looked at both Cobalt and Emerald. "Why are you fighting like this?" "Say that to him!" Cobalt implied, as he pointed at Emerald. "He´s the reason why we`re here!" "WHAT?!" Emerald was furious. "You big, lying..." "STOP!" Tracey shouted. Both of them turned silent. "I...hear something..." In the nearby bushes, something, or someone, was on the move. Tracey couldn´t quite figure it out, but it was there. Suddenly, he saw the bushes move! "Get down!" he shouted, as suddenly, a machine gun was heard, and several shots were fired at them! Everyone ducked, as the bullets missed it´s target. "What was that?!" Terriermon yelped, as Guilmon held around him. "I don´t know!" Tracey replied, as he picked up Terriermon´s DigiVice. "But we´re gonna make him pay! Ready?" "Yeah!" Terriermon started to glow, and grew bigger. "Terriermon, Digivolve to......Gargomon!" Gargomon landed next to Tracey, as he armed his Gun-arm and aimed it at the bushes. "Come out of there, or I´ll blast you to the next century!" he shouted. No response. "Ok! Suit yourself! Gargo Pellets!!" He fired several rounds from his gun-arm into the bushes, and turned it into small, green slices. Nothing there. "Ok, this is just weird!" Gargomon said quizzingly, as he looked at Tracey. "Where did he go?" "How should I know?!" Tracey replied a little irritated. "I don´t even know HALF of all the weird digimon that run around here!" "He could be anywhere!" Renamon said, as she told the others to be alert. "I know what it is for a digimon..." "What?!" Tracey shouted. Renamon just told him to be quiet. "Ssshhhh! It´s a Commandramon!" she whispered. "Tracey, let me digivolve! I can figure out where he is!" "What? You can digivolve??" Tracey was a bit confused. "I thought you already were digivolved." "Just do it!" she snapped at him. "Alright, alright!" he replied, and took up Renamon´s DigiVice. It started to glow yellow, and so did she. "Renamon, Digivolve to......Kyubimon!" In a bright light, Renamon transformed into a big, yellow-furred fox with nine tails. Her paws and the tail-tips were white, and they seemed to burn with a white fire. Around her neck she had a white mane, and a red- and white-striped "crown" with golden tips. "Whoa......." Veemon was starled, as he looked up on Kyubimon. She looked back at him, and smirked. "Now, who´s bigger?" she said sarcastically. "Alright, back to buisness!" She looked at one of the bushes, as it looked like she saw straight through it. Suddenly, her tails started to burn in blue flames, as they stood up and pointed at the bush. "Fox Tail Inferno!" she shouted, as several ghostly, blue-flaming faces emerged from her tails and rushed towards the bush. As they gained speed, they turned into blue fireballs and exploded as they crashed into the bushes! "Owowowowowow!!!!" someone yelped from the bushes. Out popped something that would resemble a blue-square skinned Agumon with a military armor suit. He was holding his rear. "My butt! It hurts! This is gonna leave a burn!" he constantly moaned, as he got up. "Hehehe! Who are you, little fella?" Tracey laughed, as he got closer to the digimon. Suddenly, he pulled an M16 and pointed it at Tracey´s head! "S-STOP!" he yelped, his hands shaking with the gun in it. "Or...Or I´ll blow your brains out!" "Whoa! Take it easy!" Tracey was starled. He noticed that this "Commandramon" was scared to death, so he tried to calm him down. "We´re not going to hurt you. Just...put...the gun...down, and let me talk to you." he said slowly. Commandramon hesitated, but then put it down. "I-I´m sorry..." he stuttered. "I...I was just presuming that you would kill me if you got a chance!" "Well, you could kinda think so..." Kyubimon said, as she gave Cobalt and Emerald an angry look. "What?! What have we done wrong now?!" Cobalt shouted. "Everything!" Kyubimon replied, as she and Gargomon reverted to Renamon and Terriermon. "Well, you kinda did some faults too!" Tracey snapped at Renamon, who bended her head down in shame. "Anyways, why are you here all alone?" "I kinda got separated from my pals when a Cyberdramon attacked us!" Commandramon replied. "We scattered in different directions, and I don´t know where they are!" "Take it easy!" Tracey said, as he stroke Commandramon on the head. "We´ll find them! And you can come with us!" "R-Really?" Commandramon stuttered. "Yup! As I say: The more the merrier!" Veemon said, as he walked up to Commandramon and patted him on the back. Meanwhile, at one of the D.E.A.T.H-factories in the Digital World... As horrible as any D.E.A.T.H-factories in the Human World, this one was no different! Exept that it was controlled by mind-warped digimon. Several Andromon´s were walking back and forward in the massive hallways and rooms, constantly constructing and repairing the constructions inside. At the bottom floor, huge prison cells were held, and in several of them, many digimon were bound in chains, moaning and crying. In one of the cells, a Ryudamon and Dorumon were held captive. "I´m scared, Doru!" the Ryudamon yelped, as he cuddled closer to Dorumon. "I...I don´t wanna die!" "Just...be calm..." Dorumon replied, as he fondled Ryudamon´s head. "I´m sure they will release us, sometime!" Suddenly, the barred doors flung open, as an Andromon stepped in, and twisted their chains off with it´s bare hands. "You..." he said in a mechanical voice. "Follow...me." "See?" Dorumon said, as he and Ruydamon got up and followed him. "I told you they were going to set us free!" "Negative." the Andromon replied, as he had overheard them. "Execution...commenced." "W-WHAT?!!" Ryudamon was scared, as Andromon´s hand twisted, and formed a blade, crackling with electricity. "Lightning...Blade...FIRE!" He slashed his arm at Dorumon and Ryudamon, as it created an electric shockwave! They both dodged, but then, the Andromon grabbed Dorumon´s throat, and held it in a tight grip. "DORU!!" Ryudamon yelped. "Decapitation...failed." the Andromon said, as he tightened his grip around Dorumon´s throat, which made him gasp for air and turn blue. "Execution...through...suffocation...commenced!" "A-Aggghhh!" Dorumon struggled to be able to breathe, as the grip around his throat got tighter. "R-Ryuki...g-get out of here! J-just......run...I´ll...b-be...right...behind..." Ryudamon didn´t know what to do. His eyes were teared, he was panicked, as he turned around and started running. The Andromon suddenly stopped strangling the Dorumon, as he seemed to stare into the empy air. "Affirmative..." he then said, and shrugged a bit. His arm opened, and out came a small chip that he took and placed on the now unconscious Dorumon. Then, Dorumon vanished in a stream of data codes, as he was teleported out of the factory. The Andromon then went out of the prison, and continued his assingments. To be Continued...[/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenrir Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Heh, nice. Though Raptor(Commandramon) and Kiryu(Kyudamon) shouldn't be acting that scared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Well, two questions, although you´re right: 1. Wouldn´t you be scared if someone tried to shoot your ass off, then burn it with ghostly flames?? 2. Wouldn´t you be scared if you was locked in a prison cell, not done anything wrong, and then watching as your friend is almost strangled to death? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenrir Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Yes, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. Kyudamon has been through worse, he's as old as Doru. Commandramon was trained to be unafraid. He was a soldier from the dark army. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Oh...sorry then. Anyway, what do you think of the story so far? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenrir Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 It's awesome, truly it is. I had one more character idea for Auster's friends though. XD It would have been an epic plot twista. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Yea, pity about that, but I had to slow down on the suggestions. Which chapter do you like the most so far, besides chapter 11? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenrir Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Chapter twelve. ;) Anyway, I'm almost done with my chapter I'm on now, with the chars you recommended me, and then I'm off to work on my first chapter for my zoids fan fic, which you should check out. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Nice, I´ll do it! ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenrir Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 The vid in it is it's theme song btw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Chapter twelve. ;) Well, my favorite was chapter 10! And I think you can guess WHY.........:P :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenrir Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Lul, yea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2009 BUMP! also, I added a Theme Song to this: Skillet - Whispers in the Dark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2009 [spoiler=Chapter 13: An Emmisary Of Despair.][align=center]Chapter 13: An Emmisary Of Despair. As they now had three more companions, Tracey began to wonder what was going on. He just thought that THEY were the only ones that dared to oppose D.E.A.T.H, but it seemed that there were others as well! "When are we going to find these D.E.A.T.H-guys?!" Veemon said impatiently. "My feet hurts of all the walking!" "And my stomach hurts too!" Renamon complained. And indeed, her belly was a little chubbier than usual, no one knew why. "Well, what´s the matter, then?" Tracey replied, as he rubbbed her belly smoothly. Renamon grabbed his hand. "DON´T...DO THAT!!!" she yelled. She looked ill, and was about to throw up. "I...I...I just...don´t feel good at all..." She sat down on a log, as she looked at her belly. "What´s...happening to me?" "Well..." Tracey sat down next to her. "I think that..." he then leaned over to her and whispered something into her ear. "WHAT??!!!!" she was shocked, as she jumped off the log. "Y-You mean that..." "Yes..." "And he and I..." "Indeed..." "A-A-And we´re g-gonna be..." "Oh, yes..." Renamon looked at Veemon, as her eyes teared. Veemon ducked, as he believed that she would rain all of Hell over him. But instead, he was picked up and hugged! "This is GREAT!!" she said, as she looked at Veemon. "We´re gonna be PARENTS!" "W-W-WHA-WHAT D-DI-DID Y-Y-YOU S-SA-SA-SAY??!!!" Veemon stuttered, as he was scared to death by Renamon´s sudden exitement. "I said we´re going to be parents!" Renamon repeated. "Well, maybe. Tracey don´t know if I´m pregnant or if this is just too many sandwiches, hehe!" "P-P-PARENTS?!!" Veemon was even more shocked. Parents?! He was only ten years old! And even if that was about 70 human years, he still had no experience in parenting whatsoever! Renamon ignored him, as she was too busy thinking about their child. "Ooooooohhhh! I bet he will be cute!" she sighed dreamingly. "Or if it is a girl! I can´t wait to find out!!" "You should consider abortion!!" a voice said from above. Suddenly, Cyberdramon crashed down in front of them. "To ever believe that digimon these days have turned out to be as filthy and disgusting as humans!! You make me sick!!! I should just...!" he noticed Tracey. "YOU!!!!! DIE, NOW!!!" he charged Tracey and was about to slash him. "No!! Pyro Sphere!!!" A fireball blasted Cyberdramon, as he was starled. He looked furiously at Guilmon. "So, you want to help this human, huh?!" he said. "Well then......DIE WITH HIM!!!" he charged at Guilmon, and slashed him across the chest. "AAH!!" Guilmon staggered backwards. His wounds were bleeding, and he fell to his knees. "D-Damn it!!" "Red!!" Terriermon shouted, as he started to glow. "Terriermon, Digivolve to......Gargomon!!" Gargomon appeared, and started to shoot after Cyberdramon. He just flied upwards and dodged the bullets.. "Dammit, he´s fast!" "We´re on it!!" said Cobalt and Emerald in unison, and flied towards him. "STRIKE BOMBER!" both yelled, as they slammed Cyberdramon with their tails. Cyberdramon crashed into the ground, and both of the Coredramons landed and slapped a high five. "We´re on the go!!" "Hey, thanks!" Tracey said, as he rushed over to Guilmon to check his wounds. But then, Cyberdramon erupted from the ground, and stared at them. "YOU FOOLS!!" he yelled. "You don´t see it, do you?! This world is doomed! No matter what you do, it cannot be saved!! It has become a dystopia, a land of suffering and sorrow, where happiness is but a memory!!! You humans do nothing but to defile it further!! Just look at that poor wench of yours!!!!!" he pointed at Renamon. "She has been infected by one of your filthy little germs!! Something that you might call..."pregnancy"!! I call it VIOLATION!!! You are destined to die...ALL OF YOU!!!!!" he unfolded his wings and darted off. "Man! What´s up with him?!" Commandramon said quizzingly. "I don´t know, Commandramon." Veemon replied. "But he´s really not a cheery fella!" "I can see that. And by the way...just call me Raptor!" Raptor replied, as he smiled at Veemon "Okay, "Raptor"!" he replied, as Tracey now got in front of them. "Alright! Let´s keep moving!" he said, as all of them kept moving... ***** Meanwhile, Ryudamon was outside the factory, looking for Dorumon. "Damn..." he sighed for himself. "If not only that Cyberdramon had attacked us! We could still be together!" Suddenly, he heard something moan. He looked behind a couple of bushes, as he saw Dorumon. "Doru!!" "Uuuuuhhhhhh, my head......" Doru moaned, as he got up. "Uh? Kiryu?! Is that you?!!" "DORU!!" Kiryu was happy to see his friend alive. "What happened?" "Dunno..." Doru replied, as he shook his head. "I just remember that Andromon tried to strangle me, and then......I woke up here!" "Weird..." Kiryu said. "Anyway, we must find Raptor!" "R-Right!!" Doru replied, as they walked through the forest... To be continued...[/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenrir Posted January 27, 2009 Report Share Posted January 27, 2009 Nice. I lol'd at the pregnancy thing. ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2009 How can you lol at that?! That´s serious stuff, man! And Veemon is only ten years old!! Nah! I lol´d at it too :lol: :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenrir Posted January 27, 2009 Report Share Posted January 27, 2009 Yea man, it's just so random. I feel bad for V-Man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2009 Btw, did u like the Theme Song I just added? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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