Admiral_Stalfos19 Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 [spoiler=App Critiques] As a whole, both Sonic and I found this application to be disappointing and pretty ridiculous. I guess we can start with the back story. She got her powers from eating radioactive ice cream? No, I'm sorry, but I cannot get behind that. The rest of the backstory really just seems to be filled with filler crap that I find to be overall unimpressive. Where is the substance? The same goes for her personality, there are a lot of brief statements that don't really give me a look into her character. Both need to be fleshed out and refined. I say the backstory needs to be scrapped as a whole. The large majority of the powers I find to be awkward and unacceptable. The bolstered strength I can get behind, that is fine. The body mass transferal I find to be ridiculous and not thought out. How does she gain the weight back? Does she have to go back and touch that person? What happens if she does it to a random citizen that then gets lost in the crowd? Now she doesn't have that weight AND the random citizen has all this extra mass. Speaking of which, how does the weight transfer itself to someone else? Is it evenly dispersed or agglomerated on the point of touch? The idea that she can repair any injury and regrow any limb is definitely out of the question. Overpowered to the max. The Metamorphosis is really the only thing of the powers, aside from the strength, to be practical. I don't think she should be able to grow wings, but I suppose that is a minor thing in light of the other corrections that need to be made. The globule form is out of the question as well. You can invulnerability from too much. My suggestion would be to add more depth to your character's personality, make them a bit more practical, everything about your character seems obscure and out there. There is nothing wrong with making your character a little more down to earth. Scrap the backstory and either do some serious fleshing out of the powers or scrap them as well. [/spoiler] Wow. I was expecting a little harsh, but... I'm so completely gutted right now that I hardly know what to say. But I'll be honest. I've been struggling with this app and trying to get it to work, and my innate incompetence with bios wasn't exactly helping. But I'm surprised that you found the personality bland. Usually I'm pretty good with personalities when I've had a chance to think them over; they might not be pinnacles of pure awesomeness like those from some of the other RPers, but they're mostly enough to give someone a solid idea of how I want to run each specific character. Hopefully you still have that vibe that Tracie is supposed to be a prankster with a big heart for her big sister, though in hindsight I must've rushed it so then I could try and get this bio together. Still, even though I think I know how to flesh that out a bit more, I would've appreciated a bit more of a direction to take. .. Anyway, about that bio. I wasn't expecting the whole eating radioactive ice-cream thing to be taken seriously. I just had the thought stuck in my head ever since late one night when trying to come up with the origins of Tracie's powers. All I kept thinking that night was 'Once upon a time, Peter Parker got bitten by a certain spider, and viola! Now we have Spiderman', and trying to incorporate something like that into a mundane human error. So I went with it knowing how fan-tucking-fasticly stupid it was just so I could move on with the rest of the bio. And I kind of agree with you saying that most of the bio is filler. Me, incompetence w/ bios, of course there's gonna be filler. But I'm pretty sure that... no I'm adamant, that I was going somewhere with the earthquake around where Naomi had worked. So if you'll let me keep that specific part, even if I have to chuck the rest of the bio out, I'd be glad to revise the bio... assuming I even can :/ I'll get to work on the app once I feel a little better. I'd like to keep the Body Mass Transferal, if only just for Tracie to abuse for the sake of pranking civilians with 'cause nature, but if you still have objections then I won't argue with them. Oh, and I'll probably just ditch the Globule Body power as well. I thought it was fitting, but I can't think of a suitable way to balance it out any more than I already tried to. I did try though, so that's something I guess... ... But anyway, hopefully I'm not coming across as ultimately ungrateful -_- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StealthyTyranitar Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Okay, got the edits on to the first post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted May 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 Wow. I was expecting a little harsh, but... I'm so completely gutted right now that I hardly know what to say. But I'll be honest. I've been struggling with this app and trying to get it to work, and my innate incompetence with bios wasn't exactly helping. But I'm surprised that you found the personality bland. Usually I'm pretty good with personalities when I've had a chance to think them over; they might not be pinnacles of pure awesomeness like those from some of the other RPers, but they're mostly enough to give someone a solid idea of how I want to run each specific character. Hopefully you still have that vibe that Tracie is supposed to be a prankster with a big heart for her big sister, though in hindsight I must've rushed it so then I could try and get this bio together. Still, even though I think I know how to flesh that out a bit more, I would've appreciated a bit more of a direction to take. .. Anyway, about that bio. I wasn't expecting the whole eating radioactive ice-cream thing to be taken seriously. I just had the thought stuck in my head ever since late one night when trying to come up with the origins of Tracie's powers. All I kept thinking that night was 'Once upon a time, Peter Parker got bitten by a certain spider, and viola! Now we have Spiderman', and trying to incorporate something like that into a mundane human error. So I went with it knowing how fan-tucking-fasticly stupid it was just so I could move on with the rest of the bio. And I kind of agree with you saying that most of the bio is filler. Me, incompetence w/ bios, of course there's gonna be filler. But I'm pretty sure that... no I'm adamant, that I was going somewhere with the earthquake around where Naomi had worked. So if you'll let me keep that specific part, even if I have to chuck the rest of the bio out, I'd be glad to revise the bio... assuming I even can :/ I'll get to work on the app once I feel a little better. I'd like to keep the Body Mass Transferal, if only just for Tracie to abuse for the sake of pranking civilians with 'cause nature, but if you still have objections then I won't argue with them. Oh, and I'll probably just ditch the Globule Body power as well. I thought it was fitting, but I can't think of a suitable way to balance it out any more than I already tried to. I did try though, so that's something I guess... ... But anyway, hopefully I'm not coming across as ultimately ungrateful -_- Hope you didn't take it personally What I want from the personality is 'why' you give me a lot of 'what'. Like you say she is attached to her sister, but why? Where are her parents? Why isn't she attached to them? The earthquake portion was okay, but it needs more detail. Where were they? Why did Tracie only save her sister? The Body Mass Transferal is really just so obscure and has the potential to be abused so I would prefer if you left it out. I decided to make a new app, the old ones still there but I kinda like Denila more. That personality is just something really fun to work with & her powers are also really fun in terms of creativity when battling. She's about done, just need about 2-3 paragraphs worth of back story. An Eye healing factor and some side stuff to note. Can't wait to see it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StealthyTyranitar Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 I don't want to be naggy, but I thought I'd let you know that you haven't given a fial response to my app yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted May 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 I don't want to be naggy, but I thought I'd let you know that you haven't given a fial response to my app yet. I know, don't worry. Going over it with Sonic right now, things are looking promising ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StealthyTyranitar Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 I know, don't worry. Going over it with Sonic right now, things are looking promising ;) Alright, and thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A._Sakuyamon Posted May 31, 2014 Report Share Posted May 31, 2014 [spoiler=WIP Application]"I try to get close to everybody, because if I don't I may end up killing them unintentionally."Personal Information:Name: Eden L. Malek Aliases: Predator, Primal Entity, Silver BoltAge: 18Gender: Male [spoiler=Appearance] N. Height: 5ft 6inch N. Weight:115 lb. 25% P.I. Height: 6ft 4inch 25% P.I. Weight: 103 lb. Eden has short black hairEven if you include an image, please provide at least 4 lines of text and be sure to include things such as height and weight. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Personality] Eden has become the kinda person that needs to be friends with everyone. No matter how vial the person is he doesn't want to end up killing and consuming them should his Predatory Instinct get the better of him. So that being said it shouldn't be a surprise that he's the load guy that always has a bright side to the situation at hand. Regardless though, he does have a strong sense of justice and wishes to forever repay for his crimes (Even though they most were never intentional). You also won't see him give an expression that he's angry but a good indication that his is would be his arms transforming. Which means that he's giving into his predatory instincts. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Backstory] [/spoiler]Combat Information:Meta-Gene Activity: Active [spoiler=Equipment/Inventory/Weaponry]Pretty self explanatory [/spoiler] [spoiler-Powers/Abilities/Techniques] [spoiler=Eden 25% P.I.][/spoiler][spoiler=Eden 100% P.I.][/spoiler] Predatory Instinct Empowerment: By embracing his Predatory Instinct his body progressively changes into perhaps the absolute perfect predator of the sky. This goes by a percentage (to make things simple rp wise) .7%: This is the base in which he's at at all times. Only his eyes have transformed at this point and has the following Enhanced Sight: Can easily track a flea in tall grass from 100ft away. Night Vision Infrared Perception Energy Absorption: Retroactively keeps any energy from his transformation and can go without eating for weeks at a time. 25%: The de facto form you'll see him when fighting. It requires a fair bit of energy to transform up to this point and may not be able to transform if he hasn't eaten in a while unless he completely loses control. This is about how far he can go before his predatory instinct begins to take over. He has the following abilities in this form Supernatural Condition: He has an advanced level of supernatural condition. He can bench press about 20 tons. Move at speeds up 235 mph for long periods of time. Bullets do no harm to his feather scales. Very light weight despite his toned body. Reptilian Physiology / Avian Physiology: His body more resembles a reptiles then a birds their are certain aspects that point to bird traits. The scales on his body are light weight and resemble feathers. His bones are hollow just like bird. Dermal Armor - Scale Manifestation: His scales are very tough, capable of sustaining multiple grenade blasts as well as being resistant to being cut by a blade able to cut through steel. With his scales being silver he can slightly deflect laser based attacks and has a slight resistance to them. Regenerative Healing Factor: Using his stored energy he can regenerate organs & limbs within days depending on the severity. Passively heals minor cuts and scales. Is not retroactive and is not advised that he willingly transform back to his normal state if he has sustained life threatening injuries. Electrical Manipulation: This power has only just budded so he can't really use it. At this point in time he can only use it to shoot electrical bolts. (Will likely not even come close to reaching the peak of this ability in this rp) Black/Worm Hole Manipulation: Wont be obtained anytime through out this rp (He gains this much later in life) [/spoiler] [spoiler=Fighting Style] [i]Pretty self explanatory, just tell me how your character fights [/spoiler]Other Information: [i]Include any information that does not fit above. Like character quirks, theme music, etc. [/spoiler] I'm going to try and join. [spoiler=WIP Application 2] [Optional: head shot image of character] [Optional: A quote by your character] Personal Information: Name: Denila Omitos Aliases: The Orbiter Age: 17 Gender: Female [spoiler=Appearance] [spoiler=Character Design][/spoiler] Height: 6ft 3inch Weight: 122lb Denila has a love for purple which extends to her attire. She wears a purple front zipped shirt held by three black leather belts. A purple and light grey kilt dangles down her right leg along with her tight black pants. Her knee high boots are covered with a black/purple/light grey design. She wears a purple jacket with silver buttons at the end of each sleeve. Her eyes are pink and her hair is a crimson red. She has red and white roses tied up in her hair. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Personality] Snobbish and silent are a good way to describe her. Unless she is in danger the words that do come out of her mouth tend to be condescending. She is also very cocksure and will tend to attempt fighting battles all by herself without asking or wanting for that matter anyone's help. Despite these flaws, she does genuinely care about others. She is also not a vengeful person not bothering with petty things or even.......well major things. She doesn't seem to care about boys or girls but she is seen hanging around girls often. Maybe there's something to that, who knows. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Backstory] Denila was raised like a spoiled brat, typically getting her own way. She never had any real friends because of this even when as she put it "Graced those around her with her help". This had been such since she could talk. That's just how full of herself she was and still is. This would inadvertently lead to her gaining her powers. It was about halfway into 6th grade on a particularly hot day that it happened. Throughout that school year, Denila had started to exile above the other kids both in physical and mental assignments. Obviously this made the other kids jealous coupled with her obnoxious personality only made matters worse. Anyways, on that day she was asked by her "friends" to come with them to a cool place. She accepted albeit in her usual way. It turned out the place was the home of another kid from their class. Most of the rest of kids in the class were already there. Upon the closing of the door after she had entered, she was knocked in the head from behind and blacked out. When she awoke lying on her side. she couldn't see anything but couldn't feel anything around her eyes so she figured she was in a really dark room. She also noted that she couldn't move her arms as they fellt like they were being restricted. She could hear foot steps and voices coming from one direction which she figured was a door. She shouted, "Hey, whos ever here. Why have you put me of all people in here." With that she could hear feet clambering to what she figured was the door. A brilliance of light burst through as the door was opened which temperately blinded her. Once her sight returned, all the kids had surrounded her. "What should we do with it?" asked one of the kids. Another replied, "What we had already been planning, duh." "It could end up telling on us though" "Who cares, we'll just cut out her tongue too." The kids continued to murmur till one of them who was brandishing a knife nelt next to Denila's face. "You always looked down on us and now we're the one looking down on you. How does it feel huh? Well it can't be as bad as this." Without further warning the kid jammed the knife into Denila's right eye. Her resulting screamed pierced the hearts of almost everyone in the room. Many of the kids realized then and there the true malific horror that they had inadvertently wrought and ran away. The ones that stayed though, were the ones that truly hated her. (For future Rp reasons I'm going to stop here. Don't get me wrong I want to explain but I don't like revealing to much of a characters backstory in an app.) [/spoiler] Combat Information: Meta-Gene Activity: Active [spoiler=Equipment/Inventory/Weaponry] None [/spoiler] [spoiler-Powers/Abilities/Techniques] [spoiler=Her Vision in Action (Note - Art is depicting how strong she is in graphic novel version. She has significantly been nerfed from said version)][/spoiler] Ocular Blue Print Sense: The core ability to her powers. This ability overrides her normal sight and replaces it with a sphere of influence that encompasses 15ft around her. Within this sphere of influence all matter is seen as a blue print grid. If she uses her telekinesis or teleportation on an object and it leaves this sphere of influence it'll create it's own sphere of influence so long as she is still controlling it. This influence only encompasses 5ft around the object. Telekinetic Teleportation: The combined power of telekinesis and teleportation. She can use this on anything within her sphere of influence down to a molecular level. She can only use these abilities while her Ocular Blue Print Sense is active. Eye Regeneration: Denila's eyes are able to regenerate from any damage and if they're removed new eyes will grow in their place. Intelligence: Denila is intelligent enough A most classes though it's nothing super human. Weakness: Range, anything outside her sphere of influence can be a danger if she cannot react in time. Making bullets an effective means to distract her. In addition, anything outside of her initial range that she's controlling will put strain on her mind. Pure Energy based attacks are also very difficult for her to counter. Teleporting as well as flying requires alot of focus as she could crash into something or worse die from matter destruction. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Fighting Style] With the hard limits on her power, ranged fighting is limited and imprecise. Therefore she uses small bits of matter to increase her range. if she teleports herself she teleports something else first to the destination to make sure it's safe. [/spoiler] Other Information: The Multverse Project Uv2 of her was apart of an alien race that had her powers but on a universal level. Among them she was one of the strongest living users. She likes flowers. Particularly Roses. She has to tidy up her hair often to make sure the roses don't fall out. She doesn't like it when people point at her. [spoiler=The unusual choice I made for her theme song] http://youtu.be/AL6KVcZDYes [/spoiler] [/spoiler] WIP 2 is now done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral_Stalfos19 Posted June 1, 2014 Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 Hope you didn't take it personally What I want from the personality is 'why' you give me a lot of 'what'. Like you say she is attached to her sister, but why? Where are her parents? Why isn't she attached to them? The earthquake portion was okay, but it needs more detail. Where were they? Why did Tracie only save her sister? The Body Mass Transferal is really just so obscure and has the potential to be abused so I would prefer if you left it out. 1.) Well, I've been working so hard to get it to work, so I can't exactly help but take it a little personality. But I think I'm over it now. 2.) I figured I was missing exposition on why Tracie is the way she is. I'll keep those questions in mind. 3.) Alright, I'll change the Body Mass Transferal to something a lot more useful. But I still want something that Tracie can use to prank people with. So... yeah, if I'm not too busy, I'll start hacking away at that app again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted June 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2014 Reserve. [spoiler=Adrienne Verone]I'm fine, I swear!Personal Information: Name: Adrienne Verone Aliases: So far has no supername, but Open to a nickname Age: 17 Gender: Female [spoiler=Appearance] Adrienne is about 5'7" and 100 pounds. She dresses in cool-pseudo punk clothes, such as jean shorts. She also very much likes band merch and such, as she has really taken a liking to it. She shows off her curves as much as she can, since she knows a little sexiness can get you among way. Usually she wears shirts that are tight and show off her stomach, frequently completely exposing her stomach. Her ears are pierced, and frequently wears earrings. She has scars, but no active cut, on her wrists that she covers with anything she can. Headphones or earbuds can be found around her neck, running up through her shirt, or on her ears at all times [/spoiler] [spoiler=Personality] Adrienne has been through some s***. She has lost everything she loves and she has committed acts that would put her in the chair. But yet, she puts on a strong front. She appears that she is just going with the flow. She smiles and laughs along with life. But deep down, she wants nothing more than to end her life. The only reason she hasn't found another way out is that she feels indebted to the world because of her crimes. She knows that she can't die without repaying her sins. When the stress of the world becomes too great for her, she turns to headphones for support. She listens to a wide variety of music, from Pierce the Veil, to AC-DC, to Eminem, to Foster the People. But her favorite band of all is a small band out of her hometown of Coumbus, Ohio, called Twenty-One Pilots. When it comes to her powers, she wants nothing to do with them. She wants nothing more than to get of them and move on with her life so that she can hurt no-one else. But since that I not an option, she instead has decided to get the most out of them so she can save as many people as possible. She has the opposite of a fear of heights, more of an attraction to them. She can be found on rooftops during her freetime, lost in the infinite above her and the infinite inside her brain. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Backstory (Note:Content is sensitive and 16+)] Adrienne lived the average American life. Her father was gone and had been since she was about four. She went through the phase of searching for him, and she had given up. Her mother was never home, she was always working and trying to make ends meet, no matter what she had to do. She loved her children, but they could never feel it. Her mother figure, her older sister Sabrina, was the only thing Adrienne truly loved. Don't get her wrong, she appreciated everything her mother did, she just never felt love for her. But Sabrina was battling her own battles. She was depressed and struggled to stay out of heaven. But she fought for Adrienne, but it was a battle lost from the begining, Sabrina could do nothing but try to hold on long enough to teach Adrienne how to survive. But she lost the battle too soon. Adrienne was devastated when she found her hanging from the ceiling. She fled the house, without leaving a single word. Next thing she knew, she was on the streets, malnourished and starving. She lived off the kindness of strangers, and kindness was a scarce resource. Her life was changed again when a man ran into her current residence, the alleyway off of 33rd Avenue. He held a single package, and police sirens were blaring far off, coming closer with every tense second. The rain was falling heavily when his eyes fell upon the face of Adrienne, 14 years old, starving and wishing nothing more than death for her. He dropped the package on the ground and ran. Adrienne, drawn like a moth to fire, touched the package as the sirens blared around the corner. She remembers nothing but an energy flowing through her body and exploding into the area around her for fifteen seconds. She blacked out for a short time. When she opened her eyes, horror met her eyes. All around her, it looked like a war zone. That would be if the human race was at war with the earth itself. Buildings were destroyed, with huge towers of graphite exploding through them. There were people crushed and dying, others who suffered quick deaths delivered by sharp jags of rock. She knew she was the cause of it all, and fled. She wanted nothing more than to dissapear, to become no more than a blot on the face of the earth. They labeled the event as a super-villain act of terror, and Adrienne accepted the fact that she was a terrorist. Preferring to be dead, she tried to take her own life. As she fell, she found herself being engulfed in earth. "No!" She screamed. "No more!" But her meta gene did not listen. She landed hard on the ground, but other than bruises, came out of it uninjured. A civilian saw the event, and made the connection between the attack and her powers. When the Justice League came prepared for a fight with an unarmed supervillain, all they found was a young 15 year old girl in tears. None of them had the heart to fight her, so instead, they clipped her handcuffs on her, and she left her past behind flying through the air in some strange green craft (I'm assuming there is an equivalent to Green Lantern). She soon explained herself. after many tests by the abundance of mind-reading heroes, she was found to be telling the truth. Not wanting to put her back on the street, they took her in. She studied under (IDK any heroes in Earth-7, and can't find any, so imma make one up) Gammafist, learning how to focus her powers and learning the difference between Good and Evil. She learned that accidents happen, and that no-one can save everyone. When the Young Justice Initiative, she was17 and one of the first to volunteer. She had seen a few of the other younger heroes around, and she longed to meet them, but was too busy training to meet an of them. [/spoiler]Combat Information: Meta-Gene Activity: Active [spoiler=Equipment/Inventory/Weaponry] None, besides her cellphone [/spoiler] [spoiler-Powers/Abilities/Techniques] Adrienne has the ability to terraform, which is the forming of rocks and dirt to create weapons or armor. She can also use the ability to blast a large amount of pebbles or luanch bowling ball sized rock at her opponents. As of right now, she can create a full body armor that Augments her strength but slows her down. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Fighting Style] Adrienne is a tank. She puts up defenses until the correct moment to strike comes, and she makes sure she makes those strikes count. [/spoiler]Other Information: Theme Song: Car Radio, Twenty-One Pilots [/spoiler] [spoiler=App Critiques] Much, much, much, much better! I can actually see quite a lot of depth here, and the rock armor makes sense seeing as she is seeking protection from not only the outside world, but also her own suicidal thoughts. The ability is more creative than the last, albeit reminiscent of Terra's power from the Teen Titans. That being said, it does have its own spin and flare, so nothing to worry about, plus the personality is LOADS different. The only thing that I could really ask you to work on here is your presentation. There is a lot of blocks of text and it really isn't paragraph form where it should be. While I would like to say that it doesn't play into whether or not someone would accept you, I know that if something is a bit of an eye-sore to look at it, then people, including myself, are going to be a bit hesitant to find value in it. There were a few questions left unanswered by the bio, like why was her sister battling suicide, was it just depression in general or had things really taken a turn for the worse for her. But those are things that don't necessarily need to be included in an application. Long story short, Adrienne is accepted! [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted June 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2014 [spoiler: Quinton "V" Vindice] In view a humble vaudeville villain... Personal Information: Name: Quinton Vindice Aliases: V (goes by both the letter V and the number 5) Age: 15 Gender: Male [spoiler: Appearance :] In addition to the image all of V's appendages are covered therefore making it impossible to actually tell if he is actually a he or what skin color he actually is. In addition, thanks to his powers and coat when combat begins it appears as if he is a ghost that does not possess a lower torso. Since he is so young he has a measly height of 5 feet 4 inches. He is unhealthily thin though it would be hard to actually notice that sense he typically wears the family uniform of an oversized black coat. Only by being really close would you actually be able to see his hazel eyes or maybe see the bridge of his nose in the sense that he is of some kind of African American decent. This is mainly to make sure that he cannot be separated from other members of the family. Though in this sense he has branched out to some kind of individuality by wearing different hats for each situation. Sometimes as an attempt of comic relief. [/spoiler] [spoiler: Personality:] V is one of the perkiest and most upbeat people a person will ever meet. Unfortunately he's mute. Due to how his family structure is set up, he is not to speak or use words until he is of age (16) outside of education. So in order to communicate with others not in his family he uses his chains or body language. There is never an instance where he doesn't try to perk someone up or smile. While he may have a physical age of 15 he has the emotional age of a hyper active 5 year old. Always wanting to be useful, always wanting to contribute, always wanting to learn. On the negative side of that he gets attached to people quite easily. Outside of his family he doesn't have many friends and when he does develop new friends any act of aggression against them is met with unrelenting brutality. Luckily his family has given him plenty of combat training so he does not let loose during every single confrontation with the enemy. During fights though he is natural follower. He is trained to follow the commands of the leader even if he disagrees with them. He isn't trained to think against the commands of the leader. [/spoiler] [spoiler: Backstory:] V is actually one of ten children all adopted from the same orphanage somewhere in the states by a nomadic cult. At the age of 5 he was indoctrinated into the ways of this cult. He would begin schooling, combat training, and development of the mystical arts that lay dormant inside each individual. Needless to say being a hero was nowhere in his line of sight. In fact it was rare for him to think individual thoughts on his own. One of his few self made decisions is the absolute fondness of his favorite movie V for Vendetta. He loves that movie so much that he discovered a loophole in the no talking clause of his upbringing. Yes he couldn't speak his own words but nothing forbade him for walking around with popular movie quotes recorded so he could have one ready at any given time. His "father" was so amused by this that he actually allowed V to walk around with a special devices catered to his specific needs. One random peaceful night though everything would change. It seems a portion of the nomadic cult family had chosen the wrong neighborhood to take up residency for a short while. A group of misguided youths had made to unfortunate mistake of trying to do a home invasion of Vindice household. Needless to say the youths regretted their decision rather quickly. Unfortunately, an overly cautious neighbor saw the break in, heard the violence, and proceeded to call the police. By the time the police arrived they let themselves in only to bare witness to the a disturbing sight. Immediately the police began to open fire. As the Vindice used their abilities to defend themselves this of course lead to the Justice League being called in. After needlessly long and costly battle followed an abrasive culture clash when it came to the way the Vindice raised children; the Vindice agree to a trade. V's father would have V participate in the Young Justice program in exchange for the Justice League to stay out of family business for a while and for the Justice League to cover all of the damages that was incurred during their fight. As the gitty obedient boy child he is V jumped at the chance to try out some new adventure. [/spoiler] [spoiler: Combat Information:] Meta-Gene Activity: Inactive Equipment/Inventory/Weaponry : The Vindince come with two sets of magical pure platinum chains that they wear under their over size coats. The first set that is used most commonly used has a base length of 9m and can supposedly extend longer through some the family magic. The second set of chains is concealed under the coat to act as a makeshift bulletproof vest. Powers/Abilities/Techniques Chains: Like all members of the Vindice family V has the ability to psychically manipulate his chains to do as he commands. His mental control over them is absolute to the point where he can swim perfectly fine while completely wrapped in them. While he hasn't truly mastered the skill yet the family does have the ability to summon chains to their aid. Another ability he has master is the alteration of the shape and links of his chains. Mostly this means that there will be spikes on the individual chain links so he can slash the enemy.Hell Fire: Though he doesn't know its Hellfire V calls forth a Black Hellfire to coat his chains when he is in combat. The flames do not do much outside of regular fire at his power level. Though the adults of his family have been seen using the fire to make things explode, propel themselves at unbelievable speeds, and other deadly feats. Fighting Style When fighting by himself V tries to end a fight quickly using his chains versatility to the fullest. If he does find himself fighting someone vastly superior to him in terms of skill he is very quick to use misdirection or the defensive chains wrapped around his chest as a sneak attack. In terms of combat on a team scale V, like stated before, will typically wait to be commanded to do something. However in the event that one doesn't not present such commands he will instinctively come to the aid of the teammate who is most in danger or most injured. [/spoiler] Other Information: Intro Theme: Battle Theme: [/spoiler] There, that's 99% of it done right there. Annnndddd it looks like the majority of my spoilers broke...awesome [spoiler=App Critiques] Since you didn't want to be left out... After first reading through the application, I was actually a little hesitant. The character was just too...out there. A silent character, that comes from a villainous background, with the maturity of a five year old, that uses chains as a weapon. It was honestly all a bit much. But, then I started thinking about the characters backstory, and found that he fit perfectly in with a nice little subplot that I thought up. So that is what garnered your acceptance. The only things that I am wary of is: 1) the maturity level. Acting like a five year old really didn't seem to fit with the majority of the app, and I feel, might be a bit of an annoyance and an obstacle in the RP. If you want to change it, I would be more than okay with it. 2) the silent thing, while an interesting dynamic it could prove a bit troublesome to maneuver around. But I want you to keep it for now, it adds a certain mystery to your character. Chaos and I have already thought up a way to work around it, should it prove difficult to have a mute character. [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted June 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2014 [spoiler=WIP Application]"I try to get close to everybody, because if I don't I may end up killing them unintentionally."Personal Information:Name: Eden L. Malek Aliases: Predator, Primal Entity, Silver BoltAge: 18Gender: Male [spoiler=Appearance] N. Height: 5ft 6inch N. Weight:115 lb. 25% P.I. Height: 6ft 4inch 25% P.I. Weight: 103 lb. Eden has short black hairEven if you include an image, please provide at least 4 lines of text and be sure to include things such as height and weight. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Personality] Eden has become the kinda person that needs to be friends with everyone. No matter how vial the person is he doesn't want to end up killing and consuming them should his Predatory Instinct get the better of him. So that being said it shouldn't be a surprise that he's the load guy that always has a bright side to the situation at hand. Regardless though, he does have a strong sense of justice and wishes to forever repay for his crimes (Even though they most were never intentional). You also won't see him give an expression that he's angry but a good indication that his is would be his arms transforming. Which means that he's giving into his predatory instincts. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Backstory] [/spoiler]Combat Information:Meta-Gene Activity: Active [spoiler=Equipment/Inventory/Weaponry]Pretty self explanatory [/spoiler] [spoiler-Powers/Abilities/Techniques] [spoiler=Eden 25% P.I.][/spoiler][spoiler=Eden 100% P.I.][/spoiler] Predatory Instinct Empowerment: By embracing his Predatory Instinct his body progressively changes into perhaps the absolute perfect predator of the sky. This goes by a percentage (to make things simple rp wise) .7%: This is the base in which he's at at all times. Only his eyes have transformed at this point and has the following Enhanced Sight: Can easily track a flea in tall grass from 100ft away. Night Vision Infrared Perception Energy Absorption: Retroactively keeps any energy from his transformation and can go without eating for weeks at a time. 25%: The de facto form you'll see him when fighting. It requires a fair bit of energy to transform up to this point and may not be able to transform if he hasn't eaten in a while unless he completely loses control. This is about how far he can go before his predatory instinct begins to take over. He has the following abilities in this form Supernatural Condition: He has an advanced level of supernatural condition. He can bench press about 20 tons. Move at speeds up 235 mph for long periods of time. Bullets do no harm to his feather scales. Very light weight despite his toned body. Reptilian Physiology / Avian Physiology: His body more resembles a reptiles then a birds their are certain aspects that point to bird traits. The scales on his body are light weight and resemble feathers. His bones are hollow just like bird. Dermal Armor - Scale Manifestation: His scales are very tough, capable of sustaining multiple grenade blasts as well as being resistant to being cut by a blade able to cut through steel. With his scales being silver he can slightly deflect laser based attacks and has a slight resistance to them. Regenerative Healing Factor: Using his stored energy he can regenerate organs & limbs within days depending on the severity. Passively heals minor cuts and scales. Is not retroactive and is not advised that he willingly transform back to his normal state if he has sustained life threatening injuries. Electrical Manipulation: This power has only just budded so he can't really use it. At this point in time he can only use it to shoot electrical bolts. (Will likely not even come close to reaching the peak of this ability in this rp) Black/Worm Hole Manipulation: Wont be obtained anytime through out this rp (He gains this much later in life) [/spoiler] [spoiler=Fighting Style] [i]Pretty self explanatory, just tell me how your character fights [/spoiler]Other Information: [i]Include any information that does not fit above. Like character quirks, theme music, etc. [/spoiler] I'm going to try and join. [spoiler=WIP Application 2] [Optional: head shot image of character] [Optional: A quote by your character] Personal Information: Name: Denila Omitos Aliases: The Orbiter Age: 17 Gender: Female [spoiler=Appearance] [spoiler=Character Design][/spoiler] Height: 6ft 3inch Weight: 122lb Denila has a love for purple which extends to her attire. She wears a purple front zipped shirt held by three black leather belts. A purple and light grey kilt dangles down her right leg along with her tight black pants. Her knee high boots are covered with a black/purple/light grey design. She wears a purple jacket with silver buttons at the end of each sleeve. Her eyes are pink and her hair is a crimson red. She has red and white roses tied up in her hair. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Personality] Snobbish and silent are a good way to describe her. Unless she is in danger the words that do come out of her mouth tend to be condescending. She is also very cocksure and will tend to attempt fighting battles all by herself without asking or wanting for that matter anyone's help. Despite these flaws, she does genuinely care about others. She is also not a vengeful person not bothering with petty things or even.......well major things. She doesn't seem to care about boys or girls but she is seen hanging around girls often. Maybe there's something to that, who knows. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Backstory] Denila was raised like a spoiled brat, typically getting her own way. She never had any real friends because of this even when as she put it "Graced those around her with her help". This had been such since she could talk. That's just how full of herself she was and still is. This would inadvertently lead to her gaining her powers. It was about halfway into 6th grade on a particularly hot day that it happened. Throughout that school year, Denila had started to exile above the other kids both in physical and mental assignments. Obviously this made the other kids jealous coupled with her obnoxious personality only made matters worse. Anyways, on that day she was asked by her "friends" to come with them to a cool place. She accepted albeit in her usual way. It turned out the place was the home of another kid from their class. Most of the rest of kids in the class were already there. Upon the closing of the door after she had entered, she was knocked in the head from behind and blacked out. When she awoke lying on her side. she couldn't see anything but couldn't feel anything around her eyes so she figured she was in a really dark room. She also noted that she couldn't move her arms as they fellt like they were being restricted. She could hear foot steps and voices coming from one direction which she figured was a door. She shouted, "Hey, whos ever here. Why have you put me of all people in here." With that she could hear feet clambering to what she figured was the door. A brilliance of light burst through as the door was opened which temperately blinded her. Once her sight returned, all the kids had surrounded her. "What should we do with it?" asked one of the kids. Another replied, "What we had already been planning, duh." "It could end up telling on us though" "Who cares, we'll just cut out her tongue too." The kids continued to murmur till one of them who was brandishing a knife nelt next to Denila's face. "You always looked down on us and now we're the one looking down on you. How does it feel huh? Well it can't be as bad as this." Without further warning the kid jammed the knife into Denila's right eye. Her resulting screamed pierced the hearts of almost everyone in the room. Many of the kids realized then and there the true malific horror that they had inadvertently wrought and ran away. The ones that stayed though, were the ones that truly hated her. (For future Rp reasons I'm going to stop here. Don't get me wrong I want to explain but I don't like revealing to much of a characters backstory in an app.) [/spoiler] Combat Information: Meta-Gene Activity: Active [spoiler=Equipment/Inventory/Weaponry] None [/spoiler] [spoiler-Powers/Abilities/Techniques] [spoiler=Her Vision in Action (Note - Art is depicting how strong she is in graphic novel version. She has significantly been nerfed from said version)][/spoiler] Ocular Blue Print Sense: The core ability to her powers. This ability overrides her normal sight and replaces it with a sphere of influence that encompasses 15ft around her. Within this sphere of influence all matter is seen as a blue print grid. If she uses her telekinesis or teleportation on an object and it leaves this sphere of influence it'll create it's own sphere of influence so long as she is still controlling it. This influence only encompasses 5ft around the object. Telekinetic Teleportation: The combined power of telekinesis and teleportation. She can use this on anything within her sphere of influence down to a molecular level. She can only use these abilities while her Ocular Blue Print Sense is active. Eye Regeneration: Denila's eyes are able to regenerate from any damage and if they're removed new eyes will grow in their place. Intelligence: Denila is intelligent enough A most classes though it's nothing super human. Weakness: Range, anything outside her sphere of influence can be a danger if she cannot react in time. Making bullets an effective means to distract her. In addition, anything outside of her initial range that she's controlling will put strain on her mind. Pure Energy based attacks are also very difficult for her to counter. Teleporting as well as flying requires alot of focus as she could crash into something or worse die from matter destruction. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Fighting Style] With the hard limits on her power, ranged fighting is limited and imprecise. Therefore she uses small bits of matter to increase her range. if she teleports herself she teleports something else first to the destination to make sure it's safe. [/spoiler] Other Information: The Multverse Project Uv2 of her was apart of an alien race that had her powers but on a universal level. Among them she was one of the strongest living users. She likes flowers. Particularly Roses. She has to tidy up her hair often to make sure the roses don't fall out. She doesn't like it when people point at her. [spoiler=The unusual choice I made for her theme song] http://youtu.be/AL6KVcZDYes [/spoiler] [/spoiler] [spoiler=App Critiques] It is better, but I am not sure that I am following quite right. Is the sphere of influence solely just to place a range restriction on her? If not, then could you try to explain it to me, possibly via PM, what its intended function would be. Also, I would ask that you send the rest of the bio to Sonic and I, via PM. We understand if you want to have a slow reveal, but as Co-hosts, we need to know what you are planning so that we can either modify our plans or your plans to fit the needs of the character and story. I can't give you any other feedback just yet, as Chaos and I still need to discuss the rest of the application. Also, if and when you PM me, make sure to include Sonic in the same PM. [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StealthyTyranitar Posted June 2, 2014 Report Share Posted June 2, 2014 Long story short, Adrienne is accepted! Fuck yeah! And I'll work on the whole block of text thing. And her sister is struggling with depression in general and the stress of having to take care of Adrienne, which makes Adrienne feel partially guilty about it.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
(GigaDrillBreaker) Posted June 2, 2014 Report Share Posted June 2, 2014 Well, I managed to get some time free tonight, so I decided I might as well get this together. [spoiler=Mary ~modified~]Everyone is a puppet. I'm just the only one who shows it.Personal Information:Name: Mary StratfordAliases: MarionetteAge: 17Gender: Female [spoiler=Appearance] At first glance, Mary hardly seems to be alive. Her skin is pale and cold to the touch, her body appears thin and frail, and her face remains expressionless. Even when her eye opens, it is a dull, almost chilling blue that veers toward the spectrum of grey. To describe her in a word would be doll-like. She spends much of her time in an open-shoulder dress with long sleeves, despite whatever the weather may be. When she walks, it hardly resembles the way people typically move. Though she does not trip or fall (her movements are quite graceful, in fact) it almost appears as if she is being suspended just off of the ground by a puppeteer's strings. Adding to her appearance of a doll, her stature is quite diminutive, standing at 5 feet, 2 inches (157 cm), and weighing only 103 pounds (47 kg). On her nearly perfect, untouched appearance one flaw is glaringly obvious: a bulky gray patch covers her right eye, breaking the symmetry of her porcelain figure and creating an unsettling vibe. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Personality] Mary has a harsh view of the world. Everyone does what they do so that they can achieve some goal or another. The "heroes" she sees do not do what they do out of the goodness of their hearts, rather, they all have some reward in mind, may that be fame, fortune, or, in her case, revenge. In her mind, the only way that she can be at peace is if revenge can be achieved. This goal then leads to her motivation for being a hero. She truly does not care about how many people she helps, about who she saves, or even about her own teammates. Her plan is simple: be a hero, do what they do, and eventually she will be put on an assignment where she faces off against Deadshot. Then she will be able to exact her revenge, to kill him, and to go on with her life. Of course, such an attitude is far from ideal by the view of the League, so she tones down her rage and instead displays it as a passion to defeat evil, acting enthusiastically in fights and otherwise, though there is always a particular darkness that is apparent about her. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Backstory] Mary grew up with a very privileged life. Her family was rich, due to her father's extensive research of the meta-gene that he found lying dormant within his own daughter. He made history with his research, discovering how, although the power itself is granted by the presence of the meta-gene, the nature of the powers themselves is determined by the recessive, typical human genes, which could theoretically allow the selective inclusion of genes in the future to give an individual powers. Since he only needed a single DNA sample from Mary, the research was not painful or harmful to her in any way, and as a matter of fact allowed them all to live comfortably. Unfortunately, that all came to an end when more powerful individuals caught wind of his research. The distribution of the meta-gene could prove problematic to their plans, so they sent an assassin to kill him. If it was a regular assassin, there may have been a chance of Mary's father escaping and surviving the incident. Unfortunately, the assassin was the renowned Deadshot (who in this universe is Oliver Queen), who had already been known to have never missed a shot. There was only a flash of light, and her father was gone. A hole punched clean through his forehead. It was at that moment that Mary's meta-gene activated, and she attempted to attack the assassin with her Meta-Threads, but when she latched onto a wall to pull herself toward him, the wall broke, as shrapnel flew back at her and damaged her right eye severely, to the point where it needed to be removed to prevent infection within the skull. After that day, Mary's remaining family, with her included, was placed under League protection, as various heroes, notably the Green Lantern, assisted her in learning to control her power. When the Young Justice Initiative was created, she was an early candidate to join, and was placed in it immediately. Her mother, though severely mentally scarred from the loss of her husband, supports Mary's hero status, secretly hoping that one day revenge can be enacted on Deadshot.[/spoiler]Combat Information:Meta-Gene Activity: Active [spoiler=Equipment/Inventory/Weaponry] Mary carries no sort of weapons or equipment with her, but through the use of her Meta-Threads she can weaponize most nearby objects. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Powers/Abilities/Techniques]Meta Threads: The resultant of her active Meta-Gene, Mary is capable of generating up to ten threads, one from the tip of each finger, of pure energy, not unlike what is done by the lantern corps. The tips of these threads can latch onto objects, from debris to people, and through hand and arm movement she can manipulate the object. The more threads that are attached to an object, the more precisely she can manipulate it, and the more force she can use to propel it. The force that can be exerted upon the object is approximately equal to the force that she could exert with a single arm, multiplied by the number of threads attached. Additionally, she can use the threads to latch onto stationary objects, and use them as a means to move herself around, similar to a rope swing. [spoiler=Fighting Style] Mary's fighting style is is largely projectile based, using her meta-threads to hurl objects at enemies, as well as using them to increase her own mobility and avoid being hit, moving in an unorthodox and unpredictable manner. [/spoiler]Other Information: Yes. Her name is indeed a pun. So sue me.Theme Music: It's a Wonderful World - Hamo (with the beautiful Hatsune Miku<3)[/spoiler] So... anything on this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANBU Posted June 2, 2014 Report Share Posted June 2, 2014 finally finished my app I believe [hyperlink is to post, its 4-5 posts down on 2nd page] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love of Ghibli Posted June 2, 2014 Report Share Posted June 2, 2014 [spoiler=App Critiques] Since you didn't want to be left out... After first reading through the application, I was actually a little hesitant. The character was just too...out there. A silent character, that comes from a villainous background, with the maturity of a five year old, that uses chains as a weapon. It was honestly all a bit much. But, then I started thinking about the characters backstory, and found that he fit perfectly in with a nice little subplot that I thought up. So that is what garnered your acceptance. The only things that I am wary of is: 1) the maturity level. Acting like a five year old really didn't seem to fit with the majority of the app, and I feel, might be a bit of an annoyance and an obstacle in the RP. If you want to change it, I would be more than okay with it. 2) the silent thing, while an interesting dynamic it could prove a bit troublesome to maneuver around. But I want you to keep it for now, it adds a certain mystery to your character. Chaos and I have already thought up a way to work around it, should it prove difficult to have a mute character. [/spoiler] That was the point lol. He is supposed to be the random contradiction of the team. And by the way it's not like he's totally mute he speaks through his V for Vendetta quotes. Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted June 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2014 Well, I managed to get some time free tonight, so I decided I might as well get this together. [spoiler=Mary ~modified~]Everyone is a puppet. I'm just the only one who shows it.Personal Information: Name: Mary Stratford Aliases: Marionette Age: 17 Gender: Female [spoiler=Appearance] At first glance, Mary hardly seems to be alive. Her skin is pale and cold to the touch, her body appears thin and frail, and her face remains expressionless. Even when her eye opens, it is a dull, almost chilling blue that veers toward the spectrum of grey. To describe her in a word would be doll-like. She spends much of her time in an open-shoulder dress with long sleeves, despite whatever the weather may be. When she walks, it hardly resembles the way people typically move. Though she does not trip or fall (her movements are quite graceful, in fact) it almost appears as if she is being suspended just off of the ground by a puppeteer's strings. Adding to her appearance of a doll, her stature is quite diminutive, standing at 5 feet, 2 inches (157 cm), and weighing only 103 pounds (47 kg). On her nearly perfect, untouched appearance one flaw is glaringly obvious: a bulky gray patch covers her right eye, breaking the symmetry of her porcelain figure and creating an unsettling vibe. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Personality] Mary has a harsh view of the world. Everyone does what they do so that they can achieve some goal or another. The "heroes" she sees do not do what they do out of the goodness of their hearts, rather, they all have some reward in mind, may that be fame, fortune, or, in her case, revenge. In her mind, the only way that she can be at peace is if revenge can be achieved. This goal then leads to her motivation for being a hero. She truly does not care about how many people she helps, about who she saves, or even about her own teammates. Her plan is simple: be a hero, do what they do, and eventually she will be put on an assignment where she faces off against Deadshot. Then she will be able to exact her revenge, to kill him, and to go on with her life. Of course, such an attitude is far from ideal by the view of the League, so she tones down her rage and instead displays it as a passion to defeat evil, acting enthusiastically in fights and otherwise, though there is always a particular darkness that is apparent about her. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Backstory] Mary grew up with a very privileged life. Her family was rich, due to her father's extensive research of the meta-gene that he found lying dormant within his own daughter. He made history with his research, discovering how, although the power itself is granted by the presence of the meta-gene, the nature of the powers themselves is determined by the recessive, typical human genes, which could theoretically allow the selective inclusion of genes in the future to give an individual powers. Since he only needed a single DNA sample from Mary, the research was not painful or harmful to her in any way, and as a matter of fact allowed them all to live comfortably. Unfortunately, that all came to an end when more powerful individuals caught wind of his research. The distribution of the meta-gene could prove problematic to their plans, so they sent an assassin to kill him. If it was a regular assassin, there may have been a chance of Mary's father escaping and surviving the incident. Unfortunately, the assassin was the renowned Deadshot (who in this universe is Oliver Queen), who had already been known to have never missed a shot. There was only a flash of light, and her father was gone. A hole punched clean through his forehead. It was at that moment that Mary's meta-gene activated, and she attempted to attack the assassin with her Meta-Threads, but when she latched onto a wall to pull herself toward him, the wall broke, as shrapnel flew back at her and damaged her right eye severely, to the point where it needed to be removed to prevent infection within the skull. After that day, Mary's remaining family, with her included, was placed under League protection, as various heroes, notably the Green Lantern, assisted her in learning to control her power. When the Young Justice Initiative was created, she was an early candidate to join, and was placed in it immediately. Her mother, though severely mentally scarred from the loss of her husband, supports Mary's hero status, secretly hoping that one day revenge can be enacted on Deadshot.[/spoiler]Combat Information: Meta-Gene Activity: Active [spoiler=Equipment/Inventory/Weaponry] Mary carries no sort of weapons or equipment with her, but through the use of her Meta-Threads she can weaponize most nearby objects. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Powers/Abilities/Techniques]Meta Threads: The resultant of her active Meta-Gene, Mary is capable of generating up to ten threads, one from the tip of each finger, of pure energy, not unlike what is done by the lantern corps. The tips of these threads can latch onto objects, from debris to people, and through hand and arm movement she can manipulate the object. The more threads that are attached to an object, the more precisely she can manipulate it, and the more force she can use to propel it. The force that can be exerted upon the object is approximately equal to the force that she could exert with a single arm, multiplied by the number of threads attached. Additionally, she can use the threads to latch onto stationary objects, and use them as a means to move herself around, similar to a rope swing. [spoiler=Fighting Style] Mary's fighting style is is largely projectile based, using her meta-threads to hurl objects at enemies, as well as using them to increase her own mobility and avoid being hit, moving in an unorthodox and unpredictable manner. [/spoiler] [/spoiler]Other Information: Yes. Her name is indeed a pun. So sue me. Theme Music: It's a Wonderful World - Hamo (with the beautiful Hatsune Miku<3)[/spoiler] [spoiler=App Critiques] Sorry for the delay, in all honesty Mary just slipped my mind. Everything appears to be in order, all the corrections that I wanted made are there. Good to go. Accepted. [/spoiler] @Anbu: I will try to get your application reviewed today, but I just got through three hours of testing and I am a bit fried. May have to wait until tomorrow. Also, just to remind myself, if you have a character that has not been accepted, please gently remind me, either PM or here in the OOC with a link to the application. My brain is a bit full at the moment and I am afraid I am leaving someone out. Anbu, there is no need for you to do the above. Thank you guys for your patience, we should be able to start in a few days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted June 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2014 Alright, well I have no idea what is going on with the above post. I just wanted to let you all know that I am going to stop accepting applications at this point. Let me clarify that by saying that I will not accept any NEW applications, anyone that has already been working on a character or has an app started is more than welcome to finish. It is just that we are amassing a larger group than I had initially anticipated, so I want to try to prevent an influx of applicants. So don't freak out if you haven't gotten your character done quite yet or if I haven't reviewed your application. This is merely a precautionary measure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted June 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2014 @Alphamon: Could you please give some clarification to my questions asked about your second application? @Anbu: Off to review you app right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A._Sakuyamon Posted June 4, 2014 Report Share Posted June 4, 2014 @Alphamon: Could you please give some clarification to my questions asked about your second application? @Anbu: Off to review you app right now. I took some time off from it. The pm has been in the works since you replied to that post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted June 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2014 I took some time off from it. The pm has been in the works since you replied to that post. Alright, just wanted to make sure that you hadn't forgotten. I understand needing some time off, yesterday I stayed away from here as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted June 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2014 coming back into RPing after a while having disappeared, been somewhat busy though its cleared up a lot more now posting up the WIP of character mainly for clearance of the ability, just to make sure I'm not going too over the top or weird with it, will flesh out the gene-based Metavirus inheritance part a bit more in the Bio/Backstory if ability doesn't need to be changed too much (Dragon personality is run more on instinct, when Personalities are done this will be somewhat more apparent, becomes a weakness of that ability [as instinct based combat can be outsmarted relatively well if reactions are observed] just putting this here to show weakness of the ability changing personalities, so that it's somewhat more balanced i think) [spoiler=Draco] Personal Information: Name: Draco Brandr Aliases: Transformed Alias: "Dragon Kin", Alternate Personality: "Drakon" Age: 18 Gender: Male [spoiler=Appearance] Normal: http://imageshack.us/a/img835/434/5tms.png Draco's normal clothing generally consists of a white shirt with a section that comes up over his mouth, covering it from view, a black Jacket over this, holding black leather gloves on his hands, having a black tie that trails down to almost the top of his pants still in theme of black clothing over white of his undershirt. Similarly in theme are his shoes, black at the heels and front ends with a stripe of white across the mid-section matching colors with his socks. Draco's skin is currently a light reddish tinge fading to a more grayed color along his sides, and lightening in shade towards the center of his face and center of his mid-section, these scales similar to that of his Dragonic form though much less tough and more numerous with less mass per scale. His irises are an orange like hue that seems to glow from within, another trait held from his Dragonic form, a strip of black like a reptile constituting his pupil, with the outside edges of the eyes being red. His hair is a dark shade of gray, only slightly lighter than black, with it trailing fro full width at his neck, to thinning into what would appear to be an overgrown ponytail down his back to just below his waist, this hair constantly spiky whether by design of his dressing or naturally that way, with the only time it is ever seen flat being while it is wet. Draco whilst standing comes in at a height just over 6 foot and 1 inch if you do not count his unorthodox spiked hair adding a couple extra inches to this height, weighing roughly 90 kilograms this weight more than his average due to added weight from his semi-transformed state. Draconic form: http://imageshack.us/a/img839/6714/ld18.png Draco has separate from his normal attire an armored suit, which only just fits after the expansion of his scales, worn when he transforms into his Dragonic form, often worn per-emptively if he believes a fight is to soon break out that would require him to change. Whilst transformed the scales that were normally small are much larger individually, closer resembling the scales of a dragon, his pupils also turning red with only a thing dot at the center remaining black. In his transformed state his nails on both his hands and feet lengthen, growing into claws with his hands and feet expanding to more match the appearance of a dragon and to be capable of holding the claws now grown upon them, a rough tail long enough to be held above his head having grown from the bottom of his tailbone, the same shade and covered in smaller scales, compared to those at that area of his back. The armor worn whilst in this from consisting of a black undercoating of material similar to Kevlar in make, on both his top and leggings, then covered with strips of strengthened metal painted white, with a emblem heavily resembling the head of a dragon painted in red on the middle of the chest piece's of metal [like this without the handle in it's mouth]. In this from Draco has grown wings which are often kept inside of his armor, small sections along the back having been extended to hold the adequately without damaging them or the clothing, able to be released with removal of the chest piece which undoes much like a jacket, these wings spanning a few inches longer than his arms length and and being at their ends, 3 times the size of his shoulder blades where they are sprouted from, the hair that would previously have trailed down below this having somehow sunk back inside the scalp, withdrawn as his body changed, this hair re-appearing when he changes back. The transformation into this form along with changes to his appearance also hold physical changes to his height and weight, increasing his height by four inches, and his weight by 30 kilograms, the difference in weight surprisingly much for how little change there is the the amount of room took up by his body.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Personality] Draco: Draco would to anyone on the ouside appear to be a kindhearted soul, often trying to help others he thinks are in trouble and seemingly cheerful, with a mostly gullible personality this personality he holds on the outside being one that he held since he was younger. There is a darker personality inside of Draco brought about by his past, the damage his gullibleness had caused him, making him seem more cold and detached whenever he enters that state. During battle he often keeps a facade of his gullibleness whilst fighting, sometimes even falling for tricks himself before realizing it was a trick. During a fight however if someone attempts to shoot him it can cause him flashbacks of his past, of the even that triggerred his meta-gene and thus his darker more detached personality, at that point turning from trying to disable his opponent to wanting to break something, at this point most likely to give in to Drakon's personality and lose control. His past having caused this darkness within him and due to what happened to him he always feels the need to save others, so they don't turn out like him, losing himself at ties to the anger his near death brought about and nearly incapable of truly trusting most people without extended time living amongst one another, wanting any he saves to have as normal a life a possible for themselves. Drakon: Drakon is driven by instinct with a small amount of sentient reasoning, often outwards appearing a feral beast in his attitude, a point that at times can be true. Whilst around others outside of combat if in control Drakon attempts to restrain himself, his instincts constantly urging him to lash out at any he feels are powerful, however if he believes them friendly he will attempt to overcome this instinct, such being a task for him and is shown by how strained it would seem for him to speak. Whilst in battle Drakon gives in completely to instinct, allowing his instincts to guide him as he charges his opponents, from air or ground with his clawed hands, feet and tail all being controlled as instinct dictates to attempt to take out his target opponent, often trying to restrain himself enough to keep them alive once he realizes he has struck them, this restraint caused by his sentience and the kindness he often feels radiating from the hosts personality. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Backstory] Draco's lifestyle was originally held back from the outside world, raised in his families complex which was barred off from the world outside by the design of such and where the house was situated in a mountainous region. Draco grew through most of his young childhood with quite a high degree of ease. The only difficulties found in his life in the complex owned by his family had been in his learning techniques passed down his family. The only talent passed down to him from his father's side of his family that he picked up on relatively well from these teachings was that of Kenjutsu. Draco learnt a unique variation of nitōryū, a style pertaining to the use of two blades generally with a katana and a shorter wakizashi, one long blade and one short both used in unison, however the style held by his family and passed through their lineage being one in which the user would perform with two equal length Wakizashi's the blades shorter and treated as if enxtensions of one's arm. The other talents attempted to be taught to him, coming off mostly unsuccessful, Kyūjutsu, an ancient martial art to do with the wielding of a bow, was one such thing that seemed to pass off of him and no matter how often he was taught never seeming to take hold, his lack of skill in such fields often bringing scalding at his lack of focus. As Draco reached the age of 16 he left the complex with three of his cousins, each skilled in a different field, not leaving for war however but to experience the outside world, something they knew very little about anc which was often held from them, their personalities each being as gullible as the next with such lack of knowledge. Within the first month of their experience outside of their complex they were tricked out of their money which was to last them nine months before they were to return, leaving them with no money to survive off of they went out to search for a job to obtain money to live off of as they learnt the ways of the world outside. The job they found however being another lie told to them which they despite all reason not to still believed, having unknowingly brought themselves in with a gang that worked in secret, remaining hidden from the Justice League and other groups of justice purely through lack of information, each member only receiving letters with their jobs from another member who never revealed their name, these hand-offs in areas without any sort of surveillance. This way of being run allowing the gang to perform their objectives whilst keeping the members who did the jobs for them outside incapable of revealing any other members that they did not work with directly, The four cousins believing the men at their face value that there was easy work that would allow them to be paid, often only being sent on simple deliveries of packages. They continued these deliveries leaving them at marked locations without seeing the person who was taking them or their contents and being paid using the money to find themselves a temporary home and provide for themselves atleast enough to eat. As the three months of the boys trip into the outside world was brought to an end they returned home, not realizing what they had gotten themselves into and believing after notifying the man who recruited them that they could just leave. The boys life at home after their return was filled with stories of intrigue at the outside world, wondering why people seemed to act so different to their way and seemed to be so unhappy whilst they remained gleeful. After a month of living back in their home without a worry about the outside world, seemingly without any harm coming to anyone, the gang which they had been working for sent after them, during the night the entire complex was found to be alight, flames having been started at various places, one of his cousins and his father escaping outside after waking him and the others, but due to the structures shape once the fire had burned through a supporting column the roof cave in trapping them inside the room with the fire. As the fire was about to consume them Draco's body changed, growing larger and scaled, wings seeming to grow from his back as he attempted to protect his cousins from the fire, not knowing what was happening but believing it may help, having heard stories of other members of his family becoming dragon-like warriors with the power to protect others fro harm. as the rest of the house burnt down he remained below, struggling to remain in control, a instinct inside him telling him to run, to escape, this instinct eventually winning out as those who survived the flames would find a dragon-like creature with bipedal form flying out from the ashes and burnt wood of the house. This instinct taking him far, off into the woods with Draco no longer in control, Drakon having took control as he finally was given form, prowling a jungle that he had found and claimed, taking whatever prey he could to feed himself one day to the next. Drakon eventually lost his control over the body as it began transforming back, this transformation however not being completed, Draco regaining control after what he assumed was a nightmare and woke to find himself in a body similar to his own but with his hair having formed into clear spikes and his skin having become scaled. Draco eventually found his way out of his jungle as he slowly regained his memory of how he got there, seeing the events that happened as Drakon had took control of him, remembering a vehicle that looked like the one owned by the man that gave him and his cousins their job, a feeling of hate growing withim him, and something that he wanted revenge on, however knowing nothing else about the man he knew he wouldnt find him. Draco wandered into a nearby town, his mind slowly supressing the traumatic experience he had been through, the citizens of the town recognising him as unusual straight away and attempted to call for help, believing him a monster, the help that arrived at the peoples fleeing and terror at him being in the form of an envoy from the Justice League, their first goal being to find out Draco's intentions after finding him seeming to not be causing any harm. After discussion between him and those heroes that had arrived he found himself a member of the Young Justice Initiative, a group seemingly for young people with powers of this kind or thatm whose goals were to become heroes, wanting to protect others and keep anyone unable to defend themselves from harm, values he found within himself during the discussion shortly prior to being invited to join, after which he found himself suitable clothing before leaving for the Young Justice Initiative accepting the offerred invitation. [/spoiler] Combat Information: Meta-Gene Activity: Active [spoiler=Equipment/Inventory/Weaponry] - Training Wakizashi x 2: a pair of wooden swords shaped similarly to that of a wakizashi blade, often used in practice of Brandr Nitōryū, the unique two sword style of Kenjutsu that had been passed down through Draco's family, Draco had found these in the jungle after his return to near humanity, the blades having been caught in the claws of his feet and holding a hole in the center of each. After finding them Draco had sharpened them slightly on nearby rocks, neither of them holding a point where they could fatally harm a creature but being sharp enough that they may if angled correctly defend from the blow of a real blade, such as thing however extremely hard to do with swords made of wood and is something that is very unlikely if there is strength behind a blade striking them. - Bipedal Dragon Statue: A wooden statue Draco carved out whilst he was in the jungle during resting time in his days of wandering, attempting to create something to the likeness of his transformed state from what he saw of it reflected in the water, the statue striking a small likeness to his form however lacking the detail to be able to show that it was to represent him and not an obscure dragonic being. Draco often keeps this statue on his person if capable having added a string to it from which he can hang it from his neck, the statue being the only other possession than his trainign swords which he cares for the conditioh of. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Powers/Abilities/Techniques] - Gene-Based Metavirus (form of ability acquisition) Draco's Metagene is unique from some others in that it is a trait that is passed down through a family tree, possibly skipping awakening in some generations though always being the same and always inherited by those born of one with the gene. Draco is the only member of his currently living relations that has awoken this gene, though it's nature of inheritance from the family line will cause any of his children and any of his close families later generations to inherit the abilities he has. This is due to the Metagene which holds these abilities having formed similarly to an experiment created Metavirus, an ability capable of being passed from host to host via touch, this ability however instead of passing via touch spreading through genes, having a near 100% inheritance rate though an extremely low rate of being triggered unless directly related through the firstborn line of a previous Metahuman who had awoken the gene, the firstborn children of each having the gene's most powerful form spread to them. If awakened the Dragonic Beings related to the Draconic Morphing ability posessed by this Metagene awaken, becoming in essence a split personality held specifically by the power, this split personality being created by the human mind attempting to hold the senses and capabilities of the two forms and their instincts separately, sealing off the control of the Draconic form within its own separate state of being. - Draconic Morphing (active, only capable to a very basic extent, unable to fully control) Draconic Morphing is the ability of transforming ones body into a for similar to that of a Dragonic Being (Similar to a Dragon though appearing more Humanoid), this transformation allowing the user the strength of the Dragonic Being's heightened senses, muscle mass and even its armor-like hide however they also slowly gain the weaknesses of such beings such as their greed-filled distractions when it comes to pure gold if such is seen, this greed however rarely coming to face and the user normally transforming back before being overly affected. Draco can currently transform himself to a human-like Dragonic form, his skin becoming tougher and more scaled than his average, a tail of strong muscles growing at the bottom of his tailbone, with large wing forming from his shoulder blades. His fingernails in this form growing into claws, a pair of black horns (though small) growing from his head as his hair seems to shrink in length only covering his head and no longer its normal long-flowing form. When transformed he gains some increase in muscle mass, this form granting him slightly better senses though nowhere near the full extent of a Dragonic being's. The most radical change being the growth of a sac inside his body holding a flammable liquid and rock like sections within his throat, able to create what would appear to be breath of fire, this ability though drastically weaker than it appears in it's current state, the heat of the flames incapable of severely damaging any it hits only leaving low level burns to skin exposed to it. whilst in this form a separate sentient personality being that of his Dragonic Being rising up and eventually if left in this state for an extended amount of time, able to take control temporarily. Due to the difference in forms of the Dragonic Beings which this form can take Draco may eventually grow in skill enough to take on another Dragonic Being inside what he is capable to morph into holding a different element, an example of such being the element of water with pressurized water capable of being used as a weapon. Draco's current skill with this ability is less than perfect able to transform into a more full form as described above but incapable of becoming completely human again, retaining the scales and having his iris an orange color and seeming to glow as if holding some kind of flame. - Blade Morphing (not active, incapable of performing until something triggers the initiation of the ability Blade Morphing is the ability of transforming ones own body into a blade, their hands or arms becoming bladed weapons that could devastate an opposing being due to their transformation into such a state. when a body part is morphed into a blade it becomes much harder than even human bone to break, the edges though shaped like a blades' are able to be flattened for non-lethal blows by one who has learned how to control this ability. Due to the unorthodox nature of this ability and it's affect on the normal human body the mind will sub-consciously attempt to return the limbs to their normal form to continue normal blood flow, over-use of the ability once able to overcome this sub-conscious limit able to lead to ill effects such as blackouts and loss of oxygenation to muscles slowing and eventually killing off that muscles mass affected, if left for too long this process without any restoration of the users' body between uses via medical or mystical means can become fatal for the user. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Fighting Style] Draco: Draco prefers to fight using Brandr Nitōryū, his family's unique two sword style of kenjutsu, the style filled with various techniques though holding a common theme, these technique often beginning with a weeping strike than can then be changed into any other number of strikes, each technique being able to transfer into one of three others due to the similarity of the majority of them, with little to no stabbing motions within any. If disarmed Draco will rely on his very limited skill with hand to hand martial arts to defend himself until a time when he can retrieve them, often attempting to use his powers at this stage though trying to keep from losing control. Drakon: Drakon's fighting style is commonly full of openings, these openings created by his limited capacity for thought whilst within combat, often focusing on using his physical advantages which would be overwhelming to an average being such as a human. Drakon often attempts to Headbutt his opponent if capable due to his hard bone structure making such a more effective attack once he has someone within his grip, otherwise swings at them with his clawed hand and tail to try to press the offensive and force a surrender, something which if he is lost in the fight he may not notice the appearance of. [/spoiler] Other Information: - Fire Tasting: Due to his scaled body being incapable of being damaged by heat until extremely high temperatures and the inside of his mouth still retaining its morphed state which allows similar protection Draco has acquired an unusual querk in which he will attempt to taste flames if from a different source than himself, often finding no resulting taste though continuing to try as if he means to find edible fire.. [/spoiler] [spoiler=App Critiques] Sorry it has taken so long to get to you. The first bit that I want to go over is your app's appearance. While this really isn't a factor of whether or not you get accepted, it is nice to have applications look organized and appealing. Yours seems to have a lot unneeded empty space between sections and is need of bolding in certain areas. You may want to use my or Sonic's application as reference to fix that. Like I said, it shouldn't play into your acceptance but I am sure that subconsciously it does factor in somewhere. The only true problem that Sonic and I find with your application is the inactive blade transformation ability. We find that it is an unneeded bit that needs to be removed. We realize that currently it does not play into your character, but quantity does not equal quality and we believe that keep a character's abilities focused in one area creates a much more relatable and manageable character. As soon as you fix that, acceptance will follow. I want to let you know that both Sonic and I are fond of your character and are working an interesting plot that will involve him. [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StealthyTyranitar Posted June 4, 2014 Report Share Posted June 4, 2014 Nevermind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hälō Posted June 4, 2014 Report Share Posted June 4, 2014 After reading all these app critiques, I cant help but think there's some improvements to be made with Oliver... Any ideas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted June 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2014 After reading all these app critiques, I cant help but think there's some improvements to be made with Oliver... Any ideas? In all honesty, I just read through your app twice trying to find a flaw and aside from appearance issues there isn't anything wrong with it. You switch between different fonts throughout your app and different font sizes. That makes it a bit of an eye-sore, but it really isn't that big of an issue. Nevermind But now I am curious... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StealthyTyranitar Posted June 5, 2014 Report Share Posted June 5, 2014 I was just saying that I was having problems with my computer. It looked like I had a really bad virus, but it was as easy as deleting the file. On another note, any sort of prediction as to when the IC will be up? This is my first RP since I've come back and I'm pumped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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