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Green With Envy: Crab Helmet's Foe Fiction! {Rise of the Dragon Lords}

CrabHelmet

By CrabHelmet
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CrabHelmet Newbie

CrabHelmet

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I just realized. Their arms get replaced with swords' date=' but nothing to wield them with. Would the entire fighting style just be a really lame version of jousting? I'm seriously trying to picture this without laughing.

[/quote']

 

It says it only replaces the arm from the elbow onward, so it's not quite that bad, but it still is pretty stupid.

 

who are the people with no arms anyway? I have a very limited selection of games' date=' or is it a book or movie?

[/quote']

 

It's original.

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bury the year Newbie

bury the year

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Posted

I just realized. Their arms get replaced with swords' date=' but nothing to wield them with. Would the entire fighting style just be a really lame version of jousting? I'm seriously trying to picture this without laughing.

[/quote']

 

It says it only replaces the arm from the elbow onward, so it's not quite that bad, but it still is pretty stupid.

 

Oh. Then I must be reading really fast, or the writing must be so bland that I naturally filtered it out. I'm afraid to assume the latter.

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Yankee Apprentice

Yankee

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Not to me...

*cries*

...

 

The content of that PM meant I could not reply properly because it would ruin surprises.

 

What of the rest of the PM? Reason #2? ;)

 

Meh...You coulda just said dat'! DX

 

lol

Good review, pretty lulzy.

BTW, Crab, I know it didn't work for him, but...If you and I ever fight, I'm going to close my eyes, and look away.

JUST TRY AND BEAT ME NOW!

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Umbra Newbie

Umbra

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I just realized. Their arms get replaced with swords' date=' but nothing to wield them with. Would the entire fighting style just be a really lame version of jousting? I'm seriously trying to picture this without laughing.

[/quote']

 

It says it only replaces the arm from the elbow onward, so it's not quite that bad, but it still is pretty stupid.

 

Oh. Then I must be reading really fast, or the writing must be so bland that I naturally filtered it out. I'm afraid to assume the latter.

 

Same here. I imagined the entire arm was replaced with a blade rather than a sword, making them look like one of those gambling games where you pull a lever and want identical symbols in a row; something that I've forgotten what it's called at 6:30 in the morning. I laughed a bit at the thought, but then I just went with it.

 

Anyhow, the villain's sword-arm has black shards and lightning, what more could one want? It could only be more awesome if it had tits and was on fire.

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CrabHelmet Newbie

CrabHelmet

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Can you review my fanfic rather than review a review of my fanfic?

 

Phantom Roxas reviewed your fanfic already; I am not needed.

 

Same here. I imagined the entire arm was replaced with a blade rather than a sword' date=' making them look like one of those gambling games where you pull a lever and want identical symbols in a row; something that I've forgotten what it's called at 6:30 in the morning. I laughed a bit at the thought, but then I just went with it.

[/quote']

 

Slot machine, fruit machine, one-armed bandit... those things have a lot of names.

 

I pictured it as being like in that one Disney movie pseudo-set in the King Arthur mythos where the villain had a sword-arm. And I think Excalibur was the sword.

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Ghoulish Newbie

Ghoulish

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Not to me...

*cries*

...

 

The content of that PM meant I could not reply properly because it would ruin surprises.

 

What of the rest of the PM? Reason #2? ;)

 

Meh...You coulda just said dat'! DX

 

lol

Good review' date=' pretty lulzy.

BTW, Crab, I know it didn't work for him, but...If you and I ever fight, I'm going to close my eyes, and look away.

JUST TRY AND BEAT ME NOW!

[/quote']

 

 

I just realized. Their arms get replaced with swords' date=' but nothing to wield them with. Would the entire fighting style just be a really lame version of jousting? I'm seriously trying to picture this without laughing.

[/quote']

 

It says it only replaces the arm from the elbow onward, so it's not quite that bad, but it still is pretty stupid.

 

Oh. Then I must be reading really fast, or the writing must be so bland that I naturally filtered it out. I'm afraid to assume the latter.

 

Same here. I imagined the entire arm was replaced with a blade rather than a sword, making them look like one of those gambling games where you pull a lever and want identical symbols in a row; something that I've forgotten what it's called at 6:30 in the morning. I laughed a bit at the thought, but then I just went with it.

 

Anyhow, the villain's sword-arm has black shards and lightning, what more could one want? It could only be more awesome if it had tits and was on fire.

 

NO worries. Just post my efforts to be ridiculed by more moderators? and members? wow..i thought only members were supposed to be priks? are u telling me moderators are to? aren't you'se here to stop that kind of stuff?

 

i'm glad everyones having a good laugh over something they clearly have no idea about, you don't know, the story, the characters or any future plans i have with the series and you immediately say things like the quotes above rather then asking questions and awaiting clarification on what the plot and blades actually are, it's all cleared up in my detailed analysis which i'll be posting soon, which will definately clarify your "slot machine" thoughts as being idiotic. It's quite funny how a lot of people suck up to Crab Hammer.

 

Another thing, ffs it's just an idea, just because i can't come up with brilliant plot lines like you wonderful people can or have perfect grammer like you geniuses, does that mean you can post my topic on your thread and ridicule it? thx everyone...

 

BTW Crab Hammer enjoy my reply to your ""Critique"".

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CrabHelmet Newbie

CrabHelmet

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NO worries. Just post my efforts to be ridiculed by more moderators? and members? wow..i thought only members were supposed to be priks? are u telling me moderators are to? aren't you'se here to stop that kind of stuff?

 

We are what we always have been: quality control. Oh' date=' and everyone else is here because laughing at idiots is fun.

 

i'm glad everyones having a good laugh over something they clearly have no idea about, you don't know, the story, the characters or any future plans i have with the series and you immediately say things like the quotes above rather then asking questions and awaiting clarification on what the plot and blades actually are, it's all cleared up in my detailed analysis which i'll be posting soon, which will definately clarify your "slot machine" thoughts as being idiotic.

 

You seem to be labouring under the delusion that a prologue that makes its readers think the author is a moron and stop reading can in any meaningful sense be considered "good". And under the delusion that anyone here cares what the swordarms really are.

 

It's quite funny how a lot of people suck up to Crab Hammer.

 

Indeed. This topic reached 270 posts out of people sucking up' date=' and acquires regular readers from people seeking my favour, even though my favour comes with no perks whatsoever and I still insult people who suck up to me when they do stupid stuff too. It's inconceivable that anyone might actually be amused by your awful story.

 

Another thing, ffs it's just an idea, just because i can't come up with brilliant plot lines like you wonderful people can or have perfect grammer like you geniuses, does that mean you can post my topic on your thread and ridicule it? thx everyone...

 

Yeah, it kind of does. And I love how apparently only geniuses can write with decent grammar or come up with "brilliant plot lines" (i.e. stories that aren't filled with contradictions and that people might actually want to read).

 

BTW Crab Hammer enjoy my reply to your ""Critique"".

 

It was somehow even worse than the story itself. Hope you enjoyed my reply.

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Womi Newbie

Womi

Posted
Posted

 

Not to me...

*cries*

...

 

The content of that PM meant I could not reply properly because it would ruin surprises.

 

What of the rest of the PM? Reason #2? ;)

 

Meh...You coulda just said dat'! DX

 

lol

Good review' date=' pretty lulzy.

BTW, Crab, I know it didn't work for him, but...If you and I ever fight, I'm going to close my eyes, and look away.

JUST TRY AND BEAT ME NOW!

[/quote']

 

 

I just realized. Their arms get replaced with swords' date=' but nothing to wield them with. Would the entire fighting style just be a really lame version of jousting? I'm seriously trying to picture this without laughing.

[/quote']

 

It says it only replaces the arm from the elbow onward, so it's not quite that bad, but it still is pretty stupid.

 

Oh. Then I must be reading really fast, or the writing must be so bland that I naturally filtered it out. I'm afraid to assume the latter.

 

Same here. I imagined the entire arm was replaced with a blade rather than a sword, making them look like one of those gambling games where you pull a lever and want identical symbols in a row; something that I've forgotten what it's called at 6:30 in the morning. I laughed a bit at the thought, but then I just went with it.

 

Anyhow, the villain's sword-arm has black shards and lightning, what more could one want? It could only be more awesome if it had tits and was on fire.

 

NO worries. Just post my efforts to be ridiculed by more moderators? and members? wow..i thought only members were supposed to be priks? are u telling me moderators are to? aren't you'se here to stop that kind of stuff?

 

i'm glad everyones having a good laugh over something they clearly have no idea about, you don't know, the story, the characters or any future plans i have with the series and you immediately say things like the quotes above rather then asking questions and awaiting clarification on what the plot and blades actually are, it's all cleared up in my detailed analysis which i'll be posting soon, which will definately clarify your "slot machine" thoughts as being idiotic. It's quite funny how a lot of people suck up to Crab Hammer.

 

Another thing, ffs it's just an idea, just because i can't come up with brilliant plot lines like you wonderful people can or have perfect grammer like you geniuses, does that mean you can post my topic on your thread and ridicule it? thx everyone...

 

BTW Crab Hammer enjoy my reply to your ""Critique"".

 

20uz5v9.jpg

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CrabHelmet Newbie

CrabHelmet

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With the Season 2 opener producing some spectacular whining from a kid who thinks he can write, let's move on to the second episode of the season.

 

[spoiler=28 Days Later - {Yugioh: England Academy}]We turn now to Yugioh: England Academy by destruction hero.

 

This may or may not be the sequel to another story; I'm not sure. All the opening post says is this:

 

This series is continued with Domino Academy, but of chorse this is in England.

 

That's it. No links to other stories or anything. So maybe this is stand-alone and maybe it isn't. Who knows?

 

The story opens with several non-chapters: Chapter Plot, Chapter Rank's, Chapter App, Chapter Club's and Organization's, and Chapter Character's. (And [sic] on all of those apostrophes.) If destruction hero were making a movie, he would distribute fictional encyclopedias free with the tickets and expect the audience to have memorized them before watching it.

 

Naturally, I'm going to read none of this nonsense. On with the story!

 

chapter 1 Rise of England Academy

 

I can already tell that this is going to be extraordinarily well-written.

 

29th December,2099

 

If you are wondering who I am ? I am Rex Rabertes, a duelist.3 years I was at Domino Academy...Until it was destroyed.I still wonder about what Zyron is doing ? Has he contiued his mystery goal ? What is his goal ?

 

Okay, what is this!? What is this supposed to be? Look at this! Look at it! The question makes are floating with spaces before them, and are included in places where they are not necessary! The periods have no spaces after them. We've already hit a blatant spelling error that MSWord would have caught, which means that this was neither proofread nor spellchecked - though I can't blame you for not wanting to proofread this, considering how hideous this is. No first grade teacher would find this remotely acceptable!

 

I don't understand it. How can you guys look at this trash and say, "Yes. This is good. This is excellent. This is the best I can do. This is what I want to post on the internet to represent my ability to the entire world. This really is good." Does it actually look good to you morons? Is that the problem here? Do you think this is good somehow? Have you chaps ever seen anything written in English by literates before? How on earth can you write something like this and then decide it's worth posting!? How!?

 

To avoid being repetitive, I'll have to drudge through the rest of the story trying to ignore the fact that this syntax is so hideous that it actually causes physical pain to my eyes.

 

Anyhow, from this I gather that some chap named Zyron is known to have an unknown mystery goal. The problem is that people with mysterious goals are generally best served by not advertising the fact, so I'm going to guess that Zyron is actually some emo kid who acts like he has some mystic objective in order to become more popular.

 

England Academy/Outside School_______

 

"Im late,"I gasped running through England Academy in London."I can't wait to go to the legendary England Academy."

 

Protagonist running late for school. Check. Protagonist speaking out loud to himself for no logical reason. Check. Said vocalizations being so basic and obvious that even someone who tends to speak aloud to himself or herself would never say them. Check.

 

Grell, is that you? Those traits are very unique, unless you count EVERY DUEL ACADEMY FANFIC OC PROTAGONIST EVER.

 

As I rushed through the empty garden a teacher walked out.

 

And now we have an empty garden with two people in it. It's sort of like that Halo story that future-me reviewed.

 

"Who are you ?"the Teacher questioned.

 

And now an exclusive look into destruction hero's writing process:

 

1) Write "said".

2) Replace "said' with a pseudo-random synonym that looks like it should fit but really doesn't.

3) Screw up the punctuation.

 

"Im here for the entrence exam,"I replied.

 

"Ok then."the Teacher signed as his face was shocked.

 

Even assuming that "signed" was supposed to be "sighed" (since this makes no sense otherwise), why would his face be shocked? A sigh is appropriate for some kid being tardy, but shock? This guy can't possibly be a real teacher. Or maybe the narrator is unreliable and can't read faces at all. Or maybe the author just doesn't understand how the English language works.

 

"Well then come in.Im the one anouncing it."

 

"That's why I'm wandering around in the garden even though the exams must already be underway if you're late."

 

England Academy/Dueling Arena_________

 

As I walked through the massive arena tons of students on the seats were cheering as 2 people were facing off in an anmazing duel. Both their life points were 400 as one of the duelists just summoned the old blue eyes white dragon.

 

Isn't the BEWD canonically so rare that Kaiba is the only person with any intact copies?

 

"Spiral Serpent attack his summoned skull,"commanded the Spiral Serpent Duelist as the Summoned Skull Duelist fell to the ground.

 

"Aw man ! I lost!"moaned the Summoned Skull Duelist."Now I have to wait next year."

 

Wait, wait! What happened to the Blue-Eyes White Dragon? When you wrote these sentences, did you forget the sentence right before them when BEWD was summoned? You can't just summon BEWD and then have it sit there doing nothing while you win with other cards - and even if you could, why summon BEWD anyhow if you could just win without it? And why is everyone running nothing but big Normal Monsters? When your duelists are an order of magnitude worse than anime duelists, something is wrong.

 

"Yeah!"the crowd cheered to the Spiral Serpent Duelist."You rule! Guy with an old deck"

 

Indeed. The crowd cheered in unison to call him "Guy with an old deck," since the announcer was too busy strolling in the garden to say anyone's name, and that's exactly the sort of thing people cheer. And his opponent's deck, which also ran on big Normal Monsters, was obviously really modern.

 

"Well thats me done,"the Spiral Serpent Duelist said leaving down to the door.

 

"Leaving down to the door"? I cannot stress this enough: someone actually wrote this. And then they decided to post it. And then they wrote eighteen more chapters. And then people actually read it and liked it and kept reading.

 

"Wow that was amazing,"the Teacher said."Now for another duel Rex Rabertes vs Vilan Verge".

 

The opponent's name is practically "Villain". Every line, I think this story can't get any dafter, and every line it proves me wrong.

 

Vilan Verge was an duelist who betted cards, what some people for no reason call anti.

 

Indeed, they call it anti Ante for no reason at all. Well, unless you count, "Because that's the correct word for what is being described which destruction hero would have known if he had been anything close to fluent in English, to the point where that is actually the official term used in Magic: The Gathering for the card-wagering rule," as a reason.

 

I love how destruction hero goes out of his way to mock anti Ante for being a random name when it's perfectly sensible and he clearly has approximately a kindergartener's command of the English language. Apparently, he never heard the old saying: "Those who live in glass houses shouldn't try to fire grenade launchers in their homes." He's somehow managed to go beyond his normal eye-bleeding incompetence by being obnoxious and trying to mock people who are smarter than he is.

 

He had a reputation in England for being an avoided one.

 

This has to be a joke. I haven't seen sentences go clunk like this since - well, since the last Foe Fiction I did. But the point still stands!

 

"LETS DUEL!"we both shouted as we drew 6 cards.

 

You start by drawing five cards, not six. Even the actual rules of the game are butchered before the very first turn of the duel.

 

"First we must offer our most powerful cards,"Vilan betted.

 

"Betted"? You can't just use random words like that in lieu of "said" in normal conversation; you need to make sure that your verbs make sense. Of course, destruction hero goes the extra mile in screwing up by having Vilan not actually bet in the sentence where the narrator assures us he "betted".

 

"Fine my Medor Dragon,"I said hoping for a good card.

 

Isn't this an official entrance examination duel? Aren't there any moderators or judges or, you know, GIANT CHANTING CROWDS around who would notice and object to this? And why is Not!Grell agreeing to bet? His description of Vilan makes it clear that he doesn't like the Ante rule, so there's no reason for him not to just refuse to wager.

 

"That pathetic monster I might as well bet this stone I found loser,"Vilan insulted.

 

"Insulted"? I give up. I'm going to have to add word choice to the list of things that destruction hero is so unspeakably awful at that it's not worth complaining about anymore, alongside punctuation and writing in general.

 

"I'll show you my Medor Dragon's true power,"I said wisely.

 

When the protagonist randomly describes himself as wise, he loses all claims to not being an arrogant, self-opinionated idiot.

 

"Ill go first,"I said."First I summon Brave Warrior in Atk Mode(1600/1000),he gets 1 Brave Counter by the way."

 

"Ha,"Vilan laughed."Doesn't look brave,

 

Most witty insult ever.

 

oh well my turn.First I summon Panther Warrior(Atk 2000),then I play Scapegoat Special Summoning 4 sheep tokens in Def Mode(0/0).I tribute a sheep token for my Panther to attack Brave Warrior(Rex 3600)."

 

Setting aside the problem that you're not allowed to do that with Scapegoat (you can't Summon another monster the turn you use it), this is just a copy of one of Joey's combos that he used about once per duel. After screwing up the game mechanics, destruction hero has apparently decided that he's just going to copy anime characters' decks.

 

"Hold it I remove a Brave Counter to Special Summon Brave Warrior again,"I explained.

 

You can't do that. Once it's off the field so that it can be Special Summoned, it - screw this, I give up.

 

"Hmp pathetic,"Destruct who was one of the crowd mocked.

 

Want to know what's worse than an endless wall of "said"? An endless wall of words ripped from an assaulted thesaurus.

 

Also, I love how one single guy in the crowd says two words, and the narrator-protagonist somehow hears them perfectly (and nobody else in the crowd) and identifies their source.

 

"That warrior must have another effect or an tribute summon,"Peter guessed.

 

"I think of it as little use for battle,"Mac suggested.

 

Who are Peter and Mac? Oh, right, I forgot we were supposed to reach the encyclopedia.

 

"Well lets contiue with my turn since Iv'e started my turn my Brave Warrior gains a counter,"I said."Now I remove it to increase Brave Warrior's Atk by 500(2100/1000).Brave Warrior slice Panther Warrior with Brave Slash(Vilan 3900 life points).Not over yet I set a card."

 

"NOOOO!"Vilan shreeked in pain."Well then minor mistake for me.However, I have a 3 monster's left."

 

There's so much to complain about here, but I can't complain about any of it because everything has trainwrecked so badly so far that everything I could possibly complain about already goes without saying as being completely wrong.

 

"Ok then ill finsh it quick,"I said bravely.

 

And he's gone back to complimenting himself again. Ladies and gentlemen, our protagonist!

 

"Hmm a good draw for me,"Vilan grinned."I summon Chainsaw Beetle(atk 2400).Chainsaw beetle attack that puny Brave Warrior."

 

"Not so fast I activates my face down,"Rex said with luck."Holy Light!I pay 300 life points to negate your Attack(Rex 3300)."

 

"Ok then,"Vilan said slowly.

 

"My turn,"I said as I drew. "I summon Baby Medor Dragon in Atk Mode(100/0),then I tribute my Baby Medor Dragon(lv 4) and Brave Warrior(lv 4) to Synchro Summon Medor Dragon in Atk Mode(2000/3000)."

 

"All that for a monster weaker than mone,"Vilan chuckled.

 

I know anime characters never read card effects, but Vilan is obviously familiar with Medor Dragon since he commented on how weak it was before the duel started.

 

Speaking of which, what did Vilan choose as his Ante anyhow? We saw the protagonist choose Medor Dragon, but all we heard from Vilan was that he should wager a rock or something similarly stupid. No doubt the author just screwed up again and forgot to have him actually wager anything because he was too busy congratulating himself for the rock-wagering gag.

 

"Im not finished my Medor Dragon puts a Medor Counter on your bug and my spell I activate from my hand Medor Crush destroys your bug"I said."Next I activate big bang shot increasing my Medor Crush Dragon's Atk by 400(Atk 2400) and inflicts piercing damage.Now Medor Dragon attack a sheep token(Vilan 1500 life points)."

 

"NOOO!"Vilan froze."I end my t-turn."

 

People who can count will know that Vilan has a full five cards left in his hand, as well as two Sheep Tokens to use as he pleases. But destruction hero got bored of writing this so he just had Vilan pass his turn and forfeit.

 

"Ok Medor Dragon attack the other sheep token(Vilan 0 life points),"I commanded.

 

"I-I-I can't belive it!"Vilan froze like he saw a ghost as he threw the stone at me as it glowed."I will win next time we meet."

 

Wait, the stone thing was serious!? How stupid is the protagonist to put his card on the line with only a stone as the opponent's bet? And wasn't the rule that each player was supposed to ante the most powerful card in their deck? That stone is not the most powerful card in Vilan's deck, primarily because it's not in Vilan's deck and it's not a card.

 

"Ok those who suceed go to your house and return the next day I will give you your ranks,"the Teacher said as everyone left were thrilled as anyone could be.

 

Why is this duel academy having applicants duel each other, accepting everyone who wins and rejecting everyone who loses? That forces them to accept exactly 50% of all applicants, which is absolutely absurd. Not to mention that it could lead to a strong applicant being rejected by being paired off with another strong applicant while a weak applicant could get in by facing another weak applicant. The sensible system is the way it works in the canon - applicants dueling appointed duel instructors.

 

"HOWAY!"shouted The Student's who passed as those who failed glanced back as they walked into a heavy terenchel rain.

 

NO NO NO NOBODY SHOUTED HOWAY THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD AND NOR IS TERENCHEL HOW CAN YOU HAVE SUCH AN AWFUL KNOWLEDGE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE AND STILL ATTEMPT TO WRITE THIS STORY AND WHY DO SO MANY IDIOTS READ THIS

 

"I guess you're staying for 1 hour,"the Teacher signed as he paused for a while."Congrads."

Zodiac Hideout_____________

 

"Well then"the Leader talked to himself staring at his Virgo Stone."So another stone is found at England Academy.I shall send someone to collect it."

 

END OF CHAPTER

 

STUFF HAPPENS THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT BECAUSE I'M SANE AND WILL NEVER RETURN HERE AGAIN

 

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS STORY WAS AWFUL. THE PUNCTUATION WAS EYE-SEARINGLY AWFUL. THE WORD CHOICE WAS MIND-CRUSHINGLY AWFUL. THE PHRASING WAS BRAIN-SHATTERINGLY AWFUL. THE WRITING IN GENERAL WAS UNSPEAKABLY AWFUL. THE PLOT WAS ENTIRELY GENERIC AND RIDDLED WITH MORE HOLES THAN A COLANDER. EVERYTHING YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY SCREWED UP YOU SCREWED UP EVEN WORSE THAN ONE WOULD HAVE THOUGHT POSSIBLE. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF FOR POSTING THIS. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF FOR THINKING YOU CAN WRITE. YOUR READERS SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES FOR ENJOYING THIS MISERABLE PIECE OF TRASH. THIS IS TERRIBLE. TERRIBLE. TERRIBLE.

 

 

 

gah my brain

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Umbra Newbie

Umbra

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Posted

No worries' date=' just post my efforts to be ridiculed by more moderators and members. Wow..I thought only members were supposed to be pricks? Are you telling me moderators are, too? Aren't you here to stop that kind of stuff?

 

I'm glad everyone's having a good laugh over something they clearly have no idea about. You don't know the story, the characters or any future plans I have for the series, yet you immediately say things like the quotes above rather than asking questions and awaiting clarification on what the plot and blades actually are. It's all cleared up in my detailed analysis which I'll be posting soon, which will definately clarify(?) your "slot machine" thoughts as being idiotic. It's quite funny how a lot of people suck up to Crab Helmet.

 

Another thing: It's just an idea. Just because I can't come up with brilliant plotlines like you wonderful people can, or have perfect grammar like you geniuses, does that mean you can post my topic on your thread and ridicule it? Everyone...

 

Crab Helmet, enjoy my reply to your critique.

[/quote']

 

Awful, unspeakably awful. Even though I am a professor, I am also a young boy, and have written better pieces on the back of my pen. To the regular readers, I'm sorry for the font color; I caught a cold yesterday.

 

Your spelling is horrifying, you repeat the same words over and over again but in different variations, your use of commas is murder to my eyes, and your word choice is confusing at best. The question-marked word stands out most of all.

 

I can see that you try to write something good, or decent at least, but your point doesn't come across. Saying that you will explain the plot in a separate chapter from the story itself should be sounding more and more ridiculous while you're reading this sentence. The story isn't there to explain the plot; the plot is there to explain the story.

 

F for Effort.

 

EDIT: Gah, new Foe Fiction. I will keep it simple and say that I agree with everything you said, especially the last few sentences.

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bury the year Newbie

bury the year

Posted
Posted
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF FOR POSTING THIS.

 

ifoundanerrorwut

 

Anyways, another very well-written and laser-guided review. Your review system has actually made me look at all the cliches for the genre I'm writing for and try to twist them as much as possible. Thanks, methinks?

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legendhiro Newbie

legendhiro

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Posted

delinquent, your fic isn't perfect, but it's not nearly bad enough to be foe fiction.

 

great review by the way, crab. i was wondering when you would do that one. and bravo. i couldn't even get past the first few lines. i applaud you for actually completing a whole chapter.

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